Greek (2007–2011): Season 3, Episode 14 - The Tortoise & the Hair - full transcript
Casey begins to think about her possible political career.
We'd like to congratulate
Russell Cartwright
on being this year's
grant recipient.
Rusty? It's Dana.
We met at orientation.
Did you know that
I've had a crush on you
since we met?
I liked you even when
you were the Anchor.
Maybe I could buy you
a cup of coffee?
Are you freaking
kidding me? You bl.
There's nothing you can say.
We were all friends again.
- Why did you have
to screw it up?
- You screwed it up
by getti back
together with Cappie.
I'm not going to apologize
for doing what I had to do
for my house.
My house would
never ask me to screw
with people's lives.
No, you're just
a bunch of losers
while the rest of us,
including your girlfriend,
have real lives.
When am I supposed to compromise
what I want for a relationship?
This is gonna be
trickier than I thought.
Thanks for breakfast, Cap.
- Who says guys can't cook?
- Oh, wow. This is amazing!
Oh, yeah, it's just
this little something
I threw together
called Fruity Cocoa
Cinnamon Sugar Frosted
Honey Marshmallow
Berry Waffle Pops
with Clusters.
I was talking about this
article on Paula Baker's bill
limiting carbon emissions.
- I worked on that bill as
an intern at her office.
- "Worked on"?
OK, I made copies of it,
but something I was a part of
is actually going
to the President of the
United States to become a law!
I painted flames on my turtle.
- That's pretty.
- He's not supposed
to be pretty.
He's supposed to be
awesome and intimidating.
Aren't you, Little
Earnhardt, Junior...
Jr.
The KT 500 is about to begin.
Turtles, to your starting gates!
I glued nunchucks on mine
and named him Michelangelo.
Yeah? Well, we're gonna kick
your Teenage Mutant Ninja ass.
It'd be so awesome to be there
and be a part of the
process, making laws.
You know, I thought you had
a bad time in Washington.
Fetching coffee,
making copies. They
called you Elle Woods.
Yes, I remember, thank you.
But just because some people
in Paula's office
saw me as a vapid sorority girl
doesn't mean I should give up.
It means I have to work harder
to prove that's not me.
Good for you. You know
who else won't give up?
Little Earnhardt Junior, Jr.
I need to focus on my future.
I mean, graduation's coming up
and then... and then...
I think the turtle race
is about to start.
- Don't wanna miss
that green flag.
- Uh-uh.
Sweet Mother of Mary
Elizabeth Mastrantonio,
is that the new Magtromex
digital microscope?
- I didn't even know
it was out yet!
- Pretty great, huh?
I knew, thanks to your
grant money, the new
lab'd be hooked up,
but this is like your
own personal Bat Cave!
And you can use any of it
whenever you want.
I may take you up on that.
Especially since I'm funding
my own research now,
and not saving as much
as I'd hoped,
although I did award myself the
first annual Kettlewell Prize.
- Congratulations?
- It's underfunded.
Looks like I'll be
entering the work force.
Good morning, Cartwright.
Hello, person who's wasting
Cartwright's time.
Actually, I've made some
pretty good progress so far.
I got the wire to re-conduct
for five minutes.
You must be proud
of your little protege.
Behind every great man...
- ...is a great roommate.
- You're still here?
You need to dig up a jacket
and tie by tonight.
- What for?
- It's time for your moment
in the sun, Cartwright.
It seems that, um,
someone talked up our
Gary Wyatt Grant winner
at the department meeting.
The dean of the
Engineering school
wants to meet CRU's
new wunderkind.
The dean wants to meet me?
What about the winner
of the Kettlewell Prize?
Would the dean
like to meet him?
He will.
Ash, there's lipstick
on this glass.
Eight hour no-smear
is such a sham.
I'm not wearing any.
You said you were going
to hire a new hasher.
OK, I'm still a little gun-shy
from the whole Fisher fiasco,
but I will get to it.
Eventually.
Abby, if you have to go to
the bathroom, you can just go.
No, I'll do it. I'd be happy
to find us a new hasher.
Ash, just let her, please.
- OK, fine. Thanks, Abby.
- Great! I'll start
making flyers!
You know, sometimes
I really like her,
and sometimes I feel
like she might try to
kill us in our sleep.
Forget about that.
I have an important
question to ask.
- OK.
- Would you rather...
have a potato chip
from this bag... Mmm!
Crunchy, crunchy, crunchy...
or from that bag that's red?
OK, obviously,
you want me to pick
the crunchy one. Why?
It's for my retail
marketing class.
My theory is that people'd
rather go for crunch
than what the bag looks like.
I'll put you down in the
"prefers crunch" category.
I'm so happy that
you decided to go into
marketing after college.
I'm actually thinking about
going back to Washington.
- That's great!
- I brought it up
with Cappie.
You and Cappie actually
had a conversation
about graduation?
I wouldn't actually
call it a conversation.
We haven't talked about it
since we got back together.
He hasn't even said the word.
Well, you have to live
your own life, Casey.
You have to go after what you
want and not worry about him.
I don't know where to begin
if I go back to Washington.
Paula Baker's office
saw me as Elle Woods,
so that's not an option.
There's someone you could talk
to who knows about Washington,
whose dad was a senator,
who's...
OK, we need a new hasher, stat!
I just found some leftovers in
the fridge. They're Frannie's.
I can't believe I'm here.
I keep thinking about
all the Ph.D's that
walked through that door.
Stay focused. You're meeting
the dean of the department,
not Justin Guarini
from the American Idols.
It's OK. I prepared
an amusing anecdote
to tell the dean
how I got my inspiration
from watching my fraternity
brothers shoot pool.
No, you didn't.
Don't talk about
your frat house
or toga parties
or beer bongs...
I'm not gonna embarrass...
Hello, Milton.
This must be our
new wunderkind.
Dr. Lundquist,
Rusty Cartwright.
It's such a real honor
to meet you, sir.
Please, I'm the one
who should be honored.
Your self-healing wire is
the talk of the department.
- Thank you, sir.
- I'm always interested
in where ideas come from.
Where did you get
the inspiration
for your breakthrough?
Ah, from these balls.
They weren't actually mine.
I was holding on
to someone else's.
They were my brother's balls.
The balls of my
fraternity brothers.
They were pool balls, sir.
- Combo shot led me
to use the cross-linker.
- Fascinating.
You know, your discovery
could mean big things
Attracting higher enrollment,
increased endowments.
It lets us say, "Suck it, MIT.
We got Rusty Cartwright."
Wow!
I need to tell the trustees
about our major breakthrough
at the budget meeting
next month.
Think you could have some
patent-ready diagrams by then?
Aw, that's a little fast.
We just started working...
He's being modest.
He was just telling me
he's making real progress,
weren't you, Cartwright?
Ha! I knew we could
count on our wunderkind.
Now, let me introduce
the department heads.
They are dying to meet
their future colleague.
- What is going on here?
- We're here for the hasher job.
Hey, you're Ashleigh, right?
- I'm Hunter.
- Oh, hell no.
What is going on here?
It looks like GQ
crashed into Men's Health
and spilled hot guys
all over our living room.
Oh, apparently the word
was out about you and
the last hasher hooking up,
so a lot of the guys
want the job.
These are the ones
I really want...
for the job.
Just because you have issues
doesn't mean the rest of us
shouldn't have our chance
at a hasher hookup.
Excuse me,
I'm looking for Casey.
She's not here right now.
I suppose I can
talk to you, then.
I'm here about the flier.
The hasher job.
Uh, I do have experience.
I waited tables at Bible camp.
And back home
I cleaned up, uh,
actual pigsties.
Oh, you're Rusty's
funny friend, Kyle.
Dale. Once again, Dale.
Uh, I have a reference
here from my boss
one summer at Tacos and Donuts.
It was only
for a couple of weeks.
They needed
replacement dishwashers
after this INS raid,
- but they let on that...
- You're hired.
- Congratulations.
- Great.
- Professor Hastings.
- Ah, the wunderkind.
- Beats being the Anchor,
doesn't it?
- That was amazing.
I'm practically
on a first-name basis
with three doctoral candidates
and a Nobel Prize winner.
Do you think we can be
patent-ready in a month
like we promised Teddy?
- Ted? Dr. Lundquist?
- You're going to have to be.
You're in the big leagues
now, Cartwright.
But just to be sure,
I thought you might be able
to use some help.
So I arranged for
an outstanding student
from my advanced physics class
to assist you.
Really? An assistant, huh?
I've never had
an assistant before.
Ah, here she is now.
Cartwright, meet Stockwell.
Hey, Dana.
Actually, we know each other.
Is she asking me?
