Girls5eva (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Episode #2.2 - full transcript
[lively music]
Gosh. Am I under dressed?
Even for a scarecrow.
Okay, well, this is
a lot even for you.
Is this coat from
the Nicole Kidman
- both: "Undoing" Collection?
- It is.
Well, we have to do everything
we can to build our own hype,
and paparazzi always hang
out by recording studios.
Does my face look hotter after
"Leave me alone, animals,"
or, "You killed Diana"?
"Animals" has a nice pout.
God, it's so cool.
We get to make the
album we want this time.
Finally we're in
charge of the sesh.
No more singing whatever
crap they give us.
Half our old songs weren't
even spell-checked.
♪ We don't want no average joe ♪
♪ So you better be
rollin' in some Doug ♪
- It should have been "dough."
- Ugh.
[phone buzzes]
- [phone clicks]
- Speaking.
- Oh, hi.
- Okay, so Kev just landed.
I'll be there by, like,
2:00 p.m. at the latest.
- Okay. Don't stress, Sum.
- It's just day one.
- Just be layin' down demos.
- [laughs]
Gloria's not even out
of the hospital yet.
Oh, okay.
I am just... I'm so
excited to get this
divorce announcement over with.
And then Kev and I can
offish file the paperwork.
- Proud of you.
- Has to be done.
And, guys, can I just
say, the one thing
that has been getting
me through this time
is knowing that I have
friends who just support...
[gasps] There they are!
Leave me alone, animals!
I'm just trying to make...
Wickie Roy's triumphant
return to the studio.
Oh, God.
[camera shutters clicking]
[upbeat pop music]
All: ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪
♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪
♪ It's too short ♪
all: ♪ Gonna be famous 3gether ♪
♪ 'Cause that's one
more than 2gether ♪
♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪
♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪
So what are you waiting 5?
♪ Girls5eva ♪
[rapid piano notes]
[mellow music]
[mechanical whirring]
Oh, yeah.
We can make magic here.
Is it soundproof, though?
I can hear a bus lowering.
Not a bus.
I'm discharged, motherfuckers.
- You are?
- Amazing.
Yup, they sent me home for PT.
This thing rips through your
scar tissue in real time.
Hey.
As you can probably
guess by my vibe,
- I'm Ray.
- Oh.
- Oh, don't worry.
- I don't smoke.
Just keep it in my mouth.
Right on, Ray. Dawn.
Yeah.
Our names are both buds
with the sun. Cool, cool.
- Well, let's get crackin'.
- Absolutely.
Oh, God.
So...
Ooh, what you got there, Wick?
This is my riff Rolodex.
All the greats are in here. Mm.
♪ Me ♪
[laughs]
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Whee-oo-ee-oo-ee-oo ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, ahh ♪
- ♪ Ahh ♪
- Whoo!
Wow, get those ready
to layer onto this,
'cause I finished a
new song last night.
It's my most ambitious one yet.
Hey, Ray, put me
through the board.
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah. Sure.
Okay. Right out the gate.
Siri, pause leg.
I have it hooked
to my phone now.
Oh.
Ray-Ray, let's do
ethereal melancholy
for the vocals.
You can really crank
the stank on Q fader 4.
Thank you, buddy. Okay.
According to the Oxford
English Dictionary,
the word "set" has the
most meanings... 430.
And this song uses all of them.
[soft music playing]
♪ Where she grew up,
they used to say ♪
♪ "Set the table, dear ♪
♪ "Set an example here ♪
♪ "Do your problem set ♪
♪ Don't take the first ring
set with shiny stones" ♪
♪ There's that word, "set" ♪
♪ Won't leave her alone ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Age 22, set her luggage down ♪
♪ Set sail and run,
run, run this town ♪
♪ Skyscrapers set
her soul on fire ♪
♪ Her heights set
higher and higher ♪
♪ Oh, boy, she thought
that she was set ♪
♪ With her set of life tools ♪
♪ But the city
changed the rules ♪
♪ And said game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Bump, set, spike ♪
♪ Age 23, ready, set, go ♪
♪ Phaser set to stun ♪
♪ Set the prisoners free ♪
♪ When the sun sets blue ♪
♪ Over Alpha Centauri ♪
♪ We'll be setting
course for the colony ♪
♪ Age setenta ♪
♪ Tea set set for one ♪
♪ Life still feels
like it's just begun ♪
♪ But with her hair
set one last time ♪
♪ She says ♪
♪ "Game, set ♪
♪ Match" ♪
[claps]
I counted 370.
I think I missed a few, but...
Siri, resume leg.
Eight minutes.
That's a lot of real
estate for riffs.
- Yeah. Cool, Dawn.
- A lot of ideas in there.
Thanks, Ray.
Okay, Wick, I think we'll
give you ages 20 to 43.
- And, Gloria, we'll give you...
- Hey.
So before we dive into tracks,
I wonder if it's worthwhile
to take a step back.
What's the theme of this
album? There's no wrong answer.
Like when I worked with
Daniel Powter on his album.
"Daniel Powter," we
determined early on
that the theme would
be Daniel Powter.
You produced "Bad Day"?
Yeah, that was my first big gig.
- You're not just an engineer?
- You're a producer?
By day. On the weekends, I
work with reclaimed wood.
Right now, I'm
working on turning
a single-slab dining
table back into a tree.
You cowrote "Counting
Stars" for OneRepublic?
"'Hope' is a four-letter
word" came to me
while I was eating dim sum.
For me, dim sum is the shower.
Oh, you're a word writer too?
Yeah, that's really
my wheelhouse.
- Wheelhouse. Teal blouse.
- Veal mouth.
[chuckles] We're all wordsmiths.
