Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 4 - Chicken or Beef? - full transcript

OH, CRAP!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

IS IT THE SMOKE
DETECTOR? ARE WE ON FIRE?

NOT THE SMOKE
DETECTOR, IT'S THE ALARM!

WHAT ALARM?

OUR ALARM.

WE DON'T HAVE AN ALARM.

WELL, THEN WE HAVE
REALLY ANGRY RATS.

DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR?

WELL, I JUST TRIMMED IT.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU
WERE CUTTING YOUR HAIR.

IT WAS A
SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT THING.

A SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT
"LET'S NOT TELL MY MOTHER

I'M PULLING A G.I. JANE"?

ARE WE SERIOUSLY GONNA
HAVE THIS CONVERSATION NOW

DURING THE AIR RAID?

YOU'RE RIGHT. COME ON.

WHAT ARE WE DOING?

I FIGURED OUT THAT THERE
IS A MOTION DETECTOR

AND IF YOU STAND OVER HERE, IT
CAN'T SEE YOU AND IT CALMS DOWN.

GREAT, SO WHAT NOW?

WE WAIT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU
WERE GETTING YOUR HAIR CUT?

IT'S JUST A TRIM.

TO THE BRAILLE
INSTITUTE, IT'S JUST A TRIM.

DO YOU LIKE IT?

WILL YOU PUT IT BACK IF I DON'T?

MOM! YES, I LIKE IT.

THANK YOU.

OH, THANK GOD.

FEELS GOOD WHEN IT'S OVER, HUH?

THIS IS CRAZY. WHEN
DID WE GET AN ALARM?

APPARENTLY, KIRK
HAS RECENTLY JOINED

THE STARS HOLLOW
SECURITY COMPANY.

OH, NO.

AND NOW THAT I'M THE PRETTY
SPINSTER LIVING ALL ALONE,

HE'S CONCERNED FOR MY SAFETY.

DID HE TELL YOU ALL THIS?

YOU THINK I LABELED MYSELF
"THE PRETTY SPINSTER"?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I HAVEN'T TALKED
TO HIM FACE-TO-FACE.

I COME HOME TO THIS
AND THERE WAS A NOTE

AND HIS CARD AND HIS GUN.

OH, JEEZ!

AND THEN WHEN I CALLED
THE ALARM-RESPONSE CENTER

TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE
ALARM, NO ONE ANSWERED.

I HAD TO LEAVE A
MESSAGE WITH MEG.

SHE SWEEPS UP.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S
A SECURITY COMPANY

IN STARS HOLLOW.

NOTHING EVER HAPPENS HERE.

OH, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
PLENTY HAPPENS HERE.

LIKE WHAT?

PEOPLE NOW BREAK INTO YOUR
HOUSES AND INSTALL ALARM SYSTEMS.

HEARD THAT. WE HAVE
A NEW MAIL CARRIER.

WE DO?

IF YOU WANT YOUR MAIL, YOU
HAVE TO GO SEE MISS PATTY.

WHY? 'CAUSE THAT'S
WHERE HE BRINGS IT.

HE BRINGS BABETTE'S MAIL TO
ANDREW, NORMA'S MAIL TO THE DELI,

AND TAYLOR STILL HASN'T
FOUND HIS, WHICH, I ADMIT, IS FUN.

I RESCIND MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT.

THIS PLACE IS HOPPING.

SO, DID YOU EAT YET?

NOPE. I THOUGHT
I'D LET YOU FEED ME.

SURE. I CAN FEED YOU,

BUT I CAN'T KNOW IF YOU'RE
GETTING YOUR HAIR CUT.

I'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING AGAIN
WITHOUT TELLING YOU. HAPPY?

I DON'T KNOW. I'M FINDING THIS
GUILT THING RATHER SATISFYING.

NO, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

I WAS GONNA GET MY LAUNDRY!

YOU MADE IT MAD!

I DIDN'T MEAN TO!

BACK IN THE CORNER!
BACK IN THE CORNER!

NO PLACE LIKE HOME, HUH?

YEAH.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

MOM?

FOLLOW THE POST-ITS.

DOES OUR LIFE SEEM AT
ALL RIDICULOUS TO YOU?

I SPENT ALL MORNING CAREFULLY
TRACKING THAT MOTION DETECTOR.

WHAT AN EXCELLENT
USE OF YOUR TIME.

WE'RE GOOD AS LONG
AS WE STAY ON THE PATH.

SO I SHOULD FOLLOW
THE YELLOW STICK ROAD?

WE'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN. TRY THE VEAL.

STOP. WHAT?

READ.

CROUCH DOWN AND
HOP. OH, COME ON.

THE MOTION-DETECTOR BEAM
AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRCASE

DIPS VERY LOW OVER THERE.

YOU SERIOUSLY WANT ME
TO CROUCH DOWN AND HOP?

LIKE A LITTLE HUNCHBACKED BUNNY.

YOU KNOW, I HAD DECIDED
THAT IF I EVER WENT TO THERAPY,

I WAS GONNA LEAVE
YOU OUT OF IT, BUT NOW...

OK, YOU CAN STAND UP.

DID YOU AT LEAST CALL THE
STUPID SECURITY COMPANY AGAIN?

YES. MEG SENDS HER LOVE.

DON'T WORRY, I'LL STOP
BY ON MY WAY TO THE INN.

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS
TODAY, PERSIS KHAMBATTA?

WELL, TODAY, I'M
GOING TO DO NOTHING

BUT HANG OUT IN TOWN, READ, VEG,

DRINK COFFEE, AND HAVE THE
PERFECT STARS HOLLOW DAY.

LOOK OUT.

I GET TO GO OVER TO THE INN AND
HEAR A CONTRACTOR LAUGH AT ME

EVERY TIME I SAY, "THAT WON'T
COST TOO MUCH MORE, RIGHT?"

ENJOY. LATE LUNCH AT LUKE'S?

YOU'RE ON.

SO, UH, WHICH WAY DO I GO?

UH, JUST FOLLOW THE POST-ITS.

BUT THEY'RE GOING IN 2
DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.

THEY ARE? LOOK.

OH, I MUST HAVE KICKED SOME
OUT OF THE WAY BY ACCIDENT.

WHICH ONE DO I TAKE? WHICH
ONE LOOKS MORE INTENTIONAL?

NO POST-IT PATH
LOOKS INTENTIONAL.

I'M DRAWING A COMPLETE BLANK.

YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T REMEMBER?

SORRY.

WELL, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE?

I HATE KIRK.

♪ THIS LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU ♪

♪ IS TERRIBLE AND TRUE ♪

♪ HOW THE SHELTERED,
LOVELESS LIFE ♪

♪ FADES INTO THE WEAKEST ♪

♪ THIS LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU ♪

♪ IS TERRIBLE AND TRUE ♪

WHOA! WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M JUST SETTING THINGS
UP FOR TOMORROW.

UH, TOMORROW... HEADS UP!

WHAT'S... OH!

I THINK YOU MAY NEED TO MOVE.

YEAH, I KIND OF GOT THAT.

EXCUSE ME. WHAT'S TOMORROW?

TONS OF TULLE SO THAT

EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE FROSTING.

SHE'S OUR ONLY
DAUGHTER. FROST THE TOWN.

NOW, WHERE SHOULD
WE PUT THE POSTER?

I WANT TO MAKE SURE
EVERYBODY SEES IT.

WHAT ABOUT NEXT TO THE CAKE?

YES, NEXT TO THE CAKE.

I'M SO PROUD OF HER.

LANE? RORY.

HAVE YOU HEARD OF A PHONE?

BECAUSE AS MY FRIEND
IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

TO USE IT TO CALL ME AND TELL ME

MY EX-BOYFRIEND'S
WEDDING IS ON SUNDAY

SO I'M NOT ACCIDENTALLY IN IT.

WHAT?

I WAS SITTING OUT IN
THE GAZEBO, READING,

AND THIS GUY ALMOST BRAINS
ME WITH A STACK OF TABLECLOTHS.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT. THEY'RE HAVING
THE RECEPTION IN THE TOWN SQUARE.

YES, AND LINDSAY WAS OUT THERE,

HOLDING A GIANT
PICTURE OF HER WITH DEAN.

GOD, DID SHE SEE
YOU? I DON'T THINK SO.

I DO A GOOD IDIOT
RUN WHEN I NEED TO.

I'M SORRY. I MEANT TO TELL YOU.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
COMING HOME THIS WEEKEND.

IT TOTALLY SLIPPED MY MIND. THINGS
HAVE BEEN SO CRAZY. I JUST FIGURED

I'D TELL YOU WHEN WE
TALKED, THEN WE DIDN'T.

