Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Remains of the Bird - full transcript

(phone ringing)

(Alton Brown)
HELLO?

OH, ALTON, I JUST DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO DO... MY
NAME'S GONNA BE MUD!

MARSHA?
OH.
WAIT, SLOW DOWN.

PLEASE, YOU'VE
GOT TO HELP ME!!

WELL, I WAS AT
THE LOCKSON LATTé,

AND I GUESS I SET THEM DOWN
AT THE CHAIR NEXT TO ME!

WELL, GO BACK
AND GET THEM.

I DID, SILLY!
THEY WERE GONE!!

WELL, THEN GO HOME
AND BAKE SOME MORE.

I'M NEVER GONNA MAKE THE
LADIES' LUNCHEON BY NOON.



PLEASE, YOU'VE
GOT TO HELP ME.

YOU KNOW, I'VE
ALWAYS WONDERED,

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A LUNCH AND A
LUNCHEON, ANYWAY?

THIS IS NO
JOKE, BUSTER!

I SHOW UP WITHOUT
THOSE COOKIES, I'VE
GOT TO LEAVE TOWN.

YEAH... PERMANENTLY?

YOU KNOW...
I DON'T NEED YOU.

I CAN BUY SOME
COOKIES AT THE MARKET.

PROBABLY BETTER
THAN YOURS, ANYWAY...

(steaming)
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
SO YOU'LL DO IT?

WHAT KIND?

CHOCOLATE CHIP...

AND THEY HAD THIS
PRETTY LITTLE PINK...
I DON'T DO PINK.

OKAY, WELL, I'M AT THE
CORNER OF CROCKER AND HINES.



MAKE 'EM FAST,
AND MAKE 'EM GOOD...
EATS?

OH, YOU AND
THAT SILLY SHOW!

JUST MAKE THE
COOKIES, WILL YA?

ALL RIGHT.

(Alton)
HAVING MIRED HERSELF
IN YET ANOTHER

SOCIOCULINARY QUAGMIRE,

MY HALF-WITTED SISTER
HAS TURNED TO "GOOD EATS"

FOR SALVATION.

STEP ONE, RECIPE RETRIEVAL.

EVER SINCE RUTH WAKEFIELD

TRADED HER FAMOUS
TOLLHOUSE COOKIE RECIPE

TO THE NESTLE CORPORATION

IN EXCHANGE FOR A LIFETIME
SUPPLY OF CHOCOLATE,

THE RECIPE ON THE
BACK OF THIS BAG

HAS SERVED AS
THE MAGNA CARTA

OF AMERICAN COOKIE BAKING.

NOW I BREAK THIS OUT
EVERY SINGLE TIME I MAKE
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES,

WHICH IS NOT TO SAY
I ALWAYS MAKE

THE SAME CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES.

'CAUSE YOU SEE, AS LONG
AS YOU'VE GOT

A LITTLE CUSTOMIZING KNOW-HOW,

YOU CAN BASICALLY ADOPT ANY
GOOD, SOLID COOKIE RECIPE

TO SUIT YOUR--OR YOUR
LAME-BRAIN SISTER'S--

PARTICULAR NEEDS.

NOW MY LEGAL DEPARTMENT
HAS WARNED ME

NOT TO ACTUALLY READ
THIS RECIPE ON AIR,

SO IF YOU WANT TO
KNOW WHERE WE DEVIATE,

JUST GRAB A BAG AND
FOLLOW ALONG AT HOME.

BUT KEEP YOUR MITTS
OFF THE CHIPS...

WE NEED 'EM.

KNOWING MY SISTER'S PENCHANT
FOR ALL THINGS SKINNY,

I'VE DECIDED TO EXECUTE
THE THIN AND CRISPY

CHOCOLATE CHIP
COOKIE VARIATION.

IT ALL STARTS
WITH 2 1/4 CUPS

OF BLEACHED,
ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR,

SIFTED TOGETHER WITH A TEASPOON
EACH OF SALT AND BAKING SODA,

PLUS JUST A PINCH
MORE BAKING SODA.

SIFTING NOW WILL MEAN
BETTER LEAVENING LATER.

NOW I'M A LITTLE PUSHED
FOR TIME, SO I'M GONNA

TURN THIS OVER TO A
NOTED COOKIE COLLEAGUE.

