Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 3, Episode 8 - The Case for Butter - full transcript

CITING A LONG AND VARIED LIST
OF CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY,

INCLUDING TRAFFICKING
IN SATURATED FATS
AND CHOLESTEROL,

SOLICITING FUNNY FLAVORS
IN THE REFRIGERATOR,

AND BREAKING IN SAUCES,

A PETITION HAS BEEN FILED
WITH THIS COURT REQUESTING
THAT THE DEFENDANT

BE ERADICATED FROM
OUR CUISINE AND REPLACED
WITH MARGARINE

AND OTHER VARIOUS OILS.

NOW SINCE NO ONE HAS
OFFERED ANY TESTIMONY

AS TO WHY THIS FAT SHOULD
REMAIN IN OUR KITCHENS,

I HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO RULE...

(Alton Brown)
THIS TRIAL IS A MOCKERY!



WHAT?
THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR HONOR.

THIS WHOLESOME
AND VERSATILE FOOD,

THIS FRIEND TO
COOKS EVERYWHERE
STANDS WRONGLY ACCUSED.

I SAY THAT BUTTER HAS BEEN
SLANDERED BY THE DARK AGENTS
OF INDUSTRY AND MEDIA

AND MALIGNED BY
THE FRANTIC FEARS
OF A FAT-PHOBIC PUBLIC.

ARE YOU A LAWYER?

NO, BUT I'M PLAYING ONE
ON TV.

OH, WELL, CAN YOU
GIVE THIS COURT
ONE GOOD REASON

WHY BUTTER SHOULD EXIST
IN THIS AGE?

NO...
I CAN GIVE DOZENS.

ONE WILL SUFFICE.
FINE.

SAUCES.
WHAT ABOUT SAUCES?

YOUR HONOR, BUTTER
IS BASICALLY A SAUCE
WAITING TO HAPPEN.

YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY!
NO, YOUR HONOR.



I'M HERE TO PROVE THAT
I'M TALKING "GOOD EATS."

MAKE YOUR CASE,
COUNSELOR.

AHEM, ONE MOMENT.
COUNSELOR!

OF COURSE, YOUR HONOR
WE WOULD NOT BEGIN
TO BORE THE BENCH

WITH A STORY OF BUTTER'S
BOVINE BEGINNINGS,

BUT WE WOULD LIKE TO
ENLIGHTEN YOU ABOUT
THE TORTUROUS TRIP

FROM GUERNSEY
TO GROCERY.

THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE
AN ATTEMPT TO CHURN UP
SYMPATHY.

CHURN, THAT'S A GOOD
ONE, YOUR HONOR.

MAY I PRESENT EXHIBIT A.

TORN FROM
ITS MOTHER'S BREAST,

SEPARATED, SKIMMED,
PASTEURIZED,

THE MILK IS NOW CREAM,

NOTHING MORE THAN
MICROSCOPIC BLOBS
OF MILK FAT

FLOATING IN A UNIVERSE
OF WATER, ALONG WITH
SOME CASEIN, CALCIUM,

DISSOLVED SALTS,
THAT KIND OF THING.

SOME CREAM IS EVEN
INJECTED WITH BACTERIA.

DON'T EVEN TRY
THAT BACTERIA DEFENSE.

VERY WELL,
ALLOW ME TO REPHRASE.

YOUR HONOR, BUTTER
BASICALLY COMES IN THREE
DISTINCT MARKET VARIETIES

IN THIS COUNTRY.

THERE IS, FOR INSTANCE,
EXHIBIT B -- UNSALTED
OR SWEET BUTTER.

WRAPPED IN FOIL, USUALLY,
SO IT DOES NOT GO RANCID.

THEN OF COURSE, EXHIBIT C --
LIGHTLY SALTED OR
SWEET CREAM BUTTER.

SINCE THE SALT HELPS
PRESERVE IT, IT DOESN'T
HAVE TO BE IN FOIL.

