Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 6, Episode 8 - Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out - full transcript

Previously on "Gilmore Girls"...

I am not going back to school!

Then you gotta go.

Only say "no" if you rallye don't
want to be with me.

No!

I'm not going back to Yale next year.

You're not quitting Yale.

Yes, I am.

No one can waste time like this
man here.

Really? This year I might give
you a run for your money.

There's a rumor there's been a
rift between Lorelai and Rory.

You love school. I saw it. That
doesn't just go away.

Well, I have reformed.

Your impatience is very
distracting.

I said nothing.

I'm getting a vibe.

I can't control my vibe.

- Maybe I should do this alone.
- No.

But I need to collect my thoughts.

The last time I left you alone
with your thoughts,

I came back and you were in
the reds again.

- So?
- We've ruled out red.

- Why did we rule out red?
- Because you don't like red.

Right. And when I'm right, I'm right.
Red would be way too much in here.

Now, just give me a minute to

concentrate. Cone of silence,
please.

You got it.

Hey, what are all your shoes
doing down here?

You broke the cone.

Yeah. They're gonna get ruined.

Oh, well, talk to Paul Anka.

He's one by one marched every

pair of my shoes downstairs, and
I have no idea why.

Lined them up perfectly, too...
left, right, left, right.

He's very anal when he misbehaves.

Yeah. I'll clear them out.

No, no, no. Don't. I want him to
march them back up himself.

How else will he learn?

Fine. Whatever.

Weirdo.

Why did I say I don't like red?

I think your exact words were,
"better dead than red."

'Cause I'm liking red now.

What happened to the white
you picked?

That was such a nice white, and
you were so sure about it.

It didn't go with Paul Anka.

Unbelievable.

Look.

Oh, yeah. You're right.

That does not work, not at all.

See?

I was kidding.

Your kidding is rallye slowing
down the process here, big-time.

Hey, uh, what about a... blue?

We're painting the outside blue.

Or maybe a yellow.

Oh, come on now. Yellow really
doesn't go with Paul Anka.

If nothing goes with him, we
may have to move.

Do you want to know the problem here?

Actually, no. I don't like problems.

I avoid them when I can, and I

don't like people pointing them
out to me.

The guys are almost done prepping

the walls, and then they're gonna
want to paint.

If we don't have a color for them,
they're gonna have nothing to do,

and then they're gonna bolt, and
we won't see them again for weeks.

That is so cold.

They go where the money is.

If they're not painting, they're
not earning.

Oh, wait.

Paul Anka... maybe he has an
opinion on all this.

Oh, I'm sure he does.

Okay, dude.

Check them out.

Don't overthink it.

What looks good to you?

Ooh! He licked the dark magenta.

You know dogs are color-blind.

Okay, technicality. What about
the baseboards?

Baseboards.

Ooh!

Dark magenta baseboards.
Interesting choice.

I need a beer.

Oh. Oh, get one for me, too, please.

How about the ceiling?

Dark magenta!

You've got the queer eye, my friend.

Rise and shine!

No, no, no, no, no.

It's a beautiful morning.

No rising. No shining.

Don't let it go to waste.

I'll be back in five
if I don't see you.

No, no more "back in five"!

It's perfect... a light, slightly

washed-out green like you see in
renaissance wall paintings,

with the baseboards painted an

aquamarine blue, but dulled so
it's got a little latin touch.

And you paint the ceilings off-white

with a hint of yellow to go great
with the floors

and just give the whole space a
nice glow. What do you think?

We're not painting my apartment.

Why not?

Because we're painting your house.

That's why you have the color
samples.

And there's not enough paint to paint
your place and the other place?

There's not enough time.

As you work on the perfect colors
for my house and Babette's house

and Mr. Lanahan's house and
Sookie's house...

Oh, I showed Sookie that blanched
almond. She flipped.

And the post office and the
Church and the odd fellows hall,

the painters are getting closer and

closer to being ready to paint
your house.

- You gotta focus or...
- Or what?

- I'm gonna take that away.
- Oh, no!

You would not take my paint-sample
thingy away from me.

I most certainly would.

Well, that would seriously slow
down the process.

And I don't know if you know this,

but if the painters have nothing
to do,

they'll move on to another job.

It's "the twilight zone."

I do not know what to do here.

Hey. I think the lullaby leader
is looking for you.

Oh. Yeah?

Mr. Danes, I'm Megan, and this
is Tilly.

Hi.

Um, we go to Stars Hollow middle
school. You went there.

I think they're looking for
confirmation.

Yeah, I went.

He's busy, girls.
Don't keep him long.

Well, we're on a soccer team,
and we lost our sponsor.

Aw, who was your sponsor?

Luger's Bait and Tackle.

Oh, that's right. They're
shutting down.

Luger's wife caught him at that
motel with the transv-

sistor radio, and, uh, he
retired honorably.