Sushi sampler. Sushi sampler.
- Big baby's businesses.
- Big baby's business.
Big baby's businesses.
Big baby's business.
Oh, man. It's gonna be heck
a weird to divide stuff up.
I mean, two flat
irons, that's easy.
But this shweet house is
gonna have to pick one of us,
and, I don't know,
maybe it'll pick me
since I paid for
it with WTIT money.
But you're barely ever here.
Well, do you think
Neil Armstrong
doesn't love space just
'cause he's only been twice?
[sighs] Dag, I hate all of this.
Okay, 20 seconds. You ready?
I flew here, didn't I?
Hey, what is up?
- [sighs]
- Sum, I'm trying to be cool,
but this whole situation smells.
I mean, what am I getting
out of this thang?
It's one thang to lose you,
but it's a whole other thang
to lose the Summer and Kev fans.
They'll be sad,
but they'll get it.
They stuck by us when our
edible candles weren't.
- But this is the big D.
- We're late now.
Come on. Let's just
get this over with.
Okay, babe.
Hey, fam! You're live with...
"At real Summer and Kev
underscore faith first
underscore DM for paid
partnerships underscore."
- Yeah, and, um...
- Whoa.
Look at this attendance.
This must be a new
record, huh, Sums?
Yes. And Kev and I just
wanna thank all of you
for all your support
all these years.
Yeah, your love and light
has been totes noted.
And so today we're
here because...
Oh, no, we're not announcing
an Easter special,
- unforch, Shelly5.
- Nope.
Uh, nope, and we don't
need a surrogate.
But I'm sure you got a
dope ute, Sniper Mom Omaha.
[clears throat] No.
With two heavy hearts,
Kev and I stand united we stand
- to announce that...
- Stevia's been kidnapped!
Huh!
- Oh. [Laughs]
- Aw, snap!
She has been found!
- [laughs]
- No, no.
Actually, fam,
Kev and I are getting...
Super stoked about that
Easter special idea!
Let's do a house tour. Yeah!
Oh, look at this.
It's a hallway, y'all!
Kev Cameron Kirk Hamlin.
Are you insane?
I shanked, babe.
I saw that Summer and Kev
love coming in, and I shanked.
I'll just have to file
the papers by myself.
The guys at the
courthouse like me.
They keep giving
me my license back.
Wait, let's just think
this through, okay?
Summer and Kev is
our gravy train.
If we split up, all
that goes bye-bye.
Girls5eva got a record deal,
so I can handle this chapter.
Babe, your advance cannot pay
for this house and your hair.
Plus, I don't believe
in... [whispering] Divorce.
I took a vow for life
with one hand on "The
Bible: The Magazine,"
the one where the cover said,
"Shut up, Dixie Chicks!"
- You remember.
- I can't stand this!
I'm not saying you
have to stay in this.
I'm just saying maybe we
could figure something out
that works for both of us,
like we stay married
but only for the fans.
And then IRL, you
do you. I do me.
I mean, couples do that
all the time, right?
Swedish royals.
Pastor Chazz and
Mrs. Pastor Chazz.
That president with the
leg blanket and his shorty.
Stevia, are you hearing this?
Well, everyone's public
persona is a character.
Like, on TikTok,
I'm anti-bullying.
But in real life...
[ring light clatters]
- Oh!
- Dag, respect the elders, yo!
[plucky music]
Dawn, I like that fourth bridge.
But what if that's the chorus?
Oh.
And move her 60s before her 30s?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, uh, Ray?
Can you give us a sec?
We need to empty
Gloria's fluid bag.
Oh, yeah, sure. Right on.
I don't have a bag anymore.
I urinate by lying
sideways in the shower.
So... how we gonna do it?
Do what?
Get rid of Ray!
We got another toxic
dude on our hands.
Did I miss something?
Did he take his dick out?
Not that I would notice.
They are so boring to me.
No.
I don't think I saw
him sniff our chairs.
He didn't, but...
It seems like he's asking
the right questions,
like, "What is the
theme of our album?"
Is it Daniel Powter?
- Oh, my God!
- Jesus.
- [gasps]
- I got a Google Image alert.
My paparazzo pics are up.
They're probably on EW or TMZ
or DMZ, the North Korean TMZ.
Okay. Uploaded to wikiFeet.
I have a perfect
rating, you know.
I do not get the
foot thing at all.
I am just a meat-and-potatoes
genitals gal.
- Oh, no.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- They saw it?
- Saw what?
Fricking wind!
Oh, my God. This is
bad. This is bad.
[tense music]
What did they see, Wick?
My bad foot.
- What?
- Okay.
I have a good foot
and a bad foot.
The good foot, the left one,
is classical perfection.
High arch, baby bottom heel.
Might as well be carved
by Michelangelo's sword.
That's why I always
put it front of house,
pose with one leg
out, Angelina style.
But the other foot,
while fully functional,
is far from beautiful.
Nicknamed Reek,
it lives in the shadows.
I've kept it hidden
my entire career.
How have I never noticed this?
It's been buried in the
sand during spring breaks,
hidden behind bunnies
in "I'd rather go naked"
"than wear fur" ads.
I even tried to launch
a doomed shoe line.
They're from my
collection, Miss Match,
spelled M-I-S-S.
But let's circle back
to Mel's exciting news.
- [sighs]
- Well, can we see it?
Yeah, out with it.
Once you've seen something
called geographic tongue,
you can handle anything.
- Come on.
- Oh, God.
Slap that roast up here.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Wow, that nail has a real
fried plantain kinda vibe to it.
I know.
Where's that toe trying to go?
- Away from itself.
- Wouldn't you?
Hi, guys. [Gasps]
You're not perfect?
Oh, God.
