Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 5, Episode 18 - To Save a Life - full transcript

Starring... as Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Not bad, Adams, but you
still got to get rid of it faster.

All right, Pyle, you're next.

Come on, let's go, let's
go, let's go, let's go, let's go!

Come on, Pyle, let's move.

Now, let's show a little hustle.

Last time around, you threw
like the second string pitcher

on a girls softball team.

All right, let's go.

Hit the deck!

Hit the deck!

You all right, Pyle?

Well, yes, sir, I think so.

Are you sure?

Well, yes, sir, I'm fine.

Good. You lamebrain,

how long have you been
in the Marine Corps?!

Can't you do anything
without fouling up?!

Sorry, Sergeant. I guess
I was just trying too hard.

Sure, sure, you
always try too hard.

You could have
gotten yourself killed,

you know that, don't you?!

All right, you
people, take a break.

Well, what are you
standing there for?

I said take a break.

What are you staring at?

It just hit me, Sergeant.

You just saved my life.


Well, that's what
you done, Sergeant.

You just saved my life.

All right, I saved you life.

We all make mistakes.

With no thought
of your own safety,

you got rid of that grenade,
and then you protected me.

Oh, it's part of my job, Pyle.

I'm always stand in the line

just in case
something goes wrong.

Now forget it.

Well, I'll never forget
it, Sergeant. Never.

Not for the rest of my life.

I want to thank you from
the bottom of my heart.


On top of everything else,

you've done for me
in the Marine Corps,

now I owe you my
life, my very life.

All right, Pyle, don't make
a federal case out of it.

But you're a hero, Sergeant.

I'll never be able to repay you.

Don't worry about it.

All right, you people, fall in.

We're moving out
to the rifle range.

Come on, move, move, move!

That includes you, too, Pyle.

Yes, sir.

Good morning. Good
morning. Good morning.

Pyle, what do you want?

I've brought you your
Sunday breakfast.

Hmm? I sure hope you enjoy it.

Here, let me sit
you up a little bit.

What is this? Are
you out of your mind?

I never have breakfast in bed.

Well, you're going
to this morning.

Nothing's too good for
the man that saved my life.

What's that?

Basted eggs with parsley.

Pyle, listen, I...
It'll go real good

with the Canadian
bacon and the waffles.

Pyle, it was nice of you

to bring me breakfast,
but I ain't hungry.

I'm sleepy, that's what I am.

It's Sunday morning,
and I like my sleep.

Do you mind?

Why, sure, Sergeant.

I'll just put this over here,
so when you wake up...

Yeah, yeah, just go.

Right, Sergeant. Bye!


What's the matter?

Ain't you ever seen a guy
have breakfast in bed before?

Yeah, Cary Grant
on The Late Show.

He was a millionaire,
and he had a butler.

Look, I didn't send
for this, Pyle brought it.

- What's the occasion?
- No occasion.

He's just being grateful. Huh?

The knucklehead
dropped a grenade

during practice yesterday,

and I had to pick it
up and get rid of it.

And now I'm a big hero to him,
so he's showing his gratitude.

Oh, sure, you saved his life.

Well, the quicker he
forgets it, the better I'll like it.

Here. Take this, will you?

What do you want
me to do with it?

Frame it! Huh?

Just take it back to Pyle.

Okay, Sarge.

My clothes!


Where are my clothes?

Gee, Sarge, I don't know.

Is this some kind
of gag, Slater?

Because if it
is, it ain't funny.

Sarge, I didn't
touch your clothes.

Oh, you're up, Sergeant.

I was just bringing
your uniforms back.

They're all freshly
laundered and pressed.


I had a little trouble
getting the spaghetti stains

out of one of your shirts,

but I added a little extra soap,

some elbow grease,
and out they came.

You cleaned all of my uniforms?

When did you have time?

Oh, before I got your breakfast.

It was 6:00 this morning,

and I kind of tiptoed
in here and got them.

Pyle, you didn't
have to do that.

Oh, but I wanted to, Sergeant.

It's the least I could do.

Hey, Duke, did you
hear about the Sergeant

saving my life?

Yeah, Gomer. Here's your tray.

There I was, lying
helpless on the ground

with a live grenade ticking away

not more than a
few feet from me...

Pyle, knock it off. Just go.

Yes, sir.

Oh, would you hold
this a minute, Duke?

I'll have these back for
you and shined in just a jiffy.

I'll take that now, Duke.

Oh, Sergeant,
you're in good shape

with your shorts
and your T-shirts.

They're all washed and
back in your footlocker.

This is ridiculous.

That's all I need,
a personal valet.

Hey, this smells funny.

