Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 5, Episode 20 - How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod? - full transcript

[machine whirring]

[machine whirring]

(Lorelai) SO, IS THIS
MORE OR LESS FUN

THAN WATCHING THE SAME
T.V. SHOW AT THE SAME TIME?

I THINK IT'S MORE.

YOU KNOW, IF WE DIED
RIGHT NOW AND DECOMPOSED,

IT WOULD VACUUM US UP,
AND NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW.

FREAKY.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ I'M WALKIN' ON
SUNSHINE, WHOA ♪

♪ I'M WALKIN' ON
SUNSHINE, WHOA ♪

♪ I'M WALKIN' ON
SUNSHINE, WHOA ♪

♪ AND DON'T IT FEEL
GOOD, HEY, ALL RIGHT ♪

HEY. WHAT?

LEARN A NEW SONG OR
I'M TYING YOU TO A CHAIR

AND PUTTING HOTEL
RWANDA ON AGAIN.

IT'S LOVE, BABY. DEAL.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA USE THAT
AS A MICROPHONE, ARE YOU?

OH, NO, REVEREND, HAS THE TOWN
BANNED DANCING AND SINGING?

I'M REALLY HAPPY.

DOYLE, I ASSUME?

YOU KNOW, HE CALLS ME HIS
GIRLFRIEND NOW WITH NO VISIBLE SHAKING.

I'M HAPPY YOU'RE HAPPY.

SO, HOW ARE THINGS WITH LOGAN?

YOU WANT TO HAND
ME THAT HAIRBRUSH?

LOOK AT US. WE'RE HAPPY.
WE HAVE BOYFRIENDS.

THIS IS INFINITELY BETTER
THAN ANY MOOD STABILIZER

I HAVE EVER BEEN ON.

[knocking on door] OH,
SHOOT. WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S HAMMER TIME.

IT'S LOGAN. HAIRBRUSHES DOWN.

YOU GOT IT.

EVENING, ACE. HI.

NICE. VERY NICE.

HEY, YOU WANT TO SEE MY
ROOM? IT'S FAR AWAY FROM HERE.

SUPER IDEA.

HELLO. HELLO.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
WHETHER OR NOT YOU'VE EVER WOKEN UP

WITH PARIS STANDING
OVER YOU WITH A KNIFE.

NOT RECENTLY. SHE'S
BEEN IN A GOOD MOOD.

WHY'S THAT?
BECAUSE SHE'S IN LOVE.

WITH DOYLE?

YES, WITH DOYLE. AND DO
NOT MOCK OR MAKE FUN.

BECAUSE WHEN PARIS IS HAPPY,
THE WHOLE WORLD IS HAPPY.

BUT WHEN SHE'S NOT HAPPY,
THE WHOLE WORLD IS DEADWOOD.

GOT IT. YOU HUNGRY?

YES, I'M STARVING.

JUST LET ME GET MY SWEATER.

HEY. WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THIS DRESS?

DOES IT LOOK NEWSPAPERY
ENOUGH? WHAT?

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO
WEAR TO MY FIRST DAY ON THE PAPER.

AH, THE INTERNSHIP
REARS ITS UGLY HEAD AGAIN.

I WANT TO LOOK PROFESSIONAL,
BUT NOT TOO LOIS LANE-Y.

AND I DON'T WANT TO
LOOK LIKE A COLLEGE KID.

YOU ARE A COLLEGE KID.

NOT ON MONDAY.

ON MONDAY, I AM A
NEWSPAPERWOMAN.

AND I HAVE TO LOOK
LIKE A NEWSPAPERWOMAN.

WHATEVER YOU WEAR WILL BE FINE.

I'M JUST SO EXCITED. I CAN TELL.

OH, LAST NIGHT, I COULDN'T
SLEEP, SO I GOOGLED YOUR FATHER.

EXCUSE ME?

12,053 ITEMS CAME UP.

I COULD ONLY PULL UP A COUPLE
OF THOUSAND, BUT IT REALLY HELPED.

HE WAS BORN IN
1953, EPISCOPALIAN.

2ND OF 4 CHILDREN, OLDEST BOY,

YALE UNDERGRAD,
STAR OF THE TRACK TEAM.

NO GRAD SCHOOL, INTERESTING.

THEN HE HAD A COUPLE OF LOST
YEARS, KIND OF A BLANK PERIOD.

A LITTLE JESUS THING
GOING ON THERE.

WORKED AS A REPORTER AND EDITOR

FOR 2 OF THE HUNTZBERGER PAPERS

BEFORE TAKING OVER AS
C.E.O. OF THE COMPANY.

I MEAN, WHEN YOU LOOK AT
ALL OF HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS,

THE MAN MUST NEVER SLEEP.

WELL... AH, MMM-HMM.

4 HOURS A NIGHT,
JUST LIKE CLINTON.

YOU DON'T HAVE A
WALL IN A SECRET ROOM

WITH PICTURES OF MY FATHER
PASTED ALL OVER IT, DO YOU?

LOGAN, I'M GOING TO
BE INTERNING FOR HIM.

I NEED TO KNOW
EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM.

IS HE AN EGGHEAD? BECAUSE HE
SEEMS VERY ROLL-UP-THE-SLEEVES-Y.

BUT HE'S WRITTEN
ABOUT EVERYTHING.

FROM FOREIGN AFFAIRS,
DOMESTIC POLICIES...

HE HAD A WINE COLUMN,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I SHOULD LEARN MORE ABOUT WINE.

LOOK, RORY... WHAT
ARE HIS POLITICS?

HE'S UNBELIEVABLY
NEUTRAL IN HIS WRITING.

RIGHT-WING,
LEFT-WING, MIDDLE-WING.

OH, THE MAN WAS
SHORT-LISTED FOR THE PULITZER

FOR COVERING THE IRANIAN
HOSTAGE CRISIS WHEN HE WAS 25.

YEAH, I HEARD
SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.

25. HOW DID HE DO THAT?

ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING
HIS LOST YEARS.

HE'S A BORN JOURNALIST.

I MEAN, WHAT DOES HE READ?

WHAT PAPERS, WHAT JOURNALS?

COME ON, TELL ME SOMETHING.

HE HATES PEAS.

LOGAN, I NEED YOUR HELP HERE.

RORY, MY DAD AND I BASICALLY
HAVE 2 CONVERSATIONS:

"LOGAN, YOU'RE NOT LIVING
UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL."

AND "LOGAN, WHEN YOU'RE SAILING
CLOSE-HAULED, WAIT UNTIL YOU GAIN

THAT LAST BIT OF BOAT SPEED
BEFORE YOU PULL IN THE JIB SHEET."

THAT'S IT. BUT...

ACE. YOU'VE LEARNED MORE
ABOUT MY FATHER IN ONE DAY

THAN I'VE LEARNED MY WHOLE LIFE.
DON'T WORRY, YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

NOW, I THOUGHT WE'VE
ESTABLISHED WE'RE BOTH STARVING.

YES, WE HAVE. LET'S GO.

[sighs]

OH, WAIT. YOUR DAD
COVERED HAITI IN 1985.

MUST LEARN MORE
ABOUT HAITI. GOT IT.

OK, LET'S GO.

HEY, HAVE YOU EVER
DISCUSSED PINOCHET WITH HIM?

BECAUSE ONE TIME HE
WROTE... PEAS, ACE, PEAS.

RIGHT, SORRY.

AS WE MOVE ON FROM THE
EMPIRICISTS TO THE RATIONALISTS,

IT WOULD BE GOOD TO START
THINKING ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN THE A POSTERIORI TRUTHS

AND THE A PRIORI TRUTHS
OF THE RATIONALISTS

WHICH EXIST INDEPENDENT
OF EXPERIENCE.

SO, FOR WEDNESDAY,
IF YOU'D ALL TAKE

A CRACK AT THE FIRST 5 CHAPTERS

OF SPINOZA'S ETHICS.

THAT IS, THOSE OF YOU
WHOSE ENTIRE WEEKEND

WON'T BE CONSUMED BY
BOOKS ON WINE AND HAITI.

YES, MY INTERESTS
ARE TEASINGLY DIVERSE.

WHATEVER. SEE YOU
ALL ON WEDNESDAY.

[cell phone ringing]

HELLO?

AH, THANK GOD! DID YOU
RETURN THE BLUE SWEATER?

OH, NO. ANSWER, PLEASE.

2 DAYS AGO. WHY?

WHY? BECAUSE 2 DAYS AGO,
YOU ASKED ME TO TAKE IT BACK.

DEMANDED ME, IN FACT.

AND SUDDENLY, YOU'RE
JUST SO FREAKING RELIABLE

THAT YOU JUST HOP TO IT
AND DO WHATEVER I SAY?

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FREAKING
RELIABLE. IT'S HOW I WAS RAISED.

OH, SO, BLAME ME.

I AM NOT RETURNING THE BLUE SWEATER
AGAIN. SO, DON'T THINK ABOUT ASKING.

BUT I WANT IT. I NEED IT.

I'VE ALREADY RETURNED
THE CAPRI PANTS TWICE.

I'VE TRIED TO RETURN
A COUPLE OF YOUR

OTHER ITEMS THAT
WERE ALL-SALES-FINAL,

WHICH MAKES ME
LOOK RETAIL-SIMPLE.

