Greek (2007–2011): Season 4, Episode 2 - Fools Rush In - full transcript

The head of
admissions called.

I've been accepted into CRU Law!

- I'm scared I'm gonna lose her.
- You are losing her.

Nothing's changed.

I can't just try again
with you after everything

because you haven't done
anything to earn that.

I can change. I'll show you.

You know, you've shown me

how incredibly loyal and
generous someone can be,

but you've also shown
me how pride can

really threaten to ruin a guy.



Dale? What are you doing here?

Oh, no, it's all good.
I rolled with Abby and Betsy.

Check it out.
I'm wearing our letters.

You're not even in
the Greek system!

How else would I know
that the KTs helped elect

Calvin president to make
this whole truce happen?

The KTs helped elect Calvin?

Did you know that
the CRU Atheist Club

has an annual ski trip?

They should get used
to a warmer climate

where they're headed.

Dale, I was having the best dream.

Bradley Cooper and I got married

and started our own law firm,



Cartwright & Cooper.

Sorry, I'm trying to
find a college club.

I'm halfway to graduation and

I still haven't found
Mrs. Dale Ian Kettlewell.

Moving a little fast, aren't you?

No, I just want to
find an attractive,

educated young woman while

I'm still surrounded
by them at college.

Well, you do work at ZBZ.

Yeah, which puts me
too close to them.

They just think of me
as one of the girls,

and not even one of the hot ones.

Uh, then maybe you should
try being one of the guys.

Hey, um, what about joining a
fraternity? It is rush week.

Come on! I was the
founding father of U-SAG.

I'd be a huge hypocrite.
And besides that,

the only girl I'd be interested in

isn't even in the Greek
community anymore, so...

- Ah!
- What the...?

Case, I love you,

and I don't mind being the
lone Cartwright on campus,

but I do need to be the lone
Cartwright in this apartment.

Oh, trust me, I'm looking,
but everything

in my price range is rented,
including the law dorms.

Which is what happens when you

get into law school a
week before classes start.

Hey, no, I call Alios!

You can't call it, I live here!

- Fine.
- Get out of here!

Of course you get
the cereal you want.

Mom always gave you
first choice. Mm!

Yeah, because she loves me more.

- Oh!
- Have some Soy Flakes.

- Morning, Case.
- Morning, Dana.

Hey, cute top. I think I
have one just like it.

Um, you actually have this one.

I forgot my overnight bag
and I needed a shirt.

It's a good thing all
these boxes were here.

By the way,

if you guys are gonna watch Star
Wars until 3am in your room,

could you just put the
volume down a little bit?

Right, sorry.

- I'm gonna actually...
- I'm gonna go to KT house.

That's odd.

You know he doesn't have a
TV in his bedroom, right?

OK, but I heard that scene

where they blow up the Death Star,
like, ten times.

"Stabilize your rear deflectors."

"You're in range, target coming up.

"Almost there." "Stay on target!"

"Almost there." "Hold 'em!"

"Almost there! Torpedoes away!"

- Oh, my God!
- Boom!

They were...? Oh, God.

That would never happen.
Never happen.

All right. So now, I will now
turn things over to the brother

who almost became our president,

but instead became
something even cooler:

Our very own Rust Chair, Rushy!

I mean Rush Chair, Rusty!

Well, I take it karmic synergy

will do most of the heavy lifting?

You take it correctly.

So just sit back and let the
all-knowing cosmic force

do the work for you. Right, guys?

Are we short a few guys?

Um....

I thought we'd be in
full force for rush week,

but apparently not.
So who are we missing?

- Wait. Where's Ben Bennett?
- Ben Bennett! Of course!

Oh, brother, where art thou?

No one's seen him
since homecoming.

What about Dewey and Marbles?

I haven't heard from
them since the accident.

What accident?

- It's a really long story.
- Sounds like they're gonzo.

Yeah, I haven't seen
him in a while either.

- I think I saw him on Scrubs.
- We've lost a lot of guys.

Should we be worried?

Karmic synergy will provide
us with plenty of pledges.

It always does.
All right? Meeting adjourned.

So all brothers report to
the TV for Yo Gabba Gabba!

Gabba, Gabba, Beav.

It's gonna be a good episode.

Yes, we should worry.

A lot.

