Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 13, Episode 8 - Major Glory - full transcript

Gunsmoke, starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.

I can't... I can't go no
further. I got to rest.

Well, you do
that. I ain't waitin'.

You scum.

Now, get on your feet.

- Get on your feet!
- I ain't going back.

I ain't going charging no Sioux
war party like that crazy major.

Sarge! Sarge!

You hold your
tongue, scissorbill.

We made that charge, Maxwell.

And we beat 'em!



We killed every last
one of them heathens.

Much as I'd like, boy...

as much as I'd like, I'd
have to tell the major why.

It ain't going to be...

It ain't gonna be
through me he learns

he's got the likes of
you two in his ranks.

You ain't going to turn us in?

You're a glory-gut,
just like the major.

Look, youngster,
you grow to your limit

you'll never be tall enough
to reach the major's boot tops.

You gonna kill us?

I'm the only one that knows
about your deserting business.

But you ain't gonna forget it.

You're gonna draw every
dirty detail in the book.



And you get out of
line once... just once...

you're gonna wish
them Indians had got you.

Now you boys are gonna soldier!

That's my oath.

Now, get moving!

Come on, move!

All right, let's move out.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna kill him.

- Morning, Matthew.
- Festus.

This is a real fine jail
you got here, Marshal.

Yeah, real nice.

Well, fine, glad
you boys enjoyed it.

I... I give the men
extra blankets, Matthew.

Well, figured you would, Festus.

Much obliged for
the coffee, Festus.

Oh, you bet.

- See you, Festus.
- You betcha.

Anytime. Anytime at all, boys.

Festus, what is this "anytime"?

Well, all I was trying to do
was make them feel welcome.

- That's all.
- They feel welcome, all right.

Most of them would rather
spend the night in here

than they would at
the Dodge House.

Listen, give me a cup
of that coffee, will you?

Ain't nothing left
but the grounds.

- But I can make you a batch before...
- No, no, never mind.

I'll go over and get breakfast.

I'll just go with you.

You mean you haven't eaten yet?

Just once.

Just once?

Yeah, I had some eggs and ham

and a couple of dabs of grits,

but nothing that'd
stick to your ribs.

Well, you ought
to be hungry, then.

Oh, yeah, I could eat me
a dozen or so flannel cakes

and maybe a little back
meat, biscuits and gravy.

Oh, this being Monday,
old Charlie at Delmonico's

probably has some of that
corn meal mush and honey on it.

Usually does on
Monday, don't he?

Mush with honey on
Mondays, you know.

What in tarnation's this?

- Marshal Dillon?
- Yes, sir.

I'm Glenn Vanscoy,
Second Cavalry.

Major, a pleasure to meet you.

Been reading a lot about
you in the papers lately.

Well, it's nice to know
we're not forgotten.

Just lost some pretty fine
young men, more officers.

So I understand.

Well, then you'll understand the need
of my men for some rest and recreation.

You betcha. You
camped south of town?

Yes, for a few days, till we get
new orders and some replacements.

I trust that meets
with your approval.

Well, we'd be proud to
have your men here in town.

Oh, you'll... you'll... they'll be
real welcome here in Dodge.

- This here's a friendly town.
- Glad of it.

Marshal.

Now, that there's something to
write down and save, ain't it, Matthew?

Major Glenn Vanscoy in Dodge.

Your... your drover friends there
don't seem too impressed, do they?

I reckon they never did take too
much liking to them blue uniforms.

What was it you said about
eating some breakfast, Matthew?

Oh, hello, Tim.

Major.

You see what finally
caught up with us?

- I thought she'd forgot.
- No.

They're kind of broken
up in here, but go ahead.

Thank you, sir.

Mm. Now, that is
what I call a lard cookie.

She hasn't lost
her touch, has she?

After fifteen years of
baking 'em, she shouldn't.

Fifteen years.

Yes, sir, the 23rd
of last month.

That's right.

Fifteen years in the
army, got most of 'em.

Did you make out
the pass list for town?

Yes, sir, I got it right
here in my pocket.

Will the major be going?

No, no, I've got a lot of
paperwork to clear up here.

- You can do me one favor, though.
- Anything, sir.

