Ground Floor (2013–2015): Season 1, Episode 8 - Dynamic Duo - full transcript

- Okay, guys, I got the new phones!
- Did anyone notice?

I am a giant black guy wheeling
around $20,000 in new electronics.

You know I got stopped,
like, five times.

- Did anyone upstairs see the phones?
- Hell no! Do you think I'm crazy?

Once they find out, they're gonna rush
down here Like a flock of douches.

- Harvard, you know better than that.
- I meant herd of douches.

Hey, you know what? I'm dating one
of them, and it's a pride of douches.

Pride of douches.

Now they cannot find out until we're
ready, okay? I don't want any leaks.

Hey, babe, I was just...
Is that the new phone?

Oh, my God, that's the new phone!
I'm gonna go tell the whole pride!



- They know!
- Okay, guys, let's move!

- Derrick, get those phones in the cage!
- I got it!

Tori, I need you to print
100 requisition forms.

- Well, there goes my morning.
- And print.

I can feel it in the air...

Should start coming down
any second now.

It's happening!

This is what happens
when the company says

you can't get a new phone
till your old one breaks.

- Sure is pretty, though.
- Yeah...

Sorry, baby, I'm dumping you
for a new model.

Mr. Wen! What in the hell
are you doing on my balcony?

I was, uh...

Just having a rough day
and thinking about jumping.



Well, hell, you can jump.
Just leave the phone.

- You need a hand?
- No.

- Did you write a note?
- No.

Ohh, there's a truck. It'd be great.
Run you right over, sure thing.

You know what? I feel better.
Great pep talk, sir. "I wanna live!"

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Season 1, Episode 8
"Dynamic Duo"

Morning, sir. Can I talk
to you for a second?

Yeah. Please, have a seat.

Uh, I wanted to ask you something, but
I'm not sure how you're gonna take it.

- Hold on. Are you comfortable?
- Yes, sir.

- How about now?
- Not as much.

Excellent.
Ask me whatever you want.

Well, I was just wondering if you knew
who you were gonna take with you

to the big Tomkins meeting
this afternoon.

Oh, yes, I've put together
my very best team...

Me.

Okay, because no one knows Tomkins'
financials better than I do.

I know those numbers
backwards and forwards.

Forwards is more useful, but backwards
makes for a pretty nice party trick.

You feeling pretty good
about yourself?

Like a kid
at the big boy table.

Sir, you keep talking about grooming
a new person to open up the new office,

but you never let me go
to the big meetings with you.

Fair enough.
True or false...

I think you're ready to land
your first billionaire client.

- True.
- False!

True or false... I'd love
to have you help me reel one in.

- That's true.
- False!

Tomkins is a whale.
I am Ahab.

You are plankton.

Benjamin Franklin said,

"Tell me and I forget, teach me,
and I may remember,"

"but involve me,
and I learn."

That's a good quote.

Fine. You can come with me.

I will just be the Robin
to your Batman.

I'm Batman.

I like that.

Batman and plankton.

- Ah-choo!
- God bless you.

- Why would you say that?
- You sneezed.

No, no. No, no. I didn't sneeze.
I don't get sick.

Sickness is a weakness
of the will. Ah-choo!

God bless... America.

- Hey, babe.
- Ms. Miller.

Babe Miller.

Mr. Mansfield, I was just
bringing you your new phone.

- Where's your assistant?
- Oh, Eric? He called in sick.

Correction...
He called in weak.

Are you gonna get that?

Ms. Miller, I'm C.E.O.
of one of the largest

financial management firms
in the country.

I don't answer my own phone.
Besides, it's blinking.

I-I don't know
which button to hit.

You'd think green, but
I've made that mistake before.

Remington Trust. Mr. Mansfield's office.
Oh, hello, Mr. Kersey.

He is not in right now,
but he'll be back in an hou... Week.

In a month?
He'll be back in a year.

Yes, in a year.
Thank you.

And remember, you can't spell
Remington Trust without trust.

Good-bye.

- That's not even our slogan.
- Yeah, but I like it! It's fun!

Ms. Miller, how'd you like to be
my assistant until Eric gets back?

- It's new phone day. I-I can't.
- Let me rephrase my question.

You're my assistant
until Eric gets back!

You're gonna like
working for Batman.

