Gun (1997): Season 1, Episode 3 - Columbus Day - full transcript
Whoa! Whoa! Wait!
We've got an emergency.
Get back
I tell you! Get back!
You okay?
Okay just stay there.
It's all right.
Just stay there. What happened?
I don't know.
One check to one AP.
We got a 417 on ramp B.
Four-seventeen
on ramp B.
We got a male, dark hair,
dark complexion, about 5'10,
a hundred-seventy pounds, black
windbreaker, black pants.
He's got
a gun! He's got a gun!
Get out of the
way! Get out of the way!
Hey!
Hey! Go, go, go, go.
No weapon.
Way to
spot that 417 Walter.
Good eye on you.
I just happened
to glance back, I saw him.
It was lucky.
No, it
was head's up stuff, man.
You were on it man.
Hey Walter,
how come you get
so spruced up every night, huh?
Every night he goes out of here
looking like Fred
Astaire or something.
I'm going
to see my wife.
That's the reason?
What? You
think that's funny?
What better reason is there
to get dressed up than
to go home and see your wife?
Tony, Guard 1: Man, Walter
you're like a throwback
or something, man.
A throwback?
Man with gold
chain: There you go.
What do you
mean a throwback?
Yeah, you
know I mean just...
So, I suppose your
advanced state of matrimony
is dragging your wife
around by the hair all day?
That's about right for Tony.
Walter, come on.
You know I'm just
playing with you.
Come on.
Hey, I tell you what,
let's go down to Cosmo's
and I'll buy, huh?
No, I got
a job interview.
Whoa! Wait.
Suit yourself bro.
All the more for me.
What's that?
You moonlighting?
Just trying
to get ahead a little.
Man,
I should be doing that.
My little girl
wants to be a ballerina.
Costs money.
That's cute,
but Walter tell me something.
How's a greasy guy like you end
up with such a fine babe? Huh?
Is it the clothes?
The Italians
are a superior race.
Here we go again.
Superior race?
You
hearing this stuff?
Man, if you guys
are the superior race
how come you guys have had 52
governments since World War II?
You think it's easy to
get rid of the crooks, huh?
You guys are always
talking about term limits.
We invented term limits.
Matter of fact, the Italians
invented everything great.
Like what?
Like pizza.
Pizza's good.
And spaghetti.
Yeah, what else Walter?
And opera.
And music.
And sculpture and
scungilli, and anything
that tastes good or
looks good, we invented.
Mickey, Janitor:
Hey, Walter.
What's up bro?
Uh, look my cousin
was asking me if I knew anybody
that wanted to buy
this gun he got.
Yeah, so?
You know I know you
working nights and everything,
maybe you want to get it
for your wife and daughter.
What do you mean?
Well, you've got
to be careful with what's
happening right now with
everything going on and all.
You know.
I never had no trouble.
Once you had
it, man, it's too late.
It's your wife and daughter man.
No.
No I'm trying to
save money anyway.
Yeah, well I
think he's asking $50.
What's that?
What's that?
It's a gun. What's it look like?
What for?
What for?
To protect my family.
From what?
I don't know, whatever.
Burglars, muggers,
invasion robberies.
You see invaders
coming in here?
If they come
in then it's too late.
What's wrong Walter?
What's wrong?
You come in here.
You toss a gun on the table.
You repeat everything I say.
Something's wrong.
You in trouble?
Am I in trouble? No.
I took a nightshift from six
to two am, and that's why
I bought you the gun.
Now come on.
It's just for a little while.
I'm just having a little
trouble making ends meet,
and I need to catch up a little.
Why aren't
the ends meeting?
Because freaking
, he
raised the rent again.
My little girl wants ballet
lessons and art lessons
and clay lessons, and
I want to get you that
engagement ring
you always wanted.
It's our seven year anniversary.
I don't want an
engagement ring. All right?
I can get a job. You know?
When Chelsea's at school,
I could work and we
could be together.
No.
You stay home and take
care of the family.
That's important.
How can we afford a gun?
How can we afford
not to protect our family?
Besides, we can sell it for
five times what I paid for it.
Consider it an investment.
Yeah.
Go invest it in a drawer,
somewhere I can't see it.
All right?
I bought it for you.
I want you to learn
how to shoot it.
I don't think you want me
to learn how to shoot it Walter.