When you finish that third
bottle, why, have the fourth on me.

- Yes, sir.
- Have a good time.

We'll be looking at paint and
feathers before you know it.

I expect new orders
before week's end.

Any orders will do, sir,
long as you're leading.

Thank you, Tim.

Old Spear giving
us the fish-eye?

Yeah. He's dreaming
up another detail for us.

Uh-huh. Like I'm dreaming
up our play in town tonight.

In town?

What makes you think he's
gonna let us go into town?

When we were up north he said he
was gonna keep an eye on us, right?

- Yeah.
- Well, he's done just that.

And if he goes to
town, we'll go to town.

Yeah, but we try anything,
you know he'll be right on us.

Listen, when we go up north,

you can bet he's gonna
stick us right up front

just as soon as we
run into some Indians.

Yeah, I'm for
lighting out right now.

Doak, listen, we
tried that once.

We could have got shot.

No, the only chance we got

is if he should happen
to have an accident.

I been in town with him before.

Two things he really goes strong
for, that's cards and whiskey.

We just make sure that
he gets plenty of both.

And if later on, a
free-for-all should break out...

who's to say what
just might happen?

Well, now, you cowboys
done pretty good that last hand.

But now...

now I got you figured
as a couple of bluffers.

And I don't get
bluffed twice. No, sir.

Ain't that right, Maxwell?

- That's right.
- Huh? Doak?

We'll take your word
for it, soldier boy.

So, you don't get
bluffed twice, huh?

Why don't you quit
jawing and play?

Don't you worry, cowboy.

You're gonna get all
the playing you want.

There you are.

Oh, hey, now.

That there is right
in the nick of time.

Only I ordered two of them,
didn't I? Didn't I order two?

Well, we're only serving
one at a time, Sergeant.

Not so many get broken that way.

That's downright smart.

I like a gal who's got
brains to match her looks.

Why don't you stay here
and just bring me a little luck?

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

Dollar and a
half for the bottle.

There you are.

You take this
along with you, now.

And you bring the
other one right back.

Oh, my.

Come on, play cards.

- Do what?
- Play cards.

Well, of course we're gonna
play. They're all down there now.

Tell me what you want...

Kitty, Sam...

Welcome to the Gold Rush.

It's like this all over
town, you know.

- Share the wealth, I always say.
- Been having any trouble?

No. Of course the
evening's young.

There it is, buckos!

A king high straight!

Well, let me know if you have
any trouble and I'll see you later.

- Good luck.
- Same to you.

Hey, there, red-headed missy!

Hey, red-headed missy, you didn't
forget that other bottle, did you?

Come on, Doak, deal 'em.

I didn't hurt your
feelings none, did I?

You know what it
takes to win at poker?

Takes guts.

Whatever you say, Sarge.

I say you put your money

right here in the pot.

There. Come on
Maxwell, get it in there.

Oh, here.

You each take a dollar
here to live it up on.

All right, now,
what have you got?

Two pair.

Pair of jacks.

Well, now, we're
waiting on you, cowboy.

Three treys.

I just can't lose...

Three queens right... there!

- Hey, where you going?
- I'm busted out.

Oh, well...

Well, you two go on and
live it up the rest of tonight.

First thing tomorrow you're
going to be back on the crud detail.

Oh, Maxwell...

I want you to tote
my gear, hear?

Well, it was your idea
to play poker with him.

We got him right
where we want him.

Come on.

Hey, now, red-headed
missy, let's have us a bottle.

Why don't you slow
down, Sergeant?

Oh, this one is not for me.

This one's for the major.

Always... always
have one for the major.

Ha! Bartender, set up the house.

Hey!

Hey, you people, hear me out.

We're drinking to the best God-fearing
soldier that ever drew a breath.

Major Glenn Martin Vanscoy,

Commander, Second
United States Cavalry!

And I'm buying! Ha-ha!

Hey, you cowboys, get a drink.

Why don't you put down that sister
stuff and have a real drink on me.

We're doing just
fine, soldier boy.

And I'm... I'm asking
you to drink to the major.

He ain't our major.

You insulting our
commanding officer?

- Huh?
- Well, you heard him, Sergeant.

