Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 3, Episode 12 - Follow That Car - full transcript
Gomer and Sgt. Carter are robbed of $650 of radio equipment by 2 armed smugglers.
Starring... as Gomer Pyle.
Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.
♪ ♪
I'm sorry to have put you
to all of this trouble, mister.
Have a nice trip.
Boy, what a waste
of time this is.
I'll bet we've stopped 20 cars,
and for what? Nothing!
Well, there must be
smugglers operating in this area.
Oh, Gomer, you
really believe that?
Well, why else would the
state police ask the Marines
to cooperate in setting
up all these roadblocks?
It's all part of a big trap.
Some trap. Stuck out
here in the boondocks,
we've got a better chance
of trapping a gopher.
Well, you just never know.
The Mexican border is
practically around the corner,
and them smugglers is
getting through somehow.
Hey, Duke, here comes a car.
Gomer, believe me, it's nothing.
Believe me, it's nothing.
What's the matter, here?
Is something wrong?
Sorry to trouble you, ma'am,
but we have orders
to stop every car.
What?!
What are you talking about?
Gomer, she's no smuggler.
Uh, that's all right, ma'am.
You can be on your way.
Now wait a minute, Duke.
I know you're not
a smuggler, ma'am.
It's just that we have
orders to search every car.
What do you think you're
going to find in this car?
Well, you never know, ma'am.
You could be the innocent
carrier of smuggled goods.
Them smugglers could
have put some articles
in your car unbeknownst to you.
(scoffs) For heaven's sake!
Gomer, will you let her...? MAN
(over radio): Attention! Attention!
Road Block Charlie Three!
Road Block Charlie Three!
That's us. I'll get
it. And let her go.
I'll search under the hood.
That's always a
favorite hiding place.
Road Block Charlie
Three, reporting.
MAN: Charlie Three,
secure all equipment
and prepare to move out.
Transportation will pick you up
at main intersection
at 1300 hours.
Acknowledge and over.
Roger. Okay,
Gomer, let's wrap it up.
We got to meet the
truck in ten minutes.
Shazam! Would you look at that?
What is it, Gomer?
What did you find?
Jewelry? Marijuana? What?
A corroded battery
cable. A what?
Well, look for yourself.
It's about ready to break off.
Oh, brother. Never mind that.
Let's pack up and
get out of here.
The truck's on its way.
Ma'am, if I was you, I'd try
to get that fixed right away.
It could give you some trouble.
That's Emil's Service
Station for you.
They're always in such a hurry.
And, ma'am, while you're at it,
your fan belt's a little loose.
You could have Emil
tighten that up, too.
Gomer, let's go!
We're going to be late!
WOMAN: The fan
belt, too? Yes, ma'am.
In the morning, how
does she start up?
Does she start up right away?
No, not really.
Oh, boy.
Think I know
what the trouble is.
It's your spark plugs.
I think you got weak plugs.
I am certainly going
to tell Emil about this.
Young man?
Yes, ma'am?
Would you please
check the oil and water?
Oh, I'd be glad to.
Gomer, what are you doing?
We got to pack the radio.
Your water's fine, ma'am.
You're about a half
quart down on your oil.
Looks like to me
she needs changing.
You're getting a little gritty.
WOMAN: Thank you, young man.
Emil is certainly going
to hear it from me.
You mean you're not
going to do her windshield?
Oh.
Gomer!
Thank you very much, Private.
You've been very kind.
It's okay, ma'am.
You just tell Emil
that a satisfied customer
is a loyal customer.
I'll tell Emil all right.
(engine starting)
Okay, Gomer?
Too bad you don't give stamps.
No wonder people have so
much trouble with their cars.
Everybody's in such a hurry.
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Do you know who's not going
to be in business very long?
Emil.
My aching back.
And they call this
equipment portable?
Well, if you want
to rest a while,
we could stop for a breather.
A breather? We'll
be late for the truck.
You and your car servicing.
Hey, there it is!
There it is! You see?
You was worried
for nothing, Duke.
We're here in plenty of time.
SLATER: Hey, it's leaving!
Hey, fellas, wait for us!
Wait for Charlie Three!
Wait for us! Wait!
Well, that's the
motor pool for you.
They could have waited.
Of all the rotten...
We can't blame them, Duke.
We was late.
Might as well make an
example of us as anybody.
Yeah, and guess
whose fault it is?
Now, you sorry
you didn't give that lady a
wash and lube job, Gomer?
I'm sorry, Duke. That helps.
In the meantime, we're
stuck way out here.
It's at least ten
miles to the base.
I guess the only thing
for us to do now
is to hitch a ride.
Folks are always happy
to pick up servicemen.
You were saying about us
picking up a ride, Gomer?
Any, uh... any particular day?
There just hasn't
been much traffic.
Well, I got to rest, Gomer.
This thing weighs a ton.
Hey, Duke, here comes one now.
Huh?
(brakes squeaking)
What's up, boys?
Excuse me, sir. Are you going
as far as the Marine base?
Could we hitch a ride with you?
Well, uh... Please?
This is awful heavy,
and I really would
appreciate it.