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
Big lug.
You just want to hang out with
the guys at night so you don't
have to be with me.
Oh, that's not true.
I just got a little
job at
for a little while.
Besides there's nobody I'd
rather be with than you.
I want to get a real job.
You got a real job.
Your job is to be the best mom
and sexiest wife a guy ever had.
Do you hear yourself?
Best mom and sexiest
wife a guy ever had?
You don't even
know what you said.
Come on.
Come on.
Lose my mind over you.
Gross!
Oh, there she is!
Come here you little pumpkin.
Come here. Come here.
Look at you. My girls.
Do I got the best family
in the world or what?
You just
whacked my quarter.
I'm sorry.
Here. Let me see if I
can help you find it.
It's there.
There it is right there.
I can't quite feel it.
Sorry.
Got another one?
Let me check.
So, what are you writing?
Kind of like diary.
It's how I keep from getting
bored out of my skull.
No kidding.
I'm a writer too.
Are you making fun of me?
Absolutely not.
No, that's my profession.
That's why I'm home in
the middle of the day.
What are you
doing down here?
Writer's block.
Looking for ideas.
You getting any?
Yeah.
What kind of
writing do you do?
Um, fiction,
short stories, novels.
Boy, that's something
that I would love to do,
just sit down and write
and get paid for it.
That's the trick isn't it?
Figuring out how
to get paid for it.
Well, you get
paid for it right?
How do you think
I can afford to be so
generous with my quarters?
Jack Keyes.
Just moved in, west
wing, apartment 215.
Lilly Difideli's.
103 east.
It's on the cover.
I just think
there's more to life
than keeping in shape
and being a mother.
There's
nothing more important.
Without motherhood the
species would not exist.
Without motherhood the
young would not learn
the ways of the old
and then there would be chaos.
I did my bit for
the species, Walter.
Now it's your turn.
You teach them the
ways of the old.
Come on
honey. Look at this.
I'm the only guy in New
York whose underwear's is
pressed better than
most guy's suits.
My great
contribution to the species.
Well I didn't
tell you to iron them.
I think it's nuts.
I do it because
I love you, all right.
If you're ever in an accident
I don't want them treating
you like some bum off the street
just because your underwear's
all holey and dingy.
Honey, if I'm in an
accident I'm not going to be
worrying about my underwear's.
I'm dying here Walter.
I mean with you gone all
day and night, you know.
I don't have a grownup
to talk to and...
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I know, I know.
Shh.
It's going to be fine.
That gun was used
in the assassination wasn't it?
Huh?
What do you know
about this group?
We're going to find that gun
and we're going to nail you.
It's
been 48 hours.
You gotta let him go.
I know,
I know. It's a crime.
Waiting
to happen again.
You know lots of
writers work in diaries.
You scared me.
I'm serious.
Steinbeck wrote two
hours a day, every day.
Then would write East of Eden .
And there's Defoe's
Journal of the Plague Year .
Diary of Anne Frank.
Diary of a Mad Housewife.
I could write that.
Ah, then there's Mary
Shelley who was a 19-year-old
bored housewife who
was sick of listening
to her husband's ghost stories,
so she sat down one day
and wrote Frankenstein .
Huh.
What kind of stories
do you write?
Different kinds.
They all have some
things in common.
Like?
Like primal emotions,
feelings that go back
to the very beginning,
the first vertebrates.
Like what?
Hunger.
Greed, which comes
from hunger.
Yeah.
Lust is another
form of hunger.
Sex.
Danger.
Why danger?
Danger is the most
primal of all experiences.
It arouses every
sense, every nerve.
It's why Shakespeare wrote
about it, Romeo and Juliet ,
MacBeth, Othello.
She loved me for the dangers
I had passed, and I loved her
that she did pity them.
You writing now?
I'm always writing.
I'm always doing laundry.
Lilly, oh
Lilly come closer.
Shut softly your watery eyes.
The pangs of your sadness will
pass as your senses will rise.
Did you write that?
For you.
They're still wet.
I like them that way.
Jack,
what are you doing here?
You left
these in the dryer.
When do I get
to see you again?
Walter works six
days and nights a week.
He's home on Fridays.
What's he do?
He's a security guard.
Oh God.
You said you liked
to write about danger.
Thanks for
returning my panties.