Smells like it's
been washed in soap

that has one of
those lilac fresheners.

Boy, what you got to go through
when you save a guy's life.

Well, Sarge, how about
some bowling tonight?

No, I got a date with Bunny.

I'm taking her to a movie.

What are you gonna see?

Uh, something called
Flame of the South Seas.

I hear that's the worse
picture of the year.

Who's gonna look?

When Bunny and me get started,

the actors on the screen
are gonna be looking at us.

Oh, that's one way to keep
the popcorn warm, huh?

Yeah, you can say that again.

Oh, I think I'll go
over to the rec hall

and see what's happening.

I'll see you later.


Oh, hey, Sergeant.

I'm just about through here.

Would you look
at that gloss there.

Looks like one of them
Saturday night specials

at a used car lot.

Look, Pyle, you
didn't have to do this.

You've done enough already.

Oh, I can never do enough
for the man that saved my life.

Well, there you are.

I did the inside, too, Sergeant.

I swept the floor and
emptied the ashtrays,

even polished the
buckles for your seat belts.

All that wasn't
necessary, you know.

You've thanked me
enough, so forget it.

Oh, I don't think I could
ever do that, Sergeant.

What you done for me is
something I'll never forget.

Look, I got to get going,

or I'll miss the price
change at the Bijou.

Are you gonna go see
Flame of the South Seas?

Yeah. Bunny wants to see it.

Well, it's a good
thing I waxed your car.

You two have fun, you hear?

And give Miss Bunny my regards.

Yeah, yeah.

Bye, Sergeant.

Good-bye, good-bye.

Sergeant! Sergeant!

I forgot to tell you.

I also adjusted your brakes.

Flame of the South Seas?

I still don't know why
you picked this picture.

I heard it's a good movie.

Slater personally
recommended it.

Well, when are we ever
gonna see a first run movie?

We always manage to see pictures

about ten minutes before
they reach television.

Right over there.


Excuse me.

Look, Bunny, the
picture ain't important.

It's the company
that counts, right?

Okay, Casanova.

Excuse me.

Well, for goodness
sakes, look who's here.

If this ain't a surprise!

Why, Gomer.

Hey, Miss Bunny,
Sergeant Carter.

Pyle, want are you doing here?

Well, I tried to get
in over at the Rivoli

for that first run movie,
but the line was too long,

so I had to settle for this.

Oh, you don't have any popcorn.

Let me go get you some popcorn.

Never mind, Pyle.

It's the least I can do for
the man that saved my life,

is buy him and his
girl some popcorn.

You saved his life?!

I couldn't help it.

He's a hero, Miss
Bunny, a real hero.

I'm surprised he hadn't
told you about it yet.

There I was, stretched
out... Shh! Shh!

I'll tell you about
it after the show.

I'll go get your popcorn now.

Okay. Huh?

Come on, let's get out of
here before he gets back.

Vince, we can't.

He's getting us some popcorn.

I ain't gonna have that
dummy sitting behind us

during the whole picture.

Now come on.

Well, what about the movie?

Forget it.

Slater says it's the
worst picture of the year.

I thought he personally
recommended it.

Well, what does he know?

He's no critic.


Aw, shush yourself!

Come on, let's get out of here.

Vince, that isn't
nice. Now, come on!

Here you go.

Miss Bunny, there's popcorn.

Oh, thanks. Sergeant.

I also bought you some soda
pop to wash it all down with.

The cola's for you, Miss Bunny.

Oh, thanks.

And I remembered you
like root beer, Sergeant.

There you go.

I bought you a chocolate
bar for a little later on.

One for you. Oh, thanks, Gomer.

There you go, Sergeant.

Enjoy yourselves, folks.

Pyle, do you have
to sit behind us

during the entire picture?

Well, no, Sergeant.

I guess I don't have to.

Thank you.

Got everything you
need now, folks?

That's wonderful.

And then, quick as a fox,

he reached down
and got the grenade

and flung it out of
the way just in time.

Just think... if he hadn't
had been so brave,

I wouldn't be standing
here talking to you right now.

Oh, Vince, I'm so proud of you.

So am I.

Whatever pleasure
I get out of life

from now on, I owe
to Sergeant Carter.

And someday, I'm gonna
get married and have children.

If I have a son, I'm gonna
name him after you... Vincent.

Yes, sir, Norman Vincent Pyle!

I'm honored, Pyle.

Well, if it wasn't
for you, it wouldn't

be possible.

I'm grateful,
grateful, grateful!

Good night, Pyle.

Good night,
Sergeant, Miss Bunny.

I enjoyed seeing
the movie with you.

Oh, us, too. Good night, Gomer.

