Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 2, Episode 9 - Run Away, Little Boy - full transcript

I'M BACK.

KITCHEN.

OK, I COULDN'T MAKE UP MY MIND,

SO I GOT THE SHINING
AND BRINGING UP BABY.

HMM, NOW, I KNOW
YOU'RE THINKING:

"ONE'S A MOVIE ABOUT A HOMICIDAL
PARENT, AND THE OTHER ONE'S..."

HELLO.

HI. HI, MOM.

WHAT'D YOU BREAK?

NOTHING. WELL, THE BROILER.

BUT THIS CAME FOR YOU AND MAX.

WE'RE THINKING IT'S
A WEDDING PRESENT.

HUH?

HMM.

"LORELAI GILMORE
AND MAX MEDINA." HUH?

GUESS NEWS DOESN'T
ALWAYS TRAVEL FAST.

ARE YOU GONNA OPEN IT? NO.

BUT AREN'T YOU CURIOUS?

NO, I... JUST LEAVE IT THERE.
I'LL TAKE IT BACK TOMORROW.

BUT THERE'S NOT
A RETURN ADDRESS.

ISN'T THERE A CARD? NO.

MAYBE THERE'S ONE INSIDE.

WITH A RETURN ADDRESS ON IT.

BUT THAT MEANS YOU'D
HAVE TO OPEN IT TO FIND OUT.

FINE. GIVE ME A KNIFE.

OOH, THIS IS SO EXCITING.

MAYBE NOT.

AN ICE-CREAM MAKER!

A MUSSO LUSSINO 480.

SOMEBODY SENT A
FASCIST ICE-CREAM MAKER?

ITALIAN DESIGN, STAINLESS
STEEL BODY, CHROME FINISH.

AND NO CARD. PERFECT.

OH, JACKSON JUST
GOT IN HIS APPLE CROP.

WE CAN MAKE CIDER ICE CREAM.

YES, WE CAN, USING
HIS ICE CREAM MAKER.

BUT IL DUCE HERE'S GOING BACK.

TO WHERE? MAYBE IT'S AN ORPHAN.

THAT'S RIGHT. WE'D
BE GIVING IT A HOME.

OK, ONCE AGAIN, I BRING UP THE
FACT THAT THIS IS A WEDDING PRESENT.

AND, AS I AM NOT
GETTING MARRIED,

NEITHER GOD'S LAW NOR EMILY
POST ALLOWS ME TO KEEP THIS.

BUT ISN'T THERE A RULE
ABOUT LATE PRESENTS?

OH, LIKE, IF IT ARRIVES
AFTER A CERTAIN DATE,

THE GIVER FORFEITS
ALL RIGHTS OF RETURN.

EXACTLY. NICE TRY.

IT'S TRUE. I SAW IT
ON MARTHA STEWART.

SHE WAS DOING ONE OF
THOSE DOUBLE PROGRAM.

AND THE FIRST HALF WAS
ON MASSAGING YOUR DOG.

AND SHE HAD THIS CHOW, AND
SHE WAS RUBBING IT... SOOKIE!

BUT THE SECOND
HALF WAS ABOUT GIFTS,

AND SHE SAID IF IT
ARRIVES AFTER 10 WEEKS...

8.8 WEEKS,

THAT YOU DON'T
HAVE TO RETURN IT.

OK, CLEARLY THIS IS SHAPING
UP TO BE ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS

THAT ST. PETER'S GONNA SHOW ON
THE BIG VIDEO SCREEN WHEN I DIE,

AND I, FOR ONE, DON'T WANT
TO SEE US STAGGERING AROUND

WITH CIDER ICE CREAM
SLATHERED ALL OVER OUR FACES

WHILE MY SOUL
HANGS IN THE BALANCE.

SO UNTIL I CAN FIND OUT WHO
SENT THIS, NO ONE GOES NEAR IT.

AND WE'RE WATCHING THE SHINING.

I BET MAX WOULD LET US KEEP IT.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

SHAKESPEARE PROBABLY
NEVER INTENDED HIS PLAYS

TO BE READ BY STUDENTS
SITTING AT DESKS

MORE CONCERNED
WITH GETTING "A's"

THAN WITH THE FATE OF MACBETH.

HIS PLAYS WERE MEANT
TO BE EXPERIENCED, LIVED.

SO, WITH THAT IN MIND,

TOGETHER WITH MY
3RD-PERIOD SHAKESPEARE,

YOU WILL BE SPLIT INTO 5 GROUPS.

AND EACH GROUP WILL
ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY

FOR ONE ACT OF ROMEO AND JULIET

WHICH WILL BE PERFORMED
A WEEK FROM SUNDAY.

YOU WILL NOMINATE THE DIRECTOR,

YOU WILL CAST THE SCENE,
REHEARSE THE SCENE,

AND INTERPRET THE SCENE IN
YOUR OWN INDIVIDUAL MANNER.

LAST YEAR WE DID RICHARD III.

ONE GROUP DID THEIR
SCENE AS THE MAFIOSI.

ANOTHER SET THEIRS
DURING THE ROMAN EMPIRE.

AND MY FAVORITE, THE
CLIMACTIC LAST SCENE

WAS SET DURING THE FINAL DAYS
OF THE SONNY AND CHER SHOW.

JUST REMEMBER, WHATEVER
INTERPRETATION YOU CHOOSE,

SHOULD HIGHLIGHT THE
THEMES YOU SEE IN THE SCENE.

AND IF THE LOVE OF THE BARD'S
LANGUAGE STILL DOESN'T INSPIRE YOU,

REMEMBER, THIS WILL BE 50
PERCENT OF YOUR FINAL GRADE.

ACT 5. ACT 5.

ACT 5? ACT 5.

WHY DON'T THEY SEW OUR SIDES
TOGETHER AND RENAME US CHANG AND ENG?

RORY. HENRY, HI.

HEY. ACT 3, SWORD FIGHT. YOU?

OH, ACT 5, DEATH SCENE.

NICE. SO, UH, TONIGHT AT 8:00?

I'LL TELL LANE.

RORY, SORRY TO
INTERRUPT. HI, HENRY.

BUT SEE, WE'RE ALL STANDING
OVER THERE TRYIN' TO MAP OUT

A GAME PLAN AND
REHEARSAL SCHEDULE,

AND I'M SURE WHATEVER THE TWO
OF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE

IS SO MUCH MORE FASCINATING AND IMPORTANT
AND, WELL, GOSH LET'S JUST SAY IT, FUN,

BUT I'D REALLY LIKE TO GET
AN "A" ON THIS ASSIGNMENT,

AND IN ORDER TO DO THAT

I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE TO
DISCUSS YOUR SOCK HOPS

AND CLAMBAKES SOME OTHER TIME.

OK? THANKS.

THAT WAS SCARY.

IT'S GONNA BE A LOT SCARIER ONCE
SHE GETS A MEGAPHONE IN HER HANDS.

SO, I SAY WE MEET
IN THE CAFETERIA.

THE ACOUSTICS ARE VERY
SIMILAR TO GRANT HALL, AND...

OH, WELL, LOOK WHO SHOWED UP.

SORRY. SAVE IT.

WELL, WELL, WELL, LOOK
WHO'S BACK FROM SUSPENSION.

TRISTIN GOT SUSPENDED AGAIN?

OH, LIKE YOU HADN'T
NOTICED HE'D BEEN GONE?

WHAT DID HE DO?

TOOK APART MR. McCAFFEY'S CAR

AND PUT IT BACK TOGETHER IN
THE SCIENCE BUILDING HALLWAY.

YOU'RE KIDDING. HE
DIDN'T DO IT BY HIMSELF.

DUNCAN AND BOWMAN
WERE THERE, TOO.

PLUS THE MECHANICS THEY
PAID TO DO THE ACTUAL WORK.

HEY, ANYONE STUPID
ENOUGH TO HANG OUT

WITH BUTCH CASSIDY
AND THE SUN-DUNCE KID

DESERVES WHATEVER THEY GET.

HOW'D HE FALL IN
WITH THOSE GUYS?

THE YEAR STARTED,
AND THERE THEY WERE.

ALL 3 OF 'EM. SIDE BY SIDE.

AND PRACTICALLY
DRESSING THE SAME.

IT'S VERY ON THE TOWN.

HEY. WATCH IT.

AUNT BOBBIE, HI. IT'S LORELAI,

RICHARD AND EMILY'S GIRL.

UM, I'M THE ONE WITH...

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WOW, YOU DON'T HEAR THE
WORD "WEDLOCK" MUCH ANYMORE.

I'M HOME.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

REALLY? THE BIBLE
SAID ALL THAT, HUH?

DID IT... DID IT
MENTION ME BY NAME?

