Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 2, Episode 6 - Presenting Lorelai Gilmore - full transcript

YES?

HEY.

HELLO.

YOU'RE NEW.

UH, I STARTED YESTERDAY.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? LEISAL.

OK. LEISAL. I'M
BRIGITTE. THIS IS GRETEL.

AND, UH, EMILY AND
RICHARD ARE EXPECTING US.

OH, I'M SORRY. PLEASE COME IN.

UH, CAN I, UH, GET YOU A DRINK?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU DON'T THINK?

THAT'S OK. I CAN GET IT.

WHY DON'T YOU GO
HIDE IN THE KITCHEN?

REALLY? THANK YOU.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK GEORGE AND MARTHA
ARE JOINING US FOR DINNER.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT MY
EVERY CONVERSATION

NEEDED TO BE REPORTED
TO YOU. I STAND CORRECTED.

I HAVE BEEN THE CO-CHAIR OF THE
STARLIGHT FOUNDATION FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS.

I KNOW THIS, EMILY.

THE BLACK AND WHITE BALL

IS THE MAIN FUNDRAISING
EVENT OF THE SEASON.

IT'S ONE YEAR.

THE CO-CHAIR CANNOT MISS
THE MAIN FUNDRAISING EVENT.

WHY? WON'T THE CHAIR BE THERE?

IS THIS A JOKE TO YOU?

EMILY, I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS
TO TAKE CARE OF AT WORK.

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR
FRIVOLOUS PARTIES.

FRIVOLOUS PARTIES? FRIV...

OOH.

WELL, WHERE ARE YOU
GOING? OH, COME BACK HERE.

WOW, THIS IS BAD.

I KNOW. I WISH WE HAD POPCORN.

MOM. SHH. INCOMING.

"THE HARTFORD
ZOOLOGICAL SILENT AUCTION,

"THE MARK TWAIN HOUSE
RESTORATION FUND LUNCHEON,

THE HARRIET BEECHER
STOWE LITERACY AUCTION."

I CAN READ THOSE
MYSELF IF YOU KNOW.

THIS IS THE 4TH EVENT
YOU'VE TAKEN UPON YOURSELF

TO TURN DOWN ON OUR BEHALF.

AND I AM ON THE BOARD OF
ALL OF THOSE FOUNDATIONS.

NOW, HOW DOES THAT MAKE ME LOOK?

LIKE YOUR HUSBAND IS BUSY

AND HAS A GREAT
DEAL OF RESPONSIBILITY.

WELL, I HAVE
RESPONSIBILITIES, TOO.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR SOCIAL
ENGAGEMENTS ARE IMPORTANT.

THEY'RE NOT JUST
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS.

ANYTHING AT WHICH YOU SERVE
TEA IS A SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT.

THAT'S IT. I GOING TO
GET A TAPE RECORDER

SO YOU CAN HEAR HOW POMPOUS
AND CONDESCENDING YOU SOUND.

WELL, UH, EMILY...

NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO TAKE MY
WORD FOR IT. I MIGHT BE DELIRIOUS

FROM ALL THAT TEA
I'VE BEEN DRINKING.

OH, STOP THIS.

MAYBE WE SHOULD LEAVE.

ARE YOU KIDDING? WE
HAVE DINNER THEATER HERE.

BUT GRANDMA AND GRANDPA
ARE OBVIOUSLY IN A FIGHT.

YEAH. ONE THEY PROBABLY
WOULDN'T WANT US TO SEE.

HEY, WE STUMBLED IN HERE
COMPLETELY INNOCENTLY.

WE CAME FOR DINNER, AS
USUAL, PER THEIR REQUEST.

WE HAD NO IDEA WE'RE
WALKING INTO THE LION KING

WITHOUT THE PUPPET HEADS.

GET THAT THING OUT OF MY FACE.

JUST SAY THE TEA THING AGAIN.

YOU'RE BEHAVING LIKE A CHILD.

TURN AROUND WHEN YOU TALK.

I'M NOT SURE HOW GOOD
THIS MICROPHONE IS.

OH. WHAT?

BRAVA! ENCORE!

I'M SORRY, DOES TERRENCE
McNALLY KNOW ABOUT YOU TWO?

GET ME THE PHONE!

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

IT SUCKS. I KNOW IT SUCKS.

JUST TELL ME IT SUCKS.

IT'S GREAT.

NO, IT'S NOT.

IT'S AN "A."

DON'T LIE. A-PLUS.

YOU'RE MY MOM.

IS ANYTHING HIGHER THAN A-PLUS?

YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT.

IT'S AN A-PLUS WITH
A CROWN AND A WAND.

THIS IS NOT HOW
YOU RAISE A CHILD.

YOU DON'T SEND THEM OUT THERE
WITH A FALSE SENSE OF PRIDE.

BECAUSE OUT THERE IN THE REAL
WORLD, NO ONE WILL CODDLE YOU.

I'D RATHER KNOW RIGHT NOW IF
I'M GOING TO BE WORKING AT C.N.N.

OR CARRYING A BASKET AROUND
ITS OFFICES WITH SANDWICHES IN IT.

RORY.

YEAH?

IT'S GREAT.

REALLY?

REALLY, REALLY.

THANK YOU.

COFFEE. COFFEE.

OK, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
EGGS, TOAST, COMBO?

WHAT'S THE RUSH THERE, ZIPPY?

I'M JUST SWAMPED THIS MORNING. I
WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE HELP, BUT I DON'T.

SO ORDER RIGHT NOW, OR
I'M BRINGIN' THE BOTH OF YOU

AN EGG-WHITE OMELET WITH
A SIDE OF STEAMED SPINACH.

PANCAKES. FRENCH TOAST.

THANK YOU.

JESS, YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE DOWN HERE...

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

WHAT?

THAT.

THAT IS A SHIRT.

CHANGE. WHAT?

GO UPSTAIRS AND
CHANGE YOUR SHIRT.

I LIKE THIS SHIRT.

HOW CAN YOU LIKE THAT SHIRT?

IT BRINGS OUT MY EYES.

HEY, PART OF THE DEAL OF YOU
STAYIN' HERE IS THAT YOU WORK HERE.

WHEN YOU WORK HERE, YOU
WILL WEAR PROPER WORK ATTIRE.

AND THAT IS NOT
PROPER WORK ATTIRE.

NOW GO UPSTAIRS AND
CHANGE INTO SOMETHING

THAT WON'T SCARE THE
HELL OUT OF MY CUSTOMERS.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, UNCLE LUKE.

GROSS T-SHIRT. YEAH.

GOOD BAND. OH, YEAH.

THANK YOU. MMM-HMM.

ANOTHER NEW ONE, EMILY?

YES.

THE LAST ONE ONLY MADE
IT THROUGH ONE EVENING.

THOROUGHLY NERVOUS CREATURE.

WHAT DO YOU DO TO THEM?

OH, THE USUAL.
"CLEAN THIS, COOK THAT,

SACRIFICE A VIRGIN
ON YOUR WAY OUT."

THE THINGS YOU SAY.

WE COULD HAVE DONE WITH SOME
OF THAT AT THE BALL THE OTHER NIGHT.

WHY, WAS IT DULL?

I FELT AS IF MY SHOES WERE
GOING OUT OF STYLE AS I SAT THERE.

WHAT A SHAME.

NOW, NATTIE, IT WASN'T ALL DULL.
ARE WE FORGETTING TRULY BISHOP?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT? WHAT ABOUT TRULY BISHOP?

WELL, YOU KNOW SHE AND
EUGENE SPLIT UP LAST MONTH.

WHAT?

OH, EM, YOU KNEW ABOUT THAT.

THEY HAD THIS HUGE FIGHT
AT THE... OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU MISSED THE
SCHAFFERS' COCKTAIL PARTY.

THEY BROKE UP AT THE
SCHAFFERS' COCKTAIL PARTY?

HE HAS ANOTHER
FAMILY IN SALISBURY.

NO.

SHE'S 26, WITH A 2-YEAR-OLD.

HOW DID TRULY FIND OUT?

THE LITTLE TART
SENT HER A LETTER.

OH, MY GOD.

SO TRULY CONFRONTED EUGENE

AFTER CONSUMING A
BOTTLE AND A HALF OF CRISTAL

AND HE ADMITTED IT. HE SAID
HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE HER

AND MARRY THE
SALISBURY CONCUBINE.

