Gilmore Girls (2000–2007): Season 1, Episode 15 - Christopher Returns - full transcript

PREVIOUSLY ON GILMORE GIRLS:

I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU
WON'T PAINT THIS PLACE.

PAINTING IS A PAIN. I'D HAVE TO CLOSE
THE PLACE, WHICH I CAN'T AFFORD,

OR PAINT IT IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

WHICH I DON'T WANT TO DO
BECAUSE I HATE PAINTING.

OK. HOW ABOUT THIS?

I'LL HELP YOU. I LOVE TO PAINT.

WELL, I GUESS
MAYBE, IF I HAD HELP.

OH, HE'S SO CUTE.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?

CASE STUDY NUMBER 12.

SHOW YOURSELF.

MOLT OR CHIRP OR SOMETHING.

OH, THIS IS SO NOT FUNNY.

YEAH? LUKE, STELLA GOT OUT.

COULD YOU COME OVER HERE,
PLEASE, AND... AND HELP ME?

I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN TOWN
THAT YOU COULD HAVE CALLED

THAT WOULD HAVE COME OVER AND
DROPPED WHAT THEY WERE DOING,

YOU CALLED LUKE.

DO YOU HAVE
FEELINGS FOR THIS MAN?

MAYBE I DO.

DON'T YOU HAVE DINNER WITH
YOUR FOLKS ON FRIDAY? YEAH.

BUT I CAN, UH, GET OUT EARLY
FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION.

FRIDAY IT IS.

GOOD. GOOD.

DAD!

HEY!

AND ON THE WAY, I
THOUGHT I'D STOP BY

AND SURPRISE THE GILMORE GIRLS.

ARE YOU SURPRISED?

OH, THE TEENIEST FEATHER
COULD KNOCK ME IN THE GUTTER.

SO WHERE WOULD SOMEBODY FIND
SOMEPLACE TO STAY AROUND HERE?

STAY, REALLY? YOU'RE
STAYING? I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.

STAY WITH US. WHY DON'T YOU
STAY WITH US FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS?

THANKS. YOU WON'T
EVEN KNOW I'M THERE.

HEY, HOP ON.

CHRISTOPHER.

HE LOOKS GOOD, DON'T YOU THINK?

HE LOOKS GOOD.

I LIKE HIS HAIR SHORTER.

SHORTER'S NICE.

DO YOU THINK HE'LL STAY LONG?

WOULDN'T BET A
LOT OF MONEY ON IT.

MAYBE WE CAN GET HIM TO
STAY A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

ABSOLUTELY, BY WEIGHTING
HIM DOWN WITH BLANKETS.

I JUST WANT HIM TO
BE COMFORTABLE.

HE'S GONNA COME AND GO AS HE
PLEASES, BABE. YOU KNOW THAT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

AND NO AMOUNT OF BEDDING
IS GONNA CHANGE THAT.

YEAH, BUT HE'S NEVER BEEN
TO STARS HOLLOW BEFORE.

I KNOW.

WELL, THAT MEANS SOMETHING'S
GOTTA BE DIFFERENT, RIGHT?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST ENJOY
THE TIME YOU'VE GOT, OK?

YEAH, OK.

I STILL THINK SOMETHING'S
DIFFERENT THOUGH.

THAT IS THE WORST
SHOWER I'VE EVER HAD.

WATER PRESSURE KEEPS
CHANGING EVERY 2 SECONDS.

I'M FIXING IT TOMORROW.

HEY, YOU STAY AWAY
FROM MY SHOWER.

WE ORDERED CHINESE FOOD.
IT SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

GOOD, I'M STARVING.

HERE.

HEY, HOW IS DIANE?

UH, DIANE IS ANCIENT HISTORY.

WHEN I MET HER AT EASTER,
YOU SAID SHE COULD BE THE ONE.

MMM, THE ONE TO BE
GONE BY MEMORIAL DAY.

YOU'RE WORSE THAN MOM. LOW BLOW.

CAN'T KEEP A FELLER HAPPY?

OH, I KEEP THEM HAPPY. I
KEEP THEM VERY HAPPY.

OK, NOW, DON'T GET GROSS.

YEAH, YOU'RE UPSETTING US.

I'M GONNA GO STUDY
BEFORE THE FOOD GETS HERE.

WHAT? TOMORROW'S
SATURDAY. I KNOW.

I LIKE TO GET MY WEEKEND HOMEWORK
DONE AND OUT OF THE WAY BY SATURDAY NIGHT

SO THEN I CAN DO
EXTRA-CREDIT STUFF ON SUNDAY.

DON'T LOOK AT ME.

SHE'S A GREAT KID, LOR.

I WISH I COULD SAY I SAW
MORE OF MYSELF IN HER

OTHER THAN WE HAVE
SIMILAR LEFT EARLOBES,

BUT SHE'S ALL YOU.

CHIP OFF THE OLD PERFECT BLOCK.

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?

BEHOLD THE QUEEN OF THE SUBTLE
TRANSITION. WHY ARE YOU HERE?

YOU'RE GONNA FORCE
ME TO LAWYER UP, OFFICER.

CHRISTOPHER.

OK, LOOK,

I'VE BEEN MAKING SOME CHANGES,
ESPECIALLY IN MY CAREER,

I'VE GOT ALL MY DUCKS
LINED UP IN A ROW.

YOU'RE OPENING A
SHOOTING GALLERY.

I WAS TYING UP THE
LOOSE ENDS IN MY LIFE.

DO THEY MAKE THAT MUCH STRING?

YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD THAT VERBAL
THING, QUICK MIND. IT'S ANNOYING.

SO YOU'VE BEEN
TYING UP LOOSE ENDS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
YOUR DAD HAS TOLD YOU,

BUT I'M ON THE VERGE OF A BIG
SUCCESS. IT'S FOR REAL THIS TIME.

I'VE GOT A COMPANY
WITH ACTUAL CASH FLOW.

I'VE GOT EMPLOYEES.

I'VE GOT AN ACCOUNTANT,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.

HE WEARS A TIE AND SAYS WORDS
LIKE "FIDUCIARY" AND "IRONICALLY."

I MEAN, IT'S FOR
REAL THIS TIME, LOR.

I WOULD LOVE TO BELIEVE IT IS.

WHY DOES YOUR DAD HAVE
MORE FAITH IN ME THAN YOU?

MMM, MY FATHER HIT HIS HEAD
SURFING RINCON A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.

HIS JUDGMENT'S A LITTLE OFF.

SO YOU HAVE ZERO FAITH?

I... I'VE KNOWN YOU
SINCE I WAS 6, CHRIS.

Y-Y-YOU'RE THAT GUY WHO
CRASHED HIS NEW PORSCHE

2 HOURS AFTER HIS PARENTS GAVE
IT TO HIM FOR HIS 16TH BIRTHDAY.

YOU WERE THE GIRL IN THE PINKY
TUSCADERO T-SHIRT SITTING NEXT TO ME.

HORRIFIED. THINK AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT. HAVING A BLAST, THEN
HORRIFIED. LISTEN TO ME, WILL YOU?

I AM LISTENING TO YOU. YOUR LIFE
IS BACK ON TRACK, THAT'S GREAT.

