Greek (2007–2011): Season 4, Episode 4 - All About Beav - full transcript

Previously on Greek...

This semester, I wanna invest

some more time in R&D.

Research and development
is going to be really crucial.

I meant rusty and Dana.

- [Casey] Ashleigh?!
- [Both shout excitedly]

- What're you doing here?
- I got fired.

I know you said it's important
we get into a study group,

the other students have frozen me
out because of this rumor so...

Could you assign me to a group?

This is an adversarial
profession, miss Cartwright.



How you deal with it will determine
your success or your failure.

We have a newly arrived transfer
student, please welcome miss Parker.

- Katherine?
- Hello, Casey!

You cheated on me
because you don't believe

you deserve happiness,
but you do.

And we can find that together.

I'd like to try.

I miss Evan. And he wanted to get a good night's
sleep before his first day of law school.

[Rooster crowing ringtone]

Hello?

Yes, I'm really up.

No, I won't fall back asleep.

I'm awake! Yes,
yes, Pengy's up too.

[Sighs]



Do I really have to say it?

Ok.

I'm the star of my own life.

I deserve to be center stage.

Thanks, mom. I love you too.

[Groaning]

You stay sleeping, lucky.

- Mmm! Guten morgen, Beav.
- Hey, cap.

You know how I'm
philanthropy chair and stuff?

Yep. And philanthropy means...

No, I remember this time.

But I got an e-mail from IFC
last night that said

they got a tip
that our philanthropy,

Phil and Ann's wild pussy cat
refuge for Africa is a fake.

What!?

It is fake.
It has been for years.

Those damned Omega chis!

Don't worry. We'll figure
something out. We always do.

You know, I think that we should
go over there and give....

- Pop tart pb and j?
- Not now.

Turns out there's
a team of students at mit

developing
a self-healing wire too.

We have to get ours done first.

So, in six hours, we're pitching
the university

to ask for more research money.

Hey, do you guys do a lot of
boss/secretary role-playing?

- Since Dana's your assistant? - Yeah.
Yeah, I'm the "assistant." Yeah.

- I get his coffee, make his appointments...
- Take my dictation...

Yeah she does! Well, good luck
with your "dictation".

See you guys later,
I'm late for...

- Beaver, watch out... no!
- No!

- [Rusty groans] Aw, Beav!
- Oh, sorry I broke your toy.

I'll buy you a new one, ok?
But right now I've got to get to ZBZ.

Now we'll never be able...

[Rebecca] Ok ladies, pledge
presents is the first time

you will be publicly identified
as ZBZ pledges.

Let's start with hee-ther, go.

If you can't walk down the
stairs in platform heels,

you have no business
being in a sorority.

Once you descend,
stop at the bottom

where I, as president,
will be waiting.

Oh, which reminds me!

You may get a call from
prospective employers.

'Cause I used
"Rebecca Logan, president"

as a reference for
this marketing firm job.

- I used "Casey Cartwright, lawyer"
too many times. - [Rebecca] Ok.

- [Beaver chuckles]
- Hi, Beav.

I was just hoping you guys
were gonna start making out.

You're supposed to be moving furniture to
get this place ready for pledge presents.

- Sorry.
- [Sighs] Ok.

- Pretty lady.
- What's that?

Beaver, you remember my friend
Katherine, from pan-hellenic?

She was at Yale law?

She transferred after getting
into Cru's jd/mba program,

- which is amazing!
- Thank you.

I'm so pleased to be here.
And I look forward to the fun challenge

of pursuing my dual degree.

[Sighs]

- We should go. Yeah.
- Ok.

Pretty lady!

[Scoffs] Beav.

- [Chatter]
- Ooh, pardon me, bing,

I was just moving your girlfriend's breast.
I meant chest.

Of panties. I mean drawers.
Actually it's a bookcase.

And I was just leaving.

Hey, Rebecca? Do you really need
that guy to help you...

Move?

[Professor] Walter Boudreaux?...

- Walter Boudreaux?
- Here!

An "f"! Why?

Because you and a dozen others,

mainly members
of the football team,

all turned in the exact same
paper on to kill a mockingbird.

Any chance you'll believe
they all copied me?

[Chuckles]

Mr. Boudreaux, I'm giving you a
chance to write this paper yourself.

