Growing Pains (1985–1992): Season 1, Episode 20 - Be a Man - full transcript

I STILL THINK WE
SHOULD CALL FIRST

BEFORE WE GO ALL THE WAY
TO BOSTON TO SEE YOUR FOLKS.

JASON, THEY'D JUST
TELL US NOT TO COME.

OH, HERE, HERE, LET ME.

I'LL GET THOSE FOR YOU, DAD.

CAROL, HONEY,
WE'RE ALMOST READY.

WERE YOU SPEAKING TO ME?

NO ONE SPOKE TO ME WHEN
THIS TRIP WAS BEING PLANNED.

HONEY, WE DIDN'T KNOW WE
WERE GOING UNTIL LAST NIGHT.

CAROL, WE'RE WORRIED
ABOUT GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.

OH, MAGGIE, I THINK
YOU'RE OVERREACTING.



THEN WHY DID THEY CALL AND
CANCEL THEIR TRIP AT THE LAST MINUTE?

AND WHY DID MY DAD SAY
EVERYTHING WAS "SWELL"?

UH, BECAUSE IT IS?

NO, JASON. MY FATHER
DOESN'T USE WORDS

LIKE "SWELL," "GOOD," OR "NICE."

CERTAINLY NOT
WHEN I'M IN THE ROOM.

LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO!

WELL, YOU SURE ARE
EXCITED ABOUT THIS, BEN.

ARE YOU KIDDING? GRANDPA'S
GONNA LET ME USE HIS NIGHTSTICK

AND HIS HANDCUFFS,
AND EVEN WEAR HIS BADGE.

HEY, MAYBE YOU'LL GET
FINGERPRINTED, TOO.

WOW!

WELL, DAD, AGAIN, I JUST WANT TO
THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STAY HOME

AND EARN SOME EXTRA MONEY
HELPING MR. SACKS FERTILIZE HIS LAWN.



I'M SURE THAT... THAT EARNING MONEY WILL
TEACH ME A NEW RESPECT FOR THE DOLLAR

AND HELP ME GROW AS A PERSON.

BET YOU'LL BE PRETTY GOOD
AT SPREADING MANURE, TOO.

AND I'M SO SORRY
THAT I'M GOING TO MISS

THAT SING-ALONG
AROUND GRANDMA'S PIANO.

YEAH.

WELL, JUST REMEMBER, IF
YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS HERE,

YOU CALL THE KOOSMANS NEXT DOOR.

AND ONLY ONE GUEST
STAYS OVER TONIGHT.

THIS IS NOT FAIR.

NO ONE THOUGHT THAT OLD
CAROL MIGHT HAVE OTHER PLANS.

NO ONE IN THIS ENTIRE HOUSE

TREATED ME LIKE A REAL,
LIVING, BREATHING HUMAN PERSON.

CAROL, GET IN THE CAR.

BYE, SWEETHEART.

OH, AND, MIKE, I KNOW
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE,

BECAUSE IF IT ISN'T,

YOU'LL BE GROUNDED
UNTIL YOU'RE 35.

ENOUGH SAID. MMM-HMM.

BYE, MOM. BYE, DAD.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, MIKE.

ALL RIGHT. HAVE FUN.
BYE-BYE. (Maggie) BYE.

YES!

♪ SHOW ME THAT SMILE AGAIN ♪

♪ DON'T WASTE ANOTHER
MINUTE ON YOUR CRYIN' ♪

♪ WE'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE END ♪

♪ THE BEST IS READY TO BEGIN ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE GOT EACH OTHER ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WORLD
SPINNIN' RIGHT IN OUR HANDS ♪

♪ BABY, YOU AND ME ♪

♪ WE GOTTA BE ♪

♪ THE LUCKIEST DREAMERS
WHO NEVER QUIT DREAMIN' ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE KEEP ON GIVIN' ♪

♪ WE CAN TAKE ANYTHING
THAT COMES OUR WAY ♪

♪ BABY, RAIN OR SHINE ♪

♪ ALL THE TIME ♪

♪ WE GOT EACH OTHER ♪

♪ SHARIN' THE
LAUGHTER AND LOVE ♪

(Maggie) BEN, WAIT FOR US.

I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

WE WANT TO SURPRISE GRANDMA
AND GRANDPA TOGETHER.

IF GRANDPA STARTS
FRISKING ME BEFORE I GO,

I'LL SURPRISE HIM, ALL RIGHT.

UH, HI.

HI.

I'M, UH, ED AND KATE'S
DAUGHTER, MAGGIE.

