Greek (2007–2011): Season 3, Episode 5 - Down on Your Luck - full transcript
Casey and Ashleigh work hard to get the ZBZ house rank back up.
I'm just so bored with the pledges.
I'm a senior.
I should be doing something more.
{\pos(192,230)}You turned down an opportunity
to work with Dr. Larsen.
I'm intrigued but it could
just mean you're stupid.
I'd rather take a chance
working on my own project.
- I'll sponsor you.
- Does this mean we're a team?
- How's your bank account zero?
- You remember my parent problems?
I gave up my trust fund.
I didn't kiss Evan at the party.
I kissed Fisher.
- What?
- You really screwed up.
- I'm not used to giving second chances.
- And you won't regret it.
I hope not.
Hey, Treena!
Watch it!
And are you sure about that top?
Looking fierce, Ash.
Sexy fierce or scary fierce?
- Kind of both.
- Great!
I'm meeting fisher for our first
official it's-only-coffee date
since'the incident,'and I want
to look hot, but also threatening.
Like, cheat on me again
and I will cut you.
So, what are you doing tonight?
Do you have a date? With who?
The cute guy from yoga?
Relax.
Panhellenic booked a career advisor
to speak to us about
our plans after graduation.
Sounds fun.
Fall's almost over.
Finally.
We have one more semester
until graduation. The clock's ticking.
And cute yoga boy's cuteness is
cancelled out by how much he sweats.
- Excuse me!
- What the...?
Is the entire house in here?
Hey Betsy, wasn't there a pledge
mixer with pi sigma tonight?
It got cancelled.
Their pledges have poison ivy.
Again? Isn't that why
they cancelled last time?
No, the last time
they had poison oak.
Wait a minute...
- What is that?
- I think it's the...
We're all gonna die!
- You ready?
- Ready.
Hastings and I made
this in the lab today.
It's a new bio-based polymer made
from renewable sources,
- which means...
- Yay, Earth!
Maybe you'll save
the world tomorrow.
It must be nice to know what
you want to be when you grow up.
What did you want to be
when you were little?
A princess,
then a Ballerina,
and then John Elway.
He's a football player.
I knew that.
What about now?
I don't really know.
So far the gotcha game has been the most
exciting thing I've done school-wise.
I wish I had something, though.
I don't know.
Something long-term to look forward to.
It might make school feel
a little bit more worthwhile.
Yeah. But we're good, right?
What? Of course!
We're beyond good. We're like...
Really good.
Looks like a false alarm.
Sprinkler malfunction.
It's a pretty old setup.
Think about getting a new one.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Hot fireman is right.
We should do that.
Yeah, I did look into getting a new one.
But I figured it
could wait until next year.
Hey, I'm working with a budget here.
It was between a new sprinkler system,
or the new flat-screen Tv.
And you chose the Tv?
I didn't know it was between our safety
or dancing with the stars in high-def.
Someone should really
get the pledges inside.
Fine, you're still mad at me.
The pledges are making a scene,
and not in a good way
like Betsy naked in the bushes.
I'm fine!
I'm just a little chilly!
See? They were blown off for another
mixer, so they stayed in for mud masks
and a Tv series about old
people having old people sex.
- Watchingprivate practice?
- With amazing clarity!
Maybe I should get them inside
and have a chat with them.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Maybe you should do that.
They're almost as embarrassing
- as that girl in curlers.
- OK, fine. Keep ignoring me.
But you can't ignore the fact
that our pledges suck.
I am on it.
-= 305 =-
"Down On Your Luck"
I'm really excited about this project.
I'd work on it 24/7 if I could,
but that might upset Jordan.
- She's my girlfriend.
- Hand me sample four-a.
And I don't know what's going on lately,
but Jordan,
my girlfriend,
seems a little down.
I don't think she's
very excited about school.
You know what she said last night?
Please god, kill me now.
She asked if we're good.
Of course, we're good!
We're great!
She knows that.
But I guess I should show her.
Pin her!
- Sir?
- Pin her, or flag her, or whatever
the hell it is you frat guys do,
and shut the hell up!
Technically that would be
a lavaliere,
but that's actually
a really good idea.
Stop
talking!
{\pos(192,220)}Hey Chambers,
looking for a cheap massage?
{\pos(192,230)}I know a great place right off campus,
you'll be very happy with the ending.
{\pos(192,230)}Unfortunately,
I'm looking for a new job.
{\pos(192,230)}I could put a word in at the massage
parlor. You have strong hands
{\pos(192,230)}with the softness of someone who
hasn't labored a day in his life.
Funny.
But you know what's not?
I may not be able to pay house dues,
let alone my tuition next master.
{\pos(192,230)}I can't get a job around campus because
word would get around that I'm broke.
{\pos(192,230)}- You still have that car, right?
- Yeah, I know.
{\pos(192,230)}You're gonna tell me to get rid of
the car if I'm so strapped for cash...
{\pos(192,230)}Not a chance! That car is
your only remaining redeeming value.
{\pos(192,230)}Here's one.
Sperm donor.
{\pos(192,230)}Someone of your pedigree could earn
three times as much as I have...
{\pos(192,230)}...would.
As much as I would.
{\pos(192,230)}Know what they say, find a job you love,
it's hardly work at all.
{\pos(192,230)}- If you're gonna be an ass about it...
- I'm sorry, i'll be serious.
- Thank you.
- Here's another one...
"part-time cater-waiters.
{\pos(192,230)}Work when you want.
Perfect for students. Paid in cash."
{\pos(192,230)}A waiter? I don't know.
{\pos(192,200)}I hated that last job.
{\pos(192,200)}You're not gonna get hired for
much else with a resume consisting
{\pos(192,210)}of your last name
and having soft man-hands.
What about the massage parlor?
{\pos(192,220)}Nice. Ask for diamond,
tell her Cappie sent you.
No, I meant cause you...
{\pos(192,230)}- Yeah, you wanna give me that?
- Yeah...
We never spoke.
{\pos(192,220)}You guys are great.
The best.
{\pos(192,220)}But it might help to put
forth a little more effort.
{\pos(192,220)}You know, getting out,
being a little more social.
{\pos(192,220)}Instead of staying in for mud
masks andprivate practice.
Yes, Abby?
We were supposed to
have a mixer with Pi Sigma.
We can't dwell on the past
when we have so much to look forward to.
Like the lambda sig pledge calendar.
Each year they organize a photo
shoot for all the pledge classes
of all the sororities, assigning
each one a different month and theme,
with the best picture
going on the cover...
Abby? Do you have
a question about the calendar?
No, but I would like to know
what happened with
the Pi Sigma mixer we were supposed
to have last night.
I'm not sure. I'm sure we can
get it back on the books soon.
So the calendar,
We always get July, the best month
of the year, for the best house.
You'll all be wearing bathing suits,
so, Linda, you might want
to do a little extra, waxing.
Then, after the photo...
Yes, Abby?
Is there going to be a party?
I'm just curious
because we haven't been to one in weeks,
and that's the reason most
of us joined a sority.
Of course there's
going to be a party.
I was just getting to that.
However,
that's actually not what
being in a sorority is all about...
- But it's a part of it.
- Yes, but...
A part we haven't been seeing.