I will not lose my perv base.
So how did your
announcement go, Sum?
Well...
- Wickie!
- Oh, there she is! Wickie!
Wickie!
Wickie, show us your bad foot!
[paparazzi clamoring]
The lies about my feet are
just that: Lies, fake news.
No further comment.
[paparazzi clamoring]
So we'll just do separate lives.
Well, how is that any different
than what you've
been doing for years?
Yeah, how on earth
is that progress?
Well...
I was never living my
separate life before.
You know, now I can
open my eyes to men.
Ah.
Hey.
You know, I really
like a man who wears
four different sweatshirts.
[clears throat]
This looks comfy.
My truck's over there.
I'm kinda full,
so you're gonna have to
do most of the moving.
You're just an example, sir.
[plucky music]
Hello, foot soldiers.
As you know, since
wikiFeet came to be,
I've had the highest
possible feet rating.
My feet have been
breathing the same rare air
as Mariah or Eliza
Dushku before baby.
Today that all changed.
But I assure you the
blurry photo you saw
was doctored.
Let me show you what
we all know to be true:
That both my feet
look like they were
meticulously drawn by
a lonely anime guy.
♪ ♪
[phone dinging] Loving
those likes and hearts.
Thank you.
[whispering] What are you doing?
It's my room.
[phone buzzing]
[gasps]
Two mirrors?
Now it's too many feet.
[tense music]
Disappointed!
What's our secret
to everlasting love?
Tony C.'s Bail Bonds in
Fort Thomas, Arizona!
Family-owned and faith-based,
it's your one-stop shop
for all your bail-related needs.
Both: Link in bio, y'all.
Ahh, shweet.
Only ten more to bang out,
and then we can
start on the Cameos.
You know, I thought I'd have
trouble acting like your wife,
but acting is easy.
Like, why is Daniel
Day-Lewis always like
[deeper voice] "I'm
retiring. This is hard"?
[gasps] Ahh! I got tagged!
Oh.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh.
I only did flirting
once to prove a point.
Well, I guess we should have
talked about discretion.
[gasps]
I don't like this, Kev.
Oh, babe, it's not that bad.
I mean, this account
isn't even verified.
It only has, like, 20 likes.
And it ends in a question mark,
like, "Is she cheating on Kev?"
But what about when I
wanna do real stuff?
Or when you do?
This separate-lives
thing isn't gonna work.
You have to suck it up and
give me the damn divorce, babe.
But I don't believe in it, babe.
Just figure it out, babe.
Well, this is supes
hard for me, babe.
But...
I guess I'll figure out a way
to give you what you want.
[somber music]
[upbeat music]
God.
I think they knew it was me.
I can't believe I'm
dodging cameras.
Do I have to live in here now?
Would you just forget
about the paparazzi?
Let's just focus on the
work and lay down "Set."
"Set."
I gave Ray enough
nonverbal cues yesterday
that he'll just be a
button pusher today
'cause I was like...
Yeah, so that's... hi.
Girls5eva.
So after you left yesterday,
I got dim sum and then ideas.
And I was like, "What if
we sprinkle in some sugar,
cook the hook so it's like"...
[pop music playing]
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
- ♪ Game, set, match ♪
- [gasps]
Hey.
Oh, I like this
because I get it.
♪ Game, set, match ♪
Okay.
♪ Whoa, hoo, hoo, hoo ♪
♪ Hey ♪
Hey, well, maybe
we wait for Gloria
before we marry
ourselves to anything.
This is a real
Friday-night banger.
Nice work, Dawn.
Ooh, actually, it was
Ray and computers.
And what if we layered
in a little, like...
♪ Ba, boo,
ba-da-boom-boom, ahh ♪
- Ooh.
- That's just the melody.
The words'll come later.
Oh, wait. Here they come.
♪ When you gonna
come back, now ♪
- Yeah.
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ When you gonna
come back, now ♪
- Ooh!
- [laughs]
Hey, hey, bye-bye.
I'm just... actually
just feeling, like,
a whole other thing
coming through.
Okay.
♪ I know them better than you ♪
♪ I know them better than you ♪
♪ I know that Summer got
kicked off of a flight ♪
♪ For working out ♪
♪ And I know that Gloria ♪
♪ Punched BJ Novak in the face ♪
♪ On an unaired
episode of "Punk'd" ♪
♪ And Wickie ♪
Pass. Unknowable.
♪ Is unknowable ♪
- Dawn, I love the passion.
- But maybe we can...
Ray had a breakdown in 2015.
What?
Dawn.
Uh, I read it on the internet.
Are you referencing
my Instagram post
on World Mental Health Day?
I am.
What kind of deep
dive did you do on me?
Well, I also saw a post
where you ate octopus.
How did it feel eating something
- that's capable of pranks?
- Aw.
That was before the documentary.
Hey, if I'm in the way,
I can just "set" myself
up in the lounge.
I get barely paid either way.
What is up with you?
- Let me see your gums.
- What? No. Stop.
Yeah, what's with all
this big baby business?
Why are you all
obsessed with Ray?
What?
Well, I thought I was
our songwriter-er.
Oh, ooh.
Ray tweaked it, but...
[chuckles] Dawn,
it's still your song.
It doesn't feel like it.
Someone has an ego.
Game recognize game.
You guys, I carved this role
out for myself, and I like it.
I'm sorry if I
don't wanna give up
the one thing in my life
that feels like mine.
You should do Peloton.
It makes you less
precious elsewhere.
Hey, Dawny.
If you don't wanna work
with him, we don't have to.
- No.
- Ray's good and all,
but he basically
comes with the room.
Really?
I mean, if it's what you want.
Okay, well, I feel like all
we really need is an engineer.
