Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 6, Episode 9 - The Prodigal Daughter Returns - full transcript

Previously on "Gilmore Girls"...

I'm Rory Gilmore. I'm an intern.

You don't got it.

I thought I was doing okay.

All I've been doing is working
toward being a journalist.

If you leave Yale now, you'll
never go back. You'll lose momento.

She has to undo what she's done...

get out of my parents' house,
go back to school.

You're both being dumb.
You should be talking.

Rory is my daughter and Lorelai's
daughter. And that's it.

- Well, I'm with Lorelai.
- For now.

Grandma, I go wherever I want
whenever I want.

You are becoming more like your
mother with every passing day.

And you are becoming more like my

mother's mother with
every passing day.

Luke, hello?

Luke!

My door is chained!

Especially funny, since I don't
have a chain on my door.

- Luke!
- Lorelai?

No.

Land shark.

Candygram.

Here's Johnny.

Luke, open the door!

Stay there.

Oh, oh, okay.

God.

Ow. Ow, I have a cramp. Luke,
I have a cramp.

Sorry.

I'm permanently stuck like this.

Get your arm out of the way so
I can unchain the door.

Sure. Just yell, "stand up!" to
the guy in the wheelchair.

I chained it earlier to test
the door. Here.

Oh, what an odd reward system
you have.

Come with me.

What's going on?

We... are celebrating.

Celebrating what?

Listen.

Are you cooking?

Is that listening?

Well, I'm hungry.

Focus.

- I'm hungry.
- Shh.

Fine.

I don't hear anything.

Exactly.

Okay, Simon, Garfunkel.

It's done.

- What's done?
- The house. It's done.

No, it was supposed to take
another week.

I know. I paid tom a bonus to
get the guys out of here early.

And he finished everything?

Yep! No more banging or sawing,
no more paint cans lying around,

cigarette butts in the potted plants.

Well, they didn't put the
light-socket covers back on.

They'll have to come back to
put the light-socket c...

Light-socket covers are on.

What about the skinny, tiny,
molding in the closet?

They have to fix the skinny,
tiny molding in the closet.

Skinny, tiny molding is done.

Well, I'm sure they did not pick
up all their tools.

They'll have to come back and
pick up their tools.

You're not happy they're gone.

No, I am. I just
wanted to say "goodbye."

Goodbye?

I wanted to have a "we're done"
party, buy them some pizza.

More pizza.

And I had going-away
presents for them.

I gave them a present... a $2,000
going-away present.

That's got to bring some smiles.

But I bought paper
hats and noisemakers.

The place was covered with dust.
You were woken up at 6:00 a.m.

every morning by the hammering.
I thought you'd be happy.

I am. I'm just sad at the same time.

You've never been
with a woman before?

Okay, fine.

I've got another surprise for you.

- What?
- Upstairs.

- Where?
- Bedroom.

Upstairs in the bedroom?
Whatever could it be?

Close your eyes.

I'm not scared of it anymore.

Would you please
just close your eyes?

Okay.

You ready?

Ready.

Take a look.

Wow! What is this?

This is my grandmother's bedroom set.

It's in perfect shape.
Can you imagine?

Wow!

Look at all the cherubs.

People have been trying to buy
it off me for years,

but I always felt that I would

eventually find the perfect
place to put it, you know?

And then the room was done and
just sitting there,

and I remembered the day you came
down to that storage unit,

and you saw the furniture, and
you said you liked it.

I did?

Yeah. And since I've been looking for
a place to put it, I figured...

When did I come to your storage unit?

Five years ago. You needed to
borrow that space heater.

Oh, right.

And look... I haven't had a
chance to put these up.

Aren't they great?

Yes. Yes, they are.

I was tempted to get them reframed,
but it just didn't seem right.

Oh. I've got one big eye.
That's fun.

That's the original glass.
You can't find that anymore.

So, you sure you like it?

- I love it.
- Great. Okay.

Well, let's get downstairs, '
cause I am making risotto.

I just love it.

Sumatra, please get my
granddaughter a plate.

That's all right, Sumatra. I'm
just going up to my room.

Sumatra, please tell my granddaughter

that all food is to be consumed
in the dining room.

Sumatra, please tell my
grandmother... what?

That's the rule in this house, Rory.

I'm late for community service.

Food is meant to be consumed
in the dining room or not at all.

What about when you take your
tea outside on the patio?

That is in the afternoon.

This is the morning, and in the

morning you eat at the table
in the dining room.

Fine. I'll be back this afternoon.

If you expect that muffin to fly

back to the kitchen, you'd better
go get it a cape.

Hey.

- I have to go to China.
- Enjoy your flight.

I need inspiration. I need ideas.

I'm tapped-out, boring.

You know what's on the menu tonight?

- What?
- Goose with oyster stuffing.

What?

I know. But that's all I
could come up with.

And the only reason I thought

of that was because Davey just
learned "duck duck goose,"

and the ducks looked puny,
so there you go.

Say hi to Yao Ming for me.

Will do. What is this?