GOOD. UH, EXCUSE US, PLEASE.

OH... OH, SHOULD YOU JUST
WALK IN THERE LIKE THAT?

WHAT, WE SHOULD KNOCK AND
STAND OUT HERE IN THE COLD,

WAITING FOR SOME
JERK TO OPEN THE DOOR?

HMM, COME ON.

WHO ARE THEY?

MOM, ARE THESE
PEOPLE THE RELATIVES

YOU DON'T SEND
CHRISTMAS CARDS TO?

I'M GOING TO TRY TO FIND
GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.

[laughing] OH! HOW ARE
YOU FOLKS? COME ON IN.

OH, I SEE YOU BROUGHT
YOUR LUGGAGE.

WELL, DON'T WORRY, WE'LL TRY
TO CLOSE THIS DEAL BY NIGHTFALL.

[laughs]

THE KIDDIES, TOO.
THIS IS SO NICE.

COCKTAIL FRANK?

MY NAME'S NOT FRANK.

[laughs]

WHO ARE YOU? WHO AM I?

I DON'T KNOW YOU.
I DON'T KNOW HIM.

HARRY BITTLE. GREAT AMERICAN
DREAM REALTY COMPANY.

THIS HOUSE IS FOR SALE?

OH, YES.

W-W-WHERE ARE THE OWNERS?

OH, WELL, THE SELLERS ARE
NEVER PRESENT FOR THE SHOWING.

ESPECIALLY SELLERS WHO
HAVE PUT 30 YEARS INTO A PLACE.

THIS WOULD BREAK THEIR HEART.

I'M SURE.

WELL, UH, HONEY, THEY
HAVEN'T SOLD IT YET.

YOU FOLKS ARE
INTERESTED IN THIS HOUSE?

DEEPLY.

OH. WELL, THEN LET
ME POINT OUT SOME OF

THE FINE FEATURES OF
THIS TIMELESS CLASSIC.

IF YOU DO, I'M GOING TO CRY.

PARDON?

UH, WHY ARE THEY SELLING?

OH, YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED
IN HEARING ABOUT THE HOUSE?

I LOVE THIS HOUSE.

I'D DO MY HOMEWORK
RIGHT BY THE FIREPLACE,

WAITING FOR MY
DADDY TO COME HOME

AND HANG UP HIS GUN
AND GIVE ME A HUG.

WHY ARE THEY SELLING?

OH, WELL, I... I CAN'T REALLY
VIOLATE THEIR CONFIDENCE.

BUT I WILL SAY,
RETIREMENT INCOME

BALLOON PAYMENT, DISASTER. PHEW.

OH.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M
HER PSYCHIATRIST.

OH, WELL, CAN I DO ANYTHING?

YES, YOU COULD JUST GIVE US A
MOMENT ALONE, PLEASE. THANK YOU.

COME ON, MAGGIE, SWEETHEART,
COME ON, WE'LL LOOK INTO THIS.

SELLING THIS HOUSE HAS TO
BE BREAKING THEIR HEARTS.

I KNOW. WHY DIDN'T THEY
COME TO US FOR HELP?

OH, MY FATHER'S PRIDE.

THERE IS NO WAY HE
COULD ASK US FOR MONEY,

KNOWING THE WAY HE FEELS
ABOUT WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING.

WHAT?

FORGET I SAID THAT.

I MEAN, I KNEW HE
DIDN'T CARE FOR ME.

I DIDN'T THINK HE HATED
MY ENTIRE PROFESSION.

OH, WELL, HONEY, IT'S NOT THAT
HE HATES YOUR PROFESSION.

IT'S JUST THAT HE
DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

OH.

SO NOW, AFTER 17
YEARS, I FIND THIS OUT? OH.

NOW, WHAT GOOD
WOULD IT HAVE DONE

TO LET YOU KNOW THAT
HE THINKS YOU'RE A QUACK?

A QUACK?

JASON, CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER?

NOW, I DON'T WANT
THIS HOUSE SOLD

UNTIL WE GET A CHANCE
TO TALK TO MOM AND DAD.

SURE, SURE.

GENUINE LATH AND PLASTER
ON REAL 2-BY-4 STUDS.

UH, EXCUSE ME. I DON'T
MEAN TO INTERRUPT, HARRY...

NO PROBLEM. WHAT YOU WERE
SAYING OVER THERE CONFUSED ME.

WERE THE VICTIMS'
BODIES FOUND IN THIS ROOM

OR ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE?