Well, I suppose so, okay.
Can we put this
equipment in your trunk?
Yeah. Yeah, I-I guess so.
This is real neighborly of you.
My name's Gomer
Pyle, Private First Class,
and this is my buddy,
PFC. Duke Slater.
How you doing?
Pleasure to meet you.
My name's Burton.
You fellas been
out on maneuvers?
Oh, no, we've been out
helping the state
police set up roadblocks.
Did you know this whole area
is infested with smugglers?
No kidding!
Are you from around here, sir?
No, I'm from upstate.
I'm just stopping off in
town on some business.
Well, listen, if you're going
to be in town a day or two,
why don't you come
out to the base?
We can show you
through our barracks
and take you through
the service club.
We've got new Ping-Pong
tables and cork paddles.
Well, thanks. Uh,
perhaps some other time?
Well, you're welcome any time,
on account of we
got all kinds of things
you'd be interested in.
Do you know what
you might like to see?
You might like to
see our fat boys' gym.
That's where we
really slim 'em down.
Another time.
(engine starting)
Uh-oh.
What's the matter?
Listen.
Huh?
I think you've got
a bad water pump.
What?! Gomer, don't start.
I think you've got
a bad water pump.
Have you been going to
Emil's Service Station, too?
Who?
Nothing, Mr. Burton,
nothing at all.
(brakes squeak)
SLATER: Thanks
again for the lift.
We really appreciate it.
It's okay. PYLE:
Well, thanks again,
Mr. Burton, and I'd have
that water pump looked at.
So long, Mr. Burton!
You hear that?
You can hear that
water pump from here.
The radio!
Oh, Duke, we left it
in Mr. Burton's trunk.
What are we going to do?!
That's a good question.
Oh, Duke, this is awful!
What do we tell the sergeant?
What's even more scary is,
what's Sergeant Carter
going to say to us?!
Of all the birdbrained,
numbskull, knuckleheaded stunts!
You're right, Sergeant, it
was just plain silly of us,
and we could
just kick ourselves.
Couldn't we, Duke?
Just kick ourselves.
Now, hear this, you goofballs,
that piece of equipment cost
the government 650 bucks.
$650? That much?
And I signed for it.
Do you understand that, Pyle?
I am responsible!
Well, that's just
not fair, Sergeant.
It was our fault,
and we should at least
share in the responsibility.
Oh, really?
Sarge, there must be some
way of getting that radio back.
After all, we know the
driver's name. That's right!
His name's Mr. Burton,
and he's a real nice fella.
Yeah, I'll bet.
Probably a real nice crook.
Oh, no, not Mr. Burton.
And, I'm sure we'd
recognize the car.
I'd know it anywhere.
Oh, you would, huh? Pyle,
did you ever stop to think,
there are probably a million
of them cars running
around the country?
Where do we start
to look, Maine?
How about Chicago?
Well, wait a minute!
I just remembered.
Mr. Burton's staying
over here in town.
That's right! He's
here on business.
Well, so what? A fat
chance you got of finding him.
Please, Sarge. It's worth a try.
The town's not all that big.
Right. What have we got to lose?
PYLE: Can we try,
Sergeant, please?
You sure you'd
recognize the car?
Yes, sir, Sarge, I'm positive.
Go get changed.
Slater, you stay here
and answer the phone.
Just on the slim
chance, this guy turns out
not to be a crook and calls in.
Right, Sarge.
Yeah, and there's one
more thing you can do... pray!
(horn honking)
Well?
Nothing yet, Sergeant.
A wild-goose chase.
I'll tell you something, Pyle.
If you don't find that
radio, you're going
to be court-martialed and
shipped to a new base.
A new base? That's right.
Fort Leavenworth. Leavenworth?
That's correct.
You may become a
30-year man there.
Well, I deserve it, Sergeant.
It's just that... That's it!
There it is, Sergeant!
That's the car!
Are you sure this
is the car, Pyle?
Are you positive?
This is it,
Sergeant, this is it.
It was dark blue and
had white sidewall tires.
I remember. This is
Mr. Burton's car all right.
(distant honking)
Yeah, this is
the car, all right.
Boy, aren't we lucky, Sergeant?
Yeah, very. The trunk's locked.
Oh, well, then, we'll just have
to wait here till
Mr. Burton gets back.
Well, what if he
doesn't get back?
He may be gone all day.
We got to get this
radio back to Supply.
What will we do?
Well, there's
nothing else I can do.
I'll have to pick the lock.
Pick the lock?!
You're not thinking about
breaking into
Mr. Burton's car, are you?
Pyle, I don't have much choice.
I hate to do it, but
it's a two-dollar lock
against a $650's worth
of government equipment.
But breaking in, Sergeant.
We could get in a
whole lot or trouble.
What do you think
we're in right now?
Just keep your eye out and
see that we're not spotted.
It's empty!
Sergeant, there's the car.
What did you say?
That car that just
passed... that's it.
That's really
it, that's the car.
Don't tell me that's the car!
This is the car... The
one we just broke into!
No, Sergeant, that's it.
Mr. Burton was driving it.
I recognized him.
