Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 1, Episode 14 - That Damn Donna Reed - full transcript

HELLO?

DO YOU COME BEARING PIZZA?

I'M NOT AN IDIOT.

THEN GET IN HERE.

HEY. HEY.

SIT. YOU'RE MISSING IT.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

THE INCOMPARABLE
DONNA REED SHOW.

WHAT'S IN THERE?

UH, A SALAD.

SALAD?

YEAH, IT'S A QUAINT
DISH SOMETIMES USED

TO PRECEDE LARGE
QUANTITIES OF PIZZA.

IT'S FOR ME.

CLEARLY.

SO, WHO'S DONNA REED?

WHAT?

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO DONNA REED IS?

THE QUINTESSENTIAL '50S MOM
WITH THE PERFECT '50S FAMILY?

NEVER WITHOUT A
SMILE AND HIGH HEELS?

HAIR THAT IF YOU HIT WITH
A HAMMER WOULD CRACK?

SO, IT'S A SHOW?

IT'S A LIFESTYLE.

IT'S A RELIGION.

MY FAVORITE EPISODE...

UM, UM. TELL ME, TELL ME.

IS WHEN THEIR SON, JEFF,
COMES HOME FROM SCHOOL,

AND NOTHING HAPPENS.

OOH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

ONE OF MY FAVORITES IS
WHEN MARY, THE DAUGHTER,

GETS A PART-TIME JOB,

AND NOTHING HAPPENS.

ANOTHER CLASSIC.

SO WHAT'S THIS ONE ABOUT?

UH, THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY
QUITE FILLED WITH INTRIGUE.

THE HUSBAND, ALEX, COMES HOME
LATE FOR DINNER, AND HE DIDN'T CALL.

MIGHT AS WELL KICK THE DOG, TOO.

HUH, OH, OH, LOOK,
SHE'S MAKING DOUGHNUTS.

BIND IN THE SUGAR DEPARTMENT.

I GUESS I WAS THINKING
OF SOMETHING ELSE.

NOT THAT MY SUGARY ATTITUDE WOULDN'T
MAKE ANYONE AN INSTANT DIABETIC.

MOTHER-DAUGHTER WINDOW WASHING.

WE SHOULD TRY THAT.

YEAH, RIGHT AFTER
MOTHER-DAUGHTER SHOCK TREATMENTS.

YOU KNOW, DAUGHTER, THERE'S NOTHING MORE
SATISFYING THAN WASHING WINDOWS. OH, NO.

WHAT? DID I MISS A SPOT?

NO, I JUST HAD AN IMPURE
THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR FATHER, ALEX.

FUNNY, I DON'T
KNOW WHY I HAD IT.

IT ISN'T THE 2ND
SATURDAY OF THE MONTH.

HEY, I HEARD YOU HAD AN
IMPURE THOUGHT ABOUT ME.

I MUST NOW SUBLIMATE
ALL MY IMPURE THOUGHTS

BY GOING INTO THE
KITCHEN AND MAKING, UH,

AN ENDLESS STRING OF
PERFECT CASSEROLES.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN
LISTENING TO THE DIALOGUE.

OURS IS BETTER.

I DON'T KNOW, IT ALL
SEEMS KIND OF NICE TO ME.

WHAT DOES?

OH, YOU KNOW, FAMILIES
HANGING TOGETHER,

I MEAN, UH, A WIFE COOKING
DINNER FOR HER HUSBAND.

AND LOOK, SHE
SEEMS REALLY HAPPY.

SHE'S MEDICATED.

AND ACTING FROM A SCRIPT.

WRITTEN BY A MAN.

WELL SAID, SISTER SUFFRAGETTE.

WHAT IF SHE LIKES MAKING
DOUGHNUTS AND DINNER FOR HER FAMILY

AND KEEPING THINGS
NICE FOR THEM AND...

OK, I FEEL VERY
UNPOPULAR RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, DEAR, THE FIRST
10 YEARS WE WERE MARRIED,

I WAS UPSET WHEN YOU
CAME HOME LATE FOR DINNER.

THEN YOU'RE NOT ANYMORE?

NO. YOU ARE NO
LONGER LATE FOR DINNER.

YOU'RE JUST EXTREMELY
EARLY FOR BREAKFAST.

VOILA! YOUR BREAKFAST.

HEY, I'M NOT SAYIN' A WORD.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELIN' LONELY AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

CAN BRAINS HURT?

YES, IT'S HYPOCHONDRIA HOUR.

NO, I'M SERIOUS.

LAST NIGHT, WHEN I WAS
READING MY BIOLOGY CHAPTERS,

I DISTINCTLY HEARD A PING
IN THE VICINITY OF MY BRAIN.

YOUR BRAIN PINGED?

YEAH. IT JUST WENT, LIKE, DINK.

WELL, THEN, HONEY,
YOUR BRAIN DINKED.

IT DIDN'T PING.

I DON'T THINK A DINKING BRAIN

ISN'T ANY LESS WORRISOME
THAN A PINGING BRAIN.

YOU GOT ME THERE.

SHOULD I GO TO A TUMOR DOCTOR?

NO, YOU DON'T HAVE A TUMOR.
YOU'RE READING TOO MUCH.

YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST
LOSING YOUR EYESIGHT.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HI, CAN YOU TAKE A LITTLE
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM?

NO.

OK, THIS PLACE COULD
USE A MAKEOVER.

YEAH, IT NEEDS SPRUCING
UP, LIKE A COAT OF PAINT.

I DON'T SPRUCE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU DON'T SPRUCE?

WHAT HE MEANS IS HE WON'T
SPRUCE. THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS.

TAYLOR, DO NOT START.

ME AND THE REST OF THE
TOWN BEAUTIFICATION COMMITTEE

HAVE BEEN HOUNDING HIM FOR
YEARS TO FRESHEN UP THE PLACE.

MAYBE A COUPLE OF NICE
ZINNIA POTS OUT FRONT,

SOME YELLOW AWNINGS,

A PEPPY LITTLE CARDBOARD PIG
ANNOUNCING THE SPECIALS. BUT HE'S A MULE.

HE WON'T TALK, HE WON'T
REASON, HE WON'T SPRUCE.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL
FORGET IT, LORELAI.

I'M FORGETTING IT, TOO.

FINALLY A TAYLOR DOOSE
POSITION I CAN GET BEHIND.

FADED PAINT IS A BAD
REFLECTION ON THE WHOLE TOWN.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO GIVING UP?

WHEN STANDARDS
SLIP, FAMILIES FLEE,

AND IN COMES THE SEEDY CROWD.

YOU GOT TROUBLE, MY FRIENDS.

RIGHT HERE IN RIVER CITY.

THIS IS NOT FUNNY, LORELAI.

DOES ANYONE WANT ANYTHING?

OH, YES, I DO. I WANT TO KNOW
WHY YOU WON'T PAINT THIS PLACE.

PAINTING IS A PAIN. I'D HAVE
TO CLOSE THE PLACE FOR A DAY,

WHICH I CAN'T AFFORD, OR PAINT
IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,

WHICH I DON'T WANT TO DO
BECAUSE I HATE PAINTING.

OK, HOW ABOUT THIS?

I'LL HELP YOU. I LOVE TO PAINT.

YOU DO? YES, I DO.

YOU LOVE IT? I WANT TO MARRY IT.

YOU HAVE STRANGE PASSIONS.

SHE LIKES WASHING DISHES, TOO.
SHE'S MULTIFACETED ABNORMAL.

AH, COME ON. WE'LL DRINK A COUPLE
OF BEERS, SING PAINTING SONGS.

PAINTING SONGS?

YEAH, PAINTING SONGS. LIKE, UH,

YOU KNOW, THE
SONG THAT GOES, UH:

♪ GRAB YOUR BRUSH
AND GRAB YOUR ROLLERS ♪

♪ ALL YOU KIDS AND
ALL YOU BOWLERS ♪

♪ WE'RE GOING PAINTIN' TODAY ♪

SAY YES, OR THERE'S
ANOTHER VERSE.

