Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 7 - Man with a Net - full transcript

* just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *

* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *



* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ship's aground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here
on gilligan's isle *

Oh, dear. I do
believe I missed him.

Hey, what's going on?

Can't have
gone very far.

Hey, mister.
Hey, mister.

Hey, skipper!
What is it, gilligan?



There's a man on the
island with a net trying
to catch a butterfly.

If there is a man
with a net on this island,

he'd be after you.

No, skipper, really,
I was minding my own
business, fishing--

wait for me!

Wait for me,
little butterfly.

Gilligan,
you're right.

I told you.
I told you. Ooh.

Excuse me, sir.

You're no butterfly.

Are you looking
for something?

Shh. Of course
I'm looking
for something.

I'm looking for
the satyrinae lexpus.

Cindy--what--
what-amus?

Satyrinae lexpus--
otherwise known

as the pussycat
swallowtail.

Well,
did you lose it?

Of course
I didn't lose it.

My dear man,
the pussycat swallowtail

is the rarest butterfly
in the entire world.

The only butterfly that
escaped lord beasley.

I'm lord beasley,

and that's not
a pussycat swallowtail.

Well, but, lord beasley,

how did you get here
on the island?

By boat.

Some of the
natives said that
that butterfly

had been seen
on this island.

How are you going
to get off the island?

Shh. By boat.

By jove, that might
be one over there.

Lord beasley,
when we--

come on,
gilligan.

That's it.
That's it.

Lord beasley--
shh.

When you leave--
shh.

When you leave the island,
can we go with you?

Yes, yes.
Now do be quiet.

Did you hear that,
gilligan?

We can leave the island.

Whoopee!

As soon as he catches one
of those silly butterflies,

he's gonna shoot off
his flare gun.

And a boat's gonna
take us off the island.

Gentlemen,
we have a problem.

What kind
of a problem?

You mean
there's not gonna be
enough space on the boat?

How much room can
one butterfly take up?

Well, the problem is
catching the butterfly.

Now, I know
that lord beasley is
a world-famous authority,

but according to this book,
it's not at all unusual

for a butterfly collector
to take weeks, months,

even years to collect
the proper specimen,

even if they know
it's habitat.

I didn't know
a butterfly
had a habitat.

I thought
they had wings

and those little skinny things
that came out of their heads.

Gilligan, quiet.

What do
you suggest?

Well, no one
knows this island
as well as we do,

so I suggest
we make some extra nets

and all 7 of us take turns
helping lord beasley

collect those butterflies
just as soon as possible.

And a great
friend of ours

is the first
Earl of Chelsea.

I understand
he's terribly wealthy.

So wealthy
he has monogrammed
contact lenses.

I do believe something's
fluttering up ahead.

You know, lord beasley,
I think we met you

at Princess grace's
at a dinner party
several years ago.

Uh, there was someone
at the punch bowl

with a pith helmet.

No, my dear.
No, my dear.

With the pith helmet--
that was sir Charles,

the famous
elephant hunter.

Oh, yes,
of course it was.

Well, anyway,
whoever it was,

he was
terribly potted.

Well, no wonder.

Scooping the punch
out of the bowl
with the pith helmet.

Looks like it could be
a pussycat swallowtail.

No, it's no use,
my dear.

Lord beasley has
a one-butterfly
mind.

That's right,
little pussycat.

Just sit there
quietly until i--

oh. Oh! Missed him.

Oh!
Heavens!

Oh! It's quicksand.

Don't panic,
lord beasley!

We'll save you!

Never mind me.
After that butterfly!

Lord beasley,
you're sinking.

He's heading
north by northeast--

or is it north by northwest?

No, it's north by northeast,
alright.

After him! After him!

Oh, get him.
Lord!

Shh!

Remember your training,
beasley, old man.

Move as stealthily
as a snake,

as gracefully as a Fawn,

as quietly
as a rolls Royce.

Ginger,
we're supposed

to be helping
to catch a butterfly.

Mary Ann,
the only thing I know
how to catch is a man.

Is it or isn't it?

It could be.

Yes,
I do believe it is.

A pussycat swallowtail.

Lord beasley,
look out for that...

Cliff.

Oh, I can't look.

Me neither.

Hurry! Hurry!
He went that way!

How are your
feet, gilligan?

I don't know,
skipper.

My feet and I aren't
on speaking terms.

Well, we've been over
almost every inch
of this island,

and we're not even
sure that lord beasley

has even seen a pussycat
swallowtail yet.

Well, where else
can he find to look?

Good heavens.

Looking for a butterfly
under the water?

That's what I call
a determined man.

That's what I call
a determined nut.

Must be some way
to make that man

forget
his silly butterfly

and get us
off this island now.

