Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 2, Episode 15 - Lost and Found - full transcript

PREVIOUSLY ON GILMORE GIRLS:

YOUR NEPHEW'S COMING TO VISIT.

NO, HE'S COMING TO STAY.

LUKE IS A GREAT GUY.

HE REALLY WANTS
TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.

YOU'RE INCREDIBLY
LUCKY TO HAVE HIM.

WHAT? ARE YOU SLEEPING
WITH HIM OR SOMETHING?

HEY. HEY.

I'M RORY.

YEAH, I FIGURED.

HOW LONG IS HE STAYING?

I DON'T KNOW. INDEFINITELY.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T
KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME,

OR MY LIFE, OR MY MOM, OR LUKE.

SO WHY DON'T YOU
DR. LAURA SOMEONE ELSE?

I'M GOING INSIDE.
STAY OUT OF MY FRIDGE.

I'M SORRY. THAT KID IS
WAY MORE SCREWED UP

THAN YOU THINK HE IS.

WHY ARE YOU ONLY NICE TO ME?

EXCUSE ME?

I AM CONCERNED ABOUT JESS.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE. BUT I AM.

WHAT 3EXACTLY DO
YOU WANT FROM ME?

YOU BRING ME HERE,
YOU PUT ME IN A SCHOOL

THAT SAYS THE PLEDGE OF
ALLEGIANCE IN 6 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES,

2 OF WHICH I'VE NEVER
HEARD OF BEFORE!

YOU TAKE ME AWAY FROM
MY HOME, MY FRIENDS,

AND NOW YOU WANT WHAT FROM ME?

I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!

WELL, STOP TRYING!

OH, I READ A LOT. DO YOU READ?

NOT MUCH.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT RORY.

SHE SHOULDN'T BE
HANGING OUT WITH THIS GUY.

YOU'VE READ THIS BEFORE.

ABOUT 40 TIMES.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU DIDN'T READ MUCH.

WELL, WHAT IS MUCH?

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

WHY DID I SAY YES TO THIS?

YOU SAW A KID IN
DESPERATE NEED OF HELP

AND YOU THOUGHT
YOU'D THROW HIM A LINE.

BUT ME? RAISING A KID?
I DON'T EVEN LIKE KIDS.

WHY'D YOU CALL?

I, UM, I WANTED TO...

I'M GLAD YOU CALLED.

YEAH? YEAH.

WELL, HE'S GONNA
GET HER INTO TROUBLE.

I... I CAN FEEL IT.
I JUST KNOW IT.

IT STILL HURTS!

DO YOU NEED STITCHES? PROBABLY.

WE SHOULD GO TO A DOCTOR.

NO, NO DOCTORS. YOU GO INTO A
HOSPITAL, YOU DON'T COME OUT AGAIN!

WELL SAID, IDA MORGENSTERN.

I'M STARVING. I NEED PANCAKES.

CAN I JUST ASK WHAT ON EARTH
YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING?

I THOUGHT I WAS BEING A
SELF-SUFFICIENT WOMAN.

YOU HATE LADDERS,
YOU HATE HEIGHTS.

WE NEEDED OUR RAIN
GUTTERS CLEANED.

YEAH, WELL, HIRE SOMEBODY.

OH, WELL, AREN'T WE
SUDDENLY A ROCKEFELLER.

IT'S BETTER THAN
YOU KILLING YOURSELF.

OH, I'M FINE. I'M JUST BEING
DRAMATIC. IT'S WHAT I DO.

NO MORE LADDERS.

I PROMISE. OK.

I THINK I HAVE GANGRENE.

YOU DO NOT.

AND VERTIGO.

OH, BOY.

ONE LEG FEELS SHORTER
THAN THE OTHER.

THIS IS GONNA BE THE VANITY FAIR

PAPER-CUT INCIDENT
ALL OVER AGAIN, ISN'T IT?

LEAVE YOUR BANDAGE ALONE.

LOOK, IT'S TURNING PURPLE, BUT
A REALLY GLOWY PURPLE! LOOK!

NO, THANKS.

HUH. MAYBE OUR RAIN
GUTTERS ARE RADIOACTIVE

OR MADE OUT OF SOME
KIND OF ALIEN METAL,

SO WHEN I CUT MY
HAND, I GOT INFECTED

WITH AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL
SUBSTANCE

WHICH IS ALTERING
MY INTERNAL MAKEUP.

MAYBE I'LL TURN
INTO A SUPERHERO!

MAYBE.

MAYBE TOMORROW I'LL WAKE UP AND
SUDDENLY BE ABLE TO SHOWER REALLY FAST.

WE'LL GO PICK OUT YOUR
CAPE AFTER BREAKFAST.

♪

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELING LONELY, AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW, OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED, YOU
NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

GOD, I'M STARVING.

MUST BE FROM THE LOSS OF BLOOD.

YES, THAT MUST BE IT.

I'M GETTING PANCAKES
WITH A SIDE OF PANCAKES.

WHERE'S LUKE?

I DON'T KNOW. STORAGE ROOM?

OH, NO.

CAESAR'S COOKING.

WHY IS CAESAR COOKING?

I DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S BAD. HIS PANCAKES STINK.

THEY DO STINK.

WHAT DO WE DO, RESORT TO DONUTS?

WAIT HERE.

HEY, LUKE, ARE YOU IN THERE?

LUKE, ARE YOU OK?

STUPID BOX! STUPID LAMP!

HEY, LUKE, ARE YOU BEING ATTACKED
BY YOUR POSSESSIONS AGAIN?

HI. HI.

WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?

I'M LOOKING FOR
MY SUPPLY LEDGER.

IS IT GOING WELL?

IT'S GOING FINE.

YOU HAVE A SOCK ON YOUR
SHOULDER. IS IT HELPING YOU LOOK?

WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' UP HERE?

RORY AND I ARE STARVING.

WE NEED YOU TO
COOK US BREAKFAST.

OH, MY GOD.

CAESAR CAN MAKE YOU BREAKFAST.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PLACE?

NOTHIN'.

THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS PICTURED
THE INSIDE OF MY HEAD TO LOOK LIKE.

SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A
BROWN LEATHER LEDGER.

I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH STUFF.

IT LOOKS LIKE A
WHITE-TRASH HEARST CASTLE.

ON SECOND THOUGHT,
I'LL FIND IT MYSELF.

WHERE'D ALL THIS COME FROM?

JESS. LIZ SHIPPED THE REST
OF HIS STUFF LAST WEEK.

HE FINALLY UNPACKED.

WELL, HE DID A VERY NICE JOB.

I KNOW IT'S CRAZY NOW, BUT I
JUST HAVE TO GET IT ALL ORGANIZED,

FIGURE OUT WHERE TO PUT
EVERYTHING, BUY ANOTHER DRESSER,

A PORTABLE WARDROBE,
SOME STORAGE BINS.

CAN OF GASOLINE, BOX OF MATCHES.

DID I MENTION CAESAR
CAN COOK YOU BREAKFAST?

BUT HE DOESN'T MAKE THE GOOD,
FLUFFY PANCAKES LIKE YOU DO.

THEN ORDER EGGS.

NO.

SEE, I HAD A NEAR-DEATH
EXPERIENCE TODAY.

REALLY?

YES. I ALMOST FELL OFF THE ROOF OF MY
HOUSE TRYING TO CLEAN THE RAIN GUTTERS,

SO I HAVE TO HAVE
PANCAKES. PLEASE?

I'LL HELP YOU SHOWER
WHEN I BECOME A SUPERHERO.

YOU'VE BEEN IN
THERE FOR 2 HOURS.

YEAH, WELL, MY HAIR JUST AIN'T
BOUNCING AND BEHAVING TODAY.

THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE
LIVING HERE, TOO, YOU KNOW.

HUH, LEARN SOMETHIN'
NEW EVERY DAY.

WELL, HIS PEOPLE SKILLS
ARE REALLY IMPROVING.

GO DOWNSTAIRS. I'LL BE
THERE AS SOON AS I CAN.

HOW LONG IS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

AN ESTIMATE. I DON'T KNOW.

BALLPARK FIGURE. OFF
THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD.