WHAT DID SHE DO?

SHE THREW AN ICE
SCULPTURE AT HIS HEAD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THAT.

YOU'VE MISSED EVERYTHING LATELY.

YES, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

YES, IT'S JUST, UH, RICHARD.

HE HASN'T BEEN HANGING
OUT IN SALISBURY, HAS HE?

NO. HE'S BEEN SWAMPED AT
WORK, NIGHT AND DAY, WEEKENDS.

YOU'D THINK HE WAS THE ONLY
PERSON WHO WORKED AT THAT COMPANY.

PLUS, HE HASN'T BEEN
FEELING VERY WELL.

HIS BACK AND KNEES,
VERY BAD KNEES.

OH, RORY, WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.

HEY, GRANDMA, SORRY
TO BUTT IN LIKE THIS.

NONSENSE. COME
AND MEET MY FRIENDS.

LADIES, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
MY GRANDDAUGHTER RORY.

WELL, HELLO, RORY.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

MY GOODNESS, WHAT
A PRETTY GIRL YOU ARE.

SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE
LORELAI, DOESN'T SHE?

THE EYES.

THE NOSE.

WALK AROUND, SWEETIE.

SALLY, LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE.
I JUST WANT TO SEE THE WALK.

LORELAI HAD SUCH
A SPECIFIC WALK.

FAST. THAT WAS IT.

COME. SIT. WOULD
YOU LIKE SOME TEA?

OH, NO, I CAME TO PICK UP A BOOK THAT
GRANDPA WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE FOR ME.

GO CHECK HIS STUDY,
IT MIGHT BE ON HIS DESK.

OK, THANKS.

EMILY, YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER
IS JUST LOVELY.

HOW OLD IS SHE?

16.

16. THAT'S A NICE AGE.

SO, HAVE YOU THOUGHT
ABOUT HER DEBUT?

OH, UH, NO, NOT YET.

YOU KNOW, THE DAUGHTERS
OF THE DAUGHTERS

OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION
DEBUTANTE BALL IS NEXT WEEK.

IT IS? I HADN'T REALIZED.

WHY DON'T YOU
PRESENT RORY THERE?

OH. UH, WELL, I... I DON'T
KNOW. ISN'T IT A LITTLE LATE?

OH, PLEASE. FOR EMILY GILMORE,
I'M SURE THEY'LL BEND THE RULES.

OH, YOU HAVE TO.

WITH A GIRL LIKE THAT, EMILY,
YOU'LL BE THE HIT OF THE BALL.

SHE'D DEFINITELY BE
THE PRETTIEST ONE THERE.

EXCEPT FOR KATIE HETHINGTON.

NO. DIDN'T YOU HEAR?

KATIE FELL OFF HER HORSE.
THERE'S A SCAB ON HER FACE.

OH, WELL, THEN, IF KATIE
HETHINGTON HAS A SCAB ON HER FACE,

RORY WILL DEFINITELY BE
THE PRETTIEST ONE THERE.

IT'LL BE YOUR CROWNING MOMENT.

I FOUND IT.

YAY.

I'M COMING OUT.

OUT OF WHAT?

OUT INTO SOCIETY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I WENT TO GRANDMA'S
HOUSE AFTER SCHOOL.

OK, RIGHT AWAY, BAD.

AND, UH, HER D.A.R.
FRIENDS ARE ALL THERE,

AND THEY'RE TALKIN' ABOUT THIS
DEBUTANTE BALL THAT'S BEING THROWN.

OH, NO.

AND WHEN I GOT BACK
FROM GRANDPA'S OFFICE,

THEY ALL INVITED
ME ONTO THE PATIO.

NO, NO, NO. TELL ME YOU
DID NOT GO ONTO THE PATIO.

I WENT ONTO THE PATIO.

OH, RORY, THAT'S LIKE ACCEPTING THE
POSITION AS THE DRUMMER IN SPINAL TAP.

BEFORE I KNEW IT, GRANDMA WAS
TELLING ME HOW IMPORTANT IT IS

FOR A PERSON TO BE PROPERLY
PRESENTED TO SOCIETY.

AND HOW EVERY YOUNG
GIRL DREAMS OF THIS DAY.

AND HOW THERE ARE
FLOWERS. OH, LORD.

AND MUSIC. PLEASE.

AND CAKE. OH, YEAH. THE
CAKE'S ACTUALLY GOOD.

AND BEFORE I KNEW IT, GRANDMA
WAS BRINGIN' OUT YOUR OLD DRESS,

AND I WAS TRYING IT ON
AND... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GETTING YOU OUT
OF THIS. MOM, WAIT.

THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD MY MOTHER
IS BETTER AT THAN GETTING SOMEONE TO AGREE

TO SOMETHING THAT IN ANY OTHER
UNIVERSE THEY WOULD NEVER CONSIDER.

I AM STILL CONVINCED SHE HAD
SOMETHING TO DO WITH LILY TOMLIN

DOING THAT MOVIE
WITH JOHN TRAVOLTA.

I'M DOING THIS.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE LOOK
ON GRANDMA'S FACE WHEN SHE ASKED ME.

IT'S JUST REALLY
IMPORTANT TO HER. BUT...

NOW, IF IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO HER
AND IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO ME,

THEN WHY SHOULDN'T I DO IT?

RORY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT
A COMING-OUT PARTY SAYS?

IT'S SAYS, "I'M A WOMAN NOW."

NO, IT SAYS:

"HI, I'M RORY. I'M OF GOOD
BREEDING AND MARRIAGEABLE AGE.

"AND I WILL NOW PARADE
AROUND IN FRONT OF YOUNG MEN

"OF SIMILARLY GOOD BREEDING
AND MARRIAGEABLE AGE

SO THEY CAN ALL TAKE A
GOOD, LONG LOOK AT ME."

YOU'RE EXAGGERATING.

NO, IT'S LIKE ANIMALS BEING
UP FOR BID AT THE COUNTY FAIR,

EXCEPT SHEEP DON'T
WEAR HOOP SKIRTS.

LOOK, I PROMISED.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A
PART OF IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

NO, NO. IF... IF YOU
WANT TO DO IT, I'LL HELP.

IT'S JUST WEIRD.

THIS IS ALL THE STUFF
I RAN AWAY FROM.

I JUST ASSUMED YOU'D
BE RUNNING WITH ME.

WELL, I WOULD, BUT I HEARD DEBUTANTES
DON'T RUN, SOMETHING ABOUT THE HEELS.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

IF YOU'RE SURE, WHERE...
WHERE DO WE START?

OH, LET'S SEE, WELL,
YOU HAVE A DRESS.

YOU NEED A DOWRY, I GUESS.

THERE YOU GO. AND, UH,
YOU'LL NEED, UH, SHOES,

HOSE, GLOVES, SOME
MICE, A DOG, A PUMPKIN.

WHAT'S WRONG?

UH, NOTHING.

RORY.

I KNOW, IT JUST SAYS THAT
YOUR FATHER IS SUPPOSED TO

PRESENT YOU AT THE CEREMONY.

TSK. OH.

WHATEVER. IT'S NO BIG DEAL. I
CAN GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT.

GRANDPA, PROBABLY. RORY.

OR TAYLOR. OK.

OR THE CABLE GUY, HE LOOKED
PRETTY FRIENDLY LAST WEEK.

MAYBE HE HAS A TUX.

HAND ME THE PHONE.

I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE
CABLE GUY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LOOK, MISSY,

THERE ARE PLENTY OF THINGS THAT
SHOULD WEIRD YOU OUT ABOUT COMING OUT,

BUT INVITING YOUR FATHER
SHOULDN'T BE ONE OF THEM.

THE NUMBER YOU HAVE
DIALED HAS CHANGED.

UM, GUM WRAPPER.

HE'S NOT GOING TO COME.

YOU DON'T KNOW UNTIL YOU ASK.

MOM.

LOOK, WE CALL, WE ASK.

THERE'S NO HARM. TRUST ME, THE
CABLE GUY IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

HELLO? OH, HI!

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? BOSTON.

BOSTON?

YEAH. BOSTON. BAKED BEANS,
CREAM PIE, TEA PARTY, STRANGLER.

OH, THAT BOSTON.

AND YOU? ME?

WHERE ARE YOU? HELSINKI.