Well, the question
is how?

Until he catches
that butterfly,

he positively
refuses to shoot off
that flare gun

so the boat
can pick him up.

Well, maybe he'll give up
when he realizes

there's no place
on this island
he hasn't looked.

Except for the top of
that mountain over there.

Gilligan,
what mountain?

You and
your big mouth.

Ooh. Aah.

Ooh, ooh.

Shh. Something with wings
is flying around up ahead.

We're so high up,
it's probably an angel.

Lovey, I tell you
I am so frustrated that--

well, I could
almost scream.

Aw, I know
how you feel, dear.

Our rescue seems so near,
and yet so far.

There must be some way
of influencing lord beasley

to fire
that flare gun now.

Well, you know, darling.

There's only
one honest way
to influence anybody.

You're right!
Bribery.

Let me see.
Yesterday we looked
here and here.

Good evening,
lord beasley.

May I come in?

And the day before,
we looked here.

Oh, thank you
very much.

May I say that you look
like a million dollars?

Would you like to try
for 2 million?

Now, we've
also looked here.

Uh, lord beasley,
I'm a very wealthy man,

and to get me
off this island,

I'd happily
pay you $100,000.

Now, we've looked
by the cove.

Uh, happily 200,000.

Yes, yes,
by the bat cave.

Happily $300,000.

Did I look there?
Yes, I did.

Lord beasley, would
you at least give me

the courtesy
of listening

when I'm trying
to bribe you?

Now the question
Where shall
I look again?

Ah!

Please listen to me.

The center
of the island.

Unh! Good heavens!

I've had an appendectomy.

Well, that sortie
was a disappointment.

Lord beasley,

may I come in?

What now,
the mountaintop again?

Lord beasley.

Lord beasley,

you know, I've always
been crazy about
lords and ladies...

Especially lords.

On second thought,

I think I'll save
the mountaintop for tomorrow.

I hope you don't think
I'm being too forward.

Bee.

Shoo!

Shoo! Shoo!

Of course I could
always try the east end
of the island again.

Oh, don't you worry
about a thing.

I'll take care
of it for you.

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo! Ow!

Oh!

Wha--did someone
say something?

The satyrinae
butterfly--

identified by
the bright yellow spots
on its blue wings.

The nymphalidae--

builds itself a shelter
out of rolled leaves.

Also known as
the milkweed butterfly.

No, no, no.
That's the papilionidae.

Professor,
lord beasley has you
talking to yourself.

Oh, please, Mary Ann.

I am trying to
memorize these facts
about butterflies

so I can converse
with lord beasley

in an intellectual
fashion.

I must convince him
to fire that flare gun

so we can get rescued.

Now,
a nymphalis antiopius,

also known
as the red tail--

no, that's
the bacilarchia.

Oh, professor,
when I was in school,

some of the kids,
well, not me, of course,

used to put crib notes
in the palms of their hands,

just to help them
remember things.

Mary Ann, remember to
whom you are speaking.

I mean, after all,
the idea--

a professor
with 6 degrees
using crib notes.

I'm sorry.
It was just an idea.

And an excellent idea
at that.

Oh, my word.

Obviously,
this caterpillar

will never turn
into a satyrinae lexpus.

Oh, obviously not.

Why, that's a...

That's a larchae Artemis
if I ever saw one.

Ah, butterfly eggs.

Yes, and from
the looks of them,

I'd say they were
from the family of, uh,

nymphalia Artemis.

Possibly. Possibly.

Lord beasley, I haven't
told you this before,

but I'm a great
admirer of yours.

Why, I practically
memorized your book
the butterfly and I.

Indeed.
I'm writing a sequel.

Things with wings.

Ah, splendid title,
splendid title.

Now that
I met you in person,

I can't wait until
we get off this island
so that we can--

aha!

What have we here?

A bright red butterfly
with spots of brown.

What would you say
he is, professor?

Uh, bright red
with spots of brown.

That's from the family
of, uh, lycaenidae,

also known as
"the Meadow brown."

Uh-huh, just
as I suspected.

If there's one thing
I detest, professor,

it's an impostorous
butterfly collector.

Impostorous.

Impostorous?

It's no use.
All our efforts
to get lord beasley

to fire off that
flare gun have failed
absolutely miserably.

He wouldn't even
listen to a bribe.

The man is obviously
a mental case.

There must be something
we can do to get him
to fire that flare.

Well, why don't
we just, you know--

gilligan,
quiet, please.

The question is,
what can we do?

Oh, you can't even
get his attention

unless you look
like a butterfly.

Well, why don't we--

gilligan,
quiet, please.

