Ground Floor (2013–2015): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Decision: Part One - full transcript
So I had the dream again.
Here it is. Okay, yes.
I'm in a speeding train headed
towards a tunnel marked "Jenny."
Inside the train,
I'm having sex...
With Jenny.
Guys! Guys, guys, guys!
Big news!
- I'm going to Paris!
- What?!
- What?
- In a train with me?
- I can't believe you're going to Paris!
- I know!
Did someone say Paris?
J'ai vécu dans le neuviène
arrondissement.
I did a semester
at the Sorbonne.
You are what the French
would call a "douche."
Well, uh, "douche" is actually
French for "shower."
Damn it.
- I am going to Paris.
- No way. You're kidding.
Yes! I've been saving credit
card miles for eight years,
and I finally have enough.
Ah, Paris is my favorite
city in the world.
Yes, we heard
about your sore bone.
I love Paris.
I mean, I've never been there,
but I fell in love with it
like every other 9-year-old girl
when I saw the movie "Forget Paris."
Wait, "Forget Paris," the Billy Crystal
movie from, like, 20 years ago?
I know.
I'm such a cliché.
Okay, so, uh,
when's the trip?
Well, due to the blackout dates,
it's either next week or...
October 2031.
Well, Mansfield owes me about 60 vacation
days, so I'll see what I can do.
Oh, did you wanna go?
Oh. Did you not
want me to go?
Oh, it's just I didn't know that
you would want to go.
Oh, I just said it was my favorite city
in the world, like, twice.
Oh, it's just that I-I booked
this before I knew you.
What's French for "She doesn't
wanna go with you..."
"You giant shower"?
Season 1, Episode 9
"The Decision: Part One"
She said she's wanted to go
since she saw "Forget Paris."
Oh, it's a classic. It'll totally
make you want to go to Paris.
I do want to go to Paris.
Look, I want to go with Jenny,
but for some reason,
she didn't ask me.
Well, it's a big jump going from
dating someone to traveling together.
You've been with her,
what, three months?
I don't know.
108 days exactly.
Look, I know we hide it well, but things
have actually gotten kind of serious.
"Hide it"? You... you guys don't hide it.
You guys are all over each other.
You guys are the reason why we had
that company-wide H.R. meeting
about inappropriate behavior
in the workplace.
I don't remember that.
Because you were making out
the entire time.
You were groping her
like a blind pickpocket.
Okay...
All right, fine,
we're affectionate.
Yeah, it's totally fine, man.
You guys are in love.
Yeah.
Yeah, actually, I...
I haven't told her I love her yet.
What? You tell me you love me
all the time.
- Yeah, well, I do love you.
- Well, I love you, too, man.
But why haven't you told her?
It's not that hard.
I don't... I don't want to scare her off,
you know? She's really skittish.
I once said "I love Hugh Jackman,"
and she totally freaked out.
Maybe it's 'cause you said
"I love Hugh Jackman."
Oh, I'm sorry. Jean Valjean
and Wolverine in the same year?
I love Hugh.
My point is, maybe that's why she
didn't invite you to Paris, you know?
'Cause you haven't dropped
the "L" bomb yet.
Of course that's why.
I have to tell Jenny
I love her.
Do it. Do it. Just be
real discreet about it,
like when you took her bra off
at the fire drill.
So we will see Mr. Zhang
tomorrow at 4:00 P.M. at my office.
Thank you, dear.
Scale of 1 to 10...
How happy am I right now?
Uh... 10?
1!
Of course, my scale is in reverse order,
1 being the highest!
Oh. So then I was right.
You said 10. You couldn't have
been more wrong.
Now tomorrow I have
a very important meeting
with a potential new client,
and let me just say
we're going to be discussing...
Big things.
Big, big things.
Big, big things.
Very... big things.
Okay. You're being
really coy, sir.
Am I?
Am I being coy?
As coy
as a Southern Belle, sir.
Well, I do declare,
you might be on to something, Mr. Wen.
Well, my heavens, your
brazenness is giving me the vapors.
