Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 3, Episode 13 - It Takes Two to Tangle - full transcript

It appears that Miss Bunny is cheating on Sergeant Carter but appearances can be deceiving.

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Well, hi there. Well, hi, there.

Want to see a menu? No, ma'am.

I know just what I want.

Chocolate soda. Make that two.

And that's with chocolate syrup

and chocolate ice cream.

Right. Right.

You know, I been meaning
to come to this place

for the longest kind of time.

I hear they got real good sodas.


Look, look, quick.

What's the matter?

Yeah, it's Bunny,
Sergeant Carter's girl.

And she's not with
Sergeant Carter.

Yeah, how about that?


Gee, I really got
to think it over.

I'm just not sure.

Well, you can
imagine I'd like to know

as soon as possible.

Well, it's such an
important decision.

I... I mean it's...

it's not the kind of thing

a girl does too often.

Well, tell you what.

Take a day to think it over.

I'll meet you tomorrow night,

same time, same place, okay?


He's got... Shh!

Did you hear that, Duke?

Did you hear it? Yeah,

looks like the Sarge is
in for a little competition?

Poor Sergeant Carter.

I wonder if he knows?

All right, you people,
listen up and listen good!

Corporal Boyle is gonna
take you physical wrecks

through your daily dozen.

And I don't want no dropouts!

Is that clear?

No dropouts!

For once in your chubby
little knock-kneed lives,

you're gonna do them
exercises and do 'em right,

or I'm gonna know
the reason why.

MAN: About face!

What's the matter
with you, Pyle?

You got something to say?

Yes, I do, Sergeant,
and it's this:

"There's just as
good fish in the sea

as ever come out of it."


Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!

All right, Pyle, what is it now?

There are all kinds of
fellows in this world, Sergeant,

but a good man is hard to find.


You think about
that for a while,

it ought to make
you feel real good.


Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

All right, now,
what's with you, Pyle?

You've been looking
at me all day. I have?

Yeah, yeah, like I got one
foot in the grave or something.

Oh, no, Sergeant,
it's not nearly that bad.


Look, Pyle, you got
something to say, say it.

Okay, I will.

"Women are like buses.

"If one goes past,

there'll be another
along in a little while."


Get in here!

On the double!

All right, now, Pyle.

I wanna know what this
is all about and right now!

Well... Come on.

This stupid business has
been going on long enough.

Now, let's hear it.

Well, I sure wish

you wouldn't ask me, Sergeant.

I am asking you, Pyle.

Let's have it.

Well, all right,

but just remember one thing:

The game's not over
till the last man is out,

and that other
fella could be out

and you'd be back
in just like that!

What other fellow?

What are you talking about?

I think I've said
too much already.

No, you haven't!

Now, you start at the
beginning and fast!

Well, Sergeant, I don't... Talk!

Well... well, it, it was,

it was last night, at Tony's.

You mean, that joint
over on Fourth Street.

That's the place.

They got the best chocolate
sodas in town there,

whole lot better than
the Bluebird Café.

I think it's 'cause

they use twice as much syrup.

Well, I'll see you, Sergeant.


What happened at Tony's?


right after Duke and me
sat down and ordered,

I happened to
look up and... And?

And I saw Miss Bunny
and this other fella

sitting over in a corner
all by theirselves.


With what fella?

This real nice looking fella,

kinda blond hair, wavy,

and had a real nice
smile, lots of teeth.

Well, I'll see you, Sergeant.

Hold it!

Lot's of teeth and what?

And what? Well...
like I was saying,

there they was sitting all
scrunched up next to each other

talking real serious like.


About what, you happen to hear?

I did hear 'em plan
to meet again tonight.

Same place, same time.

And she said she'd
give him her answer then.

An answer, huh?

I sure am sorry, Sergeant,

that I had to be the
one to tell you this.

Forget it.

You mean, you're not upset?

Not at all.

Well, how come?

How come?

Because Bunny and me don't
have any secrets from each other.