This is a formal invitation,
written by me

on the Dragonfly notepad about
five minutes ago,

inviting you and Jackson to a

housewarming dinner at my
newly completed pad.

- It's done.
- It's done.

Saturday night.

I've heard it's all right for
fighting. Get a little action in.

Wow. Your house is done. This
is so exciting! How does it look?

It, uh, looks great.

- It, uh, does?
- Yeah.

Why do you hate it?

I don't hate it. It's beautiful.

It's just... what if Jackson brought

home a set of his grandmother's
pots and pans?

Now, obviously, you need some

pots and pans, and these are
free and all,

but they're really old.

You don't want to hurt Jackson's

feelings 'cause he feels very
sentimental about the pans,

but they've got fat cherubs carved

all over them, and you just don't
want them.

Do the cherubs interfere with the

cooking function, or are
they just decorative?

Decorative is a wildly generous
description, but function's fine.

What happened to my
old pots and pans?

Gone. Thrown out.

Can I get them back?

Babette's nephew, Gary, is
sleeping on them.

Sleeping on them?

We're not talking about pans, Sookie.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about Luke's
grandmother's bedroom furniture

that he set up in
my brand-new bedroom.

And he loves this furniture.

And you don't?

No, I don't, but it shouldn't
matter, right?

- Why not? - Look at
everything Luke has done for me.

He bought the Twickham house

and then un-bought
the Twickham house,

and then he almost bought it

again, and then he decided to
live at my house

because I wanted to live at my house.

Yeah, he did.

He has turned his whole life
upside down for me.

He does everything in his power

to make me happy and give me
what I want,

so can't I give him this one thing?

Yes, you can.

No, I can't.

The bed is small and really low...

just perfect for tiny, shrunken limbs
that can't be too far off the ground.

And then he has this ancient dresser

with the original
fun-house mirror in it

so that when I wake
up every morning...

and I am at my most
visually vulnerable...

I'll look in there and think
I'm that kid from "Mask."

You can replace the mirror.

No. He loves the mirror and the
bed and the dresser...

oh, and the paintings, did I tell
you about the paintings?

- No.
- Of sailboats?

There's six of them. Six sailboats

waiting to sail me away to an
old-folks home,

then, when the wind's right,
drop me off at the pearly gates.

I'm hateful and selfish.

No, you're not.

I just want my new
house to be perfect.

Half that crap in there was
hand-me-downs to begin with.

I had that old bed that Mia

let me snag from the
Independence Inn.

I just wanted something new.

- You have to tell him.
- I can't tell him.

Maybe it's not so bad.

Well, you'll see for yourself
on saturday night. 7:30?

Aye, aye, captain.

Emily, sorry to be so late.

Benson wouldn't stop talking.

The car will be here in 20 minutes
to take me to the airport.

Remember, I'm not going to be
back until tuesday,

so you're going to have to deal
with Alijandro yourself.

I will leave you the check.

All you have to do is hand it to

him and tell him that if there
are any problems

I will be back to talk to him
on wednesday.

I hope you told the maid to
pack my raincoat.

Forecasts are predicting
armageddon, apparently.

Now, I have a stopover in Las Vegas.

Is there anything that you want
me to bring you back?

Your safe return, darling, is
all I need.

Who the hell are you?

If I knew that, I could dismiss
my therapist, couldn't I?

Though she's very hot.

I'm Colin McCrea.

How wonderful for you.

What are you doing in my house?

Put that box down.
Both of you. Explain yourselves.

Mr. Gilmore, I'm Colin McCrea.
You know my father, Andrew McCrea.

Yes, I know Andrew McCrea.
What are you doing in my house?

Where's Mrs. Gilmore?

Don't know, mate. Rory let us in.

We came over to help
her move her stuff.

Where?

To her new place of residence.

What do you mean?

Rory's moving out?

I hope so. Otherwise, she'll
have nothing to wear tomorrow.

That's preposterous! A person

doesn't just move out without
a word.

Where is she? Rory!

She already left.

I want an explanation.

We'll have her call you.

You're... What are you doing with
that? That's my tennis racket.

I told you she didn't point to
the closet on the right.

Then I have no idea what closet
she was pointing to.

I suppose these humidors
aren't hers, either.

Pity.

Any chance you're sick of them?

I promise to give them a nice home

and show them a picture of you
every year at Christmas.

Very tall man, that one.

They're going to get cold.

Are they different?

- Different than what?
- They seem different.

They're nachos. Now eat them.

You used baked chips.

What?

You did, didn't you? You used
baked chips and low-fat cheese.

I did not use low-fat cheese.

- How can you tell?
- How could you lie?

They taste the same!

Oh, the trust, Luke.

How are we going to make it if
you're trying to keep me healthy?

Fine. Forget it. Die at 60.

Bring me a doughnut while I wait.

Hey, Lane. Yoo-hoo! Lane!

Whoo! Lane, seriously.

I'm landing planes over here.

Lorelai. Hey.

Hey. Fill me up here.

So, how's it going?

