Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 5, Episode 6 - I Am Number Nine - full transcript

Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...

... into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

I want the movie rights to this book.
Since you're friends with the author...

...that shouldn't be a problem.
- We're not on good terms right now.

I'm giving you the book rights.

I do have one condition:
I wanna write the screenplay.

What are those?

My late husband had his investigator
research our family.

There's a story in that safe.
I saw it myself.

- I wanna return these to you.
- You're not gonna use them ever?

Anything of value was on Gossip Girl.



"Dr. Eliza Barnes."

- You look like you need to talk.
- I do.

You never had a childhood, so you
behave like a child in the worst ways.

Your superficial connections...

...and lack of authentic emotion
leave you isolated and alone.

Throwing away your loyal family
for a fianc?e you shouldn't trust.

You really believe
she has no other secrets?

- I would never lie to you, you know that.
- I never know with you.

I have a problem I was hoping
you could help me with.

I'd like to meet
so I could tell you more.

I'm willing to pay for your time.

Where has she been?

And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.



You know you love me. XOXO...

... Gossip Girl.

They say
the road of life is long and winding...

... so it's important to mark
the milestones along your way.

From picking your bridesmaids...

So many minions.
How you ever going to decide?

Tryouts begin after breakfast.

Let's put the bar up front,
the DJ in the back.

The caterers can set up in the bullpen
when we toss out those moving boxes.

Nate, can I add one more thing
to your to-do list?

Definitely.

... to christening
your boss's new desk.

Oh, my, ha, ha.

Landing on your first best-seller list...

"Number nine:
Inside by Daniel Humphrey."

What did, uh, Lincoln Hawk's
first single debut at?

Eight.

Uh, don't pay too much attention
to that stuff. That was the '90s.

- To finally asking for help.

So how you feeling today?

Fit as a fiddle.

But keep your eyes
on the road, Upper East Siders...

... or you could get lost along the way.

- That was a productive morning.
- Yeah.

I got a lot accomplished
in a short amount of time.

Don't gloat.
If anyone deserves top marks, it's me.

- Hmm.
- Now zip me up.

I was thinking about the party tonight,
and I was thinking that maybe...

...you could be my date.

You're joking.

You're not?

Isn't it time we told the world
we're a couple?

- I can't think of a better time.
- I can't think of a worse one.

Tonight's the public launch
of my new media empire.

I'm showing New York City who I am.

Besides, we both know female bosses
can't mix business and pleasure...

...without people whispering
behind their back.

I'd still like you
to meet a few of my friends.

- Can we at least talk about that?
- Of course.

Right after you and Charlie
deliver the new Spectator tablets...

...to all our VIP guests.

Heard of, uh, a messenger service?

So some unattractive delivery guy
can hand them...

...to an assistant
who's gonna sell them on eBay?

- I don't think so.
- Ugh.

Here is your list.

Charlie?

I mean, seriously?
This is four pages long.

Don't pout.

Charlie, you are East Side.

Nate, you're West. And I have to run...

...because I am late for a meeting
with an old friend from L.A.

Hmm. I knew I shouldn't have
worn heels today.

The dream starts the same every time.

They have a habit of doing that.

I'm taking an early morning stroll
in my new Berluti wingtips.

I look up, and a block away is the most
magnificent skyscraper I've ever seen.

I have to get inside it.

But every time I round the corner,
it's still a block away.

So, what do you do?

- I start to run, but as soon as I reach it...
- You wake up.

What do you think the dream is about?

My father's tragic death?
My mother's secret life?

Or perhaps my chronic oral fixation.

I appreciate your sense of humor,
Charles, but...

But you think it's a defense mechanism
against intensive therapy.

Be honest.
You know you're holding back.

How can you be so sure
I'm hiding something?

Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel there's
a piece of the puzzle still missing.

It's not your mother or your father.

There's someone
you're not telling me about.

Good morning, Blair.

Don't you just adore us?

Why do I feel
like there's a request coming?

Not a request. A special dispensation.

- For what?
- Scheming and manipulating.

Who do you work for?

Louis, can't you just turn a blind eye for,
let's say, 24 hours?

Blair...

All I'd be doing is spending the day
with my former minions.