The way her inflection
went up at the end there,
- it sounded like a question.
- We kinda met before.
Oh, I get that you want
to work in Washington.
The question is "Why?"
What do you mean?
DC's a dark and vile place
full of bad, selfish people
who have no interest
in anything but corruption
and blind power.
I don't believe
it's all like that.
- Hey, Casey!
- Hi! Dale.
Ashleigh waits
a month to find a new hasher,
- and then hires Bible Boy.
- Wow, you're unpleasant.
Anyway, I prepared
a shopping list.
If there's anything special
you'd like, let me know.
I was thinking
I might whip up a batch
of my Aunt Gertie's
- award-winning vinegar pie
just for you.
- Great.
- That sounds disgusting.
- Wasn't offering any to you.
Anyway, have
a blessed day, Case.
Guess Ashleigh and I won't be
fighting over this one.
So, let's assume,
for a second, that Washington
isn't all a cesspool.
What do you want to do there?
Be a lobbyist,
work for a federal agency,
- play for the Redskins?
- Lobbyist could be
interesting.
OK. So you want to be a whore?
That's what most of them are.
You have to wine and dine
politicians, sometimes more.
It wouldn't be
like that. I'd work for
an environmental group.
So you'd be a
green whore? How PC.
Maybe they could
pay you in weed.
The truth is, I really
want to work on new
legislation, making laws.
Unless you're
running for office,
and that 16-year-old
you slept with
or the Psi Phi Pi brownies
could be teensy problems.
- You should probably
start in Congress.
- How do I do that?
I might know someone
you could talk to,
but you'd owe me.
Seriously
you wouldn't do me
a favor this one time
- without expecting
something in return?
- Nope.
That's your first lesson.
Welcome to politics.
Hey, could you hand me
the microthermometer?
You ever check the throughput
on this fraction collector?
Yes. The microthermometer,
please?
You should probably
check it again.
You know, you're the assistant.
You're supposed to assist me.
Oh, right, because
you're Mr. Wunderkind.
Big whoop.
Well, according to the dean,
it's a fairly large whoop.
Look, I realize
this is awkward,
- but we're just gonna
have to work through it.
- Why is it awkward?
Because you said you liked me,
and I didn't remember you.
Then I asked you out,
and you blew me off.
Oh! Right. No. Now I see
why it's awkward, for you.
Hey, this is a
big deal for me, OK?
It wasn't too long ago
I was the Anchor
- and now I'm about to
have my name on a patent.
I appreciate your help,
but we have to focus
and work quickly
if we're going to
get this done on time,
and it would be great
if we could get along.
Are you trying
to ask me out again?
You want me to
ask you out again?
Well, it wouldn't be
appropriate, would it?
- I mean, I am your assistant.
- Right.
- So could you hand me
the microthermometer?
Will you please
stop doing that?
If anybody knows his way
inside the Beltway it's Joel.
He did a lot of heavy lifting
on the Hill for my father.
He worked for your father?
Just because he worked
for my dad doesn't
make him a slimeball.
He's a do-gooder.
Rebecca! Hey.
- How's your dad?
- Oh, you know,
trying to fall back
in love with my mom
by never being in
the same state with her.
Oh, this is my...
Casey. She wants to work
in the cesspool
of lies and greed
known as Washington.
I tried to talk her
out of it.
Maybe she'll listen to you.
I happen to think
politics gets a bad rap.
A lot of good
comes out of Washington.
- You want to barf, right?
- Same old Rebecca.
So, tell me what
you've been doing, Casey.
What makes you think
that you want to work in DC?
Well, I just feel like I
have something to contribute.
It's why I kind of ran
for ZBZ President,
and why I've been
working on Panhellenic,
and why I interned
for Paula Baker.
It sounds like you're
on the right track,
although it never hurts
to have more experience
for those Hill jobs.
- Like working on a campaign?
- Among other things.
We always need help
with voter registration.
We're trying to target
more college students,
get them involved
in the process.
Is that something
you'd be interested in?
Getting signatures?
I can do that.
Great. I'll get the forms.
This is exciting.
Do little cartoon birds
hold up your robe for you
every morning?
Hey, Ashleigh,
I got a question.
Yes, Dale,
I've heard the good word.
Uh, not my question,
but glad to hear it.
I thought it'd be nice to
spruce up dinner tonight,
and since I did take
a napkin folding class
at Christian manners camp,
I was wondering, would you
prefer the bird of paradise
or the goblet fan fold?
Good one.
Oh! Um...
the bird?
Excellent choice.
Billy Graham Cracker
has got to go.
What do you mean?
The house is already cleaner,
the pantry is stocked
for the first time in weeks
and, look, he made
a little bird.
He put psalms
in the cereal boxes,
and instead of pouring
the pretzels into bowls
he lays them out
in little crosses.
Yeah, so, he's
a little religious.
I think what we're trying to say
is, although we understand
how Dale suits you
and your issue,
the house would be
much better served
with someone that's more
in sync with the rest of us,
someone that's more
responsive to our needs...
Someone hotter that we can
totally hook up with.
Someone... not Dale.
No.
Have you registered
to vote? How about you?
- No, thanks.
- It's your civic duty.
Nah, I'm good.
Hey, Case.
How's it going?
Not great. People
either don't know why
they should register,
don't know why they
should register now
or they think I'm
a front for Scientology.
It was so much easier
getting signatures
for the Undie Run.
You're telling me
college students are more into
getting naked than voting?
I'm shocked.
Oh, hey, Rebecca
told me about your plans
to work in Washington.
You're not the only one
with political aspirations.
- I think that's great, Case.
- Thank you, Evan.
I'm glad to see
that your personal life
is not holding you back.
Thank you, Evan.
- I think you're
both delusional.
- Could be.
- OK, I gotta get
to class. See you later?
- OK.
Wow, looks like you and
Evan are going strong.
- Are we really
gonna do this?
- Apparently not.
Good. We need to talk about
your sales technique.
- What's wrong with it?
- Are you kidding?
Politics is all about
scare tactics.
Didn't you learn anything
from the Bush years?
Watch and learn.
You're telling me if
I don't register to vote
they're gonna bring back the
draft, and they're taking girls?
Where do I sign?
Impressive. And thank you again
for introducing me to Joel.
You should thank me.
After the election
he's going back to DC
- as the representative's
chief of staff...
- Oh.
Which means he's in charge
of hiring legislative aides.
Which means if I impress
him, then I could get
one of those jobs.
And Cappie could open up
a DC chapter of Kappa Tau.
- We haven't
talked about it.
- Good luck with that.
All right, you try these guys.
Hey, uh, register to vote,
or they, uh, might outlaw porn.
Go! Come on!
Have any of you guys
seen my project notebook?
You're missing all
the excitement, Spitter.
There's the crowds,
the crashes.
It's even better
than last year's
record-setting pace.
I think my turtle died.
No, just pooped.
Maybe the lighter weight
will speed him up.
Less wind resistance.
Or maybe that's just
part of his strategy,
like James Bond,
so everyone behind him'll
spin out on his poop slick.
See what you're missing?
Hey, actually, I was
gonna ask you something.
Has Casey mentioned
anything to you
about me and her
or... the "G" word?
I don't think it's appropriate
to talk about that part
of my sister's anatomy.
No, I'm talking
black gowns, tassels...
Seriously, Cap, I don't
want to talk about that.
- Oh, you mean graduation?
- Yeah, that.
I never understood the appeal.
Why would I want to leave? My
favorite coffee place is here,
my friends are here.
The weather
never seems to change.
It won't always be that way.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
The sun will
eventually burn out,
leaving the Earth
a cold, lifeless cinder,
but I figure by then
I' get a scarf.
I mean, your friends
won't always be here.
People are going to move on.
Remember how you felt
losing Wade, almost Heath?
Casey's gonna graduate in May.
Thought you talked
about this before
you got back together.
- Well...
- Oh, there it is.
Sorry.
That's the thing, we didn't.
One second, one second.
Hi, Professor Hastings. Yeah,
I was just on my way back...
Yeah.
You're kidding me.
It's gonna happen?
OK, I'll be back.
Sure. OK.
- Good news?
- There's gonna be
an article about me,
with photos, interviews,
the whole deal.
The university
is sending a photographer
to take my picture today.
- I'm gonna be in EW.
- EW?
- Spitter's gonna be in
Entertainment Weekly.
- Awesome.
- Uh, Engineering Weekly.
- Oh. Never mind.
- Mmm.
- Still, good.
- All right, I gotta get going.
- You look good
for the photo.
- Thanks.
You know who else
has been in EW?
People like Carl Sagan,
Stephen Hawking,
and now Rusty Cartwright.
