Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Kid - full transcript

Ben brings a homeless girl home for Christmas dinner, and Jason thinks the family should try to help her, but Maggie is worried.

Eleven-oh-five on a
Christmas Eve morning.

And by this time tomorrow, fellow kiddies,
it'll all be over but the exchanging.

Jingle bell, jingle
bell, jingle bell rock

Jacket.

Scarf.

Blue.

All right.

Shirt. Long sleeve...

Wrong style,
exchange value, 22.50.

- Do one of mine, Mike.
- Ben, I'm a little busy right now.

- Just one.
- All right, okay, one.



What a bright time,
it's the right time

Underwear.

Again?

How am I supposed to
have fun with underwear?

I don't know. Wear it backwards.

Where is this thing?

- Do another, Mike.
- Ben, do you mind?

I'm looking for the compact
disc player I've hinted about.

Just one more, Mike.
Just one more, please.

All right, all right, all right.

- Socks.
- Socks?

What the heck is
going on around here?

Hey, don't you let
Santa catch you peeking.

He'll leave a lump of
coal in your stocking.



I'm sure I'll have
plenty of other socks.

Say, Dad, by chance,
would you need a hand...

carrying all the
other gifts to the tree?

- The other gifts?
- Like all the toys I asked for.

Why do I get the feeling neither
of you understands the first thing...

about the true
spirit of Christmas?

It's like I've been saying all day,
Ben, it's not what we get for Christmas...

it's what we give.

I will have a very merry Christmas
no matter what I get under that tree...

even if it's not the CD
player that's on sale...

at Crazy Harry's Computer and
Stereo City for only $150. Tsk.

You know, Mike, there
are kids in this world...

who are worried about more than
whether or not they get a stereo.

Which they would probably
trade in a minute happily...

just to have what you already have,
which is a family that loves you...

almost as much
as you love yourself.

There, you happy now?
You made him mad.

A reindeer. Heh.

And a star, and a Christmas
tree, and a Christmas, um...

Bra?

No, Mom, it's a modem.

A modem?

Yeah, the thing I told you I
needed for my computer that if I get...

will make this the
happiest Christmas ever.

Maggie, Carol, come
here. Come look.

It's snowing harder than before.

Oh, isn't it beautiful?

Happy? MAGGIE: Yeah.

I was thinking
how perfect it is.

I have my family, a beautiful
home, everybody's healthy.

A great dinner's almost ready.
It's Christmas Eve and it's snowing.

I can't think of a single
other thing we need.

A modem might
come in mighty handy.

Oh, not you too, Carol.

Not me too what?

Seems like the only thing you care about
is whether you get this present you want.

Ha!

I was only commenting that if I'm lucky
enough to get a modem for my computer...

I'd be more than willing to share
it with Mom who could use it...

by tying into virtually any
database in the entire planet.

How could I have misjudged you?

Oh. Look at this,
it's snowing harder.

Oh, isn't it beautiful?

Beautiful? Mom, the
roads are getting bad.

Where do you have to go on Christmas
Eve that's more important than your family?

Nowhere. I was just
thinking of my dear old dad.

Where does he have to go?

Crazy Harry's Computer and
Stereo City Christmas Eve Blowout.

Come on, are you guys getting a
kickback from this man or what?

Ho-ho-ho. Boy,
have I got great news.

You know how you have been
saying the meaning of Christmas...

has got nothing to do with
presents and other stuff?

We talked about how sharing and
giving are more important than getting.

Yeah, well, I was in the dumpster behind
the pizza place around the corner and...

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Ben, what were you
doing in the dumpster?

Christmas shopping for Mike.

Ben, your news?

Yeah, well, I met this kid and I invited
her home for Christmas Eve dinner.

What did you do?

I brought her home so we
could all share the joy of giving.

Hey, kid.

Mom, this is nuts.

This is going to ruin
my entire Christmas.

You're just too young
to be inviting strangers.

We can give her everything,
because she doesn't have anything.

Isn't this fantastic?

Ben, we thought
you understood...

that if anytime a stranger should
come up to you for any reason...

That you should have
nothing to do with them.

I know.

Honey, when we're in the city
and someone comes up to me...

and asks me for
money, what do I do?

- You keep walking.
- Right.

And Dad gives them the money.

- What?
- We can talk about this later.

Ben, the point is, well,
you're still a young boy...

and if somebody asks
you for something...

you're just too young
to decide for yourself...

whether they're
needy or dangerous.

But she didn't ask
me for anything.

- Well, how did you meet her?
- I jumped on her head.

What?

Well, as I was getting
into the dumpster...

What was she doing
in the dumpster?

Waiting for the pizza
place to throw out a pizza.

Oh, dear.

You know the fat guy at the
pizza place with the funny mole...

with the hair growing out of it?

Well, he came out and told
us he was calling the cops.

Since it was snowing and
she didn't have anything to eat...

or any place to stay, I
invited her to come here.

That's what you guys
would have done, right?

Well, I don't...

- She maybe... One of us...
- Well, not... Jason. Maybe.

