Hailey's on It! (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript
[narrator] Chaos Bots
have been sent from the future
to stop the one person who can
save the world.
Me?
[singers]
♪ Hey, hey, Hailey's on it ♪
[Hailey] ♪ Teach a cat
To play the piano ♪
♪ Roller-skate
All the way to Orlando ♪
♪ Use my earwax
To make a candle ♪
[singers]
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hailey's on it ♪
[Hailey]
♪ Win first place ♪
♪ For world's cutest pet rock ♪
♪ Do a corn maze
Hope I don't get lost ♪
♪ Eat an onion ♪
- Kiss my friend Scott?
- Huh?
- [Scott screams]
- [garbage can clatters]
[singers]
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hailey's on it ♪
- [squawks]
- Ew!
Frank, I told you this isn't
your personal hot tub.
[squawks]
Okay, Beta,
try the pump again.
Never get to do what I want.
I got a list, too.
A list of complaints.
- Did it work?
- [squawking]
All right,
now that you've wasted
half my day doing your chores,
let's get back to the list.
According to my calculations,
your next most optimal list
item is number 232:
"Learn to walk in high heels."
Why would that be next?
[off-key trumpet blasts]
Presenting Princess Kristine.
[Kristine] The carpet!
Huh? Oh, right.
Presenting Princess Kristine!
And a carpet!
For you, fair maiden.
Ah!
Hailey, will you be my dama?
Yes. Of course.
Quick question, what's a dama?
It means you'll be
on the Court of Honor
for my quinceañera.
That's a big party we have
in my culture when you turn 15,
to celebrate going from a girl
to a hashtag, "woman."
[off-key trumpet blasts]
[squawks]
And the theme I chose
is epic. "Medieval Majesty."
[squeals]
Wow, that sounds... majestic.
It is! And Scott's gonna be
my Chambelan de Honor.
That translates to "main dude."
Not quite.
And we all get to do
a big waltz at the reception.
In front of people?
I don't know, Kristine.
Oh, please, please, please,
please, please!
I was gonna partner you
with my cousin Mario.
[Hailey] I...
would love to dance
with Mario.
If it helps, I am also available
to pick him up at the airport.
[squeals] You are gonna look so
incredible, especially in these.
Ice picks? Oh, good.
If I can't walk in them,
at least I can scale a glacier.
Silly, all you need to walk
in high heels is practice.
You'll be a pro in no time.
You got it! You're doing it!
Work it, girl!
Ah! Confidence is key.
Now you try.
Work it, gir-- Whoa!
[groans]
At least you stood
all the way up that time.
Now come on, it's time
to shop for our dresses.
You mean that's not your dress?
This is my party planning dress.
By the way, my older cousins
are taking a weekend off
from their runway modeling
careers to come too.
They're identical triplets,
but they're easy to tell apart.
Selena is the radiant one,
Thalía is the beautiful one,
and Paulina is the gorgeous one.
Great. Sounds like this'll do
wonders for my self-esteem.
Right?
It's gonna be so much fun.
Whoa!
[Hailey groans]
I, Dr. Ricardo Sanchez, D.D.S.,
welcome you to the quinceañera
of my daughter, Kristine.
Por favor, disfruten la fiesta,
have fun, and remember
to take a bottle
of my home-brewed hot sauce
as a party favor before you go.
Very generous of you,
Mr. Sanchez.
It is. And please,
call me Doctor.
Also, please feel free
to explore
my world-class pepper garden.
It features the rarest
and hottest pepper in the world,
the black scorpion.
[sighs]
This is the best quinceañera
I've ever been to.
I mean, it's the only one
I've been to,
but still, the best.
Yeah, and I'm so ready to waltz.
If I can balance on one heel,
I can definitely balance on two, right?
Whoa!
[groans]
You got it. Work it, girl.
What's wrong, Kristine?
I haven't heard you...
[squeals] once tonight.
[sighs] This isn't the party
I planned.
I'm grateful for it,
of course.
But I wanted a drawbridge
and a turkey leg truck,
not ice sculptures and caviar.
Every party we throw
looks like this.
- So, what happened?
- Guess my dad changed it
at the last minute.
He does that sometimes.
Great party, Mr. Sanchez.
- It's Doctor.
- Oh. Sorry.
Great party, Mr. Doctor.
Come on, Scott.
Mrs. Sanchez just
put out a charcuterie board.
Ooh, I love charcooch.
Mija, you look sad.
Are you not enjoying your party?
It's just not how I pictured it.
I know. It's better.
Everything has to be perfect
for my hijita.
The perfect flowers,
the perfect food,
the perfect decorations--
Ricardo, the Castillos are here.
¡Excelente!