Grateful, grateful, grateful.

He certainly does worship you.

Yeah, yeah.

Look, it's still a little early.

How about a drive to the beach?

Maybe we can have a
little privacy for a change.

Oh, I don't think so, Vince.


Well, I don't know whether
it was that popcorn and stuff

that Gomer bought
at the theatre or what,

but I don't feel so hot.

You'd better take me home.

But we ain't had a
chance to be alone.

Well, some other time, huh?

I'm just not with it tonight.


Pyle and his refreshments.

Well, he was just
trying to be nice.

You heard what he said. He's...

Yeah, grateful,
grateful, grateful.

Pyle and his stupid popcorn...

"Dear Sergeant Carter,

"I thought you might be hungry,

"so I left you some
milk and cookies

"for a bedtime snack.

"I also left you a surprise

"under the covers
at the foot of the bed.

"I hope it keeps you comfy
cozy during the chilly night.

"I want you to know

"that I'm gonna keep
right on doing nice things

"for the nice man
who saved my life

forever and ever and ever."

And when I got up this morning,

I found out he washed
my shirts again!

I tell you, Slater,

I'm getting sick of
the smell of lilac.

Don't knock it, Sarge.
I wish I had somebody

washing my uniforms
and waiting on me like that.

Yeah, but if it was
anyone else but Pyle.

You don't know what it's like to
open your eyes in the morning

and the first thing you
see is that big, stupid grin.

You save a guy's life, you
gotta expect him to be grateful.

You say that word
again and I'll belt you!

Take it easy, Sarge. You're
becoming a nervous wreck.

What do you mean "becoming"?
I am a nervous wreck.

He's like a ghost
haunting me wherever I go.

I can't take it anymore.

Hey, Sergeant.

Look what I brought you.

A nice bunch of
freshly picked apples.

Pyle, I told you, you've
done enough already.

Oh, I just couldn't
resist it, Sergeant.

You know that old apple
tree down by the firing range.

I was walking
past it this morning,

and I looked up and there
they was, ripe and ready.

And I said to myself,

"Wouldn't they look
nice on Sergeant's desk?"

And before I knew what was
happening, I was up in that tree

picking them.

Huh? Huh?

You got a real
problem there, Sarge.

Saving a guy's life
is a pretty big thing.

He's driving me nuts.

Well, Gomer's just trying
to show you his gratitude.

So he's grateful;
when's it gonna stop?

Probably never.
Knowing Gomer, he'll keep

right on going as
long as he figures

he owes you something. Yeah.

But supposing he
stopped owing me? Huh?

What if Pyle saved my life?

Then we'd be even, right?

Well, yeah, but how's
he going to save your life?

Things like that just
don't happen every day.

I'll make it happen. How?

Let's see, Pyle
ain't too bright,

so it's got to be
pretty simple. What?

The setup.

Yeah, and you're
going to help me.

I'll be standing out
back talking to Pyle,

you'll come bearing
down on me in a jeep.

Pyle will see me
about to get run over,

he'll reach out and
pull me out of the way,

and we'll be even.

Pyle, what are you doing?

Well, I'm spreading
these pebbles

like you told me to.

Pyle, don't you realize
that this is a road?

When raking pebbles,

you always stand
to the side, like this.

You never stand out
in the middle of a road.

You could get hit
by a car or a... a truck

or a... jeep.

You know, Sergeant, I
never thought of it that way.

I could have been killed.


Just a second, Pyle.

Why don't you get
that spot over there?

Yes, sir.

Slater, what's the
matter with you?!

Sorry, Sarge, it
just won't start.

Hmm? Let me in there.

Hit it!

Now pay attention this time!


Yes, sir?

You come here when
I'm talking to you!

Yes, sir!

Yes, Sergeant?

Look at that!

You call that level?

There's a bald spot there!

You're right, Sergeant.
I'll get some more pebbles.

You stupid idiot!
You almost killed me!

Sergeant, are you all right?

Yeah, yeah.

Whoever that was,
was sure driving fast.

You could've been killed.

I'm all right.

Just look at your uniform.

And I just cleaned it yesterday.

But don't worry.

I'll clean it again
tonight, Sergeant.

There's plenty of time

right after I finish
darning your socks.

Sarge, you've got to be kidding.

I'm desperate.

Look, as soon as he
passes by and hears me

yelling for help down there,
he's got to save me, right?

All he's got to
do is pull me up.

Yeah, but ain't it
a little dangerous?

Who knows how
deep it is down there?

It's an old, abandoned
well. It can't be more than

three or four feet
of water down there.

Besides, I'll hang on
to the rope anyway.