I MEAN, UH, OK,
I'M JUST KIDDING.

SO, UH, JUDGING BY YOUR
BILLY GRAHAM IMPRESSION,

I AM GUESSING THAT YOU DIDN'T
SEND ME AN ICE CREAM MAKER,

SO MAYBE YOU COULD JUST GIVE
ME AUNT CLARISSA'S PHONE NUMBER?

OH, NO, I HADN'T
HEARD. THAT'S TERRIBLE.

UH-HUH.

UH, THEN I GUESS SHE
HAD IT COMING, DIDN'T SHE?

HEY, LISTEN, I'D
LOVE TO CHAT ABOUT

WHO ELSE IN THE
FAMILY IS CURRENTLY

OR SOON TO BE HEADED FOR
HELL, BUT I'VE GOT TO RUN.

SO I PROMISE TO CALL IN
THE NEXT 20 YEARS, OK?

BYE-BYE.

HOW SCARY IS IT THAT MY
PARENTS ARE TURNING OUT

TO BE THE NORMAL
ONES IN THE FAMILY.

NO LUCK?

OH, I STILL HAVE THE
PENNSYLVANIA GILMORES.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

I HAVE TO PERFORM ACT
5 OF ROMEO AND JULIET

WITH PARIS,
MADELINE, AND LOUISE.

REALLY?

PARIS APPOINTED
HERSELF AS DIRECTOR.

NICE. WHAT PART ARE YOU
PLAYING? I DON'T KNOW YET.

SHE'S STILL MULLING OVER THE SCREEN
TESTS NOW. WE'LL FIND OUT TOMORROW.

SCREEN TESTS? 24 TAKES.

I SO WANT A COPY. FORGET IT.

SELL IT ON THE INTERNET.
MAKE A FORTUNE.

"FIRST WE BROUGHT YOU
PAMELA AND TOMMY LEE.

NOW PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE
CRAZY ANTICS OF RORY AND THE BARD!"

OH, I TOLD PARIS THAT YOU'D
MAKE ALL OF OUR COSTUMES.

SHE WANTS TO HAVE A CONCEPT
MEETING WITH YOU TOMORROW AT 3:00.

WHAT?

YEAH, SHE NEEDS A RESUME

AND SAMPLES OF YOUR
PREVIOUS WORK AND REFERRALS.

AND MY BARE BUTT TO KISS.

IF THAT'LL SET YOU APART FROM
THE OTHER APPLICANTS, YES.

HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS
SOMEONE IN OUR FAMILY NAMED BUNNY.

OH, CROSS HER OFF THE LIST.

POOR BUNNY.

HELLO? HEY.

HENRY, HI.

AM I LATE?

NO, RIGHT ON TIME. HOLD ON.

HEY, HON, I'M HEADING FOR CLASS.

THERE'S PIZZA/LUKE'S MONEY
ON THE TABLE FOR DINNER.

THANK YOU.

KIM'S ANTIQUES.

HELLO, MRS. KIM. THIS IS RORY.

MAY I PLEASE SPEAK WITH LANE?

LANE IS STUDYING.

WAIT, MAMA!

MAMA, IS THAT FOR ME? WHY?

WELL, I WAS JUST EXPECTING
A CALL FROM RORY, AND I...

YOU DO YOUR MATH?
HISTORY? YES. YES.

BIOLOGY? NO.

WHY? I'M NOT TAKING BIOLOGY.

WHY? I TOOK IT LAST YEAR.

AND THAT'S IT? ONE YEAR AND
YOU KNOW ALL THERE IS TO KNOW?

TOMORROW WE LOOK
INTO PRIVATE SCHOOL.

MAMA, PLEASE, THE PHONE?

5 MINUTES. I'M COUNTING.

HELLO?

LANE. HOLD ON.

HENRY? HERE.

LANE? HERE.

OK, GUYS, TALK TO YOU LATER.

SO, RORY, HOW ARE YOU?

I'M GOOD. HOW'RE YOU DOIN'?

OK, I'M GONE.

HEY, UH, DO ME A FAVOR AND
MAKE SOME OF THOSE CALLS FOR ME.

AREN'T YOU GOING A LITTLE FAR
WITH THIS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN, I UNDERSTAND YOU WANT
TO RETURN THE ICE CREAM MAKER,

BUT YOU DID MAKE
AN HONEST EFFORT

TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THE
PERSON THAT SENT THIS...

IT'S CALLED CLOSURE,
HON. I NEED IT, OK?

OK. UNCLE RANDOLPH.

OH, SORRY, GUYS.

THEY'LL BE OFF IN A SEC.

OK. DON'T WAIT TOO LONG.

I THINK RANDOLPH WAS
BUNNY'S OLDER BROTHER.

GOT IT.

ONCE AGAIN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
SHE TAKES THE LAST BURRITO.

AND HELLO TO YOU, TOO.

WEEK AFTER WEEK.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?

I TOLD YOU, CORRECT CHANGE. GO
IN FOR THAT DOLLAR-BILL NONSENSE,

YOU'LL BE STANDING THERE
FOR 10 MINUTES WATCHING IT.

AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU HAD A SPECIAL
RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS VENDING MACHINE.

ONLY IN THE SENSE
THAT IT KEEPS ME ALIVE.

I ACTUALLY HAVE A
THEORY ON THAT. UH-OH.

EVER SINCE WE WERE CHILDREN, WE GOT
OUR NOURISHMENT FROM OUR MOTHERS.

OK. ARE YOU TRYING TO GROSS
ME OUT SO I CAN'T EAT MY BURRITO?

AND NOW WE'RE GETTING IT FROM
MACHINES. YOUR POINT BEING?

I THINK IT'S A CONSPIRACY
GETTING US READY FOR THE DAY

WHEN WE'LL ALL BE
RAISED BY MACHINES.

NO HUMAN CONTACT WHATSOEVER.

YOU KNOW MY MOTHER, DON'T YOU?

YEAH. THE TWILIGHT ZONE
MARATHON WAS ON ALL WEEK.

SO ALL THIS IS A WAY OF SAYING

YOU WANNA LOOK AT MY
NOTES ON THE READING.

SUCH PERCEPTION.

HMM, AND IN ONE SO
YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL.

FRIGHTENING, ISN'T IT?

YOU KNOW, I FEEL BAD
DOING THIS EVERY WEEK.

REALLY? I'D HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D
HAVE GOTTEN USED TO IT BY NOW.

COME ON, LORELAI. I'VE GOT
TO PAY YOU BACK SOMEHOW.

HOW ABOUT YOU LET ME TAKE
YOU OUT TO DINNER ONE NIGHT?

DINNER?

YEAH, MAYBE EVEN SOMEWHERE THAT
DOESN'T REQUIRE CORRECT CHANGE.

UNLESS YOU'RE FIRMLY
INTO THE WHOLE COIN THING.

THEN I KNOW A GOOD AUTOMAT.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, I WAS KIDDING
ABOUT THE AUTOMAT.

NO, AN A-A-AUTOMAT IS FINE.

UM, IT'S JUST, UH,

MY SCHEDULE'S KIND OF CRAZY
FOR THE NEXT COUPLE WEEKS.

OK. WELL, IT WAS JUST A THOUGHT.

BUT IF YOU SUDDENLY
GET AN OPENING,

GIVE ME A CALL.

OH, GREAT. SURE. THANKS.

ENJOY THE NOTES.

THANK YOU. ENJOY THE BURRITO.

HEY. HEY.

♪ WE'RE THE MONKEES ♪

WHERE'S PARIS?

SHE'LL BE HERE IN A MINUTE.

SHE SAID HAD TO GET SOME THINGS.

HI. I'M RORY. I'M BRAD

FROM 3RD-PERIOD SHAKESPEARE.

HE'S THE ANSWER TO OUR "LACK OF
BOYS" PROBLEM. ISN'T THAT SWELL?

WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD START.

WITHOUT PARIS?

OH, THAT COULD BE LETHAL.

WE COULD DECIDE ON
WHAT MOTIF WE WANNA DO.

WE'RE DOING
TRADITIONAL ELIZABETHAN.

I THOUGHT THE POINT WAS TO...

THE POINT IS TO GET AN "A"

NOT TO MAKE ROMEO AND
JULIET INTO A VEGAS LOUNGE ACT.

BESIDES, WE HAVE
THE DEATH SCENE.

IT'S CLASSIC. IT'S FAMOUS.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M, UH, BRAD

FROM 3RD-PERIOD
SHAKESPEARE, MA'AM.

OK, I WANT EVERYONE TO
READ THE CHAPTERS ON ACTING

I PHOTOCOPIED OUT OF
HOUSEMAN'S MEMOIRS TONIGHT.