Maybe some light waterboarding
involved...

...but I've been so good for so long.

And once I'm Her Serene Highness
of Monaco...

...all meddling will be prohib?.

Queen B need last hurrah.

Are you sure that's such a good idea?

Forgive me, I've just never understood
this Upper East Side tradition of yours.

I know,
and that's why we're perfect together.

You don't have the scheme gene
like I do.

- You don't get the itch.
- Maybe it's hormonal.

Darling, it's just one day.

Okay, I give up.

I'll look away,
but only until the party tonight.

That's more than enough time.
Commenced.

Don't worry, my love,
nobody will get hurt.

Not badly.

Hey, Dan's on his way up.

Serena, I want you to meet
a dear old friend of mine, Diana Payne.

Serena. I think you came to a party
at my house in Los Angeles...

...but I was indisposed.
So good to finally meet you.

- So nice to meet you too.
- Serena's my latest find.

A month ago herjob was getting
my director three shots over ice.

Now I've got her optioning
best-sellers for me.

I'm gonna go get a tart cherry juice
and call David O. Russell.

I'll be back in time for our meeting.

It's such a small world.

My friend Nate Archibald actually works
for you, and my cousin Charlie Rhodes.

Oh, yes. They've both been instrumental
in helping me rebrand The Spectator.

- Oh.
- I hope you'll be coming to our party.

- Oh, no, I wasn't planning on it.
- Oh, but you should.

In fact, someone like you...

...with your influence, should have
her own place to speak her mind.

Have you ever thought about
blogging for a website?

I know my readers would love to hear
every detail about your life.

There's already somebody
who's all over that.

Not really a fan of her work.

Gossip Girl doesn't have the monopoly
on Serena van der Woodsen.

No, but I've been hurt enough
by what she's said...

...I could never take part
in something like that.

I hope you'll come to the party.
It'd be great to keep talking.

As faithful minions through the years,
you've each earned a chance...

...to be immortalized as a bridesmaid
in my royal wedding.

Legally I must warn you,
not everyone will survive tryouts.

I've drafted a waiver for you to sign
in the event of a catastrophe.

Kati, Penelope, nice to see Constance
so ably represented.

Jessica, Columbia's finest.

It's always been my dream
to be your bridesmaid...

Do yourself a favor
and stop talking right now.

Even Pippa knew when to pipe down.

Where's Nelly Yuki?

Yale. Where she got in and you didn't.

Plus, she hates you, remember?

Well, an odd numberjust won't do.
We need another contestant.

Charlie. Heh.

You're the maid of honor's cousin.
You should be in the mix too.

- What are you doing right now?
- Nothing?

Then get in line, if you dare.

Hello, doctor.

- What's this?
- The rest of what I owe you.

I told you it'd be worth your while.

- Now you can settle your father's debts.
- What do you want me to do?

Just make sure my fianc?e
will never fall for him again.

Louis, that's up to Blair.

No, it's up to you.

Turn Chuck back into the monster
he was for the first 20 years of his life.

He's a time bomb.

Find his fuse and light it.

Looks like Louis is about
to make young Bass'road to recovery...

... a very bumpy ride.

Better buckle up, Chuck.

Dr. Barnes, what are you doing here?

A house call is a little
out of the ordinary in my line of work...

...but I felt our last interaction
ended too abruptly. May I sit?

Of course.

I was hoping that being
in your environment might help.

I applaud your persistence,
Dr. Barnes...

...but I've searched
the far corners of my mind...

...and I'm not hiding anything,
from you or myself.

I'm an open book.

Then let's skip to the chapter
about Blair Waldorf.

I live in this city.
I read the papers just like everyone else.

You've done your homework, but
I don't see how my history with Blair...

...or the tabloid fodder it produces,
is relevant to my therapy.

It's relevant if Blair is the source
of your suffering.

Aren't you upset that the love of
your life is marrying someone else?

I let Blair go. Let's leave it at that.

You're actually telling me
you're not furious?

Next chapter.

Ever thought it's your denial of these
feelings that's giving you nightmares?

Expressing your rage and anger
is part of your healing process.

You can't move on until you let it out.

You have to face
that you didn't let Blair go...

...you lost her to someone else.