AND THIS IS NOT THE
FIRST BUT THE 2ND TIME

I WILL HAVE RETURNED
THE BLUE SWEATER.

OOH, THE CAPRI PANTS, HAVE
YOU TAKEN THOSE BACK YET?

I CAN'T SHOW MY FACE IN
ANY STORES IN NEW HAVEN.

THEY THINK I'M
PAPER MOONING THEM.

OH, SHE WAS VERY
CUTE IN PAPER MOON.

YOU'RE VERY CUTE, TOO.

CALLING ME CUTE IS NOT
GOING TO PERSUADE ME.

AND I HAVE CLASSES. A LIFE.

MONDAY AFTERNOON, THAT'S
YOUR FREE TIME. RIGHT?

I REMEMBER SOME BRAGGING TO
THAT EFFECT. GO BACK ON MONDAY.

OH, WELL, MONDAY
USED TO BE FREE.

USED TO BE? IT'S
NOT FREE ANYMORE?

I GUESS WE HAVEN'T
TALKED IN A COUPLE OF DAYS.

UM, I ACTUALLY
GOT AN INTERNSHIP.

REALLY?

KIND OF AN IMPORTANT,
HIGH-PROFILE ONE.

WOW! THAT'S GREAT!

IT'S FOR A NEWSPAPER IN STANFORD
THAT LOGAN'S DAD ACQUIRED.

HE OFFERED ME THE SPOT HIMSELF.

LOGAN'S DAD.

YEAH. IT WAS KIND
OF OUT OF THE BLUE.

SO, WHEN DID YOU HEAR?

JUST A FEW DAYS AGO.

I FORGOT I HADN'T TOLD
YOU. I START ON MONDAY.

WOW. CONGRATULATIONS.

IT'S A PRETTY
AMAZING OPPORTUNITY.

YEAH, SOUNDS LIKE IT.

YOU'LL BE HAVING LUNCH WITH
THE OP-ED EDITORS FROM THE TIMES,

HANGING OUT WITH PETER JENNINGS.

DAN RATHER WILL BE
VALET-PARKING YOUR CAR.

YEAH, IT'S MORE LIKELY THAT
I'LL BE PULLING WIRE REPORTS

OFF THE A.P. MACHINE, BUT SURE.

GOOD. GOOD. SO, NO WORRIES
ON THE BLUE SWEATER FRONT.

IT'S OFF MY RADAR SCREEN.

REALLY? SO YOU'RE REALLY
NOT GONNA MAKE THE EFFORT?

I'LL SEE IF I CAN
SWING BY ON TUESDAY.

JUST SEND YOUR ASSISTANT.
YOU'RE GETTING AN ASSISTANT, RIGHT?

OH, I'M SURE. I'LL SEE
YOU FRIDAY NIGHT.

BYE, HON. BYE.

TAYLOR?

(Taylor) HELLO? IS
SOMEONE OUT THERE?

WHERE ARE YOU, TAYLOR?

OH, OVER HERE. I CAN'T MOVE.

OH, I HAVE GOT TO GET A CAMERA.

HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS?

I WAS DOING A
LITTLE LIGHT DUSTING

AND WAS TOYING WITH THE IDEA

OF REPOSITIONING THE
HORSE'S HINDQUARTERS,

AND THE WHOLE THING
CAME TUMBLING DOWN.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE
ANYTHING ALONE, CAN YOU?

ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR NOT?

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN
LYING HERE FOR DAYS.

YOU HAVE NOT BEEN
LYING HERE FOR DAYS.

KIRK CAME INTO THE
DINER 2 HOURS AGO.

YOU WAITED 2 HOURS
TO COME AND GET ME?

I HAVE A BUSINESS.

I CAN'T COME RUNNING EVERY
TIME A FAMILY OF MANNEQUINS

DECIDES TO ATTACK YOU.

OW! JUST LIE STILL.

THIS IS SO HUMILIATING.

TAYLOR, DON'T
YOU THINK IT'S TIME?

TIME FOR WHAT?

YOU'VE BEEN TRAPPED UNDER
THE JEBEDIAHS FOR 2 HOURS

AND NO ONE HAS COME IN HERE.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT, LUKE?

MY POINT IS, THE
MUSEUM'S A BUST.

WELL, I'LL ADMIT,
ATTENDANCE IS LOW.

NO ONE IS COMING.

I WAS READING AN ARTICLE ABOUT
THE POWER OF BUS-BENCH ADS

FOR GETTING THE WORD OUT.

VERY BIG IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY.

APPARENTLY, THE RAPPER
FITTY CENT SWEARS BY THEM.

TAYLOR, COME ON.
ISN'T IT TIME TO SELL?

LET SOMEBODY WHO REALLY
WANTS THIS PLACE HAVE IT.

YEAH, I GUESS IT IS.
I HAD SUCH DREAMS.

THERE'LL BE OTHER DREAMS.

I GUESS.

YOU CAN RESUME YOUR
ATTEMPTS TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.

YOU'RE DEFINITELY
READY TO SELL THE HOUSE?

YES.

THEN LET'S GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

(Rory) TENNIS LESSONS. THAT
SOUNDS GREAT, GRANDMA.

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED
TENNIS. AND I HAVE TO SAY

I'M EXCITED BY THE PROSPECT
OF GETTING SOME GOOD,

HEALTHY EXERCISE.

I'M EXCITED BY THE PROSPECT OF
THOSE FETCHING TENNIS COSTUMES.

RICHARD, NOT IN FRONT OF RORY.

OH, I'M FAIRLY WORLDLY
NOW, GRANDMA.

SHE WAS A HECK OF A TENNIS PLAYER
IN HER DAY. AND VERY COMPETITIVE.

I WASN'T THAT COMPETITIVE.

THIS WOMAN WAS KICKED OFF
THE FIELD HOCKEY TEAM AT SMITH

FOR ELBOWING CEACY
EVERTZ IN THE NECK.

SHE GOT IN THE WAY.

THIS HAPPENED IN THE
PARKING LOT AFTER THE GAME.

NOW, NOW. RORY, TELL US A
LITTLE MORE ABOUT THIS INTERNSHIP.

IT SOUNDS VERY EXCITING.

WELL, ALL I REALLY KNOW

IS THAT I'M GOING TO BE
SHADOWING MITCHUM HUNTZBERGER

JUST TO SORT OF
LEARN AND OBSERVE,

PLUS PITCHING IN HERE AND THERE.

YOU ARE GOING TO
LEARN A HELL OF A LOT.

IT WAS VERY SWEET OF LOGAN
TO ARRANGE THIS FOR YOU.

WELL, ACTUALLY, MITCHUM
HUNTZBERGER OFFERED IT TO ME HIMSELF.

REALLY?

WELL, HOW ABOUT THAT?
HE JUST CALLED YOU UP?

YOUR REPUTATION FOR
EXCELLENCE PRECEDED YOU?

WELL, HE CAME BY YALE, ACTUALLY.

I HAD MET HIM WHEN I HAD
DINNER AT HIS HOUSE, AND...

DINNER? WHAT DINNER?

UM, JUST A DINNER
THAT LOGAN TOOK ME TO.

AT THE HUNTZBERGERS' HOUSE?

WELL, YES.

WHEN? WHEN?

ABOUT A WEEK AGO, I GUESS.

GOOD LORD. RICHARD,
IT'S ALREADY BEEN A WEEK.

WE NEED TO INVITE
HIM RIGHT AWAY. WHO?

LOGAN, THE BALL'S BEEN DROPPED.

I PUT AN INVITE IN THE MAIL
FIRST THING TOMORROW.

WE REALLY SHOULD'VE
HAD HIM OVER FIRST.

WE PROBABLY SHOULD
CALL HIM AS WELL.

WE COULD MESSENGER AN
INVITE TONIGHT. IT ISN'T EVEN 8:00.

WELL, IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU TO
WANT TO HAVE HIM OVER. REALLY.

BUT YOU DON'T NEED...

RORY, IF YOU COULD MENTION IT TO
HIM YOURSELF, PREFERABLY TONIGHT,

I'LL GET A NOTE OVER TO HIM
TOMORROW. HE'LL NEED A CHOICE OF DATES.

I'LL GET MY BOOK.
I'LL GET MINE, TOO.

RORY?

MMM. I'LL CALL HIM NOW.

RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW.

OH, OK.

[telephone ringing]

HELLO? LISTEN. YOU'RE
GOING TO BE GETTING A NOTE

FROM THE GILMORES SOMETIME SOON,

MAYBE IN THE MAIL, MAYBE
HAND-DELIVERED TONIGHT.

FOR ALL I KNOW, A CARRIER PIGEON IS
HEADING FOR YOUR ROOM AS WE SPEAK.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO
OPEN YOUR WINDOW.

WHY IS A CARRIER
PIGEON HEADING HERE?

THEY WANT TO HAVE
YOU OVER FOR DINNER.

OH.

THEY'RE FLIPPING OUT ABOUT IT.

SHE'S SENDING AN APOLOGY

FOR BEING SO REMISS AS
TO WAIT ONE WHOLE WEEK

SINCE I HAD TO DINNER AT YOUR
HOUSE TO EXTEND AN INVITATION.

I MEAN, THEY'RE LOSING IT.

SO, I'M CALLING TO WARN
YOU, AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW

I DIDN'T SUGGEST US
HAVING DINNER WITH THEM

OR ENCOURAGE IT IN ANY WAY.

