Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 2, Episode 5 - Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy - full transcript

HOW ARE THE EGGS?

GOOD. I'M GLAD.

THEY'RE STILL GOOD.

I'M STILL GLAD.

LOOK, FREAK, WE'LL NOT BE LATE.

IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
I WANNA GET THERE EARLY.

WE WILL BE THERE
EARLY. I PROMISE.

I HAVE DIFFERENT CLASSES THIS
YEAR. MY ROUTES AREN'T THE SAME.

I HAVEN'T FOUND THE
QUICKEST PATH AROUND.

AND MY LOCKER, THEY MOVED IT.

SO I DON'T KNOW IF
IT'LL WORK PROPERLY

AND I'LL HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE.

AND GOD KNOWS HOW LONG
THAT'LL TAKE AND WHERE IT'LL BE.

THAT COULD SEND THE
WHOLE DAY INTO CHAOS.

I'M JUST EXCITED.

OH, THANK GOD, YOU
HAVEN'T LEFT YET.

NO, WHAT'S UP?

WELL, I FOUND THE GREATEST
RECORD STORE IN THE WORLD.

IT'S 10 MINUTES
FROM YOUR SCHOOL.

I'M WONDERING HOW
MUCH YOU LOVE ME?

ADDRESS?

RECORD BREAKER INCORPORATED,
2453 BERLIN TURNPIKE.

GOT IT. PLACE YOUR ORDER NOW.

YES. OK.

CHARLES MINGUS, THE BLACK
SAINT AND THE SINNER LADY.

THE SONICS, HERE ARE THE SONICS.

BURN ME A COPY.

NEXT.

MC5, KICK OUT THE JAMS.

FAIRPORT CONVENTION,
LIEGE & LIEF.

BEE GEES, ODESSA.

BEE GEES, REALLY?

WELL, MOJO SAYS.

SO IT MUST BE TRUE.

THAT'S IT.

NOW, IF I COULD JUST FIND A COPY OF
WHISTLER, CHAUCER, DETROIT AND GREENHILL,

I WILL FINALLY BE
DONE WITH THE '60s.

I CAN GET THERE TODAY.
TOMORROW AT THE LATEST.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU
GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

ME, TOO. HEY!

I AM GETTING
DOUGHNUTS FOR LATER.

AS SOON AS I DO, I'LL
TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL

AND NICE MEN IN WHITE
COATS WILL PICK YOU UP.

EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP:

DECIDE WHAT YOU
WANT, PLACE YOUR ORDER,

AND THEN PROCEED
TO THE END OF THE LINE.

I WANT A BURGER.

I WANT GRILLED CHEESE. ME, TOO.

AND I WANT FRIES. AND MAKE
THEM REALLY, REALLY CRISPY.

I WANT MINE CRISPY, TOO.

YOU DIDN'T ORDER FRIES. SO?

SO YOU CAN'T ORDER CRISPY FRIES
WITHOUT FIRST ORDERING FRIES.

WHY NOT?

YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMETHING
CRISPY THAT DOESN'T EXIST.

WHY NOT?

GET HIM AWAY FROM ME, TAYLOR.

HAVE SOME RESPECT.

THESE BOYS JUST
COMPLETED THE FIRST LEG

OF THEIR
OUTDOOR-SURVIVAL TRAINING.

MEANING YOU HAD THEM SIT UNDER A TREE
AND GLUE ROCKS TOGETHER FOR 2 HOURS.

YOU'RE A VERY JADED MAN, LUKE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU AS A CHILD?

SOME CREEPY GUY IN SHORTS AND
KNEE SOCKS TRIED TO SIT ME UNDER A TREE

AND GLUE ROCKS
TOGETHER FOR TWO HOURS.

PUT THAT DOWN. WHY?

BECAUSE OTHERWISE
YOU'RE GOIN' UNDER IT.

I WON'T FIT.

OH, YES, YOU WILL.

HEY, DOUGHNUTS, PLEASE.

WE WERE HERE FIRST!

ON THE PLANET? HUH?

YOU LOSE. CHOCOLATE
CINNAMON AND SPRINKLES.

PIPE DOWN!

GRUMPS, HUH?

YEAH, I'M WORKING. WHAT
DO YOU THINK I'M DOIN'?

UH-HUH, UH-HUH.

OH, MAN. W-WHAT DID YOU DO?

EXCUSE ME? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

JUST LIKE THAT, HUH?

HEY, MR. DOOSE, SHE'S
NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

THAT'S RIGHT. SHE'S
BREAKING THE RULES,

AND PEOPLE WHO BREAK THE RULES

END UP VERY LONELY
WITH NO FRIENDS

BECAUSE THEY BECOME
SOCIETY'S OUTCASTS.

PLANNING ON BURNING A LITTLE
HUCK FINN AFTER LUNCH, TAYLOR?

EXCUSE ME?

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!

YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE, WILL YOU?

OK, FINE.

DO WHAT YOU WANT,
MAKE THE ARRANGEMENTS.

NOW, I'M WORKIN'.
WE'LL FINISH THIS LATER.

IS EVERYTHING OK?

DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?

UM, NO.

I DO.

YOU HAVE MY SYMPATHIES.

THANKS. I APPRECIATE THAT.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

HEY. HELLO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST REDECORATING THE SIDEWALK.

LOOKS NICE.

YEAH, YOU DON'T
THINK TOO MUCH BLUE?

NO, JUST ENOUGH.

YEAH, WELL, THANKS FOR
THE INPUT. YOU CAN GO NOW.

NEED SOME HELP? NOPE.

NEED SOME HELP? NOPE.

NEED SOME HELP? NOPE.

DO YOU NEED SOME HELP?

FROSTED FLAKES?

SINCE WHEN DO YOU
BUY FROSTED FLAKES?

OK, NOW, WHAT IS GOIN' ON?

NOTHIN'.

NOTHING? YOU JUST ALL OF A
SUDDEN WOKE UP THIS MORNING

AND DECIDED YOU WERE GONNA
BUY EVERY FOOD ITEM IN THE WORLD

THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY EAT?

IT'S NOT FOR ME.

WELL, WHO IS IT FOR?

SOMEONE WHO'S NOT ME.

LIKE WHO?

LIKE MY NEPHEW.

AH, YOUR NEPHEW'S
COMIN' TO VISIT.

NO, HE'S COMIN' TO STAY.

YOUR SISTER'S MOVING HERE?

NO.

WELL, I'M SORRY, I DON'T GET IT.

THERE'S NOTHIN' TO
GET. SHE'S JUST LIZ.

SHE'S BUSY, SHE CAN'T HANDLE
HIM, SHE'S SENDIN' HIM HERE.

WHERE'S HIS DAD?

OH, WELL, THE GREAT PRIZE THAT MY
SISTER PICKED UP AT A DER WIENERSCHNITZEL

LEFT HER ABOUT 2 YEARS
AGO, WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN.

OH, JEEZ.

YEAH.

SO SHE'S JUST SENDING
HIM HERE, JUST LIKE THAT?

OH, NO, I'M SURE SHE PUT AT LEAST
5 OR 6 MINUTES OF THOUGHT INTO IT.

BUT WHY?

WELL, APPARENTLY HE'S BEEN
GETTIN' INTO SOME TROUBLE,

AND LIZ IS AFRAID HE'S
HEADIN' FOR SOMETHIN' BAD,

AND RATHER THAN HANDLE
IT HERSELF, SHE'S GIVEN UP.

SHE'S SENDIN' HIM HERE SO
I CAN STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.

YOU?

YES.

YOU CAN STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT?

YES.

YOU LUKE DANES, THE
GREAT COMMUNICATOR,

YOU'RE GOING TO
STRAIGHTEN THE KID OUT?

ALL HE NEEDS IS A CHANGE
OF PACE, A NEW CROWD,

AND TO GET AWAY FROM THE NUT JOB

THAT UNFORTUNATELY IS MY SISTER.

HOW LONG IS HE STAYING?