REALLY?

YEAH, I GOT THE GIRL BAND
TOGETHER. AFTER OPENING STATESIDE,

WE HEADED ACROSS THE ATLANTIC,

NOW WE'RE HUGE
WITH THE NORDIC SET.

GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU.
WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN A WHILE.

YOU COULD HAVE
CALLED, TOO, YOU KNOW.

OR DO YOU HAVE THOSE PHONES
THAT ONLY RECEIVE CALLS?

I FIGURED YOU
HAD A LOT GOIN' ON,

WHAT WITH THE ENGAGEMENT AND
THE CANCELING OF THE ENGAGEMENT.

HOW'S THAT GOIN' BY THE WAY?

NO, STILL CANCELED.

YOU OK? GOOD.

AND, UH, I'M EVEN BETTER
WHEN I'M NOT TALKIN' ABOUT IT.

MOVING ON, THEN.

SO, I HAVE SOME SHOCKING
NEWS. RORY'S COMING OUT.

OUT OF WHAT?

WHITE DRESSES, GLOVES, CURTSIES.

STOP IT. I SWEAR TO GOD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE
LETTING HER DO IT?

I WASN'T ABOUT TO LET HER USE
MY METHOD OF GETTING OUT OF IT.

THIS IS CRAZY.

SHE'S DOING IT AS A FAVOR TO MY
MOM. THERE'S NO TALKING HER OUT OF IT.

DID YOU TELL HER ABOUT BARBARA
HUTTON, DORIS DUKE, GLORIA VANDERBILT?

YES, AND SHE'S PERFECTLY
WILLING TO MARRY CARY GRANT,

GET OFFED BY HER CRAZY BUTLER,

AND START DESIGNING BLUE
JEANS AS SOON AS THE BALL ENDS.

WELL, OK, IF THAT'S
WHAT SHE WANTS.

NOW COMES THE REASON
FOR MY PHONE CALL.

ALL YOUR REGULAR 976
NUMBERS WERE BUSY.

NOW I KNOW THIS IS TOTALLY NOT
YOUR THING, BUT AS YOU WILL REMEMBER,

PART OF THE WHOLE
COMING-OUT PROCESS

INVOLVES THE GIRLS
BEING ESCORTED

AROUND THE DANCE
FLOOR BY THEIR DADS.

AH.

NOW, I... I KNOW YOU WOULD
RATHER SIT THROUGH ENDLESS LOVE

THAN EVER BE A PART
OF THIS SCENE AGAIN,

BUT THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT
TO YOUR DAUGHTER,

AND SHE'S NEVER ASKED
YOU FOR ANYTHING.

AND ALTHOUGH NO
ONE'S KEEPING TRACK,

IT WOULD SEEM THAT YOUR
CONSTANT NON-PRESENCE IN HER LIFE,

AND YOUR LACK OF EVER SHOWING
UP WHEN YOU SAY YOU'RE GOING TO,

OR CALLING WHEN YOU
SAY YOU'RE GOING TO,

OR BASICALLY DOING ANYTHING
WHEN YOU SAY'RE GOING TO

WOULD TEND TO INDICATE
THAT YOU OWE HER BIG TIME.

NOW, BEFORE YOU SAY NO, I
WANT YOU TO TAKE A MINUTE

AND REMEMBER YOU HAVE A
GREAT DAUGHTER WHO NEEDS YOU.

AND SHE HAS A MOTHER
WHO WILL HUNT YOU DOWN

LIKE A HALF-PRICE KATE SPADE
PURSE IF YOU DISAPPOINT HER.

OK. I'M THERE.

BY "THERE," DO YOU MEAN

THE DAUGHTERS OF THE AMERICAN
REVOLUTION ANNUAL DEBUTANTE BALL?

YES.

DON'T MAKE THIS
PROMISE IF YOU CAN'T.

I WOULDN'T MISS IT.

IT'S NEXT WEEKEND.

I'LL CLEAR MY SCHEDULE.

YOU SWEAR? OH,
WAIT, NEXT WEEKEND?

CHRISTOPHER.

I'M KIDDING. I WILL
DEFINITELY BE THERE.

OK. IN EXCHANGE, I'LL
REFRAIN FROM SAYING

THE 10 THINGS THAT CAME TO MIND

FOR MAKING FUN OF YOUR SCHEDULE.

THANKS.

BYE. BYE.

HEY, LITTLE DEBBIE, YOUR DAD
IS DEFINITELY GONNA BE THERE.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO. HE... HE'S GONNA WALK
YOU DOWN THE STAIRS,

AND TURN YOU IN A
CIRCLE, WATCH YOU CURTSY,

AND ANNOUNCE THAT RORY GILMORE

IS OFFICIALLY OPEN FOR BUSINESS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. HE
DEFINITELY SAID "DEFINITELY"?

DEFINITELY. SO
THERE'S A 50-50 CHANCE?

I DON'T KNOW. HE SOUNDED
PRETTY SURE. I'D SAY 60-40.

NO, MOM, I'M SURE ONE
CRINOLINE WILL BE PLENTY.

NO, SHE DOESN'T.

I'M SURE SHE DOESN'T.

YEAH, IN WHAT SCENARIO WOULD I HAVE
BOUGHT RORY ELBOW-LENGTH KIDSKIN GLOVES?

I'M SORRY, IN WHAT
SCENARIO ON MY PLANET

WOULD I HAVE BOUGHT RORY
ELBOW-LENGTH KIDSKIN GLOVES?

SO?

SO WHAT?

IT'S GOOD, HUH?

IT'S THE ROCK AND ROLL
HALL OF FAME INDUCTION.

YES. DOESN'T NEIL
YOUNG LOOK COOL?

I GUESS.

IF YOU'LL NOTICE,
HE'S WEARING A TUX.

NEIL YOUNG LOOKS COOL
BECAUSE HE'S NEIL YOUNG,

NOT BECAUSE HE'S WEARING A TUX.

NO, I DON'T HAVE TO ASK HER,
MOM, 'CAUSE I KNOW THE ANSWER.

I KNOW THE ANSWER,
MOM. I KNOW THE ANSWER.

YEAH. NO. OK. WELL, I
DON'T HAVE TO ASK HER...

HOLD ON.

RORY, WOULD YOU LIKE
GRANDMA'S HAIRSTYLIST

TO COME AND SET YOUR
HAIR BEFORE THE BALL?

OH, I DID NOT COACH HER, MOM.

GO BACK TO TALKIN' ABOUT GLOVES.

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA
LOOK GREAT IN A TUX.

TAILS.

WHAT?

YEAH, ACCORDING
TO THIS IT SAYS THAT:

"ALL ESCORTS MUST
BE PROPERLY ATTIRED

IN BLACK TAILS, WHITE
CUMMERBUNDS, AND WHITE GLOVES."

WHAT?

I'M SURE THE GLOVES
ARE OPTIONAL.

NOT ACCORDING TO THIS.

TAILS? GLOVES?

REMEMBER NEIL YOUNG.

REMEMBER THAT YOU LOVE ME.

REMEMBER THAT I'LL BE
WATCHING BATTLEBOTS WITH YOU

FOR A MONTH.

SHOW ME NEIL YOUNG AGAIN.

DAD!

DAD!

WHOA! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

A LADY NEVER RUNS OUT TO
MEET A GENTLEMAN CALLER

WHO HASN'T BEEN ANNOUNCED.

SORRY, WE HAVEN'T
TAMED MY WILD WAYS YET.

THANK GOD I'M HERE NOW.

I MISSED YOU.

ME, TOO.

HEY. WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT?

OH, MY GOD, WHERE
DID THIS COME FROM?

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BIKE?

CRAZY GAME OF KEY
EXCHANGE AT THE CAR WASH.

THIS IS A CAR.

YES, IT IS.

IT HAS 4 WHEELS AND
A ROOF AND AIR BAGS

AND SEAT BELTS, AND MY
GOD, IT SMELLS LIKE A FOREST.

WELL, I NEEDED A
LITTLE MORE SPACE.

HAD SOMETHING BIG TO HAUL.

I BELIEVE THIS BELONGS TO YOU.

THE COMPACT OXFORD
ENGLISH DICTIONARY.

I'D PROMISED YOU I'D GET
IT. SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.

THAT'S OK.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
THIS IS THE NEW EDITION.