Let me tell you another
great thing Italians discovered.
America.
America?
I thought that the vikings
discovered America?
Erica the red?
What?
Yeah, that's why
they call it America.
Do you have
a brain in your body?
It was named after
America Vespucci,
an Italian who explored it.
It was discovered by Christopher
Columbus, another Italian.
Why do you think we
celebrate
Christopher
Columbus day next Monday?
I'll tell you another
thing that interests me.
We've got two national
holidays based on individuals,
and they're both
from minorities.
We've got Martin Luther
King Jr's who is a black,
and we've got Christopher
Columbus Day who's an Italian.
You
forgot about Washington.
No.
They lumped that all together
into President's Day.
Hey, I got one.
Christmas for Jesus.
No, he's Jewish.
He's Jewish.
So all our national
holidays are minorities.
We got a black a
Jew and an Italian.
Is this a great country or what?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
You!
Oh my God!
Lilly.
Wait, wait, wait.
Would you wait?
Get away
from me you pervert.
Oh my God! This
explains everything.
Listen to me!
Oh my God!
Listen just
listen. All right.
I'm a writer.
What does that
have to do with anything?
Everything.
Everything.
Writers are observers okay?
We have to stay separate
from our experiences
so we can judge them,
so we can write about them.
I didn't want to stay separate
from my experience with you
so I taped it.
Right?
That's why I could let
go so much of myself.
It's why you enjoyed it so much,
and you did.
You know you did.
You want the tape?
You can have the tape.
This isn't about that.
It's not about that.
This is about you and
me and Jack the writer.
I have your keys.
I want you to.
Awe Joey
man why didn't you
change the light bulb?
Making all this big money
can't change the light bulb.
Shh. Don't look at me.
Okay, okay.
All right. All right.
Don't look at me.
Okay, I'm
not. I'm not, man.
I can't even see in here.
Your wife and boys will
appreciate your cooperation.
Jeffrey and Lamont. Nice kids.
What do you want man?
Wednesday morning
10:00 am. The trash.
Where is it?
I sold it. I sold it
I sold it. I sold it.
You sold the trash?
What are you talking about?
You found the gun?
No.
Who did you sell it to?
I can get it for you.
Who?
Who did you sell it to?
Walter is the gentle one.
See, there's like a
streak of cruelty in the
family except for Walter.
Something like a mafia gene.
Mafia gene.
Fantastic.
Brutality runs through
his body like a flux.
Every look, every smile,
every word is tinged
with a shade of cruelty,
and his love making
is a punishing,
pounding payback from...
Where'd you say
his family is from?
Palermo.
Naples. Misterbianco.
Misterbianco?
It's in Eastern Sicily.
His lovemaking is a
punishing, pounding payback
from Naples, Palermo
and Misterbianco.
Where the blood
of the Difideli's flow
through the streets like wine.
From broken casks.
Wow.
Walter? Walter?
Walter.
Huh?
Walter.
I can explain everything.
See--
Shut up.
Yeah.
Look what I found last
night. On the floor.
Where my daughter
plays with her toys.
Full of rat turds.
I...
I...
We got a rat
nesting in your underwears.
And I'm going to go
right now and I'm
going to pay
a visit.
Right now.
That low-life maggot.
Yeah, it's his building
and I'm busting my ass
to pay for this place,
and we got rats.
Walter! Walter!
What?
Leave the gun here.
Yeah.
I was going to shoot one
of the suckers, you know?
I'm sure you were.
You didn't
tell me he has a gun.
Well he just
gave me that gun
because he's working nights.
What's wrong?
What's wrong is I just
saw a slightly psycho man
waving his gun around
his kitchen,
and I happen to be sleeping
with his wife.
It's not a very
healthy scenario.
Will you relax?
I find that a
difficult suggestion
under the circumstances.
He can come busting
in here any minute.
I told you he's working
day and night, every day
and night except for
Fridays and he's gone now.
So am I.
What about our story?
I'll just have to
finish it wherever I'm going.
You can't finish
it without me, can you?
Silly.
Jack.
Come on.
Don't leave me.
Not now.
You need me.
You're not in real
danger, yet you feel it.
That's good.
You need it to write.
Danger, sex, lust.
All what you said.
Yeah. Yeah.
You like
that? You like that?
