Girls (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 5 - Hard Being Easy - full transcript

Hannah:
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Marnie: He basically just told
you that picture of his penis

was meant for another girl.

He never mentioned
a girl, so...

Rich massaged Hannah.

- And open up the solar plexus.
- You'll get used to it.

Charlie: Come on, dude, don't read that.
That's Hannah's journal.

- What?
- Nothing.

- I wasn't properly looking on,
and I lost them. - Lola!

- Jeff: Well, we've all done it.
- We have?



I have.

I'll totally have sex with you once
you've, like, already had sex.

I just-- You know,
it's like,

virgins get attached.

I just want someone who wants
to hang out all the time

and thinks I'm the best
person in the world

and wants to have sex
with only me.

And this is called
"Hannah's Diary."

"Marnie has to stop whining.

Better to end it now.

He'll find someone that appreciates
his kind of smothering love."

- Aah!
- Everyone have a great night.

- Charlie: Read it, Hannah.
- Please, no.

- Hannah, just read it.
- Marnie doesn't want me to read it.



Just read it.

I need to hear the honesty
in your voice, just read it.

"Marnie has to stop whining
and break up with him already.

Of course it will be painful,

- but she's already in so much agony...
- ( Sighs )

Stuck in a prison
of his kindness."

- That's not necessarily a bad--
- Just finish, just finish.

"Just because someone is kind
doesn't mean they're right.

Better to end it now,
cut off the limb,

and let the stump heal.
He'll find someone else,

someone who appreciates his
kind of smothering love."

Oh, nice.

Okay, I wish I never found it.

I do. I swear.
I wish I never found it, but I did.

You know?
I did.

That is not my journal.
Those aren't my feelings.

No, they're Hannah's
feelings about your feelings.

No, Hannah knows nothing.

It is a journal!
Why would she lie in the journal?!

That is the point,
is not to lie!

Okay, I don't want
to split hairs here,

but it's actually not
a journal, it's a notebook.

It's notes for a book.

Oh, so you want
the whole fucking world

to hear all your valuable
thoughts about my relationship?

No, I'm just saying that
I feel that "journal" implies

like, a 13-year-old girl
who rides horses

and is obsessed with her mom.
It's not what I'm doing.

It's not yours to write about, Hannah.
It's my life.

Okay, I deserve
honesty and respect

because I am an important
part of this community.

What community?

The fucking community
of this apartment.

- You are.
- You don't pay rent.

Oh, shut up.
You know what?

I wouldn't even want
to stay here if I wanted to.

You know what it's like
to not have me here?

- That's what that feels like.
- Holy shit!

- That's what that feels like.
- Oh, my God!

- Okay, I built this. I built this fucking thing.
- You're being crazy.

That's the kind of thing you do right
before you hit us. Don't hit us!

- You're a dick. So are you.
- Charlie! Come back.

- You guys are fucking dicks.
- You really hurt me.

- My ankle knob and my knee!
- Oh, fuck you!

Marnie: I did nothing wrong!
I didn't write it!

Charlie: Oh, that's funny.
That's so true.

Didn't fucking write it.

- Hey, Marnie?
- What?

If you had read the essay
and it wasn't about you,

do you think you
would've liked it?

Just as, like,
a piece of writing.

( Theme music playing )

( Slurps )

( Slurps )

I'm going to get him back.

I'm going to put on my party
dress and my sorry face,

and I'm going to get him back.

Are you sure that's
what you want?

I mean, you didn't
seem happy with him.

I'm definitely not happy now.

You've done real damage.

Okay, I didn't leave
my notebook out.

He was snooping through all my stuff.
That's like a crime.

You said some really, really mean
things about our relationship.

But they were true.

Maybe you just can't see
this that clearly

because you've never
been loved this much.

Except by me.
I love you that much.

Right.

And your dad, obviously.

And your boss.

I hate everyone who loves me.

He touches my butt,
chastity, Lesley...

But, like, mine
kind of especially.

And then I'm 20 minutes late, and
he doesn't say anything about it.

So I'm not gonna complain
about the whole thing.

Okay, be honest.

You're sort of flattered
by the whole thing.

I'm not flattered by
sexual harassment.

Why not?
I love that stuff.

"Sir, I have half a mind to call
the authorities. How dare you?"

( Chuckles )

You should hump him.