Oh, well, that...
that... that... that's enough.
Mister... Mister... Mr. Zhang is
what we call a "game changer,"
therefore, Mr. Moyer,
you will stay here.
Mr. Wen, you'll come
to the meeting.
- Me? Why me?
- Him? Why him?
Well, it's simple, Mr. Moyer.
Last week, you had a shot
at a big client,
and it's time for Mr. Wen
to prove his worth.
Damn right it is.
Also, Mr. Zhang doesn't speak
a word of English,
and it says on your résumé
that you are fluent in Mandarin.
It does?
You know, uh...
Most people never get
to the bottom of a résumé
where you list other skills.
I read every word.
In fact,
when are you gonna
stage that opera?
Still looking
for the right venue.
Oh, you're in luck. I'm on the, uh,
board of the San Francisco opera.
You found your venue!
Now I gotta learn Mandarin
and write an opera.
Well, I do declare.
You are so screwed.
Hey, can I talk to you
for a second?
Yeah. I-is it about
the Paris thing?
Uh, not exactly. Uh, I want
to say something to you,
- ...but I don't want you to freak out.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- No, no, no!
I just said I don't want you
to freak out.
Well, don't say that you don't
want me to freak out,
because right when you say that,
I start to freak out!
It's the weird mole
on your neck, isn't it?
What? I have a weird mole
on my neck?
Yes, baby, that's why
I tell you to wear sunscreen!
But I'm never outside!
Oh, my God!
- I can't believe this is happening to me!
- Oh, my God! Oh, wait a minute.
- No, it's just chocolate.
- Oh.
What a relief.
So, um, we're good?
- Yes, thank God.
- Okay.
No, no, that's not...
it's... no.
That's not what I wanted
to say at all.
Um, look, I want to say
something to you, babe,
and there's never a really
good time to say it,
so I feel like if I just
say it right now,
then I'll just say it.
I love you, Jenny!
I realized that's what
my dreams have meant.
The Washington Monument,
the gushing oil derricks,
the hot dog eating contests...
Those are all things
that I love.
Just like I love you.
Well, thank you, Harvard,
and, hey, I love you, too.
Hey, what's going on?
Jenny just said she loves me.
Uh, uh, just like I love you,
Derrick.
- I love you, too.
- I love you, Jenny.
I love you, too, Tori.
Are you frickin' kidding me?
I love all y'all!
Group hug!
Aw, aw, aw!
I love you!
Well, everyone told Jenny
they loved her before I could.
They frickin'
love-blocked me, man.
Well, do you know how a Chinese
person would respond to that?
No. How?
No, I'm asking you.
I don't speak Chinese.
Look, unless you can learn
an entire foreign language in a day,
I really suggest
you tell Mansfield.
You want me to tell Mansfield
that I lied on my résumé?
Yeah, I might as well tell him
in not one-eighth cherokee.
Aren't both your parents
from the Philippines?
All I know is that once a year I get
a check from a casino in Connecticut,
and I don't ask
any questions.
Gentlemen, Mr. Wen,
are there any Chinese phrases I should
know for my big meeting tomorrow?
I mean, I'm obviously not gonna learn
an entire new language in a day, right?
Yeah, you know, uh,
Chinese is really a language
of meaningful pauses
and gestures.
It's considered a sign of power
to not talk.
For... for... for
long periods, you know?
So... so don't be surprised
if this meeting is filled
with what seems like silence
and blank stares.
Okay. Let me, uh,
let me give it a try.
What did I just say?
That I better not
screw this up?
Oh, you're very good, kid!
You're very good!
I'm bilingual.
Do you love it?
Hey, babe.
Here we go.
You left before
we had a chance to talk.
Yes. Uh, and I want to talk
to you so badly right now.
Look... there's really
no good way of saying this,
and I really didn't imagine
doing it here,
- ...but I might as well just say...
- Hey... hey, gang,
You mind having this conversation,
like, anywhere else?
