Growing Up Fisher (2014): Season 1, Episode 7 - Katie You Can Drive My Car - full transcript
When Katie gets her driver's license, Mel makes excuses to ride in the car with her; Joyce tries to fit in with her classmates.
Getting your driver's license
is an incredible rite of passage.
Sure, you gain your independence,
but it's the quality
bonding time with the parent
teaching you that really
makes it memorable.
- Maintain your speed.
- I am!
Your hands at ten and
two? Ten and two, right?
Stop yelling. You're messing me up.
I'm just trying to prepare you.
Just because I'm blind
doesn't mean I don't know
the dangers of the road.
Squirrel! Darting squirrel!
No, no, no, no.
Never brake for a rodent.
Let Darwin handle that.
You could get rear-ended.
Let's go.
Check your mirrors.
Bee in the car! Bee in the car!
Dad, stop it! Stop!
I have to nail this test tomorrow.
I have to get my license.
I know, sweetie. I just...
You know, you're my little girl.
I'm not sure I'm ready
for you to be this grown-up quite yet.
Dad, we agreed neither
of us were going to cry
during these lessons anymore.
I know. What can I say?
I have no control over my eyes.
Come on, let's go.
This is a big moment for
you, I know, but, hey,
it's also kind of a big moment for me.
I know, and I really appreciate...
bird strike!
Okay.
.
While Katie was studying
the rules of the road
at the DMV, mom was discovering
that when you go back to grad school,
the road can be treacherous.
I mean, I love the class.
I love walking across the quad.
I love saying "quad."
And it's not that I'm
not totally fitting in,
but I feel like, on some level,
I might not be fitting in.
They're so young and cliquey,
and nothing pops on
them when they sit down.
And I want to connect with them,
you know, but I just
feel like I need an in.
Mom, I'm experiencing road rage,
and I'm not even on the road yet.
Sorry.
Do your thing.
Thank you.
I just need to focus.
Quick. You're at a four-way stop.
- Who has the right of way?
- Dad.
After you get your license,
we should find a parking
lot and do doughnuts.
As thrilled as I am with this turnout,
I'm gonna go sit with the
guy with the shoulder lizard.
Oh, yes, honey, let's.
Oh.
Here you go, boy. Here you go.
Why am I hearing knee-level smacking?
Runyen, are you feeding Elvis people food?
Is that a problem?
Wait, have you fed him before?
Yeah. Come here. Yeah.
It's like you're talking.
He's a service dog.
His attention needs to be on me,
not on whatever it is
you're slurping over there.
It's boba.
Boba.
Boba?
Yeah, I hear you keep saying that word.
- I have no idea what it means.
- You should try it.
The Taiwanese invented it,
but my people perfected it.
- Runyen!
- I'm sorry.
He grabbed it right out of my bag.
A-51, window 12.
Elvis, that's us. Let's go.
- Straight ahead, dad.
- Thanks, buddy.
Mel baby's getting his license?
There's nothing that man can't do.
No, he wants to be in the car
when Katie takes her test.
Ooh, daddy's having trouble letting go.
He's good people.
So am I.
Sha-booey!
Jenny's schedule?
Now you don't have to
hang out in your hallway
hoping to run into her.
Lately, I feel like
I've been pretty smooth.
- Hey, Jenny.
- Oh, God!
This can work too.
Now I can accidentally run
into her out in the world.
- Dude.
- Dude.
Sir, only the person administering the test
can be in the car.
It's not like I'm going to help her cheat.
In case you're blind, I'm blind.
I can't help you, sir.
Can't or won't?
- Because if you can't...
- God, what is with him?
We need to find somebody who can.
To be fair, he can't see,
so he can't pick up on
social cues like you and me.
Say "licensed driver"!
Freedom!
- Good one.
- Unbelievable.
The guide dog foundation
says they need to take Elvis
for two days, so they can retrain him
not to eat people food.
What do they do, give you a rental?
Like a smaller, cheaper dog?
You know the first thing I'm gonna do
now that I have my license?
Spend some time with your dear ol' dad?
No, I'm actually going to
take the car to play practice.
Oh, and then that cute stage
manager can see you drive up.
What's his name, Aiden? Brayden?
No, something with an "a."
- Conner.
- Right.