AND I DEFINITELY DID NOT
REFER TO YOU AS MY B-WORD

IN FRONT OF THEM, OR
EVEN IMPLY IT IN ANY WAY.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW,
I'M REALLY HAPPY

WITH THE WAY THINGS
HAVE BEEN GOING

AND I DON'T WANT ANY
PRESSURE PUT ON US.

AND I'M SORRY, AND I THINK I
ALREADY SAID THAT. AND THAT'S IT.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF GETTING
OUT OF THIS? PRETTY MUCH ZERO.

THEN LET'S DO IT. REALLY?

YEAH, IT WON'T BE SO BAD.

WOW. YOU ARE A TRUE GENTLEMAN.

[thudding] OH, MY
GOD. WHAT WAS THAT?

CARRIER PIGEON. POOR THING.
SHOULD'VE OPENED THE WINDOW.

NOT FUNNY.

KIND OF FUNNY.

BYE. BYE.

BURGER RARE, CHEDDAR CHEESE,
BARBECUE SAUCE ON THE SIDE.

OH, HEY, SAVE RORY SOME LEMON
PIE. RORY'S COMING IN TONIGHT?

YEAH, SHE'S GOING TO
SEE LANE'S BAND PLAY

AT PLAZA DUPLO-4TH
STREET TONIGHT.

THEY HAVE THE COVETED
3:00-IN-THE-MORNING SLOT.

I HEAR THAT'S HOW
ZEPPELIN STARTED.

YEAH. HER GENIUS PLAN IS TO
COME HOME, GO TO BED EARLY,

SET THE CLOCK FOR 2:00, GET
UP, AND GO ROCK. SOLID PLAN.

YES, EXCEPT THAT WHEN
THE CLOCK GOES OFF AT 2:00,

SHE WILL BE DEAD ASLEEP AND
WON'T HEAR IT. I, HOWEVER, WILL.

I WILL THEN PROCEED TO GET
UP, DRAG MYSELF DOWNSTAIRS,

RECREATING A CLASSIC
ZUCKER BROTHERS' MOMENT

AND THEN I'LL SHAKE HER AWAKE.

SHE'LL GET UP, THROW ON SOME
JEANS, A T-SHIRT, NO MAKEUP,

AND LOOK LIKE A NEUTROGENA AD.

WHEREAS, ONCE SHE LEAVES,
I'LL PASS OUT ON THE COUCH,

TOO EXHAUSTED TO MAKE
IT ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS.

AND IN THE MORNING, I WILL
HAVE BAGS UNDER MY EYES

THAT SHOULD HAVE "TUMI" STAMPED
ON THEM. I LOVE BEING A MOM.

[men chattering]

OH, ARE THE GUYS IN TOWN
UNUSUALLY LONELY THESE DAYS?

NO, THEY'RE FROM THE MUSEUM. I THINK
THEY'RE GETTING READY TO CLOSE IT.

CLOSE IT? NO. WHY?

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
NO ONE WAS GOING.

I WAS GOING. YOU WENT ONCE.

NO, I WAS GONNA GO AGAIN
JUST AS SOON AS THE NIGHTMARES

ABOUT THE "I LOVE JESUS"
MANNEQUIN SUBSIDED.

WELL, YOU SAW IT ONCE.

I GUESS.

HERE'S YOUR SWEATER.
AND I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY,

'CAUSE THE SALESWOMAN
CALLED ME A NAME. WHERE'S MY PIE?

LUKE, PIE!

WHAT DO WE THINK?

IT'S GREAT.

HUH? NO.

I THOUGHT IT WAS LIGHT BLUE.

NO. IT WAS DARK BLUE.

OH, DID THEY HAVE ONE
THAT WAS LIGHT BLUE?

YOU ARE OFFICIALLY BANNED FROM
EVER SHOPPING IN NEW HAVEN AGAIN.

THANK GOD I HAVE
YOU TO DO IT FOR ME.

HEY, LUKE. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I
LIKE AROUND HERE AT THE MOMENT.

RIGHT BACK AT YOU.

OK, SO, OTHER THAN
YOUR STYLIST DUTIES,

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON IN THE
LIFE OF THE YOUNG AND HOPEFUL?

I'M CONSIDERING TAKING RUSSIAN.

WELL, VERY PRACTICAL.
HOW'S LOGAN? HE'S FINE.

GRANDMA AND GRANDPA INVITED
HIM TO DINNER. YOU'RE KIDDING.

IT WAS ACTUALLY LESS OF AN
INVITE AND MORE OF A FREAK-OUT.

THEY HEARD ABOUT THE DINNER
I WENT TO. HEARD HOW MUCH?

THE READER'S DIGEST
VERSION. GOT IT.

APPARENTLY, THEY'VE
ALREADY EXCEEDED

THE POLITE
RECIPROCAL-INVITE WINDOW

AND IF HE DOESN'T
COME TO DINNER SOON,

GRANDMA HAS TO
GIVE BACK HER PEARLS.

WOW. SO, UM, WHEN IS
THIS DINNER HAPPENING?

3 DATES WERE PROPOSED.

LOGAN'S PICKING ONE OF THEM.

HUH. SHOULD BE AN
INTERESTING EVENING.

YEP. I'LL TAKE
NOTES AND PICTURES.

COOL. OK, YOU DO THAT.

[whining] I WANT
TO GO TO DINNER.

WHERE'S THE CLOCK? I MEAN, YOU
SAID THAT I COULD MEET LOGAN PROPERLY

AND YOU KNOW HOW GOOD I AM
WHEN THERE'S FOOD INVOLVED. 12:30?

I MEAN, IS THERE A
REASON I WASN'T INVITED?

OH, CAN'T WE TALK
ABOUT THIS TOMORROW?

IT IS TOMORROW.

I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT
THAT THEY GET FIRST DIBS ON HIM.

I AM YOUR MOM, AND WE ARE VERY
CLOSE, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD.

I SHOULD GET TO KNOW HIM FIRST.

GRANDMA AND GRANDPA
ALREADY KNOW HIM.

HUH! OK, SO THEY HAVE
A HEAD START. FINE.

BUT I BET THEY DON'T
KNOW HIM KNOW HIM

LIKE I WILL KNOW HIM IF
YOU LET ME GO TO DINNER.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D
WANT TO COME TO DINNER.

WHY NOT?

WELL, IT'S AT THEIR
HOUSE, FIRST OF ALL.

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU
FEEL ABOUT THE LOGAN SITUATION.

HEY. THIS GUY IS IN YOUR
LIFE, AND I WANT TO KNOW HIM.

DON'T YOU WANT ME TO KNOW HIM?

OF COURSE I WANT
YOU TO KNOW HIM.

OK, SO?

I'D LOVE FOR YOU
TO COME TO DINNER.

GREAT. GOOD. YOU
CALL GRANDMA FOR ME.

NO WAY. WHY NOT?

YOU WANT TO COME TO
DINNER, YOU CALL GRANDMA.

BUT I'M NOT TALKING TO GRANDMA.

WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
TALK TO HER IF YOU COME TO DINNER.

NO, I WON'T. MOM!

NO, I AM THERE TO TALK TO
LOGAN. TO GET TO KNOW HIM.

I MEAN, OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT
HE'S BLOND, RICH, AND STRAIGHT, I'M OUT.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA COME TO
DINNER AND IGNORE GRANDMA.

I WON'T BE IGNORING HER.

I JUST DON'T THINK
I'LL GET TO HER. WHAT?

I'VE HEARD THROUGH THE
GRAPEVINE THAT LOGAN IS SO CHATTY,

THAT ONCE YOU GET HIM STARTED,
THERE'S NO SHUTTING HIM UP.

MOM, FORGET IT.
IF YOU WANT TO GO,

THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CALL
GRANDMA AND TELL HER THAT YOU'RE GOING.

BUT, NOW, I HAVE TO
GET UP IN 2 HOURS,

SO IF YOU DON'T MIND, BEAT IT.

BUT... HEY. SLEEPING.

MOM! SORRY.

[people chattering]

CAN I HELP YOU?

I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIGURE
OUT IF I'M IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

WERE YOU HOPING TO BE IN
SOME SORT OF NEWSPAPER OFFICE?

YES, I WAS. I'M RORY
GILMORE. I'M AN INTERN.

MITCHUM, MR. HUNTZBERGER
HIRED ME, FOR NOTHING, OF COURSE.

'CAUSE AN INTERN MAKES NOTHING,
AND THEY'RE HAPPY TO DO IT.

I'M NEW.

HERE'S A TEMPORARY I.D.

SOMETIME TODAY, STOP
BY AND SEE AL CARSON.

HE'LL TAKE A PICTURE AND
GET YOU A PERMANENT ONE.

I'VE NEVER HAD A
PICTURE I.D. BEFORE.

I'LL TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF IT.

IS THERE A FINE IF
YOU LOSE IT? NO FINE.

WELL, I STILL WON'T
LOSE IT. I PROMISE.

OK, YOU NEED TO
GO TALK TO HARRY.

[phone ringing] HE
DEALS WITH INTERNS.

GOOD MORNING, EAGLE
GAZETTE. PLEASE HOLD.

GOOD MORNING, EAGLE GAZETTE.

WHERE DO I FIND HARRY?