Good.

Good. I haven't seen you the
last couple days.

I've been working the lunch shift.

Oh.

Something wrong?

Wrong?

Yeah, you're giving me a Valerie
Cherish. "I don't wanna see that!"

It's a great show.
You should watch it.

- I will.
- It's canceled.

- Oh, sorry.
- Well, it's your fault, so...

Wow, what's going on here?

Usually when I come in, you
say hi, I say hi,

and you tell me what's going on

in your life, and I tell you
what's going on in my life.

It's not curing the bird flu or

anything, but it's
been a nice tradition.

Rory moved in with me.

She... but why? What happened?

I don't know. We haven't had the
in-depth conversation yet.

She just said she moved out of

her grandparents' house and
needed a place to crash.

Wow, that's pretty big.

Yeah.

And she didn't tell me if I

could say anything to you,
so I just assumed I shouldn't.

Right, I get it. I heard nothing.

So, it's nice of you
to let her crash.

She's small. How much room
can she take up, right?

Did she bring her books?

Good point.

Are you okay?

Me? Sure. I'm fine.

A little curious, but I'm fine.

- Well, when I know more...
- Right.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Lunch is served.

Such service.

I'm just in it for the tips.

Underwear first, then pants.

What a shame I'm away
from my snare drum.

- Want a soda?
- Please. Soda me.

Shampoo's looking low.

I'll get more tomorrow.

Four people in the house sure
makes the shampoo go away faster.

I brought my own shampoo, Zach.

Hey, not a judgment,
just an observation.

Two paper towels, huh?

Relax, Zach.

Hey, it's cool.

Paper towels don't grow on
trees. They cost money.

Use two a day for a month,
that's like 60 paper towels.

You're looking at 24 rolls per year.

I'm not staying that long, Zach.

Hey, Lane's casa es su
casa, apparently.

Oh, cool! Don't have to strain
myself by lifting a full box.

Excellent.

I'm not staying that long, Zach.

She's not staying that long, Zach.

A couple of days, tops.

Yeah? Remember Don?

He came for a couple days, tops,

once. Six weeks later,
he's still here.

Ate all my cheese nips,

but when I confronted
him with the box,

he said they were just settling.

Dude had cheese-nip breath as he
told me they were just settling.

Oh, my God, Zach, I am
not staying that long.

Hello.

Rory Gilmore, please.

This is Rory Gilmore.

Rory, this is Stuart Woltz
of the Stamford Eagle Gazette.

Mr. Woltz, yes. Thank you
so much for calling me back.

No problem. I got your message.

I'll be happy to
give you a reference.

I'll even make it a great one.

Really?

Look, I don't really know what

happened with you and Mitchum,
but from me to you,

you're a sharp kid, and you got
a lot going for you.

Anybody would be lucky to have
you working for them.

Thank you so much.

I know this'll shock you, but
you're not the first person

who couldn't get along with
herr Huntzberger.

It's a pretty big club, actually.
Ignore him.

I plan on doing just that.

Good. Okay, so, just have whoever

you want call me, and I'll sing
your praises.

Sorry I can't hire you at the
gazette,

but we don't have any openings
right now anyhow, so...

That's okay. The reference
will be plenty.

Good luck, Rory.

I expect to hear great things
about you someday.

I promise not to let you down.
Goodbye, Mr. Woltz.

Yes!

Good news?

References are now officially
in order,

which is a relief because I've
already sent out 125,000 resum?s.

Oh, listen... I forgot to tell

you. I may have done
something stupid.

What?

Well, I kind of told Lorelai
that you moved in here.

I'm sorry? "Moved in here"?

Zach, there must be something
else you can do.

When did you see my mom?

This morning at Luke's. I'm sorry.

I didn't know what to say,

if you wanted her to know or
didn't want her to know.

It's fine that she knows.

Oh, good.

It's time to get dressed and
hit the pavement.

Wait.

Your sandwich.

Thank you.

Sure, just leave your computer

plugged in, sucking up all
our energy.

Zach.

What? I'm just writing a song.

I can't believe you didn't do
anything to the kitchen.

What are you talking about?
Look at the brand-new napkin holder.

It used to be a cow. Now it's
a much bigger cow.

Fine. Forget it.

Chicken and dumplings going in.

You do know the pile of burgers
sitting in the refrigerator

is intended for human consumption.

I never go anywhere
without a casserole.

Must make dining out rather awkward.

Look, if by some chance Luke
happens to burn the chicken

or overcook the burgers,
then we won't starve.

If everything turns out perfect,
then you can freeze the casserole

and eat it for the rest of your life.

- Perfect plan.
- Forget it.

There is no shame in using a
charcoal chimney.

It's a gadget. I don't do gadgets.

It takes twice as long.

You got someplace to be?

No, you just go right ahead and
rub those sticks together.

I'll just go learn a language
or something.

Bernardo. Riff.

And a real man doesn't use a
charcoal chimney.

Oh, so now I'm not a real man?

He is too. I have
pictures to prove it.

Do you have a spray bottle?