Yeah, and maybe now that
I'm driving an '04 wagon,
I can get him to notice me.
You just be who you are.
He'll notice you.
Although you might want to go slap on
some of that new lip gloss you just got.
Oh, yeah.
It might be in my purse.
- What's funny?
- Katie.
Just yesterday, she was
spitting up mashed peas,
and now she's hopping in
the car and driving away.
Adios, bye-bye.
Like dad needed another reminder
that he was losing his little girl.
All right, I'll see you guys whenever.
Hey, you know what?
Who am I to say no to
the guide dog foundation?
If they say Elvis needs
two days of retraining,
then it is what it is.
I guess I'll just need to find a...
Katie, you got your license just in time.
You can help me get around.
Why?
Because the dog ate a
couple of potato chips?
Maybe you're right.
I guess probably I just overreac... whoa!
Did you see that?
He just snatched it right out of my hand.
That's it, it's official.
Guide dog foundation, first stop, right?
Shotgun.
Slow down.
You want to lose your license
the same day you got it?
I still have to drop you off,
and I'm already late for rehearsal.
Hey, here's an idea.
Why don't I just go with you?
- No, thanks.
- Come on.
Remember when you were
in elementary school?
I used to go to class
with you all the time.
I knew all your teachers and
all your little projects.
You'll sit in the back? The back-back?
You won't even know I'm there.
Hey, pal!
Just because you like that music
does not mean the entire city does.
Yeah, we get it.
You have a radio with a subwoofer.
Okay, you lost window privileges.
It's so nice your dad has
a cute, little coffee shop
next to his apartment.
He's so lucky.
Yeah, I mean, he's blind,
but, yeah, okay, lucky.
Sometimes Jenny meets her math tutor here
in about 20 minutes.
You know what, button?
I'm feeling actually a
little over-caffeinated.
My heart is beating really fast.
Feel my chest. Mom!
Please.
It's real, you guys.
Do you know those people?
Yeah, they're in my child psych class.
Probably just having study group
without me.
So I guess all the painful crap
you deal with when you're 12 years old
never goes away.
Meanwhile, dad was getting
closer to his daughter.
Closer
and closer
and closer.
Bravo!
Okay, same time tomorrow.
I thought we agreed on the back row.
Well, your performance was so magnetic,
it just pulled me to the stage.
Hey, Katie, what are you doing right now?
Nothing. Hi, Conner.
- Hi, what's up?
- Psst, Katie, is this the boy?
Dante needs to do a whisker fitting for you
down in home ec.
Oh. With Dante.
One sec.
Hey.
Oh, yeah, I'll meet you at the boba place.
Boba fete. It's across from the library.
Okay, so I gotta go get
fitted for some whiskers,
take you home, and then
I'm going to get some boba.
Boba. I've been meaning to try boba.
Runyen just goes on and on about it.
He even put it on my speed dial.
Kid's relentless.
Shall we?
Okay, boba it is.
Totes.
Look, mom, I totally get
what's going on here.
You're scared to talk to the cool kids.
- And I think you should...
- Henry, I'm not scared.
It's more comp... what were
you saying about the cool kids?
Just go over there and talk to them.
Come on, I'll walk over there with you.
If it starts to go south,
I'll fake a stomachache.
Okay.
So this is fun, sitting
in a cool new place,
listening to cool new music,
waiting for what seems like forever
for our cool new drinks.
I'm having fun.
Here you go.
Did they just get served?
We ordered before they did.
We've been sitting two
seats away from Conner
for ten minutes.
He's clearly not interested in me.
I'm just another member of the cast.
I'm sure that's not true.
Hey, Rumpleteazer.
You may have a point.
Katie, I think you need to take a page
out of your dear old dad's book.
You can't always just sit and hope.
Sometimes you got to make something happen.
Who are you calling?
Boba fete.
Yes, I'd like a delivery, please.
What's your address?
The second sticky table
directly in front of you.
That's cool.
Oh, hey!
Howdy-do!
That "howdy-do" put a hole in the boat,
and what she said next sank it.
You guys studying, like buddies?
Are you study buddies?
Says the fuddy-duddy to the study buddies.
Oy.
Ooh, right on schedule.
Hey, mom, why don't I go
order us some more drinks?