OH, I'M SORRY. CAN
YOU HOLD ON FOR A SEC?

NOT COOL, LANE. I'M SORRY, GUYS.

4TH TIME TODAY.

I THOUGHT RORY WAS MY MOM.

THE RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY.

YOU SHOULD GET YOUR
MOM A BELL LIKE A CAT.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE'RE HAVING A BAND MEETING.

WE NEED TO FIGURE
OUT A GUITARIST.

I THINK I GOT A SPLINTER.

A SPLINTER CAN GET
INTO YOUR BLOODSTREAM,

GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR
HEART, AND KILL YOU.

WHY'D YOU TELL ME THAT?

WHATEVER, DUDE. THIS
IS LAME. I'M GONNA BAIL.

ZACK, COME ON.

WE NEED TO FIND A GUITARIST.

RIGHT. WE HAVE COME TOO
FAR TO LET THE BAND FALL APART

JUST BECAUSE DAVE... HEY!

DO NOT SAY THE "D" WORD, LANE.

BUT...

DON'T. DAVE IS DEAD TO ME.

COMPRENDO? DEAD.

COVER THE MIRROR, RIP A
SHIRT. THAT GUY DOESN'T EXIST.

HE JUST WENT TO COLLEGE, ZACK.

NO, HE DID NOT
JUST GO TO COLLEGE.

HE WALKED OUT ON HIS ART, MAN.

HE WALKED OUT ON HIS SOUND.

DO YOU THINK A SOUND
IS SO EASY TO FIND?

DID YOU EVER SEE THAT
GLENN MILLER MOVIE?

FOR 2 HOURS, JIMMY
STEWART'S WALKIN' AROUND

"I GOT TO FIND A SOUND.
I GOT TO FIND A SOUND."

WE HAD A SOUND, AND DAVE TOOK
THAT SOUND TO FREAKING CALIFORNIA.

YOU DON'T COME BACK
FROM CALIFORNIA, MAN.

IT CHANGES YOU.

WHAT, DID YOU EXPECT
HIM NOT TO GO TO COLLEGE?

NO TRUE ROCK 'N'
ROLLER GOES TO COLLEGE!

MICK JAGGER WENT TO THE
LONDON SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS.

WHAT? YEAH.

AND, UH, DEXTER
HOLLAND OF THE OFFSPRING

GOT HIS PH.D. IN
MOLECULAR BIOLOGY AT U.S.C.

GREG GINN OF BLACK FLAG
GRADUATED FROM U.C.L.A.

THE GUY FROM BAD RELIGION GOT
HIS MASTER'S IN GEOLOGY FROM U.C.L.A.

AND HE'S WORKING ON HIS PH.D.

IN EVOLUTIONARY
BIOLOGY AT CORNELL.

LANE, SHE'S YOUR FRIEND.

I'M SORRY. I'M GOING.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

HEY, ARE YOU MAD?

NO, I'M NOT. I PROMISE.

I'M JUST... I WAS JUST
A LITTLE SURPRISED.

I MEAN, DEAN'S WEDDING...

I KNOW.

BUT IT'S OK.

IT JUST MEANS I HAVE
TO BE MORE CAREFUL

ABOUT WHERE I GO THIS
WEEKEND. THAT'S ALL.

OK, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

WE'RE USING THE
GARAGE. GUITAR AUDITIONS.

OK, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.
WEEZER DID NOT GO TO HARVARD.

NOT THE WHOLE
BAND, JUST THE LEAD...

GET AWAY FROM ME! I MEAN IT.

BYE.

BYE.

HI.

HI.

UH, WERE YOU... WERE YOU...

I WAS AT LANE'S.

RIGHT, LANE'S.

UM... UM...

SO, YOU'RE HOME THIS WEEKEND?

YEAH, I, UH, I RAN OUT OF CLEAN
CLOTHES AND QUARTERS, SO...

HOW ARE THINGS?

GOOD. YOU?

GOOD.

YOU LIKE YALE? I LOVE YALE.

I FIGURED. AND
CONNECTICUT STATE?

IT'S... IT'S GOOD.

OH, GOOD. I'M GLAD IT'S GOOD.

NOT THAT I WOULD HAVE HAD
ANY RECOURSE IF IT WASN'T,

BUT THIS MAKES MY LACK OF
RECOURSE A LOT EASIER TO DEAL WITH.

SO, I SEE YOU'VE
TAKEN OVER THE TOWN.

OH, YEAH, WELL,
LINDSAY THOUGHT...

SHE LIKES THE GAZEBO, AND...

AND IT'S HER WEDDING.
IT IS HER WEDDING.

AND YOUR WEDDING.
IT'S YOUR WEDDING, TOO.

YES, IT IS. IT'S... IT'S
MY WEDDING, TOO.

IT'S NICE. IT'S,
UM, IT'S PRETTY.

IT LOOKS LIKE HEAVEN OR A
VICTORIA'S SECRET COMMERCIAL,

WHICH, TO SOME PEOPLE, IS
BASICALLY THE SAME THING.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D
BE HOME THIS WEEKEND.

IT WAS JUST A
SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT THING.

BECAUSE IF I HAD KNOWN, I WOULD
HAVE, YOU KNOW, INVITED YOU.

OH, OH...

WELL, IT'S...

I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I
WAS JUST NOT INVITING YOU.

NO, I DIDN'T THINK THAT.

I JUST FIGURED
YOU'D BE AT SCHOOL.

I JUST DIDN'T KNOW.
I KNOW YOU DIDN'T.

I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK...

NO, I DON'T THINK.

I GO TO YALE NOW.
THEY THINK FOR YOU.

BUT, HEY, SINCE
YOU ARE HERE, COME.

COME?

TO MY WEDDING.
COME TO MY WEDDING.

OH, DEAN.

YOU AND LORELAI, I WANT YOU TO.

CHICKEN OR BEEF? WHAT?

WAIT, BEEF. OF COURSE BEEF.

I MEAN, THE TWO OF
YOU ARE DEFINITELY BEEF.

I MEAN, NOT LIKE YOU
RESEMBLE BEEF OR ANYTHING.

YOU KNOW, YOU
DON'T EVEN HAVE TO...

OK, SO, NOON AT THE CHURCH.

I'LL BE THE ONE IN THE TUX.

AND DON'T WORRY, WE DIDN'T WRITE OUR
OWN VOWS AND NO ONE'S SINGING OPERA.

I KNOW YOU THINK THAT'S LAME.

OH, NO, IT'S A WEDDING.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE OPERATIC.

OK, SO, I BETTER GET OVER THERE.

LINDSAY'S EXPECTING ME.

UH, SO, I'LL JUST SEE
YOU TWO TOMORROW.

BUT...

NOW? NOTHING.

WHAT ABOUT NOW?

NO, NOTHING.

OK.

NOW? NOTHING.

KIRK, WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?

WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M
SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR.

KIRK? I'M NOT SURE.

KIRK, PLEASE COME DOWNSTAIRS.

ARE YOU GOING TO HURT ME?

I SWEAR, THEY TOLD ME IT
WOULD BE SELF-EXPLANATORY.

I JUST HAD TO GET
IN THE MAIN BOX

AND, IN SECONDS, THIS
WOULD BE DISABLED.

THEY DIDN'T TELL
ME I NEEDED A KEY

OR THAT, IF I DIDN'T HAVE A KEY,

I WOULD BE MILDLY ELECTROCUTED

AND THEN, AFTER ALL
THAT, WHEN I GOT IN THE BOX,

THERE'S NOTHING
SELF-EXPLANATORY ABOUT IT.

I WAS TRYING TO DO
A NICE THING. I KNOW.

JIMMY SAID HE WOULD
INSTALL IT FOR ME,

BECAUSE I DO NOT
HAVE THOSE SKILLS YET.

THE CLASS WAS FULL WHEN
I GOT THERE. THAT'S OK.

DAMN MY CONSTANT TARDINESS.

KIRK, PLEASE, WHAT
CAN WE DO RIGHT NOW?

THE ALARM IS JUST SO LOUD.

YEAH, THAT'S MY FAULT, TOO.

I ASKED JIMMY TO CRANK IT UP.

WELL, HE DID.

IF YOU HAVE AN ALARM,
YOU NEED IT LOUD.

YOU DON'T WANT A KNIFE-WIELDING
GUNMAN AT YOUR THROAT

AND THE NEIGHBORS
ARE GOING, LIKE:

"IS THAT A FAN? DID I
LEAVE THE WATER RUNNING?"