You don't know what I did.

But, yes...

...maybe there is something else I need
to do if I'm ever going to move on.

I don't wanna lie to you.
I don't wanna lie to myself.

If I ever really let Blair go,
I don't need this anymore.

It's beautiful.

I bought it to give to her.

I've been keeping hold of it
ever since...

...when really what I should do
is just return it.

If that's what you need to do,
you should do it.

Will you take it?

Just give it to charity or something,
I don't care. Just take it away.

Thank you.

So, Mr. Screenwriter, are you ready for
your first ever development meeting?

I think so. As long as you
don't wanna change the ending...

...or the beginning
or all the stuff in the middle.

Don't worry,
you'll love working with Jane.

- Ah, there he is.
- Whoa, hey.

We're so excited.

Dan, this is Natalie,
my exec at Warners.

- Hi, so nice to...
- I love, love, love your book.

The characters, the voice,
everything.

Honestly, just transfer the novel straight
to Final Draft. Copy, paste, done.

Wow, thank you. So you don't have
any notes before I start writing?

We'd love if you could open up the
world of the Upper East Side a bit more.

Rich people are so hard to like.
Maybe add someone more relatable.

I, heh... I thought I did that already.

I think Dan is referring
to his main character, Dylan Hunter.

He'll appeal to everyone. He starts off
as an innocent from Brooklyn.

Who quotes Hawthorne and screens
Fellini films? I don't think so.

We need a real outsider as a hero.

A tragic back-story would give him more
to overcome. Maybe he's an orphan.

- Wait...
- Another thought that occurred to me...

...was to Glee this up.
You know, music.

- Originals or covers.
- Okay, stop. What's going on?

I thought we were turning this
into an important film.

- Dan, relax, we're just talking.
- About turning my book into Newsies.

Inside is my life.
And thank you so much...

...but I don't need anyone to tell me
how to write it.

A royal wedding is more than
just the most glamorous event...

...on the social calendar,
it is also the most dangerous.

People will try to kidnap you
and break you for the details.

Paparazzi will tap your phones.

I need to know who of you
is going to crack under the pressure.

The contest today will simulate...

...how you'd perform your bridesmaids
duties under extreme duress.

Now fall in line!

Dressing me for my wedding means
attending to my every need...

...no matter how big or small.
Adjust for reception, cinch that train.

Penelope? She has to pee!

- Okay.
- Where's secret wedding location?

- We don't know.
- Who designed Miss Blair's dress?

- We can't tell you!
- Good one, Jessica.

- Now block that baby bump!
- Blocking.

What baby bump?

Let's go, girls. Faster. Who wants it?
You know the rules. You trip, you're out.

You spill, you're out.

Whoa. Oh.

Come on.
Nice work, Charlie. I like what I see.

I'm sorry, l...

You sicken me.

- May I help you?
- Yeah. I work for Diana Payne.

She wanted me to hand-deliver
Keith Gessen the new Spectator tablet.

- It'll serve as his invitation for the party.
- Keith doesn't need an invitation...

...since he'll be attending with Diana.

Uh, but I'll gladly take the tablet myself.

Wait, so he's going as her date?

Hello, they've been going out
for two months.

I thought you worked in media.

Hey.

I know this morning was a total disaster,
but nobody blames you.

Whatever Jane sent you here to say,
just say it.

We both think that you should
waive your right to write the script.

Why would I do that?

You write it, your project will be stuck
in development hell.

You'll write a draft,
a year later you'll still be rewriting.

You'll never give them what they want.
You're too close to it.

- That's not even the point.
- Well, it sounds like it was.

- You're a huge novelist now.
- I don't know about huge.

- I mean, I'm number nine.
- Next week, you'll be number one.

- I'll take two. I'm not greedy.
- Seriously...

...you should be focusing
on your next best-seller.

Let us hire an A-list writer,
like an Akiva Goldsman.

Somebody who Jane can't bully.

Somebody who gets great movies made
and will honor your book.

You think you could get
somebody like him?

Absolutely. Jane works
with Oscar winners all the time.

Can I guarantee
she's not gonna screw up?

I won't let her.

She may not know this world, but I do.
And I will protect your story and you.

