Glee (2009–2015): Season 6, Episode 3 - Jagged Little Tapestry - full transcript

Sue becomes concerned when Becky brings a surprise guest to town. Rebuilding the glee club proves difficult for Rachel and Kurt.

How do you call yourselves
a sheet music store

if you don't have the soundtrack of Smash?

Ugh, I know, it's like
a show choir hate crime.

Hi, Blaine.

And Dave.

Don't tell me that we have to figure out

alternating sheet music days.

No. No, of course not.

It's fine.

So, uh, I've been helping
Blaine put together

- his Warblers song list.
- Oh...

But it's just like pulling teeth
to get this guy off Broadway.

Or even off-off-Broadway, if
you know what I mean, right?

Um, it's good to see you, Kurt.

♪ Stayed in bed all morning
just to pass the time ♪

♪ There's something wrong here ♪

♪ There can be no denying ♪

♪ One of us is changing ♪

♪ Or maybe we've just stopped trying ♪

♪ And it's too late, baby ♪

♪ Now it's too late ♪

♪ Though we really did try to make it ♪

♪ Something inside has died ♪

♪ And I can't hide it ♪

♪ I just can't fake it ♪

♪ Oh, no, no ♪

♪ No, no... ♪

♪ Oh, no... ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ It used to be so easy
living here with you ♪

♪ Here with you ♪

♪ You were light and breezy ♪

♪ And I knew just what to do ♪

♪ Now you look so unhappy ♪

♪ And I feel like a fool ♪

♪ I feel like a fool ♪

♪ And it's too late, baby ♪

♪ Now it's too late ♪

♪ Though we really did try to make it ♪

♪ Something inside has died ♪

♪ And I can't hide it ♪

♪ I just can't fake it ♪

♪ Oh, no, no ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na ♪

♪ Na, Na, Na, Na, Na ♪

♪ Oh, it's too late ♪

♪ Baby, it's too late ♪

♪ Now, darling ♪

♪ It's too late. ♪

I ran into Blaine and Karofsky last night.

Then I spent the rest of
the night having a fantasy

about singing "It's
Too Late" all over town.

Oh, no.


Why don't we use Carole King's
seminal break-up album Tapestry

as this week's lesson?

Yeah, it's brilliant, but, I mean,

it's sort of a downer, don't you think?

If we're gonna do a break-up album,

then it has to be Jagged Little Pill,

'cause it's modern and edgy and angry.

And isn't that the kind of energy

that we want these new kids expressing?

Yeah, but I bet none of
these kids have even heard

of Tapestry, and that's just wrong.

And Mr. Shue was a little
obsessed with rap and Journey,

but at least we all left Glee Club

with a better understanding
and appreciation

of all kinds of music. You know?

It's our job to educate as well
as win competitions, you know?

Maybe it was easier for Mr. Shue

'cause he didn't have
a partner to answer to.


I'm just, you know, getting worried

about this co-teaching thing.

I don't want us to start hating each other.

Wait, why don't we do both albums?

We'll make it a mash-up week.

Think about it, uh, Jagged
Little Pill and Tapestry.

Two great albums written
by great singer-songwriters.

That's brilliant because
then we can educate them

and get them fired up at the same time.

We're so good! Yes, on fire, Rachel, fire!

You and me, together.

Sorry I'm late.

I think I got some bad sushi last night.

I seriously did not get
off the pot until about...

15 minutes ago.

So, uh, how was practice?

Uh, you know, amazing, yeah.

Only two guys passed out from dehydration.

Well, you can't criticize the results.

The guys love you.

They work hard for you.

Like I say, Miracle Whip
works fine on a burger, but...

You can't use it to skin a cat.

Thanks, Coach, yeah.

Um, no, I'm having the
time of my life here.

I mean, if you asked me what
my dream was, like, right now,

besides like, having one of
those, like, giant talking M&M's

and, uh, making it my pet...

it would probably be

to take over your job when you retire.

It's, like, my ultimate fantasy.

You could do it, too.

You've got the gift,
Sam. That's why I've been

entrusting you in running
practice couple days a week.

Oh, hey, um...

Are you, uh...

Are you... are you okay?

What? I-I mean, like I said,

I-I'm super grateful, um... but, frankly,

everybody thinks it's
kind of suspicious for you

to skip out of practice at all.

Well, you tell 'em to mind
their own damn business!

Whoa, uh, nobody's
accusing you of anything.

I... and definitely not me.

Honestly, I'm, you know, I'm just...

I'm worried about you.

It-it's my knee.