- By tomorrow morning.
- Or...?

Or the "f" stays.

But... what about the children?

[Chatter]

Mornin', Walter!

White chocolate raspberry mocha,
triple-whip.

Put it on your tab.

Thanks, joni.

Beav! Did you watch
glee last night?

Yeah. Can you believe they almost
shut down the glee club down again?

What a close call. Again.

- Hmm.
- [Scoffs]

"When he was nearly thirteen,
my brother Jem..."

[Trails off in disgust]

- Pretty lady! - I can't believe our
first prelim exam is next week!

- Hello, ladies!
- Oh. Hi, beaver.

Which got me thinking:
I don't have a study group

because of everyone thinking I'm
a whore who slept my way in.

You don't have a group for a much
less embarrassing reason. So...

I don't have a study group either.
I'm reading don't mock the killer birds all by myself.

Anyway, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

That study groups are
a waste of time,

an excuse for lesser students to leech off
of those of us who know what we're doing?

Totally!

Just think of all those losers
trying to mooch off us!

- It just makes me want to puke!
- Me too!

I hate losers... so, where are
you two pretty ladies off to?

-)Well, I have to...
- That's great. Kathy?

I have a business strategy
class.

So I'll just see you both,
around...

Later.

Where have you been hiding
this smokalicious hottie?!

Forget it, beav. She is a brainiac who's
into nerds, like rusty and al Gore.

And apparently doesn't believe
in study groups.

- I want some of that.
- I want some of that, too.

Professor Hastings, I know
this is all my fault.

Well, yeah, I feel stupid.

Yeah, I'll fix it!
Ok, I'll see you there.

You're still working on that?

Yes, I am still trying to fix
the model you stepped on.

And I've got four hours before
I have to pitch these funders.

Cool. I just looked through
the kt test file

trying to find another
to kill a mockingbird paper,

but it's the same one
I already turned in.

Can you do some smart people
stuff on my paper?

I'm a scientist, not a writer.

Try reading the book.

Never mind. I'll ask Cappie.

- Beav!
- [Beaver] Sorry.

Miss Howard.

Mr... Beaver.
Hey, rusty.

- Look at you being all science-y!
Which is perfect... - [Groans]

Because I just put down "rusty
Cartwright, scientist," as a job reference,

- if that's cool with you. - As long as they
don't call today. I gotta rebuild my model

and try to finish my pitch for these
university funders at the same time.

Oh. "The existing
wire insulation

is comprised of a three-layer
polyamide-surlyn..."

Oh, my God, I'm so bored.
And your audience will be, too.

Well, scientists don't care
about the "flashy stuff".

Everybody cares about
the "flashy stuff".

You're not asking for an "a",
you're asking for money.

So, where... where are
your buzzwords? Your visuals?

Oh! Why don't you let me
spice up your pitch?

Then you'll count as a legitimate employer
and I won't be lying on my resume!

- That's really important.
- And I'm really awesome.

I can sell anything, I sold samir
to a gamma psi at that nerd auction

even after he tried
to pop-and-lock on stage!

It couldn't hurt.

I'll pay you, like...
50 bucks?

Oh, rusty, I couldn't possibly
take your money.

But if I did, and I will, I couldn't
do it for any less than 75.

- 'Cause it's a rush job.
- Sixty.

One dollar!

I've been watching way too
many daytime game shows.

Sixty... sixty will be fine.

[Chatter]

I have a paper due tomorrow
and I'm gonna fail!

But what about the children?

I know! They're the future.

What's the class?

Modern American literature.

Casey aced that. Go ask her.

Casey, huh? Do you have any special
message you want me to give her?

Beav, the last time I had you give her
a message it didn't exactly end well.

Ok. I can't help it if
"I'm going to be late"

sounds like
"I'm going to masturbate."

Exactly.

Bing approaches, 3:00.

Hey big guy, if anyone's gonna help
Rebecca move her stuff, it's gonna be me.

You know, it's not beaver's fault that
women like to cheat on you, Evan.

There's no reason for you
to get involved in this, cap.

Oh, sure there is. You and your brothers
ratted us out to IFC for philanthropy hours.

Which gives me license to pretty much involve
myself however I want, crabtree and Evan-lyn.

First of all, I'm not
a brother anymore, cap.