But you told me... Oh!
Oh, leave it alone! Come on!
(distant honking)
(horn honking)
(tires screeching)
(horn honking, tires squealing)
(horn honking,
brakes screeching)
This is the car all right.
I recognize the upholstery.
Mr. Burton must have gone
into one of these buildings.
Well, we're not waiting
for him, that's for sure.
You're not going to do that
again, are you, Sergeant?
Pyle, I told you...
I have no choice.
Another empty!
Pyle!
Hey, Harry, look over
there down the street.
That bulletin we just got
about the two car
thieves in Marine uniforms.
Pyle, what is it with you?
Well, I just don't
understand, Sergeant.
The radio's...
Sergeant, the police.
Huh?
They're looking this way.
Uh... Uh... Let's go.
(engine starting)
(engine idling)
Now, where are they?
They were standing
here just a minute ago.
Do you think they're gone yet?
Quiet, I can hear 'em.
Ow.
I sure wish they'd go.
My tailbone is backed
up against the jack handle.
Shh!
Maybe they ducked
around the corner.
Let's check.
(car starts)
Sounds like they took off.
Let's hang on for another
minute and then get out.
That was a close call, Sergeant.
We was lucky, just plain lucky.
(car starts)
We're moving,
Sergeant, we're moving.
Where are we going?
I don't know,
Pyle, I don't know,
but wherever it is, why do I
have to go there with you?
I know this is all
my fault, Sergeant,
and I just want you to
know how sorry I am.
Don't talk, Pyle,
just don't talk.
Later we'll talk.
We'll go back to my office,
we'll move the furniture,
lock the door, and
then we'll have a talk.
Oh, boy, will we talk.
You don't have to
tell me, Sergeant.
I know I'm responsible
for that radio
and, well, if it means
clearing your good name,
I'm more than willing
to go to the penitentiary.
Oh, no, Pyle, if we
don't find that radio,
I'm the one going
to the penitentiary.
You, Sergeant, but
why you should you go?
I'm the one that should go.
You can't go, Pyle, because,
you see, you're dead.
I killed you, that's
why I'm going,
and it'll be worth
every minute of it.
Looks like we're slowing down.
Yeah.
(rain falling)
Well, what do you know?
It's starting to rain.
Do you hear it,
Sergeant, do you hear it?
Yeah, I hear, I hear.
That's a nice sound,
rain on the roof.
I always did... Knock it off.
This may be the time
to make our getaway.
Come on, let's
get this trunk open.
Ready?
One, two... go!
Believe me, I-I had no idea
you fellas were
trying to follow me.
Well, we had no
choice, Mr. Burton.
You see, that's a
pretty expensive piece
of government equipment.
I figured it was. That's why
I put it in my motel room.
The minute I found it, I
wanted to get in touch
with you boys, but
I didn't know how.
Well, I just knew it
was safe, I just knew it.
You see, Sergeant Carter,
and you were so worried.
Sergeant Carter here thought
you might be a sneak thief
and try to make off with it.
CARTER: Knock it off, Pyle.
Do you mind, Mr. Burton?
Come on.
Well, this is it, fellas.
We'll go in, and you
can pick up the radio.
Sure picked a nice
place to stay, Mr. Burton.
Plenty of parking space,
and look over there, Sergeant.
They got free television.
If you and Miss
Bunny ever got married,
this would be a nice place
to spend your honeymoon.
Yeah, real good, Pyle.
(sighs)
Well, there it is, boys, if
you want to check it over.
Boy, am I glad
to see this again.
Gee, thank you, Mr. Burton,
for keeping it so nice for us.
Okay, Pyle, stow that equipment.
We'll give it the old heave-ho.
And whatever you do, don't...
Don't worry, Sergeant,
nothing's going to happen.
Pyle.
Personally, I think we owe
Mr. Burton a whole heap of thanks
for putting him to
so much trouble.
Shazam!
Just get your hands up.
What's the angle?
What did you
bring them here for?
Don't you get it?!
Their uniforms
are just the ticket
for getting us through
those roadblocks.
Sergeant, guess what?
They're smugglers! No kidding?
BURTON: Let's get going.
Well, what are you
two waiting for?!
Get those uniforms off!
Mr. Burton, you may have
done some awful things,
but I just know you
couldn't take the uniform
off the back of a serviceman.
Well, the pants
are a little too long,
but the shirt fits fine.
Oh, you look terrific, boss.
I sure am surprised
at you, Mr. Burton.
I mean, anybody that's nice
enough to pick up a serviceman,
and then turn out like this.
You're breaking my heart.
Come on, Nick, grab the radio,
and let's load it in the car.
The radio?! What do you
guys want with the radio?!
That won't do you
any good. Oh, yeah?
Maybe it won't bring as
much as a brand-new one...
That beat-up old thing?
You'll be lucky if
you can give it away.
BURTON: Yeah?
Didn't you say it
cost a lot of money?
Yes, he did.
That radio cost a lot of money.
BURTON: Uh-huh.
Well, I just said so that my
men would take better care
of the equipment from now on.
That radio's
practically worthless.
