Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 3 - The Hobbit, the Sofa, and Digger Stiles - full transcript

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT
ABOUT YOU GOING OFF TO COLLEGE?

MY NEWFOUND INDEPENDENCE?

OH, NO. MY NEW BATCH OF
YOUTH-ORIENTED CATALOGS.

FOR EXAMPLE, WHERE
ON EARTH COULD I PUT

THIS FABULOUS
PURPLE-FLOWERED RUG?

IT'S SO YOUNG AND COOL, BUT
DOESN'T REALLY GO WITH MY ROOM, SO...

MY ROOM. OOH.

THE MATCHING BEANBAG
CHAIR ARRIVES NEXT WEEK.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU MISS ME.

OH, IT'S NOT THAT I MISS YOU.

IT'S JUST SINCE
YOU'VE BEEN GONE,

I FINALLY REALIZED HOW THE
LIVING ROOM STAYED SO CLEAN.

MMM-HMM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT WORKS.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

SO, SOOKIE SENT
MARSHMALLOW COOKIES,

MMM.

LUKE SENT MUFFINS,

AND I GOT YOU A COPY OF
THE STARS HOLLOW GAZETTE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING THAT
TO ME ANYMORE. I SUBSCRIBED.

YOU SUBSCRIBED TO THE
STARS HOLLOW GAZETTE?

THE EDITOR OF THE
STARS HOLLOW GAZETTE

DOES NOT SUBSCRIBE TO
THE STARS HOLLOW GAZETTE.

I DON'T WANNA GET CUT
OFF FROM THE TOWN.

THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU.

HEY, YOU WANNA GRAB SOME
COFFEE BEFORE I HEAD BACK?

CAN'T. WHY?

IT'S SHOPPING WEEK.
ISN'T IT ALWAYS?

THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL
IS CALLED SHOPPING WEEK.

YOU GET TO TRY OUT AS
MANY CLASSES AS YOU WANT

BEFORE YOU PICK THE
ONES YOU WANNA STICK WITH.

I PICKED OVER 50 CLASSES
I'M GONNA TRY OUT,

PLUS ANOTHER 10 I'M GONNA
SQUEEZE IN IF I HAVE THE TIME.

THEY ALL SOUND
COMPLETELY AMAZING.

I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT READING THE
CLASS SUBSCRIPTIONS OVER AND OVER.

YOU DO KNOW THAT IF
YOU WEREN'T SO PRETTY,

YOU WOULD'VE GOTTEN THE CRAP
KICKED OUT OF YOU EVERY DAY.

WALK ME OUT?

'CAUSE YOU NEED THE PROTECTION.

HEY, WHAT TIME IS
YOUR FIRST CLASS?

UH, YOU KNOW, SOON.

UH-OH. WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
RUSH TO YOUR FIRST CLASS

AND GET THERE, LIKE,
AN HOUR EARLY, ARE YOU?

NO. YOU ARE.

I AM NOT.

WHEN YOU STARTED
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL,

YOU TOLD ME THE
TEACHER WANTED TO MEET

ALL THE PARENTS AT 6:30

AND WHEN WE GOT THERE,
THE SCHOOL WASN'T OPEN YET.

I DID THAT ONCE.

NO, YOU GOT AWAY WITH IT ONCE.

YOU TRIED IT EVERY YEAR.

I'M NOT GONNA BE EARLY.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU
TOOK ALL THE TIME

YOU WASTED BEING
EARLY FOR THINGS... THE...

WHAT?

MY MOTHER WAS HERE. WHAT?

MY MOTHER. SHE WAS
HERE. I CAN FEEL IT.

GRANDMA HASN'T BEEN HERE.

SMELL THAT?

SMELL WHAT?

THE ROOM. IT SMELLS LIKE
GUILT AND CHANEL NO. 5.

MOM, I'M TELLING
YOU, YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU PUT THE COFFEE
TABLE LIKE THAT?

NO. HA.

I HAVE 3 OTHER ROOMMATES.
ONE OF THEM PROBABLY DID IT.

3 ROOMMATES? YEP.

WHEN DID THE OTHER ONE COME?

LAST NIGHT. HER NAME'S JANET.

WHAT'S SHE LIKE?

SHE JOGS. ENOUGH SAID.

COME ON, LET'S GO. YOU
SERIOUSLY DON'T SMELL THAT?

WE CAN GET ONE CUP OF COFFEE,
AND THEN I HAVE TO GET TO CLASS.

I KNEW YOU WERE EARLY.

I'M NOT THAT EARLY.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

FRESHMEN.

SIGN AND DATE.

SIGNING AND DATING.

OH, DO YOU HAVE
YOUR LAST CHECK STUB?

YEAH. UH, HERE.
OH, REMEMBER THAT?

INCOME. YEAH.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS, HUH?

OK, MY HAND IS CRAMPING,
AND I'M DONE SIGNING NOW.

UH, SOOKIE, CAN YOU HAND
ME THAT SCREWDRIVER?

OH, HEY, UM, TOMORROW WE
HAVE TO MEET WITH TED OLDAMAN

AND GET OUR LIABILITY
INSURANCE INSTATED

BEFORE WE CAN BREAK
GROUND ON THE INN.

AND THAT REMINDS ME,

UM, TOM SENT OVER THE
INITIAL PROPOSAL FOR THE WORK.

HOW MUCH? I'LL TELL YOU LATER.

WHEN? AFTER YOU BLOW.

COME ON.

ONCE YOU HAVE THE BABY,
THEN YOU CAN HAVE THE COW.

OK, I THINK I GOT IT.

IS IT REALLY THAT MUCH?

HERE, I'M GOING IN THE NURSERY.

UH, IT'S $20,000 MORE
THAN WE THOUGHT.

$20,000? THAT SUCKS.

I GOT THE CHIMNEY REPORT BACK.

OH, SHOOT.

HELLO? HELLO?

WHAT IS THAT?

JACKSON.

HE'S TRYING TO HOOK UP THE
HOUSE'S CENTRAL SOUND SYSTEM

TO THE BABY MONITOR.

I AM IN THE BABY'S ROOM.

I REPEAT, I AM IN
THE BABY'S ROOM.

COPY THAT?

THIS IS PROBABLY THE CUTEST
CREEPY THING HE HAS DONE YET.

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? I
REPEAT. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?

YES, JACKSON!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
USE THE WALKIE-TALKIE.

ROGER, ROGER, JACKSON.
WE'RE RECEIVING SOME FEEDBACK.

I REPEAT, WE'RE
RECEIVING SOME FEED...

HELLO? SOOKIE?

JACKSON, I'M RECEIVING FEED...

DO YOU HEAR ME? SOOKIE?

YES, I CAN HEAR YOU. I CAN...

SOOKIE, JUST TELL ME
IF YOU CAN HEAR ME.

JACKSON, I CAN HEAR...

I CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE!

OOH YEAH, THIS SYSTEM'S
GONNA WORK GREAT.

WHY AREN'T YOU USING
THE WALKIE-TALKIE?

IT'S NOT WORKING.

HERE.

HEY, YOU KNOW, I HAVE A THOUGHT.

YES?

WELL, OBVIOUSLY,

IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME
TIME TO GET THE INN

UP AND RUNNING, RIGHT? RIGHT.

AND UNTIL WE DO,

WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO
MONEY COMING IN WHATSOEVER.

SO IT'S A HAPPY THOUGHT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT
STARTING A CATERING COMPANY?

A CATERING COMPANY?

YEAH. YOU COULD PLAN THE EVENTS,
DECORATIONS, THEMES, AND I CAN COOK.

WELL.

IT WOULDN'T BE FOR VERY
LONG, JUST UNTIL THE BABY CAME.

YES, BUT...

OK, HERE.

SOOKIE, I'M NOT REALLY A PARTY
PLANNER. I'VE NEVER DONE THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU PUT ON ALL THOSE
BEAUTIFUL WEDDINGS AT THE INN.

AND THE CONVENTIONS.

THE MEN IN THE HATS
AND THE BUTTONS.

YES, BUT I HAD A STAFF AT
THE INN, AND I HAD RESOURCES.

OH, COME ON.

IT'LL BE SO FUN TO
WORK TOGETHER AGAIN.

JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

FINE, I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

GOOD.

HOW LONG DO I HAVE
TO THINK ABOUT IT?

ABOUT A WEEK. SOOKIE.

HELEN THOMPSON'S SON, AARON,
IS HAVING A BIRTHDAY PARTY

AND SHE ASKED ME TO CATER.

AND I SUGGESTED
THAT YOU PLAN IT.

SHE THOUGHT IT
WAS A FABULOUS IDEA.