I have 18 hours to become
fluent in Mandarin,
and I can't even get
on the website, so...
Threepeat, you know who's fluent
in Mandarin is Tori.
Are you serious? Can you spare her
for a day so she can teach me?
Spare her? We don't
even know what she does.
Can... can you ask her for me?
- Yeah, I'll make it happen.
- Oh, my God! Jenny, I love you so much!
Oh! Thanks.
I love you, too.
Unbelievable.
I can't let her take him
to Paris!
Go back to sleep, sweetie.
You're just having a bad dream.
Okay, thanks.
Here you go, sir.
Got you the numbers
for the, uh, thing.
It's in the back
of the... whatever.
Ah. What's, uh...
What's the matter with you, son?
You look like someone stole your cookies.
No, sir, it's...
It's just that, um...
Are those my cookies?
Anything you leave
on your desk is mine.
Uh, have a seat. Have a seat.
I'm trying to tell Jenny
that I love her.
She doesn't know already?
Hell, the rest of the world does.
It's why we had that
annoying H.R. meeting.
Well, apparently
she doesn't know.
She's planning a trip to Paris, and it
never even occurred to her to invite me.
Paris. It's my favorite city
in the whole planet.
Did you ever see "Forget Paris"?
Was that on cable recently?
Everyone is talking about it.
Well, you don't want
to watch that on TV.
You want to see a film
like that on the big screen.
Billy Crystal, 40 feet high?
Doesn't get any better than that.
Anyway, uh, now that
I haven't said it,
every minute that goes by makes me
more and more stressed about it.
Son, have I ever told you
what to do in your relationship?
At every single turn.
Then it... it should come
as no surprise to you then
when you hear me say,
now is not the time
to tell that girl
that you love her.
I don't understand.
I thought you liked Jenny.
I do. I love her.
Does she not know?
Should... should I go tell her?
No. No one else needs
to tell her they love her.
Look, big things
are happening at this firm.
Now's not the time for you
to complicate your life.
It's... it's KISMET.
- As in fate?
- No. It's an acronym.
It stands for, "Keep It Simple,
Moyer, Especially Today."
Did you just think of that?
It came to me as I said it.
It was kismet.
Sir, have I ever ignored
your relationship advice?
Only at every single turn.
Then you will not be surprised that
no matter what, I'm gonna tell her today.
Well, don't be a SHMUCK.
That stands for,
"Sometimes Happiness
Messes Up Career..."
"Kevin"?
That means, "This boat
goes very fast."
Okay, uh, I'm meeting
with a tech billionaire,
and so far all the phrases you've
taught me have the word "boat" in it.
That's 'cause I learned Mandarin over
a year touring Asia as a boat show model.
She was in a Chinese boat calendar,
but will she bring it in? No.
I told you,
I was topless.
And I keep telling you,
I'm cool with that!
I need some
business phrases, okay?
Okay, okay.
That means, "No, sir,
I do not come with the boat."
Thank you so much.
This has been super helpful.
Hey, remember,
when all else fails...
Stroke the boat.
Yeah, when I'm fired, I'll have
plenty of time to stroke the boat.
Jenny, you were in my dream
again last night.
Was it gross?
Yeah. It was disgusting.
Brody kissed you.
Well, that doesn't sound
very gross.
Well, it was. I'll show you.
You be Brody, I'll be you.
No. You be Brody,
I'll be me.
Wait, no.
No, I don't wanna do...
Look, Jenny, listen to me.
I...
I don't think you should
go to Paris with Brody.
It is... it's not a place
for couples. It's...
Paris is the city
of loners.
No. Paris is the city
of lovers.
Well, then they have enough.
Look, you know, I mean,
I've been thinking about it,
and I keep going back and forth,
you know?
On the one hand,
Brody's so sweet,
and he speaks French,
and it would be so romantic.
Get to the other hand.
What is on that other hand?
Well, on the other hand, we've been
dating for, what, like three months?
109 days exactly.
Yeah, and it's going
really great, you know.
I don't want to push the relationship.