THEN OF COURSE, THERE
IS EXHIBIT D, EUROPEAN-STYLE
OR LACTIC BUTTER,

ALWAYS INOCULATED
WITH BACTERIA.

TO WHAT END?
FLAVOR, YOUR HONOR.

SEE, THE BACTERIA MAKES
THE CREAM THAT GOES INTO
THE BUTTER VERY TANGY.

LOOK AT IT THIS WAY,
IF YOU'RE GONNA INGEST
CALORIES FROM FAT,

YOU OUGHT TO MAKE IT COUNT,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
I SUPPOSE.

MAY I?
OH YES, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

NOW COMES TRIAL
BY CHURN.

EXHIBIT E, PLEASE.

YOUR HONOR,
NOW THE CREAM'S
MILK FAT

IS AGITATED
WITH SUCH VIOLENCE

THAT THE GLOBULES
SMASH TOGETHER,

THEIR MEMBRANES
RIP APART,

AND SOON BECOME
ONE GIANT MASS.

IMAGINE, IF YOU WILL,
BEING TURNED INSIDE OUT

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT
THIS DAIRY MUST ENDURE.

NOW WHERE ONCE WE HAD
LITTLE GLOBULES OF FAT
FLOATING AROUND IN A LIQUID,

WE NOW HAVE LITTLE
DROPLETS OF WATER
IN A SOLID PHASE.

DO YOU HAVE SOME BOWLS,
YOUR HONOR?
YES, I HAVE SOME BOWLS.

VERY, VERY GOOD.

THAT SOLID PHASE, OF COURSE,
IS WHAT WE CALL BUTTER.

BUT THERE'S AN AWFUL
LOT OF LIQUID LEFT OVER.

AND THAT IS WHAT WAS
TRADITIONALLY CALLED
BUTTERMILK.

MMMM.
I WOULDN'T DRINK THAT,
IF I WERE YOU.

IT'S USUALLY USED
AS LIVESTOCK FEED.

OF COURSE, SALT IS GENERALLY
ADDED TO THE YOUNG BUTTER
AT THIS POINT,

BOTH AS A PRESERVATIVE
AND OF COURSE,
FOR FLAVOR.

MAY I?
ENJOY.

IT TASTES LIKE BUTTER.
RUDIMENTARY, BUT YES.

OF COURSE, COMMERCIAL BUTTERS
STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO.

EXHIBIT F, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

AHEM, PROJECTION.

DEPOSITION NUMBER ONE.

WE'RE HERE IN CARLISLE,
PENNSYLVANIA,

AT THE CARLISLE,
PENNSYLVANIA, LAND O'LAKES
BUTTER FACTORY.

HERE BEHIND ME IS GENERAL
MANAGER BILL SCHREIBER.

WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT
WHAT HE KNOWS.

MR. SCHREIBER,
WHAT MAKES GREAT BUTTER?
GREAT BUTTER COMES
FROM GREAT CREAM.

WHAT MAKES GREAT CREAM?
HMM.

GREAT CREAM COMES
FROM GREAT MILK,

AND WE HAVE GREAT MILK
THAT WE SUPPLY
INTO THIS FACILITY.

WE HAVE ABOUT 2,600
OR 2,700 FARMER MEMBERS

THAT SUPPLY MILK TO
LAND O'LAKES EASTERN
OPERATIONS.

WE HAVE A WHOLE TEAM
OF PEOPLE THAT GOES OUT
AND INSPECTS THESE FARMS

TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE
MEETING ALL THE HYGIENE
AND SANITARY STANDARDS

NECESSARY TO PRODUCE
GREAT MILK.

ONCE WE ENSURE THAT WE
HAVE HIGH-QUALITY MILK,

THEN WE SEPARATE
THAT MILK INTO
SKIM AND CREAM.

WE HAVE A CENTRIFUGAL
MACHINE TO DO THAT,

AND THE MACHINE SPINS
AT ABOUT 4,000 RPMs.

WE STARTED
WITH 3 1/2 PERCENT FAT
IN THE MILK,

AND WHAT WE END UP WITH
IS CREAM THAT'S ABOUT
42 PERCENT FAT.