None whatsoever in any
shape, size or form, you got that?

Right, Sergeant, if you say so.

All right, you get
back to your duties,

you keep your nose
where it belongs. Right.

And, Sergeant...

I sure am sorry I was the one

that had to tell you Miss
Bunny was stepping out on you.


Out, out, out,
out, out, out, out!

What'd ya make of it, Vince?

You really think Pyle saw Bunny

out with this guy? Who cares?

Either way, I'm not about
to lose any sleep over it.

I gotta say, you don't seem
very concerned about it.

Well, you know, Pyle
and that imagination of his.

No telling what he saw.

Hey, isn't this where Pyle...

Uh, yeah, yeah.

So what are we
doing here? Well...

Pyle said they were coming
back here again tonight.

And... I just wanna give 'em

the benefit of the
doubt, that's all.

You know, so I got all the facts

when I settle his hash for good.

Ahh. (chuckles)

Well, shall we?

No, no!

Over here!

Around this way,

we don't wanna
sit down and order.

Be a lot quicker this way.

BOYLE: What do ya see, Vince?

CARTER: Just like I thought.

Looks like we
wasted a lot of time.

No Romeo and Juliet, huh?

Didn't I tell you?

I never believed it
right from the beginning.


So I see.

Yeah, that Pyle.

You know what he is?

A bigmouthed old lady!

Gomer the gossip!

I'll tell ya something else.

When I get my hands on him...

Vince, Vince, come here.


Look over there in the corner.

It's true.

Sure looks that way, doesn't it?

It's true just like Pyle said.

Wavy hair, big
smile, lots of teeth.

Looks like he's
giving her something.


So, he gave her a present.

Big deal.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Vince, don't you think
you ought to go in there

and find out what
it's about? What for?

Well, maybe there's
a good explanation.

You mean walk in
and just stand there?

While Bunny says,
"I'm sorry, Vince,

"I been so busy
I didn't have time

to write you a
Dear John letter?"

Ah, that would
make a nice scene.

I'd have so much egg on my face,

I wouldn't need
breakfast for a week.

Okay, okay, so don't go in.

Play it your own way.

Yeah, that's just
what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna play it my own way.

What Bunny don't know

is that two can
play at this game!

Okay, that's it.

I'll see you guys
after chow at 13:00.


BOYLE: Hey, Sarge, telephone!

Yeah, who is it?

I'll give you three guesses.

Oh, it is, is it?

Well, what'd you
know about that?

And I know just what she wants.


Oh, hi, Bunny. How are you?

Listen, Vince,

I'm sorry I had to break
our date last night, but...

Oh, that's all right, Bunny.

No problem.

What'd you have to do anyway?

Oh, you know, same old thing.

My boss wanted me to
stay in work overtime again.

Had to work, huh?

Oh, well, uh,

I guess you got no complaints.

I mean from what you tell me,

he's a real jewel of a guy.

You know with all them

little fringe benefits, huh?


I knew you'd understand, Vince.

But listen, I can make
it tonight for sure,

if you're free.

Oh, what a shame!

Wouldn't you know,
I gotta work tonight.

Oh, that is a shame.


Well, I haven't seen
you in a little while

and we got things
to talk about and...

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, well, maybe
another night, huh?

Uh, sure thing,
Bunny, we'll be talking.

Sure, sure.

Uh, real soon.


Sure we will.

What's this about
having to work tonight?

Yeah, I got a real
big job lined up.

A real big job... by the
name of Shirley Sokolik.

Hey, you really are playing
the game, aren't you?

You bet your...

Hey, uh, is that you, Shirley?

Uh, Vince Carter.

Yeah, yeah.

Hi ya, babe!

How are things in the bakery?

I bet you're just
rolling in dough, right?


Uh, can you talk?

Good, good.

Uh, I just wanna know

if you still remember
our little date for tonight.

Oh, good.


Uh, yeah, well,
you're real cute, too.

I'll say.