We're already moving so fast.
So fast. Fast, yes.
Yeah... yes.
Like a speeding train.
Yes, just like in my dream.
Look at this.
Who's this guy
spooning you?
Okay, that's private,
all right?
Tell him Remington Trust has
withstood the market's volatility
better than any other company
in the country.
___
Oh!
He said, "Oh."
Yes, I got that.
Tell him that because
we are a boutique firm,
we can react quickly
to market changes.
___
Answer his question,
Mr. Wen.
___
___
___
- Wh-what just happened?
- We just closed the deal.
Ha ha, we closed the deal!
You speak Mandarin.
I'm fired!
I speak a little Mandarin,
but you are fluent
in the international language
of bullshit!
- It's impressive.
- Really?
Absolutely.
I just watched you
tread water for 23 minutes
with no knowledge of Chinese
and only a basic understanding
of boats.
Now... I'm about to open up
an office in Hong Kong,
and good things
are about to happen to you.
Very good things. Now you didn't lie about
anything else on your résumé, did you?
Oh, no sir. Everything else
is completely true.
Good, 'cause I'm really looking forward
to seeing those juggling skills.
Oh. Yes! You're alone.
Okay, I have something
to tell you,
but I was hoping to do it in a place
that had fewer dumpsters.
I have to go to Paris alone.
What?
I'm so sorry, babe.
I just...
I've been picturing
this trip in my head
for so long,
and it's just been me
and my backpack
and a bag of pastries...
And for some reason,
a little black dog
that follows me around
everywhere I go.
- Please don't hate me because I want...
- I love you.
What?
I've wanted to say it since
the first night we hooked up,
but, uh, I didn't want
to scare you off.
Plus I wasn't sure
of your name...
And I-I've wanted to say it
every day since.
Jenny, I've never met
anyone like you.
You're crazy
and you're funny
and you're really gorgeous,
and you're real.
And you bring out
the best version of me.
And if you want to go to Paris
alone, that's totally fine.
I just... couldn't let you go without
saying that, Jenny, I love you.
Oh, my God.
I love you, too.
I really love you.
- Please come to Paris with me.
- Of course I will.
I just had the best night
of my life.
Really? Because if you had
the best night of your life,
you'd be me, because Jenny
told me she loved me.
Oh, I'm so happy for you, man.
My night crushed yours.
Because Mansfield and I
went out partying,
and everything was
coming up Threepeat.
But the point is, I trashed my place,
told my landlord to suck it,
because I'm not gonna need
my apartment anymore,
and you know what?
He's gonna tell you why.
All right, everyone gather round.
Mr. Wen, Mr. Moyer.
Now, as you all know, for the last year,
I've been preparing to open a new office.
We didn't know where, didn't know when.
I didn't even know who was gonna run it.
But today... ha ha ha...
Today I have all the answers.
The when is next week,
the where is Hong Kong,
and the who is Wen...
Me. My last name is Wen.
I'm doing a wordplay thing.
It... it doesn't matter.
The point is...
None of you guys thought
I could do it,
so screw you, screw you,
screw you,
you, I have always wanted to sleep with,
I think we can make time when I get back
from Hong Kong!
Threepeat...
- You're not going to Hong Kong.
- What?
But I... I crushed
that meeting.
You... I was gonna move to Hong Kong
and finally not be the Asian guy.
You did crush it.
You truly crushed it,
which is why I want you to stay here
in this office and be my new Brody.
- But I gave up my apartment.
- That was dumb.
What's happening
to the old Brody?
Congratulations, son.
You're going to Hong Kong.
What?
I wanted to tell you
the first day I met you.
But I was afraid it would
scare you off, and I...
You're my guy.
Congratulations, son.
We leave in two days.
Uh, I-I'm supposed to go
to Paris with Jenny.
Forget Paris.
___
Hey, what are you doing?
You're in my dream.
No, man, you are all up
in my dream.
How do you know?
Bonjour. Would you like
to see my boat show calendar?
Just this once.
