Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 2, Episode 8 - Gomer Captures a Submarine - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Oh... this is ridiculous.

It's like a riding on a yo-yo.

If we don't get to that island

we're supposed
to take pretty soon,

we'll be finishing these
war games in sick bay.

Hey, where's Gomer?

He's probably up on the
deck leaning over the rail.

That poor country boy's
never been on a ship in his life.



Hey, fellers.

Boy, that ocean's sure
rough out there today.

Gomer, we were
just... What's that smell?

Must be this garlic pickle.

I was just down in the
kitchen to get a snack,

and they got all
kind of food leftover.

I wonder why?

Gomer, either
swallow that thing fast

or get out of here.

Are you feeling poorly, Duke?

That's a shame.

Actually, if you
got the miseries,

a garlic pickle would
be good for you.

You wanna know why?



'Count of garlic's a herb,

and herbs just generally
very good for you.

Do you know that?

No, I'll-I'll remember it.

Did you know that,

that herbs is
generally good for you?

All right, you people,
everybody topside.

It's our turn to get
the deck shipshape.

(scattered groaning)
Now I want everybody...

What's that smell?

Pyle, what are you eating?

Garlic pickle.

It's real fresh and crispy.

You want a bite? No!

All right, out of them bunks!

They're feeling
poorly today, Sergeant.

Well, I'm real sorry
to hear about that.

I would have arranged
a smoother trip,

but there was no more
space left on the Queen Mary.

Come on! Move it, move it!

I said move it! Move,
move, move, move!

Out, out, out, out, out, out!

I sure hate to see
'em suffer, though.

I'm glad you're
all right, though.

But I suppose you made
so many of these trips

that you're used to it.

Sure you don't want a bite?

No. On account
of garlic is a herb,

and herbs is good for you.

But I don't guess you got a use

for a garlic pickle,
have you, Sergeant?

No! Get out of here!

(grunts)

Come on, push them
mops like you mean it.

Get a little muscle behind it.

Come on. Move it!
Move, move, move, move!

♪ Rub-a-dub-dub ♪

♪ Marines in a tub ♪

♪ Rub-a-dub-dub,
marines in a tub ♪

♪ Rub-a-dub-dub... ♪

I'm sorry; I was just
trying to cheer you up.

(softly): ♪ Rub-a-dub-dub... ♪

Hey, what's this? What's this?

Your men don't seem
to have their hearts

in their work today, Sergeant.

What's the matter,

the nasty waves
too much for them?

There ain't nothing
the matter with my men.

They're all in perfect shape.

Yeah, I can see that.

They're all a nice
healthy shade of green.

Kind of an aqua.

Aqua marines.

Hey, aquamarines,
I just made that up!

Funny.

I didn't stop by to chat.

You're wanted down
the briefing room.

Okay. All right, you people.

I don't want nobody going below

until this deck is
spotless, you hear me?

Carry on.

Aquamarines.

This is where we hit the
beach in this exercise.

We'll be making the
landing operations at 0700

tomorrow morning.

However, before we move in,
I want the island reconnoitered

for troop displacement,
strength, et cetera.

Sergeant Carter, I'd like you

to lead the
reconnaissance patrol.

Aye, aye, sir. Take
three men with you.

We'll put you ashore
just after dawn.

We expect early morning fog,

so you should have
good concealment.

Yes, sir. Now, it's vital

that you get the
information back

to us as quickly as possible

so we can make
adjustments in our deployment

We have to make those landings

no later than 0700.

That's right. A delay
could be disastrous.

There's been an enemy sub
stalking our task force for days,

and they've already
recorded six kills.

If we lose many more ships,

we may not have
enough of a force left

to make the landing.

So you see the importance
of speed, Sergeant.

Yes, sir. It'll be done, sir.

Simpson, you'll
arrange for a boat

for Sergeant Carter and his men.

Yes, sir.

Well, that's it.

Good luck.

So, they, uh, picked you
to be the big hero, huh?

You think you can handle it?

Just get the boat, navy.

The marines will
take care of the rest.

You mean aquamarines.

(chuckles)

(mocking chuckle)

So you can see how
important this patrol is.

It'll be like spearheading
the whole invasion.

Now I could pick
three men myself,

but I'd rather have volunteers.

I'll volunteer, Sergeant.

