Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 2 - The Lorelais' First Day at Yale - full transcript

I'VE GOT TOO MUCH STUFF.

(Lorelai) WHAT?

STUFF, AND IT'S YOUR FAULT.

YOU INCULCATED
INTO ME A TOLERANCE

FOR RAMPANT CONSUMERISM.

WHAT?

WHEN DID I BECOME
ONE OF THOSE GIRLS

WITH DOZENS OF BEAUTY PRODUCTS,

NONE OF WHICH ARE EXPENDABLE?

IT USED TO BE A
TOUCH OF MASCARA,

A DAB OF COPPERTONE, ZIP,
BAM, BOOM, OUT THE DOOR.

I HEARD "COPPER" AND "BOOM."

NEVER MIND.

WHAT'S GOING ON? WE'RE LATE.

I'M LOOKING FOR THE CAMERA.

OY VEY. SHE'S LOOKING
FOR THE CAMERA.

I HEARD THAT.

THAT SHE HEARS.

IT IS MY PREROGATIVE
AS YOUR MOTHER

TO RECORD ANY EVENT

IN MY DAUGHTER'S
LIFE THAT I SO CHOOSE.

IT'S IN THE MOTHERS' HANDBOOK.

DOES LUKE KNOW THAT
YOU CAN'T DRIVE A STICK?

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU BORROWED
HIS TRUCK AND IT'S A STICK.

I CAN DRIVE A STICK.

YOU CAN STIR COFFEE WITH A
STICK BUT YOU CAN'T DRIVE A STICK.

OK, I AM GLAD I DID NOT CHOOSE

TO RECORD THAT MOMENT
IN MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE

BECAUSE THAT WAS JUST UGLY.

I WANT YOU TO GET
THERE IN ONE PIECE.

YOU LOOK OUT FOR ME.

LET'S HIT THE ROAD.

OH, WAIT. THIS IS IT.

THIS IS THE PERFECT MOMENT
I-I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

THIS IS MY DAUGHTER
GOING OFF TO COLLEGE.

THIS IS MY SHOT.

OK, FINE.

OK, I'M LINING YOU
UP. NOW LOOK CANDID.

OK. THE DEFINITION OF CANDID
MEANS THE SUBJECT DOESN'T KNOW

THE PICTURE'S BEING TAKEN.

SO, FORGET THE CAMERA'S THERE.

I'LL TRY.

AND SMILE.

OK. OK.

I'M NOT HAPPY.

WHY?

IT LOOKS POSED.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

YOU KNOW THE STICK WE
WERE TALKING ABOUT BEFORE?

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S
SOMEWHERE ELSE NOW.

YOU'RE HAVING SERIOUS
ANNIE LEIBOVITZ DELUSIONS.

YOU'RE STANDING IN THE HOUSE.

NO ONE WILL KNOW
YOU'RE GOING TO COLLEGE.

SHALL I HOLD A SIGN?

YOU COULD DO THE
"GOING TO COLLEGE" WALK.

THE WHAT? THE WALK. THE "THIS."

YOU LOOK LIKE ALFALFA
COMING TO PICK UP DARLA.

HERE. HOLD SOME OF YOUR STUFF.

AT LEAST IT WILL LOOK
LIKE YOU'RE MOVING.

OK.

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
TAKING OUT THE TRASH.

OK, THAT'S IT. WE'RE GOING.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL HAVE TO MAKE DO

WITH ONE OF THE
PICTURES I ALREADY TOOK.

I'LL PUT IT ON THE COMPUTER
AND THEN SUPERIMPOSE

AN IMPORTANT PERSON STANDING
NEXT TO YOU, SEEING YOU OFF,

LIKE KISSINGER OR
LADY BIRD JOHNSON

OR PAT SUMMERALL.

PAT SUMMERALL?

YOU THINK OF SOMEBODY BETTER.

ORSON WELLES.

IT CAN'T BE A DEAD PERSON.

PAT SUMMERALL'S DEAD.

NO, HE'S NOT.

PAT SUMMERALL IS DEAD.

NO, I'M TELLING YOU HE'S NOT.

LADY BIRD JOHNSON IS DEAD.

SHE'S NOT.

HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO BET? $5.

LET'S GOOGLE HIM RIGHT NOW.

MOM, YALE?

YEAH, YALE CAN WAIT FOR US
TO GOOGLE PAT SUMMERALL.

COME ON.

WHERE ARE YOUR PRIORITIES?

♪ [Where You Lead
by Carole King playing]

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

HEY, LUKE.

HEY, RORY. ISN'T TODAY YALE?

UM, YEAH, I'M GOING RIGHT NOW.

YOU LOOK SO CALM.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

A LITTLE NERVOUS,

BUT A LAST LUKE'S FIX
BEFORE I GO WILL HELP.

WELL, TODAY IS WHATEVER
YOU WANT ON THE HOUSE.

WOW, I FEEL IMPORTANT.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT.
WHERE'S YOUR MOM?

SHE'S COMING.

SHE'S HAVING A WEE BIT OF
TROUBLE WITH YOUR TRUCK.

[truck engine revving]

WHAT IS SHE DOING?

WELL, SHE BACKED THE TRUCK OUT OF
OUR DRIVEWAY ALL FINE AND EVERYTHING,

BUT SHE COULDN'T GET IT
OUT OF REVERSE, SO SHE...

BACKED IT HERE?

SLOW BUT STEADY.

SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH YOUR TRUCK.

NOTHING'S WRONG WITH MY TRUCK.

STOP THE TRUCK.

IT WON'T GO OUT OF REVERSE.

YOU CAN'T DRIVE A STICK.

NOT AN UNCOOPERATIVE STICK.
MY STICK'S NOT UNCOOPERATIVE.

COME ON, HIT THE BRAKES.

[brakes screech]

OK. GOOD LUCK.

I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

THIS IS A MISOGYNISTIC TRUCK.

(Luke) WHAT?

IT'S ANTI-WOMAN. IT'S
GENDER-SELECTIVE.

IT'S, "OH, LET'S DRINK A
BEER AND WATCH THE GAME

AND HIKE OUR SHORTS UP."

I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. YOU
CAN'T BORROW MY TRUCK.

IT'S FULL OF OUR STUFF.

YOU SHOULD'VE HIRED MOVERS.

YOU COULD'VE SAID NO
WHEN I ASKED TO BORROW IT.

YOU SAID YOU
COULD DRIVE A STICK.

YEAH, NOT THE JOE
6-PACK OF STICKS.

NOT THE "OH, LET'S
SCRATCH OUR BELLIES

AND EAT SOME CORN
NUTS AND PICK OUR TEETH."

REALLY, LUKE, I CAN DRIVE IT.

OK, FINE.

JUST BE CAREFUL AND
HAVE IT BACK BY 4:00.

4:00ISH IT IS.

4:00. I NEED IT AT 4:00.

GIVE OR TAKE... 4:00.

HE'S SO POSSESSIVE
ABOUT THIS STUPID TRUCK.

IT'S MY TRUCK. I POSSESS IT.

I'M JUST KIDDING. I'LL HAVE
IT BACK BY 4:00. CALM DOWN.

OK, I'M JUST NOT IN
MUCH OF A KIDDING MOOD

WITH ALL THIS OTHER
STUFF GOING ON.

DIVORCE PAPERS. FUN, HUH?

ZERO FUN. SORRY, LUKE.

IT'S NOT LIKE I WASN'T
EXPECTING THEM. IT'S JUST...

THE LAW FIRM THAT NICOLE
WORKS FOR SENT THEM.

THEY COULD'VE ANSWERED
MY QUESTION OVER THE PHONE,

BUT THEY INSISTED ON SENDING
SOMEONE DOWN TO SEE ME.

AND YOU'RE NOT LOOKING
FORWARD TO THAT.

I'M ABOUT TO BUILD
A MOAT OF FIRE.

