Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 5, Episode 5 - The Fasting and the Furious - full transcript

In the midst of celebrating Yom Kippur with family and friends, Blair and Louis find themselves in a power struggle with Louis' family. Serena's boss puts Serena in the awkward position of ...

Gossip Girl here...

Your one and only source

into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

I'm looking for an Ivy Dickens.

This is... she?

I figured as much.

Serena's aunt Carol Rhodes

paid me to impersonate
her daughter Charlie.

When these people realize
you're not one of them,

they're gonna destroy you.

What do you want?



I wanna introduce you
to your new colleague.

Hi.

If they're really your friends,

they'll be happy to
see your star rise

when everybody learns

that "Anonymous" is
actually Daniel Humphrey.

And it is based on you,
sort of, all of you.

Can you believe what
he wrote about me?

I can tell you from experience
everyone loves a villain.

I gave up my career to raise
you and I never regretted it

until I read what you
really think about me.

Personally,
I thought you'd be more annoyed

at being conflated with Eric.

Nate is...



Furious? Yeah, because I am.

And I'm more furious!
He wrote that we had sex!

I want this book,
and you're going to get it for me.

So whatever you did to Dan Humphrey,
undo it.

And who am I?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.O.X.O.

Gossip Girl.

On the Upper East Side,

it's not what you say
that determines who you are.

It's what you do...

I hope they take it well.

Nothing matters more than our child

being born into a big, happy family.

Are you ready?

Whether you're making
a big announcement...

Or trying to close a deal...

Hey, Jane.

Did you lock up the film
option for Dan's book yet?

No, I just finished reading it,
unfortunately.

Need I remind you,
this is your chance to make up

for blowing
the Daniel Day-Lewis deal?

No reminder necessary.

I'm on it.

Or firing the first shot.

The site goes live in 20!

Oh, Princess Sophie!
Beatrice, welcome.

It's so lovely to see you both again.

We couldn't be happier.

Cyrus, you are still a hugger,
I hope?

Is a northern spotted
owl still a predator?

Okay.

Okay. Uh, Blair and Louis

will be coming down for
their big announcement any moment.

This is so mysterious and exciting.

Well, whatever it is,

I'm just so thrilled
that it's happening on Yom Kippur,

and I hope the two of you will
stay to break the fast with us.

As I recall,
you're quite fond of smoked salmon.

I am, and we would love to.

So?

Alors, la nouvelle ?

We're gonna have a baby.

- A baby? You're still in college!
- Mother.

- How wonderful!
- Wonderful?

It's... wh... a wonderful surprise.

Uh. What is the record for the

youngest grandmother
on the Upper East Side?

Cyrus, I don't think
I'm gonna be able to

make it to sundown without eating.

I am thrilled without reservation...

As long as the baby is born

after you are married, of course.

The last thing this family
needs is another bastard.

Oh!

Oh, my.

Ah!

Thank you for keeping my secret.

What are sisters for?

Mm.

Oh, Serena,
can you stay for the celebration?

The bun in the oven is a big hit.

I would love to,
but I have to get to work.

Looks like you have plenty
of people to celebrate with,

and you can tell me about it after.

Or I'll just read about it.

Oh! Don't you look great?

Are you excited about
your first day of work?

I am. Wasn't exactly
the job I was looking for,

but when it fell into my lap,
I couldn't say no.

I really don't wanna
disappointment my boss.

Well, I'm sure you won't.
I'll make dinner tonight,

and we can hear all
about your first day.

You don't want to go to
the breakfast at the Waldorfs?

Mm, not really in the mood.

Oh, isn't that ironic?

The state lifts my house arrest,
and you lock yourself up.

Well, wish me luck.

See you tonight.

Is that Dan again?

You know, the only way you're
gonna get out of this funk

is to sit down and listen
to what he has to say.

I'm not ready yet.

I have to say, when you asked me

where you could buy
vintage magazines,

this isn't what I thought
you were talking about.

J.F.K. Jr. took a lot of
crap by not passing the bar,

but he redeemed himself
by becoming an editor.

I'm just trying to
figure out how he did it.

Hey, hey, hey!
Victor said you were here.

I brought something
for you and monkey.

Well, I better go before
I'm late for work.

Nate, don't you think
it's time to let it go

so we can just be friends again?

