Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 8 - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow - full transcript
After Gilligan's hair falls out he retreats to a cave on the other side of the island.
* just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale *
* a tale of a fateful trip *
* that started
from this tropic port *
* aboard this tiny ship *
* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *
* the skipper brave and sure *
* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *
* a 3-hour tour *
* the weather started
getting rough *
* the tiny ship was tossed *
* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *
* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *
* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *
* uncharted desert isle *
* with gilligan *
* the skipper, too *
* the millionaire and his wife *
* the movie star *
* the professor and Mary Ann *
* here on gilligan's isle *
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Where in the world--
gilligan,
where are you?
Why didn't
you answer me
when I called?
Too tired.
Gilligan, you've
gotta cut out
this laundry.
Doing everybody's
laundry is just
too much work.
But I promised them.
But you're
overdoing it.
Gilligan,
you do a lot
of other things
around here,
too, you know.
I mean, you've
gotta learn how
to pace yourself.
You're gonna get old
before your time.
Now, gilligan, sleep
is very important.
You've gotta
get some sleep.
But not when
I'm talking.
I'm just beat.
Oh, alright,
hit the sack,
and we'll talk
about it tomorrow.
Gotta remember
now, let's see.
No bleach
for the professor's
pillow,
and there's
no bluing
for Mr. Howell's
dinner jacket,
and wash Mary Ann,
starch ginger...
Starch ginger?
Oh, it's 5:00.
I gotta quit
sleeping so late.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I didn't mean
to wash your face.
That's my face.
Skipper?
Skipper, my hair,
it's turned white,
it's turned white!
It's all white.
White hair?
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
I believe it,
it's me.
Well, of course
it's you.
Who were
you expecting,
snow white?
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
Oh, gilligan,
maybe it's just
a temporary thing.
Yeah, if I kill myself
right now.
You really let
a little white hair
upset you,
don't you?
No, a little white hair
doesn't upset me,
but a lot of white hair?
It upsets me!
It upsets me!
Calm down, now.
We'll go see
the professor.
That's a good idea.
Yeah, certainly,
he'll tell us
exactly
what happened.
I haven't
the slightest idea
what happened.
See, the professor
doesn't even know
what happened.
But, professor,
don't you have
any idea?
Well, a man's hair
turning white could be
caused by lots of things.
Name one.
Well, for instance, uh,
have you had
a bad fright recently?
Yeah, when I got up
this morning,
I saw my hair
had turned white.
Gilligan, he means
before your hair
turned white.
Gilligan, would you like
a little sage advice?
I don't need
any sage advice.
What I need is
some sage help.
Sage help! Sage help!
Cut it out.
Gilligan, why don't you
just go on about your business
as though nothing
had happened.
You mean,
go down to the lagoon
and do the laundry?
Why certainly,
why not?
Well, what are
the girls gonna say
when they see
my hair turned white?
Gilligan, white hair
is simply hair
of another color.
Well, I like
brown better.
Well, you'll get
used to the white
soon enough,
and I'm sure
the girls will hardly
notice the change.
Are you sure?
Of course I'm sure.
There is nothing shocking
about white hair.
White hair?!
Aaah!
Gilligan?
Mary Ann...
Oh, ohh!
Professor!
Oh...
Tell me the truth,
professor.
I can take it now.
What's wrong with
my little buddy?
Well, I was telling you
the truth before. Now--
but the truth,
the real truth.
But I've told you
the real truth.
No holds barred,
the truth,
the whole truth,
and nothing but
the truth.
Now blurt it out.
He's suffering from
follicular albinism.
Oh, I knew it.
I knew it.
What does
that mean?
It means
he has white hair.
You mean it?
Then there's
nothing wrong?
Well,
I'm virtually certain.
Of course, there's always
one chance in 100 million
that gilligan has contracted
some rare tropical disease
which is causing
the deterioration
of his entire system.
Yes, w-w-would
you mind telling me
that in English?
Well, most people
age normally,
you know,
minute by minute,
but there
is a disease
which causes
some people
to age overnight.
You mean, he could be
an old man of 60?
Well, not
an old man of 60.
More likely,
a very old man
of 98.
Believe me,
you overheard
the wrong thing.
That disease
is one chance in
100 million times.
You've got
a little white hair,
and that--
will you stop that?
It's the only pleasure
left an old man.
And stop referring
to yourself as
an old man.
98 ain't what you call
a spring chicken.
For the last time,
gilligan,
you don't have
the disease,
and you're not
an old man.
Heh?
I said you're not
an old man.
Speak up, Sonny.
Anything else?
Yeah. When I wake up,
I'd like to have
all my friends
around me, Sonny.
Will you stop
calling me Sonny?
Run along, young man.
All this gabbing
wears a body out.
Oh, I give up.
Don't know what
the world's coming to.