For what?

To spray the flames down
if they get too high.

Or do you just use a hose?

No, he blows them out with his
man-breath.

And then he challenges them to
an arm-wrestling contest.

And then he insults
the flame's mother

and sleeps with its girlfriend.

And the next time you come back,
you better be carrying food!

Okay, boys are busy.
The chicken's in the oven.

- Show me the bedroom set.
- Sookie.

I want to see the creepy granny bed.

Oh, I'm trying to rise above it.

Rise above it later. Let's go.

Here it is.

Huh.

It's terrible, right?

- Well, it's...
- Terrible?

- Really terrible.
- I told you.

Ow. Oh, my god.

You can't sleep in this.

Don't worry, I won't...
I'm convinced it's haunted,

and one night Luke will
come back from the bathroom

and find nothing but a bloody
hook hanging from the cherubs.

Oh, my god. I just saw the cherubs.

Okay, let's think... maybe if
you stripped the wood.

And lit a match?

Throw on a little gasoline.

I can't tell him I hate it.

Yeah, you have to. It's horrible.

Yes, but Luke loves this furniture.

Right. Luke loves this furniture.

Luke loves this furniture.

Luke loves this furniture?

Yes.

Has he seen it?

Has he seen this?

And that... has he seen that?

Come on.

Oh, now, I know he hasn't seen that.

I'm going to check on the chicken.

Hey, Lore... haven't said
that in a while.

- Is that...
- Anyway, hope you're good.

Hope Rory is good. I wanted to
talk to you... nothing terrifying.

I think I have good news.
In fact, I know I have good news.

Anyhow I'm hoping you'll
call me back and...

Hey. How's the food coming?
I'm starving.

Who was that?

It sounded like Christopher.

Bye-bye.

If you knew who it
was, why'd you ask?

Were you going to tell me he called?

Luke, yes.

Then why'd you turn the machine
off when I walked in?

- It was a reflex.
- Reflex?

Yeah, I panicked. I didn't think.

I looked up, and you were
standing there.

- How long has this been going on?
- What?

You talking to Christopher.
It's just talking, right?

Yes... no, no. No talking, no
anything. There's nothing going on.

Fine.

Are you leaving?

Burgers are done.

Let's talk about this.

I don't want to argue in
front of guests.

Last time we were over, Sookie

breast-fed Martha during
appetizers. We owe them.

I won't discuss this with people
in the house. It's rude.

No, it's rude to silently sulk

through dinner and make them
feel uncomfortable

because they know we're fighting

and we're pretending we're not
fighting.

We're not fighting... yet.

So, we're standing in a giant

pile of manure,
and I am screaming,

"I asked for extra fish heads!"

And he's like, "no, you did not
ask for extra fish heads."

Oh, I tell you... it was hilarious!

And of course all the celery
guys are staring,

and then "tomato" George...
we call him "tomato" George.

He's got a loy of extra time

on his hands right now 'cause
tomatoes are out of season.

Anyhow, he steps in and says,

"I don't want to hear another
thing about the fish heads."

He's from Kansas.

The burgers are delicious, Luke.

Oh, yeah, I like them burnt.

You can't get anyone to really
burn a burger anymore.

The chicken and dumplings
are good, too.

What?

Nice snort.

I didn't snort.

People in Kansas talk funny.

Did I miss something?

Always, honey.

It's nothing, Jackson.

Oh. I bet I know what's going on.

Nothing's going on, Jackson.

Oh, yes, it is.

It is not lost on me that the

burgers with my world-famous
rub are almost gone,

while your butter burgers are
still sitting there on the plate.

You a little humbled now, my friend?

Jackson.

My burgers are better... admit
it! I demand satisfaction.

Sorry. He's just so excited
to be around grown-ups.

Hey.

No, it's fine. He's right...
his burgers are better.

Thank you.

I crown thee burger king.

I can admit it.

I have no trouble telling
someone something

no matter how uncomfortable it
might make them.

Wow. They'll be debating the subtle

complexities of that
comment for years.

Okay, I did miss something.

- Lorelai and Luke are fighting.
- We're not fighting.

No, we don't fight
in front of company.

- It's rude.
- We wouldn't want to be rude.

It's fine. Just eat.

What's that?

Chicken and dumplings?

Who the hell made chicken
and dumplings?

Sookie, our guest, who we don't
want to be rude to.

I'm not the one who started this.

I'm sorry. Are we talking
about this now?

- You knew how I'd feel.
- You have no reason to be upset.

- I don't? You were hiding...
- I wasn't hiding anything.

You hung up the
phone just as I came...

Didn't let me explain.
I was about to tell you.

At that moment, it was not
appropriate to talk about it...

So you'd rather just sit and
stew and be mad for no reason?

So, it was just a weird
coincidence that I walk in

and Christopher happens to be
leaving a message,

and it happens to be the first

time you've had contact with
him in a month?

In a year, Luke! The last time

I saw him was the last time
you saw him!

Well, I don't believe
in coincidences.

This is not fair!