For the record.
We could always throw
another party with the KTS?
And that's another thing.
Shouldn't we socialize with somebody
else other than the KTS for a change?
- They're kind of losers.
- Hey, my boyfriend's a KT
No, actually, Abby has a point.
Not about Rusty.
Not entirely.
But you should be mixing
with other fraternities,
and this calendar is a great way
to get to know the lambda sigs.
So they won't cancel mixers
with you in the future.
OK, meeting adjourned.
What is it?
It kind of freaks me out when you
walk in here and stare at us with
- that serial killer smirk.
- I want to lavaliere jordan.
What? I thought you guys
would be happy for me.
I knew this day would come.
Just not so soon.
Beaver, get the book.
The dictionary?
I don't know what lavaliere means.
Ever notice that kts
don't do much lavaliering?
Yeah, because I thought you guys
are a bunch of commitment-phobes.
True. But it's also because of...
Dramatic pause...
... the curse.
What curse?
It started with the first
recorded kt lavaliering
on october 7th, 1871 at the
university of chicago...
The day before the
great chicago fire.
What? Come on.
In 1912, a kt brother
lavaliered his girlfriend,
then took her on a
celebratory cruise...
... aboard the titanic.
Which left from england,
so that makes sense.
The last known kt to
lavaliere was in 1986.
The brother was so excited that
he went home to tell his entire family
... in chernobyl.
Chernobyl? Seriously?
You really expect me to buy all this?
I don't really buy it, either.
Careful, beaver!
We must not speak ill of the curse,
or it will wreak its
vengeance upon us all.
See for yourself.
Chapter three is about lavaliering,
with notes in the margins
from kts who have tried And failed.
Along with a recipe
for a vegetarian lasagna.
We need to try that when he's done.
We need to talk about the pledges.
I already talked to the pledges.
Why are you so worried?
The guy from lambda sig is here...
Good. I was wondering when
they'd come over to talk about july.
Hi there, I wanted to ask you,
is the fourth of july
a little overdone?
Should we do a more generic
beach theme this year?
Like surfing? Or mermaids?
We didn't get july.
- Wait?
- You're november.
Be sure to be at this location
for your photo session
tomorrow morning.
We'll see you then.
Wait! There
must be some mistake. Zbz is july.
We're always july.
Sexy bathing suits,
flags, sexy bathing suits.
Flags.
Yeah, november is just turkeys.
And sweet potatoes,
and green bean casserole.
How do you dress up
as sexy green bean casserole?
Relax, it's not a big deal.
{\pos(192,230)}The pledges got november,
{\pos(192,230)}and your pledge educator seems
to think it's not a big deal.
{\pos(192,240)}Which I also find to
be a very big deal.
{\pos(192,240)}What's up?
{\pos(192,240)}You didn't hear all that?
About the pledges getting november?
{\pos(192,240)}November?
How'd that happen?
{\pos(192,240)}Fine. Keep ignoring me.
But we shouldn't just
roll over and accept this.
I'm doing the best
I can with the pledges,
we have to be honest. We didn't
get the pick of the litter
during rush because of
frannie and the ickies.
You have to try harder.
Or get someone who has the
stomach to kick a little ass.
That's a great plan, frannie.
Can you please explain
to ashleigh that I believe
I can do better if
she lets me show her.
You've been trying to prove
yourself since'the incident'
and you can just stop.
I don't understand how you can let
like the state of the
pledges go so quickly,
yet hold a grudge
against me for so long.
You don't understand
how I could hold a grudge?
When your spring break
video came out,
When you almost kicked out
by the house who stood by you?
And what did you
do for me in return?
You kinda stabbed me in the back.
I'm sorry if I'm
more upset about that
than some stupid calendar.
We got november.
So what? Life goes on.
I knew you could hear me.
You can't hate her forever.
I can until I graduate.
Then, I never have to see her
or pretend I can't hear her again.
So what about the pledges
and the calendar?
I'll kick their asses.
Gently.
The part where it says name
is where you fill in your name.
Yeah, I think I got it.
Sorry, I assumed you'd never filled out
a job application before.
OK. Just so we're clear...
Dibs.
I'm lana.
Ron said you have a check for me?
Picking up your check?
And then my kids.
From school.
I have three of them, total brats.
Are you just saying
that so I'll leave?
If I said no, would you leave?
No. I love kids.
I practically still am one.
- Hi, I'm cappie.
- Here's your check.
Thanks.
Sa ya.
Say hi to the kids for me, lana.
What are the odds you're looking
to hire two cater-waiters?
Teddies!
Can we get a couple?
Please, can we?
You know those say
omega chi on them, right?
Target practice with
heath's crossbow.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for a lavaliere
- with the letters kappa tau gamma.
- Kappa tau gamma?
We haven't sold a
kt lavaliere in years.
I don't even think we have any here.
Could you check in the back please?
It's the only one we have
so I hope you like it.
It's good.
Curse shmurse.
It's perfect, I'll take it.
And the teddies.
And the shirt.
We need to get to work on our costumes
for the lambda sig calendar.
But first, there's been
a slight change of plans.
We got november instead of july.
It's no big deal!
And not a reflection of your worth.
Not entirely. Yes, abby?
I thought you said
we always get july?
In the past, yes.
You can just speak, abby.
I'm confused. You said
july was the best month,
which went to the best house.
So does that mean.
You guys, it's just a calendar.
But the calendar is
a representation of us.
If we want to be the best, we have to
show everyone what we're made of.
And that's exactly what we'll do.
It's not so much the month,
but what you do with that month.
Zbz made july the best,
so we'll just do that with november.
Are those our costumes?
From asister act
rush skit a few years ago.
We're dressing up as
nuns for the calendar photo?
That's what the'best
house on campus' does?
Shouldn't we just skip it
rather than embarrass ourselves?
No. And it's not nuns.
Black and white robes?
Thanksgiving?
Anyone thinking what I'm thinking?
Sexy pilgrims!
Can I ask you a question?
And this is purely hypothetical,
but what would happen if
a pledge who was unhappy
with things, outside of zbz,
were to take a
semester off pledging?
Would she be able to come back?
- Which girl? Abby?
- I can't really say.
It would be terrible
to lose any of the pledges.
Maybe not abby.
But the answer is yes.
A pledge has to
fulfill two semesters
but they don't have
to be consecutive.
OK, thanks.
41 to 57,
42 to 58!
- 59!
- What are you doing?
Wing street wing-off.
Beaver's crushing it.
Check the bones!
I see meat!
And... Time!
Beaver defends his title
as chicken wing champ!
Congrats, beav.
So, this book is really outdated,
but it says I need to serenade her.
Then, there's this whole
tied to a tree thing...
What? Tied to a tree?
Can you guys help me figure out
- how to do this lavaliering ceremony?
- I don't know, man.
- The curse kind of freaks me out.
- There's no curse.
Would you be my lavaliere-bearer?
- What's a lavaliere bear do?
- Bear-er.
You hold the lavaliere until
i'm ready to give it to her.
- In a bear costume?
- No.
Just hold on to this
until I ask for it.
We should burn that book.
It's nothing but trouble.
What? No way, man.
This is kt history right here.