Looks like I'm gonna have
to have it replaced again.

And I'll probably have to
take off a couple weeks.

Is that all? God, okay, I was worried

it was something more
serious. I mean, like...

Well, that explains the extra leg hair.

It must hurt to shave.

I've been trying to keep it hush-hush.

You know, I feel like
the-the team needs to see me

as, like, Iron Shannon,

you know, this invincible titan.

Hey, Coach... es.

Uh... you got a second to talk
about the starters for Friday?

I'll post it Friday
morning, same as always.

I want a shot at quarterback.

You're my best receiver.

I've been taking snaps
in practice for weeks.

I came in the last four minutes

of the game against Central

and threw for four first downs.

And no touchdowns.

And you know why?

Because you didn't have you to throw to.

I told you this 50 times.

You take Fred Flintstone
off the brontosaurus,

all he is, is Wilma
with a set of man-plumbs.

Conversation over.

Look, dude, man. Tough break, buddy, okay?

I think you're like a
majestic knight riding a horse.

If it were up to me, I'd give you a shot.

Okay, why don't I start it with the title,

and then you can just segue into the theme.

Or I could start with the title,

and then we could both
segue into the theme.

Welcome, everyone,

to our very first Glee Club rehearsal.

First, I would like to welcome
back our distinguished alumni

who have so graciously
agreed to stay an extra week.

So, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yeah, how exactly are you guys doing that?

Oh, I can bend time and space with my mind.

Okay, so, as you very well have heard,

the glee club has a grand
and glorious tradition

of starting each week with a lesson

where we explore every
musical genre under the sun.

But mostly Katy Perry and show tunes.

Not this week. Rachel and
I are extremely excited

to kick off this week's lesson with our...

First musical lesson,
"Jagged Little Tapestry."

Oh, look, finally some songs
about Rachel's hair extensions.

Now, as you can clearly see,
we've combined the titles

of these two iconic albums...

Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill.

Which is celebrating its
20th-year anniversary.

And Carole King's Tapestry.

That-that's my favorite.

So these two iconic albums are sort of

like chocolate and peanut butter.

Both... Or peanut butter and jelly.

Okay, they're both different but amazing.

You know, you could
say that they're sort of

like the Reese's Pieces of music. Mm-hmm.

Right? Or, if you don't
like Reese's Pieces,

you could name another
candy of your choice.

Okay, Kurt, why don't you now...

Well-well, Carole
King's Tapestry is-is...

you know, it's easy and informal,

like you're getting a cup
of coffee with an old friend.

Team Carole.

Good choice.

Okay, and Alanis is different.

- You know, she's edgy and dark...
- Angry.

Team Alanis.

Yeah, and this is why we wanted
it to be your first lesson.

Because, like Alanis and Carole,

you can look at every situation

from two different
points of view, you know?

It's about combining... I think
what Kurt is trying to say is

that it's about working
together and using this lesson

to grow as a team.

I'm sorry, I'm confused.

What is it exactly you want us to do?

Just sit and smile like
I did for three years.

So, our weekly lesson is to find a partner

that has a different style
than you and work together

to mash up an Alanis and a Carole song.

Kurt and I will demonstrate...

- probably tomorrow?
- What? We...

Let me tell you something...
- why do you keep interrupting me?

You're interrupting me,
and you're confusing them.

You're confusing the hell out of them.

Or how about
since you and Porcelain

obviously have some issues to iron out,

Brittany and I will go first.

- Thank you.
- Okay, thank you.

That'd be great.

Quinn, can I talk to you for a sec?

Artie told me that you said

that Brown was not an Ivy League school.

That's not what I said.

I said it's barely an Ivy League school.


I thought you were in college.

I am, idiot.

I came back because I'm in trouble.

I need help.

I met a guy named Darrell,

and now he's my boyfriend.

And I'm madly in love.

Well, that's amazing.

Shut up. I know.

I brought him home

to Lima so he can meet my parents.

Okay, so what's the problem?

Bitch! The problem is

that I lied to him.

I told Darrell that I was

the president of every club at school.

♪ ♪

Becky, that's an insane web of lies.

I know, whore.

But that's not the worst part.

I told him that I was in Glee Club.

Wait, why would you tell him that?

Because he was in Glee Club in high school,

and I want to impress
him by my singing voice.

You got to let me sing at the glee club

when Darrell comes to school tomorrow.

Becky, we will do

whatever it takes to help you.

Thanks, Kitty.

You know, I am pretty sure

that our fish ancestors
crawled out of the ooze

and got legs just to be able to scissor.