Wait, we're in child psych,
and you never mentioned you have a child?
Uh, I guess I was just
waiting for show-and-tell.
It's like a case study
right under our nose.
Sit down, right now!
Okay.
No, both of you.
Mom or girl? Mom or girl?
I know.
Look for it. Here we are.
Over here. Hello!
- Hi.
- Yes.
Would you please bring us
the order that we placed
back when I had hair?
- Thank you.
- Hey, Conner.
Are you leaving?
Uh, yeah, I'm gonna go work at home.
Less distractions.
Wait. I can drive you.
I have a car
and a license to drive the car.
Oh, that would be sweet. I'll get my bike.
Okay.
Okay, dad, here's the deal.
I'm giving Conner a ride home.
Now, if we've learned
anything from today...
and I'm not sure you have...
it's that you tend to
rub people the wrong way.
So please try your best to
rub Conner the right way.
I mean, just... do not talk to him.
Can you do that?
- Sweetie, I...
- Dad.
Can do that.
Yeah, I mean, I guess our textbook is fine,
but it really just reinforces what I get
from watching this handful every day.
Like how?
Um, okay, well, you know how
we're studying about how parents
often resort to shame or guilt
to correct "abnormal" behavior?
Well, Henry put me to the test every day.
Like, uh, this, uh...
- Pepi.
- Oh, yeah.
Like when he dated our cat Pepi.
Well, I wouldn't say "dated."
I mean, we went out a few times.
Yeah, so I don't even know
if I'm gonna go to college.
I feel like you can get
just as good an education
out in the world.
I'll probably go backpacking
through south America.
I've gotta get out of this country.
Dad surprised Katie by
proving that sometimes,
in a pinch, he could be the
father she needed him to be.
- Whoa.
- Oh, my God.
We've been in an accident. Remain calm.
No one exit the vehicle.
But mostly, he was just the
Mel Fisher she always knew.
Hey, sorry about that.
What, are you texting and driving?
- No, no, no.
- What, are you drunk?
I'm gonna need to smell your breath, pal.
I had a panini with horseradish.
That checks out. License and registration.
Dad, let it go. There's not even a scratch.
You don't know. There
could be frame damage.
And I told you to stay in the car.
Conner, we might need to
get a statement from you.
You're a witness.
I think I'm just gonna head home.
- Home? Why?
- Okay, horseradish.
I'm gonna need you to read
me your driver's license.
Ready? Proceed.
- D.
- Delta.
- 9.
- Niner.
- 7.
- Bye.
- 6.
- 6.
- 9.
- Niner.
So we all good here?
Don't need to do any chalk
outlines of our bodies?
Dust for prints? No? Okay.
Fantastic meeting you.
See, with an attitude like that,
it's no accident he got into an accident.
So your friend had to leave?
What was that?
Sorry that took so long, sweetie,
but when you're involved in an accident,
there's a procedure...
I'm not talking about the accident, dad.
It's everything.
It's like when anything unjust happens,
you have to make it right in the loudest,
most embarrassing way possible.
And you don't think about who it affects.
Well, you know what, dad? It affects me.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
I'm not trying to embarrass you.
I mean, why do you have to do that?
You want to know why I do it?
I'm praying it's not genetic.
The summer after eighth grade,
I signed up for the rowing team at camp.
And the coach, Mr. Locke,
pulls me aside after the first practice,
and he says, "Fisher, I
can't have some blind kid
"banging into people's oars and
messing up my team's rhythm.
"Technically, I can't
kick you off the team,
but I strongly advise you to quit."
So I quit,
and I've regretted it ever since then.
And I promised myself I would
never back down like that again,
and I'm sorry if that
embarrasses you sometimes.
Wow.
It's not fair some obnoxious dude
upset your teenage years.
But that was 40 years ago.
And now you're the obnoxious dude
upsetting my teenage years.
Huh.
That's really not the response
I was going for there.
What about this? 3:15,
Jenny has a piano lesson.
At Mrs. Simon's house.
How do I casually run into her there?
You don't.
You take the 2:30 bus that
she takes to her piano lesson,
and you sit next to her for 45 minutes.
Oh, that's good.
But wait, where will I say I'm going?
Who cares?
Just get on the bus and close the deal.