According
to H.R. guidelines,

the person that's in charge while
I'm upstairs is the manager of business.

No. Nope, nope...
Got it. I got it right here.

Yes.

"Manager of business."

Okay, Harvard.

You are in charge while
I'm upstairs, okay?

- Just please, like, don't go crazy.
- Jenny!

Shut up! I'm the manager of business.
Come on, I think I can handle this.

Listen up, people!

The life you knew is over!

Okay? Put that
coconut water down.

Coconut water is for closers!

Now we got a lot of new phones
to distribute today, okay?

So... to keep things fun,
we're gonna have a contest.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

First prize... I wonder
what it's gonna be.

It's gonna be a pop-tart.
There it is.

Check it out!
Second prize...

Another pop-tart!

And third prize is...
You're fired!

Because we only have the...

We just have the two
pop-tarts.

You can't fire us.

Oh, no?

I don't think you know
who you're dealing with, okay?

See this watch? This watch cost
more than those pop-tarts.

How'd you get to work today?

Because I got here
in a $90,000 bus.

Dude, you are really crazy, man.
I'm up out of here.

Go. Fine. You can all leave!
Like I need of you anyways!

Ah, hell.
They took the pop-tarts.

Hey, baby.
Whatcha doin'?

Oh, I'm making a presentation
for the biggest meeting of my life.

Will you actually
tell me what you think?

- Yeah, I love it.
- Well, can I show it to you first?

All right. Okay.

So... all right, let me just
get back to the beginning.

Okay, so...

We open with the Remington Trust
company logo. And then...

- Ooh! Can I say something?
- Uh, sure. Go ahead.

You should use my new slogan, "You can't
spell Remington Trust without trust."

I think... uh, yeah, let's...
Let's put a pin in that.

I just wanted to show you
the presentation for...

So... here we go.
So the first slide is basically

a brief overview
of the client's industry,

- ...which basically...
- Ooh! Can I say something?

- What...
- He does oil, right?

So, like, how about, instead
of these lines or whatever,

you do, uh, oil wells
that are spouting money?

Okay, because it's not
what I'm doing.

Can I just, uh, show you
the presentation?

- Yes.
- Okay.

I'm sorry, baby.
It's really good so far.

Aw, thank you. So... oh,
this is the best part.

I basically compare
our performance to our client's,

and I name names, which is
pretty ballsy.

- Can I say something?
- What?

It's really dry. I think
you should make it fun.

What do you... it's not supposed
to be fun, it's supposed to be good.

Yeah, but it could be fun and good.
Like... oh...

We made this video for new employees,
called "Welcome to Remington Trust,"

and Harvard’s wearing
this captain's hat!

- Uh...
- It's ridiculous!

Wait. So-so...

You want me to put a video of Harvard
in a captain's hat into my presentation?

No, I would just
skip the presentation.

I'm not skipping the presentation.
The whole point is the presentation.

- Okay, I'm just trying to help.
- Well, I-I don't need your help then.

Then why did you ask me
what I think?

Because I just wanted you
to say it was great.

Then it's great!

I'm going back to my office...
Which is over here now.

Mr. Mansfield?

Just wanted to remind you that
you have the Tomkins meeting at 4:00,

and I need your John Hancock
on a few things,

including a birthday card
for Mark Zuckerberg.

I found one that just
says "Like."

Sir, if you're sick,
you should cancel the meeting.

I'm not going to cancel the meeting,
because I'm not sick.

Sickness is surrender.

Did my body betray me
and allow a virus in?

Perhaps, but that's not
my problem.

If my body wants
to pick a fight with me,

I'll kicks its ass,
but I will not...

I repeat, I will not...
Surrender.

Are you sure?

Um, because it looks like the only thing
holding you up right now is that table.

Incorrect.
You may leave.

Sir, you need to rest.

What are you...
What are you doing, Ms. Miller?

Th-this does not end well for you.

If you just
put the remote down,

we'll never speak of this
ever again.

I surrender.

Hey. About before, I'm sorry
if I was a little prickly.

Yeah, you were.
Without the "-ly."

I know, I know,
I know, I know.

I'm just tense because this
meeting is so important to me.

Well, you can relax, because
Mansfield told me to cancel it.

- Hi. Mr. Tomkins' office, please?
- What?! No!

