Gunsmoke (1955–1975): Season 13, Episode 7 - Hard Luck Henry - full transcript

Hard-Luck Henry Haggens comes to Dodge City to persuade his cousin Festus to return home on an important mission. Festus, as the wisest of the Haggenses, is to act as Solomon and divide a chest of Confederate gold pieces among the Haggens clan. Henry's constant mishaps thwart Festus's efforts in one of the funniest episodes of the series.

Gunsmoke, starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.

Can I do something for you?

I be looking for a fella name of
Festus Haggen. You seen him?

Not today. You drinking?

Mouth's drier than
a sack of gun wads.

All right, what'll you have?

Bottle of whiskey and a glass.

That there's a thimble.
There's a glass.

You kind of get the feeling this
whole thing's happened before?


Well, last time somebody
came into town looking like that,

Festus almost lost his ear.

Oh, it wasn't his whole ear.

- No, just the little...
- Just the little hangy-down part.

You think he's a Haggen?

Golly, I'd bet on it.

Say, mister, excuse me.

Did I hear you say that you were looking
for somebody name of Festus Haggen?

You sure did. Do you know him?

- You a friend of his?
- Me and him is kinfolk.

I be his Cousin Henry
from Pratt County.

Just stopped by to say my
howdies. You seed him round?

Matt, you seen him?

Um, no, I haven't seen
him since this morning.

Well, I reckon this is as
good a place as any to wait,

less'n Cousin Festus's changed.

Changed? How's that?

Cousin Festus always
was partial to spirits.

- This a friendly visit?
- Oh, sure.

Me and him is friendly.

We's rightly sociable.

Festus'd be that snarked at me

if'n he knowed I'd come by Dodge
and never stopped by to say my howdies.

Well, I sure wouldn't
want Festus to be snarked.

I come a fair piece
to see old Festus.

Of course, he might be
sort of surprised to see me.

How's that?

Well, last time I seed Festus,
he got bunged up a mite.

He got bunged up?

Or was that the
time before last?

No, that's the time they near hung
him. It was the time before that.

Last time he almost drowned
in old Honker Bedeker's pond.

Folks back home call me
Hard-Luck Henry Haggen.

If you listen to Festus,

he'd tell you that I'm bad luck for him
even if I'm in the same town as he's in.

Course, I... I don't think
that's too awful truesome.

You know, I was standing
there looking at you three.

I sudden got myself a
pure old sartin notion.

- What kind of a notion?
- You be Miss Kitty.

Ain't no head of red hair
nowhere prettier than that.

Festus done went on
about you more times.

And you'd be Doc if you swiped
at that there hair on your top lip.

You be Doc, yes, sir.

You got a place in the
Haggen hearts, Doc.

Oh, is that a fact?

Ain't a Haggen nowhere
ain't heard of good Doc Adams

what tended Cousin Eliab's foot

after he was chasing
Festus half across the country

trying to shoot off that there
hangy-down part of his ear.

And you be Matthew,
Cousin Festus' deputy.

Then yeah. Well,
that's... that's right, Henry.

Doggone. Festus said
you was just a little fella.

Real proud to meet
you. Real proud.

The way he done
went on about you all...

- Oh, darn. I'm sorry.
- Well, now...

- I've done it. I've done it again.
- Now, don't worry about it, Henry.

Why don't you just pull
up a chair and sit down?

- Sam, bring us some more drinks.
- Yes, ma'am.

So, uh, they call you
Hard-Luck Henry, huh?

Well, never to
me, it seems like.

Just to... to folks
I gets around

and just to folks I
likes that I gets around.

Well, how long you
plan to be around Dodge?

- Well, that's a depender, Matthew.
- A depender?

On how long it takes me
to convince Cousin Festus

to help us Haggens's
with our problem.

Oh, well, that's what kinfolk
are for, to help each other.

Well, certainly, and everybody
knows what a big help Festus is.

- Spoke like a true Haggen, Doc.
- Here's your drinks, folks.

Thank you, friend.