WELL, I GUESS
MAYBE IF I HAD HELP.

REALLY? OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S WONDERFUL! HURRAH.

TAYLOR, IT'S NOT
FOR YOU. IT'S FOR ME.

I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL THE
REST OF THE COMMITTEE.

THEY'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.

I HATE THAT HE'S PLEASED.

AH, YOU'LL DROP A GUM WRAPPER IN
THE STREET IN FRONT OF HIS STORE LATER.

YEAH, GOOD IDEA.

HMM, KICK-ASS WINE.

HOW POETIC.

IT'S GOT A NICE SMELL.
EARTHY, VIBRANT.

YOU CAN TASTE
THE ITALIAN'S FEET.

IT'S A BORDEAUX. IT'S FRENCH.

HUH.

WHAT'S AN ITALIAN'S FOOT
DOING IN A FRENCH WINE?

SO WHEN DO YOU GUYS
LEAVE FOR MARTHA'S VINEYARD?

AH, WE'RE NOT GOING TO
MARTHA'S VINEYARD THIS YEAR.

REALLY? WHY NOT?

OUR USUAL RENTAL WASN'T
AVAILABLE WHEN WE INQUIRED... LATE.

WE SHOULD HAVE JUST BOUGHT A
PLACE YEARS AGO, LIKE I WANTED.

IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN PRUDENT.

NOW WE HAVE NO
PLACE TO GO NEXT WEEK.

OH, YOU COULD ALWAYS GO
SOMEWHERE ELSE, COULDN'T YOU?

WE ALWAYS GO TO THE
VINEYARD AT THIS TIME OF YEAR.

YOU COULD BREAK THE CHAIN, DAD.

GO TO PARIS. YES, PARIS.

IMPRESSIONISM,
POODLES... CREME BRULEE.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

IMPOSSIBLE.

POURQUOI? FRENCH.

WE ONLY GO TO
EUROPE IN THE FALL.

YOU KNOW, MOM, I HEARD A RUMOR
EUROPE'S STILL THERE IN SPRING.

I HEARD THAT, TOO.

WE KNOW IT'S
THERE IN THE SPRING.

BUT WE NEVER GO IN THE SPRING
BECAUSE WE ALWAYS GO IN THE FALL.

IT'S GETTING A LITTLE TOO
LEWIS CARROLL FOR ME.

WHAT IS SO INTERESTING
ABOUT EUROPE IN THE SPRING?

SPRING VEGETABLES.

YOU WANT US TO GO TO
EUROPE TO EAT A VEGETABLE?

NO, MOM. I DON'T KNOW.
THERE'S ALL KINDS OF STUFF.

THERE'S FESTIVALS
AND, YOU KNOW, EUROPE.

IN THE FALL.

IT COSTS A FORTUNE TO
TRAVEL FIRST-CLASS IN EUROPE.

WE ONLY DO IT EVERY 2 YEARS.

IN THE FALL.

IT'S JUST NOT IN THE
BUDGET THIS YEAR.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO FLY FIRST CLASS.

'CAUSE THE-THERE'S ALWAYS COACH.

OR BUSINESS CLASS
IS SLIGHTLY LESS.

THERE'S DEALS ON THE INTERNET.

HMM.

PASS THE POTATOES.

YOU GOT IT.

"CATHERINE THE
GREAT, 1729 TO '96.

"EMPRESS OF
RUSSIA, 1762 TO '96."

OK, HOLD STILL, PLEASE.

"ORIGINALLY NAMED SOPHIE FRIEDERIKE
AUGUSTE VON ANHALT-ZERBST."

BUT EVERYBODY
CALLED HER "KITTEN."

"MARRIED TO GRAND DUKE
PETER OF HOLSTEIN IN 1754."

OK, RORY, SERIOUSLY...

"THE MARRIAGE WAS
AN UNHAPPY ONE."

THERE WERE WAY TOO MANY NAMES.

OW!

LADY WITH NOTECARDS, LOOK AT LADY WITH
NEEDLE AND JUST TRY TO FOCUS FOR ONE SECOND,

SO I CAN SEW THE BUTTON ON YOUR
SWEATER AND NOT ON MY THUMB.

I'M SORRY.

I'LL GET IT.

OH. OH.

YOU'RE 4 YEARS OLD.

HIYA, BABY DOLL.

HI. HI, BABBETTE.

YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

OH, NO, THANKS. I JUST CAME
OVER TO ASK A GREAT BIG FAVOR.

ASK AWAY.

WELL, SEE, MOREY JUST
GOT A CALL TO PLAY A GIG

AT THE VILLAGE VANGUARD TONIGHT,
SO WE GOTTA GO TO NEW YORK.

OH, WOW!

CREAM?

AND SUGAR. THANKS.

ANYWAY, YESTERDAY MOREY
AND I FINALLY BROKE DOWN

AND WE GOT OURSELVES A NEW BABY.

OH, HONEY, YOU GOT A
KITTEN. GOOD FOR YOU.

WHAT'S ITS NAME?

APRICOT. OH, HE'S
JUST THE CUTEST THING.

BUT HE'S SO TEENY. THERE'S
NO WAY HE CAN GO WITH US,

AND I WOULD HATE FOR HIM
TO STAY ALONE IN THE HOUSE.

SO I WAS THINKING MAYBE
RORY COULD COME OVER

AND HOUSESIT FOR THE EVENING.

I'D LOVE TO.

OH, GREAT.

WE GOT A KITCHEN FULL OF
FOOD, AND MOREY JUST GOT CABLE,

SO YOU CAN WATCH THOSE FOUR
GIRLS TALKING DIRTY IF YOU WANT TO.

SOUNDS GOOD.

YOU'RE AN ANGEL. BOTH OF YOU,
ANGELS. YOU HAVE A KEY, RIGHT?

YEAH, WE GOT IT COVERED.

OH, GREAT, I'LL LEAVE YOU THE
NUMBER OF WHERE WE'RE STAYIN'.

HAVE A GOOD TIME. WE'LL
BE BACK TOMORROW MORNIN'.

I LOVE YOU CRAZY GIRLS.

BYE! BYE.

WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW
FAST YOU JUMPED AT THE CHANCE

TO SPEND THE NIGHT AWAY FROM ME.

YOU'RE CRAZY. I'M
DOING HER A FAVOR.

HUH-HUH. HUH-HUH. SURE YOU ARE.

MOM.

NO, NO. THAT'S OK. DON'T YOU
WORRY ABOUT ME. I'LL BE JUST FINE.

I'D LIKE TO DEBATE YOU ON THAT
SUBJECT, BUT I'M LATE FOR THE BUS.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS ONLY, LIKE, THE
SECOND NIGHT WE'VE EVER SPENT APART.

DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU SAD?

YEAH, BUT I'LL GET OVER IT.

WELL, PAUL AND LINDA MCCARTNEY
ONLY SPENT 11 NIGHTS APART

THEIR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

I DID NOT KNOW THAT.

WELL, THEY WERE TRULY
DEVOTED TO EACH OTHER.

JUST BEING APART WAS TOO
PAINFUL TO EVEN TALK ABOUT.

I UNDERSTAND.

I... I DON'T THINK THAT LINDA WOULD'VE
EVEN CONSIDERED CAT-SITTING WITHOUT PAUL.

YOU KNOW, MOM, WHEN
I GO OFF TO COLLEGE,

I'M GONNA BE GONE EVERY NIGHT.

WHAT WILL YOU DO THEN?

WELL, I WILL GO WITH YOU.

I'LL SLEEP ON THE FLOOR IN
YOUR DORM, UH, NEXT TO YOUR BED.