[rasping]

[doorbell ringing]

THIS IS LIFE AS IT SHOULD BE.

MIKE!

MIKE!

[screaming]

MAN, THAT WAS GOOD.

GUYS, HOW YOU
DOING? YOU'RE EARLY.

I DIDN'T EVEN
ORDER THE PIZZA YET.

LET ME DO IT. MY COUSIN GUS
WORKS FOR PARADISE PIZZA.

I CAN GET US A DISCOUNT.

ALL RIGHT. SO, MIKEY,
WHAT'S THE ACTION?

NOT MUCH. NOT MUCH.

WE'RE GONNA EAT A LITTLE
PIZZA, WATCH A LITTLE T.V.

T.V.? MIKE, YOUR
FOLKS AIN'T HOME.

THIS IS, LIKE, THE CHANCE OF A
LIFETIME, AND YOU WANNA WATCH T.V.?

♪ [music playing on T.V.]

IT'S ALREADY STARTED.

MIKE, WHAT COULD BE
SO IMPORTANT THAT...

WOW!

SO, LIKE, WHEN
DID YOU GET CABLE?

THIS IS GREAT. GUS SAYS HE'LL LET
US HAVE THE PIZZAS FOR NOTHING...

ALL RIGHT!

IF HE AND A COUPLE OF FRIENDS
CAN STOP BY AFTER WORK.

YO, HOW MANY? BECAUSE
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD...

HE MENTIONED WOMEN. ALL RIGHT!

♪ [music blaring]

[ticking]

IS THE REST OF THE TRIP
GOING TO BE THIS MUCH FUN?

CAROL, WHY DON'T YOU AND BEN
GO WATCH T.V. IN GRANDPA'S DEN?

GREAT!

SURE, IT'S GREAT FOR YOU.
YOU GET TO SPEND TIME WITH ME.

BEN, DON'T YOU GO TOUCHING ANY
OF YOUR GRANDPA'S POLICE STUFF.

YOU KNOW ME.

JASON, WE'VE GOT TO HELP THEM.

I'M NOT SO SURE YOUR
DAD WANTS OUR HELP.

THEN AGAIN, WHAT DO I KNOW?

I'M JUST A LICENSED QUACK.

OH, JASON.

FREEZE, SLIMEBAG!

DADDY?

ED, YOU ALMOST SHOT JASON.

WELL, THEY'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

UH, NO ONE'S
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

[laughing] OH, MOM, HOW ARE YOU?

IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

I'M FINE.

OH.

DID YOU SAY YOU WERE
COMING, AND I FORGOT?

NO, MOM, NO.

ED, ALWAYS A
PLEASURE TO SEE YOU.

DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!

[whooping]

(Ed) PUMPKIN!

SO, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT
SELLING THE HOUSE?

UH, WELL,

WE THOUGHT WE'D DO THIS
RETIREMENT THING RIGHT.

MOVE INTO A SMALLER
PLACE WITH LESS UPKEEP.

A CONDO.

GRANDMA! GRANDPA!

CAROL, HONEY!

LOOK HOW SHE'S GROWN.

[laughing]

WHERE'S MIKEY?

OH, MIKE COULDN'T COME.

(Ben) GRANDPA!

IS THAT BENNY? YES.

[laughs]

LOOK OUT.

ALL RIGHT, COME OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP.

I CAN'T. CAROL HANDCUFFED
ME TO THE CHAIR.

AH-HA!

WATCH THE DOOR. I'M
GONNA ROUGH HIM UP.

GOT YOU.

[laughing]

OH, STOP IT. WAIT
TILL I GET YOU.

WELL, WE'RE GOING TO FIX A
LITTLE DINNER. COME ON, BEN.

LET YOUR DAD AND GRANDDAD TALK.

(both) UH, I DON'T THINK
THAT'LL BE NECESSARY.

NO, HE CAN PLAY HERE.

COME ON, BEN. YOU CAN PEEL
POTATOES WITH THE OTHER PRISONERS.

WOW!

DADDY,

IF YOU AND MOM ARE HAVING
FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, WE WOULD BE...

NO. NO, NO T-THINGS ARE SWELL.

THEY'RE FINE, EVEN GOOD.

DAD, ANY MONEY YOU NEED,

JASON AND I WOULD BE
MORE THAN HAPPY TO...

MAGGIE,

JUST IN CASE YOU CAN'T
REMEMBER, LITTLE GIRL.

I KEPT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD AND
FOOD ON THE TABLE FOR OVER 18 YEARS.

TILL HE CAME ALONG, ANYWAY.