UH, I DON'T KNOW. INDEFINITELY.

HOW OLD IS HE?

17.

OH, WOW.

THAT IS VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.

WELL, IT'S FAMILY.
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?

RIGHT.

SO WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE
HAS HE GOTTEN INTO?

AH, JUST KID STUFF.

YOU KNOW, STAYIN' OUT
LATE, GETTIN' ROWDY.

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY.

WELL, YOU MIGHT
WANT TO FIND OUT.

ASK A COUPLE OF
SUBTLE QUESTIONS.

YOU KNOW, HAS HE SEEN
THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION?

DID THE SETTING
SEEM HOMEY TO HIM?

STUFF LIKE THAT.

LOOK, HIS PROBLEM IS
OBVIOUS. IT'S HIS MOTHER.

WE NEVER COULD COUNT
ON LIZ FOR ANYTHING.

OUR MOM DIED WHEN
WE WERE KIDS, RIGHT?

IT WAS JUST MY DAD, ME, AND LIZ.

MY DAD WORKED ALL THE TIME

AND I WORKED IN THE
STORE WITH MY DAD

AND LIZ WAS OFF DOIN'
GOD KNOWS WHAT.

I BET LOSING HER MOM SO
EARLY WAS KIND OF HARD ON HER.

IT WAS HARD ON ALL OF
US BUT WE DID OUR PART.

AND THEN THE MINUTE SHE GRADUATES
HIGH SCHOOL, SHE IS OUT OF HERE.

DIDN'T MATTER THAT
MY DAD WAS SICK.

DIDN'T MATTER THAT
THE STORE WAS FAILING.

SHE JUST TOOK OFF. MARRIED THE
HOT DOG KING, HAD A KID, HE LEFT.

NOW HERE WE ARE.

YEAH, WELL.

I'M SORRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M BLOWIN' THIS UP.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A BED.

A BED? FOR JESS.

JESS? MY NEPHEW.

LUKE, UM, THAT'S NOT
A BED, THAT'S A RAFT.

WHICH IS FINE IF YOU'RE GONNA
BUILD A MOAT AROUND THE DINER...

IT'S FINE.

LUKE, THE KID NEEDS A BED.

IF YOU WANT TO GET HIM SOMETHING
INFLATABLE, MAKE IT A BLONDE.

I'M GETTIN' HIM A BED.
THIS IS JUST TEMPORARY.

HEY, HOW DOES JESS
FEEL ABOUT THIS?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU HAVEN'T TALKED
TO HIM ABOUT IT?

NO.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD?

WHY? HE DOESN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

HIS MOM'S A FLAKE,
HE'S COMIN' HERE.

END OF STORY.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE
READY FOR THIS?

OF COURSE I'M SURE.

I MEAN, TAKIN' ON A FULL-TIME
KID, THAT'S A LOT OF WORK.

I KNOW.

AND A 17-YEAR-OLD WHO'S
BEEN GETTIN' INTO TROUBLE

AND NOW IS BEING SHIPPED OFF WITHOUT
HIS CONSENT, THAT COULD BE EVEN HARDER.

LOOK, ALL HE NEEDS IS
TO BE AROUND SOMEONE

WHO'S NOT A SELFISH BASKET CASE,

WHO WILL GIVE
HIM A LITTLE SPACE,

WHO WILL TREAT HIM LIKE A MAN.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
THINK ABOUT THIS.

THERE'S NOTHIN' TO THINK ABOUT.

HE'S FAMILY, YOU TAKE
CARE OF FAMILY. PERIOD.

YES, I RESPECT THAT. BUT WHAT
IF HE TURNS OUT TO BE FREDO?

ARE YOU TELLIN'
ME NOT TO DO THIS?

NO, I'M NOT TELLIN'
YOU NOT TO DO THIS.

THEN WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?

I'M JUST SAYING THAT IF
YOU NEED ANY HELP, I'M HERE.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

LOOK, I GOT A LOT OF THINGS
TO DO BEFORE HE GETS HERE.

OK, I'M LEAVING.

OH.

YOU DO HAVE AN EXTRA
SET OF SHEETS, RIGHT?

YES, I DO.

SORRY. JUST CHECKING. BYE.

SH-SHEETS, SHEETS.

OK, ROUND 2.

5 SECONDS? 4.

FINE. NOW IT'S 3.

PARIS, IT DOES NOT
HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS.

NO?

YOU AND I ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME

IN CLASS TOGETHER
ON THE FRANKLIN.

I KNOW.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SIT IN THE SAME
CLASSROOM, SHARE THE SAME OXYGEN.

OCCASIONALLY MAKE EYE CONTACT.

I CAN AVOID THAT.

LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING THAT
WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS.

I DON'T WANNA BE FRIENDS.

I'M JUST SAYING THAT MAYBE
WE SHOULD LOOK AT THIS LIKE LIFE.

LIFE?

YES, IN LIFE,

THERE WILL BE PEOPLE YOU DON'T
LIKE BUT YOU HAVE TO COEXIST WITH.

I'M WELL AWARE OF THAT.

SO I'M JUST SUGGESTING
THAT WE COEXIST.

YOU'RE SCARED THAT
I'M GONNA YOUR LIFE

ON THE FRANKLIN A LIVING HELL.

ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M
THE EDITOR AND YOU'RE...

OH, WHAT'S THE WORD? NOT.

IF YOU WANT TO SPEND
THE PRECIOUS ENERGY

THAT YOU WOULD NORMALLY
SPEND ON THE PAPER

OBSESSING ON WAYS TO MAKE ME
MISERABLE, THEN THAT'S YOUR CHOICE.

I'M JUST SUGGESTING
AN ALTERNATE PLAN.

THE PAPER COULD BE
REALLY GREAT THIS YEAR.

I KNOW.

SO CAN'T WE JUST AGREE ON THAT
AND MAKE ALL THE REST OF IT GO AWAY?

EVERYTHING OK?

YEAH, RIF, EVERYTHING'S FINE.

WE WERE JUST TALKING.

TALKING? YOU TWO?

ABOUT THE FRANKLIN.

OH.

NOPE, STILL SEEMS WEIRD.

HEY, LOOK, WE'RE ALL
ON THE PAPER TOGETHER.

THERE'S GOING TO BE A LOT OF
LONG AFTERNOONS AND WEEKENDS.

WEEKENDS?

WE NEED TO COEXIST. RIGHT?

RIGHT.

I'M SORRY, BACK UP
TO THE WEEKENDS.

SO THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO.

NOW, THE FIRST MEETING
OF THE FRANKLIN IS TODAY.

YES, IT IS.

4:00. SOUNDS GOOD.

WEEKENDS WERE NEVER MENTIONED.

I NEED MY WEEKENDS.

ALL OF THIS GETS
DONE ON WEEKENDS.

JESS.

LUKE.

OK, SO, UH...

SO, THIS IS MY DINER.

OH.

IT BELONGED TO YOUR GRANDPA.

HMM.

YEAH.

WELL, HERE WE ARE.

IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE.
THIS IS THE ROOM.

THAT'S MY BED.

THAT'S YOUR, UH, BED FOR
NOW, BUT THE SHEETS ARE NEW.

THERE'S THE BATHROOM, THERE'S
THE CLOSET, THERE'S THE DRESSER,

THE PHONE, AND OVER
THERE IS THE KITCHEN.

I'VE GOT FROSTED FLAKES.

WOW, THAT'S GREAT.

SO, IS THAT ALL YOUR STUFF?

YUP.

YEAH, WELL, NOT MUCH THERE.

WELL, LIZZIE'S SENDIN'
THE REST LATER.

SO, YOU NEED SOME HELP?

NOPE.

OK, UH, I HAVE TO GET
BACK TO THE DINER.

I'M GOING TO CLOSE UP AT
10:00 TONIGHT, SO I THOUGHT...

SEE YOU AT 10:00.

BUT WAIT. YOU NEED KEYS.

NO, I DON'T.