What about this?
Shh. Just let me enjoy it.
That's it?
What you don't like it?
Well it ends so quickly.
Okay. All right.
Just give me a second here.
You had me going and
then, then, then it just...
It's over.
What's wrong?
Well it doesn't
just all come at once.
All right?
Could you maybe help me?
All right.
Jack, come here.
Oh, my God.
Wait, wait no.
Don't touch it.
Why?
Don't touch it
because that's the answer.
It's dangerous.
It's just lying there, ominous.
Okay. Okay.
Just like a married
woman across the room
full of potential for
passion,
for danger,
but if you actually touch it,
it becomes ordinary.
The thrill is gone.
And you move on to the next one.
Then he breaks
the window on my car.
You want
us to call the police?
No, I gotta
get to my next job, and
I don't even know if I
can drive the damn thing.
But not for nothing, we are a
bunch of security guards right?
I mean why can't why
find the son of a bitch?
We're
not in the investigatory
business Walter.
We provide security.
Well ain't that ironic.
Now what happens?
Anything's possible.
Personally I think
it's brilliant.
Really? That's great.
Yeah, yeah. I'll
take it to my agent
first thing tomorrow.
No, tomorrow's a holiday.
I'll have to take it on Tuesday.
This is going to blow his mind.
It's the best thing
I've ever written.
I might even be able to
make some bucks on it.
You?
Yeah.
What about me?
You?
Well, yeah.
This is my story as
much as it is yours.
What are
you talking about?
I'm talking
about I worked on this
as hard as you did.
You gave me a germ Lilly.
A germ?
Yeah, a germ, a seed.
I'm the one who worked
on it day and night.
I'm the one who carried
it around in my head.
It's not, "Hey, I got an idea
wham, bam, thank you ma'am."
You bastard.
I gave you more than that.
You gave me a seed Lilly.
I gave you a
whole damn garden.
I, I gave you ideas when
you couldn't write a thing.
I gave you the ending
for God's sake.
You showed me a gun.
All right.
You showed me a stupid gun.
I'm the one who had to tell you
not to touch it for God's sake.
You were going to ruin it.
So don't tell me you
gave me the ending.
I mean it's not your
story. All right?
So give me a break
and get a life.
Jack!
Hello?
Jack.
Jack?
Jack?
Lilly!
Bitch! Open the door!
Open it up!
This must be
the guy that broke
into my locker and
trashed my car.
Do you recognize him?
No.
This is the guy
that was outside your
window yesterday.
You sure?
Oh yes. All
you Americans look alike to me,
but I recognize him anywhere.
I know the hair.
What time was this?
Yesterday...
What a world.
Walter!
Thank God
you weren't home.
What happened?
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Where's Chelsea?
She's
upstairs at Bellino's.
Listen, I didn't
want to scare you,
but there was some guy who
was stalking me at work.
Some lunatic.
Oh my God.
He came up
to the apartment.
He kicked in the door.
He broke it down.
I had the gun, he
came running in and...
Have you ever seen
this man before ma'am?
You don't
gotta look at him long.
Ma'am?
I probably
shouldn't be doing this,
but I checked the serial number.
It's clean.
We've got a justifiable
shooting so it's yours.
Be careful.
All right.
Come on. Let's go upstairs.
Thank God I bought you this gun.
Thank God it was Columbus
day and I was home.
Thank God you iron
my underwears, huh?
I got a price at the
Rod and Gun Shop for $200.
So, go sell it then.
I want to make a trade.
That's
a $1,000 ring my friend.
I'll give you
$500 plus the gun.
Nah, it's
still a far cry from $1000.
Come on. It's
our seventh anniversary.
I haven't even gotten
her a ring yet.
And I
gotta give it to her?
I tell you what it's
a nice handgun though.
I bought it to
protect my family while
I was working nights.
It did its job.
All right, look.
In here there's a story
called The Tryst ,
signed by the author.
It's going to be worth a lot
of money because she's never
had anything published
before,
and it's going to
be a collector's item.
This thing any good?
Yeah it's good.
It's written by my wife, who's
also the mother to my daughter.
She does all those
things and this.
Okay. $600,
the gun and the magazine.
You got a deal.
All right.
Listen, the story that's
in here, pretty sexy.
About adultery.
I said to her, "I hope you
didn't do too much research."
