Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 19 - But I'm a Gilmore! - full transcript

[groaning]

FOUNDER'S DAY PUNCH?

ABBA ZABBAS.

(Lorelai) GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM!

HOW'S EVERYONE FEELING TODAY?

[both groaning]

TERRIFIC. OK.

I GOT TACOS, HARD
TACOS, I GOT SOFT TACOS,

I GOT FRIES: CURLY,
STRAIGHT, AND SPICY.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

TRUST ME. THIS IS THE BEST
HANGOVER FOOD ON THE EAST COAST.

YOU GOT A MARS BAR? YOU
KNOW, HAIR OF THE DOG?

AH, THERE'S POP-TARTS
IN THE CABINET, KIRK.

COFFEE WILL BE UP IN A MINUTE.

GRAB SOME WATER
AND START HYDRATING.

THE SMELL OF THESE TACOS
IS MAKING ME NAUSEOUS.

NO, NO, NO. THAT'S
THE QUART OF PATTY'S

NON-F.D.A.-APPROVED FOUNDER'S
DAY PUNCH YOU DRANK LAST NIGHT.

EAT A TACO.

OH, THANK GOD. HANGOVER FOOD.

THAT'S MY LITTLE COLLEGE GIRL.

TITO'S WAS OPEN THIS EARLY?

WELL, IT WAS FOR ME.

THE POWER YOU HAVE OVER
FAST-FOOD OWNERS IS ASTONISHING.

OH, GOD, I THINK I'M
GONNA THROW UP.

NO, I'M GOOD.

BY THE WAY, THANKS
FOR LEAVING ME

ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR ALL NIGHT.

UH, HEY, I TRIED TO GET YOU UP.

YOU ACTUALLY USED YOUR
FOOT TO STOP ME. I DID?

YES. IT WAS VERY HOUSE OF
FLYING DAGGERS, BUT WITH VOMITING.

SORRY. I DON'T REMEMBER
THAT, THE FOOT PART.

THE VOMITING PART, HOWEVER...

STOP SAYING THE WORD "VOMITING"

UNLESS YOU WANT A MR. CREOSOTE
SITUATION ON YOUR HANDS HERE.

OH, MAN, I THINK I GOT A CAVITY.

I GOTTA STOP PARTYING LIKE THIS.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR? MY BOOK BAG.

I BELIEVE IT'S IN
YOUR ROOM. ROOM?

IT'S THAT WAY. RIGHT.

HEY.

I GOT YOU A BEEF BURRITO.

I THOUGHT IT MIGHT
BE TOO HARD-CORE

FOR THE AMATEURS IN THE KITCHEN

BUT I FIGURED
YOU'D APPRECIATE IT.

THANKS.

SO, HOW ARE YOU
FEELING? I'VE BEEN BETTER.

YEAH, YOU TAKE ASPIRIN? ASPIRIN?

WHITE PILL, BIG "A" ON IT.

RIGHT, YEP.

OH, HERE, BEFORE I FORGET, THIS
FELL OUT OF YOUR POCKET LAST NIGHT

WHILE YOU WERE
PULLING AN EXORCIST.

MMM, PARIS GAVE IT TO ME TO
HOLD, SO SHE WOULDN'T CALL DOYLE.

SHE WAS THE TALK OF THE TOWN THIS
MORNING. ATTACKED THE PRETZEL CART.

POLICE BACKUP HAD TO BE
CALLED FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.

SHE WAS QUITE A MESS.

[laughing] SO, APPARENTLY,
IT WAS A THEME.

I'M SORRY. IT WON'T
HAPPEN AGAIN. BELIEVE ME.

YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THE
DANGERS OF THE FOUNDER'S DAY PUNCH.

DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM
MOMMY'S COYOTE UGLY BAR DANCE

AT LAST YEAR'S "SALUTE
TO THE QUAKERS" FESTIVAL?

OH, NOW, YOU CAN'T BLAME
THAT ALL ON THE PUNCH.

OH, DON'T GET ME
WRONG. I'M ALWAYS UP

FOR A LITTLE
MOTHER-DAUGHTER BONDING.

BUT SERIOUSLY, WHEN DID
FACIALS GO OUT OF STYLE?

I'M SORRY.

I JUST DON'T LIKE
SEEING YOU LIKE THAT.

THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

SO, WHAT WAS ALL THAT STUFF YOU
WERE BABBLING ON ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

WHAT STUFF? ABOUT LOGAN.

THINGS AREN'T GOING SO WELL
WITH THE TWO OF YOU, HUH?

I'M GONNA GET SOME COFFEE.

RORY.

I KNOW. KITCHEN, THAT WAY.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ [music playing on radio]

[knocking on door]

WELL, THIS IS A SURPRISE.

CAN I COME IN?

UH, SURE. YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN?

NOPE. GOT TO STAY VERTICAL.

WHAT?

YOU HAVE, LIKE, AN
OCTAGON-IMPRINT ON YOUR FACE.

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, LOGAN.

DO WHAT?

THIS CASUAL DATING
THING, I DON'T LIKE IT.

IT'S NOT WHO I AM AND I DON'T
WANT TO MAKE IT WHO I AM.

WHOA, HOLD ON HERE.
WHERE'S THIS COMING FROM?

IT'S COMING FROM ME, THE RAVISHING
CREATURE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU.

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

I KNOW. I DIDN'T
MAKE YOU DO THIS.

I KNOW. I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF
ANYTHING. THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I THOUGHT
EVERYTHING WAS GOING WELL.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I HAVEN'T
HEARD FROM YOU IN A WEEK.

I WAS BUSY. I HAD
SOME FRIENDS IN TOWN...

YOU KNOW WHAT? IT DOESN'T
MATTER. YOU'RE NOT MY BOYFRIEND.

YOU DON'T OWE ME
ANY EXPLANATIONS.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE
ONE OF THE MANY ANYMORE.

OH, RORY, COME ON.

[door opening]

(Lanny) HEY, LOGAN,
CASSANDRA'S ON THE PHONE.

TAKE A MESSAGE.

SHE'S GOT A GREAT
ACCENT. WHERE'S SHE FROM?

LANNY, MESSAGE!

FINE, RELAX, MAN, JEEZ.

GO CALL CASSANDRA
BACK. WE'RE DONE HERE.

HOW ARE WE DONE HERE?

I SAID EVERYTHING I HAVE TO SAY.

WHICH IS WHAT?

I'M A GIRLFRIEND GIRL, LOGAN.

I HAVE BOYFRIENDS, NOT ESCORTS.

AH.

I THOUGHT I COULD BE
DIFFERENT. BUT I CAN'T. I'M SORRY.

MAYBE WE CAN JUST GO
BACK TO BEING FRIENDS AGAIN.

OR MAYBE WE CAN BECOME
BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND, RIGHT?

WHAT? I GET IT. I GET
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.

HEY, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU
WANT, JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT.

BUT YOU COMING IN HERE,
ISSUING AN ULTIMATUM?

I AM NOT ISSUING AN ULTIMATUM.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEARD.

I SAID, "LET'S BE FRIENDS."

THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU MEANT.

[sighing] I NEED A TACO.

ALL RIGHT. FINE. I'LL DO IT.

DO WHAT?

I'LL BE YOUR BOYFRIEND.
YOU CAN'T BE MY BOYFRIEND.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME THAT
YOU CAN'T BE MY BOYFRIEND.

IF I SAY I CAN, THEN I CAN.

YOU HAVE 100
GIRLS ON SPEED DIAL.

YOU KEEP A 2ND BATHROBE IN YOUR
CLOSET FOR OVERNIGHT GUESTS.

THAT'S ALL BESIDE THE POINT.
YOU CAME IN HERE TO SAY

YOU WERE UNHAPPY WITH
THE SITUATION, RIGHT?

RIGHT. FINE.

I'VE RECTIFIED THE
SITUATION. PROBLEM SOLVED.

NO, PROBLEM NOT SOLVED.

HEY, IF I SAY I CAN
DO THIS, I CAN DO THIS.

[knocking on door]

HEY, LOGAN.

THOUGHT MAYBE I COULD GET
YOU TO BUY ME SOME LUNCH.

(Logan) OH, GEEZ.

I'M SORRY. COULD YOU EXCUSE US FOR
JUST A SECOND? WE'RE ALMOST DONE HERE.

SURE. I'LL JUST WAIT OUT HERE.