- It's hard to believe.
- Yes, it is.
Hey, so how's that new
hasher job going for you?
It's good.
It's amazing what slobs
sorority girls can be,
but it's good.
I thought Ashleigh was
never gonna hire anybody
- after the whole Fisher thing.
- Who's Fisher?
He's the guy who had
the job before you
when they were dating.
They had an
intimate relationship?
Until they broke up,
and then she fired him.
- What?!
- I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, wow.
Um, I'll catch up
with you later.
- Have you been
waiting long?
- Uh... no.
I just got hair...
here.
Go ahead and laugh, but
I'll be the one laughing
when my ex-partner
sees this in EW.
This is how I would've
looked 20 years ago
if I got the credit I deserved
for our miniature hard drive.
- You would've had a toupee?
- I would've had my hair!
Along with everything else
The success,
the respect of our peers,
the Victoria's Secret model.
This is just
the beginning for us.
First EW,
then Charlie Rose,
and after that,
who knows? Nova?
We don't even have
a wire that lasts longer
than five minutes.
Then I suggest you
make that happen ASAP.
Everyone's counting
on you, Cartwright.
OK, guys, let's
get ready for the picture.
Move in a little closer.
Thanks. Hey, Casey.
Whoa! Are those all
new voter registrations?
Uh, yep. Um,
and I already edited out
all the Eileen Dovers
and Ivana Nailors.
So they're pretty much
good to go.
- Wow, you're really
good at this.
- Thanks!
It's amazing what you can
accomplish when you speak to
what's important to people.
It's kind of how I felt
working for Paula Baker
on the carbon emissions bill.
I didn't know you worked
on the Baker bill.
Yeah. Um...
Well, I was just happy
to see it made it out
of conference committee
without a lot of amendments.
Oh, me, too. It's a good
piece of legislation.
Let me know if you
want to do some more
campus registrations.
Actually, I had this idea
to get a lot of new
student voters all at once.
There's this bar
near campus called Dobler's...
I went to law school
at CRU. I'm familiar
with Dobler's,
perhaps too familiar.
I was thinking
that we could throw a big
voter registration party
with this organization called
Do Something, that promotes
students getting involved.
We could offer a free cover
for every new voter.
You know, that is
a really good idea.
If you could pull that off,
it'd be great.
Better than great,
it'd be fantastic.
- Maybe even impressive?
- Are you kidding? Big time.
So, Dale, um... Hi.
- Ooh, shiny.
- Drop the act, Ashleigh.
- I know what this is all about.
- You do?
I know the real reason
you hired me.
Oh.
Dale, I don't know
what to say. I...
Well, I heard about
what happened
with my predecessor,
and it's pretty clear to me
that you expect the hasher
to be your personal concubine.
Wait, what?
Well, despite
what you may have heard
about my recent... lapse,
I'm not that kind of guy
anymore, OK?
I can't be your new
hasher boy-toy.
Oh, my God,
you're such a riot.
You're like Dane Cook,
but funny.
Sexual harassment
is no laughing matter.
I felt your yearning looks
as I leave a room,
the accidental
physical contact.
- Seriously?
- I need a secure job
to fund my project.
I can't afford
to be your plaything
and be tossed aside once
you inevitably desire
a new carnal conquest.
You know, I'm sorry,
Ashleigh, I quit.
Dana.
You were sleeping.
Why aren't you working?
OK, first of all, it's rude
to speak in that tone of voice
to someone who just woke up.
Sorry, but we're on
a tight schedule here.
There's a lot of people
waiting for me to finish this.
Uh... Yeah,
I, uh, I hate to break it
to you, but I don't actually
think that's gonna
happen any time soon.
- What are you
talking about?
- I checked your work,
and it looks like you're
heading for a dead end.
With the current formulation,
maybe we can push the wire
to reconduct for 20 minutes,
half hour tops.
But the decay'll accelerate
and then it's dead.
No offense,
but I don't think you know
what you're talking about.
I think I know
as much as you do,
and you might see that if you
weren't so cocky all the time.
I am not being cocky.
I did win a major grant
for this.
OK, that sounded cocky,
but you just said
my wire won't work.
Not unless you plan to keep
the environmental temperature
at absolute zero.
A patentable prototype
at room temperature?
Ch-yeah, right!
You're gonna have to
start out with a new formula.
Now this doesn't have
anything to do
with you being mad at me
for forgetting your name
at first, right?
What?! Oh, my God!
I was just asking.
That was out of line.
But if this is about that,
I said I was sorry.
- I wanted
to go out with you.
- I'm out of here.
But, um, if you can climb off
your ginormous ego
for five minutes,
which is about how long
your stupid wire's
ever gonna last,
you might wanna check my notes.
It's all in there
in black and white.
Later, dunderkind.
Wow, someone's in a good mood.
Um, yeah, well, I think
I might have some pretty
exciting news.
Things have been getting
pretty exciting here, too.
I think Earnhardt is
gonna try and make his move
coming into this next turn.
Yeah, it's a nail-biter,
all right.
Listen, I had this idea
for a voter registration
party at Dobler's.
- Well, that is exciting.
- No, that's not it.
But, if it goes well
and if this congresswoman
gets re-elected,
I might have a shot
at a job in Washington
in the fall.
And not just making copies,
but a real job
as a legislative aide.
When life gives you
legislatives,
make legislative aide.
That's great, Case.
Anyway, um, that's really soon.
So... I think, maybe,
we should talk about,
you know, the future.
And I was wondering
what you were thinking
about you and me and, um...
graduation?
So, what do you think?
I like turtles.
- What?
- Listen, Case, I know
it may not seem like it,
but I have given this a lot
of thought, and I have a plan.
You do? That's great.
What is it?
We'll figure it out
when the time comes.
- That's your plan?
- Yeah.
That's not a plan.
That is a plan
to make a plan.
- Which is a plan, is it not?
- You don't even have a major.
I just don't see the need
to hash out all the details
before it's
absolutely necessary.
If you'll excuse me,
I thjnk Earnhardt
blew out a left rear claw.
I think I need to get him
into the pit crew.
Uh, Ash said to give you this.
Dale's last, and only,
hasher check.
Why couldn't he come himself?
He said he wanted to, quote,
"avoid even the appearance
of impropriety,"
whatever that means.
Yeah... Oh, hey, um,
I don't know if you heard,
but I am throwing this
voter registration party
at Dobler's tonight.
- You should come.
- I can't. I'm being
interviewed by EW tonight.
- Oh!
- Engineering Weekly.
Oh, yeah. Got it.
But that's, like,
a really big deal, right?
You should be proud.
Yeah, sure. Here,
let's sit for a second.
It's just, uh,
I have this assistant
who thinks I'm heading
down a blind alley
with my wire,
so I'm not feeling all
that proud right now.
Hey, but this party of
yours sounds impressive.
Yeah, I'm hoping
it'll get me a job in DC,
but it's causing this weirdness
between me and Cappie,
and I don't know
if it's even worth it
'cause Rebec says
everyone in Washington
is a slimeball.
- Why are you
listening to Rebecca?
- Good point.
But what about Cappie?
Maybe Cappie will surprise you.
Maybe.
And maybe you should be more
excited about this interview.
- You've worked hard. Enjoy it.
- I know.
Look at us.
The Cartwrights
are kicking ass.
Yes, we are.
Hey! So, who's
the hottie I saw you
talking to downstairs?
That would be Hunter,
our new hasher.
His name's Hunter?
Seriously?
- What happened to Bible Boy?
- He didn't want to be
my sexual plaything.
Ash, has it really
come to that?
So Hunter's all yours.
You can kiss him, jump on him,
roll him in bread crumbs
for all I care,
'cause I am done with
the whole Fisher thing.
OK, that new hasher
has got to go.
You're kidding, right?
He is smokin' hot! I thought
that's what everybody wanted.
We thought so, too,
but we get a bad
feeling about him.
- He seems kinda pervy.
- We want Dale back.
He's weird and judgey,
but we trust him.
Well, I can't get
Dale back. He quit.
I brought you ladies
some towels
in case you want to
take a shower later.
Thank you.
- I'll call Dale.
- Yeah.
Well... I'm impressed.
You actually made
registering to vote
not seem like a total
boring waste of time.
Yeah, I hope Joel feels
the same way, mostly.
- Have you seen him yet?
- No, but here's your boyfriend.
Rebecca. Hey, Case.
- Hey.
- Can I get you a drink?
I can't. Working.
I would love a water.
Water. OK, sure.
That was awkward.
What's up?
- Um, are we really
going to do this?
- Yeah.