Your father is excited
because the Castillos
have the biggest prosthodontics
practice in town.
And their son Javier is single.
He's perfect.
Which is why
I've arranged for him
to be your
Chambelan de Honor.
- What?
- Ay, Ricardo.
Don't worry.
I got him private dance lessons
so he knows the waltz.
Why would you do that?
What about Scott?
[grunting]
¡Madre mía!
No, no, I can get out.
I have done this before.
Javier will do just fine.
- [all giggling]
- [grunting]
This is going to be
the best quinceañera ever.
[squeals]
So, that's why I have to dance
with Javier.
I'm so sorry, Scott.
This is not what I wanted.
Bummer. Anything I can do?
Kristine, mija,
come over here.
You must hear this story
about Javier's latest
spelunking adventure.
- [sighs] I have to go.
- [gasps]
Hey, want to play cream puff
basketball?
I'll be the net.
Sorry, Hales,
but it feels wrong
to shoot hoops
when Kristine feels so bad.
I wish I could
fix things for her.
Or at least get her dad
to like me.
I'd give him a spelunking,
but I don't even know
what that is.
Maybe you can find a way
to relate to Dr. Sanchez.
Ah! You know,
find a shared interest.
[gasps]
That's a great idea, Hailey!
Scott, wait.
I think I'm... stuck.
[grunts and yelps]
And that is when my love
for brewing hot sauce began.
I love hot sauce,
Dr. Sanchez.
Ilove hot sauce too.
It's my jam.
Actually, jam is my jam.
But hot sauce is great too.
[sighs] Javier, this is Scott.
Kristine's... friend.
If you like hot sauce,
maybe you should try
a Dr. Sanchez brew.
Scott, you don't have to--
Hmm, kind of spicy.
Reminds me of my mom's kimchi.
The mild kind.
Muy bien, Scott.
Thanks, Mr. Doctor.
[scoffs] Well, even my baby
sister could handle that sauce.
Maybe we find something hotter.
What else you got?
My private collection.
Made from my hottest peppers.
How about I try all of them.
[people gasp]
Then I wil, too.
First to cave, loses.
And when I win, you leave.
And when I win, Kristine dances
with whoever she wants.
Hopefully me.
But you can stay... to watch.
[strumming]
Looks like we have a sauce-off.
- [squeals]
- Dad, this is really unnecessary.
- Here are the sauce-off rules.
- What else you got in there?
Each contestant
will drink a sample of sauce,
from mildest to wildest.
The first to succumb to the heat
and drink their milk
will bring shame
upon their family.
This isn't exactly what I meant
by "find a common interest."
Don't worry, Hales.
Scott's on it.
[gasps]
[laughs]
Ah!
[groan]
[whimpers]
You have both impressed so far.
But now, the hottest sauce
in my collection.
Tooth Fairy's Revenge.
[spectators gasp]
[sizzles]
Ugh!
[gulps and gasps]
[sizzles]
[groaning]
[chuffing]
[squeals and gasps]
Yes! I win!
This is the face
of a champion!
Javier will dance the waltz
with Kristi--
- Enough!
- [guests gasp]
Papi, I am old enough
to make my own choices.
Even if that means winning
this dumb contest myself.
Kristine, no.
Not the black scorpion.
It's too hot.
- [gulps]
- [all gasp]
I am an independent woman
who can decide
who she dances with.
Oh, wow, this is hot.
Thank you.
As I was saying,
being a woman means--
Oh! It is really a delayed heat, huh?
Oh! It's on the move!
- [stomach gurgles]
- I'm feeling it lower now.
[laughs nervously]
Oh!
Everything's burning.
Ooh...
whee!
Anyway, I'm going to dance with
the Chambelan de Honor I chose.
[guests murmuring]
[mariachi music playing]
I can't believe you just ate
the hottest pepper
in the world for me.
Not for you. For me.
Right. I'm really proud of you
for standing up for yourself.
- May I cut in?
- Um, okay.
I meant with my daughter.
Oh, that makes more sense.
Kristine, I must apologize
for my behavior today.
I had no right
to take over your quinceañera.
I'm so used to you
being my niñita,
but I shouldn't have treated you
like a child.
You did, but I know
it's only because
you want what's best for me.
When I came to this country,
I never dreamed
I'd have a life like this,
much less a little girl
as wonderful as you.
- You've worked hard.
- Yes.
But you only get one quince,
and you deserve to have
what you want, not what I want.
You'll always be my princesa,
but today, Kristine,
you are a queen.
[Kristine squeals]
[speaking Spanish]
[band playing upbeat music]
[all groan]
Hey, look! I'm doing it!
[wristband chimes]
And I'm never doing it again!