SO, THE SWEDISH FLIGHT ATTENDANT
SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

I SWEAR THIS SITUATION HAS
NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

LOGAN... RORY.

DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO STOP SEEING ME?

NO, BUT I CAN'T...

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO STOP SEEING YOU.

OK, BUT...

SO THEN JUST ACCEPT
WHAT I'M SAYING.

I LIKE TRYING NEW THINGS. THIS IS
NEW, IT'S DIFFERENT, BUT I CAN DO IT.

ARE YOU SURE?

I KNOW YOU CAN DO THAT, BUT...

I REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE YOU.

THEN BELIEVE ME. WE'RE STARTING
FRESH RIGHT NOW. NEW BEGINNING.

DO YOU WANT TO GO
GRAB SOME LUNCH?

WE'LL HAMMER OUT THE DETAILS.

I SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE FIRST.

GO HOME, CHANGE. I'LL
PICK YOU UP IN HALF AN HOUR.

OK.

SEE HOW GOOD THIS
IS GOING SO FAR?

I THINK I'M GONNA BE AN
EXCELLENT BOYFRIEND.

I AGREE. NOW DO YOU WANT
TO GO TELL HER, OR SHOULD I?

OH, CRAP. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

DOYLE?

HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M DYING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE DYING?

I GOT SICK

AND THEN MY VERY
CONSIDERATE ROOMMATES

KICKED ME OUT BECAUSE
THEY HAVE EXAMS.

OH, MY GOD.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE
TO GO, SO I CAME HERE.

I CALLED YOU FIRST.

I WAS GONE THIS WEEKEND.

SO I JUST CAME BY.

I THOUGHT I'D WAIT TILL YOU
GOT BACK. THEN I FELL ASLEEP.

YOU'VE BEEN HERE ALL WEEKEND?

UH-HUH.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE AVOIDING ME.

[coughing]

I'M SORRY YOU'RE SICK.

FEELS LIKE BEES ARE
BUZZING IN MY HEAD.

FEEL IT. WHAT?

FEEL MY HEAD. WHY?

I JUST WANT YOU TO
KNOW HOW HOT I AM.

WELL, WHEN YOU'RE
HOT, YOU'RE HOT.

WHEN YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE NOT. THAT'S
HOW THE SONG GOES. JUST FOLLOW THE SONG.

I DON'T SEE WHAT PUTTING MY HAND

ON YOUR HEAD IS
GOING TO GET YOU.

I'M NOT A SHAMAN, DOYLE. I
DON'T HAVE HEALING POWERS.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HOLD ON A SECOND.

IT'S FOR YOU. IT'S SOOKIE. SHE'S
DONE WITH HER DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.

OH, SHE SAY HOW SHE IS?

MMM, TO SOMEONE WHO MAY HAVE
ASKED HER, I'M SURE SHE WOULD HAVE.

MMM-HMM. HEY, SOOKIE.

THE BASTARD PUT ME ON BED REST.

WHAT?

DR. MANK, HE TOLD ME
TO LIE DOWN IMMEDIATELY

A-AND NOT TO GET UP AGAIN UNTIL
LITTLE CHERRY OR NORRET COMES OUT.

OH, WELL, WE'LL GET TO
THE NAMES IN A SECOND.

SO, ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT
THE BED REST? W-WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M AT HOME, ON THE COUCH.

ARE YOU OK?

NO, I'M NOT OK. I HAVE
A DINNER TO GET OUT.

HONEY, I THINK WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO DO THAT WITHOUT YOU.

BUT HOW?

WE HAVE A KITCHEN STAFF. YOU JUST
TELL ME WHAT STILL NEEDS TO BE DONE

AND WE WILL HANDLE IT.

OK. GET A PENCIL.

OK, PENCIL IN HAND.

YOU NEED TO GRATE 6
CARROTS AND 4 PARSNIPS.

THEN TAKE SOME FLOUR AND BUTTER.

MELT THE BUTTER. MAKE A ROUX.

[stammers]

WHAT?

BABY, YOU LOST ME AT CARROTS

WHICH, UH, BY THE WAY, WAS THE
FIRST DRAFT OF "YOU HAD ME AT HELLO."

YOU HAD ME AT WHAT? WHAT
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OH, SORRY. I SEE WE'VE
ENTERED THE NO-HUMOR ZONE.

JUST RELAX. I'M GONNA
TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

THE DUCKS! THE
DUCKS WILL BE FINE.

THEY'RE LYING IN A PAN WITH
THEIR HEADS CHOPPED OFF.

SO THE WORST
PART IS BEHIND THEM.

NOW DON'T WORRY. GO REST,
AND I'LL CHECK IN WITH YOU LATER.

BUT... HAPPY HIBERNATING.

NO SOOKIE?

NO SOOKIE. COME ON.

OK, NOW TELL ME WHO DOES WHAT AND
WHAT WE NEED TO KEEP THINGS RUNNING.

WELL, WE NEED SOOKIE HERE.

WELL, SHE'S NOT GONNA BE
HERE, SO LET'S GO TO PLAN "B."

OK, PLAN "B."

THAT INVOLVES SOOKIE'S
CLONE, ALSO NAMED SOOKIE.

WELL, UM, WHO HERE
MAKES THE SAUCES?

SOOKIE.

[sighing] WHO HERE, MICHEL?

SOOKIE TRUSTS NO ONE
ELSE WITH THE SAUCES.

SHE MAKES THE SAUCES.

WELL, WHAT DOES MARK MAKE?

SALADS. OK, AND
DONNY DOES DESSERTS.

WHAT DO OUR OTHER GUYS DO?

WELL, THAT MAN OVER
THERE DOES THE CLEANING.

THAT MAN OVER THERE DRESSES
THE PLATES. THAT MAN USES TONGS

AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
THAT MAN IN THE CORNER DOES

BUT I WOULD CHECK HIS
TRUNK BEFORE HE LEAVES.

WITHOUT SOOKIE HERE, WE
HAVE SALADS AND DESSERTS?

PRETTY MUCH.

WE CAN'T RUN A RESTAURANT
SERVING JUST SALADS AND DESSERTS.

I WOULD NOT GO TO EAT, NO.

WAIT. OK, HERE WE HAVE DUCK.

UM, WHO HERE DOES THE DUCK?

NOBODY TOUCHES THE DUCKS.

WELL, UH, STARTING NOW,
SOMEONE HAS TO TOUCH THE DUCK.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO TELL
YOU, EXCEPT IT WILL NOT BE ME.

OH, THIS IS BAD, MICHEL.

I'M GETTING THAT, YES.

WELL, WE'LL JUST FIGURE
SOMETHING OUT, RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY. AIN'T NO
MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH.

WE'LL JUST, UH, FORMULATE A
PLAN, NAIL DOWN A STRATEGY.

YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS?

WE COULD ORDER SOME
PIZZA OR CHINESE FOOD

OR PERHAPS ONE OF THOSE HOAGIES

THAT YOU CUT INTO
A MILLION PIECES.

NO MORE SUGGESTIONS
NECESSARY, MICHEL.

WELL, I'M HERE IF YOU NEED ME.

[phone ringing]

LUKE'S.

HOW PRETTY DO YOU THINK I AM?

ARE WE USING A SPECIFIC DAY?

HAVE YOU HAD A
GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP?

SOOKIE'S DOCTOR PUT
HER ON IMMEDIATE BED REST,

I THOUGHT IT'D BE FINE, BUT
NO ONE WILL TOUCH THE DUCKS.

MICHEL WANTS TO ORDER A HOAGIE.

I AM STARTING TO HYPERVENTILATE.

I'M NOT WEARING A
STRETCHY FABRIC...

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

(Logan) HOW'S THAT
HEADACHE OF YOURS?

SUBSIDING A LITTLE.

THE MASHED-POTATO-MAC-
AND-CHEESE-BISCUIT-GRAVY-PLATE COMBO HELPED A LOT.

I HAVE TO SAY, HALF THE
FUN OF BEING WITH YOU

IS THE HORRIFIED LOOKS
ON THE WAITERS' FACES.

PLEASE, I'M AN AMATEUR
COMPARED TO MY MOTHER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK,
YOU UP FOR A MOVIE?

OH, SOMETHING REALLY BAD.

ABSOLUTELY. LET'S
CHECK THE PAPER AND SEE

IF ROB SCHNEIDER'S
STILL EMPLOYABLE.

I THINK I HAVE A
PAPER OVER HERE.