So, what are you here for?

We were wondering if you would
sponsor our team.

Well, I don't know.

You just have to buy our jerseys.

It'll say "Luke's Diner" on the back.

Plus our name... the Bobcats.

And you pitch in for trophies
if we win.

But you don't even have to go
to the games if you don't want.

Yeah. You don't have to come.

Girls, no offense, but I don't
think so.

It's not my thing.

No problem.

Thank him for his time, girls.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Danes.

You're welcome.

Bye.

Wow, Oliver Twist just kindly
asked for a little more gruel,

and you kicked him right in the junk.

Who?

You broke those darling little
girls' hearts.

They'll find someone else.

How is this not your thing?

I don't want to coach a soccer team.

They don't need a coach.
How closely were you listening?

Well, not that closely. Kids

usually talk, but they don't
say anything.

They just kind of yammer, so if

you don't find them cute, they're
just boring.

You should really have your
own children's show,

you know, as an alternative to
the nice ones.

You know what I mean.

It's just a sponsorship, and they're
from your alma mater,

which, by the way, is looking drap
and could use a touch-up.

I'd recommend the light salmon.

Doesn't that mean something?

I guess a little.

You don't even have
to go to the games,

and you'd get to have your name on
the back of the jerseys.

Free advertising... how cool is that?

Well, yeah, that might be all right.

Hey, and you'll get that photo that

sponsors get of the whole team
sitting on the field,

and you can display it like Al's
pancake world does.

Ooh, Al... that sea-green with
burnt-sienna trim.

I warned you.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Come on.
Give it back, please.

I'm jonesing. I need my colors.

Please.

Think they're any good?

I don't know if that matters.

Hey, uh, if you still want a
sponsor, we can give it a shot.

Really?!

Yay!

Oh, that's wonderful,
Luke. Thank you.

I guess this is you being grateful.

For the jerseys.

You really get, like, no notice
on these things, do you?

None. It's a "grab your bag and

meet me at the tarmac, son,
over and out,"

and it's always at an ungodly hour.

6:00 a.m.?

That's my bedtime, for god's sake.

Where's he dragging you this time?

A paper in Omaha. What state
is that in again?

Nebraska.

Ah, corn, farm animals, football.

Oh, and they love condescension
in Nebraska, too,

so hit them with that as soon
as you disembark.

Well, you have got to be free
tonight, my dear,

'cause I'm getting the group
together for a blowout.

Do not tell me you're working.

I can make some time for you.

Oops.

Evasive maneuver.

What?

My grandmother.

Is she coming at you with a
knife or something?

It's one thing to be forced to
move into the big house,

but now the big house is feeling

tom thumb tiny. My grandmother's
everywhere.

The older generation... they have
their methods of ubiquity.

I'm positive that there are at least

five of her wandering the property
like she's a cylon.

So, can you meet me out here tonight?

Why are you whispering?

Because you're whispering.

That's cute.

I'll see you at your place? 8:00?

Perfect.

See you then.

Rory!

Oh, hi, grandma.

I was just heading out,
in kind of a hurry.

Heading out where?

Errands. Just errands.

You know, Shandinka would be willing
to do your errands for you...

she has a used S.U.V.

I can do them myself.

Is something wrong with your face?

No.

Why are you hiding it?

It looks fine.

It is fine.

So, are you staying overnight at
Paris' again this week?

Maybe.

That's so fun... having a girl
friend for sleepovers.

You know, Paris can sleep over
here sometime if you want.

Great. Thanks.

Your grandfather's out of town for
a few days, so it's just us girls.

Got a preference for dinner tonight?

I may not make it for dinner
tonight, grandma.

Oh. I was looking forward to it.

Sorry.

It's always good to give 24-hours
notice on these things.

Again, sorry.

You're looking skinnier, and you're
skipping dinner.

I'm not skipping dinner. I'm having
dinner out.

You're not bulimic?

I really have to go, grandma.

One last thing... the russian tea for
the D.A.R... that's going well?

Yeah. It's like clockwork. It's
an easy one. Teas are easy.

Oh! That reminds me.

I really have to go, grandma...
she said for the umpteenth time.

What do you think?

It's nice. Whose is it?

It's for you, for the russian
tea. Want to try it on?

Later. Please.

I really, really have to go.

Well, that's something to look
forward to.

Definitely.

See you later.

See you later.

Oh, this is hard. This is so hard.

I know.

I can be so indecisive.

Put me in front of a bin of

cantaloupe, it'll take me an hour
to pick one... an hour!

And this is harder than cantaloupe.

Come on. Focus, Babette.

A green, an off-white...
what do you think?

They all seem fine.

See, I don't know if you're aware

of this, but if painters are ready
to paint,

and you don't have your colors

ready, they'll leave, and you'll
never see them again,

so the clock is ticking here.