Young 'uns got no respect
for the old folks.
I'm sorry
I was so late,
but I had
to try and find
the professor.
What is this
all about?
Well, I don't know,
Mr. Howell,
but gilligan asked me
to gather you
all together.
Well, does
he still think
he turned
old overnight?
Yes, he does.
Maybe he wants
to have a party
for all
those birthdays
he missed.
Whatever it is,
Mrs. Howell,
we've got
to humor him.
Right, I know
I wouldn't be very happy
if I woke up
one morning
and found
I was eligible
for medicare.
There's no
doubt about it.
Gilligan's had
a bad time,
and we must
humor him.
That's right.
Now, follow me.
Oh, I'm sorry,
my children,
but my mind wanders
now and then.
I gathered everybody
together, pop--
that is, gilligan.
Well, I won't
bore you with an
old man's company.
I'll get right
to the point.
I've gathered
you all to have
you hear my will.
Your will?
Don't be
ridiculous.
You're
not even dead yet.
Shh, we must
humor him.
To ginger
and Mary Ann,
I leave
all my jewelry.
Here, grab it.
It's heavy.
Oh, your
Manny moose watch.
His antlers
tell the time.
His high school
graduation ring...
From girls' high?
Well, some mothers
keep their boys
in curls too long.
I'll treasure
it always.
To Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
who have everything,
I leave them something
of great sentimental value.
Your money?
No, no.
My comic books.
We'll have them
leather bound.
To the skipper,
I leave my laundry business,
the bleach, and
one unclaimed sock.
Thanks, gilligan.
It will always
remind me of you.
Gee, it's starched!
And to the professor,
I leave him
my last possession,
my body.
I mean,
this is ridiculous,
gilligan...
You've
gone too far.
Please, please,
my will is final.
Don't break
an old man's heart
by fighting
over his legacy.
Oh!
You all can go,
but don't forget
to write.
I'll be
right here
at the senior
citizens home.
Mary Ann,
we've gotta
do something
to snap gilligan
out of it.
I wonder if
the professor
could give him
a transfusion.
A transfusion?
Maybe he has
tired blood.
Well, we've got
to convince him
that he's still
in the springtime
of his life.
Ginger, that's it.
Springtime. Spring.
When a
young man's fancy--
what are you
talking about?
A cure for gilligan's
old age complex.
What is it that makes
a man feel young?
It's love.
I've known it
from the first.
Every time
I look at you,
my heart goes
pitter-patter.
No, that's
the Manny moose
wristwatch
I gave you,
ticking.
It's you.
Oh, you make me feel
young and alive.
You know why?
Because I remind you
of your father?
No, silly.
It's because you're
young and alive, like me.
Don't you feel anything
surging in your blood?
Oh, I do, I do!
I think my arteries
are hardening.
The Gabor sisters
struck out.
What a shame.
Gilligan is
just too young
to be old.
Can't you think
of anything,
professor?
I'm sorry,
skipper, I...
I've thought
of something.
Oh, of all people.
Well, what is it,
Mrs. Howell?
Well, some women,
when their hair
turns gray,
dye it
another color.
I think--
I think you've got
something there.
Uh, naturally,
I never have
to dye my hair.
But, uh,
the women who do
feel much younger.
It might work,
that is, if he doesn't
know about it.
I can get the ingredients
from vegetable coloring
for a good
brown hair dye.
Great. Now, we'll wait
until later tonight,
when gilligan's asleep.
Then Mrs. Howell
can apply it to his hair.
When he wakes up
in the morning
with brown hair,
he'll feel like
a new man.
A new young man.
Oh, I sure hope so,
'cause if he says to me
once more,
"look both ways before
you cross the street,
Sonny," I'll...
Pardon me,
professor,
but it does
kind of get me
right there.
Gilligan?
Little buddy?
Are you awake?
Come on in.
He's fast asleep.
Are you sure
he won't wake up?
He's exhausted.
Please, let's
get on with it.
Hat off.
Brown dye.
Brush.
Curlers ready?
Curlers? That
won't be necessary.
Gilligan?
Gilligan,
little buddy, wake up!
It's a mite early,
isn't it?
So what?
I have a hunch it's going
to be a beautiful day.
Well, might as well
take advantage
of the few days
I got left.
That's right.
You go over and take
a look in that mirror,
and I think you'll see
a new man standing there.
You know, there may
have been some changes
during the night.
Excuse me, Sonny.
I didn't--
Skipper, I'm bald.
You're acting
very childish.
Now,
why are you hiding
under that blanket?
There's nothing
to be ashamed of
because you're bald.
What?
Well, you might at least
take the blanket away
from your face
so I can hear
what you're saying.
I said,
"yes, there is."
What there is?
I'm ashamed of myself.
I feel naked.
Take that blanket
off your head.
