Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 6, Episode 7 - Twenty-One Is the Loneliest Number - full transcript
Since Rory was a tyke, the Gilmore girls have planned her 21st birthday: in Atlantic City, sipping martinis, playing 21. But with the estrangement, Emily plans the birthday party -and it's soooo not Atlantic City.
What about Rory?
I don't like what I see in that girl.
My eyes?
She's lost focus.
She's drifting, aimless.
You know she's joined the DAR?
I saw the picture in the paper.
She's running around, planning tea
parties like she's the mad hatter.
All she talks about are seating charts and
canapés and fund-raisers and that boy.
You mean Logan?
She's heading in the wrong direction,
and I don't like it.
Now, I've thought long and hard about this,
and I've come to a decision.
We need a plan.
But--
We--
I had a plan.
You changed the plan.
Plan's gone, baby.
I don't appreciate your tone.
Apparently the proper tone
went out with the plan.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Rory's not headed back to school.
Not yet, anyhow.
Not yet?
Not now, not ever.
Listen to me for just a moment.
We can fix this.
First of all,
I can change the terms of Rory's trust fund.
Currently, she's set to receive
it when she turns 25,
but I say we tell her it's contingent
on her returning to Yale.
Or we can use the opposite approach,
if you think it's better.
Maybe we offer her a car or the
down payment on a town house.
Or I'll buy her the town house.
Don't you see?
If there's something in it for her,
maybe we can get her to change her mind.
Thank you for the dollhouse, dad.
It's greatly appreciated.
I don't believe this.
Aren't you listening to me?
Uh, no.
Lorelai, Rory is turning 21 years old
in 10 days. Do you realize that?
Yes, dad, I realize it.
She's 21.
That's not a child.
21-year-olds need to be working
towards something.
Rory will figure it out.
Oh, please, she's 21.
I couldn't tie my shoe at 21.
Well, Rory's advanced.
She had the shoe thing down at 3.
I'm getting a little tired--
No, I'm getting a little tired
of this conversation.
I'm not interested in your plan.
I'm not going to bribe my daughter
with cars and money,
mainly because it wouldn't work,
and if you'd ever met Rory,
you would know it wouldn't work.
Rory can't be bought,
and I'm not gonna try and buy her.
I want Rory to want to go back to school.
She used to love to learn and read and study.
And that was freakish, but it was her.
And she's got to get herself back there.
- But--
- No, when Rory wants help,
she will ask for it. And the minute she does,
I will fly in faster than the Gulfstream
you're gonna offer to buy her next.
But until then, I'm sorry,
you're on your own.
Impossible girl.
My native American name, I believe.
Unbelievable. He's unbelievable.
He sure is. How did he lift this thing?
Pretending like it's an accident
that Rory's still floundering.
Nothing's an accident. He caused this.
He made this happen.
It must weigh a thousand pounds.
That was a low blow,
bringing up Rory's birthday like that.
"She's turning 21, Lorelai.
Did you know that?"
Of course I know that.
I was there when she was turning nothing.
I know she's turning 21.
Does this thing have, like,
a real foundation or something?
It's just like my parents, you know,
to double-cross me
then get mad when I won't help
them undo the double cross.
Did he have guys with him?
What?
Guys to help him lift this thing.
No, no guys.
No guys? Your dad is Hercules.
We had plans.
What?
We were gonna go to Atlantic City.
We were gonna sit at a blackjack
table at 11:59,
we were gonna order martinis,
and we were gonna be playing
21 when she turned 21.
And then hopefully we'd win, and we'd take
our winnings and we'd buy 21 things.
And then there was a thing about 21 guys that
wouldn't really be appropriate anymore
since the engagement, but it was a good plan.
She probably doesn't even remember the plan.
She remembers the plan.
It wasn't like we talked about it every day.
It was just something we thought of.
She remembers the plan.
I'm hungry. I'm ordering pizza.
The top comes off.
Of course it does.
Happy birthday, little girl
Hey.
I can't believe how fast you're growing up.
Really? Feels slow.
Trust me, it's fast.
So, what do you think of your life so far?
I think it's pretty good.
Any complaints?
I'd like that whole humidity
thing to go away.
I'll work on that.
So, do I look older?
Oh, yeah. Walk into Denny's before 5:00,
you got yourself a discount.
Good deal.
So, you know what I think?
What?
I think you're a great, cool kid and
the best friend a girl could have.
Back at ya.
And it's so hard to believe that,
at exactly this time many moons ago,
I was lying in exactly the same position.
Oh, boy, here we go.
Only I had a fat stomach and huge ankles
and I was swearing like a sailor...
...on leave.
On leave, right. And there I was...
in labor...
and while there's some who call it the most
meaningful experience of their life...
...you compare it to something more akin to
doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.
Right.
I wonder if the Waltons ever did this.
What?
I just had a dream that Madeleine
Albright was my mother.
Hmm.
Hey, there.
Oh, hi, sugar.
Couldn't see you over the bags.
Wow, you got a lot of stuff there.
You hunkering down for winter?
Nah, we're getting our supplies
for our gallows.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna hang Morey again?
Do it every year.
You're always the hit of the neighborhood.
What about you, honey? What are you gonna do?
You know, the same thing I always do.
Oh.
Gonna hang caramel apples
from the tree again?
- The kids love 'em.
- Yeah.
They're not that scary.
Well, to a diabetic,
they're downright terrifying.
Huh? Okay. Caramel apples.
And I will be handing out candy, which,
you know, is the entire point of Halloween.
Sure, honey.
Well, we got a lot to do. We got to go.
No rest for the doomed.
See you later.
You know, I-I-I bought a haunted house
CD to play in the background.
What time is our reservation?
Now.
Oh.
It's amazing what happens when
you can't find your keys.
I think we should order in tonight.
And the purse is down.
Who is it?
Emily Gilmore.
I'm so sorry to bother you, Rory.
- Hello, Logan.
- Hello, Emily.
Rory, could you check your closets?
The maid hung up your dry cleaning
today and I am missing a blouse,
and I want to know whether or not to add this
to the list of reasons I'm firing her.
Of course. I'll be right back.
Thank you, Rory.
I'm so exhausted with incompetent people,
I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like every person I hire immediately
gets hit in the head
with a mallet on their way out
of the employment office.
Logan, do you have anything special planned
for Rory's birthday next week?
Uh... no, no plans.
Oh, good, because I would love
to throw her a party here.
A 21st birthday is so special.
But I didn't want to order 12 pounds
of crab legs if you had plans
to whisk her off to Santorini.
No whisking plans in the works.
Sorry, grandma, your blouse isn't in there.
Say, Rory, how would you like
a birthday party next week?
Oh, well...
It doesn't have to be a big, formal affair.
Just something fun with your friends and a
few of the DAR ladies, whoever you want.
Sure, grandma, a party sounds fine.
I'll go right in and call the caterers.
21 years old-- time flies, doesn't it?
All right, you two,
back to what you were doing.
Hey, grandma says.
So, a 21st birthday-- big event.
I guess.
Would've been nice if I had known about it.
- Oh, I didn't tell you?
- No.
Oh, I'm just not into birthdays.
You're not into birthdays?
You, who wore green head to toe on st.
Patrick's Day and bunny ears on Easter?
I have stock in hallmark.
What's up, ace?
We should call the restaurant if
we still want to eat there.
Ace.
I'm just not excited about
this particular birthday.
Why not?
Because I'm turning 21.
Yes?
My mom and I have been planning
for my 21st birthday since--
well, my first memory is kindergarten,
but I have a feeling she was
talking about it before then.
We had this whole big thing planned.
Yeah?
We were gonna go to Atlantic City and
sit at a blackjack table at 11:59,
and we'd be playing 21 when I turned 21.
We were gonna drink martinis and
win money and buy 21 things,
and there was this thing including 21 guys
that would be totally inappropriate
now that I'm with you.
But it was a pretty big thing, and--
and now we're not talking,
so it's not gonna happen.
I'm just a little bummed. That's all.
I know you miss your mom.
The concept's a little hard for me to grasp,
but I know you do.
Well, you never got to know her.
She can be pretty cool.
Hey, I know. I'll take you to Atlantic City.
What?
We can still play 21 when you turn 21.
we can buy the 21 things, I'd still
vote to put the kibosh on
that thing with the 21 guys.
But other than that, I'm good to go.
You're sweet, but it's okay.
Come on, I'll get a car-- 21 cars,
if you like.
No. No, I appreciate the offer a lot, but
I'll just have the party and
let this birthday pass.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
And I'm hungry. You ready to go?
Where did I put my keys?
Oh, I think I saw them on the couch.
Here we go again.
You know, when I was turning 21,
I somehow got it into my head
that I simply had to have my invitations
trimmed with real pearls.
I could not be convinced that it
was at all tacky or impractical.
I was right,
and that was the way it had to be.
My mother was beside herself. I never heard
so much sighing in my whole life.
But in the end, she found me invitations
lined with real pearls,
and I felt like the most important
girl in the world.
So, come on, tell me-- which ones are
your pearl-trimmed invitations?
Rory!
Hmm?
You're supposed to try them all.
What?
The cake. Alfonso made us those samples.
The least we can do is try them all.
Oh, okay, sure.
Well, I like the lace.
Do you like the lace?
Sure.
All right. The lace it is.