I SO DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHY.

♪

♪ THIS IS HELL ♪

♪ THIS IS HELL ♪

♪ I AM SORRY TO TELL YOU ♪

♪ IT NEVER GETS
BETTER OR WORSE ♪

♪ BUT YOU'LL GET USED TO IT ♪

♪ AFTER A SPELL ♪

♪ FOR HEAVEN IS
HELL IN REVERSE ♪

THE OP-ED PAGE IS SAD.

IT'S WORSE THAN SAD.
IT'S UNOPINIONATED.

PICK A SIDE, PEOPLE.

OH. RORY.

HEY.

NICE OF YOU TO JOIN
US, MISS GILMORE.

I THOUGHT WE WERE
STARTING AT 4:00.

NO, WE START AT 3:15 SHARP.

WE'RE WASTING TIME HERE.

TAKE A SEAT, MISS GILMORE.

SORRY.

OK, SO WE WERE JUST FINISHING UP

HANDING OUT THE
FIRST ASSIGNMENTS.

NOW, RORY, UNFORTUNATELY,
SINCE YOU GOT HERE SO LATE,

MOST EVERYTHING OF
INTEREST HAS BEEN GIVEN OUT.

WHY, I'M SHOCKED.

WAIT, WAIT, JUST LET
ME CHECK MY LIST HERE.

THERE MIGHT BE
SOMETHING LEFT FOR YOU.

OK, WELL, HERE. THEY'RE PAVING
THE NEW PARKING LOT TOMORROW.

AND?

AND YOU CAN COVER IT.

COVER WHAT?

THE PAVING PROCESS.

YOU'RE SERIOUS?

ABSOLUTELY. I'M SURE THERE'S
AN ANGLE THERE SOMEWHERE.

IS IT ENVIRONMENTALLY SAFE?

WHAT ARE THE
FINANCIAL RAMIFICATIONS?

SHOULD BRICK HAVE
BEEN CONSIDERED,

ESPECIALLY TAKING INTO ACCOUNT
THE ARCHITECTURE OF THE BUILDING?

YEAH, YEAH, I GET THE IDEA.

BUT, HEY, IF YOU THINK
THIS IS BELOW YOU,

YOU CAN ALWAYS WAIT
UNTIL THE NEXT ISSUE.

YOU CAN USE THIS TIME
TO GET A NICE MANICURE.

THAT'S OK.

MAYBE GET A MASSAGE. I'LL DO IT.

AROMATHERAPY. SMELL
LIKE A PEACH FOR A FEW DAYS.

I'LL DO IT, OK? I'LL
COVER THE PAVING.

OK, GOOD.

WELL, THEN, I GUESS THAT'S IT.

PROBLEM, MISS GILMORE?

NO, NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
I LOVE THIS ASSIGNMENT.

I'M GLAD.

I'M GONNA WRITE THE BEST
PIECE ON PAVEMENT YOU'VE READ.

I HOPE SO.

WHEN YOU GIVE ME THE SCOOP ON THE
NEW COPPER-PLUMBING, I'LL BE THRILLED.

I LIKE A TEAM PLAYER.

NO MATTER HOW MANY CRAPPY,

STUPID, USELESS
ASSIGNMENTS YOU THROW AT ME,

I'M NOT GOING TO QUIT, AND
I'M NOT GOING TO BACK DOWN.

SO, YOU CAN GO HOME TONIGHT
AND THINK ABOUT THE FACT

THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO
AND NO MATTER HOW EVIL YOU ARE,

AT THE END OF THE YEAR, ON
MY HIGH SCHOOL TRANSCRIPT

IT'S GOING TO SAY THAT I
WORKED ON THE FRANKLIN.

SO, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I
HAVE SOME READING TO DO

ON THE ORIGINS OF CONCRETE.

A THOUSAND WORDS
ON MY DESK ON TUESDAY.

SORRY.

HI.

JEEZ.

SORRY.

NO, I JUST...

YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

IT'S OK. I'LL JUST
LICK IT OFF THE TABLE.

SO?

SO WHAT? IS HE HERE?

HE'S HERE.

YEAH? HOW IS HE?

HE'S FINE.

DID HE SEE THE BED?

HE SAW THE BED.

WHERE IS HE? I WANT TO MEET HIM.

HE'S OUT.

OUT WHERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T?

NO, HE JUST WENT OUT.

YOU DIDN'T ASK HIM
WHERE HE WAS GOING?

NO.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE HE'S NOT 2.

YEAH, BUT, LUKE,
HE'S NEW IN TOWN.

HE DOESN'T KNOW
HIS WAY AROUND YET.

WAY AROUND WHAT?
THIS IS STARS HOLLOW.

TAKE 3 LEFT TURNS, AND YOU'RE
BACK IN THE CENTER OF TOWN.

LUKE, WHEN A KID GOES OUT,

YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST
ASK WHERE HE'S GOING.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE
RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM NOW.

IF HE GOES AND KNOCKS OVER A LIQUOR
STORE, IT'S GOING TO BE YOUR FAULT.

IF I HAD ASKED HIM
WHERE HE WAS GOING

AND HE ACTUALLY INTENDED
TO KNOCK OFF A LIQUOR STORE,

DO YOU REALLY THINK HE
WOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT?

IF HE'S DUMB.

HE'S FINE. NEW TOPIC.

JESS, HEY, GOOD.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET SOMEONE.

HEY! HI. I'M LORELAI.

I JUST WANTED TO MEET YOU BEFORE
LUKE HAD A CHANCE TO FILL YOUR HEAD

WITH ALL KINDS OF
LITTLE LIES ABOUT ME.

HI.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD MEET MY
DAUGHTER. SHE'S ABOUT YOUR AGE.

SHE CAN SHOW YOU WHERE
ALL THE GOOD WILDING GOES ON.

OK, UH, WELL, IT'S
NICE TO MEET YOU.

I... I HOPE YOU LIKE IT HERE.

SO, CLASS DISMISSED.

UH, ARE YOU
HUNGRY? 'CAUSE I CAN...

SO THAT'S JESS.

YEP.

VERY CHATTY.

HE'S ADJUSTING.
HE JUST GOT HERE.

HE PROBABLY JUST WENT OUT AND
REALIZED THERE ARE 12 STORES IN THIS TOWN

DEVOTED ENTIRELY TO
PEDDLING PORCELAIN UNICORNS.

I'VE LIVED IN THIS TOWN MY
ENTIRE LIFE, I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I'M SURE THAT'S IT.

HE'LL BE FINE IN A FEW DAYS.

HEY, LISTEN. I HAVE
A FABULOUS IDEA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TOMORROW NIGHT?

WHY?

WHY DON'T YOU AND JESS
COME OVER FOR DINNER? DINNER?

SOOKIE WILL COOK,
RORY WILL BE THERE.

IT'LL BE A LITTLE, "HEY,
WELCOME TO STARS HOLLOW.

SEE, EVERYONE HERE IS NOT
STRAIGHT OUT OF A FELLINI FILM"

KIND OF AN EVENING.

OK, THAT WOULD BE NICE. THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU WON'T BRING UP THE BED?

OH, NO, I'LL DEFINITELY
BRING UP THE BED.

OH, MY GOD, I HATE HER.

OH, ME, TOO.

YOU'VE NO IDEA WHO
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

SOLIDARITY, SISTER. PARIS.

OH, WELL, THAT I
SHOULD HAVE GUESSED.

SHE THINKS SHE CAN TORTURE
ME OFF THE PAPER AND SHE CAN'T.

NO, SHE CAN'T.

I HAVE NEVER MET
ANYONE LIKE HER BEFORE.

HER INSISTENCE ON HOLDING
ON TO THIS STUPID GRUDGE

THAT IS BASED ON NOTHING
AND WILL NEVER EVER END

SHOWS AN AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT THAT
I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.

I'M BEGINNING TO ADMIRE HER.

FIRST DAY SUCKED?