AND I APPRECIATE YOU COMING ALL
THE WAY HERE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME

MIGHT I ADD, TO TELL US THAT.

I DIDN'T COME HERE
JUST TO TELL YOU THAT.

NO?

THERE'S SOME THINGS I NEED
TO DO... TO TAKE CARE OF.

LIKE?

I HAVEN'T BEEN ENOUGH
A PART OF RORY'S LIFE.

SO I WANNA BE AROUND MORE, TO
BE ANOTHER PAL SHE CAN DEPEND ON.

I MEAN, I'M NOT CRAZY. I KNOW
THERE'S ALREADY A LIFE GOING ON HERE,

AND GOD KNOWS SHE DOESN'T
NEED ANYONE BESIDES YOU.

BUT IF YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE...

I'VE ALWAYS HAD THE DOOR
TO RORY OPEN FOR YOU.

I KNOW. YOU'VE
HARDLY EVER USED IT.

WELL, I WANNA USE IT NOW.

IS THAT OK?

OF COURSE IT IS.

GOOD.

HEY, I FORGOT TO ASK YOU. UM, TOMORROW
MORNING, I'M GOING TO A SOFTBALL GAME.

DO YOU WANNA COME?
YOU PLAY SOFTBALL?

UH, NO.

"YOU PLAY SOFTBALL?"
THAT'S GOOD.

WELL, OK. WHOSE GAME IS IT?

OH, IT'S MY FRIEND DEAN'S.

DEAN? YEAH, DEAN.

IT STARTS AT 9:00.

UH, SURE, IT'S A DATE.

SHE HAS A DEAN?

SHE HAS A DEAN.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

WELL, A SINGLE-CELLED ORGANISM
CRAWLED OUT OF THE PRIMORDIAL OOZE

AND THAT PRETTY
MUCH LED TO DEAN.

I NEED A BEER.

HEY.

YES, DEAR?

THERE'S A LOT MORE THAN AN
EARLOBE RESEMBLANCE THERE.

GOOD. HEY, THANKS
FOR THE DOOR THING.

THANKS FOR WANTING IT.

♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪

♪ FEELIN' LONELY AND SO COLD ♪

♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ OH ♪

♪ WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪

♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪

♪ IF YOU NEED IF YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪

YOU GOT THE NEXT ONE,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

SO, WHICH IS YOUR DEAN?

THAT'S HIM OVER THERE.

OK, WE GOT 2 DOWN.

AND THAT'S LUKE.

LUKE'S THE DINER GUY?

YES, WE EAT THERE
PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY.

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OUT NUMBER
3 COMING TO THE PLATE, GUYS.

I'D SEND YOUR BOYS A LITTLE
FARTHER INTO THE FIELD, LUKE.

WHY? WILL THEY HAVE A
BETTER VIEW OF YOU WHIFFING?

YOU KNOW, THE ONLY
WAY I'M NOT HITTING IT

IS IF YOU DON'T GET
IT OVER THE PLATE.

THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT

YOU CAN'T PITCH
AND YOU CAN'T HIT.

SO THIS'LL BE A
TERRIFIC MATCHUP.

KNOCK IT OFF, KIRK.

AN HISTORIC LACK OF ACTION.

DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER
TO DO WITH YOUR SATURDAYS?

WHAT CAN I SAY, I'M
ADDICTED TO COMEDY.

HALF AN HOUR THEY'VE BEEN
PLAYING, AND IT'S TIED 0-0.

HEY, IF YOU EVER TAKE
THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD,

I'VE GOT A NAME FOR
YOU. ZERO AND ZERO.

DEAN ZERO AND LUKE ZERO, GET IT?

DOESN'T EVEN RESEMBLE CLEVER.

I'M DUMBING IT DOWN
FOR YOU, ALFALFA.

HOW LONG DO THESE GAMES LAST?

TILL THEY GET TIRED.

AND THEN THEY JUST SAY THE
FIRST TEAM TO GET A RUN WINS.

YEAH, IT'S REALLY
PROFESSIONAL DOWN THERE.

HEY, LUKE, DOES YOUR
HUSBAND PLAY SOFTBALL, TOO?

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

UM, I'M GETTING A
PAGE. I'VE GOTTA GO.

HEY. HEY.

DEAN, THIS IS MY DAD.
DAD, THIS IS DEAN. DEAN.

UH, NICE TO MEET YOU. SAME HERE.

SO, DO YOU LIVE IN THE AREA?

NO, I HAD SOME TIME, SO I RODE
MY BIKE OUT FROM BERKELEY.

REALLY? WHAT DO YOU GOT?

A 2000 INDIAN.

I GOT AN '86 SUZUKI.

NICE. YEAH.

DEAN, COME ON!

I GOTTA GO. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

SO THAT WAS A DEAN?

THAT WAS A DEAN.

HEY, UH, NEXT RUN
WINS, ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

WOW!

WOW WHAT?

WOW, I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU TWO
ENJOY A PLEASANT MOMENT TOGETHER.

OH, COME ON.

OH, YOU HAVE SEEN US
ENJOY A PLEASANT MOMENT.

NO, NOT EVER.

OH, YOU'RE BEING ABSURD.

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, THEY
ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN.

THROUGH NO FAULT OF MINE.

I'M JUST SAYING
IT'S... IT'S REFRESHING.

IT'S NOT THE USUAL
"GRR," THAT'S ALL.

THROUGH NO FAULT OF YOURS?

I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE
THE ONE THAT'S SO...

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, I THINK YOU DO KNOW, OR YOU
WOULDN'T HAVE STARTED SAYING IT.

JUST YOURSELF, CAUSTIC.

YOU MEAN OBNOXIOUS?

YOUR WORDS, NOT MINE.

GO TO HELL.

OH. NO, I'M JUST SAYING IT IS REFRESHING
TO SEE THE TWO OF YOU JUST... YEAH.

YOU, GET IN HERE AND TELL ME
ABOUT THE HAPPENINGS AT HOME.

AH, I ASSUME YOU MEAN, "DID
WE GET OUR TOASTER FIXED?"

AND NO, IT'S BEEN COLD
POP-TARTS FOR A WEEK.

IT'S LIKE A DAMN DICKENS' NOVEL.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE
TOASTER. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE MAN.

AH.

SO WHAT'S IT LIKE HAVING HIM
AROUND THE HOUSE ALL THE TIME?

WELL, IT'S, UM...

A LITTLE WEIRD.

WE HAVE FEWER CLEAN
TOWELS THAN USUAL.

COME ON, GIVE ME SOMETHING.

TELL ME HOW YOU
FEEL. I'M DYING HERE.

HONESTLY, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT HOW THIS MAKES ME FEEL

SINCE HE ASKED ME TO TAKE
MY SHIRT OFF THE OTHER DAY.

EXCUSE ME?

NO, IT WAS A... KIND OF
A "HELLO" KIND OF THING.

WOW, HE'S SMOOTH. YEAH.

I MEAN, I'VE NOT SEEN THIS MAN
SINCE LAST CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?

WE HEAR FROM HIM MAYBE
ONCE A WEEK. MAYBE.

AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HE'S HERE IN MY TOWN

AND RORY'S RUNNING
AROUND ALL EXCITED.

