Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 1, Episode 19 - The Anniversary That Never Was - full transcript

[both coughing]

ALL RIGHT, SO WHO
NEEDS EGGS, ANYWAY?

MIKE, IT'S BREAKFAST.

MOM AND DAD NEED ALL
THE PROTEIN THEY CAN GET.

YOU'RE JUST MAKING ME NERVOUS.

I'LL TRY AGAIN.

HEY, WHY NOT? THE
12TH TIME'S A CHARM.

[sink gurgling]

EVEN GARBAGE DISPOSALS
HAVE LIMITS, CAROL.

I GOT NO MORE ROOM
ON THE TRAY, ANYWAY.

YEAH, MOM AND DAD ARE
GONNA SCARF THIS STUFF UP.



ALL RIGHT, WE GOT OATIES? CHECK.

PEANUT BUTTER TOAST? CHECK.

SPACE BARS? CHECK.

CHAMPAGNE? CHECK.

STOMACH PUMP?

OH, SURE, SURE. GO
AHEAD AND CRITICIZE, CAROL.

BUT WHERE WERE YOU WHEN BEN
AND I WERE PLANNING THIS BREAKFAST?

PUTTING ON MY FACE.

YOU MISSED.

OK.

WE'RE GONNA OPEN THE DOOR AND
TIPTOE IN WITHOUT MAKING A SOUND.

NO. WE'LL SCREAM
AND SURPRISE 'EM.

THAT COULD DO SERIOUS
HARM TO PEOPLE THEIR AGE.

SO? YOU TIPTOE, AND I'LL SCREAM.



BEN.

I LIKE TO SCREAM.

HOW LUCKY FOR YOU.

HEY, HEY, COME ON, QUIET
DOWN. YOU'RE GONNA WAKE 'EM UP.

DO I HAVE TO DO
ALL THE THINKING?

JUST WAIT TILL I GROW BIGGER.

YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO GROW BIGGER, BEN.

MOM AND DAD WERE CRYING
ABOUT IT THE OTHER NIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. YOU GUYS READY?

(Carol and Mike)
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

[screaming]

MOM? DAD?

THIS IS VERY STRANGE.

IT'S 7:00 IN THE MORNING.

SATURDAY MORNING.
WHERE COULD THEY BE?

WELL, MAYBE THEY FINALLY
HAD ENOUGH OF US AND MOVED.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS EXACTLY
LIKE THAT TWILIGHT ZONE I SAW.

SEE, THERE WAS THESE PARENTS

WHO EVERYBODY THOUGHT
WAS JUST A LITTLE STRANGE.

AND THEN, ONE DARK NIGHT,

THEIR KIDS FOLLOWED THEM
INTO THIS CREEPY FOREST

WHERE THEY SAW THEM GET INTO
THIS WEIRD-LOOKING FLYING SAUCER.

AND THAT'S WHEN THEY FOUND OUT

THAT THEIR PARENTS WERE THESE...
THESE ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE.

(Jason) HI, GUYS.

[all screaming]

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY?

♪ SHOW ME THAT SMILE AGAIN ♪

♪ DON'T WASTE ANOTHER
MINUTE ON YOUR CRYIN' ♪

♪ WE'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE END ♪

♪ THE BEST IS READY TO BEGIN ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE GOT EACH OTHER ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WORLD
SPINNIN' RIGHT IN OUR HANDS ♪

♪ BABY, YOU AND ME ♪

♪ WE GOTTA BE ♪

♪ THE LUCKIEST DREAMERS
WHO NEVER QUIT DREAMIN' ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE KEEP ON GIVIN' ♪

♪ WE CAN TAKE ANYTHING
THAT COMES OUR WAY ♪

♪ BABY, RAIN OR SHINE ♪

♪ ALL THE TIME ♪

♪ WE GOT EACH OTHER ♪

♪ SHARIN' THE
LAUGHTER AND LOVE ♪

(Mike) YOU GUYS READY THIS TIME?

JUST A SECOND, MIKE.

JASON?

COME ON, THESE TRAYS ARE HEAVY.

JASON, COME ON.

[toilet flushing]

OK.

READY!

(all) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

OH, WHAT A SURPRISE!

YEAH, WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE
KITCHEN. THERE'S GARBAGE...

NOW FOR THE REST
OF THE SURPRISE.

WE WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING
THAT REFLECTS OUR LOVE FOR YOU,

AND THE DEEP BOND THAT
HOLDS THIS FAMILY TOGETHER.