WILL YOU...

DID I MENTION I ALMOST
FELL OFF MY ROOF?

I'D LIE DOWN IF I
COULD FIND THE BED.

OH, IS THIS WHAT
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

YES, GREAT. THANK YOU.

NOT UNLESS YOU
MAKE ME THE PANCAKES.

GIVE ME THE BOOK.

GIVE ME THE PANCAKE!

COME ON.

THANK YOU.

YOU SURE YOU WEREN'T ALMOST PUSHED
OFF THE ROOF OF YOUR HOUSE TODAY?

WELL, I THINK I'M FINALLY
READY TO GET A TATTOO.

OH, PLEASE. I AM.

YOU'VE BEEN SAYING
THAT FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS.

I KNOW, BUT I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

FINE. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING?

MEL BROOKS.

WHY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WHY"?

THE 2000 YEAR OLD MAN, YOUNG
FRANKENSTEIN, SILENT MOVIE.

YOU DON'T THINK MEL HAS EARNED
THE RIGHT TO HAVE HIS FACE ON MY BUTT?

I AM SO SORRY, MEL.

OH, HE'LL LOVE IT. TRUST ME.

SO ROCKY ROAD HOT FUDGE SUNDAES
AND 2 CANS OF WHIPPED CREAM?

TRYING TO GIVE MEL A
BIGGER CANVAS TO WORK WITH?

THE MAN'S A LEGEND. HE
DESERVES THE BEST. HEY.

WHAT?

LUKE.

WHAT'S HE DOING?

I'M NOT SURE.

HEY, GET THE ICE
CREAM AND MAKE SURE

THEY GIVE US
MARASCHINO CHERRIES.

OK.

THANKS.

HEY. HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, RORY AND I JUST
HIT THE VIDEO STORE.

WE'RE GOING HOME TO EAT
SOMETHING YOU WOULDN'T APPROVE OF.

SOUNDS GOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WATCHING T.V.

OH, WOW. THAT'S CUTE.

IS IT THE FIRST TIME IT'S
BEEN AWAY FROM ITS MOTHER?

IT'S A VERY GOOD T.V.

HMM, BLACK AND WHITE, COAT-HANGER
ANTENNA, REALLY BAD RECEPTION.

IT'S FINE.

DON'T YOU HAVE A FULLY
GROWN T.V. UPSTAIRS?

YEAH, WELL, JESS IS UPSTAIRS.

SO?

SO WHEN JESS IS UPSTAIRS,

THAT MEANS THE STEREO'S
BLARING AND THE PLACE IS A MESS.

I JUST NEEDED A LITTLE PRIVACY.

SO YOU CAME DOWNSTAIRS TO
SIT ON AN UNCOMFORTABLE CHAIR

IN AN EMPTY DINER THAT
SMELLS LIKE ONION RINGS.

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!

IT WAS VERY PEACEFUL
UNTIL 2 MINUTES AGO.

HMM.

HEY, LUKE, DID YOU EVER THINK THAT
MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A BIGGER APARTMENT?

I DON'T NEED A BIGGER APARTMENT.

THAT PLACE UPSTAIRS
WAS YOUR FATHER'S OFFICE.

YOU TURNED IT INTO AN APARTMENT.

IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE LIVED IN.

IT'S FINE.

IT'S TOO SMALL FOR 2 PEOPLE.

IT'S TOO SMALL FOR ONE PERSON
IF THEY HAVE ANY KIND OF LIFE.

WE'LL MAKE DO.
WE JUST NEED TO...

NO, YOU DON'T NEED TO ORGANIZE.

YOU NEED TO MOVE.

I LIKE MY APARTMENT.

IT'S NOT JUST YOUR APARTMENT.

JESS LIVES THERE ALSO.

JESS IS FINE.

ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE HE COULD
BE PINNED UNDER A BOX FOR A YEAR

IN THAT PLACE AND
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT

UNTIL THE NEIGHBORS STARTED
TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SMELL.

HI, LUKE.

RORY. PERFECT. GET
HER OUT OF HERE.

OK, FINE. I'M LEAVING.

THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID.

OH, HEY, YOU EVER HIRE ANYBODY
TO DO THAT WORK FOR YOU?

WHAT? THE RAIN GUTTERS?

OH, NO, NOT YET.
ARE YOU OFFERING?

NO, ACTUALLY, I WAS
THINKING ABOUT JESS.

UH, JESS.

YEAH, HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR A LITTLE EXTRA CASH.

HE DOESN'T MAKE THAT MUCH HERE

AND YOU KNOW, I HATE TO THINK OF
WHERE ELSE HE MIGHT TRY TO GET IT.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY HIM
THE SAME AS YOU WOULD SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU SAVE A LITTLE.
HE KEEPS BUSY.

YEAH, WELL, MAYBE.

UM, I ACTUALLY HAVE TO
CHECK WITH A COUPLE OF PEOPLE

THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO HEAR FROM,

BUT IF THEY CAN'T
DO IT, THEN, SURE.

GREAT. JUST LET ME KNOW.

I WILL. BYE.

SO WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE YOU
ASKED TO CLEAN OUT OUR GUTTERS?

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW.

I DO?

YEAH. REMIND ME?

OK, WELL, THERE'S CID.

OH, CID, RIGHT.

AND THEN THERE'S LOU.

YEAH, A GOOD MAN, LOU.

OH, AND ALSO MOOSE, THAT IS, IF DORIS
WILL LET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE AGAIN,

YOU KNOW, AFTER THAT INCIDENT
AT CHICKY'S BACHELOR PARTY.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE
GONNA GIVE JESS A CHANCE.

I AM.

THEN WHY WON'T YOU HIRE HIM?

I'M JUST...

NOT VERY COMFORTABLE
WITH HIM, RORY.

WELL, TRY AND GET COMFORTABLE.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN.

BUT YOU SAID...

I KNOW WHAT I SAID,
BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.

HOW MANY TIMES DO
I HAVE TO TELL YOU...

THAT I DON'T KNOW THE
REAL JESS? YOU DON'T.

WELL, FINE, I DON'T KNOW HIM, BUT
I'M NOT TOO FOND OF HIS STAND-IN.

PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT
ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

YOU WEREN'T TOO
FOND OF LUKE AT FIRST.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YOU CALLED HIM DUKE FOR
2 YEARS TO MAKE HIM MAD.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT WORKED.

BUT THEN YOU GUYS TALKED,

AND EVENTUALLY, TIME WENT BY.

NOW YOU LOVE HIM.

I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO
GIVE JESS THAT SAME CHANCE.

RORY, YOU LIKE HIM.

I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE HIM.

PLEASE.

CAN I AT LEAST CALL HIM
TESS FOR A LITTLE WHILE?

YOU'LL GIVE HIM THE JOB?

I'LL GIVE HIM THE JOB.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

TELL ME SOMETHING.

WHAT?

WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT
TO YOU THAT I LIKE HIM?

WELL,

I JUST THINK THAT HE'S LUKE'S
NEPHEW, AND WE LIKE LUKE,

WE EAT AT LUKE'S EVERY DAY, WE SEE
JESS WHEN WE EAT THERE EVERY DAY,

AND THAT IT JUST MIGHT MAKE
THINGS NICER IF YOU LIKED HIM.

AND THAT'S THE ONLY REASON? YES.

IT'S ALL ABOUT LUKE
AND THE DINER. YES.

IT'S GOT NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU. NO.

SO YOU AND JESS
AREN'T... FRIENDS?

YEAH, WE'RE FRIENDS.

UH-HUH.

I MEAN,

WE'RE NOT GOOD FRIENDS,
BUT WE'RE FRIENDS.

WE'RE FRIENDLY. BUT
THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT

WE'RE FRIENDS

IN THE TRADITIONAL WEBSTER'S
DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF "FRIENDS."

RIGHT.

"FRIENDISH" MIGHT
BE A BETTER TERM.

OK. "FRIENDISH." GOT IT.

AND WALK. AND PUMP
YOUR ARMS AND WALK.

AND SHOULDERS BACK, TUCHIS IN.

THINK ABOUT THAT
DOUBLE CHIN. AND WALK.