Fine. Um, I told him
about Washington,
!nd that we should
talk about graduation.
- What did he say?
- "I like turtles."
Oh. Well,
what'd you expect?
That's our...
uh, your Cappie.
- Great turnout, Casey.
I'm impressed.
- Thanks, Joel.
With these demos,
we can really address
a solid voting block.
Yawn. Wonk talk.
That's my cue.
This place is packed.
Casey must be really happy.
She would be, but she tried
to talk to Cappie about working
in Washington after graduation,
and he just wants
to talk about turtles.
Of course.
I knew you'd find a way
to blow it.
You know,
talking to yourself
is a sign of insanity.
It's turning out
Casey's gonna leave you
after graduation,
and what will you have
left here? Turtles.
Oh, here you go.
Um, it's going
really, really well.
Actually, I was thinking about,
um, doing a bunch of these
at college campuses
all over the district.
That sounds interesting.
I'd like to talk more
about that with you.
Why don't you come back
to my apartment later
for a debriefing.
Casey, if you want to
talk about Washington
we should talk
about Washington.
It's OK. I don't think
it's going to be an issue.
So, on behalf of ZBZ,
I'd like you to know
that we would really...
You want to close
the front door?
No, I prefer to leave it open,
if you don't mind.
Great. Anyway,
I would really like it
if you would consider
coming back.
Are you asking for
the house or for you?
For the house.
Definitely the house.
We need you, Dale, and not
some flashy hunkazoid
in a cashmere V-neck.
If you were a chip,
you would be
the crunchy kind
in a plain, honest bag.
I'm saying,
I like your package.
Obviously, there would
have to be some ground rules.
You'd have to take a
sexual harassment seminar
and agree to sign a contract
swearing not to make
any unwanted advances.
I will do that.
So, are we good?
You'll come back
and be our hasher?
Let me sleep on it.
Alone.
Ah, this must be
our young Einstein now.
Cartwright,
this is David Fanning
from Engineering Weekly.
- Hello.
- Can't wait to hear all
about this wire of yours
that's going
to change the world.
Can we go off the record?
Well, we haven't gone
on the record yet.
What are you doing, Cartwright?
Dana thinks we may have
found a problem
with our new formula.
That's interesting, and
something we should talk about
after we're interviewed
by a national
science publication.
- Back on the record.
- Off the record.
She thinks we're heading
for a dead end,
which means
a patentable prototype
might not be possible
for years, if at all.
That's ridiculous.
Back on the record.
Off the record.
I think she may be right.
I think we should cancel
this interview, tell the dean.
Are you insane?
Opportunities for
recognition like this
come around once in a lifetime,
twice only if you're
very, very lucky.
I'm not about to let
this one pass me by.
I don't understand.
Am I supposed to pretend
that everything's OK
so you can get back at your
ex-partner who screwed you over
20 years ago?
So you do understand.
Sorry. The brilliant ones
are always a little off.
It's not easy
being the wunderkind.
Oh, please stop
calling me that.
Look, I got this wire
to self-heal,
turn on a light bulb
for five minutes.
So far that's all it does.
Maybe one day it will
change the world,
and I really hope
I'm the one to do that,
but right now,
it just has potential.
Potential, like me, I hope.
So if you don't mind,
I'd rather not do this
because I don't feel
like a genius,
I'm not a wunderkind,
I'm not a wunder-anything.
And in case there's
any way you didn't know,
that's not his hair.
Is that on or off threcord?
Right.
I've been thinking about
what you'll owe me.
If you become president,
I want ambassadorship
to France...
- ...or a battleship.
- You might have been right
about politics being scummy.
I think Joel hit on me.
He asked me to his place
for a "debriefing."
That was
my dad's line.
I didn't think Joel
was like that.
Why are all guys
so disappointing?
Damn it, I really
wanted that job.
- Well, if you really
want the job...
- No, uh-uh.
I'm going to get to Washington,
but I'll be damned if
I get there that way.
Shouldn't you be telling
that to the slimeball?
You're right.
Hey. Let me tell you
something, Joel.
Slimeballs like you are
the reason why politics suck.
Everybody's in it
for what they can get.
You know what?
You're not getting me.
I am not having sex
with you.
So are we all still
going back to your apartment
for the debriefing?
Wait, you're going back
to his apartment, too?
All of you?
Please say you're planning
some really weird orgy.
Maybe he thought it was funny.
Yeah, I'm sure he thought
it was hysterical.
- I blame you.
- Me? What did I do?
You're the one
who put it in my head
that everyone in politics
is a slimeball.
- I didn't tell you
to call him one.
- Yes, you did.
Uh, thought you guys
might like a healthy snack,
so I threw together a crudite,
- beef sticks and
Cheesaritos for Cappie.
- Thanks, Daley.
Great, he's back.
I really thought
I had that job.
- Clearly, I don't belong there.
- You know what?
- Yes, you do.
- Well, what am I
supposed to do now?
I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.
You're gonna go talk
to that guy and you're
gonna get that job back.
I can't, I am too humiliated.
You're Casey Cartwright.
You can do anything you want.
That's how I know
you're gonna go to Washington,
and you're gonna be amazing.
OK, even if I could,
what about us?
- What about...
- Graduation?
Oh, my God, he said it.
You'll never leave here.
You love it too much.
That's true, I do love it here.
But I don't think
I could be anywhere
that didn't have you.
- Aww!
- We'll be fine.
So go get that job.
I'd kiss you for luck, but
I've got beef stick breath.
You wanted to see me?
That was quite a little
stunt you pulled.
When the dean heard
about it, he wanted to
have us both expelled...
from the country!
Fortunately, I reminded him
that I have tenure,
and that you're the
Gary Wyatt Grant winner,
so we're both safe.
For now.
Thanks.
I realize that
my first impression
was right about you.
- What was that?
- That you lack drive, ambition.
It isn't just about
the science, you know.
You're never gonna
get anywhere with that
"aww, shucks" attitude.
Trust me, nobody's
gonna toot your horn if
you can't do it yourself.
Maybe you're right.
I just couldn't pretend
I deserve it.
I hope I'll get another chance
when the time is right.
But if I don't, I'm not gonna
let it rule my life.
Try reversing the polarity
on the capacitors.
Excuse me?
- Casey?
- I just want you
to know how sorry I am
about the misunderstanding
last night, really sorry.
If there's any way you could
forget that it happened,
that'd be great. And I hope
you'll still consider me
for a legislative aide job
in Washington,
because I know that
I would be great at it.
But I am sorry.
I already said that,
but I am sorry.
First off... there's
no need to apologize.
I should have been clearer.
And I think there may have been
another misunderstanding.
You were never
gonna be considered for
a legislative aide job.
- Oh.
- You're an incredibly smart
and resourceful person,
and someday you're gonna
do great in Washington.
But we mostly hire people
with postgraduate degrees
for those jobs.
With a bachelor's degree
you could maybe
cover the phones
- or answer constituent
correspondence...
- But I want to do more.
Then you're gonna need
more experience
or more education,
maybe in local government.
Have you thought about
graduate school?
What about law school?
I thought about law school,
but it was kind of
for a boyfriend, though.
Well, maybe you should really
consider it for yourself.
I will. Um, thanks.
I still know some people
in law school here.
Deadlines are coming up,
so if you decide to apply
and want some help...
- And that is not
a come-on, by the way.
Thanks. I'd welcome that.
The help, not the come-on.
OK.
So, you really botched it
with the dean, huh?
You heard about that?
Nerd Twitter's
all atwitter about it.
So I guess
now the pressure's off,
you don't need me anymore?
Actually, I'd really
like you to stay.
I mean, if you want.
I read your notes.
I think you were right
about the dead end.
And if I'm going to have
to work up a new formula,
I could really use your help.
Maybe you're not
as big of a jerk
as I thought you were.
- Thanks.
- I said "maybe."
Um, OK, so where do we start?
Professor Hastings
thinks we should try
reversing the polarity
- on the capacitors.
- He's probably right.
Oh, hand me that cooling fan.
Oh, it's over?
I can't believe I missed
the whole turtle race.
Relax, Spitter,
I believe there's still
a straggler or two.
Oh, hey, how did your,
um, interview go?
- When is the magazine
coming out?
- That's not gonna happen.
Not yet. I decided
that when it does happen,
I want it to be the right way.
Well, I've made a decision, too.
I'm gonna go to law school.
That's great, Case.
And I've made a pretty
big decision myself.
Check this out.
This is a form
for declaring a major.
Oh, my God,
you declared a major?
That's amazing.
- Wait, this is blank.
- Well, baby steps, Russ.
You know what they say
about slow and steady.
And it's down to the wire!