Now, the food. I think we should
go buffet-- much more youthful.
And what do you think of sushi?
Sushi feels young, doesn't it?
I certainly hope so.
You don't want any old sushi hanging around.
Now, we'll have a bar,
heaters on the patio to stem the crowd.
Oh, do you want a special tray-passed drink,
like a sidecar maybe or a gin fizz?
I used to love a nice gin fizz.
Am I boring you?
No, the lace is fine.
Rory, where is your head today?
I don't know. I'm sorry.
There are a million little other
details I need to go over here.
Would you like me to just do it myself?
Um, sure.
You've got great taste.
I trust you completely.
All right.
Then the only thing I need from you is
a little guidance on the guest list.
Now, I have the information for the DAR
ladies, of course,
and Logan-- I have Logan's information.
I believe I have the address
of your Asian friend.
Lane.
She hasn't moved?
- Not that I know of.
- All right.
She'll want to bring her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend? How wonderful.
Rory's Asian friend...
- Lane.
- ...Has a boyfriend.
All right. Now, what about Paris?
Are you two friends?
I never really could tell.
Paris should be on the list.
Then Paris is on the list.
She'll want to bring her boyfriend, too.
My goodness.
I guess there's something in the air.
All right. I have the Cheevers,
your cousins from Bridgeport.
Now, do you want me to put
your mother on this list?
Mom?
It's completely up to you.
I just thought I should ask.
Yes, put mom on the list.
All right. She's on the list.
And the chocolate praline crunch is the cake.
A chocolate praline crunch cake.
A chocolate praline crunch cake
completely covered with pearls.
Ah, to be 21 again.
Wow! Looks great, guys.
Yeah, we made it bigger this year.
And we added a great new light effect to
help Morey's face look more distorted
when he drops because, you know,
when you really get hanged,
your eyeballs sometimes explode and
your tongue splits down the middle.
It's disgusting. Wanna see?
Uh--
- Morey, shake a leg.
- Okay.
- All set.
- Okay!
Bombs away!
Now, remember, you got to twitch around
a lot, make the kids think you're
dying real slow and painful.
Obviously there'll be some blood shooting
out, some screams, but you get the picture.
I-I-I do.
Babette?
Tight, babe.
Do you need help, Babette?
Oh, no, as soon as he passes out, his muscles
relax and I can slide him right out.
- We'll be good.
- Okay.
See you guys later.
Luke, are you here?
In the kitchen.
Where's Paul Anka?
He didn't meet me at the door.
Peas scare him.
Really? Huh.
Peas? Cooked or raw?
Doesn't seem pleased with either form.
Okay, peas are out. What smells so good?
Fried chicken.
- Luke, will you marry me?
- Set the table?
Okay, first,
I have some very exciting news to tell you.
Shoot.
This year, I have decided to do a
whole new thing for Halloween.
You're not gonna hang the
caramel apples again?
Caramel apples aren't scary.
Well, what's scary is you opening
your house up to a mob of insane,
sugar-laced kids wearing masks that
conveniently hide any identifying features.
I have decided to do something totally
different, and I'm gonna need your help.
- Sure.
- Okay.
I want to do a skit.
Skit?
Yes, I want to be a mad scientist. I'm gonna
come out in a blood-stained white lab coat
and freaky makeup and big, giant,
don king kind of hairdo,
and I'm going to turn the whole
front yard into my laboratory.
Wow.
Yes, I'm gonna have a huge electric chair and
an operating table and test tubes and wires.
Sounds elaborate.
You haven't heard the half of it, okay?
And so I come out and I do mad scientist
"banter," like, "hey,
who here is from Bellevue?"
And "'girl interrupted'?
That's my idea of a feel-good movie."
I'll work on it. But anyway, after that,
I'm gonna drag you out.
What?
You're strapped in an electric chair,
and I'm gonna throw the switch
and totally electrocute you.
And you're flailing around.
We'll rig something where smoke and
sparks shoot out of your nose.
And then once you're dead, I'll
throw you onto the operating
table and I'll cut you open.
And I pull link sausages out of you
and throw them into the crowd.
That's it?
Well, I mean,
we can take a bow or something, but, yeah,
that's it.
Okay. Uh, just a couple of questions here.
Once you've electrocuted me and I'm dead,
how exactly do I get to the operating table?
Uh, good question. Maybe I can position the
operating table right near the electric chair
so I can just flop you over
onto it after you die.
Okay, let's say we work that out.
Now I'm on the table.
You're gonna cut me open with what?
A big, rusty saw.
And then you're gonna pull
link sausages out of me.
Real slow and creepy like.
Okay, great. Last question.
Uh, what are the odds of you getting me
to do a skit where you electrocute me,
cut me open,
and pull link sausages out of me?
'Cause I'm thinking they're right up there
with Pia Zadora making a big comeback.
Oh, come on. This will be fun.
No way, not happening.
But this is our first Halloween together
as a full-blown, committed,
soon-to-be-married couple.
We need to start our own traditions.
I'll tell you what, I'll build you the chair,
help with the test tubes, and then I'm done.
But you would be so scary with
smoke coming out of your nose.
I really want to see that.
We're gonna be together the rest of
our lives, so odds are you will.
- Luke--
- Chicken's burning. I got to concentrate.
Why don't you go find your psychotic
dog and I'll set the table?
Okay, but this discussion is not over.
Here, Paul Anka. Mommy's got your broccoli.
Out.
- Oh, come on.
- Beat it.
I can't believe you're not gonna come in.
I told you I'm meeting my father at
7:30 in the morning in New York.
I loved the dinner tonight.
I'm glad.
I've never had Sri Lankan food before.
I thought you'd like it.
And I appreciate you lying to me and
answering "chicken" every time
I asked you what I was eating.
15 courses-- one of them
was bound to be chicken.
And that dessert.
Do you really think you can keep talking long
enough that I forget I can't come in?
I've seen my mom do it before.
I thought maybe it was a family trait.
- Just for an hour.
- No.
- Half an hour?
- No.
- 15 minutes?
- No.
Okay, an hour.
You're getting better at this.
Ow, you bit my lip.
I didn't mean to startle you two.
I heard a noise out here and
just came to check it out.
Is everything all right?
Everything's fine, Richard.
I was just dropping Rory off.
Hi, grandpa.
Hello, Rory.
Well, I'll just say good night, then.
Good night, grandpa.
Good night, Richard.
Was it the Mortigans' dalmatian trying
to mate with our lion statues again?
No, it was not the Mortigans' dalmatian.
It was Rory and Logan.
How natural selection hasn't wiped out
dogs like that, I'll never know.
Rory and Logan?
It was Rory and Logan.
They just came home.
Logan was dropping Rory off.
Well, that's nice.
Oh, look at this bedroom set.
Richard, you would love these pillows.
Seems I interrupted their goodbyes.
Oh Richard, now they're going to
think we were spying on them.
This settee is lovely, also.
They were engaged in a round of serious
necking when I found them.
What do you mean?
You know exactly what I mean.
You know, Richard, Rory's growing up.
Mm-hmm.
She's turning 21 next week.
Oh, is that what the flotilla of party
planners outside our door was about?
Logan is certainly a very
experienced young man.
Man of the world, Emily, man of the world.
You know, Richard, it might be that time.
What time?
She might be getting ready to
have relations with that boy.
Oh Emily, please. Have you seen the
size of that sports car of his?
There's no room to cross your legs,
much less anything else.
The car is not the only place they're
getting affectionate, Richard.
I walked in on them the other
day in the pool house.
They were very cozy on the couch, and they
certainly weren't looking for her keys.
Do you really think?
I really think.
Well we have to do something.
If she's getting ready to take that step,
we have to do something.
I couldn't agree more.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
I am in love with this bedroom set.
Okay, so, what kind of link sausage
would you like to pull out of Luke?
I'm not sure. Nothing too wimpy.
Luke's a big guy,
so he needs big-guy sausage.
Don't we all.
Don't make my man's sausage dirty.
Well, you could go kielbasa.
That's a big-guy sausage.
I guess. Technically, Luke hasn't agreed
to let me pull anything out of him.
- Small detail.
- Miniscule roadblock.
Well, personally, I love the Louisiana sweet
sausage 'cause it has the nicest flavor--
a little bite, but not too overwhelming.
I'm not gonna eat the sausage.
I'm going to pull it out of Luke.
- Mail just came.
- Oh, thanks.
Well, if you're just going by looks,
I'd go cajun because it's red.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
It's not nothing.
It's an invitation to Rory Gilmore's
21st birthday party.
Wow. Look at all that lace.
Man, that's a pretty invitation.
Sure is.
Are you going to go?
This isn't from Rory.
This is from my dad via my mom.
It is?
Oh yes. It's just my dad trying to manipulate
me and get me involved
in a plan to manipulate Rory.
But you had a plan.
I know.
Boy, they are determined.
Determined, demented, de-lovely.
I can't believe Rory's turning 21.
It seems like just yesterday she
was crying because you told her
Charlotte Bronte couldn't come to
her sleepover because she's dead.
I'm gonna go check the reservation book.
Too much Rory talk.
Oh, just a tad. It's making me bummed, so...
We could go back to our sausage talk.
Maybe later.
Oh, my god, it smells good in here.
Well, I see someone got
our dinner invitation.