Maybe we could
hypnotize him

and make him think
that we're all
pussycat swallowtails.

Why don't we--
gilligan, please!

Why don't we just
fire the flare gun?

Gilligan, I'm gonna tell
you for the last time,

will you be quiet--
flare gun? Flare gun?

What flare gun?

This flare gun.

Gilligan, where
did you get that?

It was on the table,
and he just left,
and I picked it up.

Well, just don't
stand there, man.

Fire it, fire it!

It must have a silencer.
I didn't hear a thing.

Well, you knucklehead,
why didn't it go off?

Yes, I wonder
why it didn't.

Because I have the flares.

So, you thought you could
flatter and cajole and trick
me into breaking my vow

not to leave
this island without
the pussycat swallowtail.

Shame on you...
And after our 2 countries

had built up a friendship
based on mutual trust...

In spite of what
happened in 1776.

Now, hear this--we shall
stay on this island

until we catch
that butterfly,

if it takes forever!

Goodnight!

Troops, attention!

Present nets.

Mr. Howell,
your net is very untidy.

Remove the loose grass.

Now, look here, i--

Mr. Howell,
he's our only hope
of getting off the island.

Oh.

Do you have something
you wanted to say?

Uh, no, mon capitan.

Now, before we go
into the field today,

may I remind you
that unless we catch
that butterfly,

nobody
leaves the island!

He's a regular
captain bligh.

No talking
in the ranks!

Yes, sir!

And may I remind you
that captain bligh

was also a britisher.

Yes, sir.

Troops, attention!

Left face!

Shoulder...nets.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Forward...march!

To the rear...March.

Hut, 2, 3, 4!
Hut, 2, 3--

troop, halt!

It's now precisely
17:00 hours.

We shall rest
for half an hour,

and then resume
our search at precisely
17:30 hours.

Troops, fall out.

My poor feet.

Oh, your poor feet?
My calluses have calluses.

Oh, that's nothing.
Would you believe
my socks are melting?

Oh, I'm a half an inch
shorter.

I've worn out my feet.

I'm a half an inch
taller.

I'm standing
on my blisters.

Thurston, how much longer
will we have to be
in this horrible army?

When we get home,
the British embassy

will hear about it,
believe me.

Cheer up, men.

With continued
fortitude
and resolution,

it is only
a question
of time--

before we collapse
from heat prostration.

That's it.
That's the pussycat
swallowtail.

After him!

What'd I do?

Skipper,
a little purple
would be pretty.

Gilligan, we're trying
to make this butterfly

look exactly like
the pussycat swallowtail
in the professor's book,

and there is
no purple in it.

Well, a little purple
would be pretty, skipper.

Would you please just
hold the palette steady

or I'll make
you purple...

And black and blue, too.

Have either of you fellas
seen my book on the--

what are you doing?

Well, you're painting
a butterfly.

I think the little devil
likes it.

It's gonna help us
get off the island.

I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.

There you are now,
gilligan.

Call lord beasley.

It won't work.

An authority
like lord beasley

will never
in a million years

be taken in
by a painted butterfly.

Gilligan,
call lord beasley.

Lord beasley,
lord beasley!

We caught him,
we caught him,

we caught him!
We caught him!

Where? Where? Where?

Ah, it's a satyrinae lexpus
if I ever saw one.

It is?

Oh, good. Now we can
shoot off the flare gun

and we'll all be rescued.

In a moment,
in a moment.

I'd like to examine
this beauty
more closely.

Well, now
I've seen everything.

We sure are good painters,
huh, skipper?

Ah, what'd I tell you?
Who is this Picasso
and Rembrandt? Ho ho!

Gentlemen, aloha.
Hawaii, here we...Come.

The rain seems
to have turned
your butterfly

into a large white moth!

Well?

Well, if there's
anything I can't stand,

it's a butterfly
that won't hold its colors.

Maybe it turned white
because it was sick.

Gentlemen, consider
yourselves fortunate.

Unh!

In england, I would
have had you jailed

for butterfly
forgery!

Oh, but, lord beasley!

Well, gentlemen,
what do you think?

Well, I must say,
professor,

it's a very
heady-smelling
concoction.

Oh, yes, indeed,
after these berries

have fermented
in the sun,

they have a lovely flavor
and quite a kick.

Well, I don't know.
Getting lord beasley tipsy

so that we can get him
to fire his flare gun,

it's a pretty
wild scheme to me.

Listen, skipper,
for a fella who recently
tried to paint a butterfly--

well, I don't see
how it can miss.

I once made
some fantastic
business deals

over a few drinks.

I never will forget,

I once sold
grand central
station

over 3 martinis.

What's so fantastic
about that?

I didn't own it.
Ha ha ha!