- [phone chimes]
- [gasps]
Oh, my gosh. You guys.
Kev announced our
divorce, finally.
Oh, he posted a
little video. Wait.
♪ Thought we were forev' ♪
♪ Thought you were for Kev ♪
♪ You were like, "Whatev'" ♪
♪ Now I pray to heav' ♪
♪ 'Cause Summer
brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
Oh, no.
♪ Summer brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ When you said love ♪
♪ Did you mean cheat on ♪
♪ When you said forever, did
you mean until yesterday ♪
♪ Summer brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
[gasps]
Oh.
[tense music]
[line rings]
- [phone buzzing]
- Hey, babe.
Did you see the good news?
Take it down and tell
everyone the truth, you liar!
Hey, babe, I did not
shank here, okay?
I just found a way to
give you what you want.
- What?
- I know it's not ideal,
but it also gives me a reason
to get a thang that I
don't even believe in.
You get the big D you want,
and I get to keep
this gravy train going
by rebranding myself
as a brokenhearted
Christian bachelor dude.
Tony C. Invited me
to Zoom poker night.
Tony C. Chose you? Oh!
How dare you drag
me like this, Kev?
You have shanked it
one too many times.
It is about to get ugly, babe.
[inhales sharply]
[screams]
[grunts] Okay, I
need to clap back
and bury Kev.
Dawn, write me
something super mean.
He has Invisalign
for his calves.
He takes a diet pill that
makes horses run fast.
I think I have a picture
of his penis somewhere.
It got burned real bad
in a tanning booth.
- [banging on drums]
- Summer, stop it!
- No! Leave me alone.
- I'm gonna make an effigy.
- Who has tape and a tan balloon?
- No.
You're better than
this. Don't stoop.
I know this is hard, but Kev's
just scared and he's defensive.
Like Dawn was a minute ago.
But he's making me look bad!
I promise you that
you will look worse
if you engage in this.
But I don't wanna be
known as the bad one.
And he gets to be all
perfect.
Sometimes the bad one is
really the stronger one.
[gasps]
It is the stronger one.
Are you making this about you?
I am.
[cheerful orchestral music]
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
[door squeaks]
Give us a shot of that bad foot.
- Show us the bad foot!
- Show the bad foot!
I can't, because I
don't have a bad foot.
I have a strong foot,
a foot that has gotten
me where I am today,
a foot that suffered so
the other could shine.
This is the foot that
kicked Russell Simmons,
that got an infection
testing the grotto
on Joe Francis' plane,
the foot that got electrocuted
when I played the big piano
in the rain at Woodstock
'99 in a toe ring,
the foot that jammed
itself in the door frame
to get me my first and last
meeting at Jive Records.
So yes, I will happily show you
my strong foot!
Formerly known as
Reek, now known as...
♪ My ♪
Matterhorn.
Wait, so you're
not ashamed of it?
No, I am not.
Now it's not fun anymore.
[somber music]
Good for you.
[camera shutter clicks]
♪ ♪
How do I take my mind off
being a Christian
victim of adultery?
That's easy.
Brinehurst Community College.
Start your future now.
Link in bio, y'all.
Kev, here's the deal.
You can have all of
the sympathy and fans.
But I get the house, the
cars, the Peloton, and Stevia,
plus continued support
for my extensions
and 3/4 of all of our Doug.
Dag.
- This is your chance.
- I'd take it.
Okay.
You deserve all that, Sum.
Quick question...
And I've really been
slow-playing this one...
Can I live in the basement?
All of my crabs are dead due
to a critical humidifier error,
and I just feel like
it would... [cries]
Be really hard to go back.
♪ ♪
I feel good.
And I just started an online
forum called WickieFoot
inspired by my new openness.
It's a place where women
can proudly share parts
they've kept hidden due
to societal pressure.
- Hey.
- Wow.
And the pervs found it.
Hello, guys, my
liberation continues.
[giggles] I got rid of my
"Summer loves Kev" tattoo.
"Summer loves Kevin
Bacon's Filmography."
Yeah, we all do, right?
Also, I decided I don't
mind being the villain.
This morning, Stevia said
hi to me in the kitchen.
Oh!
Which button you
want me to push?
Oh, my God.
Where the hell you get that guy?
TaskRabbit. He's an engineer.
I know all the buttons.
Square, circle, red.
Which button you
want me to push?
Dawn, your ego could
unlock my phone
'cause recognition technology.
Which button?
Fine.
[light string music]
♪ ♪
- Ray, can you come back?
- Why?
Please don't make me apologize.
I can't say sorry to a guy
that pushes up the
sleeves of his blazer.
It's called Varvatos-ing.
I was possessive,
and your mix was kinda catchy.
Let's wiggle.
- Good job, Dawn.
- Let's get to work.
Is there a Gloria McManus here?
- Oh, shit.
- There you are.
You need to come
back, Ms. McManus.
Gloria, have you been
wearing a hospital gown
tucked into your
jeans this whole time?
I'm not great at taking help
from people either, okay?
- Jesus, Gloria.
- Go back to the hospital.
Fine.
[sighs]
I'm good.
♪ Thought we were forev' ♪
♪ Thought you were for Kev ♪
♪ You were like, "Whatev'" ♪
♪ Now I pray to heav' ♪
♪ For strength ♪
♪ 'Cause Summer
brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Summer brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ When you said love,
did you mean cheat on? ♪
♪ When you said forever, did
you mean until yesterday ♪
♪ I thought I was your male ♪
♪ 'Cause you're my holy grail ♪
♪ But you had to bail, babe ♪
♪ What an epic fail, babe ♪
♪ 'Cause Summer
brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Summer brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ ♪
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
[crunching]
Gosh. Am I under dressed?