HERE YOU GO, RORY.

THANKS, CAESAR.

SINCE WE'RE SHORT ON TIME,
I HAD THEM MAKE SOMETHING.

MY YALE SPECIAL.

SHARE. SHARE.

SAUSAGE WRAPPED IN A PANCAKE
TIED TOGETHER WITH BACON.

YOU MADE THAT UP?

I DON'T KNOW HOW I DO IT.

RIGHT HERE. WHAT'S THIS?

A SHIFT DIAGRAM FOR THE
TRUCK, NICE AND SIMPLE,

"D" IS FOR DRIVE. "R" IS FOR...

THE "R" IN "DRIVE."

"R" IS FOR REVERSE.

RIGHT, "REVERSE."
AND "ONE" IS...

THE LONELIEST NUMBER
YOU'LL EVER KNOW.

FIRST GEAR.

I KNOW, LUKE. REALLY,
I CAN HANDLE IT.

I HOPE SO.

THANKS, LUKE.

GOOD LUCK, RORY.

OH, GOODY, A GUY IN A SUIT.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

MR. DANES?

UNFORTUNATELY.

I'M RUSSELL BYNES.

I'M WITH BLODGETT, SAGE, ALBET,
PETTRUCCIO, STEIN, LEMMING AND STEIN,

ATTORNEYS FOR
NICOLE DIANA LEAHY.

AND THE SUN JUST WENT
DOWN. THANKS FOR COMING.

PARDON ME? YOU'RE
WASTING YOUR TIME.

I HAD A SIMPLE QUESTION:
WHERE DO I SIGN?

IT DIDN'T REQUIRE
A PERSONAL VISIT.

THERE'S NO PLACE TO SIGN
BECAUSE THIS IS A DOCUMENT

INFORMING THE DEFENDANT
OF THE ACTION BEING FILED.

WHO'S THE DEFENDANT?

YOU ARE.

OH, MY GOD. DIDN'T
YOU READ THE PAPERS?

THE RED SOX LOST BY 3, BUSH IS AT
THE RANCH CHATTING UP A SWISS DUDE.

THE DIVORCE PAPERS.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT.

LOOK, I DIDN'T KILL ANYONE.

WE ACCIDENTALLY GOT
MARRIED AND NOW WE WANT OUT.

WE BOTH WANT THE SAME THING.

DON'T TRY TO PLAY ME.
I'M TOO BUSY FOR THIS.

FINE, BECAUSE I
SHOULD JUST BE DEALING

WITH YOUR LEGAL REPRESENTATION.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

DENYING US YOUR
LAWYER'S INFORMATION

WILL ONLY PROLONG THE PROCESS.

IF I GIVE YOU MY LAWYER'S
NAME, WILL YOU LEAVE?

I WILL LEAVE.

OK, READY? HIS
NAME IS DON DEWEY.

HE WORKS AT THE FIRM OF
DEWEY, CHEATHAM, AND HOWE.

DEWEY, CHEATHAM, AND HOWE.

THAT WAS VERY IMMATURE.

WENT WELL. TICKLED ME.

MY BOSSES WILL
WANT TO HEAR THIS.

THEY'VE HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE.

OH, HEY, IF YOU WANT
DON'S NUMBER, IT'S 555-5555.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE.

NOTHING'S WHERE IT SAYS IT IS.

IT'S GONNA BE FINE.

[people chattering]

NICE SCORE.

THANK YOU.

AND LATER I'LL POINT OUT

THE 7 OR SO FELLOW YALIES
WHO ALREADY HATE YOU

BECAUSE YOUR OBNOXIOUS
MOM WOULDN'T LET THEM PARK

IN THE ONLY OPEN SPOT LEFT.

OH, DID YOU GET
THE TRUCK HERE OK?

WE HAD SOME BICKERING,
BUT WE MADE IT.

HELLO. NAME? OH, HEY.

I WAS TOLD IT WAS
OK TO HOLD THE SPOT.

A GUY TOLD ME. I
FORGET HIS NAME.

HE HAD, LIKE, A JACKET.

IT'S OK, I WAS JUST WONDERING
WHAT OUR NEWCOMER'S NAME IS.

RORY GILMORE.

RIGHT, RORY GILMORE.

RORY GILMORE. RORY GILMORE.

THERE YOU ARE. WELCOME TO YALE.

OH, HOLD THE SHAKE.

MOM. WAIT, LENS CAP.

SORRY. THEY ALL DO THIS.

SHAKE.

GOT IT.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M TESS, RORY'S
FRESHMAN COUNSELOR.

I'LL BE LIVING IN THE BUILDING AND
BE THERE FOR WHATEVER SHE NEEDS.

AND YOU LOOK 21,
CONVENIENT FOR BEER RUNS.

THERE'S A TOUR FOR DURFEE
GIRLS YOU SHOULDN'T MISS.

I KNOW, TOUR IS AT 12:00,

FOLLOWED BY THE
OPTIONAL LUNCH, 12:00 TO 2:00,

FOLLOWED BY
TELECOMMUNICATIONS ORIENTATION,

INTERNET I.D. DISTRIBUTION,

PARENTS' RECEPTION,
11:00 TO 1:00.

YOU MEMORIZED THE SCHEDULE.

SHE'S NOT WEIRD. SHE
JUST HAS A GOOD MEMORY.

AND I SEE YOU BROUGHT
YOUR OWN MATTRESS.

OH, RIGHT.

SEE, THE GUY...
NAME, NAME, NAME.

I FORGOT HIS NAME. 3 SYLLABLES.

UH, HE SAID IT WAS OK, AND
HE HAD, LIKE, A MUSTACHE.

IT'S ALLOWED IF YOU
MAKE ARRANGEMENTS

TO DISPOSE OF THE PREVIOUS ONE.

DID YOU DO THAT? YES, WE DID.

YES, GOOD. GET
YOUR CAMERA READY.

WHY?

I'M GIVING RORY HER KEY.

THANKS FOR THE WARNING.

SEE YOU AT THE TOUR.

YES, TESS, THANK YOU.

SO, SHE'S NICE.

YEAH. I'M DYING
TO SEE YOUR ROOM.

COME ON. GRAB A BAG.

YOU MADE ARRANGEMENTS
TO GET RID OF THE MATTRESS?

YES, I DID.

REALLY?

BECAUSE IT SPECIFICALLY SAYS
HERE THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED

TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO HAVE THE
OLD MATTRESS PICKED UP BEFORE ARRIVAL.

OOH, VERY GRAND.

SO, WHAT TIME ARE THE
MATTRESS GUYS COMING?

LATER TODAY SOMETIME.

WE HAVE TO WAIT IN
THE ROOM FOR THEM?

THEY JUST LET THEMSELVES
IN. HERE WE ARE.

DO THEY HAVE THEIR OWN KEY?

ALL RIGHT, I CONFESS.

I DIDN'T CALL THE MATTRESS GUYS.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WE'LL FIND A DUMPSTER?

MOM, THEY COULD
TRACE IT BACK TO ME.

I'LL BE LONG GONE BY THEN.

MOM.

ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL BURN IT BEFORE WE DUMP IT:

A MATCH, A LITTLE GASOLINE.

WE'RE HERE 5 MINUTES,

AND WE'RE ALREADY
CONTEMPLATING FELONIES.

JUST LIKE I PICTURED IT.

DID YOU SEE AN EMERGENCY EXIT?

A FIREPLACE, TOO.

I WONDER IF IT'S WOOD-BURNING.

IT SAYS HERE, "UPON ARRIVAL,

PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF
THE EMERGENCY EXITS."

WE COULD BURN THE MATTRESS
IN THERE AND SAVE US A TRIP.

OH, MAN, A PIECE OF
MY MAP RIPPED OFF.

WHICH ONE'S YOUR ROOM?

I'M MISSING HALF
OF THE OLD CAMPUS.

R.G. THIS IS IT.