HE'S SLEEPING ON THE COUCH.

AND I'M THINKING,
"SHOULD I BE MAD?

SHOULD I SEND HIM TO A HOTEL?"

BUT THEN HE SMILES...

AND IT'S CHRISTOPHER.

HERE.

I MEAN, NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS
GO BY OR HOW LONG I DON'T SEE HIM,

WHENEVER I DO, IT'S
ALWAYS CHRISTOPHER.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?

DUNK. GO ON.

THIS MAN KNOWS ALL MY SECRETS.

ALL OF MY BAD-GIRL
MOMENTS HAPPENED WITH HIM.

MY WORST FASHION
CHOICES, MY BIG-HAIR DAYS,

THE WEARING OF THE BONNE BELL
LIP SMACKERS AROUND MY NECK,

IT WAS ALL WITH CHRISTOPHER.

SO, DO YOU THINK YOU TWO WILL...

NO.

OH, WELL, THAT'S CONVINCING.

I DON'T KNOW. I...

HE WANTS TO BE MORE
INVOLVED WITH RORY.

HE WANTS TO SPEND MORE
TIME WITH HER AND BE A PAL.

IT'S ABOUT TIME.

YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

YES.

YEAH, IF IT'S TRUE.

AND IF IT'S NOT?

THEN IT'S... CHRISTOPHER.

THIS IS THE TOWN FLOWER SHOP.

UM, OVER THERE IS
A GOOD PIZZA PLACE.

THAT'S THE STATIONERY STORE.

AND THAT'S AL'S PANCAKE WORLD.

GOOD PANCAKES?

OH, HE DOESN'T SERVE PANCAKES.

OK.

HE SWITCHED TO INTERNATIONAL
CUISINE A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO

AND DROPPED THE PANCAKES.

HE WOULD'VE CHANGED THE NAME,

BUT HE HAD ALREADY PRINTED A
MILLION NAPKINS WITH THE ORIGINAL NAME,

SO HE JUST KEPT IT.

WHAT KIND OF
INTERNATIONAL CUISINE?

HE KIND OF HOPS AROUND.

LAST MONTH, IT WAS HIS
SALUTE TO PARAGUAY.

ANYONE SALUTE BACK?

NOT REALLY.

RORY, HONEY.

HOW ARE YOU, SWEETIE? GREAT.

UM, MISS PATTY, THIS IS
MY DAD, CHRISTOPHER.

YOUR DAD.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU'RE RORY'S FATHER.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

YOU KNOW, CHRISTOPHER, WE'RE
ALL LIKE RORY'S PARENTS AROUND HERE

AND I'M ONE OF HER MOTHERS.

AND SINCE YOU'RE HER FATHER,

WELL, THAT WOULD
MAKE US... A COUPLE.

COUPLE OF WHAT, I DON'T KNOW!

OK, WELL, WE GOTTA BE GOING.

YES. WELL...

COME BACK AND SEE ME.

I WILL.

BYE.

AH.

WELL, YOU MUST BE RORY'S FATHER.

UH, Y-Y-YES, I AM.

TAYLOR DOOSE, GROCER
TO STARS HOLLOW.

VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

NEWS TRAVELS FAST AROUND HERE.

YES, IT DOES.

BOOKSTORE. GOOD. COME ON.

HEY, HEY, CHRISTOPHER,
JACKSON MELVILLE.

HELLO.

BOY, I GOTTA TELL YOU, DID THEY
GET YOUR DESCRIPTION WRONG.

REALLY? OH, YEAH.

MUCH MORE GEORGE
CLOONEY THAN BRAD PITT.

DON'T YOU THINK HE'S MUCH MORE
GEORGE CLOONEY THAN BRAD PITT?

I'M GOING WITH THE BILLY
CRUDUP COMPARISON MYSELF.

REALLY? OH, YEAH.

I DON'T SEE IT.

EH, MAYBE FROM THE
SIDE. HEY, DO YOU MIND?

WHAT? UH-UH. NO, NOT AT ALL.

THERE'S A LITTLE
CRUDUP IN THERE.

HUH, WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEET
YOU, WHOEVER YOU LOOK LIKE.

NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

OK, I'M KIDNAPPING YOU AND
GETTING YOU OUT OF HERE.

THEY ALL MEAN WELL.

YEAH, I'M SURE ALL LUNATICS
HAVE THE BEST INTENTIONS.

OK, SO, I HEAR YOU LIKE BOOKS.

WHY, YES, I DO.

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO PICK SOMETHING
OUT AND LET ME BUY IT FOR YOU.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BUY ME ANYTHING.

COME ON, WHAT'S THE... THE
BOOK OF YOUR DREAMS RIGHT NOW?

WELL, THAT WOULD DEFINITELY BE THE COMPACT
OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY, BUT DAD...

EXCUSE ME, ONE COMPACT
OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY, PLEASE.

OK.

DAD, NO. IT COSTS A FORTUNE.

YOU NEED SOMETHING TO
REMEMBER THIS VISIT BY.

HERE YOU GO.

HOLY MOTHER!

THIS IS THE MONOLITH FROM 2001.

IT HAS EVERY WORD EVER
RECORDED IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

PLUS ORIGINS AND EARLIEST USAGE.

SURE YOU WOULDN'T RATHER HAVE
A CAR? THEY WEIGH ABOUT THE SAME.

HERE YOU GO.

THIS IS SO NICE OF YOU.

YEAH, WELL, I'VE GOT A LOT
OF THINGS TO MAKE UP FOR.

NO, YOU DON'T.

YES, I DO.

UM, I'M SORRY, CHRISTOPHER,
BUT YOUR CARD'S BEEN REJECTED.

REJECTED? WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I CAN RUN IT THROUGH
AGAIN IF YOU'D LIKE.

YES. UH, NO.

HE DOESN'T NEED TO
RUN IT THROUGH AGAIN.

OH, OK.

UH, COULD YOU MAYBE
HOLD THAT FOR US?

I'LL COME BACK
WITH ANOTHER CARD.

SURE, CHRIS. NO PROBLEM. THANKS.

COME ON.

NOW YOU'LL REALLY REMEMBER ME.

I DIDN'T WANT IT
THAT MUCH ANYWAY.

HEY, LISTEN, DON'T TELL
YOUR MOM ABOUT THIS, OK?

OK. THANKS.

YES, IT IS HER REAL
DAD. HE SEEMS VERY NICE.

KIND OF A FOLKIE, POPPY,
URBAN, SCRUFFY LOOK TO HIM.

AND OBVIOUSLY THERE'S
SOME MONEY MIXED IN THERE

BECAUSE HE'S GOT THAT,
YOU KNOW, MONEY NOSE. AND...

SO, RORY WAS AT THE
GAME TODAY. OH, YEAH.

YEAH. SHE WAS WITH
SOME GUY. DEAN.

NO, I KNOW THAT PUNK.
SOME... SOME OLDER GUY.

OH, THAT WOULD'VE BEEN HER DAD.

REALLY? SO THAT'S, UH...

THE GUY WHO IMPREGNATED
ME WITH RORY, YES.

OH, WELL...

HE DID A GOOD JOB.

IMPREGNATING ME WITH RORY?