WELL, AT LEAST
YOU'VE GOT A PLAN.

YES. UM, PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO TAKE
A PICTURE OF ME WITH YOU TONIGHT.

YOU KNOW, IN CASE YOU GET
LONELY, YOU CAN TALK TO IT.

BYE.

♪ THE MOON ♪

♪ I'M OVER THE MOON FOR YOU ♪

♪ OVER THE MOON FOR YOU ♪

CARRY YOUR BIRD, MISS?

HI, I DIDN'T EXPECT
TO SEE YOU HERE.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY HELLO.

HELLO. HELLO.

HELLO.

SO, WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

HOMEWORK.

REALLY?

WE WILL BE COHABITATING
FOR THE NEXT MONTH,

SO I CAN EXAMINE ITS EVERY MOVE.

JEALOUS?

I'LL GET OVER IT.

SO, HEY, I'M HOUSE-SITTING
TONIGHT FOR BABBETTE,

AND I WAS THINKING MAYBE IF
THE RIGHT OFFER CAME ALONG,

I MIGHT BE UP TO SOME COMPANY.

I'M OFFERING.

I'M ACCEPTING.

GOOD.

YOU WANNA GET SOME COFFEE?

I CAN'T. I HAVE TO GET TO WORK.

I THOUGHT YOU
GO TO WORK AT 5:00.

NO, 4:00 ON THURSDAYS.

FOR SOME REASON, THURSDAY'S
ALWAYS REALLY BUSY.

LOTS OF OPPRESSED HOUSEWIVES
SHOPPING FOR THEIR HUSBANDS' DINNER.

WOW.

WHAT?

THAT WAS A LITTLE POINTED.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OH, THAT CRACK ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES
SHOPPING FOR THEIR HUSBANDS' DINNER.

COME ON, IT WAS A JOKE.

YEAH, WELL, IT WAS A PRETTY WEIRD
JOKE TO HEAR COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

YOU ARE SO SENSITIVE ABOUT
THE WHOLE DONNA REED THING.

I'M NOT SENSITIVE ABOUT
IT. I JUST FIND IT RIDICULOUS.

WHY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY?

SO SHE COOKED A LOT.

A LOT?

SHE MADE HOMEMADE
DOUGHNUTS, CHOCOLATE CAKE,

A LAMB CHOP-MASHED POTATO
DINNER AND ENOUGH STEW

TO FEED CAMBODIA
ALL IN ONE EPISODE.

SO WHAT?

YOU REALLY LIKE THAT
CONCEPT, DON'T YOU?

NO, I... WELL, YEAH, SORT OF.

OH, MY GOD.

I MEAN, IT'S A LITTLE
OVER THE TOP,

BUT THE GENERAL IDEA OF A WIFE COOKING
DINNER FOR HER HUSBAND AND FAMILY,

THAT'S NICE. WHY
IS THAT NOT NICE?

IT'S NOT JUST THAT.

IT'S... IT'S THE HAVING TO
HAVE THE DINNER ON THE TABLE

AS SOON AS THE
HUSBAND GETS HOME,

AND HAVING TO LOOK PERFECT TO DO
HOUSEWORK AND THE WHOLE CONCEPT

THAT HER ONE POINT IN LIFE
IS TO SERVE SOMEBODY ELSE.

FINE, YES, BUT MAYBE THERE
ARE 2 POINTS OF VIEW HERE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, YOU FEEL THAT WAY BECAUSE
YOUR MOTHER FEELS THAT WAY.

OH, WHAT, SO I HAVE
NO OPINIONS OF MY OWN?

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

WELL, IF I HAVE NO
OPINIONS OF MY OWN,

THEN I GUESS I'D BE JUST
THE KIND OF GIRL YOU LIKE.

RORY, MY MOM USED TO MAKE DINNER FOR MY
DAD EVERY DAY BEFORE SHE STARTED WORKING.

AND NOW SHE EVEN
DOES IT ON THE WEEKENDS.

SO WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT HER?

IT SAYS SHE HAS A CHOICE
AND DONNA REED DIDN'T.

YOU DO REALIZE THAT DONNA
REED WASN'T REAL, DON'T YOU?

YES, I KNOW SHE WASN'T REAL,

BUT SHE REPRESENTED MILLIONS
OF WOMEN THAT WERE REAL

AND DID HAVE TO DRESS LIKE
THAT AND ACT LIKE THAT AND...

PLEASE TELL ME HOW WE BEGAN
ARGUING ABOUT THE DONNA REED SHOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

OK, LOOK, I GOTTA
GO TO WORK, SO...

BYE.

DEAN?

WHAT?

BIRD.

OH.

HEY.

HEY, GOOD, I'M JUST
ABOUT TO LEAVE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO LUKE'S. WE'RE PICKING
OUT PAINT COLORS TONIGHT,

SO IT'S GONNA BE HOURS
OF "YES, NO, YES, NO, YES, NO"

UNTIL MY WORLD-FAMOUS
PERSEVERANCE WEARS HIM DOWN,

AND HE ENDS UP IN A BALL ON
THE FLOOR CRYING LIKE A GIRL.

WANNA COME WATCH?

I'M HOUSE-SITTING, REMEMBER?

YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE TO EAT.
COME HAVE A QUICK BURGER.

NO, THANKS.

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S FOR SCHOOL.

OH, HE'S SO CUTE.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?

CASE STUDY NUMBER 12.

IS THAT HYPHENATED?

HONEY, HE'S ADORABLE.
HE SHOULD HAVE A NAME.

I'M NOT BONDING WITH
MY MIDTERM, THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL NAME HIM.

HI, YOUR NAME IS
STANLEY. HI, STANLEY.

IT'S A GIRL.

OH, SORRY ABOUT
THE STANLEY THING.

YOUR NAME IS STELLA.

STELLA'S NICE, AND STELLA
WAS MARRIED TO STANLEY.

CALL IT WHATEVER YOU WANT.

YOU'RE GRUMPY. WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING, JUST A LONG DAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE
REMEDY FOR A LONG DAY IS?

A RINGSIDE SEAT WHILE LUKE ENVISIONS
STRANGLING ME WITH HIS BASEBALL CAP.

I'M GONNA LEAVE THE
CHICK HERE TONIGHT.

SO THE KITTEN DOESN'T
GET ANY FANCY IDEAS.

SHE'S ALREADY BEEN FED. IF SHE
GETS TOO LOUD, PUT HER IN MY ROOM.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

OK.

HEY.

ARE YOU OK?

YEAH. JUST A BAD
AFTERNOON. I'LL FIX IT.

OK. CALL ME IF YOU NEED
A WRENCH OR SOMETHING.

I WILL.

STELLA.

NOW, THIS IS ANOTHER WAY TO GO.

SORT OF A FRENCH
BISTRO KIND OF A LOOK.

THIS ISN'T A FRENCH BISTRO.

REALLY? HUH.

IT'S AMAZING WHAT THINGS YOU
LEARN WHEN YOU BOTHER TO LISTEN.

WHICH YOU USUALLY DON'T.

YES, BUT THEN I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF
USELESS INFORMATION INTRUDING IN MY BRAIN.

THANK GOD.

NOW, IF YOU WANTED TO DO MORE
WARM, GOLDEN TUSCAN COUNTRYSIDE...

THEN I'D GO TO ITALY.
HERE, I'LL WRAP THIS.

WE COULD ALSO GO WITH

A PASTELLY
ENGLISH-COUNTRY-GARDEN THEME.

MAYBE WE COULD ADD A LITTLE
STENCILING ON THE CEILING.

NO STENCILING.

EXCUSE ME. DO YOU EVEN
KNOW WHAT STENCILING IS?

DOES MARTHA STEWART DO IT?

YES.

NO STENCILING.

ASK HIM. I WILL.

WELL, GO ON.

DON'T PUSH.

HELLO, LUKE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, KIRK?