OH, DADDY.

DAMN IT, I CAN STILL TAKE
CARE OF YOUR MOM AND MYSELF

WITHOUT YOUR CHARITY!

ED, ED, ED, PLEASE,

THERE'S NO REASON FOR
YOU TO TURN DOWN THIS OFFER

JUST BECAUSE OF HOW
YOU FEEL ABOUT ME.

JASON, LET'S NOT MENTION...

NO, NO, NO. YOUR DAD SHOULD
OVERCOME HIS FEELINGS ABOUT ME

AND SAVE THIS HOUSE.

WHY HURT YOUR WIFE,
YOUR DAUGHTER, YOURSELF,

ALL IN THE NAME OF
SOME FOOLISH PRIDE?

FOOLISH?

DON'T USE YOUR
SHRINK TALK ON ME.

THE DAY I ACCEPT ONE
DIME OF YOUR MONEY

WILL BE THE DAY
THEY BURY ME. HA.

I THINK THAT WENT
WELL, DON'T YOU?

♪ [Money For Nothing playing]

YEAH, JERRY, LISTEN.

CALL BRUCE VINAKER. TELL HIM PARTY
CENTRAL'S AT 15 ROBIN HOOD LANE.

♪ YOU PLAY THE GUITAR ♪

AH, EXCUSE ME, SLUG, IS IT?

♪ ON THE M.T.V. ♪

I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD
INVITE ANY MORE PEOPLE.

WELL, WHAT'S IT TO
YOU? DIDN'T YOU HEAR?

THE BOZO THAT LIVES HERE?

PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN.

BOZO? HEY, LISTEN...

HEY, MIKE!

AH, REMEMBER ME? LYNDA McMANUS!

WE HAD A KARATE CLASS TOGETHER.

YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE
I REMEMBER YOU.

YOU HAVE GOT KILLER HANDS.

UH, I MEAN, I DIDN'T MEAN...

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

MIKE, COME HERE.

♪ KITCHEN DELIVERIES ♪

WOULD YOU EXCUSE
ME FOR JUST A SECOND?

OK. BUT JUST FOR A SECOND.

EDDIE!

MICHAEL, THERE ARE 2
GUYS OUT BACK THROWING UP

AND A GUY UPSTAIRS SHAVING.

I MEAN, THIS HAS GOTTA BE THE
COOLEST PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO.

SHAVING?

MIKE, I NEED A COUPLE OF BUCKS.

YOUR MOM'S CAR RAN OUT OF GAS.

EDDIE, YOU CAN'T
TAKE MY MOM'S CAR.

I DIDN'T. FRANK DID.

WHO'S FRANK?

I THOUGHT YOU KNEW HIM.

NO.

ALL RIGHT, GUS' PIZZAMOBILE WOULDN'T
START, RIGHT? SO HE CALLS FRANK

AND SAYS WE'D HAVE TO
PICK UP OUR OWN PIZZAS,

AND SINCE THEY'RE FREE, COULD
WE MAKE A COUPLE OF DELIVERIES?

IN MY MOM'S CAR?

WHAT WAS FRANK SUPPOSED TO DO?

WHAT WAS FRANK...

WHAT WAS FRANK SUPPOSED TO DO?

ALL RIGHT. RELAX, BABE.
IT'S UNDER CONTROL.

NOW, JUST GIVE ME
A LITTLE GAS MONEY.

[sighing]

[glass shattering]

MOM, MAKE DAD TAKE THE
MONEY. IT'S YOUR HOME, TOO.

WELL, YOUR FATHER'S THE BOSS.

AND ON OUR WEDDING DAY, I
PROMISED TO LOVE, HONOR AND OBEY.

OH, MOM, MOM, MOM,
EVERY MODERN WOMAN

KNOWS "OBEY" IS JUST
A FIGURE OF SPEECH.

MAYBE THAT'S WHY EVERY MODERN
WOMAN SEEMS TO GET DIVORCED.

KATE, THE KIDS ARE
GLUED TO THE PIANO,

THEY'RE WAITING FOR
ONE OF YOUR SONGS.

OH, GOOD. I JUST GOT THE
SHEET MUSIC TO LIKE A VIRGIN.

ACTUALLY, THEY'RE NOT
GLUED, THEY'RE HANDCUFFED.

[laughing] OH.

OH, JASON, I GOT
NOWHERE WITH MY MOTHER.

IT'S UP TO US. WHAT
ARE WE GOING TO DO?

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

[laughs] I DON'T HAVE
THE SLIGHTEST IDEA.