Skipper, does it hurt much
to kill yourself?
Gilligan,
I don't ever want
to hear those words
come out of
your mouth again.
Do you understand that?
That's an order.
Yes, sir.
Now, really, gilligan.
There's a lot of
nice-looking fellas in
the world that are bald.
Name one.
Well,
there's yul brynner.
Name another.
It--well...
There's just
a lot of fellas.
I just look funny,
skipper.
I sure do look funny.
Gilligan,
I've got an idea.
Just stay right there.
Now, what do you
see in the mirror?
A blanket.
Take the blanket off.
And what do you
see in there?
Blue-eyed billiard ball.
Well, the rest of us
see something else.
We see a very
pleasant smile,
a nice personality,
and lots
of boyish charm.
Yeah. I guess maybe I do
have some boyish charm.
Well,
you're loaded with it.
Yeah. Hair
is only skin deep.
That's right, gilligan.
Now, look.
You wear your hat
the way you always do,
and nobody
will even notice.
Yeah.
Look good, huh?
Yes.
Gilligan!
Would you mind--
aah! You're bald!
Oh!
Skipper!
They noticed!
They noticed!
Give it
one more try, huh?
No. Forget it.
Oh, come on, gilligan.
It's just Mrs. Howell
and the professor
out there.
If they faint,
I'll be too tired
to catch them.
They won't even notice.
Oh, they won't
even notice, huh?
I'm positive.
Now, remember,
Mrs. Howell:
No fainting,
no funny looks,
no remarks.
If you can't
trust yourself,
why, just turn away.
Ok.
Hi, Mrs. Howell.
Hi, professor.
Hello, gilligan.
Gilligan.
Nice day,
isn't it?
Beautiful.
Oh, lovely,
yes, lovely day.
You look
very pretty,
Mrs. Howell.
Oh, thank you,
gilligan.
How very nice
of you to notice.
How do you
think I look?
Oh, dashing, dear,
absolutely dashing.
Ok, professor, uh,
you notice anything
different about me?
Hmm, nothing special,
gilligan.
I'm bald!
Oh, really?
I never noticed.
How come?
It's not every day
you see a bald gilligan.
Oh, the sun must've
been in my eyes.
Yeah. It bounced off
my head and blinded you.
Now, gilligan,
don't get excited.
What do you say
we all go and have
some breakfast?
Oh, that's
a lovely idea.
I'll have
a hard-bald egg.
Ooh,
I mean boiled egg.
That does it.
That does it.
They wouldn't
even notice, huh?
Hmm.
It's from him, alright.
What does he say?
"Dear skipper,
"I am going away
so nobody has to look at me.
"I am funny-looking
even to me.
Only I don't laugh
because to me
it's not funny."
Aw, the poor fellow.
Wait a minute, professor.
There's more.
"Don't bother
looking for me
"because I'm hiding
in the place you'd
never think of looking:
"In the secret cave
near the 2 palm trees
and the pimento bush."
Pimento bush?
I think
he means palmetto.
I don't care
what he means.
We got to get him
out of that cave.
Skipper,
this is all my fault.
That brown dye I made
must've caused
his hair to fall out.
Come on, professor.
You can't take
all the blame.
I mean, we all agreed
it was the thing to do.
Well, to get him
out of that cave
there must be
a reasonable,
logical, sensible
approach we can use.
Well, if there is,
it won't work on gilligan.
Well, if you
won't come out,
can I come in?
Oh, alright.
Well, what do
you want, ginger?
Well, gilligan...
I, uh, I cut off
some of my own hair
to make this for you.
It's a wig.
Ginger, you shouldn't
have done that.
Oh, well. I thought
that if it looked good,
then you wouldn't
have to wear your hat
all the time.
Try it on.
Ok, but you got
to shut your eyes first.
Oh. Ok.
How does it look?
Ugh.
What's wrong?
I look like your sister.
My sister happens to be
a very beautiful girl.
Yeah, but I'm a boy!
I already tried a wig,
Mary Ann. It's no use.
This is different.
It's kind of a hat
with hair on it.
It is?
Yes.
And the least you could
do is look at it.
Ok. Let me see.
Hey, that's pretty neat.
You might be the first guy
ever to wear coconut hair.
Here, try it on.
Ok. Close your eyes.
Oh. They're closed.
Yeah.
You'll probably be
the most popular man
on the island.
I think I already am.
What's that?
A woodpecker?
Maybe it's
a coconut-pecker.
Face it, I can't sleep!
My poor little buddy,
out in that damp cave
all alone.
Oh...
Bald...
Oh, boy, it must be
terrible to be bald.
That's what I'll do.
I go out and talk some sense
into that bald head of his.
Bald!
I'm completely bald!
Oh, skipper, you shouldn't
have done that for me.
I didn't do it
for you, you dumbbell!