EVERYONE WILL BE
OFF-BOOK BY FRIDAY,

AND IF YOU PLAN ON
MISSING REHEARSAL,

YOU'D BETTER BRING
A CORONER'S NOTE.

TELL ME YOU DIDN'T JUST
HAVE THAT LYING AROUND.

WE'RE SHORT ON BOYS.
THAT MAKES YOU ROMEO.

LOUISE, YOU CAN PLAY
THE FRIAR. EXCUSE ME?

WELL, WELL, THE GANG'S
ALL HERE. THIS IS A MEETING.

YES, SORRY I'M LATE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

PROF. ANDERSON FORGOT TO INCLUDE
ME WHEN SHE MADE UP THE GROUPS.

SO SHE TOLD ME TO PICK ONE.

FINE. YOU HAVE 4 OTHER ACTS
TO CHOOSE FROM. TAKE YOUR PICK.

YEAH, WELL, SUMMER'S IN ACT
ONE, BETH AND JESSICA ARE IN ACT 2,

KATE'S IN ACT 3,

AND, UH, CLAIRE, CATHY
AND MARY ARE IN ACT 4.

SO THIS IS THE ONLY ONE
FREE OF EX-GIRLFRIENDS.

SO WE'RE BEING PUNISHED
FOR OUR GOOD TASTE?

OH, PARIS, YOU HURT ME.

DO YOU NO LONGER HAVE
ANY NEED FOR ME AT ALL?

YES, WE HAVE GREAT NEED.

YOU CAN BE OUR ROMEO.

BRAD IS ROMEO.

PUT IN YOUR OTHER
CONTACT, GRANDMA.

TRISTIN IS ROMEO.

BRAD CAN BE THE 2ND
GUARD ON THE LEFT.

NO.

SHE'S KIND OF RIGHT, PARIS.
TRISTIN WAS BORN TO BE ROMEO.

HEY, I'M THE DIRECTOR AND I'LL
DECIDE WHO'S BORN TO BE WHAT.

AND BRAD IS ROMEO.

HELL HATH NO FURY
LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED.

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

JUST PERHAPS SOMEONE'S
LETTING HER PERSONAL FEELINGS

INTERFERE WITH HER LEADERSHIP.

MY ONLY FEELING IS I DON'T WANT
TO GIVE THE MOST IMPORTANT PART

TO SOMEONE WHO CAN'T EVEN
MANAGE TO STAY IN SCHOOL.

I'M JUST GONNA TO SAY ONE THING.

50 PERCENT OF OUR FINAL GRADE.

IS THERE GONNA BE ANY
SCRATCHING INVOLVED,

OR IS IT JUST A VERBAL THING?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?

WELL,

HOW ARE YOU AT SPEAKING
IN FRONT OF A LOT OF PEOPLE?

I TEND TO THROW UP.

FINE. BUT I SWEAR,
YOU FLAKE ON THIS,

AND YOU'LL PRAY
YOU GET SUSPENDED.

I'VE GOT TO RUN.
ARE WE DONE HERE?

REHEARSAL TOMORROW NIGHT.

GOOD. SO NOW BRAD CAN BE
FRIAR TUCK, AND I CAN BE JULIET.

WRONG. HEY.

JULIET'S SUPPOSED
TO BE CHASTE. OH.

THEN...

AND SHE HAS MORE
THAN 3 LINES. OH.

OH, NO. TOO LATE.

IT CAN'T BE TOO LATE. WE
HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING YET.

YOU'RE JULIET. YOU'RE THE
BEST PUBLIC SPEAKER HERE,

YOU HAVE THE WAIF THING DOWN,
AND YOU'LL LOOK GREAT DEAD.

NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS.

I DID SOME LOCATION SCOUTING THIS
MORNING, AND I THINK THE COURTYARD...

OK, HERE WE GO.

LOW-FAT WHOLE-WHEAT
BLUEBERRY PANCAKES.

ARE THERE 12? 12 WHAT?

BLUEBERRIES. I CAN ONLY HAVE
12 BLUEBERRIES FOR BREAKFAST.

OR WHAT? WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, "OR WHAT?"

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU
EAT 13 BLUEBERRIES?

THIS IS A SILLY CONVERSATION.

WOULD YOU DIE?

JUST HAND ME THE PLATE.

ONLY IF YOU DON'T COUNT.

I WON'T COUNT.

SWEAR. RAISE YOUR
RIGHT HAND AND SAY,

"MAY DESTINY'S CHILD BREAK UP

IF I COUNT THESE BLUEBERRIES."

PICK ANOTHER GROUP.

NOPE.

I HATE YOU!

WOW!

GOT TO START GETTING IN EARLIER.

HEY, I REMEMBER YOU.

I AM DONATING IT TO THE INN.

WELL, HONEY, THAT'S
VERY THOUGHTFUL.

YES, IT IS.

BUT W-WE HAVE AN ICE CREAM
MAKER, A PROFESSIONAL ONE.

SEE, THAT MEANS WE CAN
MAKE ENOUGH ICE CREAM

FOR EVERYONE IN THE INN,

WHEREAS THIS LITTLE GUY...

FERNANDO.

FERNANDO, TRY AS HE MIGHT,

CAN ONLY MAKE
ENOUGH ICE CREAM FOR,

WELL, YOU. SO,

SO WE DON'T NEED HIM
HERE? NO, WE DON'T.

CAN'T YOU FIND SOME USE FOR HIM?

I MEAN, HE'S NEW AND SHINY.

IT'S NOT HIS FAULT

THAT HE'S PART OF THE
OTHER LIFE THAT I ALMOST HAD

BUT DON'T HAVE NOW, AND KIND
OF DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF.

I GUESS I CAN PUT
MY CHANGE IN HIM.

THANK YOU.

HONEY, CAN I SAY SOMETHING?

SHOOT.

I'M A LITTLE
CONCERNED ABOUT YOU.

WHY?

YOU JUST SEEM VERY EMOTIONAL
ABOUT THIS ICE CREAM MAKER.

I AM NOT.

YOU NAMED THE ICE CREAM MAKER.

I NAME EVERYTHING. YOU
DIDN'T NAME THE TOASTER.

POPPY.

YOU JUST MADE THAT UP.

I DID NOT.

ALL RIGHT, BUT ADMIT IT.

POPPY IS A DAMN GOOD
NAME FOR A TOASTER.

IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE
SINCE YOU AND MAX BROKE UP.

I'M FINE, SOOKIE.
OK, YOU'RE FINE.

BUT ARE YOU MOVING
ON? YES, I'M MOVING ON.

WELL, THEN, HOW MANY
DATES HAVE YOU HAD POST-MAX?

WHAT'S THAT HAVE
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

I FEE LIKE YOU'RE HIBERNATING.
I'M NOT HIBERNATING.

YES, YOU ARE.

HEY... HEY, WHOO, LOOK AT THIS
SKIRT, HUH? I'M NOT HIBERNATING.

THEN HOW MANY DATES
HAVE YOU BEEN ON?

I WAS ENGAGED. SOOKIE, YOU
DON'T JUST GET OVER THAT.

BUT YOU WENT THROUGH
YOUR MOURNING PERIOD.

YES. AND YOU SAID IT WAS OVER.

I-IT WAS. I-IS.

WELL, ARE YOU AT LEAST
PUTTING THE VIBE OUT THERE,

SO THEY'LL KNOW
YOU'RE AVAILABLE?

OK, I-IF IT'LL MAKE
YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,

I JUST GOT ASKED
OUT THE OTHER NIGHT.

WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING. WHO IS HE?

SOME GUY FROM MY BUSINESS
CLASS. OH. BUSINESS CLASS.

HE'S A PRETTY
COOL GUY, ACTUALLY.

HE'S CUTE, FUNNY AND, UM,

H-HE'S A LITTLE YOUNGER,
BUT, UH, HE'S VERY SHARP.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE THIS LITTLE BIT
GOING ABOUT ME STEALING HIS BURRITO.

OH, "STEALING HIS
BURRITO." YOU KIDS.

NO, LIKE A REAL BURRITO.

OH, YOU'VE STOLEN HIS BURRITO.

OK, FORGET THE BURRITO, SOOKIE.

FINE. WHEN ARE
YOU GUYS GOIN' OUT?

WELL, I... I DIDN'T
EXACTLY SAY YES.

WHY NOT? YOU'VE
ALREADY GOT THE SKIRT.

BECAUSE, UH, I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT?
AND THE CLASS WILL BE WEIRD,

AND IT'LL DEFINITELY
SCREW UP OUR BURRITO BIT.

WELL, HONEY, COME ON, EVERY
GUY DOESN'T HAVE TO BE "THE GUY."

I DON'T KNOW. I-I-ISN'T IT TOO
SOON FOR THE TRANSITION GUY?