YOU MAY KNOW HIS
BROTHER FROM...

I TOLD YOU NEVER TO
MENTION THAT RUFFIAN.

ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT
COOKIES IS HOW TO SHOVEL
THEM INTO HIS FACE.

OH, YEAH,
SORRY... I FORGOT.

PLEASE, CONTINUE.

NOW BAKING SODA, YOU SEE,

REDUCES THE ACIDITY
OF THE BATTER,

THUS RAISING THE TEMPERATURE
AT WHICH THE BATTER SETS.

SO IF YOU DESIRE
A FLATTER COOKIE,

INCREASING THE SODA
CALLED FOR IN THE RECIPE,

BY UP TO HALF, WOULD
BE APPROPRIATE.

AND NOW, THE WET STUFF...

ONE EGG MIXED WITH TWO
OUNCES OF WHOLE MILK.

(Wilfred D. Cookie)
HA! SPLENDID SHOT.
THANK YOU.

AND 1 1/2 TEASPOON
OF VANILLA EXTRACT...

MIX THOROUGHLY...

AND BRING TO
ROOM TEMPERATURE.

SINCE EGGS TEND TO PUFF
RATHER THAN SPREAD,

REPLACING ONE OR ALL
OF THE EGGS WITH MILK

WILL PROMOTE SPREADING.

(Alton)
NOW THAT THE DRY GOODS AND
THE WET WORKS ARE ASSEMBLED,

IT'S TIME TO CREAM
TWO STICKS OF BUTTER

IN YOUR TRUSTY STAND MIXER.

BEAUTY, ISN'T IT?

JUST GET THAT
RIGHT IN THERE.

AND START IT OUT ON LOW.

NOTHING AFFECTS A
COOKIE'S TEXTURE

MORE THAN THE MELTING
CHARACTERISTICS OF ITS FAT.

BUTTER HAS A SHARP
MELTING POINT,

MEANING THAT THERE ARE JUST
A FEW DEGREES' DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN SOLID
AND LIQUID STATES.

SO SINCE CONVERSION OCCURS AT
A RELATIVELY LOW TEMPERATURE,

THE RESULTING BATTER
SPREADS PRIOR TO SETTING.

(Alton)
AHHHHH!

OLD BLUE...

HE'S GONE.
WHAT A MORON.

W, W!

OLD BLUE DIED.

W!
DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO DONATE
THAT THING TO A MUSEUM?

W, I AIN'T GOT TIME
TO PLEAD, OKAY?

A LOT HAS CHANGED SINCE
YOUR GRANDMOTHER WON
THAT CLUNKER IN BINGO.

IT WAS A RAFFLE!

TRADITIONAL BLADE
MIXERS LIKE OLD BLUE

WERE NOTHING MORE THAN
MOTORIZED EGG BEATERS.
SO?

EVER TRY KNEADING A BREAD
DOUGH WITH AN EGG BEATER?
NO.

THE BEST OF TODAY'S MIXERS
FEATURE A SINGLE POST

DRIVEN BY A
PLANETARY MOVEMENT,

AND ARE CAPABLE OF HOSTING
AN ARRAY OF INTERCHANGEABLE
ATTACHMENTS.

OH, PLANETARY MEANS THE
POST SPINS ON ITS AXIS

WHILE ORBITING AROUND
AN EXTERIOR POINT
AT THE SAME TIME.

LIKE THE MOON TRAVELS
AROUND THE EARTH, RIGHT?

NICE TO SEE YOU'VE DONE
YOUR HOMEWORK FOR ONCE.

ALSO, YOU WANT A
STURDY WORK BOWL

THAT LOCKS INTO PLACE.

OLD BLUE HAD A
SPINNING BOWL.

AERATING A BATTER

OR DEVELOPING A BREAD
DOUGH REQUIRES FRICTION.

AND THAT MEANS A
BOWL THAT STAYS PUT.

HEY, THIS ONE
REMINDS ME OF YOU.

EFFICIENT?
CRANKY.

PERSONALLY, I THINK
THE SWING-UP HEAD

ALLOWS FOR
BETTER BOWL ACCESS.

YOU CAN EVEN REMOVE THE BOWL
WITHOUT DISMANTLING THE BEATERS.