Careful, S.

- I have your word?
- You have my word.

Everybody knows the road
to hell is paved with good intentions...

... and shady bosses.

- Hello?
- Hey.

There you are.
Why aren't you back here yet?

I got a little hung up
at Keith Gessen's office.

Were you ever gonna tell me
you're bringing him as your date?

Of course. I wanted to say something
this morning, but, um...

You were busy lecturing me on how
you can't mix business with pleasure.

Keith's just business, really.
You are both.

- But no one can know that I am.
- Not right now.

I know you don't understand,
but you need to trust me.

No, you know what I need to do
is rethink this whole relationship.

Get me Charlie Rhodes.

Okay, Dan's off the project.

Take a bow, Serena.

You're a star.
How'd you accomplish it?

I just convinced him
that he and his novel...

...would be better served
by a top-tier screenwriter.

And he will be.
Sorkin's agent called right after you left.

- Heh, Aaron Sorkin?
- Is adapting Inside.

Oh, my Go... What?

That's incredible.
How did you get that to happen so fast?

I had Sorkin lined up for a week.

His agent and I were just waiting.

For me to convince Dan to quit?

So this explains your
Inside: The Musical pitch.

Come on, I always knew
that Dan wasn't going to work out.

I just gave him a little nudge.

Be happy, Sorkin is a good thing.

I just wish we could have spared
everyone the drama this morning.

Are you kidding?

Dan coming in this morning did more
for this project than you'll ever know.

- Why?
- Because we got to see...

...what this movie should really be.

A self-important teenager who betrays
his friends for fame and fortune.

Inside will be the next Social Network.
We're gonna Zuckerberg him.

Jane, this isn't fair.

I prefer to let the audience decide
what's fair or not.

Dan is not like that.

Why don't I put a dinner on the books
for us? You'll see.

The next time I see Dan
will be at Cannes...

...when I'm shaking his grateful hand
on the dais.

I have a call to make.

See you at the party tonight?

Congratulations, girls.

You've survived the most physically and
mentally challenging day of your lives.

And all you have to show for it
are a few bruises.

Now, for the final round...

...you will be accompanying
me and my prince...

...to the fabulous Spectator launch party
tonight.

We're going to play a game
with one of the guests.

- Well, who's the target?
- A boy, of course.

- I'm listening.
- At the wedding...

...you'll be the apple
of every bachelor's eye.

So I need to know
who is going to bag a baron...

...and who's going to embarrass me.

- With a busboy?
- Exactly.

So tonight,
whoever's the first to get a kiss...

...from one of New York's
most eligible bachelors...

...wins the right to call herself
my royal bridesmaid.

So tell us, who is it?

Dorota, will you do the honors?

Nate Archibald.

I am so all over this.

- Yes. Oh, my God.
- Yes.

This is the best day of my life.

- Hello?
- Why is Nate calling me...

...from Keith Gessen's office?

I asked you to make a few simple
deliveries for a few specific people...

- ...and you botched it.
- I know.

I'm so sorry...

...but Blair's having a competition
to pick her bridesmaids.

And if I win, I can cover
the royal wedding for The Spectator.

Then you better win, for your sake.

I just have one more task to complete.

- Hey.
- Hey. Are you free tonight?

Jane was hoping you would be my guest
to the Spectator party.

Let me guess, Jane loves me again
now that I quit the movie.

I think she just wants
to get to know you better. The real you.

So be super nice, okay?

Heh, I'm always nice.
Yeah, I'll see you tonight.

Spotted:
S trying to navigate a slippery slope.

But she's not the only accident
waiting to happen.

Hey, did you get my text?

Oh, I turned my phone off, actually.

- Are you okay?
- I'm, uh...

- I'm good.
- He says, teeth clenched.

Come on, let me help.

I'm really good
with other people's problems.

Not so much my own. But...

Well, there's this... There's this girl.

And I asked her to be my date
to the party tonight.

- And she said no?
- Which was fine...

...until I find out that
she's bringing another guy.

Do you think that she's trying
to let you down easy?

Easy's not her style. No.

Well, then she's trying
to make you jealous.

Trust me, Nate, we're all the same.

Okay, so, what do I do?

Fight fire with fire.