- I'm sorry.
- Sorry?

I'm apologizing
for them glasses.

I'll get another
round, Miss Kitty.

Better not, Sam.

Well, it... it being a puzzler,

we'ns decided we
needed the brainy Haggen.

- And that'd be Festus?
- Sure.

Folks used to argue about
who was the prettiest Haggen,

and it were hard to
ponder, that sure was,

but when it comes to brains, it
weren't no contest, that'd be Festus.

Oh, no, no, that'd be
Festus. No question about it.

There comes a time in
the lives of every family

when they needs
the help of a Solomon.

Festus fits that
without no fight.

- Solomon?
- Perzactly.

Well, now, I'll tell you,
you just find Solomon

and you tell him what
your problems are.

Well, I'm afraid it ain't
a telling problem, Doc.

It's a showing problem.

Well, you know, Henry, Festus
has an awful lot of things at the office

that keep him
pretty well tied down.

Well, yes,
that's... that's true,

he does have his
responsibilities here, you know.

Well, he's left things to you
before. He done told me so.

- After all, what's a deputy for?
- Yeah.

Uh, yeah, well, you got me
there. I think I'd better be going.

As long as Marshal Haggen isn't
around, I better keep an eye on things.

- Real good to see you.
- Nice to meet you, Henry.

- Real good to meet you.
- Just hold on here a minute, Matt.

I think by golly I'd
better go along with you.

Real good to meet you also.

Darn. I'm sorry.

- Here, let me...
- No! Never mind.

Gosh. Gotta get
out of here fast.

Fine fellow, that deputy.

See Festus'
training all over him.

Yes, well, Henry, I... I have some
book work I have to take care of,

so, well, if you'll excuse me.

That only happens
to folks what I likes.


Has he went yet? Did you
tell him I wasn't around?

Matt, couldn't you send
me out of town to Hays City

to deliver some
papers or something?

You're the marshal. You
could send yourself to Hays City.

- Couldn't he, Deputy?
- He could sure send himself.

Smart alec, huh? I never said I
was a marshal. All I said was...

- What was it you said?
- Shut up.

Matthew, couldn't you figure some
way to get Hard-Luck out of town?

- No, no, Matt, that wouldn't work.
- Why?

Well, because there's one thing
you Haggens have all got in common.

- What?
- That's tenacity.

No, just make that
plain stubbornness.

I'll tell you something, if
Hard-Luck Henry wants to see you,

he's going to stay right
here in town until he does,

and I just don't think the town of
Dodge City can stand two Haggens.

I know darn well I can't.

All right, you ornery old
scamp, I'm in serious trouble.

A whole heap seriousener than
you've ever saw or heard tell of

in all your born days.

- I know that.
- And you're enjoying it.

I don't know when
I've enjoyed anything...

I can see you are.

Matthew, what I need now
is a understanding friend,

not some old quack-quack
that ain't got nothing in his head

but a hoo-haw me to
show how funny he is.

Howdy, Festus! I figured I
might find you in your office.


I think he's a mite
surprised to see me.


He ain't only the brainiest
Haggen, he's the bashfullest too.

Look out!

I think he's got
him cornered now.

Oh, I guess he doesn't.

Howdy, Festus.

Been a real nice ride so
far, ain't it, Cousin Festus?

Ain't nary a thing went
wrong since we left Dodge.

We'll be there before long now.

Can I ride up beside you
now so as we can talk?

You just stay right
where you're at.

But, Cousin Festus, I got
to tell you about our problem.

This here problem you got is a showing
problem, it ain't no telling problem,

and you can show me
when we get where it's at.

- But, Cousin Festus...
- When we get there, Henry.

But, Festus, I just
wanna be sociable.

It ain't Haggen for
kinfolk not to ride together.

- Cousin Festus...
- You keep your distance, you hear?

Doggone, I'm
sorry, Cousin Festus.

- Just get your hands off me.
- Let me help you.

What in thunderation was that?

- I figured they might be still at it.
- Who's at it?