That is disgusting.
I would never.

He would like that.
I would never. Why?

For the story, Hannah.

Well, I can't fuck anyone
'cause I have a boyfriend.

- Who?
- Adam.

I told him everything.

How he was torturing me.
How sad I was,

and he responded
in such a lovely way.

He kissed me and kissed
me and kissed me

and he said,
"Be who you are."

And he touched my face.

And, like, we're
basically together now.

Right.

Well, guys like that
will try anything once.

Even love.

What color's that, aquamarine?

- Eggshell blue.
- Eggshell blue?

I like the way it finely
clashes with your mascara.

It just kind of
aggressively clashes.

- Ray?
- Just finishing up with a customer here.

Just aggressively
just clashing.

Bang, bang, bang.
You have bangs, too.

- All right, let me know what you think.
- Ray.

I hope to God no one thinks
you're here to see me.

I am here to see you.

Look, I get you, okay?

I know what you're about,
and I don't like it.

- You don't like it?
- I don't like it, okay?

I don't like it when you ass-fuck
my best friend in the heart.

I don't know what that means.

- Charlie's a good guy, okay?
- I know.

He's not some dickhole
for you to toy around with.

Are you, like,
in love with him?

More than you are.
Yeah, maybe I am. Okay?

And the last thing he needs
is more abuse from you.

- I know.
- You know?

Yes.

If you know, then what the fuck
are you doing here right now?

- I need his address.
- You've never--

Been to his apartment, no.

I've never been to his apartment, okay?
So I need his address.

- Come on, Ray.
- Don't, don't gesture like that.

Don't make a scene.

I'm only writing this down
because it's starting to smell

like a bath & body works
in here.

Typically I'd ask for
a blowjob or something,

but I don't want to
hate-fuck you.

It's that real.

You shrink me up,
balls right in my stomach.

What?

Good work, keep it up.

Chastity, sweetheart,
would you show Hannah

how to break down
a freakin' box?

( Buzzing )

- You did all of this?
- Yeah.

I mean, Ray helped.

I am so impressed.

Seriously, it looks
awesome in here.

It's like a target ad.
Perfect.

- A target ad?
- Yeah.

Everything has a place.
It's awesome.

Yeah, I know. I think it came
out pretty good, you're right.

It's not quite target ad but...

Whatever.

I kept telling you.

I kept telling you
to come over.

You never told me
to come over here.

I did. I told you
a bunch of times...

And then I stopped.

Well, it's not exactly easy for
me to get here from work, so...

It's not that hard.
I take the bus to the train.

Yeah, well, you never
sleep here.

- So...
- Well, I will now.

Jeff: So, we'll be back
around 7:00,

but if we're late,

just order pizza
or some takeout...

Whoa, you look fancy.

I'm going out,

but I will be back in
time for the children.

Okay, where you going?

To meet a friend
from San Francisco.

Boyfriend?

Well, he was, but...

Actually, I don't even know why
he wants to see me, he dumped me.

- Ha! Seriously?
- Yeah.

I know, it's embarrassing. What?
You've never been dumped?

Are you kidding? I always got dumped.
I never dumped a girl.

Okay, you're lying.

Yeah, I'm lying because
I want to sound so cool.

Katherine: So those keys did
not work to the storage unit,

so we're just going to have
to buy new boogie boards.

- Hi, everyone.
- Hi.

So this is
where the party's at.

( All chuckling )

- I'm actually just leaving.
- Oh.

Jessa, is that
Katherine's lipstick?

Oh, don't be
a tattletale, Jeff.

It's totally cool. I have like 15 from gift bags.
They're free, so...

Yeah, okay, well...

I'm leaving.

Oh, where are you--
Oh.

- See you, Jeff.
- Yeah. See you.

Look, we're not grown-ups.

We don't have kids.

- We don't share a house.
- But I love your house.

There's nothing
keeping us together

other than the fact that we have
already been together for so long.

Look...

I'm...

I don't know what there
is left to say.

You're not in love
with me anymore.

( Music playing )

Just breathe, okay?

- Just breathe. Are you okay?
- I'm breathing.

I can't move.
I'm stuck to this pole.

What did you eat?
What did you drink?

I don't know, some guy.
Him, that guy.

- What are those?
- Pot brownies.

- What's on them?
- Jell-o shots.