Okay?
Henry.
What's going on?
I'm hosting buddy study.
Oh, sorry. I forgot we're not saying that.
Since I'm the only one that
doesn't live with my parents
because I am one, we're doing it here.
Oh, great.
Hey, why don't you join us?
Join us.
And you wonder why he can only date a cat.
Since we all had such a blast yesterday
talking about what makes Henry here tick,
I thought we could dig a little deeper.
And this time, I have visual aids.
Okay, I should probably go.
I'm kind of on a schedule.
Oh, yeah, that. Oh, no, that's great.
You guys, here, check this out.
- Mom.
- No, shh, let me tell it.
So there's a girl in my
ex-husband's building...
Jenny... that Henry is head over heels for,
- to the point that he is now...
- Mom!
An adorable little stalker.
I understand mom was desperate,
but that was going too far.
Talking about my embarrassing
past was one thing,
but my embarrassing present...
that was over the line.
Stop!
I was the one who helped you
start talking to these stupid people.
And this is how you pay me back?
You want to know this child's psychology?
He has mommy issues.
Talk about that.
Oh, that's not really noteworthy.
No, no, stop writing. Stop... stop that.
Stop writing. Stop writing.
That's not... Okay, that's my pen.
Five minutes to curtain, everyone.
What?
Rum Tum Tugger threw up?
He's not on until the fifth number.
See if Gene has a tide stick.
That's quite a serious
lens you got there, Runyen.
I'm about to see Katie in a leot...
I love the theater.
Henry, I got you candy.
No, thanks.
How many ways do I have to say I'm sorry?
When I figure that out with with Katie,
I'll let you know.
Jenny!
What is she doing here?
Yeah, she was supposed
to see a movie tonight
with Stephanie Arliss. She's gone rogue!
It's the universe trying
to bring us together.
Well, and then laughing in my face
'cause we can't sit together.
Sir, excuse me.
I hate to be this person,
but would you mind just scooting
over to that seat next to you?
Oh, I'm actually here with my wife.
Our daughter is magical
Mr... You must be very proud.
As much as mom hated being that person,
she was really good at being that person.
Hi. Cute kid.
Would you mind putting her on your lap,
so we can have that seat?
And to make it up to me,
she didn't care who she pissed off.
Even a baby.
Great. Okay.
Now, I hate to be this person,
but now do you mind switching seats?
Henry, what's going on?
I don't know.
Mom's playing tetris with the audience.
I have no idea what that means.
Psst. Folks, good news.
I got you better seats down there.
And before I knew it, mom had done this.
Why doesn't the kid just sit in the...
oh.
After all my maneuvering
to get close to Jenny,
it was mom who had the
moves to make it happen.
Jenny!
There's a seat over here.
Hey. Hey.
Hi, I'm Joyce.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- I'm his mom.
You're even cuter than he said.
Mom!
Elvis! Easy, buddy.
Elvis, shh, shh, shh. Elvis, easy.
Elvis, easy, boy. It's
okay. It's okay. It's okay.
What are you doing? Get
that dog out of here.
He's a guide dog.
I don't care. Get out.
You're wrecking my show.
You're wrecking my whole show.
Get out.
Elvis, find the door.
He's not going anywhere!
That is my dad, and that's his guide dog,
and he has as much right
to be here as anybody else
per civil code 54-point...
Whatever. Look it up.
Nobody's going to tell him
where he can and can't go.
He's staying, and that dog is staying.
And unless you want to see
my real claws come out,
you'll back the [Bleep] off
and sit the [Bleep] down
and let us put on the show
that we've been rehearsing
for three [Bleep] months
in really hot and itchy costumes!
And on with the show.
Come on, kid. Five, six, seven, eight.
Thanks for sticking up for your old man.
It was awesome.
I don't know if I could have made
a more embarrassing
public display if I tried.
Hey, I learned from the best.
Aw, thanks.
Conner.
Megan's having some people over
tonight for a little cast party,
and I think we should go, together,
you and me.
Wow. Okay.
Great. I'm driving.
And my dad will not be joining us.
Well, if tonight proves anything,
you are not losing your little girl.
You are gaining a strong,
self-reliant young woman.
Who is not afraid to stand up for herself.
Exactly. A little Mel.