IF I HAVE OLD CAMPUS
ACTIVITIES TODAY,

I'M SCREWED.

HERE IT IS.

HERE'S WHERE YOU'RE
GOING TO BE THINKING

ALL THOSE IMPRESSIVE THOUGHTS.

IT'S JUST WAITING FOR
YOUR DECORATIVE STAMP

AND A LITTLE AIR FRESHENER.

WHERE'S THE PHONE JACK?

I DON'T KNOW, JACK.
WHERE IS THE PESKY PHONE?

MOM.

YOU'RE ONE-NOTE NANCY TODAY.

AH! HERE'S A PLACE TO
GET REPLACEMENT MAPS.

OH, HOLY COW,
IT'S IN OLD CAMPUS.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU JUST MISSED IT.

MISSED WHAT?

WALKING INTO YOUR SUITE
FOR THE FIRST TIME. DO-OVER.

WHAT? WE'RE SHORT ON TIME HERE.

WE HAVEN'T UNLOADED.

DOESN'T MATTER. YOU
WILL BE IN THE MOMENT.

MOM.

YOU'RE GONNA BE IN THE MOMENT

OR THE REST OF THE MAP GETS IT.

NO. OK, I'M HERE, I SWEAR.

YOU'RE NOT PLACATING ME?

[exhales] I'LL TRY.
REALLY. I'M ALL HERE.

GOOD.

OH, HERE'S YOUR SUITE.

COOL.

WELL.

HUH.

IT IS COOL. IT'S MY OWN SPACE.

WELL, YOURS AND P.G.'S
AND J.B.'S AND T.S.'S.

AND A FIREPLACE. DID
YOU SEE THE FIREPLACE?

WAS THIS DO-OVER
JUSTIFIED OR WHAT?

YOU MENTIONED THOUGHTS IN HERE?

ALL THE GREAT ONES
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE.

AND AIR FRESHENER? THAT, TOO.

THANKS FOR PUTTING
ME IN THE MOMENT.

MY PLEASURE.

IT'S SOMETHING I
WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS.

GOOD. AND THANK YOU.

FOR WHAT?

FOR PRETENDING YOU'RE
NOT THINKING ABOUT

MISSING YOUR TOUR,
FINDING YOUR PHONE JACK,

NAVIGATING THE OLD CAMPUS.

IT'S MY GIFT TO YOU.

LET'S UNLOAD AND
GET YOU A NEW MAP.

BLESS YOU.

(Tess) JUST KEEP IN MIND, GUYS,

THE DINING HALL HOURS
ARE CAST IN STONE.

YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.

AND IT'S A POST-9/11 WORLD,
SO YOUR I.D.'S ARE IMPORTANT.

YOU'LL BE ASKED FOR IT
A LOT, SO ALWAYS HAVE IT.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS.

IT ALSO OPERATES
THE LAUNDRY MACHINES,

AND IT'S ALSO YOUR MEAL CARD.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S
PRACTICALLY MAGIC,

SO DON'T LOSE IT.

(girl) IF YOU'RE STUPID
ENOUGH TO GET RIPPED,

I'M HERE TO HELP,

BUT I DO NOT HOLD
BUCKETS, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

NOW, PAY ATTENTION
TO STREET PARKING.

IT IS SEVERELY
RESTRICTED IN MOST PLACES.

WALK OR TAKE THE
SHUTTLE WHEN YOU CAN.

FIRST FLOOR, DURFEE.
3RD FLOOR, BINGHAM.

THEY'RE BABIES.

TOTS.

3RD FLOOR, BINGHAM,
THROUGH THE GATE, MAKE A LEFT.

(Tess) GET AN INTERNET I.D.

WHETHER YOU THINK
YOU'LL USE IT OR NOT.

IT'LL BE "YOUR
NAME AT YALE.E.D.U.,"

AND THERE'S NO
CHANGING WHAT YOU GET.

YOU THINK THERE'S
GONNA BE A TEST?

PROBABLY NOT.

[laughing]

OH, YOU WERE JOKING. GOOD ONE.

NO BOTTLENECKS, GIRLS.

THERE'S ABOUT 100 BEHIND YOU
WAITING FOR THE SAME STUFF.

DO NOT GET PRECIOUS
ABOUT YOUR I.D. PICTURES.

THEY ARE WHAT THEY ARE.

YOU GET THAT DOWN,
"THEY ARE WHAT THEY ARE"?

I'LL REMEMBER. NEXT.

THAT WOULD BE YOU.

WHAT?

IT'S PICTURE TIME.

OH, SORRY.

I DIDN'T THINK
PICTURES WERE TODAY.

DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE A SECOND?

1,001. NEXT.

(Tess) ALWAYS HAVE YOUR KEYS.

NEVER OPEN THE DOOR TO
SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW.

WALK IN 2s AT NIGHT.

THAT'S IT. ANY QUESTIONS?

LATER ON, YOU'LL HAVE QUESTIONS.

I'LL BE AROUND.

NOW GO DO STUFF.

RORY, ARE YOU BACK?

[inaudible]

WHO'S THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

SHE JUST FOLLOWED ME HERE LIKE A
PUPPY DOG, WITHOUT SAYING A WORD.

MAYBE SHE'S LOST.

OR MY NEW SUITEMATE,
WHO I'M ALREADY OFF

TO A SWELL START WITH.

DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE
VULNERABLE TO VENEREAL DISEASE?

ALL HAIL TO THE QUEEN
OF NON SEQUITURS.

THIS PARENT ORIENTATION
I WENT TO WAS A LITANY

OF HORRORS AWAITING
COLLEGE FRESHMEN.

YOU HAVE TO CARRY A
WHISTLE, A FLASHLIGHT,

A CRUCIFIX, AND A LOADED
GLOCK AT ALL TIMES.

WE SHOULD GO. SHE'LL
THINK WE'RE HIDING.

JUST DON'T SHAKE HANDS
WITH HER. BACTERIA.

OR TELL HER WHERE YOU LIVE.

TOO LATE.

YOU TOUCHED THE DOOR.

GOOD GRIEF.

SAY SOMETHING.

WHAT?

ANYTHING. GO, GO.

HI.

HI.

I'M ADOPTED.

YOU'RE UP.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

TANNA SCHRECK.

TANNA SCHRECK.

WE'RE MAKING SOME PROGRESS.

HI, TANNA SCHRECK. I'M
LORELAI. THIS IS RORY.

SHE'LL BE LIVING HERE, TOO.

WE'RE SUITEMATES.

AS THEY'RE RANSACKING YOUR ROOM,

PROFESSIONAL THIEVES
START AT THE BOTTOM DRAWER

AND WORK THEIR WAY UP.

THAT WAY THEY DON'T
HAVE TO CLOSE DRAWERS

BEFORE OPENING
THE NEXT. SAVES TIME.

SO, NO STORING YOUR
VALUABLES IN THE BOTTOM DRAWER.

GOT THAT, RORY? GOOD
TIP, TANNA. THANKS.

I'M NOT GREAT AT
EXTEMPORANEOUS SPEAKING,

SO I'VE MEMORIZED SOME
CONVERSATIONAL FACTS

I CAN WHIP OUT AT
A MOMENT'S NOTICE.

WHEN I GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER,

I'LL MEMORIZE SOME FACTS
MORE SPECIFIC TO YOUR PERSON.

TANNA, HOW OLD ARE YOU? 16.

16? ON TUESDAY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DOOGIE.

THANK YOU.

AND WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?

OH, AT THE HOTEL.

MOM'S NAPPING. DAD'S
GETTING THE SCHVITZ.

OK. WELL, W-WE STILL HAVE
SOME MORE STUFF TO DO,

BUT MAYBE YOUR PARENTS
WILL BE HERE LATER.

I'D LOVE TO MEET THEM.

YEAH, THEY MAKE A VERY
GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION.