Oh, ever since we
found that there wagon,

them Dooleys been
snooping around.

The Dooleys is a part
of this problem of yours?

Oh, yeah. They sure can't
shoot worth a lick, can they?

Be bare dumb luck if
they was to hit one of us.

That's a manner of
speaking is all I mean.

Homer! Heathcliffe! Harper!

Me and Festus is here!

Over here, Henry! We
got us a nest of skunks!

It's Festus. Sure nice of you
to pay us a visit, Cousin Festus!

They done went
and fetched Festus.

Well, what for?

He's the smart
'un of the Haggens.

You can be dang sure they ain't brung
him clear to Pratt County for nothing.

Why don't you see if you can't bounce
a rifle ball off that scrotchy codger?

All right, Festus, let's get.

What you reckon they got in
that there wagon, Jefferson?

I know what I hope they
got in that there wagon.

Corn squeezings.

Hoo-ey! Let's go get it.

We'ns gonna take our time.

Gonna do a little following
and some thinking.

Well, they's running.

Yeah, we sure whipped them
Dooleys, didn't we, Cousin Festus?

I ain't been able to tell who's
a-shooting at who round here.

Cousin Festus, you
remember Cousin Homer.

Howdy, Cousin
Festus. How are you?

- Cousin Harper.
- Howdy.

And I'm Cousin Heathcliffe.
I'm the baby of the family.

You ain't seed him since he
was knee-high to a caterpillar.

Well, Henry, we ain't gonna
stand around here jawing.

Where's that showing problem at?

You just follow
me, Cousin Festus.

You better be sure, it'll
make your eyeballs crash out.

Wait till you see this, boy.

- I ain't...
- Shh.


- Well, that there's gold.
- Yeah.

This here was on
top of that there chest.

Well, then, this here's
Confederate gold.

Yes, sir, Cousin Festus.

Why, there must be at least...

Well, there's nigh on to...

Well, there's a whole
heap, I'll tell you that.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

That there's the kind
of talk we brung you for.

Me and Homer was out
hunting varmints and I found it.

According to my figuring, Festus,
being's how me and Henry found it,

seems like we ought
to get the biggest share.

- Right?
- No, no, we's all Haggens.

Grasping and greedy
and downright miserly!

We're gonna divide
it up fair and square.

Yeah, and I'm gonna get me a new
gun and a whole cellar full of turnips.

I'm gonna get me a trunk full of
shoes for Aunt Mary's kids and...

Hold it. Hold it!
Hut! Wait a minute!

Now, what in the tarnation
did you knuckleheads

bring me out here
for in the first place?

To help us divide
it fair and square.

All right, then.

Now, are you all willing
to guarantee me one thing,

after I give you a fair and a
square decision on this thing

that you'll stick to it?

- Yeah, we'll stick to it.
- We stick by it.

All right, then.

Now, there ain't
gonna be no dividing,

'cause you ain't gonna
keep this here gold.

- Finders keepers!
- Yeah, finders keepers!

Finders keepers my
Aunt Tansey's hat box.

Now, this here box of
gold is gonna be took back

to Dodge City to
Marshal Matthew Dillon,

'cause he'll know
what to do with it.

Cousin Eliab only wanted the
hangy-down part of your ear.

I'm gonna blow your
whole head clean off.

Pointing a gun at
kinfolk ain't Haggen.

Ain't Haggen at all, Homer.

- I swear...
- I swear...

on my Grandpa Hawk
Haggen's grave...

on Grandpa Hawk
Haggen's grave...

to deliver and defend
this here gold...

to deliver and defend
this here gold...

till my last breath.

Till my last breath.

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

If I'm lying I'm dying.

Well, your ma'd be
plumb proud of you boys.

Daddy'd take a switch to us.

All right, let's
get out of here.

They's going down
the trail to Dodge.

We can see too, stupid.

Getting thirsty.
Getting awful thirsty.

You're gonna get yourself awful
dead if you don't mind what I say.

Now, there ain't gonna
be no more shooting

till we sure there ain't gonna
be no more shooting back.