Right down to the dimples!

Okay, doll, you just leave
everything to old Vince.

Kiss. Kiss.

I don't get it.


What don't you get?

If Bunny calls to tell
you that she's free,

what're you making
another date for?

Do you know what
Bunny called for?

Do you have any idea why
she wants this date tonight?

It's kiss-off time.

She wants to tell me
how sorry she is, but...

Well, I'm not letting
her have the satisfaction.

No, sir! You're sure, huh?

Yeah, I'm sure.

And you know what
else I'm sure of?

There a lot of
good fish in the sea

and a good man is hard to find.

And something else:

Revenge is sweet.

And with a little
help from Pyle,

it's gonna be
sweeter and sweeter.

Hey, Pyle!

Wait a minute, wait up.

Hey, Pyle, could
you do me a favor?

Well, sure,
Sergeant, be glad to.

You got anything on tonight?

No, I was just going into town

and return some library books.

Good, good.

I'll tell you why, Pyle.

I just go a call from Bunny...

You got a call?

You got a call?!

Well, hallelujah!

Anyway, she's free tonight.

I just knew it, Sergeant.

I just knew it!

Was a matter of time, is
all, just a matter of time!

Yeah, yeah, well...
I'm thrilled, Sergeant.

I am thrilled!

Yeah, well, so am I, but...

the only trouble is...
I've got a problem.

Bunny's free
tonight, but I'm not.

I gotta stay and work.

Oh, that's a shame, Sergeant.

Yeah, it just breaks my heart

to think of Bunny sitting
at home alone all night.

Oh, I know what you mean.

Which is where
you come in, Pyle,

that is, if you're willing to
lend me a helping hand.

Oh, anything,
Sergeant, anything at all.

You just name it.

Good. Good.

I knew I could depend on you.

Now, here, here's ten bucks.

I want you to take
Bunny out tonight

and show her the time
she deserves, okay?

Well, it'd be honor, Sergeant.

It'd be an honor
looking after Miss Bunny

for a person as
unselfish as you are.

Thanks, Pyle.

And don't spare the horses.

Treat her like a queen.

Hey, what's today... Wednesday?

That means broiled lamp chops!


I beg your pardon?
The Blue Plate Special

at the Bluebird Café.

It's broiled lamb chops!

And Bunny's just
crazy about 'em!

Especially the way the
Bluebird fixes 'em up

in them cute little pants.

That's right, they do.

Blue for men and
pink for the ladies.

Oh, by the way...

I'm so far behind schedule,

you better call Bunny
and set it up yourself.

Say, around 8:00.

That way, she'll have
plenty of time to get ready.

Well, sure, Sergeant,
I'll be glad to.

Thanks, Pyle. You're a
real buddy, you know that?

Don't you worry, Sergeant.

I'll take real good care
of Miss Bunny for you.

You can count on me.

Yeah, yeah. Well, so long, Pyle,

and have a good time, huh?

Don't forget, broiled
lamp chops at the Bluebird.

Sergeant? Yeah?

You can bet we'll both be
thinking about you tonight

'cause it ain't easy
to forget somebody

that's nine-feet
tall like you are.

Yeah, yeah.


I still say this wasn't
necessary, Gomer.

I had sewing to do
and a lot of ironing.

I know, Miss Bunny,
but Sergeant Carter

just didn't think it
was fair for you to have

to stay home alone
just cause he was busy.

Aw, that's Vince for you.

The big teddy bear.

I sure am glad
you feel that way.

Oh, this is for you.

Gosh, Vince, it's really
been a long time, hasn't it?

Yeah, too long.

What I want to know is

if you're still as ticklish
as you used to be.


Don't even talk about it.

You mean like this?

(both laughing)

You are terrible, now just stop.

You should know, baby
doll, you should know.

SHIRLEY: Vince stop tickling me.

(Carter and Shirley
continue laughing)

Hey, Sergeant.

What do you want, Pyle?

