Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964–1969): Season 2, Episode 12 - A Groom for Sergeant Carter's Sister - full transcript

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Where's Pyle with that jeep?

I told him 2:00 sharp.

It's just a couple of
minutes after, Sarge.

He'll be here.

You called the
hotel, didn't you?

They got a place
for her all right?

It's all taken care of.

She's on the second
floor, with cross ventilation.

Yeah. Well, I want
everything to be all right.

After all, she's
the only sister I got.

You're really
looking forward, huh?

Wait till you see her, Boyle.

Really something, huh?

Oh, she's the greatest.

Absolutely the greatest!
She's got everything.

Looks, brains, personality.

She's a lot like me.


And she thinks the
world of me, too.

Aw, you know, since
my old man passed away,

I been more of a father
to that kid than a brother.

She never makes a move
without turning to me first.

I used to pick out
her clothes for her,

the subjects she took in school.

I even figured out her career.

Oh? What does she do?

She's a beauty operator.

Got the number two chair,
right next to the owner.

(vehicle approaching)

There's Pyle now.

It's about time.

Pyle, you're late.

Can't I trust you to
do anything right?

Like be on time?
Especially today!

What's the matter with you?

I know, Sergeant, and
I'm as sorry as I can be,

but there was such
a long line at the PX.

The PX? What did
you go there for?

Pick up this candy
for your sister.

See, it's real nice when you
come off of a long bus ride

to have somebody meet
you with a something sweet.

Yeah. But it's better not
to keep somebody waiting.

But she'll understand
when you explain why.

Sweets to the sweet.

I'll be back around
5:00, Boyle. Right, Sarge.

And I bet she is sweet, too,

on account of
she's the sister...

Move, Pyle, move.

You see, we're late!

The bus is already here.

There she is! Babe!

Hey, Babe!

Oh, she's a
handsome looking girl

and sweet, just like I said.

Vince! Oh, it's so
good to see you.

Oh, boy. What a
sight for sore eyes.

Here, let me look at you.

You're looking great.
You never looked better.

Boy, I second that.

Of course I never
have seen you before,

but if Sergeant Carter says
you never have looked better,

then I'll take his word for it.

This is Private Gomer Pyle.

This is my sister. How
do you do, Gomer?

Hey, Miss Carter.

Come on, Babe. What do... I
can't tell you what a pleasure it is

to meet the sister
of my favorite person.

Oh, thank you, Gomer.

It's a real honor.
Well, come on. Let's...

I bought you some candy
as kind of a welcome gift.

Oh, well, that's very
nice of you. Thank you.

They're half soft centers
and half caramels and nuts.

Thank you, Gomer.

The light chocolates
are soft centers

and dark is the
caramels and nuts.

There's some
jellies in there, too.

Well, thank you very much.

Sweets to the sweet.

Pyle, get her bags, will ya?

Right, Sergeant.

I think there's some nuggets

and marzipan in there.
Do you like marzipan?

I think it's... Come on.

Oh, Miss Carter,
which is your bag?

Oh, there's a blue
plaid and a tan one.

They've got my
name on them, Gomer.

Hey, Babe. Babe, you look great.

Just great.

Are you kidding?
I've got to go on a diet.

Don't you do it.
You look wonderful.

How long you going
to be able to stay?

Just a few days.

Actually, I came down to
tell you about a big surprise.

Yeah? What is it?

Oh, I don't want
to tell you here.

Oh, come on, tell me.

You didn't get the
first chair, did you?

Old man Stucky didn't retire?

No. Nothing like that.

This is a really big surprise.

Well, I got them.

Oh, thank you, Gomer.
Get yourself and the bags

in the back, Pyle. I'll drive.

Now, what's all this
about a big surprise?


Sorry. I'll pick them up.

Of all the nitwits!

Pyle, you knucklehead,
can't you do anything right?!

Pick it up! Pick it up!

I'm terribly sorry. I
guess I'm just nervous

about meeting the sister
of my favorite person.

Pick them up! Pick them up!

Boy, he's murder, just murder.

Come on. Move, move, move!

Huh, huh? You like it?

Cross ventilation
and everything.

And the bedroom
looks out on the street.

Oh, Vince, you've certainly
gone to a lot of trouble.

Nothing's too good for you, sis.

You know you were
always number one with me.

Now, come on, what's
the big surprise, huh?

Okay, you ready?
Tell me. Tell me.

Vince, I'm going to get married.


