Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 3, Episode 4 - What's Up, Duck? - full transcript

HOW 'BOUT CHICKEN?
HAD CHICKEN LAST NIGHT.

GAME HEN?
YEAH, LAST THURSDAY.

TURKEY BREAST.
A WEEK AGO, FRIDAY.

THAT WAS FISH.
TASTED LIKE TURKEY.

FINE, HOW ABOUT A...
A DUCK!

HEH, SHE'LL ONLY BURN IT.
WILL NOT.

JOAN OF ARC HAD LESS
CHAR THAN THE LAST
DUCK YOU COOKED.

WHY, I OUGHTA...
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
KIDS, COME ON.

IT DOESN'T HAVE
TO BE THIS WAY.
IT DOESN'T?

NAW, OF COURSE NOT...
LOOK, WHAT DO DUCKS DO?

QUACK?
BESIDES THAT.



TASTES GAMY.
WELL, IF YOU GO SHOOT
ONE OUT OF THE SKY!

FLY?
FLY, VERY GOOD.

THAT'S WHY DUCKS HAVE
A VERY HIGH PERCENTAGE

OF SLOW-TWITCH,
DARK MUSCULATURE,

WHICH IS NOT TO SAY
THAT THEY TASTE
LIKE DARK MEAT.

OKAY, WHAT ELSE
DO THEY DO?

FLOAT.
FLOAT, AH!
WHAT ELSE FLOATS?

APPLES.
EMPTY BEER CANS.

VERY SMALL ROCKS.
SMALL ROCKS... THIS
ISN'T GOING EXACTLY
WHERE I THOUGHT.

COME ON, SOMETHING
ELSE THAT FLOATS.
FAT.

FAT, AH, SOOO...
DUCK'S MADE OF FAT?

THAT'S WHY THEY BURN!
... AND MAKE A
MESS OF THE OVEN.

... AND TAKE SIX
HOURS TO ROAST.
OKAY.

YES, DUCKS DO
CONTAIN SOME FAT,



BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
THAT WE HAVE TO EAT IT.

IN FACT, IF
WE JUST APPLY

SOME GOOD, THOUGHTFUL
COOKING METHODOLOGY,

WE CAN MAKE THIS
INTO A FLAVORFUL,

CRISPY-ON-THE-
OUTSIDE, JUICY-ON-
THE-INSIDE MEAL.

WE DON'T HAVE
TO MAKE A MESS.

WE DON'T HAVE TO MAKE
SIX HOURS GO BY.

WE DON'T HAVE TO MAKE
THE SMOKE ALARM GO OFF.

IN THE END, WE JUST
MAKE SOME GOOD EATS.

NOT GONNA BURN IT ARE YA?
SEE WHAT I GOT
TO LIVE WITH?

YOU'D THINK THAT THE CULTURE
THAT SPAWNED DAFFY, DONALD,

DARKWING, DUCKMAN, HOWARD
THE DUCK, RUBBER DUCKS,

MIGHTY DUCKS, LUCKY DUCKS,
LAME DUCKS, SITTING DUCKS,

WOULD PUT DUCK ON THE DINNER
TABLE EVERY NOW AND THEN,

AND YET AMERICA'S PER-
CAPITA CONSUMPTION

OF THIS DELICIOUS WATER FOWL

IS A MEASLY FIVE OUNCES A YEAR.

THAT MEANS THAT YOUR
AVERAGE AMERICAN

PROBABLY WOULDN'T
EVEN RECOGNIZE A DUCK

UNLESS IT HAD A SILLY VOICE AND
A DEVELOPMENT DEAL AT DISNEY.

NOW WHEN IT COMES TO REAL
FLESH AND FEATHER DUCKS,

THERE ARE DOZENS OF
VARIETIES TO CHOOSE FROM.

BUT ODDS ARE GOOD YOU WON'T
ACTUALLY EVER TASTE A BLACK DUCK

OR A MALLARD OR AN
AMERICAN CANVASBACK

UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A COUPLE
OF RETRIEVERS, A 12-GAUGE

AND A CLOSET FULL
OF ELMER FUDD WEAR.