THE OLD ONE DOESN'T
HAVE THE WORD "JIGGY" IN IT.

THANK YOU. I LOVE IT. I'M GONNA
GO LOOK THINGS UP RIGHT NOW.

WAIT! WAIT!

THANKS.

GO.

THAT WAS REALLY GREAT OF YOU.

THANK YOU.

SO, BACK TO MOCKING MY CAR?

OH, YEAH. A VOLVO
SEDAN. ARE YOU KIDDING?

THIS IS A GREAT CAR.

FOR DRIVING TO BINGO.

WELL, IT JUST SEEMED LIKE TIME.

I COULDN'T KEEP SHOWING
UP FOR WORK ON MY BIKE.

WORK?

YOU'VE HEARD OF IT?

YES, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD.

TOOK A WHILE, I KEPT
GETTING IT MIXED UP WITH "NAP,"

BUT I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT.

SO YOU BOUGHT A
CAR AND GOT A JOB.

ACTUALLY, JOB, THEN CAR.

OH, 'CAUSE IT'S MORE
RESPONSIBLE THAT WAY.

EXACTLY.

WOW! SO TELL ME ABOUT THE JOB.

WELL, I SHOW UP EVERY
DAY, DRINK BAD COFFEE,

EXCHANGE LAME PLEASANTRIES IN THE
BREAK ROOM WITH LINDA FROM MARKETING,

AND AT THE END OF 2 WEEKS,
THEY GIVE ME A PAYCHECK.

IT'S A PRETTY COOL SYSTEM.

YOU'RE SERIOUS?

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW US
WORKING TYPES ARE. GET IN.

WELL, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO
TAKE RIDES WITH STRANGERS.

TRUST ME.

YES, BUT ONLY IF YOU PROMISE

WE WON'T GO OVER 25 MILES
AN HOUR ON THE MOTORWAY.

♪

OH, MY GOD.

GEORGE LUCAS WISHES
HE HAD THIS SOUND SYSTEM.

GOT ALPINE HEAD
UNITS, 2 SUBS, AND 2 12s.

IN EXCHANGE, NO
PASSENGER-SIDE AIR BAG.

AH, SO THE OLD
CHRISTOPHER STILL LIVES.

COULD YOU PLEASE ATTENUATE
THE CACOPHONY OUT HERE?

HUH?

TURN DOWN THE MUSIC.

NEXT TIME, INSTEAD OF A
DICTIONARY, JUST SLIP HER A CRISP $20.

DEAL.

♪

12 PAIRS OF PANTYHOSE.

IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG NIGHT.

SHE'S BOUND TO HAVE A RUN.

12 PAIRS.

THERE'S THE PRESENTATION,

THE CIRCLE, THE
CURTSY, THE FAN DANCE.

MOM, THERE'D HAVE TO
BE A 12-KILOMETER RUN

AND A JUJITSU DEMONSTRATION

FOR HER TO GO THROUGH
12 PAIRS OF PANTYHOSE.

DOES IT REALLY HURT TO
BE PREPARED, LORELAI?

NO, MOM, IT DOESN'T
HURT TO BE PREPARED.

THANK YOU.

THE GOOD NEWS IS,
NOW SHE IS PREPARED

FOR HER HIGH-SCHOOL GRADUATION,

HER COLLEGE
GRADUATION, HER MARRIAGE,

3 TO 5 ANNIVERSARIES, A
HOSTESS GIG, AND JURY DUTY,

ESPECIALLY IF SHE'S SEQUESTERED.

YOU MAKE ME TIRED.

OH, RICHARD, I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU WERE HOME.

YES, WELL, WE LEARN
SOMETHING EVERY DAY.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK?

I AM WORKING.

HEY, DAD, GUESS HOW MANY
PAIRS OF PANTYHOSE WE BOUGHT?

I'D RATHER NOT,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

OH, RICHARD, I GOT YOU SOME BEAUTIFUL
NEW CUFF LINKS FOR THIS WEEKEND.

I ALREADY HAVE CUFF LINKS.

I KNOW, BUT THESE HAVE
BULLDOGS ON THEM. COME, LOOK.

I'LL LOOK AT THEM LATER.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

JUST REMEMBER TO PICK UP YOUR
TUX FROM THE CLEANERS TOMORROW.

I WON'T HAVE TIME.

IT'S AROUND THE CORNER
FROM YOUR OFFICE.

I HAVE TO GO IN EARLY TOMORROW.

WELL, GO NOW. I AM BUSY NOW.

DOING WHAT?

EMILY, I AM NOT GOING TO
QUALIFY MY TIME WITH YOU.

I AM NOT GOING TO
PICK UP MY TUXEDO.

YOU PLANNED THIS RIDICULOUS
AFFAIR, YOU PICK UP MY TUXEDO.

OR I SIMPLY DON'T HAVE TO GO.

EITHER ONE OF THESE
OPTIONS IS FINE WITH ME.

HEY, MOM,

I MIGHT BE READING
TOO MUCH INTO THIS,

BUT, UM, IS SOMETHING GOIN'
ON BETWEEN YOU AND DAD?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW. HE JUST SEEMS A
LITTLE LESS JOLLY THAN USUAL.

HE'S JUST BUSY.

HE SEEMS UPSET.

WELL, HE'S NOT.

YOU SEEM UPSET. I'M
NOT. WE'RE BOTH FINE.

OK. MY MISTAKE.

I'D BETTER GO PICK UP HIS TUX.

♪

KEEP COUNTING IN YOUR HEADS.

LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYE.

DEAN, ARE YOU LEADING?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

OK, OK, STOP, STOP, STOP.

NOW, REMEMBER, ONE OF THE MOST
IMPORTANT THINGS IN BALLROOM DANCING

IS TO REMEMBER TO SPOT.
OTHERWISE, YOU'RE GONNA GET DIZZY.

SO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS WANNA
PICK OUT SOMETHING TO FOCUS ON.

I USUALLY LIKE TO
FIND A LONELY SEAMAN.

THEN WHEN TURNING,

WHIP YOUR HEAD AROUND
AND FIND YOUR SPOT AGAIN.

HELLO, SAILOR.

HELLO, SAILOR.

HELLO, SAILOR.

NOW YOU TRY IT.

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

I THINK YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT
THE "HELLO, SAILOR" PART.

RORY. BATTLEBOTS.

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

NOW TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

♪

HEY. YOU GUYS ARE
REALLY IMPROVING.

NOW YOU'RE ACTUALLY
FACING EACH OTHER.

ANYONE NEED A BREAK?

OK, TAKE 5, BUT DON'T SIT DOWN

BECAUSE YOUR
MUSCLES WILL GET COLD.

SO HOW'S IT GOING?

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT VERY GOOD.

YEAH, WHICH IS REALLY HOLDING
ME BACK, BECAUSE I'M A NATURAL.

WELL, MAYBE YOU NEED A
GLITTERY GLOVE AND A FREAKY FACE.

AT ONE POINT MISS PATTY
THOUGHT DEAN WOULD GET HURT,

AND SHE MADE ME SIT
IN A CORNER AND WATCH.

HEY, NOBODY PUTS
BABY IN THE CORNER.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. BALLROOM
DANCING IS A WONDERFULLY SEXIST THING.

ANY WOMAN CAN DO IT. ALL SHE
NEEDS IS A STRONG MALE LEAD.

NO OFFENCE, DEAN.

OH. AH!

WELL, ALMOST ANY
WOMAN CAN DO IT.

I WASN'T READY. I WASN'T
READY. I WANT A DO OVER.

FINE.

MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

I DON'T KNOW. DO YOU
HAVE A TRUST FUND?

ALWAYS MAKE SURE.

♪

♪ SOME DAY ♪

♪ WHEN I'M AWFULLY LOW ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD IS COLD ♪

♪ I WILL FEEL THE GLOW ♪

♪ JUST THINKING OF YOU ♪

♪ AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT ♪

OK, I'M ADOPTED.

YEAH, I'M NEVER GONNA
BE ABLE TO DO THAT.

NO, YOU GUYS JUST
NEED SOME PRACTICE.

LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER, RORY.
YOUR ADORABLE, ADORABLE FATHER.

COME ON, LET'S GET YOU OUT OF HERE
BEFORE YOU BECOME PATTY'S NEXT HUSBAND.

SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

BYE, PATTY.

OH, THE WAY YOU TOY WITH ME.

DID YOU KNOW YOU STILL
KNEW HOW TO DO THAT?

I WISH I DIDN'T.

IMAGINE WHAT WE COULD DO IF
WE FREED UP THE BRAIN SPACE

IT HOLDS ON THE VIENNESE WALTZ.

YEAH, IT'S RIGHT UP THERE
BETWEEN OLD BRADY BUNCH RERUNS

AND THE LYRICS TO RAPTURE.

OOH, I GOT TO SAY, THIS ISN'T
LIKE THE CHAI LATTES IN BOSTON.

YEAH, WELL, EXPECTING LUKE

TO MAKE A CHAI ANYTHING
WAS COMPLETELY INSANE.

YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE HE JUST
THREW A CINNAMON STICK IN SOME TEA.

I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S
NOT A CINNAMON STICK.

OK, THROWING THIS OUT NOW.

SO, CHAI LATTE, WHEN
DID THAT HAPPEN?

I DON'T KNOW. EVERYONE
AT WORK DRINKS 'EM.

HUH. WELL, SINCE YOU
STILL HAVEN'T TOLD ME

WHAT EXACTLY IT IS THAT YOU DO,

I'M GONNA GO WITH YOGA
INSTRUCTOR OR CHIROPRACTOR.

NO, IT'S ACTUALLY
PRETTY INTERESTING.

I'M WORKIN' FOR THIS FIRM THAT
HELPS OVERBLOWN TECH COMPANIES

SCALE BACK AND STAY AFLOAT NOW
THAT THEY'RE FACING LEANER TIMES.

I'M SORRY, UH, WHAT'S
THE INTERESTING PART?

WE DRESS LIKE
SUPERHEROES WHEN WE DO IT.

OH, NICE.

SO, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU
WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP THIS GOING?

WELL, I'M PRETTY HAPPY THERE,
I'D SAY AT LEAST TILL TUESDAY.

OH, SO, LONG-TERM.

YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD.

I ALWAYS HATED THE IDEA
OF HAVIN' TO BE SOMEWHERE

AT A SPECIFIC TIME
DAY AFTER DAY,

BUT AS IT TURNS OUT
I LIKE THE STABILITY.

REALLY?

YEAH. I LIKE THAT AT THE END OF THE
DAY, I FEEL LIKE I'VE DONE SOMETHING,

I'VE EARNED SOMETHING.

WELL, I THINK THAT'S
REALLY GREAT.

ONLY TOOK ME 10 YEARS AND
SEVERAL FAILED BUSINESS VENTURES

TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANTED.

WHICH IS?

NOT MY PARENTS' LIFE.

AH!

SOMETHING YOU FIGURED OUT AT 16.

ACTUALLY, 6 MONTHS, BUT I
JUST COULDN'T VOCALIZE IT YET.

YEAH, YOU KNEW WHAT YOU
WANTED, YOU WENT OUT AND GOT IT.

I WAS ALWAYS A
LITTLE JEALOUS OF YOU.

WELL, YOU SEEM
TO BE CATCHING UP.

WE DID GOOD.

YEAH. WELL, I DID GOOD.

THE FACT THAT SHE CAN'T
FOLLOW LEAD IS ALL YOU.

SEE, NOW, ONLY A LADY CAN
GRACEFULLY WALK AROUND A ROOM

WITH A BOOK ON HER HEAD
WHILE EATING KUNG PAO CHICKEN.

AND A GREAT LADY CAN
EVEN SPIT THE PEANUTS

BACK INTO THE CONTAINER
WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING.

WOW. WELL, DON'T BE INTIMIDATED.

YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE AND
PRACTICE TO GET TO MY LEVEL.

ANYONE WANT THE LAST EGG ROLL?

UH, NO.

STOP! WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'?

TO GET THE EGG ROLL.

YOU'RE GETTING IT YOURSELF?

YES.

NO! LADIES NEVER
GET THEIR EGG ROLLS,

LADIES NEVER GET THEIR OWN
ANYTHING. NOT EVEN THEIR OWN IDEAS.

OH, BOY.

THEY SIT HELPLESSLY AND WAIT FOR SOME YOUNG,
STRONG MAN TO COME BY AND ASSIST THEM.

THEY DON'T STEP IN
PUDDLES OR OVER PUDDLES.

THEY CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT PUDDLES.
THEY ACTUALLY NEED TO BE BLINDFOLDED

AND THROWN IN A SACK
AND CARRIED OVER PUDDLES.

ISN'T THERE A MORATORIUM ON HOW
LONG LADIES ARE SUPPOSED TO TALK?

UH, NO. NOW, REPEAT AFTER
ME, "I AM COMPLETELY HELPLESS."

OK, SO, YOU PUT THE LEFT
SIDE THROUGH THE BACK LOOP,

AND YOU TUG A LITTLE
BIT ON BOTH SIDES,

AND YOU, MY FRIEND, MIGHT JUST
BE MISTAKEN FOR A GENTLEMAN.

OR A WAITER.

SO HOW DO YOU
KNOW HOW TO DO THIS?

17 COTILLIONS, A DOZEN
DEBUTANTE BALLS,

AND A BRIEF BUT
SCARRING EXPERIMENT

WITH THE CHILDREN OF
THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION.

WHERE YOU WEAR
NOTHING BUT THE BOW TIE.

A GOOD IDEA ON CONCEPTION,
BUT THE SUDDEN SNOWSTORM

INSTANTLY DAMPENED THE EFFECT.

HEY, UH, DO YOU THINK IT'S COOL
WHEN NEIL YOUNG WEARS A TUX?

YEAH, OF COURSE,
BUT IT'S NEIL YOUNG.

AH, ALL RIGHT, I
SHOULD GET GOIN'.

I'LL SEE YOU AT 3:00.

OH, WAIT.

WHAT'S THIS?

YOUR GLOVES.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING.

NO, NO. LADIES NEVER KID.

BYE.

BYE.

I'M GOING TO BED, TOO.

DO YOU NEED HELP?

NO. WRONG. THE
CORRECT ANSWER IS YES.

LADIES NEED HELP
WITH EVERYTHING.

GOOD NIGHT.

NIGHT. NIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE'S
EVER GONNA MAKE IT IN SOCIETY.

AT THIS RATE, SHE'S GONNA ACTUALLY
GET A JOB AND ONLY MARRY ONCE.

CALLIN' YOUR MOM AGAIN?

I DON'T GET IT.

TILL LAST WEEK, EVERY 5 MINUTES,
SHE CALLED TO CHECK ON SHOE FITTINGS,

AND CURTSY PROGRESS, AND IF I
TALKED RORY INTO PUTTING HER HAIR UP.

THEN TONIGHT, NOTHING.

WELL, I'M SURE THEY HAVE A LOT OF
GETTING READY TO DO FOR THEMSELVES.

SHE'S BEEN ACTING
SO WEIRD LATELY.

THEY'RE FIGHTING,
OPENLY FIGHTING.

I DON'T THINK THEY'VE
EVER DONE THAT BEFORE.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT
TO DO ABOUT IT.

MOVE TO CALIFORNIA. THAT'S
WHAT I DO WHEN MY PARENTS FIGHT.

YOU KNOW, MY FATHER DOESN'T
EVEN WANT TO GO TOMORROW.

HIS PERFECT ANGEL GRANDDAUGHTER
IS BEING PRESENTED TO SOCIETY

IN FRONT OF ALL HIS
FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES.

SOMETHING HE NEVER GOT TO DO
WITH HIS BAD, LOSER, EVIL DAUGHTER.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO THEM.

I'M SORRY, WAS THAT
ME THAT SAID THAT?

I MUST HAVE HAD AN ANEURYSM.

WELL, NOTHING MORE
I CAN DO TONIGHT.

I'M GONNA HEAD UP TO BED. DO YOU
WANT ME TO TURN OFF THE LIGHTS?

ACTUALLY, UH, I HAVE TO STAY
UP AND DO A LITTLE WORK TONIGHT.

I'M SORRY. I KEEP FORGETTING
THAT THAT'S NOT A JOKE ANYMORE.

GOOD NIGHT.

MOM, THIS PLACE IS HUGE.

DO I HAVE TO WALK
DOWN THOSE STAIRS?