AND WALK. AND WALK.

AND TUMMIES TIGHT AND WALK.

MATCH ME, SWEETHEART.

♪

♪ JUST CAUSE I'M FAKIN' ♪

♪ DOESN'T MEAN I'M WRONG ♪

♪ CAUSE I BOUGHT
MY PRICE, YEAH, ♪

JESS.

♪ NO, I GOT IT AT COST ♪

♪ AND THERE'S THE
THINGS I KNOW ♪

♪ WROTE THEM DOWN ON YOUR NIB ♪

HOW CAN ANYONE
SLEEP THROUGH THAT?

IT'S LIKE THE HUNS
ARE ATTACKING.

WELL, YOU'RE OBLIVIOUS. THAT'S
WHY YOU CAN JUST LIE THERE

WHILE THE REST OF THE
WORLD IS GOING DEAF.

GREAT.

DAMN IT.

DAMN IT.

DAMN IT. DAMN IT.

OH, GEEZ. WHAT THE HELL!

I CAN'T STAND IT! I'M GOING
CRAZY! THIS PLACE IS AWFUL!

I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

JUST RELAX.

I CAN'T RELAX. I CAN'T SLEEP.

I'M HAVING NIGHTMARES
ABOUT BEING CHASED AROUND

BY BOXES WITH ARMS

AND THEY TACKLE ME AND PILE
CLOTHING ON TOP OF MY FACE

AND SECURE IT AROUND
MY HEAD WITH PACKING TAPE,

AND I'M JUST LYING THERE CHOKING
AS YOU SIT IN THE CORNER LAUGHING,

GELLING YOUR HAIR
WITH A SWITCHBLADE!

SHOULD I BE PUTTING A TONGUE
DEPRESSOR IN YOUR MOUTH?

WE'RE MOVING.

WHAT? TOMORROW.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING...

I'M TALKING ABOUT
YOU AND ME GOING OUT

AND FINDING A NEW PLACE TO LIVE.

BUT I...

NO BUTS! 10:00 TOMORROW MORNING,
I WANT YOU UP, WASHED, MOUSSED,

AND READY TO
LEAVE. END OF STORY.

NOW GO BACK TO BED.

WHAT?

I NEED THE MUSIC ON TO SLEEP.

♪

FORGET IT.

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT?

IT WAS PINK. WE CAN PAINT IT.

YOU MEAN I CAN PAINT IT.

WE CAN PAINT IT TOGETHER.

THEN WE CAN HOLD HANDS
AND SKIP AFTERWARDS.

FINE. WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE?

THE ONE BEFORE.

THE ONE WITH 2 FRIDGES. NO.

THE ONE BEFORE WAS
THE ONE WITH 2 FRIDGES.

NO, THE ONE BEFORE
WAS THE ONE WITH THE CAT.

I HATE CATS.

I DON'T THINK THE CAT
CAME WITH THE PLACE.

IT HAD CARPETING, SO IT'LL
ALWAYS SMELL LIKE A CAT.

CLEAN THE CARPET.
PAINT THE PINK.

FINE, THE ONE NEXT TO THE BANK.

TOO MANY WINDOWS.

WHAT?

6 WINDOWS, ALL ON ONE SIDE,

3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON,
WE'RE SITTIN' IN AN OVEN.

SO WE GET CURTAINS.

YOU'LL HAVE TO
HELP ME PUT THEM UP.

THEN WE CAN HOLD HANDS
AND SKIP AFTERWARDS.

STOP SAYING THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T CARE.
PICK WHICHEVER ONE YOU WANT.

I'M NOT PICKING BY MYSELF.

YOU ARE THE ONE
WHO WANTS TO MOVE.

SO YOU LIKE LIVING
THE WAY WE DO.

FINE BY ME.

NO SPACE, NO PRIVACY?

I GOT PLENTY OF PRIVACY.

BECAUSE I'M DOWNSTAIRS IN
THE DARK WATCHING A 2-INCH T.V.

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM,
YOU MAKE THE CHOICE.

JESS, COME ON.

I HAVE TO GO.

WE GOT 3 MORE PLACES TO LOOK.

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT LORELAI'S
IN 20 MINUTES, REMEMBER?

OH, YEAH.

IF YOU WANT ME TO
BAIL ON HER, FINE.

NO, YOU GO. I'LL
LOOK AT THE PLACES.

GOOD IDEA.

I'LL TAKE SOME POLAROIDS, AND
YOU CAN LOOK AT THEM LATER.

TAKE A POLAROID, PAINT A STILL
PICTURE, WHATEVER YOU WANT.

JESS, COME ON.

HEY, NOBODY ASKED
ME IF I WANTED TO MOVE

TO STARS HOLLOW, BUT I'M HERE.

PICK WHATEVER PLACE YOU
WANT, AND I'LL BE THERE, TOO.

MOM?

COME HERE, COME HERE, COME HERE.

I'M HERE. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

SIT, SIT, SIT.

OK, THAT SHOULD DO IT.

DO WHAT?

WAIT.

WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

PATIENCE, GRASSHOPPER.

ARE WE CLOSE?

VERY CLOSE.

HMM. GETTING CLOSER.

SHOULD I GET CHIPS?

READY?

THE CLOCK IS GRUNTING.

THIS, MY FRIEND, IS A
STATE-OF-THE-ART C.D. CLOCK RADIO

THAT ENABLES YOU TO WAKE UP

TO THE BARNYARD
ANIMAL OF YOUR CHOICE.

THAT IS GREAT.

I HAVE SELECTED
THE PERKY PIGGIES.

YOU MIGHT CHOOSE THE CHEERY
CHICKENS OR THE GOOFY GOATS.

THIS IS AS CLOSE TO A
FARM AS I EVER WANNA GET.

AMEN, SISTER FRIEND.

I'LL GET IT.

HEY.

HERE.

THE SHAGS?

TRUST ME.

OK. SO YOU'RE VERY PUNCTUAL.

YEAH, WELL, IT WAS THIS OR CONTINUE
APARTMENT HUNTING WITH LUKE.

YOU'RE MOVING?

I DON'T KNOW. LUKE
FLIPPED OUT LAST NIGHT.

NEXT THING I KNOW, HE'S
DRAGGING ME ALL OVER TOWN,

MEASURING SQUARE
FOOTAGE. IT'S CRAZY.

A NEW PLACE MIGHT
BE NICE. MORE SPACE.

MAYBE YOU'LL GET YOUR OWN ROOM.

YOU CHANGED YOUR HAIR.

WHAT?

YOUR HAIR LOOKS DIFFERENT.

SEGUE'S NOT YOUR THING, HUH?

IS IT?

WELL, UH, NO, I WEAR
IT LIKE THIS A LOT.

WHY?

JUST LOOKS DIFFERENT.

OH, BAD DIFFERENT?

HEY, DUCKS!

WE JUST GOT A NEW ALARM CLOCK.

BET I KNOW WHAT THE LEAD STORY

IN THE STARS HOLLOW
GAZETTE'S GONNA BE TOMORROW.

HEY, DID YOU HEAR THE DUCKS?

'CAUSE THEY ARE GREAT.
OH, JESS, YOU'RE HERE.

TERRIFIC.

SO, UH, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO COME IN?

OH, YEAH. COME ON IN.

SORRY, I WAS JUST SO EXCITED
ABOUT THE DUCKS THAT, UM...

DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?

YOU HAVE GOOD TIMING,
'CAUSE WE SHOPPED YESTERDAY,

AND IN ADDITION TO A CASE OF
MAYBELLINE FRESH LASH MASCARA,

I ALSO BOUGHT SOME OF THAT NEW,
UH, FREAKY COKE WITH THE LEMON IN IT.

IT'S VERY ADDICTIVE.

YOU CAN SIT, YOU KNOW.

NO, THANKS.

SO JESS, WHAT'S NEW?

NOT MUCH.

JESS AND LUKE ARE
LOOKING FOR AN APARTMENT.

OH, YOU GUYS SEE
ANYTHING GOOD YET?

NOPE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOME
REALLY COOL PLACES OVER ON PEACH.

OR ON PLUM.

ORANGE.