I have a right to expect a
little honesty from my fianc?e!

You want honesty?
I'll give you honesty.

I hate that bedroom set.
It's old and creepy, and I hate it.

You told me you loved it.

I have absolutely no memory of

coming to your storage unit
five years ago

and telling you I love that
furniture.

Thank you very much for your

honesty about my grandmother's
furniture.

Too bad you're not more forthcoming
about the other men in your life.

Oh, my god. Enjoy Wisteria Lane,
you major drama queen.

I'm done.

Wrap yourself in a towel and
trip over a hedge on your way out!

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

I'm sorry, you guys.

Give Paul Anka the burger.

Was it because I brought
up my meat rub?

Yes, it was.

Come in.

Okay, see...

Once we're married, you're not

going to be able to run away
to your clubhouse anymore.

You're going to have to join a

rotisserie baseball league with
the rest of the men.

When we're married, huh?

Gee, when's that going to be?

I brought you something to eat.

You're going to need sustenance

if we're going to go another
10 rounds.

I'm never going to be okay with
Christopher being in your life.

I'm always going to have
Christopher in my life.

Yeah.

He is... Rory's father.
I can't change that.

Today was the first day I

heard Christopher's voice in
a year, and I would have told you.

We can't hide things from each other.

I know.

I'm not going to like it when

Christopher calls, but we have
to tell each other everything.

Agreed.

That's the only way
this is going to work.

I know.

You really hate the bedroom set?

Oh, I really hate the bedroom set.

But I'm sorry I told you like that.

Yeah, well...

So, how are Sookie and Jackson doing?

I think they enjoyed watching a show

for once that didn't have La-La
playing the guitar.

Come here.

I want a barbie and a pony and
roller skates

and roller skates for the Barbie
and for the pony.

No secrets?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Oh, I hate that saying.

No secrets.

- Luke.
- Yeah?

When I was in fifth grade, I told

everybody Erik Estrada was my
boyfriend

and that we used to make out
on his motorcycle.

Stamford Eagle Gazette.

I'll transfer you.

Stamford Eagle Gazette.

I'll transfer you.

Stamford Eagle Gazette.

I'll transfer you.

Stamford Eagle Gazette.

I'll transfer you.

Did bergman call?

Stamford Eagle Gazette.

Try the New York Times.

What?

Trust me. You want the times.

What are you pointing to?

She's pointing at me.

Stamford Eagle Gazette.

Rory Gilmore.

As you live and breathe.

Uh... I'm sorry. Did we...

No, we didn't have an appointment.

I thought I would come down here
and talk to you about a job.

A job?

A beginning staff writer job,
to be exact.

I think maybe we got our signals
crossed earlier.

I thought I was clear. I don't
have any jobs available.

No, you were very clear.

You said you didn't have any
jobs available, and I heard you.

I have excellent hearing, among
my many other qualifications,

which I have listed here
on my resum?,

and my portfolio... samples
of all my writing,

all my work from the Yale Daily News,

plus a couple spec pieces that
I've just recently finished,

ideas, potential pitches,
theater reviews.

Well, I'm sure this is all...

I know this is very
spur-of-the-moment,

but I thought you could find a
minute to sit down and talk with me.

About what?

About a job.

But I don't have any job openings.

I know, but earlier, when we
were on the phone,

you were so positive and optimistic.

You said so many
complimentary things.

I mean, frankly, you
made me sound great,

so great that I thought, "hey,
you should hire that girl."

I know most of the staff, the
rhythm of this place, how it runs...

I know where you keep the pens.

I have personally fixed the copier

in that coffee room on more
than 10 occasions,

but the bottom line is...
Mitchum was wrong.

I am a very good writer, and I
have great organizational skills,

yes, but I know how to
come at an article.

I have a point of
view, a voice, and...

big selling point...
I am a huge bargain.

Rory, these are wonderful points,
but I have nothing at this moment.

If you could sit down and talk

with me, I bet we could
work that out.

I have no time to sit and talk
to you today. I'm sorry.

Look, I have sent my resum? to
several other papers.

I'm not worried about
finding a position.

I'm worried about finding the

right position, the right
place for me.

I think this is the right
place for me.

Well, it's not the right place

for you, because there is no
place for you.

I have no job openings.

Give me 10 minutes of your time,
and I bet I can change your mind.

I don't have 10 minutes.

I would be invaluable to you here.

If I gave you a job, I'd
have to fire Harry.

- Five minutes.
- Sorry.

That's okay.

I can wait.

Steaks and eggs, tuna melt.

I ordered onions on this.

Yes, you did. I'll be right back.

Caesar, I got onions coming.

This is not rare/medium-rare.
It's more like just rare.

Caesar, onions. Gimme.

Add a little medium to this rare.

The stove is going blinky.

No excuses. Let's go, go, go.

Cobb salad, no avocado, no bacon,

no blue cheese, italian dressing
on the side.

- Something to drink?
- Iced tea, two lemons.

Got it. Caesar, cobb salad, no

cobb, just turkey. Where's
that burger?