Oh. no, Sergeant, you
was right in the first place.
Duke and me looked it
up in the supply catalogue.
It's like you
said... It cost $650.
NICK: $650, huh?
It may be even
more than that now.
That was last year's catalogue.
Thanks, pal. Now maybe
we won't sell it too cheap.
Nice going, Pyle.
You just blew the radio.
Thanks for the uniform, boys.
Well, Nick, I guess
you could say
we're a couple of
squared-away Marines.
You don't look like
squared-away Marines
to me, that's for sure.
Pyle! Well, they
don't, Sergeant.
They're not going
to get very far
with their pockets
unbuttoned like that,
and no tie clasp, and the
hat on at the wrong angle.
Well, thanks, pal.
We'll take care of
those little details
so we don't get stopped.
And another thing...
You ain't going
to get very far with
that bad water pump.
That thing's ready to
go on you any time now.
And the sooner, the better.
One last thing.
You talk too much.
And you've got a big mouth.
(muffled groan)
(muffled grunts)
(grunts)
(grunts)
(sighs)
(muffled shout)
(grunts)
It worked, Sergeant, it worked!
You try it.
You come over here and try it.
(muffled groan)
Just start rocking and
rock up on the... Come on!
(grunts) Come on, try it.
Just go over there to the wall.
Come on, that's it, rock.
Rock...
That's it, Sergeant.
That's good.
Now, the best thing to do
is to hook that piece
of tape up to the nail.
(grunts) You're
too low, Sergeant.
Just keep working
yourself up there,
and try to catch it
right in the middle.
You go ahead now,
and I'm going to try
to get loose from this chair.
(muffled speech)
I just knew it'd
work, I just did.
These cheap old
kitchen chairs...
They're easy to break away.
You can do it too, Sergeant.
Come on, I'll show
you. (muffled speech)
Come on over here,
jump on over here.
Now, just get yourself a
good running start and...
(loud mumbling) Huh?
Oh. Oh, well, I'll untie you.
(grunts)
(sighs)
(muffled groan)
There you go, Sergeant.
Now I'll get your feet.
(yells)
Oh, Sergeant, you ought not
do that for five seconds more!
(groans)
We got to find a
phone booth fast!
Look, Sergeant, look!
Come on, on the double!
Officer! Officer, boy,
am I glad to see you!
I think we can still
catch 'em! Huh?
Two crooks dressed
in Marine uniforms,
and they got to be
heading toward the border.
Except I don't think
they're going to get very far.
Not with that bad water pump.
Yeah, but we
can't count on that!
CARTER: Let's go!
What is this? What do you
think you're doing anyway?
I'm telling you... two crooks
dressed in Marine uniforms.
While we're talking,
they're getting away!
Look, we know all about
crooks in Marine uniforms.
We've already got a report
on them breaking into a car.
You did? Well, that wasn't
the crooks. That was...
Listen, fellas, uh, why
can't we get started, huh?
We're just wasting time talking.
Look, we can't
take off every time
somebody points out
a suspicious character.
Now, we're going to
wait here for orders.
So, get out of this
car, both of you.
I'm telling you, we know
the car, we know 'em.
Beat it!
Okay, now you got to take us.
See? Boy, you guys
really are a pain.
Unlock 'em, Frank,
and kick 'em out of here.
No, let's take 'em in.
Yeah, it's a good idea.
We'll check out the
highway before we do.
Wise guys, huh?
(engine starting)
What's that look like?
I don't know. I'll take a look.
Look, Sergeant Carter,
there's the car! Yeah!
I was right. Their water
pump did give out on them.
(birds singing)
Hello, boys.
What's the trouble?
Oh, just a little trouble
with the water pump is all.
It's cooling off, though.
Boy, I'd sure like
to get my hands
on the guy who sold me this car.
They'll take advantage of
a serviceman every time.
Yeah, I guess they will.
Well, take it easy.
(engine starting and revving)
(tires squealing)
Why didn't you grab them?!
Why didn't you grab them?!
That's them! That's
the smugglers!
Hey, didn't you say the crooks
had a busted water pump?
That's right! That's
it, that's the one!
Let's go, Harry!
You really don't have to hurry.
They're not going
to get very far.
(siren blaring)
(tires squealing)
Come on!
Halt!
Halt!
He got 'em! He got 'em!
See, Officer, I told you.
I knew they wouldn't get
far with that water pump.
I see what you mean.
Yeah. You listen to this boy.
He used to work
at a filling station,
and he knows all
about cars, right, Pyle?
Right. And speaking of that,
when have you had
this squad car serviced?
I think you're about
due for a tune-up.
You might have these
shock absorbers looked at.
They don't feel quite right.
It might be, though, that
your wheels need aligning...
Well, uh, thanks a lot, fellas.
Are you kidding? Thank you.
We'll be in touch.
Pyle, you got more
luck than you deserve.
It was sure nice of
those police officers.
If it hadn't been for them,
we wouldn't have
gotten our uniforms back,
or the radio, or...
The radio! Huh?
The radio, Pyle, the radio!
We left it in the
trunk of the police car!
That's right, we sure did.