Only a whole person could answer
that question now, couldn't they?

I'm sorry I made you half
a character in my novel,

but you've forgiven
people for much worse.

Well, all right,
have a good day, Chuck.

Thanks.

I can think of a few girls
who'd look good in this.

Humphrey,
I'm feeling like my old self again.

Me, too, although not in a good way.

I really thought the days of everyone
turning their backs on me were over.

Well, at least this time
it's because they hate you

and not because
they don't know you exist.

Be patient.

Soon, your literary
misdeeds will be forgotten.

Along with all your other powers,

you can add psychic to the list.

If Serena can forget,
then maybe my dad will take my call.

I'll see you later.

Hey. Hey. Come on, get out of there.

Get... go on.

Can't we let them finish?

I'm quite sure it'll be his loss,

but, uh,
I have patients to see, so...

You're a doctor?

Uh, psychologist, yes.

This is kismet.

I've been feeling, shall we say,
out of sorts, recently.

Oh.

Um...

Here.

"Dr. Eliza Barnes."

Chuck Bass.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Bass.

Come on.

Come on.

Everyone knows the drill.

As soon as we go live,
expect the phones to blow up.

It's time.

It's exciting, isn't it?

It is.

Imitation might be
the sincerest form of flattery.

But stealing is an outright crime,

and that's what a new
rival has committed

when cell phones
disappeared and reappeared

at the Jenny Packham Show.

Listen, if we launch now,

everyone will know
she was talking about you.

Not necessarily.

No, it's too big of a risk.

Abort.

For the moment.

And mother will alter
the dress to hide the baby bump.

Of course I will, dear.

And Louis and I will fly
back to be close to Dr. Crane

for the third trimester.

A honeymoon can wait.

Bravo. You've got it all figured out.

Mother, I think we have a problem.

A baby is never a problem, ma fille.

I hope you won't try
to stir up trouble

and ruin this most happy time.

I'm just trying to protect
our family's history.

Blair's very controlling.

She's the one making
the decisions for the wedding.

She'll do the same with the child.

Louis knows how important
a grandchild is to me,

to Monaco.

He will protect the Royal tradition.

Yes, but will she?

I'm really glad you came.

I'm glad you called.

- Enjoy.
- Thank you.

You know,
I think I owe you an apology.

I may have overreacted about how
you portrayed me in your book.

Thank you so much.

I have to admit,
it's been kind of hard.

Like, my dad and Nate
and Blair still won't talk to me.

Well, things are looking up then.
One down, three to go?

Mm. Never thought you'd be the first.

I am full of surprises.
You know that.

So... how has it been...

everything else,
aside from the personal reaction?

Yeah, it's been
an incredible whirlwind.

I just wish I could be sharing
it with friends and family.

Mm.

And, uh, what's happening with
the film rights to the book?

I don't know.
I hadn't actually thought about that.

That would be crazy. A movie.

Well...

If you ever decide you
wanna turn it into one,

my boss Jane would
kill to produce it.

She read the book and loved it.

And she's an amazing producer, too.

Yeah. Wow. I mean, thank you.
That would be, uh...

I mean, that would be
great if that could happen.

Yeah.

Uh, what do you know?
It's my agent calling.

I have a NY1 interview
I can't be late for,

but I'm... I'm really glad we're okay.
Can I call you later?

Yeah.

Hey, Alessandra.

Just confirming the NY1 interview.

Yeah, I'm on my way.

Listen, I just had breakfast
with my friend Serena,

who asked about the movie rights,

and I'd love to give them to her.

How do we go about doing that?

Unh-unh. You are not locking
down film rights with somebody

just because they're your friend.

Her boss is, uh,
is a big producer, though.

Uh, Rivington Street Films?

She did David O. Russell's next film.

And while that's great,

a ton of quality people want
the rights to "Inside," Dan.

You had breakfast with
someone's assistant.

I have Harvey Weinstein
on the other line.

Harvey Weinstein? That's...

Huge. I know. See you soon.

Hey, Jane,
I swallowed my pride and outrage

and did what you asked.

We should have Dan's
book later today.

And you had me believe
"crazy" was just an act?

I think you might be suicidal.

What are you talking about?

You start work here under,
shall we say, duress.