SO...

WE'RE LEAVING TOWN.

JUST FOR THE DAY, SO
YOU CAN SPEND IT ALONE

WITHOUT ANY OF US IN YOUR HAIR.

NOW, DON'T GIVE
US ANY ARGUMENTS.

OH, PLEASE DON'T GO.

OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.

IT REALLY IS, BUT YOUR MOM AND
I HAVE A VERY BUSY DAY AHEAD.

WE REALLY PLANNED ON
CELEBRATING TONIGHT.

[tires screeching]

GRANDMA'S HERE.

SHE IS?

YEAH, GRANDMA'S
TAKING US TO MANHATTAN

FOR THE MATINEE OF
LA CAGE AUX FOLLES.

YEAH, IF THERE'S ONE SHOW YOU
GOTTA SEE THIS SEASON, THIS IS THE ONE.

(Jason) HI, MOM!

[car honking]

OH, GUYS, WHAT A
LOVELY SURPRISE.

IT'S THE BEST.

BUT I'VE GOT A PATIENT TO SEE,

YOUR MOM HAS THAT
STORY TO RESEARCH.

WE PROBABLY WON'T EVEN
HAVE ANY TIME TO SPEND ALONE.

SO THERE'S REALLY
NO REASON FOR YOU

TO ENDANGER YOUR
LIVES IN GRANDMA'S CAR.

HEY, YOU GUYS CAN USE THE
GIFT OR NOT. THAT'S UP TO YOU.

BUT I'M NOT GOING
TO MISS MY CHANCE

TO SEE 24 OF THE HOTTEST
LOOKING BABES IN THE BIG APPLE.

I'M WITH MIKE. I
HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

MIKE, ABOUT THESE "HOT
BABES" IN THE CAGE AUX FOLLES...

UH, DAD,

I ALREADY TOLD MIKE EVERYTHING

HE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT THE SHOW.

EVERYTHING. GOT IT?

WELL, MIKE, I HOPE
SOMEONE HAS TOLD YOU...

UH, MIKE, UH, DON'T
FORGET YOUR BINOCULARS.

IS THIS A GREAT SIS, OR WHAT?

CAROL, YOU DO KNOW THAT
THESE HOT BABES ARE REALLY GUYS?

YEAH, I DO, BUT...

OH, YOU KNOW, JASON,

WE COULD ACTUALLY
SPEND THE DAY TOGETHER.

YEAH.

TOO BAD I'VE GOT A MOUNTAIN
OF PAPERWORK TO DO TODAY.

WELL, I KNOW, AND I
HAVE A HAIR APPOINTMENT,

AND SEVERAL HOURS OF
RESEARCH ON THE STORY I'M DOING,

BUT I COULD PUT THOSE
OFF TILL TOMORROW.

BUT SATURDAY IS MY DAY
TO UPDATE THE FILES. HMM.

AND I DO HAVE THAT
PATIENT TO SEE.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I GUESS I JUST GOT DISTRACTED
BY THE THOUGHT OF A LONG,

LAZY RELAXING DAY TOGETHER,
WITH NO INTERRUPTIONS.

BESIDES,

WHAT WOULD WE DO ALL DAY?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. WE COULD
ALWAYS GROUT THE BATHTUB.

WELL, I'LL CANCEL MY
APPOINTMENTS IF YOU CANCEL YOURS.

[Maggie chuckles]

THE PLUMBING. HMM?

THE PLUMBER'S SUPPOSED TO COME
BY TODAY TO FIX THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.

OH, YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE.

[car honks]

[tires screeching]

(Jason) HONEY, WE HAVE TO GO.

THAT LUNCH
RESERVATION IS FOR NOON.

HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THE CLEANING WOMAN'S COMING.
I CAN'T LET HER SEE THIS MESS.

SOONER OR LATER, SHE'S BOUND
TO FIND OUT WE'RE SLOBS, MAGGIE.

COME ON. FOR NOW, WE HAVE A
RESERVATION FOR LUNCH. ROCKAWAY BEACH.

WATCHING THE WAVES
CARESS THE SHORE,

SIPPING CHAMPAGNE FROM SILVER
GOBLETS, AND TOASTING THE WOMAN

I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH
TO FIND, MMM-HMM.

SMART ENOUGH TO MARRY,
AND HANDSOME ENOUGH TO KEEP.

