Girls (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Return - full transcript

Marnie has to stop whining
and break up with him already.

- I swear, I wish I never found it, but I did.
- Those aren't my feelings.

I'm gonna put on my party dress and my
sorry face and I'm gonna get him back.

I'm not flattered
by sexual harassment.

Why not?
I love that stuff.

I'm quitting this job
and it's for sexual reasons.

I will do whatever it takes.
Just do not break up with me.

- We are not gonna have sex.
- Oh, no.

I am unsmotable.

You are so spoiled.

Yeah, well, whose
fault is that, mom?



I want to break up.

I told him everything.
We're basically together now.

It's a bummer, but people
do outgrow each other.

Yeah, but I don't want
to outgrow each other.

Well, that's on you, kid.
'Cause I'm done growing.

- Oh, wait.
- What, lady?

- Rent is due next week.
- Yeah, and I got it covered.

Whenever you say that,
I get the distinct feeling

that you don't got it covered.

You're gonna tell your parents
you lost your job, right?

I didn't lose my job.
I gave my job away of my own volition

because I didn't want a fucking
breast massage every day.

- You going to be okay?
- No. No, not at all.

- Bye!
- Be nice to your parents, okay?



I'm the nicest!

I think she missed her flight.

- No, she made her flight. She made her flight.
- No.

Ah! Ah!

Oh, hey! Hey!
Working girl!

Look, Hannah banana.

- What took you so long?
- I was waiting at baggage claim.

Oh, here.

Mommy, hi!

- How are you?
- My baby girl.

- Good to see you.
- Oh!

- Oh, honey.
- I'm... that's... I'm sorry.

- No, I can...
- Dad.

Well, we're just so glad
that you're back, honey,

even if it's just
for the weekend.

We are.
We are so glad.

When we were trying to figure out
what to do for our anniversary...

we thought, "who better to spend
it with than our best friend

- who we just happened to create?"
- Yeah, well, 30 years.

I can't imagine getting someone
to spend 30 years with me.

30 minutes seems crazy.

How's that Adam fellow?

Uh, dead to me.

- And the job?
- Oh, um, same.

I mean, boring,
but it's a job, so...

We were just hearing that
M.S.U. was looking for

a postgraduate fellow to
organize visiting lecturers.

Folks who come and lecture.

- Doesn't that sound like an interesting job?
- Sounds great.

You know, if you're going to do
this all weekend, just don't.

We have some fun Netflix

and some great food.

Some curried vegetables,
rice pudding.

- You got the rice pudding?
- Yeah. Ham croquette.

These are my sleeping socks.

My feet like a little air
at night.

How come you're wearing
them in the daytime, then?

'Cause my daytime socks
got too many holes in them.

Oh, honey, don't text.

You can text when
the movie's over.

But I don't care what
happens during the movie.

Well, we do.

Well, that's really
your cross to bear.

- Ooh, you've got a mood on.
- No, I don't.

Maybe she's hungry.

Okay...

I'm not hungry.
I said I wasn't hungry.

You don't know about me.

Honey?

There's some chicken
in the refrigerator.

What did I say?

- Hannah?
- Mmm?

- Hannah?
- Mmm?

Can you do me a favor?

What time is it, mom?

11:00.
I need my prescription.

Well, can dad get it?

No, he's already gone out.
I'm sorry, I let it go on a little long.

I'm having horrible
hot flashes.

Okay, I'm just gonna...
just give me a couple minutes.

No, now, Hannah, now.

Please, Hannah!

You're such a sweetheart.

- Thank you so much for coming and cheering me up.
- Totally.

- Oh, my God, Hannah?
- Hi!

What is happening?

What are you doing here?
Oh, my God!

- Hi.
- Hi. What's up, girl?

Nothing. I just wanted to come say
hi because I'm home for the weekend.

Yeah. Oh, you're here
for the benefit.

No, for my parents' anniversary.
What's the benefit?

- For Keri?
- Keri...?

Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Okay.

I don't know about
the benefit for Keri.

Sweetheart, we gotta talk.

I'm gonna make you any
fucking coffee drink

that you want
in this entire place...

we're out of soy milk...
and we're gonna talk.