And I can understand why you
guys would be pissed at me,

but I don't see working
with the KTs as a betrayal

because ending the feud was
for the good of the house.

It's a waste of time.

We don't see it as a waste of time,

and no one asked you to end it.

We especially didn't need
you lying to us about it.

I should be president now. - Yeah.

Why do we have your back

when you're always stabbing ours?

OK, that's a bit exaggerated.

Oh, we supported you

when you and Grant went
public at the Fairy Tale Ball.

But the minute we fight with KT,

you help your boyfriend Heath
and his friends humiliate us.

You ruined our spring break.
I had to sleep on the beach.

A homeless guy almost peed on me!

That is not what I intended,
if that's any help.

Evan was president
during this secret truce.

Did you tell him what
you were gonna do?

No. I acted alone.

Give us one reason why
we shouldn't impeach you.

OK, look, I'm not gonna apologize

for trying to help the house.

OK, but clearly...

...I should have had your backs
and not gone behind them.

And, look, I promise if you
give me a second chance,

I will try to earn your trust.

How did we lose so many guys?
I feel like Jen Aniston.

I imagine without the influx of

at least 20 dues-paying members,

we'll be bankrupt by the
end of the semester.

So, what now? Usually, we just wait

for a bunch of guys who've
never heard of KT before.

Maybe this year we
change it up a bit.

Try to get some guys
to hear about KT.

What about karmic synergy?

I admit, karmic synergy
is a bit passive.

Ok.

Truth is, there's no such
thing as karmic synergy.

- Oh. - Yeah. It was created back in the day
by Egyptian Joe

so we could spend rush week

rushing to have sex
with Tri Pi pledges.

So Cappie wants to try.

OK, our first real rush.

- What do we have to do?
- You're Rush Chair.

I don't know. I've never
done this before either.

It's the same campus,
same bookstore

but everything feels
different now, right?

Yeah, it does.

Look at these books.
We have huge books.

Which would explain the price.

- Hey, remember that?
- Oh,

can you believe this
was us four years ago?

- Except I had highlights.
- I had a goatee.

Which matched my highlights.

It's gonna be weird not being
a part of the Greek system.

I really hope ZBZ has a good rush.

You really sound like Rebecca.

But it is her first
year as president,

so she does have a
reason to obsess. Nice.

I am not obsessing.

Oh, you're gonna miss it a little,
Mr. Purr-fect?

No, I have no interest
in dealing with Omega Chi

or Calvin or his little
plot with the KTs.

I'm moving on, moving forward.

I'm ready to kick your
ass in law school.

Oh, bring it. Me, too.

Forward, it is.

Man!

You really want to visit ZBZ,
don't you?

Oh! So bad. Is that lame?
I'm in law school.

Not for a couple more days.

I will tell Rebecca
that you say hi.

Give her a kiss for me.

Hi. Uh, we're here to try...

We want to sign up
for rush activities.

We're from Kappa Tau.

Oh, this isn't a prank?

Sorry. It's just that you
guys never try. Like, ever.

Granted, but this year KT wants to

do all the same rush stuff
as the other fraternities.

So if you could just tell
us what those things are.

Gee, I'd love to help you guys,

but you missed the
sign-up deadlines.

- We did? For what?
- Well, there was Rushing Roulette

A Seminar on the Consequences
of Dirty Rushing,

and then there's tomorrow's
Go Greek Rallies,

with all the fun booths.

Last year, Omega Chi
did a cigar lounge. Ah!

Ha-ha! Is there a suggestion
box I could fill with vomit?

Doesn't matter, the rally's booked.

The only official rush event
left after that is House Tours.

Which is the one official event
that we bother with anyway.

You could always trust in

some cosmic force of the universe,

- but that would be...
- More helpful than you?

Super bummed for you guys.
Good luck!

So, look, the day that you moved out,
I was gonna tell you,

and I didn't, and I'm sorry.

Yeah, 'cause you were too
busy lying to your house.

I couldn't tell you guys,
all right? If I had,

then the feud would
still be going on.

Look, the whole point of Mission:
Probable...

You named it?

I probably shouldn't
have mentioned the name.

But if you think about it, it's not

that different from you
going behind Cappie's back

- to save your presidency.
- And now I'm the bad guy again.

Let me guess, Call.
It's probably my pride, right?