I'm an Omega chi alum, in law
school and dating Rebecca.

So, some of us have more important things to
worry about than your philanthropy hours.

So let's just call this off,
disengage,

forget we ever met.
Have a nice life.

Yeah, you have a real nice
important law douche life...

Law douche.

Yeah, go on.
Get out of my sight!

- I think that's where he is, cap.
- Good.

Just where I want him.

Three hours left.

That is what you get for
thinking your fraternity house

is a good place for doing
any sort of important work!

The frat house is where you go for
shots and flatulence, not science.

Don't worry, I will never
let him do that again.

So, I've added three key buzzwords
throughout the power point presentation:

"Revolutionary, environmental",
and "insulation".

Are you sure I can't replace
"insulation" with "explosive?"

- [Rusty] Ash... - R!
E goal is to convince the funders

that the wire constitutes an
advancement in safe connectivity,

not that it might take out a city block.
Who is this person?

She's our marketing consultant.

I'll be right back. I need a solder
sucker from storage. Excuse me.

I didn't authorize a marketing
consultant in our budget!

Oh, so I forgot to ask rusty.

Who do I list as project
inventors?

Just rusty, or him
and that scary man?

Both of them, and me too.

Oh! Really?

Yeah, it's standard
for my level of contribution.

Oh. Ok, will do...

[Sighs]

You build towers
with your books too?

No, no. I am slowly
losing my mind.

And why am I seeing you more
often today than ever before?

Maybe I've been there all along,
but you never noticed.

Ok. I am... I am kinda busy.
Not to mention screwed.

Guess that means I'll get an "f" on
my Tequila-drinking bird paper.

For that modern American lit class which
someone, who is not Cappie, told me you aced.

I did ace that class, but I have something
insane like 1500 pages of reading to do.

By myself. Because someone thinks
study groups are for dummies.

- It's cool. I don't mind just copying your paper.
- Ok, that is cheating!

And I have my own problems...

Oh. Like the fact that
my fellow law school students

are all sociopaths!
Look at this!

Every fifth page!

"Suck it", that's pretty funny.

And uncalled for.

[Sighs] I really thought
that Katherine

was going to be
my law school salvation.

But nope, I don't have
a study group,

therefore I can not divide and
conquer the case summaries

like everyone else...

Case summaries?
What are those?

Just, like, summaries
of the cases we're studying.

Each person in a study group
covers a certain number.

- Then we swap summaries to study from.
- I can get you those.

- Don't mess with me right now. - I'm serious.
So, how about we make a deal?

I get you the case summaries,
you give me your paper?

Ok. This guy Dave, and I don't
even think that's his real name,

is very mysterious.
I've never even met him.

But he sells papers and tests
and all kinds of stuff.

And you really expect me to
believe he's going to have...

Case summaries from Segal's torts class!?
Oh my God!

Yep. I bought my killer bird paper on here.
Not that I condone cheating.

Or know what condone means.
But sometimes you just get desperate.

- And it's for the children.
- I don't condone cheating either.

Of course not.
This is just a study aid!

I need your paper as a study
aid. A study aid I can copy.

I don't have a study group.
What is going on?

- [Computer beeping]
- The site keeps crashing!

Beaver? Is there like a...
Customer service number you can call?

No, it doesn't work like that.

He doesn't give out his
phone number or anything.

[Casey] Ok.

This is my to kill a mockingbird paper.
Which I got an "a" on.

If you help me find Dave, I will give you my paper.
Now think, beaver, think!

Ok, someone once told me
where he works.

What's that city... the tan
girls with the fake boobs?

- La?
- No. In the other America?

[Stammers]

Rio de Janeiro?

Yes, Dave works in Rio!

- Oh.
- That's where we have to go.

Or...?

Or his apartment
might be closer.

You know where he lives
but not his phone number?

You can sometimes drop off
payments there.

- Let's go. Let's go.
- All right. Are you driving?

- Yes.
- Ok.

I want you all

to go home and relax.

And remember:
Tonight is all about sisterhood.

If you're not perfect, if you trip down
the stairs, does it really matter?

Yes. So get it together
before tonight! Good luck!

Oh! What's in the backpack?

Champagne lunch for two? Or
something naughtier... for two?

Oh, yeah. If you find
civil procedure erotic.