- Ah! Damn! What are you doing?
- I'm hanging up!

No, you're n... You just
transferred the call.

Do any of you guys know
how to use these phones?

Look, you... you cannot
cancel that meeting.

You know what?
I'll do it without him.

- Are you crazy?
- Yeah. Crazy like plankton.

Look, Mansfield keeps talking about
someone opening up a new office.

If I can land this client
alone, I'll be that guy.

Babe, you just told me that you've
never done a meeting like this before.

Well, I'm
ready.

I-I wrote the presentation.
I could do the presentation.

- The presentation's great.
- Uh, babe, the presentation's all right.

It's great! Look, you don't know
anything about my business.

I do. When Mansfield sees that
I don't have to be second fiddle,

that I could be
the whole damn orchestra,

he's gonna ask for an encore,
maybe even an oboe solo.

And, yes, I know I'm stuck in a music
metaphor, but I'm gonna do this meeting.

Oh, my God! You are
just as stubborn as he is.

Thank you.

It wasn't a compliment.

Dude, you gotta hook me up with
a new phone. My old one died on me.

Okay. Okay, slow down.
We have a process here, okay?

Now I just need to match the new serial
numbers with your employee I.D.s.

Then I'm gonna fill out
requisition form 43A,

and then enter the corresponding
activation codes

from the service provider.

Now... Who here knows how to do
any of those things I just said?

Just give us
our damn phones!

Yeah, man.
I need that phone bad.

It's got more pixels than
the human eye can see.

Whoa! Okay... okay,
back up, back up!

- I'll use this, man.
- Come on, man.

Think about
what you're doing.

- You just tell your people to stand down.
- I can't give that order.

- You tell your people to stand down!
- I can't give that order!

Let's just take 'em!

No, no, no, no, no! No!

Now nobody gets a phone!

Yeah! That's right!

You don't bring a knife
to a gunfight, people.

And you "Don't close
the door from the inside."

My mom was right.

I'm gonna die
alone in a cage.

Mr. Tomkins,
over the next hour,

I will use my exhaustive
research to show you

why you should invest
your money in Remington Trust.

- Okay, first slide...
- Can I say something?

Sure. Go ahead.

Is this just gonna be a bunch
of graphs and projections?

'Cause I've already done
all that research.

Okay, great. Yeah.
I'll just skip ahead a bit.

Uh, skip... skip...
Skip... Skip...

Okay, great. Here we go.

I don't need to see how your company
stacks up against the competition.

Uh... uh, the end.

Where's Mansfield?

Sir, he's unavailable, but rest assured
he has complete confidence in me...

As will you, because we are
a great company.

There's lots of great
companies.

But I'm worth
a billion dollars.

So that makes me the hot girl
at the dance.

Trust me, son...

I ain't gonna have
no trouble getting laid.

Well, we here
at Remington Trust

want to be the guy who gets you
in the back of the limo,

and I'm not gonna
finish that thought.

I want to do my banking
with people who don't...

Feel like
bankers.

First time I met Mansfield,
he punched a shark right in the face.

- You guys went shark fishing?
- No, we were at the aquarium.

That actually
sounds kinda fun.

That's what I'm looking for,
right there.

Hell, anybody can show me numbers.
Show me fun.

I'll go get her.

Whoa! 105? That's
the highest temperature I've ever seen.

Thank you.

That's not a compliment!

Sir, we gotta get you
to a doctor.

Why? So I can be told I'm sick by some
macho know-it-all jackass in scrubs?

That's not me!

Hey, Mr. Mansfield,
how we feeling?

- Oh, great, Mr. Moyer... mnh.
- Ha ha! Swallow. Swallow.

Oh, grape! Gross!

Uh, Jenny, can I borrow you
for a second?

Yes, sure.

- How's the meeting going?
- Great. Good. Not bad.

Bad. The worst.

- I need your help.
- Wh-what can I do?

Well, I need fun, and you are
the funnest person I know.

Oh, baby. He didn't like
the presentation?

No.

Come on. Come on.

Come to papa!
Come on!

Come on!
Damn it! Ahh!

- What are you doing?
- Starving to death...?

Okay, how about I give you
the pop-tart, I let you out of the cage,

and you hook me up
with a new phone?

What's in it for me?