How in the world did
we do a thing like that?
Wait! Stop!
Wait! Police! Wait!
Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.
♪ ♪
I'm sorry to have put you
to all of this trouble, mister.
Have a nice trip.
Boy, what a waste
of time this is.
I'll bet we've stopped 20 cars,
and for what? Nothing!
Well, there must be
smugglers operating in this area.
Oh, Gomer, you
really believe that?
Well, why else would the
state police ask the Marines
to cooperate in setting
up all these roadblocks?
It's all part of a big trap.
Some trap. Stuck out
here in the boondocks,
we've got a better chance
of trapping a gopher.
Well, you just never know.
The Mexican border is
practically around the corner,
and them smugglers is
getting through somehow.
Hey, Duke, here comes a car.
Gomer, believe me, it's nothing.
Believe me, it's nothing.
What's the matter, here?
Is something wrong?
Sorry to trouble you, ma'am,
but we have orders
to stop every car.
What?!
What are you talking about?
Gomer, she's no smuggler.
Uh, that's all right, ma'am.
You can be on your way.
Now wait a minute, Duke.
I know you're not
a smuggler, ma'am.
It's just that we have
orders to search every car.
What do you think you're
going to find in this car?
Well, you never know, ma'am.
You could be the innocent
carrier of smuggled goods.
Them smugglers could
have put some articles
in your car unbeknownst to you.
(scoffs) For heaven's sake!
Gomer, will you let her...? MAN
(over radio): Attention! Attention!
Road Block Charlie Three!
Road Block Charlie Three!
That's us. I'll get
it. And let her go.
I'll search under the hood.
That's always a
favorite hiding place.
Road Block Charlie
Three, reporting.
MAN: Charlie Three,
secure all equipment
and prepare to move out.
Transportation will pick you up
at main intersection
at 1300 hours.
Acknowledge and over.
Roger. Okay,
Gomer, let's wrap it up.
We got to meet the
truck in ten minutes.
Shazam! Would you look at that?
What is it, Gomer?
What did you find?
Jewelry? Marijuana? What?
A corroded battery
cable. A what?
Well, look for yourself.
It's about ready to break off.
Oh, brother. Never mind that.
Let's pack up and
get out of here.
The truck's on its way.
Ma'am, if I was you, I'd try
to get that fixed right away.
It could give you some trouble.
That's Emil's Service
Station for you.
They're always in such a hurry.
And, ma'am, while you're at it,
your fan belt's a little loose.
You could have Emil
tighten that up, too.
Gomer, let's go!
We're going to be late!
WOMAN: The fan
belt, too? Yes, ma'am.
In the morning, how
does she start up?
Does she start up right away?
No, not really.
Oh, boy.
Think I know
what the trouble is.
It's your spark plugs.
I think you got weak plugs.
I am certainly going
to tell Emil about this.
Young man?
Yes, ma'am?
Would you please
check the oil and water?
Oh, I'd be glad to.
Gomer, what are you doing?
We got to pack the radio.
Your water's fine, ma'am.
You're about a half
quart down on your oil.
Looks like to me
she needs changing.
You're getting a little gritty.
WOMAN: Thank you, young man.
Emil is certainly going
to hear it from me.
You mean you're not
going to do her windshield?
Oh.
Gomer!
Thank you very much, Private.
You've been very kind.
It's okay, ma'am.
You just tell Emil
that a satisfied customer
is a loyal customer.
I'll tell Emil all right.
(engine starting)
Okay, Gomer?
Too bad you don't give stamps.
No wonder people have so
much trouble with their cars.
Everybody's in such a hurry.
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Do you know who's not going
to be in business very long?
Emil.
My aching back.
And they call this
equipment portable?
Well, if you want
to rest a while,
we could stop for a breather.
A breather? We'll
be late for the truck.
You and your car servicing.
Hey, there it is!
There it is! You see?
You was worried
for nothing, Duke.
We're here in plenty of time.
SLATER: Hey, it's leaving!
Hey, fellas, wait for us!
Wait for Charlie Three!
Wait for us! Wait!
Well, that's the
motor pool for you.
They could have waited.
Of all the rotten...
We can't blame them, Duke.
We was late.
Might as well make an
example of us as anybody.
Yeah, and guess
whose fault it is?
Now, you sorry
you didn't give that lady a
wash and lube job, Gomer?
I'm sorry, Duke. That helps.
In the meantime, we're
stuck way out here.
It's at least ten
miles to the base.
I guess the only thing
for us to do now
is to hitch a ride.
Folks are always happy
to pick up servicemen.
You were saying about us
picking up a ride, Gomer?
Any, uh... any particular day?
There just hasn't
been much traffic.
Well, I got to rest, Gomer.
This thing weighs a ton.
Hey, Duke, here comes one now.
Huh?
(brakes squeaking)
What's up, boys?
Excuse me, sir. Are you going
as far as the Marine base?
Could we hitch a ride with you?
Well, uh... Please?
This is awful heavy,
and I really would
appreciate it.
Well, I suppose so, okay.
Can we put this
equipment in your trunk?