And within five minutes,

there's a catastrophic
leak to my competitor.

Diana, I swear it wasn't me.

Since you lie like
most people breathe,

your oath means very little.

Now don't forget,
the biggest story I have is you.

If you don't bring
me something better,

I'm gonna tell the world

that you're some failed
wannabe actress called Ivy.

I'll get you something.

You just have to give me some time.

Yom Kippur at the Waldorfs'

will truly be a "high" holy day,

now that Her Royal
Highness Princess Sophie

has jetted in from Monaco

for a bagel and a schmear.

If I were you, I'd have left by now.

What's wrong with her?

It seems I now need some
launch-worthy stories,

and she's the only
Upper East Sider I have

prepared to cross
the lines for her career.

Look, I care about my career.

I'll make a name for
myself my own way.

If you want to remake yourself,

you have to do whatever it takes.

Give me something, anything...

On Blair Waldorf, perhaps?

But she's celebrating Yom Kippur

with her and Louis' families, okay?

I doubt it makes for
riveting journalism.

Hmm...

People unable to eat for 24 hours,

cooped up in an apartment?

Secrets are bound to come out.

Call and get me an introduction.

Are you even Jewish?

I am today.

This interview is key

because it's your first visual
appearance in the media.

You wanna make a strong impression.

Yeah, am I... am I dressed okay?

I mean, I wanna seem respectful

but at the same time,
act like this isn't a huge deal.

Not that it is a huge deal,
'cause, I mean, if it was...

God, I-I would be, uh,
I would be super nervous,

and I'm totally not.
Oh, they have grapes.

Dan... are you with me?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm with you.

These days, a book needs
as much press as it can get,

no matter how many
glowing reviews there are.

Public television is the last
bastion of the intellectual.

If this goes well,
Charlie rose could be next.

Oh, that's a good tactic...
piling on the pressure

right before your already-prone-
to-nervous-rambling client

goes on live television
for the first time.

This is the perfect platform
to position your book

as next year's best picture.

Mention Harvey's interest.
People in Hollywood are sheep.

If someone they respect wants the book,
they all will.

I feel like I should call Serena.

I don't want her to think

I was stringing her
along at breakfast.

Serena knows how the business works,

and it's not like you
signed a contract.

And if she's really your friend,
she'll be happy for you,

no matter who gets the rights.

We're ready.

And let's go sell some books.

Blair, have you thought
about the hospital

you plan to deliver the baby in?

Lenox Hill, where I was born,
as was my mother.

And for school?

Well, I've already sent
a copy of the sonogram

along with an application
to Constance/St. Jude's.

Blair received
an exemplary education.

While a New York education may
be adequate for a non-royal,

Grimaldis always attend
boarding school in Switzerland.

Furthermore,
the child must be born in our wing

at the Princess Grace
Hospital Center in Monaco.

You can't seriously expect to dictate

every detail of my grandchild's life.

But this baby is not
just your grandchild.

Blair's life and her family
are here in New York.

And Louis' are in Monaco.

Uh, now, ladies.

Maman, Eleanor, enough.

Blair and I will discuss
these issues privately.

Blair, w-what is it?
Are you all right?

You'll all have to excuse me.

Mr. Bass. I was just on my way out.

Oh.

That's too bad.

You look like you need to talk.

I do.

Yeah, I'll make time.

Thank you.

Would you like me seated or... prone?

It's your choice.

So... Mr. Bass,

why are you here?

Well, let's see.

I recently emerged from
a period of prolonged numbness.

Starting to feel again
physically and emotionally

has made me realize
I need to try new things

to prevent a relapse.

- New things?
- Mm.

Give me an example.

I've had sex on...

Almost every conceivable surface,

but never a therapist's couch.

So there is that.

I should've guessed
you weren't serious.

I'm sure if you got to
know me a little better,

you'd see just how serious I am.

It's obvious
that you're deeply troubled,

and I would be more
than happy to help

if you were truly
interested in therapy.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have Yom Kippur services.

Oh.

You're Jewish?

Not that that's any of your business,
but I converted.

Well, that's probably a smart move

in your line of work.

Good-bye.

Hey.

Hey.

Everything okay?

I'm just worried about Rufus.

He and Dan are so close.

I just have to figure out a way
to get then to connect again.