SO SHE OFFERED US THE
JOB, AND I JUST TOOK IT.

IT'S THURSDAY.

SHE WANTED TO DO IT ON
AARON'S ACTUAL BIRTHDAY.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO SWEET.

HELEN'S LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW?

YES, I KNOW.

I CAN CALL HER RIGHT NOW AND TELL
HER NO, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

I MEAN IT. YOU SAY
THE WORD, AND IT'S OFF.

MAYBE WE COULD JUST TRY THIS
ONE, JUST TO SEE IF YOU LIKE IT.

MAYBE.

OK, SOOKIE, CAN YOU
HEAR ME NOW? HELLO.

JACKSON, I CAN HEAR YOU.

USE THE MONITOR!

SORRY!

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS SUCKS.

I WILL MAKE A NOTE.

TANNA?

TANNA. WHAT?

WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? WHAT?

THIS. THE FURNITURE, THE
COUCH, THE CHAIRS, THE RUG.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN
HERE WHEN I GOT BACK.

HELLO?

I WAS GOING TO WAIT
UNTIL YOU CALLED ME,

BUT MY LIFE ISN'T
AS LONG AS YOURS.

DID YOU SIT ON THE COUCH?

THE COUCH?

I DIDN'T WANT TO
GET IT TOO SOFT,

'CAUSE I KNEW YOU'D
BE STUDYING THERE

AS WELL AS WATCHING TELEVISION
AND YOU WOULD NEED A LITTLE SUPPORT.

YOU DID THIS?

OF COURSE I DID IT. MY
GRANDDAUGHTER'S A YALIE NOW.

SHE NEEDS TO LIVE LIKE A YALIE.

BUT HOW? WHEN?

I SNUCK IN YESTERDAY
WHEN YOU WERE IN CLASSES

JUST TO MEASURE TO MAKE
SURE EVERYTHING WOULD FIT.

THEN I HAD TO BUTTER UP YOUR DIPPY FRESHMAN
COUNSELOR SO SHE'D LET THE MOVERS IN.

DID YOU LOOK IN THE
ENTERTAINMENT CENTER YET?

NO.

OH.

THAT'S A PLASMA T.V. WITH
A V.C.R. AND A D.V.D. PLAYER.

THERE'S ALSO A 5-C.D. CHANGER

AND A TURNTABLE

AND THE WHOLE THING IS
WIRED IN 5.1 SURROUND SOUND.

NOW, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT
MEANS, BUT THE MAN WHO INSTALLED IT

SAID TO GET PINK FLOYD'S
DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE AMAZING.

GRANDMA, THIS IS ALL REALLY
SWEET, BUT I HAVE ROOMMATES.

YOU KNOW, AND THIS MIGHT MAKE
THEM A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT WHAT?

WELL, UH, THIS IS A COMMON ROOM.

IT'S-IT IS COMMON TO ALL OF US.

MMM-HMM?

4 OF US WHO LIVE HERE. THERE ARE
4 OF US WHO LIVE HERE TOGETHER.

AND THE COMMON ROOM, IT'S
WHAT WE ALL HAVE IN COMMON.

OH, JUST SHOW THEM
HOW TO USE THE REMOTE.

I'M SURE THEY'LL BE
FINE WITH EVERYTHING.

GRANDMA, I WORRY THAT BY
YOU GIVING ME ALL THESE THINGS,

IT KIND OF MAKES IT MY ROOM.

EXACTLY. WHAT?

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE
VALUE OF THE UPPER HAND, RORY.

YOU ARE IN THE REAL WORLD NOW.

STATUS MATTERS.

BUT... YOUR GRANDFATHER AND I

ARE VERY PROUD OF YOU.

ENJOY THE FURNITURE.

WE'LL SEE YOU ON FRIDAY.

OK, SEE YOU FRIDAY.

MY GRANDMOTHER BROKE INTO
OUR ROOM AND FURNISHED IT.

DID SHE PUT THAT
FIREPLACE IN, TOO?

NO, TANNA, THE
FIREPLACE WAS ALWAYS...

HEY, WHY DON'T WE TAKE A
LITTLE TOUR OF THE PLACE, OK?

GREAT! YEAH.

THEY BURNT MY FRIES,

FORGOT TO GIVE ME
EXTRA BBQ SAUCE,

THE JEEP IS MAKING A
CRUNCHY SOUND AGAIN,

AND I GOTTA SPEND MY EVENING MAKING ELF
EARS FOR AARON'S LORD OF THE RINGS PARTY.

GRANDMA BROKE IN TO MY DORM

AND REDID THE ENTIRE COMMON ROOM

IN $25,000 WORTH OF FURNITURE
AND STEREO EQUIPMENT.

YOU WIN. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

YOU SHOULD SEE THIS PLACE.

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN UDAY'S HOUSE.

OK, TELL ME THE WHOLE STORY.

I CAME HOME, AND ALL THE
NORMAL FURNITURE WAS GONE

AND ALL THIS STUFF WAS IN HERE.

WHAT DID YOUR ROOMMATES SAY?

TANNA STILL DOESN'T
KNOW SHE'S AT YALE,

PARIS SAW IT AND SAID NOTHING.

OH, SO THAT'S COMING.

JANET'S OUT JOGGING. I
DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE THINKS

BUT I HAVE TO HOPE SHE'S PLEASED

'CAUSE THE GIRL'S IN SHAPE
AND CAN KICK MY BUTT.

WELL, JUST MAKE SURE SOMETHING
SHE LIKES IS ON T.V. WHEN SHE GETS HOME.

SOMETHING SOOTHING TO RUNNERS.

MAYBE SOMETHING THAT GOES
IN A CIRCLE OVER AND OVER.

THIS IS BAD. THIS IS A
TOTAL INVASION OF PRIVACY.

I KNOW.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK.

SHE GOT RID OF EVERYTHING
THAT WAS IN HERE.

WHAT IF SOME FURNITURE BELONGED
TO SOMEONE WHO WANTED IT?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
SHE WAS THINKING.

SHE WAS THINKING,
"RORY'S LIFE, MINE.

MUST COVER WITH CHENILLE."

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DID THIS.

OH, YES, YOU CAN. EXCUSE ME?

WELL, RORY, COME ON, IT'S
MY MOTHER. IT'S EMILY GILMORE.

THIS IS WHAT SHE DOES.

YOU'VE SEEN HER PULL STUNTS
LIKE THIS ON ME FOR YEARS.

YEAH, BUT THAT WAS YOU.

I SAID WHEN YOU BORROWED MONEY
FROM HER, THIS IS WHAT YOU'D GET.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GLOATING.

I'M NOT.

I'M JUST SAYING, WHEN
YOU SLEEP WITH DOGS,

YOU WAKE UP WITH AN
ENTERTAINMENT CENTER.

FINE, SO WHAT DO I DO?

WELL YOU COULD COME OUT AND SAY,
"GRANDMA, THIS FURNITURE IS VERY NICE.

"I APPRECIATE THE GESTURE,
BUT THIS IS A DORM ROOM,

"AND I CANNOT GUARANTEE
THAT THE OTHER PEOPLE

"WILL LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I DO.

"AND I WORRY ABOUT EXPENSIVE
EQUIPMENT GETTING STOLEN

AND IT'S JUST MAYBE
TOO MUCH RIGHT NOW."

THAT SOUNDS GOOD. OK.

AND THEN MY MOTHER WILL SAY,
"RORY, YOUR GRANDFATHER AND I

"ARE PAYING FOR
YOU TO GO TO YALE.

"WE ARE ENABLING YOU TO
HAVE THIS RAREFIED EDUCATION,

"AND YOU'RE BEING UNGRATEFUL
AND SMALL-MINDED, AND I RESENT IT.

"I AM HURT ON A LEVEL YOU
WILL NOT BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND

"UNTIL YOU YOURSELF HAVE A
DAUGHTER OR A GRANDDAUGHTER

"WHO WILL CUT YOUR HEART OUT
THE WAY YOU'VE JUST CUT MINE OUT,

"AND I HOPE THAT SMALL
VENEER OF INDEPENDENCE

"THAT YOU'VE EXTRACTED
FROM THIS INCIDENT

"IS WORTH THE COMPLETE AND TOTAL
ALIENATION OF THE GRANDPARENTS

WHO HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT
LOVE YOU AND THOUGHT OF YOU ONLY."

OR I COULD KEEP THE FURNITURE.

YES, YOU COULD.

THIS IS GREAT.

HON, SERIOUSLY, IF YOU FEEL
STRONGLY, SAY SOMETHING.

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE
PREPARED, THAT'S ALL.