DON'T THINK OF HIM
AS THE TRANSITION GUY.

THINK OF HIM AS THE
PRE-TRANSITION GUY.

A PRE-TRANSITION GUY?
YOU'RE ALLOWED THAT?

ABSOLUTELY.

WOW, I'VE GOT TO READ THE
RULE BOOK MORE CAREFULLY.

SO?

SO I WILL CALL HIM
LATER TONIGHT.

GREAT! THAT'S SO GREAT!

IT'S ALL OR NOTHIN', SPARKY.

DAMN YOU!

SHE'S LETTING YOU GO? THAT'S
AMAZING. WHAT CHANGED HER MIND?

I LET HER WATCH ROMEO AND JULIET
MOVIE WITH LEO AND CLAIRE DANES.

REALLY? I'D HAVE
THOUGHT SHE HATED IT.

OH, SHE DID.

BUT TRUST MY MOM TO TURN ONE
OF THE WORLD'S GREAT LOVE STORIES

INTO A CAUTIONARY
TALE OF WHAT HAPPENS

WHEN CHILDREN
DISOBEY THEIR PARENTS.

SO, I'M GUESSING THAT YOU'RE NOT ANY
CLOSER TO TELLING YOUR PARENTS ABOUT HENRY?

I MEAN, WHAT ARE THE
OPTIONS IF I TELL THEM?

THEY HATE HIM, AND IT'S OVER.

THEY LOVE HIM, SO HE BECOMES
ODIOUS TO ME, AND IT'S OVER.

THINGS ARE WORKING OUT
FINE THE WAY THEY ARE.

YOU MEAN CALLING HIM RORY ON THE
PHONE, IN CASE YOUR MOM'S LISTENING?

I'VE GROWN FOND
OF MY CAGE, RORY.

LANE. BYE.

BYE.

WHAT DOST MY LADY THINK?

THAT YOU'RE GOING TO
BE LATE FOR THE JOUST?

I MEANT OF THY LOVELY HEADDRESS

CRAFTED BY THY
MOTHER'S ARTFUL HAND.

IT PLEASETH ME MUCHETH,

BUT HATH MY BEAUTEOUS
MOTHER LOOKED AT THE TIME?

OH, CRAP.

HELLO.

2 OTHER GROUPS ARE
REHEARSING IN THE GRANT HALL

EVEN THOUGH I SPECIFICALLY
RESERVED IT WAY IN ADVANCE

AND CONFIRMED THE
RESERVATION TWICE.

THEY'RE GOING TO BE THERE, I
DON'T WANT THEM SPYING ON US.

THE ENDING TO ROMEO AND
JULIET ISN'T EXACTLY A SECRET.

HELLO, OUR INTERPRETATION?

OH, RIGHT.

HAVE YOU HEARD OF IT?

IS IT BIG ENOUGH? THE SITE
SAYS IT'S 720 SQUARE FEET.

I'D RATHER JUST REHEARSE
SOMEWHERE ELSE.

LOOK, I'VE GOT ENOUGH
TO WORRY ABOUT

WITHOUT YOU BEING
EMBARRASSED OF WHERE YOU LIVE.

I'M NOT EMBARRASSED.

I JUST WANT TO KEEP MY SCHOOL
LIFE SEPARATE FROM MY HOME LIFE.

TOUGH. MADELINE AND
LOUISE ARE ON THEIR WAY.

SEE YOU IN HALF AN HOUR.

HAVE YOU SEEN MY
BAG WITH THE BEADS

AND THE FUR THAT LOOKS
LIKE STALIN'S HEAD? AHA!

WE'RE REHEARSING HERE NOW. WHAT?

PARIS DIDN'T WANT
ANYONE SPYING ON US,

SO NOW WE'RE REHEARSING
IN STARS HOLLOW. THIS SUCKS.

SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRIVE
TO HARTFORD. WHY THE FACE?

IT'S JUST TRISTIN
IS IN OUR GROUP.

OH, YEAH, YOU TOLD ME.

RIGHT. SO TRISTIN, HE'S IN OUR
GROUP, SO THAT MEANS HE'S...

IN, WELL, AND DEAN LIVES
HERE, SO THIS SUCKS.

OK, KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO
NEED A FEW MORE VOWELS HERE.

I HAVE TO TELL HIM. TELL WHO?

DEAN. TELL DEAN WHAT?

THAT TRISTIN AND I, THAT W-WE
KISSED AT THAT STUPID PARTY.

O-OH? I HAVE NO CHOICE.

BECAUSE IF TRISTIN SEES
DEAN, HE'S GONNA TELL HIM,

AND THEN IT'LL BE WORSE, BECAUSE
IT'LL BE LIKE I KEPT IT FROM HIM.

OK, LET'S JUST CALM
DOWN. WHICH I WAS.

I WAS KEEPING IT FROM
HIM. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

NOW I HAVE TO TELL HIM.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I AM?

MMM-HMM. I THINK
YOU SHOULD TELL HIM.

OF COURSE. RIGHT. I HAVE TO.

YEAH. THEN, AT THE PLAY, RIGHT
AS TRISTIN ENTERS TO FIND YOU DEAD

AND PULLS OUT THE VIAL
OF POISON TO KILL HIMSELF,

DEAN CAN LEAP FROM THE
AUDIENCE AND RIP HIS HEAD OFF,

ADDING A LEVEL OF REALITY FEW
PRODUCTIONS HAVE SEEN BEFORE.

YOU'LL GET AN "A," THE
ACTORS STUDIO WILL GO NUTS,

YOU'LL HAVE JAMES LIPTON ASKING YOU
WHAT YOUR FAVORITE SWEAR WORD IS.

IT'S A GREAT PLAN.

YOU, NOT HELPING.

TO PREVENT A
HOMICIDE? YES, I AM.

I HAVE TO TELL HIM. I
DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

OK. FINE.

TRY IT OUT ON ME FIRST. WHAT?

PRETEND I'M DEAN.

IF YOU'RE GOING
TO TELL HIM THIS,

YOU BETTER HAVE DOWN
WHAT YOU'LL SAY. HMM.

SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY.

OK.

DEAN...

RORY.

SORRY. SERIOUS NOW.

OK, DEAN.

REMEMBER LAST YEAR,
WHEN WE HAD BROKEN UP,

AND WE WEREN'T TOGETHER
ANYMORE BECAUSE WE'D BROKEN UP?

THAT'S GOOD, MENTION
IT 3 TIMES. KEEP GOING.

AND, UH, THERE WAS
THIS PARTY, AND I WENT,

AND, UH, TRISTIN WAS THERE.

AND SOMEHOW, I'M
NOT REALLY SURE HOW,

WE ENDED UP IN A ROOM TOGETHER

AND WE KISSED.

YOU AND TRISTIN? UH-UH.

ON THE HAND? NO.

CHEEK? NO.

HE KISSED YOU, OR YOU
KISSED HIM? KIND OF BOTH.

SO YOU KISSED HIM? YES.

WHEN?

I ALREADY TOLD YOU 3 TIMES.
WHEN WE WERE BROKEN UP.

OK, NOT A GOOD IDEA TO
YELL AT HIM RIGHT NOW.

SORRY. WHEN DURING THE BREAKUP?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN, HOW LONG AFTER WE
BROKE UP DID YOU KISS TRISTIN?

UH, JUST THE NIGHT
AFTER WE BROKE UP.

YOU MEAN, THE NIGHT AFTER
I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU?

YES.

THE NEXT NIGHT, AFTER
I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU,

YOU KISSED TRISTIN?

I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON. HOLD ON.

HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME

AND THE NEXT NIGHT,
I GO AND KISS TRISTIN.

THAT WAS ME, NOT
DEAN. I HATE MYSELF.

YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

YOU WERE HURT AND
CONFUSED AND BROKEN UP.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

TELL THAT TO DEAN.

NO, BECAUSE, WE'RE NOT
TELLING DEAN ANYTHING.

MOM! I KNOW YOU
ARE MISS HONESTY.

I HAVE SEEN THE
BANNER IN THE CLOSET.

BUT THIS KIND OF HONESTY THAT
WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL LESS GUILTY,

A-AND IT'S GOING TO
HURT DEAN VERY MUCH.

IT'S POSSIBLY GOING TO SCREW UP

THE REALLY GOOD THING YOU GUYS
HAVE GOING NOW. DO YOU WANT THAT?

NO, I DON'T.

ALL RIGHT, THEN. RELAX. BE CALM.

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

OK.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

CAN I ASK YOU ONE MORE QUESTION?

DO YOU THINK MY HAIR LOOKS COOL?

BYE.

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, SOME DAYS
I WAKE UP AND I'M, LIKE, "COOL."