I'M SORRY. MR. WOLOWITZ WON'T
BE IN UNTIL THIS AFTERNOON.

UH-HUH...

[people chattering]

HARRY?

HARRY?

WHO CALLED HARRY?

I DID! I CALLED HARRY!

HI! I'M RORY GILMORE.
I'M... I'M AN INTERN.

I HAVE I.D. AND...

OK, THIS IS BASICALLY THE NEWSROOM,
REPORTERS, SUPPORT STAFF.

OVER THERE IS THE COMPOSING
ROOM WHERE WE DO PASTE-UP.

IT'S CALLED PASTE-UP BECAUSE
IT USED TO BE DONE WITH...

SCISSORS AND PASTE. RIGHT,
BUT NOW WE DO IT ON A MAC.

IN THAT CABINET ARE
ALL OUR BACK ISSUES.

'95 TO PRESENT ARE ON
C.D.-R.O.M. EARLIER ON MICROFICHE.

IF YOU USE THE MICROFICHE
READER, MAKE SURE YOU TURN IT OFF

BECAUSE THE BULB IS TOO HOT AND MELTS
THE STUFF. I SURE WISH I HAD A PENCIL.

THIS IS TOM FIRTH'S DESK.

HE WRITES "FIRTH THINGS
FIRST" ON THE OP-ED.

THAT'S ED ROSE.
CIRCULATION, ADVERTISING.

IN CASE OF FIRE,
STAIRS ARE THAT WAY.

THIS IS THE KITCHEN.

COFFEE, STALE DONUTS. IF YOU
FINISH A POT, YOU MAKE A NEW ONE.

(man) HARRY! BE RIGHT BACK.

[beeps]

[men chattering]

HUNTZBERGER'S HERE. OH, FINE.

HUNTZBERGER'S HERE. WHERE?

I THINK HE'S ONE OF
THOSE GUYS THERE.

(Rory) YEAH. IN THE
MIDDLE, STRIPED TIE.

YOU KNOW HUNTZBERGER? YES.

REALLY? WHAT'S HE LIKE?

UH, EPISCOPALIAN,
2ND OF 4 CHILDREN.

OLDEST BOY AND, UM, HATES PEAS.

THIS IS STAN
MERCER, CIRCULATION,

LES CAVANAUGH, CITY BEAT,

STEPHANIE FITZSIMMONS,
PHOTO EDITOR.

AND THIS IS PATEL CONDRASESKAR.

HE'S OUR RESIDENT COMPUTER WHIZ.

OK, LOT OF PEOPLE, LOT OF NAMES.

AND I PROMISE I'LL
LEARN SOME OF 'EM.

WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT
THIS AT THE GENERAL MEETING,

BUT I WANT YOU
PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND

THAT THE HUNTZBERGER
PUBLISHING GROUP

ISN'T GOING TO
CHANGE WHAT YOU DO.

WE'RE GOING TO HELP YOU
DO WHAT YOU DO BETTER.

I WANT ALL THE DEPARTMENT
HEADS GATHERED

IN THE CONFERENCE
ROOM IN 10 MINUTES.

SOMEONE MAKE SOME COFFEE. RORY?

YES, SIR? YOU READY
TO SHADOW ME?

YES, SIR.

LET'S GO.

DID YOU SEE WHERE THEY WENT?

[clearing throat]

(Emily) HELLO?

HELLO?

WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
DID YOU DIAL THE WRONG NUMBER?

YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY
RUDE TO DIAL SOMEONE

AND JUST SIT THERE ON THE PHONE

WITHOUT SO MUCH
AS A GRUNT OR A MOAN.

I MEAN, AS FAR AS PERVERTED PHONE
CALLS GO, THIS IS A VERY POOR ONE.

MOM, HELLO.

LORELAI? IS RORY OK?

YEAH, RORY'S FINE.

DID SOMEBODY DIE? WHO DIED?

NOBODY DIED, MOM.
EVERYONE WE KNOW IS FINE.

THEN WHY ARE YOU CALLING?

WELL, I WAS WONDERING...

YES?

I JUST WANTED TO
GIVE YOU A HEADS-UP

THAT I WAS THINKING I MIGHT
COME TO FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER.

MOM, HELLO?

WHEN?

UM, FRIDAY NIGHT.

THIS FRIDAY NIGHT?

[sighing] YES.

THE NIGHT THAT LOGAN
HUNTZBERGER'S COMING TO DINNER?

I GUESS, SURE.

WELL, THAT'S QUITE A
COINCIDENCE, ISN'T IT?

THAT LOGAN'S COMING TO DINNER
THE NIGHT THAT YOU'RE SUDDENLY FREE.

WELL, I GUESS SO.

DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S
GOING TO WORK THIS WAY?

WHAT WAY?

THAT YOU JUST
CHECK THE ITINERARY

AND PICK WHICH
FRIDAY NIGHT DINNERS

YOU'LL DEIGN TO COME
TO AND WHICH YOU WON'T.

I AM NOT PICKING. IT JUST
HAPPENED THAT THIS FRIDAY...

THAT YOU WAIT TILL WE HAVE A
GUEST LIKE THE POPE FOR DINNER

AND THEN SAY, "OH, YES.
NOW IT'S WORTH MY WHILE

TO HAVE DINNER WITH MY
FAMILY. I GET TO MEET THE POPE."

YOU'RE PROTESTANT, MOM.

YOU DO NOT GET TO CHERRY-PICK
WHICH FRIDAY NIGHT DINNERS YOU ATTEND.

IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.
IT'S NEVER WORKED THAT WAY.

I WASN'T CHERRY-PICKING.

IF YOU COME TO THIS DINNER, YOU
COME TO THEM ALL. THAT'S THE DEAL.

WELL, I'M REALLY NOT
SURE THAT I'M FREE

EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT, FROM
NOW THROUGH ETERNITY.

IF YOU COME TO THIS DINNER, THEN
YOU COME TO THEM ALL. THAT'S THE DEAL.

AS I SAID BEFORE, I'M JUST
NOT SURE ABOUT MY SCHEDULE.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. YOU GO
CHECK THAT SCHEDULE OF YOURS.

IF YOU SHOW UP ON FRIDAY NIGHT,

THE NIGHT LOGAN HUNTZBERGER
HAPPENS TO BE HERE,

THEN I'LL ASSUME YOU'VE
DISCOVERED THAT YOUR FRIDAYS,

AT LEAST FOR THE
FORESEEABLE FUTURE, ARE FREE.

GOODBYE.

(Mitchum) I'M SAYING
IT'S THESE LITTLE COSTS

THAT HAD YOU DROPPING YOUR
HARTFORD CORRESPONDENT.

HOW MUCH ARE YOU PAYING
FOR SYNDICATED FEATURES?

YOU RUN "DEAR ABBY" AND
"ANN LANDERS" AND "ASK VICKI."

HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS DO
THE PEOPLE IN THIS COMMUNITY

NEED TO HEAR "HONEY, HE AIN'T
GONNA CHANGE. DUMP HIS ASS"?

(manager) CHARLIE, I
WOULD LIKE TO GET

THAT PHYSICAL PLANT
TOUR IN BEFORE 5:00.

(Charlie) HANG ON. LET
ME CALL DAN GERSON

AND SEE IF THEY'RE
READY FOR YOU.

WELL, IF WE'RE IN A
HOLDING PATTERN,

WHY DON'T YOU START GETTING
INTO THOSE CIRCULATION ISSUES?

WOW, THE ABILITY TO BE
ABLE TO RUN A 4-MINUTE MILE

WOULD COME IN PRETTY
HANDY RIGHT ABOUT NOW, HUH?

SORRY? A 4-MINUTE MILE?

I DON'T FOLLOW.

AT YALE, UH, TRACK AND
FIELD, YOU RAN A 4-MINUTE MILE.

OH, RIGHT.

THAT'S FAST. 4-MINUTE
MILE. WHOOSH.

DAN'S GONNA NEED ANOTHER 10.

WHY DON'T I TAKE
YOU INTO RON STONE'S,

WE'LL TALK SOME
ADVERTISING. LET'S DO IT.

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
HUNTZBERGER, HE WENT IN THERE.

OH, THANKS.

[phone ringing]

HELLO?

(Rory) HELP, HELP, HELP!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, ACE?

NOTHING. I'VE JUST WON THE
"SPAZ OF THE YEAR" AWARD.

I BELIEVE IT WILL BE ON THE FRONT
PAGE OF THE GAZETTE TOMORROW.

I'M SURE IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE ANYBODY IS.

I CAN'T WALK IN THESE SHOES.

I GOT A RUN IN MY PANTYHOSE.

I RAN INTO A FILE
CABINET. SLOW DOWN.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IF I WAS
SUPPOSED TO GO TO LUNCH

WHEN EVERYBODY WENT TO LUNCH,

SO I JUST STOOD IN THE BREAK
ROOM FOR, LIKE, 45 MINUTES.

AND THEN I ATE AN ALTOID.

IT'S THE FIRST DAY.
IT'LL GET BETTER.

YOUR FATHER MUST
THINK I'M AN IDIOT.

I'M SURE HE DOESN'T.

I NEED SOME HELP. I NEED
SOMETHING TO SAY TO HIM

OTHER THAN, "YES, THE
BLEEDING STOPPED. THANKS."