- Oh. Law school stuff.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, put it out of your mind.
Tonight is all about pledge presents!

Pledge presents...
[Groans] ...Right.

What, did you forget?

No, no, of course not.

I didn't forget, it's just
my first exam is next week.

So if it's ok with you...
I might just skip tonight?

I have to meet
with my study group.

And this would be my fifth
pledge presents,

and it is the
same thing every year.

Do you mind?

I totally get it.

- Ooh.
- As president,

it would be weird for me not to have
a date at my first pledge presents.

So I guess I'll find
someone else.

Well... you know what?

- What? - I can probably find
someone from Omega chi to take you.

I think Calvin's free.

You've got a law school exam,
you don't need to spend time

worrying about
some silly sorority event.

- Now you get to that study group!
- You sure?

- Mm-hmm.
- You're the best.

Mmm-hmm.

[Door opens, closes]

Hey, ashleigh?
Hey, what do you think?

How about less Stephen Hawking, and more...
hmm? Is there a hot science guy?

- Carl sagan? Those turtlenecks?
- We'll change you in a second.

But first, don't you want to look
at the presentation one last time?

It's great. Can we worry
about my clothes first?

Looks aren't important, can you
just look at the credits section?

- It's fine.
- Oh,

I was so convinced that you'd be upset
that Dana's listed as co-inventor.

What?

Did Dana tell you
to put her name down?

She said it was
standard procedure.

But, I guess it's not...?

Where can I find beaver?

The beaver is native
to north America

and parts of Europe. But if
you're referring to the slang,

- and given your past, I can only assume...
- Cut the crap, cap.

- Where is he?
- He has some big paper due tomorrow.

Why, you need some more furniture moved?
I'm fairly broad-shouldered.

Actually, you're better.

Why, thank you.

And thank you,
shake weight for men.

Will you be my date
for pledge presents?

Don't get excited,
it's just for show.

And if you're worried about running
into Casey, she's not coming anyway.

Ok... and what about
your boyfriend?

He can't be bothered
with a sorority party.

Not when there's a law school
study group to go to.

I see. And you want me to be your
accomplice for your self-sabotage,

just so you can
get a rise out of Evan?

- If you don't want to do it...
- Stop talking.

I'm in.

Ooh.

[Groans]

Oh, my God, sorry, I thought
I was gonna be late.

Yeah, that would've been bad.

You know, because co-inventors
are supposed to be timely.

So they can invent stuff...
On time.

- Huh? - You told ashleigh to
list you as a co-inventor?

- And you didn't ask me first?
- I didn't think it was necessary.

I just assumed
you'd give me credit.

Of course I would have
acknowledged your work,

but co-inventor?

You came onto the project
after I had developed the idea.

You should have asked me first.
That's what I would have done.

And I would have said
you didn't even need to ask,

you were absolutely essential
to the project's success.

You have been essential.
As an assistant.

[Exhales] Wow.

Yeah, no. I'm just your
secretary or whatever,

like your friend Cooter said!

I have been much more than that
and you know it!

[Door opens]

They're ready for you.

What's wrong?

- We're all good.
- Nothing.

Why are we at
the posting place?

This is where Dave lives.

- P.O. Box 417, Cyprus, Ohio...
- [Groans]

- ...Zip code 45...
- Beaver. Beaver!

This is just where he picks up his mail.
Probably to maintain secrecy.

That makes sense.

You'd never be able to fit any
furniture into one of those things.

- [Door opens]
- [Sighs] Right.

So how do we find Dave now?

- Term paper Dave? That guy?
- Yeah. You know him?

We've had adjoining boxes
for years.

You might be out of luck though
if you're looking to cheat.

Well, Dave went out of business
all of a sudden.

He did? Why?!

[Mutters]
Maybe business was slow.

Maybe he died.
I'll miss him.

He had some interesting theories on
how to dismantle the government.

[Nervous chuckle]

Do you have any idea where
we could find Dave?

Yellow 31, 27, hut hut hut.

[Whispers] Maybe we
should just go...

The CRU football team. They're
his customer base. Try them.

The football team!
You know those guys, beaver.

You were on the team...
Briefly.

[Stammers] I don't know.
Those guys are...

I think they're racist.
We do not wanna talk to them.

Beaver, what the hell are you talking about?
Stop being weird and let's go.