YOU WANT THEM TO KNOW,
HEY, THAT'S AN ALARM.

YOUR IMAGINARY ATTACKER
HAS A KNIFE AND A GUN?

AND A REALLY DIRTY TANK TOP.

OK, SO, JIMMY'S OUT OF TOWN,

BUT UNTIL HE GETS BACK WE CAN...

CHANGE THE CODE.

REALLY? TO SOMETHING I KNOW?

YOU CAN PICK IT. YOU
KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?

YES, I DO. THAT IS PERFECT.

OK, HERE WE GO.

JUST PUNCH IN A
7-NUMBER SEQUENCE.

YOU GOT IT. HEY!

HI.

DID YOU KNOW YOUR
PHONE'S NOT WORKING?

WHAT? I'VE BEEN
CALLING YOU FOR AN HOUR.

I HAD THE OPERATOR CHECK IT.

SHE SAID IT'S CUT OFF.

IT WAS WORKING THIS MORNING.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

KIRK? I HAVE TAPE.

YOU LOOK TIRED.

YEAH, KIRK.

RIGHT. HEY, LISTEN,
I GOT A CALL TODAY.

FROM?

MICHEL. A VERY UPSET MICHEL.

WHY?

APPARENTLY, HE CALLED YOU,
AND YOU NEVER CALLED HIM BACK.

WHEN DID HE CALL ME?

HE SAID HE CALLED YOU IN JULY.

I WAS IN EUROPE IN JULY.

I THINK THAT HE THINKS

WE'RE TRYING TO ACE HIM
OUT OF THE DRAGONFLY.

OH, COME ON, WHY
WOULD HE THINK THAT?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT HE
WAS SO HYSTERICAL.

HIS VOICE GOT INTO THAT
HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL HE DOES

AND ALL I COULD MAKE OUT
WAS "FIRE" AND "ABANDON ME."

AND SOMETHING ABOUT NOT
RECEIVING A THANK-YOU CARD

FOR THE STATUE OF
LIBERTY. THAT IS CRAZY.

HE KNOWS WE ALWAYS
INTENDED TO TAKE HIM WITH US.

I MEAN, WE LOVE MICHEL, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

HE'S THE BEST
CONCIERGE IN THE WORLD.

ABSOLUTELY. A LITTLE ABRASIVE.

KIND OF IMPATIENT. BUT CHARMING.

AND GREAT AT WHAT HE
DOES, KNOWS THE COMMUNITY.

WILLING TO GO THAT EXTRA MILE.

TINY BIT OBNOXIOUS.

MAKES YOU WANT TO SCREAM,
"LIFE'S TOO SHORT!" 2, 3 TIMES A DAY.

BUT... PICTURE LIFE WITHOUT HIM.

WE DO NEED HIM, RIGHT?

LET'S JUST GO DOWN
THERE AND TALK TO HIM.

RIGHT.

WE KNOW WHERE ALL THOSE
CALVIN KLEIN ADS WENT TO DIE.

THEY LOOK LIKE THEY ALL
HAVE THE SAME MOTHER.

THAT MUST BE ONE
TIRED SUPERMODEL.

EXCUSE ME, WE'RE LOOK...

I WOULDN'T TALK TO US, EITHER.

HEY, TALK TO A BOY. A
BOY WILL BE NICE TO YOU.

OK.

HI. EXCUSE ME.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR MICHEL GERARD.

THE CORNER OF MERCER AND BROOME.

EXCUSE ME?

OH, JANET JACKSON'S
ON THE PHONE.

NO WORRIES. HI.

US?

YES.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR MICHEL GERARD.

MICHEL. YES, MICHEL GER...

JANET AGAIN.

SHE'S VERY NEEDY LATELY.

YOU HAVE SOME GUESTS
AT THE FRONT DESK.

UH-HUH, NO WORRIES.
HE COMES LIKE THE WIND.

THANK...

HE DOESN'T NEED OUR THANKS.

HE HAS JANET, SO...

THE TICKETS ARE
UNDER THE HOTEL'S NAME.

YOU HAVE RESERVATIONS
AT TAMTAM AT 7:00.

DON'T ORDER THE DUCK.
IT WILL TAKE FOREVER

AND YOU WILL MISS THE CURTAIN.

IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS AT
ALL, YOU HAVE MY PAGER NUMBER.

JUST CALL ME. GOODBYE.

WELL, LOOK WHO
THE CAT DRAGGED IN.

HI, MICHEL. WE'VE MISSED YOU.

YES? WELL, I HAVE
MISSED YOU, TOO.

THIS PLACE IS WONDERFUL.

YOU LOOK SO IMPORTANT, WALKING
AROUND, TALKING TO YOURSELF,

BUT YOU'RE NOT REALLY
TALKING TO YOURSELF.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY
TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE

IN A HEADSET, WITH YOUR HEADSET.

HOW ARE YOU?

ME? I AM WONDERFUL,
AND YOURSELVES?

WE'RE GREAT

AND WE'RE BREAKING GROUND
ON THE INN ON MONDAY.

OH, YES. IS THAT
STILL HAPPENING?

IT IS STILL HAPPENING.

THAT'S LOVELY.

THERE'S A SMALL CHARGE
FOR THE USE OF THE INTERNET.

ALL INSTRUCTIONS
ARE IN THE MINIBAR.

I'M SO PLEASED.

LISTEN, I KNOW YOU'RE
A LITTLE UPSET WITH ME.

UPSET? I DON'T THINK SO.

I TOLD HER ABOUT THE CALL.

WHAT CALL?

THE CALL YOU MADE
TO ME YESTERDAY.

THE ONE WHERE YOU TOLD ME YOU
CALLED LORELAI AND SHE DIDN'T CALL BACK.

I MAKE SO MANY CALLS.

THE ONE WHERE YOU CRIED.

ARE YOU SURE IT
WASN'T ANOTHER MICHEL?

YOU CALLED ME. YOU KEPT ME
ON THE PHONE FOR OVER AN HOUR.

I MISSED THE BEGINNING OF
QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY.

WHEN I GOT BACK,
THEY WERE ALL GAY.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

IF THERE WAS ANY
MISUNDERSTANDING

ABOUT WANTING
YOU TO COME WITH US

TO THE DRAGONFLY, WE'RE SORRY.

I'M NOT.

THAT'S VERY SWEET OF
YOU TO SAY. THANK YOU.

UNLESS YOU DON'T
WANT TO COME WITH US.

I MEAN, THIS PLACE
IS VERY IMPRESSIVE

AND I WOULD UNDERSTAND
IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE.

YES, THIS PLACE IS
IMPRESSIVE, ISN'T IT?

I MEAN, THE UNIFORM ALONE, IT'S
LIKE WORKING IN YOUR JAMMIES.

AND THESE HEADSETS,
ARE THEY NOT FABULOUS?

ESPECIALLY WHEN, FOR
EXAMPLE, YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM,

A PLACE ONE WOULD
NORMALLY CHOOSE TO BE ALONE,

THEN SUDDENLY, BANG,
SOMEONE IS YAKKING IN YOUR EAR.

HOW DELIGHTFUL. YOU
CAN NEVER GET LONELY.

I SUPPOSE NOT.

AND THE PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE?

SO YOUNG, SO TALENTED.

SOME OF THEM ARE ACTORS IN
AMBITIOUS OFF-BROADWAY REVUES.

THEY PLAY COCKROACHES
AND DERELICTS

AND DO SHAKESPEARE
DRESSED LIKE PUNK ROCKERS.

IT GIVES ME CHILLS
JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

YES, EXTRA TOWELS ARE
COMPLIMENTARY, MATTHEW,

AND STOP ASKING ME WHO
THE HOTTIE I'M TALKING TO IS.

I TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL THINK
ABOUT IT AND GET BACK TO YOU, OK?

NICE TO HAVE YOU ABOARD, MICHEL.

I'M BUSY. GO.

THANK GOD.

MATTHEW, WHAT?

SO, HE INVITED US
TO HIS WEDDING.

AND WE'RE HAVING BEEF.

BUT WHAT WAS HIS
BODY LANGUAGE LIKE?

TALL.

NO, I MEAN, DID HE SQUIRM OR
BACK AWAY WHEN HE INVITED YOU

OR WAS HE ALL DARTY-EYED?

NOT MUCH SQUIRMING,
NO BACKING AWAY,

BUT THERE WAS A
LITTLE BIT OF DARTY-EYE.

SO HE WAS NERVOUS?

WE WERE BOTH NERVOUS.