I THINK THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

LOGAN, PLEASE.

GIVE ME SOMETHING I CAN
USE TO CONNECT WITH HIM.

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DO KNOW.

THIS IS IMPORTANT
TO ME. LOGAN, PLEASE.

[sighing]

HE LIKES JAZZ, BUT NOT WHEN
IT GETS TOO EXPERIMENTAL

AND HE HATES WHEN THEY
QUOTE MY FAVORITE THINGS. WHAT?

MY FAVORITE THINGS
FROM THE SOUND OF MUSIC.

OK. GOOD. GO ON.

UH, HE LETS PEOPLE GO AT 7:00,

BUT HE KEEPS GOING
TILL 8:30 OR 9:00.

AND HE NOTICES THE
PEOPLE WHO STAY.

HE HATES DOUBLE TALK,
BUT HE'S REALLY GOOD AT IT.

AND, UH, HE HAS
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE

SO HE SWITCHES
TO DECAF AFTER 4:00.

THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S
ALMOST SOMETHING.

DON'T WORRY, ACE. I'M
SURE YOU'RE DOING FINE.

I DON'T WANT YOUR FATHER
TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME.

RORY...

IN ORDER FOR MY DAD TO BE
TRULY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU,

YOUR NAME WOULD
HAVE TO BE LOGAN.

I'M SURE THAT'S NOT TRUE.

UH-HUH. THANKS, LOGAN.

GO GET 'EM, ACE.

OH, MY GOD, THIS SMELLS
GOOD. WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S NOTHIN'. JUST SOME
SOFT-SHELL CRAB AMANDINE

ON A BED OF WILD RICE.

OK. THERE'S NO SENTENCE
IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

THAT BEGINS "IT'S NOTHING" AND
CONTAINS THE WORD "AMANDINE."

HAPPY.

[cell phone ringing]

OH, MY GOD, YOUR
GIRLFRIEND IS SO IMPORTANT.

[sighs]

HELLO?

(Richard) LORELAI? HEY, DAD.

SOMETHING VERY
REMARKABLE HAPPENED TODAY.

I GOT A CALL FROM SOMEONE

WANTING TO KNOW IF I WAS
LORELAI GILMORE'S FATHER.

REALLY?

OUTSIDE THE CONTEXT
OF TROUBLE AT SCHOOL,

THAT'S THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE
HAS EVER ASKED ME THAT.

AND WHY DID SOMEONE
ASK YOU THAT?

WELL, ONE OF OUR CLIENTS
IS THE DURHAM GROUP.

YOU KNOW THEM?

THEY, UM, OWN HOTELS?

THEY OWN BOUTIQUE INNS.

THE C.E.O., MIKE ARMSTRONG, IS
GOOD FRIENDS WITH TWEE SILVERMAN

WHO IS THE PUBLISHER
OF AMERICAN TRAVEL.

IT SEEMS THERE'S QUITE
AN ARTICLE COMING OUT

ABOUT YOU AND SOOKIE

AND YOUR SUCCESS
AT THE DRAGONFLY.

ACCORDING TO TWEE, IT'S THE
COVER STORY OF THE MAY ISSUE.

THE ARTICLE'S COMING OUT.

UH, DAD, DID YOUR GUY HAPPEN TO
TALK ABOUT WHAT'S IN THE ARTICLE?

I DON'T THINK HE'D READ IT.

TWEE CLUED HIM IN
BECAUSE SHE KNOWS

HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR UP-AND-COMERS.

APPARENTLY, YOU
ARE AN UP-AND-COMER.

[whispering] I'M AN UP-AND-COMER.
LONG STORY SHORT, LORELAI

MIKE ARMSTRONG WOULD LIKE
TO TAKE A MEETING WITH YOU.

WHY?

WELL, HE'S IN THE INN BUSINESS.

I ASSUME HE WANTS TO
OFFER YOU SOME SORT OF JOB.

DAD, I HAVE A JOB. APPARENTLY,
YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT IT IN MAY.

HE ASKED IF YOU TRAVELED MUCH.

HE WANTS TO KNOW
WHERE I GO ON VACATION?

HE WAS REFERRING
TO BUSINESS TRAVEL.

PERHAPS THE POSITION
INVOLVES TRAVEL.

DO YOU TRAVEL? I
WASN'T REALLY SURE.

WELL, THE LIQUOR STORE'S A LITTLE
FURTHER OUT THAN I'D LIKE, BUT...

LORELAI.

YEAH, DAD, I TRAVEL SOMETIMES.

WELL, GOOD.

I'LL HAVE MY SECRETARY FAX
THE CONTACT INFORMATION

TO YOUR HOME FAX TONIGHT

AND YOU CAN CALL
HIM IN THE MORNING.

DAD, I DON'T HAVE A HOME FAX.

I DON'T SEE HOW YOU DO BUSINESS

ON THIS LEVEL AND
NOT HAVE A HOME FAX.

WE'RE ALL CONFOUNDED
BY THAT, YES.

CALL MY OFFICE IN THE MORNING.

I'M, UH, QUITE PROUD
OF YOU, LORELAI.

THANKS, DAD.

THEY'RE RUNNING THE ARTICLE. GOOD.
I'M GLAD THEY'RE RUNNING THE ARTICLE.

I NEVER LIKED
THAT YOU PULLED IT.

YES, WELL, IF YOU RECALL, I
PULLED IT ONLY AFTER I SUGGESTED

MY MOTHER MIGHT HAVE BEEN PERSONALLY
RESPONSIBLE FOR GLOBAL WARMING.

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY WORRIED

THAT THINGS MIGHT GET WORSE
BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOTHER?

GOOD POINT.

WHAT'S ALL THIS STUFF
ABOUT YOU TRAVELING?

OH, SOME GUY MY DAD KNOWS
WANTS TO OFFER ME A JOB

AND APPARENTLY THERE'S
TRAVEL INVOLVED. YOU HAVE A JOB.

I KNOW, BUT COMPANIES LIKE THIS
WOULD PROBABLY WANT TO BUY THE INN

AND KEEP ME ON TO MANAGE IT
OR SEND ME OUT AS A CONSULTANT.

BUY THE INN? YOU JUST
OPENED THE INN. I KNOW.

YOU DON'T WANT TO
SELL THE INN. I KNOW.

I MEAN, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE, COMING
IN OUT OF THE BLUE WITH THIS STUFF?

I DON'T KNOW. JUST SOME GUY WHO
CALLED MY DAD AND WANTS TO MEET ME.

WELL, THIS IS CRAZY. YOU DON'T
WANT TO MEET WITH THIS GUY.

LUKE, I'M NOT INTERESTED,
SO IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I HAVE NO INTENTION OF
MEETING WITH THIS GUY.

I'M HAPPY WITH WHAT I'VE GOT.

GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU SHOULD MEET WITH THIS GUY.

MY DAUGHTER, MY SISTER,
MY DAUGHTER, MY SISTER.

I'M SERIOUS. EVEN IF
YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED,

IT'S GOOD PEOPLE ARE TALKING
ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BUSINESS.

AND YOU JUST...
TAKE THE MEETING.

IT'S CONTACTS, IT'S
NETWORKING, RIGHT?

THAT'S THE RIGHT WORD,
"NETWORKING"? I THINK.

WELL, THEN YOU SHOULD NETWORK.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

GOOD. GOOD.

GOOD.

BEATRICE? YES, MA'AM.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THESE ARE? LILIES.

FRAGRANT LILIES.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT DINNER

WITH FRAGRANT LILIES
IN THE ROOM? YES.

WELL, THEN YOU'RE INSANE!

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU THINK

MY GUESTS ARE SUPPOSED
TO ENJOY THEIR DINNER

WITH THIS FLORAL REEK
WAFTING UP THEIR NOSES.

MOVE THEM TO THE LIVING ROOM

AND BRING THE PEONIES IN
HERE. YES, MA'AM. SORRY, MA'AM.

EVERYTHING LOOKS LOVELY.

DOES IT? YES, AND SO DO YOU.

WHAT'S ON THE
DINNER MENU TONIGHT?

ROAST BEEF.

OH, I HOPE LOGAN'S NOT
SOME KIND OF VEGETARIAN.

NO, HIS GRANDFATHER
OWNED 10,000 HEAD OF CATTLE.

I SINCERELY DOUBT IT.

YOU KNOW, I'VE
JUST BEEN THINKING.

THE HUNTZBERGERS
WILL ALL BE TRANSFERRING

DOWN TO MARTHA'S VINEYARD SOON.

MID-JUNE. EVERY
YEAR LIKE CLOCKWORK.

I'M SURE LOGAN'S THERE
FOR SOME OF THAT.

THEY HAVE 6 ACRES THERE.
THAT'S QUITE A SPREAD.

THEY'VE HELD THEIR SHARE OF
FUNCTIONS DOWN THERE, TOO.

GRADUATION PARTIES, WEDDINGS.

MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR US,
EMILY. TIME FOR WHAT?

TIME TO ACQUIRE OUR OWN ACREAGE.

A COMPOUND FOR
THE EXTENDED FAMILY.

A PLACE ON CAPE COD!

OUR OWN KENNEBUNK PORT.

GET IT ALL READY FOR
THE NEXT GENERATION.

THE CAPE'S AS GOOD AS
THE VINEYARD FOR A WEDDING.