JUST THE PAPER STUFF. THE
REST OF THE STUFF WAS GOOD.

GOOD. I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT.

DID YOU HAPPEN TO RUN INTO MAX?

ACTUALLY, NO.

REALLY?

YEAH. OUR PATHS
JUST DIDN'T CROSS.

ISN'T HE YOUR LIT. TEACHER?

YEAH.

BUT I DO HAVE REALLY TALL
PEOPLE SITTING IN FRONT OF ME.

RORY.

I SAW HIM IN THE HALLWAY
AND I WALKED THE OTHER WAY.

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT THAT'S
WHAT YOU'D WANT ME TO DO.

JUST BECAUSE MAX ISN'T A
PART OF MY LIFE ANYMORE

DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN'T
BE A PART OF YOURS.

HE HAS TO BE A PART OF YOURS.

YOU HAVE TO SEE
HIM AND TALK TO HIM.

AND THAT'S OK. THAT'S GOOD.

I KNOW EVERYTHING SEEMS
SCREWED UP RIGHT NOW,

BUT I... I DON'T WANT
YOU TO AVOID HIM.

ESPECIALLY NOT
ON MY ACCOUNT, OK?

ALL RIGHT.

I'M SORRY THAT I PUT
YOU IN THIS POSITION.

THAT'S OK. IT'S
GOIN' ON THE LIST.

MY GOD, THAT LIST
IS GETTING LONG.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

WE ARE HAVING A LITTLE
GATHERING TOMORROW NIGHT.

WHAT KIND OF GATHERING?

WELL, LUKE'S NEPHEW'S HERE
AND I THOUGHT WE COULD TRY

TO MAKE HIM FEEL AT HOME.

DID YOU MEET HIM? SORT OF.

WHAT'S HE LIKE?

WELL, HE'S NOT
GOING TO BE SUBBING

FOR THE NEW DODO ON THE
REGIS SHOW ANYTIME SOON.

LET'S PUT IT LIKE THAT.

SO, YOU GOT UNPACKED?

YO.

GOT ENOUGH SPACE IN THE CLOSET?

PLENTY.

YOU HUNGRY?

18.

WHAT?

JUST COUNTIN' HOW MANY
QUESTIONS TILL WE HIT 20.

OK, NEVER MIND.

YEAH. YEAH, LIZ, HE...
HE GOT HERE FINE.

GOT HERE AT 10:00 THIS MORNING.

OK, HANG ON A SECOND.

JESS?

PASS.

JESS, COME ON.

NOPE.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL HER?

TELL HER I GOT TO TAKE
ANOTHER CRACK AT THE CLOSET.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I HUNG MY TOOL
T-SHIRT NEXT TO MY METALLICA T-SHIRT

AND THEY DON'T GET ALONG.

YOU REALLY WANT
ME TO TELL HER THAT?

YOU THINK A DIFFERENT BAND
COMBO WOULD SELL IT MORE?

YEAH, LIZ, JESS IS GOING
TO HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.

YEAH, HE'S HELPING ME OUT WITH A
SHELF THING AND HIS HANDS ARE FULL.

YEAH, I'LL TELL HIM. OK. BYE.

SHE SAID TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR
STUFF WILL BE HERE ON FRIDAY.

GREAT. WE'LL HAVE A PARTY.

YOU KNOW, YOUR
MOM THINKS THIS IS,

YOU KNOW, FOR THE
BEST, FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

ANYHOW, I GUESS YOU'LL JUST
CALL HER WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT.

WANT TO PLAY SOME
POKER? $5 BUCKS A HAND?

NO. $10?

NO. I CAN'T GO ANY
HIGHER THAN $10.

JESS. OK, $15.

I DON'T WANNA PLAY POKER.

YOU SURE? I'M SURE.

OKEY-DOKEY.

SO LISTEN, LORELAI, YOU
MET HER TODAY, REMEMBER?

ANYHOW, UM,

SHE INVITED US, UH, TO HER HOUSE
TOMORROW NIGHT FOR DINNER.

HER DAUGHTER RORY, WHO
YOU DIDN'T MEET, BUT YOU'LL LIKE

'CAUSE SHE'S A LOT LIKE LORELAI,

BUT, UH, SHE'S GOT A SLIGHTLY
TIGHTER GRASP ON REALITY.

ANYHOW, SHE-SHE'LL BE THERE.

AND, YOU KNOW, IT'D BE...

I DON'T KNOW, IT'D BE A CHANCE
FOR YOU TO MEET MORE PEOPLE

AND SO I... I SAID YES.

OH.

HELLO.

HI.

YOU'RE EARLY.

WELL, I FELT SO BAD
ABOUT THE MIX-UP LAST TIME,

I WANTED TO MAKE SURE
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

IT WON'T.

HEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT KIMBER
SLATELY AND TRISTIN ARE A MAJOR ITEM?

I THOUGHT KIMBER AND SEAN ASHER

WERE THIS YEAR'S
JOHN AND JACKIE.

NOPE, SEAN IS WITH
DEE McGUIRE NOW,

WHICH PUSHED JEFF TRANER
INTO DOTTIE LORD'S ARMS,

LEAVING MADISON MAYLANDS
ALONE FOR THE FIRST WEEKEND

SINCE HE BECAME CAPTAIN
OF THE LACROSSE TEAM.

OH, YOU KNOW SO MUCH SO SOON.

YOU HAVE THE GIFT.

I KNOW.

HEY, PARIS, WHAT DO
YOU THINK ABOUT ME

WRITING A GOSSIP
COLUMN FOR THE FRANKLIN?

HUH?

I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S A HARD ONE.

I MEAN, THIS IS THE FRANKLIN,

A NEWSPAPER THAT'S BEEN
AROUND FOR ALMOST 100 YEARS.

THERE HAVE BEEN AT LEAST 10
FORMER EDITORS OF THE FRANKLIN

THAT HAVE GONE ON TO
WORK FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES.

6 HAVE GONE ON TO
THE WASHINGTON POST.

3 ARE CONTRIBUTING
EDITORS AT THE NEW YORKER.

I THINK ONE EVEN WENT ON
TO WIN THE PULITZER PRIZE.

BUT NEVER MIND THEM.

I COULD BE THE FIRST EDITOR
IN THE HISTORY OF THE FRANKLIN

TO INTRODUCE A COLUMN EXCLUSIVELY
DEVOTED TO WHO BIFFY'S BOFFING TODAY.

QUANDARY.

YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT ONE.

OK.

OH, GOOD, WE'RE ALL HERE.

AND PROMPT. LOVELY.

WELL,

I READ EVERYONE'S ARTICLE AND
THEY WERE ALL EXTREMELY WELL DONE.

SNAPPY, INFORMATIVE,
WELL-RESEARCHED.

PARIS, YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD

OF THE TEAM YOU'VE
ASSEMBLED HERE THIS YEAR.

THANK YOU.

I MEAN, WHEN YOU'VE GOT A REPORTER
WHO CAN TAKE AN INCREDIBLY MUNDANE

AND SEEMINGLY
UNIMPORTANT SUBJECT

LIKE THE REPAVING OF
THE FACULTY PARKING LOT

AND TURN IT INTO A
BITTERSWEET PIECE

ON HOW EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING

EVENTUALLY BECOMES OBSOLETE,

THEN YOU'VE REALLY
GOT SOMETHING.

MISS GILMORE, I WAS TOUCHED.

I OWE IT ALL TO PARIS.

I WOULD STRONGLY
ADVISE THAT NEXT TIME

YOU GIVE MISS GILMORE SOMETHING
WITH A LITTLE MORE MEAT TO IT.

OH, YEAH, GREAT IDEA.

OK. LET'S GET DOWN TO WORK HERE.

WE'VE GOT A LAYOUT
TO PUT TOGETHER.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

YOU MUST BE VERY
PROUD OF YOURSELF.

WELL, I'M NOT HIDING
WHEN I PASS A MIRROR.