I KNOW.

AND TAKE HEART IN KNOWING, THAT
WHEN IT COMES TO CONTROLLING A PERSON,

MY MOTHER TARGETED MY SOUL, MY
INDEPENDENCE, AND MY ENTIRE FUTURE,

AND AT LEAST WITH YOU
SHE THREW IN AN OTTOMAN.

EMILY? I'M HOME.

I KEEP WANTING TO GIVE
THIS ROOM A LITTLE SPRUCE

BUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME EVERY ONE OF
THESE FABRICS GIVES ME A HEADACHE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS ONE?

HMM? OH, IT'S FINE.

WELL, THAT'S JUST THE SORT OF
ENTHUSIASM I WAS LOOKING FOR.

EMILY, YOU HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE.

I'M SURE WHICHEVER ONE
YOU PICK WILL LOOK LOVELY.

DO YOU NEED SOME ICE?

UH, NO. A TALLER GLASS.

YOU SOUND TIRED.

WELL, IT'S BEEN A VERY LONG DAY.

YOU KNOW, SOME MEN RETIRE.

YES, AND SOME MEN TATTOO THEIR
MOTHERS' NAMES ON THEIR BICEPS.

I DON'T THINK THE 2 ARE
NECESSARILY LINKED.

I'M FINE, EMILY.

I JUST NEED A DRINK AND A NICE
MEAL, AND I'LL BE GOOD AS NEW.

YOU GOT A CALL FROM
JASON STILES TODAY.

DIGGER STILES? WHAT DID HE WANT?

TO TALK TO YOU.

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO HIM.

HE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING
INTERESTING TO TELL YOU.

WHAT? THAT THE TURNCOAT
COMPANY I USED TO WORK FOR

IS CUTTING MY PENSION?

THAT THE STOCK THEY GAVE ME WHEN
THEY UNCEREMONIOUSLY FORCED ME OUT

HAS BEEN RESCINDED?

YES. THAT, OR HELLO.

MMM, HE'S PROBABLY BEEN SENT
TO DO HIS FATHER'S DIRTY WORK.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO FIRE ME.

THEY HAVE TO CONTINUE TO
HARASS ME NOW THAT I'M GONE.

I THOUGHT YOU
ALWAYS LIKED DIGGER.

YES, I LIKED DIGGER WHEN
HE WAS FETCHING MY COFFEE.

I LIKED DIGGER WHEN HE
WAS REFILLING MY STAPLER.

BUT I DO NOT LIKE DIGGER

NOW THAT HE IS HIS FATHER'S HEIR
APPARENT AND SENT TO ANNOY ME.

AND I CERTAINLY DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOUR NEED TO DEFEND HIM.

I'M NOT DEFENDING HIM.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO RETURN THE
BOY'S CALL, DON'T RETURN HIS CALL.

THANK YOU.

I INVITED HIM OVER
TOMORROW ANYWAY.

YOU CAN FIND OUT
WHAT HE WANTS THEN.

YOU DID WHAT?

WELL, HE WAS ABSOLUTELY
INSISTENT THAT HE TALK TO YOU.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

IT WAS THE POLITE THING TO DO.

IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO
COME OVER, I HAVE HIS NUMBER.

YOU MAY CALL AND
DISINVITE HIM. IT'S UP TO YOU.

FINE, HE CAN COME OVER, BUT
HE'S NOT STAYING FOR A DRINK.

HE CAN COME IN AND DELIVER
HIS MESSAGE AND THEN LEAVE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

THAT'S IT. NO DRINK, NO
HANDSHAKE, NOTHING.

I'LL EVEN HIDE THE
LIQUOR BOTTLES

SO HE DOESN'T GET
ANY BRIGHT IDEAS.

IT'S EXTREMELY
COMFORTING TO HAVE

SUCH A SUPPORTIVE
WIFE IN TIMES LIKE THESE.

I'M SO GLAD.

DID YOU HEAR?

HEAR WHAT? THE FIRST
PARTY OF THE YEAR

IS GOING TO BE ON
OUR FLOOR. OH, YEAH?

TECHNICALLY, IT'S TO CELEBRATE
THE FIRST WEEK OF CLASSES

BUT I'M ANTICIPATING THE
THEMES QUICKLY DEGENERATING TO:

"HEY, WALKING
WORKS, LET'S DRINK."

THE IMPORTANT THING
IS THAT THIS PARTY,

THE FIRST PARTY IS GOING TO
BE ON OUR FLOOR. OUR FLOOR.

YES, OUR FLOOR.

ANYHOW, THE WAY IT WORKS IS THAT
ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE A PART OF THE PARTY

WILL JUST LEAVE THEIR DOOR OPEN

SO PEOPLE CAN JUST WANDER IN
AND OUT. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ABOUT WHAT? LEAVING
OUR DOOR OPEN?

IT'S THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY

TO SOLIDIFY OUR
SOCIAL STANDING AT YALE.

IT'LL VIRTUALLY
GUARANTEE INVITATIONS

TO EVERY OTHER PARTY
THROWN THIS YEAR

AND WE'LL GET OUR
FACES IN PEOPLE'S HEADS.

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT? WHAT DON'T YOU KNOW?
I'VE EXPLAINED IT ALL TO YOU.

I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO LEAVE
OUR DOOR OPEN TO STRANGERS.

THEY WON'T BE STRANGERS ONCE
THEY COME IN AND SAY HOWDY.

BUT I'M NOT SURE HOW I'LL FEEL
THAT NIGHT. I MIGHT BE TIRED.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, GRANDPA,
YOU'RE 18. SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.

WE CAN STILL GO TO THE PARTY.

WE CAN MEET PEOPLE, YOU CAN
SOLIDIFY YOUR SOCIAL STATUS,

GET YOUR FACE IN PEOPLE'S HEADS,

AND I CAN BAIL
WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT.

GOING ISN'T THE
SAME. GOING IS PASSIVE.

OPENING YOUR DOOR,
YOU ARE GIVING THE PARTY.

YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR
THE FUN. PEOPLE OWE YOU.

DON'T YOU WANT
PEOPLE TO OWE YOU?

I'M GOOD, ACTUALLY.

OH, SURE, YOU'RE
GOOD. YOU'RE FINE.

AFTER ALL, YOU'VE ALL
THIS FANCY FURNITURE

AND A BIG T.V. TO
LORD OVER PEOPLE.

IT'S THE REST OF US
WHO ARE SCREWED.

THE ONES WHOSE GRANDPARENTS HADN'T
THOUGHT TO PROVIDE SUCK-UP FURNITURE.

THIS IS NOT SUCK-UP FURNITURE.

YOU'RE BEING SELFISH. YOU DON'T
CARE ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF.

PARIS! NO. I HATE COLLEGE!

OK, WE'VE GOT COSTUMES, WE'VE GOT CUTOUTS,
WE'VE GOT RINGS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WE'VE GOT FAIRY NECKLACES,
WE'VE GOT TREE HEADS.

I'M PICKING UP TABLE
DECORATIONS TOMORROW.

OH, DO YOU NEED ME TO ORDER
A LORD OF THE RINGS CAKE?

THE CAKE IS UNDER CONTROL.

OK, CAKE'S OFF MY LIST.

SO YOU'VE GOT THE
MENU GOING, RIGHT?

YES.

JUST FESTIVE KIDDIE
FOOD YOU KNOW, LIKE, UM,

BAGEL DOGS, TATER TOTS,
MINI PIZZAS, MAC AND CHEESE.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT
WOULD BE GREAT?

THOSE COLORED POPCORN BALLS.

RORY USED TO GO MENTAL
OVER THOSE THINGS.

HEY, HOW MANY ADULTS
ARE GONNA BE THERE?

PROBABLY ABOUT 10.

OK.

HI. HEY.

OK, SO, UH, I'VE SCOURED THE ENTIRE
STORE, AND HERE'S WHAT WE GOT.

HIT ME.

HORN OF GONDOR, MMM.

LEGOLAS' BOW, AND A CAPE.

CAPE FOR WHO?

THERE ARE 4,000 PEOPLE IN THAT
MOVIE WHO WEAR CAPES. PICK ONE.

WOW, YOU'RE CRABBY.

WELL, I WORE A BRACELET
TO SCHOOL TODAY.

MY PARENTS WERE CALLED.

THERE WAS A SPECIAL
SERVICE IN CHAPEL,

AND I'VE BEEN ORDERED TO A
SOUL-SEARCHING SEMINAR NEXT WEEK.

I'LL BE SITTING BETWEEN
THE NAIL-POLISH-WEARING GIRL

AND THE SPICY-CONDIMENT USER.