When's that gonna be?

Tonight, when
they's all tucked in

and snoozing like
little old possums.

Then we'll blow holes clear
through every one of them Haggens.

And then we get to
peek in the wagon.

Hurry up with them
victuals, Brother Harper.

Hold your taters.
I'm a-hurrying.

Boy, I'm so hungry, I could eat
myself a bobcat, claws and all.

How about you, Cousin Festus?

I ain't never had me no appetite
around certain relations I could name.

- Brother Henry?
- Harper.

I forgot them victuals. Doggone.

Forgot the victuals?

I was supposed to
get 'em in Dodge.

Well, I'm hungry.

Oh, well, fiddle.

Get some water in. I got some
coffee and hard pack in my saddlebag.

It'll hold us till we can get
something that's worth a-chawing on.

I never saw such a bunch of
moaning boneheads in all my born days.

- Cousin Festus?
- What?

I done forgot the
water too. Doggone.

No, Festus, don't!
Festus, don't shoot! Don't!

Cousin Festus.

Hush up, you ninnies!

I'm going out to see if I
can shoot me some dinner,

and if it happens to be a bobcat,
all you're fixing to get is the claws.

- Cousin Festus?
- What?

If'n you want some help,
I'll come along with you.

- Well, I'm hungry.
- We all are. Just hush up, Heathcliffe.

Ain't no call to jaw at
baby brother, Homer.

- It's your fault, Henry.
- I aims to set it right too.

How you gonna do
that, Brother Henry?

We passed us a squatting
shack a couple of miles back.

In case Festus don't
bring back no game,

I'm gonna take me this wagon
and get us some supplies.

- Can I ride with you?
- Sure, Heathcliffe.

- Can I take the reins?
- I reckon.

- Come on.
- We'll all go, Henry.

No, Homer, you and Harper
stay here and watch that there fire.

And in case Festus
gets back before we do,

you tell him where
we's going, all right?

- Come on. Let's go.
- Hah! Hah! Come on. Hah!

They's up to something.

Where'd that smart
'un, Festus, get to?

- They's splitting up.
- There's three bunches of 'em now.

But we's three Dooleys.

Reb, you stay here and
keep an eye on them two,

Truly, see can you find Festus,
and I'll get after that there wagon.

Two dollars seems
a mite steep, I know,

but that there's almost
the last of our victuals.

I'm right appreciative.
Were a saintly thing.

It's all right. We'll be in
Mullenville in a day or so.

Saintly still and all. Makes a
man feel right like a friend to you.

Land sake's.

I'm sorry.

Why, it's been standing
there all these years.

Me and Heathcliffe'll
help you set it right.

Wait a minute, Henry. We're just
gonna get in more trouble over this.

Heathcliffe, we're gonna
set to and help a... stranger.

Let's get to it.

All right, I'll take this up here.
Can you handle that all by yourself?

- Yeah, I got it.
- OK, now, now...

Get on over here. Tell us
when you're ready with it, now.

Tell us when to do it. Ready?

- I'll shove and help you get it up.
- OK, ready?

- Go!
- OK.

- I got it.
- Mind your feet.

- Wait, boy.
- Hold it.

Can you really handle
that by yourself?

I got it.

Up. Ease it up.

Let me help you with that.
Let me help you with that.

OK, come on.

Come on and nudge on that post.

- Get that pole to sit.
- Getting tired here.

There. How's that?

Yeah, that's pretty good.

It looks like we done it.

Well, I guess we
better get going.

- Thank you, ma'am.
- Thank you.

- Never could have set that roof alone.
- Our pleasure.

Oh, it weren't nothing.

- Well, hope you enjoy your victuals.
- Oh, we will.

- I'm hungry, real hungry.
- Bye!

- Bye!
- Glad we could help.

- Bye, now.
- Bye.


Sure was a nice fella.
He was real friendly.

What was it that
you done stole, boy?


What was it that you done
stole out of that there wagon?


The way your breeches are a-sagging,
it must be mighty heavy nothing.