You sure we can't just
go to Rio? Road trip!

Hey. Hi. Don't worry,
I'm not a perv,

I'm just...
I'm here with...

Beaver?! What are you doing?

I haven't talked to these
guys since I quit the team.

- It could be awkward.
- Whoa! Boudreaux!

- Dude, is that you? Man!
- Oh!

What happened, man?

High School all-American, number one recruit,
disappears, we never hear from you again?

- Disappears?
- We're looking for someone.

- Dave, the guy who sells the papers?
- Right, Dave. Our tutor.

- [Players laugh] - Yeah, he's
pretty hard to track down.

- Your best bet is to try Rio.
- I told you Rio de Janeiro!

Yeah, Rio nightclub. It's about
half-a-mile down route 23,

just over the border in rhodes.
Big neon sign.

Or... Rio could be a bar.

- [Clears throat]
- [Beaver] Rio could be a bar.

Oh. Thanks, guys.

Yeah. Keep working out.
You look great.

Self-healing wire technology,
invented by...

Let's move on.
This self-healing wire

has the ability
to "revolutionize"

fields ranging from home
electricity to space travel.

And its environmental applications are
even more exciting. Once I found...

Once we changed the coating
material to polysiloxane...

Yes, I found the polysiloxane

is effective without
greenhouse gas emissions.

The reactant core is what
allows this to happen...

Supported by a polymer shell.
Without the shell, the core wouldn't work.

Yes, the shell
"assists" the core...

The core is lucky to have
the shell catch its mistakes.

In fact, the truth is that the shell
has been carrying the core all along

because the shell is smarter than the
core, and the core can't handle it!

You think you've
been carrying me?

Why don't we go
straight to the q&a?

[Chatter]

You were great in practice
today. Your walk was the best.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

But you kept me in the mandatory
practice room for three hours.

I can't let the girls know
you're my favorite pledge.

- I am?
- Uh-huh.

So listen, who are you bringing
to pledge presents tonight?

My brother heath was gonna take
me but he can't make it.

So he set me up with
one of his gay friends.

Heath's been really
over-protective

ever since one of his brothers
hit on me when I was 15.

Oh my God, I just realized that heath
the kappa tau is your brother!

You know, I'm bringing a kappa tau tonight.
My ex, Cappie.

- But what about Evan?
- He's busy with law school crap.

[Gasps] But wait!

I just realized that
heath is dating Calvin.

Oh no, what if you letlip to heath
that I'm bringing Cappie tonight

and then heath tells Calvin and
Calvin tells his good buddy Evan?

Evan would be so jealous.

I did not foresee
this complication.

Wait. Do you want me to make sure Evan
finds out you're bringing Cappie?

Not bad, pledge.
Can you do it?

Are you kidding?

I've seen every city
of the real housewives.

I've been waiting for this
moment my whole life.

I really thought you and Dana
would be perfect together,

supporting each other
in the cutthroat science world.

But she doesn't seem supportive.

I mean, thinking she was
carrying you this whole time?

- [Scoffs] She seems as bad as
my ex, Travis. - That jerk?

[Sighs] I don't know, when you're with
someone who doesn't believe in you,

you end up not believing
in yourself.

- [Cell phone vibrates] - What
kind of relationship is that?

Hastings e-mailed!

"The committee agreed that
the wire is important enough

- to warrant additional funding.
" - Oh, that's great!

Wow. "So important,
that they feel

it should be in the hands
of an actual research team."

They pulled me off the project.

I lost my wire.

[Chatter]

Ok, the bar said Dave's shift starts at 8:30,
so we should get there 15 minutes early.

Should we synchronize
our watches?

Two white chocolate raspberry
mochas, triple-whip. Scones on me.

- Thank you.
- Oh!

I have never had such good service here.
Or any service at all.

Well, I did save Joni's life
that one time.

What?

She choked on a chocolate-covered
espresso bean, I gave her the hemlock.

I can't believe
I never knew that about you.

It seems there's a lot
I don't know about you.

Like... the real reason
you dropped out of football?

- [Mumbles into cup]
- Beaver? What are you doing?

- Avoiding the question.
- How bad could it be?

The kt guys think it was
because I wanted to party.

But the truth is...

I wussed out.

I was afraid I couldn't cut it.