(Honor) WELL, LOOK HOW LONG
YOU MAKE A GIRL WAIT FOR YOU.

HONOR! YOU REALLY
THINK YOU'RE WORTH IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

APPARENTLY, BEGGING
FOR SOME AFFECTION.

[exclaiming]

(Honor) IT IS SO
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

(Logan) YOU, TOO.

LISTEN, LOGAN,
MAYBE I SHOULD GO.

WHAT?

OH, SORRY. GOD. RORY, THIS IS MY
SISTER, HONOR. HONOR, RORY GILMORE.

SISTER? REALLY? OH,
WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

HEY, YOUR SISTER'S HERE. COOL.

WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

WELL, I HAD TO SEE YOU AND SINCE
YOU NEVER CHECK YOUR E-MAIL,

I HAD TO DRAG MYSELF DOWN
AND BEG LANNY TO LET ME IN

SO I COULD SHOW YOU THIS!

HOLY!

IT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

OH, JOSH FINALLY GAVE IN, HUH?

STOP IT. HE'S LUCKY I EVER
LOOKED AT HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

LISTEN, I NEED A FAVOR.

I'M GOING TO TELL THEM
TOMORROW NIGHT AT DINNER

AND I NEED YOU THERE
FOR SUPPORT. COME ON.

(Honor) HEY, I BACKED YOU
WHEN YOU WANTED TO TAKE

A YEAR OFF SCHOOL AND
SAIL AROUND THE WORLD.

I WIRED YOU THE MONEY
WHEN YOU SUNK THE YACHT.

I HELPED PAY OFF THE
INDONESIAN COAST GUARD.

OK, OK, I GIVE. I'LL BE THERE.

OH, THANK YOU!

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE
YOU, I LOVE YOU.

OK, NOW I CAN BREATHE
AND FOCUS ON YOU.

HI. HI.

I'M SORRY. I'M TOTALLY
BLANKING. YOUR NAME IS...

RORY. RORY GILMORE.

YEAH, RORY'S MY GIRLFRIEND.

YOU OK OVER THERE?

YOU NEED A LITTLE
WATER OR A TIME MACHINE?

I'M SORRY. DID YOU
SAY GIRLFRIEND?

YES. IT'S NEW.

OH, MY GOD!

I'VE NEVER HEARD HIM CALL
ANYONE HIS GIRLFRIEND BEFORE.

WELL, ALYSSA MILANO,

BUT HE WAS 10 AND IN A
WEIRD WHO'S THE BOSS? PHASE.

OH, WOW, TIME FLIES WHEN YOU'RE
GETTING PUSHED OUT THE DOOR.

OK, I'M SORRY. LISTEN, YOU
MUST COME TO DINNER, TOO.

OH, UM...

NO, REALLY. COME. PLEASE, COME.

IT'LL MAKE IT MORE
FESTIVE AND DISTRACTING.

WE'LL SEE.

OK, FINE. I HAVE TO GO.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW
NIGHT. PLEASE DON'T BE LATE.

I PROMISE.

BYE, RORY. BYE.

AND THAT IS MY SISTER.

I LIKE HER. YEAH, SHE'S COOL.

LISTEN, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO
TAKE ME TO DINNER TOMORROW.

IT'S A FAMILY THING. I
TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

NO, YOU SHOULD COME. LOGAN.

HEY, BOYFRIENDS
BRING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS

TO THEIR FAMILY'S HOUSES
FOR DINNER. IT'S NATURAL.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

I SAW IT ON WHO'S THE BOSS?

NOW, LET'S FIND THAT PAPER.

[scoffs]

(Lorelai) THERE'S THE
FRIDGE. STOVE'S OVER THERE.

GRILL'S ON THE SIDE.
FREEZER'S IN BACK.

THAT'S SALAD MAN,
PLATE MAN, TONGS GUY,

CHECK-HIS-TRUNK-
BEFORE-HE-LEAVES GUY.

HERE ARE THE DUCKS. ARE
YOU FAMILIAR WITH DUCKS?

I'M FAMILIAR WITH DUCKS.

NOT JUST FAMILIAR, LIKE YOU KNOW
WHAT A DUCK IS. HAVE YOU COOKED DUCK?

I CAN HANDLE THE DUCKS. RELAX.

DUCKS HANDLED. GOOD.

NOW, DOES SOOKIE
HAVE A MENU, NOTES, OR...

OH, THANKS, UH...

[in Spanish] ME LLAMO MANNY.
MANNY. GRACIAS, MANNY.

SOOKIE SAID EVERYTHING
YOU NEED'S IN THAT FOLDER.

IT'S A LITTLE UNORGANIZED.

OH, IT WOULDN'T
BE SOOKIE'S FAULT,

IF IT WASN'T A
LITTLE UNORGANIZED.

SO, UH, WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP?

NOTHING. OH, PERFECT ANSWER.

UH-UH, NOT WITHOUT A HAIRNET.

OK, I'LL BE OUT
THERE IF YOU NEED ME.

HE'S RIGHT THERE.

(Doyle) WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M TAKING CARE OF YOU.

YOU'RE... HEY, HEY!

THIS IS NANNY. SHE ONLY
SPEAKS PORTUGUESE.

W-WHAT'S PORTUGUESE FOR: "OW,
YOU'RE RIPPING MY CHEST HAIR OUT"?

[speaking Portuguese]

CLEAN SHIRT. GOT IT.

WHAT'S SHE DOING?
WHAT'S THAT JAR?

SHE'S GOT SALVE!
SHE'S GOT SALVE!

DOYLE, RELAX. NANNY
TOOK CARE OF ME FOR YEARS.

[Doyle groaning]

DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN HAN SOLO FINDS

LUKE SKYWALKER IN THE SNOWSTORM

AND HE CUTS OPEN THEIR
DEAD TAUNTAUN TO HIDE INSIDE?

THAT'S WHAT I SMELL
LIKE AT THIS MOMENT.

SHE MAKES THAT BALM HERSELF.
I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S MAGIC.

PARIS, NO OFFENSE TO NANNY
AND HER MAGIC HEALING BALM,

BUT WHEN I CAME OVER HERE, I
THOUGHT YOU WOULD TAKE CARE OF ME.

I AM TAKING CARE OF YOU.
I BROUGHT YOU NANNY.

I DON'T WANT NANNY.
I'M SCARED OF NANNY.

CAN'T YOU JUST
TAKE IT FROM HERE?

NO. WHY?

SICK PEOPLE FREAK ME OUT.

YOU'RE PRE-MED!

[speaking Portuguese]

PARIS.

LIE DOWN. YOU'LL FEEL
BETTER SOON. I PROMISE.

[phone ringing]

[speaking Spanish]

LUKE, SOOKIE.

HEY, SOOKIE.

HI! HI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M COOKING. RIGHT,
GOOD. LITTLE TEST.

SO, I WAS JUST CHECKING IN,
MAKING SURE EVERYTHING WAS FINE.

EVERYTHING IS FINE.

THE DUCKS ARE
WORKING OUT FOR YOU?

DUCKS ARE SELLING
LIKE HOT CAKES.

[laughing]

LIKE HOT CAKES.

GOD, YOU ARE A FUNNY
GUY. I JUST, I NEVER REALIZED.

[laughing]

SO, I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU

THAT I'M REALLY GRATEFUL TO
YOU FOR JUMPING IN LIKE THIS.

HAPPY TO JUMP.

ARE YOU STRAINING
THE SAUCE? EXCUSE ME?

THE DUCK SAUCE. ARE
YOU STRAINING IT? YES.

TWICE? NO.

OH, WELL, IT'S REALLY
BEST IF YOU STRAIN IT TWICE.

IT MAKES IT REALLY SMOOTH.

PEOPLE SEEM TO BE
LIKING THE SAUCE, SOOKIE.

WELL, SURE, WHEN YOU DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING, THEN...

OK, TELL YOU WHAT, FROM NOW ON, I
WILL STRAIN THE DUCK SAUCE TWICE,

3 TIMES, IF IT'LL
MAKE YOU HAPPY.

NO. THEN IT'LL BE TOO RUNNY.

TWICE IT IS.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

HEY, I GOT SOOKIE ON THE
PHONE. YOU NEED TO TALK TO HER?

YES, ACTUALLY, GREAT.

I'M HANDING OVER TO LORELAI.

HEY.

HE'S NOT STRAINING THE
DUCK SAUCE 3 TIMES, IS HE?

OH, NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE.