THEN WE'LL
PASTEURIZE THAT.

WE PASTEURIZE IT
AT 190 DEGREES,

AND WE HOLD IT
FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS.

THEN WE'LL TAKE
THAT CREAM AND
WE'LL COOL IT DOWN

TO A TEMPERATURE THAT IS
LESS THAN 45 DEGREES,

AND WE'LL PUT IT
INTO A CREAM SILO.

THAT'S WHERE WE GET
FAT CRYSTALS.
CRYSTALS?

CRYSTALS, RIGHT,
WE WANT TO FORM
CRYSTALS.

FAT CRYSTALS?
WE WANT TO FORM
FAT CRYSTALS.

THAT TAKES, AGAIN, ABOUT
SIX TO EIGHT HOURS

AND THOSE CRYSTALS WILL
HAVE A TENDENCY TO STICK
TO EACH OTHER.

THAT'S WHAT WE WANT,
THAT'S THE QUALITY
WE'RE AFTER.

STICKY CRYSTALS?
STICKY CRYSTALS
IS WHERE IT'S AT.

THAT'S A GOOD THING
FOR BUTTER.
IT'S A GOOD THING
FOR BUTTER BECAUSE

STICKY CRYSTALS
STICK TOGETHER.

AND WE WANT AS MUCH
OF THE FAT FROM THAT
SILO OF CREAM

TO END UP ON THE BUTTER
SIDE OF THE EQUATION

AS OPPOSED TO THE
BUTTERMILK SIDE
OF THE EQUATION.

I SEE,
SO WHAT'S CHURNING
REALLY ABOUT?

WELL, WE HAVE
A CONTINUOUS CHURNING
PROCESS,

WHICH BASICALLY MEANS
THAT THE 42-PERCENT FAT
CREAM

IS PUMPED INTO
WHAT'S CALLED A
CHURNING SECTION.

IN THE CHURNING SECTION,
WHAT WE DO IS,

WE TAKE CREAM, WHICH IS
BASICALLY FAT THAT'S
WRAPPED IN WATER,

AND WE PUT IT AGAINST
AN ABRASIVE SURFACE,

AND WE LIBERATE THE FAT.

LIBERATE THE FAT?
RIGHT.

SO AT THAT POINT,
WE HAVE FAT GLOBULES

WHICH ARE ESSENTIALLY
BUTTER,

AND WE HAVE BUTTERMILK,
THE BUTTERMILK BEING
THE WATER BASE.

NOW THAT WE'VE MADE
BUTTERMILK AND BUTTER,

WE SEPARATE THE BUTTER
AND BUTTERMILK.

ONCE WE'VE DONE THAT,
THEN WE TAKE THE
REMAINING BUTTER

AND WE PUT IT THROUGH
THE WORKING SECTION
OF THE CHURN.

THIS IS WHERE WE REALLY
START TO DEVELOP
THE CONSISTENCY

SO THAT IT RESEMBLES
THE BUTTER THAT YOU'VE
COME TO EXPECT

WHEN YOU PUT IT ON
YOUR TABLE AT HOME.

THEN WE GO INTO WHAT'S
CALLED A BUTTER BOAT.

A BUTTER BOAT IS
A WIDE SPOT IN THE
LINE, IF YOU WILL,

PRIOR TO THE TIME THAT
WE FEED THIS BUTTER

INTO THE VARIOUS
PROCESSING LINES.

I SEE, SO FROM THERE
YOU JUST EXTRUDE IT

AND PACKAGE IT
INTO WHATEVER FORM
YOU NEED, RIGHT?
REALLY, THAT'S IT.

WE'LL MAKE 1/4-POUND
STICKS OUT OF IT,

PUT IT IN
A ONE-POUND BOX,

AND WHEN YOU SEE IT
IN THE STORE,

IT'S IN A LITTLE
YELLOW BOX
OR A LITTLE BLUE BOX.

AT ANY TIME DURING
THIS PROCESS, DO YOU ADD
THINGS TO THE CREAM OR BUTTER?