My hair fell out!
Well, don't worry,
it's not so bad
being bald.
Not if you're an eagle.
A man can be
nice-looking
without hair.
Look at
yul brynner.
Yeah, well, look at us.
We look like 2/3
of a pawn shop sign.
You said
people wouldn't
notice baldness.
You said it
wouldn't be so bad.
Well, it wasn't so bad before,
but now it's much worse.
Why?
Because
it happened to me!
Professor, what
are you doing here?
Well, I've come to bring
both of you back.
Oh, no. Gilligan and I
are staying right here.
Just the 2 of us.
Unless everybody's
going bald.
That's right.
We don't want anybody
feeling sorry for us.
Aha. This has nothing to do
with pity. We need you.
Do you realize
that between the two of you,
you do most of the work
on this island?
Lighting signal fires,
keeping watch...
Gathering food...
Why, without you two,
the rest of us
are terribly
handicapped.
I never thought of that.
But look at us.
Our heads look like
a couple of cantaloupes.
Well, what I have
in these boxes will
take care of that.
Oh, you got my hairs,
forget it.
I never want
to see them again.
They're deserters.
Wigs!
Oh, no.
I already tried wigs.
I'd rather be bald.
But these
are special wigs.
They belong
to the howells.
They're custom-made.
They wore them to
a masquerade party
when they came
as Martha and
George Washington.
Oh, great. And you
want us to wear them.
Here I am hiding
because I am bald,
and you want me to look
like Martha Washington!
George looked like Martha,
and it didn't bother him.
Oh, come on,
skipper.
What do you say?
Well, alright, professor,
we'll give it a try.
Me, too.
Wonderful! We'll
expect you back
in time
for dinner.
Uh, wait a minute,
gilligan!
Give me that.
But, skipper--
I'll be George.
You be Martha Washington.
You're right.
George was taller.
Now, remember,
don't make a fuss
about the wigs.
We've got to make them
feel at ease
if we want them to stay.
Here they come!
Hello.
Nice to see you again,
Martha.
Very funny,
Mr. Howell.
I'm George,
and she's Martha.
That is...
He's marth--
oh, I'm the skipper,
and that's gilligan!
Well, gentlemen, it's
nice to have you back.
As a matter of fact,
it's nice to be back,
professor.
Right, gilligan?
Yes, ma'am.
Gilligan!
Yes, sir.
Uh, would you mind
passing the salt?
Right, Mr. Howell.
Skipper, it's not polite
to turn your back on people.
Face the table.
I am facing
the table,
gilligan.
It's just
my hair that's
turned around.
Oh, that reminds me
of a funny story.
Oh, tell it, ginger.
We could use a bit
of humor.
Well, it happened
in San Francisco.
There was
this convention
of bald-headed men.
Whoops.
Hadn't we better
eat our soup
before it gets cold?
You're
so very right,
Mary Ann.
I think
enough humor's
been interjected
into this
conversation.
Think that's funny,
do you, gilligan?
Well,
let me show you
something funnier.
Uh-huh?
Ha! Ha!
Uh, thurston,
my--my napkin.
Uh, oh, yes, yes.
Yes, of course, my dear.
Oh, thurston!
Your trousers!
Uh, gilligan,
these are the trousers
I gave you to wash.
I'm gonna sue him
for indecent exposure!
Mr. Howell,
I think you've solved
the entire problem!
What, air conditioning?
No, no, no.
The skipper's hair
and gilligan's hair.
What are you
talking about,
professor?
Well, Mr. Howell's trousers
were burned
by the same crude bleach
that gilligan was using.
And you mean
that same bleach
is what made
gilligan's hair
fall out?
Exactly! And when you
took over the laundry,
your hair fell out.
Then you mean
we're not gonna be
bald forever?
Believe me, skipper,
nature will soon return
what gilligan's
laundry business
took away.
Uh-oh.
I never saw
such behavior!
And he didn't even
ask to be excused.
Oh, really!
Oh, gilligan,
it's much too hot
for a blanket.
It won't be
in a few minutes.
I used an awful lot
of bleach on your dress.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
Oh, my!
And I've been telling you both
for weeks and weeks now
that the sodium hypochlorite
content of the bleach
was of such vast proportions
that the mere vapor
in the laundry area
saturated
the scalp follicles.
Would you mind
explaining that
again, professor?
Never mind,
gilligan.
He's been
repeating it
long enough.
* they're here
for a long, long time *
* they'll have to make
the best of things *
* it's an uphill climb *
* the first mate
and his skipper, too *
* will do their very best *
* to make the others
comfortable *
* in their tropic island nest *
no phone...
No lights...
* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *
* like Robinson crusoe *
* it's primitive
as can be *
* so join us here
each week, my friends *
* you're sure to get a smile *
* from 7 stranded castaways *
* here on gilligan's isle *
and you'll hear a tale *
* a tale of a fateful trip *
* that started
from this tropic port *
* aboard this tiny ship *
* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *
* the skipper brave and sure *
* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *
* a 3-hour tour *
* the weather started
getting rough *
* the tiny ship was tossed *
* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *
* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *
* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *
* uncharted desert isle *
* with gilligan *
* the skipper, too *
* the millionaire and his wife *
* the movie star *
* the professor and Mary Ann *
* here on gilligan's isle *
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Where in the world--
gilligan,
where are you?
Why didn't
you answer me
when I called?
Too tired.
Gilligan, you've
gotta cut out
this laundry.
Doing everybody's
laundry is just
too much work.
But I promised them.
But you're
overdoing it.
Gilligan,
you do a lot
of other things
around here,
too, you know.
I mean, you've
gotta learn how
to pace yourself.
You're gonna get old
before your time.
Now, gilligan, sleep
is very important.
You've gotta
get some sleep.
But not when
I'm talking.
I'm just beat.
Oh, alright,
hit the sack,
and we'll talk
about it tomorrow.
Gotta remember
now, let's see.
No bleach
for the professor's
pillow,
and there's
no bluing
for Mr. Howell's
dinner jacket,
and wash Mary Ann,
starch ginger...
Starch ginger?
Oh, it's 5:00.
I gotta quit
sleeping so late.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I didn't mean
to wash your face.
That's my face.
Skipper?
Skipper, my hair,
it's turned white,
it's turned white!
It's all white.
White hair?
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
I believe it,
it's me.
Well, of course
it's you.
Who were
you expecting,
snow white?
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
Oh, gilligan,
maybe it's just
a temporary thing.
Yeah, if I kill myself
right now.
You really let
a little white hair
upset you,
don't you?
No, a little white hair
doesn't upset me,
but a lot of white hair?
It upsets me!
It upsets me!
Calm down, now.
We'll go see
the professor.
That's a good idea.
Yeah, certainly,
he'll tell us
exactly
what happened.
I haven't
the slightest idea
what happened.
See, the professor
doesn't even know
what happened.
But, professor,
don't you have
any idea?
Well, a man's hair
turning white could be
caused by lots of things.
Name one.
Well, for instance, uh,
have you had
a bad fright recently?
Yeah, when I got up
this morning,
I saw my hair
had turned white.
Gilligan, he means
before your hair
turned white.
Gilligan, would you like
a little sage advice?
I don't need
any sage advice.
What I need is
some sage help.
Sage help! Sage help!
Cut it out.
Gilligan, why don't you
just go on about your business
as though nothing
had happened.
You mean,
go down to the lagoon
and do the laundry?
Why certainly,
why not?
Well, what are
the girls gonna say
when they see
my hair turned white?
Gilligan, white hair
is simply hair
of another color.
Well, I like
brown better.
Well, you'll get
used to the white
soon enough,
and I'm sure
the girls will hardly
notice the change.
Are you sure?
Of course I'm sure.
There is nothing shocking
about white hair.
White hair?!
Aaah!
Gilligan?
Mary Ann...
Oh, ohh!
Professor!
Oh...
Tell me the truth,
professor.
I can take it now.
What's wrong with
my little buddy?
Well, I was telling you
the truth before. Now--
but the truth,
the real truth.
But I've told you
the real truth.
No holds barred,
the truth,
the whole truth,
and nothing but
the truth.
Now blurt it out.
He's suffering from
follicular albinism.
Oh, I knew it.
I knew it.
What does
that mean?
It means
he has white hair.
You mean it?
Then there's
nothing wrong?
Well,
I'm virtually certain.
Of course, there's always
one chance in 100 million
that gilligan has contracted
some rare tropical disease
which is causing
the deterioration
of his entire system.
Yes, w-w-would
you mind telling me
that in English?
Well, most people
age normally,
you know,
minute by minute,
but there
is a disease
which causes
some people
to age overnight.
You mean, he could be
an old man of 60?
Well, not
an old man of 60.
More likely,
a very old man
of 98.
Believe me,
you overheard
the wrong thing.
That disease
is one chance in
100 million times.
You've got
a little white hair,
and that--
will you stop that?
It's the only pleasure
left an old man.
And stop referring
to yourself as
an old man.
98 ain't what you call
a spring chicken.
For the last time,
gilligan,
you don't have
the disease,
and you're not
an old man.
Heh?
I said you're not
an old man.
Speak up, Sonny.
Anything else?
Yeah. When I wake up,
I'd like to have
all my friends
around me, Sonny.
Will you stop
calling me Sonny?
Run along, young man.
All this gabbing
wears a body out.
Oh, I give up.
Don't know what
the world's coming to.
Young 'uns got no respect
for the old folks.
