Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 4, Episode 18 - Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom! - full transcript
Richard and Jason invite Jason's father for dinner only to discover he wants to ruin their competing company. Rory tells Lane what she thinks of Dean's selfish wife, not knowing Lindsay can hear her. And after months of deception, Richard and Emily learn Jason and Lorelai have been dating.
ALL RIGHT, DAVEY, HERE
COMES THE AIRPLANE.
WHAT DID THEY SAY TO KIDS TO GET THEM TO
OPEN THEIR MOUTHS BEFORE THERE WERE PLANES?
"HERE COMES THE CHOO-CHOO"?
AND BEFORE TRAINS?
HERE COMES THE SPOON.
THAT'S SO ON THE NOSE.
ONE MORE BITE,
HONEY. COME ON, NOW.
HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE AGAIN.
IT'S FLYING THROUGH THE AIR.
IT'S BEGINNING ITS DESCENT.
IT'S COMMENCING ITS APPROACH.
IT'S LOWERING THE LANDING GEAR.
IT'S SIGNALED THE GROUND CREW.
THEY'RE FLIPPING
THEIR FLASHLIGHTS.
WILL YOU SHOVE THAT
IN THE KID'S MOUTH?
LOOK, IT'S BILBO BALONEYPUSS
JUST IN FROM THE SHIRE.
JUST HURRY UP AND ORDER.
WHAT'S THE RUSH?
I DON'T LIKE BABIES. HEY!
HUH, I SUDDENLY FELT
VIOLENTLY PROTECTIVE.
IT'S GONE.
IT'S THE NOISE THEY MAKE.
THIS BABY HAS NOT MADE A PEEP.
HE WILL AND AT THE
WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT.
LIKE WHEN YOU'RE DEFUSING
A BOMB OR SOMETHING?
THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD.
YOU'VE GOT 1 MINUTE TO
ORDER, THEN 6 MINUTES TO EAT.
COME ON DOWN TO LUKE'S, WHERE
THE MOTTO IS "EAT IT, THEN BEAT IT."
ONE MINUTE.
HELLO, ALL.
TAYLOR.
TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU.
TOP OF THE...
YEAH, ON... ON TOP
THERE, YOU GOT THE...
DEFINITELY IT'S A...
BEAUTIFUL TOP. IT'S...
TOP OF THE MORNING
RIGHT BACK AT YOU.
YOU WERE JUST ON A
CRUISE, WEREN'T YOU?
YES, AND IT WAS HEAVEN.
THE CARIBBEAN. EVER BEEN?
I'M SORRY. WHAT DID YOU SAY?
EVER BEEN TO THE CARIBBEAN?
GOD, I'M SORRY. I
MISSED IT AGAIN.
NEVER MIND.
UH, LUKE, I HAVE AN ISSUE I
NEED TO DISCUSS WITH YOU.
GOOD. SOMETHING TO
WRITE ABOUT IN MY DIARY.
THERE IS A DISTINCT ODOR
OUTSIDE OUR ESTABLISHMENTS.
I HAVE TO ASSUME IT'S
COMING FROM THE DINER.
THERE'S NO ODOR
COMING FROM HERE.
IT WASN'T THERE WHEN
I LEFT FOR MY TRIP.
WHERE ELSE COULD IT
BE FROM? I DON'T KNOW.
HAVE YOU CHECKED UNDERNEATH
THAT THING ON YOUR HEAD?
I'M COMBING IT DIFFERENTLY.
AND THE COMB DIDN'T
LOOSEN THE GLUE?
YOU KNOW, I SMELLED
SOMETHING, TOO,
BUT IT WAS ACROSS THE SQUARE.
ME, TOO, OVER BY THE HAIRSTAND.
UH, NEWSSTAND.
I SMELLED IT BY
GYPSY'S. HORRIBLE.
SO THE WHOLE TOWN SMELLS?
HOW CAN THAT BE POSSIBLE?
IT IS AN OLD TOWN, 200 YEARS.
SO IT'S DECAYING FROM AGE?
OR WE'VE GOT SKUNKS AGAIN.
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, TAYLOR.
10 YEARS AGO WE GOT INFESTED.
THEY CRAWLED UNDER
HOUSES, MET THEIR FATE.
THE TOWN SMELLED FOR WEEKS.
THAT MUST BE IT, TAYLOR.
GOOD WORK. GOOD WORK!
THANK YOU, KIRK.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
MOBILIZE THE COMMUNITY.
WE'VE GOT THE FLOWER
SHOW COMING UP.
WE HAVE TO DEAL
WITH THIS QUICKLY.
LET ME GO DOOR-TO-DOOR
AND MAKE SURE EVERY TOWNSMAN
LOOKS UNDER HIS HOUSE, TAYLOR.
I'LL EVEN KNOCK SOME HEADS
TOGETHER, GET MEDIEVAL ON THEIR ASS.
THAT'S A NICE OFFER, KIRK
BUT THE BLOCK CAPTAINS
WILL SEE IT GETS DONE.
I BETTER START MAKING MY CALLS.
YOUR MINUTE'S UP. ORDER.
OOH, WE'RE NOT READY.
THEN IT'S COMING OUT
OF YOUR EATING TIME.
GET VIOLENTLY PROTECTIVE,
SO LUKE WILL BACK OFF.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
SUMMON IT LIKE THAT.
TRY.
LUKE.
IN 5 MINUTES, YOU'RE ALL GONE.
I LET YOU DOWN.
THE "ARGH" WAS GOOD, AND
THEN YOU KIND OF PETERED OUT.
I NEED TO PRACTICE MORE.
YOU'LL GET IT THERE.
READ, READ.
♪
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
TRY IT AGAINST THAT WALL THERE.
WE'VE ALREADY TRIED IT THERE.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
NO PROBLEM FOR YOU,
BUT THIS IS GIVING
ME CUTICLE DAMAGE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG
CUTICLE DAMAGE TAKES TO HEAL?
THANK GOD, NO.
NO, IT DOESN'T
WORK THERE, EITHER.
WHAT AN ENORMOUS SHOCK.
ANYWHERE ELSE
YOU WANT TO TRY IT?
MAYBE AT THE LINCOLN
MEMORIAL ON HIS GIANT LAP?
HOW ABOUT OVER THERE?
YEAH, THERE.
I'M SENDING YOU
MY MANICURE BILL.
YES, MINE, TOO.
DON'T BE SNOTTY.
SEEMS A LITTLE OUT OF PLACE
NO MATTER WHERE YOU PUT IT.
YEAH, UNFORTUNATELY.
IF YOU'D ORDERED THROUGH ME, I WOULD'VE
GUARANTEED IT. YOU DIDN'T ORDER IT FROM ME.
WE ORDERED IT BEFORE WE
HIRED YOU. WE SHOULD'VE WAITED.
IT'S ALWAYS BEST TO DO IT
THROUGH YOUR CONTRACTOR.
I DON'T THINK IT FITS HERE.
OH, MY GOD, I'M
GETTING A BLISTER.
HOW ABOUT BY THE FRONT
DESK? WE COULD GIVE IT A SHOT.
THAT'S IT. I'M JUMPING
OFF THE AMISTAD.
IT'S HEAVY, MY BACK HURTS,
I'M NOT MOVING IT AGAIN.
NO PROBLEM.
I CAN DO IT.
IT'S NOT ME. IT REALLY IS HEAVY.
YOU MEAN HERE?
THEY ALREADY TRIED IT THERE.
I THINK IT'S A LOST CAUSE.
WE'VE GOT THE DENNIS
KUCINICH OF BOOKCASES.
I WISH YOU'D GONE THROUGH ME.
I COULD JUST GIVE IT TO RORY.
SHE COULD USE IT AT YALE.
HI, EVERYBODY. HI.
HI, MICHEL.
HI, LINDSAY.
ARE YOU OK? YOU'RE
STANDING KIND OF FUNNY.
IT'S NOTHING FUNNY.
IT IS HOW YOU STAND
IN THESE PANTS.
KEYS, PLEASE.
YOU GOT IT.
ANNETTE AND FRANKIE
REALLY FOUND EACH OTHER.
THEY FLOAT TOGETHER. YOU
KNOW? THEY JUST SORT OF FLOAT.
IT'S OFF-THE-CHARTS ADORABLE.
YEP. THE DEANS OF THE WORLD
ALWAYS GET THE LINDSAYS.
THE PRETTY LITTLE THINGS
JUST LIKE THE BOOKCASE LIFTERS.
THAT'S A CATEGORY, JOCKS,
NERDS, BOOKCASE LIFTERS?
I WAS BORN WITH THIS BAD BACK.
IT WAS HERETICAL. CONGENITAL.
WELL, I HATE THAT BOOKCASE.
I WISH YOU HAD NEVER ORDERED IT.
I WISH YOU HAD
NEVER THOUGHT OF IT.
I CAN'T EVEN BE IN THE
SAME ROOM WITH IT,
MOCKING ME FOR HOW ALONE I AM.
IT'S MOCKING YOU?
IT'S 3 PIECES OF WOOD.
WELL, I HATE IT! HATE
IT, HATE IT, HATE IT!
IF YOU'D ORDERED IT THROUGH ME,
HE WOULDN'T BE EXPERIENCING
THIS PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA.
I MEAN,
THEY WERE EXTREMELY
COMMON UNTIL JUST RECENTLY.
HISTORICALLY RECENTLY.
NOT RECENTLY LIKE "METROSEXUAL
IS A WORD NOW" RECENTLY,
BUT RECENTLY.
ARE WE STILL
TALKING ABOUT ANVILS?
YES, WHERE DID
ALL THE ANVILS GO?
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THOSE
BIG, HEAVY, METAL THINGS?
THAT BLACKSMITHS HAMMERED
HORSESHOES AND STUFF ON.
EVERYONE HAD THEM.
THEY WERE FEATURED PROMINENTLY
IN EVERY MOVIE WESTERN,
SO WHERE DID THEY ALL GO?
I DON'T KNOW THAT THEY
WERE THAT COMMON.
WILE E. COYOTE USED THEM.
THAT'S HOW COMMON THEY WERE.
WHO? THE CARTOON.
HE WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO DROP
AN ANVIL ON THE ROAD RUNNER'S HEAD
OR SHOOT IT AT HIM OUT
OF A GIANT SLINGSHOT
OR FIRE IT AT HIM
OUT OF A CANNON.
INEVITABLY, THE CANNON
TILTED UP, SHOT IT IN THE AIR,
IT FELL DOWN,
AND MADE AN ANVIL-SHAPED
IMPRESSION ON WILE E. COYOTE'S HEAD.
THIS IS A CARTOON?
NO, NO, THIS HAPPENED
TO ME THE OTHER DAY.
I WAS WALKING DOWN THE
STREET, AND THIS GIANT ANVIL...
YES, IT'S A CARTOON.
I KNOW SHE SOUNDS NUTS, BUT
IT'S A VERY COMMON CARTOON.
BUT THAT DOESN'T PROVE
THAT ANVILS WERE SO COMMON.
IT DOES. IT PROVES THAT ANVILS
WERE SO UBIQUITOUS
AT ONE POINT...
WAS THAT THE WORD?
DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
THAT THEY KNEW THAT
CHILDREN WOULD KNOW
WHAT THEY WERE
AND DELIGHT IN THEM.
THAT'S HOW COMMON THEY WERE,
CHILDREN WATCHING CARTOONS.
THAT WAS THE WORD.
I'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR POINT.
WHERE ARE ALL THE ANVILS?
IS THERE SOME SORT OF
SECRET ANVIL STORAGE FACILITY
THE GOVERNMENT
IS KEEPING FROM US?
OR THEY FELL INTO DISUSE
WITH THE ADVENT OF
OTHER TECHNOLOGIES,
AND SO THEY MELTED THEM
DOWN AND THEY'RE GONE.
BUT THEY'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO MELT.
THEY WERE MADE TO WITHSTAND
THE RED-HOT HAMMER
OF THE TOWN BLACKSMITH.
THIS IS EASILY THE MOST POINTLESS
CONVERSATION WE'VE EVER HAD.
I DON'T HEAR ANYONE CHIMING
IN WITH RATIONAL THEORIES.
PLEASE CHANGE THE
SUBJECT, I BEG OF YOU. ANYONE?
WELL, THE GIRLS DON'T KNOW
THE BIG NEWS ABOUT JASON AND ME.
YOU'RE PREGNANT?
WE'RE ACQUIRING ANOTHER COMPANY.
I WAS CLOSE.
ALREADY? YOU JUST STARTED YOURS.
THE INSURANCE BUSINESS
IS CHANGING SO RAPIDLY,
YOU HAVE TO ADAPT TO KEEP UP.
IT'S A DOG-EAT-DOG
WORLD, GRANDPA.
DON'T GET THE WRONG
IDEA. IT'S NOT A BIG COMPANY.
IT'S SMALLER THAN OURS,
BUT VERY POWERFUL.
WAIT, THE COMPANY IS
SMALLER THAN YOURS?
YOUR COMPANY IS 2
GUYS, YOU AND JASON.
THIS COMPANY IS A ONE-MAN
OPERATION, BOB SUTTON.
SO, YOU'RE ACQUIRING BOB?
WE'RE ACQUIRING HIS COMPANY,
AND HIS COMPANY IS HIM.
DID HE HAVE TO GIVE
HIMSELF 2 WEEKS' NOTICE?
NO.
IS THERE GONNA BE A SAD
LITTLE GOING-AWAY PARTY
WHERE HE BRINGS IN HIS OWN
CAKE AND BLOWS OUT HIS CANDLES?
WE ARE ALL CELEBRATING
WITH A DINNER TOMORROW,
US AND THE WIVES. UGH.
YOU'RE NOT BIG ON THE BOB?
BOB'S FINE. WE'VE
KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS.
IT'S THAT DOLT HE'S MARRIED TO.
CLASSIC TROPHY WIFE.
SHE IS QUITE YOUNG. HOW YOUNG?
HER CAR LOOKS
JUST LIKE BARBIE'S.
REGARDLESS, I HOPE YOU
WILL BE KIND TO HER AT DINNER.
I'LL HAVE TO BRING MY
ENGLISH-TO-DUMBBELL DICTIONARY.
FOCUS ON BOB. BOB'S
AS SHARP AS THEY COME.
HE'S VERY BRILLIANT,
I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.
BOB'S BRILLIANT, HUH?
HE'S A RHODES SCHOLAR.
ASK HIM WHERE THE ANVILS WENT.
OR NOT.
AND 47 CENTS COMES TO $5.
THANK YOU, MRS. CASSINI.
THANK YOU. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS ABOUT YOU, TAYLOR,
BUT YOU LOOK SO HEALTHY,
SO INVIGORATED, SO YOUTHFUL.
THANK YOU, MRS. CASSINI.
MUST BE THE VACATION.
OR THE FAKE HAIR.
♪
COME AGAIN, MRS. CASSINI.
TRACY, CHANGE OUT
THE, UH, SCOOP WATER.
IT'S AN UNSIGHTLY COLOR.
AND TELL FRANKLIN
WHEN HE GETS HERE...
TELL HIM THAT HE KEEPS
FORGETTING TO PUNCH OUT WHEN...
KIRK, SOMETHING WRONG?
WELL, I...
DON'T TOUCH THE CANDY.
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T WANT TO
TOUCH THE CANDY. IT'S JUST...
KIRK, I JUST HAD A SPAT WITH
MY SOURBALL DISTRIBUTOR
AND I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.
NOW, WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?
IT'S EGGS. WHAT? WHAT'S EGGS?
IN THE SQUARE, THE SMELL.
IT'S NOT SKUNKS, IT'S EGGS.
EASTER EGGS FROM
THE EASTER EGG HUNT.
BUT EASTER WAS OVER A WEEK AGO.
AND I DID IT JUST
LIKE YOU TOLD ME.
I PERSONALLY HID 300 EGGS
AROUND THE TOWN SQUARE
AND THE KIDS HAD A
BLAST HUNTING THEM DOWN.
EXCEPT THE BANYAN
BOYS, THEY'RE BAD SEEDS.
GOING TO HELL, BOTH OF THEM.
BUT THE KIDS ONLY
FOUND 241 OF THEM.