WE DIDN'T EXPECT TO RUN INTO
EACH OTHER, AND I THINK HE INVITED US

'CAUSE HE FELT LIKE
HE HAD TO BE NICE.

THAT DOES SOUND LIKE DEAN.

SO, WHAT, DO WE GO?

I CAN'T DECIDE THIS.
HE'S YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND.

IT SEEMS WEIRD THAT WE GO.

THEN WE DON'T GO.

BUT IF WE DON'T GO,

IT MAY LOOK LIKE WE'RE
TRYING TO MAKE A STATEMENT.

THEN WE GO. IF I HAD
JUST STAYED AT LANE'S

FOR 2 MORE
MINUTES... YEAH, FATE.

YES, IT IS FATE. DO
WE IGNORE FATE?

DO YOU HAVE ANY
IMPORTANT PAPERS DUE SOON?

WHY? JUST IN CASE.

FATE'S GONNA FLUNK ME?
IT'S ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY.

THEN WE ARE GOING. GOING WHERE?

DEAN'S WEDDING.
FATE'S MAKING US.

I HOPE FATE WILL COUGH UP
$40 FOR A SALAD SPINNER FOR HIM.

PLEASE. THERE IS NO FATE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THERE IS NO FATE?

OF COURSE THERE IS FATE.

THERE IS NO FATE.
THERE IS NO DESTINY.

THERE IS NO LUCK.
ASTROLOGY IS RIDICULOUS.

TAROT CARDS TELL YOU NOTHING.

YOU CANNOT READ A PALM.

TEA LEAVES MAKE
TEA AND NOTHING ELSE.

JIM MORRISON IS NOT
HANGING OUT WITH ELVIS.

THE KENNEDYS DID
NOT KILL MARILYN.

I TOTALLY KNEW YOU
WERE GONNA SAY THAT.

I CAME OVER HERE. MY FAULT.

I READ YOUR MIND. IT
SPOKE TO ME. WE'RE PSYCHIC.

ENJOY THE FRIES.

SO WHERE DOES THIS LEAVE US?

I THINK THAT DEAN'S GONNA
EXPECT US TO GO, AND IT IS HIS DAY.

I DON'T WANT HIM TO FEEL
LIKE I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM.

I KNOW.

I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY.

OK, WE'LL GET HIM A SALAD SPINNER
FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING.

THANK YOU.

OH, THERE YOU ARE.
HONEY, I'VE GOT YOUR MAIL.

OH, GREAT.

OH, I'M EXHAUSTED.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL
OVER TOWN FOR YOU.

OH, PATTY, YOU COULD HAVE LEFT ME
A MESSAGE. I WOULD HAVE PICKED IT UP.

THERE WAS SOMETHING
MARKED "URGENT" IN THERE,

AND I JUST WANTED TO
MAKE SURE YOU GOT IT.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, I'M LEAVING.

OH, I'M GONNA KILL
THAT MAIL CARRIER.

I DON'T CARE IF HE
DOESN'T HAVE A TONGUE.

OUR NEW MAIL CARRIER
DOESN'T HAVE A TONGUE?

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

THAT'S WHAT PATTY JUST SAID.

NO, TAYLOR HAS SENT ME A
CEASE-AND-DESIST ORDER ON THE INN.

"DEAR LORELAI GILMORE, IT
HAS COME TO THE ATTENTION

"OF THE HISTORICAL
PRESERVATION SOCIETY

"THAT YOU AND MISS
SOOKIE ST. JAMES

"INTEND TO BEGIN CONSTRUCTION
ON THE DRAGONFLY INN.

"ANY PROPOSED RENOVATIONS MUST
BE SUBMITTED, DISCUSSED AND APPROVED

"BY THE STARS HOLLOW
HISTORICAL PRESERVATION SOCIETY.

"WE MUST THEREFORE
ASK THAT ALL WORK HALT

"UNTIL THIS PROCEDURE
HAS BEEN FOLLOWED.

THANK YOU, AND HAVE
A HISTORICAL DAY."

IS HE KIDDING? WHAT
ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I'M GOING TO TALK TO HIM.

COOL.

DON'T SAY "COOL." IT'S
GONNA BE VERY PLEASANT.

YOU SAID YOU WERE
GONNA TALK TO TAYLOR.

I OWN MY OWN BUSINESS NOW, RORY.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH
TINY MEN LIKE TAYLOR ALL THE TIME.

YOU CAN'T GO YELLING AT PEOPLE,

NO MATTER HOW
HISTORICAL THEY MIGHT BE.

BUMMER.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO SEPARATE
THE PERSONAL FROM THE BUSINESS.

OK.

REMEMBER IN THE GODFATHER,
MICHAEL TELLING SONNY

HOW HE WAS GONNA KILL
TATTAGLIA AND CAPTAIN McCLUSKEY

IN THAT ITALIAN RESTAURANT?

HE LAYS OUT THE WHOLE THING
VERY CALMLY, VERY UNEMOTIONALLY,

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT
YOU DO IN BUSINESS.

YEAH, BUT THEN HE WENT
AND SHOT 2 GUYS IN THE HEAD.

I WASN'T DESCRIBING THAT SCENE.

BUT IF YOU KNOW
YOU ALREADY LIKE LIME,

THEN YOU'RE NOT
SAMPLING, YOU'RE SAVORING,

AND THAT'S JUST GLUTTONOUS.

HI, TAYLOR.

WELL, HELLO THERE, LORELAI.

RORY, WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU?

OH, WELL, GOSH, LOOK
AT ALL THE CHOICES.

REALLY HARD TO PICK.

I THINK I'LL TRY A SCOOP OF
BUTTER BRICKLE CRUNCH. RORY?

I'LL TRY THE CHOCOLATE
CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE.

COMING RIGHT UP.

LISTEN, TAYLOR,
WHILE I HAVE YOU HERE,

UM, I RECEIVED THIS
LETTER IN THE MAIL

AND I'M HAVING A BLONDE DAY.

I WONDER IF YOU
COULD EXPLAIN IT TO ME.

WELL, IT SAYS YOU
HAVE TO GET APPROVAL

BEFORE YOU CAN START
CONSTRUCTION ON THE INN.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT IT SAID.

WELL, I HAVE TO TELL YOU
I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED

BECAUSE WE HAVE A CONSTRUCTION
CREW COMING MONDAY, SO, YIKES.

WELL, THE DRAGONFLY IS A
HISTORICAL BUILDING, LORELAI.

YEAH, BUT THE WHOLE TOWN
IS A HISTORICAL BUILDING.

GEORGE WASHINGTON ATE, SLEPT,

OR BLEW HIS NOSE ALL
OVER THE DAMN PLACE.

HE ONLY BLEW HIS
NOSE IN THE PARK.

YOU'VE READ THE SIGN.

TAYLOR, THAT INN NEEDS
LOVE. IT'S FALLING DOWN.

SOOKIE AND I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF RUINING ITS HISTORICAL ASPECT.

WE'D JUST LIKE SOME
RUNNING WATER.

RUNNING WATER WAS
NOT ALWAYS HISTORICAL.

YOU'RE TELLING ME I CAN'T
PUT IN RUNNING WATER?

OH, MY GOD, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

IT'S CALLED CHOCOLATE
CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE,

BUT IT'S SERIOUSLY CHOCOLATE,
CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATEY.

SORRY.

I'M JUST TELLING
YOU THERE ARE RULES

AND THEY HAVE TO BE FOLLOWED.

FINE.

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO

TO GET THE HISTORICAL
PRESERVATION SOCIETY'S

STAMP OF APPROVAL?

WELL, A FORMAL
PRESENTATION IS NECESSARY.

UH-HUH, WHEN?

UH, ANY TOWN
FUNCTION OR GATHERING

IS OPEN TO A
PRESENTATION, LORELAI.

OK, SO, LIKE, THE TOWN
MEETING TONIGHT?

IF YOU LIKE.

THE TOWN MEETING IT IS.

OH, NOW, DON'T LOOK SAD.

I WENT THROUGH THIS
WITH MY PLACE, TOO.

OF COURSE, I KNEW THE RULES, SO I
DIDN'T GET THE EMBARRASSING LETTER.

RIGHT, OK, GREAT.

WE'LL SEE YOU LATER, TAYLOR.

OH, UH...

YES?

THAT'LL BE $3.50
FOR THE ICE CREAM.

AND WORTH EVERY
PENNY, LET ME TELL YOU.

SORRY, BUT THIS IS REALLY GOOD.