- The john?
- We don't have one.

No, it's down the
hall, to your left.

How could you let
her use our bathroom?

Hey, I never use that bathroom.

Where is she?

She didn't like the way
Carol smelled, so she left.

- She's in the bathroom.
- Oh.

I'd better get some towels.

It seems as though Ben has
presented all of us with quite a challenge.

So, what's gonna
be his punishment?

- I'm not punishing him.
- What?

And the girl will be staying for
dinner and spending the night.

What?

Oh, come on, Dad, grow up.

Hey, Dad, there's a real fine line
between being nice and stupid.

Where do you two
get these kind of ideas?

Where is the disinfectant?

- Maggie.
- Yes?

Would you explain to Carol
and Mike how you feel?

Oh, well, I agree with your dad that
we should share our dinner with this girl.

- And let her spend the night.
- Oh, come on, Jason, grow up.

Well... Hello.

We haven't officially met.

I'm Jason, this is Maggie.

Carol and Mike, this is
Ben's brother and sister.

- Who's Ben?
- Ben's the kid you met in the dumpster.

Our son.

- And you are?
- Nancy Reagan.

Well, Nancy, nice to
finally meet you in person.

Meet you in person. Heh-heh.

Well, okay. Ahem.

You know, there's just enough time
before dinner for a nice hot shower.

So go ahead.

I have something for you to put
on after your shower, Mrs. Reagan.

I'll just slip your
clothes into the washer.

- I don't wanna put you out or nothing.
- Oh, no, no, it's my pleasure.

I mean, how much trouble could it
be to rinse out a couple of, you know...

Oh.

Things.

Oh, I hope my washer
has a yuck cycle.

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

Had a very shiny

Knife

- Honey, can I come in?
- Oh, please do.

I bribed the kids
to set the table.

- Jason.
- Honey.

I'm sorry, I'll never
bribe them again.

What are you doing?

Oh, Jason, this belongs to her.

Oh, boy.

Honey, I think charity is wonderful,
and you're a dear sweet man...

but can't we help someone
who doesn't pack a pig-sticker?

Honey, calm down.
Don't get excited.

Easy for you. You're trained
to deal with disturbed people.

You don't know that
this kid is disturbed.

Jason, don't you think the
fact that she lives in filth...

and carries her own cutlery
indicates a teensy, weensy problem?

Honey, I have an awful lot of experience
dealing with runaways down at the shelter.

- I know.
- I know that they're lonely and desperate.

- Yes.
- They're frightened.

- Me too.
- All right, then let me talk to her.

I can promise you one thing.
She won't get the knife back.

If I sense any danger,
I'll call the authorities.

Okay.

You see, I do know how
to handle disturbed people.

Don't push your luck.

Feel better?

Cleaner.

Hey, that's my blade.

Well, we would prefer that
our guests were unarmed.

Fine. Give me the
knife and I'll split.

Can we talk?

Just let me leave.

- Sit down.
- Why?

Because I have a problem
with the idea of you...

wandering the streets cold
and hungry on Christmas Eve.

So you're a Democrat.

- Talk, or should I call the authorities?
- Republican.

Sit.

If you're thinking of calling
the juvies, I got things to do...

than talking to
some stupid shrink.

Well, then, this isn't your day.

What do you mean?

I'm a stupid shrink.

Oh, boy.

Out of all the dumpsters in the
world, your kid had to fall into mine.

I don't see any Secret
Service people around...

so I'm going to assume that
you're not really Nancy Reagan.

Say, you are good.

Why did you run away?

I didn't like the new TV season.

If everybody who hated TV did that,
we won't have an empty dumpster...

between here and Denver.

Why did you really leave home?

Because nobody wanted me there.

Your parents told you that?

Look, doc, let me
save you some time.

Nobody hit me, nobody
touched me, nobody did anything.

Nobody gave a damn.

You sure?

Look, who cares?
I don't anymore.

I don't believe you.

So what?

So if you want to use our phone, you
don't have to tell them where you are.

Just make a call and let them
know you're still alive, okay?

Okay.

You're gonna call the
heat now, aren't you?

That figures, that just figures.

No, I'm not gonna call anybody.

You see, you're wrong about me.

If you could be
wrong about me...

you should consider the possibility
you might be wrong about your folks too.

And for your information,
in the last three elections...

I voted Independent.

Deck the halls
with boughs of holly

Fa la la la

Mom, could you turn
that down a little bit?

Wait, wait, you're asking
me to turn the stereo down?

Yeah, all right, I know
it's a first but, come on...

I'm getting fa-la-la-la-la'd
to death here.

No problem, I'll put on The
Beach Boys Christmas Album.

No, no, this is fine.

- Oh, Ben, don't you look...?
- Save it, Mom.

This suit has weenie
written all over it.

Hey, Ben, where's the kid?

Carol's dressing her
in some dippy outfit.

All's I know is she's not sitting
next to me when I'm trying to eat.

Make way for big
pig. Heh-heh-heh.

And this is the last of it.

Hey, Mom, you should have
heard what Dad just called you.