I GUESS IT'S PART OF MY
JOB AS EDITOR TO MAKE SURE

THAT OUR BEST WRITERS
ARE WRITING OUR BEST PIECES.

SO I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
ONE OF OUR BEST PIECES.

UH-HUH.

FRONT PAGE, LEAD
STORY. ABOVE THE FOLD.

GET TO THE CATCH, PARIS.

NO CATCH. NO CATCH?

I'D LIKE TO START OUR
YEAR OFF WITH A PROFILE

ON THE TEACHER VOTED MOST
POPULAR FROM THE YEAR BEFORE.

YOU KNOW, AN IN-DEPTH,
NO-HOLDS-BARRED INTERVIEW.

EVERYBODY WANTS IT. YOU HAVE IT.

YOU'RE... YOU'RE KIDDING.

NOPE.

WELL, THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

SO, GO AHEAD AND
SET UP THAT INTERVIEW

WITH MR. MEDINA AS
SOON AS POSSIBLE. WHAT?

I KNOW IT'S SHORT NOTICE. I'D LOVE
IT TO LEAD OFF OUR FIRST EDITION.

MR. MEDINA?

HE WAS THE WINNER
BY A LANDSLIDE.

BUT...

I'M SORRY. IS THERE A PROBLEM?

I MEAN, IS THERE SOME REASON WHY
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO INTERVIEW HIM?

AFTER ALL, YOU OF ALL
PEOPLE SHOULD BE ABLE

TO GET THE MOST
IN-DEPTH STORY OUT OF HIM,

ESPECIALLY SINCE HE AND
YOUR MOTHER ARE INVOLVED.

THEY ARE STILL
INVOLVED, AREN'T THEY?

LET'S JUST LEAVE MY MOTHER'S
PERSONAL LIFE OUT OF THIS, OK?

OH, THAT SOUNDS BAD.

IT'S NOT BAD.

IT'S JUST NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

FINE.

YOU WANT THE INTERVIEW OR NOT?

YES, I WANT THE INTERVIEW.

GOOD. GET ME SOMETHING MORE
THAN HIS FAVORITE COLOR, OK?

MAYBE I SHOULD
MAKE GRILLED CHEESE.

BUT YOU'RE MAKING A POT ROAST.

BUT NOT EVERYBODY
LIKES POT ROAST.

WELL, THEN THEY CAN
HAVE CHICKEN WINGS,

THE MASHED POTATOES, THE 4
KINDS OF SALADS THAT YOU'RE MAKING

IN ADDITION TO THE POT ROAST.

YEAH, I... I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

SO I SHOULD START
SLICING THE CHEESE.

WOULD YOU? OH,
THAT WOULD BE GREAT!

OH, WOW, SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD!

IT'S THE GARLIC.

3 HEADS OF IT.

NICE.

I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT.

WE ARE GOING TO MAKE THIS KID
THINK HE DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN.

OR HENRY THE VIII'S HOUSE.

MILADY?

COME IN.

HEY, YOU JOINING
THE FESTIVITIES?

IN A SEC.

YOU SOUND CRABBY.
I'M CONCENTRATING.

OK, DON'T CONCENTRATE TOO HARD.

BOYS LIKE 'EM DUMB.
RIGHT, JACKSON?

IF YOU CAN NAVIGATE YOURSELF
AROUND A TREE, KEEP ON WALKIN'.

COMING!

WHAT IF HE DOESN'T DO DAIRY?

HEY, PERFECT TIMING.

SOOKIE'S ABOUT TO
BREAK HER OWN RECORD

FOR THE MOST FOOD SERVED
OUTSIDE THE ROMAN EMPIRE.

SOUNDS GREAT. SURE DOES.

SO, COME ON IN.

SORRY WE'RE A LITTLE LATE.

WE HAD A LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING

ABOUT WHAT TIME WE WERE ACTUALLY
SUPPOSED TO LEAVE TO COME HERE.

THAT'S OK. HOW'S IT GOING?

NOT BAD. THE BED POPPED.

YIKES. WAS ANYONE IN IT? ME.

YOU?

YEAH, I LET HIM
TAKE THE REAL ONE.

WELL, IT WAS VERY NICE OF YOU.

HEY, JESS, YOU WANT TO
COME ON IN THE KITCHEN?

SOOKIE, JACKSON, I WANT
YOU TO MEET LUKE'S NEPHEW.

THIS IS JESS.

DO YOU EAT CHEESE?

WHAT?

OH, MY GOD! THIS IS THE
GREATEST LEMON I'VE EVER GROWN!

I MEAN, THIS IS A GREAT LEMON.

SOOKIE, YOU GOT TO TRY THIS
LEMON. ISN'T THAT A GREAT LEMON?

THAT IS A GREAT LEMON!

TRY IT! IT'S A MEYER!

JACKSON GROWS FRUIT AND
THEN SCARES PEOPLE WITH IT.

RORY, THEY'RE HERE.

COMING.

HEY.

HEY.

I'M RORY.

YEAH, I FIGURED.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

WOW. AREN'T WE
HOOKED ON PHONICS?

OH, I READ A LOT. DO YOU READ?

NOT MUCH.

I COULD LOAN YOU THAT
IF YOU WANT. IT'S GREAT.

NO, THANKS.

WELL, IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.

OK, WE REALLY NEED TO GET
JACKSON AWAY FROM THE LEMONS NOW,

SO WE'RE MOVIN' THE
FEAST TO THE LIVING ROOM.

BE RIGHT THERE.

DO THESE OPEN?

OH, YEAH. YOU JUST HAVE TO
UNLATCH THEM AND THEN PUSH.

GREAT. SHALL WE?

SHALL WE WHAT?

BAIL.

NO.

WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S TUESDAY
NIGHT IN STARS HOLLOW.

THERE'S NOWHERE TO BAIL TO.

THE 24-HOUR MINI-MART
CLOSED 20 MINUTES AGO.

SO, WE'LL WALK AROUND OR SIT ON
A BENCH AND STARE AT OUR SHOES.

LOOK, SOOKIE JUST MADE A TON OF
REALLY GREAT FOOD AND I'M STARVING.

AND THOUGH IT MAY NOT SEEM
LIKE IT RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT,

IT'S GOING TO BE FUN. TRUST ME.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

DON'T I LOOK TRUSTWORTHY?

MAYBE.

OK, GOOD. LET'S EAT.

YOU WANT A SODA?

OH, I'LL GET IT.

OK.

DO YOU KNOW PAM WAS
ORIGINALLY MADE OUT OF RICE?

WHAT? MMM-HMM.

SOOKIE.

HEY, RORY, WHERE'S JESS?

HE'S GETTING A SODA.

HERE.

I'M SORRY. YOU MUST'VE
MISTAKEN ME FOR YOU.

TOO MUCH? I FORGOT
THE GARLIC BREAD.

I'LL GET IT.

MORE POTATOES?

OK. EVERYONE NEEDS
MORE POTATOES.

NOTHING WRONG WITH POTATOES.

I'VE GOT 6 POUNDS IN THE OVEN.

MORE CHICKEN?

THROW A COUPLE OF
BIRD WINGS ON THERE.

ALL RIGHT. SALAD, NO DRESSING.

WANT SOME MORE?

YOU WANT SOME?

OK.

OH, FOR ME? HEY, THANKS.

REFRESHING.

SO WHAT? YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY?

NOT REALLY.

SOOKIE MADE YOU SOME GRILLED
CHEESE IF YOU DON'T LIKE POT ROAST.

OH, WELL, IF I'D KNOWN THAT.

LET ME GUESS. YOU
DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.

DOESN'T MATTER.

I MEAN, HERE IN STARS HOLLOW.

JEEZ, MISS GILMORE.

WHY WOULD ANYONE NOT WANT
TO BE HERE IN STARS HOLLOW?

THAT JUST SOUNDS PLUM CRAZY.

OH, JESS, LET ME GIVE
YOU A LITTLE ADVICE.