SO, ANY ADDITIONAL
LANDSCAPING TO THE TOWN SQUARE

WILL BE PAID FOR DIRECTLY
FROM THE TOWN PARK FUNDS

AND TOWN PARK FUNDS ONLY.

ALL RIGHTY.

LONG ONE TONIGHT.

ASTONISHINGLY LONG.

WE'VE GOT TO BE NEXT, RIGHT?

WE'VE GOT TO BE.

MICHEL, ARE YOU OK OVER THERE?

HE SAYS THE GUY NEXT TO
HIM HAS UNFORGIVABLE B.O.

MICHEL, YOU'RE FRENCH.
HOW CAN YOU EVEN TELL?

COULD WE HAVE A
LITTLE QUIET, PLEASE?

SORRY, TAYLOR, WE'RE
JUST WAITING HERE

VERY PATIENTLY, AS YOU CAN
SEE, ALL READY AND EVERYTHING.

YES, WELL, UM, THE
NEXT ITEM, PEOPLE,

IS A WONDERFUL FEATHER
IN STARS HOLLOW'S CAP.

ONE OF OUR VERY OWN,
4TH-GRADER DONNY PASS

WAS NAMED A RUNNER-UP

IN THE CONNECTICUT STATE
STORY-WRITING CONTEST

FOR HIS WORK ENTITLED
THE HAPPIEST DOUGHNUT.

I THINK I'M GOING TO GIVE
BIRTH JUST OUT OF BOREDOM.

DONNY'S MOM IS HERE TONIGHT.

LET'S GIVE HER A BIG HAND.

I ALMOST THINK HE'S
DOING THIS ON PURPOSE.

ALMOST? HUH.

BORDERING ON "PRETTY DAMN SURE."

I WON'T SPOIL THE PLOT OF THE
HAPPIEST DOUGHNUT FOR YOU, FOLKS.

EXCEPT TO SAY IT'S FUNNY AND A
LITTLE SAD AND TRULY INSPIRING.

BUT A CAVEAT FOR
ALL YOU PARENTS,

THE DUNKING SCENE MAY BE TOO
INTENSE FOR PRESCHOOL-AGED CHILDREN.

HOW CAN A STUPID
DOUGHNUT BE HAPPY?

SEE, HE'S GOT YOU CURIOUS.

THAT'S THE GENIUS OF DONNY PASS.

I'VE GOT A BUNCH
OF YOUR MAIL. HERE.

I'VE GOT SOME OF YOURS,
TOO, AND SOME OF AL'S.

WILL YOU PASS THIS
BACK TO HIM FOR ME?

YEAH. IF YOU HAND
THIS UP TO ANDREW.

CAN DO.

HERE YOU GO.

I CAN'T SMELL ANYTHING.

I'M BREATHING IT ALL IN
SO IT'S NOT REACHING YOU.

THANKS FOR TAKING THAT
GRENADE FOR ME, PAL.

PEOPLE, COULD WE
HAVE SOME ORDER HERE?

UH, GYPSY, THE LETTER
FROM MY GIRLFRIEND'S OPEN.

OH, YEAH. SORRY, ANDREW.

IT MUST HAVE FALLEN
OPEN ACCIDENTALLY.

YOU READ MY PRIVATE LETTER.

THERE'S NOTHING
PRIVATE IN THAT LETTER,

EXCEPT FOR THE MEDICAL STUFF.

TAYLOR, I GOT YOUR PENNYSAVER
AND YOUR GIRLIE MAGAZINES.

THOSE ARE LIFESTYLE MAGAZINES.

PEOPLE, THIS MEETING
HAS DEGENERATED

INTO OUR USUAL WEEKLY ANARCHY.

I SAY WE ADJOURN.
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

WHAT? UH, TAYLOR!

EVERYONE PICK UP A FREE COPY OF

THE HAPPIEST DOUGHNUT ON
YOUR WAY OUT. YOU WON'T BE SORRY.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE OUR
PRESENTATION ABOUT THE DRAGONFLY.

OH, YES, UH, YOU'RE
BRINGING THIS UP KIND OF LATE.

WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE.

IT WON'T TAKE LONG.

IT WAS YOUR IDEA. REMEMBER?
YOU SUGGESTED THIS.

WELL, OK. PEOPLE, YOUR
CHILDREN AND ELDERLY

ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT A
WHILE LONGER FOR YOU TO GET HOME

BECAUSE LORELAI
GILMORE AND HER ASSOCIATE

WANT TO DISCUSS SOME
PROPOSED CHANGES

TO A BELOVED TOWN STRUCTURE.

THANK YOU.

LET'S GO, SOOKIE,
AUGUSTUS GLOOP.

KNOCK 'EM DEAD.

GUYS, I KNOW WE'VE
BEEN HERE FOREVER,

BUT I VERY QUICKLY WANT TO
TELL YOU WHAT WE HAVE IN MIND

FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL
DRAGONFLY PROPERTY.

HISTORIC DRAGONFLY PROPERTY.

THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD TRY
TO HIDE THE FACT IT'S HISTORIC.

I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING.

PROCEED, PLEASE.

OK, WE'RE VERY EXCITED...

HOW MANY GUEST ROOMS
WILL THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAVE?

UM, 10.

TSK, TSK, TSK.

YEAH, 10. ANYWAY, THE
PROPERTY'S BEEN UNOCCUPIED FOR...

AND PARKING? HOW
MANY PARKING SPACES?

UM, 18.

OH? HMM. TSK, TSK, TSK.

SOMETHING WRONG WITH
THE PARKING, TAYLOR?

2 PEOPLE TO A ROOM,
EACH WITH THEIR OWN CAR,

THAT'S 20 CARS.

YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PARKING.

SOME PEOPLE WILL BE DRIVING
THERE TOGETHER, IN ONE CAR.

SO, YOU HAVE A
CRYSTAL BALL, DO YOU?

THAT'S JUST COMMON SENSE.

IF YOU HAVE A CRYSTAL BALL,
I WOULD LIKE TO BORROW IT

TO TAKE TO THE RACETRACK.

NO, I DON'T HAVE A CRYSTAL BALL

BUT IF THE PARKING'S NOT
ENOUGH, WE CAN ALWAYS ADD MORE.

EASY.

SO "PAVE PARADISE AND
PUT UP A PARKING LOT."

NOT WHAT WE'RE SAYING.

I HEARD YOU'RE PLANNING TO
SERVE ALCOHOL. IS THIS TRUE?

THERE WILL BE A RESTAURANT.

WINE, COCKTAILS, GIVE THE
PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT.

SO IT'LL BE A PARTY
SPOT, HUH? NO.

CATERING TO THAT CROWD,

HIP-HOPPERS, THE MANSON FAMILY?

IT'S A LITTLE COUNTRY INN.

A PERFECT SECLUDED SPOT FOR
MURDERERS TO REVEL IN IMPROPRIETY.

HAVE YOU NOTICED?

THIS IS NOT GOING VERY WELL.

TAYLOR, EVERYONE, THERE
WILL BE MILLIONS OF QUESTIONS,

SOME OF THEM EVEN LEGITIMATE,
BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS:

YOU KNOW ME.

I'VE BEEN A PART
OF THIS TOWN FOR...

WELL, LOOK HOW
BIG MY DAUGHTER IS.

FOR THAT LONG.

AND OPENING THIS INN HAS BEEN
A DREAM OF MINE AND OF SOOKIE'S

FOR MOST OF THAT TIME.

ALONG WITH MICHEL, WE
PLAN TO MAKE THIS COMMUNITY

AS PROUD OF THE
HISTORIC DRAGONFLY INN

AS YOU WERE WHEN THIS SAME TEAM

WAS RUNNING THE
INDEPENDENCE INN.

YOU MEAN THE PLACE THAT
BURNED DOWN ON YOUR WATCH?

CAN I SLAP HIM?

UH, NOW, THIS WILL ALSO HELP
OUR LOCAL ECONOMY BECAUSE...

BECAUSE WE PLAN TO EMPLOY...

SORRY. WE PLAN TO EMPLOY...

HUH? UH...

THIS CALL IS COMING
FROM THE HOUSE.

OUR HOUSE?

IT'S FLASHING OUR
NUMBER. BUT WE'RE HERE.

I KNOW. THAT'S THE WEIRD PART.

SOOKIE, UH, KEEP
IT GOING IN HERE.

I'LL BE JUST A
QUICK, UM, SECOND.

OK, IF... IF YOU HAVE
ANY QUESTIONS...

YES, ABOUT THE
DRAGONFLY OR DEODORANT...

THE PLACES TO BUY IT, HOW TO
APPLY IT, THAT SORT OF THING.

