Gilligan's Island (1964–1992): Season 3, Episode 9 - Ring Around Gilligan - full transcript

* just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale *

* a tale of a fateful trip *

* that started
from this tropic port *

* aboard this tiny ship *

* the mate was
a mighty sailin' man *

* the skipper brave and sure *

* 5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour *

* a 3-hour tour *

* the weather started
getting rough *

* the tiny ship was tossed *

* if not for the courage
of the fearless crew *



* the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost *

* the ship set ground
on the shore of this *

* uncharted desert isle *

* with gilligan *

* the skipper, too *

* the millionaire and his wife *

* the movie star *

* the professor and Mary Ann *

* here on gilligan's isle *

After all these years
on the island,

we're finally
building a raft.

I mean,
what a dumb thing.

Gilligan,
if the professor says

there's a strange shift
in the currents,



I believe him,

and if he says
we can get this raft

out in the shipping lanes,
I believe him again.

You know what I believe?

What?

I believe
I'm out of vines.

Then why don't you
go get some more?

Aye, aye, mon capitaine.

Aye, aye,
mon capitaine?

I saw this movie once.

It was all
about the French
foreign legion.

It had all
these guys in a fort

and a lot of dead
dummies on the wall,

and there was this big,
fat, tough sergeant

just like you, skip--

I'll go get the vine.

Get the vines.

It's a ring.

Oh!

It must be
worth a fortune.

Hey, skipper!
Hey, skipper!

Igor, we have
found a Guinea pig.

Dr. Balinkoff
to robot gilligan.

Dr. Balinkoff
to robot gilligan.

I hear and obey.

Coming, master.

Halt!

You called, master?

Yes, my obedient
little Guinea pig.

I heard and obeyed,
master.

You know who I am,
gilligan?

I know who you are,
gilligan.

No, no, no. I am
Dr. Boris balinkoff.

The mad scientist.

No. Scientist, yes.

Mad, no.

Yes, master.

Go into the cave.

Yes, master.

Ha ha ha!

I have invented

the greatest
electronic invention
of all time.

With this...

Controlling
that ring,

I can make any man
a human robot.

Human robot gilligan
ready for duty, sir.

As long as you will
be wearing my ring,

you will obey
every command.

Do you understand?

Yes, master.

You and your friends
will help me

with the most
ingenious crime
in history.

Yes, mad scientist.

If I told you
a million times,
I told you once--

scientist, yes.
Mad, no.

When you come
out of your trance,

you will
have forgotten
everything.

Yes, master.

And now, go back
to your little
grass shack.

Aye, aye, mister.
Mister master.

Mister master mad.

Will you go,
please?!

Oh, hi, ginger
and Mary Ann.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Howell.

Oh, gilligan,
we have a little problem.

So does the skipper.
He needs a sail.

Well, you see,
the hem on this dress--

Mrs. Howell.

Gilligan,
what's more important,
the dress or a sail?

A sail.

Not if you're getting
out of the bathtub,
it isn't.

Gilligan,
tell the skipper

that we'll have
the sail for him
in a few minutes.

Right.
Oh, gilligan.

This ring would look
so well with my dress.

Will you lend it to me

for the bon voyage party
tomorrow night?

Well, I don't know,
Mrs. Howell.
It's the only ring--

oh, darling,
thank you so much.

I'll take
very good care of it.

I hope it doesn't
mean we're engaged.

Listen to your
instructions carefully.

Go to the howell hut,

pack the suitcase
with thousands of dollars,

and bring them to me.

Heh heh heh.

They're
playing my song.

Lovey. Lovey!

Lovey,
what are you doing?

I am packing
a suitcase
with money.

Well,
where are we going?

Not we. I.

Oh, my dear wife
has been struck
by some island madness.

Go back to bed,
thurston.

No! I'll call
all the specialists
in the world.

Igor, what if they
have found gilligan
stealing the money

and they have shot him?

You have taken the word
right out of my mouth.

You are right.

To lose a valuable
ring like that

is not what I want.

Oh! Mrs. Howell.

I am sorry
to be late, master,

but I had a little
misunderstanding
with my husband.

That's nice,

but where
did you get the ring?

Gilligan
loaned it to me.

Oh, well, I'm delighted
to see you...

And your money.

I heard and I obeyed.

Marvelous. Marvelous.

Good show,
my fair lady.

Would you like me to bring
another suitcase full?

No, no, no,
no, no, no.

I have better things
for you to do,

but not now.
Later.

And now you must go
like a good little
rich robot.

Yes, master.

Au revoir, madame.

What in the world
am I doing out here?

Walking in my sleep.

How plebeian of me.

Thurston!
What on earth
are you doing

down there
on the floor?

A man in your
income bracket,
really. Shame.

No. Stay away from me.