Even for a scarecrow.
Okay, well, this is
a lot even for you.
Is this coat from
the Nicole Kidman
- both: "Undoing" Collection?
- It is.
Well, we have to do everything
we can to build our own hype,
and paparazzi always hang
out by recording studios.
Does my face look hotter after
"Leave me alone, animals,"
or, "You killed Diana"?
"Animals" has a nice pout.
God, it's so cool.
We get to make the
album we want this time.
Finally we're in
charge of the sesh.
No more singing whatever
crap they give us.
Half our old songs weren't
even spell-checked.
♪ We don't want no average joe ♪
♪ So you better be
rollin' in some Doug ♪
- It should have been "dough."
- Ugh.
[phone buzzes]
- [phone clicks]
- Speaking.
- Oh, hi.
- Okay, so Kev just landed.
I'll be there by, like,
2:00 p.m. at the latest.
- Okay. Don't stress, Sum.
- It's just day one.
- Just be layin' down demos.
- [laughs]
Gloria's not even out
of the hospital yet.
Oh, okay.
I am just... I'm so
excited to get this
divorce announcement over with.
And then Kev and I can
offish file the paperwork.
- Proud of you.
- Has to be done.
And, guys, can I just
say, the one thing
that has been getting
me through this time
is knowing that I have
friends who just support...
[gasps] There they are!
Leave me alone, animals!
I'm just trying to make...
Wickie Roy's triumphant
return to the studio.
Oh, God.
[camera shutters clicking]
[upbeat pop music]
All: ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪
♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪
♪ It's too short ♪
all: ♪ Gonna be famous 3gether ♪
♪ 'Cause that's one
more than 2gether ♪
♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪
♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪
So what are you waiting 5?
♪ Girls5eva ♪
[rapid piano notes]
[mellow music]
[mechanical whirring]
Oh, yeah.
We can make magic here.
Is it soundproof, though?
I can hear a bus lowering.
Not a bus.
I'm discharged, motherfuckers.
- You are?
- Amazing.
Yup, they sent me home for PT.
This thing rips through your
scar tissue in real time.
Hey.
As you can probably
guess by my vibe,
- I'm Ray.
- Oh.
- Oh, don't worry.
- I don't smoke.
Just keep it in my mouth.
Right on, Ray. Dawn.
Yeah.
Our names are both buds
with the sun. Cool, cool.
- Well, let's get crackin'.
- Absolutely.
Oh, God.
So...
Ooh, what you got there, Wick?
This is my riff Rolodex.
All the greats are in here. Mm.
♪ Me ♪
[laughs]
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Whee-oo-ee-oo-ee-oo ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, ahh ♪
- ♪ Ahh ♪
- Whoo!
Wow, get those ready
to layer onto this,
'cause I finished a
new song last night.
It's my most ambitious one yet.
Hey, Ray, put me
through the board.
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah. Sure.
Okay. Right out the gate.
Siri, pause leg.
I have it hooked
to my phone now.
Oh.
Ray-Ray, let's do
ethereal melancholy
for the vocals.
You can really crank
the stank on Q fader 4.
Thank you, buddy. Okay.
According to the Oxford
English Dictionary,
the word "set" has the
most meanings... 430.
And this song uses all of them.
[soft music playing]
♪ Where she grew up,
they used to say ♪
♪ "Set the table, dear ♪
♪ "Set an example here ♪
♪ "Do your problem set ♪
♪ Don't take the first ring
set with shiny stones" ♪
♪ There's that word, "set" ♪
♪ Won't leave her alone ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Age 22, set her luggage down ♪
♪ Set sail and run,
run, run this town ♪
♪ Skyscrapers set
her soul on fire ♪
♪ Her heights set
higher and higher ♪
♪ Oh, boy, she thought
that she was set ♪
♪ With her set of life tools ♪
♪ But the city
changed the rules ♪
♪ And said game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Bump, set, spike ♪
♪ Age 23, ready, set, go ♪
♪ Phaser set to stun ♪
♪ Set the prisoners free ♪
♪ When the sun sets blue ♪
♪ Over Alpha Centauri ♪
♪ We'll be setting
course for the colony ♪
♪ Age setenta ♪
♪ Tea set set for one ♪
♪ Life still feels
like it's just begun ♪
♪ But with her hair
set one last time ♪
♪ She says ♪
♪ "Game, set ♪
♪ Match" ♪
[claps]
I counted 370.
I think I missed a few, but...
Siri, resume leg.
Eight minutes.
That's a lot of real
estate for riffs.
- Yeah. Cool, Dawn.
- A lot of ideas in there.
Thanks, Ray.
Okay, Wick, I think we'll
give you ages 20 to 43.
- And, Gloria, we'll give you...
- Hey.
So before we dive into tracks,
I wonder if it's worthwhile
to take a step back.
What's the theme of this
album? There's no wrong answer.
Like when I worked with
Daniel Powter on his album.
"Daniel Powter," we
determined early on
that the theme would
be Daniel Powter.
You produced "Bad Day"?
Yeah, that was my first big gig.
- You're not just an engineer?
- You're a producer?
By day. On the weekends, I
work with reclaimed wood.
Right now, I'm
working on turning
a single-slab dining
table back into a tree.
You cowrote "Counting
Stars" for OneRepublic?
"'Hope' is a four-letter
word" came to me
while I was eating dim sum.
For me, dim sum is the shower.
Oh, you're a word writer too?
Yeah, that's really
my wheelhouse.
- Wheelhouse. Teal blouse.
- Veal mouth.
[chuckles] We're all wordsmiths.
Sushi sampler. Sushi sampler.
- Big baby's businesses.