Yes, I did, and thank you.
It's been weeks since I've had anything
that hasn't been supersized for dinner.
You've been so busy lately, I had to
resort to pot roast and mashed
potatoes to get you here.
Pot roast and mashed potatoes?
With baby carrots, parker house rolls,
and ice cream sundaes for dessert.
Wow. Am I dying?
Would you grab that bottle of wine?
Sure.
Rory, how lovely that you could join us.
Do you know the reverend Boatwright?
Uh, no.
Oh, I can't believe that.
Reverend Boatwright has been
our minister for years.
By now he's more a friend than a minister.
Well, it's nice to meet you,
reverend Boatwright.
It's nice to meet you, too, Rory.
I hear pot roast is your favorite, too.
Yes, it is.
Rory, sit, sit.
It's amazing.
All the wonderful foods in this world,
the greatest chefs with the
most exotic ingredients,
and yet this girl still wants pot roast.
Roll, reverend?
Well, thank you. Don't mind if I do.
Hmm. I wonder where that salad is.
Will you excuse me?
I'll be right back.
You know, Emily ordered some of
that wonderful Irish butter.
You haven't tasted rolls until you've
had them with Irish butter.
I'll be right back.
And then there were two.
Your grandparents have told
me a lot about you, Rory.
Oh, yeah?
They're very proud of you, you know.
Well, then it's a mutual admiration society.
You have a birthday coming up next week?
21st.
Must be wonderful being a young woman,
just turning 21.
The world is out there,
just waiting to be conquered.
I guess so.
I hear you have a boyfriend.
Yes.
Ah, young love. It can be so exhilarating,
so intense--
all those feelings rushing
around inside of you.
I remember being young and having
all those crazy feelings.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yes.
You know, Rory,
being a young lady comes with many gifts.
Your virtue, for example, is a gift,
a precious gift.
Possibly the most precious gift you possess.
Uh-huh.
You want to give this gift very carefully.
It is a gift you can give to only one man.
Once you give it, it's gone.
You can't regift it.
If you give it away too
soon to the wrong man,
then when the right one does come along,
you have no gift to give.
You'll have to buy him a sweater.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
No.
Think long and hard about
when and to whom you want
to give the ultimate gift
you have to give away.
Oh.
Yes.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear, indeed.
Um... well...
Listen, reverend.
I really appreciate you taking the time
out of what I assume is a busy day
to come here and talk to me about...
all of this, but, um,
I'm afraid the ultimate-gift ship has sailed.
What?
A while ago.
It's probably in Fiji by now.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well...
So, have you seen "the 40-year-old virgin"?
'Cause you might like it.
Well, it can't go next to the sushi,
so I guess the cake will have to go in there.
- Maybe in the corner?
- Sounds good.
Grandma.
Oh, Rory, good.
Do you think we should have a carving station
in case some people find sushi unappealing,
or will the passed hors d'oeuvres be enough?
Either way.
"Either way" is not an opinion, Rory,
just for future reference.
Let's have a carving station-- just beef,
no turkey.
What happened to the pool house?
What do you mean?
It's full of stuff.
Oh, yes, the rentals-- I had absolutely
nowhere to put them.
They said it might rain tonight, and
I couldn't leave them outside so
I just put them in the pool house.
But I live in the pool house.
What am I supposed to do?
Oh, I packed up your things and put
them in your old room upstairs.
- Upstairs?
- Uh-huh.
The room right next to ours.
We can knock secret-code messages
to each other like we're in camp.
No, I didn't tell you to put that there.
You're fired.
Grandma, has mom RSVP'ed?
I don't know, Rory. Check the list.
Yes, out now, please.
Thank you.
The list says no.
Then I guess the answer's no.
Well, that's just wrong.
When an invitations says "RSVP," you RSVP.
That's what you do. It's not rocket science.
Maybe she's still coming.
But how do we know?
If she doesn't call, how will we know whether
or not to make an extra chocolate box, huh?
If she doesn't call,
she won't have a chocolate box.
We can make an extra chocolate box, Rory.
No.
Why should we make an extra chocolate box?
I mean, we're paying for these things.
Chocolate boxes do not just grow on trees.
They're made by these hardworking
people right here,
and it is not right to make these people
spend hours making extra chocolate boxes
because people are too lazy to
make a stupid phone call!
Rory!
You're gonna be sick.
No.
It's already loaded with chocolate chips.
That's candy,
and you're adding whipped cream.
That's more candy.
Got any jelly beans?
I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, and a cherry.
Luke's.
Luke, is my mother there?
Rory?
Rory?
Yes, it's Rory. Is my mother there?
- That's Rory?
- I'll give her to you.
To me? That's Rory for me?
No, I just want to know if she's
coming to my birthday party.
She wants to know if you're coming
to her birthday party.
What?
We're making the chocolate boxes right now,
and I need to know if she's coming so I
know whether or not to make her one.
They're making the chocolate boxes,
and she needs to know if you're
coming so they can make you one.
I didn't know I was invited.
I sent her an invitation!
Where the hell did she think it came from?!
The invitation fairy?
She said she sent you an invitation.
I didn't know it was from her.
I didn't know it was from you!
Well, it was.
Is she coming or not?
Are you coming or not?
Yes, I-I'm coming. I want a chocolate box.
- She'll be there.
- Fine. Bye.
Rory called.
I know. She called and yelled at me.
No, she called and yelled at me.
Yeah, but I'm the one who had to hear it,
and she was loud.
And she said "hell." I never
heard her say "hell."
I didn't even know she knew
how to say "hell."
She was mad and she yelled
and she said "hell."
Yeah, but she called.
Keep those fans going. I don't want the
whole house to smell of raw fish.
Disgusting food.
Shelby, Martin,
how wonderful that you've come.
We're a bit early, I'm afraid.
Nonsense. Have a Rory. We'll chat later.
Tacky, horrid people. Why not just show up
the night before with a sleeping bag?
My, my,
you've got to get it down to a 1-bell answer.
Bell rings once, door opens.
Please help me on this.
Mr. Gilmore is not here yet,
and therefore I have no one
to help me with the guests or the party.
So, just make sure you get
the door after one bell.
That's two bells.
That's three bells!
Well, hello, Glory. Come in, come in.
Rory, you look wonderful.
That dress is to die for.
Well, it's the one you laid out on the bed,
so I assumed I was supposed to put it on.
Well, it's perfect.
So, how does it look?
Fine.
I'll never forgive myself for
being talked into votives,
but that's what you get for taking
calls at cocktail hour.
Have you tried your drink?
My what?
Your signature drink.
I had the bartender concoct it for you.
It's called "the Rory."
It's got champagne, vodka, pineapple juice,
and grenadine.
Have one. You're old enough now.
Maybe later-- empty stomach.
Well, there's plenty to eat,
so that can be remedied.
Where's grandpa?
He'll be here soon.
There they are-- the two most
lovely ladies in the room.
Hello, Logan.
I have to check on your cake.
Huh.
Is it me or could the penguins
march through here?
She's probably mad because she
found out we're having sex.
She what?
She found out we're having sex.
How the hell did she find that out?
I told her minister.
But why would you do that?
Because he was going on and on
about my virtue being a gift.
And now you have it, so I'm gonna have
to buy the next guy a sweater.
I just wanted him to stop.
And all this without a drink in my hand.
Come on, let's get you a Rory.
Ohh, dealing with this family is stressful.
Oh, tell me about it.
And once you've had that drink,
I can tell you how I've been
moved out of the pool house
and into a room right next
to my grandparents.
So from now on, we'll have to have
sex in our invisible suits.
Two Rories, please.
Does your grandfather know, also?
Oh, yeah.
Make it four.
Rory!
You came!
Of course I came.
I wouldn't miss your 21st birthday.
Oh, I'm glad. Hey, Zach, thanks for coming.
Sure, no problem. There's food, right?
Oh, plenty of food.
Lane, I want you to meet Logan.
Logan, this is my best friend, Lane.
Hey, nice to finally meet you.
Nice to finally meet you, too.
And this is my boyfriend, Zach.
How you doing?
What?
Oh, I'm hanging in there.
You guys want a drink?
Well, I'm not sharing, so make it two drinks.
Wow, this house is amazing.
I've never been here before.
I'll give you a tour.
Two Rories-- extra cherries for the lady.
Oh, my god, you have your own drink.
Wait till you see the bathroom.
The guest soap has my face on it.
So, you're, like, rich, huh?
This might be my least favorite
door in the world to knock on.
What about death's door?
The reception on the other
side might be warmer.
Well, at least you didn't have to knock.
- Ready?
- I was born ready.
Ah, nice, low-key affair.
Okay, we're in and the gift's on
the gift pile and, um, oh, yes.
Cheers.
Okay, there. Checking things off the list.
We should probably move deeper
into the house now.
What is this?
Do you see Rory?
Not yet.
Boy, big turnout.
Maybe if we're lucky and we keep
moving around, we can avoid--
Lorelai, you came.
You're here.
There's a chocolate box
for you in the hallway.
Thank you, mom.
Hello, Luke.
I didn't know you were coming,
I don't have a chocolate box for you.
You'll have to share with Lorelai.
Fat chance.
Mom buys really good chocolate.
I see you have a Rory.
Excuse me?
Your drink-- it's called a Rory.