[band singing in Spanish]
have been sent from the future
to stop the one person who can
save the world.
Me?
[singers]
♪ Hey, hey, Hailey's on it ♪
[Hailey] ♪ Teach a cat
To play the piano ♪
♪ Roller-skate
All the way to Orlando ♪
♪ Use my earwax
To make a candle ♪
[singers]
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hailey's on it ♪
[Hailey]
♪ Win first place ♪
♪ For world's cutest pet rock ♪
♪ Do a corn maze
Hope I don't get lost ♪
♪ Eat an onion ♪
- Kiss my friend Scott?
- Huh?
- [Scott screams]
- [garbage can clatters]
[singers]
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hailey's on it ♪
- [squawks]
- Ew!
Frank, I told you this isn't
your personal hot tub.
[squawks]
Okay, Beta,
try the pump again.
Never get to do what I want.
I got a list, too.
A list of complaints.
- Did it work?
- [squawking]
All right,
now that you've wasted
half my day doing your chores,
let's get back to the list.
According to my calculations,
your next most optimal list
item is number 232:
"Learn to walk in high heels."
Why would that be next?
[off-key trumpet blasts]
Presenting Princess Kristine.
[Kristine] The carpet!
Huh? Oh, right.
Presenting Princess Kristine!
And a carpet!
For you, fair maiden.
Ah!
Hailey, will you be my dama?
Yes. Of course.
Quick question, what's a dama?
It means you'll be
on the Court of Honor
for my quinceañera.
That's a big party we have
in my culture when you turn 15,
to celebrate going from a girl
to a hashtag, "woman."
[off-key trumpet blasts]
[squawks]
And the theme I chose
is epic. "Medieval Majesty."
[squeals]
Wow, that sounds... majestic.
It is! And Scott's gonna be
my Chambelan de Honor.
That translates to "main dude."
Not quite.
And we all get to do
a big waltz at the reception.
In front of people?
I don't know, Kristine.
Oh, please, please, please,
please, please!
I was gonna partner you
with my cousin Mario.
[Hailey] I...
would love to dance
with Mario.
If it helps, I am also available
to pick him up at the airport.
[squeals] You are gonna look so
incredible, especially in these.
Ice picks? Oh, good.
If I can't walk in them,
at least I can scale a glacier.
Silly, all you need to walk
in high heels is practice.
You'll be a pro in no time.
You got it! You're doing it!
Work it, girl!
Ah! Confidence is key.
Now you try.
Work it, gir-- Whoa!
[groans]
At least you stood
all the way up that time.
Now come on, it's time
to shop for our dresses.
You mean that's not your dress?
This is my party planning dress.
By the way, my older cousins
are taking a weekend off
from their runway modeling
careers to come too.
They're identical triplets,
but they're easy to tell apart.
Selena is the radiant one,
Thalía is the beautiful one,
and Paulina is the gorgeous one.
Great. Sounds like this'll do
wonders for my self-esteem.
Right?
It's gonna be so much fun.
Whoa!
[Hailey groans]
I, Dr. Ricardo Sanchez, D.D.S.,
welcome you to the quinceañera
of my daughter, Kristine.
Por favor, disfruten la fiesta,
have fun, and remember
to take a bottle
of my home-brewed hot sauce
as a party favor before you go.
Very generous of you,
Mr. Sanchez.
It is. And please,
call me Doctor.
Also, please feel free
to explore
my world-class pepper garden.
It features the rarest
and hottest pepper in the world,
the black scorpion.
[sighs]
This is the best quinceañera
I've ever been to.
I mean, it's the only one
I've been to,
but still, the best.
Yeah, and I'm so ready to waltz.
If I can balance on one heel,
I can definitely balance on two, right?
Whoa!
[groans]
You got it. Work it, girl.
What's wrong, Kristine?
I haven't heard you...
[squeals] once tonight.
[sighs] This isn't the party
I planned.
I'm grateful for it,
of course.
But I wanted a drawbridge
and a turkey leg truck,
not ice sculptures and caviar.
Every party we throw
looks like this.
- So, what happened?
- Guess my dad changed it
at the last minute.
He does that sometimes.
Great party, Mr. Sanchez.
- It's Doctor.
- Oh. Sorry.
Great party, Mr. Doctor.
Come on, Scott.
Mrs. Sanchez just
put out a charcuterie board.
Ooh, I love charcooch.
Mija, you look sad.
Are you not enjoying your party?
It's just not how I pictured it.
I know. It's better.
Everything has to be perfect
for my hijita.
The perfect flowers,
the perfect food,
the perfect decorations--
Ricardo, the Castillos are here.
¡Excelente!