A 300 WATT, VARIABLE-
SPEED POWER PLANT

DRIVES THE ACTION,

WHILE A ROCK-SOLID CHASSIS
AND A WIDE FOOTPRINT

PROVIDE QUIET
STABILITY.

BEAUTIFUL AND LETHAL.

ALL IN ALL, A LIFETIME
INVESTMENT THAT WON'T
BREAK THE BANK.

I'LL TAKE IT... JUST PUT
IT ON MY ACCOUNT, WILL YA?

THAT'LL BE CASH
FOR YOU, SIR.

OH, BOTHER.

BYE-BYE, OLD BLUE...
HA, HA, HA, HA, HA.
(crash)

IT REALLY IS BEST TO
MOVE ON, DON'T YOU THINK?

ON TO CREAMING THIS
TWO STICKS OF BUTTER.

WE'RE GONNA START
IT OFF ON LOW,

JUST TO LOOSEN IT UP.

AND GO AHEAD AND ADD
ONE CUP OF WHITE SUGAR.

THERE'S HALF A CUP,

AND ANOTHER HALF CUP.

AND HALF A CUP
OF BROWN SUGAR...

I LIKE TO USE THE
LIGHT-BROWN KIND,

BUT YOU CAN USE THE
DARK IF YOU LIKE.

IT SHOULD BE NOTED
THAT THE HIGHER RATIO

OF WHITE TO BROWN SUGAR

WILL ALSO LEND CRISPNESS
TO THE FINAL COOKIE.

THANK YOU, COOKIE FIEND,
FOR THAT CLARIFICATION.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

NOW THERE ARE A LOT OF COOKIE
RECIPES THAT CALL FOR

THIS BUSINESS OF CREAMING THE
BUTTER AND THE SUGAR TOGETHER

UNTIL LIGHT AND FLUFFY.

WHY BOTHER... AFTER
ALL, THE BUTTER WOULD
SOFTEN BY ITSELF, RIGHT?

WELL, IT WOULD, BUT ONLY
AS IT STARTED TO MELT.

AND OF COURSE, SINCE
BUTTER MELTS

RATHER QUICKLY
ONCE IT GETS SOFT,

THAT WOULD MEAN IT WOULD
SEPARATE--THERE'D BE
WATER AND FAT.

IT WOULD BE BAD.

BY WORKING COLD BUTTER
TOGETHER WITH THE SUGAR,

THE TINY, SHARP
SUGAR CRYSTALS

ACTUALLY CUT
INTO THE BUTTER,

CREATING VERY,
VERY SMALL BUBBLES.

AND THOSE BUBBLES WILL MAKE IT
EASIER FOR OTHER INGREDIENTS

TO INTEGRATE
INTO THE BATTER.

NOW THERE... THAT'S WHAT
CREAMING OUGHT TO LOOK LIKE.

ALL THE ADDED VOLUME
IS NOTHING BUT AIR.

NOW THE WORD CREAMING
ALSO REFERS TO

A GENERAL METHOD OF COOKIE
OR CAKE CONSTRUCTION.

A LOT OF PROFESSIONAL
RECIPES ARE NOTHING MORE

THAN AN INGREDIENT LIST FOLLOWED
BY THE WORDS, "CREAMING METHOD."

NOW IN COOKIEDOM, THAT
DENOTES A VERY SIMPLE,

BUT FIXED ORDER.

CREAM THE SUGAR
AND FAT TOGETHER

AT A RELATIVELY HIGH
SPEED UNTIL THEY ARE
LIGHT AND FLUFFY.

THEN REDUCE
THE MIXER SPEED,

AND SLOWLY AND
COMPLETELY INCORPORATE

THE EGGS AND THE LIQUID.

THEN, FINISH BY ADDING THE
DRY STUFF A LITTLE AT A TIME,

SCRAPING THE SIDES OF
THE BOWL AS YOU GO.

JUST LIKE THAT.

NOW STIR IN TWO CUPS OF
YOUR CHUNKS OF CHOICE--

IN OUR CASE, THE
CHOCOLATE MORSELS--

AND YOU ARE WELL BATTERED.

SET YOUR OVEN TO 375 ,

AND ARM FOR SCOOPING.

CONSISTENT SCOOPAGE IS
CRUCIAL IN COOKIE BAKING,

BECAUSE EVEN SMALL DISCREPANCIES
FROM COOKIE TO COOKIE

CAN RESULT IN ONE COOKIE
LOOKING LIKE A GLUEY GLOP,

WHILE ITS NEIGHBOR
RESEMBLES BURNT TREE BARK.