What's the matter, Luke,
you don't like your Rory?
Oh, no, it's great.
It's a little pink, you know.
Well, Rory's a girl. Girls like pink.
I know. I was just saying.
No one's asking you to wear it.
It's not a skirt.
- I know. Just--
- Drink the drink.
Well, nice of you two to come.
I have some things to check on.
We'll catch up later. Excuse me.
- Ohh, it tasted pink.
- She's gone.
I mean, like, really tasted really pink,
like pink pink. Yech!
Come on, let's get something to eat.
God, that's terrible.
It's like drinking a "My little pony."
Hey, I'm glad you guys came.
We had to stop and eat first in
case the food here sucked.
Happy birthday, Rory.
Yeah, listen, we have really big news.
Thanks, Doyle. What Paris?
- You tell her.
- Okay.
But do it fast and don't embellish.
As you know, I'm a senior,
and my reign as editor
of the Yale Daily News is officially up at
the end of the year and I'm stepping down.
I'm going back to writing full-time.
Wow.
I'm gonna be writing a column in the Daily
News called "The world according to Doyle."
I can't imagine the Daily News
without you as editor.
Yeah, it's going to be weird.
Ask who the new editor is.
Who's the new editor going to be?
Me.
- You?
- That's right.
Paris Geller is the new editor
of the Yale Daily News.
I was worried about the intimidation factor
'cause people tend to be afraid of me,
but I campaigned hard and I really worked
the "my parents left me broke" angle,
got a little sympathy vote,
and the next thing I know, I am the man.
My woman is the man.
I mean, it's so incredible.
Last year, I was sleeping with the editor.
And this year, I am.
I can't wait.
The changes I'm going to make.
Hold on to your hats, people.
I'm going to crack that whip, raise that bar.
The last person that ran the shop was
too busy ironing his petticoat
to put out a decent paper.
- That's about to change.
- You know it is.
Hey, everyone. Hey, Paris.
Hey, Lorelai.
You remember my boyfriend, Doyle?
Good to see you. This is Luke.
Nice to meet you, Luke.
We actually met about two or three w--
- This is my boyfriend, Doyle.
- It's nice to meet you.
Yeah, it's nice to meet you, too.
Hey, birthday girl.
Hey.
We were just talking about the big news.
What's the big news?
I'm the new editor of the Yale Daily News.
Wow. Congratulations, Paris.
Yeah.
Last year I was sleeping with the editor.
And this year, I am.
Um... I have to go say hello to some people,
so I'll catch up with you guys later.
Have some food. There's tons of food.
You know, they shouldn't be allowed to put
just anything into a martini glass.
Martinis should go into a martini glass--
gin martinis, vodka martinis, period.
That's it.
Do you know what this is?
It's raw fish. Dip it in soy sauce
and swallow it real quick.
We were gonna drink martinis.
The rat pack drank martinis.
James Bond drank martinis.
You know,
it's the sweet drinks that really kill you.
It's the sugar that gives you the
hangover that makes you throw up.
'Cause no one's ever thrown
up from a martini before.
Have you seen my father?
Nope.
Wonder where he's hiding.
Okay, I got the red piece down.
"Hello, 'page six'?
Have I got a scoop for you."
- Excuse me, Lorelai?
- Uh, yeah?
Hi, I'm Vivian Lewis,
and this is Catherine Thurston Moore.
We're friends of Rory's from the DAR
Oh, friends of Rory's.
Wow.
I didn't realize she ran with the bad girls.
We just wanted to tell you we love Rory.
She introduced us to Buffalo
Wings and Jalapeño Poppers,
and for that we will be eternally grateful.
What's the DAR?
I'm gonna get a beer. Anyone want anything?
- I'm good.
- Okay, I'll be back.
Last year I was sleeping with the editor.
Now I am.
Come in a little quicker next time.
Oh, excuse me.
Hey, little tip-- we have beer here.
Oh, the magic words.
I was just heading over to the bar.
Have you tried a Rory yet?
Yes, I have. Not my kind of drink.
Yeah, mine, either.
Lorelai will be glad to hear it.
So, you two haven't talked yet.
Nope, not yet.
Well, it was nice of you to invite her here.
It means a lot.
I'm glad she came. I'm glad you both came.
Oh, uh, here. I've got something for you.
Birthday present.
Really?
I brought it in case your mother
didn't bring one, but she did.
It's on top of your present
mountain over there.
But since I already had it in my pocket,
I just figured...
Luke.
It was my mother's.
Liz can't wear it 'cause her neck's too fat,
but your neck looks, you know, not fat.
It was sitting around in my drawer,
so I thought, "hey, give it to Rory."
You're lucky 'cause Ceaser's birthday is next
month and I know he likes pearls, so...
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I saw a jewelry box and I couldn't
help myself. What did you get?
Oh, it's fantastic.
It's from Luke, my stepfather-to-be.
Well, you have exquisite taste, Luke.
I'm Tweeny Halpern.
Tweeny works with me at the DAR.
What's the DAR?
I'm killing with that line tonight.
Well, how's the party going so far?
Seems to be a big hit.
Where's Luke?
I hope he didn't get lost somewhere.
Oh, no, I'm sure he's just sizing up how much
silver he can stuff into his pockets
without it making too much of a bulge.
I was not insinuating that he was a thief.
Ah.
I was just making small, polite talk.
That's what you do at parties.
My commenting on his getting
lost was in no way a swipe.
I'm sorry, I forgot. Luke went to get a beer.
Take it.
Come on, mom, it's all about timing.
You know that.
What are you--
Well, it seems congratulations are in order.
Well, that wasn't exactly congratulations,
but, sure, close enough.
Excuse me, Mrs. Gilmore, but we
really should cut the cake now.
Have you seen Mr. Gilmore yet?
No, I haven't.
Of course not. He's going to sit all
night long in that office of his,
moping and sulking,
missing his granddaughter's birthday party,
and he's going to leave me out
here all alone to host it.
Fine.
Come on, Claire.
Hello? Dad?
You're missing a crazy party out there.
You know someone forgot to cook the fish?
Boy, is mom gonna be mad.
Go away, Lorelai.
What's wrong, dad?
You know what's wrong.
Rory's wrong. It's all wrong.
She's not going back to Yale.
It's my fault.
Rory made a choice, dad.
I could've stopped her, and I didn't.
I cleared the path for her to walk
away from her goal, her life.
- Dad--
- She's having sex, Lorelai.
She's having sex under my roof.
I paid $40,000 to redecorate her sex house.
I bought her her sex mattress,
her sex box springs.
I provided everything she
needs to waste her life.
Dad, Rory having sex is
not your fault, really.
She was having sex way before
the big renovation.
I feel so much better now.
I'm sorry. I-I wasn't trying to--
I made a terrible, terrible mistake.
No, dad, listen--
Richard, you come out of here right now
and make an appearance at this party.
I don't give a damn about the party, Emily.
What is going on with you?
You've been holed up in here for two days.
Is it work?
It's Rory.
What about Rory?
What do you mean, "what about Rory"?
We've lost her.
What are you talking about?
I got her out of the pool house.
For a day, for two days,
and then those rentals go back.
Fine, then I'll have the place fumigated.
That'll take a week.
Then I'll have the place checked for mold.
That'll be two weeks.
Then I'll find rats.
Then there will be carbon monoxide leaks,
and plumbing issues and if I have to,
I'll tear the damn place down.
In the meantime,
she's here where we can watch her.
That doesn't matter, Emily.
- We have lost her.
- No!
- We've failed.
- No, we have not failed.
We have not failed until that girl comes
home pregnant. Then we've failed.
And on that note...
Richard, I don't understand what's happening.
Everything's been fine except the sex issue.
Everything hasn't been fine.
The minute we went against Lorelai, we lost.
You're acting like this is my fault.
Going against Lorelai was your idea.
I was perfectly ready to go ahead with
the plan the three of us devised.
Running around with Logan,
joining the DAR, planning parties.
What's wrong with joining the DAR?
We both agreed she needed a job.
Fund-raisers and tea parties?
It's frivolous and meaningless.
She has more to do, more to be.
I don't want that life for her.
You mean my life.
You don't want her to be me.
Emily, no, that's not what I meant.
We're cutting the cake now.
Can't wait anymore.
So.
So.
Your drink is disgusting.
Tell me about it.
Nice party, though.
Yeah, it's very nice.
You look great.
You look skinny.
Oh, well, it's the construction diet.
Construction?
Yeah, we're making the bedroom bigger.
You and Luke?
No, me and John O'Hurley.
Luke doesn't know yet.
I hope he takes it okay.
You guys are gonna live at our house?
Yeah.
Wow.
That's nice.
So, what's new with you?
Oh, well, not much.
I got my community service hours
down from 300 to 104.
God, community should be well-served by now.
They should build a statue
of you when you're done.
Well, it's not just one community.
Right, yeah. That makes more sense, I guess.
I got a dog.
- What?
- Stop. He's fine.
He's alive?
Yes, he's alive,
and I'm not discussing that hamster again.
But you asked Babette to double-check
that you feed it in the morning?
That is so not necessary... and yes.
Wow, a dog.
A lot has changed.
A lot, and then not so much, also.
Did you get your chocolate box?
They're by the door.
No, I didn't. I'll get one on the way out.
They're good.
I ate two.
It's a really pretty party.