Look, at least I
screwed over Kappa Tau

and not my own house.

Can't we just put this behind us?

The rest of the house has.

I doubt that.

Actually, we just had a meeting.

And, uh, it was ugly,

but at the end of the day,

the guys understood
where I was coming from.

And they kept me as president.

Well, I guess they're more
forgiving than I'd be.

Our Blue Ribbon! Oh, my God!

I said we should hang
it on the front door!

- I still say Natalie's neck.
- Checking up on me already?

Don't worry,
everything's under control.

I'm sure it is, Becks.

I just came to visit,

and maybe get a little refuge
from Rusty's apartment.

A visit's OK. Pull up a chair.

Sure, sitting's a great idea if
you want to expand your hips.

But the day before a
recruitment? Bad idea.

- Don't you mean rush?
- We call it recruitment now.

Sleeveless turtleneck girl,

French water for a parched
sister? Thank you.

Tegan, what are you doing here?

My job as National Representative.

This is a flagship chapter again,

and after years of scandal,

I'm here to make sure
it stays that way.

What are you doing here,
Casey? I thought you graduated.

It's philanthropy.
We're feeding the homeless.

I am not homeless.

My housing situation is just
in a state of transition.

So, Rebecca,

when do I get to meet
your new house mother?

She's... also in a
state of transition.

Rebecca, you're the president.

You have to have a
house mother right now.

We sent you candidates.

And they were all found wanting.

Which brings me to my next question.

Why aren't you practicing
recruitment drills?

Because we're doing
dinner and a movie.

Is the movie about
recruitment drills?

Have they made one?
Is Anna Faris in it?

Rebecca, you need a house mother.

And Casey, you need a house.

You'll be the house mom
for recruitment week. See?

- Problem solved.
- But I...

Have somewhere
better to stay? Hm...

Now, everyone in formation
for recruitment drills.

Now, ladies!

What did you want me to say?

I'm an alum,
and I don't need to be here

because Rebecca's doing
a masterful job"?

Hey, I only said yes

so I could stay in
the house mom's room

until I find a place that
doesn't have Star Wars sex.

Please, this sorority is the
closest thing you have to drugs.

You get a "Rush" Rush.

Recruitment.
And if you think about it,

I can help you with Tegan.

- No.
- I've dealt with her before.

No!

But you can sweep the floors,

stock the pretzels and
stay out of my way.

Fine. I will just play house mom.

For the week, until Tegan's gone.

You don't want to become
one of those pathetic girls

- who can never leave her sorority.
- Girls?

Don't we have a Go Greek Rally
to get ready for tomorrow?

Let me just get out of your way.

No, no. The house mom goes, too.

For the freshmen girls.

You are the promise
of a maternal figure

for when they need a self-esteem boost,
or need a tampon.

So, the rally. Um...

- That should be fun.
- Here's your apron.

And you may want
to wear a hair net.

My work is done!

Dang it!

This semester, I want to
invest some more time in R & D.

That's smart.

"Research and Development"
Is gonna be really crucial.

I meant "Rusty and Dana."

This year's gonna be phenomenal.

The two of us, conquering
the scientific world

like Pierre and Marie Curie.

But without Marie's
radiation exposure

and subsequent death.

Yeah, no radiation deaths here.

Hey, I actually gotta
get to the house

for this emergency rush meeting.

You see, we actually missed

signing up for a booth
at today's rally,

so we're trying to figure
out some other options.

I thought you guys were rebels.

I was known as
"Rowdy Rusty" In my day.

For a day.

Well, why don't you guys set up

a rebel booth next to the official
booths? It's a free campus.

They can't stop you

if you're not in the
reserved area, right?

- A rebel booth.
- Yeah.

Like the Rebel Alliance.

Does Luke need to seek
shelter in a tauntaun?

You just hold that
thought in carbonite.

I gotta take this to Cappie.
There's still time to try.

Boyfriend reporting for duty.

Can you take these cupcakes
over to the student union?

They're already late and
I have to get ready

and I don't have time...

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

- Think you can handle these too, chief?
- Uh...

Da...

- Is there a problem?
- I heard

you told Calvin to shove
his peace offering.

What's up with that, Arafat?

How is that any of your business?

Because I'm the one that
blew the truce, not Calvin.

