Hamster & Gretel (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 17 - Episode #1.17 - full transcript
♪ Who's the improbable duo
That you heard about?
♪ Faster than a scooter
Stronger than metal
♪ Who's the little girl
And her domesticated rodent?
♪ Who's still standing
When you see the dust settle?
♪ It's Hamster
Hamster, Hamster
♪ Hamster and Gretel
♪ If they can do it
Then nobody can
♪ It's Hamster
Hamster, Hamster
♪ Hamster and Gretel
♪ There's also Kevin
In the minivan ♪
I hate it when Mom and Dad
make us donate our old toys.
This stuff
has sentimental value.
Yeah, like my old talking
Tanya Doll, which you grafted
a dog's head onto.
I have an owie.
How's spring
cleaning coming?
Oh, I've always loved
your dog's-head doll.
This used to be
talking Tanya, right?
I need to be changed.
You have been, munequita.
Hey, look, it's my
old baseball trophy.
Aw, fourth place.
Recycling!
Okay, your dad and I
are going out.
Bye, kids. Bye, Churro.
(YAPS)
Oh!
And bye, Hamster.
You say goodbye
to the hamster like
he understands English.
I can say goodbye to things
you don't normally
say goodbye to.
This is why I love
your mother, kids.
(LAUGHS)
Goodbye, boomers.
Look what Churro found,
it's Mr. Grumpy Puss.
Hello, little girl.
Do you want me to read you
a bedtime story?
Yes, yes, yes!
Once upon a time,
there was...
Ow, ow, ow!
(LAUGHS)
Mr. Grumpy Puss
always made me feel better
whenever I was scared.
You know what they say.
Dumb stuff beats
scary stuff.
I want a hug.
Quiet, you
dog-headed monster.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello, there!
Would you like me
to hit myself in the head?
Hiromi! Hi.
This is just Mr. Grumpy Puss
from when Gretel was little.
She's still little now,
but she's grown
a lot since then,
and, you know,
just like how you've grown.
I'm just gonna stop talking.
Um, yeah, we're having
an anime mime troupe
down at the shop.
You want to come?
I'm so sorry, I would love to,
but I have to take care
of my sister
while I throw away childhood.
Okay, maybe next time.
Keep it down,
I'm on the phone!
Bye, Kevin.
Bye! Uh, keep growing.
"Keep growing?"
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
(PHONE BLARING)
Thank goodness, a crime.
There's a bank robbery
on 4th and Main.
Suit up, guys.
I will never
get used to that.
I'm gonna go and
find a parking space.
You guys go ahead.
This is so weird.
It looks like these people
have been...
Scared out of their minds?
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
I was gonna say "hypnotized,"
but your thing is good.
And it's gonna
stop right now.
No one stops
The Nightmarionette!
Wait, The Nightmarionette?
(CRASHING)
What is that?
It's a mashup.
"Nightmare"
and "marionette."
Put them together,
"Nightmarionette!"
So, are you like a puppet?
No. Let me start
at the beginning.
I was a neuroscientist
working on a way
to read people's dreams
using electromagnetic waves.
Wait, I brought
some visual aids.
Come on,
come on, parking...
Elephant parking?
Don't even
think about it.
And it projects
highly realistic holograms
of people's fears.
So, you're like a puppet.
No! I just explained it
in great detail!
Your name makes no sense.
(READING)
(GASPS)
See?
It projects highly
realistic holograms
of people's fears.
(LAUGHS)
I couldn't find any parking.
Later, you weird puppet guy.
I am not a puppet!
I am a puppeteer
of fears and...
(RECORD SCRATCHES)
They're gone.
What's with that
toaster-scorpion thing?
That's a nightmare I've had
since I was little.
My stupid
little kid nightmares
made me vulnerable.
REPORTER ON TV:
This is an Action News
special report.
Guys.
As our city descends
into chaos,
nothing can stop this
nightmare-inducing villain
from leaving our
law enforcement officers
frozen in terror.
I'm sorry. These are
the human-shaped ice pops.
The villain's over there.
Freeze!
No, you freeze!
Oh, no, today
was the final exam
and I forgot to study!
Oh, no!
My fear of acid reflux
has manifested into a taco,
with human legs!
This fearsome villain
calls himself
The Nightmarionette,
which is confusing because
he doesn't appear
to be made of wood,
or to hang from strings.
I told him
it was confusing.
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
No! No,
I don't wanna do weather.
I went to journalism school!
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS)
(MAN YELLS)
(NOVELTY HORN HONKS)
Wonderful chaos and fear.
