Gravity Falls (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 6 - Dipper vs. Manliness - full transcript

Volim da kupujem
božićne stvari ranije.

Dali imate nešto što
je u duhu sezone?

Šta kažeš na ove kristale?

Izgledaju kao komadići stakla.
-Šta si ti? Pandur?

Šta je ona nova stvar?

Ujače Stene.
-Možemo da odemo do restorana?

Gladni smo.

Gladni.

Da, naravno. Sve dok ovaj
prostak ne promeni mišljenje.

Imate ovo sa drugom životinjom?

Slažem se sa time da ga
zaključam ako ste i vi.



Puma majca...Panter majca?

Puma majca...Panter majca?

Puma majca....

Panter majca?

GRAVITI FALS

Marš.

Kafa. Kafa. Kafa.

Napred. Napred.
Napred. Napred.

Lazy Susan! There's my little
ray of sunshine!

Where weyou yesterday?

Ha ha ha ha!
Hilarious!

Thank you.

You do split plates, right?

Maybe.



Great! We'll all split
one-fourth of the number seven,

plus a free salad dressing
for the lady

and a small plate of ketchup
for the boy.

But Grunkle Stan,
I want pancakes.

With the fancy flour
they use these days?

What am I, made of money?

Don't worry, guys.
Pancakes are on me.

I'm gonna win some by beating
that manliness tester.

Manliness tester?
Beating?

He says... he says he's...

What? What's so funny?

No offense, Dipper,
but you're not exactly
manly mannington.

Hey! I am too manly... Manny,

or whatever it is you said.

Look, face the music, kid.

You got no muscles,
you smell like baby wipes,

and let's not forget
last Tuesday's... Incident.

♪ Disco girl ♪

♪ Comin' through ♪

♪ That girl is you ♪

Don't come in!
Don't come in!

You were listening
to girly Icelandic
pop sensation babba?

No, I wasn't.
It's not important!

Look, come on, guys,
I'm plenty masculine!

You see this chest hair?

Put it away! Put it away!
So smooth! My eyes!

Oh, man.

Fine, family of little faith.

Get ready to eat your words...

And a plate
of delicious pancakes.

All right, Dipper.

Time to manhandle this...
Man handle.

And a-one, and a-two...

Quit stallin'!

Oh, what?!
This thing must be broken.

It's totally broken, guys.
It's like a million years old.

Probably ran out of steam power
or...

it's rickety, man.
You shouldn't even...

yes! Pancakes for everyone!

I need to get
some chest hair,
and fast.

I'm fine! Heh heh.

Everything's fine.

Sheesh! How am I
related to that?

Come on, Grunkle Stan.

I'm sure deep down
you have a soft side too.

Ha! Nothing in here
but a cold, dark,
empty soul.

Food!

Thanks there, sugar pie.

I mean, honey wasp kitten baby.

Ba-baby cow...

ha ha! Silly!

Silly man.
What was that about?

Nothing. I, uh, don't
want to talk about it.

Talk about what?
Why is this table wet?

Wait just a second.

I think I have
an idea happening here.

You... And her...
No! Stop it!

Aaah!
Oh, boy.

You have a thing
for lazy Susan!

You do have a soft side!

But k-k-keep it down,
will ya?

I admit it, okay?
It would be nice
if she liked me.

But I've been out of the game
for so long I wouldn't know
where to start.

I mean, look at her.
She's so classy.

Spin, ya dumb pie! Spin!

Grunkle Stan,

you are a cranky, gross,
weird old man.

But we will get lazy Susan
to like you,

because nothing is stronger
than the power of...

Love?
Mabel.

To victory!

Not manly enough.

Stupid diner!
Stupid lumberjack!

No!

Another hydrant destroyed.

It's a gosh-dang mystery!

Wanna take off our uniforms
and run around in circles?

Quit readin' my mind.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was
looking for the mailman.

Oh. What? Are you saying
I'm not a male man?

Is that what
you're trying to say?

I'm not male?
I'm not a man?

Is that what you're getting at?

Are you crying?

Two...

Three...

Four...

Uhh!

No chest hair yet.

Is it physical?
Is it mental?
What's the secret?

You said it, brother.
I need help.

For the love of
all that's holy, run!!!!

Wait. Sorry.

Please don't eat me!
I haven't showered
in like a week!

And I'm...
I'm like all elbows!
Elbows and gristle!

You!!!
Aaah!

Gonna finish that?

No.

I can't believe it.
Part animal, part human.

Are you some kind of minotaur?

I'm a manotaur!

Half man, half, uh...

Half taur!

So did I, like,
summon you, or...