Let's eat, let's eat, let's eat.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, aren't we
missing Carol and our guest?

You look fine, I swear. You
guys are not gonna believe this.

Oh, don't you look wonderful?

Jason, doesn't she look beautiful?
- I know.

She doesn't look dippy at... Ow!

I'm sorry. Was that
you I kicked, Ben?

Why don't you sit next to Ben?

You even smell good.

I hardly miss the dumpster.

On that festive note...

I would like to remind you all of
the great Seaver family tradition...

where we go around the
table and everyone tell...

Everyone tells everybody else
why they're so thankful for this.

Dad, we do this every year.

Well, if you'd rather
just forget about it...

- Yes.
- You're out of luck, okay?

All right, now, Ben, you start.

- Come on, Ben.
- You go, Ben.

All right.

I'm thankful that I got taller
this year and Mike didn't.

- That's it?
- Oh, yeah.

And I'm thankful there wasn't too much
damage from the goofy glue incident.

Uhn.

It could have
happened to anyone.

- Carol?
- Okay.

Well, I'm glad that I got straight
A's for the seventh year in a row.

And I'm also pretty pleased...

that Bobby Winett finally
called me after three weeks.

Ooh...

Oh, and I'm very happy that
my whole family is healthy.

Oh, honey, that's sweet.

At least physically.

It was funny.

Yeah.

All right, Mike, your turn.

Where to begin?

No, okay, I'm
thankful for my car.

Even though upkeep and routine
maintenance has gone through the roof...

which can drain a teenager's
part-time job income, wiping out any...

Mike.

- Yeah, Dad?
- Never mind.

- All right, you're up, Maggie.
- Okay.

- Mom.
- Yeah.

Okay, well, let's see.

I'm thankful for my kids.

And my career.

And I owe it all to the smartest,
sexiest guy in the whole US of A.

Just kidding. Ha-ha-ha.

No, honey, I'm serious.

- Oh, brother.
- Oh, God.

All right, it's my turn.

This could take
us into New Year's.

Well, I'm thankful that
the Seavers made it...

through yet another year
without any major disasters...

with the exception of
the goofy glue incident.

And I'm thankful that
our lives are so full of...

Shut up, Mike... joy.

I'm thankful we have a
guest in our home this year...

who will go back out into
the world and tell the people...

that the Seavers' worst
crime is that we're a little corny.

Yeah, Dad.

- Well, let's eat.
- Yes.

Wait a minute.

Nancy Reagan has to tell
us what she's thankful for.

I got nothing to say.

- That's okay.
- No, no, it's not.

If we're supposed to
treat her like family...

that she should suffer the
same humiliation we do.

- Come on.
- Let's just forget it and just...

But, Dad, you said she... Ow!

All right, who
kicked me this time?

Oh, okay, okay. Uh...

Ben, I'm thankful that you
fished me out of the garbage.

And, Mrs. Seaver, thank
you for washing my clothes.

And, Carol, thank you
for lending me your outfit.

I'm thankful that I'm not
freezing to death in the snow.

For one day, at least.

Gee, next to all that, the goofy
glue incident seems pretty silly.

Out for the... Ow!

Table.

Jason, do you realize
this is the first year...

that the kids are actually going to
be surprised on Christmas morning?

Well, the attic was a stroke of
genius. I'm glad I thought of it.

Honey, does it ever occur to
you that we just have too much?

Yep, we sure are lucky.

I mean, look at all of this.

"To Carol from
us. To Ben from us.

- To us from Ben."
- Oh, "To Carol from Mike.

To Mike from Mike?"

Look at this, "To Nancy
Reagan from Carol."

"To Nancy from Ben."

- Honey, look at these.
- I don't have to.

This is to Nancy from Mike.

- Well, they didn't have time to shop.
- Can you believe this?

Well, either our kids are learning
something about Christmas...

or we're learning
something about our kids.

Well, who asked them?

Who the hell asked them?

Mom, Dad, Carol, Mike.

Oh, no, no, no.

Ben, what is it? What's wrong?

- What is it?
- Look.

- Oh, no.
- She took everything.

Even my socks and underwear.

Just tell me this...

had you brought the good
presents down from the attic yet?

Mike, this is no time to
be thinking of yourself.

Yesterday was the time for that before
Mr. Goofy Glue here brought his friend...

the cat burglar home.

- What a rip off.
- Boy, are we suckers.

Michael, just stop it.

I can't believe it, I
mean, I was talking to her.

I thought I was getting
somewhere with her.

Now she's getting
somewhere with our Christmas.

- I'm going after her.
- Me too.

Kids, you aren't going to
find anything outside. You...

- Wow.
- What do you know, Jason?

She couldn't go through with it.

Why do you think she stopped?
I mean, she was home free.

Maybe she was scared.

- Or sorry.
- Or nice.

Or maybe she was just as
affected by us as we were by her.

Hi, Daddy?

It's Denise.

Yeah, it's really me.

I'm fine. How are you?

Yeah.

Well, merry Christmas to you.

Yeah.