Don't let her bully you, Babette.

But I gotta pick a color!

Lorelai's gotta pick a color!

Just leave us alone out here!
Go about your business!

You're being cruel to Babette,

and you're going to rot in hell
for this.

I'm just getter her opinion.

I've caused an argument.
I'm horrible.

You've got till close of day
tomorrow, and that's it.

Good! That'll give me enough time!

Not you, Babette... Lorelai!

He's mad at me.

He's not mad at you.

He's right. It's my thing.
I should do it.

Thank god.

Well, here's the information
you wanted for Paul Anka.

You got your training schools.
Training's always good for them.

Yeah, uh, I took him to a few
sessions.

He fell in love with a poodle
and got very distracted.

And doggy day care... let him
run around with other dogs.

Good for socializing him.

Well, the other dogs we've come

across on walks... he'll bark
at them,

and then when they look at him,
he'll play dead.

It's kind of sad.

Well, he's the cutest basket
case I've ever seen.

That's for sure.

Gotta go.

Okay. Thanks for coming, Babette.
This will help.

So... hey, if you were gonna pick
between the papaya whip I showed you

- and the medium spring green...
- Stop it!

- God, he's got good ears.
- See you, doll. Good luck!

- Thanks. Bye.
- Bye!

Yeah, I want the two-color team
name on the front in script

and the "Luke's Diner" in a

vertical arch above the number
on the back.

- "L" for Lorelai.
- "L" for Luke's.

Hey, our names have the same
first letter.

- You like the style?
- Classy.

But I want really nice stitching,
even if it costs extra.

I don't care that it's double.

Just do it. I want my girls
to look good.

Listen to daddy warbucks.

Yeah. 12 for the team plus three
spares will do it. 15 in all.

Uh, plus another medium... 16,

and an extra-large men's, so 17.

And one for a medium dog.

Yeah. Dog.

And this is a rush order. I want
them for the next game.

Okay, thanks, Ollie. Bye.

Those girls are gonna be styling.

Yeah, well, they're gonna have the
best uniformes in the league.

I've seen pictures of the other
teams... little bag ladies.

Look how you've embraced this.

Well, the more I thought about
it, the more fun it seemed.

And my friend Ed told me the team

is actually pretty good. They got
a chance to go all the way.

Cool. Wow. They could make a
movie about this someday.

You know... the reluctant, handsome
diner owner sponsoring a team

that goes all the way to the

national finals, and you know
who would play you?

- Who?
- Tobey Maguire!

He's way younger than me.

But his career is hot. Go with Tobey.

What about that Vito Morgenstern?

Sure. Or Viggo Mortensen.

Or Donald Sutherland.

Too old.

We'll dye his hair.

He's got jowls.

You're picky.

What's he doing?

I don't know. He's been doing
that a lot lately.

Hey, hey, buddy, there's
nothing for you there.

He need geritol? He's been
lethargic lately.

He's depressed or something.

Who are you calling?

Just saw something in this thing.

Hey, Ollie, it's Luke Danes again.

Listen, I was looking through
your brochure again.

You can make caps, too, right?

Soccer players wear caps?

No, I just think they'll look
cute in them.

Yeah, what's your highest quality
cap you got there?

Yeah, I don't want plastic in
the sizing. It's cheapo.

You got that kind that you kind

of pull on the cloth thingy to
size it, right?

Great. Well, give me 20 of those.

- Met her.
- Cool. A girl-on-girl thing.

- It's a snuff film.
- A lesbian snuff film.

A redundant lesbian snuff film.

How INXS missed her, I don't know.

Raise a glass to INXS.

My countrymen, I'm
less than proud to say.

I cannot, cannot believe they've

reinstated folk night at my
beloved pub.

It's a travesty!

Is there any alcohol left in the

state of Connecticut that's not
inside them?

I doubt it.

So, boys, another round?

Posthaste. Barkeep!

You've hardly touched the drink
in front of you.

Ah, but I'm anticipating.

You don't wait till the drink's

done to order another. That's
for amateurs.

Right. I forgot you went pro.

So, boys, boys, when is the life
and death brigade going out again?

We have been remiss.

I have ideas...

big ideas, potentially harmful ideas.

Hey, you mind?

Boyfriend?

Brother.

Or both. He could be southern.

Hey. New drinking game...

every time the folk singer

sounds sincere, we have to
take a drink.

Buckle up. It's gonna
be a long night.

Come on. Start folding
your own, gents.

Whoever hits the folk singer
first wins.

Good morning, new haven!

My, my, you look fresh and
appealing tonight!

Shut up!

God has spoken to me...

rather rudely.

Shut up!

Finn, keep it down.

Finn, watch.

Tostingo!

Why are we leaving, ace?

Because they're closing.

That's no excuse.

We've overstayed our welcome.