TAYLOR HERE TELLS ME YOU'RE
THINKING OF PAINTING THIS PLACE.

THAT'S RIGHT. HE IS.

HA.

EXCUSE ME, I'D LIKE
TO HEAR IT FROM HIM.

LUKE, IS THAT TRUE?

YES, KIRK, IT IS TRUE.

REALLY? YES.

AND THIS IS YOUR FINAL DECISION?

I'M AFRAID, IT IS.

'CAUSE IT'S NOT TOO LATE...

YOU HEARD HIM. HE'S
PAINTING THIS PLACE. PAY UP.

THANK YOU.

SORRY, MAN.

HEY, IT'S A LITTLE LATE
FOR THAT, DON'T YOU THINK?

OOH, I LIKE THIS.

OK, I GET IT.

HOLD ON.

MEOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE.

HI, IS DEAN IN? THIS IS RORY.

OH, UM, WILL YOU
TELL HIM I CALLED?

OK, THANKS.

YOU READY TO TALK PAINT?

NO.

GOOD. I'VE GOT ALL
THE CHOICES SET UP,

AND WHILE ANY ONE
OF THEM WOULD WORK,

I THINK THIS COMBO IS
CURRENTLY MY FAVORITE.

HUH.

SEE? IMAGINE, THIS WILL BE FOR
THE WALLS, THIS WILL BE FOR THE TRIM,

THE... THE EDGING AROUND
THE DOORS AND THE WINDOWS.

I KNOW WHAT THE TRIM IS.

OK.

THE COLORS ARE ACTUALLY QUITE
SIMILAR TO WHAT YOU HAVE HERE NOW,

BUT THEY'RE JUST A LITTLE
RICHER, A LITTLE WARMER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL...

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

UH? A LITTLE AMBIENCE?

THIS IS A DINER. WE
DON'T DO AMBIENCE.

ONE ARGUMENT AT A TIME.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HONESTLY? I HAVE NO
IDEA. DO YOU LIKE IT?

YEAH. OK.

GOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

OH, UM, THE TOWN COUNCIL WANTED
TO DO A BEFORE-AND-AFTER POSTER.

OUT.

BYE.

THAT'S IT. WE'RE
CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, LISTEN, SINCE YOU HAVE TO
TAKE EVERYTHING OFF THE WALLS ANYWAY,

NOW I FEEL IS A REALLY
GOOD TIME TO DECIDE

WHAT STUFF YOU'RE GONNA KEEP
AND WHAT STUFF YOU'LL GET RID OF.

EVERYTHING STAYS.

OK. THERE IS A PLASTIC
DANCING PORK CHOP THAT SAYS...

EVERYTHING STAYS.

"I LOST MY HEAD OVER A
GOOD CHOP. YOU SHOULD, TOO."

EVERYTHING STAYS.

OK, EVERYTHING STAYS.

YOU KNOW, THIS PLACE HASN'T BEEN
PAINTED SINCE MY DAD WAS ALIVE.

NO, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

HE PAINTED IT
BEFORE HE OPENED IT

AND ONCE MORE WHEN THE
ROOF CAVED IN ONE WINTER.

I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY IT.

THE PAINT LASTED A LONG TIME.

HE GOT HIS MONEY'S WORTH.

YEAH.

HE REALLY LOVED
THIS PLACE, YOU KNOW?

THE STORE WAS HIS
LIFE. MINE, TOO, I GUESS.

I SPENT EVERY MINUTE I
WASN'T IN SCHOOL IN HERE.

I SPENT A LOT OF MINUTES I WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL IN HERE, TOO.

HOW COME YOU OPENED A DINER? WHY
DIDN'T YOU KEEP IT A HARDWARE STORE?

I DON'T KNOW. I DIDN'T LOVE THE
HARDWARE BUSINESS THE WAY MY DAD DID,

AND I KNEW HOW TO COOK, SO I JUST
THOUGHT A DINER WOULD BE MORE...

FUN.

THAT'S A HARD WORD
FOR YOU TO SAY.

YEAH.

I JUST ALWAYS
WANTED TO WORK HERE.

JUST WHERE DAD DID.

GOD, THAT'S NICE

TO BE SO, I DON'T KNOW,
CONNECTED TO YOUR DAD.

THAT'S...

I WOULD HAVE LOVED THAT.

WELL, YOU'VE GOT THAT WITH RORY.

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

YOU KNOW, I STILL THINK THERE'S
A SPOT ON THE WALL SOMEWHERE,

WHERE MY DAD TOOK AN ORDER
ONE DAY WHEN HE RAN OUT OF PAPER.

REALLY? WHERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

BEHIND THE COUNTER MAYBE.

NEXT TO THE DOOR.

ON THE RIGHT SIDE.

OH!

HERE IT IS.

"3 HAMMERS, PHILLIPS-HEAD
SCREWDRIVER."

"3 BOXES OF NAILS
IN ASSORTED SIZES."

WOW.

I'VE SEEN IT FROM TIME TO TIME.

YEAH, WELL, I...

I GUESS IT IS TIME
FOR A LITTLE SPRUCE.

YEAH, IT IS.

BUT LET'S NOT SPRUCE
THIS PARTICULAR SPOT.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

OK.

JEEZ. NO, NO, NO, DON'T GET UP.

IF I DON'T...

THEY'LL GO AWAY, TRUST ME.

THEY SHOULD BE IN THERE.

ANYWAY, JUST IMAGINE
IT ALL IN PASTELS.

THE WHOLE THING.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I SHOULD GO.

OH, YEAH. WELL, OK.

AH, SO?

IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.

OH, I'M SURE IT IS.

SEE YOU.

SEE YOU.

LANE?

YO.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOIN'?

VERY WELL.

I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT, IN ADDITION
TO MY LAMENESS IN GEOMETRY,

I ALSO WILL NOT BECOME

A BIOLOGIST, FRENCH
TRANSLATOR, OR CIVIL WAR BUFF.

WELL, I GUESS THAT JUST LEAVES
BASS PLAYER FOR THE FOO FIGHTERS.

I ALSO WOULDN'T
RULE OUT KEYBOARDIST

IN THE SIOUXSIE AND THE
BANSHEES REUNION TOUR.

I LIKE THAT YOU
KEEP AN OPEN MIND.

SO, WHAT'S UP?

I NEED TO BORROW A C.D.

WHICH ONE?

THE WEIRD ONE.

I NEED MORE INFORMATION.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE
IT IS, BUT I'D KNOW IF I SAW IT.

OK, WELL, LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

SO, OK, WE HAVE CLASSIC ROCK,
PROGRESSIVE ROCK, PRETTY-BOY ROCK...

EXCUSE ME?

BON JOVI, DURAN DURAN,
THE WALLFLOWERS, BUSH...

GOT IT. NEXT?

UH, PUNK, NEW WAVE,
GERMAN METAL BANDS

BROADWAY SOUNDTRACKS.

INTERESTING FILING SYSTEM.

ANYTHING YET?

NOPE, SORRY.

OK, OVER THERE, WE HAVE JAZZ,
JAZZ VOCALS, CLASSICAL, COUNTRY,

ROCKABILLY, SINATRA,
THE CAPITOL YEARS.

OH, WAIT.

THE MISCELLANEOUS SECTION.

HEY, THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.

WILLIAM SHATNER.

IS THIS THE ONE WHERE
HE SINGS TAMBOURINE MAN?

AND LUCY IN THE
SKY WITH DIAMONDS.

REMIND ME TO GET THIS FOR
MY MOM FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

OH, WAIT. HEY, THAT'S IT.

CAN I?

TAKE IT.

THANKS.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M... I'M NOT
COMPLETELY SURE YET.

OK, WELL, I WANT DETAILS.

STELLA!

OH, NO.

NO, NO.

OK, STELLA.

DO SOMETHING. SHOW YOURSELF.