I'm sorry
I was so late,
but I had
to try and find
the professor.
What is this
all about?
Well, I don't know,
Mr. Howell,
but gilligan asked me
to gather you
all together.
Well, does
he still think
he turned
old overnight?
Yes, he does.
Maybe he wants
to have a party
for all
those birthdays
he missed.
Whatever it is,
Mrs. Howell,
we've got
to humor him.
Right, I know
I wouldn't be very happy
if I woke up
one morning
and found
I was eligible
for medicare.
There's no
doubt about it.
Gilligan's had
a bad time,
and we must
humor him.
That's right.
Now, follow me.
Oh, I'm sorry,
my children,
but my mind wanders
now and then.
I gathered everybody
together, pop--
that is, gilligan.
Well, I won't
bore you with an
old man's company.
I'll get right
to the point.
I've gathered
you all to have
you hear my will.
Your will?
Don't be
ridiculous.
You're
not even dead yet.
Shh, we must
humor him.
To ginger
and Mary Ann,
I leave
all my jewelry.
Here, grab it.
It's heavy.
Oh, your
Manny moose watch.
His antlers
tell the time.
His high school
graduation ring...
From girls' high?
Well, some mothers
keep their boys
in curls too long.
I'll treasure
it always.
To Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
who have everything,
I leave them something
of great sentimental value.
Your money?
No, no.
My comic books.
We'll have them
leather bound.
To the skipper,
I leave my laundry business,
the bleach, and
one unclaimed sock.
Thanks, gilligan.
It will always
remind me of you.
Gee, it's starched!
And to the professor,
I leave him
my last possession,
my body.
I mean,
this is ridiculous,
gilligan...
You've
gone too far.
Please, please,
my will is final.
Don't break
an old man's heart
by fighting
over his legacy.
Oh!
You all can go,
but don't forget
to write.
I'll be
right here
at the senior
citizens home.
Mary Ann,
we've gotta
do something
to snap gilligan
out of it.
I wonder if
the professor
could give him
a transfusion.
A transfusion?
Maybe he has
tired blood.
Well, we've got
to convince him
that he's still
in the springtime
of his life.
Ginger, that's it.
Springtime. Spring.
When a
young man's fancy--
what are you
talking about?
A cure for gilligan's
old age complex.
What is it that makes
a man feel young?
It's love.
I've known it
from the first.
Every time
I look at you,
my heart goes
pitter-patter.
No, that's
the Manny moose
wristwatch
I gave you,
ticking.
It's you.
Oh, you make me feel
young and alive.
You know why?
Because I remind you
of your father?
No, silly.
It's because you're
young and alive, like me.
Don't you feel anything
surging in your blood?
Oh, I do, I do!
I think my arteries
are hardening.
The Gabor sisters
struck out.
What a shame.
Gilligan is
just too young
to be old.
Can't you think
of anything,
professor?
I'm sorry,
skipper, I...
I've thought
of something.
Oh, of all people.
Well, what is it,
Mrs. Howell?
Well, some women,
when their hair
turns gray,
dye it
another color.
I think--
I think you've got
something there.
Uh, naturally,
I never have
to dye my hair.
But, uh,
the women who do
feel much younger.
It might work,
that is, if he doesn't
know about it.
I can get the ingredients
from vegetable coloring
for a good
brown hair dye.
Great. Now, we'll wait
until later tonight,
when gilligan's asleep.
Then Mrs. Howell
can apply it to his hair.
When he wakes up
in the morning
with brown hair,
he'll feel like
a new man.
A new young man.
Oh, I sure hope so,
'cause if he says to me
once more,
"look both ways before
you cross the street,
Sonny," I'll...
Pardon me,
professor,
but it does
kind of get me
right there.
Gilligan?
Little buddy?
Are you awake?
Come on in.
He's fast asleep.
Are you sure
he won't wake up?
He's exhausted.
Please, let's
get on with it.
Hat off.
Brown dye.
Brush.
Curlers ready?
Curlers? That
won't be necessary.
Gilligan?
Gilligan,
little buddy, wake up!
It's a mite early,
isn't it?
So what?
I have a hunch it's going
to be a beautiful day.
Well, might as well
take advantage
of the few days
I got left.
That's right.
You go over and take
a look in that mirror,
and I think you'll see
a new man standing there.
You know, there may
have been some changes
during the night.
Excuse me, Sonny.
I didn't--
Skipper, I'm bald.
You're acting
very childish.
Now,
why are you hiding
under that blanket?
There's nothing
to be ashamed of
because you're bald.
What?
Well, you might at least
take the blanket away
from your face
so I can hear
what you're saying.
I said,
"yes, there is."
What there is?
I'm ashamed of myself.
I feel naked.
Take that blanket
off your head.
Skipper, does it hurt much
to kill yourself?