Well, yeah, are you
insulting our major?

- Now, come on, Sergeant...
- Well, now, you just...

just stay out of this here, now.

I say we clean up the floor
with these southern boys.

Yeah, let's clean up
the floor with them.

Yeah, well...

Hear me, now,
listen to me, all of you!

Now, I'm proposing
that we drink to the major.

All right, now, however...

however...

we got us some southern boys
here, say they ain't gonna drink with us.

You'd better go get Matt.

Now, I'm going to ask
you one time, real polite...

That's enough now, Sergeant.

Oh, now, Missy,
that ain't enough!

Can't have an officer like
Major Vanscoy insulted.

Now, cowboy...

one time, real polite...

I'm asking you to drink to an
officer of the United States Cavalry.

The only officer I'd drink
to is General Robert E. Lee.

Second Cavalry! Ho!

Form two ranks right here!

Come on, let's move it!

All right, let's
move, move, move!

Come on, get in there!

Hurry it up.

Now parade rest!

And not a man move!

Doak, Maxwell, come here.

I was figuring on this little
thing all by my own self.

But I'm going to share
it with you brave boys.

Come on.

Now... General who?

Hey, hey!

Matthew's at the Mole's
Head. Go get him, Sam.

Here, here, break it up!

- Stand aside!
- Let me at 'im, let me at 'im!

Now, you be quiet. You hear me?

And you hoist your tail...

Who the devil are you?

Never you mind who I am.

I heared about this
ruckus you causin'.

- I'm causing?
- You're causing.

You hear that?
I'm a troublemaker.

No, sir, weren't me toasting no
sowbelly General Robert E. Lee!

Whoa. Now just back off there.

'Cause that's gettin'
just purely insulting,

and I ain't going to
have no more of it.

Now you know what
you got a hold of, boy?

One more of you ridge-runner's
is gonna perk up my appetite.

Look here, Sarge.

I know that you've been having a
lot of Indian fights and everything,

but you ain't fixing to come in
here and bust up Miss Kitty's saloon,

- 'cause I ain't going to stand for it.
- Oh, you going to stop me?

Well, I was hoping
to talk you out of it,

but if you got other
ideas in mind...

- And he ain't alone.
- Oh, yeah, well...

Gonna take more than
you to whip my sergeant!

Hush, hush, hush, all of you!

Now this here's something that's
just betwixt the sergeant and me.

Ah!

Well, now come on,
ridge-runner, get up here.

Come on, get on your feet.
That's just the beginning.

Well, come on, you can't hide
back there behind them soldier boys.

Let's get at it, now, come on!

Robert E. Lee.

Come on, now!

Break it up!

It was this one here started it!

All we was doing was
having a little fun, that's all.

Yes, well, the fun's over.

I want you to send one of
your men for Major Vanscoy.

All right, Doak,
Maxwell, go get him.

And I mean get him,
bring him back here.

All right, you're
coming with me, let's go.

All right, you and me got
some unfinished business

soon as the major
straightens out your boss here.

You ain't even got me
started, you knucklehead!

Miss Kitty, I...

That was a good fight...

Well, three months in the
field without the sight of a town.

I'm sure you
understand that, Marshal.

I understand that, Major.

Well, why are you making such
an issue out of a simple brawl?

Because that simple brawl
could have wound up in a gunfight

between your men and a
bunch of those Texas drovers.

Oh, I doubt that.

Sergeant almost
caused it to happen.

Begging the major's pardon.

Sergeant Spear caused a
little trouble because he had...

too much to drink, that's all.

- Look drunk to you now?
- Not now he doesn't, no.

I think you could have released him
quietly without calling me into town.

I could have locked him up, too.
That's what I should have done.

Marshal, the point
is that my men

saw you arrest the sergeant
and they know I'm here.

That's exactly the
way I wanted it.

Marshal Dillon, I have a duty
to uphold the morale of my men.

And I have a duty
to protect this town.

My men and I
protect a lot of towns!

I'm aware of that, Major.

I'm known as an
enlisted man's officer.

That's a man who'll
put himself on the line

for his men anytime, anyplace.