Well, actually,

scissoring was invented
by the ancient Egyptians,

which is weird because actual
scissors weren't invented

for many centuries after that. True story.

You know,

I have to say, I'm kind
of really digging this

for Glee Club.

If for no other reason than to mess

with Berry and her sad gay.

But I have the perfect mash-up idea

for us to perform this week.

So do I. Okay, you go first.

Three, two, one.

"I Feel the Earth Move"
and "Hand in My Pocket."

"You Oughta Know."

No, see, you're supposed to do a song

- from each album.
- Okay,

but I refuse to be
restrained by the laws of man.

I like to think outside of the box.

No, listen. Okay.

Aren't we here to help the
glee club get back on top?

And don't you think that teaching the power

of a mash-up would
totally contribute to that?

Okay, I may be a genius, but...

how can I argue with the logic
of your giant, generous heart?

Come here.

Ugh, ware so awesomely in love.

- I would totally hate us if I
didn't know us. - I was thinking.

I think that you and I should
live in New York together.

You know? I-I want to
go back to college... NYU

or Columbia... And you can just go..

Wherever I get in, genius.

How much fun would it be

to be back in school together again?

It'd be amazing!

I love you, Britt.

I love you, too.

I'm serious, I mean...

living my life with you is

one of the few things that's actually

as good in real life as
it is in my imagination.

Like rain in phones.


I'm serious.

You make me so happy.

And I'm never going to
stop doing just that.

As a math genius, I am
one of the few people

who understands the concept of infinity,

and I will love you until
infinity, Santana Lopez.

And I will love you until
infinity, too, Britt.

No, Becky, there's no way

this wouldn't impress that
new boyfriend of yours.

But, Coach, I feel bad that I lied.

Oh, honey, all healthy
relationships are built on lies.

When I got married, I pledged to
be totally honest at all times.

And you know what?

I'm pretty sure that's why
I ended up divorcing myself.

Coach, he's here!

Darrell's here!

Ooh, can't wait to meet him.

This is when I campaigned against fracking

with Mark Ruffalo.

Young man?

Can I ask you a question?


What are your intentions with Ms. Jackson?


uh, today I intend to take Becky

to Fuddruckers for lunch.

Actually, Becky, we need to go

if we're gonna beat the rush.

I will bring the car around.

Nice to meet you, Principal Sylvester.


Isn't he dreamy, Coach?

I'm so in love!

♪ I'm broke, but I'm happy ♪

♪ I'm poor, but I'm kind ♪

♪ I'm short, but I'm healthy, yeah ♪

♪ I'm high, but I'm grounded ♪

♪ I'm sane, but I'm overwhelmed ♪

♪ I'm lost, but I'm hopeful, baby ♪

♪ What it all comes down to ♪

♪ What it all comes down to ♪

♪ Is that everything's
gonna be fine, fine, fine ♪

♪ 'Cause I got one hand in my pocket ♪

♪ And the other one
is giving a high five ♪

♪ 'Cause I got one hand in my pocket ♪

♪ I feel the Earth move under my feet ♪

♪ I feel the sky tumbling down ♪

♪ Tumbling down ♪

♪ I feel my heart start a-trembling ♪

♪ Whenever you're around ♪

♪ What it all comes down to ♪

♪ What it all comes down to ♪

♪ Is that everything's
gonna be quite all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I got one hand in my pocket ♪

♪ And the other one is
flicking a cigarette ♪

♪ Yeah, I got one hand in my pocket ♪

♪ Ooh, baby ♪
♪ Baby ♪

♪ When I see your face ♪

♪ Mellow as the month of May ♪

♪ Oh, darling ♪

♪ Darling ♪
♪ I can't stand it ♪

♪ When you look at me ♪

♪ That way ♪

♪ I feel drunk, but I'm sober ♪

♪ I'm young and I'm underpaid ♪

♪ I'm tired, but I'm working, yeah ♪

♪ What it all comes down
to, my friends, yeah ♪

♪ Is that everything is just... ♪

♪ I feel the sky tumbling down ♪

♪ Fine, fine, fine ♪

♪ I feel my heart start a-trembling ♪

♪ Whenever you're around ♪

♪ I got one hand in my pocket ♪

♪ And the other one
is playing a piano ♪

♪ I feel the Earth move under my feet ♪

♪ What it all comes
down to, my friends ♪

♪ What it all comes
down to ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Is that everything is just ♪

♪ Fine, fine, fine ♪

♪ 'Cause I got one hand in my pocket ♪

♪ And the other one
is hailing a taxicab ♪

♪ I feel the sky ♪

♪ Tumbling down. ♪

And that is how a
mash-up is done, everyone.