OH, I'M AFRAID SO.

UNLESS YOU WANT TO MAKE A
REALLY MEMORABLE ENTRANCE

AND JUST SLIDE
DOWN THE BANISTER,

WHICH I TOTALLY
ENCOURAGE, BY THE WAY.

YOU ARE...

LORELAI GILMORE. LATE.

SORRY. MY FAULT.

TOOK ME A WHILE TO GET PRETTY.

NOT ALL OF US ARE 16 ANYMORE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? NO.

YOU ARE TO HEAD UP THE STAIRS.

THE PREPARATION
ROOM IS ON THE RIGHT.

LOOK FOR THE TOXIC CLOUD
OF CHANEL AND FINAL NET.

HANG YOUR DRESS THERE. PUT
YOUR MAKEUP ON OVER THERE.

YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE DO
WITH A NON-LIGHTED MIRROR.

THE LIGHTED ONES WENT TO THE
GIRLS THAT WERE HERE BEFORE DAWN.

LISTEN UP, LADIES!

EVERYONE MUST BE BEAUTIFUL
AND READY TO GO BY 7:30.

CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE
AN HOUR AND A HALF.

I KNOW, I'M NEVER
GONNA BE READY IN TIME.

GOD KNOWS WHEN THE SWELLING
ON MY NOSE IS GONNA GO DOWN.

I HAD TO GO AND INHERIT
MY FATHER'S NOSE.

I'M LIBBY.

RORY.

UH, WHICH ONE SHOULD I WEAR?

I THOUGHT ABOUT IT ALL
MONTH AND I CANNOT DECIDE.

OH, WELL, THAT'S A TOUGH ONE.

I KNOW. THIS IS RED-RED,
AND THIS IS ORANGE-RED.

THE WRONG ONE, AND I WILL END UP
LOOKING LIKE A HOOKER OR A TEACHER.

THAT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE.

THE 2 MINUTES YOU STAND
ON THE STAIRS TONIGHT

WILL DETERMINE YOUR SOCIAL
STATUS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

WOW. WHAT IF YOU TRIP?

I MEAN, NOT THAT YOU WOULD.

YOU WOULDN'T. I MIGHT.
PROBABLY WILL, ACTUALLY.

COULD BE A REAL CIRQUE
DU SOLEIL KIND OF NIGHT.

YOU... YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN
JOKE ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT.

OW. THERE'S A HEAD
UNDER THERE, YOU KNOW.

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL,
WONDERFUL MAN.

I HAVE A FEELING WE'RE
GONNA BE VERY CLOSE TONIGHT.

HMM, MOM, YOU'RE HERE.

WHERE SHOULD I BE, SPAIN?

OH. I... I TRIED CALLING
YOU ALL NIGHT LAST NIGHT.

I WAS VERY BUSY.

AND THEN WE GOT HERE BEFORE YOU.

WHAT IS YOUR POINT, LORELAI?

NOTHING. IT'S JUST WEIRD.

WELL, I'M HERE NOW, SO
IT'S NOT WEIRD ANYMORE.

LOOK AT THESE
FLOWERS. BABY'S BREATH.

WHAT IS THIS, COUNTY GENERAL?

YOU LOOK VERY NICE,
MOM. I LIKE YOUR DRESS.

COTTON TABLECLOTHS,
FOLDING CHAIRS.

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE LIKE THIS.

IN MY DAY, PEOPLE
SAT IN REAL CHAIRS.

MOM, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I WANTED MY GRANDDAUGHTER
TO BE PRESENTED TO SOCIETY

IN A BEAUTIFUL, ELEGANT
BALLROOM, NOT A SHAKEY'S.

THE ROOM IS BEAUTIFUL, MOM.

YOU'RE BEING TOO CRITICAL.

THERE'S NAN.

I'M GOING TO HAVE A
LITTLE TALK WITH HER

ABOUT THE PROPER
HEIGHT FOR A TAPER.

MOM.

MIDORI SOUR?

OH, NO, THANKS.

MORE FOR ME.

ON MY LAST COMING-OUT,
I SHARED WITH THIS GIRL

WHO COULDN'T HANDLE HER BOOZE.

NEON-GREEN PUKE ALL
OVER HER WHITE DRESS.

YOUR LAST COMING-OUT?

OH, THIS IS MY
5TH ONE THIS YEAR.

WOW.

YOU KNOW, THEY SAY 4 OUT OF
5 DEBS MARRY THEIR ESCORTS.

KIND OF LIKE THE
DENTISTS WITH TRIDENT.

WELL, I FIGURE,

5 COMING-OUT BALLS, 5 ESCORTS.

ONE OF THEM HAS TO STICK, RIGHT?

GOOD LOGIC.

SO IS YOUR ESCORT THE ONE?

THE ONE WHAT?

THE ONE YOU'RE GONNA
MARRY. OH, WELL...

IS HE CUTE?

YES, HE IS VERY CUTE.

WHERE WILL YOU LIVE
WHEN YOU MARRY?

HOLD ON A SECOND.

KATIE, HI. TOO BAD
ABOUT YOUR FACE.

OH, IS IT HORRIBLE?

NO, YOU CAN HARDLY
TELL. JUST WALK SIDEWAYS.

THESE THINGS WILL
BE THE DEATH OF ME.

OH, I KNOW. AND WE'VE
HAD NO TIME TO PREP.

JENNA JUST GOT OUT OF
RAINBOW HILLS 2 DAYS AGO.

REHAB?

FAT FARM.

HI. UH, SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

COULD YOU COME WITH ME?

MY CUMMERBUND AND I
AREN'T SEEING EYE TO EYE.

MEN. TOTALLY
HELPLESS. EXCUSE ME.

YOU SAVED ME. I LOVE YOU.

I WANT TO HAVE YOUR
BABY. OOPS, TOO LATE.

I SAW THE LOOK.

THE SAME ONE YOU HAD THAT TIME
YOU ENDED UP ON HOMECOMING COURT.

OH, SOMEONE'S IDEA
OF A SICK, SICK JOKE.

HEY, BY THE WAY, NEIL
YOUNG'S GOT NOTHING ON YOU.

YEAH?

YEAH.

LORELAI, HAVE YOU
SEEN YOUR FATHER?

UH, NO.

HE PROMISED ME
HE'D BE HERE BY NOW.

YOU DIDN'T COME TOGETHER?

I SWEAR, IF HE MISSES THIS...

MOM, DID YOU CALL HIM?

OF COURSE I CALLED HIM. I WOULDN'T
GO THIS LONG WITHOUT CALLING HIM.

EMILY, HE'S HERE.

WHERE?

OH, RICHARD, WHERE
HAVE YOU BEEN?

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?
I'M HERE, AREN'T I?

I CAN'T LOOK. DID SHE BEAN
HIM WITH THE BABY'S BREATH?

NO, THEY'RE JUST ENERGETICALLY
PRACTICING THEIR SIGN LANGUAGE.

OH, GOD.

OK, I THINK THIS IS A REALLY
GOOD TIME FOR A MARTINI.

HELLO? THIRSTY PEOPLE HERE.

UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

STEVE WON'T MIND.

LITTLE TIP, NEVER A GOOD
IDEA TO LET PEOPLE KNOW

YOU'RE ON A FIRST-NAME
BASIS WITH THE BARTENDER.

WELL, THIS IS REALLY SOMETHING.

WHAT?

YOU AND I TOGETHER
AT A DEBUTANTE BALL.

HAH, YEAH.

JUST LIKE IT WOULD
HAVE BEEN 16 YEARS AGO.

FANCY DRESS.

SNEAKIN' BOOZE.

PARENTS ACTING CRAZY.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

SO AM I.

ALL FATHERS, PLEASE REPORT

TO THE DEBUTANTE
STAGING AREA UPSTAIRS.

FATHERS, TO THE STAGING AREA.

SHOWTIME. YOU
GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY.

♪

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

CURTSY PRETTY.

HEY.

JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU BEFORE
YOU BECAME A PROPER LADY OF SOCIETY.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK YOU LOOK
LIKE A COTTON BALL.

WHY, THANK YOU, JEEVES.

BUT A REALLY CUTE COTTON BALL.

OH, MY GOD, IS THIS YOUR ESCORT?

YEAH, IT IS.

YOU ARE TOTALLY GETTING MARRIED.