BASICALLY, ANY OF YOUR
FRUIT-NAMED STREETS ARE PRETTY NICE.

OK, WELL, I GUESS YOU
SHOULD GET STARTED.

UM, THERE'S A LADDER
RIGHT OUT FRONT

AND SOME BUCKETS AND
GLOVES AND STUFF ON THE PORCH.

AND IF YOU NEED ANYTHING
ELSE JUST WALK AGAINST THE WIND.

COME ON. I'LL SHOW YOU.

I'M TRYING.

WELL, KEEP IT UP.

QUESTION.

YES?

YOU COME OVER.

YOU SEEM TO HAVE A VERY FIRM
GRASP OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

YOU PUT TOGETHER SEVERAL FULL
SENTENCES EVEN USING A COUPLE OF WORDS

THAT CONTAIN 2 OR
MORE SYLLABLES.

AND THEN MY MOTHER APPEARS.

AND SUDDENLY, WE NEED A
THOUGHT BUBBLE OVER YOUR HEAD

TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE
THINKING. CAN YOU TELL ME WHY THAT IS?

THE VERBAL THING COMES AND GOES.

I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU
WOULD TRY TO GET ALONG WITH MY MOM.

I TOOK THE COKE. I KNOW.

I THINK IT'S A LITTLE CRAZY
TO PUT LEMON IN COKE,

BUT I TOOK IT ANYHOW.

STOP IT.

OOH, STERN FACE.

LOOK, I WENT OUT
ON A LIMB FOR YOU

TRYING TO GET MY MOM TO GIVE
YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, OK?

SO I DON'T THINK IT WOULD
HURT YOU TO TRY TO BE NICE.

WHY?

WHY? WHAT?

BECAUSE SHE'S MY MOM,
AND SHE'S A FRIEND OF LUKE'S.

SO?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "SO"?

SO BECAUSE SHE'S YOUR
MOM OR LUKE'S FRIEND

DOESN'T MEAN THAT AUTOMATICALLY
I HAVE TO GET ALONG WITH HER.

JESS, MY MOTHER
IS A GREAT PERSON.

SHE'S ALSO MY BEST
FRIEND IN THE WORLD.

SO IF YOU CARE ABOUT
ME AT ALL, YOU WILL

TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION
AND YOU'LL BE MILDLY POLITE TO HER.

WHAT MAKES YOU
THINK I CARE ABOUT YOU?

I... I DON'T MEAN CARE...
CARE, LIKE "CARE."

I MEAN IF YOU LIKE ME AT ALL...

NOT "LIKE," LIKE. I
JUST MEANT THAT IF...

IF YOU THINK OF ME REMOTELY

AS THE SORT OF PERSON THAT YOU
COULD OCCASIONALLY STAND TO TALK TO,

THEN YOU WILL TRY TO GET
ALONG WITH MY MOM. THAT'S ALL.

OK.

OK?

I CAN'T GUARANTEE THAT
IT'LL WORK, BUT I'LL TRY.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I SHOULD PROBABLY GET TO WORK.

RIGHT. SORRY. GO AHEAD.

INHERIT THE WIND. 75 CENTS.

GREAT.

HERE'S A COPY OF RILKE'S
LETTERS TO A YOUNG POET

WHICH I ALREADY
HAVE, BUT IN HARDBACK.

THIS IS A PAPERBACK.
IT FITS PERFECTLY

IN A COAT POCKET, AND
IT'S ONLY A DOLLAR. I'M TORN.

OPINIONS? GET IT.

YOU LOOK BORED.

I'M FINE.

SURE YOU DON'T WANT
TO LOOK AROUND?

THEY HAVE GREAT STUFF HERE.

I LOOKED.

FOR 5 MINUTES.

NO, I LOOKED FOR 20
MINUTES, AND THEN I STOPPED

AND YOU CONTINUED
FOR ANOTHER 2 HOURS.

IT HAS NOT BEEN THAT LONG.

OH, SORRY.

NO BIG DEAL.

LET'S GO. ARE YOU DONE?

YEAH, I'VE LOOKED ENOUGH.

YOU'RE NOT DONE.

NO, I'M FINE, REALLY. LET'S GO.

RORY, STOP IT. YOU WANT
TO KEEP LOOKING. I KNOW YOU.

NO, I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES. I'LL JUST PAY FOR
THESE, AND THEN WE CAN GO.

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD GO
SEE THE LORD OF THE RINGS AGAIN.

OH, OK. WHAT?

NOTHING.

I THOUGHT YOU LOVED IT.

I DO.

YOU SAID YOU WANTED
TO SEE IT 100 TIMES.

YES, AND WE'RE BEING
VERY LITERAL THESE DAYS.

FINE. WE'LL SEE SOMETHING ELSE.

LORD OF THE RINGS IS FINE.

CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THESE?

I'LL GIVE YOU 50 CENTS.

IT'S 65.

55 CENTS.

KIRK, IT'S FOR CHARITY.
THERE'S NO HAGGLING.

NO, THERE'S ALWAYS
HAGGLING. 60 CENTS.

NO. THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.

I'M SORRY, I CAN'T.

FINE.

KIRK, COME ON, COUGH
UP ANOTHER NICKEL.

FORGET IT. IT'S THE
PRINCIPLE OF THE THING.

WOW. YOU MADE OUT LIKE A BANDIT.

YOU'VE GOT GREAT
STUFF THIS YEAR.

HEY, DID YOU SEE THE
ASTRONOMY SECTION OVER THERE?

OH, YEAH.

DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING? NOPE.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU LOOK
OVER THERE. WELL, I DID.

GO LOOK.

I TOLD YOU, I'M DONE.

HEY, W-WHERE'S YOUR
BRACELET? WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT WEARING
YOUR BRACELET.

WHERE IS IT?

I... I TOOK IT OFF.

WHY?

WELL, BECAUSE I GOT THIS
WEIRD RASH ON MY WRIST.

FROM THE BRACELET?

OH, NO, JUST A FLUKE THING.

ACTUALLY, I THINK MY SPANISH
MIDTERM GAVE IT TO ME.

OH.

BUT IT'S GETTING
BETTER. IT'S ALMOST GONE.

GOOD.

AS SOON AS IT'S COMPLETELY GONE,

THAT BRACELET
GOES RIGHT BACK ON.

SO, UH, COMPROMISE.

WHAT?

YOU GO LOOK AT THE ASTRONOMY
SECTION, WE'LL SEE LORD OF THE RINGS.

AND ON THE WAY HOME, WE'LL
RENT AUTUMN IN NEW YORK

AND MOCK IT ALL AFTERNOON.

WITH FULL-ON IMPRESSIONS?

YES.

DEAL.

GO. I'LL WAIT HERE.

SMILING. NOT AT ALL BORED.

62 CENTS.

GET OUT OF HERE, KIRK.

DAMN!

JESS.

HEY, JESS.

SORRY. TOO LOUD?

OH, NO, IT'S FINE.
UH, IT'S JUST...

I GOT A TON OF LEFTOVER
CHINESE FOOD IN THE KITCHEN.

THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE SOME LUNCH.

NO, THANKS.

OK.

CHINESE SOUNDS GREAT.

REALLY?

IF YOU'RE SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH.

OH, THERE'S PLENTY.

RORY AND I DECIDED TO TAKE ON THE
ENTIRE CHICKEN COLUMN LAST NIGHT.

AMBITIOUS.

WELL, IT'S ALL OUT ON THE TABLE,
SO COME IN WHEN YOU'RE READY.

I'M READY NOW.

OK. THEN I'LL SEE YOU INSIDE.

SO, UH, BASICALLY,
EVERYTHING HERE IS CHICKEN.

YOU'VE GOT GARLIC CHICKEN, KUNG
PAO CHICKEN, SZECHWAN CHICKEN,

CHICKEN IN BROWN SAUCE, WHICH LOOKS AND
TASTES REMARKABLY LIKE THE SZECHWAN CHICKEN

EXCEPT IT'S GOT THESE PEPPERS,
AND IF YOU EAT THEM, YOU DIE.

PLATE?

I THOUGHT I'D...

OH, SOAP'S ON THE COUNTER.