I'm gonna sue you
for assault and battery.

Assault and battery?
What on earth are
you talking about?

Mommy warned me
about you vassar girls'
yearlong gym classes.

My poor darling,
you're delirious.

You wouldn't hit a man
with a Teddy bear,
would you?

Why are you
so frightened of me?

I wouldn't touch
a receding hair
on your head.

Oh, is that so?

When I woke up
and found you
stealing the money,

you gave me
a judo flip,

and you fractured
my money belt.

Oh, my poor darling.

You had
a bad nightmare
and fell out of bed.

Nightmare?
Are you sure?

Well, of course.
You had a bad dream.

Now get into bed.

Heavens, I'm impaled.

Go to sleep, dear.

Go to sleep and
have a good dream
this time.

Thank you, dear.
There.

Night, Teddy.

Captain, please.
Shh!

Mr. Howell's
still asleep.

The poor man had
a miserable night.

For some reason he's
a mass of bruises.

He probably
fell off his wallet.

Oh, yes.
Probably did.

Are you and
Mr. Howell ready

for the trip
on the raft?

Oh, that reminds me,
captain.

Give gilligan
back this ring.

It doesn't
really go with
any of the dresses

I plan to take.

Dresses?

Oh, Mrs. Howell.
Dress, one dress.

We only take
necessities.

Well, then
you're going to have

one very
unhappy passenger
in first class.

I can't understand
what gilligan sees
in this ring.

I wouldn't
have this ring if i--

I have just discovered
that you are building
an escape raft.

I do not want anyone
to leave this island

until I have completed
my experiment.

Yes, master.

Destroy the raft.

Destroy,
destroy, destroy!

Aye, aye, master.

Roger, Wilco.
Over and out.

* this is the way
we build our raft *

* build our raft,
build our raft *

hi, skipper.
The raft's almost finished.

All we need is
some planking and a sail.

Pardon me.

What are
you doing?

I'm destroying the raft.

Well, why?

Why does a man
climb a mountain?

Because it's there.

I think I'm gonna
cancel my reservation
on this thing.

How'd I get here?

Ha! I must have blacked out.

Maybe too much sun. Ha ha.

I think the skipper's
gone bll-bll-bll-bll.

Gilligan,
Mrs. Howell asked me
to give you this ring.

What happened
to the raft?

Well,
you ought to know.

You did it with
your trusty axe.

Oh, come on,
gilligan.

Now, why would I want
to wreck the raft?

Because it was there?

Come on, little buddy.

Don't try
and lie your way
out of this one.

I see you trying
to hide that axe.

I didn't do it.
You did it.

Don't you even remember?
You were very polite
about it.

You said, "pardon me,"
pushed me aside, and
started whacking away.

Gilligan, will you
knock that off and
start rebuilding the raft?

Now get moving.

I saw him.
Why should I
take the rap?

Gilligan, what are
you mumbling about?

Oh, he said,
"pardon me,"

and then he wrecked it
because it was there.

Because
what was there?
Who wrecked what?

Oh, you're on his side.
I know that.
You're on his side.

Whose side?

Oh, forget it.
Hey, listen.

Would you hold
this ring for me?

I don't want to damage it
while I'm working.

Sure.

I hear and I obey.

I don't know why
I let the skipper
push me around.

He did it.
I didn't do it,

and because it's there.
What a dumb reason.

Pardon me.
Huh?

What are you doing?

Destroying the raft.

And do you know why?

Because it's there.

Miss Grant.

Our robots are getting
better every time.

Mission accomplished,
master.

The raft is destroyed.

That's a good...

Little girl.

Unh!

Have you any further
orders, master?

No. You'd better
return to your friends.

I hear and I obey.

There is no doubt
in my mind, Igor,

that this invention
can work on anyone.

Yes, yes, yes!

We must rehearse them
for this fantastic
crime of all time.

Eh? Ha ha ha!

Good as new.
All patched up
and ready to launch.

Ah, good morning,
gilligan.

I must say,
that is a beauty.

I know
why you're here.

You do?
Mm-hmm.

You're gonna take
an axe like this,

and you're
gonna do this.

Wait a minute!
Gilligan! Gilligan!

What are you doing?

I'm destroying
the raft.

But why? But why?

Because it's there.

Oh, that boy
has flipped his bun!

Gilligan.

Oh, back
for seconds, huh?

Well, you're too late.
Too late.

What're you
talking about?

I just came
to give you back
your ring.

Well, thanks.
If you stick around
for a while,

I'll rebuild the raft,
and you can
destroy it again.

Hey, are you
alright?

Here.
Start warming up.

I'll go get
the skipper an axe,

and you two
can play doubles.

I ask you,
is that peculiar

or is that peculiar?

That's peculiar.

Gilligan!

Don't let him bite you.

He hast had his
distemper shots yet.