THE WHOLE "MY PARENTS
DON'T GET ME" THING,

I'VE BEEN THERE.

YOU HAVE, HUH?

YES, I HAVE.

I'VE ALSO DONE THE "CHIP
ON MY SHOULDER" BIT.

OOH, AND THE SURLY, SARCASTIC
"THE WORLD CAN BITE MY ASS" BIT.

AND LET ME TELL YOU,
I MASTERED THEM ALL.

IN HEELS, YET.

EVERYTHING YOU'RE FEELING
MIGHT BE TOTALLY JUSTIFIED.

MAYBE YOU ARE GETTING SCREWED.

BUT LUKE IS A GREAT GUY.

HE'S VERY SPECIAL.

AND HE REALLY WANTS
TO TAKE CARE OF YOU

AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT FOR YOU.

YOU'RE INCREDIBLY
LUCKY TO HAVE HIM.

IF YOU GIVE THIS
SITUATION HALF A CHANCE,

YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED
AT HOW GOOD IT CAN BE.

HOW MUCH YOU LIKE LIVING HERE,

AND HOW COMFORTABLE IT
FEELS TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE LUKE

YOU CAN REALLY DEPEND ON.

WHAT? ARE YOU SLEEPIN'
WITH HIM OR SOMETHIN'?

EXCUSE ME?

I DON'T KNOW, THE
WHOLE STARRY-EYED

"YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER OFF,
JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE" SPEECH.

YOU'RE EITHER REALLY
NAIVE OR YOU'RE GETTIN' SOME.

AH, THERE HAVE BEEN VERY
FEW MOMENTS IN MY LIFE

WHERE I'VE ACTUALLY WISHED I HAD
ONE OF THOSE ENORMOUS CREAM PIES

YOU CAN SMASH IN SOMEONE'S FACE.

BUT THIS IS DEFINITELY
ONE OF THEM.

WELL, NOW THAT'S
NOT VERY NEIGHBORLY.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS MY HOUSE.

AND I CHOOSE HOW I GET
TALKED TO IN IT. HA-HA.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T
KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME,

OR MY LIFE, OR MY MOM, OR LUKE.

SO WHY DON'T YOU
DR. LAURA SOMEONE ELSE?

I'M GOIN' INSIDE. STAY
OUT OF MY FRIDGE.

WHERE'S JESS?

OUTSIDE WORKING ON HIS BREAKFAST
CLUB AUDITION. HE'S GETTING GOOD.

WHAT?

LUKE, I'M SORRY.

THAT KID IS WAY MORE SCREWED
UP THAN YOU THINK HE IS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

I CATCH HIM OUTSIDE WITH A BEER.

I DON'T EVEN BUST HIM ON IT.

I JUST... I TRY TALKING TO HIM.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "TALK TO HIM"?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I SAID HE'S GOT A GOOD
THING GOING HERE WITH YOU

AND HE SHOULDN'T BLOW IT.

THEN HE JUST GOT CHARMING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' TALKIN'
TO HIM ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT?

I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU.

I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.

UH, YEAH, YOU DO.

OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THIS
I'M NOT PREPARED FOR THIS CRAP.

THIS IS NOT CRAP.
THIS IS THE TRUTH.

LUKE, YOU SHOULD'VE
HEARD HIM TALKING.

I DON'T NEED TO
HEAR HIM TALKIN'.

HE'S MY NEPHEW AND
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN',

AND I'M GETTIN' A LITTLE TIRED
OF YOUR CONDESCENDING...

I'M NOT BEING CONDESCENDING.

YOU HAVE A KID, SO
YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?

I HAVE A KID, SO, YEAH, I KNOW
A LITTLE MORE THAN YOU DO.

YOU KNOW, YOU EVER THINK MAYBE
YOU JUST GOT LUCKY WITH RORY?

I MEAN, YOU DID
GET PREGNANT AT 16.

THAT DOESN'T SHOW

THE GREATEST DECISION-MAKING
SKILLS, NOW DOES IT?

WOW, 2 PIES.

WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

NOTHING. I'M TALKING
ABOUT NOTHING.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO HEAR MY
OPINION ON ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, OK?

OH, DON'T TEASE.

GO FIND JESS.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

YOU'RE BEING
COMPLETELY CHILDISH.

AM NOT.

WE'RE NEVER GOING TO
GO INTO LUKE'S AGAIN?

WE'RE JUST GOING TO STARVE?

RORY, THIS WAS A BAD ONE, OK.

THIS WAS NOT NICK AND NORA.

THIS WAS SID AND NANCY.
I'M NOT GOIN' IN THERE.

BUT THE COFFEE IS IN
THERE. AND IT'S DANISH DAY.

ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU'LL LET A STUPID
FIGHT GET IN THE WAY OF DANISH DAY?

NO, I'M NOT. GOOD.

GO IN AND ORDER 2 COFFEES
AND 2 DANISHES TO GO.

YOU'RE KIDDING? DON'T
FORGET THE NAPKINS.

HE'S GOING TO KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.

HE'S NOT STUPID.

HE CANNOT PROVE THAT
YOU'RE NOT ORDERING

ALL THAT FOR YOURSELF, CAN HE?

NO, SO GO ON.

SCOOT, SCOOT.
MOMMY'S RIGHT HERE.

HEY, LUKE.

RORY.

UM, I'LL HAVE 2 COFFEES AND 2
CHERRY DANISHES TO GO, PLEASE.

2 COFFEES AND 2 CHERRY DANISHES.

AND SOME NAPKINS.

ONE OF THESE IS
FOR HER, ISN'T IT?

WHO?

OH, NO, NO, NO.
THEY-THEY'RE ALL FOR ME.

I AM SUPER HUNGRY TODAY.

I WAS DEBATING ORDERING 3, BUT
I'LL TELL YOU HOW I FEEL AFTER 2.

I'LL GIVE YOU ONE DANISH
AND ONE CUP OF COFFEE.

YOU CAN SIT THERE AND EAT
AND WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED THEM

RIGHT OVER THERE WHERE I CAN
SEE YOU, I'LL BRING YOU A 2ND ONE.

YOU'RE GOING TO STAND THERE
AND WATCH ME EAT A DANISH?

CABLE'S OUT. I'M STARVED
FOR ENTERTAINMENT.

OK, THIS IS INSANE. SO
YOU GUYS HAD A FIGHT.

BIG DEAL. YOU KNOW YOU'RE
GOING TO MAKE UP ANYWAY.

WHAT BETTER DAY TO
MAKE UP THAN DANISH DAY?

THE HAPPIEST OF ALL DAYS.

THE DAY WHEN WE ALL SAY,
"HEY, LET'S FORGIVE AND FORGET

OVER A NICE DANISH
AND A CUP OF COFFEE."

ONE DANISH, ONE CUP OF COFFEE.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

I'LL TAKE IT.

I STILL THINK
YOU'RE BEING SILLY.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
COME BACK SOON.

WELL?

HE WOULD ONLY SELL ME ONE.

AH, DIDN'T YOU SAY THEY
WERE BOTH FOR YOU?

YES, I DID. AND HE
KNEW THAT I WAS LYING.

DID YOU DO THE BLINKY THING?

YOU ALWAYS DO IT
WHEN YOU'RE LYING.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO.

HE KNOWS THAT YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO GO A WHOLE DAY

WITH NO COFFEE AND
ESPECIALLY NO DANISH.

WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THERE
NOW AND JUST MAKE UP?

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME HALF
YOUR DANISH AND SOME COFFEE?

I'LL GIVE YOU THE DANISH
BUT I'M KEEPING THE COFFEE.

WHAT IS A DANISH WITHOUT COFFEE?

THE ETERNAL QUESTION
SPRINGS UP AGAIN.

THERE'S NO POINT IN EVEN
EATING A DANISH WITHOUT COFFEE.

I'M GOING TO SCHOOL.

SAD DANISH. LONELY
DANISH. STEP-DANISH.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.

HEY, KID.

DO ME A FAVOR? COME HERE.

