Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 18 - Carnival - full transcript

Hey.

Mother.

Your tour has just
been cancelled.

- I thought you were working late.
- I did.

You'll be pleased to know
that I did all the dishes...

and put your dinner in the oven so it
would be warm when you got home.

I did the dishes and I put
your dinner in the oven.

Yeah, well, who
told you to do it?

Thank you, Carol. Is
your dad in the kitchen?

Ah, no, he's gone.
Left me in charge.

Where is he?



He's at Ben's school at
the Mothers' Club meeting.

- Tonight?
- Sounds a little shaky to me too, Mom.

I'm so busy with this story, the
meeting completely slipped my mind.

- So you believe him?
- Of course. Why shouldn't I?

You know, you've been
busy with the paper...

and a man can get to
feel lonely after a while...

Michael Aaron Seaver,
what are you suggesting?

That a man who
leaves his home...

with two dozen homemade fudge
surprise brownies is up to no good.

- Hi, Benny.
- Hi.

How's my favorite
10-year-old on the planet?

I'm good.

It's nice to see you doing your
homework, but isn't it past your bedtime?

Yeah. I was waiting up for you.



Aw.

Why don't you stay up a few more
minutes and keep me company while I eat?

Great.

Look what I made in art class.

Wow. How stylish.

And if I'd happened to
eat that, it wouldn't hurt me.

They know you, Ben.

So do you have a
picture I can put in it?

- You want my picture?
- Oh, yeah.

Gee, Benjamin,
this is quite an honor.

- And practical too.
- Ha, ha.

- Practical?
- Sure.

I figure with your picture, I won't miss
you so much, even when you work late.

So how was your day?

- Maggie?
- In here.

Hi, honey. Sorry I'm late.

I trust the mothers at the Mothers' Club
enjoyed my fudge surprise brownie recipe?

- Yes, they did.
- Good.

The meeting kind
of bogged down...

when we got to the plans for the
school carnival. Myrtle Deforest said:

"We're gonna have to drop...

the dart booth
because it's too violent."

That's Judy Jones' thing...

so she said, "Over my
dead body." Myrtle said:

"That sounds fine to me."

Judy freaks then, "Rawr!"

She leaps over the desk, grabs Myrtle
by the throat, starts throttling her.

Throws her down, two, three,
we're pulling bodies apart.

There's makeup everywhere.

Mwah.

I'm just kidding.

I knew that. Did you
think I didn't know that?

Hey, am I off-base here
or are you a little tense?

What makes you think I'm tense?

Well, you're soaking, and you never
prune out like this unless there's tension.

If you know me so well, why didn't you
let me know that I was failing as a mother?

Is that the darn doorbell?

Aren't you going to tell me
that I'm not failing as a mother?

Of course, Maggie. You're
not failing as a mother.

Don't patronize me.

- Did you get fired today or something?
- No.

At work everybody loves me.

Well, before I turn in, I
think I'll go buff the Volvo.

At home, little Ben has to carry a
picture of me to remember what I look like.

Maggie, Ben carries
pictures of Rambo.

And I totally forgot about
the Mothers' Club meeting.

Do you want a massage?

And then I find this.

Read this.

Might have to help me here, Mag.

It's a letter from the Wendell Willkie
Elementary School Mothers' Club.

And the first line
says, "Fellow mothers."

And it's addressed to you.

An official body of the Long Island school
system recognizes you as Ben's mother.

What do they know, Maggie?
They're just a bunch of women.

It's a joke. Come on.

Laughter is the best way of
releasing tension naturally.

Come on, try it.

Okay, we'll get serious
for a minute, then.

€If you don't lighten up,
I'm gonna have to shoot you.

- Is that the best you can do?
- Well, without a rubber chicken, yeah.

Jason, I expected
some sound advice.

Like, "Maggie, put your
feelings of failure to work."

Do something, spend
more time with Ben.

Volunteer for his carnival
so he knows that I care.

Why not?

That is a great idea. It's
so good, it's so simple.

Jason, why didn't
I think of it myself?

You're welcome.

Honey, I am not showing off.

I just felt like killing six hours
and whipping up a batch of baklava.

Yoo-hoo. Jason, hi. JASON: Hi.

Oh, Jason, you came. - Hello.

- You remember my wife.
- Oh, of course. Annie.

- Hi, Annie.
- No, I'm Gail.

Hi. MAGGIE: Maggie.

No, Myrtle.

Girls, girls. Let's
grab our seats.

Okay, we have a lot of
carnival business to discuss...

before we can get to those luscious,
succulent and very tantalizing desserts.

Some of which
are still warm. Mm.

So any old business?
Yes, Gracie.

I just wanted to tell Jason that I
tried his rump roast marinade recipe...

and my whole
family just adored it.

Oh, good.

You wanna have some real excitement,
try soaking your rump for two full days.