SOME WOULD SAY BETTER.
SANDIER BEACHES, TOO.

CHILDREN LOVE SANDY BEACHES,

JUST LOVE RUNNING
AND PLAYING ON THEM.

[doorbell ringing]

OH, DAMN. I FORGOT
TO FILL THE ICE BUCKET.

GO GET IT. I'LL GET THE DOOR.

RICHARD?

PICTURE HIS BLOND HAIR AND
HER BLUE EYES ON A LITTLE BABY.

INCOMPARABLE.

HI, MOM.

OH. COME IN.

THANKS.

BEATRICE, TAKE MY
DAUGHTER'S COAT.

THANK YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I DON'T KNOW. I... I
JUST FOLLOWED YOU.

RICHARD, COME OUT
HERE AND SIT WITH LORELAI.

(Richard) COMING.

MOM, IT'S OK. I
CAN SIT BY MYSELF.

YOU NEED ME TO SIT WITH LORELAI?

I'M FINE. I SWEAR.

I HAVE BEEN SITTING WITHOUT
ANY HELP SINCE I WAS 2 AND A HALF.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. I DON'T
MIND. COME ALONG.

PLEASE, SIT. SIT.

A LOT OF PRESSURE
TO DO IT RIGHT NOW.

SO, DID YOU RING MIKE ARMSTRONG?

I DID. WE HAVE A MEETING
SET UP FOR TOMORROW.

OH, GOOD. GOOD. I'M GLAD.

MIKE IS VERY BIG
IN THAT BUSINESS.

I THINK YOU'LL FIND
HIM A VALUABLE...

(Emily) RICHARD? I
NEED HELP IN HERE.

I'M SITTING WITH LORELAI, EMILY.

DAD, REALLY, IT'S OK.

I PROMISE NOT TO STICK
MY FINGER IN ANY SOCKETS.

WELL, ALL RIGHT. HERE I COME.

(Richard) WHAT SORT OF
HELP DO YOU NEED, MY DEAR?

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT
OBLIGATED TO BE POLITE

UNTIL WE'RE ACTUALLY INSIDE
MY GRANDPARENTS' HOUSE.

GOOD. THEN I'M GONNA USE
THIS BRIEF MOMENT IN TIME

TO MAKE SOME DISGUSTING NOISES
WITH MY ARMPITS. OH, WOULD YOU?

SO, THIS IS GOING TO
BE QUICK AND PAINLESS.

BELIEVE ME. MY GRANDPARENTS LIKE YOU
BETTER THAN THEY LIKED RONALD REAGAN.

WOW. HIGH PRAISE.
WHAT ARE THOSE?

HOSTESS GIFTS. NEVER A BAD
IDEA TO BRING HOSTESS GIFTS.

WELL-PLAYED, HUNTZBERGER.

SO WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOM? IS SHE
GONNA BE COOL? OF COURSE SHE'LL BE COOL.

SHE'S THE ESSENCE OF COOL.
"COOL" IS HER STREET NAME.

SHE'S GOT IT MONOGRAMMED
ON HER TOWELS AND EVERYTHING.

WELL, IF SHE'S GOT IT
MONOGRAMMED ON HER TOWELS,

THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY
ABOUT. WHAT'D YOU BRING, ANYWAY?

CIGARS FOR RICHARD,
CHOCOLATES FOR EMILY,

AND MRS. ELEANOR
SHUBIC'S SILVER LIGHTER.

HUH? WHAT'S THAT FOR?

RORY, LOGAN, WELCOME.
COME IN, COME IN.

HI, GRANDMA.

HELLO. AND OUR GUEST OF HONOR.

L'INVITE D'HONNEUR.

HOW ARE YOU, RICHARD, EMILY?

WONDERFUL NOW.

YES, WONDERFUL.

OH, LOOK AT YOU TWO.
YOU'RE JUST PERFECT.

AREN'T THEY PERFECT,
RICHARD? PERFECT.

WE'RE NOT PERFECT.

NONSENSE. YOU'RE PERFECT.

NO, SHE'S RIGHT. I'VE GOT SPLIT
ENDS LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.

AND A SENSE OF HUMOR.

EMILY, THESE ARE FOR YOU. A
SMALL TOKEN OF MY GRATITUDE.

WUNDERSCHON CHOCOLATES. I
ABSOLUTELY ADORE THESE. OOH.

I PICKED THEM UP LAST TIME I WAS IN
SWITZERLAND. WELL, AREN'T YOU CLEVER?

AND HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING
FOR YOU, SIR. OH, ROMEO Y JULIETAS.

YOU ARE A GOOD MAN,
LOGAN HUNTZBERGER.

COME. LET'S ALL GO IN THE
LIVING ROOM, SHALL WE?

HMM.

I JUST ADORE THIS
JACKET YOU'RE WEARING.

ISN'T THIS A FINE
JACKET, RICHARD?

OH, I LIKE HOW THE
LAPELS ARE CUT.

AREN'T THOSE NICE LAPELS, RORY?

SURE, GRANDPA, HIS
LAPELS LOOK GREAT.

MOST MODERN TAILORS
CUT LAPELS TOO LOW.

IT'S SO SLOPPY HAVING ONE'S
LAPELS HANG DOWN AROUND THE CHEST

LIKE A BASSET HOUND'S
EARS OR SOMETHING.

BUT THOSE ARE EXCELLENT.
THEY REALLY ARE.

HI, MOM.

HEY, HOW AM I SITTING?

GREAT. MOM, YOU REMEMBER...

LOGAN, THIS IS RORY'S
MOTHER, LORELAI.

LORELAI, THIS IS
LOGAN HUNTZBERGER.

YES, WE'VE MET, ACTUALLY.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, LOGAN.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

COME ON, SIT, SIT, SIT.
LET'S GET DRINK ORDERS.

MMM-HMM.

LOGAN, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

MACALLAN NEAT, IF YOU HAVE IT.

OH, I ADORE A MAN WHO
DRINKS HIS SCOTCH NEAT.

(Richard) THAT IS A
FINE DRINK INDEED.

RORY?

JUST CLUB SODA.

SO DEMURE. ISN'T SHE DEMURE?

(Logan) THE DEMUREST.

ONE CLUB SODA.

AND YOUR USUAL,
LORELAI? A SIDECAR?

SIDECAR? NO. ISN'T
THAT YOUR DRINK?

NO, MY DRINK IS A MARTINI.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A MARTINI.

REALLY?

YES, PRETTY MUCH EVERY ONE

OF THE OTHER 8,000 TIMES I'VE HAD
A DRINK HERE, IT'S BEEN A MARTINI.

I WOULD HAVE SWORN
YOU WERE A SIDECAR GIRL.

NOT EVEN SURE WHAT'S
IN A SIDECAR, MOM.

WELL, RICHARD, APPARENTLY,
LORELAI WOULD LIKE A MARTINI.

CAN DO.

I JUST CAN'T GET
OVER THOSE LAPELS.

GRANDMA AND GRANDPA ARE
VERY TAKEN WITH LOGAN'S LAPELS.

THEY LOOK FINE TO ME.

YOU'LL HAVE TO
EXCUSE LORELAI, LOGAN.

IT TAKES A CERTAIN EYE TO BE
AWARE OF THIS KIND OF THING.

(Richard) ONE SCOTCH, NEAT,

AND A CLUB SODA.

(Logan) THANK YOU.
THANKS, GRANDPA.

AND ONE MARTINI.

THAT'S WITH A TWIST, LORELAI?

NOPE. AN OLIVE.

IN A VODKA MARTINI?

NOT VODKA, MOM, GIN.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN
GIN. GIN MARTINI.

REALLY? YES, ALWAYS.

I DON'T REMEMBER THAT AT ALL.

OH, SO, LOGAN. WHERE
EXACTLY DO YOU LIVE AT YALE?

ARE YOU IN RORY'S
BUILDING? NO, I'M AT BERKELEY.

IS THAT FAR FROM RORY?

NO. I'D SAY IT'S ABOUT
90 KROPOGS OR SO.

OH, KROPOGS! DID
SOMEONE SAY KROPOGS?

[laughing]

KROPOGS. NOW, THAT IS CLEVER.

[all laughing]

UH, FILL ME IN HERE.
WHAT'S A KROPOG?

YEARS AGO, SOMEONE AT YALE
STARTED MEASURING THINGS

BASED ON THE HEIGHT
OF A KID NAMED KROPOG.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT TODAY'S
ELIS ARE STILL USING KROPOGS.

NOW, THAT IS REALLY SOMETHING.

MAXWELL T. KROPOG WAS
HIS NAME, CLASS OF '44.

OH, LORELAI, I'M SORRY.
I FORGOT YOUR DRINK.

I MADE IT AND EVERYTHING.

WELL, YOU REMEMBERED NOW.

NO, RICHARD, STAY. I'LL GET IT.

I'M GLAD TO HEAR

THAT KROPOG IS STILL PART
OF THE YALE VERNACULAR.

TRADITION IS SO IMPORTANT.

WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING OTHER THAN YALE?

NONSENSE. THERE'S NOTHING
BETTER TO TALK ABOUT THAN YALE.

BECAUSE YALE MEN
ARE THE GREATEST.

I DATED A FEW PRINCETON MEN

AND A HARVARD MAN BACK IN MY DAY

AND THEY HAD
NOTHING ON YALE MEN.