PLEASE? PLEASE?

LUKE'S.

WHAT IS IT, TAYLOR?

SLOW DOWN. YOU'RE BABBLING.

WELL, HOW DO YOU
KNOW IT WAS JESS?

OK, TAYLOR. I'LL TALK TO HIM.

BUT IF HE TELLS ME HE DIDN'T
DO IT AND NOBODY SAW HIM DO IT

THEN HE IS OFF THE
HOOK. UNDERSTAND?

HI.

RORY, HI.

AM I TOO EARLY? 'CAUSE I CAN...

NO, NO.

COME BACK SOME OTHER TIME.

THIS IS FINE. TOMORROW, MAYBE.

NOW IS GOOD.

THIS IS WEIRD.

YEAH, IT IS.

I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO ACT.

I'M NOT COMPLETELY
SURE OF THAT MYSELF.

WE COULD SIT.

SIT?

SURE, THAT'S GOOD. UH,
BARBARA WALTERS SITS.

OR WALKS, IF THE
PERSON SHE'S TALKING TO

HAS A HORSE OR A RANCH OR
A BIG BACKYARD SOMETIMES,

BUT USUALLY SHE JUST SITS.

OK, SO, I GUESS WE
SHOULD JUST START.

GOOD IDEA.

DO YOU MIND IF I TAPE THIS?

OH, NO, NOT AT ALL.

OK.

SO, I GUESS I'LL JUST DIVE IN.

FULL NAME?

MAX ARTURO MEDINA.

YOU'RE KIDDING?

NO. I'M NOT.

WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM?

MY FATHER'S BUTCHER
WAS NAMED ARTURO.

REALLY?

WHEN MY MOTHER
WAS PREGNANT WITH ME,

SHE WOULD EAT ONLY LAMB CHOPS.

SO ARTURO WOULD CUT HER
THE EXTRA-LARGE LAMB CHOPS

AND ONLY CHARGE HER FOR
THE REGULAR-SIZE LAMB CHOPS,

WHICH IN MY FAMILY MADE
YOU ELIGIBLE FOR SAINTHOOD.

HENCE THE ARTURO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, I ASSUME
THAT YOU ARE AWARE

THAT YOU WERE
OVERWHELMINGLY VOTED

THE STUDENTS' FAVORITE
TEACHER LAST YEAR.

I TEACH AN EXCEPTIONAL
BUNCH OF YOUNG PEOPLE.

I'M GLAD THEY SEEM TO LIKE
ME AS MUCH AS I LIKE THEM.

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF DOING
SOMETHING OTHER THAN TEACHING?

WELL, MY FATHER WANTED
ME TO BE A DOCTOR,

AND MY MOTHER WANTED
ME TO BE PRESIDENT.

AND I WANTED TO BE A CLOWN.

WHAT?

WHEN I WAS A KID, I
WENT TO THE CIRCUS,

AND I... I SAW THIS MAN WHO WAS
DRESSED IN THIS CRAZY OUTFIT.

HE COULD JUGGLE AND HE RODE ON AN
ELEPHANT AND THE PEOPLE LOVED HIM.

AND I THOUGHT, "WELL,
THAT'S IT. THAT'S FOR ME."

HOW LONG DID THAT LAST?

JUNIOR HIGH.

AND THEN SLOWLY I FIGURED
OUT THAT I WANTED TO TEACH.

PLUS, WHEN YOU TOLD PEOPLE
THAT YOU WANTED TO BE A CLOWN,

THEY TENDED TO GET
VERY FRIGHTENED.

MOM TOOK ME TO THE CIRCUS
ONCE WHEN I WAS REALLY LITTLE,

AND, UH, THIS CLOWN
KNOCKED INTO ME

AND I DROPPED MY COTTON CANDY.

AND WE DIDN'T HAVE A
LOT OF MONEY BACK THEN,

SO SHE COULDN'T BUY ME
ANOTHER ONE AND I STARTED CRYING.

SO SHE LITERALLY CHASED
THE CLOWN ONSTAGE,

RIPPED OFF HIS WIG AND SAID
SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT BACK

UNLESS HE BOUGHT
ME ANOTHER CANDY.

WHICH I BET HE DID.

IT WAS TWICE AS
BIG AS THE FIRST ONE,

AND I THREW UP ALL THE WAY HOME.

YEAH.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOM.

DO YOU EVER REGRET THE FACT
THAT YOU DIDN'T BECOME A CLOWN?

I DON'T REALLY
BELIEVE IN REGRETS.

ALL MY EXPERIENCES,
EVEN THE ONES

THAT DIDN'T TURN OUT
THE WAY I WANTED THEM TO,

I FIRMLY BELIEVE THEY
WERE ALL WORTH IT.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

I REALLY WANTED YOU
TO BE MY STEPFATHER.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

I REALLY WANTED TO
BE YOUR STEPFATHER.

SO, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
ARE THE GREAT CHALLENGES

FACING HIGH SCHOOL
GRADUATES TODAY?

WELL, A MYRIAD
OF THINGS, REALLY.

HEY.

HOW WAS SCHOOL?

GREAT.

YOU LEARN ANYTHING GOOD?

OH, YEAH, TONS OF THINGS.

I GOT GOLD STARS PLASTERED
ALL OVER MY FOREHEAD.

I HAD AN INTERESTING CALL TODAY.

WANT TO KNOW WHO IT WAS FROM?

NOT REALLY.

FROM TAYLOR DOOSE.

YOU KNOW, HE OWNS THE MARKET.

IF YOU SAY SO.

HE SAID YOU CAME IN TODAY.

HE SAID YOU TOOK SOME
MONEY OUT OF A DONATION CUP

TO HELP REPAIR THE BRIDGE.

I TOLD HIM HE WAS CRAZY, YOU
WOULDN'T DO THAT, YOU WEREN'T A THIEF.

THAT HE WAS JUST TRYING TO START
TROUBLE. THEN I HUNG UP ON HIM.

DON'T GET ME WRONG. I
ENJOY HANGING UP ON TAYLOR.

AND HE IS CRAZY.

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF MAYBE
ANY OF THE THINGS HE SAID WERE TRUE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IF YOU TELL ME WHAT HE'S
SAYING IS NOT TRUE, I'LL BELIEVE IT.

OK, IT'S NOT TRUE.

THAT DOESN'T SOUND
VERY CONVINCING.

LOOK, WHAT EXACTLY
DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

YOU BRING ME HERE,
YOU PUT ME IN A SCHOOL

THAT SAYS THE PLEDGE OF
ALLEGIANCE IN 6 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES,

2 OF WHICH I'VE NEVER
HEARD OF BEFORE!

YOU TAKE ME AWAY FROM
MY HOME, MY FRIENDS,

AND NOW YOU WANT WHAT FROM ME?

I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!

WELL, STOP TRYING!

STOP TALKING TO ME,
STOP FOLLOWING ME,

STOP ASKING ME
QUESTIONS! JUST STOP!

THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT? YES.

THAT'S REALLY
WHAT YOU WANT? YES.

FINE! YOU GOT IT! THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME!

RORY!

KITCHEN!

NOWHERE IN EITHER STARS HOLLOW
OR ITS SURROUNDING COUNTIES

CAN YOU GET A
DECENT CUP OF COFFEE.

I SWEAR.

IT'S LIKE A BIG, STUPID
COFFEE CONSPIRACY.

WHY DON'T YOU POUR THE
WATER RIGHT INTO THE BAG?

OH, YOU JEST? BELIEVE ME, THE
THOUGHT HAS CROSSED MY MIND.

IT'S LOOKING BETTER
AND BETTER ALL THE TIME.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I-I'M NOT THROUGH COMPLAINING.

I JUST HAVE TO GET
SOME MORE NOTES I NEED.

HMM. WHAT'S THIS? WHAT?

THIS THAT YOU'RE WORKING ON?

OH, THAT'S MY
INTERVIEW WITH MAX.