HEY, SOOKIE, WHERE
ARE THE APPLICATIONS?

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'D
JOKE ABOUT A THING LIKE THAT.

3 TIMES, THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

SOOKIE. THE APPLICATIONS
FROM THE CULINARY INSTITUTE

FOR YOUR TEMPORARY REPLACEMENT?

ARE THEY NOT THERE?

UH, IT DEPENDS
ON WHERE THERE IS.

THEY'RE AROUND SOMEWHERE.

CHECK THE FREEZER. SOMETIMES
I LIKE TO READ IN THERE.

THAT'S VERY LUCY OF YOU.

I'LL CALL WHEN I FIND
THEM. NOW REST. BYE.

BYE.

YOU KNOW, I LOVE
WATCHING YOU COOK. IT'S HOT.

'CAUSE YOU'RE STANDING
NEXT TO THE BROILER.

OH, IS THAT WHAT
WE'RE CALLING IT NOW?

NOT IN FRONT OF
THE GUYS. PLEASE.

FINE. I'LL SAVE MY DIRTY
COOKING JOKES FOR LATER.

YEAH, I WAS JUST WONDERING

IF I COULD GET YOU TO
RESUBMIT THOSE APPLICATIONS.

WELL, WE SEEM TO
HAVE MISPLACED THEM.

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
WOULD BE GREAT.

[rattling]

UH-HUH, OK. YOU CAN JUST
FAX THEM OVER. THANKS. BYE.

HELLO? IS SOMEBODY THERE?

HEY, MOM!

[gasps] HEY, MOM? THAT'S IT?

YOU JUST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.

ALL YOU HAVE TO
SAY IS "HEY, MOM"?

I THOUGHT YOU
WERE A SERIAL KILLER.

WHO YOU WERE GOING TO
CHALLENGE TO A PILLOW FIGHT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE, SASSY McSASSERSON?

I NEEDED SOME STUFF.

WHAT STUFF? MY BLUE DRESS.

WHAT DO YOU NEED
YOUR BLUE DRESS FOR?

OK. I'M GOING TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING,

BUT WHEN I DO, YOU
CANNOT SAY A WORD.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA
HEAR IT. HEAR WHAT?

WHAT YOU'LL SAY. HOW DO
YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL SAY?

TRUST ME. I KNOW.

HEY, I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SAY
SOME VERY SURPRISING THINGS.

"HUGH, I KNOW YOU'RE
WITH ELIZABETH HURLEY,

"BUT HOW ABOUT PICKING UP A
HOOKER TONIGHT?" THAT WAS ME.

MOM! OK, FINE.

LOGAN AND I ARE NOW
BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND.

AND I'M HERE BECAUSE
I NEED MY BLUE DRESS

TO WEAR TO HIS
PARENTS' HOUSE TONIGHT.

I WENT OVER TO LOGAN'S
APARTMENT YESTERDAY.

I TOLD HIM THAT I
DIDN'T WANT TO DO

THE CASUAL DATING THING ANYMORE

AND THAT WE SHOULD JUST
GO BACK TO BEING FRIENDS.

INSTEAD, HE DECIDED TO COMMIT.

UH... NOT A WORD.

NOW, I KNOW THAT THINGS MAY
HAVE STARTED OFF A LITTLE ROCKY.

I... UH-UH-UH...

BUT I AM VERY HAPPY WITH
THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING

AND I THINK THAT IN
TIME, YOU WILL BE, TOO.

I HAVE EVERYTHING I
NEED. I HAVE TO GET GOING.

LOGAN'S PICKING ME UP AT 6:00.

IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU.

DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE.

[sighing]

[phone ringing] MMM, GOOD. ADD
THE PARSLEY. GET IT OUT THERE.

KITCHEN.

DO YOU PUT WALNUTS
IN YOUR BECHAMEL?

SOOKIE?

DO YOU PUT WALNUTS
IN YOUR BECHAMEL?

NO.

YOU DON'T PUT WALNUTS
IN YOUR BECHAMEL.

SOOKIE, I HAVE
THINGS BURNING, SO I...

I THOUGHT I TASTED WALNUTS.

WHAT THINGS ARE YOU BURNING?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU TASTED WALNUTS?

YOU WANT TO GET FANCY, YOU
CAN DO THAT AT YOUR OWN DINER.

MY BECHAMEL SAUCE IS CLASSIC.

HOW ARE YOU TASTING
THE BECHAMEL?

AND, I DON'T REMEMBER INCLUDING
GOAT CHEESE IN THE FENNEL SALAD.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S IN THE SALAD?

SO YOU ADMIT IT.

YOU PUT GOAT CHEESE
IN THE FENNEL SALAD.

YEAH, I PUT GOAT CHEESE
IN THE FENNEL SALAD,

IT GOES GOOD IN THE SALAD,
AND YOU HAD IT SITTING THERE.

AND I ALSO HAVE SOME
BRILLO PADS SITTING THERE.

YOU WANT TO TOSS
A COUPLE OF THOSE

INTO THE FENNEL
SALAD, AS WELL? HMM?

HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS?

I JUST ASSUMED.

YOU JUST ASSUMED I PUT GOAT
CHEESE IN THE FENNEL SALAD?

AND WALNUTS IN THE BECHAMEL.

I DID NOT PUT WALNUTS IN...

SOOKIE, ARE YOU HAVING
PEOPLE BRING YOU MY FOOD?

YOU ARE!

YOU'RE CALLING HERE HAVING PEOPLE
SNEAK FOOD OUT BEHIND MY BACK,

SO THAT YOU CAN TASTE IT.

WOW, YOU PARANOID OR WHAT?

JEEZ, MAN, TIME FOR A VACATION.

HOLD ON.

OK, HERE'S THE DEAL.
ANNOUNCEMENT, PLEASE.

FROM THIS MOMENT ON,

THERE WILL BE NO MORE
FOOD LEAVING THE PREMISES.

THE FOOD GOES FROM HERE TO THE
DINING ROOM OR UPSTAIRS AND THAT IS IT.

NO MORE FOOD WILL
LEAVE THE PREMISES.

[in Spanish] NO QUIERO QUE NINGUNA
COMIDA SALGA DE ESTE LUGAR.

COMPRENDEN?

WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU COMPRENDE?

THAT'S MY KITCHEN, LUKE.

AND IT WILL BE HERE
WAITING WHEN YOU GET BACK.

UNTIL THEN, SIT BACK, RELAX,
AND WATCH ELLEN DANCE AROUND.

I GOT WORK TO DO.

LUKE! BYE-BYE.

HEY, PARIS. HEY, RORY.

OH!

OH, I SCARE?

NO. YES.

EXCUSE ME.

THERE'S A WOMAN IN MY ROOM?

THAT'S NANNY. YOU KNOW NANNY.

THAT MAKES ME SAD THAT
YOU DON'T REMEMBER NANNY.

SHE ALWAYS LIKED YOU.

SHE'S STRIPPING MY BED.
WHY IS SHE DOING THAT?

SHE FINALLY GOT DOYLE TO SLEEP,
AND SHE HAS TO DO SOMETHING.

THE WOMAN DOESN'T
TIRE. SHE'S A MACHINE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE
FINALLY GOT DOYLE TO SLEEP?

HE'S HERE. HE'S SICK, SO
NANNY'S TAKING CARE OF HIM.

WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT?

SICK PEOPLE FREAK ME OUT.

YOU'RE PRE-MED! I'M TIRED OF
HAVING THAT THROWN IN MY FACE.

PARIS, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST
GET NANNY OUT OF MY ROOM?

I HAVE DINNER WITH LOGAN
TONIGHT. I HAVE TO GET READY.

LOGAN? I THOUGHT
YOU GUYS WERE...

WE WERE. WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, I TOLD HIM THAT I DIDN'T
THINK THINGS WERE WORKING.

THAT WE SHOULD JUST BE FRIENDS.

BUT HE DIDN'T WANT
TO BE... JUST FRIENDS.

NO, IT SEEMED TO WAKE HIM UP.

SO NOW HE WANTS TO
GIVE COMMITMENT A TRY.

A COMMITMENT? WITH LOGAN?

YEP. I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

YOU DID IT. YOU
LANDED THE WHALE.

YOU'RE ANNETTE BENNING.
I'M NOT ANNETTE BENNING.

IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF GETTING
HIM TO FOCUS ON THE SITUATION.

FOCUS. HUH.