HELLO?

I RESPONDED TO THE ACTIVATION
OF AN ALARM AT YOUR RESIDENCE,

AND I APPREHENDED A
PROWLER IN THE GARAGE.

YOU DID?

YES, MA'AM.

FEMALE, APPROXIMATELY
18 YEARS OLD, KOREAN.

KIRK, THAT'S LANE.
YOU KNOW LANE.

I THOUGHT I KNEW LANE,

BUT NOW I THINK SHE'S
IN SOME KIND OF GANG.

LORELAI, HELP.

THEIR FRONT IS SOME
SORT OF MUSICAL GROUP.

THEY ARE A MUSICAL GROUP, KIRK.

HONEY, GO SORT IT OUT.

GOT IT.

RORY'S ON HER WAY OVER.
BROWN HAIR, BLUE EYES,

ABOUT 5'6". DON'T CUFF HER.

10-4.

OK.

WHA... WE FAILED YOU.

HE IS A VERY UNPLEASANT MAN.

WHAT HAPPENED?

THE SECOND YOU
WALKED OUT THE DOOR,

TAYLOR ADJOURNED THE
MEETING OVER OUR OBJECTIONS.

WHERE IS HE? WHERE'D HE GO?

HE WAS THE FIRST
ONE OUT THE DOOR.

UNBELIEVABLE.

HMM, YOU CAN RUN,
BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE.

OH, THIS IS CUTE.
THE HAPPY DOUGHNUT.

DID WE HAVE A LITTLE
MISUNDERSTANDING BACK THERE?

PLEASE DON'T SNEAK
UP ON ME LIKE THAT.

I ALMOST BLEW MY
EMERGENCY WHISTLE.

WE WEREN'T DONE.

I THOUGHT WE WERE.
NO, WE WEREN'T.

WHAT MORE WAS THERE TO SAY?

NOTHING WAS DECIDED. YOU SAID
TO EXPLAIN WHAT YOU'RE DOING

THEN WE CAN START OUR WORK.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT UNTIL
AFTER THE WALK-THROUGH.

I'M IN HEELS. DO YOU MIND?

WHAT WALK-THROUGH?

I AND OTHER MEMBERS OF THE
HISTORICAL PRESERVATION SOCIETY

NEED TO EXAMINE THE
PROPERTY IN PERSON.

YOU DIDN'T THINK
WE'D MAKE A DECISION

BASED ON A LITTLE CHAT, DID YOU?

I MENTIONED A WALK-THROUGH.

I DON'T THINK YOU DID.

I'M MENTIONING IT NOW.

OK, SO WHEN'S THE WALK-THROUGH?

I'D HAVE TO CHECK WITH
THE OTHER SOCIETY MEMBERS,

SET SOMETHING UP IN
THE NEXT MONTH OR SO.

I HAVE WORKMEN COMING MONDAY,
TAYLOR, THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

OH, DEAR. THAT'S
CUTTING IT PRETTY CLOSE.

LET'S DO IT TOMORROW,
PLEASE. TOMORROW?

TOMORROW'S SUNDAY. YES, IT IS.

IT WOULD HAVE TO
BE BEFORE CHURCH.

OK, SO MIDMORNING?

6:00?

6:00 IN THE MORNING?

OR ANOTHER DAY. I COULD
TAKE IT UP WITH THE SOCIETY.

NO, NO, 6:00 IS FINE. -00 SHARP.

SEE YOU THEN.

BRIGHT AND EARLY.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. THANKS.

♪ WE DO OR DIE FOR
STARS HOLLOW HIGH! ♪

♪ WE DO OR DIE FOR
STARS HOLLOW HIGH! ♪

♪ IT'S THE ONE WE
FIGHT AND FALL FOR ♪

♪ IT'S THE ONE WE
GIVE OUR ALL FOR ♪

STARS HOLLOW HIGH!

THAT IS OUR STARS
HOLLOW HIGH FIGHT SONG.

COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS MOZART.

WHAT IS THIS, GUYS? PIT STOP!

BACHELOR PARTY
PHASE ONE IS OVER.

OUR BOY DEAN HERE
IS TYING THE KNOT.

LOOK, I WAS JUST CLOSIN' UP.

LUKE!

DEAN!

THAT'S FUNNY.

I WASN'T EVEN TRYING.

WE NEED TO REFUEL FOR PHASE 2.

IT WON'T TAKE LONG.

YOU WOULDN'T TURN AWAY A MAN
ON HIS WEDDING DAY, WOULD YOU?

IT'S NOT YOUR WEDDING DAY YET.

THAT'S WHAT I KEEP
TELLING HIM, DUDE.

IT'S YOUR LAST DAY OF FREEDOM.

HEY, WE SHOULD GET
STRIPPERS, RIGHT?

AND CAKE.

MY NAME'S LUKE, TOO.

WE SHOULD START A
CLUB OR SOMETHING.

THAT WOULD BE SWELL.

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU
GO SIT DOWN OVER THERE?

I'LL MAKE SOME COFFEE.

TOMORROW IS THE
BIG DAY, MAN, BIG DAY!

YOU'RE TIPPING THERE,
DEAN. WATCH HIM.

I GOT HIM, SIR.

WE REALLY APPRECIATE THIS, SIR.

STOP CALLING ME THAT.

HE'S A GOOD GUY, REALLY.

SO, WHAT WAS PHASE ONE?

A CASE OF BEER IN THE
J.C. PENNEY PARKING LOT,

THEN BATTING
CAGES AND LASER TAG.

I'VE DECIDED THAT
I REALLY LIKE BEER.

I'M THE DESIGNATED DRIVER.

GOOD MAN.

I'M IN THE NAVY NOW, YOU KNOW.

UNIFORM TIPPED ME OFF.

MY OLDER COUSINS
DID 2-YEAR STINTS.

IT PAID FOR THEIR COLLEGE
AND STUFF, SO I JOINED UP.

OF COURSE, WE WEREN'T
FIGHTING INTERNATIONAL SKIRMISHES

ON 2 OR 3 DANGEROUS
FRONTS LIKE WE ARE NOW.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

SUGAR FOOTBALL. DON'T.

COME ON, GUYS.

RESPECT THE ESTABLISHMENT.

THEY'RE STILL KIDS.

I GOT A BETTER IDEA, GUYS.

HOW ABOUT I WHIP UP
SOME PANCAKES REAL FAST,

HELP SOAK UP WHATEVER
IT IS YOU DRANK?

SOUNDS GOOD. WE'LL
NEED ENERGY FOR PHASE 2.

STRIPPERS, RIGHT? WE
GOT TO GET STRIPPERS.

HOW MUCH DO YOU GIVE A STRIPPER?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS
ON WHAT SHE DOES.

ARE THEY REALLY PROSTITUTES?

'CAUSE I'D FEEL BAD IF
THEY WERE PROSTITUTES.

GUYS, I GOT TO GO IN THE
BACK FOR A COUPLE SECONDS.

DON'T DRINK ANY
MORE. DON'T PLAY JETS.

DON'T JUMP ON THE FURNITURE.

JUST SIT STILL, OK?

AND DO WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.

MAKE UP A DIRTY VERSION OF
THE FIGHT SONG OR SOMETHIN'.

YEAH!

GREAT IDEA!

RORY.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

OH, HE IS SO TOASTED.

RORY.

DID HE SAY WHAT I THINK HE SAID?

GUYS, YOU KNOW WHAT I
THINK? I THINK IT'S REAL LATE

AND THAT MAYBE YOU
OUGHT TO CANCEL PHASE 2.

NO WAY.

HEAR HIM OUT, FELLAS.

THINK ABOUT IT, GUYS, HOW
YOU GONNA BEAT LASER TAG?

OH, IS DEAN SICK?

HE JUST NEEDS HIS REST.

WHY DON'T YOU MARCH
YOUR FRIENDS OUT OF HERE?

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE GROOM,
AND HE'LL SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW.

HE'S RIGHT, GUYS.
LET'S SADDLE UP.

AREN'T WE GETTING PANCAKES?

I'M NOT FEELING GOOD.

COME ON, BIG GUY. TRY TO WALK.

♪

HERE WE ARE.

OK.

SHE'S SMART, MAN.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S SO SMART.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

SHE COULD PROBABLY
FIX THE WORLD.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

SHE COULD TEAM UP WITH KYLE.

HER BRAINS, HIS BRAWN.

NO, NOT KYLE. RORY.

ALMOST THERE.

SHE'S THE ONE, YOU KNOW?