I'M SORRY. THAT'S OK.

LEAVE THE HORN,
THE BOW, AND THE BILL.

RIGHT.

HELLO? I NEED TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT RORY.

PARIS?

SHE'S NOT ADJUSTING WELL.
I'M CONCERNED ABOUT HER.

WELL, THAT'S VERY...

THE SOCIALIZATION PROCESS IN
COLLEGE IS VITALLY IMPORTANT.

THE CONNECTIONS WE MAKE CAN LAST A
LIFETIME. THEY CAN ALTER OUR FUTURE.

THAT'S HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE.

OK. IT MUST BE TEMPTING

TO EMOTIONALLY
STUNT YOUR DAUGHTER

SO SHE'LL RETURN HOME
AND TAKE CARE OF YOU

IN YOUR OLD AGE, BUT DON'T
YOU WANT BETTER FOR HER?

HEY, PARIS, DID SOMETHING
HAPPEN BETWEEN YOU AND RORY?

SHE WON'T OPEN THE
DOOR FOR THE PARTY. THE...

THERE'S A PARTY ON OUR FLOOR,
AND IF YOU OPEN YOUR DOOR

YOU GET TO BE A PART OF
IT, BUT SHE WON'T OPEN IT

BECAUSE SHE'S BUSY BEING HEIDI'S
GRANDFATHER. IF YOU WERE A REAL MOTHER...

PARIS, YOU CALLED MY MOTHER?

WELL, YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.

GIVE ME THAT PHONE.

HELLO?

HI, HONEY, HOW'S SCHOOL?

I'M ROOMING WITH A
STEPHEN KING NOVEL.

WHAT'S SHE TALKING ABOUT?

OH, JUST SOME RIDICULOUS PARTY.

I DON'T WANNA LET A
MILLION STRANGERS

TRAIPSE THROUGH MY ROOM, SO SHE'S HAVING
A MELTDOWN. I'M SORRY SHE BOTHERED YOU.

THAT'S OK. I'M GONNA KILL HER.

REMEMBER, YOU CUT OFF ONE
HEAD, SHE'LL JUST GROW ANOTHER.

SO TELL ME ABOUT THE PARTY.

IT'S NOTHING. IT'S JUST A
FIRST-WEEK-OF-CLASS KIND OF THING.

YOU GOING? MAYBE.

YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT
NOT BE SUCH A BAD IDEA

TO GET TO KNOW THE
PEOPLE IN YOUR BUILDING

SEE WHO'S GONNA BE THE ONE TO HAVE
THE EMERGENCY POP-TARTS ON HAND.

I'LL GET TO KNOW THEM.

A PARTY MIGHT BE
A FUN WAY TO DO IT.

I'M SORRY. ARE YOU TELLING ME TO LET
PARIS OPEN THE DOOR TO THE WORLD?

I'M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING.

I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT AT THE END OF 4 YEARS,

YOU'VE NOT ONLY READ EVERY
BOOK IN THE YALE LIBRARY,

YOU'VE ALSO HAD SOME FUN.

I WILL HAVE FUN.

I CAN SEE YOU THE NIGHT OF THE
PARTY HOLING UP IN YOUR ROOM

WITH A BOOK FOR
THE ENTIRE EVENING.

YOU KNOW WHEN I DO THAT,
I'M NOT HIDING. I ENJOY IT.

AND I'M MAKING FRIENDS.
YOU SAW ME MAKE FRIENDS.

I KNOW, BUT I'M NOT JUST
TALKING ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
EXPERIENCING THINGS.

PARTIES, FOOTBALL GAMES,
PROTESTS, BARN BURNINGS.

VERY BIG AMONGST
THE KIDS THESE DAYS.

THOSE ARE ALL EXPERIENCES.

MAYBE DUMB EXPERIENCES,
BUT YOU NEVER KNOW

WHEN YOU'RE, UH, ACCIDENTALLY
GONNA STUMBLE ACROSS SOMETHING

THAT COULD BE SOMETHING.

FINE, I'LL OPEN THE DOOR.

YES.

THIS ISN'T FOR YOU!

LIKE I CARE ABOUT THE REASON.

YOU MIGHT HAVE FUN.

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. CALL ME LATER.

IF I DON'T, I'M SURE PARIS WILL.

TELL HER THANKS FOR ME.

I WILL NOT!

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHAT IS THAT?

WELL, YOU SAID I COULD BORROW
SOMETHING TO WEAR TO THE PARTY.

YEAH, I DID, BUT THAT'S
MY CHILTON UNIFORM.

MY MOM PROBABLY
THREW IT IN FOR A JOKE.

IT'S MY HIGH-SCHOOL UNIFORM.

I WORE IT EVERY DAY TO...

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A TIE
IN THERE THAT GOES WITH IT.

OK, I'VE SCOPED OUT
THE OTHER OPEN ROOMS,

AND NO ONE SEEMS TO HAVE
COPPED A CLEAR IDENTITY YET

WHICH LEAVES THE
FIELD WIDE OPEN.

SO, WHAT DO YOU
THINK WE SHOULD WE BE?

WE'VE GOT A LOT OF SEATING, SO
WE COULD BE THE MAKE-OUT ROOM.

OR WE COULD CRANK THE STEREO
UP, PUSH THE FURNITURE ASIDE,

AND BE THE DANCE ROOM.

OR WE COULD THROW DOWN SOME
TOWELS AND BE THE KEG ROOM.

I DON'T WANT AN IDENTITY. YOU
ALREADY MADE ME OPEN THE DOOR.

WE'RE THE OPEN-DOOR
ROOM. THAT'S IT.

HOW ABOUT SOME LOW
LIGHTING AND SOME CANDLES?

WE COULD BE THE
MEANINGFUL-CONVERSATION ROOM.

NO THEMES. NO! BUT...

NO ONE KNOWS ME HERE, RORY.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT THAT MEANS?

IT MEANS I CAN START ALL OVER.

I CAN WIPE OUT THE LAST 18 YEARS

AND INTRODUCE PEOPLE
TO THE NEW PARIS GELLER.

THE FUN PARIS GELLER.

I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE
DIFFERENT THIS YEAR, THAT'S ALL.

ONE CANDLE.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

NO, SERIOUSLY, GIVE
ME THE RING. NO WAY.

$5. NO.

JUST LET ME HOLD IT. FORGET IT.

OH, COME ON. I PROMISE
I'LL GIVE IT RIGHT BACK,

MY PRECIOUS.

I MEAN, ROGER.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONE WITH
THE POINTY EARS, MY FRIEND.

HERE WE GO.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
REDMOND AND RILEY JAMES.

REDMOND, RILEY,
NICE TO MEET YOU.

I'M JULIE, YOUR CRUISE DIRECTOR.

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU
WITH YOUR COSTUMES.

I WANNA BE LEGOLAS.

I WANT TO BE GIMLI.

I WANT TO BE GIMLI, TOO.

OK, 2 GIMLIS COMING UP.

LORELAI, MY HOOD IS LOOSE.

HER NAME'S JULIE, STUPID.

NO, IT'S NOT, RETARD.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

SHE JUST TOLD US
HER NAME WAS JULIE.

SHE'S OUR CRUISE DIRECTOR.

WHAT'S A CRUISE DIRECTOR?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU
FART WITH YOUR FACE.

HEY, LOVE, GUYS. LOVE, OK?

LORD OF THE RINGS
IS ALL ABOUT THE LOVE.

NUH-UH, IT'S ABOUT THE
DESTRUCTION OF ALL MANKIND.

AND WHO DOESN'T LOVE THAT?

YOU'RE FIXED. GO PLAY. LOVINGLY.

LOOK, LORELAI, SOME OF THE
KIDS ARE ASKING FOR SWORDS.

DID YOU BRING
SWORDS? OH, NO, I DIDN'T.

OH. UH.

OH, THE RAYMONDS. I
FORGOT WE MADE UP.

WILL YOU EXCUSE ME? ABSOLUTELY.

RILEY SAID ONLY BOY HOBBITS
CAN TRAVEL TO MOUNT DOOM.

IS THAT TRUE?

IN THE MOVIE, ONLY BOY
HOBBITS TRAVEL TO MOUNT DOOM,

BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE

THE GIRLS WENT TO DO
SOMETHING EVEN MORE DANGEROUS.

WHAT?

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
OF A BRAZILIAN BIKINI WAX?

LORELAI. OH, GREAT, YOU'RE HERE.

SO GIRLS GO ON ADVENTURES, TOO?

AND THEY GO IN HEELS.

GOOD.

ARE RAWLEY AND CHEECH HERE?