[speaking Portuguese]

SHE'S GONNA BUFF YOUR SHOES.

I NEED THESE.

(Rory) MY GOD, MY ROOM IS CLEAN!

WOW!

UH, WHERE ARE MY KEYS?
WHAT DID I DO WITH MY KEYS?

JUST YOUR PARENTS LIVE HERE?

OH, GOT THEM.

WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE
THE DRAINAGE IS GOOD.

EXCUSE ME?

IF IT'S NOT GOOD, AND YOU
HAVE POOLING SOMEWHERE

YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT FOR MONTHS.

UH, I'LL BE SURE AND
MENTION THAT TO THEM.

YOU LOOK NERVOUS.

DO I?

[sighing]

JUST NOT SO SURE
WHAT I GOT YOU INTO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

MY FAMILY'S NOT GONNA TAKE MY
SISTER'S ENGAGEMENT TOO WELL.

AND THEY CAN BE A LITTLE
VICIOUS WHEN ANNOYED.

HEY, RELAX. YOU DO NOT HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT ME, AT ALL.

5 YEARS OF FRIDAY NIGHT
DINNERS HAVE PREPARED ME

FOR EXACTLY THIS MOMENT. REALLY?

REMIND ME TO TELL
YOU ABOUT THE TIME

MY MOM CLIMBED OUT
A 2ND-STORY WINDOW

TO GET AWAY FROM MY GRANDMOTHER.

AH, I WILL.

OK, READY? READY.

[bell rings]

YOU ARE LATE. 15 MINUTES.

WELL, IT'S AWFUL. A MORGUE.

IT'S LIKE THEY ALREADY KNOW
WHAT I'M GOING TO TELL THEM.

YOU HAVE BEEN WITH
JOSH FOR 3 YEARS NOW.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. I
TOLD THEM YOU WERE COMING

BECAUSE THAT USUALLY
MAKES MOM HAPPY.

AND I TOLD THEM YOU
WERE BRINGING RORY

SO THEY'D BE ON THEIR
COMPANY BEHAVIOR.

BUT FROM THE MINUTE JOSH
AND I WALKED IN THAT DOOR,

IT'S BEEN ICEBERG CITY.

JOSH IS COMPLETELY
PANICKED. SHAKING.

WOW. SORRY.

DON'T BE SORRY. JUST
GET IN HERE AND STOP IT.

[sighing]

HUH. REMIND ME TO
TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME

MY MOTHER WORE A SHIRT
WITH A RHINESTONE PENIS ON IT

AND MY GRANDMA
HAD HER CAR TOWED.

LOOK AT THE CEILING!

COME ON.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CEILING?

(Honor) HURRY!

(Sarah) WELL, LOOK WHAT
THE CAT DRAGGED IN.

I'M SORRY WE'RE LATE, EVERYONE.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, LOGAN. WE'RE
STILL WAITING FOR YOUR FATHER.

HEY, GRANDPA, NICE TO SEE YOU.

DID YOU GET THOSE
BOOKS I SENT YOU?

I DID. THANK YOU.

HEY, JOSH. YOU'RE LOOKING WELL.

YOU, TOO.

EVERYONE, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET RORY GILMORE.

HI. IT'S REALLY NICE
TO MEET YOU ALL.

THIS HOUSE IS AMAZING.

SERIOUSLY, THERE SHOULD
BE A DOCENT AT THE DOOR.

WELL, THANK YOU, RORY.

YOU KNOW RORY'S GRANDPARENTS,
MOM, RICHARD AND EMILY.

YES, OF COURSE.

HOW ARE RICHARD AND EMILY DOING?

THEY'RE DOING VERY WELL.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

[ice clinking]

SO, UH, YOU WERE AT
THE WEDDING, RIGHT?

OH, WHY, YES, WE WERE.

OH, IT WAS LOVELY.

EMILY CERTAINLY KNOWS
HOW TO PLAN AN EVENT.

THAT, SHE DOES.

I SHOULD SEND HER A NOTE.

MMM.

[inaudible]

HEY, GRANDPA, CAN I
FRESHEN YOUR DRINK FOR YOU?

MMM-HMM.

OH, I'M SORRY. CAN WE
GET YOU SOMETHING, RORY?

(Logan) I GOT IT, MOM.

LOGAN, I DON'T
THINK... CLUB SODA, ACE.

OH, THANKS.

APPARENTLY MITCHUM
IS STILL AT THE OFFICE.

WE MIGHT AS WELL START DINNER.

SO...

COME ON, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
WHEN YOU HAVE SOME FOOD.

I'LL FEEL BETTER
WHEN WE'RE LEAVING.

SO SORRY. WE OWE YOU ONE.

IS THAT A VELAZQUEZ?

COME ON.

IT IS! THAT'S A VELAZQUEZ!

THIS HOUSE IS SO COOL!

SO, I'M HOLDING IN MY HAND
ONE OF OUR COMMENT CARDS

ON WHICH A PARTICULAR
PERSON HAS WRITTEN:

"BEST MEAL I'VE EVER HAD.
THE DUCK WAS EXCEPTIONAL.

THE LAMB CHOPS WERE AMAZING.
ASK THE CHEF IF HE'LL MARRY ME."

WHAT DO YOU THINK? UH,
WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE?

I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS A SHE.

I'LL STICK WITH WHAT
I HAVE. AH, SWEET.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
MAKING LAMB CHOPS.

LAST-MINUTE ADDITION. YOU KNOW,
YOUR KITCHEN CREW HERE IS GREAT.

MARK, THE SALAD GUY, TOP-NOTCH.

JAVIER IS ONE
HELL OF A GRILL MAN

AND MANNY, YOUR SOUS-CHEF...

I'D KICK CAESAR OUT ON HIS
ASS IF I COULD STEAL MANNY.

AH, YOU COVET MY KITCHEN STAFF.

I'M FEELING
SUPERIOR, AND I LIKE IT.

OK, GUYS, WE NEED 2
SEA BASSES, ONE CHICKEN,

AND ONE PEPPER STEAK
WITHOUT THE PEPPER, GO FIGURE.

WHERE'S PEDRO GOING?

I KNEW IT. ARE YOU INSANE?

YOU WOULDN'T TAKE MY CALLS.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN UP HERE?

SINCE YOU MADE ME PROMISE THAT

NO FOOD WOULD
LEAVE THE PREMISES.

WELL, HERE I AM,
KEEPING MY PROMISES.

PEDRO, GIVE ME THE LADLE.
PEDRO, DO NOT GIVE HER THAT LADLE.

GIVE ME THE LADLE, PEDRO.

VENTE JUNTO CON MIGO, PEDRO.

YO SOY SU JEFE, PEDRO.

YOU'RE SCARING PEDRO.

YOU'RE SCARING PEDRO.

ALL DAY LONG, THINGS
ARE DISAPPEARING.

SALADS ARE SUDDENLY GONE.

LAMB CHOPS DON'T
MAKE IT TO THE TABLE.

I HAD TO MAKE SURE
YOU WERE DOING IT RIGHT.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME!

NO! I'M SUPPOSED TO
BE IN BED. AND I'M IN BED.

YOU SAID THAT YOU WOULD
DOUBLE-STRAIN THE DUCK SAUCE

AND YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE
NOT DOUBLE-STRAINING.

THERE WILL BE NO MORE OF THIS.

NO MORE CALLS.
NO MORE QUESTIONS.

NO MORE LADLES THAT
LEAVE THAT KITCHEN.

I DON'T CARE WHAT BED YOU'RE IN.

THAT IS BETWEEN YOU
AND YOUR HUSBAND,

AND GOD, I HOPE, A
QUALIFIED THERAPIST.

BUT YOU WILL NOT
INTERFERE WITH ME ANYMORE.

PERIOD.

GIVE ME THAT.

SO, GRANDPA, HOW'S THE NEW BOAT?

IT'S A BOAT. IT FLOATS.

I HEAR IT'S BEAUTIFUL. WHEN ARE
YOU GONNA LET ME TAKE IT OUT?

NOW, LOGAN, YOU DON'T
HAVE THE BEST TRACK RECORD

WHEN IT COMES TO BOATS.

ONLY OTHER PEOPLE'S BOATS.
OUR BOATS ARE VERY SAFE.

WE SHOULD DO A SUMMER TRIP.
MAYBE HIT THE AMALFI COAST AGAIN?

ALL OF US. RORY, JOSH, YOU, ME.