NOPE... DOMESTIC COOKS HAVE TO
STICK WITH DOMESTICATED CHOICES,

BUT TO TELL YOU THE
TRUTH, THAT'S OKAY.

THERE ARE, OF COURSE,
MUSCOVY DUCKS,

WHICH ARE VERY LEAN, VERY GAMY

AND USUALLY ONLY AVAILABLE
IN SPECIALTY STORES

OR THROUGH MAIL ORDER.

THEN THERE ARE MOULARDS,
WHICH ARE GENERALLY GROWN

STRICTLY FOR THEIR
LIVERS OR FOIE GRAS.

NOW THE AMERICAN MARKET AND, OF
COURSE, THE LONG ISLAND SKYLINE

ARE DOMINATED BY THE WHITE
PEKIN OR LONG ISLAND DUCK,

WHICH, ALTHOUGH NOT
QUITE THAT BIG, ARE... BIG.

SO BIG, IN FACT,

THAT AN AMERICAN BUSINESSMAN,
TOURING CHINA IN 1873,

MISTOOK THEM FOR A RARE
BREED OF MINIATURE GOOSE.

HE BOUGHT 25 OF THEM, SHIPPED
THEM HOME TO NEW ENGLAND,

AND ONLY NINE SURVIVED THE TRIP.

BUT WHEN THEY REACHED
THEIR FINAL DESTINATION,

A FARM HERE ON LONG ISLAND,
THEY LIKED WHAT THEY SAW.

THEY ATE GREEDILY, BRED
LUSTILY AND GREW VERY FAST,

CREATING IN JUST A FEW
YEARS AN INDUSTRY

WHICH TODAY MAKES SURE
THAT THERE ARE DUCKS

ON THE TABLES OF
FINE RESTAURANTS

AS WELL AS THE BINS OF GROCERY
STORES ALL ACROSS AMERICA.

NOW THESE PARTICULAR DUCKS
BELONG TO DOUG CORWIN,

WHOSE FAMILY HAS BEEN BREEDING
WHITE PEKINS ON LONG ISLAND

FOR AS LONG AS THERE HAS BEEN
WHITE PEKINS ON LONG ISLAND.

SO HE OUGHTA KNOW
A LITTLE SOMETHING.

THAT IS A PRETTY DUCK.

BEAUTIFUL... FEMALE,
EGG-LAYING FEMALE.

SO THIS DUCK IS STRICTLY
HERE TO MAKE MORE DUCKS.

STRICTLY HERE TO
KEEP US GOING.
KEEP US GOING!

WELL, SHE'S GOT A
GORGEOUS FACE ON HER.
OH, SHE'S GORGEOUS.

SO WHAT ARE SOME
POINTERS FOR CONSUMERS

WHO ARE MAYBE GOING
INTO THE GROCERY STORE

TO DUCK HUNT FOR
THE FIRST TIME?
WELL, THEY'RE
LOOKING FOR MEAT.

THEY'RE LOOKING TO
FEED EVERYBODY.

THE MEAT ON THE DUCK IS
PRIMARILY ON THE BREAST,

THE LONG, FLAT,
WIDE BREAST.

UNLIKE A TURKEY, WHICH
STICKS UP STRAIGHT,

OH, IT'S WIDE!
IT'S WIDE.

IT'S ALL THE
WAY BACK HERE.
IT STRETCHES OUT FLAT.

IT'S A FEW INCHES
DEEP--IT'S SEVERAL...

IT'S SIX OR SO INCHES
WIDE, AND IT'S LONG.

LOOK FOR THAT BREAST.

BE CAREFUL THAT YOU'RE
NOT FINDING A PACKER

THAT MAY BE TAKING THESE
LEGS AND SHOVING IT UP

AND MAKING A NICE LITTLE
ROUND BUTTERBALL.

YOU REALLY WANNA LOOK FOR
THE BREAST OF A BIRD,

WHICH IS LONG,
WIDE AND FLAT,

BECAUSE THIS IS
WHERE THE MEAT IS.