You're home early.

We had a rough morning.

My boss is after me to
contribute in a big way.

Got any leads for me?

Well, with my arrest
and Rufus' depression,

we haven't been out
enough to know anything.

But you're a very smart girl,
and I have faith in you.

Guess I won't be
needing this hardware

if we're not going to the Waldorfs.

What are those?

Oh, it's an unfortunate story.

My late husband Bart

had his investigator
research our whole family.

It was awful.

I meant to transfer them
into the safety deposit box,

but since Serena and Charles
broke into it last year...

I think it's safer here.

Good luck.

Uh, "Sabrina,"

Dan Humphrey's interview
on NY1 started.

He's talking all about the movie.

... Read by anyone but me.

And now I understand

"Inside" has caught
Hollywood's attention.

Well, there's interest from
major producers, like, uh,

like, uh,
Scott Rudin and Harvey Weinstein

and, um, Brian Grazer,
but we haven't made any decisions yet.

Is there a director
out there who you...

Hey, S.? I'm sorry to bother you,
but I needed a walk,

and I realized I should
just come to you.

No, I'm glad you did.

I told Jane that I had
the option on Dan's book,

and now it's like we're
not even on his radar.

Can I just...

Uh, look,
if I don't get the rights to this,

I don't know what will happen.

I really wanna hear about
your working girl woes,

but...

I feel like I'm starring
in "Rosemary's Baby."

Sophie wants to regulate everything

about my child's existence.

She's insisting that I move to Monaco

and leave my whole life here behind.

That sounds horrible.

But can you convince Dan to
put his movie with our company?

W...

are you kidding?

His book is ridiculous and so is he,

and I really need
your help right now.

Why are you gossiping when
a deal you're running point on

is falling apart on live television?

I'm sorry.
This is Blair, my best friend.

I thought maybe she could help.

This isn't high school.
This is my business.

I told you not to embarrass me.

I have an idea for you.

Quit.

Your boss is a bitch.
Let's go get lunch.

My job is important to me, B.

You have six months to
deal with your problem.

I have six minutes to deal with mine.
Good-bye.

Yes.

If everyone else is moving
on with their lives,

then I'm ready to do the same,
all the way to Monaco.

You're my family now, Louis,

and I want to be yours.

Tell your mother

that I'm going to be a Grimaldi,
and I intend to live like one.

Well, look who's all grown up.

Doesn't feel that way.

What are you doing here?

I need your help.

I mean trying to bed an older woman,

and she's being resistant,
and it's driving me crazy,

which is ironic,
because she's a shrink.

You speak old lady. What's my play?

Mm, doesn't work like that.

Same rules apply regardless of age.

You just have to show that you're

interested in what
matters to the woman

more than you're interested
im the woman's...

- Matters.
- Exactly.

Look, I wish I could be more
help to you, man, but I...

But what? I thought you had the M.I.L.F.
rules hardwired.

In the bedroom, yeah.

So what else are we talking about?

We're talking about
Serena's Cousin Charlie.

She'll do whatever it takes
to succeed at this job,

and I just... I won't do it.

Diana's not happy with me.

If only you could be me for
a day and I could be you,

- we'd both get what we want.
- Yeah.

But since we're not in
a Jason Bateman movie,

we have to think of another plan.

If Charlie's crossing lines,
tag along for a while.

See what it takes.

Even j.F.K. Jr. had to walk
in a few sets of footprints

before he found his own path.

What are you gonna do?

Take an interest in what
matters to Dr. Barnes.

Shalom.

Where is everybody?

Oh, my mother and Beatrice
are in the kitchen,

and your mother
and Cyrus went to Temple.

Did you tell them about my decision?

No.

I felt that we should talk first.

Is moving to Monaco
really what you want?

I hope you're not simply
bowing to pressure.

Reserve the Grimaldi birthing suite.

We're officially a Monegasque family.

I knew you would both
make the right decision.

Thank you.

I love green shrimp.

This is just the fifth
night out of seven

that we've ordered Chinese.

Keep looking.

I'm sure we'll find
something we've never tried.

Okay. Let's see.

What about the Jade Har Gow?

Yeah, the glazed prawns
would be wonderful.

Let's try the squid ink rice noodles.

You're just saying that.