I heard that.
- Shall we?
- Yeah.
Wait. She's taking the car, right?
Yep. We got no way home.
is an incredible rite of passage.
Sure, you gain your independence,
but it's the quality
bonding time with the parent
teaching you that really
makes it memorable.
- Maintain your speed.
- I am!
Your hands at ten and
two? Ten and two, right?
Stop yelling. You're messing me up.
I'm just trying to prepare you.
Just because I'm blind
doesn't mean I don't know
the dangers of the road.
Squirrel! Darting squirrel!
No, no, no, no.
Never brake for a rodent.
Let Darwin handle that.
You could get rear-ended.
Let's go.
Check your mirrors.
Bee in the car! Bee in the car!
Dad, stop it! Stop!
I have to nail this test tomorrow.
I have to get my license.
I know, sweetie. I just...
You know, you're my little girl.
I'm not sure I'm ready
for you to be this grown-up quite yet.
Dad, we agreed neither
of us were going to cry
during these lessons anymore.
I know. What can I say?
I have no control over my eyes.
Come on, let's go.
This is a big moment for
you, I know, but, hey,
it's also kind of a big moment for me.
I know, and I really appreciate...
bird strike!
Okay.
.
While Katie was studying
the rules of the road
at the DMV, mom was discovering
that when you go back to grad school,
the road can be treacherous.
I mean, I love the class.
I love walking across the quad.
I love saying "quad."
And it's not that I'm
not totally fitting in,
but I feel like, on some level,
I might not be fitting in.
They're so young and cliquey,
and nothing pops on
them when they sit down.
And I want to connect with them,
you know, but I just
feel like I need an in.
Mom, I'm experiencing road rage,
and I'm not even on the road yet.
Sorry.
Do your thing.
Thank you.
I just need to focus.
Quick. You're at a four-way stop.
- Who has the right of way?
- Dad.
After you get your license,
we should find a parking
lot and do doughnuts.
As thrilled as I am with this turnout,
I'm gonna go sit with the
guy with the shoulder lizard.
Oh, yes, honey, let's.
Oh.
Here you go, boy. Here you go.
Why am I hearing knee-level smacking?
Runyen, are you feeding Elvis people food?
Is that a problem?
Wait, have you fed him before?
Yeah. Come here. Yeah.
It's like you're talking.
He's a service dog.
His attention needs to be on me,
not on whatever it is
you're slurping over there.
It's boba.
Boba.
Boba?
Yeah, I hear you keep saying that word.
- I have no idea what it means.
- You should try it.
The Taiwanese invented it,
but my people perfected it.
- Runyen!
- I'm sorry.
He grabbed it right out of my bag.
A-51, window 12.
Elvis, that's us. Let's go.
- Straight ahead, dad.
- Thanks, buddy.
Mel baby's getting his license?
There's nothing that man can't do.
No, he wants to be in the car
when Katie takes her test.
Ooh, daddy's having trouble letting go.
He's good people.
So am I.
Sha-booey!
Jenny's schedule?
Now you don't have to
hang out in your hallway
hoping to run into her.
Lately, I feel like
I've been pretty smooth.
- Hey, Jenny.
- Oh, God!
This can work too.
Now I can accidentally run
into her out in the world.
- Dude.
- Dude.
Sir, only the person administering the test
can be in the car.
It's not like I'm going to help her cheat.
In case you're blind, I'm blind.
I can't help you, sir.
Can't or won't?
- Because if you can't...
- God, what is with him?
We need to find somebody who can.
To be fair, he can't see,
so he can't pick up on
social cues like you and me.
Say "licensed driver"!
Freedom!
- Good one.
- Unbelievable.
The guide dog foundation
says they need to take Elvis
for two days, so they can retrain him
not to eat people food.
What do they do, give you a rental?
Like a smaller, cheaper dog?
You know the first thing I'm gonna do
now that I have my license?
Spend some time with your dear ol' dad?
No, I'm actually going to
take the car to play practice.
Oh, and then that cute stage
manager can see you drive up.
What's his name, Aiden? Brayden?
No, something with an "a."
- Conner.
- Right.
Yeah, and maybe now that
I'm driving an '04 wagon,
I can get him to notice me.
You just be who you are.