NOW THIS HAS TAKEN
A VERY WEIRD TURN.

YEAH.

HI.

OH, HI, WHERE WERE YOU?

WELL, WE SAW AL'S
PARAGUAYAN PANCAKE HOUSE.

WE WERE STALKED BY
SEVERAL TOWNSPEOPLE,

AND APPARENTLY, I
LOOK LIKE BILLY CRUDUP.

YOU DO NOT. TAKE
IT UP WITH JACKSON.

AH... AH... AH... AH,
HEY... HEY... HEY... HEY.

HELLO?

EMILY! EMILY.

IT'S YOUR MOTHER.

HI, GRANDMA.

UH-HUH.

WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M SITTING
HERE WITH YOUR GIRLS.

SURE.

SHE WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU.

MMM.

HI, MOM.

LORELAI, CHRISTOPHER IS IN TOWN.

OH, WHAT? I DIDN'T KNOW.

ALTHOUGH COINCIDENTALLY,
I'M SITTING ACROSS

FROM AN AMAZING
CHRISTOPHER HOLOGRAM.

WELL, I JUST HAD
THIS WONDERFUL IDEA.

CHRISTOPHER'S PARENTS
ARE IN TOWN, TOO.

YOU REMEMBER STRAUB
AND FRANCINE, DON'T YOU?

AH. YES, THE SCHNICKELFRITZES.

THE WHO? THE HAYDENS.

WELL, I CALLED THEM UP
AND INVITED THEM TO DINNER.

THEY SAID THAT THEY ARE FREE
TO JOIN US ALL ON FRIDAY NIGHT.

J-JOIN US ALL?

YES. YOU, RORY,
CHRISTOPHER, YOUR FATHER.

THAT'S QUITE A GATHERING, MOM.

WELL, I SHOULD SAY SO.

WE HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER
SINCE YOU BOTH WERE CHILDREN.

AND STRAUB AND FRANCINE HAVEN'T
SEEN RORY SINCE SHE WAS A BABY.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT...

IT'LL BE LIKE A
WONDERFUL REUNION.

ALL OF US TOGETHER AGAIN.

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN.

YEAH. ME EITHER.

I'VE GOTTA SEE MY PARENTS.

I'VE GOTTA SEE MY PARENTS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DRAMA
KING AND QUEEN OF CONNECTICUT.

♪

HELLO, ANYBODY HOME?

OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE HERE.

CHRISTOPHER, LOOK AT YOU.

EMILY, AS ALWAYS, PERFECT.

I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU.

I DIDN'T HEAR THE DOORBELL.

WE DIDN'T RING THE DOORBELL.

YOU LET YOURSELVES IN?

IT'S OK, MOM. LOOK,
NOT A RAPIST AMONG US.

HI, GRANDMA.

YOU USUALLY KNOCK.

NOT SINCE YOU GAVE US A KEY.

THAT'S FOR EMERGENCIES.

WELL, MOM, I'M
STARVING TO DEATH.

IS THAT ENOUGH OF AN
EMERGENCY FOR YOU?

RICHARD'S IN THE LIVING ROOM.
COME ON IN. HE'S DYING TO SEE YOU.

THANKS.

IT'S A SETUP,
GIVING ME THAT KEY.

IT'S A KEY. IT'S MEANT TO BE
USED. IT'S MY PARENTS' HOUSE.

SHUT UP. SORRY.

WELL, HERE THEY ARE!

- HI, GRANDPA.
- HELLO, RORY.

LORELAI. CHRISTOPHER,
OLD BOY, HOW ARE YOU?

MY GOSH, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HOW ARE YOU, RICHARD?
WELL, I'M BETTER THAN MOST.

NOT AS GOOD AS SOME.
AND ANNOYED WITH ALL.

HA... HA, YOU SPEAK
THE TRUTH, YOUNG MAN.

I HAVE MADE MARTINIS.

SO, CHRISTOPHER, TELL
ME ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

OH, RICHARD, LET
THE POOR BOY RELAX.

LOOK, I SIMPLY WANT TO
FIND OUT HOW IT'S GOING.

IT'S, UH, IT'S GOING
GREAT, RICHARD.

I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO JINX IT BY
TELLING YOU HOW GOOD IT'S GOING.

OH, THAT IS WONDERFUL. I
ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU.

YOU HAVE A SPLASH OF GREATNESS,
AS MY MOTHER WOULD SAY.

YOU ALWAYS HAD THAT
SPLASH OF GREATNESS.

MMM.

I'D LIKE ANOTHER SPLASH OF
GREATNESS IF YOU DON'T MIND.

OH, RICHARD, ISN'T RORY THE
SPITTING IMAGE OF CHRISTOPHER?

I JUST HOPE YOU INHERIT YOUR
FATHER'S BUSINESS SENSE ALSO, MY DEAR.

I KNOW ONE THING FOR SURE.

YOU CERTAINLY HAVE YOUR
FATHER'S MUSICAL TALENT.

OH. WAIT JUST A MINUTE.

WHAT?

M-MOM, NEITHER OF THESE
TWO HAVE ANY MUSICAL TALENT.

HEY, I PLAY GUITAR.

THE OPENING LICK TO
SMOKE ON THE WATER.

AND I'VE SINCE MASTERED THE
OPENING LICK TO JUMPIN' JACK FLASH.

I'M A CHUCK BERRY MAN MYSELF.

SOMETHING WRONG?

I... I WOULD NEVER HAVE
GUESSED THAT LAST SENTENCE

WOULD EVER COME
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

AND WHY NOT? CHUCK BERRY?

YES, CHUCK BERRY. HE WAS ALL
THE RAGE WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL.

AH, SO WE'RE TALKING
PRE MY DING-A-LING?

I BELIEVE I AM.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN
THE TWO OF YOU WERE WHAT, 10,

AND YOU PUT ON THAT
ADORABLE SHOW FOR US?

WHAT SHOW, MOM?

LUCY, SCHROEDER, YOU
LAYING ON THE COFFEE TABLE.

YOU PRETENDING IT WAS A PIANO.

GOD, WHY IS THAT REMEMBERED?

BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A
WONDERFUL PRODUCTION.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS
A PRODUCTION, MOM.

IT WAS JUST ONE SONG.

SUPPERTIME.

DID YOU WRITE THAT? THAT
WAS REALLY VERY GOOD.

DAD, THAT'S FROM YOU'RE A
GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN.

IT'S A FAMOUS MUSICAL.

WELL, I... I THOUGHT CHRISTOPHER
MIGHT HAVE WRITTEN IT.

HE'S A VERY TALENTED MAN.

THAT WOULD BE
STRAUB AND FRANCINE.

HA, HA, YOUR TURN.

HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR PARENTS
IN QUITE A NUMBER OF YEARS.

WE WERE PRACTICALLY
INSEPARABLE FOR A WHILE.

I REMEMBER THAT.

THIS IS WEIRD.

THESE ARE MY OTHER GRANDPARENTS.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM.

WHAT DO I CALL THEM?
CALL THEM WHAT I CALL THEM.

ASS... CHRIS.

SORRY, MY TIE'S TOO TIGHT.

JUST, UH, CALL THEM
STRAUB AND FRANCINE.