No telling how this one
will end.
And... Earnhardt takes
the checkered flag! Whoo!
Russell Cartwright
on being this year's
grant recipient.
Rusty? It's Dana.
We met at orientation.
Did you know that
I've had a crush on you
since we met?
I liked you even when
you were the Anchor.
Maybe I could buy you
a cup of coffee?
Are you freaking
kidding me? You bl.
There's nothing you can say.
We were all friends again.
- Why did you have
to screw it up?
- You screwed it up
by getti back
together with Cappie.
I'm not going to apologize
for doing what I had to do
for my house.
My house would
never ask me to screw
with people's lives.
No, you're just
a bunch of losers
while the rest of us,
including your girlfriend,
have real lives.
When am I supposed to compromise
what I want for a relationship?
This is gonna be
trickier than I thought.
Thanks for breakfast, Cap.
- Who says guys can't cook?
- Oh, wow. This is amazing!
Oh, yeah, it's just
this little something
I threw together
called Fruity Cocoa
Cinnamon Sugar Frosted
Honey Marshmallow
Berry Waffle Pops
with Clusters.
I was talking about this
article on Paula Baker's bill
limiting carbon emissions.
- I worked on that bill as
an intern at her office.
- "Worked on"?
OK, I made copies of it,
but something I was a part of
is actually going
to the President of the
United States to become a law!
I painted flames on my turtle.
- That's pretty.
- He's not supposed
to be pretty.
He's supposed to be
awesome and intimidating.
Aren't you, Little
Earnhardt, Junior...
Jr.
The KT 500 is about to begin.
Turtles, to your starting gates!
I glued nunchucks on mine
and named him Michelangelo.
Yeah? Well, we're gonna kick
your Teenage Mutant Ninja ass.
It'd be so awesome to be there
and be a part of the
process, making laws.
You know, I thought you had
a bad time in Washington.
Fetching coffee,
making copies. They
called you Elle Woods.
Yes, I remember, thank you.
But just because some people
in Paula's office
saw me as a vapid sorority girl
doesn't mean I should give up.
It means I have to work harder
to prove that's not me.
Good for you. You know
who else won't give up?
Little Earnhardt Junior, Jr.
I need to focus on my future.
I mean, graduation's coming up
and then... and then...
I think the turtle race
is about to start.
- Don't wanna miss
that green flag.
- Uh-uh.
Sweet Mother of Mary
Elizabeth Mastrantonio,
is that the new Magtromex
digital microscope?
- I didn't even know
it was out yet!
- Pretty great, huh?
I knew, thanks to your
grant money, the new
lab'd be hooked up,
but this is like your
own personal Bat Cave!
And you can use any of it
whenever you want.
I may take you up on that.
Especially since I'm funding
my own research now,
and not saving as much
as I'd hoped,
although I did award myself the
first annual Kettlewell Prize.
- Congratulations?
- It's underfunded.
Looks like I'll be
entering the work force.
Good morning, Cartwright.
Hello, person who's wasting
Cartwright's time.
Actually, I've made some
pretty good progress so far.
I got the wire to re-conduct
for five minutes.
You must be proud
of your little protege.
Behind every great man...
- ...is a great roommate.
- You're still here?
You need to dig up a jacket
and tie by tonight.
- What for?
- It's time for your moment
in the sun, Cartwright.
It seems that, um,
someone talked up our
Gary Wyatt Grant winner
at the department meeting.
The dean of the
Engineering school
wants to meet CRU's
new wunderkind.
The dean wants to meet me?
What about the winner
of the Kettlewell Prize?
Would the dean
like to meet him?
He will.
Ash, there's lipstick
on this glass.
Eight hour no-smear
is such a sham.
I'm not wearing any.
You said you were going
to hire a new hasher.
OK, I'm still a little gun-shy
from the whole Fisher fiasco,
but I will get to it.
Eventually.
Abby, if you have to go to
the bathroom, you can just go.
No, I'll do it. I'd be happy
to find us a new hasher.
Ash, just let her, please.
- OK, fine. Thanks, Abby.
- Great! I'll start
making flyers!
You know, sometimes
I really like her,
and sometimes I feel
like she might try to
kill us in our sleep.
Forget about that.
I have an important
question to ask.
- OK.
- Would you rather...
have a potato chip
from this bag... Mmm!
Crunchy, crunchy, crunchy...
or from that bag that's red?
OK, obviously,
you want me to pick
the crunchy one. Why?
It's for my retail
marketing class.
My theory is that people'd
rather go for crunch
than what the bag looks like.
I'll put you down in the
"prefers crunch" category.
I'm so happy that
you decided to go into
marketing after college.
I'm actually thinking about
going back to Washington.
- That's great!
- I brought it up
with Cappie.
You and Cappie actually
had a conversation
about graduation?
I wouldn't actually
call it a conversation.
We haven't talked about it
since we got back together.
He hasn't even said the word.
Well, you have to live
your own life, Casey.
You have to go after what you
want and not worry about him.
I don't know where to begin
if I go back to Washington.
Paula Baker's office
saw me as Elle Woods,
so that's not an option.
There's someone you could talk
to who knows about Washington,
whose dad was a senator,
who's...
OK, we need a new hasher, stat!
I just found some leftovers in
the fridge. They're Frannie's.
I can't believe I'm here.
I keep thinking about
all the Ph.D's that
walked through that door.
Stay focused. You're meeting
the dean of the department,
not Justin Guarini
from the American Idols.
It's OK. I prepared
an amusing anecdote
to tell the dean
how I got my inspiration
from watching my fraternity
brothers shoot pool.
No, you didn't.
Don't talk about
your frat house
or toga parties
or beer bongs...
I'm not gonna embarrass...
Hello, Milton.
This must be our
new wunderkind.
Dr. Lundquist,
Rusty Cartwright.
It's such a real honor
to meet you, sir.
Please, I'm the one
who should be honored.
Your self-healing wire is
the talk of the department.
- Thank you, sir.
- I'm always interested
in where ideas come from.
Where did you get
the inspiration
for your breakthrough?
Ah, from these balls.
They weren't actually mine.
I was holding on
to someone else's.
They were my brother's balls.
The balls of my
fraternity brothers.
They were pool balls, sir.
- Combo shot led me
to use the cross-linker.
- Fascinating.
You know, your discovery
could mean big things
Attracting higher enrollment,
increased endowments.
It lets us say, "Suck it, MIT.
We got Rusty Cartwright."
Wow!
I need to tell the trustees
about our major breakthrough
at the budget meeting
next month.
Think you could have some
patent-ready diagrams by then?
Aw, that's a little fast.
We just started working...
He's being modest.
He was just telling me
he's making real progress,
weren't you, Cartwright?
Ha! I knew we could
count on our wunderkind.
Now, let me introduce
the department heads.
They are dying to meet
their future colleague.
- What is going on here?
- We're here for the hasher job.
Hey, you're Ashleigh, right?
- I'm Hunter.
- Oh, hell no.
What is going on here?
It looks like GQ
crashed into Men's Health
and spilled hot guys
all over our living room.
Oh, apparently the word
was out about you and
the last hasher hooking up,
so a lot of the guys
want the job.
These are the ones
I really want...
for the job.
Just because you have issues
doesn't mean the rest of us
shouldn't have our chance
at a hasher hookup.
Excuse me,
I'm looking for Casey.
She's not here right now.
I suppose I can
talk to you, then.
I'm here about the flier.
The hasher job.
Uh, I do have experience.
I waited tables at Bible camp.
And back home
I cleaned up, uh,
actual pigsties.
Oh, you're Rusty's
funny friend, Kyle.
Dale. Once again, Dale.
Uh, I have a reference
here from my boss
one summer at Tacos and Donuts.
It was only
for a couple of weeks.
They needed
replacement dishwashers
after this INS raid,
- but they let on that...
- You're hired.
- Congratulations.
- Great.
- Professor Hastings.
- Ah, the wunderkind.
- Beats being the Anchor,
doesn't it?
- That was amazing.
I'm practically
on a first-name basis
with three doctoral candidates
and a Nobel Prize winner.
Do you think we can be
patent-ready in a month
like we promised Teddy?
- Ted? Dr. Lundquist?
- You're going to have to be.
You're in the big leagues
now, Cartwright.
But just to be sure,
I thought you might be able
to use some help.
So I arranged for
an outstanding student
from my advanced physics class
to assist you.
Really? An assistant, huh?
I've never had
an assistant before.
Ah, here she is now.
Cartwright, meet Stockwell.
Hey, Dana.
Actually, we know each other.
Is she asking me?
The way her inflection
went up at the end there,
- it sounded like a question.