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

OH, WELL...

DAD. GREAT, LET'S GO.

OH, UH, I'LL MEET YOU
DOWNSTAIRS. GOOD LUCK.

OK.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
GOOD EVENING.

IF EVERYONE COULD
PLEASE TAKE THEIR SEAT.

WE'RE ABOUT TO
GET STARTED WITH...

LAST CHANCE TO SHIMMY
DOWN THE DRAINPIPE.

DO ME A FAVOR?

ANYTHING.

JUST DON'T LET ME FALL.

RIGHT BACK AT YOU.

GOOD EVENING.

ON BEHALF OF THE DAUGHTERS
OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION,

I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU
TO OUR ANNUAL DEBUTANTE BALL.

OH, THIS BRINGS BACK
SO MANY MEMORIES.

I MYSELF CAME OUT IN
THIS VERY HALL IN 19...

WELL, LET'S JUST SAY A
NUMBER OF YEARS AGO.

NOW, THE WORD "DEBUTANTE" COMES
FROM THE FRENCH WORD "DEBUTER"...

YOU'RE BEING IRRATIONAL.

WHICH MEANS TO LEAD OFF.

JUST COME SIT DOWN.

I'M GOING TO FINISH MY DRINK.

YOU WON'T BE HAPPY UNTIL YOU'VE
SPOILED THIS ENTIRE EVENING. WILL YOU?

GUYS, HI, THERE'S
A LADY UP THERE

WITH A ROCK THE SIZE OF
NEPTUNE AROUND HER NECK,

TALKING ABOUT THE
DEBUTANTES OF ANCIENT GREECE.

IT'S A LOT EASIER TO FALL ASLEEP

IF YOU'RE SITTING
DOWN. TRUST ME.

I WILL SIT DOWN WHEN I
AM READY TO SIT DOWN.

RICHARD, LOWER YOUR VOICE.

NO, I WILL NOT LOWER MY VOICE.

I PAID A FORTUNE TO BE HERE, AND I
WILL SPEAK JUST AS LOUDLY AS I LIKE.

YOU'RE EMBARRASSING US,
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING RORY.

EMBARRASSING RORY? THIS WASN'T
RORY'S IDEA. THIS WAS YOUR IDEA.

THIS WHOLE RIDICULOUS
EVENING WAS YOUR IDEA, EMILY.

YOU DON'T WANT HER
PRESENTED TO SOCIETY?

TO HELL WITH SOCIETY!
YES, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU!

COME ON, THAT'S IT.

ARE YOU TWO COMPLETELY
OUT OF YOUR MINDS?

THERE'S A CEREMONY
GOING ON IN THERE.

YOUNG GIRLS IN UGLY DRESSES AND
STUPID FANS ARE PARADING AROUND

IN CIRCLES FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT
REASON, AND YOU TWO ARE RUINING IT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO COME HERE.

YOU KNEW I DIDN'T WANT TO.

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

WE HAVE A SOCIAL
RESPONSIBILITY, RICHARD.

I AM SO TIRED OF
HEARING YOU SAY THAT.

PEOPLE EXPECT US TO BE CERTAIN
PLACES AND DO CERTAIN THINGS.

AND WE CAN'T JUST
WITHDRAW FROM ALL THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
GOING THROUGH AT WORK?

YOUR WHOLE LIFE ISN'T THAT
DAMN COMPANY, RICHARD.

I HAVE TOLD YOU WHAT
I'M GOING THROUGH,

BUT SOMEHOW YOU JUST
DON'T SEEM TO HEAR IT.

YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME,
YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ANYBODY.

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

IT IS TRUE. ISN'T IT TRUE?

HAS SHE EVER LISTENED
TO A WORD YOU'VE SAID?

OH, WELL, HEY, I MEAN, PEOPLE
LISTEN IN DIFFERENT WAYS.

RIGHT? I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE
LISTEN WITH THEIR EARS,

AND SOME PEOPLE LISTEN
WITH NOT THEIR EARS.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN SOME ACTUAL
LISTENING HASN'T HAPPENED IN SOME FORM.

I HAVE LISTENED TO YOU, RICHARD.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT
IS GOING ON WITH YOU.

REALLY? WHAT?

YOU LOST AN ACCOUNT.

WHAT?

NO. I DIDN'T LOSE AN ACCOUNT.

I WAS TAKEN OFF AN ACCOUNT.

I WAS TAKEN OFF AN ACCOUNT

THAT I PERSONALLY BROUGHT
INTO THIS COMPANY 10 YEARS AGO.

THERE ARE OTHER
ACCOUNTS, RICHARD.

I HAVE BEEN IN CHARGE OF
THAT ACCOUNT FOR 10 YEARS!

HOW CAN YOU BE SO ANGRY? YES,
THEY TOOK YOU OFF THAT ACCOUNT,

BUT THEY ALSO GAVE
YOU A PROMOTION.

OH, EMILY.

YOU SAID THEY MOVED YOU UPSTAIRS

TO A LARGER OFFICE AND GAVE YOU A
NEW TITLE AND A BETTER PARKING SPACE.

EMILY, DAMN IT. I AM
BEING PHASED OUT.

YOU ARE NOT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT? I
KNOW WHETHER I'M BEING PHASED OUT.

I INVENTED "PHASED
OUT" FOR THIS COMPANY.

DON'T YOU THINK I DID THE EXACT
SAME THING TO ALLEN PARKER?

ALLEN PARKER RETIRED.

ALLEN PARKER WAS PHASED OUT.

I NOW HAVE HIS OFFICE. I
NOW HAVE HIS PARKING SPACE.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE?

I LOSE MORE ACCOUNTS
SLOWLY, BUT SURELY.

THEY WILL PUT A YOUNGER
MAN ON THEM WITH ME

TO BE TRAINED BY THE BEST.

AND THEN ONE DAY,
THEY'LL CALL AND ASK ME

TO LET THAT YOUNG
MAN TAKE A MEETING

WITHOUT ME, JUST TO SEE
HOW FAST HE'S LEARNING.

AND THEN, SUDDENLY, THAT
YOUNG MAN IS GIVEN THAT ACCOUNT.

AND THIS HAPPENS AGAIN
AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

UNTIL I AM NOTHING BUT
A SYMBOLIC FIGUREHEAD

THAT THEY ROLL OUT FOR
BANQUETS AND GROUP PICTURES.

AND THEN, ONE DAY, EMILY,

I WILL BE ASKED TO LEAVE.

WELL, SO WHAT?

EXCUSE ME?

DAD, I DON'T THINK
MOM MEANT EXACTLY...

SO WHAT IF THAT'S TRUE?

OR MAYBE SHE DID.

THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS.

I DON'T WANT OTHER OPTIONS.

I WANT TO GET UP EVERY
MORNING AND PUT ON MY SUIT

AND GO TO MY OFFICE
AND DO MY WORK,

LIKE I'VE DONE EVERY DAY
FOR THE PAST 30 YEARS.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO.
THAT'S THE ONLY THING I WANT TO DO.

UM, EXCUSE ME. HI.

SORRY TO INTERRUPT,
BUT I'M NEXT.

ELIZABETH DOTY.

DAUGHTER OF GEORGE EDWARD
DOTY IV AND ELEANOR DOTY.

LORELAI GILMORE.

DAUGHTER OF CHRISTOPHER
HAYDEN AND LORELAI GILMORE.

THAT SHOULD HAVE
BEEN YOU UP THERE.

NOTHING'S TURNING OUT
THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO.

♪ THANK HEAVEN
FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪

♪ FOR LITTLE GIRLS
GET BIGGER EVERY DAY ♪

♪ THANK HEAVEN ♪

SO DID YOU KNOW THAT
YOU'RE CONSIDERED A HOT DAD?

HUH, REALLY?

LIBBY SAID THAT IT'S TOO
BAD YOU'RE MY REAL DAD.

BECAUSE IF YOU WERE MY STEP-DAD,
I COULD STEAL YOU AWAY FROM MOM.

THAT LIBBY'S GOT A
GOOD LIFE AHEAD OF HER.

WELL, I WAS VERY
PROUD OF ALL OF YOU.

YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE ENTIRE
CEREMONY WITH A COMPLETELY STRAIGHT FACE.

ALMOST ALL OF YOU.