[both laughing]

OH, JASON, YOU CAN BE
SUCH A ROMANTIC SOMETIMES.

[doorbell ringing]

HOLD THAT THOUGHT.

HI.

I'M BUZZ, THE PLUMBER.

YOU GOT A BUM GARBAGE DISPOSAL?

UH, GEE, UH, WE CANCELLED
THAT APPOINTMENT.

DIDN'T THEY CALL
YOU IN THE TRUCK?

THEY WON'T LET ME
HAVE A RADIO IN MY TRUCK.

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT WE HAVE AN
APPOINTMENT THAT WE HAVE TO KEEP.

WELL, I COULD COME BACK LATER.

THANKS.

(both) WAIT.

HOW LONG WOULD
IT TAKE YOU TO FIX IT?

OH, HALF HOUR, 45 MINUTES.

OK. COME IN, PLEASE.

I'LL CALL AND MOVE
THE RESERVATION.

UM, BUZZ, HOW MUCH
DO YOU CHARGE?

$50 AN HOUR.

[telephone ringing]

HI. OH, HELLO, FRED. YEAH.

SURE, JUST A SECOND.

MAGGIE, IT'S YOUR EDITOR.

HELLO?

OH, HI, FRED.

REALLY? OH, THAT'S GREAT.

TODAY?

OH, BUT I...

WELL, WELL, SURE I... I CAN.

YOU BET. YOU BET. I'LL BE THERE.

YES. THANK YOU. BYE.

LET ME CALL THE
RESTAURANT. UH, JASON...

CAN I HAVE THE PHONE?

THAT WAS FRED AT THE PAPER.

I KNOW.

OH, I'LL BET THAT NUT CALLED
TO WISH US A HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

UH, JASON, YOU'RE JUST
TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY

BECAUSE YOU KNOW
I HAVE BAD NEWS.

SURE.

WHAT'S THE FUN OF
BEING A PSYCHIATRIST

IF YOU CAN'T PLAY MIND
GAMES ON YOUR WIFE?

OH, SERIOUSLY, HONEY. I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO NAIL DOWN THIS INTERVIEW FOR WEEKS

AND IT FINALLY CAME THROUGH.
BUT IT'S GOT TO BE TODAY.

OK. IN WASHINGTON.

WASHINGTON?

WHO WITH?

YOU KNOW THE SECRETARY
OF TRANSPORTATION?

YEAH.

I'M MEETING WITH THE 3RD
ASSISTANT TO THE DEPUTY

OF THE UNDERSECRETARY
WHO REPORTS TO HER.

WOW.

OH, HONESTLY, HONEY, THIS IS THE
ONLY SHOT I'M GOING TO GET AT THIS.

AND IF I DON'T DO
IT NOW, I'VE LOST IT.

WELL... IT'S A 45-MINUTE
COMMUTER FLIGHT TO WASHINGTON.

I CAN GO DO THE INTERVIEW
AND BE BACK IN TIME

TO HAVE DINNER
WITH YOU. MY TREAT.

MMM.

BUT IF YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED,

I'LL STAY HOME, I'LL HAVE
LUNCH, I'LL BE HAPPY,

I'LL BE CONTENT,
TOTALLY FULFILLED...

LOOK, IF YOU GOT TO GO...

OH, THANKS.

I KNEW MY DAD WAS
WRONG ABOUT YOU.

JUST SO, AT SOME POINT TODAY,
YOU AND I FINALLY GET A CHANCE

TO GROUT THE TUB.

COUNT ON IT.

I FORGOT MY TOOLBOX.

BYE, GRANDMA. SEE
YOU SOON. THANKS A LOT.

THANKS, GRANDMA.

[car honks]

[tires screeching]

[dog barking]

I THOUGHT THE GOWNS
WERE BEAUTIFUL.

I THINK EVERYONE CONNECTED
WITH THAT SHOW SHOULD BE SHOT.

EVEN THE REDHEAD
YOU WHISTLED AT?

THAT WOULD BE MAURICE.

OK, CAROL, IT WAS A FINE JOKE.

A GOOD JOKE. POSSIBLY
EVEN A FUNNY JOKE.

BUT WHO REALLY
PAID THE PRICE HERE?

WAS IT ME? NO. IT WAS
LITTLE, CONFUSED BEN.

HEY, YOU GUYS, MAURICE WAS
A TIGHT END AT IOWA STATE.

MOM, DAD? WE'RE BACK.