I actually like all the votives and the--
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Rory
Happy birthday to you
Ready to go?
Sure.
Hey.
You can pull link sausages
out of me if you want.
I don't like what I see in that girl.
My eyes?
She's lost focus.
She's drifting, aimless.
You know she's joined the DAR?
I saw the picture in the paper.
She's running around, planning tea
parties like she's the mad hatter.
All she talks about are seating charts and
canapés and fund-raisers and that boy.
You mean Logan?
She's heading in the wrong direction,
and I don't like it.
Now, I've thought long and hard about this,
and I've come to a decision.
We need a plan.
But--
We--
I had a plan.
You changed the plan.
Plan's gone, baby.
I don't appreciate your tone.
Apparently the proper tone
went out with the plan.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Rory's not headed back to school.
Not yet, anyhow.
Not yet?
Not now, not ever.
Listen to me for just a moment.
We can fix this.
First of all,
I can change the terms of Rory's trust fund.
Currently, she's set to receive
it when she turns 25,
but I say we tell her it's contingent
on her returning to Yale.
Or we can use the opposite approach,
if you think it's better.
Maybe we offer her a car or the
down payment on a town house.
Or I'll buy her the town house.
Don't you see?
If there's something in it for her,
maybe we can get her to change her mind.
Thank you for the dollhouse, dad.
It's greatly appreciated.
I don't believe this.
Aren't you listening to me?
Uh, no.
Lorelai, Rory is turning 21 years old
in 10 days. Do you realize that?
Yes, dad, I realize it.
She's 21.
That's not a child.
21-year-olds need to be working
towards something.
Rory will figure it out.
Oh, please, she's 21.
I couldn't tie my shoe at 21.
Well, Rory's advanced.
She had the shoe thing down at 3.
I'm getting a little tired--
No, I'm getting a little tired
of this conversation.
I'm not interested in your plan.
I'm not going to bribe my daughter
with cars and money,
mainly because it wouldn't work,
and if you'd ever met Rory,
you would know it wouldn't work.
Rory can't be bought,
and I'm not gonna try and buy her.
I want Rory to want to go back to school.
She used to love to learn and read and study.
And that was freakish, but it was her.
And she's got to get herself back there.
- But--
- No, when Rory wants help,
she will ask for it. And the minute she does,
I will fly in faster than the Gulfstream
you're gonna offer to buy her next.
But until then, I'm sorry,
you're on your own.
Impossible girl.
My native American name, I believe.
Unbelievable. He's unbelievable.
He sure is. How did he lift this thing?
Pretending like it's an accident
that Rory's still floundering.
Nothing's an accident. He caused this.
He made this happen.
It must weigh a thousand pounds.
That was a low blow,
bringing up Rory's birthday like that.
"She's turning 21, Lorelai.
Did you know that?"
Of course I know that.
I was there when she was turning nothing.
I know she's turning 21.
Does this thing have, like,
a real foundation or something?
It's just like my parents, you know,
to double-cross me
then get mad when I won't help
them undo the double cross.
Did he have guys with him?
What?
Guys to help him lift this thing.
No, no guys.
No guys? Your dad is Hercules.
We had plans.
What?
We were gonna go to Atlantic City.
We were gonna sit at a blackjack
table at 11:59,
we were gonna order martinis,
and we were gonna be playing
21 when she turned 21.
And then hopefully we'd win, and we'd take
our winnings and we'd buy 21 things.
And then there was a thing about 21 guys that
wouldn't really be appropriate anymore
since the engagement, but it was a good plan.
She probably doesn't even remember the plan.
She remembers the plan.
It wasn't like we talked about it every day.
It was just something we thought of.
She remembers the plan.
I'm hungry. I'm ordering pizza.
The top comes off.
Of course it does.
Happy birthday, little girl
Hey.
I can't believe how fast you're growing up.
Really? Feels slow.
Trust me, it's fast.
So, what do you think of your life so far?
I think it's pretty good.
Any complaints?
I'd like that whole humidity
thing to go away.
I'll work on that.
So, do I look older?
Oh, yeah. Walk into Denny's before 5:00,
you got yourself a discount.
Good deal.
So, you know what I think?
What?
I think you're a great, cool kid and
the best friend a girl could have.
Back at ya.
And it's so hard to believe that,
at exactly this time many moons ago,
I was lying in exactly the same position.
Oh, boy, here we go.
Only I had a fat stomach and huge ankles
and I was swearing like a sailor...
...on leave.
On leave, right. And there I was...
in labor...
and while there's some who call it the most
meaningful experience of their life...
...you compare it to something more akin to
doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.
Right.
I wonder if the Waltons ever did this.
What?
I just had a dream that Madeleine
Albright was my mother.
Hmm.
Hey, there.
Oh, hi, sugar.
Couldn't see you over the bags.
Wow, you got a lot of stuff there.
You hunkering down for winter?
Nah, we're getting our supplies
for our gallows.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna hang Morey again?
Do it every year.
You're always the hit of the neighborhood.
What about you, honey? What are you gonna do?
You know, the same thing I always do.
Oh.
Gonna hang caramel apples
from the tree again?
- The kids love 'em.
- Yeah.
They're not that scary.
Well, to a diabetic,
they're downright terrifying.
Huh? Okay. Caramel apples.
And I will be handing out candy, which,
you know, is the entire point of Halloween.
Sure, honey.
Well, we got a lot to do. We got to go.
No rest for the doomed.
See you later.
You know, I-I-I bought a haunted house
CD to play in the background.
What time is our reservation?
Now.
Oh.
It's amazing what happens when
you can't find your keys.
I think we should order in tonight.
And the purse is down.
Who is it?
Emily Gilmore.
I'm so sorry to bother you, Rory.
- Hello, Logan.
- Hello, Emily.
Rory, could you check your closets?
The maid hung up your dry cleaning
today and I am missing a blouse,
and I want to know whether or not to add this
to the list of reasons I'm firing her.
Of course. I'll be right back.
Thank you, Rory.
I'm so exhausted with incompetent people,
I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like every person I hire immediately
gets hit in the head
with a mallet on their way out
of the employment office.
Logan, do you have anything special planned
for Rory's birthday next week?
Uh... no, no plans.
Oh, good, because I would love
to throw her a party here.
A 21st birthday is so special.
But I didn't want to order 12 pounds
of crab legs if you had plans
to whisk her off to Santorini.
No whisking plans in the works.
Sorry, grandma, your blouse isn't in there.
Say, Rory, how would you like
a birthday party next week?
Oh, well...
It doesn't have to be a big, formal affair.
Just something fun with your friends and a
few of the DAR ladies, whoever you want.
Sure, grandma, a party sounds fine.
I'll go right in and call the caterers.
21 years old-- time flies, doesn't it?
All right, you two,
back to what you were doing.
Hey, grandma says.
So, a 21st birthday-- big event.
I guess.
Would've been nice if I had known about it.
- Oh, I didn't tell you?
- No.
Oh, I'm just not into birthdays.
You're not into birthdays?
You, who wore green head to toe on st.
Patrick's Day and bunny ears on Easter?
I have stock in hallmark.
What's up, ace?
We should call the restaurant if
we still want to eat there.
Ace.
I'm just not excited about
this particular birthday.
Why not?
Because I'm turning 21.
Yes?
My mom and I have been planning
for my 21st birthday since--
well, my first memory is kindergarten,
but I have a feeling she was
talking about it before then.
We had this whole big thing planned.
Yeah?
We were gonna go to Atlantic City and
sit at a blackjack table at 11:59,
and we'd be playing 21 when I turned 21.
We were gonna drink martinis and
win money and buy 21 things,
and there was this thing including 21 guys
that would be totally inappropriate
now that I'm with you.
But it was a pretty big thing, and--
and now we're not talking,
so it's not gonna happen.
I'm just a little bummed. That's all.
I know you miss your mom.
The concept's a little hard for me to grasp,
but I know you do.
Well, you never got to know her.
She can be pretty cool.
Hey, I know. I'll take you to Atlantic City.
What?
We can still play 21 when you turn 21.
we can buy the 21 things, I'd still
vote to put the kibosh on
that thing with the 21 guys.
But other than that, I'm good to go.
You're sweet, but it's okay.
Come on, I'll get a car-- 21 cars,
if you like.
No. No, I appreciate the offer a lot, but
I'll just have the party and
let this birthday pass.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
And I'm hungry. You ready to go?
Where did I put my keys?
Oh, I think I saw them on the couch.
Here we go again.
You know, when I was turning 21,
I somehow got it into my head
that I simply had to have my invitations
trimmed with real pearls.
I could not be convinced that it
was at all tacky or impractical.
I was right,
and that was the way it had to be.
My mother was beside herself. I never heard
so much sighing in my whole life.
But in the end, she found me invitations
lined with real pearls,
and I felt like the most important
girl in the world.
So, come on, tell me-- which ones are
your pearl-trimmed invitations?
Rory!
Hmm?
You're supposed to try them all.
What?
The cake. Alfonso made us those samples.
The least we can do is try them all.
Oh, okay, sure.
Well, I like the lace.
Do you like the lace?
Sure.
All right. The lace it is.
Now, the food. I think we should
go buffet-- much more youthful.
And what do you think of sushi?
Sushi feels young, doesn't it?
I certainly hope so.