Yeah. Yeah, I-I guess so.
This is real neighborly of you.
My name's Gomer
Pyle, Private First Class,
and this is my buddy,
PFC. Duke Slater.
How you doing?
Pleasure to meet you.
My name's Burton.
You fellas been
out on maneuvers?
Oh, no, we've been out
helping the state
police set up roadblocks.
Did you know this whole area
is infested with smugglers?
No kidding!
Are you from around here, sir?
No, I'm from upstate.
I'm just stopping off in
town on some business.
Well, listen, if you're going
to be in town a day or two,
why don't you come
out to the base?
We can show you
through our barracks
and take you through
the service club.
We've got new Ping-Pong
tables and cork paddles.
Well, thanks. Uh,
perhaps some other time?
Well, you're welcome any time,
on account of we
got all kinds of things
you'd be interested in.
Do you know what
you might like to see?
You might like to
see our fat boys' gym.
That's where we
really slim 'em down.
Another time.
(engine starting)
Uh-oh.
What's the matter?
Listen.
Huh?
I think you've got
a bad water pump.
What?! Gomer, don't start.
I think you've got
a bad water pump.
Have you been going to
Emil's Service Station, too?
Who?
Nothing, Mr. Burton,
nothing at all.
(brakes squeak)
SLATER: Thanks
again for the lift.
We really appreciate it.
It's okay. PYLE:
Well, thanks again,
Mr. Burton, and I'd have
that water pump looked at.
So long, Mr. Burton!
You hear that?
You can hear that
water pump from here.
The radio!
Oh, Duke, we left it
in Mr. Burton's trunk.
What are we going to do?!
That's a good question.
Oh, Duke, this is awful!
What do we tell the sergeant?
What's even more scary is,
what's Sergeant Carter
going to say to us?!
Of all the birdbrained,
numbskull, knuckleheaded stunts!
You're right, Sergeant, it
was just plain silly of us,
and we could
just kick ourselves.
Couldn't we, Duke?
Just kick ourselves.
Now, hear this, you goofballs,
that piece of equipment cost
the government 650 bucks.
$650? That much?
And I signed for it.
Do you understand that, Pyle?
I am responsible!
Well, that's just
not fair, Sergeant.
It was our fault,
and we should at least
share in the responsibility.
Oh, really?
Sarge, there must be some
way of getting that radio back.
After all, we know the
driver's name. That's right!
His name's Mr. Burton,
and he's a real nice fella.
Yeah, I'll bet.
Probably a real nice crook.
Oh, no, not Mr. Burton.
And, I'm sure we'd
recognize the car.
I'd know it anywhere.
Oh, you would, huh? Pyle,
did you ever stop to think,
there are probably a million
of them cars running
around the country?
Where do we start
to look, Maine?
How about Chicago?
Well, wait a minute!
I just remembered.
Mr. Burton's staying
over here in town.
That's right! He's
here on business.
Well, so what? A fat
chance you got of finding him.
Please, Sarge. It's worth a try.
The town's not all that big.
Right. What have we got to lose?
PYLE: Can we try,
Sergeant, please?
You sure you'd
recognize the car?
Yes, sir, Sarge, I'm positive.
Go get changed.
Slater, you stay here
and answer the phone.
Just on the slim
chance, this guy turns out
not to be a crook and calls in.
Right, Sarge.
Yeah, and there's one
more thing you can do... pray!
(horn honking)
Well?
Nothing yet, Sergeant.
A wild-goose chase.
I'll tell you something, Pyle.
If you don't find that
radio, you're going
to be court-martialed and
shipped to a new base.
A new base? That's right.
Fort Leavenworth. Leavenworth?
That's correct.
You may become a
30-year man there.
Well, I deserve it, Sergeant.
It's just that... That's it!
There it is, Sergeant!
That's the car!
Are you sure this
is the car, Pyle?
Are you positive?
This is it,
Sergeant, this is it.
It was dark blue and
had white sidewall tires.
I remember. This is
Mr. Burton's car all right.
(distant honking)
Yeah, this is
the car, all right.
Boy, aren't we lucky, Sergeant?
Yeah, very. The trunk's locked.
Oh, well, then, we'll just have
to wait here till
Mr. Burton gets back.
Well, what if he
doesn't get back?
He may be gone all day.
We got to get this
radio back to Supply.
What will we do?
Well, there's
nothing else I can do.
I'll have to pick the lock.
Pick the lock?!
You're not thinking about
breaking into
Mr. Burton's car, are you?
Pyle, I don't have much choice.
I hate to do it, but
it's a two-dollar lock
against a $650's worth
of government equipment.
But breaking in, Sergeant.
We could get in a
whole lot or trouble.
What do you think
we're in right now?
Just keep your eye out and
see that we're not spotted.
It's empty!
Sergeant, there's the car.
What did you say?
That car that just
passed... that's it.
That's really
it, that's the car.
Don't tell me that's the car!
This is the car... The
one we just broke into!
No, Sergeant, that's it.
Mr. Burton was driving it.
I recognized him.
But you told me... Oh!
Oh, leave it alone! Come on!