Okay, any new business?

- First of all, I think...
- Yes?

Hello, I'm Maggie Seaver,
and I'm the other Seaver mother.

I just wanted to say
that I'd be happy to

volunteer to help out
at Saturday's carnival.

Bravo.

I know I'm a little late, but since this
is to raise money for our kids' school...

I know how important it is.
- -anything I can do.

That is the Wendell Willkie
spirit. Come on, ladies.

Maggie Seaver, you come on down.

You need to get with Gracie
Thornton. She's our carnival chairman.

"Chairperson." Yes, Gracie?

I would just like to
move that I be replaced

as carnival chairperson
by Maggie Seaver.

- What?
- I second that motion.

- No, see...
- All in favor, say "Aye."

- Aye.
- Jason?

Sorry. Aye.

- Opposed?
- No.

Motion carried.

Maggie Seaver is the
new carnival chairperson.

Okay, with no other business before
me, this meeting is adjourned. Let's eat.

- Wait a minute.
- Why?

I don't know anything about
being a carnival chairman.

- "Chairperson."
- It's really very simple.

I thought you wanted to help.

Yes, I do, but...

Look, is there anyone on the carnival
committee that's done this before?

Carnival committee.
What a wonderful idea.

Uh, Judy, I move we
let Maggie off the hook.

- Oh, I second the motion.
- Wait a minute.

How many of you have
volunteered to work on the carnival?

With this attitude, I'm surprised somebody
hasn't moved to cancel the carnival.

- I second that motion.
- Hold it.

So this means that we're all too
busy to help the children, is that it?

Well, look, I'm busy too, but
I am going to make the time.

What do you all have
to do that's so important?

The cooking?

The laundry?

The housekeeping?

I'm arguing a case before
the State Supreme Court.

Okay.

But what about the rest of us?

- I'll volunteer.
- This is a very busy man.

Yes, you know
I'm a psychiatrist.

I could spend up to eight hours a
day on my anal-retentives alone.

Aren't we all forgetting
what's important here?

The children.

They're why we're here.

Are we really all gonna sit
here and let our kids down...

just when they need us the most?

- I volunteer.
- There you go.

- Me too.
- Great.

- I volunteer.
- Wonderful.

I volunteer.

Oh, the heck with
my client. Let him fry.

Keep stirring, Carol.

This chili is gonna bring
Ben's school a dollar a bowl.

You could raise a lot more
by giving this stuff away...

and charging $10
for antacid tablets.

Hi. Wow, what neat stuff.

Don't touch those. Those are
grab-bag prizes for your carnival.

If this isn't a gift from God...

Whoa!

Mom, a huge bubble is forming.

Maggie, come and see this.

Uh, Mike, tell
your dad I'm busy.

She's busy, Dad. She's
lancing a grease pocket.

Ben, step back.

Ben, I told you
those were prizes.

Look what Charlie Bubas
donated to the auction, heh, heh.

Well, put it by the auction box.

Who's gonna buy a statue
with the arms busted off?

- Ben, you're a real aficionado.
- Take that back.

Ben, no arguments.

I have a lot to do to get
ready for your carnival.

But, Mom, she called me a fish.

Ben, I said no arguments.
Now, we're doing all this for you.

If you can't help, you can
at least stay out of the way.

Yeah, we're working here.

The chili just burped.

Oh, that means it's ready.

Oh, this is wonderful.

We have a huge
crowd gathering outside.

We're either gonna
have a festival or a riot.

Well, I've got the 220 split up.

I've got the 110 all
fired up and ready to go.

Sounds like I know
what I'm doing, doesn't it?

All right, Earl, hit it.

Oh, Jason. It's great.

Oh.

Just be thankful I'm not
running a nuclear power plant.

Just a short somewhere.
I'll take care of it.

Okay. Okay, everybody ready?

Kissing booth ready.

Poker booth ready.

Dart booth ready.

Cotton candy booth ready.

Do I have to wear this hat?

Face painting booth ready.

Good work, Clarabelle.

Okay, what about
the auction booth?

Oh, I'm running that.
Okay, auction booth ready.

I need help with my
whatchamacallit booth.

I could use some
male lips in my booth.

All right, hit it again, Earl.

Jason, if you're through
we need help in the booths.

- Over here, Jason.
- Oh, Jason, help me.

What to do? What to do?

Well, it's time I lend
my lips to charity.

You would have to pick her, huh?

I'll help Judy, if that'll
make you happy.

Very.

Earl, would you
help Myrtle, please?

Oh.

Maggie, may I say in the
calm before the storm...

that you're an inspiration
to the other mothers.

Balancing a career, kids,
this carnival. What a gal.

It is so wonderful to meet
someone at life's banquet...

who is always able to
dish up another helping.

It's the most wonderful...

Look at them. They think
they're doing all this for us.

Yep.

And they're really
doing it for themselves.