Come on, your getting
wing sauce all over it.
Tasty wing sauce.
Give me the book, heath!
Where's the lavaliere?
I think it's in beaver.
No! That's the only one!
Stick a finger down your throat!
Dude, gross. We'll just
wait for beaver to pass it.
Pass it where?
Don't you see?
It's the curse!
Beaver's being punished for helping!
I'm outta here, man.
Funny, I pulled that same split
in my pledge calendar picture.
- You guys totally ripped us off.
- Gosh no.
We meant it as an homage.
Homage my ass, that's just stealing.
No, really, we were
so honored to be july
after zbz had it year, after year...
We know how long we've had it.
Sorry about november.
- Not exactly a cover month.
- Not until we do it.
You're right. I'm sure
you'll be great. Good luck!
Where's your costume?
And where are the others?
They're not coming.
Sorry, katherine.
I thought I was going to
be late for panhellenic.
{\pos(192,230)}You are late, actually.
{\pos(192,230)}My appointment feeding the homeless
ran a few minutes over.
{\pos(192,240)}Moving on...
{\pos(192,240)}I was just dealing with
some unruly pledges.
{\pos(192,240)}Because of november?
{\pos(192,240)}- You know about that?
- I am the president of panhellenic.
{\pos(192,240)}You should probably explain
to them why it happened.
{\pos(192,240)}I think brutal honesty is
always the best policy.
Maybe you should explain it to me?
Do I really need to recount
to you zbz's last few years?
There was the incident with
that undercover reporter girl,
frannie being ousted
because she lied,
you, losing half your
house to the I-kaps,
which led to, as you pointed
out, an unruly pledge class.
Zbz is constantly embroiled
in some kind of turmoil.
And no one likes a
dysfunctional drama case.
Zbz is slipping.
Zbz is not slipping.
We just won the gotcha game.
Which gave you five more
blue ribbon points,
which still places your total
well-behind my house, gamma psi,
and just below the tri-pis.
Your gpa is down half a point,
not much philanthropy,
you were not invited to the
omega chis six pack party.
If I had to guess, I would
say zbz is ranked... Fourth?
Fourth?
- ... ish.
- Ish?
It's not entirely unexpected.
It's impossible to stay on top.
Gamma psi was fourth once, now
we're the top house on campus.
It's just all part of the cycle.
What cycle?
After the meeting, go back to your
house and look at the composites.
Has beav birthed the lavaliere yet?
Not yet.
He's been eating
a lot of fiber though.
This is my tenth bowl.
Pledges!
I doubt we'll want
to hear this. Come on.
Maybe there is a curse.
Maybe I should just get
jordan some flowers.
Or a card with a nice poem on it.
Poem cards suck.
And the point of a lavaliere
is to show you care.
You should go ahead and do
it if you really want to.
I can't now, anyway.
The lavaliere, which the doctor
says is making its way through
beaver's lower intestines,
was the last one in the store.
Here.
You have one?
Why do you...
No, cap... I can't.
Sure you can.
It wasn't meant for me,
but maybe it was meant for you.
I'll talk to the guys, tell them
to lay off the whole curse stuff.
If there even is one?
I became a little suspicious myself
when I noticed the kt aboard the
titanic was brother dicaprio.
What's with the pink bow-tie?
Just feeling fancy today.
Why? Look OK?
What type of fish is that?
That is sea bass?
Would you like to try some?
What kind of sea bass?
Chilean sea bass?
Japanese sea bass?
European sea bass?
I don't really know.
I didn't catch the accent.
Why don't you do your job
and find out for me, OK, chief?
How'd you get put behind the bar
while I'm stuck serving
steamed asparagus
and some kind of sea bass to moron
in polyester suits with half my iq?
I don't know, probably
because I said on my application
that I went to bartending school,
then spent two summers
in jamaica mixing drinks
at flanagan's cocktails and dreams.
I need two screwdrivers, a
sidecar and a sparkling water.
Sure thing, lana. Coming right up.
Sidecars.
Is there a problem?
Just trying to remember
which bottle has the sidecar in it.
Awesome. I'm surrounded by morons.
I was just saying the same thing.
Dude! Dibs!
Why are you here?
Shouldn't you be on chilean sea bass?
Thank you.
- Sidecar.
- Move over.
Gonna start over.
Orange juice.
Are you watching?
What?
I'm just... happy to be here.
Fourth? Ish?
She's not even here anymore
and Frannie is still screwing us over.
Maybe it's because we blew off
the Omega Chis for pref?
Maybe boys do define us!
Have you ever noticed this before?
They jump from 1985 to 1990.
Where are the late '80s?
Here are the missing composites.
One of the gap years.
Maybe these girls were hot
back in the '80s?
No, that's ugly in any decade.
No wonder they're not on the walls.
Had they invented acne cream yet?
Or nose jobs?
Are we on the brink of heading
into the gap years?
What are we supposed to do about it?
If it's a cycle, then it's too late!
It's like fate.
So we do nothing?
- Well, I mean, we are...
- Graduating.
If we want to be the best, we have
to show everyone what we're made of.
And we promised the pledges
that ZBZ would be awesome for them too.
We can't use up all the cool years
and leave them with the sucky ones.
You're right.
As seniors
we have to fight this cycle
for the future generations of ZBZ.
Hi, I'd like to make
a reservation, please.
19:30.
Cartwright.
It's a special occasion.
OK, thanks.
Just a minute. Be right there.
Hey, Jordan.
OK, I have some news.
I think it's good but
I wanted to tell you in person.
- I've been acting kinda weird lately.
- I hadn't noticed.
I've just been feeling
kinda unfulfilled?
Just seeing how excited you are
with school.
I don't have that.
But then it hit me.
Rome.
I was thinking of how much
I love the art and I love the history.
And it's like... Yeah.
That is where I need to go.
- To rome.
- Yes!
So I went
to the study abroad office,
and I begged
for a late application and...
They put me on the wait-list.
Isn't that awesome?
Wait. What?
Rome?
I thought you'd be excited for me.
- Excited for you to leave?
- It's just one semester.
And I haven't even gotten in, yet.
Yeah. Right.
Never mind. I'm happy for you.
Well, I hate working.
Well, duh.
That's why it's called "Work".
It sucks.
{\pos(192,200)}Unless you're
a race car driver or...
{\pos(192,200)}A pool hall hustler or...
{\pos(192,200)}A fighter pilot,
{\pos(192,200)}or...
Who am I kidding?
I'd still rather be playing video games.
I feel trapped.
Just like I did with my trust fund.
Only now I'm...
... trapped and broke.
I don't know if I can do this, man.
I may not have the fight in me.
I almost punched a guy in there
because he asked for more gravy.
That sounds like
a worthy fight to me.
I'm just afraid
that I'm gonna end up
begging my parents
for my trust fund back and
I really don't want to be that guy.
You know, my father always says,
"Anything worth having
is worth fighting for".
My father's a pacifist
but that's not the point.
The point is, you need to figure out
what it is you want and fight for it.
Work for it.
Kind of like
how I'm working my ass off in there
to get Lana's phone number,
and she is not making it easy.
- But I'm still fighting.
- Right.
- We should probably head back inside.
- Yeah.