To who?

Harold Kanobly.

Harold Kanobly?

Harold Kanobly!

What's the matter?

Little Harold Kanobly

that's in the surgical
supply business?

He's a wonderful person.

Oh, no, Babe. No, not Harold.

Why? What's wrong with him?

What's wrong with
him? Everything!

He's got no class, no
personality, no charm.

You put him in a
room full of people

and nobody would
even know he was there.

Harold Kanobly!

You don't even know him!

I know him. I know him.

What do you mean,
I don't know him?

He once tried to sell me
a pair of arch supports.

I know him. He's a creep.

How can you say that?

I know him. I know
Harold Kanobly.

That... civilian!

Well, what's wrong
with his being a civilian?

Don't tell me I have
to marry a marine.

Would that be so terrible?

Your brother's a
marine, ain't he?

If you married one, we could
kind of keep it in the family.

Vince, Harold and
I love each other.

Look, Babe.

Maybe you're in
love with the idea

of getting married.

I want you to get married.

But what's the rush?

Take a while.

Think it over.

Mr. Right will come along.

Believe me, sis.

Some nice marine.

Could be, who knows?

Here's your bags, Miss Carter.

Where do you want them?

Oh, just put them in
the bedroom, Gomer.

You can throw them on the bed.

Any place you say,
and I'd be happy.

You just name
it, and I'll do it.

My, my! Sergeant
Carter's sister.

My, my, my. Out, Pyle, out.

Go, go, go!

Listen, Babe.

Listen to me. What's the rush?

Take your time.

Harold Kanobly ain't
the only man in the world.

Give yourself a chance
to meet somebody else.

But Vince... (glass breaking)

PYLE: Uh-oh!

I've known Harold
since we were kids.

Well, that's the trouble...
You've stuck to this one guy

and you haven't given yourself
a chance to look around.

How would you feel
if you got married

and then you met a guy,

the right guy but too late.

(glass breaking) PYLE: Sorry!

Well, I have looked around.

And I know my own
mind. I'm not a child, Vince.

Okay, Babe.

I'm only your brother.
I can't stop you.

But I'm telling you, I
don't approve, Babe.

But... if you want
to break my heart,

well, you go right ahead.

But I don't approve, Babe.

I got your bags put away,
and I opened the blinds,

and I cleaned up
all the broken glass.

What broken glass?

Well, I busted a bottle

of some kind of
stuff for the hands.

Or maybe it's mouthwash.

I'm sure sorry. I'll
get you another.

Oh, that's all right, Gomer.

But I sure hope you enjoy
your visit, Miss Carter.

Thank you, Gomer.

And I just want to say,
welcome, welcome, welcome.

Come on, Pyle, let's go.

Right, Sergeant.

And, Miss Carter, if
there's anything I can do

to help your stay,
you just call on me.

Thank you, Gomer. Oh,
and thank you for the candy.

There's some peanut
clusters in there, too.

Do you like peanut
clusters? I think...

Get out of here, will ya?

Well, I'll... see
you later, Babe.

In the meantime, think it over.

Not Harold Kanobly, please.

Not him!

I thought he'd be happy
when he heard the news.

I thought it'd make him happy.

Well, so what?

Can't we get married anyway?

Well, he is my brother,
and I don't want to hurt him.

I can't do that to him.

Does this mean we're finished?

No, it just means
I've got to get him

to change his mind about you.

How're you going to do that?

He hates me.

I know what he thinks of me.

He thinks I'm a dope, a
dumbbell. Isn't that right?

You know what? It
would serve him right

if I married someone he
really thinks is a dumbbell.

Oh, look, Babe...
Listen, Harold.

I think I've got an idea.

An idea to get my brother to
change his mind about you.

How are you going to do that?

Well... No, just
leave it to me, Harold.

All right.

Babe, I sure miss you.

I miss you, too, Harold.

It's sure hard for me to
keep my mind on wheelchairs

and rubber stockings
when you're away.

Be patient, honey.

Listen, I've got a plan

and I'm pretty sure
it's going to work.

Phone call for me, Corporal?

That's who they called for.

Private First Class
Gomer Pyle speaking.

Gomer, this is Babe.


Babe Carter.

Sergeant Carter's sister.

Oh, yes, sir.

I mean, ma'am.

Uh... Gomer, my
brother isn't there, is he?

No, but I can go
get him for you.

Did you want to talk to him?

No. No, Gomer, listen.