I'M SURE THEY DO.
SEE YOU LATER, KIDDO.

BYE.

OH, HEY, UM, RORY?

YEAH?

YOU NERVOUS?

OH, YEAH.

OK. GOOD.

ODD, BUT NICE.

I'LL TAKE IT.

SO, THIS IS IT.

THIS IS IT.

LEARN A LOT OF STUFF.

I'LL TRY.

AND, YOU KNOW, KEEP IN TOUCH.

WELL, WE'LL AT LEAST
EXCHANGE CHRISTMAS CARDS.

WITH A LETTER ABOUT WHAT'S
HAPPENED OVER THE YEAR.

AND A CURRENT PHOTO. DON'T JOKE.

YOU STARTED IT. I
WAS MASKING MY PAIN.

YOU'LL SEE PLENTY OF ME.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

HOW ABOUT TONS?

THAT'S BETTER.

I LOVE YOU. DID YOU KNOW THAT?

I ALWAYS SUSPECTED IT.

[laughs]

OH, EXCUSE ME.

A LITTLE FRIDGE.

IT'S CUTE.

I WANT ONE.

GO GET YOURSELF ONE.

FOR YOU. I WANT ONE FOR YOU.

I DON'T NEED ONE.

FOR SODAS AND STUFF
WHEN THINGS ARE CLOSED,

LATE-NIGHT CRAM SESSIONS.

IT WOULD COME IN HANDY.

LET'S SEE WHAT THESE
PEOPLE HAVE GOING ON.

MOM.

AH! A RUG.

A RUG FOR YOUR
ROOM TO MAKE IT COZY.

AND A VASE OF FLOWERS.

THE FLOWERS WILL JUST DIE.

THEY'VE A VASE OF THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL FAKE FLOWERS I'VE EVER SEEN.

TRASH CANS.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND A FAN. I'VE BEEN REMISS.

NO, YOU HAVEN'T.

I HAVE ANOTHER
TRIP TO MAKE TODAY.

NO, YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH TODAY.

I WANT YOU FULLY
OUTFITTED AND SETTLED

FOR YOUR FIRST
NIGHT, OR I WON'T SLEEP.

WE CAN GET IT ALL LATER.

NO. UNPACK THE
SKIMPY AMOUNT OF STUFF

I'VE GOTTEN YOU SO FAR,

AND I'LL BE BACK IN A COUPLE
OF HOURS. COPPER BOOM.

WHAT?

YOU SAID IT WHEN YOU
TRIED TO SPEED ME UP.

YOU MISSED SOME
STUFF IN BETWEEN.

I THINK IT'S CATCHY.
GO, GO. UNPACK.

COPPER BOOM.

COPPER BOOM.

MOM.

COPPER BOOM.

[students chattering]

HEY, LUKE.

OOPS! SHOOT ME.

NOW, OR MAYBE LATER
SO YOU'RE SURPRISED?

MR. DANES, A MARRIAGE CONTRACT

IS A CONTRACT
JUST LIKE ANY OTHER.

AS THE HIGHER WAGE EARNER,

NICOLE WANTS A FAIR SETTLEMENT.

BUT I WANT NOTHING, SO
THERE'S NOTHING TO SETTLE,

MR... WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

MY NAME IS STEIN. I
THOUGHT YOU WERE STEIN.

I'M STEIN AS WELL. I'M CONFUSED.

I'M AN IMPATIENT
MAN, A BUSY MAN,

A SENSIBLE MAN, A SKEPTICAL MAN.

YOU'RE 4 DIFFERENT MEN?

ARE THEY ALL NAMED STEIN, TOO?

ONE THING I'VE LEARNED
IN THIS BUSINESS

IS THAT NO ONE WANTS NOTHING.

WHY WON'T YOU HIRE A LAWYER?

LAWYERS WASTE TIME AND MONEY.
THEY'RE NEEDLESS MIDDLEMEN

WHO SLITHER INTO
VULNERABLE PEOPLE'S LIVES

SO THEY CAN CLAMP
ON, SUCK LIKE LEECHES

UNTIL EVERYONE BUT THEM
IS DISTRAUGHT AND PENNILESS.

I CAN SEE WHY THE
MARRIAGE WENT BAD.

HERE'S FAIR WARNING, IF
YOU DON'T HIRE A LAWYER,

YOU COULD WIND UP
GETTING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT!
THERE HE GOES AGAIN.

MAYBE WE SHOULD GET SAGE
AND ALBET. PETTRUCCIO, TOO.

THEY'RE GOING TO
MULTIPLY, LIKE THE MATRIX.

WELL? TELL THEM.

TELL THEM WHAT?

WHO IS THIS? THIS IS LORELAI.

ARE YOU AN ATTORNEY?
NO, SHE'S CARBON BASED.

THEN WHAT'S HER ROLE?

BE MY CHARACTER
WITNESS OR SOMETHING.

RIGHT. OK.

WELL, I CAN VOUCH FOR THIS MAN.

I MEAN, I KNOW HE
CARED FOR NICOLE,

AND, APPARENTLY, THEY
BOTH GOT A LITTLE RASH.

I... I MEAN, NOT AN "APPLY TO
INFECTED AREA TWICE DAILY" RASH.

I MEAN RASH IN THAT THEY
HASTILY ENTERED INTO A UNION.

WE KNOW ALL THIS.

BUT IF YOU THINK HE MARRIED
HER TO GET SOMETHING,

I KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.

HE'S BASICALLY A HERMIT
AND HAPPY TO BE ONE.

I'LL SHOW YOU HIS
PLACE UPSTAIRS.

YOU'D EXPECT HARI KRISHNAS

TO JUMP OUT OF THE BATHROOM
BANGING TAMBOURINES.

ALL HE LIKES IS FISHING
AND WATCHING BASEBALL,

AND HE'S GOT A REEL,
AND HE'S A GOT A T.V.,

SO HE'S ALL SET, SO WHEN HE SAYS

HE WANTS NOTHING,
I KNOW HE MEANS IT

BECAUSE WHEN I THINK OF
LUKE DANES, I THINK NOTHING.

MR. BLODGETT, STEINS
I AND II, THERE YOU GO.

YOUR CHOICE OF CHARACTER WITNESS

DOES NOTHING TO
ALLAY OUR CONCERNS.

SORRY.

BOTTOM LINE: TIME.

IF WE DO NOT RECEIVE A RESPONSE,

WE'RE GONNA KICK
THIS UP A NOTCH.

THERE IS SOMETHING I WANT,
BUT I'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK.

AS WE SUSPECTED. LET'S HEAR IT.

NICOLE AND I WENT
ON A CRUISE, RIGHT?

OH, BOY. OH, YEAH.

THE FIRST NIGHT ON THE BOAT,

WE WENT TO SEE AN ACT
EVERYONE WAS RAVING ABOUT.

WE GO IN, SIT DOWN,
THEY CLOSE THE DOOR.

IT WAS A GUY PLAYING
MUSICAL DRINKING GLASSES

WITH THE HALF-FILLED CUPS
THAT MAKE DIFFERENT TONES.

HE PLAYED MOZART AND I SWEAR

I COULD HEAR MOZART
BANGING ON HIS COFFIN.

OUT OF POLITENESS, WE STAYED,

AND THERE WENT AN
HOUR OF OUR LIVES.

NEXT NIGHT, THE SIGN
AT THE THEATER SAID

THE ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE NIGHT

WAS A GUY SINGING
THE SONGS OF SINATRA.

WE VERIFIED WITH
THE GUY AT THE DOOR,

THE SONGS OF FRANK
SINATRA, RIGHT?

NOT TINA, NOT FRANK JR.,

NOT BILL SINATRA,
BUT "OL' BLUE EYES."

"YES," HE SAYS, "IT'S
LIKE FRANK COME TO LIFE."