It hasn't completely healed
my low self-esteem,
but I'm getting there!
We've to get
back there right away.
No. He'll just
zap you again
with his nightmare ray.
So, we're gonna
let him take over
the whole town?
We're not gonna give up.
I'll help you overcome
your fears.
It's called
immersion therapy.
We learned about that
in psychology class.
Like if someone's
afraid of spiders,
they stick their hand
in a jar full of spiders.
So, you're gonna stick
my hand in a jar
of toaster-scorpion monsters?
Something like that.
And, Hamster,
I can help you overcome
your fear, too.
What was it,
some kind of tube
or something?
It is my challenge.
I must conquer it on my own.
Also, the newspaper
in my cage needs changing.
♪ When you're afraid
of something it's the
last thing you wanna see
♪ 'Cause it fills you
full of dread
(GASPS)
♪ Of course the only
thing to do is put it right
in front of you constantly
♪ Scorpion-body toaster-head
♪ I know it seems cruel
♪ And counter-intuitive
♪ But it's beneficial, I swear
This isn't punitive
♪ With things of scary terrory
will certainly take
care of me?
♪ Immersion therapy
Is this really necessary?
I mean,
they already
wrote the song.
(SCREAMS)
♪ It may seem bad
but believe me, it's great
♪ To give you lots and lots
and lots and lots of things
that you hate
♪ And maybe fear
turns out to be
The fear evolved hysterically
♪ The only cure that I can see
is more immersion therapy ♪
I'm cured!
Let's go kick some
Nightmarion butt.
Wait, where's Hamster?
He said he has something
he needs to work through.
Hello.
(GASPS)
Hello, Joni.
Hello?
I've been
looking for you.
Oh, gee. Um...
I've sold a lot of hamsters.
I'm sorry.
I don't remember you.
You used to vacuum
right next to my cage.
It frightened me.
Oh, wow.
I am so sorry.
Okay, I'm good.
Man, I should've charged more
for that hamster.
Now, for the finale
of my puppet show of pain.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(ALARM BLARING)
(GASPS)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Oh, my!
And, now, I will rob
the city's gold supply.
But that will cause
the entire economy
to collapse.
And how will that
make people feel?
Angry?
No.
Uh, sleepy?
No.
Oh, oh, oh! Afraid?
Yes, afraid. (LAUGHS)
(BARKING)
(SCREAMS)
Get away from me! No!
Hey, Marion!
Why don't you pick on someone
who's much smaller than you?
With pleasure!
(HUMMING PLEASANTLY)
Got your nose.
(ROARS)
What?
Did you use immersion therapy?
Yep. My brother
learned about it
in high school.
And I got a B-minus!
Then I'll have to look
a little deeper into
your unconscious.
Kevin, he can look deeper
into my unconscious!
Oh, no, we haven't gotten
to that chapter yet.
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
Oh, no.
Not the Blender-Lobster!
Why are all of your nightmares
a kitchen appliance
plus an arthropod?
Because they're scary, Kevin!
(SCREAMS)
Kevin!
It's just too strong!
I have an idea.
Yes, hide, little girl.
Maybe it won't find you.
She's under the desk.
(GASPS)
He's so creepy.
Hello, Gretel!
Gretel, over here!
Once upon a time,
in a magical land of...
Ow, ow, ow!
...there was
a handsome prince...
Ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow!
(LAUGHS)
...who forgot to wear
his helmet.
Ow, ow, ow!
(LAUGHING)
Now, I'm confused.
You're a puppet?
You know what beats
scary stuff?
Dumb stuff!
And when I really think of it,
an arthropod
plus an appliance
is pretty dumb.
No!
Yeah!
Now, it's time for
your worst nightmare.
A hamster?
I'm not afraid of hamsters.
Well, you should be.
(GROANS)
Thanks for helping me
overcome my fears,
Mr. Grumpy Puss.
Hey!
And, you, too, Kevin.
(GIGGLES)
Oh, I get it.
He's a marionette
who gives people nightmares.
No, I'm not a puppet.
It's a mashup.
Like "brunch", "rom-com",
"mockumentary"!
MAN: You break it,
you bought it. And you broke
all the harps in the store.
Maria, we can finally
feed our children.
And little Alfonso
can finally get
his braces off.
It's a miracle.
Yes, Little Alfonso
got his wish.
But most importantly,
Gretel learned that there's
no problem that knocking a guy
into a bunch of harps,
can't solve.
Wait, where did you
get those clothes?