He was just trying to do
right by your stupid frat.

Well, look,
you obviously have no idea

how fraternities work.

It wasn't his role to do that,

especially when you screw
over your own brothers.

Fraternities are about
brotherhood and loyalty.

Yeah, you all say that,

between your teeth bleaching
and your keg lifts.

Keg stands. And I
actually believe in it.

So does Omega Chi.

At least most of us do, anyway.

Look, the point is,
if Calvin had a problem,

he should have just been
honest with us, not run to KT.

What if Calvin came to you

guys and you still said
no to peace? Then what?

Then nothing. Look,

without the loyalty and
camaraderie of your brothers,

fraternities are just a place
to drink beer and chase girls.

Straight over the top.

Is everything OK with your guys?

Yeah, everything's fine.

So then maybe you
can come by later?

If you're lucky.

My sister's gonna love you.
Oh. Is she here?

Bring her over.

I'm supposed to meet her
by the sorority booths.

But after, for sure. All right.

- Chambers!
- Hi, Trip.

- Didn't think I'd see you here.
- I'm helping out Rebecca.

Good man. Hey, if you're
not too busy tonight,

you think you could
swing by the house?

We could use some big guns at rush.

Especially a former president,
since our current one sucks.

Wait a minute, I thought

the house was working
it out with Calvin?

You're keeping him as president.

That's what he thinks.
We're stripping Benedict Owens

of the presidency the
moment rush ends.

You don't want the house

to look out of control during rush.

It's all about having
a strong public face.

So we'll see you at the house?

Yeah.

Hey, babe.

Nice apron.

Do they make house mom jeans, too?

Yeah, no. This is just temporary.

I guess it's not so easy to
leave the Greek system behind.

- Casey, I need to talk to you.
- Go Greek!

Can you do something about Tegan?

She won't leave Rebecca alone.

Oh, I promised that I
would stay out of her way.

- Rebecca can handle Tegan.
- Not from where I'm standing.

Really? Is that the
best you can do?

- Hey, Case!
- Oh!

- Meet my little sister.
- Oh! Heath and Heather.

Actually, it's pronounced
Heeth-er. Like Heath.

- But I go by either.
- Ee-ther?

Heeth-er. With an H.

She wanted to look at
Gamma Psi and Tri Pi,

but I said neither.

- Right, Heather?
- Well, you will love ZBZ.

- It was the best time of my life.
- It looks awesome.

Let me introduce you to
Rebecca Logan, ZBZ president.

I'm gonna get out of here.

I'm worried about this
whole massage thing.

I just think it's desperate.
Don't you think it's pandering?

Massages improve circulation
and help prevent aging.

You should really
look into it. Really.

Look alive. We've got a hottie.

Ladies, this is Heather,
she's interested in ZBZ.

- Hi.
- Hi!

- Are you a sister?
- Oh, you're so sweet.

- I'm actually president.
- No, I'm from Nationals.

I visit our chapters to
offer important guidance,

which would be smart
for them to listen to.

Although, a chapter can
achieve success on their own,

like when we won Blue Ribbon.

But the tricky part is staying

on top when you have a
president with daddy issues,

whose sophomoric behavior
endangers the entire house.

Or an overzealous National

rep who lets said
sister's past actions

cloud future achievements.

Provided there'll even
be future achievements,

aside from what might
end up on the Internet.

I'm gonna go now.

Well, that went well.

Remember, be sure to be on the
lookout for potential KTs.

Right. What do they look like?

- You'll know 'em when you see 'em.
- Like porn.

Trying is hard, Spitter.

Are you sure we shouldn't have

just stuck with karmic synergy?

That won't cut it this year, Beav.

Hey, look, even Timmy's
getting into it.

Cap. It's working!

Omega Chi can kiss
my inflatable ass!

Welcome.

- Wow.
- Put your old Herbie Hancock on there.

- Cap.
- Yeah. What?

Uh... Um...

Uh... Shut it down!

- Shut it down!
- Now! Now!

Unplug it!

It's gonna blow!

- Timmy!
- No, no, no!

Rush Kappa Tau.

So how about that rally?

Things got a little
out of hand, huh?

Would you believe if I told
you we actually planned that?

Yeah. Instead of carrying
back a whole booth,

I just have to carry
back this sack of ash.