WE GO IN, SIT DOWN,
THEY CLOSE THE DOOR,

THEN THEY ANNOUNCE

THAT THE GUY SINGING
SINATRA IS SICK,

AND THE GLASS-PLAYING
GUY IS FILLING IN.

OUT HE COMES. THERE
GOES ANOTHER HOUR.

NEXT NIGHT WE MEET A NICE COUPLE

WHILE WALKING THE LIDO DECK.

HAVE SOME NICE CONVERSATION,
SO WE HAVE DINNER WITH THEM.

EVERYTHING'S GOING GREAT.

THEN THEY INVITE US TO GO
SOMEWHERE AFTERWARDS.

GUESS WHERE THEY TOOK US?

THAT'S RIGHT. TO
SEE THE GLASS GUY.

3 NIGHTS IN A ROW.
3 HOURS TOTAL.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

I WANT THOSE 3 HOURS BACK.

WE'LL HAVE TO CONFER ON THIS.

MAYBE DO A PRODUCTIVITY STUDY.

YEAH, GET BLOB, FROMM,
AND PINOCCHIO IN THERE, TOO.

WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

I HAVE NO DOUBT.

WOW.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

SORRY I BARGED IN LIKE THAT.

TRUST ME, THE
INTERRUPTION WAS WELCOME.

SO, DID YOU CHECK THE CLOCK?

IT'S NOT YET 4:00.

RORY'S SAFE AND
SOUND? SAFE AND SOUND.

AND THE TRUCK? YOU WRECKED IT.

IT'S NOT WRECKED.
I DON'T SEE IT.

IT'S AROUND THE
CORNER. YOU WRECKED IT.

NO, BUT I NEED TO
USE IT A WHILE LONGER.

BECAUSE YOU WRECKED
IT AND IT'S IN THE SHOP.

YOU REALLY CAN'T AFFORD TO ALIENATE
YOUR CHIEF CHARACTER WITNESS.

IT'S FULL OF STUFF. WHY
DIDN'T YOU UNLOAD IT?

I DID. THIS IS MY 2ND LOAD.

YOU DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.

I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD
TO TILL I REALIZED

WHAT A PIKER I'D BEEN
COMPARED TO THE OTHER MOMS.

IT'S STILL RUNNING.

YEAH, WELL, TURNS
OUT THAT IGNITION KEY

IS JUST AS MISOGYNISTIC AS
THAT STICK SHIFT OF YOURS.

YOU JUST HAVE TO
JIGGLE IT A LITTLE.

YOU DIDN'T MENTION ANY JIGGLING.

IT'S COMMON SENSE.

OH, THAT.

WHY IS THE MATTRESS STILL THERE?

THAT'S NOT "THE" MATTRESS,
THAT'S "A" MATTRESS.

WHAT?

RORY HAS THE NEW MATTRESS.

THAT'S THE
YALE-SUPPLIED MATTRESS

THAT HAS MICROBES IN IT

THAT DATE BACK TO
HENRY BOX BROWN.

WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH IT?

I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU
COULD STORE IT FOR ME?

NO. COME ON.

NO.

I CAN'T TAKE IT BACK TO YALE.

I'M NOT STORING YOUR
MICROBE MATTRESS.

THEN I'M STUCK HERE.

I NEED MY TRUCK.

THAT LEAVES YOU
WITH THE MATTRESS.

I'M NOT TAKING IT.

THEN LET ME TAKE THE TRUCK.
THEN YOU TAKE THE MATTRESS.

I CAN'T TAKE IT.

THEN YOU CAN'T HAVE THE TRUCK.

THAT STICKS YOU
WITH THE MATTRESS.

IF YOU TAKE THE TRUCK, IT
COMES WITH THE MATTRESS.

I CAN'T TAKE IT.

YOU CAN'T HAVE THE TRUCK.

THAT STICKS YOU
WITH THE MATTRESS.

WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE.

I RECOGNIZE THAT TREE.

[birds chirping]

[knocking on door]

COME ON IN.

UM, ANOTHER
SUITEMATE HAS ARRIVED.

OH, YEAH?

SHE'S A LITTLE WEIRD.

I'VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN HER NAME.

I'M A DISASTER WITH NAMES.

THAT'S OK.

IT'S THE NAME OF A CITY,

LIKE ATHENS OR
ROME OR SOMETHING.

(Paris) I'M SURE THINGS
CAN BE REARRANGED.

I MEAN, WHY NOT?

IT'S A DORM. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO.

PARIS?

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

HOW SHOCKED ARE YOU?

DO YOU HAVE A RESUSCITATOR?

I'M GOING TO YALE.
YOU'RE GOING TO YALE.

AND WE'RE SUITEMATES.
OF ALL THE GIN JOINTS.

GIVE ME A HUG. WAIT.

GIVE ME A HUG.

THIS IS A MASSIVELY
BIG SURPRISE.

I WAS GONNA CALL,
AND THEN I THOUGHT

LET'S WAIT AND BE
RIGHT IN HER FACE.

I CAN'T EVEN FEEL
MY FACE ANYMORE.

THIS IS A GOOD THING.

YES, DEFINITELY A GOOD THING.

IT'S JUST MY NOSE.
IT FEELS LIKE CLAY.

OH, THIS IS TERRENCE.

HELLO.

IT'S NICE TO FINALLY
MEET YOU, RORY.

TERRENCE IS MY LIFE COACH.

YOUR WHAT? DON'T JUDGE.

I'M NOT.

REMEMBER MY NANNY?

I LOST HER OVER THE SUMMER.

I'M SORRY. WHAT HAPPENED?

SHE OPENED A PUPUSERIA IN BOISE.

SO, SHE'S OK.

YEAH, BUT I WAS PRETTY LOST.

THEN MY RABBI CONFERRED
WITH MY THERAPIST

WHO SAID A HYPNOTIST HE KNEW

THOUGHT A LIFE
COACH WOULD BE RIGHT.

THAT LED ME TO TERRENCE.

HE'S HERE TO ASSIST ME
WITH WHATEVER I NEED,

FROM WARDROBE TO DIET TO
FINDING A KICK-ASS GYNECOLOGIST.

THAT'S GREAT, PARIS, REALLY.

HE'S DONE SO MUCH
FOR MY PEOPLE SKILLS.

I CAN COPE WITH THE
LITTLE ANNOYANCES NOW.

FOR INSTANCE, THE OLD PARIS

WOULD'VE BEEN BOTHERED
BY YOUR PENCHANT TO HOVER.

IT'D HAVE MADE HER
WANT TO WRING YOUR NECK

TILL YOUR EYEBALLS
POPPED OUT. OH.

BUT NOW I ACCEPT IT BECAUSE
I CAN'T CONTROL EVERYTHING.

PARIS GELLER.

THAT'S TANNA.

IN MEDIEVAL TIMES,
SURNAMES OFTEN REFLECTED

A PERSON'S ORIGIN OR OCCUPATION,

SO THEY WERE DESCRIPTIVE
AS WELL AS UTILITARIAN.

AND WHAT DOES TANNA MEAN?

NOTHING.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE
SOME FUN THIS YEAR.

THANK YOU.

HOW'S YOUR FACE?

BETTER, THANKS.

IS THAT MY ROOM?

IF YOUR INITIALS
ARE P.G., IT IS.

TERRENCE, I GOT MY
SOUTHERN EXPOSURE.

I'M A HAPPY CAMPER.

IT'S A WEIRD, WEIRD COINCIDENCE

THAT WE'RE ROOMMATES LIKE THIS.

NOT REALLY. I TOLD TERRENCE
ALL ABOUT OUR HISTORY

AND HE FELT VERY STRONGLY

THAT OUR LIFE JOURNEY
WAS NOT COMPLETE,

SO MY DAD MADE A CALL.

LUKE, THIS WAS SO NICE OF YOU,

GIVING ME A HAND LIKE THIS.

IT WAS ABOVE AND
BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY.

DON'T START THIS AGAIN.