THE SECRET TO
CLONE-LIKE COOKIES

IS TO NOT DROP THEM
ON THE PAN WITH A SPOON.

USE A DISHER.

THOSE OF YOU THAT SAW
OUR CHOCOLATE SHOW,
"THE ART OF DARKNESS,"

ALREADY KNOW MY DEDICATION
TO THIS DELIVERY DEVICE.

NOW THIS IS A
NUMBER 20 DISHER,

WHICH MEANS EACH AND EVERY
ONE OF THE COOKIES IT SCOOPS

WILL BE A TWENTIETH
OF A QUART,

ROUGHLY ONE AND A HALF
OUNCES BY VOLUME.

IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY,

THE NUMBER'S USUALLY
ENGRAVED RIGHT ON THE SWEEPER.

THESE ARE AVAILABLE
GOOD AND CHEAP

AT YOUR LOCAL RESTAURANT
SUPPLY HOUSE,

AS ARE THESE HEAVY
ALUMINUM HALF-SHEET PANS,

AND SHEET PARCHMENT.

BY THE WAY, PARCHMENT
AND WAX PAPER

ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

PARCHMENT IS COATED
WITH SILICONE, OKAY,

WHICH IS THE SAME STUFF
USED TO CAULK BATHTUBS,

PATCH BOATS AND LUBRICATE
BIG INDUSTRIAL THINGS.

BESIDES POSSESSING EXCELLENT
RELEASE CHARACTERISTICS,

SILICONE IS EXTREMELY
HEAT RESISTANT,

UNLIKE THE WAX
IN WAX PAPER,

WHICH MELTS AND MAKES EVERYTHING
IT TOUCHES TASTE LIKE THESE.

THE OTHER GREAT THING
ABOUT BAKING ON PARCHMENT

IS THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY
COOKIES YOU PLAN ON BAKING,

YOU ONLY NEED TWO PANS,

BECAUSE YOU CAN JUST STAGE
EVERYTHING ON PARCHMENT

AND THEN SLIDE 'EM OFF
AND ON THE PANS AS YOU GO.

YOU CAN EVEN FREEZE THE
COOKIES ON PARCHMENT

AND COOK THEM LATER.

NOW REMEMBER, YOU GOT TO GIVE
THESE LITTLE GUYS ROOM TO GROW.

I NEVER PUT MORE THAN
SIX ON A PAN AT ONE TIME.

NOW HOW LONG ARE
THEY GONNA TAKE?

WELL, 13 TO 15 MINUTES,
DEPENDING ON YOUR OVEN.

BUT I ALWAYS START
CHECKING IN ON THEM

AFTER ABOUT, OH,
FIVE MINUTES.

THE REASON?
BROWNING.

DEPENDING ON YOUR OVEN, THE
BACK ONES MAY START TO BROWN

BEFORE THE FRONT ONES.

YOU MAY HAVE TO ROTATE THE
PANS A COUPLE OF TIMES.

OH, AND REMEMBER, THE
MORE PANS YOU PUT IN,

THE LONGER THE COOK TIME.

NOW WHEN IT COMES
TO DONENESS,

COOKIES HAVE A LOT IN
COMMON WITH CUSTARD,

WHICH IS THAT THEY SHOULD
COME OUT OF THE OVEN

BEFORE THEY LOOK
COMPLETELY DONE.

IN FACT, AS SOON AS THE EDGES

ARE KIND OF BROWN
AND CRISPY-LOOKING,

IT'S TIME TO BAIL.

IF THE CENTERS ARE
ALREADY HARD AND SET,

GUESS WHAT... THEY'RE
ALREADY BURNED!

THESE, HOWEVER, AREN'T.

ONCE THEY'RE OUT OF THE
OVEN, YOU WANT TO DE-PAN

AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

OTHERWISE, THE HEAT IN THE
PAN WILL CONTINUE TO COOK

THE BOTTOM OF THE COOKIE,
AND THAT ISN'T GOOD.

NOW ONCE THEY ARE
COMPLETELY COOLED,

YOU MOVE THEM TO WHATEVER
VESSEL YOU WOULD LIKE.