- Ma!
- Now, you...

Here, I ain't about
to hurt you none.

It's just that my curiosity
bone got to itching.

Now, what was it?


Now, you stop it.

Oh! Ouch!

You darned young 'un!

- You... You young 'un.
- Hey, Pa! Pa!


You got about three
eyeball blinkings

to let go of that boy and
get off of my property.

Well, I weren't about
to hurt him none.

I was just asking
him a question.

One eyeball blink.

Come with me.

Sonny, why don't
you tell me what it is?

I ain't gonna tell you nothing!

Now you ain't got none.

Now, get!

What have you got in
your pockets, Charlie?

What pockets, Pa?

Don't you innocent-eye me, boy.

- Pa...
- Charlie, answer your pa.

Ain't no way they can miss 'em.

- Miss what?
- They had a whole boxful.

Boxful of what?


You care for a pull on
my pipe, Cousin Festus?

No, thanks.

It's real good burley.

Uncle Custer grows it hisself.

You care for a
pinch for chewing?

Henry, I don't use
tobacco no way.

Brother Henry's just trying to make
his peacefuls with you, Cousin Festus.

I know what he's doing.

Well, it's over and did.
Nothing went wrong, Festus.

But something could
have went wrong.

Ain't nobody seen
that there wagon,

that old man and his
missis, Festus, I seen to that.

Well, now, just supposing you'd
have ran into them Dooleys on the trail.

- Supposing that.
- Well, we didn't.

Ain't nobody knows what's in
that wagon, nobody in the world.

Now, I'm gonna tell you
fellas a pure oldy fact.

That there box of gold ain't
gonna get out of my sight once,

not once, till we
get to Dodge City.

Now, you can put that
down in your little book.

- Ain't nobody arguing with you, Festus.
- Well, they better not be.

Go on, get out of here
so I can get some sleep.

We're fixing to pull
out of here at daylight.

That way we ought to
get into Dodge by dark.

Cousin Festus, you
might rest more peaceful

if I was to fix you a pallet
there under that there lean-to.

I'll stay right where I'm at.

Alright. Good night.

Sleep nice and
peaceful there, Festus.

Harper. Harper.

There's a little nip in
the air come moondown.


That were a real Haggen
thing to do, Festus,

you coming to help
us and everything.

Still and all, giving up your
warm bed and... and your comforts.

Were a right
friendly thing to do.

Shame on you, Jefferson Dooley.

Howdy, Festus. I was just...

Hush your mouth.

Where's them
brothers of your'n at?

If'n that gun goes off, it'll
make a man hard of hearing.

This here gun goes off,

it'll be the first time you ever
had anything inside of your head.

- Now, where they at?
- Back at the camp.

Are you sure?

- Would I lie to you?
- Yes, you'd lie to me.

- Which ones is with you?
- Just Truly and Reb.

Well, how come they
ain't here with you now?

I done snucked away.

What are you doing here?

Well, back at that farm
yonder, I saw this young 'un

fill his breeches with
something out of the wagon.

And the way he was acting, I
knowed it wasn't hickory nuts.

So you figured you'd do
the same likewise, huh?

Shame, double shame
on you, Jefferson.

I would have shared with
my brothers Truly and Reb.

Honest to John I would.

Oh, I'll just bet you
would have, yeah.

Henry, Heathcliffe,
Homer, Harper, get up here.

Hurry it up! Shake a leg.

Jefferson Dooley.
What's he doing here?

So nobody knows what
was in that wagon, huh?

That young 'un back at
that farm you stopped at

stuffed his breeches plumb full.

You didn't know that, did you?

- How'd you find that out?
- 'Cause he seen him.

Where's the rest of them
gold-stealing skunky brothers of yours?

Gold? Is that what you
got in that there wagon?

Where they at?

Oh, there ain't none
of them with him.

See, he figured to
snooker them and us too.

But I just happened
to glom onto him.

Festus, now we glommed onto
him, what's we gonna do with him?

I think...