Now get out of here before Jenny catches
me sleeping in the supply closet.
Here it is. Okay, yes.
I'm in a speeding train headed
towards a tunnel marked "Jenny."
Inside the train,
I'm having sex...
With Jenny.
Guys! Guys, guys, guys!
Big news!
- I'm going to Paris!
- What?!
- What?
- In a train with me?
- I can't believe you're going to Paris!
- I know!
Did someone say Paris?
J'ai vécu dans le neuviène
arrondissement.
I did a semester
at the Sorbonne.
You are what the French
would call a "douche."
Well, uh, "douche" is actually
French for "shower."
Damn it.
- I am going to Paris.
- No way. You're kidding.
Yes! I've been saving credit
card miles for eight years,
and I finally have enough.
Ah, Paris is my favorite
city in the world.
Yes, we heard
about your sore bone.
I love Paris.
I mean, I've never been there,
but I fell in love with it
like every other 9-year-old girl
when I saw the movie "Forget Paris."
Wait, "Forget Paris," the Billy Crystal
movie from, like, 20 years ago?
I know.
I'm such a cliché.
Okay, so, uh,
when's the trip?
Well, due to the blackout dates,
it's either next week or...
October 2031.
Well, Mansfield owes me about 60 vacation
days, so I'll see what I can do.
Oh, did you wanna go?
Oh. Did you not
want me to go?
Oh, it's just I didn't know that
you would want to go.
Oh, I just said it was my favorite city
in the world, like, twice.
Oh, it's just that I-I booked
this before I knew you.
What's French for "She doesn't
wanna go with you..."
"You giant shower"?
Season 1, Episode 9
"The Decision: Part One"
She said she's wanted to go
since she saw "Forget Paris."
Oh, it's a classic. It'll totally
make you want to go to Paris.
I do want to go to Paris.
Look, I want to go with Jenny,
but for some reason,
she didn't ask me.
Well, it's a big jump going from
dating someone to traveling together.
You've been with her,
what, three months?
I don't know.
108 days exactly.
Look, I know we hide it well, but things
have actually gotten kind of serious.
"Hide it"? You... you guys don't hide it.
You guys are all over each other.
You guys are the reason why we had
that company-wide H.R. meeting
about inappropriate behavior
in the workplace.
I don't remember that.
Because you were making out
the entire time.
You were groping her
like a blind pickpocket.
Okay...
All right, fine,
we're affectionate.
Yeah, it's totally fine, man.
You guys are in love.
Yeah.
Yeah, actually, I...
I haven't told her I love her yet.
What? You tell me you love me
all the time.
- Yeah, well, I do love you.
- Well, I love you, too, man.
But why haven't you told her?
It's not that hard.
I don't... I don't want to scare her off,
you know? She's really skittish.
I once said "I love Hugh Jackman,"
and she totally freaked out.
Maybe it's 'cause you said
"I love Hugh Jackman."
Oh, I'm sorry. Jean Valjean
and Wolverine in the same year?
I love Hugh.
My point is, maybe that's why she
didn't invite you to Paris, you know?
'Cause you haven't dropped
the "L" bomb yet.
Of course that's why.
I have to tell Jenny
I love her.
Do it. Do it. Just be
real discreet about it,
like when you took her bra off
at the fire drill.
So we will see Mr. Zhang
tomorrow at 4:00 P.M. at my office.
Thank you, dear.
Scale of 1 to 10...
How happy am I right now?
Uh... 10?
1!
Of course, my scale is in reverse order,
1 being the highest!
Oh. So then I was right.
You said 10. You couldn't have
been more wrong.
Now tomorrow I have
a very important meeting
with a potential new client,
and let me just say
we're going to be discussing...
Big things.
Big, big things.
Big, big things.
Very... big things.
Okay. You're being
really coy, sir.
Am I?
Am I being coy?
As coy
as a Southern Belle, sir.
Well, I do declare,
you might be on to something, Mr. Wen.
Well, my heavens, your
brazenness is giving me the vapors.