- Big baby's business.
Big baby's businesses.
Big baby's business.
Oh, man. It's gonna be heck
a weird to divide stuff up.
I mean, two flat
irons, that's easy.
But this shweet house is
gonna have to pick one of us,
and, I don't know,
maybe it'll pick me
since I paid for
it with WTIT money.
But you're barely ever here.
Well, do you think
Neil Armstrong
doesn't love space just
'cause he's only been twice?
[sighs] Dag, I hate all of this.
Okay, 20 seconds. You ready?
I flew here, didn't I?
Hey, what is up?
- [sighs]
- Sum, I'm trying to be cool,
but this whole situation smells.
I mean, what am I getting
out of this thang?
It's one thang to lose you,
but it's a whole other thang
to lose the Summer and Kev fans.
They'll be sad,
but they'll get it.
They stuck by us when our
edible candles weren't.
- But this is the big D.
- We're late now.
Come on. Let's just
get this over with.
Okay, babe.
Hey, fam! You're live with...
"At real Summer and Kev
underscore faith first
underscore DM for paid
partnerships underscore."
- Yeah, and, um...
- Whoa.
Look at this attendance.
This must be a new
record, huh, Sums?
Yes. And Kev and I just
wanna thank all of you
for all your support
all these years.
Yeah, your love and light
has been totes noted.
And so today we're
here because...
Oh, no, we're not announcing
an Easter special,
- unforch, Shelly5.
- Nope.
Uh, nope, and we don't
need a surrogate.
But I'm sure you got a
dope ute, Sniper Mom Omaha.
[clears throat] No.
With two heavy hearts,
Kev and I stand united we stand
- to announce that...
- Stevia's been kidnapped!
Huh!
- Oh. [Laughs]
- Aw, snap!
She has been found!
- [laughs]
- No, no.
Actually, fam,
Kev and I are getting...
Super stoked about that
Easter special idea!
Let's do a house tour. Yeah!
Oh, look at this.
It's a hallway, y'all!
Kev Cameron Kirk Hamlin.
Are you insane?
I shanked, babe.
I saw that Summer and Kev
love coming in, and I shanked.
I'll just have to file
the papers by myself.
The guys at the
courthouse like me.
They keep giving
me my license back.
Wait, let's just think
this through, okay?
Summer and Kev is
our gravy train.
If we split up, all
that goes bye-bye.
Girls5eva got a record deal,
so I can handle this chapter.
Babe, your advance cannot pay
for this house and your hair.
Plus, I don't believe
in... [whispering] Divorce.
I took a vow for life
with one hand on "The
Bible: The Magazine,"
the one where the cover said,
"Shut up, Dixie Chicks!"
- You remember.
- I can't stand this!
I'm not saying you
have to stay in this.
I'm just saying maybe we
could figure something out
that works for both of us,
like we stay married
but only for the fans.
And then IRL, you
do you. I do me.
I mean, couples do that
all the time, right?
Swedish royals.
Pastor Chazz and
Mrs. Pastor Chazz.
That president with the
leg blanket and his shorty.
Stevia, are you hearing this?
Well, everyone's public
persona is a character.
Like, on TikTok,
I'm anti-bullying.
But in real life...
[ring light clatters]
- Oh!
- Dag, respect the elders, yo!
[plucky music]
Dawn, I like that fourth bridge.
But what if that's the chorus?
Oh.
And move her 60s before her 30s?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, uh, Ray?
Can you give us a sec?
We need to empty
Gloria's fluid bag.
Oh, yeah, sure. Right on.
I don't have a bag anymore.
I urinate by lying
sideways in the shower.
So... how we gonna do it?
Do what?
Get rid of Ray!
We got another toxic
dude on our hands.
Did I miss something?
Did he take his dick out?
Not that I would notice.
They are so boring to me.
No.
I don't think I saw
him sniff our chairs.
He didn't, but...
It seems like he's asking
the right questions,
like, "What is the
theme of our album?"
Is it Daniel Powter?
- Oh, my God!
- Jesus.
- [gasps]
- I got a Google Image alert.
My paparazzo pics are up.
They're probably on EW or TMZ
or DMZ, the North Korean TMZ.
Okay. Uploaded to wikiFeet.
I have a perfect
rating, you know.
I do not get the
foot thing at all.
I am just a meat-and-potatoes
genitals gal.
- Oh, no.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- They saw it?
- Saw what?
Fricking wind!
Oh, my God. This is
bad. This is bad.
[tense music]
What did they see, Wick?
My bad foot.
- What?
- Okay.
I have a good foot
and a bad foot.
The good foot, the left one,
is classical perfection.
High arch, baby bottom heel.
Might as well be carved
by Michelangelo's sword.
That's why I always
put it front of house,
pose with one leg
out, Angelina style.
But the other foot,
while fully functional,
is far from beautiful.
Nicknamed Reek,
it lives in the shadows.
I've kept it hidden
my entire career.
How have I never noticed this?
It's been buried in the
sand during spring breaks,
hidden behind bunnies
in "I'd rather go naked"
"than wear fur" ads.
I even tried to launch
a doomed shoe line.
They're from my
collection, Miss Match,
spelled M-I-S-S.
But let's circle back
to Mel's exciting news.
- [sighs]
- Well, can we see it?
Yeah, out with it.
Once you've seen something
called geographic tongue,
you can handle anything.
- Come on.
- Oh, God.
Slap that roast up here.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Wow, that nail has a real
fried plantain kinda vibe to it.
I know.
Where's that toe trying to go?
- Away from itself.
- Wouldn't you?
Hi, guys. [Gasps]
You're not perfect?
Oh, God.
I will not lose my perv base.
So how did your
announcement go, Sum?