ARE YOU TELLING
ME THAT THERE ARE
59 ROTTING EGGS
HIDDEN IN THE SQUARE?
I THOUGHT THEY WOULD
NATURALLY DECOMPOSE
AND JUST DISAPPEAR.
EGGS SMELL WHEN THEY DECOMPOSE.
I JUST FOUND THAT OUT.
I FIND YOUR HAIR
VERY BELIEVABLE.
NICE SHOT. BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'RE BEING
EXTREMELY CHARITABLE.
OH, RICHARD, IF I GET
THAT FAR IN 4 SHOTS,
IT WOULD BE A MIRACLE ON THE
ORDER OF LOAVES AND FISHES.
YEAH, AND I'M IN THE SAND.
I DON'T THINK ANY OF US ARE GONNA
MAKE TIGER SHAKE IN HIS SPIKES.
I'D GO WITH A DRIVER OR 3-WOOD.
WHATEVER IS GONNA MAKE
ME LOOK LESS LIKE DORF.
YOU KNOW, MY WIFE'S VERY
EXCITED ABOUT THE MERGER, RICHARD.
VERY EXCITED.
DO GIVE TRISH OUR BEST.
EMILY AND I WERE JUST
TALKING ABOUT HER.
TERRIFIC GIRL. AH.
AT LEAST HE HELD
ONTO THE CLUB THIS TIME.
NOW, IT'S HARD TO KNOW
WHETHER HE SHOULD
YELL "FORE" OR "DUCK."
WHY CAN'T BUSINESSMEN
DO DEALS OVER AIR HOCKEY?
I AM GREAT AT AIR HOCKEY.
OH, LOOKY HERE.
MMM? YOUR FATHER?
ONE OF THE MANY HAZARDS
ON THIS GOLF COURSE.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
GROUNDSKEEPER MUST BE
UNHAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE TODAY.
AHA, DIVOTS, I DO PRODUCE
A LOT OF DIVOTS. GOOD ONE.
RICHARD, NICE TO SEE YOU.
SAME HERE, FLOYD.
AND, BOB, DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE A DUFFER.
MORE LIKE SPOILING A GOOD WALK.
YOU WANT TO PLAY THROUGH, FLOYD?
ACTUALLY, I WAS HEADING
BACK TO THE CLUBHOUSE
AND YOU CAUGHT MY EYE.
HOW'S EMILY?
SHE'S FINE.
GOOD HEALTH?
OH, YEAH, VERY GOOD. AND CAROL?
FINE. FINE.
YOU KNOW, SHE
REALLY MISSES EMILY.
MISSES HER COMPANY.
AND VICE VERSA, I'M SURE.
YOU COULDN'T DRAG THOSE
2 APART AT A FUNCTION.
THEY WERE LIKE CONJOINED TWINS.
I KNOW SHE'D LOVE
TO SEE EMILY AGAIN.
I'M SURE THE FEELING IS MUTUAL.
WELL, THEN, PERHAPS WE
SHOULD GET THOSE 2 TOGETHER.
WELL, WE COULD ARRANGE THAT.
I CAN TELL CAROL
TO GIVE HER A CALL?
ANY TIME.
YOU KNOW, IF IT'S A MEAL,
WE MEN COULD TAG ALONG,
IF THEY'D LET US.
THAT'S A BIG "IF," BUT
THAT COULD HAPPEN.
MAYBE JASON COULD
TAG ALONG, TOO.
THAT WOULD BE A
NICE LITTLE GATHERING.
I'M OUT OF TOWN NEXT
WEEK, BUT THIS FRIDAY'S FREE.
FRIDAY WOULD BE PERFECT.
I HOPE IT HAPPENS.
I HOPE SO, TOO.
GLAD TO RUN INTO
YOU. SAME HERE, FLOYD.
BOB, JASON.
HE WANTS TO HAVE DINNER.
WAS IT CAROL'S IDEA OR FLOYD'S?
IT'S HARD TO SAY.
THIS IS VERY GOOD, RICHARD.
IT WAS PUBLIC. THE
WHOLE CLUB SAW.
BUT DID HE SAY THAT CAROL HAD
WANTED IT OR THAT HE HAD WANTED IT?
WHAT DID YOU HEAR? I
WAS OUT OF EARSHOT.
RAPPROCHEMENT WITH FLOYD STILES.
NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS.
AND IT CAME FROM HIM.
WHO SAW THIS COMING?
DID HE BRING UP CAROL BEFORE OR
AFTER HE BROUGHT UP THE DINNER?
I DIDN'T HAVE A TAPE
RECORDER, EMILY.
I'LL OFFER TO HOST IT HERE.
I'VE GOT THE PERFECT
MENU. FRIDAY, RIGHT?
SO IT'S LORELAI AND RORY, TOO.
FRIDAY WAS HIS SUGGESTION. I
WASN'T IN A POSITION TO COUNTER.
NO, OF COURSE NOT. THAT'S FINE.
HE SAW US WITH BOB, TOO.
STILL HE MADE THE OFFER.
ACQUIRING BOB WAS A GREAT IDEA.
THERE'LL BE 7 OF US. THAT'S AN
UNBALANCED TABLE, BUT THAT'S OK.
OH, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
FLOYD WANTS PEACE.
SO IT SEEMS.
DEAN. SURPRISE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UM, I COME BEARING GIFTS.
A BOOKCASE?
YEAH, THE ONE FROM THE INN.
DO YOU SEE WHAT'S
GOING ON OUT THERE?
ALMOST THERE.
THANKS FOR THE HELP.
SHOULD I GIVE HIM A HAND?
IF HE DOESN'T WORK FOR HIS
INEBRIATION, HE WON'T APPRECIATE IT.
THERE'S A PARTY FRIDAY
NIGHT. IT MUST BE FOR THAT.
YEAH? YOU GOING?
I HAVE 2 PAPERS DUE, SO I'LL BE IN
STARS HOLLOW AVOIDING THE FRAY.
I'LL JUST HAVE A BREWSKI THERE.
SO, UH, WHICH WAY'S YOUR ROOM?
THAT WAY.
SO, WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
WELL, YOUR MOM HAD IT
MADE FOR THE DRAGONFLY
BUT IT DIDN'T FIT,
SO SHE THOUGHT YOU
COULD USE IT HERE.
SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU?
NOPE.
SMALL. YES.
THERE'S NO PLACE TO PUT THIS.
YES, AGAIN.
WHAT WAS YOUR MOM THINKING?
THAT I HAVE BOOKS,
AND THAT'S PROBABLY
THE EXTENT OF IT.
RIGHT. SO, I GUESS
I'LL TAKE IT BACK.
I'M SORRY YOU HAD
TO MAKE THE TRIP.
NO, IT'S OK. IT'S, UH...
IT'S KIND OF NICE
SEEING WHERE YOU LIVE.
SO, ARE YOU ON YOUR
WAY BACK TO SCHOOL?
OH, NO, I'M... I'M JUST
OFF FROM WORK, UM.
I'M ACTUALLY GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE BREAK FROM THAT.
FROM WHAT, SCHOOL?
YEAH, JUST FOR A
SEMESTER OR 2, YOU KNOW.
A SEMESTER OR 2?
BUT I THOUGHT IT
WAS GOING SO WELL.
IT WAS. IT'S JUST THAT
LINDSAY AND I REALLY NEED
SOME EXTRA MONEY RIGHT NOW
AND THIS JOB WITH
TOM HAS BEEN PERFECT.
EXTRA MONEY FOR WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
FOR LIFE, THINGS.
WHAT KIND OF THINGS?
WELL, UM, LINDSAY'S
GOT HER HEART SET
ON HAVING A TOWNHOUSE
BY THE END OF THE YEAR.
WE'RE CRAMPED WHERE WE
ARE, SO I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YOU DO? YEAH.
I DON'T. WHAT?
I THINK IT'S A HORRIBLE IDEA.
IT-IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
MAYBE. RORY...
A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO DROP OUT
SAY THAT IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
IT USUALLY DOESN'T
WORK OUT THAT WAY.
I'M GONNA GO BACK. I HOPE SO.
HAVE SOME FAITH, WILL YOU?
I JUST THINK THIS IS A MISTAKE.
RORY, I'M MARRIED, REMEMBER?
I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES.
YOU'LL LOSE YOUR MOMENTUM.
I NEED THE MONEY.
CAN'T THE TOWNHOUSE WAIT?
JEEZ, LIGHTEN UP.
I JUST THINK THIS IS
A REALLY BAD IDEA.
GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE DOESN'T
GUARANTEE YOU A JOB ANYMORE.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS
WITH OUR PARENTS.
SO YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK?
YOU'RE TWISTING MY WORDS.
AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA
WORK IN CONSTRUCTION?
WHAT? ARE YOU GONNA
GET ALL ELITIST ON ME NOW?
WE'RE FRIENDS, SO I GET
TO TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.
FINE. YOU SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL.
GREAT. NOW YOU'VE
TOLD ME 3 TIMES.
I GET IT.
YOU DON'T NEED TO
TELL ME AGAIN, OK?
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THIS NOW?
YES. NO.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I'LL TAKE IT NOW.
FINE.
ATTENTION, PLEASE.
EVERYBODY, IF I MAY.
LET'S HAVE SOME
ATTENTION, PEOPLE!
WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.
THERE ARE 59 ROTTING EASTER EGGS
HIDDEN THROUGHOUT THE SQUARE
AND WE'VE GOT TO FIND THEM.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL THINKING.
WHAT ABOUT THE MAP?
THE CAREFUL, DETAILED MAP
OF WHERE THE EGGS ARE HIDDEN
MADE EACH YEAR TO AVOID
CATASTROPHES SUCH AS THIS?
WELL, A MAP WAS
NOT MADE THIS YEAR,
GOOD TOWNSFOLK.
ONE WAS NOT MADE.
NOW, THIS WORK IS GOING
TO BE EXHAUSTING AND,
YES, DISGUSTING
BUT AS MY WAY OF THANKING YOU,
HELP YOURSELF TO
LUNCH AT DOOSE'S MARKET
WHERE EVERYTHING IN OUR
PREPARED-FOODS SECTION
WILL BE DISCOUNTED 5%,
20% FOR OUR DAY-OLD SUSHI.
NOW, WITH THE FLOWER
SHOW DUE IN 3 DAYS,
WE HAVE A CLOCK ON THIS, PEOPLE,
BUT WHEN I LOOK OUT
AT THIS FINE GROUP
OF VOLUNTEERS,
MY HEART RACES WITH PRIDE.
I SEE AMERICA
AND I AM PROUD.
NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
WHAT'S WITH THE TOUPEE?
IT'S NOT A TOUPEE.
AND I'M BLOND AND LEGGY.
ARE THERE ANY LEGITIMATE
QUESTIONS FROM ANYONE?
YES, JOE?
I'M JEWISH.
WELL, THAT'S SWELL.
IS IT OK FOR A JEW TO
HUNT EASTER EGGS?
THAT'S BETWEEN
YOU AND YOUR RABBI.
UH, JACKSON, A QUESTION?
TOUPEE GUY SAYS WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?
JACKSON SAID, "TOUPEE
GUY SAYS WHAT?"
INSPIRING YOUR UNDERSTANDABLE
RESPONSE OF, "WHAT?",
THUS SOLICITING THEIR
CHILDISH LAUGHTER.
IT'S INFANTILE AND A TOTAL CLAM.
PLEASE REPORT EVERY
FOUND EGG TO ME,
AND I WILL KEEP
THE RUNNING TOTAL.
NOW, GOOD LUCK, AND
LET THE HUNT BEGIN.
WE WON'T LET YOU DOWN, TAYLOR
BECAUSE NOT ONLY ARE WE GONNA
FIND 20 EGGS WITHIN THE HOUR,
BUT WE'RE GOING ON
TO FIND 25 AND THEN 30,
AND THEN 35 AND THEN 40,
AND THEN 45 AND THEN 50,
UNTIL WE FIND ALL 59 AND
TAKE BACK THE SQUARE!
HURT YOUR THROAT?
VERY BADLY.
FOUND ONE.
58 TO GO.
GOOD JOB, JOE.
OK, DINNER IS READY
WHEN THE COW MOOS.
MMM.
OK.
HOW ABOUT HERE?
NOT THERE.
WHY NOT? IT'S DARK.
YEAH, THAT'S THE POINT.
IT'S A DARK CORNER.
THE PLANT LIVENS IT UP.
PLANTS NEED LIGHT. THEY DO?
IT'S THE "PHOTO" PART
OF PHOTOSYNTHESIZE.
OH, DON'T SOME PLANTS
JUST SYNTHESIZE?
THEY REALLY NEED THE PHOTO PART.
NONE OF THE PLANTS I
EVER HAD NEEDED LIGHT.
ANY OF THEM LIVE?
NO. OH, INSIGHT.
POOR THING DOESN'T
STAND A CHANCE.
HEY, SO, YOU READY FOR FRIDAY?
UH, DINNER WITH MY PARENTS?
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
THEM IN A WHILE.
I'VE SEEN MOM OCCASIONALLY.
BUT FLOYD AND I REALLY HAVEN'T
SPOKEN SINCE THE GREAT SCHISM
NOT THAT HARRY CHAPIN ISN'T
DYING TO RISE FROM THE GRAVE
AND WRITE A SONG ABOUT US.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.
YEAH, I GET THAT.
MMM, AND HE'S GONNA
CALL ME DIGGER.
OH, HE LOVES CALLING ME DIGGER.
AND HE HAS HATED EVERY
GIRL I HAVE EVER DATED.
UM, REALLY?
YEAH, MOM, TOO.
IT'S SOME SORT OF
REVERSE OEDIPAL THING.
AND NOT JUST THE ONES I PICK.
THEY SET ME UP WITH
A GIRL THEY LOVED.
AS SOON AS THEY
FOUND OUT I LIKED HER,
THEY TURNED ON HER VICIOUSLY.
SHE MOVED TO ALASKA.
WHY ARE YOU TELLING
ME THIS? JUST A HEADS-UP.
ALL IT'S GONNA DO IS MAKE
ME NERVOUS, AND IT HAS.
BUT THEY DON'T KNOW
I'M GOING OUT WITH YOU.
WELL, THEY'LL FIND
OUT EVENTUALLY.
IMPRESS THEM NOW
WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW.
PREEMPT THEIR GATHERING HATRED.
UNLESS THEY END UP
HATING ME RETROACTIVELY.
OH, I HAVE SEEN THAT, TOO.
TONY ROBBINS HAS NOTHING ON YOU.
SORRY.
OH, HOW ABOUT
HERE? ON THE CHAIR?
YEAH, IT'S NOT A VERY
COMFORTABLE CHAIR.
HOW ABOUT I JUST
GET A NEW CHAIR?
THAT'LL WORK.
IN A WARPED WAY, YOU BEING
NERVOUS HAS MADE ME LESS NERVOUS.
SO THERE'S A BRIGHT SIDE.
NOT THAT THAT WAS MY
INTENT. GOOD TO KNOW.
DINNER.
THERE WAS A
DEATH-TO-DISCO MOVEMENT
IN THE LATE '70S, VERY INTENSE.
WE HAD DONNA SUMMER ON THE RUN.
"WE"? YOU WEREN'T BORN YET.
I'M A KINDRED SPIRIT. GOTCHA.
SO WHERE'S THE PASSION
NOW, HUH? WHERE IS IT?
THERE'S NO DISCO
TO KILL ANYMORE.
THEY WIPED IT OUT.
BUT THERE ARE OTHER
THINGS THAT NEED WIPING OUT.
PHONY RAPPERS, MOST TECHNO,
ALT COUNTRY, CHRISTIAN ROCK,
ANYTHING FUSION,
CLASSIC ALTERNATIVE RADIO
WHERE ALL THEY DO IS PLAY THE SAME
NIRVANA SONG OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THE RUBENS, THE
CLAYS, THE CLARKSONS.
IT'S GONNA BE A BLOODBATH.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
YOU SMELL THAT SMELL?
YEAH.
TAYLOR LEFT KIRK IN CHARGE
OF THE EASTER EGG HUNT
AND THEY DIDN'T
EXACTLY FIND THEM ALL.
THEY LOSE THE EGG MAP?
THEY DIDN'T MAKE AN EGG MAP.