I've never known you guys to
set up a booth here before.

I didn't know hot
first-year law students

wear a house mom
apron and a hair net.

I saw it before you took it off.

I'm just helping the
house out during rush.

We're trying hard

to put on our first real
rush of our own this year.

What happened to karmic synergy?

Yeah, I guess it is kind
of a big change for me.

It's all about growing up.

We're not gonna get a big pledge
class if we don't earn it.

You're gonna have a
great pledge class, Cap.

Wait, wait. I thought
this is what you wanted.

I don't want to be the
reason you're changing.

Tomato, Clamato.
What's the difference?

I'm doing this for you. And for us.

But not for yourself.
That's so much pressure,

and kinda missing my point.

So, what do you want?

I want you to want
more for yourself,

because you deserve it for you.

Not just for me.

I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry about Timmy.

Well, so much for us
getting more guys.

Our first attempt at a real
rush actually cost us a brother.

Poor Timmy.

Where is he now, Cap?

I buried him under the rose bush,

so that every day there'll
be flowers on his grave.

And on the bright side,

those roses are gonna
bloom like no tomorrow.

Without Timmy,
there is no tomorrow!

I don't... I don't get it.

Why couldn't we just
stick to karmic synergy?

Karmic synergy never would
have killed my snake.

Cappie was right to try.
It was one mishap.

So we're just gonna have
to try something else.

No, Beaver was right.
We failed. I failed.

We never should have
tried in the first place.

- But you said...
- No, I know what I said, all right?

But trying and failing

was worse than not having pledges,
not having a house.

It was humiliating.

I have been trying and
failing and laughed at

for most of my life. But that's
not an excuse to give up.

We're not giving up,

we're just going back to
trusting in karmic synergy.

- You mean not trying.
- There's a reason we don't try, Rus.

'Cause when we try, snakes die.

Hey, guys. Check me out,
I'm rushing a fraternity.

We get it, Dale.
You hate fraternities.

- So Cappie just gave up?
- He changes his mind faster

than an African Reed
Frog changes sex.

Unlike Evan,

who's still pissed at me
over Mission: Probable.

The worst quest for
peace since Superman IV.

Hey, guys? Seriously, which one?

Seriously, get some new material.

Hey, I'm sorry I roped
you into that truce.

Don't even worry about it.

When you have a chance

to change someone for
the better, you take it.

- My brothers see that.
- How?

Because we created peace.

The Omega Chis weren't
gonna do it on their own.

They're jerks.

- We're not all jerks.
- Everybody but you, right?

You know, Cal,
if you think about it,

you trying to force peace
on your fraternity brothers

is no different than me trying
to force straight-ness on you.

No, that was you being homophobic.

This was me acting for
my house's own good.

Oh.

- What?
- Cal, a real Omega Chi values

loyalty and brotherhood.

Just like a real Kappa
Tau values... nothing.

Yeah, we do.
We just value weird things,

like spitting tequila on girls
and eating a coffee table leg.

I could spot a real KT anywhere.

Since when did you
become Mr. Fraternity?

What are you doing
with my rush guide?

- You were being serious?
- Shut up!

Kettlewell's rushing a fraternity.

Which one of you little
maniacs wants to bid me first?

- Perfect.
- That was not perfect.

- Absolutely perfect.
- No, it was not.

We have always done it like this.

I don't care! This is wrong!

- Do it again. They're tired.
- I don't care.

What is with the banging?

- Sit down. You two, right here.
- What are you doing?

Well, I'm trying to
sweep under this table,

but I'm not getting
anywhere with it.

You could always go
around it, right?

Instead of what? Hmm?

Instead of right at it.

It's a good thing you're
a temporary house mom,

- 'cause you're just...
- Any of you know what you're doing?

Sit down. Next! Let's go. Switch.

Oh, my God! Is this your lame way

of telling me to go around
Tegan instead of at her?

Well, it's not like you're

particularly receptive
to taking advice from me.

Because Tegan doesn't think I can

do this on my own and I
have to prove that I can.

To Tegan or to you?

If you're too proud to accept
help from time to time,

even from me, then you really
are a terrible president

and Tegan has every
right to take over rush.

Tegan is not right
to take over rush.

She scared away Heather and
a ton of awesome girls.

She has to be stopped.
Now, I have this idea.