No, actually this is.

Britt, can you take a seat?


So, I figure that this is as good a place

as any to ask you this question.

Um, mainly because it's gonna

really upset all the single
guys and gals in here.

But... I want to mash up
with you forever, Britt.

I mean, some people love someone

because they make them a better person,

and that's not why I love you,

because you've always just
wanted me to be myself.

You're my favorite
person in the whole world,

and we're a big deal, you know?

Like, no matter how many times we've tried

to put our thing down
and walk away from it,

we can't because I don't
want to live my life

without my one true love. And...

I normally use a lot of words

when I'm saying something negative,

so since this is the most positive thing

I'm ever gonna do,

I'm gonna keep it simple.

Brittany S. Pierce...

...will you marry me?

Wait, what is happening?

This kind of thing happens
in here all the time.

Just go with it.

Oh, my God. I would love to.

Really? I would love to.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

I-I just have to speak now
or forever hold my peace.

Um, normally you save that
kind of thing for the wedding.

Did you learn nothing from me and Blaine?

We're too young to get married.

All of us.


as somebody who has lived their life

jealously attacking
the happiness of others,

even I can't hate this engagement.

You guys are perfect together.

Thank you, Tina.

Wait, let me get this straight.

You want me to fire Coach Beiste?

I don't want you to fire her.

I didn't even want to come talk to you.

It's just... I've been really worried,

and I felt like I had to.

- She's been acting really weird.
- How so?

Well, first, I noticed that Sam Evans

had been running practices a lot

because she's been absent so much.

And also she started yelling all the time

about the stupidest things.

Listen, I-I can't just
fire somebody for yelling.

I'm teaching a class
in pedagogical screaming

over at the community college.

I'd look like a hypocrite. No,

but, listen, here's the kicker,

last night, when Coach
Beiste was locking up...

she was wearing this shirt
from the Victoria's Secret.

Truck Driver collection that was, like,

five sizes too small,

and she was scarfing down all these drugs.

She had, like, three
bottles of pills on her desk.

Well, I appreciate your coming to me.

I'm actually quite envious
of all the snooping around

you've been able to do without

It's like you're Batman, only gay.

I guess it's like you're Batman. Look,

she's a great coach, and I
don't want her to get fired.

All I'm saying is that if she did,

Sam Evans could take over.
He's young, he's exciting,

and he's got a lot of
fresh ideas that could bring

this football team another championship.

Kurt, I just... I don't
think you're being supportive.

You're right. I'm not being supportive.

I'm not gonna support something

that I know from personal experience

is a horrible decision that
they're going to regret.

Oh, Kurt, can I have a word with you?

Oh, um, I'm gonna go.

No, Unibrow, stay.

Kurt, I took what you said to heart,

and I thought long and
hard about it, and...

it occurred to me that
you may have a point.

Okay, maybe Brittany and I are too young

to get married. I mean,

after all, that's why it didn't work out

with you and Blaine, right?

Or maybe it didn't work out

because you're a judgmental
little gerontophile

with a mouth like a cat's ass.

Maybe Blaine got tired
of hearing your shrill,

lecture about how you felt

the two of you were at the very apex

of the gay rights movement
every time you so much as cooked

macaroni and cheese together or farted.

Maybe Blaine didn't want
to be with someone who looks

like they just removed
their top row of dentures

every time they smile

or someone who doesn't dress like an extra

out of one of Andy Dick's
more elaborate wet dreams.

Maybe Blaine grew weary of dating

a breathier, more feminine Quinn Fabray.

Maybe he finally got freaked
out by your strange obsession

with old people that causes you
to skulk around nursing homes

like one of those cats
that can smell cancer.

Maybe he got tired of watching you

drape yourself on every
piano you happen to pass

to entertain exactly no one with,

say, some song that Judy Garland choked

on her tongue in the middle of

or some sassy old Broadway
standard made famous

by another dead alcoholic crone.

Maybe Blaine woke up one day and said,

"You know what, I don't
want to marry a sexless,

"self-centered baton twirler.

Maybe I need someone who knows
more than three dance moves."

The finger wag, the shoulder shimmy

and the one where you pretend to twirl

two invisible rainbow-colored
ribbons attached to your hips.

So, you know what, maybe
that's why it didn't work out.

Maybe it has nothing to
do with me and Brittany.

Maybe it's just that you are utterly,

utterly intolerable.

Maybe that has something to do with it.