Well...
- Wickie!
- Oh, there she is! Wickie!
Wickie!
Wickie, show us your bad foot!
[paparazzi clamoring]
The lies about my feet are
just that: Lies, fake news.
No further comment.
[paparazzi clamoring]
So we'll just do separate lives.
Well, how is that any different
than what you've
been doing for years?
Yeah, how on earth
is that progress?
Well...
I was never living my
separate life before.
You know, now I can
open my eyes to men.
Ah.
Hey.
You know, I really
like a man who wears
four different sweatshirts.
[clears throat]
This looks comfy.
My truck's over there.
I'm kinda full,
so you're gonna have to
do most of the moving.
You're just an example, sir.
[plucky music]
Hello, foot soldiers.
As you know, since
wikiFeet came to be,
I've had the highest
possible feet rating.
My feet have been
breathing the same rare air
as Mariah or Eliza
Dushku before baby.
Today that all changed.
But I assure you the
blurry photo you saw
was doctored.
Let me show you what
we all know to be true:
That both my feet
look like they were
meticulously drawn by
a lonely anime guy.
♪ ♪
[phone dinging] Loving
those likes and hearts.
Thank you.
[whispering] What are you doing?
It's my room.
[phone buzzing]
[gasps]
Two mirrors?
Now it's too many feet.
[tense music]
Disappointed!
What's our secret
to everlasting love?
Tony C.'s Bail Bonds in
Fort Thomas, Arizona!
Family-owned and faith-based,
it's your one-stop shop
for all your bail-related needs.
Both: Link in bio, y'all.
Ahh, shweet.
Only ten more to bang out,
and then we can
start on the Cameos.
You know, I thought I'd have
trouble acting like your wife,
but acting is easy.
Like, why is Daniel
Day-Lewis always like
[deeper voice] "I'm
retiring. This is hard"?
[gasps] Ahh! I got tagged!
Oh.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh.
I only did flirting
once to prove a point.
Well, I guess we should have
talked about discretion.
[gasps]
I don't like this, Kev.
Oh, babe, it's not that bad.
I mean, this account
isn't even verified.
It only has, like, 20 likes.
And it ends in a question mark,
like, "Is she cheating on Kev?"
But what about when I
wanna do real stuff?
Or when you do?
This separate-lives
thing isn't gonna work.
You have to suck it up and
give me the damn divorce, babe.
But I don't believe in it, babe.
Just figure it out, babe.
Well, this is supes
hard for me, babe.
But...
I guess I'll figure out a way
to give you what you want.
[somber music]
[upbeat music]
God.
I think they knew it was me.
I can't believe I'm
dodging cameras.
Do I have to live in here now?
Would you just forget
about the paparazzi?
Let's just focus on the
work and lay down "Set."
"Set."
I gave Ray enough
nonverbal cues yesterday
that he'll just be a
button pusher today
'cause I was like...
Yeah, so that's... hi.
Girls5eva.
So after you left yesterday,
I got dim sum and then ideas.
And I was like, "What if
we sprinkle in some sugar,
cook the hook so it's like"...
[pop music playing]
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
- ♪ Game, set, match ♪
- [gasps]
Hey.
Oh, I like this
because I get it.
♪ Game, set, match ♪
Okay.
♪ Whoa, hoo, hoo, hoo ♪
♪ Hey ♪
Hey, well, maybe
we wait for Gloria
before we marry
ourselves to anything.
This is a real
Friday-night banger.
Nice work, Dawn.
Ooh, actually, it was
Ray and computers.
And what if we layered
in a little, like...
♪ Ba, boo,
ba-da-boom-boom, ahh ♪
- Ooh.
- That's just the melody.
The words'll come later.
Oh, wait. Here they come.
♪ When you gonna
come back, now ♪
- Yeah.
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ When you gonna
come back, now ♪
- Ooh!
- [laughs]
Hey, hey, bye-bye.
I'm just... actually
just feeling, like,
a whole other thing
coming through.
Okay.
♪ I know them better than you ♪
♪ I know them better than you ♪
♪ I know that Summer got
kicked off of a flight ♪
♪ For working out ♪
♪ And I know that Gloria ♪
♪ Punched BJ Novak in the face ♪
♪ On an unaired
episode of "Punk'd" ♪
♪ And Wickie ♪
Pass. Unknowable.
♪ Is unknowable ♪
- Dawn, I love the passion.
- But maybe we can...
Ray had a breakdown in 2015.
What?
Dawn.
Uh, I read it on the internet.
Are you referencing
my Instagram post
on World Mental Health Day?
I am.
What kind of deep
dive did you do on me?
Well, I also saw a post
where you ate octopus.
How did it feel eating something
- that's capable of pranks?
- Aw.
That was before the documentary.
Hey, if I'm in the way,
I can just "set" myself
up in the lounge.
I get barely paid either way.
What is up with you?
- Let me see your gums.
- What? No. Stop.
Yeah, what's with all
this big baby business?
Why are you all
obsessed with Ray?
What?
Well, I thought I was
our songwriter-er.
Oh, ooh.
Ray tweaked it, but...
[chuckles] Dawn,
it's still your song.
It doesn't feel like it.
Someone has an ego.
Game recognize game.
You guys, I carved this role
out for myself, and I like it.
I'm sorry if I
don't wanna give up
the one thing in my life
that feels like mine.
You should do Peloton.
It makes you less
precious elsewhere.
Hey, Dawny.
If you don't wanna work
with him, we don't have to.
- No.
- Ray's good and all,
but he basically
comes with the room.
Really?
I mean, if it's what you want.
Okay, well, I feel like all
we really need is an engineer.
- [phone chimes]
- [gasps]
Oh, my gosh. You guys.