I'M NOT STARTING ANYTHING.

GOOD.

I MEAN, IF YOU JUST
STORED THE MATTRESS.

THAT'S WHERE WE'RE NOT STARTING.

WHAT? IT WAS YOUR
CHOICE TO COME ALONG.

IF I WANTED THE SAFE
RETURN OF MY TRUCK

WITHOUT THE MATTRESS,

GUARANTEED THIS
WAS THE ONLY WAY.

I MISS OUR FRIENDSHIP.

WE USED TO BE SO CLOSE.

SUMMERS AT THE LAKE.

LET'S JUST MOVE ALONG HERE, OK?

HI, THERE.

HELLO.

IS THAT YOUR MATTRESS?

WELL, YEAH.

HMM, THE TAG HAS A YALE STAMP.

WHEN I SAID IT WAS
MINE, IT'S NOT MINE.

IT BELONGS IN THE DORM.

WE WERE JUST DRIVING IT
AROUND NEW HAVEN FOR A WHILE.

UH-HUH.

TO AIR IT OUT.

OH, OK.

WE'RE GONNA TAKE
IT RIGHT BACK IN.

GREAT.

THANKS FOR JUMPING IN.

YOU SEEMED TO
HAVE A HANDLE ON IT.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

UNLOAD.

WITH THE MATTRESS.

WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE MATTRESS?

HI. SAW YOU COMING.

WHAT'S UP?

YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT.

(Paris) ALL THESE
COLORS WERE SO...

NO.

(Rory) YES.

PARIS?

AND TERRENCE, HER LIFE COACH.

LIKE ON OPRAH? YES.

NO! YES.

THEY'RE SETTING UP
HER CRAFTS CORNER.

NO. YES.

LORELAI!

HI, PARIS. IT'S SO
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

SAME HERE.

TERRENCE, THIS IS LORELAI.

HI, TERRENCE.

NICE TO MEET YOU, FINALLY.

YOU AND I HAVE A BIT OF A
JOURNEY LEFT TO FINISH AS WELL.

I'LL CLEAR MY SCHEDULE.

I WAS JUST SETTING
UP MY CRAFTS CORNER,

SOME MOSAIC TILE,
SOME COLORED BEADS,

STILL KIND OF KIDS' STUFF,

BUT TERRENCE SHOWED ME
HOW WORKING WITH MY HANDS

COULD HELP WITH MY NERVES.

WHERE ARE WE
GONNA PUT THE COUCH?

WHY DON'T...

PARIS. COME ON, TERRENCE.

2 STEPS FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK.

SHE WAS BAITING ME.

FISH CAN CHOOSE NOT TO BITE.

WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

IS THIS THE PLACE?

YEAH. THIS IS THE PLACE.

WHOA, HOLD... HOLD IT A MINUTE.

YOU CANNOT BRING
THAT THING IN HERE.

I'M NOT TAKING IT BACK OUT.

HI, RORY.

HI, LUKE.

NO, WE'RE UNLOADING
BAGS AND BOXES FIRST.

THAT TESS ALREADY HAD HER
ANTENNAE UP ABOUT THE MATTRESS

AND WOULDN'T STOP WATCHING ME.

I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.

WAIT UNTIL SHE'S GONE
AND THEN BRING IT BACK OUT.

IT'S HEAVY. THE
ONLY WAY I GOT IT IN

IS WITH HELP FROM CHIP,

HIS REAL NAME,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

NOW I HAVE TO HELP HIM UNLOAD HIS
STUFF BECAUSE THAT WAS THE DEAL.

NO, YOU DON'T. BLOW HIM OFF.

HE'S PROBABLY BUSY TAPING
HIS CARMEN ELECTRA POSTER

UP ON THE CEILING ABOVE HIS BED.

THE MATTRESS STAYS.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE
ME, CHIP IS WAITING.

NO. MY GLUE GUN
LEAKED ON MY MACARONI.

COMPARTMENTALIZE AND BREATHE.

LET'S GET THIS THING
OUT OF THE HALLWAY.

HEY, I... I GOT A CRISP
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

FOR ANYONE WILLING TO
DISAPPEAR A MATTRESS,

NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

START PUSHING.

ANYONE?

COME ON.

2 BENJAMINS?

HOLD ON.

ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED,
YOU'LL WRITE IT DOWN, OK?

I'VE GOT MORE THAN I NEED.

STUFF I DON'T NEED.

IT'S ALL NECESSARY STUFF.

THE DISCO BALL?

YOU CANNOT HOST
YOUR MUCH-ANTICIPATED

"SALUTE TO BARRY WHITE"
NIGHT WITHOUT A DISCO BALL.

I FORGOT I WAS
ANTICIPATING THAT.

WHERE'S LUKE?

HE'S ALREADY OUT AT THE TRUCK.

SO, THIS IS IT.

THIS IS REALLY IT.

LEARN A LOT OF STUFF.

I'LL TRY.

YOU'LL BE A FREQUENT VISITOR?

I'LL BE A FREQUENT VISITOR.

YOU CAN USE THE
WASHER AND THE DRYER.

I DON'T NEED ANY INDUCEMENT.

GOOD.

BUT DON'T GET RID OF
THAT WASHER AND DRYER.

I WON'T.

CIAO, BABY.

BYE, MOM.

SO, CHIP IS LIKE, "SET
YOUR SIDE DOWN FIRST,"

I'M LIKE, "MY SIDE IS THE
SIDE WITH THE LEG MISSING.

IT'S GONNA COLLAPSE.
PUT YOURS DOWN."

HE'S LIKE, "I'M LOSING MY GRIP"

WHICH IS HIS EXCUSE WITH
EVERYTHING WE CARRIED IN,

THE T.V., THE STEREO
SPEAKERS, AND I WAS LIKE...

OH, MY GOD. WILL YOU,
LIKE, GET OVER THIS?

[pager beeping] WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S MY PAGER.

OH, NO. WHAT?

"COME BACK."

WHAT?

IT'S FROM RORY.

IT SAYS, "COME BACK"

WITH ABOUT A DOZEN
EXCLAMATION POINTS.

[sighing]

MOVE. MOVE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I GOTTA BORROW YOUR TRUCK.

NO WAY.

I GOT TO GO BACK.

TAKE YOUR OWN
CAR. REMEMBER THAT?

IT'LL TAKE TOO LONG TO
GET IT, PLUS I'M OUT OF GAS,

PLUS IT MAKES NOISES
AND CAN'T TAKE A LONG TRIP.

PLEASE, LUKE.

I NEED MY TRUCK.

I NEED IT MORE.

YOU'VE HAD IT ALL DAY.

DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT RORY?

OF COURSE I CARE ABOUT RORY.

[sighing]

HAVE IT BACK BY 7:00.

THANKS, LUKE.

[tires screeching]

THAT'S REVERSE.

I KNOW.

[engine clanking]

RORY?

OH, OH, OH, HONEY, HONEY.

LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK AT WHAT?

4 HOURS AT YALE AND
I'M ALREADY HOMESICK.

WELL, THAT'S OK.

ALL I COULD THINK THE MINUTE
YOU LEFT WAS "I WANT MY MOMMY."

I HAVEN'T THOUGHT
THAT SINCE I WAS 2.

THAT'S NATURAL. I'M 18.

I CAN SIGN
CONTRACTS. I CAN VOTE.

I CAN FIGHT FOR MY COUNTRY.

I MEAN, I'M AN ADULT.

ADULTS DON'T WANT THEIR MOMMIES.

YES, THEY DO. I'M NOT
A GOOD EXAMPLE, BUT...

EVERYTHING'S SO FOREIGN.

I HAVE TO SHARE A BATHROOM.

I'VE NEVER SHARED A
BATHROOM WITH ANYONE BUT YOU.

I'LL BE RUNNING INTO
PEOPLE IN THE BATHROOM.

WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE SMALL TALK.