So on the last day of the trip,

they just thought she was in
that guy's hotel room, you know?

And they were like,
"Keri better get back here

because we are not cleaning
up her dirty underwear."

And then they thought
she was just, like,

hung over and not answering
her phone or whatever.

And they were like, "fine, bitch is
gonna stay at the resort, then."

So they went to the airport,

and when they got off of the
plane, they couldn't reach her.

And then they realized, like...

they realized they
could never reach her.

Wow.

And she just respected
individuality, you know?

Like you, like the way you're
always doing your own thing,

wearing two different
colored socks

and just being you.

She loved you for that.

She loved unique.

So, the benefit's like something you're
doing for her memorial fund, or...

More like for her parents,

because they wanna hire
a private investigator.

- Get some closure.
- Yeah.

- Hey, you all right, yum?
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah.
I'm... thanks, yeah.

It's just really intense
to have to tell Hannah

about this Keri stuff,
you know?

Oh, yeah.
You did good, yum.

- You did right.
- Thank you.

- Zach, this is Hannah.
- Hey.

- Hannah, this is Zach.
- Nice to meet you.

And he's been
so great about this stuff.

Oh, this Keri shit.
God, she basically has P.T.S.D.

Yeah, and he's been so supportive
about the fact that I'm moving.

You're moving?

This little lamp is heading
to Hollywood next week.

Yeah, to dance.

So you know someone
who's going to help you

get settled and find auditions?

Oh, no. You know, I mean,
I know enough to know

that you don't really have
to know anybody. You know?

- Yeah.
- Okay, you're off break, plummy.

Okay, squirt.

Okay, squirt!

You went to east Lansing high.

- Yeah, I did. You...
- Class of '06.

Yeah, Eric.
I remember.

Hey.

Yeah, you... you wrote
the advice column.

It was for the paper.
"Holler at Hannah"?

It was actually
"Holla at Hannah."

If you wanna be correct.
But that's mortifying.

You still do that?

Not professionally any longer.

No, not a professional
advice giver.

I live in New York.
I'm actually just home for the weekend.

Cool.

So how long have
you worked here?

Uh, I own it with my dad.

Oh, cool.

Well, I own a small
savings bond with my dad,

so it's kind of the same thing.

Um, okay.

$23.

Let's see, I think
I only have a 20,

so I will sacrifice
those panty hose.

Come on, don't worry about it.

- You sure?
- Yeah, really.

Thank you.

I still want that 20.

Sorry.

- Thank you.
- Awesome.

- Here you go.
- Thanks, have a great one.

- You, too.
- Later.

♪ these
hands are small, I know... ♪

- Hannah!
- ♪ But they're not yours, they are my... ♪

- Hey.
- Hi.

Those hormone replacements
for your mom...

no, those are my mom's.
They're not mine.

Right.

Some women feel that they
need a personal lubricant

while on those, so...

- Oh.
- I just... free of charge.

Thank you. That's very
considerate of you.

Are you in town for long?

No, I'm just here
until tomorrow.

I'm working on a book in New
York, so I kinda gotta get back.

What are you doing tonight?

- Nothing.
- Are you around?

Yeah.
To hang out with you?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, definitely.

Something specific or...

I'm not sure. There's that
Keri Lawrence benefit, right?

Yes, she disappeared.

Did you know her?

Very little bit.

- Okay, good.
- Apparently she really liked me.

- That's sad.
- Very.

- I'll see you tonight.
- Yep.

- Bye.
- Bye.

All right, that works!

She didn't look
dangerous at all.

And she literally like
screamed when she saw her.

- Hi.
- Oh, oh.

- How's it going?
- Okay.

Happy anniversary, sweetie.

So what's the plan for tonight?

- Well, I made a reservation at s'il vous plate...
- Ohh.

At 7:00 and maybe
a movie afterwards?

- Oui, oui.
- You know, guys, i was thinking...

And I don't really feel comfortable
encroaching on this whole thing.

I feel like you two really
need to spend the night

alone together.
Doesn't that make more sense?

Well, that's very sweet
of you, doll.