That makes me sad.

You've gotta get your plane
in the morning.

- Have I gained weight?
- Why?

Finn didn't make a pass at me.

No, love, my brain is cloudy.
Here I am making a pass at you.

Pass, pass!

That is so expositional.

Guys, just get in the car.

I've forgotten how to get into a car.

Me too. Rory, did you have your
owner's manual with you, love?

Oh, my god. Just get in!

- Bon voyage.
- Good luck with your ringling.

One more drink.

Oh, we've got a runner!

- Come on!
- Logan!

Hey, come on. Let me in.

Oh, Logan, they're closed.

I have to apologize
to that folk singer.

She's not here. Everyone's gone.

I hurt her feelings.

She's a folk singer. She's
used to it. Come on.

I don't want to go to Omaha tomorrow.

I know.

- It's boring.
- I know.

And it's not here.

Come on. Yeah.

I don't like steaks or insurance

or football or anything else that
they have there.

You like steaks.

Do they even have electricity there?

Yeah. Yeah. They
just got it last year.

Don't make me go.

I'm not making you go. I'm just
trying to get you home.

But getting me home means that

I have to go to sleep, and
when I wake up,

I have to go on a plane to Omaha.
Where's Omaha?

Where's Omaha?

Just get in, please.

Colin?

Finn?

Shut up!

Guys!

Shut up!

Jess.

Hey.

Hey.

I...

Sorry. That wasn't a sentence.

I got the gist.

What are you doing here?

I got a job... professional
driveway stalker.

Pays good?

Yeah, but the hours suck.

Jess...

I'm in town on a little business...

all nice and aboveboard.

How'd you know where to find me?

Luke.

I shook it out of him. He wasn't
sure if it was okay.

It's okay.

You look good.

The years don't seem to have
hardened you.

Yeah, you look good, too.

I know this is kind of weird,

but there's actually something
I wanted to tell you...

Show you, actually.

I can come back another time.

No, it's just, uh, we're kind
of exposed here.

My... her window's, like,
right there.

Whose?

Uh, my grandma's.

You want to come in?

You sure?

Yeah. Come on.

But just be careful. She's a
very light sleeper.

So, here we are.

Casa Rory.

So our voices don't carry.

Very prudent.

This is not really my taste.

Yeah, not unless you've aged
about 90 years.

I haven't.

Is that for halloween?

No, no. This is just for a
function I have to go to.

Function?

It's just a job... the D.A.R...

Daughters of the American Revolution.
It's not a career or anything.

- I hope not.
- No.

See, don't get the wrong idea.

I'm just here temporarily.

- My mom and I...
- Luke alluded to something.

It's a long story. I was crashing
in the pool house,

and that was just temporary,
but the pool house became storage,

so then I had to move into
the main house.

All temporary.

Isn't school in session?

Why aren't you living on campus?

Because I'm not going.

You graduate already, Doogie?

No. I'm just taking
a little time off.

Time off.

So, where are you living, Jess?
I want to know about you...

mystery man.

I'm in Philly.

- Really?
- Don't laugh.

No, I'm not. Philadelphia's
gotten cool.

And New York's gotten expensive.

Anyway, it's a pretty cool
scene in Philly now...

lot of younger people there...

pretty big art scene.

I know. I read that in the
New York Times.

They had a picture of a bunch

of young people standing on a
roof, kind of eclectic and all.

It looked fun. I mean, it was

clearly one of those pictures
that wasn't candid.

It was looking a little stiff,

but they looked happy.

Are you nervous?

A little.

It's been a long time.

I'm a little nervous, too.

Good. I'm not alone.

So, I didn't just come here to chat.

I wanted to show you something.

Right. You said that.

And I didn't think you'd believe

it if I didn't show it to
you in person.

Well, color me curious.

A book.

"The subsect...

written by Jess Mariano."

It's no misprint.

You wrote a book?

A short novel.

You wrote a book?!

Through a fluke, I got it to
these guys that have a small press,

and they read it. I don't know

if they were high or something,
but they decide to publish it.

- You wrote a book.
- There's no money in it.

They only printed like 500 of them.

Believe me, I'm not
quitting my day job.

But you wrote it. You wrote a book.

Yeah, I know. It's hard to believe.

You sat down and wrote a novel.

Author-distributed, too.

That's what I'm doing here.

I'm going around begging

independent bookstores to put
it in stock. Got it in a few.

- Cool! Where?
- Around.

I want to see it in the store.

I can give you the addresses.

You know what I'm gonna do when
I see it in the store?

What?

You know that section toward the
front... the staff recommendations?

I'm gonna grab a copy of your
book and put it in that section,

and then I'm going to write my
own little recommendation on a card

and attach it so people
see it and buy it.

Read it first. That way you can
dis courage people from buying it.

No way! I know it's good.