Okay, men, who wants
to go? Let's hear it.

I'll be glad to go.

Come on. Come
on. I need three men.

Okay, that's one.

Now, I need two more.

I'll go, Sergeant.

All right, all right, who
else, who else, huh?

Sarge, I'll go. Okay,
Lombardi, you're in.

Okay, now I need one
more. Just one more.

I'll go.

Come on. Come on. One more.

I'll go!

Okay, that makes it three.

Now, I will want to get
together with the three of you

for a briefing session...

It's just ain't fair, Sergeant.

It just ain't fair.

Pyle, are you talking to me?

Well, I don't mean to
be disrespectful, sir.

But I was the first person
that raised my hand.

I volunteered first,

and it just ain't fair
that you won't take me.

Really?

Well, for your information,
this is a very important mission

and I got to have
men I can depend on.

You can depend on
me, Sergeant, honest.

Please let me go,

please. Knock it off, Pyle.

I've got my three men.

Ten-hut! As you were. Sergeant?

Yes, sir?

I need nine of your men for the
ammo detail tomorrow morning.

They'll be loading ammo and
explosives on the landing craft.

Aye, aye, sir, you'll have 'em.

They'll report to
me at 0600 sharp.

Aye, sir.

Okay, you men not
going on the patrol,

report to Lieutenant
Wilson in the morning.

Remember, that's a very
delicate job handling ammo

and high explosives.

One wrong move, and you
can blow up the whole ship!

So work careful,
watch your step,

and Pyle, I think you
better come with me after all.

Huh? I changed my mind, Pyle.

You're going with me.

You go on the ammo detail.

Oh, thank you, Sergeant
Carter, thank you.

Pyle, you just better
be on the ball, that's all.

Don't worry, Sergeant,

I'll be a credit to the Corps.

Now, we got to pull this off,

and we got to pull
it off without a hitch,

and we got to make it fast.

We don't want our ships
waiting out there like sitting ducks.

You all heard about that
enemy sub that's been scoring

one kill after another?

Well, we got to
make that landing

before he can do
any more damage.

So you men going on a patrol,
get your gear and ammo together,

get your weapons cleaned.

I'll see you again
before we go in.

Sergeant Carter? Yeah?

I just wanted to tell you

you won't regret
taking me along.

Thanks to your fine training,

I'm ready for action now.

All the learning is over.

From now on it's gung ho!

And it's all because
of you, Sergeant!

Okay, lower away.

Well, like they say
in all the war pictures,

"I wish I was going
with you, Sergeant."

Why don't you go
wash out a few things?

Okay, let's go, men.

Go get 'em, leatherneck.

Easy does it, boys.

What are you doing, Pyle?

Just looking for a place to sit.

Well, find it and sit.

Yes, sir.

All right, get the oars out.

(rubber squeaking)

What are you doing now, Pyle?

I was gonna put my
bayonet on the rifle.

I want to be ready
when we hit the beach.

There's plenty of
time for that later.

Put it back!

Yes, sir.

(air hissing)

(all laughing)

SIMPSON: Hey, did you see...

Hey, be careful; those
things got points on 'em.

Didn't they tell you about that?

Hey, watch out. It gets
a little deep around there!

Watch out for the
sharks, Sergeant!

(baby-talking): Seems
we had a little accident,

didn't we?

Did we have to abandon ship?

(laughter) All right, get below.

I sure am sorry, Sergeant,
but it wasn't my fault.

You see, the boat
started to rise...

Don't talk, Pyle!
Just don't talk!

Now what are you
standing around for?!

Get below and get
changed! But Sergeant...

Come on! Move it! Move it!

I said get below
and get changed!

That's okay, Sergeant.

We have a lot more boats.

That's what we're here for.

(frustrated moan)

Get another boat!

Coming right up.

Sergeant, I did want

to tell you how sorry
I am, and I am sorry,

but it was the funniest thing

the way that bayonet
just stuck into that raft.

Yeah, wasn't it, though?

Look how I'm still laughing.

I can't blame you one bit

for being angry, no, sir.

Will you knock it off,
Pyle, and start changing?

I don't want to hear no more

about that bayonet or that raft!

Now, get changed!

Right, Sergeant.

Boy, Sergeant, you know,

that water sure
is salty, ain't it?

Change! Change!

It's all yours, Sergeant.