YOU JUST CAN'T WAIT TO
TELL THEM, HUH, CAROL?

MOM? DAD?

GUYS, SHH.

DID YOU AND MOM
HAVE A ROMANTIC DAY?

WELL, NOT EXACTLY.

CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN 'CAUSE I'M
JUST FINISHING UP WITH A PATIENT IN HERE.

SURE.

HEY, WHERE'S MOM?

WASHINGTON.

WASHINGTON? THIS
IS NOT A GOOD SIGN.

HEY, I BET WHEN MOM AND DAD GOT
ALONE, DAD STARTED TELLING HIS JOKES

AND MOM HOPPED THE
FIRST PLANE TO ANYWHERE.

MIKE, THERE'S A BODY
ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR.

MAN OR WOMAN?

I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE.

(Mike) SOMEBODY SHOULD
GO CHECK HIM OUT.

BEN.

LOOK OUT. MY CHICKEN SAUCE.

UH, DAD, DID YOU SEE...

OH, GOOD. IT DIDN'T STICK.

DAD, YOU NOTICE THERE'S A, UH...

SO, HOW WAS CAGE AUX FOLLES?

GREAT.

IS MAURICE STILL WITH THE SHOW?

(Carol and Ben) MAURICE.

SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU.

BUZZ, HOW'S IT GOIN'?

ALMOST FINISHED.

ONLY 5 AND A HALF HOURS,

AT $50 AN HOUR.

DAD, IS MOM EVER COMING BACK?

SHE'LL BE BACK IN PLENTY OF TIME
FOR OUR CANDLELIT DINNER FOR 2.

YOU GUYS WILL SPEND THE
NIGHT AT GRANDMA'S, OK?

[telephone ringing]

OH, COME ON, DAD.

HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE
TO RISK OUR LIVES IN A SINGLE DAY?

HELLO?

OH, SWEETHEART. I AM SO, SO
SORRY. I'M STILL IN WASHINGTON.

EVERYTHING GOT
SCREWED UP ON THIS END,

AND THE INTERVIEW GOT
PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW,

SO THE PAPER IS PUTTING ME UP
AT THE HOTEL ROYALE TONIGHT.

I'LL INTERVIEW HIM FIRST
THING IN THE MORNING.

AND THEN I'LL GET HOME AS FAST AS I
CAN TO CELEBRATE OUR ANNIVERSARY,

BECAUSE, I SWEAR, HONEY, IF I'D
KNOWN THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN

I NEVER WOULD HAVE COME.

WHO IS THIS?

JASON.

ALL DONE.

WONDERFUL.

SO, UH, I GUESS YOU'LL BE
SENDING ME A BILL ON THAT.

POSTHASTE.

HOW MUCH WILL IT COME TO?

WELL, I HAVE TO ADD THE LABOR

AND THE PARTS...

BALLPARK?

$347.75.

UH, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

HOW MUCH WOULD A NEW
GARBAGE DISPOSAL COST ME?

$125.

PERFECT.

WOULD YOU LIKE
ME TO INSTALL ONE?

NO, NO. NO, THANK YOU.

BYE.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

(Mike) HEY, DAD, YOU GONNA
EAT ANYMORE OF THIS JUNK

ON YOUR PLATE?

NAH, I'M NOT HUNGRY.

MICHAEL, IT'S FOWL.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

(Ben) DAD?

SORRY, I WASN'T LISTENING.

LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE. I
GUESS YOU PSYCHIATRISTS

GET PRETTY USED TO FAKING IT

AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS
OF LISTENIN' TO WACKOS.

MICHAEL, "WACKO" IS A
TERM PSYCHIATRISTS RESERVE

FOR MEMBERS OF
THEIR IMMEDIATE FAMILY.

I'M JUST KIDDING. WELL, DON'T.

WHAT YOU'VE JUST WITNESSED IS A
CLASSIC DISPLAY OF DISPLACED ANGER

IN WHICH I ALLOWED MY
FRUSTRATIONS TO BE VENTED

ON THE FIRST AVAILABLE
PERSON TO UPSET ME.

THIS TRANSFERENCE
LETS ME LESSEN MY STRESS

AND ALLOWS ME TO
FEEL REALLY STUPID.

(man on T.V.) YOU CAN'T GET
ON THAT PLANE AND LEAVE.

IT'S ME YOU LOVE.
YOU KNOW IT IS.