I thought I'd take
you up on your offer

and have you show me
around town a little bit.

Oh, I'd be most
pleased to, ma'am.

When did you want me to do that?

Oh, about 7:00 tonight.

And, Gomer, don't tell my
brother about this, will you?

Don't tell him?

Well, he's so busy, and I
don't want him to feel guilty

that he's not spending
enough time with me.

I just don't want to
bother him too much.

Oh, I gotcha.

So we'll just keep it a secret?

Oh, sure. You
bet. I won't tell him.

Oh, good. Because the last time

I came down, he
neglected his job,

and I just don't want
him to do that, Gomer.

Yes, ma'am, I understand.

He's real sweet that way.

(whispers): He just came in.

What, Gomer, I can't hear you.

(whispers): I can't
talk. He just came in.

(louder): So long, buddy.

I'll do what you said.

Bye, Gomer.

Hey, Sergeant Carter.
How are you today?

That phone is for
official use, Pyle.

You understand?

Right, Sergeant.

Fact is, I didn't make a call.

Somebody called
me. A friend of mine.

I didn't ask you.

That's really
all I can tell you.

It was friend of mine...
Pyle, who cares?

Get out of here!


Where's Dumrowski?

Oh, I think he's over
at the PX, Sergeant.


Is that you, Pyle?

You mean this smelly stuff?

Yeah, that's me, all right.

It's called Man and Horse.

It ain't sweetie smelling
like a lot of them.

The lady at the PX says

it has a real masculine aroma.

Man and Horse.

You got a big
date tonight, Pyle?

Come on, Pyle,
tell me. Who is she?

Don't ask, Sergeant.
Please don't ask.

You're bashful, huh?

Ah, look at that. He's bashful.

Come on, Pyle, what
is she, a truck driver?

A mechanic at the gas station?

You shouldn't say
things like that, Sergeant.

Well, come on,
Pyle, you can tell me.

What does she look
like? Is she pretty?

Well, yes, she's very pretty.

Yeah, I'll bet.

Like a mud fence.

I'll bet she's a real dog, huh?

Come on, Pyle, level
with me. She's a dog, huh?

Sergeant Carter, I don't think

that's very
respectful to a lady.

Especially about...

Well, she's a fine,
considerate person.

And a lady. A real, fine lady.

A bow-wow.

Please don't say that, Sergeant.

Okay, Pyle.

I was just kidding.
Have a good time.

Well, thank you.

(Carter barking, cackling)

I can't tell you how
wonderful it's been

being out with my
favorite person's sister.

Thank you, Miss Carter for
letting me show you around.

No, Gomer, I'm the one
that should thank you.

Thank you for
the lovely evening.

You're sure welcome.

Did you enjoy the
Godzilla movie?

Oh, it was very interesting.

Uh, Gomer...

are you going to be
busy tomorrow night?

No, ma'am. Why?

Well, I really had such
a nice time tonight,

and, well, I really hate to
impose on you like this...

Shoot, ma'am, would you like me

to show you around
again tomorrow night?

Are you sure I wouldn't be
taking you away from your work?

Oh, no.

I'm not busy like
Sergeant Carter.

He's got all kinds

of responsibilities
that I don't have.

Oh, good, Gomer.

Oh, I do appreciate it.

Same time then?

That'll be fine. I'll be here.

Bye, ma'am. Bye.

Babe! Hey, Babe!

Oh, Vince, have you
been waiting for me?

Waiting? I've been
here for hours.

Where have you been?

Your first night in
town, I can't find you!

What's going on?!

Oh, Vince, Vince, my
darling brother, Vince!

Huh? Oh, Vince,
you won't believe this.

I know you won't believe this,

but I've just been on a date.

You had a date? With who?

Oh, Vince, it was so fantastic.

You said Mr. Right
would come along and...

oh, I don't want to
say too much about it.

Listen, calm down.

Tell me what
you're talking about.

You met some guy.

What's his name? Who is he?

Oh, I don't want
to say too much.

It's too good to be true.

I mean, it all just
happened so fast.

Out of the clear
blue sky! Babe...

Oh, he's all the things
I ever dreamed of.

He's tall and slender
and thoughtful and kind

and sweet and... and
guess what, Vince?

What? He's a marine, Vince.

He's a marine! Well...

Doesn't it make you
happy, Vince, he's a marine?

Okay, he's a marine, but who...?

Here I thought Harold
was the only one.