If at first you don't succeed...

Come on. Let's go!

Pyle, get your foot off my head!

Whatever you do, Pyle,
don't touch that bayonet.

Just leave it alone!

Oh, don't worry, Sergeant,
there ain't a chance

in the world of that
happening again.

You see, I put my bayonet
over here by my flare gun,

and it'd be...

(all laughing)

SIMPSON: Hey,
it's live ammunition.

You're not supposed
to use it, Sergeant!

Hey, we're running
out of boats, fellas!

I knew it might be a bit of a
problem making it to the beach,

but I didn't think there would be
so much trouble getting started.

I'm sorry, sir.

We're losing precious time.

How fast can we
get another boat?

Just a few minutes, sir.

I trust this will be the
last boat necessary.

Don't worry, sir.
We'll make it this time.

Let's hope so.

Aye, sir.

Let's get below!

All right, get another boat
from the starboard side

on the double. Yeah,
once again... let's go.

Well, I'm sure glad I didn't
take a shower this morning.

Aren't you?

I sure am sorry, Sergeant,

but I had no idea that that
safety was off, and I just...

I'll get you for this, Pyle.

If it takes the rest of my
days, I'll get you for this.

But I didn't do them
things on purpose.

I was just trying...

Don't talk, Pyle! I don't
want to hear your voice!

Yes, Sergeant.

I said I didn't want
to hear your voice!

Just change! Change!
Yes, Sergeant.

I said, don't talk! Change!

Sergeant, Grandma
Pyle used to always say,

"To err is human,
to forgive divine."

So, if you'll just
forgive me this time...

Oh, I'll forgive you, all right.

You want to know how?

You see this shirt?

Well, that's you!

Come on, come on, come on!

All right, let's go!

Well, come on! Let's go!

Gomer isn't here yet, Sarge.

I said, let's go!

Move, move, move, move!

Come on! Move it!

All right, start rowing.

But, Sergeant, aren't we
going to wait for Gomer?

I can't hear a
word you're saying.

Hey, Sergeant, wait for me!

Row! Row! Row! Row!

Row! Row!

Did you see that, boys?

Right... (laughing):
Right in the boat!

Where did I fail?

Where did I fail?!

Where?

Aren't you ready yet?
Come on! Move it, move it!

We're working as fast
as we can, Sergeant.

We've already
blown a half an hour.

We're holding up
the whole operation.

Sergeant Carter...
Don't talk, Pyle!

Don't talk! But I
just want to say...

Do you know what I
had to do just now?

I had to beg, beg the
Battalion Commander

not to replace me
on this mission.

Well, I sure am sorry, Sergeant.

Don't talk, Pyle!
Just don't talk!

I had to beg him
for another chance,

and all because of one marine.

One marine, and all he
needed was a half an hour.

A half an hour to mess
up 15 years in the Marines.

Anything I do from now
on will be a comeback!

Ready, Sergeant.
All right. Let's go!

Come on! Move it, move it!

15 years. 15 years!

Okay, lower away!

Now that you've managed
to delay long enough,

the fog is beginning to roll in,

so we have to make a
slight change in plans.

We sent up a plane to check

and make sure that
enemy sub isn't in the area.

If it is, you'd be
an easy target,

and so would we.

So just move out about 100 yards

and wait for a signal from us
before you proceed to the beach.

Aye, sir, and don't worry, sir.

We'll make it this time.

I'll be grateful if you just
make it away from the ship.

Carry on.

Aye, sir.

All right, move it!

All right, move off.

Oh, what a shame.

Without that Gomer boy,
they might make it this time.

It's just possible.

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait. Hold everything.

What's this? What's...?
Huh? What do you mean?

Look how sad that poor
fella is about being left behind.

Kind of gets you
right here, you know?

So maybe we could do a good deed

and send him back to his owner.

What do you mean, Chief?

Pencil!

Hey, marine!

Come here.

Pyle. That's your
name, isn't it?

Yes, sir. Gomer Pyle.

Well, Pyle, I have a very
important mission for you.

You do?

That's right. See your sergeant
out there with his patrol?

You notice the way
they've stopped?

Yes, sir. Is something wrong?

No, no, no. It's all
part of the big plan.

Now, they can't
proceed to the beach

until they get a message
from the high command.

You don't say!