CALL THEM MR. AND MRS. HAYDEN.

SIR AND MA'AM?

JUST AVOID CALLING
THEM ANYTHING.

LOOK WHO'S HERE.

HELLO, MOTHER, POP.

CHRISTOPHER.

CHRISTOPHER, HELLO.

MR. AND MRS. HAYDEN,
LONG TIME NO SEE.

LORELAI, YOU LOOK WELL.

I... I AM, THANKS.

YOU REMEMBER RORY. YOU
HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN QUITE A WHILE.

NO, WE HAVEN'T.

I THINK SHE WAS JUST BEGINNING
TO SPEAK IN COMPLETE SENTENCES.

SO NOT FOR 2 YEARS THEN.

SH-SHE'S BEEN
TALKING A LONG TIME.

SO I WAS MAKING A
HUMOROUS COMMENT

SOMETIMES REFERRED
TO AS A... AS A JOKE.

I SEE YOU HAVEN'T
CHANGED, LORELAI.

NO, NOT AT ALL.

RORY, HELLO.

HI.

DID YOU JUST CURTSY? SHUT UP.

SORRY, MILADY.

UH, STRAUB, FRANCINE,
HOW ABOUT A MARTINI?

PLEASE.

WELL, STRAUB,

HOW IS RETIREMENT TREATING YOU?

YES, DO TELL US
ABOUT THE BAHAMAS.

YOU CAN GET AN
ENTIRE ISLAND THERE

FOR THE COST OF A
DECENT HOUSE HERE.

REALLY?

HOW ABOUT YOU, RICHARD? ANY THOUGHTS
OF RETIREMENT CROSSING YOUR MIND?

OH, STRAUB, IF ONLY YOU
COULD TALK HIM INTO IT.

I'VE GIVEN UP.

WE'RE VERY PLEASED
ABOUT CHRISTOPHER'S

BUSINESS SUCCESS
OUT IN CALIFORNIA.

YES, IT'S TAKEN A WHILE,

BUT IT SEEMS TO BE
FINALLY COMING TOGETHER.

SEEMS TO BE.

CHRISTOPHER, YOUR TIE, PLEASE.

STRAUB AND FRAN...

MR. AND MRS, UM...

ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR TIME HERE,

UM, YOU TWO?

THAT SHE GOT FROM YOU.

HOW OLD ARE YOU, YOUNG LADY?

16.

A DANGEROUS AGE
FOR GIRLS. STRAUB.

RORY IS A VERY SPECIAL CHILD.

EXCELLENT STUDENT, VERY BRIGHT.

YOU SHOULD HAVE A
TALK WITH HER, STRAUB.

SHE COULD GIVE YOU A
RUN FOR YOUR MONEY.

IS THAT SO? THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, I THINK MY MONEY IS SAFE.

I HATE PRESIDENT BUSH.

WHAT? OH, BOY.

HE'S STUPID.

HIS FACE IS TOO
TINY FOR HIS HEAD.

I JUST WANNA TOSS HIM OUT.

THAT IS THE LEADER
OF OUR COUNTRY.

IGNORE HER.

"HIS FACE IS TOO
TINY FOR HIS HEAD,"

WHAT KIND OF A
THING IS THAT TO SAY?

I SEE YOUR DAUGHTER'S JUST
AS OUT OF CONTROL AS EVER.

POP, PLEASE. LET'S
TRY TO KEEP IT CIVIL.

TELL ME, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN
DOING WITH YOUR LIFE, ANYWAY

BESIDES HATING
SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMEN?

I'M JUST CURIOUS.

WHY DON'T WE GO
TO THE DINING ROOM?

WELL, UH, STRAUB, I RUN
AN INN NEAR STARS HOLLOW.

REALLY?

YES, REALLY. DAD, COME ON.

NICE YOU FOUND YOUR CALLING.

DINNER'S READY.
CHRISTOPHER, YOUR TIE.

MOM, PLEASE.

IS YOUR LIFE ALL YOU
HOPED IT WOULD BE?

YES, IT IS.

YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO TAKE

QUITE SUCH A HAUGHTY TONE

WHEN YOU ANNOUNCE TO THE
WORLD THAT YOU WORK IN A HOTEL.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH WHERE I WORK.

PLEASE, I'M GETTING A HEADACHE.

COME ON, RICHARD, LEAD US
INTO THE DINING ROOM NOW.

IF YOU'D ATTENDED UNIVERSITY

AS YOUR PARENTS HAD PLANNED,

AND AS WE HAD IN
VAIN FOR CHRISTOPHER,

YOU MIGHT HAVE ASPIRED TO
MORE THAN A BLUE-COLLAR POSITION.

DON'T DO THIS.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU
DERAILING YOUR OWN LIFE

IF YOU HADN'T
SWEPT MY SON ALONG.

HONEY, GO IN THE
NEXT ROOM. GO, GO.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ECHO
CHRISTOPHER'S CALL FOR CIVILITY HERE.

A MUTUAL MISTAKE WAS MADE

MANY YEARS AGO BY THESE TWO.

BUT THEY'VE COME
A LONG WAY SINCE.

A MUTUAL MISTAKE?

THIS WHOLE EVENING
IS RIDICULOUS.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SIT HERE
LIKE ONE BIG, HAPPY FAMILY

AND PRETEND THE DAMAGE
THAT WAS DONE IS OVER?

I DON'T CARE ABOUT
HOW GOOD A STUDENT

YOU SAY THAT GIRL IS.

OUR SON WAS BOUND FOR PRINCETON.

EVERY HAYDEN MALE ATTENDED
PRINCETON, INCLUDING MYSELF.

BUT IT ALL STOPPED
WITH CHRISTOPHER.

IT'S A HUMILIATION
WE'VE HAD TO LIVE WITH.

ALL BECAUSE YOU SEDUCED
HIM INTO RUINING HIS LIFE.

SHE HAD THAT BABY AND
SHE ENDED HIS FUTURE.

YOU RECANT THAT.

YOU'RE SPILLING MY DRINK.

YOU OWE MY DAUGHTER AN APOLOGY.

AN APOLOGY? THAT IS RICH.

HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY DAUGHTER!

LET GO OF ME!

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

SHAME ON YOU FOR
OPENING ALL THIS AGAIN.

GET YOUR PURSE, FRANCINE.

MY DAUGHTER'S VERY
SUCCESSFUL AT WHAT SHE DOES.

WE'RE LEAVING.

YOU'RE NOT LEAVING,
I'M KICKING YOU OUT!

COME ON.

♪

AND YOU BROUGHT
UP BUSH BECAUSE...

IT SEEMED LIKE A
GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME.

WOW.

YEAH.

I FEEL 16.

DAD.

DAD.

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING TO EAT?

I'M NOT HUNGRY.

OK.

WELL, LOOK,

THANK YOU.

THANK ME? FOR WHAT?

WELL, FOR WHAT YOU DID IN THERE.

I'M JUST UNBELIEVABLY
TOUCHED AND GRATEFUL

FOR WHAT YOU SAID TO HIM,

FOR DEFENDING ME LIKE THAT.

I KNOW IT WAS HARD FOR
YOU BECAUSE... WELL...

BUT THANK YOU.