Wanna hear it?

OK, what's your stupid idea?

- This is everyone.
- OK.

Hey, guys! Everybody!

We aren't giving up,
because I have an awesome idea.

- Spitter, no. Karmic synergy.
- It sucks like stale beerer.

We might have gone a
little big at the rally.

It was ambitious,
and ambitious is great,

but we don't need a
lot of just any guys,

we need a lot of our guys.

You all saw something
special in me.

And Cappie. And Beaver.

And that's who we need to look for.

But we're already in Kappa Tau.

No, no, no. We need
to narrow our focus

and identify 20 rushees

who are real KTs.
Real special guys.

- No, not that kind, Beav.
- By special, I mean guys

who possess that
one amazing quality

that makes them born
to be a Kappa Tau.

So I've downloaded a bunch
of pictures and bios

of rushees who I
believe all possess

that KT "It" Factor.

Beav, check this out.

Does this name sound familiar?

It's Johnny Sandusky.

Son of Larry Sandusky,

brewer of Sandusky frost-brewed
beers and pale ales.

What if he could get us free beer?
Rusty, is this a joke?

No.

Hey, this Clifford
kid has pet snakes.

Maybe he could find a
replacement for Timmy!

- Not in our hearts, of course.
- Oh, my God!

This guy's name is Jodie Foster!

Imagine, we could have

an Anthony Hopkins
and a Jodie Foster!

I could wear the mask and
everything. - Hell, yeah!

Spitter, these pledges are awesome!

But I can't rush them alone.

I need some real
KTs to help me out.

Every year, we take a huge
risk to throw the secret party.

So why not, this year,

we risk it for
something that matters?

Cap?

Can we try one more time?

And this time,
we're doing it for me!

I mean us!

Let's rush the crap
out of these guys!

Abby, do not bring a rushee
water without a napkin.

It's tacky.

Tegan, you are not
gonna believe this.

Julie Beth Gentry
Manning is rushing CRU.

The granddaughter of Grand

National President Mary
Beth Gentry Manning?

How could I not know this?

Word on the Row is JBGM's
in a fight with her mom

and she's considering Gamma
Psi just to spite her.

Oh. On the good
name of Pussywillow,

we cannot let that happen.

Agreed. There she is now.

Julie, I am so excited you're here!

The lineage continues.

What chapter was it that
your mom initiated at again?

Omicron Chapter,
Mississippi A & M, 1967.

She met my dad at their
Annual Steamboat Mixer.

Well, I think you'll find plenty
of tradition here, as well.

And who knows?
Maybe even a husband!

That's so old-fashioned.
And great! So great!

- Husbands! Yay!
- Come with me.

Yay!

- Yes! She fell for it.
- Yeah, but Rusty's girlfriend?

What makes you think
she's up to this?

Well, she looked cute in my top,

and she's an astrophysicist

with a four-point-million GPA.

Which helps with memorizing
personal information.

And Star Wars quotes.

Laura, Betsy, Abby.

Tegan's distracted.
Let's go. Alpha formation.

I'll take Heather,
you flank her friends.

Heather? Hi! I'm Rebecca.

So do you guys do a Matrix
movie night like the Psi Phis?

We've been wanting to do a

make-your-own movie
night with the Tri Pis.

Oh, yeah. I'm down with the ladies.

I was dating my landlord for a while,
but I told her to step.

She tried to win me back,
of course.

- Of course.
- At Comic-Con.

She had this vampire get-up.
It was sad.

But hot. That's
chicks for you, right?

I'm gonna go grab a refill.
It was good meeting you.

You... You know I outed
the truce, right?

Yeah?

I talked to Dale. Apparently,

he decided to rush
after talking to you?

Really?

Well, the guy definitely stands
up for what he believes in.

He convinced me.

All right, look.

I shouldn't have forced
my beliefs on you guys

and I feel terrible. And the fact
that I came to this realization

because of Dale is not helping.

Well, that's how I feel when
you question everything I do.

Um, well...

I guess, sometimes I can
be a little judgmental.

Sometimes? Man,
for the past two years,

you've made me feel
like your evil big bro.

What with Rusty and the
KT expulsions, Frannie.

Come on, man,
you gotta give me Frannie.

You're not perfect.

And by the way,

sacrificing my friendship
with Cappie was not easy.