How will anyone ever get
their steamed asparagus
if I'm not there to dish it out?
- Why does asparagus smell so bad?
- I don't think it smells that bad.
Well, not now but later
when you're done with it.
Thank you all for coming.
I'm sure you've heard by now that
the pledges missed the photo shoot.
Because we didn't want
to embarrass ourselves.
But we're not here to place blame,
or to come down on you for it.
We've recently learned
that ZBZ has been slipping
in the ranks.
Slipping?
How?
We might be fourth.
Ish.
Hell to the no!
I am not in a number four house!
It's the pledges' fault
for skipping the photo shoot!
It's Casey's fault
for not leading the pledges!
It's Ashleigh's fault as president!
Ladies, ladies.
It's nobody's fault,
it's all part of the cycle.
Apparently a house goes
through good and bad years, and...
Well, we've been complacent.
So used to being on top
that we didn't see the signs.
But we're not about to lie back
and let our beloved ZBZ
fall down the social ladder.
We are gonna fight this.
We're gonna start by getting the pledges
on the cover of that damn calendar.
- Does this mean you're getting us july?
- It's too late for that, so
we'll just have to kick ass
with november.
Hand me that tray of samples.
I took your advice,
I was going to lavaliere Jordan.
But then she told me she's thinking
of studying abroad next semester.
You think that's kinda weird
she didn't tell me earlier?
What are we, girlfriends here?
Are you gonna start braiding my hair,
or doing my nails while we dish
on each other's relationships?
- Do you want me to?
- No!
Let's make this clear. I'm not
interested in your personal life.
You told me to lavaliere her, I thought
you'd want to know what happened.
Yes, please. I'm dying to hear.
It's all I've been thinking about.
Between my wife's snoring,
and an enlarged prostate
that forces me to get up
and urinate a dozen times,
plus pondering the trials
and tribulations of your love life,
- I could hardly sleep last night.
- Me either!
Should I still try and lavaliere her
even though she could be gone
next semester?
Personally, I wish you'd just break up
with her so we can get to work.
But you'll come in sobbing
like a soiled baby.
So yes, I think you should do it,
then never mention it ever again.
What if she says no
because she's leaving?
You're a scientist, Cartwright.
Variables are the only constants
in the world.
Wait, are you talking
about the experiment or my girlfriend?
You think we'll really get the cover
with that tiny camera?
I asked everyone,
it's the best one I could find.
- With a lot of mega-pixels or whatever.
- Thanks for doing this,
and sorry we bailed on you before.
- It was kind of my idea.
- I figured it was.
But it's OK, Abby.
We're glad you're here now.
Hey, I heard we need a camera.
It was a graduation present.
That's a fancy camera.
Lots of mega-pixels?
It's a 12.3 mp digital slr.
It can shoot up
to 4.5 frames a second.
And the mega-pixels?
Never mind.
Thanks for bringing it.
Great, let's do this.
All right! OK, everyone!
Now, everyone look like
you're having fun!
Come on! Have fun!
Come on! Fun!
Maybe...
Do something. Actually do something.
All right, smile.
Do you want me to help?
Please. I don't know
what else to tell them.
Pair up everybody.
Photography is hard.
I guess, if we don't get the cover,
we got some good publicity out of it.
Boys.
Look, they're all paired up. So now,
it has a nice cultural message, too.
What's up?
Don't worry, spitter. Don't worry.
What are...
According to the book,
this is KT tradition.
Cappie told us you lavaliered Jordan.
Curse or not, we're there for a brother.
Sorry.
Hey, Lana, we were thinking
about grabbing a drink
- after this, if you'd like to join us.
- I'm having a drink right now
{\pos(192,220)}Cool. That's awesome. But
{\pos(192,220)}I was thinking we could sit and talk,
get to know each other outside of work.
Have a little team building seminar
of our own, if you will.
I won't.
Tips come out to $46 each.
$46? That's it?
On top of the $100 flat fee
you're making.
That's $30 an hour
for doing the work of a monkey.
And you didn't have your ass
grabbed everytime.
That's what you think.
- I'll see you guys next time.
- Actually...
I'm afraid it was
a one-night stand for me.
Yep, I just quit.
I leave for Top Gun school tomorrow.
Just needed to make enough cash
to repair my F-16.
- And $46 covers it?
- Turn signal was out.
OK. I've been cute and charming all day,
and you've given me zero hope,
but I'm still fighting. What's it take
for a guy to get your number?
Funny thing is, Maverick,
all you really needed
was the staff phone sheet.
Too bad you quit.
I'll see you guys later.
It'll cost you.
Oh, my God. Rusty.
What happened?
And they know I have asthma!
Did the Omega Chis do this to you?
It was the KTs.
- Who did that to you?
- It was this dumb calendar thing.
Your own brothers? Why?
Apparently it's KT tradition
to tie a brother to a tree
or a pillar
when he...
After he lavalieres his girlfriend.
They thought you lavaliered me?
Because I was going to.
At dinner tonight.
But you didn't...
Because of the whole
study abroad thing.
After you said all that,
I was afraid you might turn me down.
Rusty, the fact that I'm thinking
of spending a semester abroad
has nothing to do
with my feelings for you.
Then...
Jordan, will you wear my lavaliere?
I would love to.
It's in my right pocket,
you have to grab it.
Just reach in there.
That's not it!
Just kidding. That's it.
Oh, my gosh. It's beautiful.
Thank you.
OK, can you cut me down now, please?
Hey, boys.
Sorry we missed the shoot,
but I think we might have
your new cover.
It's hot and has a message.
It's really good.
- Too bad it's already being made.
- You lie!
We have to turn it around pretty fast
in time for the party tonight.
They're being printed as we speak.
You mind if we keep this, though?
- You're right, it's pretty hot.
- Then who did the picture for november?
There it is.
Sorry, we thought it'd be funny.
But now it just seems...
No, it's still pretty funny.
I just got an e-mail
from the study abroad program.
You open it.
You open it.
No, you open it.
Fine. Forward it to me.
I can't open it.
- But you said you would.
- I know, but I can't now.
OK, fine,
I'll open it.
There's an attachment,
and I don't have the program.
Fine! I'll just do it.
Wait, I don't know what that means.
You look sad, but...
It could be because I'm leaving.
You didn't get in.
The program's full.
It was probably
a stupid idea, anyway.
Get this out of here.
OK, seriously.
Where are our pledges?
If they're at home watching
Private Practice, I'll kill 'em.
They must be upset
about not making the calendar.
We're done for.
I thought a lot about what you said,
and you're right.
It was terrible what I did,
and I can't apologize enough.
But I'm hoping you'll forgive me.
You were right,
we did need to do something,
and despite our severe senioritis,
we can't leave the house
in bad shape for you.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go close
out my tab and meet up with Fisher.
She's back with Fisher
and I'm still in the dog house?
That's so not fair.
I'm so happy you guys made it!
And in costume!
We figured we'd show them
what the calendar is missing.
Look, Abby,
I know I've been a little
disconnected lately
and I promise to do better.
But I'm glad you've been
a pain in the ass about it.
- I'm a pain in your ass?
- In a good way.
If I were in your shoes,
I would be, too.