- The stove is going...
- Blinky, I know. Use the broiler.

Luke Danes?

Excuse me. Are you Luke Danes?

Yeah, grab a seat.
I'll be with you in a moment.

Iced tea, two lemons.

- But I didn't...
- You're Luke Danes.

Yes, kid, I'm Luke Danes.

What the hell are you wearing?

A bike helmet.

For what kind of bike?

A schwinn.

Okay.

When you fall off your bike,
you fall on your face.

You could lose your teeth or
hurt your neck.

Whatever. What do you want to eat?

- Nothing.
- Then I need the stool space.

You told me to sit here.

I thought you were going to
order something.

- Burger, rare!
- Where's my onions?

- I forgot the onions.
- Get my onions!

Look, kid, whatever you're selling...

I'm not selling anything.

I know, but I'm working.
Will you take that thing off?

Okay...

it takes a minute.

Okay...

it's off.

Can I talk to you now?

Talk fast.

I need your hair.

Excuse me?

With the roots.

For what?

I go to Martin Van Buren middle
school over on Woodbridge...

- do you know it?
- No.

Well, every year Samuel Polotsky
wins the science fair.

Now, it's very important that I

beat him this year
because I hate him.

This year I have the perfect project.

I'm going to take hair samples
from three men, run DNA tests,

and figure out which one's
my father.

- What? - My uncle works
for a lab in Hartford.

So he's going to oversee me, but
I'll be doing the work myself.

I'm sorry. Did you say your father?

See, science fairs have gotten
so political lately.

It's no longer the simple act
of science being appreciated.

There's got to be a twist, a
gimmick, something flashy.

I figure this is perfect...

real science, DNA testing, with a
flash of human drama.

"Who's my daddy?"

Huh? Catchy, right?

I don't understand. I'm not...

I have the other two samples.
This is my last stop.

I go to the lab tomorrow,
and the fair's on the 16th.

And if I win, there's going to
be a banquet on the 18th,

and you get to choose any two
kinds of spaghetti you want.

There's going to be at least 10

options, though I know what
I'm getting...

split order, half mushroom,
half muenster cheese.

No.

Yes, that's what I'm getting.

No. I mean, no. I'm... ow!

Thanks.

Wish me luck!

We can't print the letters, Harry.

What if they're true? What if

Gonzalez really is taking these
payoffs?

It would make the city-council
elections interesting.

We have no idea who's making
these accusations.

It could be a hoax, kids with

too much time on their hands,
no dates for the prom.

It could be a rival candidate.
Wouldn't that be fun?

Yes, it would be fun.

Then let's have some fun.

- Hey, Rory.
- Hi, Harry.

Okay, so, we don't print the letters,

but if we can track down the
person who's sending them.

- How? - We do a paper analysis,
rummage through trash cans.

Very dignified.

Or call the guy, tell him we
know he's sending the letters...

lie... see if we can smoke him out.

You know, you can use language-
analysis software to I.D. an author

by comparing his writing style
to known writing samples.

What?

That's how Joe Klein was unmasked
as the author of "primary colors."

Hell, it's worth a try.

Great.

Good idea, Rory.

Thanks, boss.

I'm not your boss.

Not yet, boss, but give me five
minutes of your time.

I don't have five minutes.

Okay, I can wait.

Oh, boy.

You know where to find me.

More books.

What is wrong with people?

Don't they know the written
word is dead?

Uh, books are back. Oprah says.

Did we order the new box slips yet?

Yes, and the envelopes.

And the linen-delivery service
has been replaced

by one that actually has trucks
that turn on.

And I hired a horse whisperer

because cletus has been acting
very needy lately,

and I get enough of that from you.

Well, you're just perfect.

And I got a call from someone

who wanted a job reference
for Rory.

What?

Don't worry. I said nice things.

I did not mention how she used
to steal stamps and sit in my chair.

I said she was very responsible
and a hard worker,

and now you owe me the weekend off.

A job reference?

- Yes.
- From who?

Excuse me?

Who was calling? Who was
inquiring? Who was asking?

Someone who needed to hire someone.

- What kind of job was it?
- I don't know.

What was the name of the company?

He told me but I do not remember.

- Michel.
- What?

I'm not an answering machine.

I do not have "Sony" stamped
on my forehead.

Michel...

Forget it.

Hello?

Lorelai, your mother's missing.

What?

I came home from Seattle, and
she wasn't here.

The bed doesn't look like it's
been slept in.

You have maids, dad. They probably
made the bed.

Your mother fired the maid.

As far as I know, a new one
hasn't been hired yet.

Plus, I haven't heard from her
in two days.

I had a couple of phone calls
yesterday, but they were fuzzy.

I couldn't hear the other person,
and then they hung up.

Well, that could have been mom.

Rory's moved out. Did you know this?

Yes, I heard. What happened?

I don't know what happened.

I came home the other day and

two strange boys were in my
house moving Rory's things.

She didn't even tell
me she was going.

Did she and mom have a fight?