Happy Anniversary.
Thanks.
We've got an emergency.
Get back
I tell you! Get back!
You okay?
Okay just stay there.
It's all right.
Just stay there. What happened?
I don't know.
One check to one AP.
We got a 417 on ramp B.
Four-seventeen
on ramp B.
We got a male, dark hair,
dark complexion, about 5'10,
a hundred-seventy pounds, black
windbreaker, black pants.
He's got
a gun! He's got a gun!
Get out of the
way! Get out of the way!
Hey!
Hey! Go, go, go, go.
No weapon.
Way to
spot that 417 Walter.
Good eye on you.
I just happened
to glance back, I saw him.
It was lucky.
No, it
was head's up stuff, man.
You were on it man.
Hey Walter,
how come you get
so spruced up every night, huh?
Every night he goes out of here
looking like Fred
Astaire or something.
I'm going
to see my wife.
That's the reason?
What? You
think that's funny?
What better reason is there
to get dressed up than
to go home and see your wife?
Tony, Guard 1: Man, Walter
you're like a throwback
or something, man.
A throwback?
Man with gold
chain: There you go.
What do you
mean a throwback?
Yeah, you
know I mean just...
So, I suppose your
advanced state of matrimony
is dragging your wife
around by the hair all day?
That's about right for Tony.
Walter, come on.
You know I'm just
playing with you.
Come on.
Hey, I tell you what,
let's go down to Cosmo's
and I'll buy, huh?
No, I got
a job interview.
Whoa! Wait.
Suit yourself bro.
All the more for me.
What's that?
You moonlighting?
Just trying
to get ahead a little.
Man,
I should be doing that.
My little girl
wants to be a ballerina.
Costs money.
That's cute,
but Walter tell me something.
How's a greasy guy like you end
up with such a fine babe? Huh?
Is it the clothes?
The Italians
are a superior race.
Here we go again.
Superior race?
You
hearing this stuff?
Man, if you guys
are the superior race
how come you guys have had 52
governments since World War II?
You think it's easy to
get rid of the crooks, huh?
You guys are always
talking about term limits.
We invented term limits.
Matter of fact, the Italians
invented everything great.
Like what?
Like pizza.
Pizza's good.
And spaghetti.
Yeah, what else Walter?
And opera.
And music.
And sculpture and
scungilli, and anything
that tastes good or
looks good, we invented.
Mickey, Janitor:
Hey, Walter.
What's up bro?
Uh, look my cousin
was asking me if I knew anybody
that wanted to buy
this gun he got.
Yeah, so?
You know I know you
working nights and everything,
maybe you want to get it
for your wife and daughter.
What do you mean?
Well, you've got
to be careful with what's
happening right now with
everything going on and all.
You know.
I never had no trouble.
Once you had
it, man, it's too late.
It's your wife and daughter man.
No.
No I'm trying to
save money anyway.
Yeah, well I
think he's asking $50.
What's that?
What's that?
It's a gun. What's it look like?
What for?
What for?
To protect my family.
From what?
I don't know, whatever.
Burglars, muggers,
invasion robberies.
You see invaders
coming in here?
If they come
in then it's too late.
What's wrong Walter?
What's wrong?
You come in here.
You toss a gun on the table.
You repeat everything I say.
Something's wrong.
You in trouble?
Am I in trouble? No.
I took a nightshift from six
to two am, and that's why
I bought you the gun.
Now come on.
It's just for a little while.
I'm just having a little
trouble making ends meet,
and I need to catch up a little.
Why aren't
the ends meeting?
Because freaking
, he
raised the rent again.
My little girl wants ballet
lessons and art lessons
and clay lessons, and
I want to get you that
engagement ring
you always wanted.
It's our seven year anniversary.
I don't want an
engagement ring. All right?
I can get a job. You know?
When Chelsea's at school,
I could work and we
could be together.
No.
You stay home and take
care of the family.
That's important.
How can we afford a gun?
How can we afford
not to protect our family?
Besides, we can sell it for
five times what I paid for it.
Consider it an investment.
Yeah.
Go invest it in a drawer,
somewhere I can't see it.
All right?
I bought it for you.
I want you to learn
how to shoot it.
I don't think you want me
to learn how to shoot it Walter.
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
Big lug.