SOME DAYS, I'M, LIKE,
"COULD BE COOLER."

I WON'T WAIT UP FOR YOU.

LIKE, TODAY I GOT
UP AND I WAS, LIKE,

"LEFT SIDE COOL, RIGHT
SIDE NOT SO COOL."

BYE. BYE.

JUST LISTEN TO YOUR BREATHING
AND LET THE WORLD MELT AWAY.

AND IN.

AND OUT.

AND IN. AND OUT.

EXCUSE ME. WE
RESERVED THIS PLACE

FOR 8:00 SHARP, AND RIGHT
NOW, MY WATCH SAYS 8:04.

WELL, THEN, TELL IT TO GO
OUTSIDE AND HAVE A SMOKE.

YOU CAN'T RUSH A
COOL-DOWN, SWEETHEART.

LOOK, I UNDERSTAND THE
WHOLE MYSTIC PIZZA, SMALL-TOWN

WE-DON'T-LET-A-CLOCK
RUN-OUR-LIVES THING.

BUT I COME FROM THE BIG
CITY, WHERE MONEY TALKS.

AND I'M PAYING GOOD
MONEY FOR THIS PLACE,

AND I HAVE A SCHEDULE TO KEEP.

BE CAREFUL, DARLING, OR YOUR
FACE IS GOING TO FREEZE LIKE THAT.

HEY.

WHAT'S WITH THE
CAST FROM COCOON?

WHERE'S TRISTIN? HE SAID
HE WAS COMING WITH YOU.

OH, HE'S HERE. HE JUST
WENT OVER TO THE MARKET.

WHAT? HE NEEDED CIGARETTES

IN CASE WE DIDN'T
KNOW THAT HE WAS BAD.

UM, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHERE ARE YOU
GOING? I'LL JUST BE A SEC.

OK, NOW THEY'RE JUST SLEEPING.

EXCUSE ME, STOCK BOY,

COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE I
COULD FIND THE SHORTENING?

NOW THAT IS A
FINE-LOOKING APRON.

I MEAN, REALLY SENSATIONAL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

WELL, TO BE HONEST, THERE'S
SOMETHING I WANTED TO ASK YOU.

IN YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION, WHICH
ONE WOULD MAKE MY CAKES FLUFFIER?

YOU DROVE ALL THE WAY
HERE JUST TO BE A JERK?

THERE AREN'T ENOUGH PEOPLE
WHO CAN'T STAND YOU IN HARTFORD?

OH, NO, I'M HERE FOR RORY. WHAT?

THE PLAY, ROMEO AND JULIET?

YEAH, WHAT ABOUT IT?

I'M ROMEO. SHE'S JULIET.

COME ON, SHE MUST HAVE TOLD YOU.

SHE DID TELL YOU, DIDN'T SHE?

LOOK, I THINK
YOU'D BETTER LEAVE.

OOPS!

GOD, I AM SO SORRY.
I AM SUCH A KLUTZ.

NOW, HERE. ON ME.
THIS SHOULD COVER IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I HOPE FOR RORY'S SAKE
THAT YOU GOT AN UNDERSTUDY.

HI. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
RORY, WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?

I GOT SOMETHING TO
SETTLE WITH THIS GUY.

OUTSIDE, PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT! I'M OUTSIDE.

I'M REALLY SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU
ABOUT THIS BEFORE, BUT TRISTIN...

IS PLAYING ROMEO TO
YOUR JULIET. YEAH, I HEARD.

BUT HE WASN'T EVEN IN OUR GROUP AT
FIRST, THEN NO ONE ELSE WANTED HIM,

AND THEN PARIS MOVED OUR
REHEARSAL SPOT TO HERE,

AND SHE DID IT TODAY. I
DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO TELL YOU.

YOU AND TRISTIN GET THROWN
TOGETHER A LOT AT THAT SCHOOL.

IT'S JUST A PROJECT,
THAT'S ALL. NOTHING MORE.

YOU AND TRISTIN PLAYING
ROMEO AND JULIET?

PERFECT. REALLY...
REALLY AMAZING.

I KNOW YOU HATE IT.
YEAH, I REALLY HATE IT.

BUT WE DO THE SCENE ON
SUNDAY, AND THEN IT'S OVER.

AND IT'S BACK TO, "TRISTIN? WHO?
I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW TRISTIN."

YOU MUST MEAN THAT YOUNG BOY
WHO GOT MYSTERIOUSLY STRANGLED

BY A DOOSE'S MARKET
APRON ONE NIGHT.

I HEARD ABOUT THAT.

AWFUL. THEY SAY
DRUGS WERE INVOLVED.

PLEASE, DON'T BE MAD. I'M SORRY.

I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.

SORRY ABOUT WHAT? YOU DIDN'T...
YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE TO DO THIS WITH HIM.

NO, I DIDN'T.

THEN WHAT DO YOU
HAVE TO BE SORRY FOR?

THAT, THAT I DIDN'T TELL
YOU ABOUT THE REHEARSAL.

AND THAT NO DOUBT
IS TOURING WITH U2.

I KNOW YOU'RE EXTREMELY
DISAPPOINTED IN BONO.

ALL RIGHT, SO, SO
WHEN'S THIS THING OVER?

SUNDAY.

OK.

I'M GOING TO WALK
AROUND THE BLOCK.

JUST GET HIM OUT OF THE MARKET.

RIGHT AWAY.

OH, THANK GOODNESS YOU
ORDERED. I AM STARVING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I
THOUGHT YOU WENT TO DINNER.

I DID GO OUT TO DINNER.

THEN WHY ARE YOU EATING MINE?

WELL, HE TOOK ME TO THIS
DARLING LITTLE PLACE CALLED MINI'S.

VERY HIP, VERY CHIC,
VERY SMALL PORTIONS.

SO HOW'D IT GO?

WELL, YOU KNOW, WE
TALKED ABOUT THE THINGS

WE HAD IN COMMON, AND
THEN THE SALAD CAME.

NOT A SOUL MATE?
HE'S NEVER SEEN ABFAB.

PLUS, HE'S OUTDOORSY. REMEMBER
THAT MERYL STREEP MOVIE

WHERE SHE AND HER
FAMILY TAKE A RAFTING TRIP

AND PSYCHO KEVIN BACON FORCES
THEM TO TAKE HIM DOWN THE RIVER?

THAT'S HIS DREAM VACATION,
MINUS KEVIN BACON.

WHEREAS MINE IS KEVIN
BACON, MINUS THE RIVER.

HEY, MOVING ON. YEAH.

BUT I MUST SAY, I'M REALLY
GLAD I WENT TONIGHT.

YEAH. YEAH.

I MEAN, IT WAS FUN TO
KIND OF GET DRESSED UP

AND HAVE A FRESHLY LAUNDERED
MAN OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME.

AND THE BEST PART ABOUT
IT WAS, IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.

I MEAN, WE LAUGHED A LITTLE,
WE HUGGED GOOD NIGHT.

I'LL NEVER DATE HIM AGAIN.

BUT I DO BELIEVE THE
BURRITO BIT WILL LIVE ON.

IT WAS A TOTALLY CASUAL DATE.

I AM NOW OFFICIALLY
A CASUAL DATER.

THAT'S GREAT.

WE CAN CELEBRATE BY GETTING
YOU YOUR OWN PLATE OF FRIES.

HEY, LUKE, CAN WE
GET ANOTHER ROUND?

COMING RIGHT UP.

SO TELL ME ABOUT
THE BIG REHEARSAL.

WE GOT OFF TO A SHAKY START.

AND, LOUISE ACTS LIKE SHE'S
THE PRIEST IN A MADONNA VIDEO.

BUT BY THE END WE
WERE NOT HALF BAD.

GOOD. GOOD.

TRISTIN RAN INTO
DEAN. OH, BAD, BAD.

IT'S OK. I PULLED THEM
APART WITHOUT BLOODSHED

AND I EXPLAINED IT ALL TO DEAN.

YOU EXPLAINED IT ALL TO DEAN?

I TOLD HIM TRISTIN WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE IN OUR GROUP,

AND PARIS MOVED THE REHEARSAL
TO MISS PATTY'S AT THE LAST MINUTE,

AND THAT'S WHY HE
DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.

OH, THAT VERSION OF "ALL."

BUT DEAN'S FINE NOW? HE'S FINE.

YOU WANT A BURGER, TOO?

MMM, NO, I'LL JUST
HAVE HALF OF HERS.

ONE BURGER, PLEASE.

YOU LOOK ALL DRESSED UP.

DO I? BECAUSE I
FEEL VERY CASUAL.

HEY.

HI. YOU JUST GET OFF WORK?

YEP.