THEY DIDN'T MAKE AN EGG MAP?
I WAS JUST AS SHOCKED.
THEY ALWAYS MAKE AN EGG MAP.
LET'S HAVE THE
HOURLY REPORT, JOE.
WELL, YOU KNOW... WE
FOUND 3 MORE, TAYLOR.
I SAID, "JOE."
WE FOUND 3 MORE, TAYLOR.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
THAT IS NOT GOOD.
MORE THAN HALF ARE STILL MISSING
AND EVERY MINUTE, WE HAVE
PEOPLE DESERTING THE CAUSE.
WHAT'S THIS?
THERE'S A COUPLE IN THE TREE.
YOU HID THEM IN A TREE?
OH, RIGHT.
THEY'RE COMPLETELY OUT
OF REACH OF THE CHILDREN.
THE OTHERS I HID FOR THE
DELIGHT OF THE CHILDREN.
THESE I HID FOR ME.
GET THEM DOWN. THIS IS NOT GOOD.
WE ARE LOSING MEN,
AND WE ARE LOSING...
HAIR.
TIME.
JINX. JINX. JINX.
JINX. JINX. JINX.
OH, I MISS THE CARIBBEAN.
SO, WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?
WELL, WE STILL HAVE NO FRIDGE,
NO STOVE, AND NO MICROWAVE,
SO NOTHING PERISHABLE, NOTHING
THAT REQUIRES BOILING WATER
AND NOTHING THAT
NEEDS TO BE COOKED.
I'M GUESSING THE
DAY-OLD SUSHI IS OUT.
IT WAS NEVER IN.
BEEF JERKY? DEFINITELY.
AND PROTEIN BARS.
I'M SORRY. WHEN DID
I WIN THE LOTTERY?
PROTEIN BARS ARE A LUXURY?
WHEN YOU LIVE WITH GUYS
THAT EAT 10 OF EVERYTHING
WHEN 1 IS THE CORRECT PORTION.
GOTTA KEEP THAT
PROPORTION COST LOW.
PRETZELS. PERFECT.
AND, OF COURSE, THE
PERENNIAL POP-TART.
LOAD UP ON THOSE.
DID I TELL YOU THAT
DEAN STOPPED BY?
WHERE, YALE?
HE WAS DELIVERING A
BOOKCASE FOR MY MOM.
HEY, YOU WANT A
BOOKCASE? IT'S FREE.
I'LL TAKE IT.
SO, HOW'S OLD DEANIE-BOY DOING?
HE DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE.
WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING.
SAYS HE NEEDS MONEY.
HOW ABOUT MARSHMALLOWS?
SURE, THROW IN A PARK AVENUE
MANSION WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
ANOTHER LUXURY. GOT IT.
SO, HE'S JUST WORKING FULL-TIME?
IT'S SUCH A WASTE.
DEAN IS SO SMART.
HE CAN DO SO MUCH MORE.
HEY, MELBA TOAST.
CHEAP, TASTELESS, AND FILLING.
I'LL GRAB A BUNCH.
I'LL GET ONE BAG
OF MARSHMALLOWS,
SO THE BOYS CAN HAVE
A TREAT AFTERWARDS.
I'M MAD AT DEAN ABOUT THIS,
BUT I'M MORE MAD AT LINDSAY.
SHE'S SO SELFISH. WOMEN.
SHE'S HIS WIFE. SHE
SHOULD BE ENCOURAGING HIM
TO GO TO SCHOOL AND
THINK ABOUT HIS FUTURE.
BUT, NO, SHE NEEDS A
TOWNHOUSE AND A ROLLS-ROYCE.
THEY'RE BUYING A ROLLS-ROYCE?
NO, BUT THEY ARE THE TOWNHOUSE
AND HE DIDN'T EVEN SEEM THAT
EXCITED ABOUT IT. IT'S JUST LINDSAY.
I MEAN, WHY DOESN'T
SHE GET A JOB.
WHAT DOES SHE DO ALL DAY?
SO, YOU THINK... YOU
THINK SHE HEARD?
KIRK? THAT'S ME.
YOU WANT SOMETHING? WHY?
WELL, YOU USUALLY GET SOMETHING
HERE. YOU'RE IN THE DINER.
OH, YES.
KIRK? THAT'S ME.
YOU WANT SOME
COFFEE? YES, PLEASE.
YOUR EYES ARE SPINNING
IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.
I'VE BEEN UP FOR ONE
AND A HALF DAYS STRAIGHT.
I HAVEN'T DONE THAT SINCE THE
PETTICOAT JUNCTION MARATHON IN '97.
RIGHT. CAUGHT A LITTLE
BIT OF THAT MYSELF.
LUKE, TURKEY SANDWICH
ON RYE, PLEASE.
AND LETTUCE, TOMATO, CUCUMBER.
COMING RIGHT UP.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT, TAYLOR.
WE'RE GONNA FIND
THOSE LAST 12 EGGS.
COLESLAW, TOO.
EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM.
AND A PICKLE. MAKE IT 2.
JOE AND I CAN DIVIDE
THE SQUARE IN 2
AND SWEEP IT CLEAN
TILL THE JOB'S DONE.
I'M GOING TO PAY NOW AND, UH,
WAIT OUTSIDE, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
I GUESS NOT.
I'LL TAKE THE EAST SIDE,
HE'LL TAKE THE WEST.
THAT WAY WE CAN...
THAT'S ENOUGH, KIRK.
HEY, WATCH IT.
YOU'RE NOT SATISFIED
THAT I'M SUFFERING
FOR WHAT YOU'VE
DONE TO THIS TOWN.
YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE TO
PERSONALLY TORTURE ME?
WE'LL FIND THE 12.
WE WON'T FIND THE 12.
YOU HAVE BROUGHT
DISASTER DOWN UPON US.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
NO.
I LEFT YOU IN CHARGE BECAUSE
I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU.
BUT YOU LET ME DOWN.
NOW, I HAVE TO CANCEL
THE FLOWER SHOW.
NO.
I'M MAKING THE CALL TOMORROW.
THE FLOWER SHOW IS HISTORY.
BUT WE'RE ONLY MISSING 12.
WE HAVE TO FIND EVERY LAST EGG.
WELL, THEN, JOE AND I...
JOE JUST LEFT FOR CABALA CLASS.
I HAVE NO MEN LEFT.
YOU HAVE ME LEFT.
I HAVE NO MEN LEFT.
I'VE LOST MY APPETITE.
HI, GUYS. WOW, LOVE THE HEATERS.
IT'S NOT TOO COLD, IS IT? WE
THOUGHT WE'D START THE EVENING HERE.
IT'S NICE.
NO, NO, I'M NOT SEEING THE
OLIVES THAT FLOYD LIKES.
THEY'RE IN THE
BACK ON THE RIGHT.
IS THIS CART IN THE BEST PLACE?
MOVE IT BACK?
MOVE IT BACK.
THEY KEEP MOVING
EVERYTHING BACK AND FORTH.
THE CART, THE HEATER, ME.
I USED TO BE OVER THERE.
THEY'RE PERFECTIONISTS.
IT'S LIKE WATCHING AN ANT FARM.
OH, I SHOULD GO GRAB
THAT GIN THAT FLOYD LIKES.
I'VE GOT SOME IN THE FREEZER.
MAYBE IT WAS BETTER
IN THE OTHER SPOT.
PATIO LOOKS GREAT, MOM, REALLY.
I GUESS.
WHERE'S THAT AWFUL
LIGHT COMING FROM?
I THINK IT'S THE MOON.
YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF
HAVING THE MOON MOVED, MOM?
I SUPPOSE IT WILL MOVE
ON ITS OWN AT SOME POINT.
YOU LOOK NICE. THANK YOU.
WHY DO YOU LOOK SO NICE?
I KNEW THIS WAS AN IMPORTANT
NIGHT FOR YOU GUYS. I THOUGHT I WOULD
DRESS UP A LITTLE.
THEY'RE HERE.
RICHARD, THEY'RE HERE.
YOU DO LOOK
ESPECIALLY NICE TONIGHT.
WHAT IS WITH EVERYONE?
I'M NOT ALWAYS IN DIRTY SWEATS
FRESH FROM SLOPPING THE PIGS.
YOU DON'T HAVE THAT
JUST-CAME-FROM-WORK LOOK ABOUT YOU.
A GIRL CAN'T DRESS UP A LITTLE?
YOUR MOM'S A LITTLE NERVOUS.
OH, RIGHT. YOU'RE
MEETING THE PARENTS.
I ACTUALLY HAD NOT PUT
THAT TOGETHER BEFORE.
THAT'S WHY YOU SHOWERED.
THAT'S NOT WHY I SHOWERED.
HERE WE ARE.
OH, YOUR PATIO IS
BEAUTIFUL, EMILY.
THANK YOU, CAROL.
HI, HONEY. HI, MOM.
FLOYD, CAROL, OUR
DAUGHTER, LORELAI.
HOW DO YOU DO? OUR
GRANDDAUGHTER, RORY.
HELLO. HI.
WE'VE, UH, MET BEFORE,
BUT A LONG TIME AGO.
HI. WE REMEMBER YOU WELL.
WELL, YOU DIDN'T DRESS
UP FOR OUR BENEFIT, I HOPE.
NO, NO. THIS IS NOTHING WEIRD.
HOW ABOUT SOME
BEVERAGES, EVERYBODY?
EXTRA DRY MARTINI
STILL YOUR DRINK, FLOYD?
ABSOLUTELY.
SAME HERE, DAD.
AND BOURBON WITH A SPLASH
OF BRANCH WATER, RIGHT, CAROL?
THANK YOU, RICHARD.
OH, HERE, EMILY.
YOU'VE REDONE THE
PATIO. IT'S GORGEOUS.
DON'T YOU THINK?
OH, AND THOSE
TREES. I LOVE THEM.
WHAT ARE THEY?
THEY'RE AFRICAN. COME SEE.
I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER
WHEN WE SAW YOU LAST.
UH, PROBABLY AT CAMP.
RIGHT, THE DAY WE
CAME TO PICK UP JASON.
THERE WAS A TALENT SHOW.
YOU SANG A DUET
WITH A PIMPLY FELLOW.
CRATER FACE CUTLER.
HE'S A LITIGATOR
NOW. VERY BITTER MAN.
THE PIMPLY FELLOW STANK, BUT YOU
WERE WONDERFUL. VERY CHARMING.
IT WAS FROM GREASE.
HOW CRATER FACE GOT HIS PIMPLES?
NO, MY SONG SUMMER LOVIN'.
I HAD TO SIT ON HIS LAP AT ONE
POINT. IT WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
CRATER FACE HAD VERY BONY KNEES.
AND YOU DID A DANCE WITH
SOMEBODY, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY.
OH, YES, HE CHA-CHA'D.
WELL, THANK YOU
FOR BRINGING THAT UP.
AND THANK YOU FOR
NEVER SENDING ME TO CAMP.
YOU WERE GREAT. I LIKED WHEN YOU
AND YOUR PARTNER KNOCKED HEADS.
CLUBFOOT CINDY. SHE MARRIED CRATER
FACE CUTLER. BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.
HERE ARE THE DRINKS, EVERYBODY.
MMM-HMM, MMM-HMM.
UH, RORY, WE LEFT
YOUR SODA INSIDE.
OH, I'LL GO GET IT.
I ACTUALLY HAD A
BARBERSHOP QUARTET AT YALE.
I WAS BY FAR THE WEAKEST LINK.
THAT REMINDS ME.
I HAVE A STORY I'VE
BEEN DYING TO TELL YOU
EVER SINCE I HEARD IT, RICHARD,
ABOUT HERB BENSON.
HO, WHAT'S THE ROGUE UP TO NOW?
LATER. I DON'T WANT
TO BORE THE OTHERS.
I CAN'T WAIT.
HELP ME TAKE THE DRINKS
DOWN TO THE LADIES?
ABSOLUTELY. EXCUSE US.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
HERE'S TO YOU.
HERE YOU ARE, DARLING.
WELL, LOOK AT THAT.
GROUCHO, CHICO, HARPO,
AND ZEPPO TOGETHER AGAIN.
EXCUSE ME, GRANDMA.
YES, SWEETIE?
ELSA SAID TO SAY THAT
DINNER'S IN 15 MINUTES.
DID SHE ASK YOU TO DO
SOME VACUUMING, TOO?
UM, NO.
SHE SENDS MY GRANDDAUGHTER
OUT TO DO HER JOB.
HOW MANY MAIDS HAS EMILY
BEEN THROUGH, RICHARD?
WE USED TO KEEP A RUNNING COUNT.
I'M AFRAID WESTERN
MATHEMATICAL PRINCIPLES
CANNOT ACCOMMODATE SUCH A TASK.
MY FATHER IS IN A PARTICULARLY
GOOD MOOD TONIGHT.
VERY.
HE'S ONLY SAID 2 PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
THINGS TO ME SINCE HE GOT HERE
WHICH IS ASTOUNDING FOR HIM.
BY THE WAY, MAY I BE THE 14TH PERSON
THIS EVENING TO SAY HOW GREAT YOU LOOK?
IT'S THE SHOWER. I GOTTA
TRY THAT MORE OFTEN.
I THINK IT'D BE GREAT.
IT'S BETTER THAN DAYTONA BEACH.
OH, THIS IS OUR
GRANDSON'S FIRST STEP.
WE WERE SO LUCKY TO
HAVE THE CAMERA READY.
OH, THAT'S DARLING.
HE'S GONNA BE BIG.
HE'S GONNA START ON THE DEFENSIVE
LINE FOR THE BULLDOGS IN 2021.
FLOYD HAS IT ALL WORKED OUT.
I BELIEVE THAT'S YOU VERY
LOVINGLY HOLDING YOUR NEPHEW
WHO LOOKS VERY
HAPPY IN YOUR ARMS.
I JUST TOLD HIM I'D OPENED A
NO-LOAD MUTUAL FUND FOR HIM.
TRACKS THE S&P.
OH, YOU SENTIMENTAL FOOL.
I HAVE SOME TERRIFIC
PICTURES OF RORY.
I SHOULD GO GET THEM.
BUT, GRANDMA, I'M RIGHT HERE.
BUT YOU'RE SO BIG NOW.
SLOUCH DOWN IN YOUR
CHAIR FOR GRANDMA, HONEY.
IF IT'S OK, I ACTUALLY
THOUGHT I MIGHT LEAVE SOON.
SHE'S GOT A BIG PAPER DUE
NEXT WEEK AND LOTS OF READING.
OH, YES, RORY. WE'VE MADE
YOU STAY TOO LONG ALREADY.
OH, YES, GO, GO.
THANK YOU FOR LOOKING LIKE YOU
WEREN'T TOO BORED ALL EVENING.
OH, NO, I WASN'T,
REALLY. IT WAS FUN.
BYE, GRANDMA.
YOU HAVE TO GO, TOO? OH,
NO, WE CAME SEPARATELY.
GOOD. BYE, GRANDPA.
MMM, GOODBYE, RORY.
LOVELY GIRL. OH, SHE'S A DOLL.
WELL, I THINK THIS
IS THE PERFECT TIME
FOR THOSE WHO ARE SO
INCLINED TO ENJOY A CIGAR.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S FIRE THEM UP.
I MEANT THE MEN, BUT
WOULD YOU LIKE A CIGAR?
NO, YOU GUYS GO. CIRCLE
THE FIRE. POUND YOUR CHESTS.
WE'LL BE WAITING. FLOYD, JASON.
LET'S DO IT.
WELL, LET'S LET ELSA CLEAN
UP AND MAYBE KEEP HER JOB.
THE LIVING ROOM ALL RIGHT?
WE CAN BRING THE COFFEE?
I WAS GOING TO POUR
BRANDY. EVEN BETTER.
OH, LET'S GO.
AH, THIS EVENING HAS
BEEN SO WONDERFUL, EMILY.
THE 2 OF US TOGETHER AGAIN.
YES, IT HAS.
ALL THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS
THAT HAPPENED WITH THE BUSINESS.
NOW, LET'S NOT LET BUSINESS
COME BETWEEN US AGAIN.
ALL THAT UGLINESS IS IN THE PAST
NOW, SO WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.
YES.
SMOOTH.
'63?
'65.