Jess, you've got such a great brain.

I knew that if you could just

sit down and stop shaking it
around,

you could do something like this.
I knew it. I knew it.

I know you did. I work at that
press now.

Five smelly guys in a cramped
room on locust street putting out

about three books a month...
but it's fun.

What a about a sequel?
Are you writing a sequel?

You should read it before you
get too jazzed about it. Okay?

Shh!

Sorry.

I thought I heard footsteps.
I think we're okay.

It's kind of late. I should go.

It is kind of late.

So, I just basically wanted to
show you that.

Uh, tell you... tell you that
I couldn't have done it without you.

Thanks.

I'm gonna be around for a couple
days. Can we talk again?

Preferably above a whisper.

Yeah. I'd like that. How about
tomorrow night?

8:00 okay?

Yep.

Good.

I'll sneak out on my own.

Cool.

Oh, hey... the book.

Oh, it's yours.

So, where are the bleachers?

Oh, they don't have bleachers
at soccer games.

They just stand on the sidelines.

Where do we go if we feel like

making out in the middle
of the game?

I don't think they'd mind if we
did it right here in front of them.

Cool. Got a nice crowd here,
Mr. Sponsor.

Not bad. Not bad.

So, these are soccer moms, huh?

They're just really bored spinsters.

They seem very concerned with
education and national security.

Luke!

Hi! You came!

Oh, yeah. I thought I'd come down,
see the girls in action.

Oh, they give it their all.
You'll be proud.

I'm sure I will.

Look at those girls. Look how cute
they are in those uniforms.

Check out the other team's...
cheap fabric, cheap stitching.

Look at the sponsor... Fred's
dry cleaning...

ruined a favorite sweater years
ago. Today he pays.

Luke! You came!

Hey, girls. You ready to play?

We hope so.

The other team... I think you're
gonna wipe the floor with them.

- I think we've got a shot.
- No, I know you've got a shot.

Don't forget... we're having a

little celebration at the diner
afterwards, win or lose.

Cool.

We better get back.

Have a good game.

See ya!

Bend it like Beckham!

Oh, so, I dropped Paul Anka off
at doggy day care.

It was a little scary.

No, that'll be good for him.

He seemed okay.

He was a little standoffish at

first, but then he got very
friendly with the cash register.

And then a dog ran up to him,

and he played dead for a couple
seconds,

and when that didn't work, he
ran off playing with the other dogs.

I think it's gonna do him some good.

I think so, too.

Oh, here we go.

Oh, who got the ball?

Well, the Bobcats lost the toss,
so the other team got the ball.

So, we've lost already?

Just the toss... it means nothing.

How many points are we behind '
cause we screwed up the toss?

Nothing, it just started. 0-0.

Were we talking during the toss?
How did we miss the toss?

- Just watch the game.
- Okay.

Look at that Megan run.

Ooh, she's making her move.

She's fast.

See her coming up behind that girl?

She's gonna try to steal and
then move the ball forward...

- Oh!
- Oh! What was that?

Good hustle, girls! Good hustle!

- Is that girl unconscious?
- No, no, no.

She's getting up. She's a
little wobbly.

Is it okay for Megan to slam her

elbow into that girl's neck
like that?

I don't think... oh, my god!

Oh! That was poor little Tilly.

There's blood. I see blood.

Who is their coach? Sam Peckinpah?

Way to go, Tilly. Dominate. Dominate.

Shouldn't that be a
foul or something?

Oh, don't worry. Tilly is an

expert at knowing when the ref
is watching and when he isn't.

Aggression! Aggression! Aggression!

I cannot watch this.

Ah! I heard that. It was just
as bad as seeing it.

Now I think that girl's unconscious.

- It was... it was...
- Violent.

- "Scarface" on a soccer field.
- Those little girls... Megan, Tilly.

Animals! Animals!

Did you see the
blood on their jerseys?

Oh, I did see that. The refs

look like they're afraid to
call penalties.

Can you blame them?

It's Alicia. Duck.

Ohh... she's not coming after us.

Although she is walking
right toward us.

- Oh! She turned.
- Oh, thank god.

- She turned away.
- Okay.

Oh, those sweet, little
11-year-old girls.

Killers! Killers all!

They won. They won that game.

Bobcats 37, humanity nothing.

I don't want to go to another game.

- Me neither.
- Good.

Seems like a good time to get away.

Yeah, they're all distracted.
Gun it! Gun it!

What are you doing?

I didn't know if it was okay
to ring or not.

She's not here.

She's not?

She's playing bridge tonight.

Oh, good.

I parked on the street so she
wouldn't see.

You're very good at covert ops.

Years of practice. So, where do
you want to go?

I don't know. I don't know the
area that well.

You live here.

I know, but Hartford's still
a mystery.

Even when I went to Chilton,

I got right on the bus and
headed home.