We may be november,
but I'm glad to see
we're still july in spirit.
I know, right? Screw the cycle.
We're ZBZ, damn it.
I'm a senior.
I should be doing something more.
{\pos(192,230)}You turned down an opportunity
to work with Dr. Larsen.
I'm intrigued but it could
just mean you're stupid.
I'd rather take a chance
working on my own project.
- I'll sponsor you.
- Does this mean we're a team?
- How's your bank account zero?
- You remember my parent problems?
I gave up my trust fund.
I didn't kiss Evan at the party.
I kissed Fisher.
- What?
- You really screwed up.
- I'm not used to giving second chances.
- And you won't regret it.
I hope not.
Hey, Treena!
Watch it!
And are you sure about that top?
Looking fierce, Ash.
Sexy fierce or scary fierce?
- Kind of both.
- Great!
I'm meeting fisher for our first
official it's-only-coffee date
since'the incident,'and I want
to look hot, but also threatening.
Like, cheat on me again
and I will cut you.
So, what are you doing tonight?
Do you have a date? With who?
The cute guy from yoga?
Relax.
Panhellenic booked a career advisor
to speak to us about
our plans after graduation.
Sounds fun.
Fall's almost over.
Finally.
We have one more semester
until graduation. The clock's ticking.
And cute yoga boy's cuteness is
cancelled out by how much he sweats.
- Excuse me!
- What the...?
Is the entire house in here?
Hey Betsy, wasn't there a pledge
mixer with pi sigma tonight?
It got cancelled.
Their pledges have poison ivy.
Again? Isn't that why
they cancelled last time?
No, the last time
they had poison oak.
Wait a minute...
- What is that?
- I think it's the...
We're all gonna die!
- You ready?
- Ready.
Hastings and I made
this in the lab today.
It's a new bio-based polymer made
from renewable sources,
- which means...
- Yay, Earth!
Maybe you'll save
the world tomorrow.
It must be nice to know what
you want to be when you grow up.
What did you want to be
when you were little?
A princess,
then a Ballerina,
and then John Elway.
He's a football player.
I knew that.
What about now?
I don't really know.
So far the gotcha game has been the most
exciting thing I've done school-wise.
I wish I had something, though.
I don't know.
Something long-term to look forward to.
It might make school feel
a little bit more worthwhile.
Yeah. But we're good, right?
What? Of course!
We're beyond good. We're like...
Really good.
Looks like a false alarm.
Sprinkler malfunction.
It's a pretty old setup.
Think about getting a new one.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Hot fireman is right.
We should do that.
Yeah, I did look into getting a new one.
But I figured it
could wait until next year.
Hey, I'm working with a budget here.
It was between a new sprinkler system,
or the new flat-screen Tv.
And you chose the Tv?
I didn't know it was between our safety
or dancing with the stars in high-def.
Someone should really
get the pledges inside.
Fine, you're still mad at me.
The pledges are making a scene,
and not in a good way
like Betsy naked in the bushes.
I'm fine!
I'm just a little chilly!
See? They were blown off for another
mixer, so they stayed in for mud masks
and a Tv series about old
people having old people sex.
- Watchingprivate practice?
- With amazing clarity!
Maybe I should get them inside
and have a chat with them.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Maybe you should do that.
They're almost as embarrassing
- as that girl in curlers.
- OK, fine. Keep ignoring me.
But you can't ignore the fact
that our pledges suck.
I am on it.
-= 305 =-
"Down On Your Luck"
I'm really excited about this project.
I'd work on it 24/7 if I could,
but that might upset Jordan.
- She's my girlfriend.
- Hand me sample four-a.
And I don't know what's going on lately,
but Jordan,
my girlfriend,
seems a little down.
I don't think she's
very excited about school.
You know what she said last night?
Please god, kill me now.
She asked if we're good.
Of course, we're good!
We're great!
She knows that.
But I guess I should show her.
Pin her!
- Sir?
- Pin her, or flag her, or whatever
the hell it is you frat guys do,
and shut the hell up!
Technically that would be
a lavaliere,
but that's actually
a really good idea.
Stop
talking!
{\pos(192,220)}Hey Chambers,
looking for a cheap massage?
{\pos(192,230)}I know a great place right off campus,
you'll be very happy with the ending.
{\pos(192,230)}Unfortunately,
I'm looking for a new job.
{\pos(192,230)}I could put a word in at the massage
parlor. You have strong hands
{\pos(192,230)}with the softness of someone who
hasn't labored a day in his life.
Funny.
But you know what's not?
I may not be able to pay house dues,
let alone my tuition next master.
{\pos(192,230)}I can't get a job around campus because
word would get around that I'm broke.
{\pos(192,230)}- You still have that car, right?
- Yeah, I know.
{\pos(192,230)}You're gonna tell me to get rid of
the car if I'm so strapped for cash...
{\pos(192,230)}Not a chance! That car is
your only remaining redeeming value.
{\pos(192,230)}Here's one.
Sperm donor.
{\pos(192,230)}Someone of your pedigree could earn
three times as much as I have...
{\pos(192,230)}...would.
As much as I would.
{\pos(192,230)}Know what they say, find a job you love,
it's hardly work at all.
{\pos(192,230)}- If you're gonna be an ass about it...
- I'm sorry, i'll be serious.
- Thank you.
- Here's another one...
"part-time cater-waiters.
{\pos(192,230)}Work when you want.
Perfect for students. Paid in cash."
{\pos(192,230)}A waiter? I don't know.
{\pos(192,200)}I hated that last job.
{\pos(192,200)}You're not gonna get hired for
much else with a resume consisting
{\pos(192,210)}of your last name
and having soft man-hands.
What about the massage parlor?
{\pos(192,220)}Nice. Ask for diamond,
tell her Cappie sent you.
No, I meant cause you...
{\pos(192,230)}- Yeah, you wanna give me that?
- Yeah...
We never spoke.
{\pos(192,220)}You guys are great.
The best.
{\pos(192,220)}But it might help to put
forth a little more effort.
{\pos(192,220)}You know, getting out,
being a little more social.
{\pos(192,220)}Instead of staying in for mud
masks andprivate practice.
Yes, Abby?
We were supposed to
have a mixer with Pi Sigma.
We can't dwell on the past
when we have so much to look forward to.
Like the lambda sig pledge calendar.
Each year they organize a photo
shoot for all the pledge classes
of all the sororities, assigning
each one a different month and theme,
with the best picture
going on the cover...
Abby? Do you have
a question about the calendar?
No, but I would like to know
what happened with
the Pi Sigma mixer we were supposed
to have last night.
I'm not sure. I'm sure we can
get it back on the books soon.
So the calendar,
We always get July, the best month
of the year, for the best house.
You'll all be wearing bathing suits,
so, Linda, you might want
to do a little extra, waxing.
Then, after the photo...
Yes, Abby?
Is there going to be a party?
I'm just curious
because we haven't been to one in weeks,
and that's the reason most
of us joined a sority.
Of course there's
going to be a party.
I was just getting to that.
However,
that's actually not what
being in a sorority is all about...
- But it's a part of it.
- Yes, but...
A part we haven't been seeing.
For the record.
We could always throw
another party with the KTS?
And that's another thing.