The smell of jerky summoned me!

Jerky!

Huh.

I smell...

emotional issues.

I got problems, manotaur.
Man-related problems.

Well, my own uncle
called me a wimp,

uh-huh. Uh-huh.
And I kinda flunked

this manliness
video game thing...
Hmm...

Hey! You know,
you seem pretty manly.

Maybe you could
give me some pointers?

Hmm. Very well.

Climb atop my back hair, child.

Uh, okay.

Yes! Yes!

Ooh! Uhhh!

Dude, watch out!

Whoa.

This place is amazing!

The gnomes live in the trees,

the Mer-people
live in the water...
'cause they're losers!...

but we manotaurs
crash in the man cave!

Beasts! I have brought you...

A hairless child!

- 'Sup?
- Huh?

This is, uh, pubitaur,
testosteraur, pituitaur,

and I'm chutzpaur.

And you are...
My name's Dipper.

Weak!

The, uh, destructor?

Yeah, that's better.
An improvement, yeah.

Dipper the destructor
wants us to teach him

the secrets to our manliness!

I need your help.
Look at this, guys...
look at this!

I must confer with
the high council.

So, teach him our man secrets,
or what?

He's a human.
I don't like him.

I don't like your face!

I like these guys.
Aaah!

Okay, Grunkle Stan.

Welcome to the first day
of whatever is left
of your life!

First a "before" picture.

Aaah!

I never miss
a scrapbook-ortunity.

♪ Deedley-dum, mem-ories ♪

Bleet!

Let's start out
with some role-playing.

Soos will play lazy Susan.

I'm soft like a woman.

Grunkle Stan, show me
how you approach a woman.

Remember this is a safe,
non-judgmental environment.

I'll just be right off
to the side judging you
on a scale from one to ten.

Can I borrow some money?

This is gonna be
harder than I thought.

After a lot of punching,

we have decided to deny
your request to learn
our manly secrets.

Denied!

Denied!

Okay, fine.
That's okay with me.

Obviously you guys think
it would be too hard
to train me.

Maybe you're not man enough
to try.

Huh?!!!

Not man enough?!

Destructor...

Not man enough?!!!

He didn't mean it.

I have three y chromosomes,
six Adam's apples,

pecs on my abs,
and fists for nipples!

Seems to me you're scared
to teach me how to be a man.

Hey, do you guys hear that?
It sounds like...

Oh, that's weird.

Is that... that sounds like...
yeah, a bunch of chickens!

I feel all weird.

He's using some
sort of brain magic!

After a second round
of deliberation,

we have decided to help you
become a man!

Man! Man! Man! Man!

Great! Thanks, guys.

Whatever it is,
I will not let you down.

Being a man is about
conquering your fears.

For your first man task,

you must plunge your fist
into the pain hole!

The what?

Pain hole, schmain ho...

whaaaa!
Aaaaaah!

Aaaahhh!!!!

Are you sure this is
really necessary?

You wanna be a man, don't you?

- Man! Man! Man!
- Man! Man! Man!

All right. Let's try to get that
inner beauty on toutside.

Smile harder.

Harder!

Perfect.

Soos!
What's up, hambone?

What do you think?

Aaaaaah!

Ohh. This is going to take some
really great training music.

Aaah!

Who wants to rub this
on my back?

Guys, I just want to say that
these last few hours have been...

I feel like there's
really been some growth.

I have a growth!

Glark, you are hilarious today!

It's just you guys
took me under your wing

and have just been
so supportive.
Oh, stop.

No, you know what?
You really have been.

I feel like I'm finally
becoming a man here.

Not yet, destructor.

One final task remains.

Hey, quit it!
You quit it!

The deadliest trial of all.

I've survived
forty-nine other trials.

Whatever it is, bring it on!

Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

Behold our leader...
Leaderaur!

♪ Rum-ta-tum-tum
tum-ta-tum ♪

Is he the oldest
or wisest or...?

Greetings, young...

Aaaah!

Nah, he's just the offering.
That is leaderaur.

You! You wish to be man?

Arrrr!

Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

Then you must do heroic act.

Go to highest mountain...

Aaaaah!

And bring back head of...

The multi-bear.

Ohh!
Ooh!

The multi-bear?
That some sort of bear?

He's our sworn enemy.

Conquer him and your
mansformation will be complete.

Conquer? I don't know, man.

Destructor!
Is this yours?

Uh, no. Ha ha! I...
I don't know whose that is.

I was just borrowing it.
It's a friend's. Not mine.

I don't know about this.

Uh...

I shall conquer the multi-bear!

Aah! Aah!

I'm okay.