[banging on table]

(Sarah) DAD. MARIA!

(Maria) YES, SIR.

IT'S TOO HOT. BRING ME A SALAD.

MMM-HMM.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHAT?

MOM'S A STRESS SMOKER.

OH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
EVERYONE'S SO UPSET. JOSH SEEMS FINE.

THE HUNTZBERGERS
AREN'T INTERESTED IN FINE.

(grandpa) SARAH! YES, DAD?

WHAT TIME DID MITCHUM
SAY HE'D BE HERE?

[coughing] I DON'T
KNOW. HE DIDN'T SAY.

WELL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

PLEASE, DAD.

WE'RE ALL JUST GONNA
SIT AROUND THIS TABLE

AND PRETEND THERE'S
NOTHING GOING ON?

LET'S JUST WAIT FOR MITCHUM.

THERE ARE SERIOUS MATTERS
TO BE DISCUSSED HERE.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT FAMILY.

MARRYING INTO IT IS
IMPORTANT BUSINESS.

BUT, NO, WE CAN'T DISCUSS
THIS UNTIL MITCHUM GETS HERE.

WHAT IS THIS? GO AWAY!

OK, I'M SORRY. I HAVE
TO JUMP IN HERE.

GRANDPA, WE ALL RESPECT
YOU AND MOM AND DAD

BUT THE BOTTOM LINE HERE
IS HONOR HAS TO BE HAPPY.

NOW, IF SHE LOVES JOSH, THEN...

I APPRECIATE YOU DEFENDING
ME, BUT I CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE.

MOM, GRANDPA, I HAD HOPED
THAT YOU WOULD BE HAPPY FOR ME

BUT OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME ANNOUNCE
IT BEFORE YOU FORMED AN OPINION.

I'M SORRY YOU FEEL
THE WAY YOU DO,

BUT JOSH AND I MADE
IT OFFICIAL LAST WEEK.

WE ARE ENGAGED NOW, AND
NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY

WE ARE GOING TO
GET MARRIED IN JUNE.

WELL, OF COURSE YOU'RE
GOING TO GET MARRIED.

YOU'VE BEEN DATING FOR 3 YEARS

AND I ALREADY PUT A HOLD ON THE
JAPANESE TEA GARDEN FOR NEXT SPRING.

OH, WELL.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT. THANK YOU.

SO, WE SHOULD CELEBRATE THEN.

WE'LL CELEBRATE WHEN
WE'VE FINISHED OUR DISCUSSION.

WHICH DISCUSSION?

THE DISCUSSION ABOUT UNSUITABLE
PEOPLE MARRYING INTO THIS FAMILY.

WHAT? I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU SHOULD KNOW
BETTER THAN THIS, LOGAN.

I KNOW YOU LIKE TO JOKE
AROUND AND TEASE US

BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT,
AT THE END OF THE DAY

YOU UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOUR
RESPONSIBILITIES TO THIS FAMILY WERE.

MOM, I SUGGEST YOU COME
BACK IN HERE RIGHT NOW!

LOGAN, YOU JUST HAVEN'T
THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, I'M SURE
RORY UNDERSTANDS.

SHE WANTS TO WORK.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, RORY?

EMILY'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT
YOU WANTING TO BE A REPORTER

AND TRAVEL AROUND
DOING THIS AND THAT.

A GIRL LIKE RORY HAS NO IDEA WHAT
IT TAKES TO BE IN THIS FAMILY, LOGAN.

OH, MY GOD.

(Sarah) SHE WASN'T RAISED THAT
WAY. SHE WASN'T BRED FOR IT.

AND THIS ISN'T AT ALL
ABOUT HER MOTHER.

IT'S JUST, YOU COME FROM 2
TOTALLY DIFFERENT WORLDS.

IT WOULD NEVER WORK.

NOT FOR YOU, AND
CERTAINLY NOT FOR US.

OK, THIS CONVERSATION IS GONNA END
RIGHT NOW. I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE...

YOU ARE GONNA BE
TAKING OVER THIS COMPANY,

THAT'S WHAT YOU
ARE GONNA BE DOING.

AND WHEN YOU DO
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED

THE RIGHT KIND OF
PERSON AT YOUR SIDE.

THIS ISN'T COLLEGE, LOGAN.

(Sarah) W-WHATEVER
HAPPENED TO THAT FALLON GIRL?

I LOVED HER. DO
YOU TALK ANYMORE?

NO, WE DON'T TALK. WE
NEVER TALKED. YOU TALKED.

[sighs] WHAT A SHAME.
I JUST LOVED HER.

OK, LET'S GO.

(Sarah) LOGAN, YOU
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,

YOU BRING THIS GIRL HOME
WITHOUT ANY WARNING AT ALL

AND HONOR TELLS US YOU'RE
CALLING HER YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

W-WE HAVE TO TAKE
THAT SERIOUSLY.

LOGAN, COME BACK HERE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THEY'RE PSYCHOTIC. WHAT
MORE IS THERE TO UNDERSTAND?

WHY DON'T THEY THINK
I'M GOOD ENOUGH?

RORY. I MEAN, I'M A GILMORE.
DO THEY KNOW THAT?

MY ANCESTORS CAME
OVER ON THE MAYFLOWER.

DON'T TRY AND ANALYZE IT.
THERE'S NO RHYME OR REASON.

I HAD A COMING-OUT PARTY. I
WENT TO CHILTON AND YALE.

WHY ARE THEY OK WITH JOSH?
HE DOESN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING.

AT LEAST I NOTICED
THE VELAZQUEZ.

JOSH ISN'T MARRYING THE HEIR OF
THE HUNTZBERGER FORTUNE. YOU ARE.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

(Mitchum) LOGAN. PERFECT.

DID THEY START DINNER? IS IT
SOME SORT OF PRECIOUS FISH DISH

BECAUSE I'M DYING FOR A STEAK.

YOU'RE RORY, I ASSUME.
HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.

WE'RE LEAVING. WHAT? WHY?

YOU KNOW WHY.

I HAD A LONG DAY, LOGAN.
DON'T WANT TO PLAY GAMES.

IS DINNER OVER? NO.

THE HUNTZBERGER
FAMILY SHANGHAI IS OVER.

DINNER, HOWEVER,
IS STILL GOING ON.

OH, OK, OK, WHAT
HAPPENED? UJ... UH...

OH, NO. WHY IS YOUR
MOTHER SMOKING?

[sighs]

WE HAVE TO GO. I'M SURE
THEY'LL FILL YOU IN ON EVERYTHING.

IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.

[Doyle laughing]

PARIS, COME ON IN.
WE'RE JUST CHATTING.

I SEE THAT.

I GOT TO TELL YOU,
PARIS, YOU'RE RIGHT.

THIS STUFF IS MAGIC.

[speaking Portuguese]

SHE JUST TAUGHT ME THAT.

[speaking Portuguese]

UH-HUH.

(Doyle) SHE'S
GREAT. YES, SHE IS.

SO, YOU SEEM BETTER.

I AM SO MUCH BETTER.

NANNY'S GOT ME
SALVING EVERY 4 HOURS.

I'VE STEAMED, I'VE HAD SOUP.

ALL I NEED NOW IS ONE MORE
GOOD NYQUIL KNOCKOUT SLEEP

AND I'LL BE AS GOOD AS NEW.

HEY, COULD YOU?

OH, SURE.

I GOT TO TELL YOU, PARIS,
YOU'RE A LIFE-SAVER. REALLY.

PARIS?

PARIS, THE NYQUIL.

DOYLE, IT'S TIME WE HAVE A
TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.

BUT... DOYLE! FOCUS.

HEY, YOU IN THE HAT.
(Luke) JACKSON, WHAT...

HOW DARE YOU TAKE A LADLE
FROM A PREGNANT WOMAN!

DR. MANK VERY SPECIFICALLY
SAID THAT SHE NEEDS TO RELAX.

SHE CANNOT RELAX THINKING YOU'RE
IN HERE SCREWING UP HER SAUCE!

I'M NOT. WHILE THERE'S
A VERY GOOD CHANCE

THAT YOU COULD KILL ME
IN A FIGHT, I DO NOT CARE.

THAT WOMAN IS MY WIFE,
AND SHE IS CARRYING MY BABY.

SO, FROM NOW ON, IF SHE
WANTS TO TALK, YOU WILL TALK.

IF SHE WANTS TO TASTE YOUR FOOD,

YOU WILL LET HER
TASTE YOUR FOOD.