WE CAN'T LET THEM
LOSE THEIR HOME.

JASON, ALL THEY NEED IS $6,000.

WELL, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG.

DIDN'T WE JUST OFFER
YOUR FATHER MONEY?

AND YOU'RE GIVING UP JUST BECAUSE
HE SAID HE'D RATHER BE DEAD?

FORGIVE ME. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

THAT'S BETTER. OK.

SO, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?

I DON'T HAVE A PLAN.

DO YOU THINK IT'S WISE TO
PROCEED WITHOUT A PLAN?

(Kate) ♪ LIKE A VIRGIN ♪

♪ HEY ♪

♪ TOUCHED FOR THE
VERY FIRST TIME ♪

♪ [piano playing]

HEY.

WE JUST HEARD THIS
RECORD. THAT'S OK.

THE BAND SHOULD
BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

[inaudible] ♪ YOU PLAY
THE GUITAR ON M.T.V. ♪

BONER, THIS PARTY IS
COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.

I KNOW, MAN. CONGRATULATIONS.

NO, MAN, I GOTTA DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT

WITHOUT EVERYBODY
THINKING I'M A WIMP.

RELAX, MIKEY. TONIGHT,
YOU'RE MAKING PARTY HISTORY.

(Mike) HEY!

HEY, BUD!

UH, EXCUSE ME,
SLUG. MIND IF I CUT IN?

♪ WE GOTTA INSTALL
MICROWAVE OVENS ♪

♪ CUSTOM KITCHENS DELIVERIES ♪

♪ WE GOTTA MOVE
THESE REFRIGERATORS ♪

[laughing]

[sighing]

[whimpering]

I'M A DEAD MAN.

[snapping fingers]

AT LEAST I WAS
COOL FOR 15 YEARS.

HELLO, POLICE?
YEAH. THIS IS, UM...

[Indian accent] MR. GANDHI.
YES, BOB GANDHI.

YES, I AM A VERY
PEACE-LOVING MAN,

AND I AM LIVING ON
ROBIN HOOD LANE.

YES, IT IS NORMALLY A
VERY PEACEFUL STREET.

BUT TONIGHT THERE IS A VERY,
VERY LOUD PARTY AT NUMBER 15.

YES, IT IS, I BELIEVE,
THE SEAVER HOME.

YES, THIS IS VERY
HARD TO BELIEVE

SINCE THEY ARE SUCH A...
A LOVING, PEACEFUL FAMILY.

YES. AND PLEASE BE GOING EASY
ON THE SEAVER BOY CALLED MIKE.

HE IS A VERY, VERY,
VERY SPIRITUAL BOY

AND NONE OF THIS COULD
POSSIBLY BE HIS FAULT.

STILL BUSY. I WONDER WHO
MIKE COULD BE TALKING TO.

MOM, COME AND TAKE YOUR TURN.

YEAH. AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?

IS HE IN HIS DEN? (Maggie) YEAH.

OK, MAGGIE. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
WANTED ME TO COME UP WITH A PLAN.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

[laughing] I HAVE NO IDEA.

ED?

COME TO MAKE ANOTHER
GENEROUS OFFER, DID YOU?

READY WITH ANOTHER
GRACIOUS TURNDOWN?

NO, I DIDN'T COME TO OFFER YOU
ANYTHING, ED, EXCEPT AN APOLOGY.

HERE.

IRISH WHISKEY?

HUH?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT
THAT MAYBE DEEP DOWN

I REALLY DID WANT TO
EMBARRASS YOU A LITTLE

WHEN I OFFERED YOU
THAT MONEY. I ADMIT THAT.

I'M SORRY.

[paper rustling]

SIT DOWN.

UH, GRAB A COUPLE
OF GLASSES THERE.

OK.

GAME OF CHECKERS?

SURE.

[both laughing]

HOW'RE WE GOING TO GET
ANY GINGER ALE IN THESE?

GINGER ALE? THAT'S IRISH, MAN.

[laughing] I KNOW YOU
CAN'T DRINK THAT STRAIGHT.

BLASPHEMY.

BIG TALK.

WELL, YOU... YOU JUST WATCH.

OH, ONE SIP. BIG DEAL.

BET YOU CAN'T DRAIN THAT.

KEEP WATCHING.

$100.

YOU'RE ON.

[hoarsely] $100.

OH, WELL, CAN'T BE THAT TOUGH.

DOUBLE OR NOTHING
SAYS I CAN DO IT.

[laughing] YOU?

YOU'RE ON.