I GENERALLY JUST
ROLL THEM UP

AND POP THEM INTO MY FRIENDLY
NEIGHBORHOOD COOKIE JAR.

IN HERE, THEY'LL LAST, OH,
ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF,

AT LEAST, AROUND HERE.

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
A LONGER-TERM OPTION,

CONSIDER A ZIP-TOP BAG,

WHERE THEY'LL LAST AT ROOM
TEMPERATURE FOR A WEEK.

OR YOU CAN EVEN PUT THEM IN
A FREEZER BAG AND FREEZE THEM

FOR UP TO THREE MONTHS.

HA, HA, HA, HA... RIGHT!

(beep, beep)

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I COULD HAVE MADE COOKIES
FROM ROAD KILL BY NOW!

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HEY, YOU DROPPED A
STITCH RIGHT HERE.
VERY NICE.

VERY NICE?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
NOTHING.

IT'S JUST THAT MINE
ARE PUFFIER, FLUFFIER.

THESE ARE
FLAT AND CRUNCHY.

THEY'LL KNOW
THEY'RE NOT MINE.

WELL, THEY'RE
NOT YOURS!

PUFFY, FLUFFY... FINE!

(tires screeching)

A CUP OF BUTTER-FLAVORED
SHORTENING INTO THE BOWL,

ALONG WITH 3/4 OF A CUP

OF REGULAR, WHITE SUGAR,

AND ONE WHOLE CUP
OF BROWN SUGAR.

JUST PACK AND SWEEP,

AND PACK AND SWEEP.

NOW, IF YOU'RE CURIOUS
ABOUT THE CHANGE

FROM BUTTER TO SHORTENING,

WELL, IT'S A
CURIOUS THING.

WE BETTER ASK BIG
GREEN OVER THERE.

HEY, BIG GREEN, WHAT'S
WITH THE SHORTENING?

WELL, SHORTENING MELTS AT A
HIGHER TEMPERATURE THAN BUTTER,

SO IT REMAINS SOLID LONGER,

GIVING THE BATTER
TIME TO RISE AND SET

BEFORE IT SPREADS--HA!

INCREASING THE RATIO
OF BROWN TO WHITE SUGAR

ALSO CREATES A
MORE TENDER COOKIE.

NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!

YOU GOT TO GIVE IT TO
HIM... HE KNOWS HIS STUFF.

NOW WHILE THAT'S CREAMING,

WE CONCENTRATE
ON THE DRY GOODS--

TWO AND A QUARTER
CUPS OF CAKE FLOUR

SIFTED TOGETHER WITH
A TEASPOON OF SALT

AND A TEASPOON AND A
HALF OF BAKING POWDER.

THAT'S A LOT OF
CHANGES THERE.

WHY?
WHY!!

THE LOWER-PROTEIN
CAKE FLOUR

WILL TIE UP
LESS MOISTURE,

MAKING IT AVAILABLE
FOR STEAM PRODUCTION.

STEAM WILL LIFT THE
BATTER IN THE OVEN,

PRODUCING A FLUFFY,
CAKE-LIKE BATTER.

SWITCHING FROM BAKING
POWDER TO SODA

ENHANCES FLUFFINESS BY
CREATING AN ACIDIC BATTER,

WHICH WILL SET QUICKER
AND SPREAD LESS.

NOW AS SOON AS YOUR
SHORTENING AND SUGAR

ARE LIGHT AND FLUFFY--

WHICH WON'T TAKE NEAR
AS LONG AS THE BUTTER,

BECAUSE THE SHORTENING'S
NOT AS HARD--

GO AHEAD AND ADD
THE WET WORKS--

ONE EGG...

TWO EGG...

AND THE VANILLA--

A TEASPOON AND A
HALF, OF COURSE.

AND BRING THE
SPEED UP AGAIN

UNTIL EVERYTHING IS
THOROUGHLY INCORPORATED.

NOW AS SOON AS THAT IS
ALL THE WAY IN THERE,

I'M GONNA SLOWLY
ADD THE DRY GOODS.

NOW I USUALLY DO THIS IN
THREE INSTALLMENTS... WHY?

WELL, IF YOU JUST
DUMP IT ALL IN THERE,

YOUR MIXER'S GONNA THROW
IT ALL OVER THE COUNTER,

AND THEN IT WON'T BE
INSIDE YOUR COOKIES,

AND THAT'S NOT GOOD.