THEY'D BETTER NOT.

HERE YOU GO, LORELAI.

MOM, THERE'S AN ONION IN HERE.

IS THAT NOT WHAT YOU WANTED?

OLIVE. I SAID, "OLIVE."

WELL, I HEARD "ONION."

I SAID, "OLIVE."

LET ME GET YOU AN OLIVE.

(Emily) THE RACKETS
HAVE CHANGED, TOO.

HONESTLY, PEOPLE AT THE CLUB MUST'VE
THOUGHT I WAS THERE TO PLAY BADMINTON

WHEN I SHOWED UP WITH
MY OLD WOODEN THING.

OH, YOU HAVE TO GET
A NEW RACKET, EMILY.

THE MATERIALS AVAILABLE
TODAY MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

I TOLD HER THE SAME THING.

I KNOW THIS GUY. HE'S ONE OF THE TOP
MANUFACTURERS OF CERAMIC RACKETS.

PETE SAMPRAS LOVES HIM. I
COULD TOTALLY SET YOU UP.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, RICHARD?
LOGAN CAN SET ME UP.

OH, HOW ABOUT THAT.

DINNER IS READY, MRS. GILMORE.

WELL, SHALL WE?

I'M JUST GOING TO POP INTO THE
KITCHEN TO CHECK ON A THING OR 2.

RICHARD, WILL YOU COME
CARVE THE ROAST? CERTAINLY.

IS THERE GONNA BE ALCOHOL
AT DINNER, MOM? WHAT?

YOU KNOW, BOOZE.
'CAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE

TO GET EVEN A KROPOG OF
GIN SINCE THAT FIRST DRINK.

A KROPOG IS A UNIT OF
DISTANCE, LORELAI, NOT VOLUME.

AND THERE'LL BE
WINE WITH THE MEAL.

THERE'S ALWAYS WINE
WITH THE MEAL, LORELAI.

HONESTLY, YOU'RE ACTING
AS IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE.

SORRY. JUST WASN'T SURE.

ROAST. SOUNDS GOOD.

IT DOES.

YEAH.

WHO DOESN'T LIKE A GOOD ROAST?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

A LITTLE LIFE-AND-DEATH
BRIGADE BUSINESS.

EVERY TIME WE'RE IN A RICH
PERSON'S HOUSE, I TAKE A KNICKKNACK.

THEN I LEAVE THE KNICKKNACK I TOOK
FROM THE LAST RICH PERSON'S HOUSE.

I'VE BEEN DOING THIS UP AND DOWN

THE EASTERN SEABOARD
FOR YEARS. LOGAN, NO.

TRUST ME. THEY NEVER
NOTICE. YOU'RE CRAZY.

IT'S FUN TO BE CRAZY.

GRANDMA PROBABLY WANTS US HERE.

ALL RIGHT, THE SALADS WILL
BE OUT IN JUST A MOMENT.

EVERYBODY SIT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT'S WRONG, EMILY?

(Emily) WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

WAIT. MY ANTIQUE
SEWING BOX IS MISSING.

WELL, THAT CAN'T BE.

IT IS, IT'S GONE. WAS IT
HERE DURING DRINKS?

WELL, I CAN'T SAY
THAT I NOTICED.

YOU, HOVERING THERE.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THIS? MA'AM.

MY ANTIQUE SEWING BOX.
DID YOU MOVE IT SOMEWHERE?

NO. AND YET IT'S NOT HERE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY EXPLANATION
AS TO WHY IT'S NOT HERE, BEATRICE?

I'M SURE IT'S JUST
A MIX-UP, MOM.

AND WHAT'S THIS?
WHAT'S THIS LIGHTER?

RICHARD, IS THIS
FROM THE POOL HOUSE?

WELL, I DON'T RECOGNIZE
IT, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW.

ONE OF THE GUYS MIGHT HAVE
LEFT IT AFTER A POKER GAME.

(Emily) WELL, BEATRICE, I
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I ALMOST FEEL LIKE I SHOULD
GO THROUGH THE WHOLE HOUSE

AND MAKE SURE NOTHING ELSE HAS
BEEN MISPLACED. MOM, I FOUND IT.

HOWEVER, WE HAVE COMPANY,
AND I DON'T WANT TO BE RUDE.

LET'S JUST LEAVE IT FOR LATER

AND YOU AND I WILL HAVE A
VERY SERIOUS DISCUSSION.

MOM, I FOUND IT! WHAT?

YEAH, HERE IT IS.

REALLY? WHERE WAS IT?

BEHIND THE CENTERPIECE.

I GUESS THE FLOWERS
KIND OF HID IT.

BEHIND THE CENTERPIECE?

WHAT ON EARTH ARE
YOU SMILING ABOUT?

I'M JUST GLAD YOU FOUND IT.

WOULD YOU PLEASE
GO INTO THE KITCHEN

AND BRING OUT THE SALAD COURSE?

RORY, LOGAN, I'M SO SORRY.

WELL, NEVER A DULL
MOMENT, AS WE SAY.

(Emily) AH, HERE WE ARE, AVOCADO
SALAD WITH BEET DRESSING.

(Richard) OH,
WONDERFUL. I'M STARVING.

BELIEVE ME, RORY'S THE REAL
STAR AT THE YALE DAILY NEWS.

PEOPLE HATE HER. THEY HATE YOU?

I'M NOT HATED. AM I HATED?

SHE'S HAD MORE PIECES PRINTED
ABOVE THE FOLD THIS YEAR THAN ANYONE.

WELL, YOU ARE BOTH
ENORMOUSLY TALENTED.

BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE ONE-TENTH OF
YOUR FATHER'S ABILITY, YOUNG MAN,

YOU ARE GOING TO GO
STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.

A POWER COUPLE.
THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.

WE WERE THRILLED TO HEAR

THAT RORY'S GOING TO BE
WORKING WITH YOUR FATHER, LOGAN.

I'M NOT REALLY WORKING WITH HIM.

JUST NEAR HIM, MORE LIKE.

SHE'S KNOCKIN' HIM
DEAD OVER THERE.

NOW IF I CAN JUST
GET HER TO RELAX.

I'M RELAXED.

SPEAKING OF RELAXATION,

DOES YOUR FAMILY STILL HAVE
THEIR PLACE ON MARTHA'S VINEYARD?

I THINK THEY BOUGHT IT FROM
MARTHA. THEY'RE NOT GIVING THAT UP.

IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

IT'S LOVELY IN THE VINEYARD.

A FEW YEARS AGO, RICHARD
AND I ATTENDED A WEDDING THERE.

I THOUGHT THERE COULD BE NO MORE

GORGEOUS A SPOT FOR A WEDDING.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

BUT THEN WE WENT TO ONE ON CAPE
COD AND IT WAS WONDERFUL, TOO.

EITHER PLACE WOULD BE GOOD
FOR A WEDDING. DON'T YOU THINK?

SURE. I'VE BEEN TO
WEDDINGS AT THE CAPE MYSELF.

SO YOU LIKE CAPE COD?

YES. WE LIKE CAPE COD.

MMM, MMM. GREAT.

AND I KNOW RORY
WOULD LIKE CAPE COD.

I LIKE WHAT I'VE
SEEN IN PICTURES.

YOU TWO WOULD LOOK
AWFULLY CUTE IN CAPE COD.

MOM, DID YOU GET A JOB AT THE
CAPE COD CHAMBER OF COMMERCE?

NO.

THERE ARE A LOT OF KIDS IN
YOUR FAMILY, AREN'T THERE?

YEAH, THE EXTENDED FAMILY'S BEEN
PRETTY BUSY PROCREATING LATELY.

THEY HAVE, HAVE THEY?

DO YOU LIKE KIDS? SURE.

KIDS LOVE CAPE COD.

I THINK INTERNSHIPS
ARE A COMMUNIST PLOT.

WHAT?

FORCING SOMEONE
O WORK WITHOUT PAY.

IT'S A LITTLE PINKO, ISN'T IT?

I MEAN, WHERE'S ROY
COHN WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

NO, NO, STILL SLOSHING
AROUND UP THERE.

WOULD YOU LIKE
ANOTHER APPLE, RORY?

OH, NO, THANKS. THEY
WERE REALLY GOOD, THOUGH.

HOW ABOUT YOU, LOGAN? APPLE?

THANK YOU, BUT I DON'T THINK
I COULD EAT ANOTHER THING.

AND UNFORTUNATELY, WE
SHOULD PROBABLY BE GOING.

I HAVE AN EARLY DAY TOMORROW.

OH, LOGAN, AN EARLY DAY?
I'M SO SORRY WE KEPT YOU.

I WISH I COULD STAY LONGER.

AN EARLY DAY IS AN EARLY
DAY. BEATRICE, GET THEIR COATS.

I HAD A WONDERFUL
TIME. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YES, THANK YOU, GRANDMA
AND GRANDPA. IT WAS GREAT.

OF COURSE. WE HAD A
WONDERFUL TIME, TOO.

BYE, MOM. BYE, HON.

GOOD NIGHT, LOGAN.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

NICE SEEING YOU AGAIN,
TOO. I HOPE WE CAN ALL...

LORELAI, DON'T KEEP THEM.

LOGAN HAS AN EARLY
DAY TOMORROW. SORRY.