You just want to hang out with
the guys at night so you don't
have to be with me.
Oh, that's not true.
I just got a little
job at
for a little while.
Besides there's nobody I'd
rather be with than you.
I want to get a real job.
You got a real job.
Your job is to be the best mom
and sexiest wife a guy ever had.
Do you hear yourself?
Best mom and sexiest
wife a guy ever had?
You don't even
know what you said.
Come on.
Come on.
Lose my mind over you.
Gross!
Oh, there she is!
Come here you little pumpkin.
Come here. Come here.
Look at you. My girls.
Do I got the best family
in the world or what?
You just
whacked my quarter.
I'm sorry.
Here. Let me see if I
can help you find it.
It's there.
There it is right there.
I can't quite feel it.
Sorry.
Got another one?
Let me check.
So, what are you writing?
Kind of like diary.
It's how I keep from getting
bored out of my skull.
No kidding.
I'm a writer too.
Are you making fun of me?
Absolutely not.
No, that's my profession.
That's why I'm home in
the middle of the day.
What are you
doing down here?
Writer's block.
Looking for ideas.
You getting any?
Yeah.
What kind of
writing do you do?
Um, fiction,
short stories, novels.
Boy, that's something
that I would love to do,
just sit down and write
and get paid for it.
That's the trick isn't it?
Figuring out how
to get paid for it.
Well, you get
paid for it right?
How do you think
I can afford to be so
generous with my quarters?
Jack Keyes.
Just moved in, west
wing, apartment 215.
Lilly Difideli's.
103 east.
It's on the cover.
I just think
there's more to life
than keeping in shape
and being a mother.
There's
nothing more important.
Without motherhood the
species would not exist.
Without motherhood the
young would not learn
the ways of the old
and then there would be chaos.
I did my bit for
the species, Walter.
Now it's your turn.
You teach them the
ways of the old.
Come on
honey. Look at this.
I'm the only guy in New
York whose underwear's is
pressed better than
most guy's suits.
My great
contribution to the species.
Well I didn't
tell you to iron them.
I think it's nuts.
I do it because
I love you, all right.
If you're ever in an accident
I don't want them treating
you like some bum off the street
just because your underwear's
all holey and dingy.
Honey, if I'm in an
accident I'm not going to be
worrying about my underwear's.
I'm dying here Walter.
I mean with you gone all
day and night, you know.
I don't have a grownup
to talk to and...
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
I know, I know.
Shh.
It's going to be fine.
That gun was used
in the assassination wasn't it?
Huh?
What do you know
about this group?
We're going to find that gun
and we're going to nail you.
It's
been 48 hours.
You gotta let him go.
I know,
I know. It's a crime.
Waiting
to happen again.
You know lots of
writers work in diaries.
You scared me.
I'm serious.
Steinbeck wrote two
hours a day, every day.
Then would write East of Eden .
And there's Defoe's
Journal of the Plague Year .
Diary of Anne Frank.
Diary of a Mad Housewife.
I could write that.
Ah, then there's Mary
Shelley who was a 19-year-old
bored housewife who
was sick of listening
to her husband's ghost stories,
so she sat down one day
and wrote Frankenstein .
Huh.
What kind of stories
do you write?
Different kinds.
They all have some
things in common.
Like?
Like primal emotions,
feelings that go back
to the very beginning,
the first vertebrates.
Like what?
Hunger.
Greed, which comes
from hunger.
Yeah.
Lust is another
form of hunger.
Sex.
Danger.
Why danger?
Danger is the most
primal of all experiences.
It arouses every
sense, every nerve.
It's why Shakespeare wrote
about it, Romeo and Juliet ,
MacBeth, Othello.
She loved me for the dangers
I had passed, and I loved her
that she did pity them.
You writing now?
I'm always writing.
I'm always doing laundry.
Lilly, oh
Lilly come closer.
Shut softly your watery eyes.
The pangs of your sadness will
pass as your senses will rise.
Did you write that?
For you.
They're still wet.
I like them that way.
Jack,
what are you doing here?
You left
these in the dryer.
When do I get
to see you again?
Walter works six
days and nights a week.
He's home on Fridays.
What's he do?
He's a security guard.
Oh God.
You said you liked
to write about danger.
Thanks for
returning my panties.
Let me tell you another
great thing Italians discovered.