THE OTHER REASON IS... WELL,
IT'S GOT TO DO WITH MOISTURE

AND THE WAY THAT FLOUR
ABSORBS MOISTURE,

WHICH IS RELATIVELY
SLOWLY.

IF YOU WORK IN
ABOUT THREE BATCHES,

YOU'RE GONNA ALLOW TIME FOR
THE BATTER TO ACTUALLY FORM.

THERE'S THE
SECOND INSTALLMENT.

ALWAYS ADD IT
ON A LOW SPEED,

AND ONCE THE
FLOUR'S WORKED IN,

TURN IT BACK UP SO THAT
THE BATTER CAN BEAT.

AND INSTALLMENT
NUMBER THREE...

THERE...

NOW STIR IN YOUR CHIPS,

TWO CUPS, ONCE AGAIN.

AND DON'T TURN
IT UP TOO HIGH.

AND ONCE THE CHIPS
ARE FULLY INTEGRATED,

TURN UP THE SPEED AND SLOWLY
BRING THE HEAD OF THE MIXER OUT.

THAT'LL LEAVE THE BATTER IN THE
BOWL INSTEAD OF ON THE PADDLE.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

CHILL THIS.

WHY CHILL? WHY ASK ME?

COLD DOUGH SPREADS SLOWLY,

GIVING THE COOKIE TIME
TO CLIMB BEFORE SETTING.

WHEN YOUR BATTER HAS
THOROUGHLY CHILLED,

IT'S TIME TO SCOOP AND
BAKE... AND BY THE WAY,

THE SMALLER THE SCOOP, THE
MORE PUFF THE COOKIE WILL HAVE.

REMOVE WHEN GOLDEN-
BROWN AND PUFFY...

COOL, PACKAGE, AND DELIVER

TO YOUR THANKLESS SIBLING.

HERE YOU GO, SIS--
LIGHT, FLUFFY, CAKEY...

WHERE DID THOSE
COME FROM?

WELL, YOU KNOW,
ALL THIS COOKIE TALK,

I GOT HUNGRY... HA!

SO RIGHT OVER THERE,
THAT LITTLE BAKERY,
I GOT SOME COOKIES.

VERY CHEWY...
BUT THESE...

MM...
CHEWY!
MM-HMM...

FINE!
(tires screeching)

BACK TO BUTTER, BUT THIS
TIME, WE'RE GONNA MELT IT.

TWO STICKS, EIGHT OUNCES,

SIXTEEN TABLESPOONS,
FORTY-EIGHT TEASPOONS...

IN A HEAVY, MEDIUM
SAUCEPAN OVER LOW HEAT...

WHILE THAT MELTS, SIFT
TOGETHER 2 1/4 CUPS

OF BREAD FLOUR,

WITH A TEASPOON EACH OF
SALT AND BAKING SODA.

WHY? WELL, WHERE'S
THAT BIG PUPPET I HIRED?

(toilet flushing)
HMM, SORRY... THE WATER
FROM THE MELTED BUTTER

WILL COMBINE
DURING AGITATION

WITH THE HIGHER PROTEIN
OF THE BREAD FLOUR,

THEREFORE PRODUCING GLUTEN,

WHICH IS CHEWY.

ALSO, SINCE BREAD
FLOUR CAN ABSORB

MUCH MORE LIQUID THAN
ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR,

MORE MOISTURE WILL
STAY IN THE COOKIE.

ADD THE NOW MELTED BUTTER
TO THE MIXING BOWL,

AND ADD 1/4 CUP
OF WHITE SUGAR

AND 1/4 CUP OF
BROWN SUGAR,

PLUS A WHOLE CUP
OF BROWN SUGAR.

AND I SHOULD MENTION THAT
THE DARKER THE SUGAR YOU USE,

THE CHEWIER THE COOKIES
ARE GOING TO BE.

WHY?

BROWN SUGAR IS
COATED IN MOLASSES.

MOLASSES LOOOOOVES MOISTURE.

BY INCREASING THE
AMOUNT OF BROWN SUGAR,

THE FINISHED COOKIES
ARE GUARANTEED

TO ATTRACT H2O
FROM THE AIR,

KEEPING THEM
MOIST AND CHEWY.