NOW, I'M GOING TO HOLD YOU

TO YOUR PROMISE ABOUT
THAT TENNIS RACKET.

(Logan) OH, ABSOLUTELY.
I'LL CALL YOU THIS WEEK

OR MAYBE I'LL JUST
SHOOT YOU AN EMAIL.

(Emily) "SHOOT" ME AN
EMAIL. THAT IS SO CLEVER.

(Richard) THAT'S GOOD
BUSINESS SENSE, TOO.

YOU HAVE TO UTILIZE THE LATEST
TECHNOLOGY OR YOU'LL FALL BEHIND.

[door opening]

(Emily) NOW, WOULD
YOU LOOK AT THAT?

WHAT A CUNNING LITTLE
CAR. I ADORE SPORTS COUPES.

(Richard) FINE PARKING JOB, TOO.

(Rory) WELL, GOODBYE,
GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.

(Logan) THANKS AGAIN.

[car engine starting] GOOD
NIGHT, YOU TWO. DRIVE SAFE.

[door closing]

MORE COFFEE, LORELAI?

NO, THANK YOU.

WHAT?

UH, NOTHING. JUST ON THOSE
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SHOWS,

PEOPLE ARE SO SWEATY
AFTER A MATING RITUAL,

BUT YOU TWO ARE POWDER-DRY.

WHAT ON EARTH ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THEY'RE JUST KIDS, AND THEY'RE
STILL FIGURING THINGS OUT

AND THEY DON'T NEED YOU TWO
DROPPING ALL THESE HEAVY-HANDED HINTS

ABOUT WEDDINGS AND
BABIES AND CAPE COD.

YOU SHOULD BE THRILLED
BY THIS MATCH, LORELAI.

WELL, WHO SAYS I'M NOT THRILLED?

YOU'RE NOT ACTING VERY THRILLED.

I'M ANNOYED AT YOU, THAT'S WHY.

PUTTING ALL THIS
PRESSURE ON THEM.

THEY ARE IN THEIR EARLY
20s, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

YOU'RE LETTING YOUR
OWN PERSONAL TASTES

CLOUD YOUR JUDGMENT OF THIS BOY.

HE'S PERFECT FOR RORY,
AND YOU DON'T SEE IT.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT
MY PERSONAL TASTE.

YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE
AROUND PEOPLE LIKE LOGAN.

HE'S NOT YOUR TYPE.
THAT'S WELL-DOCUMENTED.

OH, THAT WAS A NICE,
NOT-SO-SUBTLE DIG AT LUKE.

LUKE? WHO SAID
ANYTHING ABOUT LUKE?

YOU'RE VERY SENSITIVE TONIGHT.

I'M NOT SENSITIVE.

IT'S JUST YOU'RE BUSY
MARRYING RORY OFF

INTO A FAMILY THAT
WASN'T EVEN NICE TO HER.

WHO WASN'T NICE TO HER?

THE HUNTZBERGERS.

SHE WENT OVER THERE FOR DINNER,
AND THEY TREATED HER LIKE TRASH.

I HIGHLY DOUBT
THAT. WELL, THEY DID.

IF THE HUNTZBERGERS
WERE SO HORRIBLE TO RORY,

WHY ON EARTH DID MITCHUM GIVE
HER A VERY VALUABLE INTERNSHIP?

HE WAS BUYING HER OFF.

SO THE INTERNSHIP WAS
LIKE HUSH MONEY? YES!

THERE'S NO MONEY.
IT'S AN UNPAID POSITION.

IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH.

RORY GOT THIS INTERNSHIP
BY MAKING A CONTACT

IN A WAY SIMILAR TO ME SETTING
YOU UP WITH MIKE ARMSTRONG.

IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THAT? NO.

I CONCUR.

THERE IS STILL SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THIS INTERNSHIP.

MY GOD, YOU'RE PARANOID.

I AM NOT PARANOID! AND LOGAN
DID NOT HAVE AN EARLY DAY!

WHAT?

WHAT 22-YEAR-OLD HAS AN
EARLY DAY ON A... ON A SATURDAY?

WHY ARE YOU SO HELL-BENT
ON DERAILING THIS MATCH?

THEY'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

OK, THAT WORD,
"PERFECT." HE'S NOT.

I MEAN, NO ONE IS, OK?
BUT ESPECIALLY HIM.

I MEAN, AT YOUR
WEDDING, I CAUGHT HIM

AND RORY IN THE BACK
ROOM... UH, KISSING.

KISSING.

YOU HAVE SOMETHING
AGAINST KISSING?

I NEVER THOUGHT
OF YOU AS A PRUDE.

PARANOID, NOT A PRUDE.

HE STOLE YOUR SEWING BOX.

THE SEWING BOX IS SITTING ON THE
TABLE IN THE LIVING ROOM, LORELAI.

NO, HE'S JUST... (Richard)
ARE WE DONE HERE?

NO! GOOD. I HAVE A CALL TO MAKE.

YOU MIGHT WANT
THAT CUP OF COFFEE.

CLEAR YOUR HEAD A BIT
BEFORE YOU DRIVE HOME.

OR MAYBE YOU JUST HAD
ONE TOO MANY SIDECARS.

(manager) SO, IT'S NOT NECESSARILY
A DIMINISHMENT OF PERSONNEL?

NO, THAT'S THE ADVANTAGE OF USING POOLED
REPORTING THROUGH THE WHOLE SYNDICATE.

BY SHARING RESOURCES, YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE MORE OPTIONS.

WITH MORE OPTIONS, YOU'RE GONNA
BE LESS RELIANT ON THE WIRE SERVICES.

PEOPLE WILL ONLY READ SO MANY
FLATLY-WRITTEN WIRE STORIES

BEFORE THEY CATCH ON, START READING
SOMETHING ELSE. OR WORSE, TURN ON THE T.V.

COFFEE?

UH...

IT'S DECAF.

OH.

WELL, THANK YOU.

IT'S GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT THAT EDITORIAL BUDGET.

(Mitchum) WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR, GILMORE,

AN ENGRAVED INVITATION?

GOOD. VERY GOOD.

I'D SAY IT'S A 9.9-PLUS.

WHAT WOULD MAKE IT A 10?

ANOTHER HALF A POINT.

[chuckling] LEMON JUICE
AND A HANDFUL OF PARSLEY.

YES. A TART, FRESH TASTE.

MANNY, TRY IT WITH A LITTLE
LEMON JUICE AND PARSLEY.

OK.

HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA
HAVE THEM WORKING HERE?

WELL, WITH THAT FANCY-PANTS
ARTICLE COMING OUT ABOUT US,

I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT
THE FOOD STAYS TOP-NOTCH.

YOU KNOW, MIKE
ARMSTRONG CALLED AGAIN.

REALLY? THAT'S THE 2ND TIME
SINCE THE MEETING, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, HE'S, LIKE,
OPEN TO ANY OPTION,

BUYING THE INN OR JUST
INVESTING IN THE INN.

WE'D HAVE MONEY AGAIN. REMEMBER
WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE MONEY?

KEEPING US ON TO RUN
IT. WE COULD CONSULT.

WE COULD TRAVEL
AROUND THE WORLD,

TELLING OTHER PEOPLE
HOW TO RUN THEIR INNS.

WE COULD BE BOSSY.

OH, WE COULD
TRAVEL AND BE BOSSY.

HE MENTIONED THE
SOUTH OF FRANCE.

APPARENTLY, THEY'RE MAKING
A HUGE INVESTMENT THERE

AND THEY HAVE A NEED
FOR PEOPLE LIKE US.

I CAN PICTURE US IN THE
SOUTH OF FRANCE. OH, TOPLESS!

AT WORK? NO, WE'RE ON THE BEACH.

MUCH MORE APPROPRIATE.

AND THE CASINOS.
OH, AND THE CHEESE.

MY DAD TRAVELED ALL
OVER THE WORLD FOR WORK,

WHICH DROVE MY MOM CRAZY,
WHICH WAS A LITTLE PERK.

BUT HE'D ALWAYS SAY THINGS LIKE,

"I'LL BE BACK FROM
DUSSELDORF ON FRIDAY."

AS A KID, I ALWAYS
WANTED TO SAY,

"I'LL BE BACK FROM
DUSSELDORF ON FRIDAY."

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

TO GET INTO ALL THOSE FAMOUS
KITCHENS I'VE ALWAYS READ ABOUT.

WE'D HAVE EXPENSE
ACCOUNTS AND TRAVEL LUGGAGE.

IT WOULD BE EXCITING, HUH?

[giggling] YEAH, IT WOULD.

BUT I CAN'T DO THAT.

I HAVE DAVEY AND LITTLE
NO-NAME HERE AND JACKSON.

JACKSON WOULDN'T WANT
TO GO TOPLESS IN FRANCE.

YEAH. MY LIFE IS HERE.

YEAH, SURE.

BUT YOU COULD GO.

WHAT? YOUR KID'S IN
COLLEGE. YOU'RE YOUNG.

YOU LOVE TO TRAVEL.

YOU LOOK AMAZING TOPLESS.

YOU COULD GO.

I MEAN, WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?

WELL...

OOH, SNAP PEAS.

SNAP PEAS WOULD BE GOOD IN THIS.

[giggling]

MANNY, SNAP PEAS.
(Manny) SNAP PEAS.

SNAP PEAS, YEAH.