I could have made
a terrible mistake

if it hadn't been
for you, Vince.

You did it. You opened my eyes.

You said, "Think.
Take your time."

And I did. But listen, I...

And he's a marine, Vince!

Oh, I'm so grateful!

My sister.

(chuckles nervously)

I don't understand it.

I just don't understand it!

She came here to tell me

that she wanted
to marry one guy.

She's been here
less than 24 hours

and she tells me she's in
love with somebody else.

Well, who is this guy?

What do you know
about him? Nothing.

She wouldn't tell me a thing.

All I know is he was tall,
thin, sweet and a marine.

Ah, I'm sure there's nothing
to get upset about, Sarge.


I'm going out of my skull.

I don't like it, Boyle.
I don't like it at all!

After all, she's my kid sister.

Eh, it's probably
just an infatuation.

What's that?

Well, you know,
a quickie romance.

In love today, out
of love tomorrow.

That's an infatuation?


Well, I don't like it.

I don't like my sister having
an infatuation with no stranger.

Well, there's an easy
way to find out who he is.

Why don't you go down
and stake out the hotel?

What are you telling me?

Spy on my own sister?

Is that what you're suggesting,

that I spy on my own sister?

(car horns honking)

What's the matter with you?

Why don't you wake
up, you dumb jerk.

What do you think
you're doing...?

(yelling continues)

(pounding on door)

Babe. Vince!

Oh, I'm so glad you stopped by.

I was going to call you

but I was afraid
it was too late.

Listen, I'll tell you
why I'm here, I...


You were going to call me?

What did you want
to call me about?

Well, you know,
last night I told you

I wasn't sure about
this fellow I met.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I had another
date with him tonight.

Yeah. And, Vince...
I think I'm sure.

Oh, no, no, no!

And it's all because
you wouldn't let me

throw myself away on Harold.

Oh, Vince, you're so
wise, you're so wise.

Listen, I... Doesn't that
make you happy, Vince?

Oh, I know you're
going to adore him.

For one thing, he's
a marine, Vince.

Did I tell you that?

He's so kind, so
gentle and so sweet.

He's Gomer Pyle!
Right? Gomer Pyle!

That's the marine... Gomer Pyle?

Yeah! How did you know?

Oh, Babe, I don't know
how this happened,

but you can't do this.

You can't do this to me!

Don't tell me you
don't approve of him?

I should think
you'd be thrilled.

He's a marine
in your own outfit.

Golly, Vince, I'm
keeping it in the family,

just the way you wanted.

In the family?

Now, Vince, I want
you to go home,

'cause I-I can't talk
about it anymore.

I'm just too happy.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Okay, Vince?

You go home and get
a good night's sleep.


Babe, I was hoping you'd call.

What's happening?

Oh, Harold, I
think brother Vince

is about to give his approval.

No, I mean it.

Now, listen,
Harold, if Vince calls,

we haven't been in touch.

But he's not going
to call me, Babe.

He will.

Just remember when he calls,

you haven't heard
a thing from me.

I don't understand, Sergeant.

Did Private Pyle request
this transfer to Japan?

No, sir.

But we do need men there,

and I thought he'd
be a fine possibility.

Yes. Does he speak Japanese?

No, sir, but he could learn.

I'm afraid I'll have to deny
the request, Sergeant.

How about the Aleutians?

We need men there, sir.

The Philippines?



No, Sergeant.

Let's just leave
things as they are.

Yes, sir.

What galls me
is it's all my fault.

She wanted to marry
Harold Kanobly, but I said no.

I'm the one that drove
her right straight to Pyle.

What about Harold?

Was he so bad?

Huh? What's the
matter with Harold?

Why did you want split them up?

What's wrong with the guy?


Nothing's the
matter with Harold.

Nothing in the world's
the matter with Harold.

Hey, give me long distance.

(phone rings)


Hello, Hal, you
old son of a gun.

How you doing, fella?

How's every little thing
in surgical supplies?

Who's this?

This is Vince Carter.

Your old buddy, Vinnie.




Babe told me the wonderful
news about you two,

and I just want to tell
you I think it's great!

Hey, just think, you
and me brothers.


Uh, listen, Harold,
uh, when's the big day?

You and Babe set the date yet?

Well, uh, no, Vince.

Why not?

I haven't heard from her
since she's been up there.

Well, you know how
girls on vacation are.

She's probably been thinking
about you a lot, though.