Yeah.

Blatant self-aggrandizement.

Yeah.

It's disgusting.

Which mother's yours?

The one who looks like Mary
Ann from Gilligan's Island.

Which one's yours?

The one who's ignoring me.

She wouldn't even let
me run the dart booth.

Just because she said
I'm so unpredictable.

Which one was Mary Ann?

Going once. Going twice.

Sold.

Use it in good health, sir.

Well, that's our last animal
item. What do we have left, Gail?

Oh, somebody donated
a little clay cameo.

With my picture
in it. Let's start...

No. My picture? Where
did this come from, Gail?

- It was in the box.
- Ben.

- A buck.
- Just a minute.

- Two bucks.
- Ho!

- I can't sell this.
- Two-fifty.

- Five bucks.
- This is not for sale.

- Ten.
- Twelve.

- Fifteen.
- Sixteen.

- Seventeen.
- Twenty.

Hey. GAIL: Ho!

- Twenty-five.
- Maggie.

- Thirty.
- Stop.

Thirty-five. Going
once, going twice.

Sold.

Gail, can you take over
for a minute, please?

Alrighty. What's my opening bid for a
gross of Size 38 double-D brassieres?

- One thousand dollars.
- Sold.

Okay, judgment day.
Fifth and final card.

A seven from heaven.
Whoa, three of a kind.

A 10, lousy luck.
Ride the garbage truck.

And a jake, what that
make? Two pair, life's not fair.

And an ace for the ace. Another
full boat, dealer wins again.

And on behalf of
all the little children...

we thank you.

Mike, have you seen Ben?

Yeah, he came by and
gave me all his tickets.

Why would he do that?

Mom, very little of what
Ben does makes sense.

- I'd better check with Carol.
- Good idea. She's just as weird as he is.

Look at it this way. If you
can't eat it, you could...

strip your furniture with it.

Carol, has Ben been around here?

Just for a second. Same
as everybody else, Mom.

Smell this stuff.

- Did he say anything?
- Well, he asked for my house key.

Did he say why?

He may have.

You know, I think this chili
is affecting my hearing too.

- Jason.
- Not now, honey, I'm a little...

So, what did you want?

Honey, did Ben say anything
to you about going home?

- No.
- Well, he did.

He gave Mike his tickets
and got Carol's key.

Well, that doesn't make any sense.
He wouldn't miss his own carniv...

- Jason, I'm talking to you.
- I'm listening, I'm listening.

Look at this. His cameo that he made for
my picture, I found it in the auction box.

Well, you know, maybe that's just
his way of telling you something.

But what? JASON: I don't know.

You gotta think that kids have
different ways they try to communicate...

We just have to explore every
possible way of... Maggie?

Maggie?

It's a quarter to 3

There's no one in the place

'Cept you and me

So set 'em up, Joe

I got a little story

Benjamin Seaver.

Mom, where have you been?

At your carnival till I found out
you'd left without even a word.

You were busy.

Benny, I am never
too busy for you.

Mom, I left hours ago
and you show up now?

So you wanted to worry me?

I wanted something.

Is that why you got rid of this?

I was wondering where that went.

Well, I found it
in the auction box.

How'd it get there?

So you wanted me to find
it and come running home?

No, I wanted you to miss
me and come running home.

Ben, there were
300 people there.

Yeah, but only one who's your most
favorite 10-year-old on the planet.

Honey, why do you
think I volunteered?

I don't know.

I didn't know anything except
you were really a great mom...

before that stupid carnival.

Oh, Ben. I didn't do
any of this for myself.

The only one I
cared about was you.

I'm not kind of person who gets wrapped up
in what I'm doing that I'd forget about...

you.

Oh, holy Toledo.

Huh?

Oh, Ben, I owe you an apology.
Talk about me being a jerk.

I didn't say that.

- No, I did.
- Oh.

Oh, honey, I... I'm so sorry.

I... I couldn't see the
forest for the trees.

What trees?

Ben, I thought...

that you thought my work was
more important to me than you.

But what I thought you
thought you never thought.

And what you thought I
thought I never thought.

What were we thinking?

I love you.

All right, let's hear it for
the little spitballer in pigtails.

All right, that's 38 in a row.

Thirty-seven. This
next one will be 38.

Okay, carnival's
almost over, folks.

We don't want you to
go home with coupons.

So you can help out over here
and sink a shrink for charity.

Hey, Judy. I'm out of here, Judy.
You're gonna have to find another sinkee.

Come on, Dad. Remember,
this is for a good cause.

I know that. You what?

- You want to take my place?
- No...

Ladies and
gentlemen, for just $1...

Maybe just 75 cents, 50
cents. I'll loan you a dollar.

Step right up here.
My money is your shot.

Go ahead and dunk a punk.

Ladies and gentlemen, go for it.

Uh, may I try? I'm his sister.