SO WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU HAD THOSE GUTTERS CLEANED?

IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

YEAH, I FOUND AN "I LIKE IKE"
BUMPER STICKER UP THERE.

IS IT REALLY BAD?

IT WON'T BE BY TOMORROW.

I LIKE HEARING THAT.

SO YOU GUYS AREN'T TOO
HOT ON VEGETABLES, HUH?

THERE'S GREEN
PEPPER IN THE KUNG PAO.

MY MISTAKE.

SO ARE YOU A HEALTHY
EATER LIKE LUKE?

NO. NO ONE'S A HEALTHY
EATER LIKE LUKE.

EUELL GIBBONS WASN'T A
HEALTHY EATER LIKE LUKE.

WOW, IT'S BEEN AGES SINCE I HEARD
A GOOD EUELL GIBBONS REFERENCE.

MANY PARTS OF THE
PINE TREE ARE EDIBLE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WONDER WHAT THE RESEARCH PROCESS

WAS LIKE TO GET
THAT INFORMATION.

I'D SAY FAIRLY PAINFUL.

HERE.

SO HOW'S SCHOOL?

IT'S STILL THERE.

YOU ON ANY TEAMS OR ANYTHING?

NO, NO, NO.

NOT A JERSEY GUY?

DEFINITELY NOT A JERSEY GUY.

THOUGH THE THOUGHT OF
THROWING A BALL AT SOME JOCK'S HEAD

ISN'T ENTIRELY UNAPPEALING.

LOOK, I'M NOT REALLY GOOD
AT THIS SMALL-TALK THING.

YOU'RE DOING OK.

COLD EGG ROLL?

WHY NOT?

BAD?

OH, YEAH.

MOM!

RIGHT HERE. WHAT?

MOM!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.

WHAT? MY BRACELET. IT'S GONE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HOW COULD I DO THIS? HOW
COULD I LOSE THAT BRACELET?

HONEY, TELL ME WHICH BRACELET.
MAYBE I STOLE IT FROM YOU.

DEAN'S BRACELET.

THE ONE HE MADE
YOU? IT'S GONE? WHERE?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE. IF I
KNEW WHERE, I WOULD HAVE IT.

WHEN DID YOU FIRST
NOTICE IT WAS GONE?

WHEN HE POINTED OUT
I WASN'T WEARING IT.

OH, NOT GOOD. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

THAT I HAD A RASH AND HAD
TO TAKE IT OFF UNTIL IT HEALED.

NICE SAVE, GRETZKY.

IT'S NOT HERE.
IT'S NOT HERE. GOD.

OK. LET'S RETRACE YOUR STEPS.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU REMEMBER WEARING IT?

UM, I DON'T KNOW.

THINK HARD.
YESTERDAY? I DON'T KNOW.

THE DAY BEFORE? I DON'T KNOW.

THE DAY BEFORE THAT? YEAH.

REALLY?

NO. I DON'T REMEMBER. I CAN'T
REMEMBER. HELP ME MOVE THE COUCH.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR
LOCKER AT SCHOOL?

I DON'T KNOW WHY
IT WOULD BE THERE.

I NEVER TAKE IT OFF AT SCHOOL.

I NEVER TAKE IT OFF AT ALL.

ANYTHING? JUST GRANDMA'S PEN.

LEAVE IT THERE.
IT MAKES LIFE FUN.

I'M GONNA FREAK OUT NOW.

WE'LL FIND IT.

I'LL HAVE TO TELL
DEAN THAT I LOST IT.

LET'S NOT GO THERE YET.

HE MADE IT FOR ME.
HE'LL MAKE ANOTHER ONE.

HE'S GONNA BE MAD.
HE'LL UNDERSTAND.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

LOOKING AT THE TRACK RECORD, ALL SIGNS
POINT TO IT. DID YOU LOOK IN YOUR ROOM?

NO.

I'LL CHECK THE CAR,
AND DON'T WORRY.

IF WORST COMES TO WORST AND WE
CAN'T FIND IT, WE'LL FOLLOW DEAN TO WORK,

HIDE BEHIND THE CANTALOUPES,
JUMP HIM, BLIND HIM,

AND HE'LL NEVER FIND OUT.

AS LONG AS WE HAVE A PLAN.

WHO IS RANDY MEENGE?

OH, LET ME SEE. MAINTENANCE.

HMM.

ARE YOU GOING TO
BE DOWN THERE LONG?

I JUST WANT TO MAKE
SURE RORY'S BRACELET

DIDN'T GET KICKED
BACK BEHIND SOMETHING.

AND SO EARLIER WHEN YOU ASKED
ME TO LOOK FOR THE BRACELET,

AND I TOLD YOU I DID LOOK,
AND I DID NOT FIND IT, YOU...

JUST DECIDED TO DOUBLE-CHECK.

YES, THOUGH ANOTHER THEORY
IS THAT YOU DID NOT BELIEVE ME.

I DID, TOO.

NO, I BELIEVE YOU
THOUGHT I WAS LYING,

THAT I DID NOT ACTUALLY GET
DOWN ON MY HANDS AND KNEES

IN A BRAND-NEW DONNA KARAN
SUIT AND CRAWL AROUND ON A FLOOR

WHERE PEOPLE WHO HAVE STEPPED IN

MUD AND GARBAGE AND ANIMAL WASTE

HAVE BEEN TRAIPSING
ALL DAY LONG.

IT'S NOT THERE.

NO? WHY, I'M SHOCKED.

OK, I'M SORRY I
DOUBTED YOU, MICHEL.

WELL, THAT MEANS
A LOT. THANK YOU.

WE TURNED THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN.

RORY'S HAVING A HEART
ATTACK. IT'S JUST AWFUL.

YES, BUT AS SOON AS MY DRY-CLEANING
BILL IS PAID, YOU WILL HAVE MY SYMPATHIES.

I WILL PAY FOR
YOUR SUIT, MICHEL.

INDEPENDENCE INN,
MICHEL SPEAKING.

HOLD ON, PLEASE. IT'S FOR YOU.

LORELAI HERE.

I DON'T WANT A
WOOD-BURNING FIREPLACE,

BUT IF I TAKE AN
APARTMENT WITH ONE,

EVEN THOUGH I COULD GIVE A RAT'S
ASS ABOUT WOOD-BURNING FIREPLACE,

I HAVE TO PAY AN EXTRA $200 A
MONTH FOR WOOD-BURNING FIREPLACE.

YEAH, BUT...

3 OF THE PLACES MAKE YOU
PUT DOWN A $500 DEPOSIT

IF YOU HAVE A DOG!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

YOU DON'T HAVE A DOG.

I KNOW, BUT IT'S WRONG.

AGREED. WHAT ELSE?

PARKING!

HOW CAN PEOPLE ASK YOU FOR A
MONTHLY FEE FOR A PARKING SPACE?

I MEAN, THEY'RE MAKING MONEY
OFF YOUR RENT, YOUR UTILITIES,

WHEN YOU USE THEIR
COIN-OPERATED WASHER AND DRYER.

THAT'S CASH DIRECTLY
IN THEIR POCKET

AND BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT EVEN
THAT GOOD A PARKING SPACE.

IT'S OUT IN THE OPEN
UNDER ONE OF THOSE TREES

THAT DROPS THE SAP ON YOUR
CAR THAT EATS AWAY THE PAINT.

WHO'S GONNA PAY FOR MY CAR, HUH?

WHERE'S MY $500 PAINT-KILLING,
TREE-SAP DEPOSIT?

YOU HAVEN'T FOUND A PLACE YET?

AND I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL DAY.

THERE WASN'T ONE
PLACE YOU LIKED?

NO.

NOT ONE PLACE THAT GAVE
YOU A LITTLE FEELING OF:

"HUH, WELL, THAT HAS
A NICE VIBE ABOUT IT."

I DON'T USE THE WORD "VIBE."

MAYBE ONE PLACE WASN'T SO BAD.

OH, GOOD! DESCRIBE IT TO ME.

I DON'T KNOW, IT HAD WALLS WITH
A KIND OF A FLOOR WITH A LIGHT.