How would I know?
I don't know where your mother is.

Did you call her cell?

No, I did not call her cell.

In addition to losing my wife,
I lost all control of my faculties.

Of course I called her cell!

Well, I don't know what to tell

you, Dad. I haven't heard from
mom or Rory.

I'm calling the club.

If you hear anything,
you must call me immediately.

- I will.
- Don't be smart.

I'm not being smart.
If I hear anything, I'll call.

Fine.

Hey.

What's wrong?

Is something wrong?

Are you upset? Did Luke bring

home his great-aunt's living
room set?

I don't want coffee.

Okay, well, that's your choice.

Something's going on, Sookie.

- What?
- I don't know.

Rory moved out, and my
mother is awol.

They must have had a fight or
something.

Something happened there,
something big,

and of course I don't have
Rory's cellphone number

because I had to give her space
like a big, stupid idiot.

I should have my head examined.
Remind me to have my head examined.

Rory moved out?

And my mother is missing, and my

father's a basket case, and
I don't know what to think.

Hi, mom, it's Lorelai. You have

got to call me when you get
this message.

Dad is frantic, and we don't
know where you are,

so just call my cellphone as
soon as possible.

We just want to know that
everything's all right.

Okay, bye.

What do you think all that's about?

I don't know, but I'm going
to go find out.

- Hey, Lorelai.
- Hey. Brian, I'm looking for Rory.

Oh, she's not here.

She is staying here, right?

- Right.
- And if you see her, you might

want to mention that we're
mysteriously out of dish soap.

We're also out of sponges.

We are? You didn't tell me we
were out of sponges.

Lorelai, come on.

Come on what, Zach?

I'm just saying... she's
your daughter.

Maybe you should chip in a
little rent.

Zach, didn't you guys use my

garage as rehearsal space,
rent free, for about two years?

Three, actually.

Three years. Thank you, Brian.

So, I'll tell you what, Zach.
Why don't I give you $40 for Rory,

and you can give me $1,200 for
the garage? What do you think?

We got a deal?

Hey, whoa, relax. I was
just joking. We're cool.

You want to come in and wait?

I'm good. Thanks for the offer.

Hello? Mom, thank god.

Have you called dad?

Where are you?

What? What are you...

Okay, just stay there, mom.

Now, what was the
hangar number again?

Mom?

I'm in the cockpit!

Add that to the list of things

I never thought I'd
hear my mother say.

Hello, Lorelai. What are you
doing here?

Oh, I was just in the
neighborhood, you know.

How about you? What
are you doing here?

I'm looking at a plane.

Because?

Because you don't buy a plane
without looking at it first.

I'm not Elvis.

My mistake. I thought you were.

I apologize for sending those
policemen badges for Christmas.

Mom, dad is pretty worried about you.

He is?

Yes, he said you didn't come
home last night.

I didn't?

He said the bed hadn't been
slept in, and you're between maids.

For heaven's sake... I did that.

People don't even think I can
make a bed? I can make a bed.

I usually wind up remaking the
bed after the maid makes it

because she made it wrong the
first place.

I wonder if these seats could
be moved around.

- Mom.
- Yes?

You're not going to buy a plane.

Tell your father I'm fine and
I'll be home in an hour.

Mom. If you're not going to
leave, then help.

Hold this up to the window.

This plane is a time-share.

We'll share it with
three other people.

The pilot is always on call,

which means we can go anywhere
we want at the drop of a hat.

Where would you want to go at
the drop of a hat?

Anywhere, everywhere.

I could travel with your father
when he works.

You can do that now.

I can join him later if I don't
want to leave when he leaves.

You can do that now.

Well, you and Luke can borrow it.

You can take it up to Maine for

lobster rolls or down to Florida
for some sun.

This fabric is just horrible.
It all has to go.

Mom, you can't replace the fabric.

"Mom, you can't replace the
fabric, mom, you can't buy a plane."

It's a time-share. You have to
share it with three other people.

Then I'll buy the whole damn
plane myself!

Okay, sorry.

You know what? I am tired of

all this. I am tired of your
attitude toward me.

You look at me as a
thing of amusement...

I don't.

Something to be pitied,
to feel sorry for.

"Poor, out-of-touch Emily.
She has nothing.

She lives to organize parties
and frivolous affairs.

Who would want to do that?
To be that?"

Mom, I've never thought that.

If I want a plane, I'll buy a plane!

Okay, good, go for it.

It's my fault that Rory
dropped out of Yale.

It's my fault that
she didn't go back.

It's my fault that she's with
Logan, that she's not happy.

It's my fault. It's all my fault.

It's not your fault.

That's right... it's not my fault!

I did nothing but take care of her.

I bought her clothes. I got
her a job. I guided her.

I threw parties for her and

introduced her to new people,
new things, and she just...

The way she talked to me...
you would have been very proud.

- No.
- Oh, yes.

She looked at me just
like you used to,

with that defiant, "who are you
to be telling me what to do?"

sort of look.

Then she left...

packed her things and moved out

when I wasn't even there to
see her go.