Kev announced our
divorce, finally.
Oh, he posted a
little video. Wait.
♪ Thought we were forev' ♪
♪ Thought you were for Kev ♪
♪ You were like, "Whatev'" ♪
♪ Now I pray to heav' ♪
♪ 'Cause Summer
brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
Oh, no.
♪ Summer brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ When you said love ♪
♪ Did you mean cheat on ♪
♪ When you said forever, did
you mean until yesterday ♪
♪ Summer brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
[gasps]
Oh.
[tense music]
[line rings]
- [phone buzzing]
- Hey, babe.
Did you see the good news?
Take it down and tell
everyone the truth, you liar!
Hey, babe, I did not
shank here, okay?
I just found a way to
give you what you want.
- What?
- I know it's not ideal,
but it also gives me a reason
to get a thang that I
don't even believe in.
You get the big D you want,
and I get to keep
this gravy train going
by rebranding myself
as a brokenhearted
Christian bachelor dude.
Tony C. Invited me
to Zoom poker night.
Tony C. Chose you? Oh!
How dare you drag
me like this, Kev?
You have shanked it
one too many times.
It is about to get ugly, babe.
[inhales sharply]
[screams]
[grunts] Okay, I
need to clap back
and bury Kev.
Dawn, write me
something super mean.
He has Invisalign
for his calves.
He takes a diet pill that
makes horses run fast.
I think I have a picture
of his penis somewhere.
It got burned real bad
in a tanning booth.
- [banging on drums]
- Summer, stop it!
- No! Leave me alone.
- I'm gonna make an effigy.
- Who has tape and a tan balloon?
- No.
You're better than
this. Don't stoop.
I know this is hard, but Kev's
just scared and he's defensive.
Like Dawn was a minute ago.
But he's making me look bad!
I promise you that
you will look worse
if you engage in this.
But I don't wanna be
known as the bad one.
And he gets to be all
perfect.
Sometimes the bad one is
really the stronger one.
[gasps]
It is the stronger one.
Are you making this about you?
I am.
[cheerful orchestral music]
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
[door squeaks]
Give us a shot of that bad foot.
- Show us the bad foot!
- Show the bad foot!
I can't, because I
don't have a bad foot.
I have a strong foot,
a foot that has gotten
me where I am today,
a foot that suffered so
the other could shine.
This is the foot that
kicked Russell Simmons,
that got an infection
testing the grotto
on Joe Francis' plane,
the foot that got electrocuted
when I played the big piano
in the rain at Woodstock
'99 in a toe ring,
the foot that jammed
itself in the door frame
to get me my first and last
meeting at Jive Records.
So yes, I will happily show you
my strong foot!
Formerly known as
Reek, now known as...
♪ My ♪
Matterhorn.
Wait, so you're
not ashamed of it?
No, I am not.
Now it's not fun anymore.
[somber music]
Good for you.
[camera shutter clicks]
♪ ♪
How do I take my mind off
being a Christian
victim of adultery?
That's easy.
Brinehurst Community College.
Start your future now.
Link in bio, y'all.
Kev, here's the deal.
You can have all of
the sympathy and fans.
But I get the house, the
cars, the Peloton, and Stevia,
plus continued support
for my extensions
and 3/4 of all of our Doug.
Dag.
- This is your chance.
- I'd take it.
Okay.
You deserve all that, Sum.
Quick question...
And I've really been
slow-playing this one...
Can I live in the basement?
All of my crabs are dead due
to a critical humidifier error,
and I just feel like
it would... [cries]
Be really hard to go back.
♪ ♪
I feel good.
And I just started an online
forum called WickieFoot
inspired by my new openness.
It's a place where women
can proudly share parts
they've kept hidden due
to societal pressure.
- Hey.
- Wow.
And the pervs found it.
Hello, guys, my
liberation continues.
[giggles] I got rid of my
"Summer loves Kev" tattoo.
"Summer loves Kevin
Bacon's Filmography."
Yeah, we all do, right?
Also, I decided I don't
mind being the villain.
This morning, Stevia said
hi to me in the kitchen.
Oh!
Which button you
want me to push?
Oh, my God.
Where the hell you get that guy?
TaskRabbit. He's an engineer.
I know all the buttons.
Square, circle, red.
Which button you
want me to push?
Dawn, your ego could
unlock my phone
'cause recognition technology.
Which button?
Fine.
[light string music]
♪ ♪
- Ray, can you come back?
- Why?
Please don't make me apologize.
I can't say sorry to a guy
that pushes up the
sleeves of his blazer.
It's called Varvatos-ing.
I was possessive,
and your mix was kinda catchy.
Let's wiggle.
- Good job, Dawn.
- Let's get to work.
Is there a Gloria McManus here?
- Oh, shit.
- There you are.
You need to come
back, Ms. McManus.
Gloria, have you been
wearing a hospital gown
tucked into your
jeans this whole time?
I'm not great at taking help
from people either, okay?
- Jesus, Gloria.
- Go back to the hospital.
Fine.
[sighs]
I'm good.
♪ Thought we were forev' ♪
♪ Thought you were for Kev ♪
♪ You were like, "Whatev'" ♪
♪ Now I pray to heav' ♪
♪ For strength ♪
♪ 'Cause Summer
brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Summer brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ When you said love,
did you mean cheat on? ♪
♪ When you said forever, did
you mean until yesterday ♪
♪ I thought I was your male ♪
♪ 'Cause you're my holy grail ♪
♪ But you had to bail, babe ♪
♪ What an epic fail, babe ♪
♪ 'Cause Summer
brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Summer brings the fall ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ Game, set, match ♪
♪ ♪
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
[crunching]