MOLT, OR CHIRP, OR SOMETHING.

OH, THIS IS SO NOT
FUNNY. NOT FUNNY.

NOT FUNNY. STELLA.

OH, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. ALL DAY
LONG, JUST CHIRPS LIKE A MANIAC

AT THE TOP OF HER
LUNGS. AND NOW,

NOTHING. SILENCE.

MARCEL MARCEAU CHICKEN.

OK, THAT'S OK. I CAN
FIX THIS. WE CAN FIX THIS.

I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS BETTER.

I'M GOING TO FIX...

HELLO?

YEAH?

LUKE, STELLA GOT OUT, AND I DON'T
KNOW... DO I PUT SEED ON THE FLOOR

DO I MAKE CHEEPING SOUNDS,
OR DO I PULL A LUCY RICARDO

AND WALK LIKE A CHICKEN SO
SHE THINKS I'M HER MOTHER?

WHO THE HELL IS THIS?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WHO IS THIS? IT'S LORELAI.

WHO ELSE WOULD CALL YOU
LOOKING FOR HER BABY CHICK?

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M
THE IDIOT. GO ON.

UM, COULD YOU COME OVER
HERE, PLEASE, AND... AND HELP ME?

UH, YEAH, OK. UH,
I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

OK, HURRY.

THANK GOD. GET IN HERE.

THIS PLACE IS A DISASTER.
WHAT'S GOING ON?

OK, THE... THE LAST SIGHTING WAS
HERE, BY THE INSTYLE MAGAZINE.

BUT THEN SHE BURROWED THROUGH THE
GLAMOUR, AND JUMPED OVER THE COSMO,

AND KNOCKED OVER A
NEW BOTTLE OF NAIL POLISH.

SO I CAN TELL YOU AT THIS POINT,

IF THERE WAS ANY DOUBT
THAT THIS CHICK WAS A GIRL,

WELL, THERE ISN'T ANYMORE.

OK, THERE SHE IS.

JEEZ, WHAT WAS THAT?

STELLA, STELLA.

YOU REALLY DO HAVE
A CHICK LOOSE IN HERE.

YEAH, I TOLD YOU THERE
WAS A CHICK LOOSE IN HERE.

THERE SHE GOES BY THE KITCHEN!

DON'T STEP ON HER!

I DID NOT. SHE CUT
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

OK, SHE'S BEING GRADED,
SO DON'T SQUASH HER.

TELL HER TO WATCH
WHERE SHE'S GOING.

HELLO?

UM, I WASN'T SURE

IF YOU STILL WANTED
ME TO COME OVER.

OH, I DO, I DO, I ABSOLUTELY DO.

ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH, I'M TOTALLY
AND COMPLETELY...

YOU'RE TEASING ME.

YEAH, A LITTLE.

BUT I... I DID APPRECIATE
THE ENTHUSIASM.

SO HOW LONG UNTIL YOU GET HERE?

ACTUALLY, UH, NOT LONG AT ALL.

WHY? WHERE ARE YOU?

RIGHT OUTSIDE.

OH, WHAT THE...

HONEY, YOU'RE HOME!

WELL, SAY SOMETHING.

TRICK OR TREAT?

WHAT, YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

NO, I... I DO. IT'S, UH...

IT'S GOT A LARGE CIRCUMFERENCE.

THANK YOU. NOW COME ON IN.

IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.

♪

OH, MY GOD.

HERE, LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT.

AH, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

INTERESTING MUSIC.

I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT.

SO WHAT'S THAT?

OH, JUST SOME
APPETIZERS BEFORE DINNER.

BEFORE DINNER? YES.

ARE WE GOING OUT?

NO.

ORDERING PIZZA? NOPE.

SO...

I MADE YOU DINNER.

EXCUSE ME?

STEAK, GREEN BEANS,
MASHED POTATOES...

WHAT, YOU MADE ME DINNER?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU MADE ME DINNER?

AND DESSERT.

OK, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT
IT WAS OBVIOUS.

IT'S DONNA REED NIGHT.

I SWEAR SHE WENT OVER THERE.

WE LOOKED OVER THERE.

OH, SHE WENT UNDER THAT
CHAIR AND DIDN'T COME OUT.

WE MOVED THE CHAIR, WE
SEARCHED THE FLOOR. NOTHING.

THEN SHE WENT FROM UNDER THE
CHAIR THROUGH A HOLE IN THE FLOOR.

THERE'S NO HOLE IN THE FLOOR.

MAYBE THERE WAS A HOLE IN THE FLOOR,
AND SHE CRAWLED THROUGH IT AND FIXED IT.

THEN SHE'S A
SUPER-INTELLIGENT CHICK

WITH GREAT PHYSICAL
AND DEDUCTIVE SKILLS.

YES.

OH, THIS IS NOT A
CHICK I WANNA FIND.

HEY, LUKE, WHAT DID
YOU MEAN EARLIER?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHEN YOU GOT HERE,
YOU MADE SOME COMMENT

ABOUT ME NOT REALLY
HAVING A CHICK IN THE HOUSE.

HUMPH.

I MEAN, IF I DIDN'T
HAVE A CHICK HERE,

WHY DID YOU THINK I WAS CALLING?

NO, I... I THOUGHT YOU WERE
CALLING ABOUT THE CHICK.

IT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE IT.

WELL, MAYBE IT DIDN'T
SEEM LIKE IT, BUT IT WAS.

WAS WHAT?

WAS WHAT I... THOUGHT.

CAN WE... CAN WE
JUST KEEP LOOKING?

OK.

I JUST STILL THINK...

THERE SHE IS.

WHERE? THERE.

CAREFUL.

WELL?

WHAT CAN I SAY?

YOU CAN SAY IT'S PERFECT.

IT'S PERFECT.

THANK YOU.

HOW IS IT REALLY?

IT'S PERFECT.

YEAH?

IT'S AMAZING. I MEAN I'VE NEVER HAD
ANYONE MAKE DINNER FOR ME BEFORE.

EXCEPT MY MOM, AND
BELIEVE ME, IT'S NOT THE SAME.

I'M EXTREMELY GLAD TO HEAR THAT.

WAIT, WAIT. YOU WANNA SAVE
ROOM FOR DESSERT, RIGHT?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

SO, WHAT'S FOR DESSERT?

LIME FANTASY SUPREME.

WHICH IS...

GREEN JELL-O AND COOL WHIP.

YOU ARE INSANE.

OH, NO. I FORGOT
TO MAKE THE ROLLS.

WHAT?

I WAS GONNA MAKE ROLLS.

WELL, THAT'S OK.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THEM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'LL MAKE THEM NOW.

OK, HOLD ON. IT'S... COME ON.

WE REALLY DON'T NEED ROLLS.

DONNA REED WOULD HAVE
NEVER FORGOTTEN THE ROLLS.

THEY'RE GONNA MAKE
ME TURN IN MY PEARLS.

I PROMISE I'LL KICK ANYONE'S BUTT
WHO COMES NEAR THOSE PEARLS.

RORY.

YEAH?

AS REALLY AMAZING AS
THIS WHOLE THING WAS,

I MEAN, THE MUSIC, THE
OUTFIT, THE... THE DINNER,

I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T
EXPECT YOU TO BE DONNA REED.

AND I DON'T WANT
YOU TO BE DONNA REED.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

THIS JUST TOTALLY GOT
BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION.

I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY
HAPPY WITH YOU.

I KNOW AND I APPRECIATE THAT,

BUT ASIDE FROM THIS
ACTUALLY BEING FUN,

I DID A LITTLE RESEARCH
ON DONNA REED.

YOU DID RESEARCH ON DONNA REED?

LOOK.

SEE.

SHE DID DO THE WHOLE, LIKE, MILK AND
COOKIES, WHOLESOME, BIG-SKIRT THING.