SO HOW DO YOU
LIKE YOURS?
OH, I LOVE TO TAKE A BREAST,
EITHER SKIN ON, SKIN OFF,

THROW IT ON THE
BARBECUE THREE OR FOUR
MINUTES EACH SIDE...

EAT IT LIKE A STEAK,
A LITTLE BIT OF SALT,

ONION POWDER,
MEDIUM RARE...

JUST A BEAUTIFUL-
TASTING PIECE OF MEAT.
SWEET.

THANKS A LOT, DOUG.
THANK YOU.
SEE YA.

UNFORTUNATELY, AMERICANS
DON'T EAT A LOT OF DUCK--YET.

THIS IS WHY MOST PROCESSORS
PREFER TO BRING THEIR QUACKERS

TO MARKET IN THE ULTIMATE
STATE OF SUSPENDED ANIMATION.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
THAT'S OKAY BY ME,

BECAUSE A BIRD THAT'S
FROZEN AT THE PLANT

WILL MOST LIKELY
WALK INTO MY DOOR

IN CLOSE TO THE SAME CONDITION.

THIS, OF COURSE, DOES BRING
US TO THE ISSUE OF THAWING,

AND THAWING IS A
LOVELY SEGUE TO...

THERMODYNAMICS--

THAT BRANCH OF THE SCIENCES

CONCERNED WITH THE TRANSFER
OF ENERGY WE CALL HEAT

FROM ONE BODY TO ANOTHER,

WHETHER IT'S ICE CUBES IN
YOUR TEA, A HAM IN THE OVEN,

LIMA BEANS SIMMERING
ON THE COOKTOP,

OR A DUCK THAWING IN
THE REFRIGERATOR.

THERMODYNAMICS MAKE
THE KITCHEN WORLD TURN,

SOMETIMES IN UNEXPECTED
DIRECTIONS.

CASE IN POINT--SETTING
ASIDE SANITATION CONCERNS,

WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD
BE THE BEST PLACE,

FASTEST PLACE, TO THAW
THIS BLOCK OF BIRD--

THAT IS, CONVERT THE LIQUID
HELD IN ITS TISSUE

FROM SOLID TO LIQUID STATE?

REFRIGERATOR
THE COUNTER,

BARELY RUNNING COLD WATER,
OR A 200 DEGREE OVEN?

GO AHEAD, PICK!

AH, SEE, YOU'RE GETTING COLDER!

WELL, I MEAN, WARMER
TECHNICALLY, BUT COLDER...
IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

COLD RUNNING WATER.

... MESSES WITH YOUR
MIND, DOESN'T IT?

YOU SEE, THE THING IS

IS THAT THERE ARE MORE
ISSUES WITH THERMODYNAMICS

THAN JUST TEMPERATURE,

TEMPERATURE BEING THE THING
THAT WE MEASURE WITH THESE.

WHAT ARE THOSE OTHER ISSUES?

WHERE'S THE DUCK?

NOW KEEP YOUR PANTS ON,
POPS, WE'RE GETTING TO IT.

HEY, PAUL, HOW'S
THAT PROJECT COMING?

ALL DONE, A.B.
EXCELLENT.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF
THESE ICE DUCKS.

I'M GONNA PUT 'EM
IN MY FREEZER

AND ENTER 'EM IN AN ICE
SCULPTURING CONTEST.
THAT'S GREAT...
THEY LOOK REALLY GREAT.

BUT HEY, LET'S DO
SOME EXPERIMENTS

ON 'EM FIRST,
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU PUT
DAFFY IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

DAFFY INTO THE
REFRIGERATOR.

OKAY, AND DONALD--WE'LL
CALL THAT ONE DONALD--

PUT DONALD IN THE
200 DEGREE OVEN.

THE OVEN?
WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.

THE OUTCOME IS OBVIOUS--BOTH
DUCKS ARE GOING TO MELT

AS THEY COME INTO EQUILIBRIUM
WITH THEIR SURROUNDINGS.

BUT SINCE ONE OF THEM IS IN AN
EXTREMELY HIGH TEMPERATURE,

IT'S GOING TO MELT FASTER.

BUT WHAT IF WE WERE
TO, SAY, TAKE HOWARD.