America.
America?
I thought that the vikings
discovered America?
Erica the red?
What?
Yeah, that's why
they call it America.
Do you have
a brain in your body?
It was named after
America Vespucci,
an Italian who explored it.
It was discovered by Christopher
Columbus, another Italian.
Why do you think we
celebrate
Christopher
Columbus day next Monday?
I'll tell you another
thing that interests me.
We've got two national
holidays based on individuals,
and they're both
from minorities.
We've got Martin Luther
King Jr's who is a black,
and we've got Christopher
Columbus Day who's an Italian.
You
forgot about Washington.
No.
They lumped that all together
into President's Day.
Hey, I got one.
Christmas for Jesus.
No, he's Jewish.
He's Jewish.
So all our national
holidays are minorities.
We got a black a
Jew and an Italian.
Is this a great country or what?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
You!
Oh my God!
Lilly.
Wait, wait, wait.
Would you wait?
Get away
from me you pervert.
Oh my God! This
explains everything.
Listen to me!
Oh my God!
Listen just
listen. All right.
I'm a writer.
What does that
have to do with anything?
Everything.
Everything.
Writers are observers okay?
We have to stay separate
from our experiences
so we can judge them,
so we can write about them.
I didn't want to stay separate
from my experience with you
so I taped it.
Right?
That's why I could let
go so much of myself.
It's why you enjoyed it so much,
and you did.
You know you did.
You want the tape?
You can have the tape.
This isn't about that.
It's not about that.
This is about you and
me and Jack the writer.
I have your keys.
I want you to.
Awe Joey
man why didn't you
change the light bulb?
Making all this big money
can't change the light bulb.
Shh. Don't look at me.
Okay, okay.
All right. All right.
Don't look at me.
Okay, I'm
not. I'm not, man.
I can't even see in here.
Your wife and boys will
appreciate your cooperation.
Jeffrey and Lamont. Nice kids.
What do you want man?
Wednesday morning
10:00 am. The trash.
Where is it?
I sold it. I sold it
I sold it. I sold it.
You sold the trash?
What are you talking about?
You found the gun?
No.
Who did you sell it to?
I can get it for you.
Who?
Who did you sell it to?
Walter is the gentle one.
See, there's like a
streak of cruelty in the
family except for Walter.
Something like a mafia gene.
Mafia gene.
Fantastic.
Brutality runs through
his body like a flux.
Every look, every smile,
every word is tinged
with a shade of cruelty,
and his love making
is a punishing,
pounding payback from...
Where'd you say
his family is from?
Palermo.
Naples. Misterbianco.
Misterbianco?
It's in Eastern Sicily.
His lovemaking is a
punishing, pounding payback
from Naples, Palermo
and Misterbianco.
Where the blood
of the Difideli's flow
through the streets like wine.
From broken casks.
Wow.
Walter? Walter?
Walter.
Huh?
Walter.
I can explain everything.
See--
Shut up.
Yeah.
Look what I found last
night. On the floor.
Where my daughter
plays with her toys.
Full of rat turds.
I...
I...
We got a rat
nesting in your underwears.
And I'm going to go
right now and I'm
going to pay
a visit.
Right now.
That low-life maggot.
Yeah, it's his building
and I'm busting my ass
to pay for this place,
and we got rats.
Walter! Walter!
What?
Leave the gun here.
Yeah.
I was going to shoot one
of the suckers, you know?
I'm sure you were.
You didn't
tell me he has a gun.
Well he just
gave me that gun
because he's working nights.
What's wrong?
What's wrong is I just
saw a slightly psycho man
waving his gun around
his kitchen,
and I happen to be sleeping
with his wife.
It's not a very
healthy scenario.
Will you relax?
I find that a
difficult suggestion
under the circumstances.
He can come busting
in here any minute.
I told you he's working
day and night, every day
and night except for
Fridays and he's gone now.
So am I.
What about our story?
I'll just have to
finish it wherever I'm going.
You can't finish
it without me, can you?
Silly.
Jack.
Come on.
Don't leave me.
Not now.
You need me.
You're not in real
danger, yet you feel it.
That's good.
You need it to write.
Danger, sex, lust.
All what you said.
Yeah. Yeah.
You like
that? You like that?
What about this?
Shh. Just let me enjoy it.
That's it?