Gilligan,
I don't ever want
to hear those words
come out of
your mouth again.
Do you understand that?
That's an order.
Yes, sir.
Now, really, gilligan.
There's a lot of
nice-looking fellas in
the world that are bald.
Name one.
Well,
there's yul brynner.
Name another.
It--well...
There's just
a lot of fellas.
I just look funny,
skipper.
I sure do look funny.
Gilligan,
I've got an idea.
Just stay right there.
Now, what do you
see in the mirror?
A blanket.
Take the blanket off.
And what do you
see in there?
Blue-eyed billiard ball.
Well, the rest of us
see something else.
We see a very
pleasant smile,
a nice personality,
and lots
of boyish charm.
Yeah. I guess maybe I do
have some boyish charm.
Well,
you're loaded with it.
Yeah. Hair
is only skin deep.
That's right, gilligan.
Now, look.
You wear your hat
the way you always do,
and nobody
will even notice.
Yeah.
Look good, huh?
Yes.
Gilligan!
Would you mind--
aah! You're bald!
Oh!
Skipper!
They noticed!
They noticed!
Give it
one more try, huh?
No. Forget it.
Oh, come on, gilligan.
It's just Mrs. Howell
and the professor
out there.
If they faint,
I'll be too tired
to catch them.
They won't even notice.
Oh, they won't
even notice, huh?
I'm positive.
Now, remember,
Mrs. Howell:
No fainting,
no funny looks,
no remarks.
If you can't
trust yourself,
why, just turn away.
Ok.
Hi, Mrs. Howell.
Hi, professor.
Hello, gilligan.
Gilligan.
Nice day,
isn't it?
Beautiful.
Oh, lovely,
yes, lovely day.
You look
very pretty,
Mrs. Howell.
Oh, thank you,
gilligan.
How very nice
of you to notice.
How do you
think I look?
Oh, dashing, dear,
absolutely dashing.
Ok, professor, uh,
you notice anything
different about me?
Hmm, nothing special,
gilligan.
I'm bald!
Oh, really?
I never noticed.
How come?
It's not every day
you see a bald gilligan.
Oh, the sun must've
been in my eyes.
Yeah. It bounced off
my head and blinded you.
Now, gilligan,
don't get excited.
What do you say
we all go and have
some breakfast?
Oh, that's
a lovely idea.
I'll have
a hard-bald egg.
Ooh,
I mean boiled egg.
That does it.
That does it.
They wouldn't
even notice, huh?
Hmm.
It's from him, alright.
What does he say?
"Dear skipper,
"I am going away
so nobody has to look at me.
"I am funny-looking
even to me.
Only I don't laugh
because to me
it's not funny."
Aw, the poor fellow.
Wait a minute, professor.
There's more.
"Don't bother
looking for me
"because I'm hiding
in the place you'd
never think of looking:
"In the secret cave
near the 2 palm trees
and the pimento bush."
Pimento bush?
I think
he means palmetto.
I don't care
what he means.
We got to get him
out of that cave.
Skipper,
this is all my fault.
That brown dye I made
must've caused
his hair to fall out.
Come on, professor.
You can't take
all the blame.
I mean, we all agreed
it was the thing to do.
Well, to get him
out of that cave
there must be
a reasonable,
logical, sensible
approach we can use.
Well, if there is,
it won't work on gilligan.
Well, if you
won't come out,
can I come in?
Oh, alright.
Well, what do
you want, ginger?
Well, gilligan...
I, uh, I cut off
some of my own hair
to make this for you.
It's a wig.
Ginger, you shouldn't
have done that.
Oh, well. I thought
that if it looked good,
then you wouldn't
have to wear your hat
all the time.
Try it on.
Ok, but you got
to shut your eyes first.
Oh. Ok.
How does it look?
Ugh.
What's wrong?
I look like your sister.
My sister happens to be
a very beautiful girl.
Yeah, but I'm a boy!
I already tried a wig,
Mary Ann. It's no use.
This is different.
It's kind of a hat
with hair on it.
It is?
Yes.
And the least you could
do is look at it.
Ok. Let me see.
Hey, that's pretty neat.
You might be the first guy
ever to wear coconut hair.
Here, try it on.
Ok. Close your eyes.
Oh. They're closed.
Yeah.
You'll probably be
the most popular man
on the island.
I think I already am.
What's that?
A woodpecker?
Maybe it's
a coconut-pecker.
Face it, I can't sleep!
My poor little buddy,
out in that damp cave
all alone.
Oh...
Bald...
Oh, boy, it must be
terrible to be bald.
That's what I'll do.
I go out and talk some sense
into that bald head of his.
Bald!
I'm completely bald!
Oh, skipper, you shouldn't
have done that for me.
I didn't do it
for you, you dumbbell!
My hair fell out!