It's gonna be fun. You know, you
just, like, tuck behind.

Yeah. Roll the arms.

To the right. Turn to the right.

Clap. Turn to the left.

All right, sluts, I'm out.

Becky, we just started
practice ten minutes ago.

I have a dinner date with Darrell.

Look, Becky, if you're
too tired, just say so.

You don't have to lie.

I'm not lying, Tanya.

But here's a lie:

you guys getting in college. Oh. Oh, snap!

Freshmen 15s in the house.

There he is. Told you.

Sorry, Becks, but we got to fly

if we're gonna make our
6:30 reservation at Shutters.

And you know they don't
like to hold a table.


Uh, nice to meet you. Hi.

- I'm morally outraged. - Thank
you. I gained five pounds max.

We've got to talk to Sue.

Right. Darrell. Of course. Ugh.

are you using Mounds bars?

Aren't jelly beans more traditional?

Mounds bars are the lesbians of candies.

Jelly beans are the gays, of course.

I used my better-than-yours
math brain to figure out

exactly how many minutes Santana
and I have spent together,

and I'm putting the mini
Mounds bars into this giant jar

to give to her as an engagement present.

I am so sorry that I
interrupted your proposal.

I'm bitter. I have this firm belief

that people shouldn't get
married until they're 30.

But I believe in you and Santana.

You remind me of Blaine and me.

Except for the fact that she and
I are actually still together.

I'd like to believe that
we're just on a hiatus.

And I'd like to think that Lord Tubbington

isn't secretly videotaping
me while I'm in the shower

and selling it on Craigslist.
Doesn't make it true.

Okay, I hate to be the one
to tell you this, but, um,

he's moving in with Dave Karofksy.

You know, Blaine. Not Lord Tubbington.

I was just helping them decorate yesterday.



Where's the bed?

I had it removed,

'cause when I pictured you two having sex,

I imagined a U-Haul mounting a moped.

You need to start getting over him.

Okay, move on.

Start seeing somebody else.

I'm sure there's another
person in this world

who will understand and appreciate

your particular brand of eccentricity.

I know, but I just feel like,
if I start seeing someone else

or just even go on a date, that...

I'll be admitting that it's over,

and I-I... I don't want to do that.

You know...

these Mounds bars are delicious,

but you have to eat them.

If you just hold them in your hand

hoping that you might
get to eat them one day,

they're going to melt.

Then you'll look like

somebody just pooped in your hand.

Don't let waiting for things

to maybe work out with
Blaine turn you into the guy

who looks like somebody
just pooped in your hand.

I have missed you, Britt.

I know. I am awesome.

What are you doing? What
do you think you're doing?!

Sorry. I don't see what the problem is.

The problem is, you're dating.

Coach Sylvester's daughter
Robin, and she is not

- okay with it. - Hey, Roz,
uh, we're not talking

about my daughter Robin.

We're talking about Becky Jackson.

She's not my daughter.

I thought your daughter had Down syndrome.

My daughter does have Down syndrome,

as did my late sister.

However, Becky Jackson
does have Down syndrome,

but she is merely my best
friend and confidante.

Okay, so let me get this straight.

Your daughter, your
sister and your best friend

all have Down syndrome?


Okay, look, Darrell, Becky is our friend,

and we have some questions for you.

Like where did you even meet?

At a Quiznos, actually,

across the street from her college.

She came in, and she ordered

every sandwich on the menu,
and then she tried to pay

with a $10,000 bill that she counterfeited.

I thought she was really cool and funny.

We started hanging out.

And when you "hang out,"
what exactly do you do?

Probably the same things you do.

You may find this
shocking, but it turns out

that people with Down
syndrome actually like doing

exactly the same things
that other people do.

We just want to
make sure that no one

is taking advantage of her.

What do you mean by "taking advantage of?"

You know, like, doing certain things

with her that might not be appropriate.

Okay, why don't you guys
quit beating around the bush?

Just ask me the question
you're obviously dying to ask.

I'll ask. You having sex with Becky?

No, we're not.

Not yet. Our relationship
hasn't gotten to that point.

But at some point, it might,
and if we did have sex,

I-I don't see what's wrong with that.

Are you kidding?! Everything
is wrong with that!

It's gross, it's weird...

Is it gross when you have sex?

Don't make us out to be bigots.

Becky is our friend. We're
trying to protect her.

No, you're not. You're
trying to protect yourselves

from something that you find uncomfortable

because it doesn't fit
your preconceived notions

about what a relationship is.