YOU CAN'T GET A '63
TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.
STILL DOES THE TRICK, THOUGH.
GOODPORT WAS CAUGHT UP IN
THAT RIDICULOUS CIGAR BOOM
A FEW YEARS AGO, REMEMBER?
YES, YES.
AMATEURS.
BABES IN DIAPERS TALKING
BIG IN THOSE CIGAR CLUBS,
SMOKING CHURCHILLS
DOWN TO THE RING.
TOBACCO FARMERS
HARVESTED THEIR CROP GREEN
JUST TO KEEP UP WITH THE DEMAND.
IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, YOU
FOUND A WAY TO RECTIFY THE PROBLEM.
I COULDN'T GET HENNESSY'S TO PUT
MY FAVORITE CIGARS ASIDE FOR ME.
THIS, AFTER 20 YEARS OF
GIVING THEM MY BUSINESS.
BIG MISTAKE.
LOVE THESE KIND OF STORIES.
SO I BYPASSED THE BASTARDS.
I FOUND THEIR SUPPLIER.
I SWOOPED IN AND BOUGHT
ALL OF MY FAVORITES IN BULK.
HUNDREDS OF BOXES,
CASH, ON THE BARREL.
SO NOW HENNESSY'S
COULDN'T GET THEM.
HUNDREDS OF BOXES?
OH, I COULDN'T HAVE
SMOKED THEM IN 3 LIFETIMES.
SO I KINDLY OFFERED TO SELL
HENNESSY'S MY EXCESS SUPPLY.
THEY LEAPT AT IT
LIKE DOGS FOR A BONE.
AND I MADE ENOUGH TO PAY
FOR THE BOXES THAT I KEPT.
YOU'RE CREATIVE, RICHARD. IT'S
ONE OF YOUR MANY STRENGTHS.
I'D SAY IT'S HIS MAIN STRENGTH.
WELL, WHO EVER SAID AN
INSURANCE MAN CAN'T BE CREATIVE?
IT'S ONE OF THE FALLACIES
ABOUT WHAT WE DO.
PEOPLE THINK IT'S DRY, WOODEN,
A BUNCH OF AUTOMATONS
SHUFFLING PAPERS.
ON THE CONTRARY,
IT BREATHES DAILY.
IT'S LIFE AND DEATH, WHAT WE DO.
IT'S A NEW DRAMA EVERY
DAY, ALMOST SHAKESPEAREAN.
RICHARD III, MACBETH.
WHAT DAY DOESN'T
NECESSITATE COURAGE, TENACITY,
AND SOMETIMES, LIKE
YOUR CIGAR STORY, RICHARD,
A LITTLE VENGEANCE?
AND THAT'S ALL BEFORE LUNCH.
OUR WORK IS WONDERFUL.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT WAY.
PROTECTIVE OF WHAT I DO,
PROTECTIVE OF WHAT I HAVE.
I THINK MY CIGAR IS OUT.
THAT'S WHY I'M SUING YOU.
DAD.
YOU'RE JOKING.
I'M NOT JOKING. I'M
SUING YOUR COMPANY.
MY LAWYERS WILL BE
CONTACTING YOU MONDAY MORNING.
FLOYD, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.
YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D
LET DIGGER WALK AWAY
WITH SOME OF MY OLDEST
CLIENTS AND NOT RESPOND, DID YOU?
ARE YOU THAT NAIVE?
DAD, THIS IS CRAZY.
YOU SIGNED A NON-COMPETE
CLAUSE WITH ME, DIGGER.
AND I DIDN'T BREAK THAT CLAUSE.
HE DIDN'T, FLOYD.
I STUDIED JASON'S CONTRACT,
AND ONLY CERTAIN
CLIENTS WERE OFF-LIMITS
AND THOSE REMAINED OFF-LIMITS.
ALEXANDER BARNES WAS OFF-LIMITS.
THAT WAS A SOCIAL LUNCH, AND YOU
CAN'T PROVE OTHERWISE. YOU HAVE NO CASE.
MAYBE, MAYBE NOT.
BUT BY THE TIME THE COURTS
FIGURE OUT THE SITUATION,
I'LL HAVE BURIED
YOU IN LEGAL FEES.
I KNOW YOUR FINANCIAL
SITUATION, RICHARD.
YOU CAN'T SURVIVE A
LENGTHY LEGAL PROCESS.
SO, THIS IS JUST REVENGE, FLOYD?
ARE WE STOOPING THAT LOW?
YOU JUST DESCRIBED
HOW STRONGLY YOU FELT
ABOUT A BUNCH OF CIGARS.
HOW DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING
TO FEEL ABOUT MY BUSINESS?
HOW DID YOU KNOW I HAD
LUNCH WITH ALEX, DAD?
YOU HAVE A PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR TAILING ME?
THIS WHOLE BUSINESS,
SO DISTASTEFUL,
BUT WHAT WAS I TO DO?
I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO, WHAT
RICHARD GILMORE WOULD DO.
I THINK I SHOULD GO NOW.
DON'T. DAD, DON'T
LEAVE. CALL THIS OFF.
SORRY I DIDN'T GET TO
THAT ANECDOTE, RICHARD.
MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME.
DAD!
RORY DID COME OUT.
SHE WAS A BEAUTIFUL
DEBUTANTE, THE HIT OF THE NIGHT.
SHE DID SO WELL, WE HAD HER
GO BACK IN AND COME OUT AGAIN.
FLOYD, WAIT.
DAD, I WILL BLOCK
THE DOOR IF I HAVE TO.
I WOULDN'T SUGGEST
YOU DO THAT, SON.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
I SHOULD GET MY PURSE.
CAROL, NO.
EXCUSE US, EMILY. THIS IS
RUDE, BUT WE HAVE TO GO.
MOM, STAY.
IT'S TOO LATE, JASON.
WHAT'S GOING ON? RICHARD?
I APOLOGIZE FOR HOW THIS ENDED.
WE ARE NOT
UNPREPARED FOR A FIGHT.
WE ARE CAPITALIZED.
BECAUSE YOU PUT YOUR PENSION UP
AS COLLATERAL ON ALL YOUR LOANS.
HOW DID YOU...
IT'S A SMALL COMMUNITY,
OUR COMMUNITY.
ENDANGERING YOUR PENSION,
RICHARD, IT'S RECKLESS.
WHICH P.I. DID YOU HAVE
ON ME? PALUSO, I ASSUME?
HE'S THE BEST. HE
GETS EVERYTHING.
IT'S HOW I FOUND OUT YOUR
DAUGHTER IS DATING MY SON.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
♪
SORRY WE SPOILED
YOUR SECRET, SON.
WE'LL SEE OURSELVES
OUT. COME ON, CAROL.
DAD, WAIT.
RICHARD, EMILY,
THIS ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN. PERIOD.
IT WILL RESOLVE QUICKLY
AND IN OUR FAVOR.
EXCUSE ME. DAD!
OKAY, FORGETTING
THE INSUFFERABLE WAY
THAT YOU PRESENTED THIS SUBJECT,
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW FAR OFF YOU ARE?
♪
WE NEED TO TALK.
YOU BROUGHT YOUR
OWN CAR, DIDN'T YOU?
YEAH. YES.
YOU DON'T NEED TO
STAY. YOU CAN GO.
I'M BLOCKED IN.
OH.
RICHARD, YOU HAVE
EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY.
OH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DO.
TO BE HUMILIATED LIKE
THIS IN MY OWN HOUSE?
IT WAS UNCONSCIONABLE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU SEE THIS COMING?
YOU KNOW HIM, RICHARD.
HE DOESN'T SHOW HIS HAND.
HE SWEET-TALKED US ON THE GOLF
COURSE, GOT INVITED TO DINNER.
THE MAN IS A SOCIOPATH.
TELL ME IF YOU'VE DONE
ANYTHING, ANYTHING ILLEGAL.
NOTHING. RICHARD, I
SWEAR TO YOU, NOTHING.
THE LUNCH WITH ALEX?
SOCIAL. WE'RE FRIENDS.
WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?
I'M NOT STUPID ENOUGH
TO DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL
OR THINK THAT I COULD GET
ANYTHING ILLEGAL BY YOU.
I DO PUSH BOUNDARIES, RICHARD,
BUT I NEVER CROSS THEM. EVER.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN SEEING MY DAUGHTER?
5 MONTHS.
FOR 5 MONTHS YOU'VE
BEEN LYING TO ME.
YES.
BUT IT WAS A WHITE LIE.
IT WAS A TIMING ISSUE.
IT WOULD HAVE COMPLICATED
OUR RELATIONSHIP, YOURS AND MINE
AND WE DIDN'T KNOW IF IT
WOULD LAST, SO WE TOOK A PATH.
IT WAS THE WRONG PATH, AND
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, TOO.
YOU'VE GOT A LOT
TO BE SORRY ABOUT.
I DO.
MY DAMNED FATHER.
I SHOULD'VE SEEN THIS COMING.
AS WELL AS I KNOW HIM, I
KEEP UNDERESTIMATING HIM.
WE BOTH SHOULD
HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
I CAN MAKE THIS GO AWAY.
HOW? IT'S A BLUFF.
YOU KNOW MY FATHER.
HE HATES GIVING
MONEY TO LAWYERS,
AND THIS ACTION IS
GONNA COST HIM BIG.
THAT IS TRUE.
SO WE WILL COUNTER SUE. IT'S A
WRONGFUL LAWSUIT. WE WILL MAKE HIM PAY.
POSSIBLY.
AND I WILL DO ANYTHING TO
WIN BACK YOUR TRUST, RICHARD.
YOU HAVE BEEN SO
GOOD TO ME. PLEASE.
LET ME TRY.
OK.
YOU'VE GOT MY TRUST.
GO GET HIM.
THANK YOU, RICHARD. THANK YOU.
AND ALSO, I'M GONNA
WORK ON MY GOLF GAME,
GET IT UP TO SNUFF, SO I STOP
EMBARRASSING YOU AROUND THE GREENS.
YEAH, DO THAT.
THANK YOU, RICHARD.
I HAVE A GIGANTIC BOTTLE
OF VODKA AT MY PLACE.
THE LARGEST BOTTLE
OF VODKA KNOWN TO MAN.
BUT WHAT WILL YOU DRINK? GIN.
LET'S GO.
EGGS.
GOTTA GET THE EGGS.
WHOA, BUDDY.
EGGS.
FLOWER SHOW'S TOMORROW.
FLOWER SHOW'S TOMORROW
AND I CAN'T FIND
THE LAST 12 EGGS.
I LET TAYLOR DOWN.
HE'S LIKE A FATHER TO
ME. I THINK HE IS MY FATHER.
HE'S NOT YOUR FATHER.
NO, MY FATHER'S MY FATHER,
WHICH MEANS TAYLOR'S MY TAILOR.
I WONDER HOW MUCH HE
CHARGES TO HEM PANTS.
HE'S NOT YOUR
TAILOR. I LET HIM DOWN.
I LET TAYLOR DOWN.
I LET THE WHOLE TOWN DOWN.
HE WON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE.
WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S THE LAST 12 EGGS.
YOU PICKED SOME SCREWY
PLACES TO HIDE THEM.
DON'T DO THAT AGAIN.
THE LAST 12?
TELL TAYLOR YOU FOUND
THEM. BE THE HERO.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I LOVE YOU, LUKE
DANES! I LOVE YOU!
I'M STUPID.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE LUKE DANES!
LOVE, LOVE!
♪
HEY, COME ON.
WHAT? WHERE?
I... I WANT TO TALK
TO YOU. COME ON.
I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO CALL YOUR CELL.
I DIDN'T HAVE IT ON.
I'M SORRY, OK? I'M REALLY SORRY.
ABOUT WHAT?
I WAS A JERK AT
YOUR DORM. I YELLED.
YOU DIDN'T YELL.
I GOT UPSET, AND
I SHOULDN'T HAVE.
NO, DEAN, I'M THE JERK.
HOUNDING YOU ABOUT
SCHOOL LIKE THAT.
IT ALL CAME OUT WRONG.
IT'S YOUR LIFE,
IT'S YOUR DECISION.
NO, I SHOULDN'T
HAVE SNIPED LIKE THAT.
I DESERVED IT.
YOU WERE CONCERNED.
I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU,
AND I THINK SCHOOL IS IT.
I STILL THINK THAT,
BUT IT'S NOT UP TO ME.
I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO SETTLE.
YEAH, I KNOW YOU DON'T.
SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE
THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN'T.
I THINK LINDSAY MAY HAVE OVERHEARD
ME SAYING STUFF AT DOOSE'S.
YEAH.
I FEEL EVEN WORSE ABOUT
THAT. I'VE GOT SUCH A BIG MOUTH.
NO, IT'S OK.
SHE MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY UPSET.
KIND OF.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO
HURT HER FEELINGS.
SHE'LL BE OK.
SHE KNOWS WE TALK,
RIGHT? THAT WE'RE FRIENDS?
SHE DOES NOW.
SHE DOESN'T WANT ME
TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE.
OH.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S
UNDERSTANDABLE.
I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN.
I DON'T WANT THAT
TO HAPPEN, EITHER.
THEN IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
SHOULDN'T YOU GET HOME?
YEAH.
ME, TOO.
IS IT TRUE?
DID YOU PUT YOUR
PENSION UP AS COLLATERAL?
ARE WE IN TROUBLE?
IT'S GOING TO WORK OUT, EMILY.
IT'LL BE OK.
YOU AND JASON TALKED?
IT'S GOING TO BE OK.
♪
UH, 3 WORDS.
4 WORDS. 2 WORDS. OK,
YOU SUCK AT CHARADES.
WE'RE PLAYING CHARADES?
YEAH, WEREN'T WE?
YOU'RE DRUNK. YOU'RE DRUNK.
DON'T DRUNK AND DRIVE.
I WOULD NOT THUNK IT.
THAT'S A FUN GAME TO PLAY. WHAT?
THE "CHANGING WORDS
INTO FUNNY WORDS" GAME.
OH, I'M SLEEPY.
HEY, YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER
WAS TERRIFIC UNTIL THE END. HUH?
YEAH, THE END WAS KIND OF BAD.
IT'S LIKE FALLING 600
FEET TO YOUR DEATH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUN
THE FIRST 599 FEET,
IT'S JUST THE LAST
FOOT TOTAL SUCKO.
YEAH, IT'S A BUMMER.
THAT LAST FOOT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, THERE IS A
BRIGHT SIDE TO THIS EVENING.
THE MOON?
UH, NO, BUT THE MOON
WAS... WAS VERY BRIGHT.
AT LEAST OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS OUT IN THE OPEN.
NO MORE HIDING.
YEAH, NO MORE HIDING.
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
AND I GOT RICHARD CALM.
AND I'LL WORK MY MAGIC, MMM-HMM.
WHICH IS WHAT I DO.
DAD'S HEAD LOOKED LIKE IT
WAS GONNA GO FULL-OUT PINATA.
IT'LL BE OK.
HE AND I ARE GOING
GOLFING IN A COUPLE DAYS.
THAT ALWAYS PUTS HIM
IN A GOOD MOOD. YEAH.
YOUR PLANT IS DEAD.
HOW DID IT DIE SO QUICKLY?
IT MAY HAVE BEEN SELF-INFLICTED.
POOR THING.
ARE YOU OK, THOUGH?
AM I BEING ENOUGH SUPPORTIVE?
REVERSE THOSE LAST 2 WORDS.
NO, I'M FINE.
IN A WEIRD WAY, MY FATHER
TRYING TO DESTROY ME
IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER GOTTEN
ANY REAL RESPECT OUT OF HIM.
MMM, COOL. CLINK.
♪
NICE SHOT. BEAUTIFUL.
YOUR CHARITY IS LIMITLESS.
YOU'RE JUST WARMING UP.
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A CLOSER.
HEH, TOO TRUE.
SO, WE'RE DONE WITH
THE BROAD STROKES?
I BELIEVE SO. I'LL
DROP THE LAWSUIT.
WE'LL SPLIT THE CLIENTS EVENLY.
YOU'LL COME BACK TO THE FIRM,
HAVE YOUR OWN COMPANY
UNDER OUR UMBRELLA.
AND JASON IS OUT.
JASON'S OUT.