And maybe I've been
too harsh on you.

I have totally taken our
friendship for granted.

The whole house, for that matter.

Cal...

They're gonna take
away your presidency.

Trip told me they're just
waiting till after rush.

Oh. They're giving me a
taste of my own medicine.

Let me talk to them,
OK? I can help.

No, no. It's, um...

You know what? I mean,
I want the job,

but if the brothers don't
think I deserve it,

then I have to accept that.

I want to earn it.

Where's Dale?

I'm Rusty Cartwright, Rush Chair.

Don't worry, guys. This is

the part where my roommate
drops the cleaver.

- Ooh!
- Oh!

Lame!

Dale, you can't be serious.

See you guys on the inside?

Gentlemen, when I call your name,
follow that weird guy.

- Johnny Sandusky.
- That's me!

Thank you for joining us, Casey.
And nice work, Rebecca.

You probably saved the
ZBZ/Manning family lineage.

Agreed. It was nice work.

Please. Did you really
think I wouldn't figure out

Julie Beth Gentry Manning
was some space plasma dork?

- How did you...?
- Oh, that girl was good.

Until I asked her about Prada.

She thought I was talking about

the Museo del Prado in Madrid,

which I was not.

We only did it to get
you out of my hair.

Well, I'm in your hair, like gum.

And given your recent deception,

I'm going to have to
rethink you as president.

I booted Frannie's lying ass,
I can boot yours, too.

Which means I'll also have to

weigh in on which recruits
we choose to offer bids.

OK, that is insane.

Rebecca may have many, many faults,

but you never gave her a chance.

You were always so
busy over-stepping

and micromanaging her and
the rest of the girls,

they couldn't get
comfortable enough

to connect with the rushees.

Or recruits. Whatever.

I'm trying to preserve

your renewed stature on campus.
That's all.

- Who do you think made us number one?
- Honestly?

Casey and Ashleigh.

Well, as Casey,
of Casey and Ashleigh,

I have to say that
Rebecca was my first

and only choice to succeed
Ashleigh as president.

Maybe you should let
her and the sisters

of this house decide which
rushees are best for us.

- Fine.
- Seriously?

Don't make me regret it.

Rebecca, can I trust you?

With all the confidence
you've instilled in me?

Why not!

It's time for the traditional

all-night vote on
which girls to bid!

- I'll just go grab my sleeping bag!
- Actives only, Case.

You don't have a vote. I'm sorry.

How you doing?

Hey, Cappie.

There's another rushee
I'd like you to meet.

He's a real "Get."

Yeah? Daley's rushing?

I'm still trying to wrap
my head around it, too.

Sorry about creating

that whole U-SAG
thing to destroy you.

I guess I want to belong to

something bigger than me,
you know? And get girls.

Well, I'm definitely bigger than you,
and I get a lot of girls.

Hey, Anthony.

I don't remember him
from the photos.

- Me neither, but he's a legacy.
- Then of course he's in,

so you don't need to
devote your energy to him.

- Ah!
- Trying's pretty cool, huh?

That's my little
after-school special.

I'd rush you all over again.

- Ah!
- Hey!

It's like Christmas Eve!

I can't wait to wake up
and unwrap my pledges!

You did it, Rus. We stand at

the precipice of our
greatest pledge class ever.

Looks like we got
ourselves a shindiggy.

You guys know the rules.

No parties with booze
during Rush Week.

Huckabees! No,
of course we know that.

No, this is a dry soiree.

Can I get you a Roy Rogers?
Extra grenadine?

Yes, thank you.
I got a call that Kappa Tau...

Move! I got a call that Kappa
Tau was violating dry rush.

Looks like my intel was sound.

Everybody, out! This
party's just a hazy memory.

- What does this mean?
- Nothing good.

I love Heather! She's totally
gonna be in my wedding!

Recruitment is going so well.

Isn't it kind of sad that

you're all excited and you can't
be a part of this anymore?

Wow. OK. I'm not
reliving my glory days.

My job is to teach the
girls to carry on ZBZ

in a way that is meaningful.

But how do you enjoy that?

I don't want to be
some sad older girl

who invests everything
in the sorority.

I didn't mean you.

- I still care about ZBZ.
- Obviously.

And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I just don't know how
to care the right way.