Oh, well, that...
that... that... that's enough.
Mister... Mister... Mr. Zhang is
what we call a "game changer,"
therefore, Mr. Moyer,
you will stay here.
Mr. Wen, you'll come
to the meeting.
- Me? Why me?
- Him? Why him?
Well, it's simple, Mr. Moyer.
Last week, you had a shot
at a big client,
and it's time for Mr. Wen
to prove his worth.
Damn right it is.
Also, Mr. Zhang doesn't speak
a word of English,
and it says on your résumé
that you are fluent in Mandarin.
It does?
You know, uh...
Most people never get
to the bottom of a résumé
where you list other skills.
I read every word.
In fact,
when are you gonna
stage that opera?
Still looking
for the right venue.
Oh, you're in luck. I'm on the, uh,
board of the San Francisco opera.
You found your venue!
Now I gotta learn Mandarin
and write an opera.
Well, I do declare.
You are so screwed.
Hey, can I talk to you
for a second?
Yeah. I-is it about
the Paris thing?
Uh, not exactly. Uh, I want
to say something to you,
- ...but I don't want you to freak out.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- No, no, no!
I just said I don't want you
to freak out.
Well, don't say that you don't
want me to freak out,
because right when you say that,
I start to freak out!
It's the weird mole
on your neck, isn't it?
What? I have a weird mole
on my neck?
Yes, baby, that's why
I tell you to wear sunscreen!
But I'm never outside!
Oh, my God!
- I can't believe this is happening to me!
- Oh, my God! Oh, wait a minute.
- No, it's just chocolate.
- Oh.
What a relief.
So, um, we're good?
- Yes, thank God.
- Okay.
No, no, that's not...
it's... no.
That's not what I wanted
to say at all.
Um, look, I want to say
something to you, babe,
and there's never a really
good time to say it,
so I feel like if I just
say it right now,
then I'll just say it.
I love you, Jenny!
I realized that's what
my dreams have meant.
The Washington Monument,
the gushing oil derricks,
the hot dog eating contests...
Those are all things
that I love.
Just like I love you.
Well, thank you, Harvard,
and, hey, I love you, too.
Hey, what's going on?
Jenny just said she loves me.
Uh, uh, just like I love you,
Derrick.
- I love you, too.
- I love you, Jenny.
I love you, too, Tori.
Are you frickin' kidding me?
I love all y'all!
Group hug!
Aw, aw, aw!
I love you!
Well, everyone told Jenny
they loved her before I could.
They frickin'
love-blocked me, man.
Well, do you know how a Chinese
person would respond to that?
No. How?
No, I'm asking you.
I don't speak Chinese.
Look, unless you can learn
an entire foreign language in a day,
I really suggest
you tell Mansfield.
You want me to tell Mansfield
that I lied on my résumé?
Yeah, I might as well tell him
in not one-eighth cherokee.
Aren't both your parents
from the Philippines?
All I know is that once a year I get
a check from a casino in Connecticut,
and I don't ask
any questions.
Gentlemen, Mr. Wen,
are there any Chinese phrases I should
know for my big meeting tomorrow?
I mean, I'm obviously not gonna learn
an entire new language in a day, right?
Yeah, you know, uh,
Chinese is really a language
of meaningful pauses
and gestures.
It's considered a sign of power
to not talk.
For... for... for
long periods, you know?
So... so don't be surprised
if this meeting is filled
with what seems like silence
and blank stares.
Okay. Let me, uh,
let me give it a try.
What did I just say?
That I better not
screw this up?
Oh, you're very good, kid!
You're very good!
I'm bilingual.
Do you love it?
Hey, babe.
Here we go.
You left before
we had a chance to talk.
Yes. Uh, and I want to talk
to you so badly right now.
Look... there's really
no good way of saying this,
and I really didn't imagine
doing it here,
- ...but I might as well just say...
- Hey... hey, gang,
You mind having this conversation,
like, anywhere else?
I have 18 hours to become
fluent in Mandarin,
and I can't even get
on the website, so...