And that message
was just handed to me.

Now, I want you
to swim out there

and give it to the
sergeant personally.

You want me to swim?

That's right. We don't
want to use a boat,

and take a chance
of attracting attention.

I mean, this is top secret.
You understand that,

don't you? Yes, sir.

I'll put it in this
cellophane to keep it dry.

Now, there. Now,
you better get cracking.

We haven't got a second to lose.

Yes, sir. And thank you,
sir, for giving me this chance.

It might help me to get back
in good with Sergeant Carter.

I wouldn't be at all surprised.

And don't worry.

Sergeant Carter
will get the message.

I'm sure he will.

Boy, they're sure taking their
sweet time with that signal.

Take it easy.

The plane is probably
still up there searching.

Hey, Sarge. Sarge, look!

Look! There's something
there in the water!

Look! Look!

It's a guy swimming.

Yeah. He seems to
be coming this way.

What would anybody be
swimming out here for?

I don't know. Maybe it's
one of them Navy frogmen.

Yeah, could be,
but why would he...?

No! It can't be! It
can't be! No! No!

It ain't really him.

It's just one of
them sea mirages.

That's what happens when
you're out in the ocean.

You begin to see things
that ain't really there.

Hey, Sergeant Carter!

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

For crying out loud, Gomer,
what are you doing out here?

All right. Let's have it,
Pyle. And make it good.

I got a really important
message for you, Sergeant,

from the high command.

A message? What kind of message?

It's top secret.
That's the reason

the CPO sent me out here
to give it you personally.

The CPO sent you?

That's right.

Here.

That's a real good
idea, Sergeant,

destroying that secret message
so the enemy can't see it.

I'll destroy that CPO
when I see him! I'll kill him!

With my bare
hands, I'll kill him!

What's the matter Sergeant?
He was only doing his duty.

See, he got this message from
high command... Okay, Pyle.

You brought me a message.

Now I got a message
for you to take back.

You have? Yeah.

Did you enjoy your
little swim out here?

Sure did.

You think you can
make it back all right?

Easy.

Well, just swim back to ship.

Right, Sergeant.
What's the message?

Tell that CPO to drop dead!

Huh? Pyle, there's any enemy sub

somewhere in this vicinity,

probably staring at
us at this very minute.

Now, you're a jinx! So get
out of this boat! Out! Out!

But, Sergeant... Sergeant, look!

That's the signal. We got to get
started. Out, Pyle! Out! Out! Out!

Sergeant, I'm not a
jinx. Honest I'm not.

And I'll make good if you
just give me the chance.

Out, out, out, out,
out, out, out, out, out!

Seems a lot colder
than it did the first.

Start swimming. You'll warm up.

Any sign of Gomer,
Sergeant? What?

Can you spot Gomer anywhere?

That's not what I'm looking
for... I'm looking for a submarine.

Sha-zam!

Sergeant! Sergeant!

PYLE: Look what I found!

Pyle!

Turn this thing about!

I can't see anything, sir.

It suddenly blacked
out. It's impossible.

Pyle!

Sergeant, Carter,
this thing was sticking

right up out of the
water... what do I do?

What do I do? It's a periscope!

He's landed on a periscope!

Hang on, Pyle! Hang on!

It's the submarine!
It's right under you!

Golly! I went and
captured us a submarine.

I'll give you a
hand, sir. Thanks.

We went and captured
us a submarine.

I'd like to commend
each and every one of you

for a job well done.

I'd like especially commend
Sergeant Carter and his patrol

for pulling off one of the
most daring maneuvers

ever recorded in
training exercises.

The Marine Corps has done much

in its long and
illustrious history.

But never before has
a sub been captured

by a handful of
Marines in a rubber boat.

And if that sub had been
operating during the landings,

it could have been a disaster.

As it turned out, the
operation was a huge success.

Again, congratulations
to all of you.

Carry on.

Hey, Sergeant Carter,

I bet you'll get a
promotion out of this.

Oh, I don't know about
that. Well, I bet you do.

Why, they might even
make you one of the...

Hey, there goes that nice CPO.

Hey, there!

I been looking all over for you.

Where you been, anyhow?

I wanted to thank you for
picking me to take that message

to Sergeant Carter.

If you hadn't, I'd have
missed all the excitement.

Oh, shut up!

(laughing)