I've fought and I've
won some battles

that other men might have
lost for that very reason.

My men believe in me.

They accept my authority.

They follow my
orders without question.

I can appreciate that, Major.

The conduct of your men
in the field is your concern.

Their conduct in this
town is my concern.

How am I supposed to take that?

You can take it any
way you want to,

just as long as your men
understand the rules in this town.

Very well, sir.

My sergeant...

Is he or is he not free to go?

He's free to go, Major,
into your custody.

Goodnight.

I don't now what to say, Major.

You've never been at
a loss for words before.

Well, it...

started slow enough, then
built up before I realized.

Well, that marshal
built it up a little bit, too.

Yes, sir.

Where's your horse?

I left him in front
of the saloon.

All right.

I want everybody to
see that no town marshal

can keep a man of
the Second penned up.

Yes, sir. They're gonna know
you didn't let me down, Major.

I hope so.

Marshal had no right
to talk to you like that.

Goodnight, Sergeant.

Goodnight, sir.

There goes old glory-gut.

How did he get
Spear out of jail?

How do I know. He
can do most anything.

You didn't think the Major was
gonna leave me stay in jail, did you?

No, sir, he's a
mighty powerful man.

Yeah, you boys,
go on, get back to it.

Have one for me and
the major while you're at it.

I'm going to call it a night.

Where do you two
boys think you're going?

Nowhere. You got all our money.

Now, ain't that a shame?

You better mount up and
come on back to camp with me.

- Right now?
- Now.

Well, what do you know?
You must be slipping, Sarge.

What do you mean?

Yeah, Sarge, that ridge-runner
don't seem like you fazed him much.

Unless you're anxious
to get back to camp, bed.

He's the one that caused the
major to be talked to like he was.

Tend this animal, boy.

Hey, you, Whiskers.

Oh, it's you, is it?

It was you that got
the major called down.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Means that you and me got some

settling unless you're figuring on
sticking all four straight in the air.

Let me tell you something.

The only time a
Haggen's flat on his back

is when somebody puts him
there, and that takes a heap of doing.

Then let's get at it.

- You know what?
- What?

I'm thinking that could
be us in there with Spear

- pounding us half to death.
- Yeah.

I got to hand it
to you, Whiskers.

Pound for pound, you're
as good a man as I ever met.

- Doak?
- What?

We ain't never gonna get
another chance like this.

Come on.

- The money.
- What?

The money. The money we lost.

We ain't got no
spending money. Get it.

Not all of it. Just
what we lost.

Why not all the money?

'Cause this ain't no robbery
killing, it's a revenge killing.

Come on. Come on!

Doc. Doc!

Doc!

Somebody get Doc!

Well, what do you think, Doc?

I don't know, it's
pretty much up to him.

I've done all I can.

All right, well,
let's go, Festus.

Let's get back inside.

I ain't got nothing
to hide, Matthew.

- I told you what happened.
- Over here, Festus.

I believe you, but I don't know
whether Major Vanscoy will.

Just keep out of
sight till I talk to him.

Doak, Maxwell, dismount.

- Corporal.
- Sir.

Take charge of the men, the
troop will remain right here.

- Yes, sir.
- All right, you men follow me.

Yes, sir.

Dismount.

What's going on?

Major Vanscoy is
headed up here, Doc.

Marshal Dillon, I want the
man that killed Sergeant Spear!

Sergeant Spear
is still alive, Major.

Is he gonna live?

Well, I can't tell you that.

Well, what are his chances?

Well, they're not very good.

Where's the man who stabbed him?

We don't know who stabbed him.

You don't know?

Well, I know it was that friend
of yours who had a fight with him.

He had a fight with him, yes.

But Festus didn't stab him.

He was knocked unconscious,
and when he came to

he saw two men
running down the alley.

Two soldiers.

I think you know where
he is, Marshal. Tell me.

That's not important.

I want that man.

If I thought he was guilty, I would
have arrested him myself, Major.

I think you're protecting him
because he's a friend of yours, Marshal.

But I warn you...

I'll search every building
in Dodge City if necessary.

- You have no authority for that.
- Oh, no?

I've got a troop of cavalry.

Use them, Major, you'll
be breaking the law.