I'm comin' for you,
multi-bear.

Okay, Grunkle Stan.

You started like this,

but ybecame...

Can I scratch myself now?

No! No, no, no!

Is that throw-up on your shirt?

I don't know
how to answer that.
Ohh!

Face it, Mabel,
your uncle's unfixable.

Like that spinning
pie trolley thing
in the diner.

Grunkle Stan, come with me!

And leave your pants at home.

With pleasure!

What a multi-bear?

Othat's a multi-bear.

Bear heads...
silence!

Child, why have you come here?

Multi-bear,
I seek your head!

Er, one of them, anyway.
There's like, what, six?
Six heads?

This if foolish!
Leave now or die!

So be it.

Hahh!

A real man shows no mercy!

Ohh. Very well, warrior.

But will you Grant
a magical beast
one last request?

Uh, okay.

I wish to die listening
to my favorite song.

Tape is already in there.
You can just hit any...

Yeah, yeah, that's it

You listen to Icelandic
pop group babba?

I-I love babba.

I thought I was the only one.

All the manotaurs make fun of me

because I know all the words
to the sodisco girl.

Oh, you mean...
♪ Disco girl ♪

♪ Coming through ♪

♪ That girl is you ♪
♪ that girl is you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh, ooh ooh ♪
♪ ooh ooh, ooh ooh ♪

Ha ha ha!
This is crazy!

Finally, someone who...
who understands that...

Oh, yeah. I guess
I'm supposed to kill you
or I'll never be a man.

I accept my fate.

No! Really?

It's for the best.

I'm not gonna do it!

You were told
the price of manhood
is the multi-bear's head!

Listen, leaderaur, all right?

You too, testosteraur,
pituitaur,

and... I don't know,
whatever your name is.

Beardy?
It's beardy.

You keep telling me
that being a man means
doing all these tasks

and being aggro all the time,

but I'm starting to think
that stuff's malarkey.

You heard me. Malarkey!

So maybe I don't have muscles
or hair in certain places,

and sure, when a girly pop song
comes on the radio,

sometimes I leave it on,
'cause dang it,

top 40 hits are in the top 40
for a reason,

they're catchy!
Destructor!

What are you saying?

I'm saying the multi-bear
is a really nice guy.

And you're a bunch of jerks if
you want me to cut off his head!

Kill the multi-bear,
or never be a man!

Then I guess
I'll never be a man.

Boo!
Weak!

Hey, guys! Who wants
to go build something
and knock it down?

Man! Man! Man! Man!

Man! Man! Man!
Man! Man...

Spin! Spin!

Lazy Susan, listen.

I know he's not
much to look at,

but you're always
fixing stuff in the diner,

and if you like fixing stuff,

nothing could use more fixing
than my Grunkle Stan.

Also, women live
longer than men,

so your dating pool is smaller
and you should really
lower your standards.

So, lazy Susan, whaddya say?

Arggh.

Hey!

Here's my number.

Why don't you give me
a call sometime?

Really?
Really!

Ha ha!

Also, here's some pie.

On the house...
for you!

We did it!

When are you gonna call?
You want to call now?

I don't have a phone.
Let's buy a phone!

We can put it on a credit card!
Let's get a credit card.

Mabel! Let a man
enjoy his pie, huh?

Dipper!
It's me, Mabel!

I'm looking at you
through the glass!

Right here!
This is my voice!

I'm talking to you from inside!

Didja see me
through the...
yes.

What's wrong?

I don't want to
talk about it.
Good.

It's just these half-man,
half-bull humanoids
were hanging out with me...

Here we go.
But then they wanted me

to do this really tough,
horrible thing,

but it just wasn't right,
so I said no.

You were your own man
and you stood up for yourself.

Huh?
You did what was right even
though no one agreed with you.

Sounds pretty manly to me,
but what do I know?

Wait a minute!
Do my eyes deceive me?

You have a chest hair!

You're right! I do!

Ha ha! This is amazing,
I really do!

Take that, man tester!
Take that, pituitaur!

Pituitaur?
This guy has chest hair!

Scrapbook-ortunity!

Don't worry, kid.
If you're anything like me,

there's more where
that came from.

Ohh, gross!

Seriously, that's disgusting.

Oh, not again!

Message number thirty-six.

Hey, handsome!

It's me, lazy Susan,
calling to say hi!

Hi! My cats also
wanted to say hi.

Say hi, Donald.

Meow.
Good. Sandy, you say hi.

Meow.
Mr. cat face,
now it's your turn to...

Mr. cat face!

- Anyway, call me!
- Call me back!

How do I get out of this?!