YOU'LL BE RETURNING
A HERO, RICHARD.
HMM. MUSIC TO MY EARS.
BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY.
BEAUTIFUL.
COMES THE AIRPLANE.
WHAT DID THEY SAY TO KIDS TO GET THEM TO
OPEN THEIR MOUTHS BEFORE THERE WERE PLANES?
"HERE COMES THE CHOO-CHOO"?
AND BEFORE TRAINS?
HERE COMES THE SPOON.
THAT'S SO ON THE NOSE.
ONE MORE BITE,
HONEY. COME ON, NOW.
HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE AGAIN.
IT'S FLYING THROUGH THE AIR.
IT'S BEGINNING ITS DESCENT.
IT'S COMMENCING ITS APPROACH.
IT'S LOWERING THE LANDING GEAR.
IT'S SIGNALED THE GROUND CREW.
THEY'RE FLIPPING
THEIR FLASHLIGHTS.
WILL YOU SHOVE THAT
IN THE KID'S MOUTH?
LOOK, IT'S BILBO BALONEYPUSS
JUST IN FROM THE SHIRE.
JUST HURRY UP AND ORDER.
WHAT'S THE RUSH?
I DON'T LIKE BABIES. HEY!
HUH, I SUDDENLY FELT
VIOLENTLY PROTECTIVE.
IT'S GONE.
IT'S THE NOISE THEY MAKE.
THIS BABY HAS NOT MADE A PEEP.
HE WILL AND AT THE
WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT.
LIKE WHEN YOU'RE DEFUSING
A BOMB OR SOMETHING?
THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD.
YOU'VE GOT 1 MINUTE TO
ORDER, THEN 6 MINUTES TO EAT.
COME ON DOWN TO LUKE'S, WHERE
THE MOTTO IS "EAT IT, THEN BEAT IT."
ONE MINUTE.
HELLO, ALL.
TAYLOR.
TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU.
TOP OF THE...
YEAH, ON... ON TOP
THERE, YOU GOT THE...
DEFINITELY IT'S A...
BEAUTIFUL TOP. IT'S...
TOP OF THE MORNING
RIGHT BACK AT YOU.
YOU WERE JUST ON A
CRUISE, WEREN'T YOU?
YES, AND IT WAS HEAVEN.
THE CARIBBEAN. EVER BEEN?
I'M SORRY. WHAT DID YOU SAY?
EVER BEEN TO THE CARIBBEAN?
GOD, I'M SORRY. I
MISSED IT AGAIN.
NEVER MIND.
UH, LUKE, I HAVE AN ISSUE I
NEED TO DISCUSS WITH YOU.
GOOD. SOMETHING TO
WRITE ABOUT IN MY DIARY.
THERE IS A DISTINCT ODOR
OUTSIDE OUR ESTABLISHMENTS.
I HAVE TO ASSUME IT'S
COMING FROM THE DINER.
THERE'S NO ODOR
COMING FROM HERE.
IT WASN'T THERE WHEN
I LEFT FOR MY TRIP.
WHERE ELSE COULD IT
BE FROM? I DON'T KNOW.
HAVE YOU CHECKED UNDERNEATH
THAT THING ON YOUR HEAD?
I'M COMBING IT DIFFERENTLY.
AND THE COMB DIDN'T
LOOSEN THE GLUE?
YOU KNOW, I SMELLED
SOMETHING, TOO,
BUT IT WAS ACROSS THE SQUARE.
ME, TOO, OVER BY THE HAIRSTAND.
UH, NEWSSTAND.
I SMELLED IT BY
GYPSY'S. HORRIBLE.
SO THE WHOLE TOWN SMELLS?
HOW CAN THAT BE POSSIBLE?
IT IS AN OLD TOWN, 200 YEARS.
SO IT'S DECAYING FROM AGE?
OR WE'VE GOT SKUNKS AGAIN.
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, TAYLOR.
10 YEARS AGO WE GOT INFESTED.
THEY CRAWLED UNDER
HOUSES, MET THEIR FATE.
THE TOWN SMELLED FOR WEEKS.
THAT MUST BE IT, TAYLOR.
GOOD WORK. GOOD WORK!
THANK YOU, KIRK.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
MOBILIZE THE COMMUNITY.
WE'VE GOT THE FLOWER
SHOW COMING UP.
WE HAVE TO DEAL
WITH THIS QUICKLY.
LET ME GO DOOR-TO-DOOR
AND MAKE SURE EVERY TOWNSMAN
LOOKS UNDER HIS HOUSE, TAYLOR.
I'LL EVEN KNOCK SOME HEADS
TOGETHER, GET MEDIEVAL ON THEIR ASS.
THAT'S A NICE OFFER, KIRK
BUT THE BLOCK CAPTAINS
WILL SEE IT GETS DONE.
I BETTER START MAKING MY CALLS.
YOUR MINUTE'S UP. ORDER.
OOH, WE'RE NOT READY.
THEN IT'S COMING OUT
OF YOUR EATING TIME.
GET VIOLENTLY PROTECTIVE,
SO LUKE WILL BACK OFF.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
SUMMON IT LIKE THAT.
TRY.
LUKE.
IN 5 MINUTES, YOU'RE ALL GONE.
I LET YOU DOWN.
THE "ARGH" WAS GOOD, AND
THEN YOU KIND OF PETERED OUT.
I NEED TO PRACTICE MORE.
YOU'LL GET IT THERE.
READ, READ.
♪
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
TRY IT AGAINST THAT WALL THERE.
WE'VE ALREADY TRIED IT THERE.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
NO PROBLEM FOR YOU,
BUT THIS IS GIVING
ME CUTICLE DAMAGE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG
CUTICLE DAMAGE TAKES TO HEAL?
THANK GOD, NO.
NO, IT DOESN'T
WORK THERE, EITHER.
WHAT AN ENORMOUS SHOCK.
ANYWHERE ELSE
YOU WANT TO TRY IT?
MAYBE AT THE LINCOLN
MEMORIAL ON HIS GIANT LAP?
HOW ABOUT OVER THERE?
YEAH, THERE.
I'M SENDING YOU
MY MANICURE BILL.
YES, MINE, TOO.
DON'T BE SNOTTY.
SEEMS A LITTLE OUT OF PLACE
NO MATTER WHERE YOU PUT IT.
YEAH, UNFORTUNATELY.
IF YOU'D ORDERED THROUGH ME, I WOULD'VE
GUARANTEED IT. YOU DIDN'T ORDER IT FROM ME.
WE ORDERED IT BEFORE WE
HIRED YOU. WE SHOULD'VE WAITED.
IT'S ALWAYS BEST TO DO IT
THROUGH YOUR CONTRACTOR.
I DON'T THINK IT FITS HERE.
OH, MY GOD, I'M
GETTING A BLISTER.
HOW ABOUT BY THE FRONT
DESK? WE COULD GIVE IT A SHOT.
THAT'S IT. I'M JUMPING
OFF THE AMISTAD.
IT'S HEAVY, MY BACK HURTS,
I'M NOT MOVING IT AGAIN.
NO PROBLEM.
I CAN DO IT.
IT'S NOT ME. IT REALLY IS HEAVY.
YOU MEAN HERE?
THEY ALREADY TRIED IT THERE.
I THINK IT'S A LOST CAUSE.
WE'VE GOT THE DENNIS
KUCINICH OF BOOKCASES.
I WISH YOU'D GONE THROUGH ME.
I COULD JUST GIVE IT TO RORY.
SHE COULD USE IT AT YALE.
HI, EVERYBODY. HI.
HI, MICHEL.
HI, LINDSAY.
ARE YOU OK? YOU'RE
STANDING KIND OF FUNNY.
IT'S NOTHING FUNNY.
IT IS HOW YOU STAND
IN THESE PANTS.
KEYS, PLEASE.
YOU GOT IT.
ANNETTE AND FRANKIE
REALLY FOUND EACH OTHER.
THEY FLOAT TOGETHER. YOU
KNOW? THEY JUST SORT OF FLOAT.
IT'S OFF-THE-CHARTS ADORABLE.
YEP. THE DEANS OF THE WORLD
ALWAYS GET THE LINDSAYS.
THE PRETTY LITTLE THINGS
JUST LIKE THE BOOKCASE LIFTERS.
THAT'S A CATEGORY, JOCKS,
NERDS, BOOKCASE LIFTERS?
I WAS BORN WITH THIS BAD BACK.
IT WAS HERETICAL. CONGENITAL.
WELL, I HATE THAT BOOKCASE.
I WISH YOU HAD NEVER ORDERED IT.
I WISH YOU HAD
NEVER THOUGHT OF IT.
I CAN'T EVEN BE IN THE
SAME ROOM WITH IT,
MOCKING ME FOR HOW ALONE I AM.
IT'S MOCKING YOU?
IT'S 3 PIECES OF WOOD.
WELL, I HATE IT! HATE
IT, HATE IT, HATE IT!
IF YOU'D ORDERED IT THROUGH ME,
HE WOULDN'T BE EXPERIENCING
THIS PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA.
I MEAN,
THEY WERE EXTREMELY
COMMON UNTIL JUST RECENTLY.
HISTORICALLY RECENTLY.
NOT RECENTLY LIKE "METROSEXUAL
IS A WORD NOW" RECENTLY,
BUT RECENTLY.
ARE WE STILL
TALKING ABOUT ANVILS?
YES, WHERE DID
ALL THE ANVILS GO?
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THOSE
BIG, HEAVY, METAL THINGS?
THAT BLACKSMITHS HAMMERED
HORSESHOES AND STUFF ON.
EVERYONE HAD THEM.
THEY WERE FEATURED PROMINENTLY
IN EVERY MOVIE WESTERN,
SO WHERE DID THEY ALL GO?
I DON'T KNOW THAT THEY
WERE THAT COMMON.
WILE E. COYOTE USED THEM.
THAT'S HOW COMMON THEY WERE.
WHO? THE CARTOON.
HE WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO DROP
AN ANVIL ON THE ROAD RUNNER'S HEAD
OR SHOOT IT AT HIM OUT
OF A GIANT SLINGSHOT
OR FIRE IT AT HIM
OUT OF A CANNON.
INEVITABLY, THE CANNON
TILTED UP, SHOT IT IN THE AIR,
IT FELL DOWN,
AND MADE AN ANVIL-SHAPED
IMPRESSION ON WILE E. COYOTE'S HEAD.
THIS IS A CARTOON?
NO, NO, THIS HAPPENED
TO ME THE OTHER DAY.
I WAS WALKING DOWN THE
STREET, AND THIS GIANT ANVIL...
YES, IT'S A CARTOON.
I KNOW SHE SOUNDS NUTS, BUT
IT'S A VERY COMMON CARTOON.
BUT THAT DOESN'T PROVE
THAT ANVILS WERE SO COMMON.
IT DOES. IT PROVES THAT ANVILS
WERE SO UBIQUITOUS
AT ONE POINT...
WAS THAT THE WORD?
DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
THAT THEY KNEW THAT
CHILDREN WOULD KNOW
WHAT THEY WERE
AND DELIGHT IN THEM.
THAT'S HOW COMMON THEY WERE,
CHILDREN WATCHING CARTOONS.
THAT WAS THE WORD.
I'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR POINT.
WHERE ARE ALL THE ANVILS?
IS THERE SOME SORT OF
SECRET ANVIL STORAGE FACILITY
THE GOVERNMENT
IS KEEPING FROM US?
OR THEY FELL INTO DISUSE
WITH THE ADVENT OF
OTHER TECHNOLOGIES,
AND SO THEY MELTED THEM
DOWN AND THEY'RE GONE.
BUT THEY'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO MELT.
THEY WERE MADE TO WITHSTAND
THE RED-HOT HAMMER
OF THE TOWN BLACKSMITH.
THIS IS EASILY THE MOST POINTLESS
CONVERSATION WE'VE EVER HAD.
I DON'T HEAR ANYONE CHIMING
IN WITH RATIONAL THEORIES.
PLEASE CHANGE THE
SUBJECT, I BEG OF YOU. ANYONE?
WELL, THE GIRLS DON'T KNOW
THE BIG NEWS ABOUT JASON AND ME.
YOU'RE PREGNANT?
WE'RE ACQUIRING ANOTHER COMPANY.
I WAS CLOSE.
ALREADY? YOU JUST STARTED YOURS.
THE INSURANCE BUSINESS
IS CHANGING SO RAPIDLY,
YOU HAVE TO ADAPT TO KEEP UP.
IT'S A DOG-EAT-DOG
WORLD, GRANDPA.
DON'T GET THE WRONG
IDEA. IT'S NOT A BIG COMPANY.
IT'S SMALLER THAN OURS,
BUT VERY POWERFUL.
WAIT, THE COMPANY IS
SMALLER THAN YOURS?
YOUR COMPANY IS 2
GUYS, YOU AND JASON.
THIS COMPANY IS A ONE-MAN
OPERATION, BOB SUTTON.
SO, YOU'RE ACQUIRING BOB?
WE'RE ACQUIRING HIS COMPANY,
AND HIS COMPANY IS HIM.
DID HE HAVE TO GIVE
HIMSELF 2 WEEKS' NOTICE?
NO.
IS THERE GONNA BE A SAD
LITTLE GOING-AWAY PARTY
WHERE HE BRINGS IN HIS OWN
CAKE AND BLOWS OUT HIS CANDLES?
WE ARE ALL CELEBRATING
WITH A DINNER TOMORROW,
US AND THE WIVES. UGH.
YOU'RE NOT BIG ON THE BOB?
BOB'S FINE. WE'VE
KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS.
IT'S THAT DOLT HE'S MARRIED TO.
CLASSIC TROPHY WIFE.
SHE IS QUITE YOUNG. HOW YOUNG?
HER CAR LOOKS
JUST LIKE BARBIE'S.
REGARDLESS, I HOPE YOU
WILL BE KIND TO HER AT DINNER.
I'LL HAVE TO BRING MY
ENGLISH-TO-DUMBBELL DICTIONARY.
FOCUS ON BOB. BOB'S
AS SHARP AS THEY COME.
HE'S VERY BRILLIANT,
I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.
BOB'S BRILLIANT, HUH?
HE'S A RHODES SCHOLAR.
ASK HIM WHERE THE ANVILS WENT.
OR NOT.
AND 47 CENTS COMES TO $5.
THANK YOU, MRS. CASSINI.
THANK YOU. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS ABOUT YOU, TAYLOR,
BUT YOU LOOK SO HEALTHY,
SO INVIGORATED, SO YOUTHFUL.
THANK YOU, MRS. CASSINI.
MUST BE THE VACATION.
OR THE FAKE HAIR.
♪
COME AGAIN, MRS. CASSINI.
TRACY, CHANGE OUT
THE, UH, SCOOP WATER.
IT'S AN UNSIGHTLY COLOR.
AND TELL FRANKLIN
WHEN HE GETS HERE...
TELL HIM THAT HE KEEPS
FORGETTING TO PUNCH OUT WHEN...
KIRK, SOMETHING WRONG?
WELL, I...
DON'T TOUCH THE CANDY.
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T WANT TO
TOUCH THE CANDY. IT'S JUST...
KIRK, I JUST HAD A SPAT WITH
MY SOURBALL DISTRIBUTOR
AND I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.
NOW, WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?
IT'S EGGS. WHAT? WHAT'S EGGS?
IN THE SQUARE, THE SMELL.
IT'S NOT SKUNKS, IT'S EGGS.
EASTER EGGS FROM
THE EASTER EGG HUNT.
BUT EASTER WAS OVER A WEEK AGO.
AND I DID IT JUST
LIKE YOU TOLD ME.
I PERSONALLY HID 300 EGGS
AROUND THE TOWN SQUARE
AND THE KIDS HAD A
BLAST HUNTING THEM DOWN.
EXCEPT THE BANYAN
BOYS, THEY'RE BAD SEEDS.
GOING TO HELL, BOTH OF THEM.
BUT THE KIDS ONLY
FOUND 241 OF THEM.
ARE YOU TELLING
ME THAT THERE ARE
59 ROTTING EGGS
HIDDEN IN THE SQUARE?
I THOUGHT THEY WOULD
NATURALLY DECOMPOSE
AND JUST DISAPPEAR.