If'n that's my brothers, you
ain't gonna tattle-tale on me?

Oh, hush up.

- They're coming from over here!
- No, they're over here!

- Where's that Dooley?
- Oh, he... Never mind about him.

- What we gonna do now?
- Get out of here.

Don't need no smart
Haggen to ask me to get.

- I'll hitch up the wagon.
- There ain't no time for that.

Get the gold and get on out of
here. Hurry up. Hurry up there.

Get it off there. We'll hold
'em off as long as we can.

I'm right glad it's you and
me like this together, Festus.


Festus? I'm sorry, Festus.

I gotta protect that
gold. You wait here.

You're under arrest.

But I ain't did nothing
wrong, you ninny.

You had a box of gold
coins, Confederate gold coins.

Just like these here.

- That young 'un at that there farm.
- Mm-hm.

Well, shoot, there ain't
nothing unlawsome about that.

- Why'd the rest of your gang run?
- I done told you that.

We figured you was a Dooley
just sneaking up to steal it.

- Where'd you get the gold?
- I done told you that too.

And you told me you was taking it
to a friend, the marshal in Dodge.

That's what I was a-doing.

Then you don't mind
waiting till morning

till he answers that
telegram I sent him.

The only thing I mind is the temptation
my cousins is a-going through.

I just hope they
got the strength.

That there's the
jail. You wait here.

Henry, what are you doing here?

- Howdy, Cousin Festus.
- Where's your brothers at?

- They's here.
- And the gold?

Safer than chitlins on
city folkses' supper plates.

I'm sorry for your being in here,
Festus. We aims to get you out.

No, Henry, there
ain't no need for that.

- Come tomorrow morning, Matthew...
- There's ever need.

You're in there on account
of us, on account of me.

I aims to set it right.

Henry, please don't
try to set it right.

Now, Henry, just take the
gold. I don't need no rope.

Just take the fellas out...
Henry, what are you doing?

Henry. Quit it, Henry!

Quit that. Don't tie
it onto that saddle.



Stop it! Let me off! Henry!


Marshal, Barney from the telegraph
office asked me to bring you these.

- Oh, open it for me, will you?
- Yeah.

"Ignore first telegram.
Prisoner has escaped."

- What?
- Well, that's what it says.

- Open that one.
- Yeah.

Uh-oh. Say, go down and have
Hank saddle my horse for me, will you?

- What's wrong?
- Festus and his cousins.

I gotta make a
ride to Mullenville.

Cousin Festus sure
is powerful mad.

Yeah, well, we should
have left him in that there jail.

You hush that kind of talk.

Could have had all that
gold to ourselves if'n we had.

We took a oath, Brother Homer.

Yeah, well, I burned an owl's
wing, spit four times to the wind

and toted two frogs
around in my boot.

As far as I'm concerned,
the oath is broke.

It were a Haggen oath we took
and we can't break a Haggen oath.

- And you know that.
- I said two frogs, Henry.

They's a-gotta be
headed for Dodge.

Well, how do you
figure that, Jefferson?

They done went and sent
for their Cousin Festus.

Festus is sort of like
a deputy in Dodge.

And a deputy, he'd take
the found gold to the law.

Well, if certain members
of this here family

were a mite more trustfuller, we'd
have had us that gold right now.

I told you I was
going to tell you.

Well, "was going to"
ain't much account.

Well, what we
gonna do, Jefferson?

We's going to get that gold,
that's what we's going to do.

Well, how you figure we're
gonna get it, Jefferson?

You remember that there
cross trail back there aways?


If we was to get that there
wagon to drive down this here trail...

- What for?
- This trail don't go nowhere.

And if we'ns were to be sitting up there
on that hill, what with this here bog...

I'm gonna have me a
talk with Cousin Festus.

Much further to Dodge,
is it, Cousin Festus?

A piece.

You still mad at me,
ain't you, Cousin Festus?

Of course I'm still mad at
you, you ignorant knothead.

Here I am a fugitive
from justice and you did it.