So I don't even have any old
high school hangouts to revisit.

And these days, I've just been
eating here.

Well, I just prefer not going
someplace that has food in the title.

Meaning...

Olive, chili, soup.

No gardens. No plantations.

Got it. Something funkier.

Steer me to the college district.
I'll find us something funky.

Sounds good.

Logan.

Am I interrupting something?

No.

Hey. When did you get back?

Couple hours ago.

Oh, I... I thought you were
getting back tomorrow.

I thought I'd surprise you, ace.

Well, I'm glad you did 'cause
you get to meet my old friend, Jess.

This is logan, my boyfriend.
Logan, this is Jess.

He's in from out of town.

Wow.

That sounded so grown-up.

We're at the age now where we

say things like "in from out
of town" and "old friend,"

'cause when you're young, all
your friends are new,

and you have to get old to
have old friends.

How you doing?

Okay.

We were just gonna go grab a
bite to eat.

Great. Well, how about if we all
go together. Is that okay?

Okay by me.

Good.

All right.

Good.

We were actually at a loss for

where to go, so you
actually saved us.

Call me superman. Why don't
you follow us.

- Sure.
- Great.

Come on.

Baby.

Ohh.

Look.

I'm not saying take a dive or
let them win.

- Good burger.
- Thanks.

I'm not even saying let them score
a goal, which the other team did not.

- Yeah! Shut out!
- Donut!

They ate some dirt.

They did. They did. They
ate some dirt.

You fed it to them, but all I'm

saying is do you have to hit
them so hard?

It's part of the game.

You have to be aggressive, or
they'll roll over you.

You're not being competitive if

your jersey doesn't have a little
"o" negative on it.

I know. Absolutely.

But, uh, for example, Megan,
that bicycle kick you did.

Bicycle kicks are allowed.

Not on annoter girl's head.

She was all up in my grill!

I know, and I don't like it when
people are all up in my grill,

but there are other
ways to deal with it.

We play the way the boys play.

Watch them. You'll see.

But boys are boys, and girls
are girls.

I cannot believe I'm hearing this.

So we're just supposed to play

like cute little girls like
we're at some tea party?

I'm not saying that.

We want to win.

Which means we gotta kick
some butt!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

You were so shy when I met you.

I'll be right back.

Luke's.

Hey. It's me.

Hey, what's wrong?

It's Paul Anka. He's sick.

He's sick?

Yeah. He doesn't want to walk
or eat or anything.

He's never been sick in his
whole life.

I mean, I haven't had him his

whole life, so it's possible
he's been sick in his life.

I'll never know for sure, but
to me it's as if it's the first time.

He got sick when he ate that
chocolate. Did he eat more chocolate?

He hasn't eaten chocolate.
He hasn't eaten anything in two days.

Get him to the vet.

I did.

The vet just said that he has

some sort of bug and to let
him be until it passes.

I feel so helpless.

Well, I've got the team here,

so as soon as they're gone,
I'll come over.

I mean, they wolf it down like

pigs, so it's not
gonna be that long

unless they want a third helping.

Maybe I should take him
back to the vet.

Just let Paul Anka be. Dogs are
dogs. They know how to heal.

Paul Anka isn't a dog.
He's some sort of hybrid.

Maybe that vet doesn't
specialize in hybrids.

Sit tight. I'll be over soon.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

I live pretty close. I'd have

had you over to check it out,
but it's a bit of a mess.

And you don't serve food, so we

would have been starving at
your place.

I've got appetizers...
half-full bag of chips.

Just check the expiration
date before you dive in.

I'm good with this place.

Little pointer... don't
come on folk night.

Yeah, I'm not a big fan
of folk music.

Something we have in common.

Great.

Where's a waitress?
Yo, yo. Right here.

Uh, another McKellen's neat,
and, Jess, another brew?

I'm still working on this one.

Another one... just in case.

Well, we should probably order.

It's a big menu, so if you
need guidance...

I'm not hungry.

You're not hungry?

Nope.

I thought the whole point was

you two were going to get
something to eat?

And talk.

Well, yes, it's a given that
you're gonna talk while you eat.

You know, chef de cuisine will

gladly make anything you want
if nothing there appeals.

The burgers are good here.

Maybe a burger.

Get one of those fancy ones,

too, and it's on me, so don't
let the price stop you.

I'll pay for my own.

Good man.

So, how long have you two
known each other?

A while.

You date?

Yes. We used to date.

Ah! No hemming. No hawing.
Good course of action.

So, were you two high
school sweethearts...

rock around the clock, two
straws in the milkshake?

Logan.

Hey, did we cheers? That's
bad luck. Let's cheers.

I think we did already, twice.

Well, let's do it again. Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

So... what do you do, Jess?

Oh, this and that.

Describe the "this."
Describe the "that."

He writes.