But that guy said you were
all-American in High School!

So were a lot of them.
They made it look so easy.

They could party all night and practice
all day and I couldn't really keep up.

I know how you feel. My whole life
I could never keep up with rusty.

I don't think rusty
is very good at football.

Academically. I'd feel pretty
good about getting a "b",

and then rusty would come along
and win the nobel prize.

Now there's Katherine.
I feel like I'm drowning without a study group,

and she's getting two degrees,
no sweat!

Oh, speaking of
the genius-devil... hi.

- Casey! Oh!
- Oh!

Oh, you just taking
a little study break?

That's right! I'm making good
progress, what about you?

, I'm nearly done, so I thought
I'd take a little breather, too.

We'll be breathing
at the Rio nightclub tonight

- if you wanted to join us?
- Beaver, I don't think Katherine...

The Rio nightclub?
I haven't heard of it.

But the name conjures images
of relaxing with a caipirinha

and some samba music after a long but worthy
day of volunteering in Brazilian slums.

And I do speak
a bit of portugues.

- Yeah you do.
- 'Course you do.

- So, I'm in.
- Awesome!

[Chatter]

Laura, get more candles. The
ambient lighting in here sucks.

I can't help it if some
of our pledges are washed out!

Who comes to college
without a base tan?

[Wolf whistle]

Oh! I forgot
how nicely you clean up.

And I remember you don't
wear underwear with that dress.

Oh! So...
Where's the fresh meat?

Upstairs waiting
to be presented.

And I assume you've started
an intra-campus gossip chain

to insure Evan's arrival?

You know me well.
Heather to heath to Calvin.

Mmm. Hey, becks,
what I don't know is

why you didn't just
tell him he had to come?

Because I have somehow become the girl
who depends on a guy for happiness.

Ah yes, you don't do needy.

I'm starting to feel like an afterthought
to him and I just want his attention.

Even if we're fighting.

Anyway, thanks for
helping me out.

I'm sure you have
better things to do.

Me? Come on. It's not like
I'm in law school.

If I didn't know better, I'd say you were
missing both of our lawyers-in-training.

Please. Evan is lord of the
douche, no offense, and Casey...

Uh-uh! I saw you studying
in kappa tau today.

You're trying to impress her,
aren't you? Is it working?

Well, considering
the last time she saw me,

I was stoned and covered with
cheesarito dust, I'd say no.

Ah! Looks like your psychosexual
tableau is about to play out, my lady.

Ok, let's pretend to have a
really good time together.

- Ok.
- [Both feign laughter]

Oh, stop it, Cappie!
You're so funny.

- Where do you come up with this stuff?
- Just anywhere I can.

Evan! What are you doing
at pledge presents?

[Sighs] Well, you proved
your point, Recca.

Cappie, hit the road.

Shouldn't you be
defending oil companies,

or tobacco executives,

or guys who cheated
on their Oscar-winning wives?

The pledges are gathered and they look
as good as they're ever going to look.

Ok, I have to start
the ceremony. You two behave!

[Clears throat]

[Up-tempo music plays]

Must be ladies' night.

I think they're focusing on
the Brazilian slum theme.

Let me get you a drink, Katherine.
And you should find a table.

Beaver, will you come help me?

I'll sit next to you.

Two sloe gin fizzes, please.

What were you thinking,
inviting Katherine?

I was thinking, that I'd really
like to get in her pants.

You are not going
to get in her pants!

She's not... like that,

and anyway, the last person I want
here while I am buying case summaries

is Katherine, the super-genius!

Wait a minute!
That Katherine...

Is that Katherine?
The smart one from law school?

Have you been paying attention
to anything I've said all day?

How should I know? I haven't been paying
attention to anything you've said all day.

And I thought buying the case
summaries wasn't cheating!

But it is pathetic.
And I don't want her to know.

So I will distract her,
you find Dave,

and then let's get out of here.

A beer, please... wait! What I
meant was, I'm looking for Dave.

Are you him? And a beer, please.

Evening, officer.
Can you help me find Dave?

Yeah, check over there.
He's up next.

Thanks.

Dave?

- Beaver?
- Hey, I'm looking for Dave.

- Heath?! - [Emcee] Now, the star
attraction of wild wednesdays

- at the Rio nightclub!
- [Up-tempo music plays]

- [Women cheering] - [Emcee] Fasten
your seat belts for a bumpy night.