Shouldn't we socialize with somebody
else other than the KTS for a change?
- They're kind of losers.
- Hey, my boyfriend's a KT
No, actually, Abby has a point.
Not about Rusty.
Not entirely.
But you should be mixing
with other fraternities,
and this calendar is a great way
to get to know the lambda sigs.
So they won't cancel mixers
with you in the future.
OK, meeting adjourned.
What is it?
It kind of freaks me out when you
walk in here and stare at us with
- that serial killer smirk.
- I want to lavaliere jordan.
What? I thought you guys
would be happy for me.
I knew this day would come.
Just not so soon.
Beaver, get the book.
The dictionary?
I don't know what lavaliere means.
Ever notice that kts
don't do much lavaliering?
Yeah, because I thought you guys
are a bunch of commitment-phobes.
True. But it's also because of...
Dramatic pause...
... the curse.
What curse?
It started with the first
recorded kt lavaliering
on october 7th, 1871 at the
university of chicago...
The day before the
great chicago fire.
What? Come on.
In 1912, a kt brother
lavaliered his girlfriend,
then took her on a
celebratory cruise...
... aboard the titanic.
Which left from england,
so that makes sense.
The last known kt to
lavaliere was in 1986.
The brother was so excited that
he went home to tell his entire family
... in chernobyl.
Chernobyl? Seriously?
You really expect me to buy all this?
I don't really buy it, either.
Careful, beaver!
We must not speak ill of the curse,
or it will wreak its
vengeance upon us all.
See for yourself.
Chapter three is about lavaliering,
with notes in the margins
from kts who have tried And failed.
Along with a recipe
for a vegetarian lasagna.
We need to try that when he's done.
We need to talk about the pledges.
I already talked to the pledges.
Why are you so worried?
The guy from lambda sig is here...
Good. I was wondering when
they'd come over to talk about july.
Hi there, I wanted to ask you,
is the fourth of july
a little overdone?
Should we do a more generic
beach theme this year?
Like surfing? Or mermaids?
We didn't get july.
- Wait?
- You're november.
Be sure to be at this location
for your photo session
tomorrow morning.
We'll see you then.
Wait! There
must be some mistake. Zbz is july.
We're always july.
Sexy bathing suits,
flags, sexy bathing suits.
Flags.
Yeah, november is just turkeys.
And sweet potatoes,
and green bean casserole.
How do you dress up
as sexy green bean casserole?
Relax, it's not a big deal.
{\pos(192,230)}The pledges got november,
{\pos(192,230)}and your pledge educator seems
to think it's not a big deal.
{\pos(192,240)}Which I also find to
be a very big deal.
{\pos(192,240)}What's up?
{\pos(192,240)}You didn't hear all that?
About the pledges getting november?
{\pos(192,240)}November?
How'd that happen?
{\pos(192,240)}Fine. Keep ignoring me.
But we shouldn't just
roll over and accept this.
I'm doing the best
I can with the pledges,
we have to be honest. We didn't
get the pick of the litter
during rush because of
frannie and the ickies.
You have to try harder.
Or get someone who has the
stomach to kick a little ass.
That's a great plan, frannie.
Can you please explain
to ashleigh that I believe
I can do better if
she lets me show her.
You've been trying to prove
yourself since'the incident'
and you can just stop.
I don't understand how you can let
like the state of the
pledges go so quickly,
yet hold a grudge
against me for so long.
You don't understand
how I could hold a grudge?
When your spring break
video came out,
When you almost kicked out
by the house who stood by you?
And what did you
do for me in return?
You kinda stabbed me in the back.
I'm sorry if I'm
more upset about that
than some stupid calendar.
We got november.
So what? Life goes on.
I knew you could hear me.
You can't hate her forever.
I can until I graduate.
Then, I never have to see her
or pretend I can't hear her again.
So what about the pledges
and the calendar?
I'll kick their asses.
Gently.
The part where it says name
is where you fill in your name.
Yeah, I think I got it.
Sorry, I assumed you'd never filled out
a job application before.
OK. Just so we're clear...
Dibs.
I'm lana.
Ron said you have a check for me?
Picking up your check?
And then my kids.
From school.
I have three of them, total brats.
Are you just saying
that so I'll leave?
If I said no, would you leave?
No. I love kids.
I practically still am one.
- Hi, I'm cappie.
- Here's your check.
Thanks.
Sa ya.
Say hi to the kids for me, lana.
What are the odds you're looking
to hire two cater-waiters?
Teddies!
Can we get a couple?
Please, can we?
You know those say
omega chi on them, right?
Target practice with
heath's crossbow.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for a lavaliere
- with the letters kappa tau gamma.
- Kappa tau gamma?
We haven't sold a
kt lavaliere in years.
I don't even think we have any here.
Could you check in the back please?
It's the only one we have
so I hope you like it.
It's good.
Curse shmurse.
It's perfect, I'll take it.
And the teddies.
And the shirt.
We need to get to work on our costumes
for the lambda sig calendar.
But first, there's been
a slight change of plans.
We got november instead of july.
It's no big deal!
And not a reflection of your worth.
Not entirely. Yes, abby?
I thought you said
we always get july?
In the past, yes.
You can just speak, abby.
I'm confused. You said
july was the best month,
which went to the best house.
So does that mean.
You guys, it's just a calendar.
But the calendar is
a representation of us.
If we want to be the best, we have to
show everyone what we're made of.
And that's exactly what we'll do.
It's not so much the month,
but what you do with that month.
Zbz made july the best,
so we'll just do that with november.
Are those our costumes?
From asister act
rush skit a few years ago.
We're dressing up as
nuns for the calendar photo?
That's what the'best
house on campus' does?
Shouldn't we just skip it
rather than embarrass ourselves?
No. And it's not nuns.
Black and white robes?
Thanksgiving?
Anyone thinking what I'm thinking?
Sexy pilgrims!
Can I ask you a question?
And this is purely hypothetical,
but what would happen if
a pledge who was unhappy
with things, outside of zbz,
were to take a
semester off pledging?
Would she be able to come back?
- Which girl? Abby?
- I can't really say.
It would be terrible
to lose any of the pledges.
Maybe not abby.
But the answer is yes.
A pledge has to
fulfill two semesters
but they don't have
to be consecutive.
OK, thanks.
41 to 57,
42 to 58!
- 59!
- What are you doing?
Wing street wing-off.
Beaver's crushing it.
Check the bones!
I see meat!
And... Time!
Beaver defends his title
as chicken wing champ!
Congrats, beav.
So, this book is really outdated,
but it says I need to serenade her.
Then, there's this whole
tied to a tree thing...
What? Tied to a tree?
Can you guys help me figure out
- how to do this lavaliering ceremony?
- I don't know, man.
- The curse kind of freaks me out.
- There's no curse.
Would you be my lavaliere-bearer?
- What's a lavaliere bear do?
- Bear-er.
You hold the lavaliere until
i'm ready to give it to her.
- In a bear costume?
- No.
Just hold on to this
until I ask for it.
We should burn that book.
It's nothing but trouble.
What? No way, man.
This is kt history right here.
Come on, your getting
wing sauce all over it.
Tasty wing sauce.
Give me the book, heath!
Where's the lavaliere?