Well, foot, Cousin Festus,
when we was nothing but tads,

we was always fugitives from
something, you recollect that.

That was before I come to
be a man of responsibleness.

I'll make it up to
you, Cousin Festus.

The onliest way you can ever make it
up to me is just get clean away from me.

- Now go, on, get.
- Whoa. We need you, Cousin Festus.

To... to... to show us the way to Dodge.
We ain't never been that way before.

I've told you and
I've told you. Whoa.

Keep right on this here trail

and when you come to them
cross trails, follow that arrow.

- That's all there is to it.
- All right, Cousin Festus.

Now, go on, get on down yonder.

I sure am sorry.

You done said that.

You spent half of your life
a-telling me that you're sorry.

- Now, you just get on out of here.
- All right.

- Hard-luck scamp.
- All right.

Don't forget to follow
that arrow at the cross trail.


The smart one was riding
slow. He's headed for Dodge.

Henry and the
others is a-coming.

And that is purely nice.

And we'ns got this
trail covered real good.

When I give you the
signal, you start shooting.

Remember, you don't give 'em no
ways to go 'cepting into that there bog.


- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?

I was just riding to Mullenville

to see if that posse wasn't
after you for breaking jail.

- What happened?
- You wouldn't believe this, Matthew.

Cousin Hard-Luck Henry
that you passed back yonder,

why he tore the whole back
end out of that jailhouse.

Him and Harper and
Homer and Heathcliffe,

they tied a rope round them jail
bars and just jerked that thing...

What do you mean, passed
on the trail back there?

Well, you couldn't have missed
'em. They was driving a wagon.

- Well, I didn't pass any wagon.
- You didn't?


Keep me covered. I'm
gonna protect the gold.

- Hey, just leave that.
- What's wrong with you anyway?

- Keep shooting, you ninnies!
- What's the matter with you?

Don't ask no questions.
I know what I'm doing.

Don't fret none. Them Dooleys
couldn't hit the ground with their hat.

Keep shooting at his heels.

No, wait a minute.
He's a-carrying the gold!

Now, what's he doing in there?

I don't know, but here
comes Jefferson Dooley.

- Dooley.
- Don't shoot! The gold's a-sinking!

- The gold!
- The gold.

- Hang on, Henry!
- Hang on!

What do you think you're doing?

- You can do it.
- Come on here, grab hold of that.

Hey! Throw me a rope.

If'n you throw
us the gold first.

Homer, Heathcliffe, get
me a rope from the wagon

and one of them...
one of them tent poles.

Henry Haggen, if'n you lose our
gold, I'm going to have to shoot you.

Your gold? That
there's our gold.

This here rifle
gun says it's ours.

There you go. Take
hold of that, now.

Hold it right there. All
right, put the guns down.

You Johnny-come-latelys
ain't gonna get none of this gold.

I said put the guns
down, all of you.

This here's a United
States marshal.

All right, now, get
him out of there.

Hang on, brother. We'll
get you out of there.

Get the gold first.
Keep it up on your head.

Got it?

- Grab that rope, Henry.
- Get it, Henry.

- Get a hold. Hold tight.
- Come on, get out of there.

Just hold tight,
now. Hold tight.

- Festus, you saved my life.
- Oh, get away.

- You saved my life.
- Just grab your hands off of me.

Doggone. I'm s... Let
me wipe your face off.

- Quit that, will you?
- You saved my life.

Well, that's my hard
luck. Now, leave me be.

Henry, what are we
gonna do about the gold?

Just rise it up on
the pole, that's all.

Everybody, heave.

Well, foot, Festus. Everybody's
entitled to one mistake.

Festus, you don't... you
don't realize what we could...

Just get away from
me. Get away from me.

Maybe we could see us
a way to get down there.

If somebody put a pole
down there or something,

we could... we could
get it out some ways.

- Don't go away, Festus.
- I'm going to Dodge.

You're mad, ain't you?

Well, I'm sorry. Doggone.

Stay tuned for scenes
from next week's Gunsmoke.