WHY DO YOU THINK I DID IT?

WHAT?

WHY DO YOU THINK I DID IT?

I DON'T KNOW. UM...

OUT OF PROTECTIVENESS, I GUESS.

YOU DON'T NEED TO
BE PROTECTED, LORELAI.

YOU'VE MADE IT VERY CLEAR

THAT YOU CAN LOOK AFTER YOURSELF

AND THAT YOU NEED
NOTHING FROM ANYONE.

MMM. THAT'S NOT, UH...

A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY
WAS BEING ATTACKED.

THE VERY GILMORE NAME
WAS BEING ATTACKED.

I WILL NOT STAND FOR THAT,
NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

OK. WELL, IT DOESN'T REALLY
MATTER WHY YOU DID IT.

YES, IT DOES
MATTER WHY I DID IT.

IT MATTERS GREATLY!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS?

THAT EVERYTHING THAT
HAPPENED IN THE PAST

IS SUDDENLY FINE
BECAUSE I DEFENDED YOU?

NO.

THAT THE HELL YOU PUT
YOUR MOTHER AND ME THROUGH

FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS IS
SUDDENLY WASHED AWAY?

WELL, IT'S NOT!

WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH HELL.

I HAD TO TELL MY
FRIENDS, MY COLLEAGUES

THAT MY ONLY DAUGHTER,

THE BRIGHTEST IN HER CLASS,

WAS PREGNANT AND
WAS LEAVING SCHOOL.

THAT MUST HAVE BEEN DEVASTATING.

THEN YOU RUN AWAY AND
YOU TREAT US AS LEPERS.

YOUR MOTHER COULDN'T
GET OUT OF BED FOR A MONTH.

DID YOU KNOW THAT? DID YOU?

NO.

WE DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THAT.

NOTHING TO EARN THAT.

I GET IT, I'M HORRIBLE.

SO WHY DON'T YOU DISOWN
ME AND ADOPT CHRISTOPHER?

YOU LOVE HIM.

DON'T BE A MARTYR, LORELAI.

AND DON'T BE NAIVE.

DO YOU THINK I LOVE THE BOY
WHO GOT MY DAUGHTER PREGNANT?

I WANTED TO KILL HIM.

I WOULD HAVE, TOO,
WITH MY BARE HANDS.

BUT THERE WAS A PROPER PROCEDURE

TO BE FOLLOWED IN
A SITUATION LIKE THIS.

MARRIAGE.

CHRISTOPHER WAS WILLING TO
FOLLOW THE PROCEDURE WE LAID OUT.

YOU WEREN'T.

WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANTED?

DAD, DIDN'T THAT
MATTER TO YOU AT ALL?

SOMETIMES,

ONE HAS TO SACRIFICE SOMETHING

IN ORDER TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT.

I FEEL INDESCRIBABLY SAD
FOR YOU RIGHT NOW, DAD.

WELL, SAVE YOUR
EMOTIONS, LORELAI.

I'VE HAD MY FILL
OF THEM TONIGHT.

SO, UM, WE JUST END IT HERE?

NOTHING RESOLVED?

I'M TIRED.

OK.

OK.

THERE YOU ARE. I WAS
WONDERING WHERE YOU WENT.

SORRY.

NO, IT'S NOTHING
TO BE SORRY ABOUT.

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?

I'M FINE.

THAT'S HARDLY DINNER.

WELL,

THAT WAS QUITE A BIT
OF EXCITEMENT TONIGHT.

OH, YEAH.

NOT THE GOOD KIND.

NOPE.

NONE OF THIS MEANS
ANYTHING, RORY.

OH, I KNOW.

STRAUB IS ACTUALLY A GOOD MAN,

VERY SMART.

HE WAS ONE OF THE
TOP LAWYERS IN HIS FIELD.

A VERY ARCANE ASPECT
OF INTERNATIONAL LAW.

AND HE'S ALWAYS BEEN SO
ACTIVE IN HIS COMMUNITY.

HIS CHARITY WORK HAS NEVER
DIMINISHED OVER THE YEARS.

OH, LET'S FACE
IT, HE'S A BIG ASS.

RORY, I KNOW YOU
HEARD A LOT OF TALK

ABOUT VARIOUS
DISAPPOINTMENTS THIS EVENING.

AND I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD A
LOT OF TALK ABOUT IT IN THE PAST.

BUT I WANNA MAKE
THIS VERY CLEAR.

YOU, YOUNG LADY,

YOUR PERSON AND YOUR
EXISTENCE HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN,

NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND,

INCLUDED IN THAT LIST.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

YEAH, I DO.

GOOD. NOW EAT UP.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

YEAH, WELL, I LOOK THE
WAY I FEEL, WISE GUY.

THAT WAS...

THAT WAS A MEMORABLE EVENING.

OH, YES, IT WAS
BEAUTIFUL IN THERE.

WE SHOULD COMMEMORATE IT

WITH AN OIL PAINTING

OR A SEVERED HEAD OR SOMETHING.

NEXT TIME WE GET
THIS GROUP TOGETHER,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO FRISK FOR WEAPONS.

HAND OUT GAGS.

EMPLOY 6 INDIVIDUAL
CONES OF SILENCE.

THE OLD BALCONY'S
STILL THE SAME, ISN'T IT?

IN ALL ITS BEAUTIFUL
AWAY-FROM-THEM-NESS.

PERFECT HIDEOUT,
TOTALLY PRIVATE.

WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME OUT HERE.

SNEAKING DAD'S TELESCOPE,

SCANNING THE SKIES
FOR ALIEN SHIPS.

NEVER FOUND ANY. HUH.

THEN WHEN WE WERE OLDER,

SCANNING THE NEIGHBORS'
HOUSES FOR NAKED PEOPLE.

FOUND A COUPLE OF THOSE.

MRS. DOMINSKI.

UNDULATING IN HER
BIG, FAT UNDERALLS

IS FOREVER CARVED INTO MY BRAIN.

AND IN MINE.

HERE'S TO MRS.
DOMINSKI'S UNDERALLS.

AHA!

HOLDING OUT ON ME.

TAKE IT.

AND IN AN EFFORT TO FURTHER
CHRONICLE THIS BALCONY'S HISTORY,

WE ARE NOW IN THE
IMMEDIATE VICINITY

OF THE SPOT UPON WHICH

WAS RORY'S INITIAL EMANATION.

YES, WE ARE.

HERE'S TO RORY.

THE BRIGHT SPOT IN
ALL THE DARKNESS.

AND HOW.

YOU KNOW, EVEN IF YOU
HADN'T GOTTEN PREGNANT

AND EVERYTHING
HAD GONE AS PLANNED,

I STILL WOULD'VE NEVER
MADE IT THROUGH PRINCETON.

OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

HMM.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE YOU AND I'M NOT.

WOW.

WOW, WOW, WOW.

YOU WIGGED?

YEAH, YEAH, I'M A LITTLE WIGGED.

WHY? WHY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

CHRIS, THIS IS THE
NEXT-TO-LAST THING

I THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN TONIGHT.

THE LAST THING
BEING A HOLY SAINT

RIDING DOWN ON A FLAMING
CHARIOT FROM HEAVEN

TO ANNOUNCE ARMAGEDDON.