You don't want any old sushi hanging around.
Now, we'll have a bar,
heaters on the patio to stem the crowd.
Oh, do you want a special tray-passed drink,
like a sidecar maybe or a gin fizz?
I used to love a nice gin fizz.
Am I boring you?
No, the lace is fine.
Rory, where is your head today?
I don't know. I'm sorry.
There are a million little other
details I need to go over here.
Would you like me to just do it myself?
Um, sure.
You've got great taste.
I trust you completely.
All right.
Then the only thing I need from you is
a little guidance on the guest list.
Now, I have the information for the DAR
ladies, of course,
and Logan-- I have Logan's information.
I believe I have the address
of your Asian friend.
Lane.
She hasn't moved?
- Not that I know of.
- All right.
She'll want to bring her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend? How wonderful.
Rory's Asian friend...
- Lane.
- ...Has a boyfriend.
All right. Now, what about Paris?
Are you two friends?
I never really could tell.
Paris should be on the list.
Then Paris is on the list.
She'll want to bring her boyfriend, too.
My goodness.
I guess there's something in the air.
All right. I have the Cheevers,
your cousins from Bridgeport.
Now, do you want me to put
your mother on this list?
Mom?
It's completely up to you.
I just thought I should ask.
Yes, put mom on the list.
All right. She's on the list.
And the chocolate praline crunch is the cake.
A chocolate praline crunch cake.
A chocolate praline crunch cake
completely covered with pearls.
Ah, to be 21 again.
Wow! Looks great, guys.
Yeah, we made it bigger this year.
And we added a great new light effect to
help Morey's face look more distorted
when he drops because, you know,
when you really get hanged,
your eyeballs sometimes explode and
your tongue splits down the middle.
It's disgusting. Wanna see?
Uh--
- Morey, shake a leg.
- Okay.
- All set.
- Okay!
Bombs away!
Now, remember, you got to twitch around
a lot, make the kids think you're
dying real slow and painful.
Obviously there'll be some blood shooting
out, some screams, but you get the picture.
I-I-I do.
Babette?
Tight, babe.
Do you need help, Babette?
Oh, no, as soon as he passes out, his muscles
relax and I can slide him right out.
- We'll be good.
- Okay.
See you guys later.
Luke, are you here?
In the kitchen.
Where's Paul Anka?
He didn't meet me at the door.
Peas scare him.
Really? Huh.
Peas? Cooked or raw?
Doesn't seem pleased with either form.
Okay, peas are out. What smells so good?
Fried chicken.
- Luke, will you marry me?
- Set the table?
Okay, first,
I have some very exciting news to tell you.
Shoot.
This year, I have decided to do a
whole new thing for Halloween.
You're not gonna hang the
caramel apples again?
Caramel apples aren't scary.
Well, what's scary is you opening
your house up to a mob of insane,
sugar-laced kids wearing masks that
conveniently hide any identifying features.
I have decided to do something totally
different, and I'm gonna need your help.
- Sure.
- Okay.
I want to do a skit.
Skit?
Yes, I want to be a mad scientist. I'm gonna
come out in a blood-stained white lab coat
and freaky makeup and big, giant,
don king kind of hairdo,
and I'm going to turn the whole
front yard into my laboratory.
Wow.
Yes, I'm gonna have a huge electric chair and
an operating table and test tubes and wires.
Sounds elaborate.
You haven't heard the half of it, okay?
And so I come out and I do mad scientist
"banter," like, "hey,
who here is from Bellevue?"
And "'girl interrupted'?
That's my idea of a feel-good movie."
I'll work on it. But anyway, after that,
I'm gonna drag you out.
What?
You're strapped in an electric chair,
and I'm gonna throw the switch
and totally electrocute you.
And you're flailing around.
We'll rig something where smoke and
sparks shoot out of your nose.
And then once you're dead, I'll
throw you onto the operating
table and I'll cut you open.
And I pull link sausages out of you
and throw them into the crowd.
That's it?
Well, I mean,
we can take a bow or something, but, yeah,
that's it.
Okay. Uh, just a couple of questions here.
Once you've electrocuted me and I'm dead,
how exactly do I get to the operating table?
Uh, good question. Maybe I can position the
operating table right near the electric chair
so I can just flop you over
onto it after you die.
Okay, let's say we work that out.
Now I'm on the table.
You're gonna cut me open with what?
A big, rusty saw.
And then you're gonna pull
link sausages out of me.
Real slow and creepy like.
Okay, great. Last question.
Uh, what are the odds of you getting me
to do a skit where you electrocute me,
cut me open,
and pull link sausages out of me?
'Cause I'm thinking they're right up there
with Pia Zadora making a big comeback.
Oh, come on. This will be fun.
No way, not happening.
But this is our first Halloween together
as a full-blown, committed,
soon-to-be-married couple.
We need to start our own traditions.
I'll tell you what, I'll build you the chair,
help with the test tubes, and then I'm done.
But you would be so scary with
smoke coming out of your nose.
I really want to see that.
We're gonna be together the rest of
our lives, so odds are you will.
- Luke--
- Chicken's burning. I got to concentrate.
Why don't you go find your psychotic
dog and I'll set the table?
Okay, but this discussion is not over.
Here, Paul Anka. Mommy's got your broccoli.
Out.
- Oh, come on.
- Beat it.
I can't believe you're not gonna come in.
I told you I'm meeting my father at
7:30 in the morning in New York.
I loved the dinner tonight.
I'm glad.
I've never had Sri Lankan food before.
I thought you'd like it.
And I appreciate you lying to me and
answering "chicken" every time
I asked you what I was eating.
15 courses-- one of them
was bound to be chicken.
And that dessert.
Do you really think you can keep talking long
enough that I forget I can't come in?
I've seen my mom do it before.
I thought maybe it was a family trait.
- Just for an hour.
- No.
- Half an hour?
- No.
- 15 minutes?
- No.
Okay, an hour.
You're getting better at this.
Ow, you bit my lip.
I didn't mean to startle you two.
I heard a noise out here and
just came to check it out.
Is everything all right?
Everything's fine, Richard.
I was just dropping Rory off.
Hi, grandpa.
Hello, Rory.
Well, I'll just say good night, then.
Good night, grandpa.
Good night, Richard.
Was it the Mortigans' dalmatian trying
to mate with our lion statues again?
No, it was not the Mortigans' dalmatian.
It was Rory and Logan.
How natural selection hasn't wiped out
dogs like that, I'll never know.
Rory and Logan?
It was Rory and Logan.
They just came home.
Logan was dropping Rory off.
Well, that's nice.
Oh, look at this bedroom set.
Richard, you would love these pillows.
Seems I interrupted their goodbyes.
Oh Richard, now they're going to
think we were spying on them.
This settee is lovely, also.
They were engaged in a round of serious
necking when I found them.
What do you mean?
You know exactly what I mean.
You know, Richard, Rory's growing up.
Mm-hmm.
She's turning 21 next week.
Oh, is that what the flotilla of party
planners outside our door was about?
Logan is certainly a very
experienced young man.
Man of the world, Emily, man of the world.
You know, Richard, it might be that time.
What time?
She might be getting ready to
have relations with that boy.
Oh Emily, please. Have you seen the
size of that sports car of his?
There's no room to cross your legs,
much less anything else.
The car is not the only place they're
getting affectionate, Richard.
I walked in on them the other
day in the pool house.
They were very cozy on the couch, and they
certainly weren't looking for her keys.
Do you really think?
I really think.
Well we have to do something.
If she's getting ready to take that step,
we have to do something.
I couldn't agree more.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
I am in love with this bedroom set.
Okay, so, what kind of link sausage
would you like to pull out of Luke?
I'm not sure. Nothing too wimpy.
Luke's a big guy,
so he needs big-guy sausage.
Don't we all.
Don't make my man's sausage dirty.
Well, you could go kielbasa.
That's a big-guy sausage.
I guess. Technically, Luke hasn't agreed
to let me pull anything out of him.
- Small detail.
- Miniscule roadblock.
Well, personally, I love the Louisiana sweet
sausage 'cause it has the nicest flavor--
a little bite, but not too overwhelming.
I'm not gonna eat the sausage.
I'm going to pull it out of Luke.
- Mail just came.
- Oh, thanks.
Well, if you're just going by looks,
I'd go cajun because it's red.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
It's not nothing.
It's an invitation to Rory Gilmore's
21st birthday party.
Wow. Look at all that lace.
Man, that's a pretty invitation.
Sure is.
Are you going to go?
This isn't from Rory.
This is from my dad via my mom.
It is?
Oh yes. It's just my dad trying to manipulate
me and get me involved
in a plan to manipulate Rory.
But you had a plan.
I know.
Boy, they are determined.
Determined, demented, de-lovely.
I can't believe Rory's turning 21.
It seems like just yesterday she
was crying because you told her
Charlotte Bronte couldn't come to
her sleepover because she's dead.
I'm gonna go check the reservation book.
Too much Rory talk.
Oh, just a tad. It's making me bummed, so...
We could go back to our sausage talk.
Maybe later.
Oh, my god, it smells good in here.
Well, I see someone got
our dinner invitation.
Yes, I did, and thank you.
It's been weeks since I've had anything
that hasn't been supersized for dinner.
You've been so busy lately, I had to
resort to pot roast and mashed
potatoes to get you here.