Your father is excited
because the Castillos
have the biggest prosthodontics
practice in town.
And their son Javier is single.
He's perfect.
Which is why
I've arranged for him
to be your
Chambelan de Honor.
- What?
- Ay, Ricardo.
Don't worry.
I got him private dance lessons
so he knows the waltz.
Why would you do that?
What about Scott?
[grunting]
¡Madre mía!
No, no, I can get out.
I have done this before.
Javier will do just fine.
- [all giggling]
- [grunting]
This is going to be
the best quinceañera ever.
[squeals]
So, that's why I have to dance
with Javier.
I'm so sorry, Scott.
This is not what I wanted.
Bummer. Anything I can do?
Kristine, mija,
come over here.
You must hear this story
about Javier's latest
spelunking adventure.
- [sighs] I have to go.
- [gasps]
Hey, want to play cream puff
basketball?
I'll be the net.
Sorry, Hales,
but it feels wrong
to shoot hoops
when Kristine feels so bad.
I wish I could
fix things for her.
Or at least get her dad
to like me.
I'd give him a spelunking,
but I don't even know
what that is.
Maybe you can find a way
to relate to Dr. Sanchez.
Ah! You know,
find a shared interest.
[gasps]
That's a great idea, Hailey!
Scott, wait.
I think I'm... stuck.
[grunts and yelps]
And that is when my love
for brewing hot sauce began.
I love hot sauce,
Dr. Sanchez.
Ilove hot sauce too.
It's my jam.
Actually, jam is my jam.
But hot sauce is great too.
[sighs] Javier, this is Scott.
Kristine's... friend.
If you like hot sauce,
maybe you should try
a Dr. Sanchez brew.
Scott, you don't have to--
Hmm, kind of spicy.
Reminds me of my mom's kimchi.
The mild kind.
Muy bien, Scott.
Thanks, Mr. Doctor.
[scoffs] Well, even my baby
sister could handle that sauce.
Maybe we find something hotter.
What else you got?
My private collection.
Made from my hottest peppers.
How about I try all of them.
[people gasp]
Then I wil, too.
First to cave, loses.
And when I win, you leave.
And when I win, Kristine dances
with whoever she wants.
Hopefully me.
But you can stay... to watch.
[strumming]
Looks like we have a sauce-off.
- [squeals]
- Dad, this is really unnecessary.
- Here are the sauce-off rules.
- What else you got in there?
Each contestant
will drink a sample of sauce,
from mildest to wildest.
The first to succumb to the heat
and drink their milk
will bring shame
upon their family.
This isn't exactly what I meant
by "find a common interest."
Don't worry, Hales.
Scott's on it.
[gasps]
[laughs]
Ah!
[groan]
[whimpers]
You have both impressed so far.
But now, the hottest sauce
in my collection.
Tooth Fairy's Revenge.
[spectators gasp]
[sizzles]
Ugh!
[gulps and gasps]
[sizzles]
[groaning]
[chuffing]
[squeals and gasps]
Yes! I win!
This is the face
of a champion!
Javier will dance the waltz
with Kristi--
- Enough!
- [guests gasp]
Papi, I am old enough
to make my own choices.
Even if that means winning
this dumb contest myself.
Kristine, no.
Not the black scorpion.
It's too hot.
- [gulps]
- [all gasp]
I am an independent woman
who can decide
who she dances with.
Oh, wow, this is hot.
Thank you.
As I was saying,
being a woman means--
Oh! It is really a delayed heat, huh?
Oh! It's on the move!
- [stomach gurgles]
- I'm feeling it lower now.
[laughs nervously]
Oh!
Everything's burning.
Ooh...
whee!
Anyway, I'm going to dance with
the Chambelan de Honor I chose.
[guests murmuring]
[mariachi music playing]
I can't believe you just ate
the hottest pepper
in the world for me.
Not for you. For me.
Right. I'm really proud of you
for standing up for yourself.
- May I cut in?
- Um, okay.
I meant with my daughter.
Oh, that makes more sense.
Kristine, I must apologize
for my behavior today.
I had no right
to take over your quinceañera.
I'm so used to you
being my niñita,
but I shouldn't have treated you
like a child.
You did, but I know
it's only because
you want what's best for me.
When I came to this country,
I never dreamed
I'd have a life like this,
much less a little girl
as wonderful as you.
- You've worked hard.
- Yes.
But you only get one quince,
and you deserve to have
what you want, not what I want.
You'll always be my princesa,
but today, Kristine,
you are a queen.
[Kristine squeals]
[speaking Spanish]
[band playing upbeat music]
[all groan]
Hey, look! I'm doing it!
[wristband chimes]
And I'm never doing it again!
[band singing in Spanish]