I DON'T KNOW
BATHROOM SMALL TALK.

"YOUR HAIR SMELLS TERRIFIC"?

YOU DIDN'T SOCIALIZE ME WELL.

YOU MADE ME A MAMA'S GIRL.

WHY DON'T I HATE YOU?

WHY DON'T I WANT TO
BE AWAY FROM YOU?

IT'S GOING TO BE VERY HARD
TO BE CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR

BROADCASTING LIVE FROM A
TEHRAN FOXHOLE WITH MY MOMMY.

YOU'LL HAVE TO LEARN TO OPERATE
A CAMERA 'CAUSE I NEED YOU THERE.

I WOULD DO THAT.

AND HOW DID I END UP AT YALE?

I MEAN, I LET GRANDMA AND
GRANDPA MANIPULATE ME

RIGHT OUT OF
HARVARD AND INTO YALE.

THAT'S HOW STRONG-WILLED I AM.

I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YALE.

NOT SO. YOU'VE
MEMORIZED ITS HISTORY.

HOW CAN YOU BE FINE WITH THIS?

YOU LEFT WITHOUT A
CARE IN THE WORLD.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YOU WANTED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.

WHAT WERE YOU
DOING WHEN I PAGED?

TURNING MY ROOM
INTO A SEWING ROOM?

I SHOULD HATE YOU, NOT MISS YOU.

MAKE ME HATE YOU.

GO, HITLER.

CHECK THIS OUT.

YOUR STUDENT I.D.?

I'M BLINKING, AND MY
HEAD'S IN A FUNNY PLACE.

NO, IT'S NOT.

I LOOK LIKE KEITH
RICHARDS AT ALTAMONT.

CHECK OUT THE NAME.

RONI GILMORE. OOPS.

YEAH, OOPS, I DON'T EVEN EXIST.

HOW DID THEY GET "RONI"?

THAT'S NOT EVEN
CLOSE TO BEING SHORT

FOR ANY GIRL'S NAME

IN THE HISTORY OF
THE ENTIRE PLANET.

WELL, VERONICA, ACTUALLY. SORRY.

GREAT. NOW YOU ARE
APOLOGIZING TO ME

AFTER I MADE YOU
COME BACK ALL THIS WAY

BECAUSE I'M A BIG, FAT,
STINKING MAMA'S GIRL.

MOM.

I'M HERE.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE.

WHERE IS IT WRITTEN?

IT'S NOT EXACTLY WRITTEN,
BUT IT'S CLEARLY IMPLIED

THAT THE PARENTS SHOULD
LEAVE THE CAMPUS AT SOME POINT.

YEAH, AT SOME POINT,
SO WE CHOOSE THE POINT.

CAN YOU STAY FOR DINNER?

I CAN STAY ALL NIGHT.

NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WHY NOT?

THEN I'M THE PATHETIC PERSON WHO
NEEDS HER MOTHER TO STAY ALL NIGHT

AND EVERYONE HERE
WILL SEE AND KNOW THAT.

SO I WON'T SPEND THE NIGHT.

NO, STAY THE NIGHT.

OK.

[people chattering]

I'VE GOT BALINESE.

WHERE DOES BALI GO?

WE'RE STILL PUTTING EVERYTHING

IN GEOGRAPHIC
ORDER, EAST TO WEST.

THAT'S THE SYSTEM.
WHERE IS BALI?

INDONESIA.

IS INDONESIA EAST OR
WEST OF THE PHILIPPINES?

EAST.

NO, WEST.

WE'VE GOT SINGAPORE
HERE SOMEWHERE.

FIND SRI LANKA. IT'S A BIT OVER.

NO SRI LANKAN FOOD.

JUST PUT IT BY VIETNAM.

IS IT EAST OR WEST
OF THE PHILIPPINES?

YOU GUYS REALLY
NEED TO GO TO COLLEGE.

WE ORDERED TOO MUCH FOOD.

WELL, THE POINT IS

WE NEED A WIDE CROSS-SECTION
FOR OUR LOCAL TAKEOUT TEST.

I STILL SMELL GLUE
FROM YOUR GLUE GUN.

YOU'RE RICH, YOU KNOW THAT?

WHAT IS THIS?

YOU'VE EATEN INDIAN FOOD,

YET I SEE NOTHING ABOUT
INDIAN FOOD ON THE CHART.

THE POINT OF GETTING ALL
WITHIN DELIVERY DISTANCE

IS SO WE CAN JUDGE QUALITY
OF FOOD, SPEED OF SERVICE,

CUTENESS OF DELIVERY
GUYS ON A SCALE OF ONE TO 10.

[phone ringing] WE CANNOT
WORK FROM MEMORY ON THIS.

WHERE'S THE PHONE?

UNDER MEXICO.

I BET IT'S THE PIZZA. COME HELP.

OK.

HELLO, 8 AND A HALF.

I'M SORRY?

NOTHING. WE NEED TO
SIGN FOR THE CREDIT CARD?

YES.

THANK YOU.

WE'RE 4 PEOPLE, AND WE'VE
ORDERED FOR, LIKE, 400.

SO, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
IS YOU WANNA CRANK IT UP,

YOU WANT TO SET IT OFF,

PUT A MATCH TO THE KEG,
BURN THIS MOFO DOWN?

JUST THAT IT'S A LOT OF FOOD.

ATTENTION, DURFEE GIRLS!

MOM.

FOOD AND TONS OF IT IN SUITE 5!

BRING YOUR APPETITES.
BRING YOUR OPINIONS.

AND, SOMEONE BRING SOME MUSIC,

BUT IF IT'S EVANESCENCE,
YOU'LL BE SEVERELY MOCKED.

ENTER, REJOICE, AND COME IN.

♪ [music playing on stereo]

OH, HEY, ICE CREAM MAN. HEY.

HERE YOU GO.

THANKS. HAVE A NICE NIGHT.

YOU, TOO. OH, UM, DO ME A FAVOR.

COUNT TO 10 BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

SURE.

THANKS.

HEY, RATE HIM, RATE HIM.

WHERE DOES ICE CREAM STAND
IN OUR ORGANIZATIONAL SYSTEM?

OUR ORGANIZATIONAL SYSTEM
BROKE DOWN ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

GERMANY FELL ON CHINA.

WELL, THAT'S GERMANY FOR YOU.

WE'RE OUT OF CHINESE COMPLETELY,

SO WE KNOW CHINESE IS POPULAR.

FREDDY'S HAPPY TOKYO TAKEOUT
IS A BUST. THAT'S A CONSENSUS.

LET'S LOSE FREDDY'S MENUS,

ALTHOUGH, ANG, THE
DELIVERY GUY, WAS A SOLID 9.

IF YOU'RE GONNA
GO TO BAJA BILL'S,

GET THE CHEESE QUESADILLA
AND ASK FOR STAN OR TOMMY.

IF YOU DON'T GET STAN OR
TOMMY, GO TO PACO'S TACOS.

THE DELIVERY GUYS ARE BUTT-UGLY,

BUT THE FOOD'S BETTER.

LOOK AT ALL THESE GIRLS

TOGETHER IN ONE
ROOM, HAVING FUN.

WE SHOULD DANCE AND
SING A MOTOWN SONG

INTO OUR HAIRBRUSHES.

SO, DO YOU LIKE YOUR
ADOPTIVE PARENTS?

YEAH.

I THINK IT'S GOOD TO BE ADOPTED.

IF YOU GET SICK OF THEM
YOU JUST DUMP THIS SET

AND GO FIND THE ORIGINALS.

THIS IS AWESOME.

THANKS.

WHO DID ALL THIS?

THE WOMAN WITH THE HAIRBRUSH.

YOU GUYS, COME ON.
I KNOW IT'S CHEESY,

BUT JUST A COUPLE BARS,

YOU CAN'T HURRY LOVE.

SOMEONE'S GOTTA DO IT. IT
DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ON KEY.