You write? Impressive.
What do you write?

Nothing important.

He wrote a book.

Oh, you penned the great
american novel, Jess?

Wasn't quite that ambitious.

So, what are we talking here?
Short novel? Kafka length or longer?

Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer...
Robert Musil? Proust?

I'm not throwing you with
these names, am I?

You seem very obsessed with length.

I'm just trying to get a picture
in my head, that's all.

It's a short novel.

Any good?

I haven't read it yet.

Yet? At least you're gonna have
one reader. That's something.

Yeah.

You know, I should just write

down all my random thoughts and
stuff that happens to me

and conversations I have and

just add a bunch of he said,
she said's,

and get it published... you
got a copy on you?

No.

You should send me a copy.

And where do I send it... the
blond dick at Yale?

Jess.

Whoa, whoa. We're just trying
to keep it friendly here, buddy.

Get out of my way.

Forget him, Rory.

Don't follow me.

Jess, wait.

Jess, I'm sorry.

We shouldn't have done this.

He's just in a bad way lately.

He's a jerk.

He was. In there... definitely.
I'm so sorry.

I read that guy the second I saw
him. I should have begged off.

Well, I didn't want you to.

He better not come out here.

Please, Jess, he had a lot to drink.
He's tired from traveling.

This isn't him. I swear.

What the hell is going on?

I told you. He's tired, and his
family's bugging him right now.

I mean with you. What's going
on with you?

- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.

I know you better than anyone.
This isn't you.

- I don't know.
- What are you doing?

Living at your grandparents' place,
being in the D.A.R., no Yale...

why did you drop out of Yale?!

- It's complicated.
- It's not! It's not complicated.

You don't know.

This isn't you.

This... you going out with this
jerk with the Porsche.

We made fun of guys like this.

You caught him on a bad night.

This isn't about him.

Okay, screw him.

What's going on with you?

This isn't you, Rory. You know
it isn't. What's going on?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Okay, uh...

May-may-maybe we'll catch up
at a better time.

Happy birthday, by the way.

Wasn't that a couple weeks
ago, your birthday?

You're not gonna believe this.

Over the music, the crowd, I hear

one girl's voice cutting through
it all... the folk singer...

she's in the corner with her

boyfriend. I sent them over
a round of drinks.

What the hell? He gone?

Yes, he's gone.

Writers are so sensitive.

You were a jerk, Logan.

I was just challenging him. Jeez.

Hey, if Hemingway can take it,
so can he.

Hey, if he wanted to, he could
have taken a pop at me.

Pugnacity... it's a vital
component of literary life.

Again, consult your Hemingway.
Come on.

Do not let this guy get to you.

- You're getting to me.
- Me?

Yes. You were an ass.

Look, I'm sorry I came back early.
I really messed things up here.

Jess wrote a book. He wrote a book,
and you mocked him.

I did not mock him.

He's doing something.

Good. Fine. He's doing something.

Everybody in the world's doing
something. More power to him.

I'm not. I mean, what am I doing?

I'm living with my grandparents.

That's temporary. Have a drink.

Temporary can turn into forever.

You're not living with the
Gilmores forever.

I'm palling with my grandmother
and being waited on by a maid.

I come home, and my shoes are
magically shined.

My clothes are magically clean,
ironed, and laid out.

My bed is magically turned down.

I'm in the D.A.R.?

I'm going to meetings and teas
and cocktail parties?

Again, temporary. Have a drink.

And wasting my time partying and

drinking, just hanging out doing
nothing.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't pull
me into this.

I didn't say anything about you.

Yes, you did. Don't make me feel

guilty for your drinking and
partying...

that's your choice. I'm not

forcing you. When I ask you
out, you can say no.

It's all we do.

It's not all we do.

It's all you do.

It's my prerogative, you know?

You're damn straight.
I'm gonna party.

I'm gonna do it while I have

the chance because come
june, my life is over.

Oh, yes, your horrible life...
let's hear about it.

Got a week?

You have every door open to you.

You have opportunities that
anyone would kill for, including me.

No one's stopping you from making
whatever you want happen.

Go into journalism. Go into

politics. Be a doctor. Be a
clown. Do whatever you want.

It's not as easy when it's
not handed to you.

Really? It's all so easy for me?

I don't want that life. It's
forced on me.

You talk about all these doors
being open?

All I see is one door, and I'm
being pushed through it.

I have no choice. You try living
without options.

How hard are you fighting it?

I didn't tell you to
quit Yale. You did that.

I gave you one month, you went

beyond that month, and it had
nothing to do with me.

It was all you.

Now, you want to change?
Change it, but don't blame me.

Don't you dare blame
me. You know what?

Why don't you go off with Jack,
whatever his name is?

Oh, I'm not going off with Jess.

Come on.

Where?

Let's go. I want to go. I don't
want to be here.