OK, HOLD ON HERE, MISTER. IF
YOU TELL ME IT'S GOT A ROOF,

I'M STEALING THAT BABY FROM YOU.

I JUST CAN'T TELL ANYMORE.
I NEED A SECOND OPINION.

WANT ME TO COME LOOK
AT YOUR APARTMENT?

IT'S NOT MY APARTMENT, AND YES.

DONE.

NOW.

WHAT? PLEASE.

UH, WELL...

I PROMISED THE WOMAN I'D
GIVE HER AN ANSWER TODAY.

OK, GIVE ME THE ADDRESS.

62 1/2, "B" STREET, AND
THAT'S ANOTHER THING,

WHAT'S WITH THIS
"HALF" BUSINESS?

WHY DO ALL THESE APARTMENTS
HAVE THIS "HALF" THING GOING?

IT'S STUPID. IF 62 IS
TAKEN, MOVE ON TO 63.

LUKE, I'LL MEET YOU IN
20-AND-A-HALF MINUTES.

THANK YOU.

BYE.

MICHEL, I HAVE TO GO OUT FOR A
LITTLE WHILE. COVER THE DESK FOR ME.

MMM-HMM.

WHAT?

WELL, I MEAN, I'LL SAY
I'LL COVER THE DESK,

BUT HOW WILL YOU KNOW
IF I'M ACTUALLY DOING IT?

I TRUST YOU, MICHEL.

I MEAN, IT'S JUST AS POSSIBLE
I SAY I'LL COVER THE DESK

AND THE MOMENT YOU STEPPED AWAY,

I'LL PUT SOME FRUIT ON MY HEAD
AND JOIN A CONGA LINE SOMEWHERE.

I BELIEVE YOU LOOKED
FOR THE BRACELET.

WHILE I AM SHAKING IT TO
THE MIAMI SOUND MACHINE,

THE PHONES HERE, THEY
WOULD RING AND RING AND RING,

AND NO ONE TO ANSWER,
NO ONE TO ASSIST.

OK. BYE, MOM.

IT'S A VERY QUIET STREET

AND THE OWNER KEEPS THE
BUILDING UP BEAUTIFULLY.

HE HASN'T REMODELED IT AT ALL.

PLUS, I BET HE
COULD BE PERSUADED

TO GIVE THE FLOOR A
LITTLE SPRUCE IF YOU LIKE.

WE'D LIKE A SPRUCE.

SPRUCE IS UNNECESSARY.

HEY, YOU NEVER
TURN DOWN A SPRUCE.

SHE'S RIGHT. LISTEN TO HER.

YEAH, LISTEN TO ME.

YOU RARELY GIVE ME A CHOICE.

COME HERE SO I
CAN LICK YOUR FACE.

NOW, I WENT OVER
THE SQUARE FOOTAGE

AND THE DETAILS OF THE LEASE
WITH YOUR HUSBAND THIS MORNING.

DID HE FILL YOU IN?

WHAT? OH, NO...

NO, NO, HE DIDN'T, BUT
YOU KNOW HOW MEN ARE.

THE MINUTE THAT
BALL GAME COMES ON,

ALL THE REALITIES OF LIFE
JUST GO RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.

DON'T I KNOW IT.

I MEAN, I COULD ANSWER THE
DOOR WRAPPED IN CELLOPHANE,

BUT UNLESS I WAS WEARING A
YANKEES CAP, HE WOULDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

JEEZ.

DON'T BE EMBARRASSED,
SNUFFY. I'M JUST TEASING.

IT'D BE A METS CAP.

HEY, MARY, COULD
YOU POSSIBLY LEAVE ME

AND LITTLE MISSUS
ALONE FOR JUST A MINUTE?

WHY, OF COURSE.

I PROMISE WE WON'T
DO ANYTHING DIRTY.

OH, PLEASE, IF MY HUSBAND
AND I LOOKED ANYTHING

LIKE THE TWO OF YOU,
WE'D NEVER GET DRESSED.

OH, YOU ARE BAD.

LET ME JUST LEAVE THIS
RENTAL AGREEMENT WITH YOU

IN CASE YOU DECIDE
TO FILL IT OUT.

THANKS.

OH, I HOPE YOU TAKE IT.

IT'S GOT A GREAT VIBE FOR A
NICE COUPLE LIKE YOU TWO.

OH, 13 SHADES OF RED.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH
YOU? YOU MAKE IT TOO EASY.

BY STANDING HERE?

RELAX, SNUFFY. LET'S
TALK. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

SHE USED THE WORD "VIBE."

ABOUT THE APARTMENT?
I DON'T KNOW.

OK, BREAK IT DOWN.
LIST YOUR CONCERNS.

WELL, IT'S TOO BIG.

IT'S NOT TOO BIG. NEXT.

I DON'T NEED 2 BATHROOMS.

YES, YOU DO. NEXT.

I LIKE BEING ON
THE BOTTOM FLOOR.

TOP FLOOR'S QUIETER. NEXT.

YOU KNOW, I THINK
THIS WOULD BE EASIER

IF YOU LISTED YOUR
CONCERNS FIRST.

OK, UM, I DON'T
HAVE ANY. IT'S GREAT.

YOU DO?

YEAH, IT'S LIGHT AND AIRY,
IT'S GOT GOOD WINDOWS,

BUT NOT TOO MANY SO THAT THE
SUN BAKES YOU IN THE AFTERNOON.

THANK YOU.

IT'S CLOSE TO WORK,
THE PRICE IS GOOD,

YOU'RE TAKING THE SPRUCE,
AND IT'S A 2-YEAR LEASE.

I DON'T KNOW.

LUKE, YOU NEED TO DO THIS.

YOU AND JESS WILL KILL
EACH OTHER IN YOUR PLACE.

YEAH, BUT WHO KNOWS HOW
LONG HE'S GONNA BE HERE?

WHY? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?

NO, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW.

NO, YOU DON'T, BUT I THINK HIS MOM
SENDING HIS STUFF IS A PRETTY GOOD SIGN.

EVEN IF HE DOES STAY, IT'LL ONLY BE
FOR ANOTHER YEAR AND THEN HE'LL GO OFF

TO COLLEGE OR ATTICA OR
WHATEVER, AND IT'LL JUST BE ME AGAIN.

I'LL BE STUCK IN A
NEW APARTMENT,

PROBABLY WITH NEIGHBORS I HATE

WHO ARE CONSTANTLY COOKING
REALLY STRONG-SMELLING FOOD.

OK, BACK UP HERE.

YES, JESS MAY GO OFF
SOMEWHERE SOMEDAY,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU WILL BE ALONE FOREVER.

I AM NOT GETTING A PET.

I'M TALKING ABOUT A LADY FRIEND.

A RED-HOT MAMA.

OK.

BIG, PRETTY DISH OF LOVING WITH A
SPOON MADE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU.

BOY, DO I NOT FEEL GOOD NOW.

LUKE, RACHEL'S NOT THE ONLY
WOMAN IN THE WORLD FOR YOU.

YOU'LL MEET SOMEONE SOMEDAY,

PROBABLY AT A TIMBERLAND STORE.

YOU'LL ASK HER OUT,
YOU'LL PICK HER UP,

TAKE HER ON A PATENTED
"LUKE DANES NIGHT OF ROMANCE."

JUICE BAR, FOLLOWED
BY THE BATTING CAGES,

AND THEN YOU'LL ASK HER
BACK TO YOUR APARTMENT.

ANY AMOUNT OF
MONEY IF YOU STOP NOW.

YOU'LL BRING HER
BACK TO YOUR PLACE,

LEAD HER UPSTAIRS TO
THE APARTMENT DOOR.

YOU PAUSE, GAZE INTO HER EYES.

THE STAGE IS SET.
FATE IS WAITING.

YOU OPEN THE DOOR,

AND SHE SEES YOUR
TEENY, TINY APARTMENT,

ONE ROOM AND NO CLOSET SPACE,
AND JESS' FEET STICKING UP IN THE AIR

'CAUSE YOU NEVER
GOT RID OF THE BODY...

STOP, PLEASE.

AND TO MAKE MATTERS
WORSE, SHE SPOTS IT

THE SINGLE BED!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY
SAY. NO, WHAT DO THEY SAY?