YUP, THEY'VE BEEN
CHOPPING FOR AN HOUR.

PERFECT. WOW! THERE IS
A FULL HOUSE, ISN'T THERE?

YOU HAVE ENOUGH
COSTUMES? WE'RE GOOD.

THE SCREEN'S UP, TABLES
ARE SET, AND 4 KIDS ARE CRYING,

SO WE'RE RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.

WELL, I BETTER
GET IN THE KITCHEN.

ALL RIGHT, BECAUSE IT'S
COMING UP ON ELEVENSES

AND THE HOBBITS
ARE HUNGRY, RIGHT?

RIGHT!

AND I'M GOING. I'M GOING.

HEY, WHO WANTS A SWORD?

ME! ME! ME!

WELL, JASON STILES, LOOK AT YOU.

LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT YOU.
I'VE JUST GOT A TRAINER.

YOU HAVE CHEATED GOD.

YOU'RE HERE ONE MINUTE AND YOU'RE
ALREADY STARTING WITH FLATTERY.

I APOLOGIZE. IT IS
LOVELY TO SEE YOU, EMILY.

IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU ALSO.

SO, DID YOU SELL YOUR
SOUL TO THE DEVIL OR...

HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?

SHE'S EXACTLY THE SAME.

AND HER HORSES?

HAVE A BETTER LIFE THAN I DO.

WELL, RICHARD IS IN HIS STUDY.

I WOULD EXPECT NO LESS.

COME IN.

RICHARD, THERE'S
SOMEONE HERE TO SEE YOU.

HELLO, RICHARD.

I APPRECIATE YOU TAKING
THE TIME TO DO THIS.

WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.

JASON, BE SURE AND SAY
GOODBYE BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

I'LL DO THAT.

SO, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

FINE. MAY I SIT?

YOUR CHOICE.

I HEAR YOUR BUSINESS
IS GOING WELL.

YOU HEAR CORRECTLY.

NO REASON FOR IT NOT TO BE GOING
WELL. YOU WERE ALWAYS THE BEST.

IS THAT WHAT YOU
CAME HERE TO TELL ME

HOW COMPETENT I WAS AT MY JOB?

NOPE, I CAME HERE TO
MAKE YOU A PROPOSITION.

GO AHEAD AND MAKE IT.

I WANT TO BE YOUR PARTNER.

EXCUSE ME? I WANT TO
JOIN FORCES WITH YOU.

YOU KNOW, PUT A DESK IN YOUR
OFFICE, GET A COPY OF THE KEY,

MAYBE SNAG SOME OF THAT
FANCY STATIONERY TO WRITE ON.

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.

I'M PREPARED TO BUY MY WAY IN.

I AM ALSO PREPARED TO BRING
ALL OF MY CURRENT CLIENTS

AND THAT SHOULD
BE APPEALING TO YOU

EVEN IF SHARING AN OFFICE AND
PARTING WITH SOME STATIONERY IS NOT.

THINK ABOUT IT.

I COULD MAKE YOUR COMPANY
AN INSTANT CONTENDER

WITH MY YOUTH AND MY CLIENTS AND
YOUR REPUTATION AND RESPECTABILITY.

IT'S A PRETTY INTERESTING
PACKAGE, DON'T YOU THINK?

YOU WANT TO BECOME
MY PARTNER? YES.

YOU WANT TO PAY ME
AND BRING A WHOLE SLEW

OF HIGH-PAYING CLIENTS WITH YOU?

YOU KEEP LEAVING
OUT THE STATIONERY.

THANK YOU FOR COMING, JASON.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

YES, SOMETHING'S WRONG. I DON'T
APPRECIATE YOU WASTING MY TIME.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I WAS.

AM I SUCH A JOKE TO YOU
THAT YOU FEEL YOU CAN

YOU ARE NO JOKE. COME IN
HERE AND TAKE MY TIME AWAY...

I ASSURE YOU, YOU WERE NO JOKE.

YOU WERE THE BEST MY
FATHER'S COMPANY EVER HAD.

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT. I WAS
THE BEST THE COMPANY HAD

AND NOW I AM THE BEST
COMPETITION THEY WILL EVER HAVE.

NOT YET.

BUT WITH ME, YOU COULD BE.

WHY? WHY WOULD YOU THINK I'D
BELIEVE YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I
STUCK A WHOOPEE CUSHION

ON YOUR CHAIR, RICHARD?

YOUR FATHER STARTED THAT
COMPANY. HE MADE THAT COMPANY.

WITH YOU.

YOU'VE BEEN THERE
SINCE YOU WERE A KID.

ALL THE WAY THROUGH
HARVARD YOU WORKED THERE.

YOU'VE BEEN GROOMED TO
TAKE THAT COMPANY OVER

AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING
ME YOU WANT TO LEAVE?

YES. WHY?

BECAUSE I WANT TO DO
SOMETHING ON MY OWN.

I WANT TO WORK SOMEPLACE THAT
HASN'T KNOWN ME SINCE I WAS 6.

I'D LIKE TO GET THROUGH AN ENTIRE
DAY WITHOUT BEING CALLED DIGGER.

AND I REALLY, REALLY
WANT TO PISS OFF MY DAD.

YOU WHAT?

CAN YOU IMAGINE HIS FACE?

NO, REALLY, TAKE A
MOMENT. PICTURE IT.

I WALK INTO HIS OFFICE.

HE'S SITTING IN HIS
ENORMOUS RED-LEATHER CHAIR.

AND I SAY, "DAD, I AM LEAVING.

"I AM TAKING ALL OF MY
HIGH-PAYING CLIENTS WITH ME.

"AND I'M GETTING INTO
BUSINESS WITH RICHARD GILMORE,

THE MAN YOU FORCED
OUT TO MAKE ROOM FOR ME."

CAN YOU SEE THAT FACE?

I CAN SEE IT.

IT'S A PRETTY
GOOD FACE, ISN'T IT?

IT IS RATHER SATISFYING.

SO,

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

YOU HATE YOUR FATHER THAT MUCH?

I DON'T HATE HIM.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE HIM.

JASON, WOULD YOU CARE
TO JOIN ME FOR A DRINK?

GLADLY.

EMILY,

JASON'S GOING TO
JOIN US FOR A DRINK.

HE IS? WELL, HOW NICE.

RICHARD, WOULD YOU MIND
IF I BORROWED YOUR PHONE?

NOT AT ALL. YOU CAN
USE THE ONE IN MY STUDY.

THANK YOU. I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

SO, I SEE YOUR
MEETING WENT WELL.

IT WAS ACTUALLY
VERY INTERESTING.

REALLY? HE WANTS TO
BE MY BUSINESS PARTNER.

WHAT? BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS
FATHER AND HIS COMPANY?

HE WANTS TO LEAVE. HE
WANTS TO WORK WITH THE BEST.

GOOD FOR DIGGER.

WELL, I ALWAYS
DID LIKE THAT BOY.

SO WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WELL, I TOLD HIM I WOULD
HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT AS IF I NEED
ANYONE WORKING WITH ME.

THINGS ARE GOING VERY WELL.

I'M BUILDING A VERY
SOLID CLIENT BASE.

IT WOULD BE NICE FOR YOU
NOT TO HAVE TO WORK SO HARD.

I DON'T MIND HARD WORK, EMILY.

I KNOW YOU DON'T MIND IT.

I JUST SAID IT WOULD BE NICE
IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT.

WELL... JASON'S A VERY NICE BOY.

YES, HE IS.

HE IS A VERY NICE BOY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GETTING THE TABLES READY.

THEY WERE READY.

NO, READY FOR THE FOOD.

THEY WERE READY FOR THE FOOD.

NO, THEY WEREN'T.

YES, THEY WERE. I
SET THEM MYSELF.

BUT WHERE WERE THE TABLECLOTHS?

RIGHT HERE.

UH, THERE. THEY'RE PAPER.

YES, THEY ARE.

AND THERE'S MONSTERS ON THEM.

NO. THEY'RE LORD OF THE RINGS
CHARACTERS, WHICH IS RATHER APPROPRIATE,

SINCE THIS IS A LORD
OF THE RINGS PARTY.

SO THIS IS THE TABLE? YUP.

AND THE PAPER CUPS AND PLATES?

ALL THERE ON PURPOSE.

I THOUGHT YOU PUT
THEM FOR THE KIDS TO SEE.

AND USE.

BUT THE CHAFING DISH LOOKS SO
MUCH BETTER ON THE WHITE TABLECLOTH.

UM, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
A CHAFING DISH OUT HERE.

WHY NOT?