LET'S TAKE HOWARD, THERE, AND
PUT HIM IN 60 DEGREE WATER.

AH, NOW THE PLOT THICKENS.

YOU SEE, WATER IS
EXTREMELY DENSE,

SO MORE OF ITS MOLECULES
ARE GONNA SURROUND HOWARD

THAN, SAY, THE AIR THAT'S
GONNA SURROUND DONALD, OKAY?

AND BECAUSE WATER CAN ABSORB
HUGE AMOUNTS OF ENERGY

WITHOUT CHANGING
TEMPERATURE...

WELL, LET'S JUST
PUT IT THIS WAY--

THAT'S CALLED
CONDUCTIVITY,

AND THAT IS WHY WE PUT WATER,
NOT AIR, IN OUR RADIATORS,

AND THAT'S WHY HOWARD
IS GONNA MELT BEFORE--

YOU GOT IT--DONALD.

NOW LET'S DO ONE MORE
LITTLE EXPERIMENT HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE DARKWING

AND PUT HIM UNDER
COLD RUNNING WATER,

AND TAKE DUCKMAN AND PUT HIM
IN A POT OF BOILING WATER.

BOIL--BOIL DUCKMAN!
YES, B-B-B-BOIL DUCKMAN.

AH, PAUL, DO WE
HAVE A WINNER?

JUST AS I SUSPECTED.

EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME,
THE REFRIGERATOR DUCK

IS RELATIVELY UNMARRED.

WHAT IS SURPRISING, HOWEVER,
IS THAT THE OVEN DUCK

FAIRED EVEN BETTER THAN THE
SUBMERGED-IN-COLD-WATER DUCK,

WHICH JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT
TEMPERATURE CAN'T HOLD SWAY

OVER DENSITY AND
CONDUCTIVITY.

OF COURSE, WHEN YOU ADD HEAT
BACK INTO THE EQUATION--

i.e. THE BOILING-WATER DUCK--

WELL, THAT BASICALLY
LOOKS LIKE... I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, PAUL,
A BLUE BAR OF SOAP? YEAH.

NOW WHERE'S THE UNDER-
COLD-RUNNING-WATER DUCK?

OH... WELL, THERE
YOU HAVE IT.

IN THE ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS
WORLD OF THERMODYNAMICS,

CONVECTION, DENSITY

AND CONDUCTION WIN OUT,
EVEN OVER HIGH TEMPERATURE.

NOW, WHAT HAVE WE
LEARNED, PAUL?

OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
WE'VE LEARNED--WHEN IT
COMES TO THAWING,

YOU WANT TWO THINGS--YOU
WANT TO THAW THE FOOD,

BUT YOU ALSO WANNA KEEP
IT OUT OF THE BACTERIAL
DANGER ZONE,

WHICH MEANS, NO
HOT METHOD.

SO EITHER THAW IN
THE REFRIGERATOR,

WHICH, OF COURSE, WILL
TAKE A LOT OF TIME TO
GET THE JOB DONE,

OR THAW SUBMERGED IN BARELY
RUNNING COLD WATER.

IT'S THE FASTEST
WAY TO THAW.

PAUL, WHAT WERE YOU
SAYING ABOUT A CONTEST?

I TOLD YOU THERMODYNAMICS
WERE FUN.

NOW AS ANYONE WHO HAS
SEEN OUR THANKSGIVING
SHOW CAN ALREADY TELL YOU,

NOTHING ENHANCES THE FLAVOR
OR TEXTURE OF POULTRY

QUITE LIKE A BRINE.

THERE ARE ONLY REALLY TWO
PREREQUISITE INGREDIENTS

FOR A BRINE TO BE A BRINE--

ONE IS WATER, THE OTHER... SALT.

IN THIS CASE, HALF-A-
CUP OF KOSHER SALT.

NOW WHEN IT COMES TO THE
WATER PORTION OF THE PROGRAM,

THAT'S WHERE WE CAN HAVE
A LITTLE BIT OF FUN.

IN THIS CASE, WE'RE
GONNA GO WITH A PINT

OF PINEAPPLE ORANGE JUICE.