Take me as your date.

Well, no, I wouldn't wanna, uh,
ruin your night.

You won't.

Pick me up at 6.

Oh, heh, you're getting excited,
aren't you?

- You're getting excited. Come on.
- Dr. Barnes.

You shouldn't be here.

And I wouldn't be
if you answered any of my calls.

I told you I'm done.

I can't be responsible
for destroying a young man...

...who's doing everything he can
to heal himself.

And what about our deal?

As much as it would have helped,
here's your refund.

At the tone,
please record your message.

Dr. Barnes, it's Chuck.

I think I'm in trouble.

Can you meet me tonight?

When you
drive Chuck over the edge...

... it's you who will wind up roadkill.

- So how was your day?
- Hmm, just what I needed.

Old habits die hard.

Hello.

If they die at all.

What are they doing here?

I thought we agreed
we'd be done by tonight.

And I will be, my dear.

The girls have one more tiny thing
to take care of.

You won't even notice they're here.

- Hi. How are you?
- Hi.

- Where's Nate?
- Heh, where's Charlie?

Game on.

You look amazing.

I wanna offer my sincerest
congratulations. Chuck Bass.

Diana Payne. So nice to meet you.

I've heard a lot about you
and let me just say...

...the best of it does you no justice.

- Oh, heh.
- I'm sorry, have we met before?

Not that I can recall.

Heh, It's funny, just looking at you now,
I could've sworn...

I think I'd remember.

Enjoy the party.

- Chuck.
- Your Highness, always a pleasure.

Give it a rest, Bass.

I'm sorry, my friend's here.

- Dan.
- Jane, hey.

Thank you for inviting me.
I appreciate it.

Of course.
I'm just so happy you could make it.

Serena, look, I found Dan.

Did you already tell him
we got Sorkin to write the movie?

What? No. That's incredible.

I know. Now your character will talk
even faster than you do.

You mind if I call my agent and tell her?
I'll be right back.

Don't think
I don't know what you're doing.

You can't guilt-trip me into changing
my mind about the lead character.

I just wanted you
to get to know the real Dan.

He's genuine and caring and funny...

The Zuckerberg version
is the better story.

The better movie.

I gave Dan my word
that I would protect him.

He's one of my best friends.

Please, don't do this to him.

It's already done.

And you know what?

I'm taking you off this project,
effective immediately.

Like Dan, you're just too close to it.

Nate, these offices are so big.

- You have to show me yours.
- I'd love to. Yeah, we got a lot...

Ah, there you are. Heh.
I was waiting for you at the bar.

Well, you'll have to keep waiting.
Heh, Nate just promised me a tour.

Oh, of the office? I'll come with.

No, I wanna see your Spectator,
not hers. Sorry, Charlie.

Is that a...?

Oh, my...!

Serena, you came after all.
I'm delighted.

So, what do you think
of The Spectator?

- Everyone seems to be having fun.
- Except for you.

Well, heh...

What? I can't help but pry.
Of course, you don't have to tell me.

I just got myself into a situation...

...that's gonna hurt somebody
I really care about.

I thought I could fix it tonight,
but I can't.

Maybe I can.
I'm quite the problem solver.

I don't think you wanna know.

- It involves a friend of yours.
- Jane?

Now you have to tell me.

It's about the book option
I got for her.

I need to kill the project.

Give me two seconds and it'll vanish.

Thank you,
but I'll figure it out on my own.

You just said you couldn't.

Jane and I have history.

She doesn't always like
to be reminded of it...

...and it's been a while since I did.

What kind of history?

Some things are best
left to the imagination.

So how bad do you want
your problem to go away?

- Jane?
- Yes?

A word.

Oh, just kiss him and win already.

Anybody with eyes can see
Nate has a huge crush on you. I give up.

I would, but I'm starting to feel
like I'm not Nate's type.

Hello, Nate doesn't have a type.
He's like Derek Jeter.

Well, when he saw you...

...he said that you were the hottest girl
at Constance.

Nate said that?

Oh, my God, what else did Nate say?

Something about how
you were the only girl at Constance...

...he wished that he had hooked up with
but never did.

Until now.

I love what you've done with the place.
Very 2.0.