But we just want to hear
what you're up to

and enjoy your
shining personality.

I got asked on a date.

- Oh?
- What? Where?

At the pharmacy
by the pharmacist, Eric.

He's cute.

He's really cute,
and he's gonna take me

to the benefit for
Keri Lawrence's family.

Oh, that was an
unfortunate thing.

- But we had a plan.
- Yeah, we did.

I don't really think that
you guys are understanding

the severity of this situation.

I have been dating someone who treats
my heart like it's monkey meat.

I feel like a delusional,
invisible person half the time.

So I need to learn what
it's like to be treated well

before it's too late for me.

- Go, go.
- What?

Just go with Eric.

You are from New York,

therefore you are just
naturally interesting.

Okay?

It is not up to you to fill
all of the pauses.

You are not in danger
of mortifying yourself.

The worst stuff that you say

sounds better than the best stuff
that some other people say.

Is that okay that I
took you to a pizza place?

Is that all right?
Okay.

Yeah, I love pizza.

I love pepperoni, which
I haven't eaten in ages

because I was a vegetarian
until two months ago.

What? Why?
What happened?

Well, I will tell
you what happened.

Which is basically,
I was dating this guy...

sorry if that's an overshare...

and I went over to his house
one day and I was starving,

and he had nothing to eat.

Just nothing except
for some raw meat

which his Uncle had caught,
killed, and sent him in the mail.

So my options were to eat that
or to go out and get some food,

and I was sure that if
I went out, came back,

he wouldn't answer the buzzer or
he would have just disappeared.

So he cooked it, I ate it.

And I swear to you, I felt myself
growing stronger with every bite.

Yeah, it's protein.
Your body needed protein.

It was like the roses
came back to my cheeks.

Seriously.

And I had this revelation,
which was like,

"I should be eating meat.
I should not be dating this person."

- So you stopped?
- No, I did not stop.

That would be too logical.

I kept doing it for,
like, six more weeks

because I'm a slow learner.

Good to hear.

- This is great.
- Yeah, Jimmy does it well.

♪ And I'll be your
crying shoulder... ♪

Is this place always
open at night?

I think my friend
John might be here.

Cool.

Okay, I'm gonna get a drink.
You want something?

Um, what are you having?

- A beer. You want a beer?
- Perfect.

Great.

♪ The greatest man of your ♪

♪ I'll be your
crying shoulder... ♪

Are you guys ready
to make some noise?

Yeah.

So put your hands together

for the girl who puts the
motion in the ocean

in a special number they
created to celebrate the life

- of Keri Lawrence.
- Aw.

Please welcome

Heather Travis
and the twist-arounds.

Whoo!

All right!

♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh, ah ♪

♪ uh, uh, I can do
the pretty girl rock ♪

♪ rock, rock to
the pretty girl rock ♪

♪ rock, rock,
now, what's your name? ♪

♪ my name is Keri,
I'm so very fly ♪

♪ oh, my,
it's a little bit scary ♪

♪ boys wanna marry,
lookin' at my derriere ♪

♪ you can stare, but if
you touch it, I'ma bury ♪

♪ pretty as a picture,
sweeter than a swisher ♪

♪ mad 'cause I'm cuter than
the girl that's with ya... ♪

- Thank you.
- ♪ I don't gotta talk about it, baby, you can see it ♪

♪ but if you want
I'll be happy to repeat it ♪

♪ my name is Keri,
I'm so very fly ♪

♪ oh, my,
it's a little bit scary ♪

♪ boys wanna marry,
lookin' at my derriere ♪

♪ you can stare, but if
you touch it, i'ma bury ♪

♪ pretty as a picture,
sweeter than a swisher ♪

♪ mad 'cause I'm cuter than
the girl that's with ya ♪

♪ I can talk about it
'cause I know that I'm pretty ♪

♪ and if you know it, too,
then, baby, sing it with me ♪

♪ all eyes on me
when I walk in ♪

♪ no question that
this girl's a 10 ♪

♪ don't hate me
'cause I'm beautiful, hey! ♪

You okay?

You didn't think that was,
like, really delusional?

- What was?
- That dancing.