Hey, guys.

A bit of unsolicited advice?

If you were to go to the Waldorfs',

you could avoid having
another Chinese dinner.

And maybe if you were to see

a family in good working condition,

it would remind you how
important it is to fix yours.

An evening of friends
and Kugel is just what we need.

Ah, comfort food does sound good.

My God, you'd think
the Jews had suffered enough.

I don't know how Cyrus can
stand all this fasting.

I'm Eleanor Waldorf. Uh, who are you?

This is Diana Payne.

Uh, Nate Archibald
called ahead for me?

Oh, yes. Yeah, you're his boss,
the, uh, the journalist.

I have to warn you
not to try and wrangle

an interview with
my daughter and the Prince.

It's not a good time.

Actually,
now might be your only chance, Diana.

Blair didn't tell you
she decided to move to Monaco?

What? Yes, how you do feel

about your daughter committing
to a life away from home?

Please.

Blair will do whatever she wants.

Waldorf women are not
afraid to break the rules.

And besides,
who is she hurting if she does?

It's not like she's signing
a legally binding contract.

Dan's agent and Harvey
are close to a deal.

We're going to lose the project.

I can't believe this.

Really? I can.

Maybe your good friend
F. Scott Fitzjackass

had you nailed in the book.

If something doesn't fall
right into your lap, Serena,

you don't have a clue
how to work for it.

Sometimes all it takes to
cross a line is a little push.

Harvey read the book himself.

Apparently, he has all sorts of ideas

and wants to fast-track
it for next year.

What? That's... that's...

Incredible, I know, to say the least.

When Harvey gets involved,
Oscars are on the horizon.

That's his office. One second.

This is Alessandra.

He's canceling? Why?

What happened?

Apparently, it's on "deadline"

that you gave the option
to Jane Bettinger?

What?

Why do I get the feeling

you don't really want
your brother and Blair

in Monaco?

My brother's always
been the favorite,

but he never cared about
his title or our family

the way I do.

I had hoped his marriage
to Blair would mean

permanent exile to New York.

Sibling rivalry, backstabbing,

familial manipulation.

You really are a Royal family,
aren't you?

Perhaps I can help you
get what you want...

In return

the inside story of a Royal feud.

Since I'm feeling a little
raw on the family front,

if Eleanor refers to you
as "Lily Bass" again,

I can't promise I won't return fire.

Oh, I dragged you here.

You have my full blessing
to go Sean Penn if need be.

Thank you.

Well, what's going on in here?

Cyrus, isn't it time for
you to blow the Shofar?

It appears that, uh,

Sophie had legal documents drawn up

regarding the upbringing
of our future grandchild.

Blair's supposed to sign these

before Sophie returns
to Monaco tomorrow.

Is that absolutely necessary?

Oh, well,
let's not quibble over a signature.

I'm a 21st century girl
with 2 lawyers for dads.

I understand the need for paperwork.

Some of these requirements
are pretty egregious.

Any time you take
your child out of Monaco

for more than six hours,

you have to inform Palace security.

Now that's a little over-the-top.

Not for a Royal heir.
Give me your pen.

Blair, it says here
that you can't go to New York

for more than 48 hours at a time.

And furthermore,
if you break any of these rules,

you face the possibility of
losing custody of your child

to the Royal Family.

What? Wait. No, that's...

Outrageous.

What going on in here?

I'm not off my meds,
but I've kind of lost my mind.

Safecracking?

Seriously?

I'm desperate.

If we don't get something to Diana,

we're gonna lose our jobs.

There's a story in that safe.
I saw it myself.

Oh, God.

I hope the Kennedys are rolling
over in their graves right now.

I may have a way to open it.

It used to be Chuck's father's.
Just... just give me a second.

Thank you, Rabbi.

Thank you. I'll see you next time?

Arthur, let's go around the block.

Dan Humphrey.

Hi.

I recognize you from TV.
Jane Bettinger.

It's nice to meet you.

Yeah, I'm looking for Serena.

Who probably summoned you for me.

I'm a huge fan of your book.

It will make such a great movie.

"Gatsby" for the social media age.

So she's not around?

She stepped out. Maybe I can help.

Can you explain to me

why she told Nikki Finke
that you had the option?

I'm sorry?
What are you talking about?