I don't know how I'm gonna

walk by this house
every day of law school

knowing I can't be a
part of it anymore,

and that kills me.

Casey, why do you
think I took this job?

It's my way of staying a part
of this world that I care about,

but... I'm not

a sorority girl anymore.

- You're the mentor.
- Yes!

Which means I'm the bitch
that everybody hates,

but riding the girls makes
them better sisters.

Oh, so the whole French water thing

is just to keep us on our toes?

No! I freakin' like French water.
Is that a problem?

Look, maybe I overstepped a bit,
but that's 'cause

I'm constantly aware of
this everywhere I go.

I go to a cocktail party and

someone doesn't bring me
a napkin with my drink,

I want to kill them.
Why? Because it's simple.

I do this crap because

it has made me... - A single woman?

I was gonna say "Successful."

I just want ZBZ to be
the best that it can be.

It's my job.

This sucks. One secret party,

and now we can't have
any pledges this year.

- Thank you, IFC.
- More like Omega Chi.

No. You think they ratted us out?

- Evan's done it before.
- I'm just gonna say

what we're all thinking.

You were right, Cap.

We should have stuck
with karmic synergy.

We lost all our real KT pledges,
now we're broke.

- What a waste.
- No, it wasn't a waste.

Because now I know
what a real KT is.

You're a real KT, Rus,

and real KTs never give up.

- The entire school's laughing at us.
- So what?

Spitter's been laughed
at most of his life.

His words, not mine.
And he never gave up.

That's Rusty's special thing.

That's what makes
him such a great KT.

- That and his ungodly IQ.
- So, what do we do now?

We can't have any pledges.

Hey. Um, sorry. I just came
by to check on my rush status,

but, uh, from the sounds of it...

- Who are you?
- I'm Peter Parkes.

My dad's Lasker Parkes.

- Inventor of Joshua Whopper?
- The software guru?

Yep, that's my dad.
He's gonna be really disappointed

when he finds out you
can't have any pledges.

Actually, IFC can't stop
us from bidding a legacy.

National rules supersede them.

Did I hear his name
was Peter Parkes?

- Like Peter Parker?
- We can call him Peter Porker!

Or... Pledge Spider-Man.

Oh, yeah! Dude,
your third sequel sucked.

You know what? Here.

Here you go. Here's your bid,

and our dues have
gone up quite a bit.

- But welcome to KT.
- To Pledge Spidey.

A new hope!

Interesting plan last night.
How'd you come up with it?

Oh, a little gem from
Frannie's playbook last rush.

I guess Crazy had her moments.

Thanks for the help.

Well, Rebecca,
there's still the issue

of a permanent house mother.

And I advise, strongly,
that you consider...

- Casey, right?
- As permanent house mother?

Free room and board.

Thanks for the offer, but...

I think it's a good idea, Tegan.

Casey can have the job,
if she wants it.

Well, I...

...accept.

Congrats, Casey. And welcome back.

Ta-ta, ladies.

Wow, you accepted the offer.

I thought you'd be all, blah, blah,

angst, angst, "I've moved on."

Well, I have moved on.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

I had a great time with
you last night, but...

- Were we on a date?
- I

can't believe you thought
it was a great idea.

- I said "Good idea."
- Huh.

And you're better
than the alternatives.

Well, if you need
anything else from me,

like advice or free
legal counsel...

Nope. Stay out of my way.

- Hey, Evan.
- Hey, Evan. Good to see you.

- Oh!
- Hey!

You're relaxed. The guys are cool?

Yeah. They let me resign
to avoid impeachment,

which was nice, I guess.

It's gonna take some time to
get back in their good graces,

but I'm working on it.

Come on. Hey.
Let's bid these goats.

Wait, we're missing one.

No, I'm here!

- Dale?
- What are you doing here?

Picking the number one house.

Congratulations.

They gave Dale a bid?

Wow. I guess he does
have a better grasp

on brotherhood than me.

I cannot wait to see how
Rusty takes this news.

Oh, by the way, I was thinking,

I bet if you were the one

who called the cops
on KT's rush party,

it'd be a pretty effective way

to get back in our
guys' good graces.

It wasn't me. I thought it was you

trying to save my presidency.

No. You made it clear you
weren't fighting for it.

So if neither of us called
the cops on the KTs,

then who did?