'CAUSE A CHAFING DISH HAS A
CANDLE, AND A CANDLE HAS A FLAME

AND A KID COULD STICK
HIS FINGER IN AND GET HURT.

ISN'T THAT HOW THEY LEARN?

LET'S HEAT THINGS
UP IN THE KITCHEN.

FINE.

YOU MADE BRIE.

OH, YEAH.

WITH LAVENDER HONEY AND
BOURBON-SUGARED PECANS.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO NICELY
WITH THE CRUDITES PLATTER.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU
MADE FOOD FOR THE KIDS.

I DID MAKE FOOD FOR THE KIDS.

THESE KIDS. NOT
THE ROMANOV KIDS.

I JUST PUT THESE OUT IN CASE ANYONE
OVER THE AGE OF 10 GETS HUNGRY.

THERE ARE PARENTS
HERE, TOO, YOU KNOW.

I KNOW.

PARENTS WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY
IT WOULD BE TO KEEP THEIR KID

FROM HITTING ANOTHER KID

OR PUTTING THEIR FINGERS
UNDER A CHAFING DISH.

SOOKIE.

FINE.

HEY, HAVING A GOOD TIME?

I'M PARIS GELLER, SUITE 5.

IT'S OPEN.

IT'S GOT A CANDLE.

PERFECT FOR SOME
DEEP CONVERSATION.

UH, PREPARE 2 TO 5
SUBJECTS TO DISCUSS

SO THAT THE CONVERSATION DOESN'T
LAG AND TOTALLY RUIN THE VIBE.

PARTY ON.

♪

32, 33, 34...

SO, I DID A SURVEY
OF ALL THE ROOMS,

AND BY FAR, OURS
IS THE BEST. GREAT.

3 IS WAY TOO CLUTTERED.

4 HAS DEVELOPED A
WEIRD SMELL. UH-HUH.

2 WAS A CONTENDER FOR A WHILE

UNTIL I STARTED TELLING EVERYONE
THAT THE GIRL WHO LIVES THERE

WAS WAIT-LISTED.

I'M GONNA GET OUT
THERE AND MINGLE.

THIS IS A GREAT PARTY.

46, COME ON, BABY. 47, 48, 49.

RORY!

OH, MY GOD!

MADELINE, LOUISE, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

PARTY, BABY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE AT MILLS.

WHERE? WHERE?
MILLS. NO MORE MILLS?

MILLS WENT BYE-BYE
BEFORE I UNPACKED MY SHOES.

AND SHE'S HANGING
OUT AT TULANE WITH ME.

I LOVE NEW ORLEANS.
I AM SO SOUTHERN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WE FOUND OUT WHERE ALL
THE FIRST-WEEK PARTIES WERE.

AND WE'RE MAKING THE ROUNDS.

WE HIT HARVARD NEXT.

THAT'S WHERE MY BOYFRIEND GOES.

OH, YOU'RE DATING A HARVARD MAN?

HE'S GONNA BE A
WRITER. WELL, HE HOPES.

RIGHT NOW, HE'S TOTALLY FREAKED

THAT THE SIMPSONS WILL BE OFF
THE AIR BY THE TIME HE GRADUATES.

WELL, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.

PARIS IS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

I HOPE SHE'S IN BACK
OF THAT GUY THERE

BECAUSE THAT'S
WHERE I'M HEADING.

OH, WE'LL BE BACK.

GOOD LUCK.

♪

RORY GILMORE. ARE
YOU RORY GILMORE?

YES, I'M RORY GILMORE.

RORY, WHAT CAN WE
DO WITH THAT? RO-RO?

RE-ROR? A LAST NAME CAN HELP.

GILMORE. RO-GIL? GIL-ROY?

EXCUSE ME, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GIVING YOU A NICK. A NICKNAME.

DO I KNOW YOU?

WE GET SO AHEAD OF
OURSELVES. I'M KICK.

I'M MICKEY.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER
TOLD US TO LOOK YOU UP.

MY GRANDMOTHER?

SHE'S TIGHT WITH OUR
MOM, D-A-R DARLING.

WHEN SHE HEARD WE WERE GOING
TO YALE, SHE LAID DOWN THE LAW.

MAKE SURE YOU FELL IN
WITH THE RIGHT CROWD.

WHICH WOULD BE US.

HEY, WE NEVER
SETTLED ON A NICKNAME.

I THINK WE'RE STILL TRYING
THE LAST-FIRST COMBO.

LISTEN, I APPRECIATE YOU SEEKING
ME OUT, AND IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU

BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE TO
GO FIND MY ROOMMATE.

DO YOU HAVE A MIDDLE NAME?

YES, THAT MIGHT HELP.

WHAT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

OH, ASTROLOGICAL NICKNAME.

VERY IN. VERY, VERY IN.

SEATING.

OH, GREAT FABRIC.

THIS IS THE FURNITURE
EMILY BOUGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT
WOMAN DOES HAVE TASTE.

I WISH SHE'D TALK TO MOM.

YEAH, 'CAUSE THEN
WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO.

DID MOM TELL YOU
ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

YES. HAWAII.

CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT
WAS GOING THROUGH HER MIND.

WALT DISNEY CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT
WAS GOING THROUGH HER MIND.

YOU WANT THE GUY THAT
PUMPS YOUR GAS VOTING?

THAT IS WHAT AMERICA IS
ABOUT. WHAT IGNORANCE.

YOU'RE THE IGNORANT ONE.

I HAD A TERRIBLE
DREAM THE OTHER NIGHT

THAT EVERYTHING THEY SAY
ABOUT SUNSCREEN IS TRUE.

I HAVE HAD THAT DREAM.

I DON'T THINK I'M HAVING FUN.

WELL, THE PARTY'S NOT OVER YET.

I KNOW. WHAT'S WITH
THE GABOR SISTERS?

FRIENDS WITH MY GRANDMOTHER.

GREAT. EVERYBODY
HAS A GROUP BUT ME.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

JANET'S A RUNNER, SO SHE'LL
AUTOMATICALLY BE IN THE JOCK GROUP.

TANNA'S A FREAK, SO SHE'LL
BE IN THE JOHN NASH GROUP.

YOU'VE GOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S
OBLIGATION FRIENDS.

I'M STUCK OVER THERE LISTENING
TO A BAD TALK-RADIO SESSION.

THIS SUCKS.

WELL, WE COULD JUST KICK
EVERYONE OUT AND JUST GO TO BED.

NO. I'LL JUST HAVE TO
TRY A LITTLE HARDER.

I'M DETERMINED.

THINGS ARE GOING TO
BE DIFFERENT THIS YEAR.

HEY, PIERCE MY EAR.

OK, EVERYBODY OUT, NOW!

THIS ROOM IS CLOSED.

TAKE YOUR GROSS BEER

AND YOUR INANE CONVERSATIONS
SOMEWHERE ELSE. MOVE!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DON'T KNOW. LOOKS LIKE MY
ROOMMATE'S KICKING EVERYBODY OUT.

OH, SHOOT.

HEY, BIM AND BIM,
UP. LET'S MOVE, NOW.

SORRY. SHE'S MY ROOMMATE.
WHAT CAN I DO? CALL ME.

LORELAI, SOME OF THE KIDS
ARE STARTING TO GET HUNGRY.

I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE
THE FOOD READY TO GO

THE MINUTE THE MOVIE'S OVER.

I AGREE. I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT.

OH, HEY, UM, HELEN WANTS
US TO PUT THE FOOD ON.

YUP, ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU.

GOOD. GOOD.

SO, UH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

A LITTLE LEMON-GARLIC AIOLI
FOR THE BLANCHED VEGGIES.

OH, GREAT.

THINK I SHOULD PUT THE
ASSORTED CHARCUTERIES

ON THIS TABLE OR
THIS ONE? IT DEPENDS.

WHICH ONE IS THE KIDS' TABLE?

THERE ARE NO DESIGNATED TABLES.

I'M MIXING AND MATCHING HERE.

OK.

OH, PERFECT. RIGHT HERE.

WELL, HELLO, GORGEOUS.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

OH, BOY. WELL.

I'M HUNGRY.

OH, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME GRAVLAX?

SOME WHAT?

SOOKIE, WHERE'S THE KIDS' FOOD?

OK, YOU NEED TO RELAX.

I HAVEN'T PUT THE
KIDS' FOOD OUT YET.

'CAUSE YOU WOULDN'T LET
ME USE THE CHAFING DISHES

AND I DIDN'T WANT
THE FOOD TO GET COLD.

WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? SOOKIE.

YOU JUST STUCK THAT
CARROT IN YOUR MOUTH

AND THEN PUT IT
BACK ON THE PLATTER.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

IT TASTES LIKE DIAPERS.