My costume change,
that's what stretches
your disbelief?
Meh. Fair enough.
That you heard about?
♪ Faster than a scooter
Stronger than metal
♪ Who's the little girl
And her domesticated rodent?
♪ Who's still standing
When you see the dust settle?
♪ It's Hamster
Hamster, Hamster
♪ Hamster and Gretel
♪ If they can do it
Then nobody can
♪ It's Hamster
Hamster, Hamster
♪ Hamster and Gretel
♪ There's also Kevin
In the minivan ♪
I hate it when Mom and Dad
make us donate our old toys.
This stuff
has sentimental value.
Yeah, like my old talking
Tanya Doll, which you grafted
a dog's head onto.
I have an owie.
How's spring
cleaning coming?
Oh, I've always loved
your dog's-head doll.
This used to be
talking Tanya, right?
I need to be changed.
You have been, munequita.
Hey, look, it's my
old baseball trophy.
Aw, fourth place.
Recycling!
Okay, your dad and I
are going out.
Bye, kids. Bye, Churro.
(YAPS)
Oh!
And bye, Hamster.
You say goodbye
to the hamster like
he understands English.
I can say goodbye to things
you don't normally
say goodbye to.
This is why I love
your mother, kids.
(LAUGHS)
Goodbye, boomers.
Look what Churro found,
it's Mr. Grumpy Puss.
Hello, little girl.
Do you want me to read you
a bedtime story?
Yes, yes, yes!
Once upon a time,
there was...
Ow, ow, ow!
(LAUGHS)
Mr. Grumpy Puss
always made me feel better
whenever I was scared.
You know what they say.
Dumb stuff beats
scary stuff.
I want a hug.
Quiet, you
dog-headed monster.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello, there!
Would you like me
to hit myself in the head?
Hiromi! Hi.
This is just Mr. Grumpy Puss
from when Gretel was little.
She's still little now,
but she's grown
a lot since then,
and, you know,
just like how you've grown.
I'm just gonna stop talking.
Um, yeah, we're having
an anime mime troupe
down at the shop.
You want to come?
I'm so sorry, I would love to,
but I have to take care
of my sister
while I throw away childhood.
Okay, maybe next time.
Keep it down,
I'm on the phone!
Bye, Kevin.
Bye! Uh, keep growing.
"Keep growing?"
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
(PHONE BLARING)
Thank goodness, a crime.
There's a bank robbery
on 4th and Main.
Suit up, guys.
I will never
get used to that.
I'm gonna go and
find a parking space.
You guys go ahead.
This is so weird.
It looks like these people
have been...
Scared out of their minds?
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
I was gonna say "hypnotized,"
but your thing is good.
And it's gonna
stop right now.
No one stops
The Nightmarionette!
Wait, The Nightmarionette?
(CRASHING)
What is that?
It's a mashup.
"Nightmare"
and "marionette."
Put them together,
"Nightmarionette!"
So, are you like a puppet?
No. Let me start
at the beginning.
I was a neuroscientist
working on a way
to read people's dreams
using electromagnetic waves.
Wait, I brought
some visual aids.
Come on,
come on, parking...
Elephant parking?
Don't even
think about it.
And it projects
highly realistic holograms
of people's fears.
So, you're like a puppet.
No! I just explained it
in great detail!
Your name makes no sense.
(READING)
(GASPS)
See?
It projects highly
realistic holograms
of people's fears.
(LAUGHS)
I couldn't find any parking.
Later, you weird puppet guy.
I am not a puppet!
I am a puppeteer
of fears and...
(RECORD SCRATCHES)
They're gone.
What's with that
toaster-scorpion thing?
That's a nightmare I've had
since I was little.
My stupid
little kid nightmares
made me vulnerable.
REPORTER ON TV:
This is an Action News
special report.
Guys.
As our city descends
into chaos,
nothing can stop this
nightmare-inducing villain
from leaving our
law enforcement officers
frozen in terror.
I'm sorry. These are
the human-shaped ice pops.
The villain's over there.
Freeze!
No, you freeze!
Oh, no, today
was the final exam
and I forgot to study!
Oh, no!
My fear of acid reflux
has manifested into a taco,
with human legs!
This fearsome villain
calls himself
The Nightmarionette,
which is confusing because
he doesn't appear
to be made of wood,
or to hang from strings.
I told him
it was confusing.
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
No! No,
I don't wanna do weather.
I went to journalism school!
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS)
(MAN YELLS)
(NOVELTY HORN HONKS)
Wonderful chaos and fear.