You know, when Becky and I
first started dating, I actually

called the National
Association for Down syndrome.

- NADS? - And I asked them
that exact same question.

You know what they told me? They told me

there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Guys, come on. You sit
there and you try and tell me

that Becky doesn't have the
right to live a normal life

just because she has Down syndrome?

Well, I-I think
that's flat-out wrong.

You should be the ones who have
to explain yourselves, not me.

Wow. That didn't go at
all the way I pictured it.

♪ Tonight you're mine ♪

♪ Completely ♪

♪ You give your love ♪

♪ So sweetly ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ The light of love is in your eyes ♪

♪ But will you love me tomorrow? ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Oh,
oh-oh-oh, oh ♪

♪ I had no choice but to hear you ♪

♪ You stated your case ♪

♪ Time and again ♪

♪ I thought about it ♪

♪ You've already won
me over in spite of me ♪

♪ And don't be alarmed
if I fall head over feet ♪

♪ And don't be
surprised if I love you ♪

♪ For all that you are ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Will you still love me ♪

♪ Tomorrow? ♪

♪ Yeah... ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ With words ♪
♪ With words ♪

♪ Unspoken ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ When the night ♪

♪ When the night ♪

♪ Meets he morn... ♪
♪ Meets the morn... ♪

♪ sun ♪

♪ You've already won me over ♪

♪ In spite of me ♪

♪ And don't be alarmed if I fall ♪

♪ Head over feet ♪

♪ And don't be
surprised if I love you ♪

♪ For all that you are

♪ All that you are ♪

♪ Will you still love me ♪

♪ Tomorrow? ♪

♪ You've already won me over ♪

♪ Will you still love me ♪

♪ Tomorrow? ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah. ♪


Great job, you guys!

I loved the enthusiasm and the emotion.

Great kick-off performance. Yay!

I think the singing could
have been a whole step higher.

Mason, your cheerleader

could have used choreography.

You know, give it variety, complexity.

Kurt, it was their first time.

Have you forgotten what
the competition looks like?

You're forgetting how hard Mr. Shue had

to push us to be champions.

Come with me.

I am here, and you are
just sabotaging that.

My problem is, you're just

telling these kids what they want to hear.

We are in this to win it,

and we are a long way from it.

Brutal honesty's our only hope.

You know, these clashes
that you're creating...

They are not proactive, and they're hurting

the team, and right now,

I think that you should just go home,

and I'm gonna take it from here today.

Shannon, you and I need
to have a frank discussion

about something that you
might find uncomfortable.

However, I don't want you to
grab me by the throat and crotch

and hurl me into that wall behind me...

...which I believe
is well within your abilities.

Sue, what do you want to talk about?

Well, I've been approached

by more than one individual at this school

concerned about your well-being

upon observation of a sharp
change in your behavior.

And after two to three milliseconds

of deep soul-searching,

I decided to exercise
my authority as principal

and rifle through all of your desk drawers.

There I found several
prescription medications,

among them GNRH,

that Wikipedia tells
me is a type of steroid

used for certain medical treatments.

So, Shannon, I'm going
to ask you something,

and I need for you to answer me honestly.

Coach Beiste,

do you have cancer?


I'm so sorry.

I-I know this is a huge inconvenience.

Shannon, just stop stammering.

You know, you and I haven't
always seen eye to eye.

And I'm not using that metaphor
just because you look exactly

how I picture Greek
mythology's legendary Cyclops.

I promise you, I'm going to do
everything I can to help you.

Sue, you don't have to.


Okay, don't worry. We'll give
you a cue, okay, Becky?

And then just burst in like Mercedes.

Okay, okay, I've got it.

- I'm going to nail it.
- You are.

♪ So far away ♪

♪ Doesn't anybody stay
in one place anymore? ♪

♪ It would be so fine to
see your face at my door ♪

♪ Doesn't help to know ♪

♪ You're just time away ♪

♪ Long ago I reached for you ♪

♪ And there you stood ♪

♪ Holding you again could only ♪

♪ Do me good ♪

♪ How I wish I could ♪

♪ But you're so far away ♪

♪ One more song about
moving along the highway ♪

♪ I can't say much of
anything that's new ♪

♪ If I could only work
this life out my way... ♪

Well, you really can't
blame her for not joining in.

These two were very pitchy.

So, uh,

let them work it out.

Hey, Becky.

What happened back there?

I couldn't do it.

I told you I should have
taken the Mercedes moment.

Pretty sure that's not
what she was talking about.

As soon as I started singing,

Darrell was going to know

that I was lying about being in Glee Club.