- Is the music going like-- Wah, wah, wah?
- Yes, yes, yes.

Do you feel like your heart's going
to just fall out through your vagina?

Maybe, I do.
I don't-- Yeah.

Oh, my God.
I want one.

You're gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be here with you.

- I'm not leaving you.
- Thank you, I really appreciate this.

- Hannah, Hannah, I've been
looking for you. - Hi! Hi!

You did your makeup
like I told you to.

- I love you.
- I love you.

Oh, my God, Marnie's
stuck to this pole.

Why are you stuck to a pole?

I can't move.
I'm very scared.

- ( New song plays )
- Oh, my God!

Both: Scissor Sisters!

- No, I can't. She's stuck to the pole.
- She's stuck to a pole?

Will you be okay
for five minutes?

Please, don't leave.
I don't feel comfortable.

- Elijah: You're fine.
- You don't know that.

- I just want to dance for five minutes.
- Charlie, Charlie.

Can you dance later?

Watch this girl while I go
fuck my girlfriend. ( Laughs )

- I'm not okay.
- Marnie, Charlie.

Charlie, just watch her.

( Sighs )

- Hi. Hi.
- Charl-- Hi.

- You all right?
- I'm scared.

- Huh?
- I ate something, and I'm scared now.

Oh, do you want something?
You want me to get you water or food?

- I don't think there's food, but I can
get you some. - Can you give me a hug?

A hug? Like a hug?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

- Up top? Like this?
- Yeah.

- How's that?
- That feels better.

Thank you.

Hey, if you're feeling
better in like an hour,

my band is playing right
next door if you wanna come.

Could you hug me again?

Yeah.

( Charlie laughs ) Yeah.

You had these bangs
and that headband.

And I swear to God you
looked exactly like this girl

that I saw in this porn.

It was called
"Sophomore Sluts,"

and I literally
that night went back

just to check it out
'cause I swear it was you.

You watch porn?

Yeah, sometimes.

Why don't you just, like...

Picture us having sex?

- I can't.
- Why not?

Because that makes me sadder.

The files you requested, Rich.

Oh, thanks, hon.
Just plop them on the desk there.

- Plop.
- ( Chuckles )

Oh, I'm gonna work
through lunch.

Can I send you out
for a sandwich?

- Yeah, of course you can.
- Thanks.

You can send me anywhere,
anytime. It's my job.

Great, so for a sandwich.

Turkey, rye, Russian dressing.

No tomato, though.
I don't--

Be honest with me, Rich.

Okay, drop the sandwich stuff.

I know you want to fuck me.

I've been able to tell since
I first started working here.

And at first
it was repulsive to me,

but now I'm game.

So I think we should
just do this

before I change my mind.

I'm a married man, Hannah.

I've got a boyfriend.

You know what? Adults try things.
That's what I've learned.

We work together.

This is an inappropriate way
to talk to your employer.

Rich, you don't
need to fight it.

I'm not, like,
trying to frame you.

I am letting you know that it is
okay for you to act on this fantasy

because I am gross...

And so are you.

( Laughing )

- I'm sorry.
- What?

( Laughing )

- What is funny?
- Nothing, nothing.

I'm, like, making your fantasies come true.
Why are you laughing?

No, no, it's just--
I mean, what's going on

with, you know, Hannah.

What's going on is that you kept
acting like you wanted to fuck me,

so I said you could fuck me.

No, no, not at all.
No, I never--

I never-- No, no.
Please--

Hannah?

Hannah, wait, are you on drugs?

I could sue you, you know.

- Excuse me?
- I could sue you.

Chastity, Lesley, me--

Whole office, class action,

we go Erin Brockovich
on your ass

in a way you would distinctly disenjoy.
We sue you.

Hannah, you barely
have the wherewithal

to get to work at 10:00 AM,
let alone sue somebody.

There's no suing app
on your iPhone.

Insult me, that's fine.

I'm quitting this job,
and it's for sexual reasons.

So why don't you write me
a check for 1,000 bucks...

- And I drop the lawsuit.
- Jesus. ( Laughs )

I'm sorry.
No, Hannah.

- Please.
- Please what?

Listen, please don't quit.

We can get past this.

- You want to get past this?
- Yeah.

I just tried to fuck you,
sue you, and extort you.

I'm fucking nuts.
Why would you want me in your office?