NOW FOR THE FLAVORINGS, YOU
ALWAYS TURN TO BLACK PEPPER,

WHOLE BLACK PEPPERCORNS,

AND AT LEAST 15 OF THEM.

AND TO UP THE ANTE A LITTLE
BIT IN THE SPICE CATEGORY,

WE'RE GONNA ADD SOME THYME

AND SOME GARLIC,

ONE VERY SMALL BUNCH OF WHOLE
THYME--LEAVE IT WHOLE--

AND FOUR CLOVES OF GARLIC.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

(crash-crash-crash)

THERE, THAT'S BETTER--CRUSHED.

NOW LID IT UP.

AND MAKE SURE THAT THE LID
IS ON ALL THE WAY AROUND,

THEN SHAKE TO DISSOLVE THE SALT.

THERE--NOW TURN YOUR
ATTENTION "KNOCKWARDS."

'BOUT TIME YOU GOT TO THE DUCK!

YOU COULD BRINE THIS WHOLE,

BUT IT'S GONNA GO A WHOLE
LOT FASTER IF YOU DRAW
AND QUARTER FIRST...

AND ON TOP OF THAT,
IT'S A LOT OF FUN.

SO APPROACH YOUR
DUCK ON YOUR BOARD,

AND MAKE SURE THAT IT'S YOUR
POULTRY CUTTING BOARD, OKAY?

DUCKS ARE NOT FAMOUS FOR
CARRYING SALMONELLA,

BUT IT DOESN'T HURT
TO PLAY IT SAFE.

OKAY, FIRST THING TO DO...
SEE THIS THERMOMETER?

THROW IT AWAY... THERE.

ALSO, IN THE CABOOSE,
YOU'LL FIND, USUALLY,
A PACKAGE OF SAUCE.

IF I PULLED A BAG OF
SAUCE OUT... NEVER MIND.

OKAY, THROW THAT AWAY.

NOW AS FAR AS THE
NECK AND THE GIZZARD

AND THE HEART AND THE LIVER,

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THESE ARE GOOD EATS,

BUT THEY'RE ANOTHER
SHOW, SO OFF THEY GO.

NEXT OFF COMES THE WINGS--
THEY ONLY GET IN THE WAY.

JUST SLICE THROUGH,
BEND IT BACK...

SAVE THESE, THEY MAKE GREAT
BUFFALO WINGS ON DOWN THE LINE.

TAKE YOUR KITCHEN SHEARS,

FIND THE SPINE--IT'S RIGHT
THERE AT THE BASE OF THE NECK--

AND JUST CUT RIGHT UP

THE LINE OF THE BACKBONE
WITH YOUR KITCHEN SHEARS.

IT'S LIKE "BRAVEHEART,"
PART TWO.

I LIKE... SINCE
I'M RIGHT HANDED,

I TURN AROUND AND GO
BACK UP THE OTHER WAY.

THERE'S A BIG WAD OF FAT RIGHT
THERE ON THE END OF A DUCK...

KEEPS HIS REAR END OUT OF
THE WATER WHEN HE SWIMS.

CUT RIGHT UP THE SIDE AGAIN.

NOW BELIEVE IT OR
NOT, UGLY AS IT IS,

THAT BACK IS LOADED FULL
OF FLAVOR AND COLLAGEN,

SO IT MAKES GREAT STOCK, SO
I FREEZE THAT WITH THE WINGS.

THERE'S NOTHING TO
WASTE ON A DUCK.

SO WE'RE GONNA
TURN IT OVER AGAIN

AND CUT RIGHT DOWN THE
MIDDLE OF THE BREAST.

THERE, YOU GOT TWO
HALF-DUCKS... GREAT.

NOW YOU GOTTA GRAB
YOUR KNIFE AGAIN.

WE'RE GONNA GET THE
DARK QUARTERS OFF.

KIND OF MAKE A CRESCENT
SHAPE, A CRESCENT CUT,

LIKE THE MOON,
RIGHT ACROSS THERE.

THERE.