It wasn't that bad.

Okay, maybe it wasn't bad
in amateur terms,

but Heather is moving to California
to be a professional dancer.

So that should just make us all
feel pretty sad and weird.

I guess it was a little cheesy.

It was, like, very cheesy.

And nobody's telling her.

She's gonna to go to L.A.

And live in some
shitty apartment

and feel scared and sad and
lonely and weird all the time.

But she's got a good life here.

I would like her life.

Maybe I should move here.

So then I wouldn't be worrying
about rent every second

and I can actually focus
on my book for a minute.

There's a job opening at
the florist's, I know that.

Well, no, I would, like, get a real
job, like be a teacher or something.

- What's your real job in New York?
- I'm a writer.

- And that's how you make money?
- No, I don't have any money.

Sorry.

Gosh, you're so serious.

Just don't worry about it.

- Okay.
- Let's have fun.

Do you wanna go back
to my place?

- Yeah, totally.
- Okay.

A relationship is like a shark,

you know, it has
to keep moving...

Or it dies.

And what we have here
is... is a dead shark.

That's from
"on the waterfront."

Obscure.

Well, I hope she's having fun.

I think she
knows how to have fun.

She's such an anxious person.

I wish I could unburden her.

You know, but she's like me.

She has to jitter her
way through her 20s.

Yeah, you were such a spaz

- in your 20s.
- Oh, "spaz"?

I worry all the time about her.

That never changes.
Once they're born,

you never don't worry.

That's why people without
children live longer.

No, I really worry.

What does a person
like that turn into?

A person like what?

She's funny, sure.
Likable, very likable.

- But that and 10¢.
- Tad, tad.

But at what point
will she realize

she's not going to get
to be what she wants to be

- when she grows up?
- How do you know that?

You know that.
You're the one who forced us

to cut her off to help
her realize that.

No, I cut her off so she'd
have something to write about.

We don't even know if
her writing is any good.

What if she wakes up
and she's 30 and,

oh, what does she
know how to do?

She knows how to have fun.

She does what she wants
when she wants to do it

and she has fun.

And she thinks about that fun
and she learns from that fun.

How did she get that way?

Use your brain.

Hey, look at me.

Use your brain.

Oh, I can't get my...

Lights off.

You want me
to leave my boots on?

Um, it's up to you.

Seems to me you'd want to put
your feet up on the bed, though.

Okay.

We don't have to have sex.

- Well, do you want to have sex?
- Yeah, of course.

I just... I don't
want to pressure you.

No, I like pressure.

Sorry.

- What's your favorite part?
- Of what?

Of fucking me?

Don't know,
I haven't done it yet.

- Ow.
- Sorry.

What are you doing?

Um...

Please don't put your
finger in my asshole.

You weren't telling me what
it was that you wanted at all,

so I was just trying
to guess what you wanted.

You're allowed to just tell
me what it is you want.

I just want to have sex.

Okay.

I'm tight, like a baby, right?

Come on, that's...

Fuck.

- Oh!
- Fuck, that feels good.

Wet and wild.

You are so embarrassing.

- Turn around.
- Now?

Right now, turn around.

Oh, my God.

- Ahh!
- Oh, my God!

Ah! Ah!

Let me get a leg up.

Oh!

Honey?

Tad?!

It's right here.

Well, thank you for everything.

- And for the ride.
- Yeah.

- I will see you soon.
- Okay.

- Get home safely.
- Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Tad? Oh, my God.

Honey? Sweetie,
can you hear me?

Tad? Baby?

- Oh, my God.
- Can you hear me?

Oh, my God.
What's going on?

He slipped and hit his head.

He's out.
He is concussed.

Well, what was he doing?
How did that happen?

We were having sex.

Okay, dad?

Dad? Daddy?

- Daddy?
- Oh.

Okay, mom.
He's not passed out.

Not passed out.
He's not passed out.

- I think I tore my back.
- Your back?

My head is nothing
compared to my back.

- Oh, my God.
- Shit, I feel awful.

I think we should,
like, put him in a robe

or cover him and just
get him into bed.

You can go to your room.
I can get this.

No, mom.
I can help you, okay?