Because you're great.

You don't know how to do anything,
but you have so much potential.

Think about it.

I'm so glad you're not
my dad or my boyfriend.

Hannah.

And someday, I'm going to
write an essay about you,

and I am not gonna
change your name.

And then you can sue me.

( Door closes )

Are we really breaking up?

Why?

- You don't love me.
- I really love you.

You're not in love with me.

Well, are you in love with me?

- I don't care.
- How can you not care?

Because I decided on you.
Don't you get that?

I decided on you.

I don't want to go
fucking other girls

and then walk around feeling
thrilled and then...

Sad or empty or whatever.

I like the smell of your hair

and I like the sound
of your voice

- and I fucking decided on you.
- Charlie!

Ah!
Relax, I'm fine.

Please, don't break up with me.

Please don't, just don't.

I'll do whatever
you ask, honestly.

I will...

I'll kick Hannah out.

I can even move in here.

I'll answer your sister's IMS.

Do you want blowjobs?

- Is that what you want?
- ( Laughs )

I'll give you blowjobs, okay?

I will-- I don't care.

I'll do-- I will do
whatever it takes, just...

Do not break up with me.

Please.

Hmm.

You rung me up
just to say hello.

How did you know
I was in New York?

Are you stalking me?

( Chuckles ) We are not
going to have sex.

Oh, no. We are not
going to have sex.

Okay, I'm really serious.
I've been with Gillian

for six months now, I'm
gonna move in next month.

So your whole sexy
geisha outfit--

You are?
That's a crazy thing to do.

Well, you know,
she's 38 years old.

She's actually ready for a
mature relationship, unlike--

She's 38?

She's old, like a mom.

- She's a publisher.
- Of what? Books?

Yeah, books.

She has a small press.

Have you ever looked into that?

'Cause she could just be, like,

running off copies at Kinko's

and saying that
she has a press.

And who's to say
she actually has one?

- Are you jealous?
- No, I'm not jealous.

- Hmm.
- But what does strike me as odd

is that you're so keen on Gillian
and yet you're calling me.

Because I wanted to see you.
Because I wanted to see

what was happening
with my old friend.

A girl that I used to date in
a very tumultuous relationship

in which one's Vespa gets
destroyed for no reason, gets...

- I did you a favor.
- ...Rolled off a dock.

( Laughs )

See, you're laughing.
I don't think it's funny. But that's fine.

I just want you to know that I--
I think you're special.

I think you're great.
I think you're beautiful.

You have a beautiful mind,
a beautiful...

I just--

- you love Gillian.
- Yes, yes, yes.

- Gillian. Hard G.
- Gillian.

- I'm so sorry. Gillian.
- I'm really happy

- with my girlfriend.
- Really?

- Really.
- Really?

Really.

Really?

( Moaning )

- Jessa, Jessa.
- ( Laughs )

( Both moaning )

( Moans loudly )

( Both groan )

( Breathing heavily )

What about Gillian?

( Door opens, closes )

( Snickers )

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Shoshanna.

You're a batshit little perv.

I knew you were crazy,
but fucking perv?!

Oh, my God!

Okay, so just so you
know what you just saw,

that was me showing that
I cannot be smoted.

I am unsmotable.

You should probably
write that down by the way.

( Whimpers )

( Knocks )

Fucker.

- Yo, kid.
- Hey, grown-up.

You need to tell me next time
you're rolling through.

I'm kind of in
the middle of something.

I wanted to tell you that
I actually just quit my job.

Didn't you already
quit your job?

This is a different job
than the other one I quit,

and I did it because there was
a sex scandal in my office.

Sometimes you say shit
that sounds made up.

I never make things up.

Yeah, well, then everything
bad happens to you.

Might need to face up to the fact
that you're just not meant for a job

in the traditional sense.

He has other plans
for you and I.

Like what kinda plans?

What are you doing?

( Chuckles ) What does
it look like I'm doing?

- You shouldn't do that.
- Why?

Because we like...

Said we wouldn't...
or whatever.

- We did?
- Yeah, you did.

- When did I say that?
- Yesterday.

You told me everything you
want out of a relationship

and all the ways
I was fucking you up.

You told me to lose your
number till Christmas.

- Yeah, but then you kissed me.
- You looked sad.

- Then we had sex.
- Because we were kissing.