TO BUTTER?
NO --

WELL, WE ADD SALT,
THAT'S PART
OF THE PROCESS.

BUTTER HAS A SALT
CONTENT OF ABOUT
1.2 TO 1.4 PERCENT.

NO FUNKY CHEMICALS
WITH STRANGE NAMES?
NO FUNKY CHEMICALS,

JUST SWEET CREAM FROM
HIGH-QUALITY MILK AND
A LITTLE BIT OF SALT.

LIGHTS, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

YOUR HONOR, THE RESULTING
BUTTER, BY LAW,

IS AT LEAST
80 PERCENT BUTTERFAT.

HOWEVER, HIGH-END BUTTER
GOES AS HIGH AS 88 PERCENT
BUTTERFAT,

AND I MIGHT ADD THAT
IF YOUR HONOR'S MARKET
DOESN'T CARRY THESE BUTTERS,

I CAN HOOK YOU UP.

REALLY?
ABSOLUTELY.

LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT
DEFENSE COUNSEL TRIED
TO BRIBE THE BENCH.

THE REMAINING MASS
IS MOSTLY WATER,

PLUS SMALL AMOUNTS OF
PROTEIN, LACTOSE, GLYCERIDES,

AND PHOSPHOLIPIDS,
INCLUDING LECITHIN.

LECI-WHO?
LECITHIN, AN EMULSIFIER,
YOUR HONOR.

IT'S ALSO FOUND
IN EGG YOLKS.

IT HELPS HOLD SAUCES
LIKE BEURRE BLANC TOGETHER.

THE POINT IS, IS THAT
BUTTER IS COMPLETELY
NATURAL.

SO NATURAL, IN FACT,
THAT IT FALLS UNDER
THE WATCHFUL EYE

OF MY FIRST WITNESS...

THE DAIRY DIVISION
OF THE UNITED STATES
DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE

INSPECTS DAIRIES AND
BUTTER-PRODUCTION FACILITIES

TO ENSURE A WHOLESOME
PRODUCT AND SANITARY
CONDITIONS.

GRADES OF AA, A, OR B
ARE AWARDED

BASED ON FLAVOR,
BODY COLOR, SPREADABILITY,
AND SALT CONTENT.

AA BUTTERS ARE MILD
AND SMOOTH-SPREADING.

A-GRADE BUTTERS HAVE A
SLIGHTLY ROUGHER TEXTURE

WHILE B-GRADES CRACK
RATHER THAN SPREAD

AND TEND TOWARDS
A SLIGHT ACIDITY,

WHICH SOME BAKERS
SEEM TO LIKE.

TO BE CERTAIN THAT
A BRAND HAS PASSED
GOVERNMENT SCRUTINY

ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE USDA
SHIELD AND GRADE
ON THE PACKAGE.

AND WHAT ABOUT
MARGARINE?
SIR, MARGARINE IS A
MANUFACTURED PRODUCT

AND THEREFORE OUTSIDE
MY JURISDICTION.

IF BUTTER IS SO CAREFULLY
GRADED, THEN HOW COME

I PULLED A STICK OUT
OF MY FRIDGE A FEW WEEKS AGO
THAT TASTED LIKE YAK BACK.

SIR, I WOULDN'T TRY TO
PIN THAT ONE ON THE
FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

WHO'S FAULT IS IT?

(Alton)
THE DISTRIBUTOR'S,
THE MARKET'S,

MAYBE EVEN YOURS,
YOUR HONOR.

YOU SEE, NOTHING MATTERS
MORE TO MY CLIENT
THAN FRESHNESS.

IF MISHANDLED ON THE ROAD,
IN THE STORE, OR IN THE HOME,

EVEN TOP-GRADE BUTTER
WILL OXIDIZE.

OXIDIZE?
EXACTLY.

THE BUTTERFAT REACTS WITH
THE OXYGEN FROM THE AIR

OR FROM THE WATER
INSIDE THE BUTTER ITSELF
TO CREATE BUTYRIC ACID.