HARTFORD'S THE PLACE
HE CHOOSES TO MAKE

HIS ANNOUNCEMENT?
I DON'T THINK SO.

YES, IT WAS UNEXPECTED,
BUT IT WAS GREAT.

OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

FINE. YOU KNOW
WHAT? WE SHOULD GO.

YEAH, WE SHOULD GO,
LIKE, 30 MINUTES AGO.

I'M SORRY.

DON'T APOLOGIZE.

IT WAS... IT WAS THE BOTH OF US.

GOD, MY PARENTS HAVE GOT TO

SEAL THESE WINDOWS
UP, I SWEAR TO GOD.

SO, WHERE WERE YOU GUYS?

NOWHERE.

WHERE'S NOWHERE?

WHERE WE WERE.

AAH.

GOOD NIGHT, YOU.

GOOD NIGHT, DAD.

GOOD NIGHT, LOR.

GOOD NIGHT, YEAH... UH...

YOU HAVE A REALLY,
REALLY GOOD NIGHT.

OH.

YOU'VE GOT SOME DIRT

OR SOME SCHMUTZ ON YOUR...

WHERE DID YOU...

IT'S BEEN A LONG NIGHT.

SO, UH, THERE'S JUST BEEN A LOT

OF SCHMUTZING GOING ON.

COME ON, WE HAVEN'T
REALLY HAD A CHANCE TO TALK.

ABOUT THE SCHMUTZING?

NO.

ABOUT ALL THE WARM
AND FUZZY FAMILY MOMENTS

THAT WENT ON
TONIGHT. ARE YOU OK?

YEAH, I'M FINE.

YOU KNOW, ALL THOSE CRAZY
PEOPLE SAYING HORRIBLE THINGS

WERE DIRECTING
THEM AT ME, NOT YOU.

THEY WERE DIRECTING THEM
TO YOU BECAUSE YOU HAD ME.

NO, THEY WERE DIRECTING THEM
AT ME BECAUSE I SCREWED UP

THEIR BIG CITIZEN
KANE PLANS, THAT'S ALL.

THEY DON'T EVEN WANNA
KNOW ME, DO THEY?

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

THEY ARE JUST SO FULL
OF ANGER AND STUPID PRIDE

THAT STANDS IN THE
WAY OF THEM REALIZING

HOW MUCH THEY WANNA KNOW YOU.

YEAH.

THEIR LOSS, AND
IT'S A PRETTY BIG ONE.

I'M GOING TO BED NOW.

HEY.

NO REGRETS FROM ME OR YOUR DAD.

YEAH?

OH! I MEAN, NO
REGRETS ABOUT YOU.

THERE'S A MISSPELLED-TATTOO
INCIDENT THAT

I'M SURE HE'D LIKE TO
ERASE FROM HIS BIO.

BUT YOU, THAT'S A NO-BRAINER.

WHERE DOES DAD HAVE
A MISSPELLED TATTOO?

UH-UH, ANOTHER STORY
FOR ANOTHER TIME,

POSSIBLY BEFORE YOUR
FIRST TRIP TO MAZATLAN.

GOOD NIGHT, BABE.

GOOD NIGHT, MOM.

OH!

OH, NO.

AH!

I FEEL HORRIBLE.

DON'T.

I STOOD YOU UP. I
DIDN'T EVEN CALL.

IT'S OK.

I'M A RAT. WE HAD A
DATE. I STOOD YOU UP.

IT WASN'T A DATE. IT
WAS JUST TO PAINT.

I'M A RAT. I NEED
CHEESE. FORGET IT.

LET'S RESCHEDULE.

I DIDN'T WANNA DO
IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

NO, NO, COME ON, DON'T
CHANGE YOUR MIND.

WE CAN DO IT TONIGHT
OR... OR RIGHT NOW.

WAS IT AN EMERGENCY?

YES.

YOU WOULD NOT
BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED.

I SLIPPED, AND I BUSTED MY...

IT WASN'T AN EMERGENCY.

IT WAS JUST ME BEING A RAT.

SOMETHING CAME UP? YEAH.

SOMETHING, SOMEONE.

LUKE.

AM I RIGHT?

I'M SORRY.

YEAH, OK.

UH, WELL, I'M LATE.

OH.

WHERE WERE YOU?

FRUITLESSLY TRYING TO RECTIFY

A RATTY TRANSGRESSION.

YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

NO.

WHAT? WHAT?

I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW

THAT WHEN YOU SAY NO TO COFFEE,

ALL IS NOT RIGHT IN WHOVILLE.

VERY ASTUTE.

SO, LAST NIGHT...

AH! LAST NIGHT WAS CHERNOBYL

AND THE HINDENBURG COMBINED.

RIGHT, JUST CHECKING.

MY FATHER ALMOST HIT SOMEONE.

HE'S PROBABLY ONLY
HIT SOMEONE IN COLLEGE

WEARING BOXING GLOVES

AND ONE OF THOSE FRED MERTZ,

GOLDEN GLOVES PULLOVER SWEATERS.

FRED MERTZ? I LOVE
LUCY, FRED MERTZ.

LANDLORD TO RICKY,
HUSBAND TO ETHEL.

IT'S A WEIRD REFERENCE.

HELLO, PAJAMAS. RIGHT, CONTINUE.

MY DAD HAD A MELTDOWN
WITH YOUR DAD...

HE WAS ASKING FOR IT.

AND THEN... AND THEN WITH ME.

AND THEN, YOU AND ME.

OH, BOY.

DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT.

STUPID. DUMB.

MUCH BETTER.

AND TO TOP OFF THE
WHOLE FABULOUS FIASCO,

I STOOD UP A FRIEND
WHO WAS COUNTING ON ME.

AND... AND HE JUST STOOD
THERE LOOKING HURT

WITH THE PAINT AND THE CHAIRS.

AND IT HURT ME.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

BUT IN THIS PARADE
OF STUPID AND DUMB,

I AM THE ONE TWIRLING
THE FLAMING BATON.

LOR? WHAT?

I WANNA MARRY YOU.

AND THE HITS JUST
KEEP ON COMING.

JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE
YOU MAKE A RASH...

YOU ARE COMPLETELY INSANE.

YOU HAVE FLIPPED YOUR LID!

CHARLIE MANSON IS FREAKED
OUT BY YOU RIGHT NOW!

COME ON, WE'RE ALREADY A FAMILY.

WHO? WHO'S A FAMILY?

US. YOU, ME, AND RORY.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A FAMILY IS.

PEOPLE LIVING TOGETHER.

NO, IT'S... IT'S A
BIG COMMITMENT.

IT'S RESPONSIBILITY,
IT'S HARD WORK.

IT'S COMING HOME
AT THE SAME TIME

TO THE SAME PLACE EVERY DAY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT,
FINANCIAL STATEMENTS?

I CAN BE A FAMILY MAN.
I'M RESPONSIBLE NOW.

HONEY, YOU CAN'T EVEN BUY A BOOK

WITHOUT HAVING YOUR
CREDIT CARD DECLINED.

MAN, I TOLD RORY
NOT TO RAT ME OUT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DID THAT.

SHE DIDN'T.