So just grab his arm,
grab his arm.

We're gonna get him up.
We're gonna do this.

- Oh, my God.
- And just hold onto the towel.

- Or don't hold onto the towel.
- Oh! I'm embarrassed!

Of course you're embarrassed

because this is horribly
embarrassing for everyone involved.

Okay.

That is fully your wet butt.

That's what's going on here.
Okay, mom, so you can just...

Just give a shout if you
need anything, okay, daddy?

I'm fine,

just realizing
I'm growing older.

No, no.

Okay, now I get why you didn't
want to talk about sex.

Oh, please.

- How was your date?
- It was good.

He's really nice.

Well, he seems it.

Maybe not enough fire burning
under his ass for your taste,

but he'll do for the day?

Yeah, he'll do for the day.

Okay, I'm gonna go to sleep
because that is an early flight.

Is everything okay
with you moneywise?

I mean, really okay?

Because that was a hard blow
we dealt you, cutting you off.

It would make sense if you weren't
all the way on your feet.

We're proud of you
for making it work.

I only mention jobs around
here because I miss you.

No, I'm good.

I'm making it work.

That is my scrappy little girl.

- Love you.
- I love you, too, sweetie.

Sleep well.

You, too.
See you in the morning.

See you in the morning.

- Hello?
- Yo, kid.

Oh, hi.

- It's Hannah.
- I know, I called you.

Oh, yeah.
I was sleeping.

Yeah, you sound sleepy.
I'm sorry, kid.

Oh, no. It's okay.
I'm actually... I'm home.

Yeah, I'm home, too.

Yeah, but I'm like home, home,

like, at my parents'
home, home.

Like, looking at a goo goo
dolls' poster as we speak.

Well, how are things in Ohio?

I'm in Michigan,

so I don't really know
how things are in Ohio.

Oh, shit, fuck.
Sorry... Michigan.

No, it's fine.

I mean, I don't even care
if people get my name wrong.

Are you just calling to say hi?

Yeah. Did you
call me earlier?

- Did I?
- A few times, yeah.

- Everything okay?
- Oh, um...

Yeah, things here are good.
They're interesting.

I just helped my dad
after a sex injury,

so, that happened.

You're having sex
with your father?

Uh, no, I wasn't having
sex with my father.

He was having sex
with my mother.

Oh, that seems
like a better match.

I was actually... I was out
having sex with someone else.

I was having sex
with a pharmacist.

Oh, yeah?
Was it fun?

Uh, fun?

Sure. I mean,
physically, yes.

Yes, it was.
But...

Was that a very weird thing
for me to just tell you?

Why would that be weird?

I mean, honestly, I was just
so amazed by his apartment.

It's huge. It's like twice
the size of yours,

and he paid nothing for it.

And it just made me think, "why doesn't
everyone who's struggling in New York

move here and start
the revolution?"

It's like we're all
slaves to this place

that doesn't even really
want us. You know?

I did call you

because I wanted to make sure
you hadn't disappeared.

What do you mean?

I realized today that if
something happened to one of us,

the other one won't have
no way of ever knowing

'cause it's not like your
friends would call me.

It's not like I know
your mom, so, you know,

if something happened to you, I
would never know you were gone.

So I guess I was just
calling to make sure

that you would call me
if you ever disappeared.

Which doesn't even make sense.

Uh, okay, kid, will do.

- I miss you.
- You do?

I do, yeah.
I wish you were here right now.

I saw your name earlier
on the phone

and I was like,
"where the fuck is that girl?

I wish she was
here right now."

Well, I'm in Michigan, so...

What do you see out your window
in New York right now?

You want me to get up and look?

I do, yeah.

Get up and look.

Okay, what do I see?

Oh! Oh!

There's this lady crackhead.

I've talked to her,
like, twice.

She's pretty fucking tweaked,

but, I don't know, funny.

One time we had a
conversation about cashews

that lasted, like, 30 minutes.

She, like, wanted cashews,

and she thought i had them,

but I didn't, so she was
trying to grab my ass,

saying I had them
in my back pocket.

I'm like, "no, I don't have
them in my back pocket..."