Ladies, it's sexy officer Dave!

That's right...
It's Dave, and...

...Goliath, ladies!

Are you Dave?
Are you a policeman?

I'm so confused right now.

Oh my God, is that heath?

- Oh my God, they're stripping!
- Katherine, we can, we can, we can just go...

No, no, it's interesting.
His moves are so fluid, much like a young nijinsky.

Obviously we have
some things to discuss.

But in addition to being
a stripper named Dave,

are you also the guy
that sells the papers?

Yes, ok? But I had
to shut down my service.

A bunch of morons in modern lit
turned in the same paper.

[Nervous chuckle]
Who would do something so dumb?

Well, can I just get
one thing for Casey?

Yes, ok? We'll talk about
this later? I'm gonna get fired!

[Audience screams with delight]

Come on, beaver,
show us what you've got!

That sloe gin fizz did not
live up to its name.

It went to my head very quickly!

You gotta take off
your shoes first!

Whoo!

[Grunts] Oh! Ow.

Yo!

- Later, heath.
- You never saw me here!

Hush money.

[Grunts] Geez.

This is really what girls do
after every fight with a guy?

I've been known to pick a fight
just so I could eat like this.

[Knocking at door]

Hi.

Hastings told me about
the project. Can we talk?

- [Rusty] Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah. You guys talk!

I was just on my way to...

Go look at some stars.

I'm sorry I said what I said.

But I do think
I deserve the credit.

And I can't apologize for being confident in
my abilities, even if it makes you feel bad.

Being confident is one thing,
but disparaging my work?

- It's like you have no respect for me.
- That's not true.

God, this is pointless. I really don't
want to start arguing about this again.

Ok, but what does that mean?

The project's over
for us anyway...

Can we just move on?

Pledge Tenley Truesdale,
with her escort, Bradley hunter.

- Ok, seriously, why are you still here?
- Why do you care?

- I thought you were done with
our little fights. - I am.

- That's why I want you gone.
- Well, I refuse to be tossed aside

- like a pair of your old designer underpants.
- [Clears throat]

Pledge hee...
Heather robertson!

[Evan] Maybe you should
come up with a new shtick.

I haven't accepted a dime from
my parents in over a year now.

I'll throw you a parade.

You can say what you want
about me, but the truth is,

the only spoiled brat living
off his parents here is you.

- [Rebecca gasps]
- [Man] Hey!

- [Grunts]
- [Gasps]

- [Grunts]
- [Crowd gasps]

- [Groans]
- This has gone too far!

I love college!

- Ok, so we're all set! Ok?
- [Casey] Yeah.

Heath said you could buy those case summaries.
So can I have your paper now?

- Beaver!
- What?

You were gonna
buy case summaries?

Yeah! Turns out heath is actually
Dave and he sells all this stuff!

Oh! But don't tell anyone
he's a stripper.

Beaver!

- What?
- [Exhales in disgust]

Buy case summaries? That's,
that's interesting.

'Cause I... I...

- Yes...? - I'd really like to
see those case summaries, Casey

because I lied.
I am not nearly done.

I came tonight because I feared
I might have a panic attack

if I didn't let off
a little steam.

Seriously?
You've been panicking?

Fifteen hundred pages
of reading, that is inhumane!

How do you keep up with it?
Because I can't do it!

I've always excelled
academically.

Do you know
how hard that is, Casey?

After today, I'm not even going
to graduate the jd/mba program,

- much less excel!
- This is so great!

I mean, not great since you've been
stressed, but it's great because...

I have been
lying my ass off, too!

Can we please, please, please
be in a study group together?

- Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
- [Both laughing]

I'm so happy for you guys!

So can I have that paper now,
Casey?

Well, you've been so great
tonight...

Do with it what you will.

"Themes of innocence
in to kill a mockingbird"?

I copied this paper already!

- You cheated!
- I did not! I wrote that!

Wait, that means that

heath/dave took my paper and has
been selling it this whole time.

- I guess you could take it as a compliment.
- Well, that is true, I guess...

Hey. I am smart enough
for people to cheat off of.

Hey, I'm totally screwed!
And so are the children!

Can you look at me?