No "thank you." No "goodbye."

You would have been very,
very proud.

Mom.

Just let me buy my plane, Lorelai.

Let me be frivolous and shallow,
won't you, please?

Okay.

It's not the same, mom,

what happened with Rory.

It's not the same.

I lost her like I lost you.
It feels remarkably similar to me.

You didn't lose her like you lost me.

She was never supposed to be
there in the first place.

She was always supposed
to be at school.

She just went back
where she belonged.

And you didn't lose me.

Take that up with Mr. Abramson.

Hold, please.

Three sugars, nonfat milk.

Thank you, sweetheart.

God, you make good coffee.

I've had years of training.

You got someone on hold.

Right.

Thank you for calling.
How may I help you?

Rory Gilmore.

Yes, boss?

Is this your portfolio?

Part of it. I've got more here
if you need it.

Clippings and pitches...

You do not go into other people's

offices and leave things
on their desks.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm the editor of this paper,

for god's sake. My office is
private.

And very tidy.

Stay out of my office.

Five minutes.

You read it?

I don't see you moving.

Did you like it?

I remember something about you
being a bargain?

Oh, thank you, boss.
You won't be sorry, boss.

Hey, you're not going to have to
fire Harry, are you?

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I just came down to see
the potato clock.

Hmm.

It's amazing a potato can do that.

Potatoes are extraordinary.

So, I guess, uh...

Yeah. It's you.

And you're sure?

Absolutely.

You want to see my report?

Uh, yeah.

Oh. It's big.

Wow, you... sure wrote a lot
of... things here.

Hey, wait. There's a word in
here I know.

So, you're, uh... smart, huh?

I've never been tested.

But you... you did all this,
so you must be smart.

April Nardini? So, your last
name is Nardini?

Yes.

So, your mom is...

Anna.

Yes.

Oh, Anna. Wow.

I haven't seen Anna in...

- About 12 years?
- Yeah.

So, uh... how is she? Is she good?

Yes.

Well, you know, that's...

Anna Nardini.

Oh, boy. Uh, I think I...
I have to sit down.

- You want my stool.
- Yeah, thanks.

Thanks... I'm just a little
overwhelmed here.

You want a Capri Sun?

No, that's okay.

So, I'm your father.

Yes.

I didn't know about you.

I know.

If I did, I would have, uh...

Yeah, it's... it's me. Hi.

I think I'm better now.

Are you sure?

Yeah. That's fine.

Okay.

So, sorry you didn't win.

It's okay.

I feel a little responsible.

The solar pizza oven took first.

Environmentalism is
very in right now.

Right, well...

Oh. Here.

Oh, you can keep it. I've got copies.

Okay, thanks.

So, you want to get some ice
cream or something?

I can't. The winners have to
give a presentation at 6:00.

Right.

Should I stay?

Why?

Right. Okay.

So, I guess...

I'll go.

Okay. Thanks for coming by.

Yeah. Thanks for the report.

I'll pick up a scientific

dictionary on the way home,
see if I can figure out what it says.

Norton makes a good one.

Norton... got it. Okay. Okay.

Okay.

There are some graham crusts
that people are not pre-baking

before the cheesecake batter goes
in. So, this is getting to exactly...

Hey. Paul Anka.

Fetch.

Ah, that's it. Let it
get a head start.

Yes, hello?

- Mom?
- Rory?

- I got a job!
- What? Where?

At the Stamford Gazette.

It pays less than I'll spend
on gas to get there,

but it's a job... a writing job.

Yes!

And I'm going back to Yale.

I already called them and I

talked to my dean, and it's
all arranged.

I just have to find someplace to
live, but I'll figure it out.

- And this is what you want?
- Yes.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

Oh, Rory!

I moved out of grandma's house.

Yeah, I know, I heard.

- Are you home?
- Oh, no, I'm not.

Okay, I know you're home, but
can I come over?

Yes! Yes! Come over!

'Cause I'm staying at Lane's,

and I don't know if you want
me to, but...

Tell Lane you're moving out and
get your butt over here right now.

Well, okay, if you insist.

Oh, my god.

What?

You look just so much more
silver than I remembered.

Now, come on. Is it too much to
expect after a lengthy separation

to get some sort of heartfelt
greeting?

Oh, I'm sorry.

You're sorry? I'm sorry.

I was so mixed-up.

I should have pulled
you out of there.

I was stupid.

No, I was stupid.

I was more stupid.

Oh, boy. Time to get
you back to Yale.

I love you, mom.

Oh... kid, you have no idea.

Rory's back.

- What?
- She's back.

She's back at home, she's
back at school,

she got a job, and she did it
all on her own.

She's at Lane's picking up her

things, and then we're going to
pull a major all-nighter.

We need burgers, fries, onions

rings, and anything else you
can think of.

Oh... I'm going to go next door

and pick up some ice cream
at Taylor's.

She's back.

We can set the date.

We can get married now
because Rory's back.

Don't skimp on the fries.
We don't want to lose her again.