It hasn't completely healed
my low self-esteem,
but I'm getting there!
We've to get
back there right away.
No. He'll just
zap you again
with his nightmare ray.
So, we're gonna
let him take over
the whole town?
We're not gonna give up.
I'll help you overcome
your fears.
It's called
immersion therapy.
We learned about that
in psychology class.
Like if someone's
afraid of spiders,
they stick their hand
in a jar full of spiders.
So, you're gonna stick
my hand in a jar
of toaster-scorpion monsters?
Something like that.
And, Hamster,
I can help you overcome
your fear, too.
What was it,
some kind of tube
or something?
It is my challenge.
I must conquer it on my own.
Also, the newspaper
in my cage needs changing.
♪ When you're afraid
of something it's the
last thing you wanna see
♪ 'Cause it fills you
full of dread
(GASPS)
♪ Of course the only
thing to do is put it right
in front of you constantly
♪ Scorpion-body toaster-head
♪ I know it seems cruel
♪ And counter-intuitive
♪ But it's beneficial, I swear
This isn't punitive
♪ With things of scary terrory
will certainly take
care of me?
♪ Immersion therapy
Is this really necessary?
I mean,
they already
wrote the song.
(SCREAMS)
♪ It may seem bad
but believe me, it's great
♪ To give you lots and lots
and lots and lots of things
that you hate
♪ And maybe fear
turns out to be
The fear evolved hysterically
♪ The only cure that I can see
is more immersion therapy ♪
I'm cured!
Let's go kick some
Nightmarion butt.
Wait, where's Hamster?
He said he has something
he needs to work through.
Hello.
(GASPS)
Hello, Joni.
Hello?
I've been
looking for you.
Oh, gee. Um...
I've sold a lot of hamsters.
I'm sorry.
I don't remember you.
You used to vacuum
right next to my cage.
It frightened me.
Oh, wow.
I am so sorry.
Okay, I'm good.
Man, I should've charged more
for that hamster.
Now, for the finale
of my puppet show of pain.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(ALARM BLARING)
(GASPS)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Oh, my!
And, now, I will rob
the city's gold supply.
But that will cause
the entire economy
to collapse.
And how will that
make people feel?
Angry?
No.
Uh, sleepy?
No.
Oh, oh, oh! Afraid?
Yes, afraid. (LAUGHS)
(BARKING)
(SCREAMS)
Get away from me! No!
Hey, Marion!
Why don't you pick on someone
who's much smaller than you?
With pleasure!
(HUMMING PLEASANTLY)
Got your nose.
(ROARS)
What?
Did you use immersion therapy?
Yep. My brother
learned about it
in high school.
And I got a B-minus!
Then I'll have to look
a little deeper into
your unconscious.
Kevin, he can look deeper
into my unconscious!
Oh, no, we haven't gotten
to that chapter yet.
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
Oh, no.
Not the Blender-Lobster!
Why are all of your nightmares
a kitchen appliance
plus an arthropod?
Because they're scary, Kevin!
(SCREAMS)
Kevin!
It's just too strong!
I have an idea.
Yes, hide, little girl.
Maybe it won't find you.
She's under the desk.
(GASPS)
He's so creepy.
Hello, Gretel!
Gretel, over here!
Once upon a time,
in a magical land of...
Ow, ow, ow!
...there was
a handsome prince...
Ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow!
(LAUGHS)
...who forgot to wear
his helmet.
Ow, ow, ow!
(LAUGHING)
Now, I'm confused.
You're a puppet?
You know what beats
scary stuff?
Dumb stuff!
And when I really think of it,
an arthropod
plus an appliance
is pretty dumb.
No!
Yeah!
Now, it's time for
your worst nightmare.
A hamster?
I'm not afraid of hamsters.
Well, you should be.
(GROANS)
Thanks for helping me
overcome my fears,
Mr. Grumpy Puss.
Hey!
And, you, too, Kevin.
(GIGGLES)
Oh, I get it.
He's a marionette
who gives people nightmares.
No, I'm not a puppet.
It's a mashup.
Like "brunch", "rom-com",
"mockumentary"!
MAN: You break it,
you bought it. And you broke
all the harps in the store.
Maria, we can finally
feed our children.
And little Alfonso
can finally get
his braces off.
It's a miracle.
Yes, Little Alfonso
got his wish.
But most importantly,
Gretel learned that there's
no problem that knocking a guy
into a bunch of harps,
can't solve.
Wait, where did you
get those clothes?
My costume change,
that's what stretches
your disbelief?
Meh. Fair enough.