What do you think he thinks now?

I think her plan is brilliant.

I always find that literally

running away from my problems
is usually my safest play.

Look, we've all lied at the
beginning of a relationship.

I told Finn that he was
the father of my baby.

I told Arnie I had a stutter.

I told everyone I was straight.

I once told a guy I had three vaginas,

and he was pretty bummed when
he found out I only had two.

The point being is that most people,

to get through that first
getting-to-know-you phase,

do everything they can to make sure

the other person doesn't get to know them.

At least not the real them.

Praise. Real relationship
can't start till you stop being

who you think the other
person wants you to be

and just be yourself,
come what may. Mm-hmm.

You guys know it's different for me.

How often am I gonna get a chance

to get a guy like Darrell?

I think he really likes you.

It's true. I see how he looks at you

when you're not looking. I wish a guy would

- look at me like that.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

I blocked your voice a few months ago

because everything you say
is depressing and about you.

Okay, look, Becky,

how long are you gonna do this for?

You gonna lie to him your whole life?

That's what Sue said to do.

Sue also told us to be honest with you

and treat you like we
would treat anyone else,

so let's just say it.

You can't sing, you can't dance,

and you weren't in any of those clubs,

because you're kind of lazy
and pretty toxic to be around.

You call people stupid bitches,

and get mad at xylophones.

You're not really a catch, but...

you found this guy who digs
you, and you dig him, too,

and finding someone to put up

with you is rare, so...

I mean all of this

in the nicest way.

You have to take a chance that
he likes you for real reasons,

and tell him the truth.

And then your relationship
can really start.

Thanks, guys.

You're mostly super bitches,

but you're pretty cool, too.


No need to lecture me.

I know I screwed up.

I broke the cardinal rule of teaching...

Leave your baggage at home.

Or at least check your baggage

so the whole plane doesn't
have to smell your stinky socks.

Don't worry. We've all been there.

Heartbreak poisons the brain.

So I am grasping

for control where it is not appropriate.

I'm sorry. I was way out of line.

You weren't. You were right.

Jane and Mason

came to talk to me this morning.

We've been watching.

YouTubes of the New Directions!
at regionals and nationals.

We want to be as good as you guys were.

If we're going to do this,
we want to be champions.

And that's not going to
happen if you go easy on us.

Kurt was right. We didn't
work hard enough on our number,

and we're going to need
someone like Kurt being brutally

honest with us if we want to be the best.

I need you, Kurt, as my co-director.

I need you here to keep me honest.

I-I think, because we're so
close, we forget sometimes

that we have different views
of life, but they both work.

Did they really say that about me?

That I helped them?

It feels good, doesn't it?

Holy crap, we're teachers.

Well, I think, between the two of us,

we make a pretty good one.

So, what do you say?

We do this together, changing the world?


- Deal.
- Deal.

Uh, what's going on?

You guys said it was urgent?

Uh, yes. Coach Beiste

asked me to summon you.

Have a seat. Shannon,



you may have noticed

that I've been acting sort of weird lately.

Yeah. Um,

taking a lot of personal days and stuff.

Well, the truth is, is...
I've been seeing some doctors.

Okay, this is taking too long.

What Coach Beiste is

trying to say is that she has cancer.

- You have cancer?!
- No, I don't.

- What? - Wait. So, you don't...
you don't have cancer?

No, I told Sue that, but it was a lie.

- What?! - Wait. What's
going... what's going on?

This is an outrage.

You don't lie about having cancer

unless you're trying
to get out of jury duty,

or explain away a particularly bad haircut.

This will explain everything.

It's a letter from my
psychologist, Dr. Shane.

"It is my assessment

"that patient Shannon Beiste
meets all the necessary criteria

"for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria,

DSM-5, code 302.85."

Holy mother of God.

Wait, I don't... I don't...

Yeah, what is that, that
gender dys-what, uh...?

Well, pumpkin, it's where
your outsides don't match

how you feel you are on the inside.

This letter is my first step

into legally transitioning
from a woman to a man.

When you think about it, it's
not that big of a stretch.

Okay, I don't... I don't get it.

Okay, so, you're like
a... you're like a lesbian?

Kiddo, this isn't about

who I want to go to bed with.

It's about who I want to go to bed as.

I've always been attracted

to men, and-and they say
that's not gonna change.

You're gonna be, like...?
You want to be a gay man?

Wow, really thought I heard

of every conceivable version
of a gay man coming out.

I'm confused. I feel like I...
this is coming out of nowhere.