(Ed) I WON AGAIN.

(Jason) WELL, YOU HAVE TO
GIVE ME A CHANCE TO GET EVEN.

BEN, CAROL...

(both) "GO TO BED."

RIGHT.

WHERE ARE THE COPS?
WHERE ARE THE COPS?

(girl) WE NEED MORE
ROOM TO DANCE.

(boy) LET'S SHOVE ALL THE
FURNITURE INTO THE KITCHEN.

(all) YEAH.

[tires screeching]

UM, MICHAEL, TELL YOUR MOTHER SHE
SHOULD HAVE HER BRAKES CHECKED.

OH, FRANK'S ASLEEP
IN THE BACK SEAT.

AND FOR THE RECORD,
HE PUKED, NOT ME.

(Eddie) PIZZA!

(all) YEAH.

[clanking]

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

COPS OR NO COPS,
THIS PARTY IS OVER.

JUST LIKE MY LIFE.

♪ [music playing]

FOOD FIGHT!

[all screaming]

HEY, HEY! COME ON, PEOPLE!

COME ON! HEY, STOP!

[music stops]

(girl) OH.

HEY, I'M MIKE. I'M THE
BOZO GIVING THIS PARTY.

I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.

BIG DEAL.

HEY!

HEY, MIKE, YO, THIS IS NOT COOL.

I DON'T CARE.

I WANT ALL OF YOU PEOPLE,
ESPECIALLY YOU, SLUG, TO JUST...

[banging on door] (policeman)
OPEN UP! POLICE!

OH, NICE. NICE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, WHO
CALLED THE POLICE?

COME ON, THIS PARTY WAS
JUST STARTING TO COOK.

GOD! AW!

[sighs]

NO, THAT'S IT. UNCLE.

BEATEN ME FOR THE LAST TIME, ED.

[laughing]

BY MY RECORDS, YOU
LOST 7 TIMES. MMM-HMM.

UH, LET'S SEE. THAT'S DOUBLE
OR NOTHING, STARTING AT $100.

RIGHT.

SO YOU OWE ME... THE 1
GOES TO 2, THAT'S 4, 8, 16,

32, $6,400.

$6,400?

WHAT?

TH-TH-THAT'S WHAT IT COMES TO.

I... I DON'T GET IT, EITHER.

OH, SURE YOU DON'T, ED.

NO, NO, NICE JOB, YOU GOT ME.

HOW DID I DO THAT?

I ONLY HAD 3 SHOTS.

YOU NEVER GOT ALL THE
WAY THROUGH ONE OF YOURS.

YEAH, SO, BIG ED FINALLY SHOWS
THE OVERPAID PSYCHIATRIST

JUST WHO'S SMARTER.

HMM. I DON'T LIKE
TO BE TAKEN, ED.

I DIDN'T TAKE YOU.

I WON THAT FAIR AND SQUARE.

WELL, I'M NOT PAYING.

THE HELL YOU'RE
NOT! I WANT MY MONEY!

WELL?

JASON, YOU'RE NOT LEAVING
THIS HOUSE UNTIL I GET MY $6,400.

EDDIE,

WE GET TO KEEP OUR HOUSE,
AND YOU GET TO KEEP YOUR PRIDE.

HEY, I TOLD YOU I'D TAKE
CARE OF YOU, DIDN'T I?

THANK YOU, HONEY.

HEY, I JUST LOST $6,000

AND I MAY LOSE MY LUNCH.

I KNEW YOU'D TAKE CARE OF ME.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, OFFICER.
I CAN HANDLE IT FROM HERE.

[Indian accent] YOU ARE VERY,
VERY WELCOME, MR. GANDHI.

[guffawing]

[Mike screaming]

[car approaching]

[car door slamming]

WELCOME HOME, MOM AND DAD!

OUT OF MY WAY! NATURE CALLS!

WELL, MIKE. HOW
WAS YOUR WEEKEND?

OH, KIND OF BORING.

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND WITH,
UH, GRANDMA AND GRANDPA?

OH, FINE, FINE.

ACTUALLY, YOUR FATHER
WAS A HERO THIS WEEKEND.

HE SAVED A HOUSE.

OH, REALLY?

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

WHAT?

UH, OH.

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST NICE TO KNOW
THAT YOU GUYS WERE UP THERE,

I WAS DOWN HERE AND...

HEY, IT'S A WONDERFUL WORLD.

I THOUGHT YOUR MANURE-SPREADING
JOB WAS OVER YESTERDAY.

WHAT DOG?