I think it's in beaver.
No! That's the only one!
Stick a finger down your throat!
Dude, gross. We'll just
wait for beaver to pass it.
Pass it where?
Don't you see?
It's the curse!
Beaver's being punished for helping!
I'm outta here, man.
Funny, I pulled that same split
in my pledge calendar picture.
- You guys totally ripped us off.
- Gosh no.
We meant it as an homage.
Homage my ass, that's just stealing.
No, really, we were
so honored to be july
after zbz had it year, after year...
We know how long we've had it.
Sorry about november.
- Not exactly a cover month.
- Not until we do it.
You're right. I'm sure
you'll be great. Good luck!
Where's your costume?
And where are the others?
They're not coming.
Sorry, katherine.
I thought I was going to
be late for panhellenic.
{\pos(192,230)}You are late, actually.
{\pos(192,230)}My appointment feeding the homeless
ran a few minutes over.
{\pos(192,240)}Moving on...
{\pos(192,240)}I was just dealing with
some unruly pledges.
{\pos(192,240)}Because of november?
{\pos(192,240)}- You know about that?
- I am the president of panhellenic.
{\pos(192,240)}You should probably explain
to them why it happened.
{\pos(192,240)}I think brutal honesty is
always the best policy.
Maybe you should explain it to me?
Do I really need to recount
to you zbz's last few years?
There was the incident with
that undercover reporter girl,
frannie being ousted
because she lied,
you, losing half your
house to the I-kaps,
which led to, as you pointed
out, an unruly pledge class.
Zbz is constantly embroiled
in some kind of turmoil.
And no one likes a
dysfunctional drama case.
Zbz is slipping.
Zbz is not slipping.
We just won the gotcha game.
Which gave you five more
blue ribbon points,
which still places your total
well-behind my house, gamma psi,
and just below the tri-pis.
Your gpa is down half a point,
not much philanthropy,
you were not invited to the
omega chis six pack party.
If I had to guess, I would
say zbz is ranked... Fourth?
Fourth?
- ... ish.
- Ish?
It's not entirely unexpected.
It's impossible to stay on top.
Gamma psi was fourth once, now
we're the top house on campus.
It's just all part of the cycle.
What cycle?
After the meeting, go back to your
house and look at the composites.
Has beav birthed the lavaliere yet?
Not yet.
He's been eating
a lot of fiber though.
This is my tenth bowl.
Pledges!
I doubt we'll want
to hear this. Come on.
Maybe there is a curse.
Maybe I should just get
jordan some flowers.
Or a card with a nice poem on it.
Poem cards suck.
And the point of a lavaliere
is to show you care.
You should go ahead and do
it if you really want to.
I can't now, anyway.
The lavaliere, which the doctor
says is making its way through
beaver's lower intestines,
was the last one in the store.
Here.
You have one?
Why do you...
No, cap... I can't.
Sure you can.
It wasn't meant for me,
but maybe it was meant for you.
I'll talk to the guys, tell them
to lay off the whole curse stuff.
If there even is one?
I became a little suspicious myself
when I noticed the kt aboard the
titanic was brother dicaprio.
What's with the pink bow-tie?
Just feeling fancy today.
Why? Look OK?
What type of fish is that?
That is sea bass?
Would you like to try some?
What kind of sea bass?
Chilean sea bass?
Japanese sea bass?
European sea bass?
I don't really know.
I didn't catch the accent.
Why don't you do your job
and find out for me, OK, chief?
How'd you get put behind the bar
while I'm stuck serving
steamed asparagus
and some kind of sea bass to moron
in polyester suits with half my iq?
I don't know, probably
because I said on my application
that I went to bartending school,
then spent two summers
in jamaica mixing drinks
at flanagan's cocktails and dreams.
I need two screwdrivers, a
sidecar and a sparkling water.
Sure thing, lana. Coming right up.
Sidecars.
Is there a problem?
Just trying to remember
which bottle has the sidecar in it.
Awesome. I'm surrounded by morons.
I was just saying the same thing.
Dude! Dibs!
Why are you here?
Shouldn't you be on chilean sea bass?
Thank you.
- Sidecar.
- Move over.
Gonna start over.
Orange juice.
Are you watching?
What?
I'm just... happy to be here.
Fourth? Ish?
She's not even here anymore
and Frannie is still screwing us over.
Maybe it's because we blew off
the Omega Chis for pref?
Maybe boys do define us!
Have you ever noticed this before?
They jump from 1985 to 1990.
Where are the late '80s?
Here are the missing composites.
One of the gap years.
Maybe these girls were hot
back in the '80s?
No, that's ugly in any decade.
No wonder they're not on the walls.
Had they invented acne cream yet?
Or nose jobs?
Are we on the brink of heading
into the gap years?
What are we supposed to do about it?
If it's a cycle, then it's too late!
It's like fate.
So we do nothing?
- Well, I mean, we are...
- Graduating.
If we want to be the best, we have
to show everyone what we're made of.
And we promised the pledges
that ZBZ would be awesome for them too.
We can't use up all the cool years
and leave them with the sucky ones.
You're right.
As seniors
we have to fight this cycle
for the future generations of ZBZ.
Hi, I'd like to make
a reservation, please.
19:30.
Cartwright.
It's a special occasion.
OK, thanks.
Just a minute. Be right there.
Hey, Jordan.
OK, I have some news.
I think it's good but
I wanted to tell you in person.
- I've been acting kinda weird lately.
- I hadn't noticed.
I've just been feeling
kinda unfulfilled?
Just seeing how excited you are
with school.
I don't have that.
But then it hit me.
Rome.
I was thinking of how much
I love the art and I love the history.
And it's like... Yeah.
That is where I need to go.
- To rome.
- Yes!
So I went
to the study abroad office,
and I begged
for a late application and...
They put me on the wait-list.
Isn't that awesome?
Wait. What?
Rome?
I thought you'd be excited for me.
- Excited for you to leave?
- It's just one semester.
And I haven't even gotten in, yet.
Yeah. Right.
Never mind. I'm happy for you.
Well, I hate working.
Well, duh.
That's why it's called "Work".
It sucks.
{\pos(192,200)}Unless you're
a race car driver or...
{\pos(192,200)}A pool hall hustler or...
{\pos(192,200)}A fighter pilot,
{\pos(192,200)}or...
Who am I kidding?
I'd still rather be playing video games.
I feel trapped.
Just like I did with my trust fund.
Only now I'm...
... trapped and broke.
I don't know if I can do this, man.
I may not have the fight in me.
I almost punched a guy in there
because he asked for more gravy.
That sounds like
a worthy fight to me.
I'm just afraid
that I'm gonna end up
begging my parents
for my trust fund back and
I really don't want to be that guy.
You know, my father always says,
"Anything worth having
is worth fighting for".
My father's a pacifist
but that's not the point.
The point is, you need to figure out
what it is you want and fight for it.
Work for it.
Kind of like
how I'm working my ass off in there
to get Lana's phone number,
and she is not making it easy.
- But I'm still fighting.
- Right.
- We should probably head back inside.
- Yeah.
How will anyone ever get
their steamed asparagus
if I'm not there to dish it out?
- Why does asparagus smell so bad?