(distant honking)
(horn honking)
(tires screeching)
(horn honking, tires squealing)
(horn honking,
brakes screeching)
This is the car all right.
I recognize the upholstery.
Mr. Burton must have gone
into one of these buildings.
Well, we're not waiting
for him, that's for sure.
You're not going to do that
again, are you, Sergeant?
Pyle, I told you...
I have no choice.
Another empty!
Pyle!
Hey, Harry, look over
there down the street.
That bulletin we just got
about the two car
thieves in Marine uniforms.
Pyle, what is it with you?
Well, I just don't
understand, Sergeant.
The radio's...
Sergeant, the police.
Huh?
They're looking this way.
Uh... Uh... Let's go.
(engine starting)
(engine idling)
Now, where are they?
They were standing
here just a minute ago.
Do you think they're gone yet?
Quiet, I can hear 'em.
Ow.
I sure wish they'd go.
My tailbone is backed
up against the jack handle.
Shh!
Maybe they ducked
around the corner.
Let's check.
(car starts)
Sounds like they took off.
Let's hang on for another
minute and then get out.
That was a close call, Sergeant.
We was lucky, just plain lucky.
(car starts)
We're moving,
Sergeant, we're moving.
Where are we going?
I don't know,
Pyle, I don't know,
but wherever it is, why do I
have to go there with you?
I know this is all
my fault, Sergeant,
and I just want you to
know how sorry I am.
Don't talk, Pyle,
just don't talk.
Later we'll talk.
We'll go back to my office,
we'll move the furniture,
lock the door, and
then we'll have a talk.
Oh, boy, will we talk.
You don't have to
tell me, Sergeant.
I know I'm responsible
for that radio
and, well, if it means
clearing your good name,
I'm more than willing
to go to the penitentiary.
Oh, no, Pyle, if we
don't find that radio,
I'm the one going
to the penitentiary.
You, Sergeant, but
why you should you go?
I'm the one that should go.
You can't go, Pyle, because,
you see, you're dead.
I killed you, that's
why I'm going,
and it'll be worth
every minute of it.
Looks like we're slowing down.
Yeah.
(rain falling)
Well, what do you know?
It's starting to rain.
Do you hear it,
Sergeant, do you hear it?
Yeah, I hear, I hear.
That's a nice sound,
rain on the roof.
I always did... Knock it off.
This may be the time
to make our getaway.
Come on, let's
get this trunk open.
Ready?
One, two... go!
Believe me, I-I had no idea
you fellas were
trying to follow me.
Well, we had no
choice, Mr. Burton.
You see, that's a
pretty expensive piece
of government equipment.
I figured it was. That's why
I put it in my motel room.
The minute I found it, I
wanted to get in touch
with you boys, but
I didn't know how.
Well, I just knew it
was safe, I just knew it.
You see, Sergeant Carter,
and you were so worried.
Sergeant Carter here thought
you might be a sneak thief
and try to make off with it.
CARTER: Knock it off, Pyle.
Do you mind, Mr. Burton?
Come on.
Well, this is it, fellas.
We'll go in, and you
can pick up the radio.
Sure picked a nice
place to stay, Mr. Burton.
Plenty of parking space,
and look over there, Sergeant.
They got free television.
If you and Miss
Bunny ever got married,
this would be a nice place
to spend your honeymoon.
Yeah, real good, Pyle.
(sighs)
Well, there it is, boys, if
you want to check it over.
Boy, am I glad
to see this again.
Gee, thank you, Mr. Burton,
for keeping it so nice for us.
Okay, Pyle, stow that equipment.
We'll give it the old heave-ho.
And whatever you do, don't...
Don't worry, Sergeant,
nothing's going to happen.
Pyle.
Personally, I think we owe
Mr. Burton a whole heap of thanks
for putting him to
so much trouble.
Shazam!
Just get your hands up.
What's the angle?
What did you
bring them here for?
Don't you get it?!
Their uniforms
are just the ticket
for getting us through
those roadblocks.
Sergeant, guess what?
They're smugglers! No kidding?
BURTON: Let's get going.
Well, what are you
two waiting for?!
Get those uniforms off!
Mr. Burton, you may have
done some awful things,
but I just know you
couldn't take the uniform
off the back of a serviceman.
Well, the pants
are a little too long,
but the shirt fits fine.
Oh, you look terrific, boss.
I sure am surprised
at you, Mr. Burton.
I mean, anybody that's nice
enough to pick up a serviceman,
and then turn out like this.
You're breaking my heart.
Come on, Nick, grab the radio,
and let's load it in the car.
The radio?! What do you
guys want with the radio?!
That won't do you
any good. Oh, yeah?
Maybe it won't bring as
much as a brand-new one...
That beat-up old thing?
You'll be lucky if
you can give it away.
BURTON: Yeah?
Didn't you say it
cost a lot of money?
Yes, he did.
That radio cost a lot of money.
BURTON: Uh-huh.
Well, I just said so that my
men would take better care
of the equipment from now on.
That radio's
practically worthless.
Oh. no, Sergeant, you
was right in the first place.
Duke and me looked it
up in the supply catalogue.