Threepeat, you know who's fluent
in Mandarin is Tori.
Are you serious? Can you spare her
for a day so she can teach me?
Spare her? We don't
even know what she does.
Can... can you ask her for me?
- Yeah, I'll make it happen.
- Oh, my God! Jenny, I love you so much!
Oh! Thanks.
I love you, too.
Unbelievable.
I can't let her take him
to Paris!
Go back to sleep, sweetie.
You're just having a bad dream.
Okay, thanks.
Here you go, sir.
Got you the numbers
for the, uh, thing.
It's in the back
of the... whatever.
Ah. What's, uh...
What's the matter with you, son?
You look like someone stole your cookies.
No, sir, it's...
It's just that, um...
Are those my cookies?
Anything you leave
on your desk is mine.
Uh, have a seat. Have a seat.
I'm trying to tell Jenny
that I love her.
She doesn't know already?
Hell, the rest of the world does.
It's why we had that
annoying H.R. meeting.
Well, apparently
she doesn't know.
She's planning a trip to Paris, and it
never even occurred to her to invite me.
Paris. It's my favorite city
in the whole planet.
Did you ever see "Forget Paris"?
Was that on cable recently?
Everyone is talking about it.
Well, you don't want
to watch that on TV.
You want to see a film
like that on the big screen.
Billy Crystal, 40 feet high?
Doesn't get any better than that.
Anyway, uh, now that
I haven't said it,
every minute that goes by makes me
more and more stressed about it.
Son, have I ever told you
what to do in your relationship?
At every single turn.
Then it... it should come
as no surprise to you then
when you hear me say,
now is not the time
to tell that girl
that you love her.
I don't understand.
I thought you liked Jenny.
I do. I love her.
Does she not know?
Should... should I go tell her?
No. No one else needs
to tell her they love her.
Look, big things
are happening at this firm.
Now's not the time for you
to complicate your life.
It's... it's KISMET.
- As in fate?
- No. It's an acronym.
It stands for, "Keep It Simple,
Moyer, Especially Today."
Did you just think of that?
It came to me as I said it.
It was kismet.
Sir, have I ever ignored
your relationship advice?
Only at every single turn.
Then you will not be surprised that
no matter what, I'm gonna tell her today.
Well, don't be a SHMUCK.
That stands for,
"Sometimes Happiness
Messes Up Career..."
"Kevin"?
That means, "This boat
goes very fast."
Okay, uh, I'm meeting
with a tech billionaire,
and so far all the phrases you've
taught me have the word "boat" in it.
That's 'cause I learned Mandarin over
a year touring Asia as a boat show model.
She was in a Chinese boat calendar,
but will she bring it in? No.
I told you,
I was topless.
And I keep telling you,
I'm cool with that!
I need some
business phrases, okay?
Okay, okay.
That means, "No, sir,
I do not come with the boat."
Thank you so much.
This has been super helpful.
Hey, remember,
when all else fails...
Stroke the boat.
Yeah, when I'm fired, I'll have
plenty of time to stroke the boat.
Jenny, you were in my dream
again last night.
Was it gross?
Yeah. It was disgusting.
Brody kissed you.
Well, that doesn't sound
very gross.
Well, it was. I'll show you.
You be Brody, I'll be you.
No. You be Brody,
I'll be me.
Wait, no.
No, I don't wanna do...
Look, Jenny, listen to me.
I...
I don't think you should
go to Paris with Brody.
It is... it's not a place
for couples. It's...
Paris is the city
of loners.
No. Paris is the city
of lovers.
Well, then they have enough.
Look, you know, I mean,
I've been thinking about it,
and I keep going back and forth,
you know?
On the one hand,
Brody's so sweet,
and he speaks French,
and it would be so romantic.
Get to the other hand.
What is on that other hand?
Well, on the other hand, we've been
dating for, what, like three months?
109 days exactly.
Yeah, and it's going
really great, you know.
I don't want to push the relationship.
We're already moving so fast.
So fast. Fast, yes.