Well, don't worry,
it's not so bad
being bald.
Not if you're an eagle.
A man can be
nice-looking
without hair.
Look at
yul brynner.
Yeah, well, look at us.
We look like 2/3
of a pawn shop sign.
You said
people wouldn't
notice baldness.
You said it
wouldn't be so bad.
Well, it wasn't so bad before,
but now it's much worse.
Why?
Because
it happened to me!
Professor, what
are you doing here?
Well, I've come to bring
both of you back.
Oh, no. Gilligan and I
are staying right here.
Just the 2 of us.
Unless everybody's
going bald.
That's right.
We don't want anybody
feeling sorry for us.
Aha. This has nothing to do
with pity. We need you.
Do you realize
that between the two of you,
you do most of the work
on this island?
Lighting signal fires,
keeping watch...
Gathering food...
Why, without you two,
the rest of us
are terribly
handicapped.
I never thought of that.
But look at us.
Our heads look like
a couple of cantaloupes.
Well, what I have
in these boxes will
take care of that.
Oh, you got my hairs,
forget it.
I never want
to see them again.
They're deserters.
Wigs!
Oh, no.
I already tried wigs.
I'd rather be bald.
But these
are special wigs.
They belong
to the howells.
They're custom-made.
They wore them to
a masquerade party
when they came
as Martha and
George Washington.
Oh, great. And you
want us to wear them.
Here I am hiding
because I am bald,
and you want me to look
like Martha Washington!
George looked like Martha,
and it didn't bother him.
Oh, come on,
skipper.
What do you say?
Well, alright, professor,
we'll give it a try.
Me, too.
Wonderful! We'll
expect you back
in time
for dinner.
Uh, wait a minute,
gilligan!
Give me that.
But, skipper--
I'll be George.
You be Martha Washington.
You're right.
George was taller.
Now, remember,
don't make a fuss
about the wigs.
We've got to make them
feel at ease
if we want them to stay.
Here they come!
Hello.
Nice to see you again,
Martha.
Very funny,
Mr. Howell.
I'm George,
and she's Martha.
That is...
He's marth--
oh, I'm the skipper,
and that's gilligan!
Well, gentlemen, it's
nice to have you back.
As a matter of fact,
it's nice to be back,
professor.
Right, gilligan?
Yes, ma'am.
Gilligan!
Yes, sir.
Uh, would you mind
passing the salt?
Right, Mr. Howell.
Skipper, it's not polite
to turn your back on people.
Face the table.
I am facing
the table,
gilligan.
It's just
my hair that's
turned around.
Oh, that reminds me
of a funny story.
Oh, tell it, ginger.
We could use a bit
of humor.
Well, it happened
in San Francisco.
There was
this convention
of bald-headed men.
Whoops.
Hadn't we better
eat our soup
before it gets cold?
You're
so very right,
Mary Ann.
I think
enough humor's
been interjected
into this
conversation.
Think that's funny,
do you, gilligan?
Well,
let me show you
something funnier.
Uh-huh?
Ha! Ha!
Uh, thurston,
my--my napkin.
Uh, oh, yes, yes.
Yes, of course, my dear.
Oh, thurston!
Your trousers!
Uh, gilligan,
these are the trousers
I gave you to wash.
I'm gonna sue him
for indecent exposure!
Mr. Howell,
I think you've solved
the entire problem!
What, air conditioning?
No, no, no.
The skipper's hair
and gilligan's hair.
What are you
talking about,
professor?
Well, Mr. Howell's trousers
were burned
by the same crude bleach
that gilligan was using.
And you mean
that same bleach
is what made
gilligan's hair
fall out?
Exactly! And when you
took over the laundry,
your hair fell out.
Then you mean
we're not gonna be
bald forever?
Believe me, skipper,
nature will soon return
what gilligan's
laundry business
took away.
Uh-oh.
I never saw
such behavior!
And he didn't even
ask to be excused.
Oh, really!
Oh, gilligan,
it's much too hot
for a blanket.
It won't be
in a few minutes.
I used an awful lot
of bleach on your dress.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
Oh, my!
And I've been telling you both
for weeks and weeks now
that the sodium hypochlorite
content of the bleach
was of such vast proportions
that the mere vapor
in the laundry area
saturated
the scalp follicles.
Would you mind
explaining that
again, professor?
Never mind,
gilligan.
He's been
repeating it
long enough.
* they're here
for a long, long time *
* they'll have to make
the best of things *
* it's an uphill climb *
* the first mate
and his skipper, too *
* will do their very best *
* to make the others
comfortable *
* in their tropic island nest *
no phone...
No lights...
* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *
* like Robinson crusoe *
* it's primitive
as can be *
* so join us here
each week, my friends *
* you're sure to get a smile *
* from 7 stranded castaways *
* here on gilligan's isle *