THAT LEADS TO RANCIDITY,
AND RANCIDITY TASTES LIKE...
YAK BACK.

OLD, WET YAK BACK,
TO BE EXACT.

THIS IS WHY,
YOUR HONOR,

SO MANY MANUFACTURERS
CHOOSE TO WRAP THEIR
UNSALTED BUTTER IN FOIL --

TO KEEP THE AIR OUT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT
THE SALTED?

AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT
A LITTLE SALT IN THE MIXTURE,
THE REACTION CAN'T HAPPEN.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WRAP IT IN FOIL.

OF COURSE, IF YOUR HONOR
IS REALLY INTERESTED
IN BUTTER FRESHNESS...

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
DEFENSE EXHIBIT G --

A ONE-POUND BOX
OF BUTTER.

YOU'LL NOTICE, YOUR HONOR,
THAT THERE IS A DATE EMBOSSED
ON THE BOTTOM OF THIS BOX.

DO YOU SEE THAT,
YOUR HONOR?
YES.

THANK YOU... YOU'LL NOTICE
THAT THAT DATE IS ALMOST
ALWAYS FOUR MONTHS

FROM THE ACTUAL DAY
THE BUTTER WAS MADE.

THIS IS HOW YOU CAN
TELL IF YOU'RE GETTING
REALLY FRESH BUTTER.

JUST LOOK AT THE DATE,
SUBTRACT FOUR MONTHS,

AND YOU'LL KNOW THE DAY
THAT IT WAS MADE.

I WOULDN'T PUSH IT
MUCH BEYOND THIS DATE
EVEN IF I FROZE IT.

YOU CAN'T FREEZE BUTTER!
YOU CAN FREEZE BUTTER,
YOUR HONOR -- I DO IT
ALL THE TIME.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I ONLY KEEP ONE STICK
IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

EVERYTHING ELSE IS IN
A ZIP-TOP BAG IN THE FREEZER.

THAT'S ALL
WELL AND GOOD,

BUT WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO ABOUT
THIS SAUCE DEFENSE?

HOW ABOUT MAGIC?

BEURRE BLANC,
OR WHITE BUTTER,

COMES AS CLOSE TO CULINARY
MAGIC AS YOU CAN GET.

START WEAVING THE SPELL
BY ADDING ONE LARGE
OR TWO SMALL SHALLOTS,

CHOPPED FINE,
TO A PAN.

(judge)
WHAT EXACTLY
IS THIS SHALLOT?

STRUCTURALLY, IT'S LIKE...
WELL, IMAGINE IF AN ONION
AND A HEAD OF GARLIC

GOT TOGETHER AND GOT MARRIED
AND HAD A KID.

IS THAT LEGAL?
(sighs)
THE KID WOULD BE
A SHALLOT.

THEY'RE MADE UP OF CLOVES,
LIKE GARLIC,

BUT EACH ONE IS FORMED
FROM CONCENTRIC LEAVES,
LIKE AN ONION.

WHAT ABOUT FLAVOR?
SHALLOTS ARE MORE AROMATIC
THAN EITHER OF THEIR PARENTS,

AND THEY WON'T PLAY HAVOC
WITH YOUR BREATH.

ADD EIGHT OUNCES OF WHITE WINE
AND TWO OUNCES OF LEMON JUICE
TO THE SHALLOTS

AND PUT THE WHOLE THING
OVER HIGH HEAT.

THIS MIXTURE SOUNDS
SUSPICIOUSLY ACIDIC.

WELL, JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL
IT'S REDUCED AU SEC.

WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
IT'S FRENCH, YOUR HONOR,
FOR ALMOST DRY.

BY THE WAY, YOU ALWAYS WANT
TO DO THIS IN A STAINLESS STEEL
OR OTHER NON-REACTIVE VESSEL.
AHEM, OF COURSE.

GLAD YOU GOT THAT.

ONCE THE LIQUID IS REDUCED
TO A COUPLE OF TABLESPOONS,

IT'S TIME TO TAKE OUT
SOME EMULSION INSURANCE,
A TABLESPOON OF CREAM.