IF SHE WANTS YOU TO
DOUBLE-STRAIN THAT SAUCE,

YOU WILL DOUBLE-STRAIN
THAT SAUCE, MY FRIEND,

BECAUSE I HAVE TO LIVE
WITH HER, AND IF SHE IS UPSET,

I WILL COME OVER HERE
AND SOUNDLY KICK YOUR ASS!

THAT IS, IF YOU
HAVEN'T KILLED ME YET.

HEY!

HEY. THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD IT.

YOU'VE HAD WHAT?

SHE'S A CRAZY WOMAN,
AND NOW SHE'S UPSTAIRS.

AND LADLES ARE MYSTERIOUSLY
FLYING OUT OF THE KITCHEN.

WHO'S UPSTAIRS?
SOOKIE'S UPSTAIRS.

UH, SOOKIE'S AT HOME. NO,
SOOKIE'S SUPPOSED TO BE AT HOME.

AND THEN I DIDN'T
STRAIN THE SAUCE TWICE,

SO SHE CAME HERE
TO DRIVE ME CRAZY

AND SHE BROUGHT HER
LOONY HUSBAND WITH HER.

JACKSON'S HERE? HOW
AM I MISSING ALL THIS?

I DON'T KNOW, AND I DON'T CARE.

I'M THROUGH. I'M NOT
TAKING THIS ANYMORE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT
I'M GONNA DO? NOTHING!

BECAUSE I AM IN A
RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU!

YOU KNOW VERY WELL I
CAN'T LEAVE. ALL I CAN DO

IS COME OUT HERE,
SAY I'M THROUGH

AND PRETEND I HAVE A
LEG TO STAND ON, AND THEN

MARCH BACK INTO THAT
KITCHEN, AND KEEP DOING THE JOB.

OH, BOY, I OUGHT TO BE THINKING
ABOUT WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE

IF WE WEREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP,
THOUGH THAT WOULD MEAN

I WOULDN'T BE IN THIS
POSITION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

EXCUSE ME.

[sighs]

UH, IF THIS IS THE ECCENTRIC-COUPLE
VERSION OF THE AMAZING RACE,

I THINK YOU GUYS ARE WINNING.

ARE WE TALKING TO HER? I DON'T
THINK WE'RE TALKING TO HER.

HEY, IT'S LORELAI.

GIRLFRIEND OF LUKE. AND
WE'RE NOT TALKING TO LUKE.

I'M TALKING TO LORELAI.
HOW YOU DOING?

SOOKIE, THIS IS NOT BED REST.

MY FEET ARE UP.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK TO HER.

WHAT IS WITH THE
'TUDE, CRANKY PANTS?

HE'S VERY MAD AT LUKE.

I'M NOT LUKE. BY
EXTENSION, YOU ARE LUKE.

SOOKIE, WHAT WERE
YOU DOING AT THE INN?

CHECKING IN ON THE
RESTAURANT. THAT'S MY JOB.

UH, NOT ANYMORE.
YOUR JOB IS BED REST.

OH, HONEY, EASY ON THE BUMPS.

BABY DOESN'T LIKE THE BUMPS.

JACKSON, STOP.

SHE AND THAT BOYFRIEND OF
HERS, BOSSIEST COUPLE IN TOWN.

STOP! AT LEAST LET ME RIDE.

[grunts]

OK, GO.

SOOKIE, YOU KNEW
THE DAY WAS COMING

WHEN YOU WOULDN'T
BE ABLE TO COME IN.

I HAD 3 WEEKS.

YOU NEVER HAD ANY
APPLICATIONS, DID YOU?

I MEANT TO. NO ONE
WAS GOOD ENOUGH.

NO ONE'S AS GOOD AS YOU, BUT
PLENTY OF PEOPLE ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

WE JUST NEED ONE OF THEM. JUST
TILL YOU'RE BACK ON YOUR FEET.

I KNOW.

LUKE'S NOT AS
GOOD AS YOU, EITHER.

THAT KIND OF COOKING'S A LITTLE
FANCY FOR HIM, BUT HE TRIED.

HEY, HE'S NOT BAD, UM,

HE'S PRETTY GOOD, IN FACT.

UH, WHAT DOES HE PUT IN THESE?

WHAT IS THAT?

HIS LAMB CHOPS. THEY'RE AMAZING.

I'M TAKING THEM HOME TO STUDY.

(Lorelai) WELL, YOU COULD
HAVE JUST ASKED HIM.

HE'S MAD AT ME.

WE'RE MAD AT HIM.

W-WE'RE ALL GONNA STOP
BEING MAD AT EACH OTHER.

NOW, PULL OVER. WHY?

'CAUSE, UH, YOU LIVE HERE.

OH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, LUKE SAID THAT... THAT
MANNY WAS DOING PRETTY WELL.

I KNOW. I TRAINED HIM.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST MET HIM,

HE DIDN'T KNOW A GEFILTE
FROM A CHIFFONADE.

YEAH, WELL, HE'S
FROM NEW JERSEY.

HE PICKED IT UP QUICK.

MAYBE HE CAN TAKE OVER WHILE
YOU'RE OUT. KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY.

HE KNOWS ALL YOUR SECRETS.

OK. WE'LL GO WITH
MANNY. HE'S A GOOD GUY.

I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

THANK LUKE FOR ME. I WILL.

A-A-AND FIND OUT WHAT'S
IN THESE LAMB CHOPS,

'CAUSE THEY'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

I PROMISE. JACKSON, GET HER
INSIDE AND DON'T LET HER MOVE.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU GONNA GET BACK?

OH, I THOUGHT I'D TAKE
THE CART YOU GUYS STOLE.

AH, PERFECT.

THIS ALL TURNED OUT PRETTY GOOD.

[sighs]

SO...

OK IF I JUST DROP YOU HERE?

DROP ME HERE?

LIGHTS ARE ON. PARIS IS HOME.

I'VE HAD ABOUT ALL THE
CRAZY I CAN FOR ONE EVENING.

OK. SURE.

YOU KNOW WE DON'T HAVE TO GO IN.

WE CAN GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

I'M NOT HUNGRY. OK.

I JUST WANT TO WALK A
LITTLE, CLEAR MY HEAD.

OK.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

TOMORROW?

UH, YEAH, TOMORROW.

DOES IT SEEM LIKE FRODO IS ON
EVERY FRICKING CHANNEL TO YOU,

OR IS IT JUST ME?

GOD, I HAVE NEVER
BEEN THIS TIRED.

OH, YOU WERE ONE HELL OF
A WHITE KNIGHT TODAY, BABY.

YES, I'M A REGULAR LANCELOT.

[sighs]

YOU STARTING TO SNOOZE?

UH-HUH.

DO YOU WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS
OR ARE YOU OK RIGHT HERE?

UH-HUH.

LUKE.

MMM?

WHAT DID YOU PUT
IN THE LAMB CHOPS?

FORGET IT. COME ON.

[phone ringing]

SAVED BY THE BELL.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HELLO?

YOU BUSY?

WHAT'S WRONG?

DINNER WAS AWFUL.

HOLD ON.

OK, HIT IT.

WELL, TO MAKE A LONG STORY
SHORT, LOGAN'S FAMILY HATES ME.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. IT'S
LIKE HATING THUMPER.

NO ONE HATES THUMPER.

THEY THINK I'M TRASH.

THEY THINK I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH
TO MARRY INTO THEIR FAMILY.

WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
DON'T THEY KNOW YOU'RE A GILMORE?

I DON'T THINK THEY CARE.

[snorting] AND WHO SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT MARRYING INTO THEIR FAMILY?

APPARENTLY, LOGAN
BRINGING ME OVER FOR DINNER

SAID THAT I WAS GOING TO
MARRY INTO THEIR FAMILY.

AH, THAT'S CRAZY.

I KNOW, THEY JUST
GOT ALL PANICKED

AND STARTED SAYING
ALL THESE THINGS.

TO YOUR FACE? RIGHT
THERE AT THE DINNER TABLE.

WHAT? THEY WENT ON AND ON

ABOUT HOW I'M GOING
TO BE A CAREER WOMAN

AND: "LOGAN, YOU
DON'T WANT THAT.

"SHE WON'T UNDERSTAND
OUR LIFESTYLE

OR THE DEMANDS OR... OR
THE FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES."

WHAT FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES?
WHO ARE THEY, THE GAMBINOS?