(Alton)
AND NOW THE WET WORKS.

UP TO THIS POINT, WE'VE
STRICTLY BEEN TWO-EGG COOKIES,

BUT NOW WE'RE GONNA
MAKE A CHANGE.

I'M GONNA GO
WITH ONE WHOLE EGG--

LET THAT WORK
ITS WAY IN--

AND ONE EGG YOLK.

WHY THE CHANGE...
I'LL TAKE THIS ONE.

IT'S GOT TO DO
WITH EGG WHITES.

YOU SEE, THE EGG WHITES
DRY OUT BAKED GOODS.

THAT'S KIND
OF WHAT THEY DO.

AND A CHEWY COOKIE
HAS GOT TO BE MOIST.

SO NOT ONLY ARE WE GONNA
GET RID OF ONE EGG WHITE,

WE'RE ACTUALLY
GONNA ADD AN OUNCE--

TWO TABLESPOONS--OF MILK,

AND OF COURSE, OUR TEASPOON
AND A HALF OF VANILLA.

AS SOON AS THAT
IS INTEGRATED,

WE CAN GO WITH
THE DRY STUFF.

BY THE WAY, VANILLA
EXTRACT IS PRODUCED

BY MACERATING
CHOPPED BEANS

IN A SOLUTION OF
ALCOHOL AND WATER.

NOW IN THIS COUNTRY,
REAL VANILLA EXTRACT

MUST CONTAIN 35% ALCOHOL

AND 13.35 OUNCES OF
BEANS PER GALLON.

DOUBLE-STRENGTH EXTRACTS CONTAIN
THE SAME AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL,

BUT TWICE THE BEANS.

IMITATION VANILLA
EXTRACT IS MADE FROM WOOD

AND OTHER STUFF.

VANILLA FLAVORING,
ON THE OTHER HAND,

IS A COMBINATION OF
IMITATION AND PURE EXTRACTS.

HEY, YOU!

WHERE'D YOU GET
THE COOKIES, FREAK?

ADD THIS NICE AND SLOW,

SCRAPING DOWN THE
BOWL AS YOU GO.

HA, THAT'S NICE.

(tapping)

NOW AS SOON AS YOUR
BATTER COMES TOGETHER,

TIME TO GO WITH THE
TWO CUPS OF CHIPS.

ONCE THOSE ARE
THOROUGHLY STIRRED IN,

WELL, YOU KNOW THE
REST OF THE DRILL.

CHILL, SCOOP, BAKE, COOL,

PACK... YADA-YADA-
YADA-YADA.

OH...

(sighs)

SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED,

OTHER THAN MY SISTER SHOULD
BE DRAWN AND QUARTERED?

WELL, THAT EVEN
SUBTLE VARIATIONS

IN THE COURSE OF A RECIPE

CAN STEER A COOKIE TO SOME
DELICIOUSLY DIFFERENT PLACES.

NOW TAKE YOUR FAVORITE
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE RECIPE.

ADD A LITTLE EXTRA SODA,

REPLACE SOME OR ALL
OF THE EGGS WITH MILK,

UP THE RATIO OF
WHITE TO BROWN SUGAR,

AND USE BUTTER RATHER
THAN SHORTENING--

THIN, CRISP COOKIES
WILL RESULT.

IF YOUR TASTES RUN
TO THE SOFT AND CAKEY,

USE CAKE FLOUR, BAKING
POWDER RATHER THAN SODA,

AND SHORTENING
INSTEAD OF BUTTER.

CHILLING THE BATTER AND
SCOOPING ON THE SMALL SIDE

WILL ADD TO THE
PUFF FACTOR, TOO.

NOW FINALLY, CHEWINESS CALLS
FOR MELTING THE BUTTER,

HOLDING BACK ON
THE EGG WHITES,

AND USING MORE, IF
NOT ALL, BROWN SUGAR.

ANY WAY YOU GO, YOU'LL
DEFINITELY HAVE GOOD EATS.

HEY, MISTER, WANT
TO BUY SOME COOKIES?

YOU KNOW, THAT'S
NOT BAD, BUT YOU
MIGHT THINK OF CHANGING

THE OVERALL SHORTENING-
TO-BUTTER RATIO.

HMM, HMM... YOU
TALK FUNNY, MISTER.

HA, HA.