I THOUGHT THIS TRIAL
WAS ABOUT BUTTER!

THE CREAM'S EMULSIFIERS
WILL HELP GET THE SAUCE GOING.

AS SOON AS IT BUBBLES,
REDUCE THE HEAT TO LOW.

NOW COMES THE MAGIC.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.

YOU'LL NEED 6 OUNCES,
THAT'S 12 TABLESPOONS,

OR A STICK AND A HALF
OF COLD, UNSALTED BUTTER
CUT INTO CHUNKS.

ADD THE CHUNKS
ONE AT A TIME,

WHISKING FIRST ON
THEN OFF THE HEAT.

OFF THE HEAT?
YOU CALL THAT COOKING?

IF THE SAUCE GOES BEYOND
130 DEGREES,

THE MEMBRANES SURROUNDING
THE FAT GLOBULES

WILL COLLAPSE,
LEAVING YOU WITH
AN OIL SLICK.

ADDING COLD BUTTER
AND WORKING ON AND OFF THE HEAT
WILL PREVENT THAT.

FINE, NOW WHY ALL THIS
WHISKING?

AS THE BUTTER MELTS,
THE WHISK SMASHES THE FAT
INTO LITTLE GLOBULES,

BASICALLY TURNING THE
BUTTER BACK INTO CREAM --

THAT IS, FAT DROPLETS
DISPERSED IN WATER,

ONLY OUR WATER IS
SUPER-SATURATED WITH FLAVOR.
HMM, I SEE.

AS SOON AS THE PREVIOUS
CHUNKS ARE ALMOST GONE,

RETURN THE PAN TO THE HEAT
AND ADD MORE BUTTER.

I USED ABOUT A STICK OF BUTTER
PER TABLESPOON OF REDUCTION,

BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THAT
TO YOUR TASTE.

COUNSELOR, EVEN I KNOW
YOU CAN'T PLAY

FOOTLOOSE AND
FANCY-FREE WITH SAUCES.
YOU CAN WITH THIS ONE

BECAUSE AS THE BUTTER MELTS,
ITS OWN WATER AND EMULSIFIERS
JOIN THE PARTY.

AS SOON AS THE BUTTER'S
ALL IN, SEASON WITH SALT
AND WHITE PEPPER,

EITHER SERVE IT CHUNKY
OR STRAINED,

AND JUST SPOON OVER SAY...
A PIECE OF POACHED SALMON
MAYBE.

OF COURSE, THERE'S A LOT
OF OTHER OPTIONS.

YOU COULD SERVE IT OVER
EGGS, ASPARAGUS, ANY PLACE
WHERE A CREAMY TEXTURE

AND A LITTLE BIT OF TANG
WOULD BE WELCOMED.

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
SERVE IT RIGHT AWAY,

GET IT OFF THE HEAT
AND INTO A THERMOS.

ENJOY.

MMM, DELICIOUS.
THANK YOU.

THIS COURT FINDS YOU
IN CONTEMPT!!

CONTEMPT!?
FOR WHAT?

ENDANGERING MY HEALTH
WITH BUTTER.

EVERYONE KNOWS
MARGARINE IS BETTER
FOR YOUR HEALTH.

OH, IS THAT SO?

WELL, I CALL
MY NEXT WITNESS.

YES, DOCTOR JOHNSON,
IS IT?

HOW WOULD YOU CHARACTERIZE
YOUR PROFESSION'S
PAST ATTITUDE

TOWARDS MY CLIENT?
REALLY, REALLY MEAN.

"REALLY MEAN,"
HA HA, REALLY?

DID YOU, THROUGH A MAJORITY
OF THE 20th CENTURY,

ADVOCATE THE USE
OF MARGARINE?
OH, YEAH.

WHAT ABOUT NOW?
WELL...

(judge)
ANSWER THE QUESTION, DOCTOR.

WELL, IT TURNS OUT
THAT MARGARINE
CONTAINS STUFF.
"STUFF"?