What you don't like it?
Well it ends so quickly.
Okay. All right.
Just give me a second here.
You had me going and
then, then, then it just...
It's over.
What's wrong?
Well it doesn't
just all come at once.
All right?
Could you maybe help me?
All right.
Jack, come here.
Oh, my God.
Wait, wait no.
Don't touch it.
Why?
Don't touch it
because that's the answer.
It's dangerous.
It's just lying there, ominous.
Okay. Okay.
Just like a married
woman across the room
full of potential for
passion,
for danger,
but if you actually touch it,
it becomes ordinary.
The thrill is gone.
And you move on to the next one.
Then he breaks
the window on my car.
You want
us to call the police?
No, I gotta
get to my next job, and
I don't even know if I
can drive the damn thing.
But not for nothing, we are a
bunch of security guards right?
I mean why can't why
find the son of a bitch?
We're
not in the investigatory
business Walter.
We provide security.
Well ain't that ironic.
Now what happens?
Anything's possible.
Personally I think
it's brilliant.
Really? That's great.
Yeah, yeah. I'll
take it to my agent
first thing tomorrow.
No, tomorrow's a holiday.
I'll have to take it on Tuesday.
This is going to blow his mind.
It's the best thing
I've ever written.
I might even be able to
make some bucks on it.
You?
Yeah.
What about me?
You?
Well, yeah.
This is my story as
much as it is yours.
What are
you talking about?
I'm talking
about I worked on this
as hard as you did.
You gave me a germ Lilly.
A germ?
Yeah, a germ, a seed.
I'm the one who worked
on it day and night.
I'm the one who carried
it around in my head.
It's not, "Hey, I got an idea
wham, bam, thank you ma'am."
You bastard.
I gave you more than that.
You gave me a seed Lilly.
I gave you a
whole damn garden.
I, I gave you ideas when
you couldn't write a thing.
I gave you the ending
for God's sake.
You showed me a gun.
All right.
You showed me a stupid gun.
I'm the one who had to tell you
not to touch it for God's sake.
You were going to ruin it.
So don't tell me you
gave me the ending.
I mean it's not your
story. All right?
So give me a break
and get a life.
Jack!
Hello?
Jack.
Jack?
Jack?
Lilly!
Bitch! Open the door!
Open it up!
This must be
the guy that broke
into my locker and
trashed my car.
Do you recognize him?
No.
This is the guy
that was outside your
window yesterday.
You sure?
Oh yes. All
you Americans look alike to me,
but I recognize him anywhere.
I know the hair.
What time was this?
Yesterday...
What a world.
Walter!
Thank God
you weren't home.
What happened?
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Where's Chelsea?
She's
upstairs at Bellino's.
Listen, I didn't
want to scare you,
but there was some guy who
was stalking me at work.
Some lunatic.
Oh my God.
He came up
to the apartment.
He kicked in the door.
He broke it down.
I had the gun, he
came running in and...
Have you ever seen
this man before ma'am?
You don't
gotta look at him long.
Ma'am?
I probably
shouldn't be doing this,
but I checked the serial number.
It's clean.
We've got a justifiable
shooting so it's yours.
Be careful.
All right.
Come on. Let's go upstairs.
Thank God I bought you this gun.
Thank God it was Columbus
day and I was home.
Thank God you iron
my underwears, huh?
I got a price at the
Rod and Gun Shop for $200.
So, go sell it then.
I want to make a trade.
That's
a $1,000 ring my friend.
I'll give you
$500 plus the gun.
Nah, it's
still a far cry from $1000.
Come on. It's
our seventh anniversary.
I haven't even gotten
her a ring yet.
And I
gotta give it to her?
I tell you what it's
a nice handgun though.
I bought it to
protect my family while
I was working nights.
It did its job.
All right, look.
In here there's a story
called The Tryst ,
signed by the author.
It's going to be worth a lot
of money because she's never
had anything published
before,
and it's going to
be a collector's item.
This thing any good?
Yeah it's good.
It's written by my wife, who's
also the mother to my daughter.
She does all those
things and this.
Okay. $600,
the gun and the magazine.
You got a deal.
All right.
Listen, the story that's
in here, pretty sexy.
About adultery.
I said to her, "I hope you
didn't do too much research."
Happy Anniversary.
Thanks.