(woman) NO, NO,
CURLY. IT'S LARRY.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN LARRY.

BUT ALL THOSE THINGS YOU SAID.

I WAS MISTAKEN.
I'M SORRY, CURLY.

BUT MY PLACE IS WITH LARRY.

I CAN'T STAY HERE
AND BE YOUR STOOGE.

I'LL DO WHATEVER I
HAVE TO DO TO STOP YOU.

I'M NOT LETTING YOU
GET ON THAT PLANE.

[gun firing]

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN ON THE PLANE.

YES, THIS IS MRS. SEAVER IN 722.

IS THERE ANYONE IN THE HOTEL THAT
CAN HELP ME WITH PLANE RESERVATIONS?

I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING
WE COULD DO TO CHEER DAD UP.

YOU COULD LEAVE HOME.

I GOT AN IDEA.

MIKE, DAD'S BEEN
DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED

BY THE WOMAN HE LOVES.

I'M SURE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND
THAT AFTER MAURICE.

IT'S A REALLY GOOD IDEA.

HE'S USED TO
DISAPPOINTMENT, CAROL.

AFTER ALL, HIS
SECOND-OLDEST CHILD IS YOU.

YOU'RE REALLY
MR. SENSITIVITY, YOU KNOW?

IT'S NOT THE DINNER.
IT'S JUST THAT,

THEY NEED AT LEAST A MOMENT
IN THAT SPECIAL DAY WHEN

THEY CAN BE TOGETHER AND
LOOK INTO EACH OTHERS' EYES

AND THINK ABOUT THE
YEARS THEY'VE SHARED.

THE GOOD TIMES, THE BAD TIMES.

YOU MEAN THEY WANT
TO "DO WAH DIDDY"?

HEY, WHO LOST $20?

WHAT? WHERE?

NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION,

WHY DOESN'T DAD FLY TO
WASHINGTON AND BE WITH MOM TONIGHT?

I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT.

I'LL PACK HIM A BAG.

I'LL, UH, ORDER
THE PLANE TICKETS.

AND I'LL GET NO
CREDIT, AS USUAL.

AND MR. WALLA IS SHOWING
GREAT IMPROVEMENT

IN CONTROLLING HIS
FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY.

UH, THE SESSIONS ARE
PROVING ESPECIALLY USEFUL

IN DECREASING HIS ANNIVERSARY.

IGNORE "ANNIVERSARY."
FREUDIAN SLIP.

IN DECREASING HIS ANXIETY.

(Mike) DAD?

I'M WORKING.

IGNORE "I'M WORKING."
TEENAGE SON.

DAD?

I'M TURNING THE
RECORDER OFF NOW,

SO AS NOT TO HAVE IT USED
AGAINST ME IN A COURT OF LAW.

MIKE, THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT.

DAD, ON BEHALF OF
ALL OF US, GET OUT.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

COME ON, THIS IS YOUR
SON YOU'RE TALKING TO HERE.

NOW, I'M SENSITIVE ENOUGH TO
KNOW THAT THIS ANNIVERSARY THING

HAS YOU FEELING LIKE GARBAGE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOOT HIM?

WELL, BEFORE ANYONE SHOOTS ME OR
SHOVES ME DOWN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL,

WHICH PROBABLY
DOESN'T WORK ANYWAY,

WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN
TO ME WHERE WE'RE GOING?

AND WHY IS BEN DRIVING?

WELL...

I DECIDED YOU SHOULD FLY TO
WASHINGTON TONIGHT AND SURPRISE MOM.

(both) YOU DECIDED?

WELL, THAT'S A
GREAT IDEA, BUT I...

DAD, YOUR BAG'S PACKED,

YOUR TICKET'S ORDERED, AND
GRANDMA'S ON HER WAY OVER.

OH, HEY, LOOK, THAT'S
WONDERFUL, BUT I CAN'T, UH...

STAY HERE ANOTHER SECOND.

[laughs]

BYE, DAD. BYE-BYE.
SEE YOU LATER.

"I SOLVED YOUR PROBLEM?" "I DECIDED
YOU SHOULD FLY TO WASHINGTON?"

WHO CARES WHOSE
IDEA IT WAS? GROW UP.

YEAH. STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF.

[car approaching]

HERE COMES GRANDMA.

IT'S NOT GRANDMA. IT'S
NOT GOING FAST ENOUGH.

IT'S STAYING ON THE
RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD.