EXACTLY WHAT KIND
OF STUFF?

(mumbles)

I'M SORRY,
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
TRANS-FATTY ACIDS.

"TRANS-FATTY ACIDS,"
I SEE.

WOULD YOU CHARACTERIZE
THESE TRANS-FATTY ACIDS

AS PARTICULARLY HEALTHFUL?

NO, NOT NECESSARILY.

"NOT NECESSARILY,"
I SEE.

SO CAN YOU STILL SAY
THEN THAT MARGARINE

IS BETTER FOR YOU
THAN BUTTER?

(judge)
REMEMBER, DOCTOR,
YOU'RE UNDER OATH.

NO, NOT NECESSARILY.
"NO, NOT NECESSARILY."

THANK YOU, DOCTOR,
YOU MAY RETURN
TO THE GOLF COURSE.

(judge)
GOOD ARGUMENT,
COUNSELOR.

BUT YOU KNOW, I REALLY
LOVE THOSE TUB SPREADS

WITH THE DIFFERENT
FLAVORS IN THEM.

THAT'S KIND OF SAD,

BUT HOLD ONTO YOUR WIG

AND WAIT FOR
MY CLOSING ARGUMENT.

(Alton)
COMPOUND BUTTER IS AS
MULTI-USE AS SAUCE GETS.

START BY CUBING A POUND --
THAT'S FOUR STICKS --
OF SALTED BUTTER

AND SET IT ASIDE
TO SOFTEN.

NEXT, GRAB
YOUR FOOD PROCESSOR

AND POUR IN THREE
TO FOUR TABLESPOONS
OF EXTRA-VIRGIN OLIVE OIL.

OLIVE OIL?

WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE BUTTER?

RELAX, IT'S JUST
FOR FLAVOR.

WATCH YOUR TONE.

NOW HERE COME THE CHIVES --
TWO TABLESPOONS,
TO BE EXACT.

SINCE THEY'RE PRETTY STEMMY,
GO AHEAD AND GIVE THEM A SPIN.

IN THE CAR?
IN THE FOOD PROCESSOR.

OF COURSE.
FOLLOW THIS WITH THREE
TABLESPOONS OF ASSORTED
FRESH HERBS.

I LIKE THYME, ROSEMARY,
AND SAGE.

I JUST LOVE THAT SONG.
THAT'S NICE.

OKAY, PROCESS UNTIL
THE OIL TURNS GREEN.

WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE
A PROCESSOR?

WELL, JUST MINCE THE HERBS
AS FINE AS YOU CAN

AND LET THEM STEEP IN THE OIL
FOR AN HOUR OR SO.

NOW HERE COMES THE BUTTER.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.

IF YOUR MIXER HAS A WHIP
ATTACHMENT, USE IT.

IF NOT, GO WITH THE PADDLE
OR THE BEATER,

IT'LL JUST TAKE
A LITTLE LONGER.

NOW ADD THE BUTTER
AND BEAT ON LOW,
JUST TO GET THINGS LOOSE.

THEN THROTTLE UP
TO HIGH UNTIL THE BUTTER
LIGHTENS IN COLOR

AND INCREASES SLIGHTLY
IN VOLUME... SAY FIVE
TO SEVEN MINUTES.

WHY DOES IT
INCREASE IN VOLUME?
BECAUSE IT'S FULL
OF AIR.

AND THAT'S
A GOOD THING?
YEAH,

BECAUSE IT'S EASIER TO
INTRODUCE INGREDIENTS INTO
SOMETHING LIGHT AND FLUFFY

THAN IT IS INTO SOMETHING
HARD AND DENSE.

ALSO, WHIPPED BUTTER WILL
SPREAD EASILY RIGHT OUT
OF THE FRIDGE

AND MELT QUICKLY
ON SAY, PARKER HOUSE ROLLS.

OH, MY FAVORITE!
GREAT, BUT THAT'S
ANOTHER SHOW.

(judge)
PLEASE CONTINUE WITH
YOUR ARGUMENT,
COUNSELOR.