Serena does work for you,
doesn't she?

False leaks are for amateurs.

Serena said she knew you,
she'd get me the book.

I would never have instructed her

to go behind your back to do so.

I've known Serena forever.
I have a hard time believing

that she would sabotage
me unless you made her.

Serena.

Do you have anything
to say for yourself?

Jane didn't make me do it.
It was my own idea.

Mother's finally gone mad.

She threatened Blair with
the loss of her child

if she breaks a rule.

It doesn't surprise me at all, Louis.

You know what a tyrant she can be.

Mother, how could you do this?

Excuse me.

It's a simple custody agreement.

A "simple custody agreement"

does not allow you to
take our child from us

if you don't like something
Blair chooses to do.

What are you talking about?

You wrote this, didn't you?

Yes, but I didn't put
in any such clause.

It was probably a mistake,

mistranslated by Dominique
as you dictated the terms to her.

It was no mistake, Beatrice.

You must have put it there.

Yes, I did.

Blair has no respect for
our traditions or the monarchy.

She'll do whatever
she wants with that child.

I can't believe you'd
betray us like this.

Obviously, Sophie,
you'll remove that clause.

My daughter's actions may have
been underhanded and deceitful,

but...

Your reaction makes me think
that she might be right.

If you really want
to embrace my family,

you will have no problem
signing this contract.

The clause stays.

If you two cannot accept this,

then I will not acknowledge
the child as my heir.

Nor will I acknowledge you.

You don't have that right anymore.

As the future reigning Prince,

it's up to my child

to acknowledge you.

We are done talking, Louis.

I wish you could find it in yourself

not to make this terrible mistake.

It is you who is mistaken...

throwing away your loyal family

for a fianc?e you shouldn't trust.

Do you realize that Blair told
Beatrice that she was pregnant

long before she told you?

Do you really believe
she has no other secrets?

It's true it's been
a bit of a journey.

But I trust Blair.

I know all of her secrets.

My darling.

How innocent you are.

I only wish for
your sake that is true.

Good-bye.

I know that you have
always felt overlooked,

but no more.

All I've ever wanted was
your love and respect.

This is the mother lode...

the biggest secrets of
the Upper East Side.

Even one of these would not
only launch the web site

but blow Diana's mind.

And my ethics. These are my friends.

Now that I've actually done this,
I don't know what I was thinking.

I don't even wanna look at them,
much less hand them over,

so let's just put them back,
pretend this never happened.

If I show up to work empty-handed,
I'll lose my job.

I know how important
it is for you to succeed.

It is for me, too.
But we'll find something else.

What about all that stuff you
said to me about the Kennedys?

Isn't that why you texted me,

because you know you won't
get where you wanna be

unless you bend the rules a little?

Charlie, these might be my friends,

but they're your family,

and you're acting like
you barely even know them.

Oh, my God.

I...

You're totally right.

You know, I'm gonna put them back,

and you should just go.

I'm... I'm really... I'm sorry.

No, hey, don't be sorry.

All right, I know what it's
like to feel the pressure

to make a name for yourself.

But you belong here.

You'll find your place eventually,
the right way.

I just donated $100,000 to Chabad

to find out which temple you attend.

The least you could do is
give me a minute of your time.

You could've had 50,
but you wasted them.

Knowing your reputation,
I expected nothing less

than an entirely
inappropriate manipulation.

I don't think it's that simple.

You asked for
my professional opinion,

and now you're gonna get it.

You never had a childhood,

and so you behave like
a child in the worst ways.

You pay for intimacy
so you're always in control

and no one can get close to you.

Your superficial connections
and lack of authentic emotion

leave you isolated and alone.

Not just tonight. Always.

I wish you all the best,

but you're gonna need more than that

to live a happy and normal life.

I followed Jane all the way down
to her town car, apologizing,

and even then,
I don't think it was enough.

- Thank you for waiting.
- I didn't want to.

You scared away everyone,
and now no one wants the book.

Dan.

Your apology this morning was
just strategic, wasn't it?

Yeah, pretty much.

Look, I finally
finished the book and...

I told you, it... it's not you.

Yes, there are are parts of you...

And Daisy Buchanan and Amy March

and Gwyneth Paltrow...

five different roles she's played.