- I don't think it smells that bad.
Well, not now but later
when you're done with it.
Thank you all for coming.
I'm sure you've heard by now that
the pledges missed the photo shoot.
Because we didn't want
to embarrass ourselves.
But we're not here to place blame,
or to come down on you for it.
We've recently learned
that ZBZ has been slipping
in the ranks.
Slipping?
How?
We might be fourth.
Ish.
Hell to the no!
I am not in a number four house!
It's the pledges' fault
for skipping the photo shoot!
It's Casey's fault
for not leading the pledges!
It's Ashleigh's fault as president!
Ladies, ladies.
It's nobody's fault,
it's all part of the cycle.
Apparently a house goes
through good and bad years, and...
Well, we've been complacent.
So used to being on top
that we didn't see the signs.
But we're not about to lie back
and let our beloved ZBZ
fall down the social ladder.
We are gonna fight this.
We're gonna start by getting the pledges
on the cover of that damn calendar.
- Does this mean you're getting us july?
- It's too late for that, so
we'll just have to kick ass
with november.
Hand me that tray of samples.
I took your advice,
I was going to lavaliere Jordan.
But then she told me she's thinking
of studying abroad next semester.
You think that's kinda weird
she didn't tell me earlier?
What are we, girlfriends here?
Are you gonna start braiding my hair,
or doing my nails while we dish
on each other's relationships?
- Do you want me to?
- No!
Let's make this clear. I'm not
interested in your personal life.
You told me to lavaliere her, I thought
you'd want to know what happened.
Yes, please. I'm dying to hear.
It's all I've been thinking about.
Between my wife's snoring,
and an enlarged prostate
that forces me to get up
and urinate a dozen times,
plus pondering the trials
and tribulations of your love life,
- I could hardly sleep last night.
- Me either!
Should I still try and lavaliere her
even though she could be gone
next semester?
Personally, I wish you'd just break up
with her so we can get to work.
But you'll come in sobbing
like a soiled baby.
So yes, I think you should do it,
then never mention it ever again.
What if she says no
because she's leaving?
You're a scientist, Cartwright.
Variables are the only constants
in the world.
Wait, are you talking
about the experiment or my girlfriend?
You think we'll really get the cover
with that tiny camera?
I asked everyone,
it's the best one I could find.
- With a lot of mega-pixels or whatever.
- Thanks for doing this,
and sorry we bailed on you before.
- It was kind of my idea.
- I figured it was.
But it's OK, Abby.
We're glad you're here now.
Hey, I heard we need a camera.
It was a graduation present.
That's a fancy camera.
Lots of mega-pixels?
It's a 12.3 mp digital slr.
It can shoot up
to 4.5 frames a second.
And the mega-pixels?
Never mind.
Thanks for bringing it.
Great, let's do this.
All right! OK, everyone!
Now, everyone look like
you're having fun!
Come on! Have fun!
Come on! Fun!
Maybe...
Do something. Actually do something.
All right, smile.
Do you want me to help?
Please. I don't know
what else to tell them.
Pair up everybody.
Photography is hard.
I guess, if we don't get the cover,
we got some good publicity out of it.
Boys.
Look, they're all paired up. So now,
it has a nice cultural message, too.
What's up?
Don't worry, spitter. Don't worry.
What are...
According to the book,
this is KT tradition.
Cappie told us you lavaliered Jordan.
Curse or not, we're there for a brother.
Sorry.
Hey, Lana, we were thinking
about grabbing a drink
- after this, if you'd like to join us.
- I'm having a drink right now
{\pos(192,220)}Cool. That's awesome. But
{\pos(192,220)}I was thinking we could sit and talk,
get to know each other outside of work.
Have a little team building seminar
of our own, if you will.
I won't.
Tips come out to $46 each.
$46? That's it?
On top of the $100 flat fee
you're making.
That's $30 an hour
for doing the work of a monkey.
And you didn't have your ass
grabbed everytime.
That's what you think.
- I'll see you guys next time.
- Actually...
I'm afraid it was
a one-night stand for me.
Yep, I just quit.
I leave for Top Gun school tomorrow.
Just needed to make enough cash
to repair my F-16.
- And $46 covers it?
- Turn signal was out.
OK. I've been cute and charming all day,
and you've given me zero hope,
but I'm still fighting. What's it take
for a guy to get your number?
Funny thing is, Maverick,
all you really needed
was the staff phone sheet.
Too bad you quit.
I'll see you guys later.
It'll cost you.
Oh, my God. Rusty.
What happened?
And they know I have asthma!
Did the Omega Chis do this to you?
It was the KTs.
- Who did that to you?
- It was this dumb calendar thing.
Your own brothers? Why?
Apparently it's KT tradition
to tie a brother to a tree
or a pillar
when he...
After he lavalieres his girlfriend.
They thought you lavaliered me?
Because I was going to.
At dinner tonight.
But you didn't...
Because of the whole
study abroad thing.
After you said all that,
I was afraid you might turn me down.
Rusty, the fact that I'm thinking
of spending a semester abroad
has nothing to do
with my feelings for you.
Then...
Jordan, will you wear my lavaliere?
I would love to.
It's in my right pocket,
you have to grab it.
Just reach in there.
That's not it!
Just kidding. That's it.
Oh, my gosh. It's beautiful.
Thank you.
OK, can you cut me down now, please?
Hey, boys.
Sorry we missed the shoot,
but I think we might have
your new cover.
It's hot and has a message.
It's really good.
- Too bad it's already being made.
- You lie!
We have to turn it around pretty fast
in time for the party tonight.
They're being printed as we speak.
You mind if we keep this, though?
- You're right, it's pretty hot.
- Then who did the picture for november?
There it is.
Sorry, we thought it'd be funny.
But now it just seems...
No, it's still pretty funny.
I just got an e-mail
from the study abroad program.
You open it.
You open it.
No, you open it.
Fine. Forward it to me.
I can't open it.
- But you said you would.
- I know, but I can't now.
OK, fine,
I'll open it.
There's an attachment,
and I don't have the program.
Fine! I'll just do it.
Wait, I don't know what that means.
You look sad, but...
It could be because I'm leaving.
You didn't get in.
The program's full.
It was probably
a stupid idea, anyway.
Get this out of here.
OK, seriously.
Where are our pledges?
If they're at home watching
Private Practice, I'll kill 'em.
They must be upset
about not making the calendar.
We're done for.
I thought a lot about what you said,
and you're right.
It was terrible what I did,
and I can't apologize enough.
But I'm hoping you'll forgive me.
You were right,
we did need to do something,
and despite our severe senioritis,
we can't leave the house
in bad shape for you.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go close
out my tab and meet up with Fisher.
She's back with Fisher
and I'm still in the dog house?
That's so not fair.
I'm so happy you guys made it!
And in costume!
We figured we'd show them
what the calendar is missing.
Look, Abby,
I know I've been a little
disconnected lately
and I promise to do better.
But I'm glad you've been
a pain in the ass about it.
- I'm a pain in your ass?
- In a good way.
If I were in your shoes,
I would be, too.
We may be november,
but I'm glad to see
we're still july in spirit.
I know, right? Screw the cycle.
We're ZBZ, damn it.