Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 5, Episode 19 - Dynamite Diner - full transcript

Gomer and Lou-Ann find a diner closed without customers and try to help them build business but the only thing the restaurant owners are interested in is robbing the bank next door through the basement wall.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Sure is a good feeling
having money in the bank.

Not everybody can do it.

A savings account,
a regular paycheck,

and a bright future ahead of me.

I'm a lucky fella.
There's no question.

Well, you think you
have enough money left

to take me to the movie?

I can just about manage it.

What would you like to see?

Well, what would
you like to see?

Would you like to see a musical?

If that's what you want to see.

Well, I'll see it if
you want to see it.

Well, I'll see it if
you want to see it.

Why don't we look in the
newspaper and see what's playing?

We can have some lunch
here while we're looking.

I don't see anybody.

Are you sure it's open?

Well, it don't say
it's closed. Come on.

Not very nice, is it?

Well, that can fool you.

Sometimes these plain
places have the best food.

Doesn't seem to be anybody here.

Well, maybe there's somebody
in the back or downstairs.

It checks out.

The vault's on the
other side of this wall.

Get me a hammer and a drill.

Maybe we should let them know

they have a couple of customers.


Anybody here?

Get some rags!
Just, uh, hurry up!

Hurry up!

What was that?

Somebody upstairs.

Didn't you lock the front door?

I couldn't. I lost the key.

If I locked the door,

I wouldn't be able to get in.


Just a minute!

Get up there and
get rid of them.



I'm scared.

There's nothing
to be scared about.

We rented the place legit.

Just tell them we ain't open,

and get back down here!

Okay. Ah! Give me the rags!

Are you okay, Charley?

I'm okay!

Uh... we... we got a broken
water pipe down there.

We'd like to get a little lunch.

Lunch. Well, we
ain't exactly open yet.

We just rented the
place this morning.

I'm... I'm awful sorry.

I'd like to serve you
lunch, I really would,

but we don't have
no food here yet.

Except for that stuff I
picked up for Charley and me.

Nothing fancy...
Just eggs and things.

Oh, well, that's fine with me..

Is that all right
with you, Lou-Ann?

Well, if it's all
right with you.

Fine. Two orders of
fried eggs, over easy.

Uh... be right back.

Come on. Let's get started.

They're still there.

I couldn't help it, Charley.

They saw our groceries,
and ordered eggs.

Big Marine and his girlfriend.

Nothing I could do.

So make them eggs
and get them out of here.



What now?

How do you make eggs?

Rock Hudson is at the Plaza.

Well, he's always good.

Julie Andrews is at the Uptown.

She's always good.

I must have cracked it too hard.

Eggs can be kind of tricky.

Well, it's a new
kind of work for me.

Well, here. Let me
give you a hand.

Lou-Ann, why don't you see
if you can't find us a picture?

Well, fine, Gomer.
You go right ahead.

Never was much
good in the kitchen.

Oh, you'll catch on fast.

Eggs ain't no trouble.

First of all, you got to
butter the pan a little bit.

You got any butter?

Yeah. In the bag.

Oh, in here. Here we go.

You mind if we use
a clean pan? No.

It'll be a lot easier.

Let me cut off some butter.

And you put it in the pan there.

Kind of melt it down a little.

Butter, huh?

There we go.

Now, the easiest
little tippy-tap will do it.

Hey, that's good!

The more you do
this, the easier it gets.

Gee! One-handed!

You want to try it?

Well, you think I could?

Oh, sure. Go ahead.

I guess I'm not ready
for one-handed yet.

There you go. That's real good!

Now, the secret of
cooking eggs is gentle heat,

nice and easy.

You cook them real
fast, they get rubbery.

Oh, yeah.

Any problems?

You didn't tell me
about the butter.

Can't you hurry it up?

We got three feet of
concrete to dig through.

I told them we was
fixing the water pipe,

so the noise won't matter.

Wasn't that right?

You done fine. Now
get them out of here.

That's a two-man job down there.

You think I ought to
nail the front door shut?

I mean, after they leave.

No, stupid. What
if they come back?

Then they'll really
get suspicious.

Charley? Yeah?

Would you like some fried eggs?

I'm all checked out on them.


Those were good, weren't they?

Sure were.

Best eggs I ever ate.

You say you're from out of town?

Just in from Kansas City.

Oh. How long were you there?

Five to ten. I mean,
about five years.