It's like you
said... It cost $650.
NICK: $650, huh?
It may be even
more than that now.
That was last year's catalogue.
Thanks, pal. Now maybe
we won't sell it too cheap.
Nice going, Pyle.
You just blew the radio.
Thanks for the uniform, boys.
Well, Nick, I guess
you could say
we're a couple of
squared-away Marines.
You don't look like
squared-away Marines
to me, that's for sure.
Pyle! Well, they
don't, Sergeant.
They're not going
to get very far
with their pockets
unbuttoned like that,
and no tie clasp, and the
hat on at the wrong angle.
Well, thanks, pal.
We'll take care of
those little details
so we don't get stopped.
And another thing...
You ain't going
to get very far with
that bad water pump.
That thing's ready to
go on you any time now.
And the sooner, the better.
One last thing.
You talk too much.
And you've got a big mouth.
(muffled groan)
(muffled grunts)
(grunts)
(grunts)
(sighs)
(muffled shout)
(grunts)
It worked, Sergeant, it worked!
You try it.
You come over here and try it.
(muffled groan)
Just start rocking and
rock up on the... Come on!
(grunts) Come on, try it.
Just go over there to the wall.
Come on, that's it, rock.
Rock...
That's it, Sergeant.
That's good.
Now, the best thing to do
is to hook that piece
of tape up to the nail.
(grunts) You're
too low, Sergeant.
Just keep working
yourself up there,
and try to catch it
right in the middle.
You go ahead now,
and I'm going to try
to get loose from this chair.
(muffled speech)
I just knew it'd
work, I just did.
These cheap old
kitchen chairs...
They're easy to break away.
You can do it too, Sergeant.
Come on, I'll show
you. (muffled speech)
Come on over here,
jump on over here.
Now, just get yourself a
good running start and...
(loud mumbling) Huh?
Oh. Oh, well, I'll untie you.
(grunts)
(sighs)
(muffled groan)
There you go, Sergeant.
Now I'll get your feet.
(yells)
Oh, Sergeant, you ought not
do that for five seconds more!
(groans)
We got to find a
phone booth fast!
Look, Sergeant, look!
Come on, on the double!
Officer! Officer, boy,
am I glad to see you!
I think we can still
catch 'em! Huh?
Two crooks dressed
in Marine uniforms,
and they got to be
heading toward the border.
Except I don't think
they're going to get very far.
Not with that bad water pump.
Yeah, but we
can't count on that!
CARTER: Let's go!
What is this? What do you
think you're doing anyway?
I'm telling you... two crooks
dressed in Marine uniforms.
While we're talking,
they're getting away!
Look, we know all about
crooks in Marine uniforms.
We've already got a report
on them breaking into a car.
You did? Well, that wasn't
the crooks. That was...
Listen, fellas, uh, why
can't we get started, huh?
We're just wasting time talking.
Look, we can't
take off every time
somebody points out
a suspicious character.
Now, we're going to
wait here for orders.
So, get out of this
car, both of you.
I'm telling you, we know
the car, we know 'em.
Beat it!
Okay, now you got to take us.
See? Boy, you guys
really are a pain.
Unlock 'em, Frank,
and kick 'em out of here.
No, let's take 'em in.
Yeah, it's a good idea.
We'll check out the
highway before we do.
Wise guys, huh?
(engine starting)
What's that look like?
I don't know. I'll take a look.
Look, Sergeant Carter,
there's the car! Yeah!
I was right. Their water
pump did give out on them.
(birds singing)
Hello, boys.
What's the trouble?
Oh, just a little trouble
with the water pump is all.
It's cooling off, though.
Boy, I'd sure like
to get my hands
on the guy who sold me this car.
They'll take advantage of
a serviceman every time.
Yeah, I guess they will.
Well, take it easy.
(engine starting and revving)
(tires squealing)
Why didn't you grab them?!
Why didn't you grab them?!
That's them! That's
the smugglers!
Hey, didn't you say the crooks
had a busted water pump?
That's right! That's
it, that's the one!
Let's go, Harry!
You really don't have to hurry.
They're not going
to get very far.
(siren blaring)
(tires squealing)
Come on!
Halt!
Halt!
He got 'em! He got 'em!
See, Officer, I told you.
I knew they wouldn't get
far with that water pump.
I see what you mean.
Yeah. You listen to this boy.
He used to work
at a filling station,
and he knows all
about cars, right, Pyle?
Right. And speaking of that,
when have you had
this squad car serviced?
I think you're about
due for a tune-up.
You might have these
shock absorbers looked at.
They don't feel quite right.
It might be, though, that
your wheels need aligning...
Well, uh, thanks a lot, fellas.
Are you kidding? Thank you.
We'll be in touch.
Pyle, you got more
luck than you deserve.
It was sure nice of
those police officers.
If it hadn't been for them,
we wouldn't have
gotten our uniforms back,
or the radio, or...
The radio! Huh?
The radio, Pyle, the radio!
We left it in the
trunk of the police car!
That's right, we sure did.
How in the world did
we do a thing like that?
Wait! Stop!
Wait! Police! Wait!