BUT ASIDE FROM THAT,

SHE WAS AN UNCREDITED
PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR

ON HER TELEVISION SHOW

WHICH MADE HER ONE OF THE
FIRST WOMAN T.V. EXECUTIVES,

WHICH IS ACTUALLY
PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

WELL, I'M GLAD THIS TURNED OUT

TO BE SUCH A POSITIVE
EXPERIENCE FOR YOU.

IT HAS BEEN.

AND EVEN THOUGH PROBABLY I'LL
PROBABLY NEVER GET THE FEELING

BACK IN MY LEFT LITTLE
TOE, I'D DO IT AGAIN.

YEAH?

SOMEDAY. BUT FOR NOW, I BETTER
GET THESE DISHES CLEANED UP.

OH, WELL, I... I'LL HELP.

SORRY, YOU'RE A MAN.

YOU CAN'T HELP FOR
ANOTHER 15 YEARS.

OK, WELL, THEN AS THE MAN, I WILL
DO WHAT THE MAN IS SUPPOSED TO DO.

GO BOWLING?

TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

SHE'S NEVER GOING
ANYWHERE EVER AGAIN.

OH, I'M THINKING OF SLIPPING SOME
SUPERGLUE ON THE BOTTOM OF THE CAGE.

THAT WOULD BE BAD, RIGHT? I
MEAN I KNOW STAPLES ARE BAD,

BUT WHAT'S THE
VERDICT ON SUPERGLUE?

ASK STELLA.

OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

THIS STUFF IS SHARP. I
WANNA GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.

WELL, THANKS FOR HELPING.

NO PROBLEM.

I'M GONNA THROW
THIS STUFF OUTSIDE.

HEY. HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

YOU FIRST.

I'M LOOKIN' FOR A CHICK.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

YOU ARE NOT.

NEITHER ARE YOU.

HEY, LUKE, IS THERE...

DEAN.

UH, LORELAI, HI.

FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.

YEAH.

WELL, UH...

HEY, THE JELL-O'S DOING
THIS WEIRD MELTY THING AND I...

OH, MOM, LUKE.

RORY. HI.

AH, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TWO DOING?

NOTHING, SHE, UH...

WELL, WE ATE DINNER. YOU
KNOW, STEAK AND BEANS...

CANNED. CANNED.

NOT FRESH.

AND POTATOES.

FROM A BOX.

BUT THEY WERE STILL GOOD.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

SO WHAT WERE YOU GUYS DOING?

OH, UM...

I WAS IN THE HOUSE.

AND THE LAMP SORT OF... I'M GONNA
GET GOIN'. I'M SORRY ABOUT THE...

OH, FORGET IT.

OK, BYE.

YEAH, I'D PROBABLY
BETTER GO, TOO.

THANKS FOR DINNER.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHAT?

WELL, OK, UH, YOU'RE 16, YOU HAVE A
WHOLE HOUSE TO YOURSELF FOR THE EVENING.

I EXPECT YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND OVER.

BUT WHAT IS WITH THE APRON?

IT'S A LONG STORY.

DID IT INVOLVE A SHARP
BLOW TO THE HEAD?

I GOTTA GO CHECK ON APRICOT.

OH, MY GOD. I JUST
SAW THE PEARLS.

I'M GOING IN NOW.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOING INSIDE,
TOO, BECAUSE I HAVE TO WRITE DOWN

ALL THE WAYS I'M GONNA
TORTURE YOU ABOUT THAT OUTFIT.

GOOD NIGHT.

COULD I JUST GET
A PICTURE THOUGH?

BECAUSE, UM, VISUAL
AIDS WOULD REALLY HELP.

OH, OH, OH. THE
SHOES. I'M DYING. OH.

MOM, I CAN'T FIND APRICOT!

WHAT? NO.

SHE WAS ON THE COUCH WHEN I
CAME OUT, AND NOW NOWHERE.

THAT'S IT!

WE ARE NOT ANIMAL
PEOPLE, PERIOD.

IT WAS A TINY LITTLE FAVOR.

WE HAVE HAD THIS
DISCUSSION BEFORE AND WE...

YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE.

I HAVE MY STANDARDS.

BUT THIS IS A SIMPLE REQUEST.

YOU ARE ASKING ME TO COMPROMISE

MY ARTISTIC AND
MY CULINARY VALUES.

MICHEL WANTED AN
EGG-WHITE OMELET?

YES.

CRAZY MAN.

WHY? WHY AM I A CRAZY MAN?

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
FOR BREAKFAST TODAY.

SO VERY NICELY I ASKED HER TO
MAKE ME AN EGG-WHITE OMELET

WITH SOME TOMATOES, MUSHROOM, MAYBE
A LITTLE CHIVES, AND SHE GIVES ME THIS.

WHAT IS THIS? A 3-EGG OMELET

WITH GOAT CHEESE, PANCETTA,
COOKED IN A SHERRY OLIVE OIL.

MMM.

I DON'T EAT DAIRY OR
MEAT. YOU KNOW THIS.

I AM A CHEF,
MICHEL. IT IS MY JOB

TO MAKE FOOD THAT TASTES GOOD.

AND YOU DO, SISTER!

BUT I CAN'T EAT LIKE
THAT AND LOOK LIKE HER.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.

THAT'LL KILL YOU.

YOU GOTTA GO SOMEDAY.

SOMEDAY, THIS WILL
CATCH UP TO YOU.

YOU'LL BECOME THE BALLOON LADY,

AND WITH THE LUCK OF GOD,
I WILL BE HERE TO ENJOY IT.

YOU MAKE A GOOD
EGG-WHITE OMELET.

I KNOW. AH.

WHO WANTS TO HEAR
ABOUT MY NIGHT?

OH, ME.

WELL, IT STARTED WITH RORY'S BABY
CHICK GETTING LOOSE IN THE HOUSE

AND ENDED WITH RORY AND
I UP AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING,

LOOKING FOR MOREY AND
BABBETTE'S NEW KITTEN,

WHO WE FOUND
ASLEEP IN THE PIANO.

WOW, THAT'S VERY
WILD KINGDOM OF YOU.

YEAH, I'M THE MARLIN
PERKINS OF STARS HOLLOW.

YOU WANT SOME COFFEE? PLEASE.

SO, HOW'S RORY'S CHICK?

UH, BETTER THAN MY LEMON LAMP.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
YOUR LEMON LAMP?

LUKE KILLED IT.

ON PURPOSE?

I CAN'T PROVE IT, BUT I WILL.

WHAT WAS LUKE DOING THERE?

WELL, I CALLED HIM WHEN I GOT
HOME AND STELLA WASN'T THERE.

STELLA IS THE CHICK? YES.

I LIKE THAT NAME.

YEAH, STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE.

VIVIEN LEIGH OR JESSICA
TANDY? HELLO! TANDY.

OF COURSE, CONTINUE.

SO, AHEM, I EVALUATED THE SITUATION IN
MY USUAL CALM, COOL, COLLECTED MANNER,

AND THEN I CALLED LUKE TO
HELP ME TRACK HER DOWN.

THAT'S WHEN HE BROKE THE LAMP?

YEAH, HE'S NOT VERY GRACEFUL.

HE SAID THE WEIRDEST THING.

"MAY I BREAK YOUR LAMP?"

HE GOT THERE AND I
WAS LOOKING FOR STELLA,

AND HE SAID, "YOU REALLY DO HAVE
A BABY CHICK LOOSE IN THE HOUSE."

LIKE I MADE THAT UP
OR... I DON'T KNOW.

WELL. WELL WHAT?

WELL, YOU CALL SOMEONE AND SAY,

"CAN YOU COME AND HELP
ME LOOK FOR MY LOOSE CHICK?"

IT'S A LITTLE... A LITTLE WHAT?

IT SOUNDS LIKE A CODE FOR, "I'M
NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR."