Sergeant, you remember you
said you had to work tonight?

That's right. So?

So I took Miss Bunny

to the Bluebird Café
like you suggested,

the only trouble was
that we saw you there.

Miss Bunny and I saw
you there with a lady friend.

Okay, Pyle, okay.

I'll level with you.

If anybody's entitled
to the facts, you are.

Huh? Pyle, you saw me there

with another dame
tonight all right, on purpose.

You want to know why?

Yes, sir, if you
want to tell me.

Because you were
right about Bunny

and that wavy-haired,
pearly-toothed friend of hers.

I saw them meeting last
night at Tony's just like you

said they'd be, and you
want to know what else I saw?

I saw him giving her
some kind of jewel box.

The kind that rings come in.

And she took it?

You bet your
sweet life she took it.

And I wasn't just
seeing things either.

You can check with
Boyle, he was with me.

Well, why in the world
would she do a thing like that?

I don't know, but
I'll tell you this much.

I ain't about to
be nobody's patsy.

I just don't understand
it, Sergeant.

I just don't understand it.

Believe me, Pyle, I had to do it

to show her she ain't the
only mackerel in the sea.

You understand, don't you?

Yes, sir.

It's just that I feel so
bad for both of you.

Yeah, well...
that's life, I guess.

You think you got no secrets
from somebody and whammo!

Well, I'll tell you something.

No one dame's going to
make me walk the gang plank.

What do they say?

C'est la vie.

It means "don't bother holding
your breath, just live it up."

And that's what I'm going to do

from here on
in, just live it up.

Let's face it, Pyle.

The bushes are full of Bunnies.

Well, I guess I
better go, Sergeant.

And good luck to you
with your c'est la vie.

I sure am sorry we saw
that picture show, Duke.

It reminded me so much of
Sergeant Carter and Miss Bunny.

Specially the part
where that trapper got

that Dear John letter
right out of the blue.

Come on, Gomer, will you
knock it off about the sergeant?

You want to spoil my appetite?

For shame, Duke. You
know you don't mean that.

You're right, right now,
nothing could spoil my appetite.

Duke. Duke, it's just
like it was last time.

Did you see that,
Duke? Did you see that?

Yeah? So?

Hey, where you going?

I've got to find Sergeant Carter

and I haven't got
a minute to lose.

I know he's around
here somewheres.

I think I know where.

There's for the water I drank.

I'll tell you something else.

I've been in too
many tight spots

to let one dame wrap me up.

You've got to play
it so that they never

get the feeling they own you,

because once they think
they own you, you're dead.

Right, Charlie?

You want another beer?

You look like a guy
with some understanding.

What do you think?

Are they trouble
or are they trouble?

Sergeant! Sergeant Carter! Huh?

Wait'll you hear,
just wait'll you hear.

Huh? Wait'll I hear what?

I just saw Miss Bunny.

So you saw Bunny, big deal.

What do you want, a medal?

But you don't
understand, Sergeant.

She was with that other fella.

Oh, swell, that's
just swell, Pyle.

It's not enough that
the wound is still open,

you've got to come
around and rub salt in it.

But that's not the
best part, Sergeant.

The ring you saw,

well, Miss Bunny was
giving it back to him.

Huh? It's true.

Duke and me went
into Tony's a while ago,

and there was Miss
Bunny giving it back to him.


Oh, uh, well, that's nice.

And she was as sad
as could be, Sergeant.

Just as sad as could be.

How about that?

I just knew it'd work
out, I just knew it.

Yeah, well, it
figured, didn't it?

Sergeant, are you
just gonna sit there?

Why not?

If Bunny wants to call me,

she knows my
number at the duty hut.

If she wants back
in, let her come to me.

Oh, no, Sergeant, no.

Come on, Pyle,
you've got to admit,

she's got a lot of
explaining to do.

A lot of explaining.

But that's not the
way, Sergeant.

That's not the way at all.

The human thing to
do would be to make up

with Miss Bunny right
now while she's feeling low.