- We kinda met before.
Oh, I get that you want
to work in Washington.
The question is "Why?"
What do you mean?
DC's a dark and vile place
full of bad, selfish people
who have no interest
in anything but corruption
and blind power.
I don't believe
it's all like that.
- Hey, Casey!
- Hi! Dale.
Ashleigh waits
a month to find a new hasher,
- and then hires Bible Boy.
- Wow, you're unpleasant.
Anyway, I prepared
a shopping list.
If there's anything special
you'd like, let me know.
I was thinking
I might whip up a batch
of my Aunt Gertie's
- award-winning vinegar pie
just for you.
- Great.
- That sounds disgusting.
- Wasn't offering any to you.
Anyway, have
a blessed day, Case.
Guess Ashleigh and I won't be
fighting over this one.
So, let's assume,
for a second, that Washington
isn't all a cesspool.
What do you want to do there?
Be a lobbyist,
work for a federal agency,
- play for the Redskins?
- Lobbyist could be
interesting.
OK. So you want to be a whore?
That's what most of them are.
You have to wine and dine
politicians, sometimes more.
It wouldn't be
like that. I'd work for
an environmental group.
So you'd be a
green whore? How PC.
Maybe they could
pay you in weed.
The truth is, I really
want to work on new
legislation, making laws.
Unless you're
running for office,
and that 16-year-old
you slept with
or the Psi Phi Pi brownies
could be teensy problems.
- You should probably
start in Congress.
- How do I do that?
I might know someone
you could talk to,
but you'd owe me.
Seriously
you wouldn't do me
a favor this one time
- without expecting
something in return?
- Nope.
That's your first lesson.
Welcome to politics.
Hey, could you hand me
the microthermometer?
You ever check the throughput
on this fraction collector?
Yes. The microthermometer,
please?
You should probably
check it again.
You know, you're the assistant.
You're supposed to assist me.
Oh, right, because
you're Mr. Wunderkind.
Big whoop.
Well, according to the dean,
it's a fairly large whoop.
Look, I realize
this is awkward,
- but we're just gonna
have to work through it.
- Why is it awkward?
Because you said you liked me,
and I didn't remember you.
Then I asked you out,
and you blew me off.
Oh! Right. No. Now I see
why it's awkward, for you.
Hey, this is a
big deal for me, OK?
It wasn't too long ago
I was the Anchor
- and now I'm about to
have my name on a patent.
I appreciate your help,
but we have to focus
and work quickly
if we're going to
get this done on time,
and it would be great
if we could get along.
Are you trying
to ask me out again?
You want me to
ask you out again?
Well, it wouldn't be
appropriate, would it?
- I mean, I am your assistant.
- Right.
- So could you hand me
the microthermometer?
Will you please
stop doing that?
If anybody knows his way
inside the Beltway it's Joel.
He did a lot of heavy lifting
on the Hill for my father.
He worked for your father?
Just because he worked
for my dad doesn't
make him a slimeball.
He's a do-gooder.
Rebecca! Hey.
- How's your dad?
- Oh, you know,
trying to fall back
in love with my mom
by never being in
the same state with her.
Oh, this is my...
Casey. She wants to work
in the cesspool
of lies and greed
known as Washington.
I tried to talk her
out of it.
Maybe she'll listen to you.
I happen to think
politics gets a bad rap.
A lot of good
comes out of Washington.
- You want to barf, right?
- Same old Rebecca.
So, tell me what
you've been doing, Casey.
What makes you think
that you want to work in DC?
Well, I just feel like I
have something to contribute.
It's why I kind of ran
for ZBZ President,
and why I've been
working on Panhellenic,
and why I interned
for Paula Baker.
It sounds like you're
on the right track,
although it never hurts
to have more experience
for those Hill jobs.
- Like working on a campaign?
- Among other things.
We always need help
with voter registration.
We're trying to target
more college students,
get them involved
in the process.
Is that something
you'd be interested in?
Getting signatures?
I can do that.
Great. I'll get the forms.
This is exciting.
Do little cartoon birds
hold up your robe for you
every morning?
Hey, Ashleigh,
I got a question.
Yes, Dale,
I've heard the good word.
Uh, not my question,
but glad to hear it.
I thought it'd be nice to
spruce up dinner tonight,
and since I did take
a napkin folding class
at Christian manners camp,
I was wondering, would you
prefer the bird of paradise
or the goblet fan fold?
Good one.
Oh! Um...
the bird?
Excellent choice.
Billy Graham Cracker
has got to go.
What do you mean?
The house is already cleaner,
the pantry is stocked
for the first time in weeks
and, look, he made
a little bird.
He put psalms
in the cereal boxes,
and instead of pouring
the pretzels into bowls
he lays them out
in little crosses.
Yeah, so, he's
a little religious.
I think what we're trying to say
is, although we understand
how Dale suits you
and your issue,
the house would be
much better served
with someone that's more
in sync with the rest of us,
someone that's more
responsive to our needs...
Someone hotter that we can
totally hook up with.
Someone... not Dale.
No.
Have you registered
to vote? How about you?
- No, thanks.
- It's your civic duty.
Nah, I'm good.
Hey, Case.
How's it going?
Not great. People
either don't know why
they should register,
don't know why they
should register now
or they think I'm
a front for Scientology.
It was so much easier
getting signatures
for the Undie Run.
You're telling me
college students are more into
getting naked than voting?
I'm shocked.
Oh, hey, Rebecca
told me about your plans
to work in Washington.
You're not the only one
with political aspirations.
- I think that's great, Case.
- Thank you, Evan.
I'm glad to see
that your personal life
is not holding you back.
Thank you, Evan.
- I think you're
both delusional.
- Could be.
- OK, I gotta get
to class. See you later?
- OK.
Wow, looks like you and
Evan are going strong.
- Are we really
gonna do this?
- Apparently not.
Good. We need to talk about
your sales technique.
- What's wrong with it?
- Are you kidding?
Politics is all about
scare tactics.
Didn't you learn anything
from the Bush years?
Watch and learn.
You're telling me if
I don't register to vote
they're gonna bring back the
draft, and they're taking girls?
Where do I sign?
Impressive. And thank you again
for introducing me to Joel.
You should thank me.
After the election
he's going back to DC
- as the representative's
chief of staff...
- Oh.
Which means he's in charge
of hiring legislative aides.
Which means if I impress
him, then I could get
one of those jobs.
And Cappie could open up
a DC chapter of Kappa Tau.
- We haven't
talked about it.
- Good luck with that.
All right, you try these guys.
Hey, uh, register to vote,
or they, uh, might outlaw porn.
Go! Come on!
Have any of you guys
seen my project notebook?
You're missing all
the excitement, Spitter.
There's the crowds,
the crashes.
It's even better
than last year's
record-setting pace.
I think my turtle died.
No, just pooped.
Maybe the lighter weight
will speed him up.
Less wind resistance.
Or maybe that's just
part of his strategy,
like James Bond,
so everyone behind him'll
spin out on his poop slick.
See what you're missing?
Hey, actually, I was
gonna ask you something.
Has Casey mentioned
anything to you
about me and her
or... the "G" word?
I don't think it's appropriate
to talk about that part
of my sister's anatomy.
No, I'm talking
black gowns, tassels...
Seriously, Cap, I don't
want to talk about that.
- Oh, you mean graduation?
- Yeah, that.
I never understood the appeal.
Why would I want to leave? My
favorite coffee place is here,
my friends are here.
The weather
never seems to change.
It won't always be that way.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
The sun will
eventually burn out,
leaving the Earth
a cold, lifeless cinder,
but I figure by then
I' get a scarf.
I mean, your friends
won't always be here.
People are going to move on.
Remember how you felt
losing Wade, almost Heath?
Casey's gonna graduate in May.
Thought you talked
about this before
you got back together.
- Well...
- Oh, there it is.
Sorry.
That's the thing, we didn't.
One second, one second.
Hi, Professor Hastings. Yeah,
I was just on my way back...
Yeah.
You're kidding me.
It's gonna happen?
OK, I'll be back.
Sure. OK.
- Good news?
- There's gonna be
an article about me,
with photos, interviews,
the whole deal.
The university
is sending a photographer
to take my picture today.
- I'm gonna be in EW.
- EW?
- Spitter's gonna be in
Entertainment Weekly.
- Awesome.
- Uh, Engineering Weekly.
- Oh. Never mind.
- Mmm.
- Still, good.
- All right, I gotta get going.
- You look good
for the photo.
- Thanks.
You know who else
has been in EW?
People like Carl Sagan,
Stephen Hawking,
and now Rusty Cartwright.
- It's hard to believe.
- Yes, it is.