HOLY... OH, NO.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

(Maggie) HI, GUYS.

HI, MOM.

OH, IS YOUR DAD
IN THE LIVING ROOM?

NO.

GOOD. I WANT TO SURPRISE HIM.

AND I THINK YOU WILL, TOO.

IS HE IN THE KITCHEN?

NO.

IN THE BEDROOM?

NO.

WELL, WHERE IS HE?

WASHINGTON.

WHAT?

I DON'T GET IT EITHER. ALL I
KNOW IS, IT WAS BEN'S IDEA.

(man on P.A.) ATTENTION.
FINAL BOARDING,

FLIGHT 256 FOR
WASHINGTON NATIONAL.

GATE 27.

UH, MAYBE THAT AISLE SEAT ISN'T
TAKEN IF YOU WANTED TO SLIDE OVER,

THEN WE'D BOTH
HAVE MORE ROOM TO...

NO. THIS IS ROW L, SEAT 2.

THIS IS MY SEAT. ALL
FLIGHTS, ANY FLIGHT.

MY SEAT.

OK.

(announcer) YOUR
ATTENTION. FINAL BOARDING

FOR FLIGHT 256 FOR
WASHINGTON NATIONAL.

AT GATE 27.

EXCUSE ME. DO YOU MIND IF...

NO. THIS IS ROW L,
SEAT 2. THIS IS MY SEAT.

ALL FLIGHTS, ANY
FLIGHT. MY SEAT.

OK.

JASON?

NO. LUTHER.

I'M TALKING TO HIM.

HONEY?

[inaudible]

MAGGIE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I MISSED YOU.

OH, I MISSED YOU, TOO.

THAT'S SWEET.

WHAT ABOUT THAT BIG
INTERVIEW THAT COULDN'T WAIT?

WELL, I ASKED MYSELF
WHAT TED KOPPEL WOULD DO

IF HE WERE MARRIED TO A
WONDERFUL MAN LIKE YOU.

OH, WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I WOULDN'T
LET HIM WORK THAT LATE EVERY NIGHT.

[Maggie laughs]

I FIGURED I COULD FLY BACK
TOMORROW TO DO THE INTERVIEW

AFTER I SPEND THE EVENING
WITH MY MAIN SQUEEZE.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY
TO SEE SOMEONE, TOO?

SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL.

OH, JASON.

DID YOU THINK OF
THIS ALL BY YOURSELF?

WELL, I GOT SOME HELP FROM
THE OTHER MEN IN YOUR LIFE,

MIKE AND BEN. AND, UH,
NOT TO MENTION CAROL.

[both chuckling]

OH, LOOK WHAT I GOT
FOR YOU. LOOK, THESE.

ROSES.

YES.

OH, HONEY, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

OH, AND I HAVE
SOMETHING FOR YOU, TOO.

YEAH? UM.

SIR? THANK YOU.

UH...

EXCUSE ME. I CAN'T SEE.

OH, SORRY.

OH, HONEY,

MY DAD WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW, WHEN 2 PEOPLE
SPEND 17 YEARS TOGETHER...

CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT?

SURE.

I THINK 17 YEARS DESERVES
A MOMENT ALONE TOGETHER,

JUST THE 2 OF US.

[clearing throat]

THE 3 OF US.

SO THAT WE CAN STARE INTO
EACH OTHER'S EYES AND SAY:

"IF I HAD IT TO DO OVER..."

OH, HONEY, I'D DO
IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

I LOVE YOU.

OH, I LOVE YOU, TOO.

AND I LOVE BOTH OF YOU.

TO LOVE.

TO LOVE.

I HAD A GREAT TIME.

I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME.

[chuckling]

WAIT.

HMM?

I JUST WANT IT TO
LAST A MOMENT LONGER.

OH.

WELL, THEN, LET'S NOT
COME BACK AND SAY WE DID.

[laughing]

TEMPTING, BUT NO.

WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO
THOSE 3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN

WHO MISS US AND NEED US.

(Carol) YOU LITTLE WEASEL!

OH, HI.

YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, BEN! HI.

(both) HI.

OOH, LA, LA. THE LOVE BOAT'S IN.

HEY, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, GUYS.

MAGGIE, ARE YOU
THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

I'M THINKING ABOUT YOGI BERRA.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

UH, YEAH, WELL, IT WAS YOGI
WHO COINED THE PHRASE:

"IT AIN'T OVER TILL IT'S OVER."