But it's a novel.

It's inspired by a lot of things.

It isn't speaking to
some deeper truth.

Are you sure?

Because...

I know this may sound...

Crazy or... or selfish

or like I'm living in the past...

Or something.

But you were the love of
my life, Dan.

And I don't know. I...

I guess I just thought
I was yours, too.

That's the thing about
writing what you know.

Soon everybody else knows it, too.

Let's see Gossip Girl scoop this.

I told you it'd work out.
She found something,

and we didn't have to
sell out our friends...

Or ourselves.

Yeah, you're right, and, uh,
looks like my job is safe.

Yeah.

At least for the moment.

And thanks again

for helping me... do nothing.

Well, it was fun breaking into the safe,
wasn't it?

Okay, everyone,
now the real work begins.

Get to your desks and start writing.

I want a constant stream
of content 24 hours a day.

Oh, Charlie,
come back to my office in five minutes.

Blair, darling,

I have to confess that,
um, I may have been the one

to put the idea of a contract
into Beatrice's head.

I was just bragging about you,

and it didn't matter where you lived.

No one could keep you from
being your own person.

And that is part of
why you will be...

A wonderful mother.

Thank you for saying that.

I know this isn't what
you wanted for me.

Hmm. At least not yet.

These things happen when they happen.

It's the first lesson
of being a parent.

Children don't do...

What you want them to do all the time

when you want them to do it.

But you love them...

Anyway.

I bet you never thought you'd hear

such good parenting advice
from Eleanor Waldorf.

It's time for me to let
my anger go and return Dan's calls.

I mean, if he didn't piss me off,

it'd just mean he wasn't growing up.

That is the Rufus Humphrey
that I love.

I'm so relieved I don't
have to live my entire life

on one square mile
of jagged coastline.

I belong here with my family,

that respects my hopes and dreams.

I hope that includes me.

Can we talk, B?

When you told me you were pregnant,
I said that I would be there for you,

no matter what, and I haven't been.

And I'm sorry.

Well, you had a work crisis.

Yeah, but the truth
is that I was jealous.

Well, if it makes you feel better,
marrying a prince

isn't what fairy tales
will lead you to believe.

Well, that's not what
I was jealous about.

You're the star of Dan's book.

Well, as I said...

It's pure fiction.

Oh. I wanted to return these to you.

And... you're not
gonna use them ever?

Anything of value in these
was already on "Gossip Girl,"

and everything else was far too tame.

Just put them back before
anyone notices they're gone.

Oh, Charlie? You forgot one.

Hey.

Hey. Uh...
I thought about what you said earlier.

And how can either of us know
who the loves of our lives are

until we're, uh...
until we're old, you know?

I mean, this... this thing's
not over yet, right?

And, uh...

I told Alessandra
that I'm giving you the book rights.

No, you don't have to do that.

I wasn't trying to guilt you into it.

No, I know, I know,

but without you inspiring
me from the beginning,

I wouldn't have been able
to write anything, so...

I owe you one.

And despite the events of the day,

you know, I trust you.

I do have one condition.

I want to write the screenplay.

I'll talk to Jane right away.

All right.

Oh, you know what? That's my dad.

Uh, he's on the other line.
I'll see you soon though.

Yes, in very long
development meetings.

Okay.

Hey, dad.

As challenging as atoning can be,

the rewards make it
worth the sacrifice.

Everything you said to me was true.

I don't need another
notch on my belt.

I need help.

I knew it last week.
Hell, I knew it last year.

I know it now.

I'm ready to be serious if you'll...
have me.

Hello?

But the most difficult
part can be admitting

that there was a sin to begin with.

Most people find it too
hard to face their crimes

and think it's easier just to
pretend nothing ever happened.

What are you doing up here all alone?

Waiting for you.

Oh, I was looking for a pen.

I'm sorry you had to choose
between me and your mother.

It's the last thing I wanted.

You're my only family now.

I'm gonna go run a bath.

The problem with hiding your sins

is they always come back.

And on the day when some have
atoned for past transgressions,

a once-pure prince can't
help but commit a new one.

I have a problem I was hoping
you could help me with.

I'd like to meet so I could
tell you more in person.

I'm more than willing
to pay for your time.

X.O.X.O. Gossip Girl.