EGGS SMELL WHEN THEY DECOMPOSE.
I JUST FOUND THAT OUT.
I FIND YOUR HAIR
VERY BELIEVABLE.
NICE SHOT. BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'RE BEING
EXTREMELY CHARITABLE.
OH, RICHARD, IF I GET
THAT FAR IN 4 SHOTS,
IT WOULD BE A MIRACLE ON THE
ORDER OF LOAVES AND FISHES.
YEAH, AND I'M IN THE SAND.
I DON'T THINK ANY OF US ARE GONNA
MAKE TIGER SHAKE IN HIS SPIKES.
I'D GO WITH A DRIVER OR 3-WOOD.
WHATEVER IS GONNA MAKE
ME LOOK LESS LIKE DORF.
YOU KNOW, MY WIFE'S VERY
EXCITED ABOUT THE MERGER, RICHARD.
VERY EXCITED.
DO GIVE TRISH OUR BEST.
EMILY AND I WERE JUST
TALKING ABOUT HER.
TERRIFIC GIRL. AH.
AT LEAST HE HELD
ONTO THE CLUB THIS TIME.
NOW, IT'S HARD TO KNOW
WHETHER HE SHOULD
YELL "FORE" OR "DUCK."
WHY CAN'T BUSINESSMEN
DO DEALS OVER AIR HOCKEY?
I AM GREAT AT AIR HOCKEY.
OH, LOOKY HERE.
MMM? YOUR FATHER?
ONE OF THE MANY HAZARDS
ON THIS GOLF COURSE.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
GROUNDSKEEPER MUST BE
UNHAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE TODAY.
AHA, DIVOTS, I DO PRODUCE
A LOT OF DIVOTS. GOOD ONE.
RICHARD, NICE TO SEE YOU.
SAME HERE, FLOYD.
AND, BOB, DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE A DUFFER.
MORE LIKE SPOILING A GOOD WALK.
YOU WANT TO PLAY THROUGH, FLOYD?
ACTUALLY, I WAS HEADING
BACK TO THE CLUBHOUSE
AND YOU CAUGHT MY EYE.
HOW'S EMILY?
SHE'S FINE.
GOOD HEALTH?
OH, YEAH, VERY GOOD. AND CAROL?
FINE. FINE.
YOU KNOW, SHE
REALLY MISSES EMILY.
MISSES HER COMPANY.
AND VICE VERSA, I'M SURE.
YOU COULDN'T DRAG THOSE
2 APART AT A FUNCTION.
THEY WERE LIKE CONJOINED TWINS.
I KNOW SHE'D LOVE
TO SEE EMILY AGAIN.
I'M SURE THE FEELING IS MUTUAL.
WELL, THEN, PERHAPS WE
SHOULD GET THOSE 2 TOGETHER.
WELL, WE COULD ARRANGE THAT.
I CAN TELL CAROL
TO GIVE HER A CALL?
ANY TIME.
YOU KNOW, IF IT'S A MEAL,
WE MEN COULD TAG ALONG,
IF THEY'D LET US.
THAT'S A BIG "IF," BUT
THAT COULD HAPPEN.
MAYBE JASON COULD
TAG ALONG, TOO.
THAT WOULD BE A
NICE LITTLE GATHERING.
I'M OUT OF TOWN NEXT
WEEK, BUT THIS FRIDAY'S FREE.
FRIDAY WOULD BE PERFECT.
I HOPE IT HAPPENS.
I HOPE SO, TOO.
GLAD TO RUN INTO
YOU. SAME HERE, FLOYD.
BOB, JASON.
HE WANTS TO HAVE DINNER.
WAS IT CAROL'S IDEA OR FLOYD'S?
IT'S HARD TO SAY.
THIS IS VERY GOOD, RICHARD.
IT WAS PUBLIC. THE
WHOLE CLUB SAW.
BUT DID HE SAY THAT CAROL HAD
WANTED IT OR THAT HE HAD WANTED IT?
WHAT DID YOU HEAR? I
WAS OUT OF EARSHOT.
RAPPROCHEMENT WITH FLOYD STILES.
NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS.
AND IT CAME FROM HIM.
WHO SAW THIS COMING?
DID HE BRING UP CAROL BEFORE OR
AFTER HE BROUGHT UP THE DINNER?
I DIDN'T HAVE A TAPE
RECORDER, EMILY.
I'LL OFFER TO HOST IT HERE.
I'VE GOT THE PERFECT
MENU. FRIDAY, RIGHT?
SO IT'S LORELAI AND RORY, TOO.
FRIDAY WAS HIS SUGGESTION. I
WASN'T IN A POSITION TO COUNTER.
NO, OF COURSE NOT. THAT'S FINE.
HE SAW US WITH BOB, TOO.
STILL HE MADE THE OFFER.
ACQUIRING BOB WAS A GREAT IDEA.
THERE'LL BE 7 OF US. THAT'S AN
UNBALANCED TABLE, BUT THAT'S OK.
OH, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
FLOYD WANTS PEACE.
SO IT SEEMS.
DEAN. SURPRISE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UM, I COME BEARING GIFTS.
A BOOKCASE?
YEAH, THE ONE FROM THE INN.
DO YOU SEE WHAT'S
GOING ON OUT THERE?
ALMOST THERE.
THANKS FOR THE HELP.
SHOULD I GIVE HIM A HAND?
IF HE DOESN'T WORK FOR HIS
INEBRIATION, HE WON'T APPRECIATE IT.
THERE'S A PARTY FRIDAY
NIGHT. IT MUST BE FOR THAT.
YEAH? YOU GOING?
I HAVE 2 PAPERS DUE, SO I'LL BE IN
STARS HOLLOW AVOIDING THE FRAY.
I'LL JUST HAVE A BREWSKI THERE.
SO, UH, WHICH WAY'S YOUR ROOM?
THAT WAY.
SO, WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
WELL, YOUR MOM HAD IT
MADE FOR THE DRAGONFLY
BUT IT DIDN'T FIT,
SO SHE THOUGHT YOU
COULD USE IT HERE.
SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU?
NOPE.
SMALL. YES.
THERE'S NO PLACE TO PUT THIS.
YES, AGAIN.
WHAT WAS YOUR MOM THINKING?
THAT I HAVE BOOKS,
AND THAT'S PROBABLY
THE EXTENT OF IT.
RIGHT. SO, I GUESS
I'LL TAKE IT BACK.
I'M SORRY YOU HAD
TO MAKE THE TRIP.
NO, IT'S OK. IT'S, UH...
IT'S KIND OF NICE
SEEING WHERE YOU LIVE.
SO, ARE YOU ON YOUR
WAY BACK TO SCHOOL?
OH, NO, I'M... I'M JUST
OFF FROM WORK, UM.
I'M ACTUALLY GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE BREAK FROM THAT.
FROM WHAT, SCHOOL?
YEAH, JUST FOR A
SEMESTER OR 2, YOU KNOW.
A SEMESTER OR 2?
BUT I THOUGHT IT
WAS GOING SO WELL.
IT WAS. IT'S JUST THAT
LINDSAY AND I REALLY NEED
SOME EXTRA MONEY RIGHT NOW
AND THIS JOB WITH
TOM HAS BEEN PERFECT.
EXTRA MONEY FOR WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
FOR LIFE, THINGS.
WHAT KIND OF THINGS?
WELL, UM, LINDSAY'S
GOT HER HEART SET
ON HAVING A TOWNHOUSE
BY THE END OF THE YEAR.
WE'RE CRAMPED WHERE WE
ARE, SO I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YOU DO? YEAH.
I DON'T. WHAT?
I THINK IT'S A HORRIBLE IDEA.
IT-IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
MAYBE. RORY...
A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO DROP OUT
SAY THAT IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
IT USUALLY DOESN'T
WORK OUT THAT WAY.
I'M GONNA GO BACK. I HOPE SO.
HAVE SOME FAITH, WILL YOU?
I JUST THINK THIS IS A MISTAKE.
RORY, I'M MARRIED, REMEMBER?
I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES.
YOU'LL LOSE YOUR MOMENTUM.
I NEED THE MONEY.
CAN'T THE TOWNHOUSE WAIT?
JEEZ, LIGHTEN UP.
I JUST THINK THIS IS
A REALLY BAD IDEA.
GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE DOESN'T
GUARANTEE YOU A JOB ANYMORE.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS
WITH OUR PARENTS.
SO YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK?
YOU'RE TWISTING MY WORDS.
AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA
WORK IN CONSTRUCTION?
WHAT? ARE YOU GONNA
GET ALL ELITIST ON ME NOW?
WE'RE FRIENDS, SO I GET
TO TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.
FINE. YOU SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL.
GREAT. NOW YOU'VE
TOLD ME 3 TIMES.
I GET IT.
YOU DON'T NEED TO
TELL ME AGAIN, OK?
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THIS NOW?
YES. NO.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I'LL TAKE IT NOW.
FINE.
ATTENTION, PLEASE.
EVERYBODY, IF I MAY.
LET'S HAVE SOME
ATTENTION, PEOPLE!
WE ALL KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.
THERE ARE 59 ROTTING EASTER EGGS
HIDDEN THROUGHOUT THE SQUARE
AND WE'VE GOT TO FIND THEM.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL THINKING.
WHAT ABOUT THE MAP?
THE CAREFUL, DETAILED MAP
OF WHERE THE EGGS ARE HIDDEN
MADE EACH YEAR TO AVOID
CATASTROPHES SUCH AS THIS?
WELL, A MAP WAS
NOT MADE THIS YEAR,
GOOD TOWNSFOLK.
ONE WAS NOT MADE.
NOW, THIS WORK IS GOING
TO BE EXHAUSTING AND,
YES, DISGUSTING
BUT AS MY WAY OF THANKING YOU,
HELP YOURSELF TO
LUNCH AT DOOSE'S MARKET
WHERE EVERYTHING IN OUR
PREPARED-FOODS SECTION
WILL BE DISCOUNTED 5%,
20% FOR OUR DAY-OLD SUSHI.
NOW, WITH THE FLOWER
SHOW DUE IN 3 DAYS,
WE HAVE A CLOCK ON THIS, PEOPLE,
BUT WHEN I LOOK OUT
AT THIS FINE GROUP
OF VOLUNTEERS,
MY HEART RACES WITH PRIDE.
I SEE AMERICA
AND I AM PROUD.
NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
WHAT'S WITH THE TOUPEE?
IT'S NOT A TOUPEE.
AND I'M BLOND AND LEGGY.
ARE THERE ANY LEGITIMATE
QUESTIONS FROM ANYONE?
YES, JOE?
I'M JEWISH.
WELL, THAT'S SWELL.
IS IT OK FOR A JEW TO
HUNT EASTER EGGS?
THAT'S BETWEEN
YOU AND YOUR RABBI.
UH, JACKSON, A QUESTION?
TOUPEE GUY SAYS WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?
JACKSON SAID, "TOUPEE
GUY SAYS WHAT?"
INSPIRING YOUR UNDERSTANDABLE
RESPONSE OF, "WHAT?",
THUS SOLICITING THEIR
CHILDISH LAUGHTER.
IT'S INFANTILE AND A TOTAL CLAM.
PLEASE REPORT EVERY
FOUND EGG TO ME,
AND I WILL KEEP
THE RUNNING TOTAL.
NOW, GOOD LUCK, AND
LET THE HUNT BEGIN.
WE WON'T LET YOU DOWN, TAYLOR
BECAUSE NOT ONLY ARE WE GONNA
FIND 20 EGGS WITHIN THE HOUR,
BUT WE'RE GOING ON
TO FIND 25 AND THEN 30,
AND THEN 35 AND THEN 40,
AND THEN 45 AND THEN 50,
UNTIL WE FIND ALL 59 AND
TAKE BACK THE SQUARE!
HURT YOUR THROAT?
VERY BADLY.
FOUND ONE.
58 TO GO.
GOOD JOB, JOE.
OK, DINNER IS READY
WHEN THE COW MOOS.
MMM.
OK.
HOW ABOUT HERE?
NOT THERE.
WHY NOT? IT'S DARK.
YEAH, THAT'S THE POINT.
IT'S A DARK CORNER.
THE PLANT LIVENS IT UP.
PLANTS NEED LIGHT. THEY DO?
IT'S THE "PHOTO" PART
OF PHOTOSYNTHESIZE.
OH, DON'T SOME PLANTS
JUST SYNTHESIZE?
THEY REALLY NEED THE PHOTO PART.
NONE OF THE PLANTS I
EVER HAD NEEDED LIGHT.
ANY OF THEM LIVE?
NO. OH, INSIGHT.
POOR THING DOESN'T
STAND A CHANCE.
HEY, SO, YOU READY FOR FRIDAY?
UH, DINNER WITH MY PARENTS?
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
THEM IN A WHILE.
I'VE SEEN MOM OCCASIONALLY.
BUT FLOYD AND I REALLY HAVEN'T
SPOKEN SINCE THE GREAT SCHISM
NOT THAT HARRY CHAPIN ISN'T
DYING TO RISE FROM THE GRAVE
AND WRITE A SONG ABOUT US.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.
YEAH, I GET THAT.
MMM, AND HE'S GONNA
CALL ME DIGGER.
OH, HE LOVES CALLING ME DIGGER.
AND HE HAS HATED EVERY
GIRL I HAVE EVER DATED.
UM, REALLY?
YEAH, MOM, TOO.
IT'S SOME SORT OF
REVERSE OEDIPAL THING.
AND NOT JUST THE ONES I PICK.
THEY SET ME UP WITH
A GIRL THEY LOVED.
AS SOON AS THEY
FOUND OUT I LIKED HER,
THEY TURNED ON HER VICIOUSLY.
SHE MOVED TO ALASKA.
WHY ARE YOU TELLING
ME THIS? JUST A HEADS-UP.
ALL IT'S GONNA DO IS MAKE
ME NERVOUS, AND IT HAS.
BUT THEY DON'T KNOW
I'M GOING OUT WITH YOU.
WELL, THEY'LL FIND
OUT EVENTUALLY.
IMPRESS THEM NOW
WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW.
PREEMPT THEIR GATHERING HATRED.
UNLESS THEY END UP
HATING ME RETROACTIVELY.
OH, I HAVE SEEN THAT, TOO.
TONY ROBBINS HAS NOTHING ON YOU.
SORRY.
OH, HOW ABOUT
HERE? ON THE CHAIR?
YEAH, IT'S NOT A VERY
COMFORTABLE CHAIR.
HOW ABOUT I JUST
GET A NEW CHAIR?
THAT'LL WORK.
IN A WARPED WAY, YOU BEING
NERVOUS HAS MADE ME LESS NERVOUS.
SO THERE'S A BRIGHT SIDE.
NOT THAT THAT WAS MY
INTENT. GOOD TO KNOW.
DINNER.
THERE WAS A
DEATH-TO-DISCO MOVEMENT
IN THE LATE '70S, VERY INTENSE.
WE HAD DONNA SUMMER ON THE RUN.
"WE"? YOU WEREN'T BORN YET.
I'M A KINDRED SPIRIT. GOTCHA.
SO WHERE'S THE PASSION
NOW, HUH? WHERE IS IT?
THERE'S NO DISCO
TO KILL ANYMORE.
THEY WIPED IT OUT.
BUT THERE ARE OTHER
THINGS THAT NEED WIPING OUT.
PHONY RAPPERS, MOST TECHNO,
ALT COUNTRY, CHRISTIAN ROCK,
ANYTHING FUSION,
CLASSIC ALTERNATIVE RADIO
WHERE ALL THEY DO IS PLAY THE SAME
NIRVANA SONG OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THE RUBENS, THE
CLAYS, THE CLARKSONS.
IT'S GONNA BE A BLOODBATH.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
YOU SMELL THAT SMELL?
YEAH.
TAYLOR LEFT KIRK IN CHARGE
OF THE EASTER EGG HUNT
AND THEY DIDN'T
EXACTLY FIND THEM ALL.
THEY LOSE THE EGG MAP?
THEY DIDN'T MAKE AN EGG MAP.
THEY DIDN'T MAKE AN EGG MAP?
I WAS JUST AS SHOCKED.
THEY ALWAYS MAKE AN EGG MAP.
LET'S HAVE THE
HOURLY REPORT, JOE.