Really? Well, I felt

pretty low, myself once
upon a time, remember?

Oh, you should've seen me.

But, Sergeant, you could
show what a big person you are

if you go to Miss Bunny

right now while she
probably needs you.

You know what they
say: "To err is human."

And I just know that
you're the kind that'll forgive.

Yeah. Maybe you got a point.

Now that she's
learned her lesson,

no use turning the knife.

There's one thing
about me, I'm no sadist.


So long, Charlie.

It looks like the
worm has turned.

You see?

It all works out in
the wash, don't it?

About dames, I mean.

You just can't
figure them, right?


I just know she's
home, Sergeant.

One look at her face
and you could tell

she was going to
rush right home.

Okay, Pyle, you set it up,

but I'll stay out of sight
until just the right moment.

You know, really
give her a kick, huh?

Right, Sergeant.

She's home, all right.

Gomer! Hey, Miss Bunny.

Gomer, what are you doing here?

I've got good news
for you, Miss Bunny.

I just saw Sergeant
Carter and guess what?

He's willing to
forgive and forget.

He's willing to
forgive and forget?!

Is that what you said?

That's right.

See, I saw what
happened at Tony's tonight,

and when I told Sergeant Carter

that you busted
up with that fella

you was sweet on... What fella?

See there, it's just like
I told Sergeant Carter.

He's plumb out of
your mind already.

Hardly more than an hour after
you give his ring back to him.


You mean you...

Sergeant Carter
knew all about it.

He saw you accepting it through
the window of the restaurant

the other night,
that's the reason

he went out with
that Miss Shirley.

But that's all over now.

Oh, so that's it, huh?

And you say your dear,
sweet understanding sergeant

is ready to forgive and forget?

Well, that's just peachy!

But you can go back and tell him

I'm not the slightest
bit interested.

Not the slightest bit!


Gomer, do you know
who that man was

you two have been
seeing me with, do you?

That was Herman
Hadler of Hadler Jewelers!

He was nice to enough
to meet me at night

because I couldn't
get off from work.

And do you know why?

Because I wanted to get Vince

something nice for his birthday

instead of the usual
aftershave cologne.

Something real nice like
a $75 star sapphire ring!

Oh, but not any more!
I couldn't give it back

to Mr. Hadler fast
enough after what your

sweet Sergeant did to me.

So you can just tell him for
me, I don't want to see him today,

tomorrow or forever!

Now good-bye!

Pyle, did anybody ever tell you,

you got a big mouth?

Are you sure, Pyle?

You sure Bunny
said she'd be here?

On your birthday, Sergeant?

Why, Miss Bunny wouldn't
miss that for the world.

Yeah, I know, I know, but
considering what happened,

you know, the way
she hit the ceiling...

Believe me, Sergeant, you
don't have a thing to worry about.

When I took the liberty
to call Miss Bunny

and invite her down here,
I told her the whole story.

I told her how everything was
my fault from the beginning,

every single thing.

Oh, yeah...

Yeah, I'd say that's only
fair now that you mention it.

So mark my words, Sergeant,
Miss Bunny will be here...

Golly, just look for yourself.

Just look for yourself.


Ah, you made it, baby.

You honest to gosh made it.

Well, you knew I
couldn't stay away.

Not after Gomer called
and explained, right, Gomer?

Yes, ma'am.

Aren't you going to
sit down or nothing?

Yeah, why don't
we all sit down, huh?

Happy birthday, Vince.

Ah, Bunny, you shouldn't have.

Considering the jerk
I made out of myself.

So I should have
my head examined.

Go on, take it.

Well, give me a
little hint first, huh?


Aw, come on, just one.

Like, is it bigger or
smaller than my pinky?


Happy birthday, Vince.

I got you something
too, Sergeant.


Shaving cologne?

Do tell.

I got the very same thing.

If I'd known you
was going to get that,

we could have gone in together

and gotten him
a half gallon size.