NEVER, EVER DATE A GUY
WHO OWNS A SINGLE BED.

IT MEANS HE'S NOT
OPEN TO COMMITMENT.

IT SAYS, "THERE'S NO ROOM IN
THIS LIFE FOR ANYBODY BUT ME."

IT SAYS, "NO ROOM IN THIS
BED FOR ANYONE BUT ME."

THAT'S NOT MUCH BETTER.

THIS DISCUSSION IS OVER.

LUKE, AS LONG AS YOU'RE IN THAT
APARTMENT, YOU'LL HAVE A SINGLE BED.

DON'T YOU WANT THE
POSSIBILITY OF MORE?

COME ON, LUKE, IT'S TIME.
MAKE A MOVE, TAKE A SHOT.

ENTERTAIN THE POSSIBILITY OF
A NON-UNABOMBER EXISTENCE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

YOU GOT A PEN?

OF COURSE.

I'M NOT TAKING THE SPRUCE.

YES, YOU ARE.

HEY.

HEY.

DID YOU GET LOST?

NO, I WAS LOOKING
AT RORY'S BOOKS.

UH-HUH.

I WANTED TO SEE IF SHE HAD
FRANNY AND ZOOEY. SHE DOES.

OK.

I WAS GONNA GET IT
FOR HER IF SHE DIDN'T.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU. YEAH.

OK. SO I SHOULD PROBABLY
GET BACK TO WORK.

MMM-HMM.

LUKE! GOOD, GOOD,
GOODY-GOOD, GOOD.

I WAS JUST ON MY WAY TO
THE DINER TO TALK TO YOU.

GO ON OVER. I'LL MEET YOU THERE.

STOP IT. THIS ISN'T ABOUT ANYTHING
THAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU MAD.

I JUST HAVE A COUPLE OF
QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR APPLICATION.

I CALLED YOUR BANK.

WHAT APPLICATION?

YOUR APPLICATION
FOR THE APARTMENT.

NOW, YOU HAVE 2 ACCOUNTS...

HOW DID YOU GET MY APPLICATION?

WELL, MARY GAVE
IT TO ME, OF COURSE.

I'M ASSUMING ONE
OF THE ACCOUNTS...

WHY WOULD MARY GIVE
YOU MY APPLICATION?

BECAUSE I OWN THE BUILDING.

WHEN DID YOU BUY AN
APARTMENT BUILDING?

WELL, I BOUGHT THIS
ONE ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO.

I LOOK AT A THOUSAND
APARTMENTS, I CHOOSE YOURS. HOW?

WELL, COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY, YOU.

WITH ME AS THE OWNER, THERE
IS A LEVEL OF QUALITY CONTROL

THAT IS SORELY
LACKING IN THIS TOWN.

FOR EXAMPLE, AT
ALL MY PROPERTIES,

WE MEASURE THE GRASS BEFORE,
DURING, AND AFTER MOWING

TO ATTAIN A PERFECT
1.5-INCH HEIGHT

WHICH IS BOTH PLEASING TO THE
EYE AND GOOD FOR THE GRASS.

ALL OF YOUR PROPERTIES?

10 IN ALL.

10 PROPERTIES? WHAT, ARE
YOU BUYING UP THE TOWN?

NOT YET, BUT SOMEDAY, WHO KNOWS?

BUT WHY ISN'T
ANYONE STOPPING YOU?

BECAUSE, MY FRIEND,
PEOPLE ARE LAZY,

THEY DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT
THE PROPER FABRIC FOR AN AWNING

OR THE CORRECT HISTORICAL
COLOR FOR A BUILDING.

THEY JUST SLAP ANY OLD THING UP
ON A WALL AND SLEEP LIKE BABIES.

BUT SOON, HOPEFULLY,

THE CITY COUNCIL WILL
PUT AN END TO THAT.

YOU CAN'T TELL PEOPLE WHAT
COLOR TO PAINT THEIR BUILDINGS.

WELL, SOMEONE HAS TO.

NO, THEY DON'T. WE DON'T
LIVE IN A FASCIST COUNTRY.

OH, THIS ISN'T
ABOUT THE FASCISTS,

WHO, BY THE WAY
HAD THEIR FAULTS,

BUT THEIR PARKS WERE SPOTLESS.

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.

HEY, UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

LUKE, HOLD IT! I STILL
NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

JUST TEAR UP THE APPLICATION.
TAYLOR, I'M NOT MOVING.

WHAT? WHY?

'CAUSE I'M A
2-INCH-GRASS KIND OF GUY.

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

I'M THINKING OF BUYING THE
FLOWER SHOP NEXT TO THE DINER,

BUT WE NEED TO TALK
ABOUT THAT SIGN OF YOURS.

WHAT ABOUT MY SIGN?

WELL, YOU HAVE A DINER, BUT YOU NEVER
TOOK DOWN THE "WILLIAMS HARDWARE" SIGN.

THAT WAS MY FATHER'S SIGN.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE
A SENTIMENTAL ATTACHMENT

TO THE SIGN, BUT IT
CONFUSES THE TOURISTS.

BACK OFF THE SIGN, TAYLOR.

IF I BUY THE BUILDING
NEXT TO THAT SIGN,

I RUN THE RISK OF
PEOPLE BEING SO BUSY

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF YOU
SELL HAMMERS OR BURGERS,

THAT THEY NEVER NOTICE THE NICE
COLLECTIBLE-PLATE STORE RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

COLLECTIBLE PLATES?

ISN'T THAT A GREAT IDEA?

ELVIS, THE BEATLES,
MARY POPPINS.

ALL THE GREATS!

YOU CAN HANG THEM ON THE WALL,

OR BUY A LITTLE STAND
AND SET THEM UP...

YOU NEED TO GET
AWAY FROM ME NOW.

AT LEAST A GOOD
ARM-SWINGING LENGTH AWAY.

IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU
WHO KEEP THIS TOWN

FROM BECOMING ONE OF THE
GREAT TOWNS IN AMERICA, LUKE!

ARM-SWINGING LENGTH!

I WOULDN'T HAVE APPROVED
YOUR APPLICATION ANYWAY.

YOU LOOK GOOD.

I'M FINE.

TALK.

I LOST MY BRACELET.

UH-HUH.

DEAN GAVE IT TO ME.

HOW THOUGHTFUL.

I'VE BEEN ALL OVER
TOWN LOOKING FOR IT.

I'VE BEEN TO LANE'S,
I'VE BEEN TO LUKE'S,

I'VE BEEN TO THE BUS STOP,
I'VE BEEN TO MISS PATTY'S,

AND I'VE CIRCLED STARS
HOLLOW TWICE, AND NOTHING.

I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

IT'S REALLY THAT BIG A DEAL?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S GOT AN "I'VE
BEEN PINNED, BYE BYE BIRDIE"

KIND OF IMPLICATION TO IT,
BUT IT WAS JUST A BRACELET.

I DON'T THINK DEAN
WILL SEE IT THAT WAY.

YOU DIDN'T LOSE IT ON PURPOSE.

I KNOW, BUT THINGS HAVE BEEN A
LITTLE WEIRD BETWEEN US LATELY

AND YOU COULDN'T CARE LESS.

OH, YES, I COULD.

I JUST THINK DEAN WILL
READ SOMETHING INTO THIS.

SHOULD HE?

NO.

I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP LOOKING.

WHERE?

ANYWHERE.

THINGS YOU LOSE ARE USUALLY
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.

CHECK THE HOUSE AGAIN.

I'VE CHECKED THE HOUSE.

IT'S PROBABLY JUST
LAYING IN YOUR ROOM.

I TORE THAT ROOM
APART. IT'S NOT THERE.

FINE. GIVE UP THEN. NO BIGGIE.

DEAN WILL JUST
HAVE TO GET OVER IT.

I'LL GO LOOK AGAIN.

YOU DO THAT.

HEY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

SCOURING THE TOWN.

NOTHING, HUH?

NOT YET.

I'M GONNA CHECK MY ROOM AGAIN.

HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY LOOKED
IN THERE LIKE A THOUSAND TIMES?

A THOUSAND AND ONE.

MOM, COME HERE, HURRY.