WHAT INTERVIEW WITH MAX?

THE PAPER WANTED TO DO A PIECE

ON THE STUDENTS' FAVORITE
TEACHER FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR.

PARIS ASSIGNED IT TO ME WHEN
SHE CAUGHT WIND OF THE FACT THAT...

NICE KID, THAT PARIS.

YEAH.

IT WASN'T THAT BAD, THOUGH. NO.

NO, IT WAS ACTUALLY GOOD.

IT GAVE US A CHANCE TO
TALK ABOUT SOME THINGS.

GOOD.

YEAH. IT WAS GOOD.

I'M GOING TO BUY A FOLDER FOR
IT BEFORE THE STORE CLOSES.

OK.

SOME GOOD WRITING HERE, MISSY.

YEAH?

REALLY GOOD.

IT'S NOT QUITE UP TO THE REPAVING
PIECE YET, BUT I'LL GET IT THERE.

BOY, HE SOUNDS LIKE A
HELL OF A GUY, DOESN'T HE?

YEAH, HE DOES.

I SURE KNOW HOW TO
DUMP THEM, DON'T I?

HEY.

I JUST PUSHED HIM IN A LAKE.

WHAT?

JESS.

I GOT THIS CALL FROM TAYLOR
THAT JESS STOLE THE BRIDGE MONEY.

I WENT TO CONFRONT HIM
AND HE WAS BEING IMPOSSIBLE,

AND I JUST PUSHED HIM IN A LAKE.

THIS IS BAD.

THAT DEPENDS. CAN HE SWIM?

HE'S FINE. HE'S WET.
I JUST... I LOST IT.

YOU WERE RIGHT.

I AM IN SO FAR OVER MY HEAD
THAT I CAN'T SEE MY OWN HAT.

HMM. TRY TURNING IT AROUND.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

WHY DID I SAY YES TO THIS?

YOU SAW A KID IN
DESPERATE NEED OF HELP,

AND YOU THOUGHT
YOU'D THROW HIM A LINE.

BUT ME? RAISIN' A KID?
I DON'T EVEN LIKE KIDS.

THEY'RE ALWAYS STICKY, YOU KNOW,
LIKE THEY'VE GOT JAM ON THEIR HANDS.

EVEN IF THERE'S NO
JAM IN THE HOUSE,

SOMEHOW THEY'VE ALWAYS
GOT JAM ON THEIR HANDS.

I'M NOT THE RIGHT
GUY TO DEAL WITH IT.

I HAVE NO PATIENCE
FOR JAM HANDS.

OK, SLOW DOWN.
FIRST OF ALL, JESS IS 17,

SO I THINK HE'S PROBABLY PAST
THE JAM HANDS STAGE BY NOW.

AND... AND SECOND OF
ALL, YOU CAN DO THIS.

IF YOU WANT TO, YOU
ARE TOTALLY CAPABLE.

BUT YOU CAN'T JUST BUY
A BED AND SOME SHEETS

AND EXPECT THE REST
TO TAKE CARE OF ITSELF.

THAT WILL NOT WORK.

I SWEAR, I'M GOING TO KILL LIZ.

HEY, LIZ IS NOT THE
POINT ANYMORE.

LIZ IS NOT HERE. JESS IS HERE.

FOCUS ON HIM. WHAT ARE
YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT HIM?

LORELAI, SUGAR, I
HATE TO BOTHER YOU,

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN PIERPON?

UM, NO. WHY?

IT'S THE DARNEDEST THING.

I CAME OUT JUST NOW AND I
NOTICED THAT HE WAS GONE.

JUST LIKE THAT.

I'M SORRY. WHO'S MISSING?

PIERPON, GORGEOUS.

HER GNOME. HER GNOME.

THE ONE WITH THE PIPE. HMM.

OH, GOD, I HOPE NOTHING'S
HAPPENED TO HIM.

YOU GET SO ATTACHED
TO THEIR LITTLE FACES,

SOMETIMES YOU CAN HEAR
'EM TALK TO YOU AT NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T
WORRY, BABBETTE.

I THINK YOU'RE GOING
TO SEE PIERPON AGAIN.

REALLY SOON.

HMM, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I HAVE TO TAKE
CARE OF SOMETHING.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW AT THE
DINER FOR YOUR DANISH, RIGHT?

TOMORROW ISN'T DANISH DAY.

JUST BE THERE.

YES, SIR.

OK.

WE GOT THE PATCH, THE
GUM, HYPNOSIS TAPES,

CHINESE HERBS, SELF-HELP BOOKS,

AND SEVERAL PICTURES OF DISEASED
LUNGS TO HANG ON THE FRIDGE.

PRETTY, HUH?

THIS IS DONE.

HEY!

YOU WILL GET UP, YOU WILL GO
TO SCHOOL, YOU WILL COME HOME.

YOU WILL WORK IN THE
DINER UNTIL CLOSING,

YOU WILL DO YOUR HOMEWORK,
THEN YOU WILL GO TO BED.

WHERE'S THE GNOME?

THE WHAT?

WEEKENDS ARE FOR CHORES AND
SELECTED PRE-APPROVED OUTINGS

I.E. CABALA STUDIES,

FREEWAY BEAUTIFICATION PROJECTS,

COLOR ME MINE POTTERY PAINTING,

ALL DISCUSSABLE OPTIONS.

YOU WILL NOT STEAL. YOU
WILL PAY BACK TAYLOR DOOSE,

YOU WILL GRADUATE
FROM HIGH SCHOOL,

AND YOU WILL RETURN
PIERPON TO HIS YARD.

YOU CAN'T JUST...

I CAN JUST.

I AM NOT LETTING YOU JUST
FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

YOU WILL NOT DRIFT. I
WON'T LET IT HAPPEN.

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS THE
RIGHT WAY TO HANDLE THIS,

BUT THIS IS THE WAY
IT'S BEING HANDLED

AND THAT IS THE END
OF THIS DISCUSSION.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OUT.

WELL, AT LEAST I ASKED.

HEY.

HEY, YOURSELF.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

I NEEDED SOMETHING FOR SCHOOL.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

OH, YEAH, SAME THING.

UH-HUH.

SO, THAT WAS QUITE A DISAPPEARING
ACT YOU PULLED THE OTHER NIGHT.

POTLUCKS AND TUPPERWARE
PARTIES AREN'T REALLY MY THING.

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL, HUH?

YES, THAT IS ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, THIS?

NOTHING.

JUST ANOTHER LITTLE
DISAPPEARING ACT.

LITTLE TIP?

YEAH.

IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO ME,
DON'T PULL THAT OUT OF MY EAR.

I ASSUME THE NOSE
IS OFF-LIMITS, TOO.

ANY PLACE YOU WOULDN'T
NATURALLY FIND A COIN.

LET'S LEAVE IT THAT WAY.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' NOW?

I HAVE SOME HOMEWORK TO FINISH.

OK.

THEN I'LL LEAVE YOU
THIS LAST LITTLE TRICK.

YOU BOUGHT A COPY?

I TOLD YOU I'D LEND YOU MINE.

IT IS YOURS.

YOU STOLE MY BOOK.

NO, BORROWED IT.

OK, THAT'S NOT CALLED A
TRICK, THAT'S CALLED A FELONY.

I JUST WANTED TO PUT SOME
NOTES IN THE MARGINS FOR YOU.

WHAT?

YOU'VE READ THIS BEFORE.

ABOUT 40 TIMES.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU DIDN'T READ MUCH.

WELL, WHAT IS MUCH?

GOODNIGHT, RORY.

GOODNIGHT, DODGER.

♪ DO YOU REMEMBER THE
TIME I KNEW A GIRL FROM MARS ♪

DODGER?

FIGURE IT OUT.

♪ OH, WE'D STAY UP
LATE PLAYING CARDS ♪

OLIVER TWIST.

♪ AND SHE NEVER
TOLD ME HER NAME ♪

♪ I STILL LOVE YOU,
THE GIRL FROM MARS ♪