- Thanks, man, I appreciate that. We just...
- Let's do this.

Whoa!

Penelope, what did I tell you
about consorting with the help?

You're dismissed.

What? It's not my fault she tripped.

- Uh, you leaving already?
- I'm sorry, I have to go.

I was hoping we could talk
about the movie.

It's dead. If you want to know why,
talk to your friend Serena.

I know the night's young
and the bar's still open...

...but I wanted to thank everybody
for coming.

It means so much to me...

...to know that if a bomb went off this
second, New York media would be over.

- Hey, thanks for being my date.
- Of course.

I just hope we were able to make
whoever you're seeing jealous.

I don't know,
I don't even think she cared.

Let's make her care.

- I'm game if you are.
- Yeah?

We are going to be different from
Gossip Girl and other anonymous sites...

...which traffic in damaging rumors
and innuendo.

Ugh, I'm sorry. Where was I?

Um, The Spectator is only going
to print facts.

If you did it,
you deserve to get caught.

And we're gonna catch you.

So with apologies
to my other esteemed editors...

...starting tonight, I'm gonna
be poaching your best reporters...

...and stealing all your best stories.

I have a story for you.

So let's hear it, Mr. Bass.

My therapist, Dr. Eliza Barnes,
has been using hypnosis...

...to coerce me into performing
unspeakable acts.

I am Dr. Barnes and I promise you
that none of this is true.

It's okay, Chuck.

You're in a very vulnerable
psychological state right now.

I wonder why.

Maybe because I just found out...

...you were taking money to reveal
confidential information about me.

Now that's a story I can print
if you have proof.

Uh, Chuck, stop.

Why are you doing this?

If you don't believe me...

...you should ask your fianc?.

He's the one who paid her.

Don't worry, B,
you're still marrying a prince...

... of fools.

Blair, wait.

Please,
I know how upset you must be.

After all this arguing about scheming,
what you've been doing is even worse.

But I can explain.

What possible explanation
could you have...

...for paying Chuck's therapist
to spy on him?

I found the paternity test.

The one that you'd torn to pieces.

Oh, my God.

You didn't tell me
you weren't sure who the father was.

Well, ugh...

- I had to get the test.
- So you could decide who to be with?

No. So we both could have
peace of mind...

...knowing that what I prayed for
in my heart was true.

The paternity test showed me...

...that some part of you thought
you might still have a choice to make.

And I needed you to see that
Chuck will always be the wrong one.

Louis...

...I don't know how many more times
I can say this.

But Chuck and I can never work.

You know that for certain?

I do.

So does he.

And so should you.

Chuck destroys everything
and everybody in his life...

...and he'll never change.

But what's scaring me is that...

...you're changing into him.

Did you just kill my movie?

Only because I had no other choice.
But I did it for you.

- For me? Are you kidding?
- Listen, please...

Tell me one thing.
Was this your plan from the beginning?

- Heh, what?
- You hate your character so much...

...you couldn't stand
to see this made into a movie.

Millions of people mightjudge you,
and we all know how much you like that.

For the record,
having the project killed...

...had nothing to do with my image
and everything to do with yours.

Jane was gonna do
a hatchetjob on you.

And now I'm gonna get fired
for stopping her.

- That was fun.
- More fun than you expected?

A lot more. Maybe we should stage
another make-out session later.

- You know, just for us.
- Heh.

Congratulations.
Looks like you won Blair's contest.

- Wait, what? What is she talking about?
- Oh, didn't you know?

This was all a game.

Charlie kissed you so she could be
one of Blair's bridesmaids.

For The Spectator, of course.

Oh, guess she left that part out.

Nate, I'm sorry.

Oh, don't fret, Charlie.

I'm sure Nate wasn't completely honest
with you either. Were you, honey?

Right, then.
I'd better get back to my real date.

Keep up the good work, Charlie.

Cheers.

- What, so you used me to get a story?
- The girl you're seeing is our boss?

Well, if it isn't the good doctor.

I thought you should know
I'm gonna shut down my practice.

Why? I know people say
therapy's a waste of time...

...but you did wonders
with my trust issues.

I understand you're angry.
I don't expect you to ever forgive me.

I just thought you should know...