Hey, so how's that new
hasher job going for you?
It's good.
It's amazing what slobs
sorority girls can be,
but it's good.
I thought Ashleigh was
never gonna hire anybody
- after the whole Fisher thing.
- Who's Fisher?
He's the guy who had
the job before you
when they were dating.
They had an
intimate relationship?
Until they broke up,
and then she fired him.
- What?!
- I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, wow.
Um, I'll catch up
with you later.
- Have you been
waiting long?
- Uh... no.
I just got hair...
here.
Go ahead and laugh, but
I'll be the one laughing
when my ex-partner
sees this in EW.
This is how I would've
looked 20 years ago
if I got the credit I deserved
for our miniature hard drive.
- You would've had a toupee?
- I would've had my hair!
Along with everything else
The success,
the respect of our peers,
the Victoria's Secret model.
This is just
the beginning for us.
First EW,
then Charlie Rose,
and after that,
who knows? Nova?
We don't even have
a wire that lasts longer
than five minutes.
Then I suggest you
make that happen ASAP.
Everyone's counting
on you, Cartwright.
OK, guys, let's
get ready for the picture.
Move in a little closer.
Thanks. Hey, Casey.
Whoa! Are those all
new voter registrations?
Uh, yep. Um,
and I already edited out
all the Eileen Dovers
and Ivana Nailors.
So they're pretty much
good to go.
- Wow, you're really
good at this.
- Thanks!
It's amazing what you can
accomplish when you speak to
what's important to people.
It's kind of how I felt
working for Paula Baker
on the carbon emissions bill.
I didn't know you worked
on the Baker bill.
Yeah. Um...
Well, I was just happy
to see it made it out
of conference committee
without a lot of amendments.
Oh, me, too. It's a good
piece of legislation.
Let me know if you
want to do some more
campus registrations.
Actually, I had this idea
to get a lot of new
student voters all at once.
There's this bar
near campus called Dobler's...
I went to law school
at CRU. I'm familiar
with Dobler's,
perhaps too familiar.
I was thinking
that we could throw a big
voter registration party
with this organization called
Do Something, that promotes
students getting involved.
We could offer a free cover
for every new voter.
You know, that is
a really good idea.
If you could pull that off,
it'd be great.
Better than great,
it'd be fantastic.
- Maybe even impressive?
- Are you kidding? Big time.
So, Dale, um... Hi.
- Ooh, shiny.
- Drop the act, Ashleigh.
- I know what this is all about.
- You do?
I know the real reason
you hired me.
Oh.
Dale, I don't know
what to say. I...
Well, I heard about
what happened
with my predecessor,
and it's pretty clear to me
that you expect the hasher
to be your personal concubine.
Wait, what?
Well, despite
what you may have heard
about my recent... lapse,
I'm not that kind of guy
anymore, OK?
I can't be your new
hasher boy-toy.
Oh, my God,
you're such a riot.
You're like Dane Cook,
but funny.
Sexual harassment
is no laughing matter.
I felt your yearning looks
as I leave a room,
the accidental
physical contact.
- Seriously?
- I need a secure job
to fund my project.
I can't afford
to be your plaything
and be tossed aside once
you inevitably desire
a new carnal conquest.
You know, I'm sorry,
Ashleigh, I quit.
Dana.
You were sleeping.
Why aren't you working?
OK, first of all, it's rude
to speak in that tone of voice
to someone who just woke up.
Sorry, but we're on
a tight schedule here.
There's a lot of people
waiting for me to finish this.
Uh... Yeah,
I, uh, I hate to break it
to you, but I don't actually
think that's gonna
happen any time soon.
- What are you
talking about?
- I checked your work,
and it looks like you're
heading for a dead end.
With the current formulation,
maybe we can push the wire
to reconduct for 20 minutes,
half hour tops.
But the decay'll accelerate
and then it's dead.
No offense,
but I don't think you know
what you're talking about.
I think I know
as much as you do,
and you might see that if you
weren't so cocky all the time.
I am not being cocky.
I did win a major grant
for this.
OK, that sounded cocky,
but you just said
my wire won't work.
Not unless you plan to keep
the environmental temperature
at absolute zero.
A patentable prototype
at room temperature?
Ch-yeah, right!
You're gonna have to
start out with a new formula.
Now this doesn't have
anything to do
with you being mad at me
for forgetting your name
at first, right?
What?! Oh, my God!
I was just asking.
That was out of line.
But if this is about that,
I said I was sorry.
- I wanted
to go out with you.
- I'm out of here.
But, um, if you can climb off
your ginormous ego
for five minutes,
which is about how long
your stupid wire's
ever gonna last,
you might wanna check my notes.
It's all in there
in black and white.
Later, dunderkind.
Wow, someone's in a good mood.
Um, yeah, well, I think
I might have some pretty
exciting news.
Things have been getting
pretty exciting here, too.
I think Earnhardt is
gonna try and make his move
coming into this next turn.
Yeah, it's a nail-biter,
all right.
Listen, I had this idea
for a voter registration
party at Dobler's.
- Well, that is exciting.
- No, that's not it.
But, if it goes well
and if this congresswoman
gets re-elected,
I might have a shot
at a job in Washington
in the fall.
And not just making copies,
but a real job
as a legislative aide.
When life gives you
legislatives,
make legislative aide.
That's great, Case.
Anyway, um, that's really soon.
So... I think, maybe,
we should talk about,
you know, the future.
And I was wondering
what you were thinking
about you and me and, um...
graduation?
So, what do you think?
I like turtles.
- What?
- Listen, Case, I know
it may not seem like it,
but I have given this a lot
of thought, and I have a plan.
You do? That's great.
What is it?
We'll figure it out
when the time comes.
- That's your plan?
- Yeah.
That's not a plan.
That is a plan
to make a plan.
- Which is a plan, is it not?
- You don't even have a major.
I just don't see the need
to hash out all the details
before it's
absolutely necessary.
If you'll excuse me,
I thjnk Earnhardt
blew out a left rear claw.
I think I need to get him
into the pit crew.
Uh, Ash said to give you this.
Dale's last, and only,
hasher check.
Why couldn't he come himself?
He said he wanted to, quote,
"avoid even the appearance
of impropriety,"
whatever that means.
Yeah... Oh, hey, um,
I don't know if you heard,
but I am throwing this
voter registration party
at Dobler's tonight.
- You should come.
- I can't. I'm being
interviewed by EW tonight.
- Oh!
- Engineering Weekly.
Oh, yeah. Got it.
But that's, like,
a really big deal, right?
You should be proud.
Yeah, sure. Here,
let's sit for a second.
It's just, uh,
I have this assistant
who thinks I'm heading
down a blind alley
with my wire,
so I'm not feeling all
that proud right now.
Hey, but this party of
yours sounds impressive.
Yeah, I'm hoping
it'll get me a job in DC,
but it's causing this weirdness
between me and Cappie,
and I don't know
if it's even worth it
'cause Rebec says
everyone in Washington
is a slimeball.
- Why are you
listening to Rebecca?
- Good point.
But what about Cappie?
Maybe Cappie will surprise you.
Maybe.
And maybe you should be more
excited about this interview.
- You've worked hard. Enjoy it.
- I know.
Look at us.
The Cartwrights
are kicking ass.
Yes, we are.
Hey! So, who's
the hottie I saw you
talking to downstairs?
That would be Hunter,
our new hasher.
His name's Hunter?
Seriously?
- What happened to Bible Boy?
- He didn't want to be
my sexual plaything.
Ash, has it really
come to that?
So Hunter's all yours.
You can kiss him, jump on him,
roll him in bread crumbs
for all I care,
'cause I am done with
the whole Fisher thing.
OK, that new hasher
has got to go.
You're kidding, right?
He is smokin' hot! I thought
that's what everybody wanted.
We thought so, too,
but we get a bad
feeling about him.
- He seems kinda pervy.
- We want Dale back.
He's weird and judgey,
but we trust him.
Well, I can't get
Dale back. He quit.
I brought you ladies
some towels
in case you want to
take a shower later.
Thank you.
- I'll call Dale.
- Yeah.
Well... I'm impressed.
You actually made
registering to vote
not seem like a total
boring waste of time.
Yeah, I hope Joel feels
the same way, mostly.
- Have you seen him yet?
- No, but here's your boyfriend.
Rebecca. Hey, Case.
- Hey.
- Can I get you a drink?
I can't. Working.
I would love a water.
Water. OK, sure.
That was awkward.
What's up?
- Um, are we really
going to do this?
- Yeah.
Fine. Um, I told him
about Washington,
!nd that we should
talk about graduation.
- What did he say?
- "I like turtles."