WELL, YOU KNOW... WE
FOUND 3 MORE, TAYLOR.
I SAID, "JOE."
WE FOUND 3 MORE, TAYLOR.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
THAT IS NOT GOOD.
MORE THAN HALF ARE STILL MISSING
AND EVERY MINUTE, WE HAVE
PEOPLE DESERTING THE CAUSE.
WHAT'S THIS?
THERE'S A COUPLE IN THE TREE.
YOU HID THEM IN A TREE?
OH, RIGHT.
THEY'RE COMPLETELY OUT
OF REACH OF THE CHILDREN.
THE OTHERS I HID FOR THE
DELIGHT OF THE CHILDREN.
THESE I HID FOR ME.
GET THEM DOWN. THIS IS NOT GOOD.
WE ARE LOSING MEN,
AND WE ARE LOSING...
HAIR.
TIME.
JINX. JINX. JINX.
JINX. JINX. JINX.
OH, I MISS THE CARIBBEAN.
SO, WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?
WELL, WE STILL HAVE NO FRIDGE,
NO STOVE, AND NO MICROWAVE,
SO NOTHING PERISHABLE, NOTHING
THAT REQUIRES BOILING WATER
AND NOTHING THAT
NEEDS TO BE COOKED.
I'M GUESSING THE
DAY-OLD SUSHI IS OUT.
IT WAS NEVER IN.
BEEF JERKY? DEFINITELY.
AND PROTEIN BARS.
I'M SORRY. WHEN DID
I WIN THE LOTTERY?
PROTEIN BARS ARE A LUXURY?
WHEN YOU LIVE WITH GUYS
THAT EAT 10 OF EVERYTHING
WHEN 1 IS THE CORRECT PORTION.
GOTTA KEEP THAT
PROPORTION COST LOW.
PRETZELS. PERFECT.
AND, OF COURSE, THE
PERENNIAL POP-TART.
LOAD UP ON THOSE.
DID I TELL YOU THAT
DEAN STOPPED BY?
WHERE, YALE?
HE WAS DELIVERING A
BOOKCASE FOR MY MOM.
HEY, YOU WANT A
BOOKCASE? IT'S FREE.
I'LL TAKE IT.
SO, HOW'S OLD DEANIE-BOY DOING?
HE DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE.
WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING.
SAYS HE NEEDS MONEY.
HOW ABOUT MARSHMALLOWS?
SURE, THROW IN A PARK AVENUE
MANSION WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
ANOTHER LUXURY. GOT IT.
SO, HE'S JUST WORKING FULL-TIME?
IT'S SUCH A WASTE.
DEAN IS SO SMART.
HE CAN DO SO MUCH MORE.
HEY, MELBA TOAST.
CHEAP, TASTELESS, AND FILLING.
I'LL GRAB A BUNCH.
I'LL GET ONE BAG
OF MARSHMALLOWS,
SO THE BOYS CAN HAVE
A TREAT AFTERWARDS.
I'M MAD AT DEAN ABOUT THIS,
BUT I'M MORE MAD AT LINDSAY.
SHE'S SO SELFISH. WOMEN.
SHE'S HIS WIFE. SHE
SHOULD BE ENCOURAGING HIM
TO GO TO SCHOOL AND
THINK ABOUT HIS FUTURE.
BUT, NO, SHE NEEDS A
TOWNHOUSE AND A ROLLS-ROYCE.
THEY'RE BUYING A ROLLS-ROYCE?
NO, BUT THEY ARE THE TOWNHOUSE
AND HE DIDN'T EVEN SEEM THAT
EXCITED ABOUT IT. IT'S JUST LINDSAY.
I MEAN, WHY DOESN'T
SHE GET A JOB.
WHAT DOES SHE DO ALL DAY?
SO, YOU THINK... YOU
THINK SHE HEARD?
KIRK? THAT'S ME.
YOU WANT SOMETHING? WHY?
WELL, YOU USUALLY GET SOMETHING
HERE. YOU'RE IN THE DINER.
OH, YES.
KIRK? THAT'S ME.
YOU WANT SOME
COFFEE? YES, PLEASE.
YOUR EYES ARE SPINNING
IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.
I'VE BEEN UP FOR ONE
AND A HALF DAYS STRAIGHT.
I HAVEN'T DONE THAT SINCE THE
PETTICOAT JUNCTION MARATHON IN '97.
RIGHT. CAUGHT A LITTLE
BIT OF THAT MYSELF.
LUKE, TURKEY SANDWICH
ON RYE, PLEASE.
AND LETTUCE, TOMATO, CUCUMBER.
COMING RIGHT UP.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT, TAYLOR.
WE'RE GONNA FIND
THOSE LAST 12 EGGS.
COLESLAW, TOO.
EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM.
AND A PICKLE. MAKE IT 2.
JOE AND I CAN DIVIDE
THE SQUARE IN 2
AND SWEEP IT CLEAN
TILL THE JOB'S DONE.
I'M GOING TO PAY NOW AND, UH,
WAIT OUTSIDE, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
I GUESS NOT.
I'LL TAKE THE EAST SIDE,
HE'LL TAKE THE WEST.
THAT WAY WE CAN...
THAT'S ENOUGH, KIRK.
HEY, WATCH IT.
YOU'RE NOT SATISFIED
THAT I'M SUFFERING
FOR WHAT YOU'VE
DONE TO THIS TOWN.
YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE TO
PERSONALLY TORTURE ME?
WE'LL FIND THE 12.
WE WON'T FIND THE 12.
YOU HAVE BROUGHT
DISASTER DOWN UPON US.
ARE YOU HAPPY?
NO.
I LEFT YOU IN CHARGE BECAUSE
I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU.
BUT YOU LET ME DOWN.
NOW, I HAVE TO CANCEL
THE FLOWER SHOW.
NO.
I'M MAKING THE CALL TOMORROW.
THE FLOWER SHOW IS HISTORY.
BUT WE'RE ONLY MISSING 12.
WE HAVE TO FIND EVERY LAST EGG.
WELL, THEN, JOE AND I...
JOE JUST LEFT FOR CABALA CLASS.
I HAVE NO MEN LEFT.
YOU HAVE ME LEFT.
I HAVE NO MEN LEFT.
I'VE LOST MY APPETITE.
HI, GUYS. WOW, LOVE THE HEATERS.
IT'S NOT TOO COLD, IS IT? WE
THOUGHT WE'D START THE EVENING HERE.
IT'S NICE.
NO, NO, I'M NOT SEEING THE
OLIVES THAT FLOYD LIKES.
THEY'RE IN THE
BACK ON THE RIGHT.
IS THIS CART IN THE BEST PLACE?
MOVE IT BACK?
MOVE IT BACK.
THEY KEEP MOVING
EVERYTHING BACK AND FORTH.
THE CART, THE HEATER, ME.
I USED TO BE OVER THERE.
THEY'RE PERFECTIONISTS.
IT'S LIKE WATCHING AN ANT FARM.
OH, I SHOULD GO GRAB
THAT GIN THAT FLOYD LIKES.
I'VE GOT SOME IN THE FREEZER.
MAYBE IT WAS BETTER
IN THE OTHER SPOT.
PATIO LOOKS GREAT, MOM, REALLY.
I GUESS.
WHERE'S THAT AWFUL
LIGHT COMING FROM?
I THINK IT'S THE MOON.
YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF
HAVING THE MOON MOVED, MOM?
I SUPPOSE IT WILL MOVE
ON ITS OWN AT SOME POINT.
YOU LOOK NICE. THANK YOU.
WHY DO YOU LOOK SO NICE?
I KNEW THIS WAS AN IMPORTANT
NIGHT FOR YOU GUYS. I THOUGHT I WOULD
DRESS UP A LITTLE.
THEY'RE HERE.
RICHARD, THEY'RE HERE.
YOU DO LOOK
ESPECIALLY NICE TONIGHT.
WHAT IS WITH EVERYONE?
I'M NOT ALWAYS IN DIRTY SWEATS
FRESH FROM SLOPPING THE PIGS.
YOU DON'T HAVE THAT
JUST-CAME-FROM-WORK LOOK ABOUT YOU.
A GIRL CAN'T DRESS UP A LITTLE?
YOUR MOM'S A LITTLE NERVOUS.
OH, RIGHT. YOU'RE
MEETING THE PARENTS.
I ACTUALLY HAD NOT PUT
THAT TOGETHER BEFORE.
THAT'S WHY YOU SHOWERED.
THAT'S NOT WHY I SHOWERED.
HERE WE ARE.
OH, YOUR PATIO IS
BEAUTIFUL, EMILY.
THANK YOU, CAROL.
HI, HONEY. HI, MOM.
FLOYD, CAROL, OUR
DAUGHTER, LORELAI.
HOW DO YOU DO? OUR
GRANDDAUGHTER, RORY.
HELLO. HI.
WE'VE, UH, MET BEFORE,
BUT A LONG TIME AGO.
HI. WE REMEMBER YOU WELL.
WELL, YOU DIDN'T DRESS
UP FOR OUR BENEFIT, I HOPE.
NO, NO. THIS IS NOTHING WEIRD.
HOW ABOUT SOME
BEVERAGES, EVERYBODY?
EXTRA DRY MARTINI
STILL YOUR DRINK, FLOYD?
ABSOLUTELY.
SAME HERE, DAD.
AND BOURBON WITH A SPLASH
OF BRANCH WATER, RIGHT, CAROL?
THANK YOU, RICHARD.
OH, HERE, EMILY.
YOU'VE REDONE THE
PATIO. IT'S GORGEOUS.
DON'T YOU THINK?
OH, AND THOSE
TREES. I LOVE THEM.
WHAT ARE THEY?
THEY'RE AFRICAN. COME SEE.
I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER
WHEN WE SAW YOU LAST.
UH, PROBABLY AT CAMP.
RIGHT, THE DAY WE
CAME TO PICK UP JASON.
THERE WAS A TALENT SHOW.
YOU SANG A DUET
WITH A PIMPLY FELLOW.
CRATER FACE CUTLER.
HE'S A LITIGATOR
NOW. VERY BITTER MAN.
THE PIMPLY FELLOW STANK, BUT YOU
WERE WONDERFUL. VERY CHARMING.
IT WAS FROM GREASE.
HOW CRATER FACE GOT HIS PIMPLES?
NO, MY SONG SUMMER LOVIN'.
I HAD TO SIT ON HIS LAP AT ONE
POINT. IT WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
CRATER FACE HAD VERY BONY KNEES.
AND YOU DID A DANCE WITH
SOMEBODY, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY.
OH, YES, HE CHA-CHA'D.
WELL, THANK YOU
FOR BRINGING THAT UP.
AND THANK YOU FOR
NEVER SENDING ME TO CAMP.
YOU WERE GREAT. I LIKED WHEN YOU
AND YOUR PARTNER KNOCKED HEADS.
CLUBFOOT CINDY. SHE MARRIED CRATER
FACE CUTLER. BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.
HERE ARE THE DRINKS, EVERYBODY.
MMM-HMM, MMM-HMM.
UH, RORY, WE LEFT
YOUR SODA INSIDE.
OH, I'LL GO GET IT.
I ACTUALLY HAD A
BARBERSHOP QUARTET AT YALE.
I WAS BY FAR THE WEAKEST LINK.
THAT REMINDS ME.
I HAVE A STORY I'VE
BEEN DYING TO TELL YOU
EVER SINCE I HEARD IT, RICHARD,
ABOUT HERB BENSON.
HO, WHAT'S THE ROGUE UP TO NOW?
LATER. I DON'T WANT
TO BORE THE OTHERS.
I CAN'T WAIT.
HELP ME TAKE THE DRINKS
DOWN TO THE LADIES?
ABSOLUTELY. EXCUSE US.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
HERE'S TO YOU.
HERE YOU ARE, DARLING.
WELL, LOOK AT THAT.
GROUCHO, CHICO, HARPO,
AND ZEPPO TOGETHER AGAIN.
EXCUSE ME, GRANDMA.
YES, SWEETIE?
ELSA SAID TO SAY THAT
DINNER'S IN 15 MINUTES.
DID SHE ASK YOU TO DO
SOME VACUUMING, TOO?
UM, NO.
SHE SENDS MY GRANDDAUGHTER
OUT TO DO HER JOB.
HOW MANY MAIDS HAS EMILY
BEEN THROUGH, RICHARD?
WE USED TO KEEP A RUNNING COUNT.
I'M AFRAID WESTERN
MATHEMATICAL PRINCIPLES
CANNOT ACCOMMODATE SUCH A TASK.
MY FATHER IS IN A PARTICULARLY
GOOD MOOD TONIGHT.
VERY.
HE'S ONLY SAID 2 PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
THINGS TO ME SINCE HE GOT HERE
WHICH IS ASTOUNDING FOR HIM.
BY THE WAY, MAY I BE THE 14TH PERSON
THIS EVENING TO SAY HOW GREAT YOU LOOK?
IT'S THE SHOWER. I GOTTA
TRY THAT MORE OFTEN.
I THINK IT'D BE GREAT.
IT'S BETTER THAN DAYTONA BEACH.
OH, THIS IS OUR
GRANDSON'S FIRST STEP.
WE WERE SO LUCKY TO
HAVE THE CAMERA READY.
OH, THAT'S DARLING.
HE'S GONNA BE BIG.
HE'S GONNA START ON THE DEFENSIVE
LINE FOR THE BULLDOGS IN 2021.
FLOYD HAS IT ALL WORKED OUT.
I BELIEVE THAT'S YOU VERY
LOVINGLY HOLDING YOUR NEPHEW
WHO LOOKS VERY
HAPPY IN YOUR ARMS.
I JUST TOLD HIM I'D OPENED A
NO-LOAD MUTUAL FUND FOR HIM.
TRACKS THE S&P.
OH, YOU SENTIMENTAL FOOL.
I HAVE SOME TERRIFIC
PICTURES OF RORY.
I SHOULD GO GET THEM.
BUT, GRANDMA, I'M RIGHT HERE.
BUT YOU'RE SO BIG NOW.
SLOUCH DOWN IN YOUR
CHAIR FOR GRANDMA, HONEY.
IF IT'S OK, I ACTUALLY
THOUGHT I MIGHT LEAVE SOON.
SHE'S GOT A BIG PAPER DUE
NEXT WEEK AND LOTS OF READING.
OH, YES, RORY. WE'VE MADE
YOU STAY TOO LONG ALREADY.
OH, YES, GO, GO.
THANK YOU FOR LOOKING LIKE YOU
WEREN'T TOO BORED ALL EVENING.
OH, NO, I WASN'T,
REALLY. IT WAS FUN.
BYE, GRANDMA.
YOU HAVE TO GO, TOO? OH,
NO, WE CAME SEPARATELY.
GOOD. BYE, GRANDPA.
MMM, GOODBYE, RORY.
LOVELY GIRL. OH, SHE'S A DOLL.
WELL, I THINK THIS
IS THE PERFECT TIME
FOR THOSE WHO ARE SO
INCLINED TO ENJOY A CIGAR.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S FIRE THEM UP.
I MEANT THE MEN, BUT
WOULD YOU LIKE A CIGAR?
NO, YOU GUYS GO. CIRCLE
THE FIRE. POUND YOUR CHESTS.
WE'LL BE WAITING. FLOYD, JASON.
LET'S DO IT.
WELL, LET'S LET ELSA CLEAN
UP AND MAYBE KEEP HER JOB.
THE LIVING ROOM ALL RIGHT?
WE CAN BRING THE COFFEE?
I WAS GOING TO POUR
BRANDY. EVEN BETTER.
OH, LET'S GO.
AH, THIS EVENING HAS
BEEN SO WONDERFUL, EMILY.
THE 2 OF US TOGETHER AGAIN.
YES, IT HAS.
ALL THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS
THAT HAPPENED WITH THE BUSINESS.
NOW, LET'S NOT LET BUSINESS
COME BETWEEN US AGAIN.
ALL THAT UGLINESS IS IN THE PAST
NOW, SO WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.
YES.
SMOOTH.
'63?
'65.
YOU CAN'T GET A '63
TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.
STILL DOES THE TRICK, THOUGH.