AS FAR AS THE BREASTS GO,
THERE'S A LOT OF WHAT'S CALLED

SUBCUTANEOUS FAT
JUST UNDER THE SKIN,

AND WE WANNA GIVE IT SOME EXIT
POINTS, SO THAT AS IT COOKS,

IT'LL COME OFF--IT WON'T HAVE
TO SEEP AROUND THE EDGES.

SO TAKE YOUR KNIFE AND JUST
LAY IT FLAT AGAINST THE SKIN.

THEN BARELY PUSH DOWN
AS YOU DRAG ACROSS

AND MARK THE SIDE.

THE GOAL HERE IS TO
CUT THROUGH THE SKIN,

BUT NOT ALL THE WAY THROUGH
THE FAT TO THE MEAT.

THAT WOULD BE A BAD THING.

THERE--THREE CUTS ONE WAY
AND THREE CUTS THE OTHER.

THERE, THAT'S CALLED SCORING.

NOW THIS ALL GOES IN A BAG.

NOW DEPOSIT YOUR DRAWN
AND QUARTERED BIRD

INTO A ZIP-TOP BAG

INSERTED INSIDE A
LEXAN CONTAINER--

AVAILABLE AT YOUR FRIENDLY
NEIGHBORHOOD RESTAURANT
SUPPLY SHOP--

OR A POT OR PAN WILL DO,

AND JUST POUR THE
BRINE RIGHT ON TOP.

NOW WHEN IT COMES
TO SEALING THE BAG,

YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL TO GET
AS MUCH AIR OUT AS POSSIBLE.

FOR ONE THING, AIR DOES NOT ADD
ANY FLAVOR TO DUCK WHATSOEVER,

AND THE LESS THAT'S IN THE BAG,

THE MORE BRINE WILL ACTUALLY
BE IN CONTACT WITH THE DUCK.

THERE, NOW GIVE THE BRINE 2 TO
2 1/2 HOURS IN THE REFRIGERATOR

TO DO ITS VOODOO.

NOW WHILE WE'RE TRIPPING
THE THERMODYNAMIC,

WE SHOULD STOP, AS SINATRA USED
TO SAY, AND "TAKE A STEAM."

IN FACT, A 45-MINUTE STEAM
WOULD BE THE PERFECT PHASE ONE

OF A TWO-PARTER
COMBINATION COOKING METHOD,

THAT WILL CONCLUDE WITH
A BLISTERING PAN SEAR

AND ONE HECK OF A DINNER.

SO GO AHEAD AND BRING AN INCH
AND A HALF TO TWO INCHES

OF WATER TO A BOIL
IN YOUR LARGEST POT.

IN YOUR LARGEST POT.

THEN REACH FOR YOUR
FAVORITE STEAMING DEVICE.

NOW I KNOW SOME OF YOU
OWN SPECIALTY STEAMERS,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY, WHEN
YOU'VE ALREADY GOT THIS

SITTING AROUND IN
YOUR KITCHEN, RIGHT?

SO IN IT GOES--AND YOU CAN
USE ANY STEAMER YOU LIKE,

EXCEPT FOR A BAMBOO STEAMER.

THINK ABOUT IT--RAW MEAT,

POROUS PRODUCT...
IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

OKAY, NEXT... THE DUCK.

THE TRICK HERE--IF
THERE IS A TRICK,

AND I'M NOT SAYING THERE IS--

IS TO GET THIS TO COOK
AS EVENLY AS POSSIBLE.

SO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS LINE
THE SIDES OF THE COLANDER.

YOU DON'T WANNA PILE THIS UP
INTO A GIANT KIND OF A DUCKLOAF,

OR YOU WILL END UP WITH SOME
PIECES THAT ARE VERY, VERY DONE

AND SOME PIECES THAT ARE
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY RAW.

SO YOU STACK IT
AROUND THE OUTSIDES.

IF IT HANGS OFF A LITTLE
BIT, THAT IS NO BIG DEAL.

AND IF YOU GET A LITTLE
BIT OF THE THYME AND
OTHER HERBS IN THERE,

THAT IS NOT A PROBLEM, EITHER.

NOW ON WITH THE LID.