A pop-tart
and getting out of a cage.

- Okay, yeah, deal. Good.
- Okay...?

Yeah, yeah. Good, good, good.
Good, good, good, good. Come on!

- Come on! Come on!
- Okay.

- Come on!
- Okay.

It's been like
15 minutes, man.

15 feels like 20
when you're in the hole.

Okay, you're out of the cage.
Give me the phone.

All right, look, I lied. I don't
even know how to do the phones.

I just... I thought I could do this job
alone, and obviously it's impossible!

Okay, so... I help you out, all right?
I-I change my phones every six months.

If you want, I can, like, hold your
hand right through this stuff. Hmm?

Hey, look, Harvard, man,
we are so sorry...

Told ya.

You guys were right.

I needed you all along.
I don't even...

I don't even know how to
register the phones.

All right,
if I'm being honest,

I don't know
how to do that either, man.

It's easy. He'll hold
your hand right through it.

- Thanks, man.
- Ahh... come on.

I just want a new phone.

You're going to have

an awful lot of fun
aboard the S.S. "Remington."

Go long!

But we want to make sure all the
members of the crew feel comfortable.

Hi! Bill from Marketing?
I'm Sally from Accounting.

- I'm new here.
- Nice to meet you, Sally.

Good boobs!

Now where did Bill go wrong?

That's right. He should have stopped
before saying, "good boobs."

But sometimes harassment
can be even more subtle.

Take a look.

You must work out a lot.

And as your boss,
I should tell you,

if you wanna get ahead
in this company,

wear tighter pants!

Inappropriate.

You actually show this
to new employees?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Entry level. Just entry level.

- It's fabulous.
- Uh, yeah, every lev...

- Every level sees it.
- I-I...

I love it.
I tell ya,

I am so tired of meeting
companies

that are just full of
tight-asses in suits

that it's, uh,
it's refreshing to meet somebody

doesn't take themselves
so seriously.

Oh, yeah, well,
we are total goofballs.

- I take my money seriously.
- Yeah. Not as seriously as we do.

If you like, I could
show you my presentation now.

Oh, God, no.

Or we can make that presentation
a drinking game.

Every time he shows us
a boring graph, we drink?

Sister, I can't afford
to get that drunk.

I gotta be able to fly
my helicopter out of here.

- Oh.
- All right, um...

Tell you what I'll do.

If will give these numbers
the once-over,

and if they are as good
as you say they are...

You just might be able to
take me home from the dance.

Yeah, we'd... we'd love that.

And remember, you can't spell
Remington Trust without trust.

That ought to be
your slogan.

Mr. Moyer.
What a day, what a day.

Sir! I didn't expect you to be in.
I heard you had a 72-hour flu.

I did indeed,
but I crushed it in 18.

- It's a personal best.
- Not surprised, sir.

- True or false?
- Hmm?

Mr. Tomkins was very
impressed by you.

- True.
- True!

True or false...
You just brought in the...

The biggest new account
this firm's had this quarter.

- True!
- True!

True or false...
I could not be happier.

True.

False.

- I'm really not that good at this game.
- Come. Sit with me.

Tell you what... ever since
the day I started this firm,

I've looked forward to finding out
just who I was gonna pass it on to.

Now that day is getting
a little closer.

Well, it's trickier
than I thought.

Oh, come on, sir.
You have plenty of time.

Oh, don't patronize me,
Mr. Moyer.

Even if I continue
to stay fit and eat right,

I still only have 60
or 70 good years left in me.

Oh, you're serious.

Of course I was... I was happy
that you closed the deal.

Hell, I trained you
how to do it.

But that you were able
to do it without me...

That's... that's what
pissed me off.

Well, if it makes you feel any
better, I didn't do it alone.

I needed Jenny
to save my ass.

Well, that makes me feel
quite a bit better.

For the record, uh, you took
quite a bold initiative there,

going behind my back.
It reminded me of myself.

Oh. Thank you, sir.
Anyway, I'm glad it worked out.

- Not so fast.
- Yeah?

As I said, you did go behind my back,
so for that, there's a consequence.

Mr. Mansfield's office.

Mr. Mansfield's office.

Mr. Mansfield's... Mr...

Mr. Mansfield's office.
Mr. Man...

Does anyone know how to work
these frickin' phones?

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