...Louis wasn't paying me
for information alone.

He wanted me to drive you into a rage.

To turn you into this monster
you apparently used to be.

Louis is so threatened by you
that he wanted to remind Blair...

Why she chose him.

- Maybe Louis is right.
- He doesn't have to be.

You can change.

Remember this morning
when I asked you about Blair?

I was trying to provoke you,
but you chose something else.

Something better.

You chose to let go.

Continue down that road
and I bet you'll find some peace.

I've always wondered
what that felt like.

Good luck.

And I'm sorry.

I really did want to help.

Spotted:
Chuck Bass standing at the crossroads.

Looks like we're gonna have to watch
his every step.

Serena.

Word on the street is
you're back on the job market.

- You don't waste any time, do you?
- Not when I know what I want.

There must be some way I can convince
you to write a blog for The Spectator.

Not if it's about the Upper East Side
or anyone who lives there, including me.

I'm sorry.
I know that I owe you a favor...

...but I don't wanna be
the next Gossip Girl.

I don't believe in attacking people online
and spreading rumors.

Neither do I. Which is why
I wanna take Gossip Girl down.

How?

Everyone reads her.

And whether they admit it or not,
everyone posts.

This city is addicted to her.

Only because she writes about
people like you.

Think about it.

If you and your friends are the main
reason people care about Gossip Girl...

...and starting tomorrow...

...everyone can read about you
straight from the source...

...that would make Gossip Girl
irrelevant, wouldn't it?

I don't know.

Yes, you do.

Serena, this is a chance
to have your own voice...

...to stop the lies and to finally control
your own image.

Aren't you tired of swimming
in Gossip Girl's fish bowl?

Well, I'd have to do it my own way.

I'd expect nothing less.

Come by tomorrow
and we'll brainstorm together.

Okay.

- Heh, good night.
- Good night.

No more games, no more secrets.

Either we're in this for the world to see,
or we end this right here.

Somebody here to apologize.

I can't say I wanna hear it right now,
but tell Louis I'll see him upstairs.

It's not Louis.

What are you doing here?
I don't have the energy...

...to rehash tonight's hysterics.
I think you should leave.

I'm not here to apologize
about what happened tonight.

Then what are you here
to apologize for?

Everything else.

I'm sorry for losing my temper the night
you told me Louis proposed to you.

I'm sorry for not waiting longer
at the Empire State Building.

I'm sorry for treating you
like property.

I'm sorry...

...I didn't tell you I loved you
when I knew I did.

But most of all,
I'm sorry that I gave up on us...

...when you never did.

Thank you.

I hope never giving up on people
isn't gonna be my downfall.

It's why you're going to be
an amazing mother.

You're always there
for the people you love...

...even when they don't deserve it.

You know that's never gonna change.

It's okay if it has to.

Starting tonight,
I'm going to take care of myself.

Is that all?

Yeah.

They say every road comes to an end...

... but sometimes the end feels
just like the beginning.

Even when you think
you've come a long way...

Dad, what are you still doing here?

Hmm.

After I talked to you at the party,
Jonathan Karp called.

He got an advance copy
of next week's best-seller list.

I'm not number one.

Did I go up at all?

You dropped off the list. But when
I told him the news about Aaron Sorkin...

...he said a movie deal like that will have
the books flying off the shelves again.

The movie's dead, Dad. It's over.
I'm done.

... you can suddenly find
yourself right back where you started.

Because every journey is fraught
with twists and turns...

You know, Charlie, you're becoming
more trouble than you're worth.

I had no idea you were the one
Nate was trying to make jealous.

I just wanted to get the inside scoop
on Blair's wedding.

Well, now you know.
And so does the rest of the world.

Nate's mine.

Do I make myself clear?

Good.

I'd hate to have to run a story tomorrow
about a poor girl from Florida...

...who Clark Rockefellered
the Upper East Side.

... and one false step
could spell disaster.

But no matter what...

... you still have to stay the course
and forge your own path.

No, Louis, I know you're sorry.

You should go on your trip.
We can talk when you get back.

Promise.

Besides, a few days apart
would be good for us.

Because there's no going back now...

... and it looks like this one's going
to be the ride of our lives.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.