Kiddo, I know this may seem sudden to you,

but it doesn't to me.

So, how long have you felt this way?

I've felt like this my whole life.

Growing up, I was... I was really confused.

I thought I was just a tomboy.

So, I got into sports, I
started coaching football,

and I wrestled hogs in my free time,

but no matter what I did,

I never felt

at home in my own skin.

I never felt like my body
fit who I was on the inside.

I don't hate being a woman,

and I don't regret the
things I've been through,

because they've made me
the person I am today.

A person strong enough to go
through with this transition.

I got to do it

for my own peace of mind.

I got to get my body in alignment

with how I see myself.

I'm gonna need you to take over as coach

when I start the procedures next week.

I'm gonna have surgery to
have my breasts removed,

and then I'm gonna start
taking testosterone.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there.

Please spare us the details

of the literal sausage-making.

I just want to let you know,

should you choose to
return to this school...

...your job will be waiting.

We got your back.

Thank you.


I love you guys so much.

Here you go... strawberry
milk shake, two straws.


The milk shakes at
Fuddruckers are so much better.

Well, we're not allowed to go
back to Fuddruckers, remember?

The waitress was rude.

They're supposed to be rude.
That's, like, their thing.

You can't just hit people, Becky.

Listen, Darrell,

it's really great having you here,

but I haven't been
completely honest with you,

and it's eating me up inside.

What is it?

First of all, I have Down syndrome.

Yes, I know.


I also have to tell you that

I really wasn't the president
of those clubs in high school.

And I can't sing.

You know, I sort of suspected

you were exaggerating a little bit

when you said you were the
fifth member of 98 Degrees.

I mean, that's just something
I looked up on my phone.

I shouldn't lie to you.

I wanted to impress you.

Becky, you don't have to impress me.

I already like you, and
I'll like you just the same

whether you're Angela Merkel's
most trusted advisor or not.

People think it's weird that I like you

for whatever reason.

There's gonna be a lot
of outside pressure on us.

We have to know that, no matter what,

we've got each other's backs.

It's just going to take me some time

to get used to a guy having my back.

Well, get used to it, Becky.

'Cause I've got it.

It sounds like a plan.

Gross! This milk shake sucks!

Before we wrap things up,

Kurt and I just wanted to say together

that we're very proud of you guys.

Although we've just
begun to jell as a team,

we learned this week

that two very different styles of teaching,

although may clash sometimes...

They yield very important lessons learned.

That sort of sounded like you
were congratulating yourselves.

You get used to it.

Guys, the point being

is that we took our inner Caroles

and our inner Alanises...

Uh, Alani.

We took the jagged and the smooth,

the angry and the sad, and the joyful,

and created something new.

Mash-ups aren't always pretty.

But they're worth the risk.

Now we know you guys are ready.

Ready for what?

The road to sectionals.

♪ Do-do,
do-do-do ♪

♪ Do, do ♪

♪ Mm ♪

♪ I recommend ♪
♪ Do-do ♪

♪ Getting your heart trampled
on to anyone ♪
♪ Do-do-do ♪

♪ Do, do-do ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Mm, I ♪
♪ Do-do ♪

♪ Recommend walking around naked in
your living room ♪
♪ Do-do-do, do ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Close your eyes and think of me ♪

♪ And soon I will be there ♪

♪ To brighten up even
your darkest night ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You live, you learn ♪

♪ You love, you learn ♪

♪ You cry, you learn ♪

♪ You lose, you learn ♪

♪ Winter, spring, summer or fall...

♪ You breathe, you learn ♪

♪ You scream, you learn ♪

♪ And I'll be there ♪

All you have to do is call ♪

♪ You've got a friend ♪
♪ Ain't it good to know ♪

♪ That you've got a friend

♪ You love, you learn ♪

♪ When people can be so cold?

♪ You cry, you learn ♪

♪ They'll hurt you,
yes, and desert you ♪

♪ And take your soul if you let them ♪

♪ If you let them ♪

♪ Oh, but don't you let them ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You just call out my name...

♪ You live, you learn ♪

♪ You love, you learn ♪

♪ You laugh, you learn ♪

♪ You choose, you learn... ♪

♪ Oh, yes, I will ♪

♪ You've got a friend

♪ You learn ♪

♪ Oh, yes, I will ♪

♪ You've got a friend ♪

♪ It's good to know ♪
♪ Ain't it good to know ♪

♪ You've got a friend ♪

♪ You've got a friend ♪
♪ It's good to know ♪

♪ You've got a friend. ♪
♪ Ooh. ♪