RORY? MOM!

ARE YOU OK?

I FOUND IT! WHAT?

I LOOKED UNDER THE
BED, AND THERE IT WAS.

I THOUGHT I HAD
LOOKED UNDER THE BED,

BUT I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE
I WAS TOO PANICKED OR...

I DON'T KNOW. WHO
CARES? I GOT IT.

OH, THAT IS AMAZING!

PUT IT ON. MAKE IT TIGHT.

I'M CUTTING OFF
CIRCULATION HERE, BABY.

OH, LOOK AT IT. IT LOOKS EVEN
BETTER THAN BEFORE, DOESN'T IT?

I THINK THE TIME AWAY
FROM HOME DID IT GOOD.

WHEN I GET BACK, WE CELEBRATE.

WHERE YOU GOING?

TO TELL LANE SHE
CAN STOP PRAYING.

LEAVING?

YEAH, ALL DONE.

YOU WEREN'T GONNA
COME GET YOUR MONEY?

I FIGURED I'D GET IT EVENTUALLY.

IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU GUYS LIVE.

THAT'S TRUE. YOU CERTAINLY
DO KNOW WHERE WE LIVE.

WELL, HERE.

AFTER ALL, YOU EARNED IT.

THANKS.

YOU TOOK IT, DIDN'T YOU?

EXCUSE ME?

RORY'S BRACELET. YOU
HAD IT THE WHOLE TIME.

NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

HOW'D YOU GET IT?

I DIDN'T GET ANYTHING.

WHAT, DID YOU BREAK
INTO OUR HOUSE?

YOU DRESSED IN BLACK, AND
PULLED A MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE?

ACTUALLY, I CAME DOWN THE
CHIMNEY AND PULLED A SANTA CLAUS.

VERY FUNNY.

A RIDICULOUS ACCUSATION
DESERVED A RIDICULOUS RESPONSE.

IT'S JUST A GREAT,
BIG COINCIDENCE

THAT I CATCH YOU COMING
OUT OF RORY'S ROOM

A HALF AN HOUR BEFORE
SHE MYSTERIOUSLY

FINDS THE BRACELET
UNDER HER BED?

GUESS SO.

WHY WOULD YOU
DO THIS? I GOTTA GO.

I MEAN, I KNOW YOU HATE THE
WORLD, BUT I THOUGHT YOU LIKED RORY.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. BULL.

WHATEVER.

OH, DON'T "WHATEVER"
ME, YOU JERK.

YOU LET RORY RUN AROUND
COMPLETELY PANICKED

THINKING SHE LOST HER
BOYFRIEND'S BRACELET.

SHE WAS MISERABLE. UNDERSTAND?

I DIDN'T TAKE IT.

I'M SURE YOU'RE JEALOUS
OF DEAN BECAUSE HE'S GREAT

AND RORY'S MADLY
IN LOVE WITH HIM.

BUT YOU TAKING THE BRACELET
DIDN'T HURT DEAN, IT HURT RORY.

THAT BRACELET IS THE MOST
PRECIOUS THING SHE OWNS.

SHE NEVER TAKES IT OFF. IT
MEANS EVERYTHING TO HER.

AND YOU STEALING IT
WAS UNBELIEVABLY CRUEL.

THE MOST PRECIOUS
THING SHE OWNS?

YES!

IF IT'S THE MOST
PRECIOUS THING SHE OWNS,

WHY DID IT TAKE HER 2 WEEKS
TO FIGURE OUT IT WAS GONE, HUH?

YOU MIGHT WANT TO REEVALUATE
HOW MADLY IN LOVE SHE IS.

I WOULDN'T CALL HIM "SON" YET.

GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU READ MY MIND.

I JUST SPENT $100,000,
AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

HMM, GOOD.

I RAN INTO TAYLOR AT THE MARKET.

AND I FOUND OUT HE OWNS THE
BUILDING THAT APARTMENT WAS IN.

NO WAY.

THAT AND SEVERAL OTHERS IN TOWN.

THAT IS SO WEIRD.

HE'S SYSTEMATICALLY
BUYING UP THE TOWN.

HE'LL TURN IT INTO TAYLORVILLE,

WHERE EVERYONE WEARS CARDIGANS

AND HAVE THE SAME GRASS HEIGHT.

DO YOU WANT TO SIT?

THEN HE SAID HE'LL BUY THE
BUILDING NEXT TO THE DINER,

TURN IT INTO A PLATE
SHOP FOR FREAKS

WHO DON'T HAVE THE
BRAINPOWER TO COLLECT STAMPS!

I LOST IT! I CAN'T PICTURE IT.

I WALKED AROUND IN A BLIND RAGE.

I WAS CRAZY.

I BOUGHT A BELGIAN WAFFLE WITH
ICE CREAM DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE.

YOU ATE THAT?

NO, I DIDN'T EAT
IT. OF COURSE NOT.

I'M UPSET, NOT SUICIDAL. I KNEW
I JUST HAD TO DO SOMETHING.

I HAD YOUR VOICE
GOING ROUND IN MY HEAD.

YEAH, IT'S LIKE THE
SMALL WORLD SONG.

"TAKE A CHANCE, LUKE.
MAKE A MOVE, LUKE.

CAN'T HAVE A SINGLE BED,
LUKE." SO I BOUGHT THE BUILDING!

YOU... YOU WHAT?

WENT TO THE BANK,
GOT A CASHIER'S CHECK,

SIGNED THE PAPERS, AND
I BOUGHT THE BUILDING.

WOW! I AM THE BUILDING'S OWNER.

I OWN THE BUILDING.

OK, WELL, DON'T WORRY,
YOU CAN STILL GET OUT OF IT.

YOU CAN GO BACK AND TELL
THEM YOU LOST YOUR MIND.

OR I BET YOU COULD
SELL IT TO TAYLOR.

YEAH.

SO RELAX. YOU CAN
STILL GET OUT OF THIS,

UNLESS YOU DON'T
WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS.

OH, NO, I WANT TO
GET OUT OF THIS.

UH, WHY WOULD I NOT
WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS?

OH, WELL, OWNING THAT
BUILDING GIVES YOU SOME OPTIONS.

LIKE?

LIKE YOU COULD EXPAND
LUKE'S IF YOU WANTED TO.

YEAH.

OR YOU COULD RENT
IT TO SOMEONE ELSE.

YEAH.

SOMEONE ELSE WHO
MIGHT DRIVE TAYLOR CRAZY.

MAYBE I SHOULD THINK ABOUT THIS.

SURE, SLEEP ON IT.

SLEEP ON IT. RIGHT.

DO YOU WANT SOME TEA?

TEA'S GOOD. SURE. YEAH.

HEY, LUKE, UM,

DOES JESS EVER TALK
TO YOU ABOUT RORY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DON'T KNOW, THEY
JUST... THEY SEEM TO BE

THROWN TOGETHER
QUITE A LOT LATELY.

I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE
OUT IF THAT'S A COINCIDENCE...

OR IF THERE'S
SOMETHING GOING ON?

YEAH. I DON'T KNOW.

JESS DOESN'T
EXACTLY CONFIDE IN ME.

RIGHT.

OF COURSE, IF THERE WAS SOMETHING
GOING ON, I THINK IT'D BE GREAT.

YOU DO?

YEAH! RORY'S A GREAT KID.

SHE'D BE REALLY GOOD FOR JESS.

OH, YEAH, SHE WOULD.

YOU THINK THERE MAY
BE SOMETHING GOING ON?

I DON'T KNOW.

BOY, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

YEAH.

GREAT.

♪

♪ I SEE TREES OF GREEN ♪

♪ RED ROSES, TOO ♪

♪ I SEE THEM BLOOM ♪

♪ FOR ME AND YOU ♪

♪ AND I SAY TO MYSELF ♪

♪ WHAT WONDERFUL WORLD ♪

♪ I SEE SKIES OF BLUE ♪

THAT'S YOUR ROOM. FINISH UP.

WE'LL HOLD HANDS
AND SKIP AFTERWARDS.

♪ DARK SACRED NIGHTS ♪

♪ AND I THINK TO MYSELF ♪

♪ WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD ♪