THAT'S NOT THE CODE FOR, "I'M
NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR."

OK.

SOOKIE, YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.

LOOK, THE FIRST
TIME JACKSON AND I...

YOU KNOW. YEAH.

YEAH. I CALLED HIM UP AND
TOLD HIM I HAD A BAT IN MY ATTIC.

HONEY, YOU DO HAVE
A BAT IN YOUR ATTIC.

SO HE CAME OVER AND
WE WENT IN THE ATTIC,

AND WE BOTH KNEW
THERE WAS NO BAT,

BUT WE PRETENDED TO LOOK FOR IT.

THEN WHEN WE
COULDN'T FIND THE BAT,

WE WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND
HAD A BOTTLE OF WINE AND...

SOOKS, SO YOU'RE SAYING LUKE
THOUGHT I MADE UP A CRAZY STORY

ABOUT HAVING SOME CHICK LOOSE
IN THE HOUSE JUST TO GET HIM IN BED?

NOT JUST TO GET HIM IN BED. MAYBE
HE THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO SEE HIM

AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO SAY IT.

THAT'S NUTS.

A WOMAN ASKING A MAN TO
COME OVER LATE AT NIGHT

TO HER HOUSE. COME ON.

YEAH, BUT THIS IS LUKE
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WHY DID YOU CALL HIM?

BECAUSE I NEEDED HELP.

WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?

I ASSUMED YOU'D BE WITH JACKSON.

I DID. WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL RORY?

SHE'D HAVE BEEN FURIOUS
TO FIND OUT STELLA WAS LOST.

WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL
PATTY? SHE RAISES CHICKENS.

OR ANDREW? HE LIVES RIGHT
AROUND THE CORNER, DOESN'T HE?

WHAT IS YOUR POINT?

MY POINT IS THAT
YOU CALLED LUKE.

OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN TOWN
THAT YOU COULD HAVE CALLED

THAT WOULD HAVE COME OVER

AND DROPPED WHATEVER THEY
WERE DOING, YOU CALLED LUKE.

BECAUSE I HAD
JUST BEEN WITH HIM.

WE WERE PICKING
OUT PAINT SAMPLES.

HE WAS ON MY MIND.

IT WAS PURELY A TIMING THING.

PICKING OUT PAINT SAMPLES?

YES.

FOR LUKE'S PLACE?

YES.

SO YOU COULD PAINT TOGETHER?

ONCE AGAIN, YES.

HMM, WHICH, I BELIEVE,
WAS YOUR IDEA.

OK, SO NOW THE FACT THAT I
SUGGESTED PAINTING LUKE'S DINER

ALSO MEANS THAT I
WANTED TO GET HIM IN BED.

ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M
TRYING TO GET ANY POOR,

UNSUSPECTING
PERSON IN BED WITH ME.

I'M LIKE MICHAEL DOUGLAS.

LORELAI, THIS...

I JUST... THANKS FOR THE OMELET.

NO, HONEY, I'M SORRY. I
DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MAD...

DON'T BE MAD AT ME.

I'M NOT MAD. I'M
NOT MAD. I'M TIRED.

OK.

YOU KNOW, LUKE IS
A REALLY NICE MAN.

BYE, SOOKIE.

RORY, LORELAI.

HEY, WE THOUGHT THE
DOORBELL WASN'T WORKING.

COME IN.

WE WERE RINGING IT AND
RINGING IT, AND NOBODY...

OH, I GUESS WE'LL JUST COME IN.

THAT'D BE THE SAME

AS WHAT WE WERE PAYING
FOR OUR OLD PLACE?

EXACTLY THE SAME.

EXCEPT FOR THE GROUNDS FEES.

THE GROUNDS FEE IS HIGHER.

BUT THE GROUNDS ARE LARGER.

I'M JUST TRYING TO GET
ALL THE INFORMATION.

ALL THE INFORMATION IS THAT

THIS IS OUR LAST CHANCE TO GO TO
MARTHA'S VINEYARD FOR THE SEASON.

THAT'S ALL THE
INFORMATION. EMILY? RICHARD?

I REALIZE THE
POSITION WE ARE IN,

BUT THIS IS A
BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S
SAKE. RICHARD? EMILY?

AS A BUSINESS TRANSACTION,

ONE IN WHICH MONEY GOES OUT AND WE
RECEIVE CERTAIN GOODS AND SERVICES...

AND HE'S PATRONIZING
ME. HOW LOVELY.

EMILY? RICHARD?

I MUST TREAT THIS CONVERSATION

WITH THE SAME CARE
AND DEVOTION TO DETAIL

I WOULD ANY CONVERSATION

THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED
A BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

KINDLY ALLOW ME TO DO SO.

RICHARD, EMILY, PLEASE!

GOODNESS, YOU STARTLED ME.

I'M SORRY. I JUST WANTED TO SAY

THAT I'M SURE WE COULD
NEGOTIATE THE GROUNDS FEE.

WELL, THAT'LL BE FINE.

GOOD. I'LL GET INTO THIS RIGHT
NOW AND GET BACK TO YOU.

THANK YOU, JOHN.

YES, WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

BYE.

CAREFUL, RICHARD.

THAT CANARY YOU ATE IS
GOING TO SPOIL YOUR DINNER.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, YOUR MOM AND I JUST SECURED
A PLACE ON MARTHA'S VINEYARD.

REALLY? THAT'S GREAT!

I THOUGHT YOU LOST
YOUR OLD PLACE.

WE DID, BUT THIS
AFTERNOON WE FOUND OUT

THAT ARTHUR ROUNDTREE HAD DIED.

HE'D BEEN DRINKING.

SO WE GOT ON THE PHONE
AND SNATCHED THAT PLACE UP.

AH, IT'S A FINE
PIECE OF PROPERTY.

MUCH BETTER VIEW
THAN OUR USUAL PLACE.

BOTH OF YOU ARE GOING DIRECTLY
TO HELL. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.

WELL, AT LEAST
WE'LL BE WELL-RESTED.

TOUCHE.

I AM SO THRILLED ABOUT THIS.

I'M GLAD.

THE 2 OF YOU MUST COME UP
FOR THE WEEKEND. IT IS SO LOVELY.

RORY WOULD JUST LOVE IT.

CAN WE GO FOR A WEEKEND?

WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH VALIUM
AUNTY SOOKIE CAN LEND MOMMY, OK?

THE ONLY DRAWBACK IS THAT WE
HAD TO RENT THE PLACE FURNISHED

AND ARTHUR HAD DREADFUL TASTE.

REMEMBER THE LIBRARY, RICHARD?

PINK AND GREEN. HORRIBLE.
IT WAS JUST HORRIBLE.

WELL, HE'S DEAD
NOW, SO HE GOT HIS.

LORELAI, YOU'RE BEING MORBID.

I'M BEING MORBID?
NEW SUBJECT, PLEASE.

JOAN AND MELISSA RIVERS
HERE THINK I'M BEING MORBID.

RORY, WHAT'S NEW IN YOUR LIFE?

NOTHING. JUST SCHOOL, HOMEWORK.

APRONS. DO NOT GO THERE.

WHAT DOES SHE MEAN?

NOTHING, I WAS JUST TEASING HER.

ABOUT APRONS? YEAH.

I... I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

THEN HUMOR ME.

NOTHING. RORY DRESSED UP IN
A CUTE APRON THE OTHER DAY.

I WAS TEASING HER ABOUT IT.

WHY DID YOU GET
DRESSED UP IN AN APRON?

WELL...

WE'VE DECIDED TO GIVE UP
ON THAT PESKY HARVARD DREAM

AND FOCUS ON
SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC.

MOM, DAD, RORY'S DECIDED TO
BECOME A MAID, JUST LIKE I WAS.

IS THAT FUNNY?

DID SHE THINK IT WAS FUNNY?

WHAT MADE YOU SAY SUCH A THING?