Well, I just know you're
going to do real good here.

But if you don't
mind my saying so,

you really should stock
up on some more food.

Oh, sure. We're gonna.

But, first, we got to get a
little money put together.

Well, why don't you get
some from the bank next door?

What do you mean by that?

Well, you could ask them
for a loan to get started.

Why don't you go over there?

No. We don't have nothing
to do with that bank. Nothing.

Well, it might be helpful.

That way, you
could pay a plumber

to do the fixing up downstairs,

and you and your partner
could be up here all the time.

We don't mind
doing our own work.

Gomer, maybe
we'd better be going.

How much do we owe you?

Owe me for what?

Oh, that. I don't know.

Well, how much
you been charging?

We haven't been.

We haven't had any
customers before.

Do you mean to say

that we're your very first
customers in your new business?

That's right. So forget it.

No check. Compliments
of the management,

'cause you're the first.

And because we're the first,

we insist on paying,

and we ain't leaving
here till we do.

All right. How
about a... a dollar?

All right. Must feel good

ringing up your first dollar.

Ringing up?

Oh, yeah. Uh...

Bye! Bye!



It ain't gonna be too
easy for them fellas

starting a new business,

just in from out of town,
with no friends to help.

No food, no money,
and obviously too proud

to ask for a loan from the bank.

The bank!

Well, what is it?

Well, you remember I was
telling you how lucky I am.

Well, why shouldn't
I help two fellas

who ain't as lucky as I am?

Especially since I
was their first customer.

You don't mind, do you, Lou-Ann?

'Course I don't, Gomer.

I think that's a wonderful idea.

Then I'll just run you home,
and then I'll come back

and go to the store. You are
not going to take me home!

Because I want to help, too.

You mean it?


My, my, my!

Can you just imagine how happy

them two fellas are going to be?

Tough going.

It's going to take
another 24 hours.


But just think of
that juicy payoff

once we get there.

Yeah. You know
something, Charley?


The important thing
with cooking eggs

is to do it slow.
That's the truth.

Too fast makes them rubbery.

That's the restaurant
business for you.

Learn something new every day.

Why don't you learn
something with this hammer?

Sure, Charlie.

Maybe we could
start with the drill now.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

Go plug in the cord.

We'll try it.

Surprise, surprise, surprise!

It's us! We're back! Yeah. Uh...

You can call this just a
little loan to get you started.

And you don't
have to pay me back

until business
really gets booming.

I just hope these
curtains are going to fit.

They'll be just perfect
for your front window.

That will make
a lot of difference

to people passing by.

Outside appearance
is very important.

Oh, Gomer, you were right.

These windows do
have to be cleaned.

Well, I'll give you a hand.

First of all, though,
you put this stuff away.

Here. I'll help you.

Take that one. Got
it? There you go.

Oh, by the way, this
goes in the refrigerator.

There you are.


What is all this? What? What?


I can see that.

Where did it come from?

The Marine and his
girlfriend brought it.

But why, why, why?

They said they wanted to help us

get started in business.

Get started in business?

They're stopping
us from business!

We gotta get in that
bank by tomorrow night!

I know, but we could...

Look, Herbie, we got a chance
to make a big score here.

You understand?

A real sweet haul.

But we can't do it with
guided tours coming through.

So get rid of them.

And right now! You understand?

Hey, Herb, would you mind

getting the inside of
the windows, please?

I've got to take this back.

It's against the law

not to return shopping carts,

and we don't want to
break any laws, do we?

Well, no, of course
not, but listen to me...

You be sure and get
every single corner, now.

All right, this has
gone far enough!

You must be Charley.

That's right. I'm Charley.

What do you mean taking
this plug out of the wall?

Well, I'm sorry.

I didn't know you was using it.

I had to plug in
the coffeemaker.

We got us a customer.

I don't care if
we got us a cu...

He works over at the bank.

When I was over there,

I told them all they
should try this place.

Now, this here is
Charley, the other partner.

Hi. Hi.

You'll be getting a lot of
business from the bank.

You ought to just knock this
wall down here between you.

What do you mean?

Wouldn't that be
something, though?

Having your own private
entrance to the bank?

Yeah, wouldn't
that be something?

Charley here's been
having the worst time

with the plumbing downstairs.

He's been trying to fix it.

Is that so? Maybe I
can give you a hand.

I'm pretty good at plumbing.

No, no! Don't bother!