COME ON, DEAN, JUST SLIDE
DOWN THERE, AND STOP TALKING.

AND THE HAIR, PRETTY HAIR.

SHE HAS THE PRETTIEST
HAIR, AND THE HEAD.

WHAT IS THAT?

JUST YOUR SHOES. SSH, SSH.

I MISS HER.

WHY DIDN'T SHE LOVE ME?

SCRUBBING SHOWER
GROUT WITH A TOOTHBRUSH.

SURE. SURE.

FLOSSING WITH THAT
REALLY, REALLY FINE FLOSS

THAT CUTS BETWEEN
YOUR TEETH LIKE A RAZOR.

STARING INTO THE
SUN. TILL YOU'RE BLIND.

ABSOLUTELY.

I FEEL VERY UGLY THIS MORNING.

JOIN THE CROWD.

THAT UNPLEASANT MAN
AND HIS COHORTS IN THERE?

AND HAVE BEEN FOR
ABOUT 30 FREAKING MINUTES.

WATCHING A FOREIGN
MOVIE WITHOUT SUBTITLES.

GETTING BRAIN FREEZE
FROM EATING ICE CREAM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'RE LISTING ALL THE THINGS
WE'D RATHER BE DOING THAN THIS.

WHAT A MUG. IT'S LIKE
HE SUCKED A LEMON.

I'VE REALLY GROWN TO HATE HIM.

NICE, HUH?

OH, SO MUCH POTENTIAL.

YEAH. IT NEEDS A LOT OF T.L.C.

AND WE'VE GOT AN
ABUNDANCE OF IT, TAYLOR.

PATTY, PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP.

HE'S KILLING ME HERE, AND
YOU'VE GOT PULL WITH HIM.

HONEY, I GOT MY OWN
REMODELING TO DO ON MY STUDIO

THAT TAYLOR HAS TO APPROVE.

I'M SAVING MY PULL FOR ME.

CAN I HAVE JUST A LITTLE TEENY,

TINY BIT OF YOUR PULL, PLEASE?

HE'S GONNA SEE US TALKING.

LORELAI, CONSULTATION, PLEASE.

OK.

THIS PORCH IS
FALLING APART. I KNOW.

IT'S GOT LIVE
TERMITES. BIG, FAT ONES.

IT'S A SAFETY HAZARD.

IT'S THE FIRST THING TO GO.

TO GO? THIS PORCH CAN'T GO.

YOU JUST SAID
IT'S FALLING APART.

I DIDN'T TELL YOU
TO TEAR IT DOWN.

IT'S HISTORICAL. IT HAS TO STAY.

THE PORCH IS NOT HISTORICAL.

IT WAS ADDED IN 1980. SO?

SO, IT'S A 23-YEAR-OLD PORCH.

UNLESS YOU THINK KATE HUDSON
IS HISTORICAL, IT'S NOT HISTORICAL.

NOT NOW, BUT HOW
DO YOU THINK WE GET

HISTORICAL
200-YEAR-OLD STRUCTURES

IF WE TEAR THEM DOWN
WHEN THEY'RE JUST 23?

UH, IT'S ROTTING AWAY.

WHICH MEANS THAT YOUR
GUESTS CAN'T WALK ON IT.

SO THEY SHOULD HOVER OVER IT?

NO, YOU COULD BUILD A BRIDGE OVER
IT, USING APPROPRIATE MATERIALS.

A BRIDGE?

OR YOU COULD BUILD A TRANSPARENT
LUCITE PORCH OVER THIS PORCH,

SO PEOPLE COULD WALK
ON THE LUCITE PORCH

AND SEE THE OLD PORCH
UNDERNEATH THE NEW PORCH.

BUILD A CLEAR PLASTIC PORCH
OVER THE ROTTING WOOD PORCH?

WITH THE PROPER PERMITS,
AND THOSE ARE HARD TO COME BY.

THAT'S IT. LORELAI, WATCH
IT. I'VE GOT CHURCH LATER.

WHAT DID I DO TO
MAKE YOU TORTURE ME?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THE HOOPS, THE JUMPING
AND THE FIRE AND THE HOOPS.

IT'S JUST BUSINESS, LORELAI.

I PAY TO SHOP IN YOUR STORE.
I EAT YOUR BANANA SPLITS.

I'VE NEVER PHYSICALLY HURT YOU

EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE SPIT
WAD IN THE ONE TOWN MEETING,

BUT I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO HIT
YOUR EYE, AND I APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY,

SO PLEASE PUT ME
OUT OF MY MISERY

AND TELL ME WHAT I NEED
TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN!

I WANT AN ICE-CREAM TRUCK. WHAT?

I WANT TO SELL ICE CREAM
OFF A TRUCK IN THE SUMMER.

I WANT TO PARK IT IN
FRONT OF THE SODA SHOP.

I WANT TO RING THE
BELL ON IT EVERY DAY,

BUT THE ONLY PLACE I CAN PARK IT

IS THE SPACE THAT'S IN
FRONT OF LUKE'S DINER.

SO? YOU HAVE PULL WITH LUKE.

I GUESS. MAYBE.

YOU'RE FRIENDS. YES!

YOU CAN GET HIM
TO AGREE TO THIS.

USE MY PULL? IF YOU DON'T MIND.

SO IF I GET LUKE TO AGREE
TO THIS, THE MADNESS STOPS?

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL IT.

WORK BEGINS. THE PORCH GOES?

ALL EXPEDITED, NICE AND NEAT.

AN ICE-CREAM TRUCK?

AN ICE-CREAM TRUCK.

YOU CAN GO.

WELL, THIS HAS BEEN A
VERY SUCCESSFUL OUTING.

BACK ON THE BUS, EVERYONE.

UNBELIEVABLE.

YEP. WHEN DO YOU THINK YOU'LL...

SHORTCUT TO LUKE'S.

HOW IS SHE GOING TO
GET OVER POTTER'S CREEK?

JUMP IT?

GIVE HIM HIS ICE-CREAM TRUCK.

WHAT?

I FORGED A STREAM, AND I
ALMOST GOT ATTACKED BY A BEAVER

AND I'M NOT LEAVING
HERE TILL YOU AGREE.

TO WHAT? YOU DON'T
OWN THE STREET.

YOU OWN THE BUILDING.

IT'S A PUBLIC STREET.

JUST LET HIM PARK
HIS STUPID TRUCK.

I'M MISSING SOMETHING.

DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THE SUBJECT IS.

IF YOU LET TAYLOR PARK
HIS ICE-CREAM TRUCK,

NOT EVEN IN FRONT, BUT IN
FRONT OF PART OF THE DINER,

THEN I CAN START WORK ON
THE INN. BUT IF YOU DON'T SAY YES,

THEN YOU MAY NOT HAVE TO
SEE HIS TRUCK PARKED OUTSIDE,

BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO SEE MY
BODY SWINGING FROM THAT TREE

BECAUSE I WILL HANG MYSELF.

I AM WAITING FOR YOUR ANSWER.

SURE.

"SURE" WHAT?

HE CAN PARK IT
THERE. WHAT DO I CARE?

OH, DON'T KID AROUND.

YOUR LIFE'S AT STAKE. I
WOULDN'T KID AROUND. THAT EASY?

THAT EASY. WHY'D YOU SAY NO
WHEN TAYLOR ASKED YOU BEFORE?

HE NEVER ASKED ME BEFORE.

HE NEVER ASKED?

NOT ABOUT A TRUCK,

ABOUT A GIANT ICE-CREAM
CONE A FEW MONTHS BACK.

I SAID NO TO THAT.

PROBABLY WHY HE THOUGHT
I'D SAY NO TO THE TRUCK.

HE NEVER ASKED?

NO.

BUT YOU'RE FINE WITH THIS,
AND HE COULD HAVE ASKED?

IT'S A PUBLIC STREET.

AND YOU WOULD HAVE
SAID YES? I'D HAVE SAID YES.

AND I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS?

PROBABLY NOT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'VE LEARNED SOMETHING
VERY VALUABLE HERE TODAY.

COME ON IN. SIT DOWN THERE.

TAKE A LOAD OFF.

VERY VALUABLE.

GOOD.

I'VE HAD A BUSINESS EPIPHANY.

IT'S LIKE I'M BUD FOX, SAYING,

"THANKS FOR THE
LESSON, MR. GEKKO."

THIS WILL PASS, FOLKS.

THE LORELAI YOU KNEW IS DEAD.

REMEMBER HER?

EAGER TO PLEASE, FRESH OF FACE?