IT DOES NOT TASTE LIKE DIAPERS.

HONEY, GO SIT DOWN. I'LL
CALL YOU WHEN DINNER'S READY.

YOU TAKE IT BACK.

OK. COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ALL RIGHT. WHERE
IS IT? WHERE IS WHAT?

THE FOOD THAT DOESN'T
TASTE LIKE DIAPERS?

YOU MEAN THE KIDS' FOOD?

YES. THE KIDS' FOOD.
DID YOU MAKE ANY?

I'M NOT STUPID.

I NEVER SAID YOU'RE STUPID.

I BOOKED THIS GIG. I'M
THE ONE WHO CAME TO YOU

"HEY, YOU WANT TO CATER
A KIDS' PARTY WITH ME?"

HERE. HERE'S THE CHILDREN'S FOOD

FOR THE CHILDREN'S
BIRTHDAY PARTY, OK?

WHAT IS THAT? IT'S
MACARONI AND CHEESE.

IT'S GREEN. WHY IS IT GREEN?

BECAUSE I MADE IT WITH A
JALAPENO-CHIPOTLE CREAM SAUCE.

KIDS AREN'T GONNA EAT THIS.

WHEN THEY TRY IT...

THEY WON'T TRY IT. WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IT'S GREEN.

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN
OFFERED IT TO THEM YET.

THEY MAY SURPRISE YOU.

WHERE IS THE REST OF IT?

THE REST OF WHAT? THE
REST OF THE KID FOOD.

THIS IS IT. OH, SOOKIE.

THEY'RE SMALL. HOW
MUCH CAN THEY EAT?

WELL, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

I... I MENTIONED, UH, HOT DOGS AND
PIZZA PUFFS AND... AND... AND CHIPS.

I TOLD YOU TO MAKE
POPCORN BALLS.

WHERE THE HELL ARE
THE POPCORN BALLS?

YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT THAT?

OH, MY GOD!

I-IS... IS THAT THE CAKE?

OF COURSE IT'S THE CAKE.

YOU THINK I WOULD GO TO A
BIRTHDAY PARTY WITHOUT A CAKE?

WHAT KIND OF CAKE IS IT, SOOKIE?

CHOCOLATE

WITH A RUM-RAISIN,
TROPICAL-FRUIT GANACHE.

OK. UM, CHEECH?

UH, HERE.

GO TO, UH, DOOSE'S, OK,

AND GET LIKE 5 BOXES
OF FROZEN MINI PIZZAS

AND 5 BOXES OF THOSE
PIGS IN A BLANKET

AND ALL THE CHIPS YOU CAN FIND.

THEN GO TO WESTIN'S,
GET DOZENS OF CUPCAKES

AND HAVE MAMIE GIVE YOU A
COUPLE OF BIG BAGS OF JIMMIES.

LIKE CHOCOLATE,
RAINBOW, WHATEVER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'LL HAVE THEM DECORATE
THEIR OWN CUPCAKES.

THEY'LL LOVE IT. OK, GO.

WE'RE GOING TO
SERVE THEM CUPCAKES?

MAYBE THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO,
UH, TIDE THEM OVER FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

HEY, HEY! I'M TALKING HERE.

I KNOW. JUST RELAX.
IT'S GONNA BE FINE.

I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE FINE, 'CAUSE
I'VE BEEN COOKING ALL WEEK LONG.

I MADE 4 DIFFERENT CAKES BEFORE
CHOOSING THAT PARTICULAR ONE.

SO, YEAH, I KNOW
IT'S GONNA BE FINE.

BUT THE KIDS WON'T EAT THAT.

YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING TIRED OF YOU
TELLING ME WHAT THE KIDS WON'T EAT.

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PLAN THE
PARTY, AND I'M TO DO THE COOKING.

THAT'S THE ARRANGEMENT.

YES, BUT YOU HAVE TO
THINK ABOUT THE CLIENT.

I AM THINKING ABOUT THE CLIENT.

THAT CAKE IS INCREDIBLE.

NOT IF YOU'RE AN 8-YEAR-OLD.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

I HAD AN 8-YEAR-OLD AND SHE
HUNG OUT WITH OTHER 8-YEAR-OLDS

AND MY TASTE NOW IS NOT THAT
DIFFERENT FROM AN 8-YEAR-OLD.

OK, YOU CAN'T JUST
WALK IN AND TAKE OVER.

THAT'S NOT THE ARRANGEMENT. I
MEAN, YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE HERE.

WE'RE PARTNERS. I KNOW THAT.

I'M A GREAT CHEF.

A GREAT CHEF DOES NOT HAVE THE
CLIENT DECORATE HIS OWN CUPCAKES.

CAN I HAVE A JUICE BOX?

HEY, WE'RE TALKING!

OH, YEAH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HER?

IS SHE SICK? WHY
IS HER MOUTH OPEN?

LORELAI, LOOK AT HER FACE.

HI, HONEY. THERE'S YOUR JUICE.

IT'S GRAPE. DO YOU LIKE GRAPE?

ME, TOO. IT MAKES YOUR
TONGUE ALL PURPLE.

NOW, TAKE YOUR JUICE AND GO WATCH
THE REST OF THE MOVIE, ALL RIGHT?

AND YOU LOOK VERY
NICE IN YOUR COSTUME.

OK, SOOKIE, I DIDN'T MEAN
TO JUST TAKE OVER LIKE THAT.

I FELT A CRISIS COMING ON, SO I
SNAPPED INTO PROBLEM-SOLVING MODE,

AND I... I DIDN'T THINK.

I CAN'T DO THIS. YES, YOU CAN.

WE JUST NEED TO BE CLEARER
ON THE MENU NEXT TIME.

NO, NOT THIS. THIS.

ISN'T IT A LITTLE LATE?

YOU SAW ME WITH
THAT LITTLE GIRL.

I MEAN, AND HER
FACE. I MADE THAT FACE.

YOU WERE UPSET.

THIS IS NOT RIGHT.
THIS IS ALL WRONG.

I... I... I DON'T... I DON'T WANT
TO BE PREGNANT ANYMORE.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO? WALK IT OFF?

SOOKIE. SOOKIE.

HEY, HEY, WHERE ARE...
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

A CHILD IS NOT A DUVET COVER.

YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE IT
BACK IF IT DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

LUCKILY, DUVET COVERS
NOTORIOUSLY LIKE

WHOEVER THEY GO HOME WITH.

THEY'RE LIKE GOLDEN RETRIEVERS.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
IF KIDS DON'T LIKE YOU?

THEY TIE YOU TO A CHAIR.
THEY BRAIN YOU WITH A BAT.

THEY SET FIRE TO THE HOUSE
AND BLAME THE NEIGHBORS.

WOW, NOW YOU CAN'T HAVE
KIDS OR LIVE NEXT TO THEM.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK
TO THEM, HOW TO FEED THEM,

I COVER UP THEIR PARTY CLOTHS,
AND I SET THEIR FINGERS ON FIRE.

JUST THIS ONCE.

I MAKE THEM EAT
JALAPENO-CHIPOTLE CREAM SAUCE.

I'M MOMMY DEAREST.

OK, BACK IN THE KITCHEN.
NO, I CAN'T GO BACK.

I'VE GOT HUMMUS
IN THERE. COME ON.

GOD KNOWS WHAT I'LL DO WITH IT.

OH, AH, HEY, RAWLEY, COULD YOU JUST GO
MAKE SURE THE KIDS HAVE ENOUGH SODA?

OK.

YOU JUST HAVE TO CALM DOWN.

I CAN'T HAVE IT. YES, YOU CAN.

NO, I CAN'T. I'M GONNA FAIL. GET
IT OUT. GET IT OUT. GET IT OUT.

STOP. BREATHE. DRINK.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.

KIDS DON'T LIKE ME, AND
I'M NOT SO SURE I LIKE THEM.

YOU'LL LIKE YOUR KID.

AT FAMILY GATHERINGS, WHEN
EVERYONE GOES INTO THE LIVING ROOM

GATHERS AROUND,
WATCHES THE KIDS? I READ.

JACKSON'S SISTER HAS A
LITTLE GIRL, 6 YEARS OLD.

SHE LIKES TO GET UP IN FRONT
OF THE FAMILY AFTER DINNER

AND SING MARIAH
CAREY SONGS. I HECKLE.

I HAVE NO DESIRE
TO PLAY WITH THEM.

EASTER EGG HUNTS BORE ME.

I HAVE NEVER BORROWED
THE NEIGHBOR'S KID

TO LOOK AFTER FOR THE AFTERNOON.