Are you telling me that
you'd try to stop us, Marshal?

That's what I'm telling you.

- Well, that's your business, Marshal.
- Major...

The only way you can do this
legally is to declare martial law.

Consider it done.

You've got to have
written authority for that.

I think under the circumstances,

I can get the back up
of higher authorities.

All right, then get
your back up first.

Now, I'm telling you to arrest that
man and turn him over to me by sunup.

And that's all.

Follow me.

This is my authority
right here, Marshal.

I meant what I said.

I want that man arrested and
turned over to me by sunup.

Carry on.

Matt?

- Where is he?
- Inside.

- Sounds kind of ugly.
- Yeah.

I have to get a
place to hide him.

Kitty, could we keep
him at your place?

Certainly.

Festus, come on out of there.

Festus?

Halt! Who goes there?

Advance and be recognized.

Name's Haggen. I want
to see your Major Vanscoy.

Corporal of the guard!

I seen you in town, mister.

You're the one that
knifed our sergeant.

Corporal of the guard!

- What's the trouble here?
- I caught him.

I caught him riding in here
like he owned the world.

I'm wanting to see your Major Vanscoy.
You gonna take me to where he's at?

He's the one that
knifed Sergeant Spear.

Take it nice and easy.

Get off that mule.
Nice and easy.

Take it easy now.
Don't you move.

Oh, put that pistol...

I'm taking you to
the major right now.

That's what I've
been asking you to do.

None of your back
talk. Just move along.

As you were, trooper.

Okay, hold it.

Hey, trooper, take
care of this man's mule.

- Major Vanscoy? I...
- Yes?

I came here to
tell you I'm the one

that done the fighting
with your sergeant.

Well, go inside the tent.

Corporal, you stand guard.

You heard the major.

I came here to palaver with him.

- Now, will you quit?
- Move.

What's he doing here?

How the devil should I know.

You stab Sergeant Spear?

No, sir.

Like I told you, I'm the one
that done the fighting with him.

Actual, it was him
done most of the fighting.

I see. When you found you
couldn't beat him with your fists,

why, you just took a
knife and stabbed him, eh?

No, sir, I didn't stab him.

- He stabbed himself?
- I don't know.

What do you know? What
did you come here to tell me?

I reckon the mainest reason I came
here is because I heared you say

you were fixing to ride
into Dodge at sunup,

- and I figured you meant that.
- I meant it, yes.

Now, Matthew, I know he
meant it when he told you

he was fixing to stop you
if you did ride into town.

So, instead of getting a
bunch of your soldier boys

and them town folks killed,

I figured I ought to
turn myself over to you.

Well...

That's a warm-hearted story.

I just find it a little
hard to believe.

Appears to me you find a whole
heap of things hard to believe,

especially when there's
some truth to them.

I can't believe that any man

who would use a knife on another
man like an unprincipled savage

would care very much
about hurting a lot of people.

Major, like I told you, I
didn't stab your sergeant.

- Who stabbed my sergeant?
- I don't know.

But I'll tell you what I do
know, if you want to listen to it.

I don't like it.

Why would he come
riding in big as life?

Maybe he saw us.

No, he couldn't have
seen us, it was too dark.

I say let's take our horse
and get out of here right now.

Oh, that's real smart.

We desert, and they'll figure it
was us that stabbed Spear right off.

We got to stay.

Look.

Okay, trooper, take his horse.

Back to your post.

Major.

Well, this is quite
a night for visitors.

Matthew.

Festus, you shouldn't have
done a fool thing like this.

I have to disagree
with you, Marshal.

Your friend isn't a fool. I
think he's a very brave man.

He came here to stop us from
facing one another in the morning.

That's exactly what I figured
when I couldn't find you in town.

Well, you knew him and I didn't,

but I'm a pretty good judge
of men and I believe him.

We've got a problem
here, Marshal.

Your friend said...
What's your name?

Festus. Festus Haggen.

Festus said that he saw two men
running away from the sergeant

They were in uniform.

Question is, which two
of my soldiers were they?

That's all I seen
was the uniforms.

Apparently, there were
no other witnesses.

There was one other witness.

There was another witness?