IT'S LACKING IN STORAGE SPACE,

BUT I HAVE ACCEPTED IT.

IT'S A BIT MUSTY,
BUT I'VE ACCEPTED IT.

SMALL, SMALL, BUT
I'VE ACCEPTED IT.

HEY, LISTEN, I SHOULD BE GOING.

JAMIE, TERRENCE IS NOT HERE.

HE'S BACK IN HIS ROOM.

OH, RIGHT, ME AND TERRENCE,
THAT'S A POSSIBILITY.

I REALLY GOT TO GO,
OK? I WILL. GOOD NIGHT.

HAS HE MET TERRENCE?

NOPE, AND HE'S NOT GOING TO
FOR AS LONG AS I CAN HELP IT.

I FIXED YOUR SHOWER HEAD.

REALLY? IT WAS
BARELY DRIBBLING OUT.

IT JUST NEEDED A TWIST.
YOU GOT A WATERFALL NOW.

YOU'RE SO HANDY.

AND MY RATES ARE REASONABLE.

MY TURN?

IT'S ALL YOURS.

NO, YOU SLEEP ON
THE NEW MATTRESS.

BUT IT'S YOURS.

THEY'RE BOTH MINE. I CHOOSE.

I'LL SLEEP ON THE YALE MATTRESS.

YOU HAVE TO BREAK
IN YOUR NEW MATTRESS.

IF IT MOLDS TO MY BODY,

YOUR SHORTER BODY
WILL BE WALLOWING

IN THE HOLLOWNESS OF MY BODY.

IN ONE NIGHT?

IT'S THE CRUCIAL
NIGHT, THAT FIRST NIGHT.

OK, BUT MY OFFER STILL STANDS.

IF YOU GET THE HEEBIE-JEEBIES IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, COME JOIN ME.

THAT'LL GET THE GIRLS TALKING.

WE'LL BE THOSE DIRTY, FILTHY,

ALMOST FRENCH
STARS HOLLOW GIRLS.

OOH! WE SPIT ON YOU,

YOU REPRESSED,
PURITANICAL NINNIES.

WE SMIRK IN YOUR
GENERAL DIRECTION.

WE CAST SIDELONG
GLANCES THAT ARE VAGUE

BUT SLIGHTLY THREATENING.

WE ESCHEW YOUR
QUAINT DOUBLE ENTENDRE

FOR THE APPEALING LASCIVIOUSNESS

OF THE ENTENDRE SINGULAR.

WE... I'M OUT.

ME TOO. GET THE LIGHT.

DID I TELL YOU I
FOUND GOOD COFFEE?

NO. WHERE?

LITTLE KIOSK BY THE LIBRARY.

I FOUND IT ON THE WAY TO
THAT PARENTS' THING. COOL.

I'LL CIRCLE IT ON
THE MAP FOR YOU.

GOOD.

[howling]

WAS THAT SOME GUY HOWLING?

I DON'T KNOW. IT
SOUNDED LIKE IT.

SOUNDS LIKE THE GUYS' FLOOR
HAD SOME FUN TONIGHT, TOO.

I'D SAY SO.

[howling continues]

[howls]

MOM.

WELL, IF NO ONE ANSWERS
HIM, HE MAY NEVER STOP.

[howling intensifies]

OR IT'LL GET A BUNCH
OF OTHER GUYS HOWLING,

ONE OR THE OTHER.

[howling]

OH, BOY.

IT'S FUN.

[howling]

IT IS FUN.

[both howling]

WHAT?

[birds chirping]

SO, WHAT'S FIRST ON
THE AGENDA TODAY?

I THOUGHT I MIGHT WALK AROUND

AND GET THE LAY OF
THE LAND A LITTLE BIT,

AND THEN I HAVE MY
BIG FRESHMAN ASSEMBLY.

WHERE THEY TEACH YOU
THE SECRET YALE HANDSHAKE?

AMONGST OTHER THINGS.

OH, MY GOD. CHECK OUT
PARIS' CRAFT CORNER.

SHE GETS MORE DONE BEFORE
9:00 THAN OTHER PEOPLE DO ALL DAY.

SHE'S A CRAFT PERSON NOW, IT'S
NOT SAFE TO LEAVE ANYTHING AROUND.

MAYBE THAT'S WHERE
"CRAFTY" COMES FROM.

GOOD POINT. ALL
RIGHT. I SHOULD GO.

I CALLED LUKE LAST NIGHT

AND HE SAID TO GET THE
TRUCK BACK BY 2 HOURS AGO,

SO IF I LEAVE NOW, IT'S
SOONER THAN I PLANNED.

THANK LUKE A LOT FOR ME, OK?

OK. SAY GOODBYE
TO PARIS AND TANNA.

WILL DO.

[sighs]

SO, THIS IS REALLY IT.

YEP.

YOU GOOD?

I'M GOOD.

JUST KEEP THE PAGER WITH YOU.

ALWAYS.

YOU'RE LATE.

I'M SORRY.

I TOLD YOU TO GET IT
BACK 3 HOURS BEFORE

I ACTUALLY NEEDED IT
BACK, AND IT WORKED OUT.

YOU RAT.

SO, IT'S IN PARK?

IT'S IN PARK.

ENGINE'S OFF?

YES.

HERE ARE YOUR KEYS.
AND THANK YOU, LUKE.

I'VE BEEN A HUGE BURDEN ON
YOU THE PAST COUPLE DAYS.

IT'S OK.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

IT'S LIKE A HORROR MOVIE.

THE MATTRESS THAT
WOULDN'T LEAVE MY TRUCK.

I HAD NO CHOICE.

I MAY CRY. DON'T DO THAT.

I DON'T WANT THIS.

HELP ME TAKE IT SOMEWHERE.

WHERE? TO THE
CONVENIENTLY LOCATED

MATTRESS DROP-OFF STATION
RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER?

OR STORE IT FOR A WHILE.

I WASN'T KIDDING ABOUT CRYING.

I'LL CALL A CHARITY AND
HAVE THEM PICK IT UP.

THIS TIME I MEAN IT.

WHERE'S MY SPARE TIRE?

THERE WAS A SPARE TIRE?

I HAD MY SPARE TIRE HERE.

WE MUST HAVE
ACCIDENTALLY UNLOADED IT

ON ONE OF OUR TRIPS.

COULD YOU TRY TO GET IT BACK?

YES, AS LONG AS PARIS HASN'T
MADE IT INTO A PLANTER YET.

OR I'LL BUY YOU A
NEW ONE, I PROMISE.

OK. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

OK. BYE.

OH, UM, RORY SAYS THANKS
FOR EVERYTHING, TOO.

SHE SAID SPECIFICALLY
TO TELL YOU.

OK, GOOD. SO SHE'S OK?

SHE'S FANTASTIC.

GOOD.

[knocking on door]

YOU'RE UP?

I WAS UP. COME ON IN.

WE LORELAI'D A FEW PLACES
AND FOUND THE GOOD COFFEE.

(Rory) LORELAI'D?
CHECKED PLACES OUT.

SEEMS LIKE THE APPROPRIATE WORD.

WE FOUND DECENT MUFFINS,
TOO, BUT I BET THERE'S BETTER.

YOU'LL LORELAI
THEM ANOTHER TIME.

THIS IS THANKS FOR LAST NIGHT.

IT WAS A PERFECT FIRST NIGHT.

I THOUGHT SO.

WANT TO COME TO FRESHMAN
ASSEMBLY WITH US? SURE.

THEN WE'RE ALL GOING TO
CONVENIENTLY LOSE OUR STUDENT I.D.'S

AND TAKE NEW PICTURES.

OH, MY GOD, I'M SO
WITH YOU ON THAT ONE.

COOL.

MMM, THIS IS REALLY GOOD.
KIOSK BY THE LIBRARY?

OH, YOU FOUND IT FIRST.

KIND OF.