ADD A WEIGHT TO THE
TOP OF YOUR LID,

TURN THE HEAT DOWN
TO MEDIUM LOW--

THAT'LL KEEP THIS
FROM LIFTING OFF--

AND SET YOUR TIMER
FOR 45 MINUTES.

NOW WHY BOTHER WITH STEAM
IN THE FIRST PLACE?

IT'S A GOOD QUESTION,
BUT UNFORTUNATELY

MY STAFF THERMODYNAMICIST TOOK
THE DAY OFF TO PLAY GOLF.

BUT HEY, MY PLUMBER,
DRIPS, IS HERE.

HEY, DRIPS, YOU KNOW
FROM STEAM, RIGHT?

WELL, BESIDES PROVIDING
POWER TO THE STEAMSHIPS,

LOCOMOTIVES AND
AUTOMOBILES OF YESTERYEAR,

MUCH OF TODAY'S
MODERN INDUSTRY,

INCLUDING THAT TYPHOON-
CLASS SUBMARINE,

IS ACTUALLY POWERED
BY STEAM.

I REMEMBER WORKING ON
THIS RADIATOR ONCE...

HEY, DRIPS, KEEP
IT ABOUT THE DUCK.

OKAY, OKAY.

WELL, SINCE IT'S
LESS DENSE,

STEAM WILL COOK YOUR DUCK
MORE GENTLY THAN WATER,

BUT FAR MORE
EFFICIENTLY THAN AIR.

AND IT WON'T WASH AWAY
YOUR SEASONINGS.

RIGHTEOUS!
ANYTHING ELSE?

WELL, STEAM MAKES UP
FOR LOW CONDUCTIVITY
WITH LOTS OF ENERGY,

LOTS OF MOLECULAR MOVEMENT.

THAT'S WHY IT CAN BE
USED FOR DOING WORK,

LIKE LIFTING THE
LID ON THAT POT,

AND THAT ENERGY IS
COMPOUNDED BY PRESSURE.

BY WEIGHING DOWN THE LID,
YOU'VE CREATED KIND OF...

... A PRESSURE
COOKER--BUT HEY,
THAT'S ANOTHER SHOW.

THANKS A LOT, DRIPS.
GOOD.

NOW CAN WE GET ON WITH
THE REST OF THE SHOW?

HAVING FOLDED SPACE AND TIME,

NOT ONLY HAS OUR DUCK
FINISHED STEAMING,

BUT I'VE HAD TIME TO BOIL
OUT THE REST OF THE WATER

OVER HIGH HEAT... WHY?

WELL, IF ONLY YOU HAD
"SMELEVISION," YOU'D KNOW.

DUCK FAT... LIQUID LOVE--

ONE OF THE MOST DELICIOUS
SUBSTANCES ON EARTH,

AND VERY LOW IN SATURATED FAT.

NOW I LIKE TO CUBE RED POTATOES,

SIMMER THEM IN SOME
SALTED WATER, DRAIN,

AND THEN SAUTé IN DUCK
FAT OVER HIGH HEAT.

SPEAKING OF HIGH
HEAT, DID I MENTION

THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR
BIGGEST CAST-IRON SKILLET

IN A 475 DEGREE OVEN
GETTING NASA HOT?

WELL, YOU SHOULD, BECAUSE
THE FINAL ACT IS UPON US.

NOW YOU CAN SEE THAT
THE SKIN IS TAUT,

BUT THERE'S STILL A LITTLE
BIT OF FAT UNDER THERE,

AND THAT IS GOING TO LEAD US
TO A CRISP, CRUNCHY SKIN.

AND ANY DUCK LOVER'LL TELL YOU,

THAT'S ALMOST AS GOOD
AS THE MEAT ITSELF.

SO MAKE SURE THAT YOUR
SKILLET IS REALLY HOT--

THAT WOULD BE REALLY HOT--

AND LAY IN JUST
THE LEG QUARTERS,

SKIN SIDE DOWN.

SINCE THEY CONTAIN
A GOOD DEAL MORE FAT

THAN THE BREAST QUARTERS,

WE'RE GONNA GIVE 'EM A
TEN-MINUTE HEAD START.