I'm trying to apologize here.
I feel like a total idiot.

You've been a total idiot,
starting with freaking out

about beaver moving furniture.
You don't have to feel threatened by him.

I know.

You've also been an idiot about
going on and on about law school

and being over college stuff, only
to get into the same dumb fight

you've been having with cappie
since you were a freshman.

Ever since you started law school,
you've been pulling away from me.

I've been pulling away from you?

Look, I mean, things have been kind of
hectic, but they're gonna calm down.

Look, don't do this again,
Rebecca.

Don't stir things up
and play games.

We're past that, aren't we?

You're right.

I should have just told you I
really wanted you here tonight,

and everything
would have been fine.

Yes, exactly.

So this has all just been
some unnecessary drama.

- We're good?
- We're good.

Ok.

Hey.

So what happened?
'Cause it turns out I suck at reading lips.

We broke up.

I'm sorry.

And here I thought beaver
stepping on my model

was gonna be the worst thing
that happened to me today.

God, I hope Dana
was not right about me.

What if I'm not good enough?

The university obviously doesn't
trust me to finish the wire.

[Scoffs] Are you kidding?

There wouldn't even be a wire if you
hadn't insulated a central core

with a
compressible-hyper-whatever.

Whatever-thing.

You did that.

You're amazing.

Thanks.

- [Rusty] Hey, Ash?
- Yeah?

- Cash or check?
- What?

The marketing fee?
The 60 bucks I owe you?

Oh... [chuckles]

A check will be fine.

- Ok. I'll go get my checkbook.
- Ok.

[Casey sighs]

I feel so much better now that
Katherine and I are teaming up,

i think I can spare a night to talk
you through to kill a mockingbird.

You're my favorite lady I've
never had sex with, Casey.

Aw, beav.

So how long do we have?

I have to turn it in by 9 A.M.

Otherwise I get an "f",
and the children...

Who are these children? Is this
some kt karmic synergy thing?

No, I'm almost finished with my
five-year teaching certificate program.

By the end of the year, I will
be a fully qualified teacher...

Of kindergarten children.

You are going to be a teacher?

Yes. Judy boudreaux inspired me.

She's my mom.
She's a drama teacher

and she always told me
I could be whoever I wanted.

She tells me
"I'm the star of my own show."

Oh, hey, cap! You will never
guess what we found out tonight!

- Heath is...
- Hey, no, no, no.

- ...Gay!
- I know that, beav.

Are you ok?

- It's nothing.
- Oh.

Bing?

- Seriously?
- I don't want to talk about it.

Why are cappie and Evan
still fighting?

Can't they just put
their dumb male egos aside?

I mean, do you think that
they can ever be friends again?

- Nope. - Look, I know that
all you kts hate Evan...

They can't ever be friends,
because of you.

It's so much more
complicated than that.

No it's not. They both fell
for the same girl.

Everything that's happened
comes from that.

No. There's blso Evan's money
that's always come between them.

Evan doesn't have
any money anymore.

And the prank that got Wade and
all the other kts kicked out...

Bing only did that after he found out
you and cappie got back together.

Are you sure you're
in law school?

Because this is some
pretty basic stuff.

But why is it
still going on now?

I'm not with cappie
or Evan anymore.

It's over.

It's never over, case.

That's pretty basic, too.

You're a lot smarter
than people know, beav.

Yeah... thanks.

Do you think I'm smart enough
to write my own paper?

Mmm... sure?

Because I think
I owe it to my mom,

and the children, to...

...Watch the movie version of to kill a
mockingbird and write the paper myself!

Good... good for you, beav.

Good for the children.

[Rooster ringtone]

Hey, mom!

I had the craziest dream
last night.

Yeah, I was trapped inside
a giant cheesarito.

I tried to eat my way out,
but I...

- [Woman moans softly]
- ...Hold on.

[Whispers] Lemme call you back.

Good morning, pretty lady.

Good morning, Walter.

Can I call you Walter?

You can call me anytime.

I'm so glad that
I came back last night.

Oh, I hope you don't mind,

I just took the liberty of reading your
paper last night after you fell asleep.

And it's...

It's c-minus work, at best.

- C-minus?
- Mm-hmm.

Are you trying to
seduce me again?

Because it's working.

Lovely. I hear it's
even better the second time.

I love my life.