HEY, DEAN, DO YOU
WANT SOME FRIES?

NO, I'M ACTUALLY
GOIN' HOME FOR DINNER.

MY MOM MADE FRIED CHICKEN
TONIGHT, AND SHE SAVED ME SOME.

OH, YOU HAVE A COOKING MOM?

THAT'S SO NICE.

WELL, SHE MAY MAKE CHICKEN,
BUT IS SHE A CASUAL DATER?

I HOPE NOT. SHE'S MARRIED.

DO I WANNA KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

NOPE. MY MOTHER
CASUALLY DATED TONIGHT.

OH, WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

SO, I WAS JUST WONDERING WHAT
TIME REHEARSAL IS TOMORROW.

5:00, WHY?

WELL, UH, IT'S MY NIGHT OFF, AND I
THOUGHT MAYBE I'D COME BY AND WATCH.

WATCH WHAT? WATCH YOU.

WATCH ME DO WHAT?

REHEARSE.

OH.

UM, DEAN, I THINK YOU'D BE REALLY
BORED WATCHING REHEARSAL.

OH, YEAH, I'VE DOZED OFF TWICE

JUST LISTENING TO HER
TALK ABOUT REHEARSAL.

OH, I WON'T BE BORED.

WE DON'T KNOW OUR LINES YET.
YOU SHOULD JUST COME ON SUNDAY.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. AFTER
ALL, SUNDAY'S THE DAY OF REST

AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL BE DOING.
RESTING. BECAUSE IT'S BORING.

MOM. HONEY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

YOU DIDN'T WRITE THE DAMN THING.

WELL, I'LL COME ON SUNDAY, TOO.

OK, BUT IF YOU'RE
GONNA GO ON SUNDAY,

YOU DON'T WANNA
SPOIL IT FOR YOURSELF.

IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T
KNOW HOW IT ENDS.

OK, DEAN, LOOK.

RORY, COME ON,
I'LL SIT IN THE BACK,

YOU'LL DIE, AND
I'LL WALK YOU HOME.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT? RIGHT.

GOOD. SO I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

YEP, YOU SURE WILL.

BYE, LORELAI. BYE, DEAN.

OH, YEAH. HE'S FINE.

EXCUSE ME, TRISTIN, CAN I
TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

I'LL MEET YOU GUYS LATER, OK?

I'M ALL YOURS.

I NEED TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING SERIOUS.

SERIOUS, HUH? I'M INTRIGUED.

DEAN'S COMING TO
REHEARSAL TONIGHT.

WOW. ARE YOU SURE
THEY CAN SPARE HIM?

WHAT IF THERE'S A
RUN ON BAKED BEANS?

CAN'T YOU SHUT UP FOR 5
SECONDS, PLEASE? THANK YOU.

LOOK, AS I SAID, DEAN'S
COMING TO REHEARSAL TONIGHT,

AND I'D LIKE TO ASK
YOU TO PROMISE

THAT YOU WON'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

WHAT HAPPENED? AT THE PARTY?

AT THE PARTY? TRISTIN.

YOU AND ME, AT MADELINE'S PARTY?

YOU JUST HAD BEEN KICKED
TO THE CURB BY SUMMER,

AND I FOUND YOU
SULKING ON A PIANO BENCH,

AND I SAT DOWN, WE TALKED,

AND THEN WE KISSED.

THAT WAS YOU?

YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT.

HEY, RORY...

THERE'S NO POINT
IN TALKING TO YOU.

I KNEW, YET I TRIED.
WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

YOU DON'T WANT ME TO
TELL DEAN THAT WE KISSED.

BY GEORGE, I THINK HE'S GOT IT.

OK, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

IT IS.

ALTHOUGH HE'S GOING
TO FIND OUT ANYWAY.

WHAT?

COME ON, YOU KNOW THAT
WHEN WE KISS ON STAGE

IT'S GOING TO BE PRETTY
OBVIOUS IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME.

I'M A GOOD ACTOR, BUT I CAN'T
HIDE THAT KIND OF PASSION.

LOOK, THINGS ARE REALLY GOOD
FOR ME AND DEAN RIGHT NOW,

AND I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING TO MESS THAT UP.

ESPECIALLY NOT SOMETHING
THAT MEANT NOTHING AT ALL TO ME,

AND I WISH HAD NEVER
HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SO THINGS ARE GOING
GOOD FOR YOU TWO, HUH?

YEAH, THEY ARE.

GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOU JUST TOOK THOSE OUT.
WELL, I CHANGED MY MIND.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, I THINK, SOMEHOW I'LL
RECOVER FROM THE GREAT ROMANCE

BETWEEN YOU AND THE BEAV.

A LOT OF STUFF'S BEEN GOING
ON WITH YOU LATELY, HUH?

MEANING?

JUST, YOU KNOW, THE CAR THING,

THE SUSPENSION
THING. A LOT OF DRAMA.

WELL, I GET BORED EASILY.

JUST DOESN'T
REALLY SEEM LIKE YOU.

AND YOU KNOW ME?

I KNOW YOU DON'T GET
SUSPENDED FOR STUPID PRANKS.

I PULLED STUFF LIKE THAT BEFORE I
KNEW DUNCAN AND BOWMAN, ALL RIGHT?

WELL, IF YOU DID, YOU
DIDN'T GET CAUGHT.

YOU'RE GETTING CAUGHT A LOT.

YOUR POINT BEING?

MAYBE THEY AREN'T THE BEST
PEOPLE TO BE HANGING OUT WITH.

THEY'RE NOT AS
SMART AS YOU, TRISTIN.

THEY DON'T HAVE WHAT
YOU HAVE GOING FOR YOU...

I HAVE TO BAIL, BEFORE WE
GET TO THE HUGGING PART.

AND ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND TO
REMIND ME WHEN IT'S COUPON DAY, OK?

TAKING PITY ON YOUR
BURGER? I'M NOT HUNGRY.

HONEY, YOU GOT TO EAT. YOU'RE GONNA
KILL YOURSELF IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.

YOU REALLY NEED
YOUR STRENGTH. HA-HA.

MAYBE DEAN WON'T
EVEN COME TONIGHT.

OH, HE'LL BE THERE.

THERE AREN'T ENOUGH
MONSTER-TRUCK RALLIES

IN THE WORLD TO KEEP HIM
AWAY FROM MISS PATTYS'.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. THIS
AFTERNOON, WE ARE GOING TO ENGAGE

IN SOME INTENSIVE RETAIL THERAPY

TO BRING YOU OUT OF THIS FUNK.

NO, THANKS. I MEAN IT.

T-TODAY IS THE DAY
WE FINALLY SPRING

FOR THE POWERPUFF
GIRLS SHOT GLASSES.

I CAN'T. I PROMISED
LANE I'D HELP HER

PICK OUT AN OUTFIT FOR
THE PLAY TOMORROW.

LORELAI?

YES?

HEY, IT IS YOU! THIS IS LORELAI.

SHE'S THE GIRL I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

OH, PAUL! I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE
YOU WITH THE HAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, I'M, UH,
GETTIN' SOME COFFEE.

IN STARS HOLLOW?

WELL, YOU TALKED SO
MUCH ABOUT THE TOWN

THE OTHER NIGHT,
ESPECIALLY LUKE'S PLACE.

SO, MY MOM'S CRAZY FOR COFFEE.

I THOUGHT I'D BRING
THEM UP FOR BREAKFAST.

THE OTHER NIGHT?

UH, YES, PAUL'S REFERRING TO THE
OTHER NIGHT, CASUAL WEDNESDAY.

OH, PAUL, I WANT YOU TO
MEET MY DAUGHTER, RORY.

HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. HEY, THESE
ARE MY PARENTS, DORY AND SID.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

PLEASURE, REALLY.
OH, YEAH, ME, TOO.

YOU ORDERING?

LUKE? ARE YOU
LUKE? IS THIS LUKE?

YES, THAT'S LUKE.

OH, MAN! MOM, DAD, THAT IS LUKE.

WE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

DARN SHAME ABOUT THAT RACHEL.

WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?

UH, PAUL IS MY FRIEND
FROM BUSINESS SCHOOL.

YEAH, WE WENT OUT
THE OTHER NIGHT.

AND, UH, SHE TALKED ABOUT A FEW
PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN, YOU BEING ONE OF 'EM.

SO, NICE TO MEET YOU.

YEAH.

UM, OK, 3 COFFEES TO GO, THEN.

SOMETHING FUNNY? NO.

YOU'RE JUST SMILING
FOR NO REASON?

I'M A HAPPY PERSON.

HEY, I'VE GOT TO RUN. MOM
WANTS TO GO ANTIQUING.

SO IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

AND, UH, I'LL SEE YOU
IN CLASS, LORELAI.