Okay, I don't know
what you're saying.

These things have
an expiration date, okay?

Six months or until
someone stops having fun.

- But I'm having fun.
- No, you're not.

You're like all secretly sad.

And that's not cool for you
and it's not fun for me.

It's a bummer, but people
do outgrow each other.

Yeah, but I don't want
to outgrow each other.

Well, that's on you, kid.
'Cause I'm done growing.

I'm gonna use your bathroom.

Okay.

Also, I almost had sex
with someone else today.

Okay.
What? Who?

My boss.
My former boss.

That's the sex scandal
you were talking about?

No, because I didn't do it.

But I maybe think I would have.

( Stammers ) Is he hot?

No, he's not hot.
He's like 100 years old.

- Why then?
- For the story.

I don't know,
just to be an asshole.

( Scoffs )

You can't do--
Hey, you can't do this to me anymore.

I won't.

And-- and be nicer
to my friends.

Okay, but just not Ray.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Oh, fuck.

- And Marnie.
- Yeah?

Act like my life is real.
You know?

'Cause my life is real.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- I hear you.
- Okay.

- ( Kissing )
- Okay.

Down she goes.
( Chuckles )

Okay, I'm going.

Adam, I'm leaving.

- Adam?
- ( Breathing heavily )

Okay, I'm still here.

So I don't know if you thought
that I was gone already,

- but I am still here.
- No, I know.

Okay, I'm sorry.
I'll go now.

And I'll see you
when I see you.

Do you wanna stay
until I finish?

You know, for the story.

Okay.

What should I do?

And don't abandon me, okay?

You know, don't...

- Make me feel safe and then abandon me.
- Okay.

That's my dad. I can't take
any more of that in my life.

- Okay, I really can't.
- Okay.

Okay, come here.
Kiss me, kiss me.

- Keep your face close to mine.
- What?

- Keep your face close to mine.
- Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Stay, stay.

- Stay.
- Okay.

Okay, stay.

I love you.
I love you.

- I can't--
- Oh!

Oh, shh.
It's okay.

- Ow!
- It's okay.

- Ow.
- It's okay, I'm right here.

I'm right here.
I'm right here.

Okay, I'm right here.
( Kissing )

I'm right here.

I want to break up.

( Sighs )

( Breathing heavily )
Does it turn you on?

To watch me touch my own cock?

Kind of, yeah.

Or does it disgust you?
Do you think I'm really bad?

No, I don't think you're bad.
I mean, everyone does it--

Do you think I'm pathetic
and disgusting?

Yes, actually.

You do, why?
Why do you think that?

Because there's a woman standing
less than 10 feet from you

and all you can do is play
with your own cock.

- Is it bad?
- It's really bad.

It's pathetic and bad

and disgusting
and weird and lazy.

Plus if you have a big cock,
you should use it on a woman.

- It's not that big.
- It's not?

No, maybe that's why you
don't want me to touch it.

Maybe you're embarrassed
because it's not that big.

Maybe.

You like this?
Having me watch you?

I do. I like it.

What do you like about it?

No, put your shit down.

Put it down.
That's not what this is.

( Breathing heavily )

I want cab money.

What?

You heard me, you filthy boy.
I want cab money.

- How much?
- 20.

30, because I also
want pizza and gum.

Well, I keep my money
in my drawer.

Okay.

Keep my fucking eye on you.

- You only have hundreds.
- Fuck!

- And I'm taking one.
- You are?

Yeah, I am.

You're lucky I don't
take all your money

considering you made me
watch this all afternoon.

- I'm sorry.
- Are you sorry?

- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- How sorry?

- I'm really sorry.
- Why don't you say that to me again?

- I'm sorry! - Why don't you
say that to me again like you mean it?

- I'm sorry!
- You like saying that. Say it again.

- I'm sorry.
- Say it one more time!

- I'm sorry!
- That's fine. Just hurry up.

Do you want to step
on my balls?

Are you fucking kidding me?!

( Groans )

Fucker.

( Sighs )

( Music playing )

Shake my hand.
( Laughing )

♪ I don't love anyone ♪

♪ you're not listening ♪

♪ you're playing
with something ♪

♪ you're playing
with yourself ♪

♪ I don't love anyone ♪

♪ you're not listening
even now ♪

♪ you're playing
with something ♪

♪ you're playing
with someone else ♪