Oh. Well,
what'd you expect?
That's our...
uh, your Cappie.
- Great turnout, Casey.
I'm impressed.
- Thanks, Joel.
With these demos,
we can really address
a solid voting block.
Yawn. Wonk talk.
That's my cue.
This place is packed.
Casey must be really happy.
She would be, but she tried
to talk to Cappie about working
in Washington after graduation,
and he just wants
to talk about turtles.
Of course.
I knew you'd find a way
to blow it.
You know,
talking to yourself
is a sign of insanity.
It's turning out
Casey's gonna leave you
after graduation,
and what will you have
left here? Turtles.
Oh, here you go.
Um, it's going
really, really well.
Actually, I was thinking about,
um, doing a bunch of these
at college campuses
all over the district.
That sounds interesting.
I'd like to talk more
about that with you.
Why don't you come back
to my apartment later
for a debriefing.
Casey, if you want to
talk about Washington
we should talk
about Washington.
It's OK. I don't think
it's going to be an issue.
So, on behalf of ZBZ,
I'd like you to know
that we would really...
You want to close
the front door?
No, I prefer to leave it open,
if you don't mind.
Great. Anyway,
I would really like it
if you would consider
coming back.
Are you asking for
the house or for you?
For the house.
Definitely the house.
We need you, Dale, and not
some flashy hunkazoid
in a cashmere V-neck.
If you were a chip,
you would be
the crunchy kind
in a plain, honest bag.
I'm saying,
I like your package.
Obviously, there would
have to be some ground rules.
You'd have to take a
sexual harassment seminar
and agree to sign a contract
swearing not to make
any unwanted advances.
I will do that.
So, are we good?
You'll come back
and be our hasher?
Let me sleep on it.
Alone.
Ah, this must be
our young Einstein now.
Cartwright,
this is David Fanning
from Engineering Weekly.
- Hello.
- Can't wait to hear all
about this wire of yours
that's going
to change the world.
Can we go off the record?
Well, we haven't gone
on the record yet.
What are you doing, Cartwright?
Dana thinks we may have
found a problem
with our new formula.
That's interesting, and
something we should talk about
after we're interviewed
by a national
science publication.
- Back on the record.
- Off the record.
She thinks we're heading
for a dead end,
which means
a patentable prototype
might not be possible
for years, if at all.
That's ridiculous.
Back on the record.
Off the record.
I think she may be right.
I think we should cancel
this interview, tell the dean.
Are you insane?
Opportunities for
recognition like this
come around once in a lifetime,
twice only if you're
very, very lucky.
I'm not about to let
this one pass me by.
I don't understand.
Am I supposed to pretend
that everything's OK
so you can get back at your
ex-partner who screwed you over
20 years ago?
So you do understand.
Sorry. The brilliant ones
are always a little off.
It's not easy
being the wunderkind.
Oh, please stop
calling me that.
Look, I got this wire
to self-heal,
turn on a light bulb
for five minutes.
So far that's all it does.
Maybe one day it will
change the world,
and I really hope
I'm the one to do that,
but right now,
it just has potential.
Potential, like me, I hope.
So if you don't mind,
I'd rather not do this
because I don't feel
like a genius,
I'm not a wunderkind,
I'm not a wunder-anything.
And in case there's
any way you didn't know,
that's not his hair.
Is that on or off threcord?
Right.
I've been thinking about
what you'll owe me.
If you become president,
I want ambassadorship
to France...
- ...or a battleship.
- You might have been right
about politics being scummy.
I think Joel hit on me.
He asked me to his place
for a "debriefing."
That was
my dad's line.
I didn't think Joel
was like that.
Why are all guys
so disappointing?
Damn it, I really
wanted that job.
- Well, if you really
want the job...
- No, uh-uh.
I'm going to get to Washington,
but I'll be damned if
I get there that way.
Shouldn't you be telling
that to the slimeball?
You're right.
Hey. Let me tell you
something, Joel.
Slimeballs like you are
the reason why politics suck.
Everybody's in it
for what they can get.
You know what?
You're not getting me.
I am not having sex
with you.
So are we all still
going back to your apartment
for the debriefing?
Wait, you're going back
to his apartment, too?
All of you?
Please say you're planning
some really weird orgy.
Maybe he thought it was funny.
Yeah, I'm sure he thought
it was hysterical.
- I blame you.
- Me? What did I do?
You're the one
who put it in my head
that everyone in politics
is a slimeball.
- I didn't tell you
to call him one.
- Yes, you did.
Uh, thought you guys
might like a healthy snack,
so I threw together a crudite,
- beef sticks and
Cheesaritos for Cappie.
- Thanks, Daley.
Great, he's back.
I really thought
I had that job.
- Clearly, I don't belong there.
- You know what?
- Yes, you do.
- Well, what am I
supposed to do now?
I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.
You're gonna go talk
to that guy and you're
gonna get that job back.
I can't, I am too humiliated.
You're Casey Cartwright.
You can do anything you want.
That's how I know
you're gonna go to Washington,
and you're gonna be amazing.
OK, even if I could,
what about us?
- What about...
- Graduation?
Oh, my God, he said it.
You'll never leave here.
You love it too much.
That's true, I do love it here.
But I don't think
I could be anywhere
that didn't have you.
- Aww!
- We'll be fine.
So go get that job.
I'd kiss you for luck, but
I've got beef stick breath.
You wanted to see me?
That was quite a little
stunt you pulled.
When the dean heard
about it, he wanted to
have us both expelled...
from the country!
Fortunately, I reminded him
that I have tenure,
and that you're the
Gary Wyatt Grant winner,
so we're both safe.
For now.
Thanks.
I realize that
my first impression
was right about you.
- What was that?
- That you lack drive, ambition.
It isn't just about
the science, you know.
You're never gonna
get anywhere with that
"aww, shucks" attitude.
Trust me, nobody's
gonna toot your horn if
you can't do it yourself.
Maybe you're right.
I just couldn't pretend
I deserve it.
I hope I'll get another chance
when the time is right.
But if I don't, I'm not gonna
let it rule my life.
Try reversing the polarity
on the capacitors.
Excuse me?
- Casey?
- I just want you
to know how sorry I am
about the misunderstanding
last night, really sorry.
If there's any way you could
forget that it happened,
that'd be great. And I hope
you'll still consider me
for a legislative aide job
in Washington,
because I know that
I would be great at it.
But I am sorry.
I already said that,
but I am sorry.
First off... there's
no need to apologize.
I should have been clearer.
And I think there may have been
another misunderstanding.
You were never
gonna be considered for
a legislative aide job.
- Oh.
- You're an incredibly smart
and resourceful person,
and someday you're gonna
do great in Washington.
But we mostly hire people
with postgraduate degrees
for those jobs.
With a bachelor's degree
you could maybe
cover the phones
- or answer constituent
correspondence...
- But I want to do more.
Then you're gonna need
more experience
or more education,
maybe in local government.
Have you thought about
graduate school?
What about law school?
I thought about law school,
but it was kind of
for a boyfriend, though.
Well, maybe you should really
consider it for yourself.
I will. Um, thanks.
I still know some people
in law school here.
Deadlines are coming up,
so if you decide to apply
and want some help...
- And that is not
a come-on, by the way.
Thanks. I'd welcome that.
The help, not the come-on.
OK.
So, you really botched it
with the dean, huh?
You heard about that?
Nerd Twitter's
all atwitter about it.
So I guess
now the pressure's off,
you don't need me anymore?
Actually, I'd really
like you to stay.
I mean, if you want.
I read your notes.
I think you were right
about the dead end.
And if I'm going to have
to work up a new formula,
I could really use your help.
Maybe you're not
as big of a jerk
as I thought you were.
- Thanks.
- I said "maybe."
Um, OK, so where do we start?
Professor Hastings
thinks we should try
reversing the polarity
- on the capacitors.
- He's probably right.
Oh, hand me that cooling fan.
Oh, it's over?
I can't believe I missed
the whole turtle race.
Relax, Spitter,
I believe there's still
a straggler or two.
Oh, hey, how did your,
um, interview go?
- When is the magazine
coming out?
- That's not gonna happen.
Not yet. I decided
that when it does happen,
I want it to be the right way.
Well, I've made a decision, too.
I'm gonna go to law school.
That's great, Case.
And I've made a pretty
big decision myself.
Check this out.
This is a form
for declaring a major.
Oh, my God,
you declared a major?
That's amazing.
- Wait, this is blank.
- Well, baby steps, Russ.
You know what they say
about slow and steady.
And it's down to the wire!
No telling how this one
will end.
And... Earnhardt takes
the checkered flag! Whoo!