They're just a couple
of busted valves,

and I got some coming...
There's nothing to do

down there at all, nothing.

Nothing at all.
Well, in that case,

maybe you can give
us a hand up here.

It'd be real nice to have the
place all cleaned up by tonight.

I mean, that is, if you're sure

there's nothing else you
have to do down in the cellar.

Oh, no, no, no! Th-There's
nothing to do down there!

I'll be glad to help you mop up.

Well, how about that!

With all of us pitching in,
I'm sure it's gonna come out

just like you fellas
was hoping it would.

Well, don't the curtains
just look beautiful?

Oh, they're very nice.

And we want to thank
you both for all your help.

Herb and I'll take it from here.

Thank you again. Thank
you very, very much.

Well, all right, then.

Well, your sign's

It says "Closed."

W-Well, we decided
to stay closed

until them pipes get fixed.

Don't want to open
to the general public

until everything is ready.

But... Uh, Herb and I

are gonna be working
downstairs over the weekend,

so we're gonna stay
closed until Monday.

Well, I guess you
know best. Yes.

And there's no hurry
about paying me back.

Promise me you
won't worry about that.

I promise.

Let's get back to work.

Did you ever see
two happier fellas?

It was worth every penny
whether I get it back or not.

It sure looks good.

Those curtains certainly
do make a difference.

It's a shame they can't
open till this weekend.

They're gonna lose all
their weekend business.

Some of that food's
gonna spoil, too.

I really hate to see that
"Closed" sign up there.

Business you lose,
you never get back.

Well, it just can't be helped...

They got all that work
to do down in the cellar.

Well, you don't suppose...

Lou-Ann, I was just thinking,

there's no picture we're
really dying to see, is there?

Well, no.

And since I have the
whole weekend off,

well, I was just
thinking... Gomer,

I know just what
you're gonna say,

and I think it's a
wonderful idea.

You mean you're
sure you'd like to do it?

Well, I would if you would.

And I would if you would.

Well, you decide.

Well, I say, when
doing a good deed,

there's no point in
stopping halfway.

You think we'll make it in time?

Sure. Tomorrow's Saturday.

We got all day to get
through the concrete.

Then tomorrow night,
we dynamite into the vault.

I hope we haven't burnt
out the drill... it smells funny.

Nah, it can't be the
drill... It's your imagination.

Oh, you smell it, too?

Yeah, but it
ain't the drill, it...

it smells more
like... bacon frying.


Surprise, surprise, surprise!

I just couldn't stand to
see you lose business.

So you go on back down to
the cellar and finish your work.

Lou-Ann's gone to the market
and she'll be back in a minute,

and when she does, we'll take care of
everything up here for the whole weekend.

B-But... Now,
don't try to thank us.

This is a lot more fun
than seeing any old movie.

Excuse me, now... I got
to get back to my eggs.

He did say the whole
weekend, didn't he?

Yeah. But maybe... We can't
waste any more time talking.

We got to get 'em out of here.

But how can we? We'll
get them down in the cellar,

and we'll tie them
up or something.

This is our chance
with the dame gone.

When she gets back,

we'll tell her he had
to go back to camp.

Ask him to come
downstairs a minute.

Is this the pipe you
mean? Yeah, that's right.

Just keep it from moving,

and I'll disconnect
it back there.

I really shouldn't stay
down here too long.

There ain't nobody upstairs.

W-Won't take long.

Lou-Ann and I had a great
idea for tomorrow night.

We thought we'd
have a big chicken fry.

Chicken fry, huh?

Work on that pipe
over here, huh?

And I'm inviting a
whole platoon of Marines

down here for a supper party.

Gonna fill the whole
place with Marines, huh?

That is, if you don't
mind a little noise.

Oh, I-I don't mind
the noise. I mean,

Real noise, 'cause when
them fellas get together,

you can't hear yourself think.

Well, it'll be a real blowout.


Real blowout, huh?

Hey, that's a great idea!

The more, the merrier.

Thanks for helping.

But I didn't do anything.

Believe me, you helped
more than you know.

Now, you just go on upstairs

and start organizing
the big party.

Well, all right.

Charley, what
was that all about?

We've been going
at this all wrong.

Instead of trying
to get rid of him,

we'll use him. But-but
tomorrow night,

that's when we're
busting in the bank, ain't it?

Right. And what better cover

than a whole place
full of Marines.

Who's gonna get suspicious?