ANDREW FROM THE
BOOKSTORE CALLED,

AND JACKSON, AND THE U.P.S. GUY.

IT WAS THE LEAD STORY ON
THE STARS HOLLOW WEB PAGE.

THEN I ASKED RORY, AND SHE
VERY RELUCTANTLY CONFIRMED IT.

"RAT ME OUT." WHAT ARE YOU, 16?

I'M SORRY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TELLING MY
DAUGHTER TO LIE TO ME, ANYWAY?

SHE'S MY DAUGHTER, TOO.

MORE LIKE YOUR PLAYMATE.

I DON'T DESERVE THAT.
I'M AS MATURE AS YOU.

WHAT? THE OFFSPRING
IS YOUR FAVORITE BAND.

SO? YOU'RE INTO METALLICA.

METALLICA IS WAY MORE
SUBSTANTIAL THAN THE OFFSPRING.

IT'S THE SAME BLACK
SABBATH RIFF ALL OVER AGAIN.

THE OFFSPRING HAVE
ONE CHORD PROGRESSION.

THEY USE IT OVER AND OVER.

THEY POP ON NEW WORDS
AND CALL IT A SINGLE.

I DON'T WANNA TALK
ABOUT THIS ANYMORE!

I'M THE IMMATURE ONE.
AND IRRESPONSIBLE ONE.

I WAS WILLING TO GET MARRIED
WHEN YOU GOT PREGNANT.

WE WERE TOO YOUNG AND WOULDN'T
HAVE MADE IT. YOU KNOW THAT.

WE'RE NOT TOO YOUNG NOW.

OK, NOW I NEED SOME COFFEE.

WHAT ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

WHAT DID OUR HAVING
SEX MEAN TO YOU?

IT MEANT THAT JOSE CUERVO

STILL HAS AMAZING
MAGICAL POWERS.

YOU'RE FUNNY.

WE... WE CAN'T GET
MARRIED, CHRISTOPHER.

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW
EACH OTHER AS ADULTS.

LET'S GET MARRIED AND GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER AS ADULTS.

WELL, THAT'S VERY FIDDLER
ON THE ROOF OF YOU.

LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

WHAT DO YOU WANNA KNOW?

HOW'S YOUR BUSINESS
REALLY DOING?

HMM.

LORELAI.

I KNEW IT.

LOOK, I WAS GONNA TELL YOU

IF IT DIDN'T PICK UP
SOON. I... I SWEAR.

YOU JUST SAT THERE AT THE TABLE
LAST NIGHT, JUST SMILING AND NODDING

WHILE MY DAD AND YOUR
DAD WENT ON AND ON

ABOUT CHRISTOPHER AND HIS GREAT
BIG BUSINESS SUCCESS IN CALIFORNIA.

I DIDN'T WANNA UPSET ANYBODY.

I WANTED LAST NIGHT TO BE NICE.

OH, WELL, IT WAS.

WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER
IF I WOULD'VE ANNOUNCED:

"ON TOP OF EVERYTHING YOU'RE
UPSET ABOUT, I WANNA ADD

"I'M THE WORLD'S BIGGEST
LOSER." WOULD THAT BE FESTIVE?

YOU'RE NOT A LOSER. PLEASE.

YOU'RE A LIAR, BUT
YOU'RE NOT A LOSER.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WE'RE ARGUING LIKE
AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE.

DOESN'T THAT SHOW POTENTIAL?

OH, CHRISTOPHER,
I SWEAR TO GOD...

I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR THE ONE, LOR.

THAT ELUSIVE SOUL
MATE. I REALLY HAVE.

I JUST BELIEVE IT'S YOU.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOU.

CHRIS, COME ON.

RORY MIGHT BE MY ONLY CHILD.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

IF TONY RANDALL CAN
CRANK ONE OUT IN HIS 70s

YOU HAVE DECADES LEFT TO SPAWN.

I DON'T KNOW HOW
MUCH I MISS RORY

UNTIL I SEE HER LIKE THIS.

IT'S EASIER STAYING AWAY.

NO, DON'T STAY AWAY.

DON'T.

RORY NEEDS HER DAD.

OR HER PAL, RIGHT?

I THINK SHE'D TAKE A COMBO.

SO, CALL US WHEN YOU GET HOME.

I WILL.

AND CALL MORE.

I WILL.

SEE YOU.

DAD WANTS TO KNOW
IF YOU'LL RECONSIDER.

SHE SAYS, "NOPE,

OFFSPRING SUCKS
AND METALLICA RULES."

FAIR ENOUGH.

DRIVE SAFE.

HE WANTED YOU TO
MARRY HIM, DIDN'T HE?

SPY.

YOU KNOW, CRAZIER
THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.

CRAZIER THAN HAVING
YOUR MOM AND DAD MARRIED?

YES. I DON'T THINK THEY HAVE.

WHY IS THAT SO
CRAZY? BECAUSE IT IS.

BECAUSE HE... HE WANTS THINGS

HE IS NOT READY FOR.

HOW DO YOU KNOW? I KNOW.

I KNOW HIM SO WELL,
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

MAYBE HE CAN CHANGE.
MAYBE IT'S DIFFERENT.

HE DID COME HERE THIS TIME.

HE'S NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.

HEY, STOP. WHY?

I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING
ALL WORKED UP OVER THIS.

HE LOVES YOU.

HE DOES LOVE ME.
DO YOU LOVE HIM?

HONEY, COME ON.

ANSWER ME.

HONESTLY? YES.

I WILL PROBABLY ALWAYS LOVE HIM.

OK, SO?

BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT

THAT HE STILL HAS
A LONG WAY TO GO

BEFORE HE IS READY
TO TAKE US ON FULL TIME.

I MEAN, YOU ARE
A HANDFUL, MISSY.

WHILE I'M PURE JOY AND
SUNSHINE EVERY WAKING HOUR,

I STILL HAVE MY OWN SET OF NEEDS

THAT... THAT MUST BE MET.

IT JUST WASN'T RIGHT, BABE.

YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME ON THAT.

HMM?

TALK, PLEASE.

I STILL THINK THERE WAS A
LITTLE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

REALLY?

IT... IT WOULD BE NICE.

YEAH, IT WOULD.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

UH, LET'S NOT PUT ALL THE
BLANKETS AWAY JUST YET.

REALLY?

YOU NEVER KNOW.

WHAT THE...

TA-DA!

HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE?

UM, YOUR BREAD GUY LET ME IN.

I'M SWITCHING BREAD GUYS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK YOU SHOULDN'T
BREAK AND ENTER.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL, I'VE GOT TO ADMIT,

IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.

I KNEW YOU'D LIKE IT.

THANKS.

ANYTIME.

IT'S FUN.

SO, UH, WHERE'S THE GUY?

OH, HE'S GONE.

OH, TOO BAD.

WE'LL BE FINE.

LUKE? YEAH?

UM, CAN I MAKE ONE
MORE SUGGESTION?

NOPE.

CURTAINS. NO.

MANLY CURTAINS.

OXYMORON.

WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

NO CURTAINS. OH, COME ON!

YOU GOT TO GIVE A LITTLE.

HOW ABOUT A TABLECLOTH?

NO, WE DON'T DO
TABLECLOTHS HERE.