And you're sure he's
coming by this way?

That's why I sent him
on that ammo detail.

The only way back is right
along beside this well here.

It's foolproof. Now, look,

you go down and get
behind them bushes.

As soon as you see him coming,

you give me the
birdcall whistle.

Gee, this is more involved
than the attack plan

of the Dirty Dozen. Never mind!

He ought to be here any
minute now; get going.

And this time, pay attention!

Right, Sarge.

No, no, wait, Sarge!

That was a real bird.

I'll give a signal
with a handkerchief.

Okay, okay.

Help! Somebody help me!

Help! Somebody help me!

Help! Help!

Help! Somebody help me!

Help! Help!

I guess he didn't
hear you, Sarge!

Those jets!

Hey, Sarge, what are
you doing in the water?

I thought you were going
to hold onto the rope?

It was slippery.
Get me out of here!

Right, coming up.

Hurry up, Slater! What
are you doing up there?!

Going as fast as I can, Sarge.

Come on, Slater.
Get me out of here!

Hang on, Sarge!

Knock it off!

Get me off of here!

Bless you.


That stupid Pyle!

He don't even know
how to save a guy's life.

You'd better forget it, Sarge.

You're going to
get yourself hurt.

I can't forget it.
He ain't letting up.

Do you know what
he just asked Hacker?

If he could use
the mess hall stove

to bake me some brownies.

The whole base
is beginning to talk.

And the Colonel's
starting to smell my shirts.

Well, you're just going
to have to live with it.

Oh, no, I ain't.

I gotta even the score, Slater.

I gotta even the score.


Sergeant? Sergeant Carter?!

Sergeant! Sergeant!

Wake up! Sergeant!

Will you...

Sarge, what went wrong?

He was supposed
to carry you out. Sure.

But the dummy passed out on me.

I had to save his life.

I did it again.

Boy, are you in trouble. Now
the score is two to nothing.


He's starting to come to.

When he remembers
I saved his life again...

Start pumping, Slater. Right.

Not him, dummy! Me! Me!

What? I'm passed out, get it?

Oh! Pump, Slater, pump!

What happened?

How did I get out here?

Is the sergeant all right?

I'm working on him, Gomer.

Well, I tried to save him,

but the last I
remember is I fell down

and it seems I passed out.

Hey, he's going to be all right.

Oh, thank goodness.

What happened?

Where am I?

The last I remember,

someone was
pulling me to safety.


It must have been you!

You saved my life!

Well, how could I,
Sergeant? I blacked out!


You did it on pure instinct,

with the last ounce of
your remaining strength.

Slater, will you stop!

I'm trying to congratulate Pyle!

Congratulations, Pyle.

But... you mean, I really
did all those things?

With no thought of your
own personal safety,

practically passed out yourself,

you drug me out of danger.

Really? I guess we never know

what we've got in us
until there's a crisis, huh?

I guess not.

All I can say, Pyle, is thanks.

I'll never forget you for this.

Hey! You know what
just occurred to me?

I saved your life,
and you saved mine.

You know what that makes us?

Even! I suppose so, Sergeant,

but I'm still kind of
fuzzy on how I done it.

Isn't that just
like him, Slater?

Not only brave, but modest.

He saves a life and he
doesn't even remember it.

"Humble," that's
the word, humble.

With a heart that big.

Let's hear it for a hero.

You got that vent
fixed yet, Peters?

Be ready in about another
ten minutes, Sergeant.

Okay. Hey, Sergeant!

I've got some free time.

Is there anything you
want me to do for you?

Launder your clothes or
spruce up the duty hut?

Hey, maybe we can
make this button day,

and I can tighten up
all them loose buttons.

Pyle, you don't have
to do that anymore.

We're even, remember?

Well, I know, Sergeant,
but I still like to do those...

Look, Pyle, you
don't owe me a thing.

I saved your life,
now you saved mine,

so let's forget all about it.

I suppose so, Sergeant.
I guess we are even.

Look out, Pyle!

Sorry, Sergeant,
it just slipped.

You ought to be more careful.

You could've gotten Pyle killed!

That's right.

No! I mean, that ain't true.

It didn't drop
anywhere near you.

But it did, Sergeant.

If you hadn't pulled
me out of the he way...

You saved my life again!

No, I didn't.

It dropped a good
five yards from you.

But that's not true.

Sergeant, it was about
to land right on top of me.

Appears I owe you a debt of
gratitude once again, Sergeant.

No, you don't, Pyle!

You don't owe me anything.

I owe you everything, Sergeant.

No, Pyle, no!

Grateful is what I am.

Grateful! Grateful! Grateful!

No! No! No!