AND IN FRONT OF RORY?

I WAS KIDDING.

GOD, MY HEART STOPPED.

WHY DON'T YOU, UH, TELL
THEM ABOUT YOUR BIRD?

THAT SEEMS LIKE A SAFE SUBJECT.

YOUR BIRD?

YEAH, IT'S FOR SCHOOL.

EACH OF US HAS TO FOLLOW A
CHICK THROUGH ITS GROWTH PROCESS.

EVERYTHING MUST BE LOGGED.

EATING AND SLEEPING HABITS.

HOUDINI HABITS.

SHE GOT OUT. SHE RAN FAR.

BUT SHE LIVED. SHE'S
A BETTER BIRD FOR IT.

THANK GOD LUKE FOUND HER.

LUKE FOUND HER?

WHAT?

RORY SAID LUKE FOUND HER.

GETTING ME BACK FOR
THE APRON THING? SORRY.

DID THE BIRD GET
LOOSE IN LUKE'S DINER?

NO, NO, THE BIRD
GOT LOOSE AT HOME.

YOUR HOME?

YES. AAH.

SO, GRANDPA, WHEN'S
YOUR NEXT TRIP?

UH, MADRID, THE 12TH. WOW.

THERE'S A NICE EDITION OF
CERVANTES IN IT FOR YOU.

GRACIAS.

WHAT WAS LUKE
DOING AT YOUR HOUSE?

OH, LOOK, THERE'S
NO ICE. I'LL GET SOME.

I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

HE WAS HELPING ME
FIND THE BIRD, MOM.

REALLY? YES, REALLY.

AND HOW DID HE KNOW
THE BIRD WAS MISSING?

WAS HE STROLLING BY YOUR HOUSE

AND HE HEARD YOUR
PLAINTIVE CRIES FOR HELP?

OR THE HELPLESS CHEEP
OF A CHICK IN TROUBLE?

I CALLED HIM, MOM, OK?

I CALLED HIM AND
ASKED HIM TO COME OVER

AND HELP ME FIND THE BIRD, OK?

IT SEEMS THIS MAN IS ALWAYS
AROUND WHEN YOU'RE IN TROUBLE.

HE'S A GOOD FRIEND. OH, PLEASE.

DO WE HAVE TO DISCUSS THIS?

LORELAI, I'M GETTING A
LITTLE TIRED OF BEING LIED TO.

APPARENTLY WE DO.

THIS MAN WAS AT
RORY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

HE CAME TO THE
HOSPITAL WITH YOU.

HE'S THE MALE LEAD IN
EVERY STORY YOU TELL.

YOU GO TO THE DINER
EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I'VE SEEN THE WAY
HE LOOKS AT YOU,

THE WAY YOU LOOK
AT HIM. I'M NOT A FOOL.

MOM, PLEASE.

WHY DO YOU TREAT ME LIKE

I DON'T HAVE A CLUE IN THE WORLD
AS TO WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE?

NOW I'M ASKING YOU, AS A FAVOR,

IF YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ME
AT ALL AS YOUR MOTHER, JUST TELL ME.

DO YOU HAVE
FEELINGS FOR THIS MAN?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE I DO.

I HAVEN'T GIVEN IT
THAT MUCH THOUGHT.

MAYBE I DO.

THANK YOU.

I'M GLAD YOU WERE
FINALLY HONEST WITH ME.

NOW WE CAN DISCUSS WHAT ON EARTH

YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE THINKING.

DON'T FORGET THE ICE.

♪ BEAUTIFUL DREAMERS ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL ONES ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL DREAMERS ♪

SO YOU'RE SURE WE
NEED THIS MANY CANS?

OH, YEAH, YOU NEED ENOUGH FOR 2
COATS, TOUCHUPS AND LITTLE SPOTS.

NO, I'M NOT SURE.

WELL, WE GOT THE
PAINT, AND THE BRUSHES,

AND THE TARPS, AND ALL THE OTHER
STUFF THE PAINT GUY SAID WE'D NEED.

SO I GUESS WE'RE READY.

YES, WE ARE.

THE ONLY THING LEFT TO
DO IS FIGURE OUT WHEN.

HOW ABOUT FRIDAY? FRIDAY?

YEAH, YOU DON'T WANT
THIS SITTING AROUND.

I DON'T KNOW IF PAINT GOES BAD.

BUT JUDGING BY THE SMELL WHEN IT'S
FRESH, ROTTEN PAINT WOULD BE GROSS.

DON'T YOU HAVE DINNER
WITH YOUR FOLKS ON FRIDAY?

YEAH, BUT I CAN GET OUT
EARLY FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION.

FRIDAY IT IS.

GOOD.

HEY.

OH, HEY, YOU.

JEEZ, YOU THINK YOU
GOT ENOUGH PAINT?

I KNOW, I TRIED TO TELL HIM.

SO DINNER. THOUGHTS?

LET'S HAVE SOME.

HOW ABOUT CHINESE? SOUNDS GOOD.

OK, I NEED TO STOP AT
THE MARKET AND GET FRUIT.

WHY? I THINK I'M GETTING SCURVY.

REALLY? YEAH.

WELL, THAT OR A COLD.

BUT, EITHER WAY, I
NEED SOME FRUIT.

DAMN MOTORCYCLES.
THEY'RE A SCOURGE.

YEAH. YEAH.

THEY'RE LOUD. THEY'RE DANGEROUS.

WE SHOULD BAN THEM FROM TOWN.

HMM, MAYBE WE SHOULD
SET UP BARRICADES

AND BAN ALL UNWELCOME STRANGERS
FROM CROSSING THE BORDER.

WELL, NO, WE COULDN'T DO THAT.

THAT WOULD BE ILLEGAL.

DARN LAWS.

GOTTA GET AWAY FROM THAT NOISE.

KILL ME AND BURY
ME WITH THAT BIKE.

WHAT IS IT, A HARLEY?

THAT IS A 2000 INDIAN
80 HORSEPOWER,

5-SPEED, CLOSE-RATIO ANDREWS
TRANSMISSION. AND I WANNA GET ONE.

NO. WHY NOT?

YOU'D DIE. OH, THAT.

HI.

HI.

NICE SHIRT. TAKE IT OFF.

CHRISTOPHER.

DAD!

HEY!

THIS IS GREAT! WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M HERE TO SEE YOU.

AND YOUR MOM, WHO'S
NOT SAYING ANYTHING

ABOUT AS LOUD AS A PERSON CAN.

HELLO.

A WORD.

PERHAPS THERE'S A
PHRASE IN MY FUTURE.

OK, WHY IS THAT
MAN STARING AT ME?

THAT'S TAYLOR DOOSE.
HE OWNS THE MARKET.

HE KNOWS ALL AND SEES ALL.

SO, UM, WHAT'S WITH THE JUST
SHOWING UP, MR. SPONTANEITY GUY?

WELL, MY FOLKS ARE IN
CONNECTICUT, SO I'M HERE TO SEE THEM.

AND ON THE WAY I
THOUGHT I'D STOP BY

AND SURPRISE THE GILMORE GIRLS.

ARE YOU SURPRISED?

OH, THE TEENIEST FEATHER
COULD KNOCK ME IN THE GUTTER.

SO WHERE WOULD SOMEBODY
FIND A PLACE TO STAY HERE?

YOU'RE STAYING?
I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.

STAY WITH US. UM, SWEETIE.

I DON'T THINK YOUR MOM WANTS...

NO, NO, IT'S NOT THAT.

IT'S JUST THAT I'M
STILL SURPRISED.

MOM, PLEASE?

WHY NOT STAY WITH US
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS?

THANKS. YOU WON'T
EVEN KNOW I'M THERE.

HEY, HOP ON.

HOP OFF.

HOP ON.

HOP OFF.

LORELAI.

HOP ON.

CHRISTOPHER.