Yeah... yes.
Like a speeding train.
Yes, just like in my dream.
Look at this.
Who's this guy
spooning you?
Okay, that's private,
all right?
Tell him Remington Trust has
withstood the market's volatility
better than any other company
in the country.
___
Oh!
He said, "Oh."
Yes, I got that.
Tell him that because
we are a boutique firm,
we can react quickly
to market changes.
___
Answer his question,
Mr. Wen.
___
___
___
- Wh-what just happened?
- We just closed the deal.
Ha ha, we closed the deal!
You speak Mandarin.
I'm fired!
I speak a little Mandarin,
but you are fluent
in the international language
of bullshit!
- It's impressive.
- Really?
Absolutely.
I just watched you
tread water for 23 minutes
with no knowledge of Chinese
and only a basic understanding
of boats.
Now... I'm about to open up
an office in Hong Kong,
and good things
are about to happen to you.
Very good things. Now you didn't lie about
anything else on your résumé, did you?
Oh, no sir. Everything else
is completely true.
Good, 'cause I'm really looking forward
to seeing those juggling skills.
Oh. Yes! You're alone.
Okay, I have something
to tell you,
but I was hoping to do it in a place
that had fewer dumpsters.
I have to go to Paris alone.
What?
I'm so sorry, babe.
I just...
I've been picturing
this trip in my head
for so long,
and it's just been me
and my backpack
and a bag of pastries...
And for some reason,
a little black dog
that follows me around
everywhere I go.
- Please don't hate me because I want...
- I love you.
What?
I've wanted to say it since
the first night we hooked up,
but, uh, I didn't want
to scare you off.
Plus I wasn't sure
of your name...
And I-I've wanted to say it
every day since.
Jenny, I've never met
anyone like you.
You're crazy
and you're funny
and you're really gorgeous,
and you're real.
And you bring out
the best version of me.
And if you want to go to Paris
alone, that's totally fine.
I just... couldn't let you go without
saying that, Jenny, I love you.
Oh, my God.
I love you, too.
I really love you.
- Please come to Paris with me.
- Of course I will.
I just had the best night
of my life.
Really? Because if you had
the best night of your life,
you'd be me, because Jenny
told me she loved me.
Oh, I'm so happy for you, man.
My night crushed yours.
Because Mansfield and I
went out partying,
and everything was
coming up Threepeat.
But the point is, I trashed my place,
told my landlord to suck it,
because I'm not gonna need
my apartment anymore,
and you know what?
He's gonna tell you why.
All right, everyone gather round.
Mr. Wen, Mr. Moyer.
Now, as you all know, for the last year,
I've been preparing to open a new office.
We didn't know where, didn't know when.
I didn't even know who was gonna run it.
But today... ha ha ha...
Today I have all the answers.
The when is next week,
the where is Hong Kong,
and the who is Wen...
Me. My last name is Wen.
I'm doing a wordplay thing.
It... it doesn't matter.
The point is...
None of you guys thought
I could do it,
so screw you, screw you,
screw you,
you, I have always wanted to sleep with,
I think we can make time when I get back
from Hong Kong!
Threepeat...
- You're not going to Hong Kong.
- What?
But I... I crushed
that meeting.
You... I was gonna move to Hong Kong
and finally not be the Asian guy.
You did crush it.
You truly crushed it,
which is why I want you to stay here
in this office and be my new Brody.
- But I gave up my apartment.
- That was dumb.
What's happening
to the old Brody?
Congratulations, son.
You're going to Hong Kong.
What?
I wanted to tell you
the first day I met you.
But I was afraid it would
scare you off, and I...
You're my guy.
Congratulations, son.
We leave in two days.
Uh, I-I'm supposed to go
to Paris with Jenny.
Forget Paris.
___
Hey, what are you doing?
You're in my dream.
No, man, you are all up
in my dream.
How do you know?
Bonjour. Would you like
to see my boat show calendar?
Just this once.
Now get out of here before Jenny catches
me sleeping in the supply closet.