SHE THOUGHT THAT SUCCESS IN
BUSINESS MEANT WORKING HARD,

APPLYING YOURSELF, AND
RESPECTING YOUR COWORKERS.

AND SHE PREACHED THAT TO OTHERS.

OH, LITTLE CHILD!

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
GET SOME REST.

IT'S ABOUT SCRATCHING BACKS,
MY FRIEND, AND KISSING THINGS...

I WON'T BE GRAPHIC.

IT IS SUNDAY MORNING.

IT'S DIRTY. THAT'S
WHAT BUSINESS IS.

IT'S SMOKE-FILLED BACK
ROOMS WITH EXPOSED PIPES

AND SHADY PLAYERS
CHEWING ON FAT CIGARS

AND TWIRLING THEIR
DIRTY MUSTACHES.

AND WHEN YOU GO
INTO THOSE ROOMS,

YOU CAN'T BE A
MILQUETOAST MUPPET.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE POINTY
TEETH AND JAWS THAT SNAP.

THE MEEK SHALL NOT
INHERIT THE EARTH!

THANKS FOR THE PERSPECTIVE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY COFFEE?

I'M NOT GIVING YOU COFFEE.

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR COFFEE.

I GOT TO GO FIND TAYLOR
AND CLOSE THIS DEAL.

YOU THINK HE'S
BACK AT THE STORE?

OR HAVING HIS DIRTY
MUSTACHE CLEANED.

YOU'RE GOOD WITH THE TRUCK?

I'M GOOD WITH THE TRUCK.

BLESS YOU.

I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, FOLKS.

SO, YOU'RE UP.

YEAH.

I'M UP.

IT TOOK ME A MINUTE OR TWO TO
FIGURE OUT WHERE I AM, BUT, UH...

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE.

YEAH, IT'S NOT THAT I
REMEMBER. I JUST KIND OF

LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW,
AND THAT'S HOW I COULD TELL.

GOOD. SMART.

LITTLE CONCOCTION OF MINE.

IT'LL HELP WITH THE HANGOVER.

GUESS I HAD A BEER OR
TWO TOO MANY LAST NIGHT.

YEAH, IT HAPPENS.

HOPE THE GUYS DIDN'T
BUG YOU TOO MUCH.

NO, THEY WERE FINE.

GOOD.

SO, YOU'RE ALL DRESSED THERE?

YEAH, UH, YOU KNOW,
BIG DAY, GETTING MARRIED.

GETTIN' MARRIED.

UM, I'M DUE IN THE CHURCH
IN... IN ABOUT AN HOUR.

HEY, DEAN...

AND I STILL GOT
TO PICK UP MY TUX.

YEAH, RIGHT.

UM,

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, LUKE.

YEAH, SURE. GOOD LUCK.

SO, A TOTAL STRIKEOUT, HUH?

TOTAL. AND, YOU KNOW, AT
FIRST, I FELT BAD FOR THEM,

SO LACKING IN TALENT,
YET SO CLUELESS.

THEN I JUST FELT BAD
FOR THEIR GUITARS.

WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD
YOUNG MUSICIANS THESE DAYS?

MY EARS WANTED
TO FLY OFF MY HEAD.

I'M GOING TO THE MUSIC STORE TO
LOOK AT THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD. COMING?

I HAVE TO GO GET READY FOR THIS.

RIGHT. TELL ME HOW IT GOES.

I WILL. HEY, LUKE.

HEY. RORY, UM, WHERE'S YOUR MOM?

UH, AROUND SOMEWHERE. WHY?

I THOUGHT I'D FIND
HER AT DOOSE'S.

DID SHE GO BACK TO THE INN?

SHE WAS GOING BACK TO THE INN,

THEN SHE WAS BUYING A
WEDDING PRESENT FOR DEAN.

SHE HATES IT WHEN
PEOPLE SEND GIFTS LATER.

THEN, DEPENDING ON THE TIME,

I WAS EITHER GONNA MEET HER
BACK AT HOME OR AT THE CHURCH.

SHE HAVE HER CELL ON HER?

I THINK IT'S DEAD.
WHAT'S GOING ON?

OR A PAGER OR SOMETHING?

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

NO, I JUST NEED TO CHECK
SOMETHING WITH HER.

WE CAN STOP BY
AFTER THE WEDDING.

DON'T GO TO THE WEDDING. WHAT?

UH, DON'T GO TO DEAN'S WEDDING.

WHY?

I JUST... DON'T GO.

TRUST ME. OK.

IT'D JUST BE BETTER THIS WAY.

OK.

SO, YOU'RE NOT GOING?

I GUESS NOT.

OK, GOOD. GOOD, I'LL
SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

YEAH, LUKE, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

OK.

LORELAI, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

OH, SURE, KIRK.

WE'VE HAD A SUCCESSFUL
DISCONNECTION.

NO MORE ALARM?

NO MORE ALARM. FANTASTIC.

THE ROOFER WILL BE OUT TOMORROW.

THE REPAIR SHOULD TAKE A DAY.

I'M NOT GONNA INQUIRE
ABOUT THAT NOW.

IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.

I... I WANT TO APOLOGIZE
FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE.

IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.

I HAVE THIS STRONG
SENSE OF CHIVALRY

WHEN IT COMES TO
WOMEN LIVING ALONE.

THAT'S VERY NICE.

MY FAMILY TREE DATES BACK
TO A 12TH-CENTURY KNIGHT.

AS A KID I THOUGHT THAT MEANT
WE WERE RELATED TO TED KNIGHT.

I WROTE HIM A LOT OF
LETTERS. HE NEVER RESPONDED.

THAT'S CUTE, THOUGH.

I JUST WANT YOU TO FEEL SAFE.

YOU REALLY DO, DON'T YOU, KIRK?

SO, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
MY WATCHING OUT FOR YOU.

NOT AT ALL.

THANK YOU. I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

SEE YOU.

HEY.

OH, HEY, I THINK I FOUND THE
PERFECT WEDDING PRESENT FOR DEAN.

SWEET, NOT PERSONAL,
CLASSY, YET CHEAP.

WE'RE NOT GOING. WHAT?

LUKE WAS LOOKING FOR YOU AND
RAN INTO ME, AND HE WAS ALL NERVOUS

AND THEN HE FINALLY
JUST SAID WE SHOULDN'T GO.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS WE SHOULDN'T GO.

DID HE GIVE A
REASON? NOT REALLY.

I'LL GO TALK TO HIM.

NO, MOM, HE SEEMED
REALLY SERIOUS.

IF YOU SAW HIM, YOU'D
FEEL THE SAME WAY.

HE WAS KIND OF UPSET.
ABOUT DEAN'S WEDDING?

YEAH.

SO, WE'RE NOT GOING?

I THINK IT'S BETTER
THAT WE DON'T.

OK. MYSTERY, THOUGH.

KIND OF.

WELL, YOU'VE GOT YOUR
"NOTHING TO DO" WEEKEND BACK.

YEAH, GOT THAT BACK.

UM,

MOM, KIRK'S FOLLOWING
US IN A LITTLE CLOWNY CAR.

HE'S WATCHING OUT FOR US.

OK.

READY?

NO, NO, IT'S GOT TO LOOK LIKE WE'RE
ACTUALLY DEMOLISHING THE PORCH.

WE'RE GONNA DO PRETEND SWINGS.

WHICH WOULD'VE BEEN EASIER IF
WE HAD PRETEND SLEDGEHAMMERS.

WHY DO THEY MAKE THESE SO HEAVY?

EVEN WITHOUT THE SWING,
THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE

OF THE TWO OF YOU ABOUT TO
RECORD AN IMPORTANT MOMENT

FOR THE TWO OF YOU.

UH, MICHEL...

I WOULD LOVE A COPY
OF THIS FOR MY MANTEL.

SUCH A NICE MOMENT.

YOU HAVE TO BE IN THE
PICTURE, TOO, MICHEL.

ME? I DON'T KNOW. ALL RIGHT.

THAT THING HAVE A TIMER ON IT?

IT'S SET. I FRAMED THE SHOT.

GRAB YOUR HAMMER AND SMILE.

ONE MORE FOR SAFETY? OK.

WHAT?

JUST SOMETIMES, IT HITS ME.

THIS PLACE HAD A LONG
HISTORY BEFORE US,

HAS A LONG FUTURE AFTER US.

I KEEP THINKING IT'S
A PART OF OUR LIVES,

BUT, REALLY, IT'S THE REVERSE.

FOR A LITTLE
WHILE, I DON'T KNOW,

IT'S LIKE WE'RE A
PART OF ITS LIFE.

YEAH. HMM.