GOODPORT WAS CAUGHT UP IN
THAT RIDICULOUS CIGAR BOOM
A FEW YEARS AGO, REMEMBER?
YES, YES.
AMATEURS.
BABES IN DIAPERS TALKING
BIG IN THOSE CIGAR CLUBS,
SMOKING CHURCHILLS
DOWN TO THE RING.
TOBACCO FARMERS
HARVESTED THEIR CROP GREEN
JUST TO KEEP UP WITH THE DEMAND.
IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, YOU
FOUND A WAY TO RECTIFY THE PROBLEM.
I COULDN'T GET HENNESSY'S TO PUT
MY FAVORITE CIGARS ASIDE FOR ME.
THIS, AFTER 20 YEARS OF
GIVING THEM MY BUSINESS.
BIG MISTAKE.
LOVE THESE KIND OF STORIES.
SO I BYPASSED THE BASTARDS.
I FOUND THEIR SUPPLIER.
I SWOOPED IN AND BOUGHT
ALL OF MY FAVORITES IN BULK.
HUNDREDS OF BOXES,
CASH, ON THE BARREL.
SO NOW HENNESSY'S
COULDN'T GET THEM.
HUNDREDS OF BOXES?
OH, I COULDN'T HAVE
SMOKED THEM IN 3 LIFETIMES.
SO I KINDLY OFFERED TO SELL
HENNESSY'S MY EXCESS SUPPLY.
THEY LEAPT AT IT
LIKE DOGS FOR A BONE.
AND I MADE ENOUGH TO PAY
FOR THE BOXES THAT I KEPT.
YOU'RE CREATIVE, RICHARD. IT'S
ONE OF YOUR MANY STRENGTHS.
I'D SAY IT'S HIS MAIN STRENGTH.
WELL, WHO EVER SAID AN
INSURANCE MAN CAN'T BE CREATIVE?
IT'S ONE OF THE FALLACIES
ABOUT WHAT WE DO.
PEOPLE THINK IT'S DRY, WOODEN,
A BUNCH OF AUTOMATONS
SHUFFLING PAPERS.
ON THE CONTRARY,
IT BREATHES DAILY.
IT'S LIFE AND DEATH, WHAT WE DO.
IT'S A NEW DRAMA EVERY
DAY, ALMOST SHAKESPEAREAN.
RICHARD III, MACBETH.
WHAT DAY DOESN'T
NECESSITATE COURAGE, TENACITY,
AND SOMETIMES, LIKE
YOUR CIGAR STORY, RICHARD,
A LITTLE VENGEANCE?
AND THAT'S ALL BEFORE LUNCH.
OUR WORK IS WONDERFUL.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT WAY.
PROTECTIVE OF WHAT I DO,
PROTECTIVE OF WHAT I HAVE.
I THINK MY CIGAR IS OUT.
THAT'S WHY I'M SUING YOU.
DAD.
YOU'RE JOKING.
I'M NOT JOKING. I'M
SUING YOUR COMPANY.
MY LAWYERS WILL BE
CONTACTING YOU MONDAY MORNING.
FLOYD, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.
YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D
LET DIGGER WALK AWAY
WITH SOME OF MY OLDEST
CLIENTS AND NOT RESPOND, DID YOU?
ARE YOU THAT NAIVE?
DAD, THIS IS CRAZY.
YOU SIGNED A NON-COMPETE
CLAUSE WITH ME, DIGGER.
AND I DIDN'T BREAK THAT CLAUSE.
HE DIDN'T, FLOYD.
I STUDIED JASON'S CONTRACT,
AND ONLY CERTAIN
CLIENTS WERE OFF-LIMITS
AND THOSE REMAINED OFF-LIMITS.
ALEXANDER BARNES WAS OFF-LIMITS.
THAT WAS A SOCIAL LUNCH, AND YOU
CAN'T PROVE OTHERWISE. YOU HAVE NO CASE.
MAYBE, MAYBE NOT.
BUT BY THE TIME THE COURTS
FIGURE OUT THE SITUATION,
I'LL HAVE BURIED
YOU IN LEGAL FEES.
I KNOW YOUR FINANCIAL
SITUATION, RICHARD.
YOU CAN'T SURVIVE A
LENGTHY LEGAL PROCESS.
SO, THIS IS JUST REVENGE, FLOYD?
ARE WE STOOPING THAT LOW?
YOU JUST DESCRIBED
HOW STRONGLY YOU FELT
ABOUT A BUNCH OF CIGARS.
HOW DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING
TO FEEL ABOUT MY BUSINESS?
HOW DID YOU KNOW I HAD
LUNCH WITH ALEX, DAD?
YOU HAVE A PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR TAILING ME?
THIS WHOLE BUSINESS,
SO DISTASTEFUL,
BUT WHAT WAS I TO DO?
I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO, WHAT
RICHARD GILMORE WOULD DO.
I THINK I SHOULD GO NOW.
DON'T. DAD, DON'T
LEAVE. CALL THIS OFF.
SORRY I DIDN'T GET TO
THAT ANECDOTE, RICHARD.
MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME.
DAD!
RORY DID COME OUT.
SHE WAS A BEAUTIFUL
DEBUTANTE, THE HIT OF THE NIGHT.
SHE DID SO WELL, WE HAD HER
GO BACK IN AND COME OUT AGAIN.
FLOYD, WAIT.
DAD, I WILL BLOCK
THE DOOR IF I HAVE TO.
I WOULDN'T SUGGEST
YOU DO THAT, SON.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
I SHOULD GET MY PURSE.
CAROL, NO.
EXCUSE US, EMILY. THIS IS
RUDE, BUT WE HAVE TO GO.
MOM, STAY.
IT'S TOO LATE, JASON.
WHAT'S GOING ON? RICHARD?
I APOLOGIZE FOR HOW THIS ENDED.
WE ARE NOT
UNPREPARED FOR A FIGHT.
WE ARE CAPITALIZED.
BECAUSE YOU PUT YOUR PENSION UP
AS COLLATERAL ON ALL YOUR LOANS.
HOW DID YOU...
IT'S A SMALL COMMUNITY,
OUR COMMUNITY.
ENDANGERING YOUR PENSION,
RICHARD, IT'S RECKLESS.
WHICH P.I. DID YOU HAVE
ON ME? PALUSO, I ASSUME?
HE'S THE BEST. HE
GETS EVERYTHING.
IT'S HOW I FOUND OUT YOUR
DAUGHTER IS DATING MY SON.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
♪
SORRY WE SPOILED
YOUR SECRET, SON.
WE'LL SEE OURSELVES
OUT. COME ON, CAROL.
DAD, WAIT.
RICHARD, EMILY,
THIS ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN. PERIOD.
IT WILL RESOLVE QUICKLY
AND IN OUR FAVOR.
EXCUSE ME. DAD!
OKAY, FORGETTING
THE INSUFFERABLE WAY
THAT YOU PRESENTED THIS SUBJECT,
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW FAR OFF YOU ARE?
♪
WE NEED TO TALK.
YOU BROUGHT YOUR
OWN CAR, DIDN'T YOU?
YEAH. YES.
YOU DON'T NEED TO
STAY. YOU CAN GO.
I'M BLOCKED IN.
OH.
RICHARD, YOU HAVE
EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY.
OH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DO.
TO BE HUMILIATED LIKE
THIS IN MY OWN HOUSE?
IT WAS UNCONSCIONABLE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU SEE THIS COMING?
YOU KNOW HIM, RICHARD.
HE DOESN'T SHOW HIS HAND.
HE SWEET-TALKED US ON THE GOLF
COURSE, GOT INVITED TO DINNER.
THE MAN IS A SOCIOPATH.
TELL ME IF YOU'VE DONE
ANYTHING, ANYTHING ILLEGAL.
NOTHING. RICHARD, I
SWEAR TO YOU, NOTHING.
THE LUNCH WITH ALEX?
SOCIAL. WE'RE FRIENDS.
WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?
I'M NOT STUPID ENOUGH
TO DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL
OR THINK THAT I COULD GET
ANYTHING ILLEGAL BY YOU.
I DO PUSH BOUNDARIES, RICHARD,
BUT I NEVER CROSS THEM. EVER.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN SEEING MY DAUGHTER?
5 MONTHS.
FOR 5 MONTHS YOU'VE
BEEN LYING TO ME.
YES.
BUT IT WAS A WHITE LIE.
IT WAS A TIMING ISSUE.
IT WOULD HAVE COMPLICATED
OUR RELATIONSHIP, YOURS AND MINE
AND WE DIDN'T KNOW IF IT
WOULD LAST, SO WE TOOK A PATH.
IT WAS THE WRONG PATH, AND
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, TOO.
YOU'VE GOT A LOT
TO BE SORRY ABOUT.
I DO.
MY DAMNED FATHER.
I SHOULD'VE SEEN THIS COMING.
AS WELL AS I KNOW HIM, I
KEEP UNDERESTIMATING HIM.
WE BOTH SHOULD
HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
I CAN MAKE THIS GO AWAY.
HOW? IT'S A BLUFF.
YOU KNOW MY FATHER.
HE HATES GIVING
MONEY TO LAWYERS,
AND THIS ACTION IS
GONNA COST HIM BIG.
THAT IS TRUE.
SO WE WILL COUNTER SUE. IT'S A
WRONGFUL LAWSUIT. WE WILL MAKE HIM PAY.
POSSIBLY.
AND I WILL DO ANYTHING TO
WIN BACK YOUR TRUST, RICHARD.
YOU HAVE BEEN SO
GOOD TO ME. PLEASE.
LET ME TRY.
OK.
YOU'VE GOT MY TRUST.
GO GET HIM.
THANK YOU, RICHARD. THANK YOU.
AND ALSO, I'M GONNA
WORK ON MY GOLF GAME,
GET IT UP TO SNUFF, SO I STOP
EMBARRASSING YOU AROUND THE GREENS.
YEAH, DO THAT.
THANK YOU, RICHARD.
I HAVE A GIGANTIC BOTTLE
OF VODKA AT MY PLACE.
THE LARGEST BOTTLE
OF VODKA KNOWN TO MAN.
BUT WHAT WILL YOU DRINK? GIN.
LET'S GO.
EGGS.
GOTTA GET THE EGGS.
WHOA, BUDDY.
EGGS.
FLOWER SHOW'S TOMORROW.
FLOWER SHOW'S TOMORROW
AND I CAN'T FIND
THE LAST 12 EGGS.
I LET TAYLOR DOWN.
HE'S LIKE A FATHER TO
ME. I THINK HE IS MY FATHER.
HE'S NOT YOUR FATHER.
NO, MY FATHER'S MY FATHER,
WHICH MEANS TAYLOR'S MY TAILOR.
I WONDER HOW MUCH HE
CHARGES TO HEM PANTS.
HE'S NOT YOUR
TAILOR. I LET HIM DOWN.
I LET TAYLOR DOWN.
I LET THE WHOLE TOWN DOWN.
HE WON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE.
WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S THE LAST 12 EGGS.
YOU PICKED SOME SCREWY
PLACES TO HIDE THEM.
DON'T DO THAT AGAIN.
THE LAST 12?
TELL TAYLOR YOU FOUND
THEM. BE THE HERO.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I LOVE YOU, LUKE
DANES! I LOVE YOU!
I'M STUPID.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE LUKE DANES!
LOVE, LOVE!
♪
HEY, COME ON.
WHAT? WHERE?
I... I WANT TO TALK
TO YOU. COME ON.
I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO CALL YOUR CELL.
I DIDN'T HAVE IT ON.
I'M SORRY, OK? I'M REALLY SORRY.
ABOUT WHAT?
I WAS A JERK AT
YOUR DORM. I YELLED.
YOU DIDN'T YELL.
I GOT UPSET, AND
I SHOULDN'T HAVE.
NO, DEAN, I'M THE JERK.
HOUNDING YOU ABOUT
SCHOOL LIKE THAT.
IT ALL CAME OUT WRONG.
IT'S YOUR LIFE,
IT'S YOUR DECISION.
NO, I SHOULDN'T
HAVE SNIPED LIKE THAT.
I DESERVED IT.
YOU WERE CONCERNED.
I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU,
AND I THINK SCHOOL IS IT.
I STILL THINK THAT,
BUT IT'S NOT UP TO ME.
I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO SETTLE.
YEAH, I KNOW YOU DON'T.
SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE
THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN'T.
I THINK LINDSAY MAY HAVE OVERHEARD
ME SAYING STUFF AT DOOSE'S.
YEAH.
I FEEL EVEN WORSE ABOUT
THAT. I'VE GOT SUCH A BIG MOUTH.
NO, IT'S OK.
SHE MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY UPSET.
KIND OF.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO
HURT HER FEELINGS.
SHE'LL BE OK.
SHE KNOWS WE TALK,
RIGHT? THAT WE'RE FRIENDS?
SHE DOES NOW.
SHE DOESN'T WANT ME
TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE.
OH.
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S
UNDERSTANDABLE.
I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN.
I DON'T WANT THAT
TO HAPPEN, EITHER.
THEN IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
SHOULDN'T YOU GET HOME?
YEAH.
ME, TOO.
IS IT TRUE?
DID YOU PUT YOUR
PENSION UP AS COLLATERAL?
ARE WE IN TROUBLE?
IT'S GOING TO WORK OUT, EMILY.
IT'LL BE OK.
YOU AND JASON TALKED?
IT'S GOING TO BE OK.
♪
UH, 3 WORDS.
4 WORDS. 2 WORDS. OK,
YOU SUCK AT CHARADES.
WE'RE PLAYING CHARADES?
YEAH, WEREN'T WE?
YOU'RE DRUNK. YOU'RE DRUNK.
DON'T DRUNK AND DRIVE.
I WOULD NOT THUNK IT.
THAT'S A FUN GAME TO PLAY. WHAT?
THE "CHANGING WORDS
INTO FUNNY WORDS" GAME.
OH, I'M SLEEPY.
HEY, YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER
WAS TERRIFIC UNTIL THE END. HUH?
YEAH, THE END WAS KIND OF BAD.
IT'S LIKE FALLING 600
FEET TO YOUR DEATH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUN
THE FIRST 599 FEET,
IT'S JUST THE LAST
FOOT TOTAL SUCKO.
YEAH, IT'S A BUMMER.
THAT LAST FOOT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, THERE IS A
BRIGHT SIDE TO THIS EVENING.
THE MOON?
UH, NO, BUT THE MOON
WAS... WAS VERY BRIGHT.
AT LEAST OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS OUT IN THE OPEN.
NO MORE HIDING.
YEAH, NO MORE HIDING.
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
AND I GOT RICHARD CALM.
AND I'LL WORK MY MAGIC, MMM-HMM.
WHICH IS WHAT I DO.
DAD'S HEAD LOOKED LIKE IT
WAS GONNA GO FULL-OUT PINATA.
IT'LL BE OK.
HE AND I ARE GOING
GOLFING IN A COUPLE DAYS.
THAT ALWAYS PUTS HIM
IN A GOOD MOOD. YEAH.
YOUR PLANT IS DEAD.
HOW DID IT DIE SO QUICKLY?
IT MAY HAVE BEEN SELF-INFLICTED.
POOR THING.
ARE YOU OK, THOUGH?
AM I BEING ENOUGH SUPPORTIVE?
REVERSE THOSE LAST 2 WORDS.
NO, I'M FINE.
IN A WEIRD WAY, MY FATHER
TRYING TO DESTROY ME
IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER GOTTEN
ANY REAL RESPECT OUT OF HIM.
MMM, COOL. CLINK.
♪
NICE SHOT. BEAUTIFUL.
YOUR CHARITY IS LIMITLESS.
YOU'RE JUST WARMING UP.
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A CLOSER.
HEH, TOO TRUE.
SO, WE'RE DONE WITH
THE BROAD STROKES?
I BELIEVE SO. I'LL
DROP THE LAWSUIT.
WE'LL SPLIT THE CLIENTS EVENLY.
YOU'LL COME BACK TO THE FIRM,
HAVE YOUR OWN COMPANY
UNDER OUR UMBRELLA.
AND JASON IS OUT.
JASON'S OUT.
YOU'LL BE RETURNING
A HERO, RICHARD.
HMM. MUSIC TO MY EARS.
BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY.
BEAUTIFUL.