He'll notice you.
Although you might want to go slap on
some of that new lip gloss you just got.
Oh, yeah.
It might be in my purse.
- What's funny?
- Katie.
Just yesterday, she was
spitting up mashed peas,
and now she's hopping in
the car and driving away.
Adios, bye-bye.
Like dad needed another reminder
that he was losing his little girl.
All right, I'll see you guys whenever.
Hey, you know what?
Who am I to say no to
the guide dog foundation?
If they say Elvis needs
two days of retraining,
then it is what it is.
I guess I'll just need to find a...
Katie, you got your license just in time.
You can help me get around.
Why?
Because the dog ate a
couple of potato chips?
Maybe you're right.
I guess probably I just overreac... whoa!
Did you see that?
He just snatched it right out of my hand.
That's it, it's official.
Guide dog foundation, first stop, right?
Shotgun.
Slow down.
You want to lose your license
the same day you got it?
I still have to drop you off,
and I'm already late for rehearsal.
Hey, here's an idea.
Why don't I just go with you?
- No, thanks.
- Come on.
Remember when you were
in elementary school?
I used to go to class
with you all the time.
I knew all your teachers and
all your little projects.
You'll sit in the back? The back-back?
You won't even know I'm there.
Hey, pal!
Just because you like that music
does not mean the entire city does.
Yeah, we get it.
You have a radio with a subwoofer.
Okay, you lost window privileges.
It's so nice your dad has
a cute, little coffee shop
next to his apartment.
He's so lucky.
Yeah, I mean, he's blind,
but, yeah, okay, lucky.
Sometimes Jenny meets her math tutor here
in about 20 minutes.
You know what, button?
I'm feeling actually a
little over-caffeinated.
My heart is beating really fast.
Feel my chest. Mom!
Please.
It's real, you guys.
Do you know those people?
Yeah, they're in my child psych class.
Probably just having study group
without me.
So I guess all the painful crap
you deal with when you're 12 years old
never goes away.
Meanwhile, dad was getting
closer to his daughter.
Closer
and closer
and closer.
Bravo!
Okay, same time tomorrow.
I thought we agreed on the back row.
Well, your performance was so magnetic,
it just pulled me to the stage.
Hey, Katie, what are you doing right now?
Nothing. Hi, Conner.
- Hi, what's up?
- Psst, Katie, is this the boy?
Dante needs to do a whisker fitting for you
down in home ec.
Oh. With Dante.
One sec.
Hey.
Oh, yeah, I'll meet you at the boba place.
Boba fete. It's across from the library.
Okay, so I gotta go get
fitted for some whiskers,
take you home, and then
I'm going to get some boba.
Boba. I've been meaning to try boba.
Runyen just goes on and on about it.
He even put it on my speed dial.
Kid's relentless.
Shall we?
Okay, boba it is.
Totes.
Look, mom, I totally get
what's going on here.
You're scared to talk to the cool kids.
- And I think you should...
- Henry, I'm not scared.
It's more comp... what were
you saying about the cool kids?
Just go over there and talk to them.
Come on, I'll walk over there with you.
If it starts to go south,
I'll fake a stomachache.
Okay.
So this is fun, sitting
in a cool new place,
listening to cool new music,
waiting for what seems like forever
for our cool new drinks.
I'm having fun.
Here you go.
Did they just get served?
We ordered before they did.
We've been sitting two
seats away from Conner
for ten minutes.
He's clearly not interested in me.
I'm just another member of the cast.
I'm sure that's not true.
Hey, Rumpleteazer.
You may have a point.
Katie, I think you need to take a page
out of your dear old dad's book.
You can't always just sit and hope.
Sometimes you got to make something happen.
Who are you calling?
Boba fete.
Yes, I'd like a delivery, please.
What's your address?
The second sticky table
directly in front of you.
That's cool.
Oh, hey!
Howdy-do!
That "howdy-do" put a hole in the boat,
and what she said next sank it.
You guys studying, like buddies?
Are you study buddies?
Says the fuddy-duddy to the study buddies.
Oy.
Ooh, right on schedule.
Hey, mom, why don't I go
order us some more drinks?
Wait, we're in child psych,
and you never mentioned you have a child?
Uh, I guess I was just
waiting for show-and-tell.