GOOD. THAT'S CALLED KIDNAPPING.

"COME ON, JACKSON,
LET'S HAVE A BABY.

I WANT TO BE A
MOMMY." I'M PATHETIC.

YOU'RE NOT PATHETIC.

I'M GONNA BE A BAD MOTHER.

I SHOULD NOT BE A PARENT.

SOOKIE, LOOK AT ME.

THERE ARE MANY
PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD

WHO SHOULD NOT
HAVE BEEN PARENTS.

MR. AND MRS.
HITLER, FOR EXAMPLE.

THE BIN LADENS COULD HAVE
JUST WATCHED T.V. THAT NIGHT.

RICHARD AND EMILY MIGHT HAVE
TAKEN A PASS AT PROCREATING.

BUT, YOU, NO WAY.

YOU'RE GONNA BE A GREAT PARENT.

YEAH?

YEAH.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU

AND I WATCHED YOU WITH RORY
WHEN SHE WAS GROWING UP.

WELL, WHO COULD NOT LIKE RORY?

YOU'RE GONNA BE AMAZING.

THAT LITTLE BOY OF
YOURS IS VERY LUCKY.

OK, HMM. IT IS GONNA BE OKAY.

YEAH.

OK. OK.

I'M REALLY, REALLY OK.

YEAH. YOU'RE OK.

OOH.

SOMEONE THREW UP ON THE TABLE.

OH, GOD.

UH, I'M... I'M OK. I'M JUST
GONNA GO OVER THERE AND BE...

OK. GOOD IDEA.

HI.

HI.

I'M ON THE FLOOR.

YOU WERE SLEEPING.

I HAVE NO CLOTHES ON.

NO, YOU DON'T.

I'M ON THE FLOOR, I HAVE NO
CLOTHES ON AND YOU'RE A GIRL.

SO I MUST BE...

ON THE WRONG FLOOR.

OH, BOY.

WHERE'S YOUR ROOM?

I THINK UP. ARE WE
ON THE 1ST FLOOR?

YES. THEN UP.

ANY IDEA HOW LONG
I'VE BEEN HERE?

NO.

SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY
PEOPLE HAVE WALKED BY WHILE I...

SORRY.

GREAT.

NOW FOR THE REST OF MY
TIME AT YALE, I'M GONNA BE

"THE NAKED GUY."

I'M SORRY.

AND YOU KNOW
WHAT'S REALLY GREAT?

TOMORROW, WHEN "THE
NAKED GUY" NICKNAME

STARTS SPREADING AROUND
CAMPUS LIKE WILDFIRE,

I'M GONNA BE IN MY 3RD
HOUR OF THROWING UP.

WELL, IT'S BEEN REALLY QUIET
OUT HERE FOR A WHILE NOW,

SO THERE'S A CHANCE THAT NO ONE
BUT ME HAS ACTUALLY SEEN YOU YET.

OH, YEAH?

I PROMISE I WON'T SAY ANYTHING.

AND IF THERE'S A CHANCE
THAT YOU COULD REFRAIN

FROM, YOU KNOW,
BEING NAKED AGAIN

IN THE WRONG HALLWAY
AT THE NEXT PARTY,

THEN THERE'S A
CHANCE YOU MIGHT GET

A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NICKNAME

LIKE "THE NEVER-NAKED GUY."

YOU'RE A VERY KIND PERSON.

WAIT. HOLD ON.

UH, YOU CAN BORROW THIS.

THANKS.

MMM-HMM.

HEY, WEREN'T YOU IN MY
JAPANESE FICTION CLASS TODAY?

YEAH, THAT-THAT'S RIGHT.

I THOUGHT SO.

HI, I'M, UH, MARTY.

UM, RORY.

I WON'T REMEMBER THAT TOMORROW.

THAT'S PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE.

SO, I SHOULD PROBABLY TRY
AND FIND MY ROOM AND MY PANTS.

'CAUSE THAT'S
WHERE I KEPT MY KEYS.

SO PANTS FIRST.

RIGHT. PANTS FIRST.

NIGHT.

YEAH.

I'M OFFICIALLY STUPIDER
THAN MY BROTHER.

I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT WOULD HAPPEN.

HI.

I DECIDED I'M GOING TO DO IT.

TO DO WHAT?

I'M GOING TO GO IN THERE

AND I'M GOING TO TELL GRANDMA THAT
SHE'S GOING TO BUTT OUT OF MY LIFE.

MM-HMM. CAN I?

UM, JUST CHECKING.

SO YOU HAVE SOBERLY DECIDED
TO CONFRONT MY MOTHER?

YES.

ARE YOU SURE YOU
WANT TO DO THIS? YES.

ALL RIGHT, THEN I
SUPPORT YOU 100%.

THANK YOU.

MAKE SURE YOU WAIT
FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT.

OH, THE RIGHT MOMENT IS NOW.

THE RIGHT MOMENT ARRIVED IN A BIG
PINK HAT FULL OF FEATHERS SCREAMING:

"NOTICE ME BECAUSE I AM HERE!"

OH, WELL, IF IT
WAS WEARING A HAT.

THERE THEY ARE. HI, MOM.

COME IN.

I TELL YOU, THIS DAY HAS
BEEN AN ABSOLUTE CIRCUS.

I MISPLACED EVERY
SINGLE THING I NEEDED.

MY GROCERY LIST, MY
TICKET FOR THE SHOE REPAIR.

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

WHAT WILL YOU GIRLS HAVE?

WAIT FOR THE MOMENT.
WAIT FOR THE MOMENT.

GRANDMA, I HAVE TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

YES, RORY, WHAT IS IT?

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.

I AM GOING INTO BUSINESS
WITH JASON STILES.

WHO?

Y-Y-YOU'VE MET
HIM, THE STILES BOY.

OH, DIGGER.

NOBODY'S CALLED HIM
DIGGER IN YEARS, LORELAI.

AND YES, I JUST
GOT OFF THE PHONE.

WE'RE GOING TO GET TOGETHER
LATER AND HASH OUT THE DETAILS.

RICHARD, THAT IS WONDERFUL.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
LOOKING FOR A PARTNER.

HE WASN'T. JASON CAME TO HIM.

THAT'S RIGHT. HE SAID HE
WANTED TO STRIKE OUT ON HIS OWN

HE WANTED TO WORK WITH THE BEST,

AND HE WANTED TO
SCREW OVER HIS FATHER.

WHAT?

OH, EXCUSE ME, RORY.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS.

WELL, I WAS A BIT
SURPRISED AT THE BEGINNING

BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT
THAT WHEN HE TOLD ME

THAT PART OF HIS MOTIVE
WAS REVENGE, I WAS INTRIGUED.

NO, I WAS TICKLED.

I THOUGHT IT WAS WONDERFUL.

WHAT A WONDERFUL
WORLD WE LIVE IN

THAT THE SON OF MY ENEMY HATES HIS
FATHER, AND THAT I BENEFIT FROM IT ALL.

IT'S DOWNRIGHT ELIZABETHAN.

I DON'T THINK THIS
IS VERY FUNNY.

NO, NO, I SUPPOSE NOT.

HOWEVER, I CAN'T STOP SMILING.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD GO
INTO BUSINESS WITH THIS BOY.

OH, NOW, EMILY.

HE'S OBVIOUSLY VERY TROUBLED.

YOU CERTAINLY DON'T NEED TO HAND
OVER YOUR BUSINESS TO A TROUBLED YOUTH.

HE'S 37 YEARS OLD.

YES. HE'S 37 YEARS OLD.

AND ALL HE CAN THINK ABOUT IS
HOW TO GET BACK AT HIS FATHER.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT KIND OF THINKING.

WELL, YOU KNOW
FLOYD. HE'S HORRIBLE.

HE IS THE BOY'S FATHER.

HE RAISED HIM. HE
CLOTHED HIM. HE FED HIM.

HE DOES NOT DESERVE
TO BE PAID BACK

FOR ALL OF HIS LOVE
AND DEVOTION LIKE THIS.

WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO UPSET?

I DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

OH, EMILY, BE REASONABLE.

I NEVER LIKED THAT
DIGGER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

OH, EMILY, COME BACK HERE.

IT WASN'T THE RIGHT MOMENT.

I WAS ABOUT TO, AND GRANDPA
CAME IN, HE INTERRUPTED

AND NOW GRANDMA'S MAD,
SO I'M SORRY IF IT SEEMS TO YOU

LIKE I CHICKENED
OUT, BUT I DIDN'T,

AND NOW IT'S JUST
GONNA HAVE TO WAIT.

MMM-HMM.