(Alton)
THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

WHEN THE BUTTER IS LIGHT
AND FLUFFY, IT'S TIME
TO ADD THE OIL.

THEN JUST WHIP IT
LONG ENOUGH TO FULLY
INCORPORATE IT INTO THE BUTTER.

IF YOU SEE ANY MELTED
BUTTER IN THE BOTTOM
OF THE BOWL,

YOU HAVE OVER-ACHIEVED.

JUST PUT THE BOWL AND THE WHISK
INTO THE FREEZER FOR A COUPLE
MINUTES AND START AGAIN.

OH, WAIT,
HERE COMES THE COOL PART.

THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE
ONE OF YOUR
RED HERRINGS.
NO, YOUR HONOR,

BUT, ACTUALLY, THIS
WOULD BE GOOD ON HERRING.

ANYWAY, JUST SCOOP
THE BUTTER OUT INTO A MOUND

ON THE END OF A SHEET
OF PARCHMENT OR WAX PAPER.

THEN WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
IS GRAB THE FAR END
OF THE PAPER

AND FOLD IT OVER
THE MOUND, LIKE THAT.

YOU GOT THAT?
MM-HMM.

GOOD, THEN TAKE A BAKING
SHEET OR A COOKIE SHEET,

PUSH IT OVER THE PAPER,
HOLD THE BOTTOM PAPER,

AND PUSH THE PAN
OUT INTO A TUBE,
YOU SEE?
VERY CLEVER, INDEED.

THEN I JUST ROLL IT UP,
POP A RUBBER BAND
ON EACH END AND REFRIGERATE,

OR YOU COULD WRAP IT
IN A LAYER OF FOIL

AND FREEZE IT
FOR UP TO TWO MONTHS.

THE FOIL WILL FOIL
THOSE FUNKY FREEZER FLAVORS.

GIVE IT A FEW HOURS TO SET,
SLICE OFF MEDALLIONS,

AND SAUCE ANYTHING.
ANYTHING?

ANYTHING.
FILET MIGNON?

YOU WANT FILET MIGNON?
YES.

HAVE SOME FILET MIGNON.

CHICKEN?
ABSOLUTELY,
WE CAN DO CHICKEN.

FISH?
WE CAN DO FISH.

ACTUALLY, FISH AND BUTTER
ARE GREAT PALS.

WHAT ABOUT BUTTERING
A ROLL?
OF COURSE YOU WANT
SOME BUTTERED ROLLS.

WHAT IF I WANT
SOMETHING SWEET?

WELL, IF YOU WANT SOMETHING
SWEET, I'VE GOT IT,

BUT I DO SUGGEST THAT
YOU WHIP THE BUTTER
JUST AS BEFORE,

AND THEN DRIZZLE IN ABOUT
1/4 CUP OF GOOD HONEY,

ALONG WITH, SAY, 1/2 TEASPOON
OF GROUND CINNAMON

AND 1/2 TEASPOON
OF VANILLA EXTRACT.

OF COURSE, THE POSSIBILITIES
ARE ENDLESS.

FOR INSTANCE, SUN-DRIED
TOMATO AND THYME BUTTER

WILL TAKE PASTA PLACES
IT NEVER DREAMED.

DRIED MUSHROOMS SOAKED
IN COGNAC WITH CHIVES
IS GREAT FOR SAUTEED MUSHROOMS.

OF COURSE, MINCED GARLIC
AND CRUSHED OLIVES ARE
A FAVORITE OF MINE

ON GRILLED FISH.

THEN OF COURSE, THERE'S
SALMON AND DILL BUTTER,

WHICH IS GOOD ON JUST
ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE.

DELICIOUS.

SUMMATION.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BUTTER IS GOOD.

BUTTER WORKS.

IF WE BUY IT FRESH,
HANDLE IT CORRECTLY,

PAY ATTENTION
TO ITS NEEDS,

IT WILL REWARD US
WITH GOOD EATS APLENTY.

CASE DISMISSED!