It's like a case study
right under our nose.
Sit down, right now!
Okay.
No, both of you.
Mom or girl? Mom or girl?
I know.
Look for it. Here we are.
Over here. Hello!
- Hi.
- Yes.
Would you please bring us
the order that we placed
back when I had hair?
- Thank you.
- Hey, Conner.
Are you leaving?
Uh, yeah, I'm gonna go work at home.
Less distractions.
Wait. I can drive you.
I have a car
and a license to drive the car.
Oh, that would be sweet. I'll get my bike.
Okay.
Okay, dad, here's the deal.
I'm giving Conner a ride home.
Now, if we've learned
anything from today...
and I'm not sure you have...
it's that you tend to
rub people the wrong way.
So please try your best to
rub Conner the right way.
I mean, just... do not talk to him.
Can you do that?
- Sweetie, I...
- Dad.
Can do that.
Yeah, I mean, I guess our textbook is fine,
but it really just reinforces what I get
from watching this handful every day.
Like how?
Um, okay, well, you know how
we're studying about how parents
often resort to shame or guilt
to correct "abnormal" behavior?
Well, Henry put me to the test every day.
Like, uh, this, uh...
- Pepi.
- Oh, yeah.
Like when he dated our cat Pepi.
Well, I wouldn't say "dated."
I mean, we went out a few times.
Yeah, so I don't even know
if I'm gonna go to college.
I feel like you can get
just as good an education
out in the world.
I'll probably go backpacking
through south America.
I've gotta get out of this country.
Dad surprised Katie by
proving that sometimes,
in a pinch, he could be the
father she needed him to be.
- Whoa.
- Oh, my God.
We've been in an accident. Remain calm.
No one exit the vehicle.
But mostly, he was just the
Mel Fisher she always knew.
Hey, sorry about that.
What, are you texting and driving?
- No, no, no.
- What, are you drunk?
I'm gonna need to smell your breath, pal.
I had a panini with horseradish.
That checks out. License and registration.
Dad, let it go. There's not even a scratch.
You don't know. There
could be frame damage.
And I told you to stay in the car.
Conner, we might need to
get a statement from you.
You're a witness.
I think I'm just gonna head home.
- Home? Why?
- Okay, horseradish.
I'm gonna need you to read
me your driver's license.
Ready? Proceed.
- D.
- Delta.
- 9.
- Niner.
- 7.
- Bye.
- 6.
- 6.
- 9.
- Niner.
So we all good here?
Don't need to do any chalk
outlines of our bodies?
Dust for prints? No? Okay.
Fantastic meeting you.
See, with an attitude like that,
it's no accident he got into an accident.
So your friend had to leave?
What was that?
Sorry that took so long, sweetie,
but when you're involved in an accident,
there's a procedure...
I'm not talking about the accident, dad.
It's everything.
It's like when anything unjust happens,
you have to make it right in the loudest,
most embarrassing way possible.
And you don't think about who it affects.
Well, you know what, dad? It affects me.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
I'm not trying to embarrass you.
I mean, why do you have to do that?
You want to know why I do it?
I'm praying it's not genetic.
The summer after eighth grade,
I signed up for the rowing team at camp.
And the coach, Mr. Locke,
pulls me aside after the first practice,
and he says, "Fisher, I
can't have some blind kid
"banging into people's oars and
messing up my team's rhythm.
"Technically, I can't
kick you off the team,
but I strongly advise you to quit."
So I quit,
and I've regretted it ever since then.
And I promised myself I would
never back down like that again,
and I'm sorry if that
embarrasses you sometimes.
Wow.
It's not fair some obnoxious dude
upset your teenage years.
But that was 40 years ago.
And now you're the obnoxious dude
upsetting my teenage years.
Huh.
That's really not the response
I was going for there.
What about this? 3:15,
Jenny has a piano lesson.
At Mrs. Simon's house.
How do I casually run into her there?
You don't.
You take the 2:30 bus that
she takes to her piano lesson,
and you sit next to her for 45 minutes.
Oh, that's good.
But wait, where will I say I'm going?
Who cares?
Just get on the bus and close the deal.
Okay?
Henry.
What's going on?
I'm hosting buddy study.
Oh, sorry. I forgot we're not saying that.