And the best part of it is,

the noise they make'll drown
out the explosion down here.

You mean we're... we're
gonna pull off the job

with the joint full of people?

Sure. Tomorrow night there's
gonna be two blowouts here...

One upstairs for laughs,
and one down here...

for money.

Another order of
fried chicken, Gomer.

Coming right up.

Isn't this just wonderful?

It sure is.

Uh, excuse me, please.

Give me the timer.

I hope it didn't get damp.

That'd ruin it.

No, it works
perfect... I checked it.

Herb? Oh, Herb? Yeah?

Can you lend a
hand for a minute?

Go on, I'll finish here.

All you do is just roll it up

in the flour like this,

then put it in the basket,

and then put the
basket in the grease.

That's all there is
to it... Now you try it.

Well, gee, Gomer, I don't
know if I could. Oh, sure you can.

I've got to go help
with the tables.

We got more people
showing up than we expected.

Oh, I forgot... I got
a surprise for you.

A chef's hat! That's right!

"Herb"! Put it on.

I got one for Charley, too.

All set.

It goes off at 9:00 sharp.

Good. Try this.

I cooked it myself.

Hey, not bad.

Charley? Yeah?

If you don't mind, $6.50 out
of ten, please? Sure, sure.

$6.50 out of ten.

One, two, three, and
there's your change.

Oh, it looks just marvelous.

It looks pretty good, huh? Yeah.


Would you just look at
them two, happy as clams.

Boy, this is a night
they'll never forget.

You know, it's just a shame
they're gonna have to do

all of that work
down in the cellar.

They're gonna miss
all the excitement.

I know what... why
don't I go in the cellar

and work on the pipes, and they can
stay up here and be in on everything?

I turned the music up
louder like you told me.

Good, good.

Just two minutes to go.

Come here, I want to
show you something.

Sure having a big night.

We're gonna clear a
couple of hundred easy.

Uh, we ought to put
part of this out of sight.

Some punk going
by might get ideas.

Yeah. You can't be
too careful these days.


Charley, how much do we owe you?

Uh, that'll be two bucks apiece.

Really good chow, fellas.

Yeah, terrific, man.

So long, Herb. So long.

So long, Charley. See
you guys next week.

That's right... See
you next week.

What am I saying?

There ain't gonna
be no next week.

I almost forgot.

These came for you when
you were down in the cellar.

Flowers? For us?

Aren't they beautiful?
But-but who would send...

The bank sent them,
with a card that says:

"Good luck, from
your neighbors."

Now, isn't that darling?


How about that!

The bank sent us flowers!

Everybody's being
nice to us, ain't they?

And we're making good money.

Say, Charley?


Well, don't laugh,

but I almost wish
we wasn't gonna do it.

You're a little late.

Quick, cover the noise.

Well, there go the profits.

They never even
noticed the explosion.

Come on.

Oh, we-we-we'd
better go back down

and finish with the pipes.

Oh, you don't have to
do that... Gomer's doing it.

Gomer's down there?

Uh-huh. He went down
about ten minutes ago.

He wanted you all to stay
up here and enjoy yourselves.

I'm awful sorry, fellas.

I come down
here to fix this pipe,

and it just busted clean off.

I really couldn't
help it, though.

And then the water just kept
getting deeper and deeper.

I can't tell you how
bad I feel about it.

But I did find the handle
that turns off the water,

so at least it won't
leak anymore.

That sure was some party
we had last night, wasn't it?

Did you get the pipes fixed?

Yeah, the plumber came
this morning... all set.

Hey, Herb, what's that
you're making there?

Oh, it's stew... I
found this great recipe.

You know, Gomer, uh...

I think Charley and me

are in the restaurant
business to stay.

Herbie! Oh, excuse me.

This isn't so good.

They've got a customer waiting.

They should be paying
more attention to business.

Well, maybe we were
wrong about them.

I know I left the rest of
that dynamite down here,

but I can't find it!

Hey, Herb? Charley?

Yeah, Gomer? It was
in a little canvas bag!

Oh, are you looking for
that little overnight bag?

Yeah. I took it upstairs
last night after we closed.

I didn't want
things getting wet.

Then it's upstairs.

Yeah, I put it on that
shelf over the oven.

Over the oven?!

By the way, you got a
customer upstairs waiting.

Nothing to worry about
with them fellas, no, sir.

Did you see the
way they hustled off

when I told them they
had a customer waiting?