BYE. BYE. BYE.

WHAT? NOTHING.

SAY IT! I ALWAYS WANTED
A LITTLE BROTHER.

HE LOOKED OLDER THE OTHER NIGHT.

HOW MUCH OLDER COULD
HE POSSIBLY LOOK? A LOT.

HE'S USUALLY A LITTLE SCRUFFY.

AND THEN THE BASEBALL CAP
HIDES THE FUNKY-HAIR THING.

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN
HOLDING A YO-YO AND A LOLLIPOP

AND WEARING A BEANIE
WITH A PROPELLER ON IT.

HE'S IN HIS 20s.

HE MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY GOOD
BOY TO DESERVE SUCH A HAPPY DAY.

I BET THEY LET HIM RIDE A PONY.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO GO HELP LANE?

THANKS FOR CHEERING ME UP.

WHAT? YOU WANT TO
SAY SOMETHING, TOO? NO.

PLEASE DON'T HOLD BACK
ON MY ACCOUNT. I WOULDN'T.

WOULD YOU GUYS MIND
MOVING DOWN A COUPLE STOOLS?

IT'D MAKE ME MORE COMFORTABLE.

THIS IS ME LEAVING.

HEY, I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT THE CUTOFF IS.

AND NO TIP. I WONDER WHY.

I MEAN, AT LEAST IF YOU HAD
ONE OF THOSE HEIGHT BARS,

LIKE AT AMUSEMENT-PARK RIDES...

BYE, NOW.

HERE'S TO MY LOVE.

O TRUE APOTHECARY,
THY DRUGS ARE QUICK.

LINE.

"THUS WITH A KISS I DIE." HOW
HARD IS THAT TO REMEMBER?

"THUS WITH A KISS I DIE." RIGHT.

AND THEN I KISS HER, RIGHT?

YES, YOU SAY, "THUS
WITH A KISS I DIE,"

THEN YOU KISS HER AND DIE.

WHY ARE YOU SMILING?

DO YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE?
THE PERFORMANCE IS TOMORROW.

WAIT, TOMORROW?

MY GOD! I TOTALLY MISSED IT
THE FIRST 47 TIMES YOU SAID IT.

I WARNED YOU. I AM NOT GOING
TO FAIL THIS BECAUSE OF YOU.

I WILL REPLACE YOU
WITH BRAD IN A SECOND.

OH, DEAR GOD, NO.

CAN WE JUST GET THROUGH
THE SCENE? PLEASE.

FINE. BUT YELL "LINE" ONCE
MORE, AND YOU'RE OUT.

START MEMORIZING.

O TRUE APOTHECARY,
THY DRUGS ARE QUICK.

THUS WITH A KISS I DIE.

WHAT?

IT'S JUST...

WITH THIS BEING OUR
LAST KISS AND ALL,

IT MAKES ME THINK
ABOUT OUR FIRST KISS.

YOU KNOW, AT THE PARTY.

WHAT?

LIE DOWN, YOU'RE DEAD.

WE ALL ARE.

YOU REMEMBER THE KISS.

IN ACT ONE, AT THE
CAPULETS' MASKED PARTY.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

I WAS TRYING TO
THINK OF SOMETHING

THAT WOULD MAKE THIS KISS
AS SPECIAL AS THAT. TRISTIN!

I THOUGHT SHE COULD CRY. WHAT?

SHE'S DEAD. YOU'RE
DEAD. LIE DOWN.

BUT THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT.

NO ONE WOULD EXPECT
HER TO CRY. I WOULD.

FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT.

I NEED TO TAKE 5.

YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S ALL TAKE 5.

THAT WAY, YOU CAN ALL CANCEL
WHATEVER PLANS YOU HAD TONIGHT

BECAUSE WE ARE STAYING
HERE UNTIL WE GET THIS RIGHT.

WHO COULD YOU
POSSIBLY BE CALLING?

HE IS UNBELIEVABLE.

DEAN, I REALLY
NEED YOU TO LEAVE.

WHAT?

THE PLAY'S TOMORROW, AND
IT'S 50 PERCENT OF MY GRADE,

AND YOU STANDING
THERE STARING AT TRISTIN,

IT'S LIKE A CHALLENGE
OR SOMETHING.

I DON'T LIKE THE WAY
HE'S MESSING WITH YOU.

I DON'T LIKE IT EITHER, BUT WE
HAVE TO GET THROUGH THE SCENE,

AND WE CAN'T WITH
YOU STANDING THERE,

SO, DEAN, PLEASE?

FINE.

CALL ME LATER.

YOU KNOW, I NOTICE YOU
DIDN'T CRY WHEN YOU KISSED HIM.

I'M STARTING TO FEEL INSECURE.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

OOH, I THINK I LIKED
YOU BETTER COMATOSE.

I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T
GOING TO SAY ANYTHING.

DID I SAY THAT?

YOU MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR
ANYONE TO BE NICE TO YOU.

NO WONDER YOU HAD
TO JOIN OUR GROUP.

ANYONE WHO'S
SUFFERED THE EXPERIENCE

OF GOING OUT WITH YOU
WOULD KNOW BETTER.

GEE, I REALLY WISH
WE COULD CONTINUE

YOUR ANALYSIS ON
HOW PATHETIC I AM.

UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE
TO MEET SOME FRIENDS.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHERE IS HE GOING?

WE'RE NOT FINISHED! HEY, I'M
THE DIRECTOR HERE! TRISTIN!

TRISTIN, COME BACK!

OOH, I'M SO EXCITED.

SHAKESPEARE, ROMEO AND JULIET.

IT'S SO ROMANTIC. "OH, ROMEO...

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
AND THE, BLAH..."

THAT'S ALL THE
SHAKESPEARE I KNOW.

HEY, LUKE, YOU SHOULD COME
WITH US AND WATCH RORY PERFORM.

CAN'T.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET TO SEE
TEENAGERS SPEAK IAMBIC PENTAMETER

AND KILL THEMSELVES? NO,
THANKS. BUT YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME.

BRING PLENTY OF BASEBALL CARDS

TO PASS OUT YOUR
PHONE NUMBER ON.

OH, ENOUGH ALREADY!
THE HORSE IS DEAD.

HIS ASHES HAVE BEEN SPRINKLED
OVER THE LAND. LET IT REST.

LORELAI, THERE YOU ARE,
YOU NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY GIRL.

OK, HE WAS NOT THAT
MUCH YOUNGER THAN I AM.

I MET HIM AT BUSINESS
SCHOOL, NOT HIS BAR MITZVAH.

BUSINESS SCHOOL HAS TO INDICATE
SOME KIND OF MATURITY, RIGHT?

DOOGIE HOWSER
WAS A DOCTOR AT 16.

DOOGIE HOWSER WAS NOT REAL.

HOW SAD FOR YOU. LUKE.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE. I
GO ON ONE STUPID DATE,

AND SUDDENLY I'M THE
FEMALE JERRY LEE LEWIS.

OH, FORGET IT, HONEY.
THE TOWN LIKES TO TEASE.

PLUS, HE DID LOOK REALLY YOUNG.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE HIM.

KIRK SNAPPED PICTURES.

HEY, YOU. W-W-WHAT
IS UP WITH YOU?

NOTHING'S UP WITH ME.

WE WERE HAVING A PERFECTLY
NASTY VERBAL SPARRING MATCH,

AND YOU SUDDENLY WALK AWAY?

LORELAI, I... I HEAR
YOU'RE DATING A KID.

PLEASE, LET SOMETHING
BIG FALL ON MY HEAD.

WHEN I WAS 18, I WAS
DATIN' AN OLDER LADY.

BROKE MY HEART.

I'M SORRY YOU GOT DUMPED,
BUT I'M NOT DATING A KID.

I DIDN'T GET DUMPED. SHE DIED.
HEART ATTACK. SHE WAS QUITE OLD.

HEY. I'M WORKING. US
OLDER GUYS DO THAT.

WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO ME?

I'M NOT BEING MEAN.

YES, YOU ARE. YOU'RE BEING MEAN.

AM I BEING MEAN?

I WOULDN'T PAY YOU
TO PUT ON A RED NOSE

AND WORK A BIRTHDAY PARTY NOW.

THANK GOD FOR THAT.

WHY ARE YOU SO MAD AT ME?

I JUST THINK IT'S EMBARRASSING.

WHAT... WHAT IS SO EMBARRASSING?

YOU RUNNING
AROUND WITH THAT KID.

I WASN'T RUNNING. HE'S
NOT A KID. WE HAD DINNER.

YOU SAY "CHUCK E. CHEESE,"
I'LL BREAK YOUR NOSE.