Listen, Harold,

I don't want to scare
you or anything,

but this town ain't
the greatest place

to have your fiancée
wandering around.

I mean, there are a lot of
good-looking marines around here

and, uh... Look, Harold,

why don't you come down
here and surprise her?

I know she'd love to see you.

Well, if I were you, I'd
catch the next bus out.

I wouldn't waste any time.


Are you about
ready, Miss Carter?

Oh, I just have to
fix my hair, Gomer.

You know, Miss Carter,

seems funny but we
haven't been seeing much

of your brother.

I know he's busy and all...

Oh, I think I'll probably
be seeing more of him

now that the weekend
is here, Gomer.

As a matter of fact, I think
we'll be getting together today.

Well, that's good
because I feel real peculiar

him not being around very
much to see his own sister.

(knocking on door)

Oh, uh, will you
get that, Gomer.

Uh, my hair.

Be glad to, ma'am.


See, there's a
marine here right now.

What did I tell you, Harold?

Hey, Sergeant Carter, I was...

Out of the way, Pyle!

Babe! Babe! Where are you, Babe?

Oh, Vince, what's the matter?

Hey, Babe, look who's here!

Look who's here!

Just walked into my
office, just like that.

What a surprise!

You could've knocked
me over with a feather.

Hello, Babe.

Hello, Harold.

Hello, Harold?

Hello Harold? Is
that all you can say?

A man travels 87
miles and hello, Harold?!

How was trip, Harold?

You shut up, Pyle!

Maybe Harold came
down here to elope, huh?

Is that what you had in mind?

Unless, of course,
you were planning

a big wedding, but why fool
around with a big wedding?

Why not make it short and sweet

and save that money
for a dinette set?

Vince, what are
you talking about?

Well, tell her. Speak up, man.

That was always your problem.

You were shy.

Tell her what you got in mind.

Well, if there was a choice,

I'd take a wedding.

Furniture is all right,

but the memory of a
wedding will last you your life.

Babe, I don't know what's
happened between you two,

but you loved each other once.

I'm sure you can
get back together.

Babe, you can't let
your head be turned

by a passing fancy.

A... "fatuation"!

Boy, Sergeant, you sure
got a way with words.

Look, you two, why don't
you talk to each other.

Babe, look at him.

I never knew Harold before,

but on the way over here,

I talked to him and
he's a great guy.

A great guy.

You know, Sergeant Carter,

me and Harold ain't
even been introduced yet.

My name... You two probably
want to be alone, huh?


Well, uh, I guess we'll be going

and let you two kids
be alone for a while.

I'm sure you got
a lot to talk about.

Come on, Pyle. Right, Sergeant.

And I think you'll
enjoy a wedding

a whole lot more than
a dinette set. Come on!

Oh, Harold!

So, Pyle, you were seeing
my sister without telling me.

I'm sorry about that, Sergeant,

but she and I agreed that...

Pyle, do you think
for one minute

that my sister would
ever marry a nitwit,

lamebrain, knucklehead like you?



You got it all wrong, Sergeant.

I never wanted to
marry your sister.

Huh? Oh, no.

I mean, she's a
nice person and all,

but I never had no
intentions of marrying her.

Marry your sister?

Oh, no, Sergeant.
What do you mean?

You mean my sister
isn't good enough for you?

Is that what you're telling me?

My sister ain't good
enough for you?

No, Sergeant. Pyle, that's
my sister you're talking about.

You ain't even in the
same class with her.

You're telling me you wouldn't
want to marry my sister!

I just know you two are
going to be very happy.

Mr. and Mrs. Harold Kanobly.

Sure has a nice sound to it.

Well, we're not Mr. and
Mrs. yet, Gomer.

We've got to stop by a
justice of the peace first.

Yeah, and we better get going.

Where's Vince?

He'll be here all right.

He had to finish filling
out the duty roster.

He said to be sure
and tell you to wait.

Uh, Harold, did you
leave a forwarding address

at the desk? No, I didn't.

Maybe I better do that.

Well, Gomer.

Yes, Miss Carter?

I probably won't be
seeing you for awhile,

but I'll never forget you.

You know, without you,

none of this ever
would have happened.

Yeah? What did I do?

Well, never mind.

You were just very sweet.

Some day I'll
explain it all to you.

In the meantime... Hey!

Hey, what's going on here?

Where's Harold? Isn't he here?

Where did Harold go? Harold!

Harold! Harold! Harold!