I don't want to go.

Well, I drove you here,
and I want to go!

I don't want to go.

Fine.

I'll cover the bill, cab.

Do whatever you want.
It's your choice.

Rory, it's 7:30.

Rory?

Lorelai?

Is he okay?

Yeah. He looks the same.

Is he breathing?

He's breathing.

Nice and steady?

He's fast asleep.

Good.

You been here all night?

Uh, I kept thinking I heard him.

Yeah, he does snore occasionally.

And then he was cold, so I put
his jersey on him.

Yeah, I think he likes it.

Yeah.

Every time I'd go back up to bed,
you know, after checking on him,

I just was convinced that he
needed me, so I came back,

and finally I just ended up here.

That's as good a place as any.

Yeah. He doesn't
want to eat anything.

I had all these milk-bones ready for
him, but he doesn't want anything.

What's the baster for?

In case he's thirsty, but he can't

lift his head, so I can just
shoot water in his mouth.

Got it.

Doesn't seem to want anything.

He's gonna be okay. He's strong.

He's so helpless.

It must be so awful to be
sick when you're a dog...

'cause you can't run or play,

and you don't watch TV or do
anything to pass the time.

Watching a lot of TV is the only
good part about being sick.

I know.

And the thing with the shoes...
he was trying to tell me something.

What?

He was trying to tell me to put my
shoes on and take him to the vet

because he felt something coming on,
and he was trying to ward it off,

and I didn't take him.

I don't think that's why he
was playing with your shoes.

I tried so hard.

I have a list of things that he's

afraid of on the fridge,
and I tried to do the right thing.

I should not have so socialized

him at Kirk's doggy
day care the other day.

I should have taken him to the

best doggy day care in the country,
even if it was in Seattle.

That's where I should have taken him.

He's fine hanging with Kirk.

I did this wrong.

I did this all wrong.

How could I have let this happen?

How did I not see it coming?

How didn't I step in
and do something, and...

why can't I fix these things?

Hey.

I'm a bad mother!

You're not a bad mother.

Oh. Did you sleep at all?

A little.

You stay home this morning.

I'll call Sookie and
tell her you'll be late.

He's gonna be okay.

I hope so.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Good morning, friend.

Back at you, friend.

Where are the guys?

Uh, they go to work early.

I made you coffee.

Oh, I've got time for a sip.

Thanks for letting me crash here.

Anytime you want.

I might take you up on that.

I can't wait to hear the whole story.

Still living it.

So, I got a message on my
cellphone, from your grandmother.

On your cellphone?

How did she get the number?

She's Emily Gilmore. I gotta run.

Bye.

Drive carefully.

A fresh platter is
all we need. Thanks.

I need to go somewhere and
have a little talk with you.

Later, grandma. I'm needed out here.

Young lady, I insist that we go
somewhere and talk right now.

Grandma, I am sorry. I can't.

There's a kitchen
here. We'll go there.

No. I'm not going to the kitchen
with you. We'll talk later.

Must they play those damn guitars?

They're balalaikas.

They're too loud.

They're russian, and they're
not mic'ed. That's their volume.

I'm not liking this tone of yours.

Well, you're forcing a tone, grandma.

I said I'll talk to you later,

but right now, I'm not
leaving this room.

Where were you last night?
Why didn't you call?

You're overreacting.

You're not wearing your dress.

I didn't have time to go home.

You almost missed the event.

No. I was early for the event.

What I missed was your
inspection of me back at the house...

that's what you're upset about.

My inspections, missy, are for

your own good. You're
new to the D.A.R.

You don't know the proper procedure
for things, the proper dress.

I do okay.

This is not just about me.
Everyone was worried about you.

You mean everyone you
called when you took

my private address
book and tried to find me?

Yes, I did call people.

Well, you shouldn't have.

A lot of good it did.

You should update that
ridiculous address book of yours.

Half the numbers were disconnected.

Oh, I'll do that.

You have people in there you
haven't spoken to for years.

You should remove them.

- Uh-huh.
- I'm throwing that book out.

Do not throw that book out.

Do not use that tone with me.

I want to be very clear.

You are becoming more like your
mother with every passing day.

And you are becoming more like my

mother's mother with
every passing day.

That's it. That's it.

What's it?

You're grounded.

- Grounded?
- Yes.

I'm 21. You can't ground me.

And no more sleepovers
at Paris' house.

Grandma, I go wherever
I want, whenever I want.

And I haven't been sleeping at
Paris' house three nights a week.

I've been at Logan's.

When your father gets home, we're
going to talk about the house rules

and be on the same
page once and for all.

You mean my grandfather.

You know what I meant.

Well, I'd have to be living at
the house to have house rules.

What does that mean?

Excuse me.

Young lady, do not walk away from me.

Transcript: Raceman
- Synchro: Amariss