The sergeant himself.

- Everything all right, Marshal?
- Everything's fine, why?

We figured there
might be some trouble.

Not gonna be any trouble, boys.

Now, maybe you'd
better move along, huh?

Okay.

Corporal, dismount the men.

Have them assemble
at the doctor's office.

Yes, sir!

Major, come on in
and have some coffee.

Keep your mounts saddled.

Why? What are we doing here?

Corporal, how come we're
just hanging around town?

The Major wants us here until
we get the word on Sergeant Spear.

I thought he was dying.

Doc now gives him
a fifty-fifty chance.

And if he pulls through, he can
tell us whether Whiskers did it or not.

Come on, let's go.

- Think he's going to make it?
- Shut up.

Corporal said he had a
fifty-fifty chance, didn't he?

- Yeah.
- Well, it could go either way.

Now, we just have to stand pat.

Doc, what time is it?

Straight up.

About time I went
down, ain't it?

I'd say so.

Well, if it was one of
them soldier boy yahoos,

we're gonna find out quickly.

Matthew!

Matthew!

Look out, boys. Clear the way.

Hold on there, that's
going on up there?

Old Doc sent me
to fetch the marshal.

Your sergeant,
he's coming out of it.

Hear that?

Wait a minute, you
mean he's coming around?

Oh, yeah, he's perking
up just pretty as you please.

Matthew!

Major, Matthew...

Didn't see none of
them acting no different

than the other ones did, Major.

All right, I'll tell you what you
do. Pretend we're not in here.

Pretend like you're
still looking for us.

- Ask for me and the Major out there.
- Yes, sir.

Hey, has anybody saw
the marshal anyplace?

Think the sarge'll talk?

How the devil do I know.

Has anybody saw the marshal?

Come on.

- What are you doing? Don't...
- Gettin' away.

Not like that we ain't.

Come on.

Are there any horses in there?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

Come with me?

Get out of here.

All right, hold it
right there, boys.

Stand right where you are.

Come out of there, men.

Now let me handle this, Marshal.

These men are in my command.

You men took the responsibility
for doing what you did.

Now you've got some
consequences to face.

And you're gonna face 'em.

Want you to hand
over those weapons.

To me.

Let's have 'em.

Quick!

- You all right?
- Yeah.

Why don't you stay
here and cover me.

Max!

Max!

Let me see where
you're hit, boy.

Major...

Max... and me deserted.

I'm sorry.

I didn't wanna die.

I sure could have gotten
used to this feather bed.

Oh, that ain't no feather bed.

Old Doc here's got
that stuffed with money.

Think I could have been
out on bivouac all the time.

Sarge.

Well, you're looking
some better, Sergeant.

I've been in good
hands, Marshal.

Sergeant...

Doak said something to me just
before he died about deserting.

You know what he meant by that?

Sergeant?

Didn't want to tell
you about that, sir.

About what?

Well, when we charged
that Sioux war party,

Doak and Maxwell deserted.

I brought 'em back.

You didn't want to tell
me about a thing like that?

I couldn't.

I'm not so big I can't be
told when my men go astray.

And you'll remember
that in the future, Sergeant.

Yes, sir.

Doctor, is Sergeant
Spear fit to be released?

As far as I'm concerned.

Good.

We've got a wagon
waiting for you downstairs

to take you back
to the bivouac area.

I'll give you a hand.

Come on, Tim.

- See you later.
- See you, Matt.

He sure did come
out of it fast, didn't he?

Just remarkable.

I could have told you that.

Told me what?

Well, he's just a natural
fast healer is what he is.

Well, how did you
arrive at that conclusion?

It was on his head.

In his head, huh?

No, on his head.

We was having that ruckus in
the Long Branch the other day.

Well, I glomped onto
his head once or twice...

There they was.

There what was?

The bumps.

What bumps?

The bumps my great
aunt Herkel used to read.

Oh, I should have known!

- Of course, of course.
- What?

That somebody in your family
just had to be a phrenologist.

- What?
- A phrenologist.

That'll just be enough of that.

You don't hear me go around
calling your kinfolks names.

Stay tuned for scenes
from next week's Gunsmoke.