Well, gentlemen,
I think we're
about ready.

I think we
have enough.

I predict that
after a few sips
of that concoction,

lord beasley's
flare gun will
go off by itself.

Here's some more tea.

Don't spill any of
that tea, Mary Ann.

It's liable
to eat right
through the table.

Now, remember,
act very casual

so lord beasley
won't get suspicious.

And remember also
that the proper way
to drink tea

is with your little
pinky extended, thusly.

Thanks a lot,
Mrs. Howell.

Hup, 2, 3...

Here comes
gilligan and
lord beasley now.

2, 3, 4.

Halt, 1, 2.

Halt means stop,
gilligan.

I think
my stopper's broke.

Oh, lord beasley,
before you--please,
sit down, won't you?

We have a little
surprise for you.

A special tea in your
honor, lord beasley.

Well, how nice.
We'll just have time

before we explore
the volcano.

Oh, how jolly.

Here you are,
lord beasley.

Oh, how very nice,

but I'm not going
to drink alone, am I?

No, absolutely not.

I propose a toast
to lord beasley.

Long may his
butterfly net wave.

To lord beasley.

Long may his
butterfly net wave.

How sporting of you.

I always admire
a good loser.

Skipper, this tea
tastes just like--

it is.

Oh, that's why
it tastes like--

a toast to lord beasley.
Long may his butterflies fly.

To lord beasley.

Long may
his butterflies fly.

Drink up, drink up.
When beasley drinks,
everybody drinks.

There you are.

Delicious.
Now, you must excuse me.

I'll get
into my asbestos suit

so that we can
explore the volcano.

Another toast...

To the United Kingdom.

To the United Kingdom!

No, no.

Ah, just
a minute there,
lord beasley.

A toast
to the British Navy.

To the British Navy.

To the, uh,
to the British army.

The British army.

The British army.

There you go.

Well, there you are.

To the--
wait, one more.

To the British
boy scouts.

The little fellows.

The little fellows.

And a toast to this most
delightful-tasting tea.

It can't be.

But it is!

At long last the pussycat
swallowtail is mine.

Here you are, me beauty.

Hurry!
Hurry, everybody!

The boat'll be here
in 15 minutes.

Gilligan, gilligan.

Skipper.

Well, my little pussycat,

I'm afraid we shall
have to leave without them.

That's the trouble
with you Americans.

You simply don't know
how to hold your tea.

Ooh, what hit me?

Well, I don't know,
but I obviously

dropped out
of a coconut tree

and landed right on
the top of my--my head.

Gilligan, little buddy.
Wake up.

Huh? Where am I?

Oh. You're next
to me, gilligan,

wherever I am.

Oh, dear.

This is the last tea
from fermented berries

I'll ever serve
at one of my parties.

Now I remember.

We were drinking
toasts to...

Lord beasley!

Lord beasley.
I don't see
him anywhere.

Has anyone
thought of looking
under the table?

Hey, all of his things
are gone.

Well, according
to my watch,

we've been asleep
only 10 minutes.

Only 10 minutes?

Well, according
to my calendar watch,

we've been asleep
for 2 days and 10 minutes.

2 days?

I wonder if there's
anything on the radio.

And now
directly from London,

we bring you an interview
with lord beasley waterford

who made butterfly history
today by returning
from the south pacific

with a pussycat swallowtail,

the rarest butterfly
in the entire world.

He caught one.

Well,
how could he miss?

He and that butterfly
were the only ones awake

on this whole
silly island.

Congratulations,
lord beasley,

on your amazing feat.

Thank you.

I would also like
to thank the BBC.

Oh, the British
broadcasting company?

The bug and
butterfly convention

for renaming
the butterfly I caught

"the lord beasley butterfly"
in my honor.

Oh, good show,

but tell us,
lord beasley,

why are you dressed
in that fur-lined parka

and carrying that
fur-lined butterfly net?

Butterfly net?
Fur-lined parka?

Because
I'm off to the antarctic

in a moment or two.

There's an even
rarer butterfly there

than the pussycat
swallowtail. Cheerio!

But I say, lord beasley,

you haven't yet
told us your adventures
in the pacific.

It will have to wait.

That poor butterfly
might be freezing to death

at this very moment.
Toodle-oo.

Good-bye and jolly
good luck, lord beasley.

Well, obviously,

lord beasley hasn't told
anyone about us yet.

Yeah,
that's just great.

By the time he gets back
from the antarctic,

he'll forget
we ever existed.

What are we gonna do?

Well, I don't know
about the rest of you,

but as far as
I'm concerned,
it's tea time.

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in their tropic island nest *

* no phone, no light *

* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways *

* here on gilligan's isle *