HEY, I'M NOT GOING
TO SAY ANYTHING.

YOU GO LIVE YOUR
LIFE AS YOU PLEASE.

I GOT WORK TO DO.

HE JESTS AT SCARS THAT
NEVER FELT A WOUND.

BUT SOFT! WHAT LIGHT THROUGH
YONDER WINDOW BREAKS?

IT IS THE EAST, AND
JULIET IS THE SUN.

ARE YOU SURE THIS
IS SHAKESPEARE?

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE GRUNTING?

I WISH LUKE WAS HERE. HE
COULD TRANSLATE FOR US.

HEY. OH, HEY.

HI, HONEY.

LOOK AT YOU. YOU
LOOK LIKE A PRINCESS.

DOESN'T SHE LOOK
LIKE A PRINCESS?

YEAH, SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.

MOM MADE THE DRESS.

NOT TO MENTION THE GIRL
INSIDE IT. HELLO! GROSS!

I'M JUST SAYING.

I'M GETTING KIND OF NERVOUS.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT.

ACT 3 IS STARTING.

HENRY'S ACT. HOW DO I LOOK?

YOU MIGHT WANNA HOLD A PHONE UP
TO YOUR FACE, SO HE'LL RECOGNIZE YOU.

I NEED YOU.

HE'S NOT HERE. WHO'S NOT HERE?

TRISTIN. I'VE CALLED
HIS HOME, HIS CELL.

I CALLED 3 GIRLS HE'S SEEING.

CALM DOWN. WEREN'T
YOU LISTENING?

HE'S NOT HERE. WE'RE
ON IN 20 MINUTES,

AND WE DON'T HAVE A ROMEO.

WE ARE GOING TO FAIL. WE'RE NOT.

DO YOU THINK HARVARD ACCEPTS
PEOPLE WHO FAIL SHAKESPEARE?

I DON'T HAVE NUMBERS ON IT,
BUT I FEEL SECURE IN SAYING

YOU FAIL SHAKESPEARE,
YOU DON'T GET INTO HARVARD.

OK, MAYBE HE'S IN ONE OF THE
BATHROOMS, SMOKING. GOOD IDEA.

YOU CHECK THE EAST MEN'S
ROOMS, I'LL CHECK THE WEST ONES.

I AM HURT. A PLAGUE
ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!

I AM SPED. IS HE GONE,
AND HATH NOTHING?

I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO THIS,
BUT NO ONE WANTED TO LISTEN.

"LET'S MAKE TRISTIN
ROMEO. HE'S HOT."

WHAT ABOUT BRAD?

BRAD TRANSFERRED SCHOOLS.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU HAVE TO GET DRESSED.
WE'RE ON IN 10 MINUTES.

CAN'T. WHAT?

ACTUALLY, MY DAD HAD
ME PULLED OUT OF SCHOOL.

AND IS SHE UNHAPPY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE HAD
YOU PULLED OUT OF SCHOOL?

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING. JUST TICKED THE
OLD MAN OFF, THAT'S ALL.

BY DOING WHAT?
TRISTIN, COME ON, TELL ME.

I GOT IN SOME TROUBLE.

TROUBLE INVOLVING...

INVOLVING DUNCAN AND BOWMAN.

AND BOWMAN'S DAD'S SAFE.

OH, NO.

BOWMAN HAD A KEY.

IT WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE NO BIG DEAL.

THEN THE CRAZY
SILENT ALARM KICKED IN.

YOU BROKE INTO
BOWMAN'S DAD'S SAFE?

YES. STUPID.

YES.

WELL. OK. YOU CAN APOLOGIZE,

AND YOU CAN PUT BACK THE MONEY,

AND YOU CAN EXPLAIN THAT YOU
WERE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING.

I WAS. I WAS GOING
THROUGH HIS SAFE.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS THAT'S SOMETHING I
CAN PONDER AT MILITARY SCHOOL.

MILITARY SCHOOL?

THE POLICE ARE LETTING
OUR PARENTS HANDLE IT.

IN MY CASE, THAT MEANS MILITARY
SCHOOL IN NORTH CAROLINA.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

WELL, I IMAGINE YOU'RE
OVERWHELMED AT THE RELIEF

IN KNOWING THAT
SOON I WILL BE GONE.

I'M SO SORRY.

WELL, I'M A BIG
BOY. I CAN HANDLE IT.

THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN...

TRISTIN, COME ON.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

SO.

I'D LIKE TO KISS YOU GOODBYE,

BUT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S WATCHING.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, MARY.

WHAT ARE YOU STANDING
THERE FOR? LET'S GO!

AND YOU BETTER START
SUCKING ON AN ALTOID.

A DATELESS BARGAIN
TO ENGROSSING DEATH.

COME, BITTER CONDUCT.

COME, UNSAVORY GUIDE.

THOU DESPERATE PILOT, NOW AT
ONCE RUN ON THE DASHING ROCKS

THY SEASICK WEARY BARK.

HERE'S TO MY LOVE!

O TRUE APOTHECARY,
THY DRUGS ARE QUICK.

THUS WITH A KISS

I DIE.

WASN'T THAT GREAT?

I MEAN, JUST WATCHING
IT MADE ME FEEL SMARTER.

DON'T YOU FEEL SMARTER?

WELL, JUST THE
OPPOSITE, ACTUALLY.

WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ELSE GOOD
FOR US. GO TO A MUSEUM OR PLAY CHESS.

I PROMISED RORY WE'D
GO TO LUKE'S AFTERWARD.

EVEN BETTER.

I GOTTA TELL YOU. I AM STILL PRETTY
PEEVED BY HOW HE ACTED EARLIER.

THAT GUY RUNS SO HOT
AND COLD ON ME. WHAT?

ONE MINUTE, HE'S ALL SWEET.
AND BUILDING ME A HUPPAH,

THE NEXT, HE'S
BEING A TOTAL JERK

FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON.

FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON?

COME ON, LORELAI.

WHAT?

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT LUKE IS SO INTO YOU?

OK, STOP.

HE HAS HAD TO WATCH YOU
GO FROM ONE GUY TO ANOTHER

AND THEN THE ENGAGEMENT, AND
THEN THE ENGAGEMENT WAS OFF.

AND PATIENTLY, HE'S WAITED,
AND NOW IN WALKS THIS KID,

AND HE SAYS, "MY GOD, WILL SHE
DATE ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD

BEFORE SHE'LL DATE ME?"

SOOKIE, THAT'S...

HEY, MAYBE IT'S CRAZY, MAYBE
IT'S IRRATIONAL, BUT IT'S THERE.

JUST LOOK THE GUY IN
THE EYE. IT'S RIGHT THERE.

SO DID YOU AND
PARIS ACTUALLY KISS,

OR WAS THAT, LIKE,
A STAGE THING?

A LADY NEVER KISSES AND TELLS.

YOU GUYS GET A TABLE.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

HEY. HOW'D IT GO?

OH, YOU KNOW, I THINK
SHAKESPEARE WILL RECOVER.

THAT'S GOOD.

HEY, ARE YOU GOOD AT DATING?

WHAT?

DATING. DO YOU HAVE THAT DOWN?

OK, IF THIS IS ABOUT THAT KID...

NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT
ANYTHING. IT'S JUST A QUESTION.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF I HAVE IT DOWN.

CONSIDERING I LIVE
WITH MY NEPHEW,

I'D SAY PROBABLY NOT.

I DON'T HAVE IT DOWN EITHER.

I'VE NEVER BEEN VERY
GOOD AT IT, REALLY.

NEVER EVEN REALLY LIKED IT.

IT'S TOO MUCH "WHAT IF."

I... I LIKE THINGS
I CAN COUNT ON.

I MEAN, UH,

ACTUALLY, WITH MAX, IT WAS
THE FIRST TIME I WAS FINALLY LIKE:

"HEY, HERE IT IS.

THAT ONE PERSON WHO WILL
ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME."

AND THEN I TURNED
AROUND, AND IT'S SUDDENLY:

"OOPS. WRONG."

"KEEP MOVING."

WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?

I DON'T HAVE VERY
MANY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE

WHO ARE IN MY LIFE

PERMANENTLY, FOREVER.

THEY WILL ALWAYS
BE THERE FOR ME.

I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM.

YOU KNOW.

THERE'S RORY AND
SOOKIE, THIS TOWN,

AND YOU.

I MEAN, AT LEAST
I THINK I'VE GOT...

YOU DO.

GOOD.

JUST CHECKING.

TELL ME ABOUT ROMEO AND JULIET.

WELL,

IT'S SO DEPRESSING.
EVERYBODY DIES.

BUT THE CLOTHES WERE SO CUTE.

LIFE CAN BE FUNNY THAT WAY.

AND RORY...