THEN HIS MOTHER STARTS IN
ON "THAT LOVELY FALLON GIRL"

AND DOESN'T LOGAN
SEE HER ANYMORE

BECAUSE SHE WOULD
MAKE A PERFECT CHOICE.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

NOTHING. I JUST SAT THERE.

I JUST SAT THERE AND LET THEM
SAY THAT I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH

AND THAT LOGAN
WAS MAKING A MISTAKE

AND JUST WAIT TILL
HIS FATHER CAME HOME.

I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

IT WAS AWFUL.

LOGAN DIDN'T JUST SIT THERE

AND LET THEM ATTACK
YOU ALL NIGHT, DID HE?

NO, HE GOT REALLY MAD AND HE
TOLD THEM THEY WERE ALL CRAZY

AND THEN WE LEFT.

WELL, GOOD FOR HIM.

BUT WE DIDN'T SAY A WORD TO
EACH OTHER ALL THE WAY HOME.

AND THEN, WALKING
BACK TO MY DORM,

HE JUST LOOKED SO FREAKED.

I... I COULD TELL
THAT HE WAS JUST...

I DON'T KNOW,
RETHINKING EVERYTHING,

THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP.

AND I'M JUST AFRAID
HE'S GONNA BOLT.

MOM?

CAN I SAY SOMETHING, SOMETHING
YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR?

YES.

IF HE IS GONNA BOLT, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD LET HIM BOLT.

HE TOLD YOU, RORY, HE TOLD YOU

HE WAS NOT A
COMMITMENT KIND OF GUY

JUST LIKE YOU'RE NOT A
NON-COMMITMENT KIND OF GIRL.

AND YOU TRIED TO BE
SOMETHING YOU WEREN'T

AND IT WAS BAD. IT
DIDN'T WORK FOR YOU.

DON'T TRY AND FORCE HIM
TO BE SOMETHING HE'S NOT.

I DIDN'T FORCE HIM.

I KNOW, BUT HE WAS, UH,
LOOKING AT LOSING YOU

AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO, AND
I GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR THAT.

BUT MAYBE IN THE END THIS IS NOT
THE GUY OR THE RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU.

I DON'T CARE WHAT
HIS FAMILY THINKS.

THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH HIS FAMILY.

WE'RE GOOD TOGETHER,
MOM. I'M GOOD FOR HIM.

BUT MAYBE HE ISN'T GOOD FOR YOU.

PEOPLE CAN CHANGE.

DO YOU WANT TO BE IN THE
BUSINESS OF CHANGING SOMEONE?

MAYBE HE WANTS TO CHANGE.

2 DAYS AGO, YOU WERE
ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR

CRYING ABOUT WHY
HE WON'T CALL YOU,

WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE
YOU, WHAT DID YOU DO.

I WAS DRUNK. I WAS SICK.

YOU, MY BEAUTIFUL,
BRAINY, FABULOUS DAUGHTER

WERE LYING ON THE
FLOOR OF THE BATHROOM

W-W-WONDERING WHAT
YOU HAD DONE WRONG

WHICH IS DISTURBING
TO ME ON SEVERAL LEVELS

INCLUDING THE FACT THAT I
CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME

I CLEANED THE FLOOR
OF THE BATHROOM.

IS THAT REALLY THE KIND OF
RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT TO BE IN?

[knocking on door]

HOLD ON.

HEY.

EVERYTHING OK?

I'M SORRY.

FOR WHAT? FOR JUST
TAKING OFF LIKE THAT.

I JUST...

THIS WAS A VERY
INTENSE EVENING FOR ME.

I'M SURE.

BUT TAKING OFF LIKE
THAT, I WAS OVERREACTING.

THAT'S JUST STUPID,
SO FORGIVE ME?

THERE'S NOTHING TO FORGIVE.

COME ON. GRAB YOUR COAT. I'LL
TAKE YOU TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

OK. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

YEAH, I SURE DID.

EVERYTHING'S FINE. I JUST
GOT UPSET ABOUT NOTHING.

O-OK, BUT...

THANKS FOR THE TALK, MOM.

AND I HEARD YOU,
BUT I HAVE TO GO.

OK. CALL ME TOMORROW.

I WILL.

HE GOT DUMPED 2 YEARS AGO.

APPARENTLY, IT WAS A VICIOUS

JULIA ROBERTS TO KIEFER
SUTHERLAND KIND OF DUMP.

SHE BROKE HIS HEART, SLEPT WITH
HIS BEST FRIEND, AND TOOK THE DOG.

HE SWORE OFF WOMEN
COMPLETELY UNTIL HE MET ME.

THAT WAS A LOT OF GROUND
YOU GUYS COVERED LAST NIGHT.

HE FINALLY ADMITTED, ONCE HIS
COUGH STARTED COMING BACK,

THAT WHAT WE HAVE, HE
NO LONGER VIEWS AS CASUAL.

HE SAID WE ARE
OFFICIALLY IN A COMMITTED...

HEY, I KNOW THAT WORD.

RELATIONSHIP, AND I'M NOT OUT OF
LINE, CALLING MYSELF HIS GIRLFRIEND.

THEN I HANDED HIM THE NYQUIL,
AND THEN HE PASSED OUT.

VERY ROMANTIC. I KNOW.

I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.

I'M HAPPY FOR ME, TOO.

MR. HUNTZBERGER.

HELLO, THERE.

HELLO, RORY. HI.

PARIS GELLER. WE MET
A COUPLE MONTHS AGO.

I REMEMBER THE HANDSHAKE.

REMINDED ME OF JIMMY BRESLIN'S.

HIGH COMPLIMENT.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE US? OH, SURE.

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR LOGAN?

NO. I KNOW BETTER THAN TO LOOK
FOR MY SON IN THE NEWSROOM.

I CAME TO TALK TO YOU.

ABOUT WHAT?

I'M VERY SORRY
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

IT'S OK.

MY FAMILY BEHAVED ATROCIOUSLY.

THOUGH LOGAN WAS A LITTLE NAIVE

TO WALK INTO THE LION'S DEN
WITHOUT A CHAIR LIKE THAT,

THEY WERE WRONG, AND
YOU DESERVE AN APOLOGY.

OK. THANK YOU.

SO, I HEAR YOU HAVE SOME RATHER
LOFTY JOURNALISTIC ASPIRATIONS.

I HAVE PLANS.

YOU KNOW, MY
COMPANY JUST ACQUIRED

A SMALL NEWSPAPER, THE
STANFORD EAGLE GAZETTE.

DECENT CIRCULATION, PRETTY SORRY
WRITING, BUT DEFINITE POTENTIAL.

WHEN WE BUY A NEW PAPER, I
LIKE TO SPEND SOME TIME THERE,

TAKE A COUPLE OF MONTHS.
HELP TURN IT AROUND,

MAKE SURE WE'RE GETTING
OUR MONEY'S WORTH.

STANFORD ISN'T A BAD
TRAIN RIDE FROM HERE, IS IT?

UM, NO.

I HAVE AN INTERNSHIP
AVAILABLE, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

AN INTERNSHIP?

IT'D BE A GOOD CHANCE FOR
YOU TO GET YOUR FEET WET,

EXPERIENCE HOW THE
REAL THING WORKS.

NO. THANK YOU.

"NO, THANK YOU"?

I APPRECIATE THE OFFER. BUT, NO.

MAY I BE SO BOLD, AS TO INQUIRE,

[clears throat]

WHY THE HELL NOT?

BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING THAT
THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE DOING THIS

IS BECAUSE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT

WHAT HAPPENED THE
OTHER NIGHT AT DINNER.

AND IT'S VERY NICE,
BUT VERY UNNECESSARY.

SO WHAT?

EXCUSE ME?

SAY THE ONLY REASON
I OFFERED THIS TO YOU

IS BECAUSE MY
FAMILY BEHAVED BADLY

AND I WANTED TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

SAY I HAVE NO INTEREST IN
FURTHERING YOUR CAREER.

THIS IS STILL AN OPPORTUNITY. WHO
CARES WHY YOU GOT THE OPPORTUNITY?

IT'S HERE, AND LIFE IS ABOUT MAKING
THE MOST OF EVERYTHING YOU'RE HANDED.

WELL, THIS IS BEING
HANDED TO YOU.

NOW, WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

MONDAY, 10:00. CALL MY
OFFICE FOR THE DETAILS.

AND BRING A PENCIL.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN
YOU'RE GONNA NEED A PENCIL.