TIME FOR THE BREASTS.

JUST ROLL THE LEG QUARTERS

UP TO KIND OF THE SIDE
OF THE PAN, LIKE THAT--

THAT'S GORGEOUS--AND
CAREFULLY, PLEASE,

ADD THE BREASTS.

GET THEM IN THE PAN,
KIND OF MASH THEM DOWN.

YOU WANNA GET AS MUCH CONTACT
WITH THE SKIN AS POSSIBLE.

NOW THIS GOES IN, AND WE GIVE
IT ANOTHER SEVEN MINUTES.

BEHOLD THE MAGIC OF DUCK!

CRISPY SKIN, MAHOGANY AND DARK,

OVER LUSCIOUS, MELT-
IN-YOUR-MOUTH MEAT.

NOW TAKE THIS ALL OFF AND
GIVE IT A REST ON A PLATE.

I LIKE TO SET A
BOWL IN THE MIDDLE,

SO THAT IT DOESN'T JUST
SIT IN ITS OWN FAT...

NICE TO LET IT
DRAIN A LITTLE BIT.

AND YOU WANT TO COVER THIS,

NOT SO MUCH TO GIVE IT
A REST--IT IS POULTRY,

SO IT DOESN'T REALLY
NEED IT--BUT TO KEEP
IT FROM GETTING COLD.

JUST DON'T PUT IT ON TOO TIGHT,
OR THE STEAM WILL BE TRAPPED,

AND WHAT IS NOW CRISPY WILL
TURN GOOEY--AND THAT'S BAD.

NOW HERE WE ARE WITH
THIS NICE HOT PAN

FULL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED
LIQUID LOVE,

AND IT WOULD BE A REAL
SHAME TO WASTE THIS.

SO I'M GONNA TOSS IN A COUPLE
OF HANDFULS OF SHREDDED CHARD.

YOU COULD USE ANY HARDY GREEN,

AND BELIEVE ME, THERE IS ENOUGH
HEAT IN THIS PAN TO COOK,

I DON'T KNOW, A FARM'S
WORTH OF THIS STUFF.

NOW ONCE YOU'VE GOT
THAT IN... I DON'T KNOW,

MAYBE A MINCED SHALLOT
OR TWO WOULD BE NICE.

THERE WE GO... DON'T PUT
THE SHALLOT IN FIRST,

OR YOU'LL BE IN BIG,
BIG, BIG TROUBLE.

NOW JUST TOSS THIS AROUND.

YOU JUST BARELY WANT IT TO WILT.

DO THIS WITH YOUR
SPRING-LOADED TONGS.

YOU NOTICE I'M KEEPING MY GLOVE
ON--THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT.

AND JUST WHEN IT STARTS TO WILT,

HIT IT WITH A LITTLE SHERRY
OR BALSAMIC VINEGAR--

JUST FOR FLAVOR.

TOSS AGAIN.

REMEMBER, THERE WAS LOTS
OF SALT IN THE DUCK,

SO WE HAVEN'T ADDED ANY, YET...

AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO ADD ANY.

ALL RIGHT, TIME TO PLATE.

(old man)
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA TALK IT TO DEATH.

WE HOPE THAT WE HAVE
PIQUED YOUR INTEREST IN,

AND APPETITE FOR, THE
ORIGINAL CHINESE TAKE-OUT,

LONG ISLAND OR
WHITE PEKIN DUCK.

JUST REMEMBER, THAW UNDER
COLD RUNNING WATER,

DRAW AND QUARTER,
BRINE, STEAM, SEAR,

AND DON'T WASTE THE FAT.

BELIEVE ME, AFTER YOU TRY THIS,
YOU WILL NEVER LOOK AT DAFFY

OR ANY OF HIS CHUBBY
LITTLE NEPHEWS

WITHOUT THINKING
OF "GOOD EATS."

JUNIOR, AT LEAST
YOU DIDN'T BURN IT,

LIKE YOUR MOTHER
USUALLY DOES.

DAD, I TOLD YOU NOT
TO CALL ME "JUNIOR."

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A
PLATYPUS NAMED AFTER YOU.