Gilligan, come down
from there.

Be a nice monkey.

Look what I've got
for you,

a nice, juicy
banana.

If we capture him,
we can get a fair price for him

at the Bronx zoo,
if he's unbruised,
of course.

Igor! Igor!

How many times
I've told you
never to touch it!

For you, it is no-no!

Hey, what are you guys
doing upside-down?

We're upside-down!
You're upside-down

in more ways than one.

One of us is wrong.

Well, it's you,
gilligan.

How long are you
gonna hang there
by your knees?

I'm not
hanging by my--

knees?

Yes, master.

Dr. Balinkoff
to robot gilligan.

Igor has just delivered
to you a small sack

containing 6 small rings.

Distribute the small rings
to the other castaways
immediately,

but don't wake them up.

Distribute them
immediately.

And now I am
going to alert you

to your
nefarious mission--

the most
stupendous crime
of all history.

You are going
to help me Rob

all the gold bars
in fort Knox.

You are my admiral.

Mine is not
to question why.

I hear and obey.

I'm ready,
willing, and able.

Yes, master.
Yes, master.

Before we leave
this island...

For this brilliant caper,
we will have a rehearsal.

During the night
you will collect coconuts.

I said, "coconuts."

They will represent
gold bars.

You will collect
all these coconuts

and bring them
to the big hut.

At the count of 3,
you will begin.

1...

2...

3.

Ha ha ha!

Gilligan. Gilligan!

Wake up!

Good morning,
skipper.

My arms. I must
have strained them
when I was sleeping.

Never mind all that.

What's the big idea?

Big idea?

Yes. I suppose
you don't know
anything about that.

What are you
trying to do,

corner
the coconut market?

Skipper,
I didn't do it.

I don't like work.
In fact, I hate work.

I'm pro-lazy.

First
you wreck the raft,
and now this.

I ought to give you
a big fat lip.

Hey, skipper.
You got a ring
just like mine.

For goodness sake.
Where'd I get that?

Maybe you got it
for a prize

for collecting
the most coconuts.

What's going on
out there?

Unh! Gilligan,
why do you stand
on my feet?

What's all
the excitement
about?

Hey, skipper,
they got rings like us.

I belonged
to a club once

where we all wore
the same rings.

Young lady,
I always join
exclusive clubs.

As a matter of fact,
I consider them
suspect

if they accept me
as a member.

The person who
passed these rings out

must be the same
practical joker
that put that sign up.

"Fort Knox"!

Gilligan.

Attention, robots.

It is time for
a dress rehearsal

on our assault
on fort Knox.

Guards' protective
devices have been
put out of commission

by my gamma-laser cloud.

Now move in and take out
all the gold bullion.

You are moving too slow!
Faster!

Faster, faster!

You are supposed
to be robbing fort Knox,

not taking a guided tour!

Faster!

Faster, faster!

Oh, no! Sloppy! Sloppy!

Halt!

Such dumb robots.

I will give you
one more chance.

Please, be neat,
sweet, petite,

but be fast and speedy!

Very speedy!
Fast, fast, fast, fast!

Very good. Go!
Go, go, go!

Ha! Ha ha!

Halt!

Now hear this.

Now hear this.

Deliver the gold bullion
to me at the lagoon.

Go!

Faster!

Faster, faster!

Ha ha ha!

Excellent!
Excellent!

Now give me the gold.
Give it all to me.

Give it to me.

We hear and obey.

Not that way,
you stupid robots!

Not that way!

Stop that!
Not that way!

Aah! You have
smashed it!

You have smashed it!

What?
Who is that?

What are we
doing here?

Hey, come back!

Rescue us!
Don't go away!

No! No! No!

Help us!

Come back!
We're stranded!

- I'll get him.
- I'll get him.

After him! After him!

Ah, you look lovely
as always, my dear.

Thank you, darling,

but you know,
this whole nasty
adventure has upset me.

Oh, now, now,
my dear.

Besides, the professor
says it's pointless
to build a raft now.

We missed the current.

Well, look
on the bright side.

Behind
every dark cloud,

a howell can find
a silver lining.

A silver lining? Oh.

Gold, perhaps.
I'll show you
what I mean.

Come along,
my dear.

You whistled
for a cab, sir?

Uh, we're late,
so ignore the signals.

Ma'am.

Thank you.

* they're here
for a long, long time *

* they'll have to make
the best of things *

* it's an uphill climb *

* the first mate
and his skipper, too *

* will do their very best *

* to make the others
comfortable *

* in the tropic island nest *

* no phone, no lights *

* no motorcars,
not a single luxury *

* like Robinson crusoe *

* it's primitive as can be *

* so join us here
each week, my friends *

* you're sure to get a smile *

* from 7 stranded castaways *

* here on gilligan's isle *