Pot roast and mashed potatoes?
With baby carrots, parker house rolls,
and ice cream sundaes for dessert.
Wow. Am I dying?
Would you grab that bottle of wine?
Sure.
Rory, how lovely that you could join us.
Do you know the reverend Boatwright?
Uh, no.
Oh, I can't believe that.
Reverend Boatwright has been
our minister for years.
By now he's more a friend than a minister.
Well, it's nice to meet you,
reverend Boatwright.
It's nice to meet you, too, Rory.
I hear pot roast is your favorite, too.
Yes, it is.
Rory, sit, sit.
It's amazing.
All the wonderful foods in this world,
the greatest chefs with the
most exotic ingredients,
and yet this girl still wants pot roast.
Roll, reverend?
Well, thank you. Don't mind if I do.
Hmm. I wonder where that salad is.
Will you excuse me?
I'll be right back.
You know, Emily ordered some of
that wonderful Irish butter.
You haven't tasted rolls until you've
had them with Irish butter.
I'll be right back.
And then there were two.
Your grandparents have told
me a lot about you, Rory.
Oh, yeah?
They're very proud of you, you know.
Well, then it's a mutual admiration society.
You have a birthday coming up next week?
21st.
Must be wonderful being a young woman,
just turning 21.
The world is out there,
just waiting to be conquered.
I guess so.
I hear you have a boyfriend.
Yes.
Ah, young love. It can be so exhilarating,
so intense--
all those feelings rushing
around inside of you.
I remember being young and having
all those crazy feelings.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yes.
You know, Rory,
being a young lady comes with many gifts.
Your virtue, for example, is a gift,
a precious gift.
Possibly the most precious gift you possess.
Uh-huh.
You want to give this gift very carefully.
It is a gift you can give to only one man.
Once you give it, it's gone.
You can't regift it.
If you give it away too
soon to the wrong man,
then when the right one does come along,
you have no gift to give.
You'll have to buy him a sweater.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
No.
Think long and hard about
when and to whom you want
to give the ultimate gift
you have to give away.
Oh.
Yes.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear, indeed.
Um... well...
Listen, reverend.
I really appreciate you taking the time
out of what I assume is a busy day
to come here and talk to me about...
all of this, but, um,
I'm afraid the ultimate-gift ship has sailed.
What?
A while ago.
It's probably in Fiji by now.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well...
So, have you seen "the 40-year-old virgin"?
'Cause you might like it.
Well, it can't go next to the sushi,
so I guess the cake will have to go in there.
- Maybe in the corner?
- Sounds good.
Grandma.
Oh, Rory, good.
Do you think we should have a carving station
in case some people find sushi unappealing,
or will the passed hors d'oeuvres be enough?
Either way.
"Either way" is not an opinion, Rory,
just for future reference.
Let's have a carving station-- just beef,
no turkey.
What happened to the pool house?
What do you mean?
It's full of stuff.
Oh, yes, the rentals-- I had absolutely
nowhere to put them.
They said it might rain tonight, and
I couldn't leave them outside so
I just put them in the pool house.
But I live in the pool house.
What am I supposed to do?
Oh, I packed up your things and put
them in your old room upstairs.
- Upstairs?
- Uh-huh.
The room right next to ours.
We can knock secret-code messages
to each other like we're in camp.
No, I didn't tell you to put that there.
You're fired.
Grandma, has mom RSVP'ed?
I don't know, Rory. Check the list.
Yes, out now, please.
Thank you.
The list says no.
Then I guess the answer's no.
Well, that's just wrong.
When an invitations says "RSVP," you RSVP.
That's what you do. It's not rocket science.
Maybe she's still coming.
But how do we know?
If she doesn't call, how will we know whether
or not to make an extra chocolate box, huh?
If she doesn't call,
she won't have a chocolate box.
We can make an extra chocolate box, Rory.
No.
Why should we make an extra chocolate box?
I mean, we're paying for these things.
Chocolate boxes do not just grow on trees.
They're made by these hardworking
people right here,
and it is not right to make these people
spend hours making extra chocolate boxes
because people are too lazy to
make a stupid phone call!
Rory!
You're gonna be sick.
No.
It's already loaded with chocolate chips.
That's candy,
and you're adding whipped cream.
That's more candy.
Got any jelly beans?
I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, and a cherry.
Luke's.
Luke, is my mother there?
Rory?
Rory?
Yes, it's Rory. Is my mother there?
- That's Rory?
- I'll give her to you.
To me? That's Rory for me?
No, I just want to know if she's
coming to my birthday party.
She wants to know if you're coming
to her birthday party.
What?
We're making the chocolate boxes right now,
and I need to know if she's coming so I
know whether or not to make her one.
They're making the chocolate boxes,
and she needs to know if you're
coming so they can make you one.
I didn't know I was invited.
I sent her an invitation!
Where the hell did she think it came from?!
The invitation fairy?
She said she sent you an invitation.
I didn't know it was from her.
I didn't know it was from you!
Well, it was.
Is she coming or not?
Are you coming or not?
Yes, I-I'm coming. I want a chocolate box.
- She'll be there.
- Fine. Bye.
Rory called.
I know. She called and yelled at me.
No, she called and yelled at me.
Yeah, but I'm the one who had to hear it,
and she was loud.
And she said "hell." I never
heard her say "hell."
I didn't even know she knew
how to say "hell."
She was mad and she yelled
and she said "hell."
Yeah, but she called.
Keep those fans going. I don't want the
whole house to smell of raw fish.
Disgusting food.
Shelby, Martin,
how wonderful that you've come.
We're a bit early, I'm afraid.
Nonsense. Have a Rory. We'll chat later.
Tacky, horrid people. Why not just show up
the night before with a sleeping bag?
My, my,
you've got to get it down to a 1-bell answer.
Bell rings once, door opens.
Please help me on this.
Mr. Gilmore is not here yet,
and therefore I have no one
to help me with the guests or the party.
So, just make sure you get
the door after one bell.
That's two bells.
That's three bells!
Well, hello, Glory. Come in, come in.
Rory, you look wonderful.
That dress is to die for.
Well, it's the one you laid out on the bed,
so I assumed I was supposed to put it on.
Well, it's perfect.
So, how does it look?
Fine.
I'll never forgive myself for
being talked into votives,
but that's what you get for taking
calls at cocktail hour.
Have you tried your drink?
My what?
Your signature drink.
I had the bartender concoct it for you.
It's called "the Rory."
It's got champagne, vodka, pineapple juice,
and grenadine.
Have one. You're old enough now.
Maybe later-- empty stomach.
Well, there's plenty to eat,
so that can be remedied.
Where's grandpa?
He'll be here soon.
There they are-- the two most
lovely ladies in the room.
Hello, Logan.
I have to check on your cake.
Huh.
Is it me or could the penguins
march through here?
She's probably mad because she
found out we're having sex.
She what?
She found out we're having sex.
How the hell did she find that out?
I told her minister.
But why would you do that?
Because he was going on and on
about my virtue being a gift.
And now you have it, so I'm gonna have
to buy the next guy a sweater.
I just wanted him to stop.
And all this without a drink in my hand.
Come on, let's get you a Rory.
Ohh, dealing with this family is stressful.
Oh, tell me about it.
And once you've had that drink,
I can tell you how I've been
moved out of the pool house
and into a room right next
to my grandparents.
So from now on, we'll have to have
sex in our invisible suits.
Two Rories, please.
Does your grandfather know, also?
Oh, yeah.
Make it four.
Rory!
You came!
Of course I came.
I wouldn't miss your 21st birthday.
Oh, I'm glad. Hey, Zach, thanks for coming.
Sure, no problem. There's food, right?
Oh, plenty of food.
Lane, I want you to meet Logan.
Logan, this is my best friend, Lane.
Hey, nice to finally meet you.
Nice to finally meet you, too.
And this is my boyfriend, Zach.
How you doing?
What?
Oh, I'm hanging in there.
You guys want a drink?
Well, I'm not sharing, so make it two drinks.
Wow, this house is amazing.
I've never been here before.
I'll give you a tour.
Two Rories-- extra cherries for the lady.
Oh, my god, you have your own drink.
Wait till you see the bathroom.
The guest soap has my face on it.
So, you're, like, rich, huh?
This might be my least favorite
door in the world to knock on.
What about death's door?
The reception on the other
side might be warmer.
Well, at least you didn't have to knock.
- Ready?
- I was born ready.
Ah, nice, low-key affair.
Okay, we're in and the gift's on
the gift pile and, um, oh, yes.
Cheers.
Okay, there. Checking things off the list.
We should probably move deeper
into the house now.
What is this?
Do you see Rory?
Not yet.
Boy, big turnout.
Maybe if we're lucky and we keep
moving around, we can avoid--
Lorelai, you came.
You're here.
There's a chocolate box
for you in the hallway.
Thank you, mom.
Hello, Luke.
I didn't know you were coming,
I don't have a chocolate box for you.
You'll have to share with Lorelai.
Fat chance.
Mom buys really good chocolate.
I see you have a Rory.
Excuse me?
Your drink-- it's called a Rory.
What's the matter, Luke,
you don't like your Rory?
Oh, no, it's great.
It's a little pink, you know.
Well, Rory's a girl. Girls like pink.
I know. I was just saying.