I'M SORRY, BUT THAT FAN DANCE
WAS MORE THAN I COULD TAKE.

HEY, I NEED BURGER.

ME, TOO. DEAN?

HONESTLY, THE ONLY THING I CAN
THINK OF IS TAKIN' OFF THIS TUX.

HEY, WATCH IT. YOU'RE
TALKING TO A LADY NOW.

WELL, HOW ABOUT
IF I DO IT AT HOME?

BETTER.

THANKS AGAIN FOR GOING WITH ME.

TOMORROW, YOU START PAYIN'.

BYE.

BYE.

AND THEN THERE WERE 3.

ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO
BOSTON FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,

SO I'M GONNA CALL
IT A NIGHT, TOO.

WHAT? NOT EVEN TIME FOR FRIES?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

I'LL GET UP A LITTLE EARLY AND HAVE
COFFEE WITH YOU BEFORE I GO. DEAL?

DEAL.

HONEY, GO AHEAD AND ORDER
FOR US. I'LL BE THERE IN A SEC.

OK.

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
HOW AMAZING YOU WERE TONIGHT.

REALLY, YOU... YOU COMPLETELY
CAME THROUGH FOR HER.

SHE DESERVES IT.

I HAVEN'T ALWAYS GIVEN YOU
A LOT OF CREDIT IN THE PAST,

BUT I'M GIVING YOU
CREDIT NOW. BIG CREDIT.

MAJOR CREDIT. BUY
YOURSELF A SOFA.

THANKS. I WILL.

YOU KNOW, UM,

I... I HAPPENED TO BE LOOKING THROUGH
SOME OLD MAPS THIS AFTERNOON

AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE

THAT BOSTON IS
NOT THAT FAR AWAY.

OH, YOU NEEDED A
MAP TO TELL YOU THAT?

I ALSO NOTICED THAT... THAT,
UM, I-84 IS A VERY GOOD ROAD.

SOLID, PAVED.

AND I PUT THIS INFORMATION
IN MY PRETTY LITTLE HEAD.

I WAS THINKING, IF YOU WANTED
TO MAYBE DROP BY OCCASIONALLY,

IT WOULDN'T BE TOO DIFFICULT.

YOU REALIZE I'LL BE
DRIVING THE VOLVO?

ACTUALLY, I'M COMING
AROUND TO THE VOLVO.

REALLY?

YES.

I THINK IT'S SORT OF A
CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL THING.

YOU KNOW, IT'S
CONSERVATIVE ON THE OUTSIDE,

BAD ON THE INSIDE.

I LIKE THAT IMAGE.

I'VE ALSO HEARD THE I-84 CAN
GET JAMMED ON WEEKENDS.

IT CAN.

SO IF YOU WANTED TO STAY A LITTLE
LONGER, JUST TO AVOID THE TRAFFIC,

IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA.

I MEAN, RORY WOULD
DEFINITELY LOVE IT.

AND I WOULDN'T MIND, EITHER.

THAT IS A TEMPTING OFFER,
BUT I REALLY HAVE TO GET BACK.

TO WORK?

TO WORK

AND TO SOMEONE.

OH.

I KNOW, I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.

OH, NO, THAT'S FINE. IT'S
TOTALLY YOUR BUSINESS.

NO, I MEANT TO, BUT...

LOR, IT'S JUST THAT YOU
AND I ARE SO CONNECTED...

CHRIS, PLEASE. I GET IT.

I THINK IT'S REALLY
GREAT. I REALLY DO.

THANK YOU.

SO, WHO IS IT? OH, LET ME GUESS.

LINDA FROM MARKETING
GOT TO YOU. DIDN'T SHE?

HER NAME IS SHERRIE.

SHERRIE FROM MARKETING?

SHERRIE FROM BOSTON.

AH. HENCE THE MOVE. YES.

IS IT SERIOUS?

IT'S GETTIN' THERE.

"SEEING YOU IN JUST
A BOW TIE" SERIOUS?

WE'RE LIVIN' TOGETHER.

WOW.

YOU REALLY HAVE CHANGED.

YEAH, WELL, SHERRIE MADE IT PRETTY
CLEAR THAT I WAS GONNA LOSE HER

IF I DIDN'T START
GETTIN' IT TOGETHER. SO...

YEAH, WELL, IF YOU FIND A GIRL WHO'S
GOOD WITH DATING A SQUARE IN A VOLVO,

YOU DO WHAT IT
TAKES TO KEEP HER.

OK, UM,

SO I'LL... I'LL SEE
YOU BACK HOME.

YES, YOU WILL.

♪

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA
LA, LA, LA, LA ♪

♪ LA, LA ♪

HEY.

WHAT?

AFTER ALL YOU'VE
BEEN THROUGH TONIGHT,

AND I COME IN HERE AND
FIND YOU EATING LIKE THAT?

THERE YOU GO.

BEIN' A LADY IS HARD.

SO, TONIGHT? WHAT'S
THE CONSENSUS?

THE FAN DANCE WAS HUMILIATING.
I'M NEVER DOING A CURTSY AGAIN.

BUT HAVING DAD AROUND WAS GREAT.

YEAH, IT WAS.

HE'S GOT A NEW
GIRLFRIEND, YOU KNOW.

SHERRIE. YEAH.

POOR GIRL'S NAMED AFTER A JOURNEY
SONG. THAT'S GOT TO BE ROUGH.

HE SEEMS HAPPY.

HE DOES. HE REALLY DOES.

I'M GLAD.

ME, TOO.

I FEEL KIND OF BAD
FOR GRANDMA, THOUGH.

SHE WAS SO INTO THIS NIGHT, AND
THEN SHE ENDED UP BEING SO MISERABLE.

DON'T WORRY. SHE'LL HAVE
MORE FUN AT THE NEXT ONE.

EXCUSE ME?

YES. WE HAVE YOU SIGNED
UP FOR THE NEXT 6 BALLS.

NOT FUNNY.

HEY, YOU'RE DOING THIS
TILL YOU BRING HOME A PRIZE.

IGNORING YOU NOW.

SO BACK FROM THE BALL, HUH?

YES, I LEFT BEHIND A GLASS
SLIPPER AND A BUSINESS CARD

IN CASE THE PRINCE
IS REALLY DUMB.

GOOD AND DESPERATE THINKING.

THANK YOU. HMM. LUKE.

WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?

WORKIN'.

SO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, HUH?

I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT
THIS WAS THE UNIFORM.

OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S FINE. HAVE YOUR
LITTLE JOKE, YOU KNOW.

DOESN'T BOTHER ME AT ALL.

YOU JUST GO OVER THERE
AND CLEAN OFF THAT TABLE, OK?

I'M IGNORING YOU.

YOU DO NOT EXIST.

OK.

THAT'S IT. GET
UPSTAIRS AND CHANGE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, UNCLE LUKE.

IT'S LUKE. JUST LUKE. MR. LUKE.

IN FACT, DON'T
ADDRESS ME AT ALL!

YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY LUCKY.

YEAH? WHY?

I HAVE SOMEONE TO COMPLAIN TO
WHEN LIFE SUCKS OR WORK SUCKS

OR JUST EVERYTHING SUCKS, I
HAVE SOMEONE I CAN TALK TO.

YEAH? WHO?

OH, SHECKY, YOU KILL ME.

IT JUST MUST BE REALLY
LONELY NOT TO HAVE THAT.

YOU THINKING ABOUT GRANDMA?

HMM. I'M JUST THINKING.

HEY, MOM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, NOTHING MUCH.

I HAD A LITTLE TIME BEFORE MY
BUSINESS CLASS, AND I THOUGHT:

"HEY, WHY DON'T I GO OVER TO
MOM'S HOUSE AND JUST HANG?"

JUST WHAT?

JUST HANG.

YOU KNOW, UH, HANG OUT,
TALK, DON'T TALK, WHATEVER.

JUST HANG.

OH.

SO YOU'RE GARDENING, HUH?

YES.

OK, WELL, DON'T LET ME
STOP YOU. I'LL JUST SIT HERE

AND JUST HANG.

ARE YOU SURE YOU
DON'T NEED SOMETHING?

NOPE. I'M JUST
HERE TO HANG. HANG.

WELL.

YOU KNOW, MOM, IF THERE'S EVER ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT WITH ME, YOU CAN.

ALL RIGHT.

OK.

SO...