Since I'm the only one that
doesn't live with my parents
because I am one, we're doing it here.
Oh, great.
Hey, why don't you join us?
Join us.
And you wonder why he can only date a cat.
Since we all had such a blast yesterday
talking about what makes Henry here tick,
I thought we could dig a little deeper.
And this time, I have visual aids.
Okay, I should probably go.
I'm kind of on a schedule.
Oh, yeah, that. Oh, no, that's great.
You guys, here, check this out.
- Mom.
- No, shh, let me tell it.
So there's a girl in my
ex-husband's building...
Jenny... that Henry is head over heels for,
- to the point that he is now...
- Mom!
An adorable little stalker.
I understand mom was desperate,
but that was going too far.
Talking about my embarrassing
past was one thing,
but my embarrassing present...
that was over the line.
Stop!
I was the one who helped you
start talking to these stupid people.
And this is how you pay me back?
You want to know this child's psychology?
He has mommy issues.
Talk about that.
Oh, that's not really noteworthy.
No, no, stop writing. Stop... stop that.
Stop writing. Stop writing.
That's not... Okay, that's my pen.
Five minutes to curtain, everyone.
What?
Rum Tum Tugger threw up?
He's not on until the fifth number.
See if Gene has a tide stick.
That's quite a serious
lens you got there, Runyen.
I'm about to see Katie in a leot...
I love the theater.
Henry, I got you candy.
No, thanks.
How many ways do I have to say I'm sorry?
When I figure that out with with Katie,
I'll let you know.
Jenny!
What is she doing here?
Yeah, she was supposed
to see a movie tonight
with Stephanie Arliss. She's gone rogue!
It's the universe trying
to bring us together.
Well, and then laughing in my face
'cause we can't sit together.
Sir, excuse me.
I hate to be this person,
but would you mind just scooting
over to that seat next to you?
Oh, I'm actually here with my wife.
Our daughter is magical
Mr... You must be very proud.
As much as mom hated being that person,
she was really good at being that person.
Hi. Cute kid.
Would you mind putting her on your lap,
so we can have that seat?
And to make it up to me,
she didn't care who she pissed off.
Even a baby.
Great. Okay.
Now, I hate to be this person,
but now do you mind switching seats?
Henry, what's going on?
I don't know.
Mom's playing tetris with the audience.
I have no idea what that means.
Psst. Folks, good news.
I got you better seats down there.
And before I knew it, mom had done this.
Why doesn't the kid just sit in the...
oh.
After all my maneuvering
to get close to Jenny,
it was mom who had the
moves to make it happen.
Jenny!
There's a seat over here.
Hey. Hey.
Hi, I'm Joyce.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- I'm his mom.
You're even cuter than he said.
Mom!
Elvis! Easy, buddy.
Elvis, shh, shh, shh. Elvis, easy.
Elvis, easy, boy. It's
okay. It's okay. It's okay.
What are you doing? Get
that dog out of here.
He's a guide dog.
I don't care. Get out.
You're wrecking my show.
You're wrecking my whole show.
Get out.
Elvis, find the door.
He's not going anywhere!
That is my dad, and that's his guide dog,
and he has as much right
to be here as anybody else
per civil code 54-point...
Whatever. Look it up.
Nobody's going to tell him
where he can and can't go.
He's staying, and that dog is staying.
And unless you want to see
my real claws come out,
you'll back the [Bleep] off
and sit the [Bleep] down
and let us put on the show
that we've been rehearsing
for three [Bleep] months
in really hot and itchy costumes!
And on with the show.
Come on, kid. Five, six, seven, eight.
Thanks for sticking up for your old man.
It was awesome.
I don't know if I could have made
a more embarrassing
public display if I tried.
Hey, I learned from the best.
Aw, thanks.
Conner.
Megan's having some people over
tonight for a little cast party,
and I think we should go, together,
you and me.
Wow. Okay.
Great. I'm driving.
And my dad will not be joining us.
Well, if tonight proves anything,
you are not losing your little girl.
You are gaining a strong,
self-reliant young woman.
Who is not afraid to stand up for herself.
Exactly. A little Mel.
I heard that.
- Shall we?
- Yeah.
Wait. She's taking the car, right?
Yep. We got no way home.