No one's asking you to wear it.
It's not a skirt.
- I know. Just--
- Drink the drink.
Well, nice of you two to come.
I have some things to check on.
We'll catch up later. Excuse me.
- Ohh, it tasted pink.
- She's gone.
I mean, like, really tasted really pink,
like pink pink. Yech!
Come on, let's get something to eat.
God, that's terrible.
It's like drinking a "My little pony."
Hey, I'm glad you guys came.
We had to stop and eat first in
case the food here sucked.
Happy birthday, Rory.
Yeah, listen, we have really big news.
Thanks, Doyle. What Paris?
- You tell her.
- Okay.
But do it fast and don't embellish.
As you know, I'm a senior,
and my reign as editor
of the Yale Daily News is officially up at
the end of the year and I'm stepping down.
I'm going back to writing full-time.
Wow.
I'm gonna be writing a column in the Daily
News called "The world according to Doyle."
I can't imagine the Daily News
without you as editor.
Yeah, it's going to be weird.
Ask who the new editor is.
Who's the new editor going to be?
Me.
- You?
- That's right.
Paris Geller is the new editor
of the Yale Daily News.
I was worried about the intimidation factor
'cause people tend to be afraid of me,
but I campaigned hard and I really worked
the "my parents left me broke" angle,
got a little sympathy vote,
and the next thing I know, I am the man.
My woman is the man.
I mean, it's so incredible.
Last year, I was sleeping with the editor.
And this year, I am.
I can't wait.
The changes I'm going to make.
Hold on to your hats, people.
I'm going to crack that whip, raise that bar.
The last person that ran the shop was
too busy ironing his petticoat
to put out a decent paper.
- That's about to change.
- You know it is.
Hey, everyone. Hey, Paris.
Hey, Lorelai.
You remember my boyfriend, Doyle?
Good to see you. This is Luke.
Nice to meet you, Luke.
We actually met about two or three w--
- This is my boyfriend, Doyle.
- It's nice to meet you.
Yeah, it's nice to meet you, too.
Hey, birthday girl.
Hey.
We were just talking about the big news.
What's the big news?
I'm the new editor of the Yale Daily News.
Wow. Congratulations, Paris.
Yeah.
Last year I was sleeping with the editor.
And this year, I am.
Um... I have to go say hello to some people,
so I'll catch up with you guys later.
Have some food. There's tons of food.
You know, they shouldn't be allowed to put
just anything into a martini glass.
Martinis should go into a martini glass--
gin martinis, vodka martinis, period.
That's it.
Do you know what this is?
It's raw fish. Dip it in soy sauce
and swallow it real quick.
We were gonna drink martinis.
The rat pack drank martinis.
James Bond drank martinis.
You know,
it's the sweet drinks that really kill you.
It's the sugar that gives you the
hangover that makes you throw up.
'Cause no one's ever thrown
up from a martini before.
Have you seen my father?
Nope.
Wonder where he's hiding.
Okay, I got the red piece down.
"Hello, 'page six'?
Have I got a scoop for you."
- Excuse me, Lorelai?
- Uh, yeah?
Hi, I'm Vivian Lewis,
and this is Catherine Thurston Moore.
We're friends of Rory's from the DAR
Oh, friends of Rory's.
Wow.
I didn't realize she ran with the bad girls.
We just wanted to tell you we love Rory.
She introduced us to Buffalo
Wings and Jalapeño Poppers,
and for that we will be eternally grateful.
What's the DAR?
I'm gonna get a beer. Anyone want anything?
- I'm good.
- Okay, I'll be back.
Last year I was sleeping with the editor.
Now I am.
Come in a little quicker next time.
Oh, excuse me.
Hey, little tip-- we have beer here.
Oh, the magic words.
I was just heading over to the bar.
Have you tried a Rory yet?
Yes, I have. Not my kind of drink.
Yeah, mine, either.
Lorelai will be glad to hear it.
So, you two haven't talked yet.
Nope, not yet.
Well, it was nice of you to invite her here.
It means a lot.
I'm glad she came. I'm glad you both came.
Oh, uh, here. I've got something for you.
Birthday present.
Really?
I brought it in case your mother
didn't bring one, but she did.
It's on top of your present
mountain over there.
But since I already had it in my pocket,
I just figured...
Luke.
It was my mother's.
Liz can't wear it 'cause her neck's too fat,
but your neck looks, you know, not fat.
It was sitting around in my drawer,
so I thought, "hey, give it to Rory."
You're lucky 'cause Ceaser's birthday is next
month and I know he likes pearls, so...
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I saw a jewelry box and I couldn't
help myself. What did you get?
Oh, it's fantastic.
It's from Luke, my stepfather-to-be.
Well, you have exquisite taste, Luke.
I'm Tweeny Halpern.
Tweeny works with me at the DAR.
What's the DAR?
I'm killing with that line tonight.
Well, how's the party going so far?
Seems to be a big hit.
Where's Luke?
I hope he didn't get lost somewhere.
Oh, no, I'm sure he's just sizing up how much
silver he can stuff into his pockets
without it making too much of a bulge.
I was not insinuating that he was a thief.
Ah.
I was just making small, polite talk.
That's what you do at parties.
My commenting on his getting
lost was in no way a swipe.
I'm sorry, I forgot. Luke went to get a beer.
Take it.
Come on, mom, it's all about timing.
You know that.
What are you--
Well, it seems congratulations are in order.
Well, that wasn't exactly congratulations,
but, sure, close enough.
Excuse me, Mrs. Gilmore, but we
really should cut the cake now.
Have you seen Mr. Gilmore yet?
No, I haven't.
Of course not. He's going to sit all
night long in that office of his,
moping and sulking,
missing his granddaughter's birthday party,
and he's going to leave me out
here all alone to host it.
Fine.
Come on, Claire.
Hello? Dad?
You're missing a crazy party out there.
You know someone forgot to cook the fish?
Boy, is mom gonna be mad.
Go away, Lorelai.
What's wrong, dad?
You know what's wrong.
Rory's wrong. It's all wrong.
She's not going back to Yale.
It's my fault.
Rory made a choice, dad.
I could've stopped her, and I didn't.
I cleared the path for her to walk
away from her goal, her life.
- Dad--
- She's having sex, Lorelai.
She's having sex under my roof.
I paid $40,000 to redecorate her sex house.
I bought her her sex mattress,
her sex box springs.
I provided everything she
needs to waste her life.
Dad, Rory having sex is
not your fault, really.
She was having sex way before
the big renovation.
I feel so much better now.
I'm sorry. I-I wasn't trying to--
I made a terrible, terrible mistake.
No, dad, listen--
Richard, you come out of here right now
and make an appearance at this party.
I don't give a damn about the party, Emily.
What is going on with you?
You've been holed up in here for two days.
Is it work?
It's Rory.
What about Rory?
What do you mean, "what about Rory"?
We've lost her.
What are you talking about?
I got her out of the pool house.
For a day, for two days,
and then those rentals go back.
Fine, then I'll have the place fumigated.
That'll take a week.
Then I'll have the place checked for mold.
That'll be two weeks.
Then I'll find rats.
Then there will be carbon monoxide leaks,
and plumbing issues and if I have to,
I'll tear the damn place down.
In the meantime,
she's here where we can watch her.
That doesn't matter, Emily.
- We have lost her.
- No!
- We've failed.
- No, we have not failed.
We have not failed until that girl comes
home pregnant. Then we've failed.
And on that note...
Richard, I don't understand what's happening.
Everything's been fine except the sex issue.
Everything hasn't been fine.
The minute we went against Lorelai, we lost.
You're acting like this is my fault.
Going against Lorelai was your idea.
I was perfectly ready to go ahead with
the plan the three of us devised.
Running around with Logan,
joining the DAR, planning parties.
What's wrong with joining the DAR?
We both agreed she needed a job.
Fund-raisers and tea parties?
It's frivolous and meaningless.
She has more to do, more to be.
I don't want that life for her.
You mean my life.
You don't want her to be me.
Emily, no, that's not what I meant.
We're cutting the cake now.
Can't wait anymore.
So.
So.
Your drink is disgusting.
Tell me about it.
Nice party, though.
Yeah, it's very nice.
You look great.
You look skinny.
Oh, well, it's the construction diet.
Construction?
Yeah, we're making the bedroom bigger.
You and Luke?
No, me and John O'Hurley.
Luke doesn't know yet.
I hope he takes it okay.
You guys are gonna live at our house?
Yeah.
Wow.
That's nice.
So, what's new with you?
Oh, well, not much.
I got my community service hours
down from 300 to 104.
God, community should be well-served by now.
They should build a statue
of you when you're done.
Well, it's not just one community.
Right, yeah. That makes more sense, I guess.
I got a dog.
- What?
- Stop. He's fine.
He's alive?
Yes, he's alive,
and I'm not discussing that hamster again.
But you asked Babette to double-check
that you feed it in the morning?
That is so not necessary... and yes.
Wow, a dog.
A lot has changed.
A lot, and then not so much, also.
Did you get your chocolate box?
They're by the door.
No, I didn't. I'll get one on the way out.
They're good.
I ate two.
It's a really pretty party.
I actually like all the votives and the--
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Rory
Happy birthday to you
Ready to go?
Sure.
Hey.
You can pull link sausages
out of me if you want.